1 00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:24,875 I was only in my 20s, 2 00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:26,776 the first time I saw a dead body. 3 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,613 You never forget that, really. 4 00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:34,010 Until the moment of your last breath, 5 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,952 it sticks with you until the very end. 6 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,204 It did, for me. 7 00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:41,392 For generations, US children have played 8 00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:44,103 with little plastic green army men. 9 00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:45,295 I did. 10 00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:48,482 Along with other war toys, they contribute 11 00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:51,360 to the socialization of some young boys 12 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:55,096 into the idea that war is an exciting and heroic adventure. 13 00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:02,479 I know now that has never been more wrong. 14 00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:17,326 Oh! 15 00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:21,163 Yeah. 16 00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:32,359 So, I go to this girl's party, 17 00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:34,487 and it's about a week after she just beats 18 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,554 the living shit outta my friend, right? 19 00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:38,532 And I do a little recon. 20 00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:41,601 While everyone's getting trashed, I find this back window. 21 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:47,208 "Mission Impossible" myself in there. 22 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,067 And I did my thing. 23 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:52,589 Dude. 24 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:53,714 Shut up. 25 00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:55,549 Stop. I'm, I'm, I'm serious, man! 26 00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:56,926 I'm telling you! 27 00:01:56,950 --> 00:02:01,955 I went around and I put tuna in every single curtain rod. 28 00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:03,933 For weeks, they're trying to figure out why this place 29 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,060 smells like festering death, right? 30 00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:08,920 I mean, just, just god awful rotten. 31 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:13,526 She starts going to the pussy doctor. 32 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,194 Yeah! 33 00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:17,488 She thinks she's festerin' up the place. 34 00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:19,031 A little fire in the hole. 35 00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:21,617 Boom! 36 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,017 Dude, you are sick. 37 00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:25,287 You know that, right? 38 00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:26,311 Sick who? 39 00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:29,875 They wronged me. That's just the way it goes, man. 40 00:02:29,899 --> 00:02:31,669 Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke. 41 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,653 How did you talk me into this? 42 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:35,798 Beats the hell outta me. 43 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,824 Fucking hot as shit! 44 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:40,803 Come on, you piece of shit. 45 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:41,827 Shit. 46 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:45,641 Come on! 47 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,893 You're glad you came! 48 00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:48,917 Yeah. No. 49 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,398 Oh, well, you weren't complaining too much, 50 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:55,466 when you were in line for the El Buffet, last night. 51 00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,071 Yee-hah! 52 00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:00,948 Get it, baby! 53 00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:02,241 Yeah! 54 00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:05,035 Oh! 55 00:03:05,059 --> 00:03:06,102 Dude, that was you. 56 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,583 Are you sure? 57 00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:11,607 Yes. 58 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:15,694 Huh. 59 00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,091 No, but in all seriousness, 60 00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:22,303 it was good to see you smile for once, man. 61 00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:23,536 You worry too damn much. 62 00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:27,100 I can't help it. 63 00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:28,642 Hah-hah! 64 00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:30,895 Yes, we can. 65 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:32,104 Yeah, I'm sure. 66 00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:37,133 Especially if you got a nice 11-inch cock. 67 00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:39,028 - Dude. - Oh, I'm serious, man. 68 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,970 - Uh-huh. - I'm serious. 