Original subtitles

(music) Some days are diamonds (music)

(music) Some days are rocks (music)

(music) Some doors are open (music)

(music) Some roads are blocked (music)

(music) Sundowns are golden (music)

(music) Then fade away (music)

(music) And if I never do nothin' (music)

(music) I'll catch your back someday (music)

(music) 'Cause you got a heart so big (music)

(music) It could crush this town (music)

(music) And I can't hold out forever (music)

(music) Even walls fall down (music)

(music) You got a heart so big (music)

(music) It could crush this town (music)

(music) And I can't hold out forever (music)

(music) Even walls fall down (music)

(music) Yeah, they do (music)

(music) They fall down (music)

Cigar?

No No, I'm gonna wait till we get out there

You about ready to go?

Yeah, I am

Where's your sister?

He's in the bathroom primping himself

He thinks we're going to a fashion show, I guess

[Thud]

Come on, sweetheart

While we're still young

What do you think, Dad?

Have you ever seen such a good-looking head of hair?

Frank: Just get your ass moving, pretty boy

Hey, tough guy

don't want to start the first fishing trip of the summer

with a cigar, huh?

And you wonder why your breath stinks

and your teeth are green, right?

My teeth are not green, my man

Yeah, but they sure as shit ain't white...

All right, come on, ladies!

I'm not gonna have you start the summer off with your bickering

Come on, Mickey, let's go

Francis, your brother's right

Go brush your teeth, will you?

Your breath's disgusting

What'd I tell you, my man?

Frank: You know, I'm concerned for you, Mick

I think maybe it's time for you to get focused on something, you know?

Maybe get a job

Dad, I got a job

That ain't a job

That's an excuse to avoid reality

I think it's time you thought about settling down,

sinking your teeth into something, you know?

Something that'll give your life some meaning

Now, I'm not saying you gotta go work on Wall Street with this one,

but how about the fire department?

Or a cop, you know?

Something with some benefits

The way I see it is this

Ever since the hairy ass incident,

it's like you've been out of the game,

you've been running away from life,

instead of running towards it

I think it's a good time right now to turn around

and start running towards life again

You know what I'm talking about?

Can... Can I toss this asshole overboard?

Is that all right?

Hey, don't get that way with me, Mick!

I'm just trying to help

Shut up, Francis

But your sister's right

You need something with some stability

You know what, Dad?

I don't need any stability

because I'm happy right where I am

Big deal

You're happy

You're never gonna make any real money

Who gives a shit? I mean, look at you

You make a pile of dough, and you're miserable

What's that got to do with anything?

Hey, and I'm not miserable, OK?

I'm dissatisfied

That's what makes me a success

Now, Mickey

there's something I've been meaning to tell you

since you've been back

I think you did the right thing

The last thing you needed to do was get married,

especially to that one

The one thing you gotta remember

is this is your life, not theirs

You gotta do what makes you happy first, OK?

Taxi!

[Whistle]

Hey, what the hell?

JFK, please

Hey, how you doin'?

I'm... I'm good I'm good

What about you?

Where, um Where are you flying to?

New Orleans

Oh, you on vacation or something?

No Actually, my best friend from high school is getting married

It's kind of a funny story

Oh, yeah?

Yeah

Her sink was clogged a few weeks ago,

So she called a plumber

And this really nice guy came over to fix it,

and she ended up having sex with him under the sink

So, now she's gonna marry him

This is your best friend having sex under the sink?

Mm-hmm

It's good to know

So, what about you? Are you married?

Me? No

I mean I was engaged once a couple of years ago,

But it didn't pan out

What happened?

Nothing really

I just came home early one night

To find her and some guy passed out on my living room floor,

both of them completely naked

Oh, God

Did you know the guy?

No All I saw was his hairy ass staring back at me

But I think he may have been a plumber, too, actually

Well, what did you do?

You know, nothing actually

I walked out of the apartment, got into my car,

and spent the next three years driving around the country

Wow

Well, do you have any regrets about it?

Yeah Yeah, one

I should have taken my frigging TV with me when I left

How long would it take me to drive to New Orleans?

It's not that long

It's like 23-24 hours maybe

How much would that cost?

I don't know You could probably get a pretty cheap rental car

here at the airport

Well, what if you drove me?

How much would that be?

What do you mean? If I drove you in my cab?

If I kept the meter running,

it would cost you, I don't know, $70-80,000 maybe

$80,000

Look, you could come to my friend's wedding

I'm allowed to bring a date

Are you serious about this?

You want me to drive you to New Orleans in my cab?

Yeah Come on, please?

It'll be fun

I really don't want to fly,

and if I did and I died, it would all be your fault

And I don't think you want to live with that guilt

- My fault? - Mm-hmm

Wait, wait, wait

You tell me why you're so afraid to fly,

and then maybe I'll consider it

I don't like planes

Hi, babe

Hey

You busy?

A little busy

Too busy to maybe, I don't know, do it tonight?

Do what, babe?

Oh, I don't know, Francis

Why don't I take off my clothes

and you can do whatever you'd like?

Renee, come on You know I've got to get this work done

How about a little consideration, huh?

Well, how about a little consideration for me, huh?

You know, we haven't had sex for a while

You know?

All right, listen OK

If you're still up when I have this finished,

we'll do it, OK?

You know, don't do me any favors, all right there, Romeo?

I could just as easily go into the bathroom and use my vibrator

That would be a little difficult, wouldn't it, hon?

Seeing as you don't own a vibrator

Babe, what's the big deal with me owning a vibrator?

No big deal You just don't have one

OK Occasionally, I need sex

And for some reason, I'm married to a man

who doesn't like to have sex anymore

So from time to time, I like to pleasure myself with a vibrator

Deal with it

Excuse me? Pleasure yourself?

That's rich

And no, I'm not gonna deal with it

because you're my wife

We have sex like normal people in a bed lying down

We don't run to bathrooms

and masturbate like animals

with any frigging vibrators

Ah, well, maybe you don't, but I do

So if you don't wake up that libido of yours,

I'm in that bathroom in about 5 minutes

Or, hey, better yet!

I could go get it, and we could play with it together

OK, very funny

Listen, let's get this straight once and for all

We do not have a vibrator in this home

[Loud Whistle]

Do we?

[Whistle] Yo, Franny!

Francis!

Better go see who that is

Hey, Franny! It's me, Mickey!

I can see that What the hell are you doing?

You're not gonna believe this

I, uh I got married

Why don't you let us up?

I want you to meet my wife

What? Mickey! Congratulations! When did this happen?

Let us up I'll tell you all about it

Yeah, hold on a second, Mick

He wants to come up

Yeah, I heard

What's your problem? Let them up!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I would like to meet her!

Honey, it's late You're not thinking straight

Hey, Mick! We're glad you're living such a romantic life

The both of us, but, hey, some people got some real jobs,

You know, responsibilities Catch you tomorrow

Give me a call! Congratulations, though!

Hey, fuck you, you prick

Come down and let us in

Excus... I'm gonna let you into my home in the middle of the night

after you don't invite me to your wedding?

Mickey, don't listen to him

Of course, you can come up,

- And I'll send him down right now - Excuse me?

What are you talking about?

I'm gonna let this man into my home in the middle of the night

after he doesn't invite me to his wedding?

Oh, you're sick

Oh, I'm sick? I'm sick?

Hey, I'm not the one with the vibrator, huh?

Hey, listen, I find that thing,

I'm gonna mail it to your mother

with a nice detailed letter describing your perversions

OK, you know what? Go right ahead

Who do you think got me the damn thing in the first place?

OK? She knows my pain

Hope: Anyway, we were having a great time together on the drive down,

and I guess it was sometime after we crossed into Kentucky

that we fell in love

Then Mickey came with me to my friend's wedding,

and when we were dancing, he said,

"It should have been us who got married"

And I mean, I just ran over,

I got the priest out of the bar,

pulled him onto the dance floor,

and he married us right there

in the middle of the reception

Ohh Oh!

