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I was only in my 20s,
2
00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:26,776
the first time I saw a dead body.
3
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,613
You never forget that, really.
4
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:34,010
Until the moment of your last breath,
5
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,952
it sticks with you until the very end.
6
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,204
It did, for me.
7
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:41,392
For generations, US children have played
8
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:44,103
with little plastic green army men.
9
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:45,295
I did.
10
00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:48,482
Along with other war toys, they contribute
11
00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:51,360
to the socialization of some young boys
12
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:55,096
into the idea that war is an
exciting and heroic adventure.
13
00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:02,479
I know now that has never been more wrong.
14
00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:17,326
Oh!
15
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:21,163
Yeah.
16
00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:32,359
So, I go to this girl's party,
17
00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:34,487
and it's about a week after she just beats
18
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,554
the living shit outta my friend, right?
19
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:38,532
And I do a little recon.
20
00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:41,601
While everyone's getting
trashed, I find this back window.
21
00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:47,208
"Mission Impossible"
myself in there.
22
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,067
And I did my thing.
23
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:52,589
Dude.
24
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:53,714
Shut up.
25
00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:55,549
Stop. I'm, I'm, I'm serious, man!
26
00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:56,926
I'm telling you!
27
00:01:56,950 --> 00:02:01,955
I went around and I put tuna
in every single curtain rod.
28
00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:03,933
For weeks, they're trying
to figure out why this place
29
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,060
smells like festering death, right?
30
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:08,920
I mean, just, just god awful rotten.
31
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:13,526
She starts going to the pussy doctor.
32
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,194
Yeah!
33
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:17,488
She thinks she's festerin' up the place.
34
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:19,031
A little fire in the hole.
35
00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:21,617
Boom!
36
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,017
Dude, you are sick.
37
00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:25,287
You know that, right?
38
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:26,311
Sick who?
39
00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:29,875
They wronged me. That's
just the way it goes, man.
40
00:02:29,899 --> 00:02:31,669
Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
41
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,653
How did you talk me into this?
42
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:35,798
Beats the hell outta me.
43
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,824
Fucking hot as shit!
44
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:40,803
Come on, you piece of shit.
45
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:41,827
Shit.
46
00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:45,641
Come on!
47
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,893
You're glad you came!
48
00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:48,917
Yeah. No.
49
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,398
Oh, well, you weren't
complaining too much,
50
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:55,466
when you were in line for
the El Buffet, last night.
51
00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,071
Yee-hah!
52
00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:00,948
Get it, baby!
53
00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:02,241
Yeah!
54
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:05,035
Oh!
55
00:03:05,059 --> 00:03:06,102
Dude, that was you.
56
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,583
Are you sure?
57
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:11,607
Yes.
58
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:15,694
Huh.
59
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,091
No, but in all seriousness,
60
00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:22,303
it was good to see you
smile for once, man.
61
00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:23,536
You worry too damn much.
62
00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:27,100
I can't help it.
63
00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:28,642
Hah-hah!
64
00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:30,895
Yes, we can.
65
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:32,104
Yeah, I'm sure.
66
00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:37,133
Especially if you got
a nice 11-inch cock.
67
00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:39,028
- Dude.
- Oh, I'm serious, man.
68
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,970
- Uh-huh.
- I'm serious.
69
00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:44,491
Dude, what are you fucking doing, man?
70
00:03:44,515 --> 00:03:46,952
Truck needs
a little car wash, baby!
71
00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:48,787
Man, come on! Dude, come on!
72
00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:50,372
Woo!
73
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:52,082
I told you, not in the truck!
74
00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:54,001
Little car wash for daddy!
75
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,920
Oh!
76
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:57,379
Woo!
77
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:58,923
Come on, man!
78
00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:01,467
You get an anxiety attack
if we leave the zip code.
79
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:04,011
I mean, that's not normal
behavior. No fucking way!
80
00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:06,889
Yeah!
81
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,373
"Normal". Right!
82
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:13,418
You're welcome.
83
00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:17,006
Dude, we were in Mexico.
84
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:19,383
Precisely.
85
00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:26,599
It was kinda nice.
86
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,287
Boom!
87
00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:31,538
This is what I'm talkin' about!
88
00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:33,165
That's what I'm talking about, man!
89
00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:34,500
Come on! Loosen up!
90
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:36,377
Life's too short.
91
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,461
Relax.
92
00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:38,462
Just relax.
93
00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:39,486
Yeah.
94
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:41,363
I can do that.
95
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:43,968
Boo!
96
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,344
Dude, what?
97
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,513
Come on, man. Who do you
think you're talkin' to?
98
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,390
I can totally relax!
99
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:50,414
All right.
100
00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:53,185
Tell me a joke. Go ahead.
101
00:04:53,209 --> 00:04:54,377
Come on. Make me laugh.
102
00:04:58,172 --> 00:05:00,609
R-E-L-A-
103
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:03,404
Dude, what the fuck,
man? I'm fucking driving!
104
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:05,030
- You trying to get us killed?
- Oh, my god.
105
00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:07,366
Where did you get your license?
106
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,742
Oh, man. Wake me up when we get there.
107
00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:11,102
You drive slower than my grandmother.
108
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:15,291
Dude, I'm about to kick your
greasy ass out of this car
109
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,626
and make you walk, how's that for relaxed?
110
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:20,611
Well, why don't you drop me
off at your mom's on the way?
111
00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:24,883
You wish.
112
00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:25,907
Mm.
113
00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:27,743
That I do.
114
00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:31,538
That I do.
115
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:50,743
Any more cold ones?
116
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:52,619
That's doubtful.
117
00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:54,288
But I can check.
118
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:58,292
Among men too
on issues like the war itself.
119
00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:00,044
Hold on.
120
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,402
Can't reach 'em.
121
00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:04,506
Did you leave 'em?
122
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:06,008
Huh? I, I don't think so.
123
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:08,201
And volunteer
in your regular army.
124
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,974
I did volunteer
to come into the service.
125
00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:14,809
Tell me this, Jobs.
126
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,770
We've lost something over 40,000 men now.
127
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,646
40,000 American lives.
128
00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:21,255
As far you're concerned, it's worth it?
129
00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:27,738
You fuckin' drank 'em, didn't you?
130
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:28,930
Watch out!
131
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:41,126
Dude! What the fuck?
132
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,944
What did we hit? What, what?
133
00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:46,781
I'm fuckin' with you, man!
134
00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:50,844
Come on, come on!
135
00:06:50,868 --> 00:06:52,262
Come on!
136
00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:53,722
Come on.
137
00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:54,746
Come on.
138
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,875
You got it. You got it.
139
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,437
You got it. Come on.
140
00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:01,461
Shit!
141
00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:06,426
You tried that about
a hundred times, dude.
142
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,370
Dude, it's getting
cold. You got a sweater?
143
00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:17,394
Yeah, in the bag.
144
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,908
Speedy, what is this?
145
00:07:35,913 --> 00:07:38,207
That is pot.
146
00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:43,522
Okay, Speedy, I need you to tell me,
147
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:46,942
I need you to explain to me
148
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:51,429
that we didn't go all the way
to Mexico for you to buy pot.