69 00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:44,491 Dude, what are you fucking doing, man? 70 00:03:44,515 --> 00:03:46,952 Truck needs a little car wash, baby! 71 00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:48,787 Man, come on! Dude, come on! 72 00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:50,372 Woo! 73 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:52,082 I told you, not in the truck! 74 00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:54,001 Little car wash for daddy! 75 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,920 Oh! 76 00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:57,379 Woo! 77 00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:58,923 Come on, man! 78 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:01,467 You get an anxiety attack if we leave the zip code. 79 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:04,011 I mean, that's not normal behavior. No fucking way! 80 00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:06,889 Yeah! 81 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,373 "Normal". Right! 82 00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:13,418 You're welcome. 83 00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:17,006 Dude, we were in Mexico. 84 00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:19,383 Precisely. 85 00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:26,599 It was kinda nice. 86 00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,287 Boom! 87 00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:31,538 This is what I'm talkin' about! 88 00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:33,165 That's what I'm talking about, man! 89 00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:34,500 Come on! Loosen up! 90 00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:36,377 Life's too short. 91 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,461 Relax. 92 00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:38,462 Just relax. 93 00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:39,486 Yeah. 94 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:41,363 I can do that. 95 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:43,968 Boo! 96 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,344 Dude, what? 97 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,513 Come on, man. Who do you think you're talkin' to? 98 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,390 I can totally relax! 99 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:50,414 All right. 100 00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:53,185 Tell me a joke. Go ahead. 101 00:04:53,209 --> 00:04:54,377 Come on. Make me laugh. 102 00:04:58,172 --> 00:05:00,609 R-E-L-A- 103 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:03,404 Dude, what the fuck, man? I'm fucking driving! 104 00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:05,030 - You trying to get us killed? - Oh, my god. 105 00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:07,366 Where did you get your license? 106 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,742 Oh, man. Wake me up when we get there. 107 00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:11,102 You drive slower than my grandmother. 108 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:15,291 Dude, I'm about to kick your greasy ass out of this car 109 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,626 and make you walk, how's that for relaxed? 110 00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:20,611 Well, why don't you drop me off at your mom's on the way? 111 00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:24,883 You wish. 112 00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:25,907 Mm. 113 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:27,743 That I do. 114 00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:31,538 That I do. 115 00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:50,743 Any more cold ones? 116 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:52,619 That's doubtful. 117 00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:54,288 But I can check. 118 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:58,292 Among men too on issues like the war itself. 119 00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:00,044 Hold on. 120 00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,402 Can't reach 'em. 121 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:04,506 Did you leave 'em? 122 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:06,008 Huh? I, I don't think so. 123 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:08,201 And volunteer in your regular army. 124 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,974 I did volunteer to come into the service. 125 00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:14,809 Tell me this, Jobs. 126 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,770 We've lost something over 40,000 men now. 127 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,646 40,000 American lives. 