I want to get married like that

Mickey, do you have any other brothers

that I just don't know about?

Sorry, babe

Just Princess Kitty over there

I think you're stuck with him

That's it, huh?

Is this true, Mick?

What can I say, man?

I'm about the love

Obviously

I had no idea you were such an impetuous romantic

I mean, that's a pretty impulsive move you guys pulled

But, I'm sorry, when did you actually meet?

Wednesday

Ohh, today's Saturday

OK, so you were married without a best man when?

Thursday

Oh, so you had a full 24 hours to get to know each other then

Oh, Francis

No, I'm relieved, honey Aren't you?

I mean, I thought they might have rushed into this

Watch yourself, Francis, OK?

Yeah You know what, you guys? Don't listen to Francis

He's about as impulsive and romantic as a nun

In fact, you know what, honey?

I'm wondering why you actually didn't become one

So am I, honey

You probably don't know your brother as well as you think you do

He's actually very romantic

I don't think we need to go there right now Thank you

Oh, no Let's go there, by all means

Sure Mr. Romantic Mr. Summer Breeze

All about the Love

Of course you're right What would I know?

I'm just the brother who wasn't the best man

Oh, Francis, you're gonna have to get over this

Nothing to get over, hon

I'm thrilled Couldn't be more

Congratulations, guys

Romance is wonderful We all love it

It brightens the day

I just want to remind you

It don't pay the rent

OK?

Is he OK?

Yeah He'll live

(music) Now I'm walkin' (music)

(music) This street on my own (music)

It's right here

(music) But she's with me (music)

This is the honeymoon suite, huh?

(music) Everywhere I go (music)

(music) Here I found an angel (music)

(music) I found my place (music)

(music) I can only thank God (music)

(music) It was not too late (music)

(music) I can only thank God (music)

(music) It was not too late (music)

(music) I can only thank God (music)

(music) It was not too late (music)

What do you think's going on?

What is she, an illegal? Pregnant? What?

Maybe an illegal

She looks like she's from one of the islands

Yeah I was thinking the same thing

You know, I'm concerned for him, Francis

You think it'll last?

No shot You kidding me?

Poor kid

Never used up here

Always used in here

Just like your mother

I tell ya, I just can't believe

He did it without me, frankly

I should have been there

I should have been his best man

He was my best man

So, just for the record,

it is bad luck to have a wedding without a best man

Jeez, you're not crying, are you, Francis?

No, no, no! I am not interested in what they had to say!

I am interested in you doing what you're told!

Now, when you've done that, call me ba...

No! Have Ryan call me!

[Intercom Beeps]

Secretary: Mr. Fitzpatrick, I have Miss Davis on the phone

Yeah, yeah Put her through

Heather?

Are you OK?

I called the office this morning,

they said you called in sick

I call the apartment, you're not there

Are you all right?

Yeah I'm fine

How's work?

Work's fine Where are you?

I'm at Papa's

Who the hell is Papa?

Come on, Franny You know my friend Papa

Oh, Oh, you mean Carl the old guy

Listen, I thought we agreed we were gonna call him

Carl the Diaper-Wearing Geriatric, not Papa

What the hell are you doing there?

I slept over here last night

with him

You mean, you slept with him as in had actual

sexual intercourse with this... this animal?

Amongst other things

That's not funny

He's older than your father, for God's sakes

Francis, my father's dead

My point exactly, thank you

This is very... This is very upsetting

I think it's extremely important

that I see you as soon as possible

so I can show you the error of your ways here

Well, he's gonna be gone all day long

You could come over to his place if you want

I'm afraid I, uh, still have my pride, darling

I'm not gonna meet you at this old fucker's apartment, OK?

Well I guess you won't see me today then, will you?

OK

What's the address?

Well, I hope that cleared things up for you, hon

What?

Excuse me, don't even try to tell me

sex with Grandpa was better than with me

You're not in competition with him, Francis

Besides, one wasn't better than the other

They were just different

They'd better damn well be different

He's an old man who can't control his bladder

and has to wear diapers,

and I'm a young stallion in the prime of my youth

But how was it different?

Just different Forget I said anything

No, no Elaborate

I think it might be enlightening to understand how

sex might be different with a fossil

OK, but don't get mad, all right?

I won't

I faked my orgasm with you

So?

I didn't have to with Papa

I gotcha

Come on, Francis Don't be mad

You wanted to know

No, l... I really didn't, hon

Don't pull this jealous bullshit with me, OK?

I can sleep with whomever I want

Remember? I'm not the one that's married

You are

You really had an orgasm with him?

Pardon my asking, Tom, but how old are you?

68

You know, I was just wondering,

more out of curiosity than anything,

if a guy your age can still have sex

Only when the wife gives me the OK

So, you can still perform then if she says so?

Sure

As a matter of fact, my wife tells me

I'm better now than when I was in my 20s

Great

That's terrific, Tom

Hey, so, um, this apartment of ours,

how long have you lived there?

Almost two years Isn't it great?

Yeah, it is It is

It's a little small though, you know?

But it's cozy

- Cozy? - Yeah

You know, it's funny

When I took a shower this morning, though,

there was no hot water so I wasn't too cozy

Oh, yeah I forgot to tell you

We never have hot water on the weekends

Really? Great

You know, there's a big hole in the ceiling in the bathroom, too,

because this morning, it was funny,

I was brushing my teeth, I had a nice view up some guy's boxer shorts

That was real nice

That's Jim You'll have to meet him

He's a good guy

Oh, is he? Yeah? Jim's a good guy? Good Good

Well, I guess if I'm gonna be looking at his pecker every morning,

he may as well be a good guy

I better get going This is where I work

Yeah? Right here, huh?

You know, it looks actually like it might get

a little chilly in there,

seeing as you're standing here practically naked

I could run home, you know, and get you a nice big down jacket

or a sweatsuit or something, you know?

'Cause that might help

I don't think so

I'll see you later

Bye

All right Take it easy

Bye

Hey, babe What's up?

Was that him?

Cute, huh?

I don't know

I mean, I thought he kinda looked like a real jerk

Well, thanks, Connie

That's real sweet of you

No, I'm sorry

I know, I mean, he's probably...

He's probably a really, really, really, nice guy

I don't know

Did you have to marry him?

Absolutely

So I guess you're gonna go to Paris with him instead of me then

Well, we really haven't discussed that yet, but

Does... Oh Oh, well, it's nice to see

you're being upfront and honest

at the start of the relationship That's good

Hey, I've only known him a week

I haven't had a chance to tell him my life story yet, all right?

Gimme a break

No No, I understand I understand

However, it'll just be interesting to see

how a cabdriver from Brooklyn

feels about moving to Paris, that's all

I mean, he'll probably be fine with it

No big deal He'll just move to Paris with you

It'll never last Believe me

Nightmare when they get to know each other

Maybe they were made for each other

Those things can happen, you know

Carol and I met right here at the beach club in 1963 by the pool

That's right

On a Friday morning

By Saturday night, I had her in the dunes

- Oh, Jesus! - Carol: Jesus, Ron!

They don't want to hear all the details!

Come on

We've been together ever since

There's something to be said for that

All right! All right! Enough about the dunes!

So, what's going on, Franny?

How are things down on Wall Street?

- Things are good - Things are good?

You're a 25-year-old kid, you make a half a mil a year

I'd say things are better than good

I hate to spoil the illusion, Ron,

but I don't make that kind of money

Oh

Oh, Francis, do me a favor, please?

Don't bullshit a bullshitter, OK?

And by the way, it's been a while

since you gave your favorite father-in-law a nice inside tip

Yeah, and when are you going to set me up

with some of your rich friends?

Excuse me, you guys

My husband has some ethics, OK?

He's not some sort of cheating sleazebag

Right, babe?

What's the matter?

You don't want to share the wealth anymore, kid?

It's not the only thing he don't want to share anymore

Mom, would you please?

Carol: What? What?

You getting greedy in your old age, Fran? Huh?

You know, it's really nice to come out here and see you guys on the weekends

I mean, it's a wonder we don't do it more often

- Honey! - Hey! Hey!