149
00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:57,536
We went all the way
to Mexico to buy pot.
150
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,371
Fuck!
151
00:07:58,395 --> 00:07:59,872
What?
152
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:02,791
Speedy, I need you
to roll down the window
153
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:06,444
and throw that shit out
of this car, right now.
154
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:21,875
- Shit.
- Shit.
155
00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:29,651
- I'm stuck, man!
- Well, figure it out!
156
00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:31,236
Yeah, I'm trying!
157
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:32,970
Okay! Okay.
158
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:40,287
Dude, fuck!
- Okay, uh...
159
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:41,206
That's good. I got it.
160
00:08:41,230 --> 00:08:42,372
Okay! Just, just...
161
00:08:42,396 --> 00:08:43,540
You got it?
- I got it.
162
00:08:43,564 --> 00:08:44,564
Flask.
163
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,285
Hello, Officer.
164
00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,932
How can I help you?
165
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,916
What you boys doing out here?
166
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:08,065
Uh, well, we were on a
trip and our car broke down.
167
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,550
We were just trying to
get back home. That's all.
168
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:19,433
You all right there?
169
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:34,258
I'm gonna need you to step
out of the vehicle, sir.
170
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:35,282
Officer...
171
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:38,845
Like I said, we're just
trying to get home.
172
00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:40,639
I need to inspect
this vehicle, right now.
173
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:43,016
So, I need the two of you to get outside.
174
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,434
Put your hands on the hood.
175
00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:45,978
This isn't fucking happening.
176
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,712
Put your hands on the hood.
177
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,357
We're just...
178
00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:51,942
That's you too, passenger.
179
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:53,968
Officer, uh...
180
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,738
I'm not askin'!
181
00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:58,824
Step out of the vehicle!
182
00:09:58,848 --> 00:09:59,848
Let's go!
183
00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:02,411
Get outta the vehicle!
184
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,894
No!
185
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:13,250
I'm saddened to see
such potential as yourself
186
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:16,086
drift into a darker place.
187
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,588
You've clearly forgotten
what is right, young man,
188
00:12:18,612 --> 00:12:21,532
and I hope this may set you in that path.
189
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:26,012
Your actions were a disgrace.
190
00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,036
That is true.
191
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,600
You have a visitor.
192
00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:33,437
However, with your clean record
193
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:37,441
and no prior history, I
am giving you a choice.
194
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:42,470
To go to prison, or to
serve in the Vietnam War.
195
00:12:44,388 --> 00:12:46,074
These proceedings can continue,
196
00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:47,641
when you've made that decision.
197
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,867
You have a visitor.
198
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:12,309
My name is Jonathan Teller,
199
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:13,709
and I am a haunted man.
200
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:19,799
I guess this is a good
place to start as any.
201
00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:23,093
If I go back any further,
you'd despise me.
202
00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,847
But don't give up on me just yet.
203
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:58,796
Hi, Jonathan.
204
00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:07,972
Look at me.
205
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:14,412
Jonathan, look at me.
206
00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:15,855
Jonathan, look at me, please.
207
00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:18,792
And after everything that you put me-
208
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:19,976
What do you want me to say?
209
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:26,198
Jesus Christ, Jonathan.
210
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:35,267
Did you really think
that I wouldn't find out?
211
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:36,102
That what?
212
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:37,519
That I was just gonna come here one day,
213
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:40,063
and not notice that you weren't here?
214
00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:42,732
And that you went off to fight
some stupid, unimaginable,
215
00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:44,359
not to mention unwinnable war,
216
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:46,594
clear across the other
side of the world, right?
217
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,139
Is it true?
218
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:56,978
It was that,
219
00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:01,150
or rot in here for the rest of my life.
220
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:08,866
What do you want me to do?
221
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,330
Hey.
222
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:20,501
I'm here.
223
00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:23,504
I always will be.
224
00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:28,069
Always thinking of yourself.
225
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:29,595
Hands off the glass!
226
00:15:35,809 --> 00:15:38,395
I just want you to know, you know...
227
00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:47,153
Sorry.
228
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:07,299
It's hard to
describe how I felt in those days.
229
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:11,387
It was as if I'd walked through
a minefield blindfolded.
230
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:14,866
Somehow ending up a hole,
231
00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:16,642
in the middle of a concrete jungle.
232
00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,454
Completely unaware that I was crawling
233
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:20,980
further away from myself.
234
00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:24,751
Yeah, we got a lot of vets
here, of course, you know.
235
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,170
Uh, you're one of our first Vietnam.
236
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:29,381
Now, you gotta be a little
careful in the neighborhood.
237
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:31,883
It's not bad, but it's not good.
238
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:34,761
But I'm sure you know how
to look after yourself.
239
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:36,763
You know, just keep your eyes open.
240
00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:38,706
But I think you're gonna like it here.
241
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:43,626
Well...
242
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:45,336
This is you.
243
00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:56,199
What are my odds?
244
00:16:56,223 --> 00:16:57,224
Excuse me?
245
00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:00,519
Of getting murdered in here.
246
00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:02,855
You hear me, motherfucker?
247
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,149
Suck my...
248
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:17,387
Oh, right. Well...
249
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:21,165
The walls are thin, so
try and keep it down.
250
00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:25,835
Thank you.
251
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:27,670
Good day.
252
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:59,262
I had lost my way.
253
00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:03,373
But soon, I would find it in
the most unusual of places.
254
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,001
I just didn't know it yet.
255
00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:16,654
♪ In the quiet of morning ♪
256
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:21,659
♪ When the world is still asleep ♪
257
00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:26,247
♪ No, no, no, no, no, no ♪
258
00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:30,585
♪ I'm sitting here all alone ♪
259
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:35,614
♪ With the thoughts you keep ♪
260
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:43,765
♪ Think about the road I traveled ♪
261
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:47,793
♪ All the miles that I've gave ♪
262
00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:40,137
Attention, all shoppers.
263
00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:50,456
What do you think you're doing?
264
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,083
Huh?
265
00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:54,794
Canned goods and bread and flour
266
00:19:54,818 --> 00:19:57,279
don't get stocked next to cereal!
267
00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:04,721
I can't have this liability.
268
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,622
Don't make me ask you twice.
269
00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:12,794
Do you understand?
270
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:16,380
Yes, sir.
271
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,300
Despite the facade of normalcy
272
00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:45,887
that I tried to maintain,
I had the strangest feeling
273
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,223
that something was closing in on me.
274
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,247
Something
275
00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:51,667
that came home with me.
276
00:21:52,644 --> 00:21:53,644
I'm okay!
277
00:21:54,438 --> 00:21:56,064
All right, we've been hit!
278
00:21:57,899 --> 00:21:58,960
Oh, god!
279
00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:01,838
Charlie 3125, we are under fire!
280
00:22:01,862 --> 00:22:04,507
We are going down!
- I'm losing my controls!
281
00:22:04,531 --> 00:22:05,717
Come on!
282
00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:07,010
Come on!
- We're going down!
283
00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:08,034
We're going down!
284
00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:15,583
No!
285
00:22:37,272 --> 00:22:39,524
As the days faded into the next,
286
00:22:41,735 --> 00:22:42,736
I felt trapped.