128 00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:21,255 As far you're concerned, it's worth it? 129 00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:27,738 You fuckin' drank 'em, didn't you? 130 00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:28,930 Watch out! 131 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:41,126 Dude! What the fuck? 132 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,944 What did we hit? What, what? 133 00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:46,781 I'm fuckin' with you, man! 134 00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:50,844 Come on, come on! 135 00:06:50,868 --> 00:06:52,262 Come on! 136 00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:53,722 Come on. 137 00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:54,746 Come on. 138 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,875 You got it. You got it. 139 00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,437 You got it. Come on. 140 00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:01,461 Shit! 141 00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:06,426 You tried that about a hundred times, dude. 142 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,370 Dude, it's getting cold. You got a sweater? 143 00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:17,394 Yeah, in the bag. 144 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,908 Speedy, what is this? 145 00:07:35,913 --> 00:07:38,207 That is pot. 146 00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:43,522 Okay, Speedy, I need you to tell me, 147 00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:46,942 I need you to explain to me 148 00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:51,429 that we didn't go all the way to Mexico for you to buy pot. 149 00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:57,536 We went all the way to Mexico to buy pot. 150 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,371 Fuck! 151 00:07:58,395 --> 00:07:59,872 What? 152 00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:02,791 Speedy, I need you to roll down the window 153 00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:06,444 and throw that shit out of this car, right now. 154 00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:21,875 - Shit. - Shit. 155 00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:29,651 - I'm stuck, man! - Well, figure it out! 156 00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:31,236 Yeah, I'm trying! 157 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:32,970 Okay! Okay. 158 00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:40,287 Dude, fuck! - Okay, uh... 159 00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:41,206 That's good. I got it. 160 00:08:41,230 --> 00:08:42,372 Okay! Just, just... 161 00:08:42,396 --> 00:08:43,540 You got it? - I got it. 162 00:08:43,564 --> 00:08:44,564 Flask. 163 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,285 Hello, Officer. 164 00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,932 How can I help you? 165 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,916 What you boys doing out here? 166 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:08,065 Uh, well, we were on a trip and our car broke down. 167 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,550 We were just trying to get back home. That's all. 168 00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:19,433 You all right there? 169 00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:34,258 I'm gonna need you to step out of the vehicle, sir. 170 00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:35,282 Officer... 171 00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:38,845 Like I said, we're just trying to get home. 172 00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:40,639 I need to inspect this vehicle, right now. 173 00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:43,016 So, I need the two of you to get outside. 174 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,434 Put your hands on the hood. 175 00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:45,978 This isn't fucking happening. 176 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,712 Put your hands on the hood. 177 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,357 We're just... 178 00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:51,942 That's you too, passenger. 179 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:53,968 Officer, uh... 180 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,738 I'm not askin'! 181 00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:58,824 Step out of the vehicle! 182 00:09:58,848 --> 00:09:59,848 Let's go! 183 00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:02,411 Get outta the vehicle! 184 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,894 No! 185 00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:13,250 I'm saddened to see such potential as yourself 186 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:16,086 drift into a darker place. 187 00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,588 You've clearly forgotten what is right, young man, 188 00:12:18,612 --> 00:12:21,532 and I hope this may set you in that path. 189 00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:26,012 Your actions were a disgrace. 190 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,036 That is true. 191 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,600 You have a visitor. 