Don't be getting sarcastic on us, young lady

We're your parents,

and therefore, you're in no position to approve or disapprove

of what we say or do, you understand?

Carol: Right! He's right, right, right!

Really? Really?

Well, my analyst is just going to have a field day

with that little bit of psychosis

If you two lunatics will excuse me,

I'm gonna go play some tennis

Her analyst?

[Sighs] Don't ask

Macrocom

I'll call you Monday

Hey, babe

I'm gonna go to work now, all right?

OK You love me?

Yeah Yeah Of course I do

Good, 'cause I love you

Bye

All right Take care

Thanks a lot

75th and Madison, please

So, 75th and Madison, huh?

That's a pretty swanky address

Excuse me?

My God Mickey?

Yep

What are you doing?

I'm... I'm in shock is what I'm doing

What are you doing?

I'm going home

What about you? How you been?

You know, I've been good

Good

Everything's all right?

Yeah Yeah Everything's fine

So, what about you?

You look like you must finally be making some decent money

You know Still on Wall Street

Not making as much money as I'd like

Yeah, well, you were never easy to please, right?

So, you know, you married yet?

No He hasn't asked just yet

Oh, really, huh?

Not that hairy ape who was sprawled out on my carpet, I hope

No Not him

Yeah, well, I can't say I blame you

I mean, from what I did see of him, he wasn't too pretty

A little on the furry side

So, who's the prospective husband?

Anybody I know?

No I don't think so

He and his friends have real jobs

Yeah Right

From anyone else, I would take that as an insult,

But, you know, you seem to forget the fact

that I know how you put yourself through college

Somebody had to pay for my education, sweetheart

Had to bring that up, right?

An eye for an eye

OK, I've made up my mind

I can't go through with this

If you're gonna take the television,

I think it's only fair

that you give me back the watch

I mean, it is the watch I gave you, right?

Yeah Yeah it is

But, uh, like you said, the watch was a gift,

and the TV wasn�t

If I recall correctly,

I did pay for part of the television

I mean, it's not like

you could afford it on your own

OK

You want the watch? You can have the watch

Doesn't really mean that much to me anyhow

It's not the watch I want, Mickey

Yeah

Why don't we just

give that a break already, OK, Heather?

Give it a break

You mean to tell me that you actually

came up here for the television?

Yeah Yeah, I did

Why do you think I came up here?

You are so full of shit

Yeah? How do you figure that?

You can honestly say that you don't ever think of me anymore?

Yeah, sure Of course, you know, I think about you

I think, you know,

what could have possibly possessed you

to take that dirtbag home to my apartment

Come on, Mickey

We both knew the relationship was over before that

I wanted a career, and you wanted

Who the hell knows what you wanted?

Did you ever figure that out?

Yeah, you know what, as a matter of fact, I did

Oh, that's right Your brother told me

You got married

What do you mean, "my brother"?

Since when do you speak to Francis?

Well, you know, he and his friends have real jobs,

So occasionally I run into him

Yeah, well, you know, it's, uh,

it's a shame he's married

You two probably would have hit it off

Maybe Anyhow, I'm just sorry that, you know,

you had to find out the way that you did

I would have liked to have been friends

Friends? Really? Yeah

Well, you know what, Heather?

I don't think that would have worked, actually,

Because, see, I got this thing

And, uh, I try and keep the number

of friends who, like, lie and cheat to me to a minimum

Please, Mickey

Put your fucking sanctimonious bullshit to rest already

Hey, I'm sorry

I guess that fact, that, you know, um,

I've always tried to behave like a decent human being

has rubbed you the wrong way, hasn't it?

Yeah, but look where your decency's gotten you

You're the only English-speaking white guy

driving a cab in New York

That should tell you something

You know what, Heather?

I've got to imagine

it beats sucking dick for a living, though, huh?

Depends on whose dick it is

Hey, Jim

Hello, Mick

How you hanging, man?

Hanging fine Thanks, Mick

[Baby Crying]

Oh, hey, babe

Hey

Frigging hot in here today What happened?

Yeah I know

We lost our electricity again, so

Oh, really? Again? Great

You know, I really love this place It's great

Just grab a beer if you want to cool off

Well, you know what, Hope? L...

I don't mean to point out the obvious,

but, uh, usually the fridge doesn't work

if there's no electricity

How is it?

It's good It's really good

It's got a nice warm-piss quality to it, you know?

Oh, you're in a good mood, huh?

So what's with the TV?

Oh, yeah You like it?

I figured we needed a TV

Yeah, I know It's fine,

but where'd you get it?

I, um, it's funny you should ask

l... I picked up uh, Heather in my cab today

And I told you she had the TV,

so, you know, basically I told her I wanted my TV back

Oh, really?

And then what happened?

Well, I went to her apartment,

I got the TV, and I carried it out

You were up in your ex-fiancee's apartment today?

How was that?

Was it fun?

What are you doing, huh?

I went up there for the TV That's it

Are you mad at me?

No

Hey, come on, Hope, all right?

I mean, enough

Hey Hey

You know, if there's one thing you don't have to worry about,

it's that, all right?

Yeah I know

I'm allowed to get a little jealous sometimes, aren't I?

No No I'm... I'm a good guy

Yeah, right

I've heard that song and dance before

So

she have a nicer apartment than us?

Well, you know,

she's got electricity, so that's, you know, that's kind of nice

I'm jealous of them

Don't be Please

Listen, he's a cab driver

She's a waitress

They live in a fourth-floor walk-up with no electricity, OK?

Yeah, but do you see

how they're always all over one another?

Bet they have sex all the time

Does he ever tell you stuff like that?

What? Granted, this man is my brother, but I do not ask him

how often he's having sex with his girl

I mean, what kind of numbers we talking?

Like five, six?

Seven times a day?

Listen, I'm not telling you anything, OK?

Bet it's a lot

Remember how much we used to do it

when we first got married?

Yeah, sure

But, honey, you know everyone's like that when they first meet

Then you get into a groove You slow down

It would be impossible to keep up that level of intensity

for an extended period of time

I mean, you'd hurt yourself

That's why your back's all fucked up, huh?

You're doing her, what, around the clock?

What kind of sick degenerate are you, OK?

This is my wife you're talking about

I think we have a problem with our sex life

Listen, no, we don't

Unlike those two animals, we have real jobs and responsibilities

We don't have all day to rub up against each other

Our sex life is fine, believe me

Francis, I cannot remember the last time

I saw your penis

What? Excuse me

What kind of language is that?

We're in a public street here

Maybe we should get some of those

sex improvement tapes, you know?

Or I could get some of that stuff

from Victoria's Secret

Maybe that would help

Honey, would you stop talking about this

'cause you're depressing me, OK?

I told you, it's...

It's a down cycle, that's... that's all

What?

You're not familiar with the down cycle?

No No No

Wh-What exactly is the, uh,

the down cycle?

You know, in a relationship

you got ups, downs

Sometimes you do it a lot...

you know, like you're doing

Other times, you know, Not at all

Ups and downs

Down cycle

I feel for you, man

You're a... You're a sick individual,

and you need help

Well, you know, I think maybe we should talk

about our apartment situation

Why? You don't like our apartment?

No, no, no It's not that at all

I mean, I like the fact

that we never have electricity and hot water,

and, I mean, I love the pink walls, you know that

I'm just thinking

I don't know, maybe it's,

like, maybe a little too small for two people

Yeah, I know, but there's a chance

we'll only be there another month,

and then we might be moving to Paris

Whoa, whoa, whoa

What do you mean we might be moving to Paris?

Why would we ever move to Paris?

'Cause I might be going to school there in the fall

- This is Paris, France, you're talking about? - Yeah

The... The country in Europe where they hate Americans?

That's not true They just don't like stupid Americans

You know, Hope, I think unfortunately

I would probably fall into that category,

so, wh-when do we find out about this?

I mean, this is a fairly important

development in our life, don't you think?