287
00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:44,862
Like a prisoner,
288
00:22:45,906 --> 00:22:48,075
caged by the bars of their own mind.
289
00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:52,120
You have a visitor.
290
00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:15,310
Look after yourself.
291
00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:19,106
I think
you're gonna like it here.
292
00:23:26,863 --> 00:23:28,383
I feared my wall of sanity
293
00:23:28,407 --> 00:23:30,301
was beginning to fall.
294
00:23:30,325 --> 00:23:33,054
And just when I thought the dust settled,
295
00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:35,580
and the echoes of screaming gunfire faded,
296
00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:40,186
my true nightmare was only beginning.
297
00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:41,210
Relax.
298
00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:44,005
Why are you doing this to me?
299
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:49,070
Relax, man.
300
00:23:49,094 --> 00:23:50,094
No!
301
00:23:56,351 --> 00:24:00,206
A year had passed.
302
00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:01,731
And although I was free,
303
00:24:03,817 --> 00:24:06,254
the blinders that were
permanently latched to my eyes
304
00:24:06,278 --> 00:24:08,697
kept me buried within those walls.
305
00:25:22,312 --> 00:25:24,582
Clean up on aisle four.
306
00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:26,292
Large spill.
307
00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:27,793
That's aisle four.
308
00:25:27,817 --> 00:25:29,236
Clean up.
309
00:25:30,695 --> 00:25:33,716
Don't make me ask you twice,
people, or it's your ass.
310
00:25:33,740 --> 00:25:35,742
Come on now. Chop, chop.
311
00:27:13,214 --> 00:27:14,442
That's when I found myself
312
00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:16,593
in the last place I ever expected.
313
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:19,721
But looking back,
314
00:27:20,805 --> 00:27:24,643
the one place I needed to be the most.
315
00:27:28,146 --> 00:27:29,146
Hi.
316
00:27:30,398 --> 00:27:34,361
I'm Jonathan and I'm a Vietnam veteran.
317
00:27:36,029 --> 00:27:37,632
Hey.
318
00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:39,407
- Welcome Jon.
- Welcome, brother.
319
00:27:40,533 --> 00:27:43,161
Welcome, Jonathan. Welcome
to the family, brother.
320
00:27:44,829 --> 00:27:45,829
All right.
321
00:27:49,709 --> 00:27:51,836
Anyone wanna start us
off today with a share?
322
00:27:53,713 --> 00:27:54,940
- Not me.
- Uh...
323
00:27:54,964 --> 00:27:57,717
I'll go.
324
00:27:58,635 --> 00:28:01,280
Hey, guys. Happy to, happy to be here.
325
00:28:01,304 --> 00:28:03,098
You know me. No stranger here.
326
00:28:05,266 --> 00:28:08,204
I just wanted to say it's
been a while since my last
327
00:28:08,228 --> 00:28:09,854
quote-unquote outburst.
328
00:28:11,898 --> 00:28:14,651
Pretty proud of myself. I
feel like I'm making strides.
329
00:28:16,528 --> 00:28:19,632
Went on a camping trip with
some veteran buddies, recently.
330
00:28:19,656 --> 00:28:23,451
It felt like it's what I
needed to unwind, to get away.
331
00:28:28,915 --> 00:28:32,794
And that evening, I came home
and the closet was empty,
332
00:28:33,628 --> 00:28:34,939
the car was gone,
333
00:28:34,963 --> 00:28:37,507
and I haven't seen my wife
and kid in a year and a half.
334
00:28:40,385 --> 00:28:42,697
You've come to the right place.
335
00:28:42,721 --> 00:28:44,639
Keep coming back.
336
00:28:47,392 --> 00:28:49,161
Keep coming back!
337
00:28:49,185 --> 00:28:50,562
Keep coming back.
338
00:28:52,063 --> 00:28:53,481
Keep coming back.
339
00:28:54,357 --> 00:28:56,419
Now, Tommy...
340
00:28:56,443 --> 00:28:59,612
34 suicide attempts...
341
00:29:10,957 --> 00:29:11,957
Tommy.
342
00:29:15,462 --> 00:29:19,483
34 suicide attempts is
considered a red alert.
343
00:29:19,507 --> 00:29:20,507
Okay?
344
00:29:23,428 --> 00:29:25,513
Yeah, 'cause he ain't doing it right.
345
00:29:28,016 --> 00:29:29,910
- Mr. Abbot.
- God damn it, Abbot!
346
00:29:29,934 --> 00:29:30,746
If you don't shut the fuck up,
347
00:29:30,770 --> 00:29:33,205
I'm gonna break my foot off
in your god damn ass, boy!
348
00:29:33,229 --> 00:29:36,000
I'm telling you, every god
damn week, you come in with-
349
00:29:36,024 --> 00:29:36,835
Gentlemen.
350
00:29:36,859 --> 00:29:38,377
- Get the fuck outta here.
- I expect more from you.
351
00:29:38,401 --> 00:29:39,254
- Mr. Abbot!
- Come on, bitch!
352
00:29:39,278 --> 00:29:41,630
Come on, Sanders! Bring it on!
353
00:29:41,654 --> 00:29:44,842
- Mr. Abbot!
- You wanna go, motherfucker?
354
00:29:44,866 --> 00:29:47,470
Gentlemen, enough.
355
00:29:47,494 --> 00:29:48,971
Please. Jim?
356
00:29:48,995 --> 00:29:50,765
Please ignore him. You know
he likes to get people-
357
00:29:50,789 --> 00:29:53,768
What you gonna do, Sanders?
358
00:29:53,792 --> 00:29:56,228
Talking shit, motherfucker!
359
00:29:56,252 --> 00:29:57,438
Come on!
360
00:29:57,462 --> 00:29:58,647
Stop it!
361
00:29:58,671 --> 00:30:01,358
Mr. Abbot, you are causing a ruckus here.
362
00:30:01,382 --> 00:30:02,926
Who are you calling boy, boy?
363
00:30:04,344 --> 00:30:06,763
Who are you calling boy, boy?
364
00:30:08,181 --> 00:30:09,575
Gentlemen, I...
365
00:30:09,599 --> 00:30:11,076
Just sit down!
366
00:30:11,100 --> 00:30:11,953
Sit down. Gentlemen.
367
00:30:11,977 --> 00:30:13,478
- Shut up, bitch!
- Jim!
368
00:30:14,604 --> 00:30:15,604
Jim!
369
00:30:26,908 --> 00:30:29,244
It wasn't
long before I went back,
370
00:30:30,995 --> 00:30:33,432
but the unspeakable horrors we witnessed
371
00:30:33,456 --> 00:30:35,124
offered its own kind of trauma.
372
00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:39,337
I saw it on their faces, every time.
373
00:30:46,302 --> 00:30:50,890
Clean up. Come on now, chop chop.
374
00:30:57,105 --> 00:30:58,290
The war claimed the lives
375
00:30:58,314 --> 00:31:00,441
of more than 58,000 of us.
376
00:31:03,736 --> 00:31:05,321
For the ones that came back,
377
00:31:07,198 --> 00:31:09,284
there were no welcome home parades,
378
00:31:10,618 --> 00:31:12,829
no nurses to kiss upon return.