192 00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:33,437 However, with your clean record 193 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:37,441 and no prior history, I am giving you a choice. 194 00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:42,470 To go to prison, or to serve in the Vietnam War. 195 00:12:44,388 --> 00:12:46,074 These proceedings can continue, 196 00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:47,641 when you've made that decision. 197 00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,867 You have a visitor. 198 00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:12,309 My name is Jonathan Teller, 199 00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:13,709 and I am a haunted man. 200 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:19,799 I guess this is a good place to start as any. 201 00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:23,093 If I go back any further, you'd despise me. 202 00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,847 But don't give up on me just yet. 203 00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:58,796 Hi, Jonathan. 204 00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:07,972 Look at me. 205 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:14,412 Jonathan, look at me. 206 00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:15,855 Jonathan, look at me, please. 207 00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:18,792 And after everything that you put me- 208 00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:19,976 What do you want me to say? 209 00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:26,198 Jesus Christ, Jonathan. 210 00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:35,267 Did you really think that I wouldn't find out? 211 00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:36,102 That what? 212 00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:37,519 That I was just gonna come here one day, 213 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:40,063 and not notice that you weren't here? 214 00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:42,732 And that you went off to fight some stupid, unimaginable, 215 00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:44,359 not to mention unwinnable war, 216 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:46,594 clear across the other side of the world, right? 217 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,139 Is it true? 218 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:56,978 It was that, 219 00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:01,150 or rot in here for the rest of my life. 220 00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:08,866 What do you want me to do? 221 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,330 Hey. 222 00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:20,501 I'm here. 223 00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:23,504 I always will be. 224 00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:28,069 Always thinking of yourself. 225 00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:29,595 Hands off the glass! 226 00:15:35,809 --> 00:15:38,395 I just want you to know, you know... 227 00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:47,153 Sorry. 228 00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:07,299 It's hard to describe how I felt in those days. 229 00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:11,387 It was as if I'd walked through a minefield blindfolded. 230 00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:14,866 Somehow ending up a hole, 231 00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:16,642 in the middle of a concrete jungle. 232 00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,454 Completely unaware that I was crawling 233 00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:20,980 further away from myself. 234 00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:24,751 Yeah, we got a lot of vets here, of course, you know. 235 00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,170 Uh, you're one of our first Vietnam. 236 00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:29,381 Now, you gotta be a little careful in the neighborhood. 237 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:31,883 It's not bad, but it's not good. 238 00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:34,761 But I'm sure you know how to look after yourself. 239 00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:36,763 You know, just keep your eyes open. 240 00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:38,706 But I think you're gonna like it here. 241 00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:43,626 Well... 242 00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:45,336 This is you. 243 00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:56,199 What are my odds? 244 00:16:56,223 --> 00:16:57,224 Excuse me? 245 00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:00,519 Of getting murdered in here. 246 00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:02,855 You hear me, motherfucker? 247 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,149 Suck my... 248 00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:17,387 Oh, right. Well... 249 00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:21,165 The walls are thin, so try and keep it down. 250 00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:25,835 Thank you. 251 00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:27,670 Good day. 252 00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:59,262 I had lost my way. 253 00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:03,373 But soon, I would find it in the most unusual of places. 