I should find out if I get in this week

Really? That's great Great Terrific

You know, thanks for letting me in on this

I, uh, I really appreciate it

You know, Mick, maybe your brother's right

This would be the perfect time

for you to run towards life

You think this is something

your little wife had in mind?

Don't joke about that

She's still my wife

All of a sudden, he's got a conscience

Listen, I think it's time we started discussing our future

What about this? Do you think she'd like this?

Listen, I'm serious about this

We have to decide where this relationship is going

Obviously, It's not going anywhere, now, is it, Francis?

No Obviously, you don't understand

This relationship has to reach the next level,

and we, as a couple,

have to decide what that next level is

Why the sudden urgency?

Well, for one thing

I don't like the fact that

you have sex with a geriatric

Well, how do you think I feel

about you going home and seeing your wife every night?

I haven't had sex with my wife in months

Well, I don't know if that's such a good idea, Francis

Clearly, you need the practice

You know, Francis

you're afraid to ask her for a divorce

Why don't you just have sex with her in the meantime?

Dad, I'm in love with another woman

I don't think it would be fair

to have sex with Renee

Let me get this straight

You don't want to cheat on your girlfriend with your wife?

Yeah I guess so

Jesus Christ, Francis

You sure I'm your father?

You know, I'm gonna have to double-check with your mother on this

Come on, Dad

I'm serious

How do you think Mom will take it?

She's gonna be devastated

She's been up at that goddamn church every morning

praying for your brother

Then she tells me yesterday

I spend too much time on the boat

Well, I don't even want to get into that discussion

Now you're gonna get divorced

Christ

She'll be up there with Father John 24 hours a day

Thanks a lot, buddy

I'm probably going to have to start

making my own breakfast again

I'm sorry if my divorce interferes

with your breakfast plans, Dad

Hey, don't get all sensitive on me now, Barbara

You know, all your life

you've always wanted to screw

every good-looking skirt who walked by

Now you're making all this money,

you're probably finding you can have

at least half of them

Come on, Dad

What have you been telling me my whole life?

I gotta do what makes me happy first, right?

Besides, it's normal male behavior, right?

We can't control

millions of years of evolution

You know... You know what it's like, really?

It's just like you... you've been driving

a '74 Buick your whole life

Then suddenly,

you find yourself behind the wheel of a brand-new Porsche

How do you go back to the Buick?

Yeah

I guess you can't

You know what, Dad?

I'm really doing this for Renee

I'm sure she's gonna be really thrilled

Thank you

Thanks

Hope: Happy anniversary

You really enjoyed that, didn't you?

They were fun, weren't they?

Yeah No, they were They were a lot of fun,

but they were also a $12 fare, you know?

Oh, they were sweet It was their anniversary

Well, I'm very happy for them, but you know what?

They looked like they could afford to pay 12 bucks,

whereas we, on the other hand, cannot

I'll pay the $12, Mr. Cheapo

Oh, really Oh

And do you happen to have this $12

on you by any chance?

No Not right now

I'll give it to you later

Great Great Listen, you gotta do me a favor

You know, I don't mean to sound like a jerk,

but next time you ask to come to work with me,

remind me to say no

And all this time I thought you were romantic

I am I am a romantic

But you know what it is?

As long as it doesn't interfere

with paying the rent on time

Mick, I would rather live in the back of this cab

than let something like rent

get in the way of our romance

what do you have to say to that?

OK OK

When you're right, you're right

Sure

But you know, speaking of backseats,

I do know a little place

where we could park and maybe, you know,

put this backseat theory of yours to the test

Yeah?

Yeah

Let's go

Oh, my God

Yeah

She's been with her sister all day

Hold on I think this is her

Shit

Listen, I'll, uh, I'll call you later

Hi, honey Who was that?

You know, uh,

what's-his-face from work

Oh You've talked to him a lot lately

Anyhow, your old Scott from college

was talking to my friend Nicole

You know her I went to camp with her sister Patty

Right I know Nicole

She went to BU with Scott's brother David

Well, anyhow, he was telling her

that his divorce was just finalized

Ohh

W-Who got divorced?

You know, Scott Sherman

Yeah He caught his wife

boning her dentist in the shower

"Boning"? That's charming

Oh Oh This is fatso

Four-eyed, greasy-haired Scott?

The computer geek tapping on the keyboard there

He was not that fat

He was a 300-pound sack of shit, hon

Maybe to you that's not fat,

but, uh, what the hell?

You loved the animal

Oh, that's really nice

And he was not 300 pounds

He was slightly overweight,

that's all, right?

Renee, his tits were bigger than mine

All right, all right,

so he wasn't so skinny,

but he was a very smart, really sweet guy,

which is a hell of a lot more

than I can say for the two of you

You better be sweet, you weigh 500, huh?

What is your problem with Scott?

He's just a shy, harmless guy

Do you have to be in competition with everybody?

Well, you know what, hon?

If he's such a fucking sweetheart

and I'm such a creep,

why didn't you marry the fat pig?

I don't know If I'd known

you were going to turn into such an asshole,

maybe I would have

Well, fat or not,

guess who's got his phone number?

You? You have Scott's phone number?

Well, you're not going to call him

Of course I am

What, you think you're the only one who's gonna marry rich?

I need somebody to pick up

My Bergdorf bills, too, sweetheart

Wh-Where are you from? What do you know?

You're my sister

There's supposed to be an honor code between siblings

I mean, you do not date

your sister's ex-boyfriend

Honey, let her go out with him

What the fuck is the big deal, anyway?

Unless you, uh,

still have feelings for the yard ape

No It has nothing to do with that, OK?

This is... This has to do with respect

That's all: Respect

A word that the two of you

obviously are not very familiar with

My friend Connie doesn't think we'll last another month

Why would she say something like that?

She thinks you're a jerk

Why does she think I'm a jerk?

I don't even know this person

'Cause you haven't said yes to Paris yet

Yeah Well, you haven't been accepted yet either, have you?

Well, I also told her about your brother and father

and those weird fishing trips you guys take

Hey, don't go bashing the fishing trips, all right?

I mean, that's a family tradition

Those trips are sacred

You don't think it's weird

that your mom never goes on the boat?

Listen, my dad has a rule

No women on the boat

You don't think that's a little strange, Mick?

I mean, yeah, it's strange,

but that's the way my dad thinks, you know?

He's from the old school

OK So what's Fran's excuse?

Franny, you know, Franny... Franny's got some issues

Yeah I'd say so

What are you doing getting me gifts?

You don't have to give me anything

It was nothing

Do you like it?

Yeah, of course

l... I love it

Hey, what happened to, uh, the TV?

What, your brother didn't tell you?

My brother?

Tell me what?

It was his TV

He came up here and got it

My brother?

Your ex-fianc� was up in this apartment?

When was this?

I don't know A few weeks ago

Picked me up in his cab

You didn't want to share this with me?

Jesus, Franny, since when do I

have to tell you anything?

Wait, wait, wait

So my brother came into

your bedroom and

took a TV?

That's it?

No actually, I tried to get him in bed,

but he wasn't interested

That's very funny

You know, he's married now

Picked up some

psycho waitress, and, like,

married her in his cab

or some shit like that

I know, you told me

Sort of surprising move coming from Mickey, don't you think?

It would have been nice to see some of that impulsiveness

when we were together

What the fuck does that mean?

Nothing

[Knock On Door]

Hey, Fran What are you doing here?

What, can't come by and see my big bro?

Yeah, sure

Jesus Christ

What a fucking dump

Hey, uh, like the pink walls, though

Finally, uh, comfortable with that part of yourself, huh?

You can't just come in, sit down,

and keep your mouth shut, right, moneybags?

That would just be too difficult for you, huh?

I'm sorry

Forgot Mr. Summer Breeze is so "sensitivo"

Hey, I like the, uh,

like the TV

How'd you... How'd you swing that one, man?