379
00:31:14,998 --> 00:31:16,374
We were not heroes.
380
00:31:18,126 --> 00:31:19,878
And we were discarded for it.
381
00:31:23,089 --> 00:31:24,465
No matter how hard we tried,
382
00:31:25,508 --> 00:31:28,803
we could never escape
what we did over there.
383
00:31:29,637 --> 00:31:30,847
That was our curse.
384
00:33:33,761 --> 00:33:36,323
On the morning of that day,
I found myself drifting
385
00:33:36,347 --> 00:33:39,284
somewhere between the
depths of my purgatory,
386
00:33:39,308 --> 00:33:41,477
and what I imagined hell would look like.
387
00:33:43,813 --> 00:33:47,584
I dreamed of ending it
all, for an accident.
388
00:33:47,608 --> 00:33:48,776
A head-on collision.
389
00:33:49,986 --> 00:33:52,006
To make friends with
a bullet in a chamber.
390
00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:54,198
God, how I would thank the maker.
391
00:33:55,116 --> 00:33:56,784
It was only a matter of time now.
392
00:35:10,024 --> 00:35:11,877
I ran to the only place I could.
393
00:35:11,901 --> 00:35:14,254
September 7th, 1970.
394
00:35:14,278 --> 00:35:16,048
That anger and give it-
395
00:35:16,072 --> 00:35:17,883
A date I will never forget.
396
00:35:17,907 --> 00:35:19,510
Let him carry your burden!
397
00:35:19,534 --> 00:35:21,011
The night of my last meeting.
398
00:35:21,035 --> 00:35:22,596
You must be outta your god
damn mind. You think I'm...
399
00:35:22,620 --> 00:35:24,181
Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
400
00:35:24,205 --> 00:35:25,016
Fuck you!
401
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:26,350
You think I'm touching some kinda faggot?
402
00:35:26,374 --> 00:35:27,310
Oh, all right. Oh.
403
00:35:27,334 --> 00:35:29,436
They made me kill babies,
but I ain't doing that.
404
00:35:29,460 --> 00:35:30,854
They fuckin' made me! They made me!
405
00:35:30,878 --> 00:35:32,981
Christ sake, if you don't
like it, then get the fuck out!
406
00:35:33,005 --> 00:35:34,608
Go fuck your mother, you philistine!
407
00:35:34,632 --> 00:35:36,693
La, la, la, la, language!
408
00:35:36,717 --> 00:35:38,886
All right! All right,
all right, let's...
409
00:35:40,888 --> 00:35:42,407
Let's recenter.
410
00:35:42,431 --> 00:35:43,408
Recenter.
411
00:35:43,432 --> 00:35:44,910
Gentlemen.
412
00:35:44,934 --> 00:35:46,787
Gentlemen, calm.
413
00:35:46,811 --> 00:35:47,811
Calm.
414
00:35:48,855 --> 00:35:50,398
Let him take your burden.
415
00:35:51,357 --> 00:35:53,043
Let him take your burden.
416
00:35:53,067 --> 00:35:57,548
Look into your brother's
eyes. Let him feel your pain.
417
00:35:57,572 --> 00:36:00,217
He knows your pain. Let it out, gentlemen.
418
00:36:00,241 --> 00:36:03,161
Let him take your burden from you.
419
00:36:06,539 --> 00:36:08,058
Embrace your brothers.
420
00:36:08,082 --> 00:36:10,811
Let go of that pain.
421
00:36:10,835 --> 00:36:12,128
Let go of that pain.
422
00:36:15,089 --> 00:36:16,984
Let him take your burden.
423
00:36:17,008 --> 00:36:18,759
Let him hold it away.
424
00:36:19,927 --> 00:36:21,822
Let, oh!
425
00:36:21,846 --> 00:36:22,948
Good.
426
00:36:22,972 --> 00:36:24,199
Good. Gentle!
427
00:36:24,223 --> 00:36:26,910
Gentle now. Gentle now.
428
00:36:26,934 --> 00:36:28,769
Let it out. Let it out.
429
00:36:30,021 --> 00:36:33,000
Is this what you imagined
hell would be like?
430
00:36:33,024 --> 00:36:35,711
Okay, let go.
431
00:36:35,735 --> 00:36:38,529
I've already been there, brother.
432
00:36:41,574 --> 00:36:44,452
And breathe.
433
00:36:45,995 --> 00:36:47,306
You know, you smell like somethin'
434
00:36:47,330 --> 00:36:48,748
rottin' around you, brother.
435
00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:52,477
And when you've been a tunnel
rat for as long as I have,
436
00:36:52,501 --> 00:36:56,297
livin' in the dark, you tend
to trust your other senses.
437
00:36:57,715 --> 00:36:59,443
What're you talking about?
438
00:36:59,467 --> 00:37:02,029
I'm sayin' that you got a passenger
439
00:37:02,053 --> 00:37:03,429
on your shoulders, brother.
440
00:37:04,305 --> 00:37:05,241
Death!
441
00:37:05,265 --> 00:37:06,575
- Fuck off!
- You reek of it!
442
00:37:06,599 --> 00:37:09,328
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh!
443
00:37:09,352 --> 00:37:10,871
It's okay. It's okay.
444
00:37:10,895 --> 00:37:12,372
Shh.
- Just let it go.
445
00:37:12,396 --> 00:37:14,583
- Shh.
- Let him take that-
446
00:37:14,607 --> 00:37:16,108
What did you do?
447
00:37:17,777 --> 00:37:20,154
Come on, did you touch the
devil or did he touch you?
448
00:37:21,822 --> 00:37:24,426
How the fuck would you know what I did?
449
00:37:24,450 --> 00:37:28,555
Oh, brother, you went
down the mouth of madness,
450
00:37:28,579 --> 00:37:31,475
and now you're looking
for penance, aren't you?
451
00:37:31,499 --> 00:37:33,310
You're wrong.
452
00:37:33,334 --> 00:37:34,335
Oh, am I?
453
00:37:37,505 --> 00:37:40,275
Yeah.
454
00:37:40,299 --> 00:37:41,425
Sure I am.
455
00:37:44,595 --> 00:37:47,014
I don't wanna see your
face here ever again.
456
00:37:48,307 --> 00:37:49,517
You hear me?
457
00:37:52,770 --> 00:37:54,498
What're you talking about?
458
00:37:54,522 --> 00:37:58,752
I'm sayin' that these are my people.
459
00:37:58,776 --> 00:37:59,944
My camp.
460
00:38:00,820 --> 00:38:02,130
Mine.
461
00:38:02,154 --> 00:38:04,424
You go find your own. You understand?
462
00:38:04,448 --> 00:38:06,927
- Man, you're fuckin' crazy.
- Yeah.
463
00:38:06,951 --> 00:38:09,287
According to my last
psych evaluation, yes.
464
00:38:12,581 --> 00:38:15,602
Did you know that there are
several ways to make napalm?
465
00:38:15,626 --> 00:38:18,981
All you need is a little OJ and gasoline.