254 00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,001 I just didn't know it yet. 255 00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:16,654 ♪ In the quiet of morning ♪ 256 00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:21,659 ♪ When the world is still asleep ♪ 257 00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:26,247 ♪ No, no, no, no, no, no ♪ 258 00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:30,585 ♪ I'm sitting here all alone ♪ 259 00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:35,614 ♪ With the thoughts you keep ♪ 260 00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:43,765 ♪ Think about the road I traveled ♪ 261 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:47,793 ♪ All the miles that I've gave ♪ 262 00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:40,137 Attention, all shoppers. 263 00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:50,456 What do you think you're doing? 264 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,083 Huh? 265 00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:54,794 Canned goods and bread and flour 266 00:19:54,818 --> 00:19:57,279 don't get stocked next to cereal! 267 00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:04,721 I can't have this liability. 268 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,622 Don't make me ask you twice. 269 00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:12,794 Do you understand? 270 00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:16,380 Yes, sir. 271 00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,300 Despite the facade of normalcy 272 00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:45,887 that I tried to maintain, I had the strangest feeling 273 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,223 that something was closing in on me. 274 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,247 Something 275 00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:51,667 that came home with me. 276 00:21:52,644 --> 00:21:53,644 I'm okay! 277 00:21:54,438 --> 00:21:56,064 All right, we've been hit! 278 00:21:57,899 --> 00:21:58,960 Oh, god! 279 00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:01,838 Charlie 3125, we are under fire! 280 00:22:01,862 --> 00:22:04,507 We are going down! - I'm losing my controls! 281 00:22:04,531 --> 00:22:05,717 Come on! 282 00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:07,010 Come on! - We're going down! 283 00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:08,034 We're going down! 284 00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:15,583 No! 285 00:22:37,272 --> 00:22:39,524 As the days faded into the next, 286 00:22:41,735 --> 00:22:42,736 I felt trapped. 287 00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:44,862 Like a prisoner, 288 00:22:45,906 --> 00:22:48,075 caged by the bars of their own mind. 289 00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:52,120 You have a visitor. 290 00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:15,310 Look after yourself. 291 00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:19,106 I think you're gonna like it here. 292 00:23:26,863 --> 00:23:28,383 I feared my wall of sanity 293 00:23:28,407 --> 00:23:30,301 was beginning to fall. 294 00:23:30,325 --> 00:23:33,054 And just when I thought the dust settled, 295 00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:35,580 and the echoes of screaming gunfire faded, 296 00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:40,186 my true nightmare was only beginning. 297 00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:41,210 Relax. 298 00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:44,005 Why are you doing this to me? 299 00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:49,070 Relax, man. 300 00:23:49,094 --> 00:23:50,094 No! 301 00:23:56,351 --> 00:24:00,206 A year had passed. 302 00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:01,731 And although I was free, 303 00:24:03,817 --> 00:24:06,254 the blinders that were permanently latched to my eyes 304 00:24:06,278 --> 00:24:08,697 kept me buried within those walls. 305 00:25:22,312 --> 00:25:24,582 Clean up on aisle four. 306 00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:26,292 Large spill. 307 00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:27,793 That's aisle four. 308 00:25:27,817 --> 00:25:29,236 Clean up. 309 00:25:30,695 --> 00:25:33,716 Don't make me ask you twice, people, or it's your ass. 310 00:25:33,740 --> 00:25:35,742 Come on now. Chop, chop. 311 00:27:13,214 --> 00:27:14,442 That's when I found myself 312 00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:16,593 in the last place I ever expected. 313 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:19,721 But looking back, 314 00:27:20,805 --> 00:27:24,643 the one place I needed to be the most. 315 00:27:28,146 --> 00:27:29,146 Hi. 316 00:27:30,398 --> 00:27:34,361 I'm Jonathan and I'm a Vietnam veteran. 317 00:27:36,029 --> 00:27:37,632 Hey. 318 00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:39,407 - Welcome Jon. - Welcome, brother. 319 00:27:40,533 --> 00:27:43,161 Welcome, Jonathan. Welcome to the family, brother. 320 00:27:44,829 --> 00:27:45,829 All right. 