I thought that you two were broke, or

Yeah Yeah, we still are, but, um

you actually won't believe this

I picked up, uh, Heather

in my cab, and, you know, we got to talking,

and she said she still had my old TV

So I, you know, I went up to her place

and, uh, you know, took it

It's kind of strange seeing her again, you know?

So you went back and took your TV?

Well, you see it sitting there, don't you?

You didn't feel like a loser?

Wh-Why would I feel like a loser?

Oh, I don't know, uh, three years go by,

and you scurry back for a TV?

I mean, it's like,

admitting you're a failure

and you can't afford a new TV

How the hell do we have the same blood

pumping through our veins?

You really think I give a shit

what Heather thinks about me?

I mean, come on, Franny

So'd you you fuck her?

Did l... Did I what?

Well, you're up in the apartment Did you

did you put it to her? You bang her?

What... Wh-Wh-What do you think?

I'm some sort of degenerate?

You think I'm some sort of immoral skell

who cheats on his wife?

Listen, I don't cheat on my wife, OK?

Oh, so

so you didn't fuck her?

L-l-It just dawned on me, Franny

You haven't fully evolved yet, have you?

Mick, come on,

I mean, you almost married this woman

Then you're going up to be alone in her apartment to

get a TV

I don't buy it

What do you want to hear, all right?

I mean, do you want to hear that I had sex with her?

I mean, would that make you happy?

All right, yeah No, I did her

I did her on the kitchen table

We did it on the couch

We even did it on the frigging TV It was beautiful

I mean, I think you would have been proud of me

Hey, play all the games you want to play, Mick,

but I'm a man

I know what I know

Oh, you know what you know

Listen, you know, Franny, l... I don't need this shit from you, OK?

I don't need you to come over to my apartment

and bust my hump

Why don't you just do me a favor

and get the hell out of here, OK?

Sure, I'll

I'll do you that favor

Don't hurry back, all right?

Fuck

I'm sorry, Mick

See, I get so guilty about this fucking divorce

I shouldn't feel guilty about that, right?

No No You shouldn't

What you should feel guilty about, though,

is fucking that other woman for the last six months

That's what you should feel guilty about

Tom

if you were single,

would you date your brother's ex-girlfriend?

I don't have a brother, Mr. Fitzpatrick

But if you did,

is that off-limits?

I'd have to say that only the lowest of the low,

a real scumbag,

would date his brother's ex

There's a code between siblings

Thanks, Tom

Thanks

She's beautiful, isn't she?

Yeah Yeah, she really is

You know she got her acceptance letter today?

Yeah, I know She showed it to me

You better go with her to Paris, all right?

Because it's bad enough that you broke my heart

when you swept her off her feet,

and I am absolutely not

going to let any man hurt her again, OK?

Broke your heart?

How did I manage to break your heart?

I mean, I just what, when did I meet you, five minutes ago?

My heart belongs to Hope

I love her

You love her?

Yeah

Do you guys have some sort of special relationship

that maybe, you know,

I should be aware of,

seeing as, like, I'm married to her?

Maybe, you know

She didn't tell you about that?

No No, she seems to, uh,

have forgotten to mention it, actually

Oh, oh, no, No, no, nothing... nothing like that

Nothing

sexual or anything

Good That's a... That's a good thing

Um, but, who knows?

I mean, maybe one day if I'm lucky,

you'll let me share her with you

Hmm

Hey

Yeah Your friend Connie here,

she, um

she claims you guys have a

like a... some sort

of special relationship or something

Did she ask if you would share me?

Yeah Yeah, she

she asked about that

Well, what do you think of that?

Well, you know, I mean, to be perfectly honest,

the idea of, you know, two women

at once seems like, you know,

like a pleasant way to spend an evening

But you know, of course

not if one of the, you know, girls were my wife

You know, I don't want to do it with anyone else,

So, you know,

so, yeah No

You better believe you don't want

to do it with anyone else

But you and her... I mean, you guys actually never

consummated, you know, this love

that she speaks of?

No

Well, it does...

It does paint a pretty mental picture, doesn't it, right?

I mean, I hear it's very popular in... in Paris

You know, the whole m�nage a trois thing is French, right?

Yeah Don't get too smart there, funny man

So, are you gonna come?

To... To Paris?

I don't know you... you're definitely,

I mean, you're serious about, you know,

going through with this?

Yeah

Yeah, well, then, I guess I gotta go, right?

I guess so

So you're really gonna move to Paris?

Yeah I guess it looks that way

Wow Well, I bet you didn't count on that

when you met her, huh?

I don't know, Fran, you know?

I mean, I'm

I'm starting to feel confused about this thing, you know?

What, are you kidding me?

I don't know You know what?

You know, it's like I don't even know this girl

I mean, she's got these weird friends,

she loves this dump we live in,

and now, all of a sudden,

she brings up this moving to Paris thing

I don't know, you remember our little discussion

about when I went over to Heather's that day?

Yeah

I mean, I don't know,

that's got me freaked out, too

You know, I mean, part of me wanted to hate her,

and part of me wanted to

I don't know, there was a weird connection, you know?

I mean, we almost got married a few years ago

Mick, come clean

You fucked her

Franny, don't start, all right?

Hey, Mick, come on

You're talking about a weird connection here, I mean

Wh-What, are you still in love with her?

No No, it's nothing like that

But what? I mean,

did she say that she's in love with you, or

No I'm just saying it was weird, you know?

Seeing her again That's all

I mean, it was nothing

Forget I said it

Yeah, I can meet you there

46th and 8th All right

Nice spot you picked here

Yeah, well, you know, I, uh,

figured it was safe

Don't flatter yourself, Mickey

I'm just here to talk

OK

Why don't we talk?

Well, I was thinking about how I, um,

treated you a few weeks ago, and

I just wanted to apologize for that

And for that night

Yeah, well

It's a long time ago, right?

I mean, it happens

So, do you... you think we can be friends?

Yeah Yeah, sure

We can be friends

And you know, I'm sorry, too,

about bringing up, you know, the whole, uh,

college tuition payment plan thing, you know?

Sort of fun seeing one another again, huh?

Don't you think?

I mean, I don't know if I'd call it fun,

but, uh, you know, certainly interesting

You know, I've been thinking a lot about you

since you came up that day, and

I don't know,

sort of thinking, uh, maybe things could have been different

Maybe we made a mistake

We?

Hey, all I did was come home in the middle of night

to find you and, you know, gorilla boy, in your birthday suits

OK So I made the mistake,

But, I mean, did you have to run off like that,

never to be heard from again?

Yeah I mean, what did you expect me to do?

Jump in and join the party?

No

I don't know

Maybe give it another chance

What... and... and

and break up this beautiful new friendship?

I'm not about to do that

Besides, you know, um

I'm married now, you know,

so

I'm gonna get out of here

Bye

Your mother told me

he's still giving you that down cycle nonsense

32 years your mother and I have been married

I don't think we've hit a down day, let alone a down cycle

Mom, would you just make him go away, please?

Yeah, really, Dad, that is disgusting

What's disgusting? That's true love, young lady

Please

spare us

I'm going to spare you I'm leaving

I know when I'm not wanted

Good Thank you

And, hello, could we please not talk about my sex life anymore?

Is that possible, please?

Oh, excuse me, but playing with a vibrator

does not qualify as having a sex life

Why does she know that I have a vibrator?

She's your sister

Look, honey, maybe you should take him to see a doctor

All right, look, Mom, don't start

No, it could be physical

Maybe he's having a problem with his

What kind of problem?

You know

Getting an erection

Mom, come on I'm warning you

It's possible

Maybe he's gay

All right

Francis is not gay

Molly's right

He could be You never know

He's always been a bit of a dandy

You... Excuse me

This is my husband we're talking about here, OK?

Listen, honey, here's what you do

You go and get yourself some of that Victoria's Secret stuff

It worked for us

If he doesn't want you then, maybe he is gay

Dad, look, OK?

My husband is not a homosexual, OK?

Yeah, but he's definitely under suspicion

What are you talk... What is that supposed to mean?

"He's under suspicion"?