466
00:38:19,005 --> 00:38:21,316
Can you just stop? Just fuckin' stop.
467
00:38:21,340 --> 00:38:22,340
Listen to me.
468
00:38:23,384 --> 00:38:24,468
This is my group.
469
00:38:25,303 --> 00:38:26,804
I have nowhere else to go.
470
00:38:29,515 --> 00:38:32,643
Well, then you better
understand somethin', brother.
471
00:38:38,983 --> 00:38:41,485
The ghosts of the people we kill
472
00:38:43,029 --> 00:38:46,991
will haunt us for the rest of our lives.
473
00:38:49,452 --> 00:38:52,788
Believe me. I know.
474
00:38:58,127 --> 00:38:59,378
I know. I know.
475
00:39:00,838 --> 00:39:01,922
I know. Yeah.
476
00:39:02,923 --> 00:39:04,067
What do I do?
477
00:39:04,091 --> 00:39:06,028
Take him
as an example of courage.
478
00:39:06,052 --> 00:39:08,488
Oh, brother, this is
all one big bucket of piss
479
00:39:08,512 --> 00:39:10,431
that we're drownin' in.
480
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:13,934
Do yourself a favor.
481
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:18,206
Make it quick.
482
00:39:18,230 --> 00:39:19,230
That's what you do.
483
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:22,400
That's it.
484
00:39:23,194 --> 00:39:24,755
No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
485
00:39:24,779 --> 00:39:26,590
Make it quick, baby. Yeah, make it quick.
486
00:39:26,614 --> 00:39:28,967
- No.
- No, yeah.
487
00:39:28,991 --> 00:39:30,135
Make it quick, you gotta make it-
488
00:39:30,159 --> 00:39:31,053
No! No!
489
00:39:31,077 --> 00:39:31,888
We ain't never getting right
490
00:39:31,912 --> 00:39:33,013
with the wrongs we done, brother!
491
00:39:33,037 --> 00:39:34,973
We ain't never getting right for nothin'!
492
00:39:34,997 --> 00:39:37,100
You hear me? Nothin'!
493
00:39:37,124 --> 00:39:38,185
Oh, oh, oh!
494
00:39:38,209 --> 00:39:40,937
I control my life and what I do!
495
00:39:40,961 --> 00:39:41,961
I do! I do!
496
00:39:43,130 --> 00:39:44,130
I do! I do!
497
00:39:45,174 --> 00:39:47,259
'Cause I'm a baby killer!
498
00:39:48,094 --> 00:39:49,220
No, Mr. Abbot! No!
499
00:39:50,596 --> 00:39:52,574
Oh, my god!
500
00:39:52,598 --> 00:39:54,242
Fuck!
- Somebody call an ambulance!
501
00:39:54,266 --> 00:39:56,078
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
502
00:39:56,102 --> 00:39:57,269
Somebody!
503
00:40:00,106 --> 00:40:02,084
The time is 5:30.
504
00:40:02,108 --> 00:40:04,610
David Brinkley is on
vacation. I'm Chad Huntley.
505
00:40:05,736 --> 00:40:06,672
For an hour and a half today,
506
00:40:06,696 --> 00:40:09,966
the normally placid university
and capital city of Austin,
507
00:40:09,990 --> 00:40:11,885
Texas was held in the grip of a terror,
508
00:40:11,909 --> 00:40:14,721
which began in killing
and ended in killing.
509
00:40:14,745 --> 00:40:17,349
A maddened former Marine,
a 24-year-old student
510
00:40:17,373 --> 00:40:19,810
in the architectural school
named Charles Whitman
511
00:40:19,834 --> 00:40:22,938
first killed his wife
and mother in their home.
512
00:40:22,962 --> 00:40:24,981
Then he fled to the top
of the university tower,
513
00:40:25,005 --> 00:40:27,442
a 27-story building, and
from there, shot to death
514
00:40:27,466 --> 00:40:31,154
at least 13 other people
and wounded at least 31.
515
00:40:31,178 --> 00:40:34,199
The carnage did not end until
police ended Whitman's life
516
00:40:34,223 --> 00:40:35,659
with several bullets.
517
00:40:35,683 --> 00:40:39,520
Here is a report from Neil
Speltz of KTBC TV Austin.
518
00:40:42,106 --> 00:40:44,209
A marine veteran
who was an expert marksman
519
00:40:44,233 --> 00:40:47,212
shot and killed 10
unsuspecting noontime strollers
520
00:40:47,236 --> 00:40:49,589
on the University of Texas campus today.
521
00:40:49,613 --> 00:40:51,508
And then he was cut down,
an hour and a half later,
522
00:40:51,532 --> 00:40:53,260
by an Austin policeman.
523
00:40:53,284 --> 00:40:56,328
When the shooting ended, 30
others were seriously injured.
524
00:40:57,705 --> 00:41:00,142
And then the bodies of the
alleged sniper's mother and wife
525
00:41:00,166 --> 00:41:02,394
were found in his apartment, both dead.
526
00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:06,022
The tally at this hour
is 13 dead, 30 wounded,
527
00:41:06,046 --> 00:41:07,816
and that figure includes
the death of the man
528
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:09,609
police say he did the shooting.
529
00:41:09,633 --> 00:41:12,571
A sniper identified his
24-year-old Charles J. Whitman
530
00:41:12,595 --> 00:41:14,990
started shooting from the observation deck
531
00:41:15,014 --> 00:41:17,558
of the 27-story-tall university tower.
532
00:41:19,185 --> 00:41:21,496
He fell moving targets blocks away.
533
00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:23,206
The terror-filled 90 minutes started
534
00:41:23,230 --> 00:41:25,584
at five minutes before 12 Austin time,
535
00:41:25,608 --> 00:41:30,130
and it was 1:22 when policeman
Ramiro Martinez shot Whitney.
536
00:41:30,154 --> 00:41:31,465
Those who were felled with bullets
537
00:41:31,489 --> 00:41:33,675
from the high caliber rifle
were pulled to safety,
538
00:41:33,699 --> 00:41:36,720
as soon as possible by
officials and passers-by.
539
00:41:36,744 --> 00:41:38,412
Others crouched in terror.
540
00:41:40,456 --> 00:41:42,809
Heavily-armed Austin
Police, sheriff's deputies,
541
00:41:42,833 --> 00:41:45,020
highway patrolmen and Texas Rangers,
542
00:41:45,044 --> 00:41:46,521
converged on the campus
543
00:41:46,545 --> 00:41:48,672
and began returning the sniper's fire.
544
00:41:50,090 --> 00:41:51,318
But he was well entrenched,
545
00:41:51,342 --> 00:41:54,905
and he had a fantastic vantage
point of the entire area.
546
00:41:54,929 --> 00:41:57,574
I'm not paying you
two ladies to watch TV.
547
00:41:57,598 --> 00:41:59,409
Reporter Charles
Ward was on the scene,
548
00:41:59,433 --> 00:42:00,744
as the gun...
549
00:42:00,768 --> 00:42:02,645
Chop chop. Get to work!
550
00:43:15,217 --> 00:43:16,820
Sir! Yes, sir!
551
00:43:16,844 --> 00:43:19,013
Holy fuckin' heaven!
552
00:43:20,931 --> 00:43:22,033
Kill!
553
00:43:22,057 --> 00:43:23,142
Or be killed!
554
00:43:24,184 --> 00:43:25,686
Kill or be killed!
555
00:43:26,937 --> 00:43:28,439
Kill or be killed!
556
00:43:29,523 --> 00:43:31,025
Kill or be killed!
557
00:43:32,234 --> 00:43:33,234
Kill!
558
00:43:42,036 --> 00:43:45,706
Someone once
said hell is an illusion.
559
00:43:49,752 --> 00:43:53,922
But the first real casualty
of war is the soul.
560
00:43:57,217 --> 00:44:01,180
I woke up, months later,
barely holding on.
561
00:44:02,348 --> 00:44:05,493
My grip on reality faltering
in a sterile fortress
562
00:44:05,517 --> 00:44:09,897
of white walls and unending corridors.
563
00:44:12,399 --> 00:44:15,170
I was surrounded by others whose minds
564
00:44:15,194 --> 00:44:16,737
had also betrayed them.
565
00:44:18,697 --> 00:44:21,551
And I couldn't help but wonder
if, if I would ever find
566
00:44:21,575 --> 00:44:23,661
a way to piece myself back together again,
567
00:44:26,288 --> 00:44:30,250
or if I was destined to
be a lost toy soldier.
568
00:44:31,335 --> 00:44:32,419
Never remembered.
569
00:44:33,629 --> 00:44:36,006
As if I never existed in the first place.
570
00:44:39,093 --> 00:44:40,093
But...
571
00:44:41,303 --> 00:44:43,013
She wouldn't let that happen.
572
00:46:30,078 --> 00:46:32,581
I'm not supposed to be here!
573
00:46:33,457 --> 00:46:35,375
Get off! Get off of me!
574
00:46:46,845 --> 00:46:49,515
No!
575
00:47:58,542 --> 00:48:01,312
We gonna have
ourselves a pool party tonight!
576
00:48:01,336 --> 00:48:03,147
Watch your six.
577
00:48:03,171 --> 00:48:05,340
Watch out.
578
00:48:29,948 --> 00:48:30,843
God, Abbot.
579
00:48:30,867 --> 00:48:32,719
Don't you sleep?
580
00:48:32,743 --> 00:48:37,372
God doesn't have anything
to do with this shit hole.
581
00:48:39,708 --> 00:48:42,210
But you can call me Jesus Christ.
582
00:48:44,713 --> 00:48:47,483
And believe me, I would
staple my eyes shut
583
00:48:47,507 --> 00:48:49,986
to sleep for one god damn minute,
584
00:48:50,010 --> 00:48:51,261
but then the demons come.
585
00:49:04,900 --> 00:49:06,210
Leave him.
586
00:49:06,234 --> 00:49:08,111
Let him lay where he fell.
587
00:49:10,072 --> 00:49:11,174
Give him the common decency to die
588
00:49:11,198 --> 00:49:13,617
on the patch of fucking
concrete that chose him.
589
00:49:14,952 --> 00:49:16,370
That's the least you could do.
590
00:49:18,830 --> 00:49:21,559
Death gives you perspective, doesn't it?
591
00:49:21,583 --> 00:49:23,085
We're not dying, man.
592
00:49:27,589 --> 00:49:30,151
Oh, that's where you're wrong, brother.
593
00:49:30,175 --> 00:49:31,176
We're already dead.
594
00:49:32,594 --> 00:49:36,348
You know, it's funny
how people find it odd.
595
00:49:37,849 --> 00:49:40,060
They're always so confused about life
596
00:49:40,936 --> 00:49:43,605
and how the hell things
didn't go as planned.
597
00:49:45,190 --> 00:49:47,192
And that's 'cause they're all in a coma.
598
00:49:49,861 --> 00:49:50,861
Gone.
599
00:49:53,448 --> 00:49:55,134
And it's not supposed to make sense.
600
00:49:55,158 --> 00:49:57,869
And if you learn that, I
mean truly embrace that,
601
00:49:58,745 --> 00:50:00,789
you'll live a better life.
602
00:50:04,626 --> 00:50:06,169
It happened again.
603
00:50:08,130 --> 00:50:09,923
Where were you this time?
604
00:50:33,071 --> 00:50:35,425
Where were you this time?
605
00:50:35,449 --> 00:50:36,449
Fuck you.
606
00:50:38,326 --> 00:50:39,929
That dark is all we have left.
607
00:50:39,953 --> 00:50:41,806
You better get used to that, brother.
608
00:50:41,830 --> 00:50:43,891
No. I'll never get used to it!
609
00:50:43,915 --> 00:50:46,811
Oh, no. One day you
will learn to embrace it.
610
00:50:46,835 --> 00:50:47,812
Teller, her we have to.
611
00:50:47,836 --> 00:50:50,714
We don't have any other fucking
chance, man. We're gone!
612
00:50:53,967 --> 00:50:57,387
All the wisest do not
let themselves be tricked
613
00:50:59,222 --> 00:51:00,307
a second time.
614
00:51:12,486 --> 00:51:14,797
What the fuck does that mean?
615
00:51:14,821 --> 00:51:15,821
Hey.
616
00:51:19,242 --> 00:51:20,470
Wait.
617
00:51:20,494 --> 00:51:21,828
Are we the rats?
618
00:51:26,792 --> 00:51:28,126
Are we the rats?
619
00:51:30,670 --> 00:51:32,005
Are we the rats?
620
00:51:34,424 --> 00:51:35,759
Are we the rats?
621
00:51:36,676 --> 00:51:38,011
Are we the rats?
622
00:51:49,606 --> 00:51:50,857
The rats!
623
00:52:01,952 --> 00:52:03,387
They'd let me go a year earlier
624
00:52:03,411 --> 00:52:05,080
at the behest of Richard Nixon.
625
00:52:06,873 --> 00:52:09,543
I'd crawled four stories
below Hanoi, Vietnam.
626
00:52:10,418 --> 00:52:12,295
I mapped out dozens of tunnels,
627
00:52:14,047 --> 00:52:15,966
detonated 48 bombs.
628
00:52:17,342 --> 00:52:19,010
How many lives have I destroyed?
629
00:52:20,428 --> 00:52:21,555
How many I ended?
630
00:52:23,473 --> 00:52:24,473
I'll never know.
631
00:52:26,476 --> 00:52:27,476
What I do know
632
00:52:29,646 --> 00:52:32,816
is that I met you on
the final day of 1972.
633
00:52:34,067 --> 00:52:36,027
The same day I resolved to kill myself.
634
00:52:52,419 --> 00:52:54,105
- Hey, sweetie.
- Hey, baby.
635
00:52:54,129 --> 00:52:56,798
- What can I get you today?
- What you got?
636
00:53:04,431 --> 00:53:08,244
In a barren motel room with
a fifth of Tennessee rye,
637
00:53:08,268 --> 00:53:11,605
and a pang of shame permeating
the recesses of my soul,
638
00:53:12,606 --> 00:53:13,857
I vowed that this was it.
639
00:53:15,108 --> 00:53:17,777
That I would give myself
the discharge I deserved.