Well

No! This is just a stage

[Vibrator Humming]

I'm sorry

I looked pretty damn good in that thing,

and he barely even looked at me

What did I tell you?

He's definitely queer

I know

I think you might be right

Call his father and tell him about it

He'll get it out of him

So, are you?

Dad, I told you

I'm in love with another woman

You're my father

How could you say that to me?

Franny, I just want to let you know I'm OK with it

If you are or you aren't, it's all right with me

I'll always love you

Thanks, Dad

but I'm not gay

What do you think?

Hell, I don't know

Renee called and told me the story

It sure as hell sounds like he could be

He says he isn't,

but you kids are all so fucking nuts, it wouldn't surprise me

I don't think you have to worry about it

If anybody would know, I would He's not gay

The kid wears cologne, for Christ's sake

Get the hell out of here

I mean, come on, Fran, you're kind of prissy, all right?

I mean, you like cooking, clothing, and furniture

And, I mean, you wear that frigging cologne, so, you know

Oh, that's brilliant, Mick

That makes me gay?

No, I'm just saying

some people might read you as less than straight

And if you are, I'm your brother,

and I'll always love you, sweet boy

H-Hold on a sec, OK?

J-just stop and give me a minute here

And look at this maleness

How could you possibly think I am gay?

Because you don't look at me anymore,

let alone touch me

How many times do I have to remind you?

If you mention that goddamned down cycle one more time,

I swear to God,

I will cut that maleness right off, OK?

It's just not natural for you to not want to have sex your wife

at least once in the last three months!

Whoa, whoa Why is it my fault?!

Maybe it's your fault! Did you ever think about that?

Excuse me?!

How could this be my fault, huh?

I went out there,

and I bought all that lingerie crap,

and you didn't even look at me!

Was I not working that night?

I'm sorry Do you remember this at all?

Maybe

Maybe you've got a problem or something

I mean, do you think you're impotent?

What?

No

Well, maybe

maybe you caught

some, like, disease or something

Oh, yeah That's it, babe

Syphilis

OK, Francis, look

Honey, if you're a homosexual,

you can tell me, OK?

I will understand I won't be mad

But you got to talk to me

Listen,

will you cut it out with the homosexual business?

It's getting me all skeeved out every time you say it

Fine You want to know what's wrong?

I'll just come right out and say it

Please! I would

I'm in love with someone else

I want a divorce

[Softly] What?

Since when?

Just a few months

Who is he?

Enough with that

OK?

It's a she

She's a woman

She's a beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated woman

Hmph

What does that make me?

I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that

It wasn't a comparison

Listen, don't cry

I'm not crying

I'm leaving

[Sighs]

He's not gay

He's seeing another woman, and he wants a divorce

I need a cigarette

Well, I guess you can go ahead

and send her your vibrator

She's gonna need it

Ohhhh

Your father scares me

I don't think he likes me

Hope, I'm telling you he likes you, OK?

Just the other day, he was telling me how sweet he thinks you are

I don't know

There's just something I don't like about her

She's kind of stuck up, don't you think?

No, not at all I mean, she's shy with new people, that's all

I don't know

He seemed to get upset when I told him I don't talk to my parents anymore

Now I know you're being paranoid,

because the guy hated his father, and he didn't speak to him for years

What kind of a person cuts their parents off?

I don't know She said they were really mean

Don't give me that load of horse shit

Nobody was a meaner son of a bitch than my old man,

but I was there for him until the day he died

So he doesn't think I tricked you into this?

Granted, he thinks we're nuts, but he said,

"As long as you're in love, who cares what anyone else thinks"

You didn't give a shit what anybody else thought, did you?

You ought to hear what people are saying

Who's saying anything?

Your poor mother thinks you got this girl pregnant

She's just waiting for that announcement

Dad, I knew her for 24 hours before we got married, OK?

I didn't have time to get her pregnant

And your brother and I think she's an illegal

She's using you to get a green card

Oh, really? She's from Vermont

Vermont, my ass She looks like she's from one of the islands

Yeah Maybe Rhode Island

Hey, Don't get smart with me, wise-ass

You leave this to me

I'm going to get to the bottom of this one

Hey, Mr. Deluca

Hey, Mickey How you are you, huh?

Good, good

Fine Come to buy a drill for your dad's birthday, huh?

Yeah How'd you know?

Your mother was in this morning

She told me all about it

She's a fine-looking woman

Who... Who's a fine-looking woman?

Your mother!

She's beautiful Bellissima!

Your father, he don't know how lucky he is

Me? I'm not so lucky

My wife...

42 years of marriage...

she has no love for me

Ah, well

That's for another time

Hey, how you gonna pay for this?

Um, just put it on the old man's tab, all right?

You take care of yourself, Mr. Deluca, all right?

Fine

Nice to meet you

Ciao Arrivederci

Oh, hey, Mickey, Mickey!

Say hello to your mother, huh?

[Speaking Angrily]

No, wait, now

Wait a min...

Damn it

[Tires Screeching]

You really are a jackass, aren't you?

Dad, I had to tell her

You had to tell her in the middle of my birthday dinner

Now she's gone up to see Father John

She probably won't be back here for three weeks

You're gonna find my laundry on your doorstep, buddy

Why is she so upset? She didn't even like Renee

Hey, in case you've forgotten, moron,

as a Catholic, you're not supposed to get divorced

Yeah, you're supposed to live unhappily

and lie to one another for the rest of your life

Hey, wait a minute I don't give a shit what you say out there,

but when you're in my house,

you're not gonna start bashing the Church

What are you getting so upset about, Dad?

I mean, you don't even believe in God

Doesn't mean I stopped being a good Catholic

Excuse me

I need a moment

I'm gonna go talk to him

That's not a good idea, Hope

You had to bring up the divorce during dinner, right?

Hey, don't blame this all on me, Mick

She was complaining he spends too much time on the boat anyway

This guy's 60 years old

He wants to spend the rest of his life on that boat, he should be allowed

Yeah, what about Mom?

What should she do, sit around here and wait for him?

It's his life, Mick

Are you OK?

Yeah

I'm sorry about that in there

Me and the missus haven't been seeing eye to eye these days

Well

34 years we've been together

I guess things change

[Chuckles]

So, uh, Mickey tells me

you kids are moving to Paris

Yeah I'm going to the Sorbonne

How come?

For my PhD

Ohh

Yeah, you look French

Uh, European

Or, uh

maybe from one of the islands

Oh, yeah?

What islands?

Oh, I don't know

So, where are you from?

Vermont

Ohh

So you're an American citizen?

Yeah

Yeah

Good

You know, it's funny

Mrs. Fitzpatrick... my wife...

she found out Mickey got married,

she was understandably upset, you know?

She thought it might be some sort of shotgun wedding,

seeing as we've never seen you before

So there's nothing you want to tell me?

No

'Cause if you are pregnant,

I mean, that's fine

You know, I always thought it'd be nice

to have a few grandkids running around the house

Thought maybe Franny and Renee would give me a few,

but that didn't work out

What about you?

Thanks, but, no, I'm not pregnant

Oh, OK

Ah, God

And you are an American citizen?

Last time I checked

Yeah, yeah

I thought so

Tell me where you got it

Why?

Francis, just tell me where you got it, OK?

I told you before It was a gift

Yeah, yeah I know that From who though?

What's the big deal? It's a watch

The big deal is it looks a hell of a lot

like a watch I used to own, OK?

What does that mean?

Just tell me where you got the fucking watch, asshole, all right?

I don't have to tell you anything

Listen to me, Francis, that watch on your wrist is my old watch

When I went to get my TV from Heather, I gave her the watch

Now you're wearing the watch

What I want to know is why the fuck are you wearing my watch?

OK

Heather gave it to me

Yeah, no shit, Dick Tracy

But what I want to know is why

Listen, Mick, it's a long story

I should've told you before

I should've told you before, but...

'Cause I didn't know how

Yeah, you've been having a lot of trouble lately with that, haven't you?

The woman I've been seeing

is Heather

My Heather

No My Heather

You're having sex with my Heather?