640
00:53:23,033 --> 00:53:25,076
For hours, I obsessed about doing it.
641
00:53:29,623 --> 00:53:31,833
I remember the seconds
felt like lifetimes,
642
00:53:32,792 --> 00:53:33,835
but I couldn't do it.
643
00:53:37,547 --> 00:53:39,692
I couldn't experience what my victims had,
644
00:53:39,716 --> 00:53:40,884
those years before.
645
00:53:42,594 --> 00:53:43,887
I could live with nothing.
646
00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:48,683
Piece of shit.
647
00:53:56,775 --> 00:53:58,586
Only the tortured echoes from the past
648
00:53:58,610 --> 00:54:00,237
that were forever by my side.
649
00:56:11,743 --> 00:56:13,661
I walked for what felt like days.
650
00:56:14,954 --> 00:56:18,225
I roamed the common, scaled
the hell, and meandered
651
00:56:18,249 --> 00:56:20,919
into a labyrinth of the
world I no longer remember.
652
00:56:23,004 --> 00:56:25,590
While the pedestrians howled
at the world around me,
653
00:56:26,716 --> 00:56:28,611
I trudged further into the darkness
654
00:56:28,635 --> 00:56:30,905
I had loathed so much.
655
00:56:30,929 --> 00:56:33,240
I thought, or rather, hoped,
656
00:56:33,264 --> 00:56:35,326
that it might wash away
the patina of guilt
657
00:56:35,350 --> 00:56:37,227
that had coagulated around my heart.
658
00:56:40,271 --> 00:56:41,356
I saw my way out.
659
00:56:44,234 --> 00:56:47,421
Hearing about the massive
invasion of South Vietnam
660
00:56:47,445 --> 00:56:49,614
by the communist armies of North Vietnam.
661
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:53,952
I killed that little girl.
662
00:56:55,745 --> 00:56:57,038
It wasn't the first time,
663
00:56:59,082 --> 00:57:00,083
nor the last.
664
00:57:01,418 --> 00:57:03,062
And the efforts we are-
665
00:57:03,086 --> 00:57:05,356
I didn't even know who I was anymore.
666
00:57:05,380 --> 00:57:06,380
What I did know
667
00:57:09,426 --> 00:57:11,362
was that I was a murderer.
668
00:57:11,386 --> 00:57:12,738
And what we have done since then,
669
00:57:12,762 --> 00:57:15,056
to end American involvement in the war...
670
00:57:37,162 --> 00:57:39,849
In the eyes of my superiors,
671
00:57:39,873 --> 00:57:41,916
I had served my country honorably
672
00:57:42,834 --> 00:57:46,004
and I was thusly discharged
with such distinction.
673
00:57:47,213 --> 00:57:48,423
"Distinction".
674
00:57:50,216 --> 00:57:51,384
If they only knew.
675
01:02:26,617 --> 01:02:27,617
And then...
676
01:02:28,953 --> 01:02:32,933
- Hawthorn Street.
- This is Hawthorn Street.
677
01:02:32,957 --> 01:02:34,792
I saw you.
678
01:02:36,377 --> 01:02:38,629
To this day, I don't
know what made me stop,
679
01:02:40,131 --> 01:02:41,131
but there you were.
680
01:02:48,514 --> 01:02:53,436
Next stop will be
the last stop on this bus.
681
01:03:02,445 --> 01:03:04,947
I'd never
seen anything so beautiful.
682
01:03:14,081 --> 01:03:16,083
You were wearing a teal ball gown
683
01:03:17,627 --> 01:03:21,881
that appeared to me to be
both regal and ridiculous.
684
01:03:26,469 --> 01:03:29,514
Your brown hair was matted to
the right side of your face.
685
01:03:31,307 --> 01:03:33,976
And a galaxy of freckles
dusted your shoulders.
686
01:03:37,146 --> 01:03:38,147
I couldn't speak.
687
01:03:39,440 --> 01:03:40,584
When I joined you at the seat,
688
01:03:40,608 --> 01:03:42,777
you looked at me with
those big green eyes,
689
01:03:43,694 --> 01:03:45,696
and I could tell that you'd been crying.
690
01:03:49,158 --> 01:03:50,719
And I said...
691
01:03:50,743 --> 01:03:51,869
I, I...
692
01:03:57,208 --> 01:03:59,019
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is the last stop.
693
01:03:59,043 --> 01:04:00,378
Please exit the bus.
694
01:04:17,270 --> 01:04:19,021
Yeah. Yeah, I'm, I'm fine.
695
01:04:24,735 --> 01:04:25,735
Where you headed?
696
01:04:36,789 --> 01:04:37,832
Don't you speak?
697
01:04:54,891 --> 01:04:55,891
I, uh...
698
01:04:57,310 --> 01:05:01,480
I don't, I don't know.
699
01:05:04,442 --> 01:05:06,944
I don't think I've ever known.
700
01:05:24,295 --> 01:05:26,231
Okay.
701
01:05:26,255 --> 01:05:29,091
Yeah, yeah. I'll, I'll play along.
702
01:05:31,719 --> 01:05:32,719
Who's there?
703
01:05:51,238 --> 01:05:52,323
Mustache who?
704
01:06:25,982 --> 01:06:28,961
Oh, it's, uh...
705
01:06:28,985 --> 01:06:31,946
It's been a long time since I, uh...
706
01:06:39,745 --> 01:06:40,745
Thank you.
707
01:06:56,721 --> 01:06:57,721
Yeah.
708
01:07:04,103 --> 01:07:06,581
Before I knew it, you snatched my hand,
709
01:07:06,605 --> 01:07:10,317
and led me on a dash through
downtown and into a diner.
710
01:07:16,657 --> 01:07:18,593
We sat at the booth at the five and dime
711
01:07:18,617 --> 01:07:21,037
and talked like old friends.
712
01:07:24,248 --> 01:07:26,167
We laughed as easily as we lamented.
713
01:07:28,294 --> 01:07:31,297
And you confessed over coffee
that you were engaged to a man
714
01:07:32,590 --> 01:07:33,590
you didn't love.
715
01:07:36,969 --> 01:07:39,638
A banker from some line of nobility.
716
01:07:41,515 --> 01:07:45,120
Either way, his parents
were throwing a soiree
717
01:07:45,144 --> 01:07:46,872
to ring in the new year.
718
01:07:46,896 --> 01:07:48,064
Hence the dress.
719
01:07:50,775 --> 01:07:52,669
For my part, I shared more of myself
720
01:07:52,693 --> 01:07:55,362
than I could have ever
imagined possible at that time.
721
01:07:58,991 --> 01:08:01,803
Didn't mention Vietnam, but I
got a sense that you could see
722
01:08:01,827 --> 01:08:03,913
there was a war waging inside me.
723
01:08:06,749 --> 01:08:07,749
Still...
724
01:08:09,794 --> 01:08:11,337
Your eyes offered no pity.
725
01:08:15,883 --> 01:08:17,093
And I loved you for it.
726
01:08:27,019 --> 01:08:27,955
Last many, many years
727
01:08:27,979 --> 01:08:29,748
that people gathered here on New Years.
728
01:08:29,772 --> 01:08:33,192
The only year that ever had
that small a crowd was 1917.
729
01:08:34,777 --> 01:08:36,737
Hell of a way to chime it in, huh?
730
01:08:40,658 --> 01:08:42,344
You remind me of someone.
731
01:08:42,368 --> 01:08:45,305
And in a few
moments, we'll be turning over
732
01:08:45,329 --> 01:08:46,372
to look at...
733
01:08:55,673 --> 01:08:57,150
She speaks?
734
01:08:57,174 --> 01:08:59,653
That will signify New Years
735
01:08:59,677 --> 01:09:01,071
to an awful lot of people
736
01:09:01,095 --> 01:09:06,100
all over the United States and Canada.
737
01:09:06,892 --> 01:09:08,829
We're just
getting ready to close up.
738
01:09:08,853 --> 01:09:11,915
Can I get you guys anything? Dessert?
739
01:09:11,939 --> 01:09:12,940
- Apple pie.
- Pie.
740
01:09:13,858 --> 01:09:16,962
A moment ago, I
was planning to end my life.
741
01:09:16,986 --> 01:09:19,238
In an instant, everything had changed.
742
01:09:21,157 --> 01:09:23,075
Now I suddenly wanted pie?
743
01:09:23,951 --> 01:09:26,287
What was happening to me? Who were you?
744
01:09:27,580 --> 01:09:30,725
Why are they
there? Very good question!
745
01:09:30,749 --> 01:09:32,793
Could you excuse me for just a moment?
746
01:09:34,837 --> 01:09:37,941
Very unusual
and a very strange way
747
01:09:37,965 --> 01:09:39,818
to celebrate New Years.
748
01:09:39,842 --> 01:09:43,363
Moments from now, this giant
crowd here in Times Square-
749
01:09:43,387 --> 01:09:44,387
Hey!
750
01:09:47,474 --> 01:09:48,474
Judy.
751
01:09:56,400 --> 01:09:57,400
My name is Judy.
752
01:10:01,405 --> 01:10:02,405
Judy.
753
01:10:38,609 --> 01:10:40,712
I remember consulting
myself in the mirror,
754
01:10:40,736 --> 01:10:42,964
wondering if I should kiss you.
755
01:10:42,988 --> 01:10:44,949
It was New Years in minutes, after all.
756
01:10:46,617 --> 01:10:47,952
No, I couldn't do that.
757
01:10:48,994 --> 01:10:49,994
Could I?
758
01:10:53,415 --> 01:10:54,476
If I should tell you what I'd done
759
01:10:54,500 --> 01:10:57,002
from the tunnels of that
village a year before...
760
01:10:58,420 --> 01:11:00,398
If I should return to the .44 caliber
761
01:11:00,422 --> 01:11:02,216
that was tucked in my waistband...
762
01:11:06,011 --> 01:11:07,554
I decided, ultimately,
763
01:11:10,015 --> 01:11:12,077
that I was unworthy of the resuscitation
764
01:11:12,101 --> 01:11:14,478
this stranger in a ball gown had given me,
765
01:11:16,355 --> 01:11:18,917
and to turn my back on
such sweet serendipity
766
01:11:18,941 --> 01:11:20,442
would be the real disgrace.
767
01:11:24,280 --> 01:11:27,050
On my way back to the booth,
my heart thumped in my chest
768
01:11:27,074 --> 01:11:28,784
like an angry judge's gavel.
769
01:11:30,035 --> 01:11:31,035
And a future,
770
01:11:32,037 --> 01:11:33,037
our future,
771
01:11:34,248 --> 01:11:35,416
flicked in my mind.
772
01:11:44,883 --> 01:11:45,695
When I reached the booth,
773
01:11:45,719 --> 01:11:47,428
I had no idea what I was going to find.
774
01:11:50,347 --> 01:11:51,347
You were gone.
775
01:11:56,020 --> 01:11:58,147
As strangely as our union had begun,
776
01:11:59,773 --> 01:12:01,066
so too had it ended.
777
01:12:05,195 --> 01:12:06,322
I was devastated.
778
01:12:07,573 --> 01:12:08,573
But somehow,
779
01:12:12,369 --> 01:12:13,369
I knew.
780
01:12:14,371 --> 01:12:17,541
I went back to that diner
every day, for a year.
781
01:12:19,126 --> 01:12:24,048
I think it's a parking lot
now, but I never saw you again.
782
01:12:27,926 --> 01:12:29,678
Are you good, doll?
783
01:12:34,224 --> 01:12:37,245
Can I get you anything else?
784
01:12:37,269 --> 01:12:38,371
From Time Square,
785
01:12:38,395 --> 01:12:41,499
a roar like you've never heard before.
786
01:12:41,523 --> 01:12:43,752
Here we go with the countdown.
787
01:12:43,776 --> 01:12:44,669
Five.
788
01:12:44,693 --> 01:12:45,503
Four.
789
01:12:45,527 --> 01:12:46,339
Three.
790
01:12:46,363 --> 01:12:48,006
Two.
791
01:12:48,030 --> 01:12:51,700
One and happy, happy,
happy, happy, happy...
792
01:12:55,329 --> 01:12:59,893
I am an old man
now, and all I know of you
793
01:12:59,917 --> 01:13:02,378
is your name and that you
lived in this city once
794
01:13:03,879 --> 01:13:06,715
and even by some miracle,
if I happened upon you,
795
01:13:08,050 --> 01:13:09,885
I'm not sure I would recognize you.
796
01:13:12,429 --> 01:13:13,806
Time is cruel that way.
797
01:13:15,766 --> 01:13:18,894
In these intervening 42
years, I've lived a good life.
798
01:13:19,728 --> 01:13:21,498
I've loved a good woman.
799
01:13:21,522 --> 01:13:23,541
I've raised a good man.
800
01:13:23,565 --> 01:13:25,543
I have hard days, too.
801
01:13:25,567 --> 01:13:27,212
My wife passed away four years ago,
802
01:13:27,236 --> 01:13:28,654
and my son, the year before.
803
01:13:32,408 --> 01:13:34,660
I can still smell the smoke over Vietnam.
804
01:13:35,661 --> 01:13:37,996
But then I think of you.
805
01:13:40,457 --> 01:13:42,418
I never really stopped thinking of you.
806
01:13:48,507 --> 01:13:50,717
So, wherever you've
been, wherever you are,
807
01:13:51,927 --> 01:13:53,220
and wherever you're going,
808
01:13:54,430 --> 01:13:55,907
know this.
809
01:13:55,931 --> 01:13:57,349
You're always with me.
810
01:14:02,104 --> 01:14:05,524
But as I cast this coin into
the wishing well of the cosmos,
811
01:14:07,317 --> 01:14:08,444
it occurs to me,
812
01:14:09,903 --> 01:14:13,157
after a million what-ifs in
a lifetime of lost sleep,
813
01:14:15,534 --> 01:14:16,702
that our connection
814
01:14:19,079 --> 01:14:20,289
wasn't missed at all.
815
01:14:41,768 --> 01:14:45,606
I met you on that night, back in 1972.
55830
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