My ex-fianc�e

That bitch who broke my heart

Francis: I love her, Mick

Mick: No, you don't

Yes, I do

Let's get this straight, OK?

You do not love my ex-fianc�e

Can you understand that?

Francis: No You get this straight

I'm going to marry her, Mick

You... What the fuck are you talking about? You're gonna marry her?

You don't even know her, you fucking moron!

What the hell's going on here?!

You know why this skell is leaving Renee?

'Cause he's screwing around with Heather

the whore

Don't call her a whore

Hey, man, I'll call her whatever the fuck I want to call her

You're my brother, man What the hell are you doing?

What do you got to say for yourself?

Fuck him

I know why he's really pissed

Don't even go there, bitch

I should kick your ass for calling my girl a whore

Oh, now she's your girl You hear this?

Yeah, she's my girl

And I'm gonna kick your fucking ass

How do you like that, Mr. Loser-Cab-Driver-Can't-Afford-A-New-TV?

All right, ladies!

OK, let's take this outside Come on

I hope you realize how stupid you all look

You're grown men

You're supposed to be brothers

Sorry, Hope,

but sometimes this is the only way you can solve these things

OK, girls

Uh-uh I'm not gonna fight you, Fran

I know that, Mick

I'm gonna beat you You're gonna bleed

Don't worry It shouldn't take long

We got to do this?

I mean, with the gloves and everything?

What, are we in fifth grade again?

Oh, you should have thought of that before you called her a whore

He's right Now, come on

No punching below the belt, no kicking,

and, Francis, no biting

Let's go

May the best man win

25 fucking years I've been waiting

for the day I'd be bigger, tougher,

stronger than you

When you go down it's gonna hurt, baby

I'm gonna kick your fucking ass

You ready? You ready to be humiliated

in front of your new wife and your father?

You are an ugly bitch I pity you

Great punch, Mick

You always did have a great right

Come on, Dorothy

It's all over

Hey

Hey

How you doing?

Not bad

What happened to you?

I told Mickey about us

One punch?

It was a cheap shot

Hey, Hope, this had nothing to do with Heather, OK?

I mean, this had to do with me and Fran

You know, he's tried to turn our entire lives into a competition

That was just another way of him saying,

"Fuck you, Mickey I won"

Well, I don't buy it, Mick

Something else was going on there,

and you know it

Listen, Hope,

you know, I don't know what to tell you, all right?

I mean, that's what it was about

I'm gonna go take a shower

Does it hurt?

No, no

It's fine

Listen

I've got something for you

What's this?

Will you marry me?

You have to get divorced first, Fran

Well, yeah

Sure, but

Well, this will be like a pre-divorce,

pre-engagement engagement ring

Open it

Fran

you didn't have to do this

Come here, you poor little thing

So?

Why are you doing this?

Because I love you

Can I have some time to think about it?

Yeah

I'm not going anywhere

You know, Mick,

I got to side with Hope on this one

You had no reason to be pissed at Franny

Are you kidding me, Dad?

Hey, don't think for a second

I can't still knock you on your ass, OK?

Sorry But, I mean, you know what Fran was up to

My entire life he's been pulling crap like this with me

Let me tell you something You're no different

You wouldn't have been standing out in the backyard

with the gloves on if you were

And if you don't believe me,

let me refresh your memory

Little League You're 12, he's 11

He's pitching, you're at bat

He's got a full count on his big brother...

his idol

If he strikes you out, he's the hero

What does he do?

He throws you a meatball right down the middle

If you take it and go down looking,

you make Franny the hero

But you swing away

Hey

So

how we doing?

You tell me

Well, you know, I want to apologize for the other night

I think this whole thing is crazy and stupid

But it's like

you know

I'm... I'm a little confused

So, how's your friend Heather?

Wouldn't know

Well, look, Mick

I've been doing some thinking and, uh

who were we kidding?

We only knew one another for a few hours

There's no way that was going to work, right?

I mean, I don't know if I'd say that

It's just, you know, when you brought up the whole Paris thing,

it kind of threw me, you know?

I don't know

You're using that as an excuse

We both know what's really going on here

I'm leaving for Paris on Monday,

and I think it's best if I go alone

Um, you... you sure about that?

No, but

I've made up my mind

What did he say?

Not much

Did he fight for you?

No

Not really

Oh

What are you going to do about Paris?

You going to go alone?

Yeah

Hiya, Fran

Hey, Mick

What are you doing here?

What, I can't come by to see my little brother?

So?

So, what happened, huh?

Out of all the thousands of women in Manhattan

you just happened to fall in love with Heather?

Mick, that's not how it happened

We both work on Wall Street

We run in similar circles

Oh, Jesus Give me a break, Fran

What, do you think I'm a moron?

I'm your brother, man What were you thinking?

You just had to go after her, right?

It wasn't like that, Mick!

What is your problem anyway?

You're still in love with this woman?

Is that why this bothers you?

No, it has nothing to do with that, OK?

We're not in competition anymore, Fran

Look at your life, man You won already

You got the big apartment,

You got the nicer clothes

You're Mr. Big-Swinging- Dick-Around-Town

What more do you want?

Maybe he just wants to be happy

Oh, to be happy Really?

Oh, that's... that's great

Yeah, well, who am I to get in the way of this... What was it?

"Happiness"

Franny obviously hasn't told you yet

Told me what?

Your brother's asked me to marry him

Great

Great That's terrific

Hey, congratulations

Thank you

Hey, are you out of your fucking mind?

Don't start with me, Mick

I love her

Hey, hey No, you don't, OK?

You don't love her because she's unlovable

Oh, so you didn't love her now?

Yeah, I did, but that was a long time ago,

and I was a stupid jerk-off who thought he could change her

Yeah, well, I don't want to change her

That's 'cause you don't know her, Fran

Ohh Oh, I don't know her OK

Franny, listen to me, all right?

I mean

I didn't want to have to tell you this,

but if you're going to marry this girl,

there's a lot about her you should know

Drop it Because there's nothing you can say

that's gonna change the way I feel about her, OK, Mick?

Listen, Franny,

don't be so sure about that, all right?

When she was, um

When she was in college, she, uh

you know, paid her way through school by

You know, she was a

She was a call girl

What do you mean "a call girl"?

I mean, you call a service,

they send her over, she does her thing...

Whoa Whoa What are you saying?

Like a hooker?

No no, not like a hooker

She was a hooker

You are so sick, Mick

You would stoop to this level

You think I'd make something like this up?

Get the fuck out of here!

Because the only reason you're saying this

is 'cause you don't want me and Heather to be together!

No I'm saying this because I'm your brother

I don't want you to find out after you're married

I'm sorry, man, but it's true

She's a hooker?

L-I knew she was seeing some other guy, but

What the fuck?

Mickey, I can't marry a hooker

Hey, come on, Franny

It's not that big a deal

It's not like she's a hooker anymore

Not that big a deal?

Mickey, you're my brother

How could you keep this from me?

L-l-I got to... I got to get some air

Listen, tell her

T-Tell her I

I don't care what you tell her

[Door Slams Shut]

Where's Franny?

He, um

You know, he's not feeling so good all of a sudden

He went out to get some air

You told him?

Yeah, well, he is my brother, right?

Yeah, but you always said you didn't have a problem with that

I still don't

But, you know

if he's gonna marry you, I think he's got a right to know, right?

Yeah, well,

we'll see what he's really made of, I guess, huh?

[Door Opens]

[Door Slams Shut]

What the hell you talking about, Father?

She left this morning,

said she was going up there

I just came from the church

She isn't up there now

In fact, I haven't seen her at Mass for six months

Hey, john, better start mixing a little more water with that wine

She goes to the 8:00 Mass every morning

She's up there praying for the boys

Not in my church, she doesn't

[Glass Shatters]

Lucky I didn't kill that little shit!

So, what's with Dad?

He's half in the bag He's acting crazy

So, what happened today?

Mom left him this morning

She'd been going up to Deluca's hardware store every day

and

Ohh, I can't even stomach it

Screwing around with Mr. Deluca

Oh, my God Mom and Deluca?

Frank: Asshole!

That's disgusting

Dad goes up there today...

They're in a back room

You should have seen it It was ugly

Dad gave the guy a horrible beating

Christ

What about Mom? What? Where'd she go?

She went to church

to pray for Dad

Pray for me, my ass!

She's the one who's gonna need prayers now!

Man

Tommy, do I look as good as I think I do?

Very handsome, Mr. Fitzpatrick

How's the hair, babe?

Um

still there, sir

It's gonna be a good day, Tom

Good day indeed, my man

First day of the rest of my life

Making some changes, babe

Heather, what... what's going on here?

I'm leaving

No, forget that

You can't leave

Listen, I'm in love with you

I still want to marry you

I'm sorry, Francis

Here's your ring

I can't marry you

Why not?

Because Papa and I were married this morning

Wh-What the...

One day you say you're gonna marry me,

the next you're running off to marry the old man

He loves me

Of course he loves you!

You're a beautiful young woman

He's got one foot in the grave!

This is not because he makes more money than I do

No

Don't tell me this has anything to do with the sex

Certainly didn't help matters much

And you know what, Franny?

He didn't care about my past

Oh, he doesn't care about your past

Well, maybe that's due to the fact that

he doesn't know you were a hooker

He was my best customer

Thanks for the memories

You've ruined my life!

[Line On Speaker Phone Ringing]

Renee: Hello?

Renee?

Hello, Francis

What can I do for you?

Ahem

Listen, this is very hard for me to say

But l... I feel

Listen, I know I made a mistake

I know I've been selfish and thoughtless

and self-concerned

but I'm gonna change

I want the chance to do the right thing

I want you to come home

I miss you

I'm gonna pay more attention to you

I want the chance to make it work again

Will you come home?

I mean, come on, Francis

What do you want from me here, huh?

I don't think so

You know, a day late and a dollar short,

you know what I mean?

You know, and quite honestly,

uh, I don't think I could survive another one of your down cycles

[Dial Tone]

[Pop Music Playing]

Hey, Carol, what's doing?

Hi

What are you doing here?

I'm, uh

looking for Hope

She here?

No Mm-mmm

She's not

You know maybe where she might be?

'Cause, uh, I want to talk to her,

you know, before she goes

Look, Mick

you fucked up, all right?

You're a jerk

You broke her heart just like I told her you would

Why don't you just get out of here?

All right Um, do me a favor

I mean, tell her that I, uh,

tell her that I came by and, you know,

that I want to see her before she goes

OK?

And tell her that I, uh,

tell her that I miss her

Mick was just here

Well, what did he want?

I still say he's a prick, OK?

But

he did sound upset

and he did say that he missed you

And he said he wants to see you before you go

So maybe you should go by

and see him or something

[Telephone Rings]

Tortilla Flats

Uh, hold on a second

It's Mick's dad

Hello

I blew it

I blew it, man

I had the greatest woman in the world

and I blew it

Hey, you don't know from blowing it, pal

I had the perfect wife

I screwed it up

No, you didn't, man

I had the perfect wife

But you're right,

you did screw it up for me

So, thanks I owe you one

You know what, Mick?

If you really think about it,

all this is, uh

entirely your fault

Oh, really?

How do you, uh

How do you figure that?

Well, if you never, uh,

met and got involved with Heather

where would we be now?

It's an interesting theory

I hope you didn't hurt yourself

coming up with that one, all-star

I just, I mean, I still can't believe

that you wanted to marry her

I mean, you really...

You are a confused

and... and demented soul

It's... It's very upsetting to me,

You know, as your brother

Oh, me?

Confused?

Hey, listen, pal, I'm not the fool who's gonna let his new bride

go enjoy a wonderful honeymoon in Paris without him

What, do you think I don't want to go?

You know, she said she didn't want me there, so

what am I supposed to do?

Well

you want to get married without a best man?

Pay the price, pal

By the way

Remember, it's six hours ahead over there

Sorry

Yeah

Ahem

Why don't we give this to the bartender, huh?

It's gonna get nippy out there, boys

And this is probably gonna be

our last fishing trip of the season

Franny, sit down a minute, will you?

I want to talk to you kids

You know

Seeing as we're all sitting here,

crying in our beers while our women are out living their lives,

I

I got to think that maybe

I got to apologize to you guys

for all the rotten advice I've been giving you

Don't be so hard on yourself

You don't have to apologize to us

Yeah, I do

I did it to both of you, though

Look at you You're a fucking mess,

and I'm partly responsible

I don't even know what to tell you

First time in my life I'm at a loss for words

What do you think's gonna happen between you and Mom now?

I don't know

We had a down cycle

We just couldn't get out of it

I told you

It happens

Hey

Enough of this horse shit

Come on We gonna go fishing or what?

You know, this isn't gonna be so bad, boys

Long as we got each other,

we'll do fine

Deirdre, are you coming?

I don't think I'm gonna make it today, Dad

Why the hell not?

Because Hope's going to Paris tomorrow,

and I'm going to go with her

All right Well, can't make it fishing,

maybe you can help us load up the gear

Hey

Hi

What are you, uh

What are you doing here?

I don't know really

Your dad called to invite me fishing

Yeah? What about, uh

what about Paris?

What about Paris?

You, uh, you still think you want to go alone?

Mick, come on

I didn't come to Brooklyn this morning

to go fishing with your father

Frank: You see, Hope?

All these years he's been ignoring my advice

Now he's finally wising up

Frank: Come on, Mickey, get your ass in the boat!

Give me a hand

Hey, Mr. Fitz, don't you think I should drive?

I think maybe we should take this

one step at a time, honey

[Tom Petty Song Begins]

(music) Some days are diamonds (music)

(music) Some days are rocks (music)

(music) Some doors are open (music)

(music) Some roads are blocked (music)

(music) Sundowns are golden (music)

(music) Then fade away (music)

(music) And if I never do nothin' (music)

(music) I'm coming back someday (music)

(music) 'Cause you got (music)

(music) A heart so big (music)

(music) It could crush this town (music)

(music) And I can't hold out forever (music)

(music) Even walls fall down (music)

(music) All around your island (music)

(music) There's a barricade (music)

(music) Keeps out the danger (music)

(music) Close out the pain (music)

(music) And sometimes you're happy (music)

(music) And sometimes you cry (music)

(music) Half of me is ocean (music)

(music) Half of me is sky (music)

(music) But you got (music)

(music) A heart so big (music)

(music) It could crush this town (music)

(music) And I can't hold out forever (music)

(music) Even walls fall down (music)

[Harmonica Solo]

(music) Some things are over (music)

(music) Some things go on (music)

(music) Part of me you carry (music)

(music) Part of me is gone (music)

(music) But you got (music)

(music) A heart so big (music)

(music) It could crush this town (music)

(music) And I can't hold out forever (music)

(music) Even walls fall down (music)

(music) You got (music)

(music) A heart so big (music)

(music) It could crush this town (music)

(music) And I can't hold out forever (music)

(music) Even walls fall down (music)

[Music Ends]

[Another Tom Petty Song Begins Playing]

(music) I hope you never (music)

(music) Fall in love (music)

(music) Hope you never get (music)

(music) Your heart broken (music)

(music) I hope you never (music)

(music) Fall in love with (music)

(music) Somebody like you (music)

(music) And I wish you well (music)

(music) I wish you (music)

(music) Everything (music)

(music) And more (music)

(music) Forgive my ignorance (music)

(music) I was starting to ramble (music)

(music) On and on (music)

(music) Starting to ramble (music)

(music) On and on (music)

(music) I hope you never (music)

(music) Give a damn (music)

(music) Hope you never get (music)

(music) Your heart broken (music)

(music) I hope you never (music)

(music) Fall in love with (music)

(music) Somebody like you (music)

(music) I hope you never (music)

(music) Fall in love with (music)

(music) Somebody like you (music)

{{{the end}}}