321 00:27:49,709 --> 00:27:51,836 Anyone wanna start us off today with a share? 322 00:27:53,713 --> 00:27:54,940 - Not me. - Uh... 323 00:27:54,964 --> 00:27:57,717 I'll go. 324 00:27:58,635 --> 00:28:01,280 Hey, guys. Happy to, happy to be here. 325 00:28:01,304 --> 00:28:03,098 You know me. No stranger here. 326 00:28:05,266 --> 00:28:08,204 I just wanted to say it's been a while since my last 327 00:28:08,228 --> 00:28:09,854 quote-unquote outburst. 328 00:28:11,898 --> 00:28:14,651 Pretty proud of myself. I feel like I'm making strides. 329 00:28:16,528 --> 00:28:19,632 Went on a camping trip with some veteran buddies, recently. 330 00:28:19,656 --> 00:28:23,451 It felt like it's what I needed to unwind, to get away. 331 00:28:28,915 --> 00:28:32,794 And that evening, I came home and the closet was empty, 332 00:28:33,628 --> 00:28:34,939 the car was gone, 333 00:28:34,963 --> 00:28:37,507 and I haven't seen my wife and kid in a year and a half. 334 00:28:40,385 --> 00:28:42,697 You've come to the right place. 335 00:28:42,721 --> 00:28:44,639 Keep coming back. 336 00:28:47,392 --> 00:28:49,161 Keep coming back! 337 00:28:49,185 --> 00:28:50,562 Keep coming back. 338 00:28:52,063 --> 00:28:53,481 Keep coming back. 339 00:28:54,357 --> 00:28:56,419 Now, Tommy... 340 00:28:56,443 --> 00:28:59,612 34 suicide attempts... 341 00:29:10,957 --> 00:29:11,957 Tommy. 342 00:29:15,462 --> 00:29:19,483 34 suicide attempts is considered a red alert. 343 00:29:19,507 --> 00:29:20,507 Okay? 344 00:29:23,428 --> 00:29:25,513 Yeah, 'cause he ain't doing it right. 345 00:29:28,016 --> 00:29:29,910 - Mr. Abbot. - God damn it, Abbot! 346 00:29:29,934 --> 00:29:30,746 If you don't shut the fuck up, 347 00:29:30,770 --> 00:29:33,205 I'm gonna break my foot off in your god damn ass, boy! 348 00:29:33,229 --> 00:29:36,000 I'm telling you, every god damn week, you come in with- 349 00:29:36,024 --> 00:29:36,835 Gentlemen. 350 00:29:36,859 --> 00:29:38,377 - Get the fuck outta here. - I expect more from you. 351 00:29:38,401 --> 00:29:39,254 - Mr. Abbot! - Come on, bitch! 352 00:29:39,278 --> 00:29:41,630 Come on, Sanders! Bring it on! 353 00:29:41,654 --> 00:29:44,842 - Mr. Abbot! - You wanna go, motherfucker? 354 00:29:44,866 --> 00:29:47,470 Gentlemen, enough. 355 00:29:47,494 --> 00:29:48,971 Please. Jim? 356 00:29:48,995 --> 00:29:50,765 Please ignore him. You know he likes to get people- 357 00:29:50,789 --> 00:29:53,768 What you gonna do, Sanders? 358 00:29:53,792 --> 00:29:56,228 Talking shit, motherfucker! 359 00:29:56,252 --> 00:29:57,438 Come on! 360 00:29:57,462 --> 00:29:58,647 Stop it! 361 00:29:58,671 --> 00:30:01,358 Mr. Abbot, you are causing a ruckus here. 362 00:30:01,382 --> 00:30:02,926 Who are you calling boy, boy? 363 00:30:04,344 --> 00:30:06,763 Who are you calling boy, boy? 364 00:30:08,181 --> 00:30:09,575 Gentlemen, I... 365 00:30:09,599 --> 00:30:11,076 Just sit down! 366 00:30:11,100 --> 00:30:11,953 Sit down. Gentlemen. 367 00:30:11,977 --> 00:30:13,478 - Shut up, bitch! - Jim! 368 00:30:14,604 --> 00:30:15,604 Jim! 369 00:30:26,908 --> 00:30:29,244 It wasn't long before I went back, 370 00:30:30,995 --> 00:30:33,432 but the unspeakable horrors we witnessed 371 00:30:33,456 --> 00:30:35,124 offered its own kind of trauma. 372 00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:39,337 I saw it on their faces, every time. 373 00:30:46,302 --> 00:30:50,890 Clean up. Come on now, chop chop. 374 00:30:57,105 --> 00:30:58,290 The war claimed the lives 375 00:30:58,314 --> 00:31:00,441 of more than 58,000 of us. 376 00:31:03,736 --> 00:31:05,321 For the ones that came back, 377 00:31:07,198 --> 00:31:09,284 there were no welcome home parades, 378 00:31:10,618 --> 00:31:12,829 no nurses to kiss upon return. 379 00:31:14,998 --> 00:31:16,374 We were not heroes. 380 00:31:18,126 --> 00:31:19,878 And we were discarded for it. 381 00:31:23,089 --> 00:31:24,465 No matter how hard we tried, 382 00:31:25,508 --> 00:31:28,803 we could never escape what we did over there. 383 00:31:29,637 --> 00:31:30,847 That was our curse. 384 00:33:33,761 --> 00:33:36,323 On the morning of that day, I found myself drifting 385 00:33:36,347 --> 00:33:39,284 somewhere between the depths of my purgatory, 386 00:33:39,308 --> 00:33:41,477 and what I imagined hell would look like. 387 00:33:43,813 --> 00:33:47,584 I dreamed of ending it all, for an accident. 388 00:33:47,608 --> 00:33:48,776 A head-on collision. 389 00:33:49,986 --> 00:33:52,006 To make friends with a bullet in a chamber. 390 00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:54,198 God, how I would thank the maker. 391 00:33:55,116 --> 00:33:56,784 It was only a matter of time now. 392 00:35:10,024 --> 00:35:11,877 I ran to the only place I could. 393 00:35:11,901 --> 00:35:14,254 September 7th, 1970. 394 00:35:14,278 --> 00:35:16,048 That anger and give it- 395 00:35:16,072 --> 00:35:17,883 A date I will never forget. 396 00:35:17,907 --> 00:35:19,510 Let him carry your burden! 397 00:35:19,534 --> 00:35:21,011 The night of my last meeting. 398 00:35:21,035 --> 00:35:22,596 You must be outta your god damn mind. You think I'm... 399 00:35:22,620 --> 00:35:24,181 Fuck you! - Fuck you! 400 00:35:24,205 --> 00:35:25,016 Fuck you! 401 00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:26,350 You think I'm touching some kinda faggot? 402 00:35:26,374 --> 00:35:27,310 Oh, all right. Oh. 403 00:35:27,334 --> 00:35:29,436 They made me kill babies, but I ain't doing that. 404 00:35:29,460 --> 00:35:30,854 They fuckin' made me! They made me! 405 00:35:30,878 --> 00:35:32,981 Christ sake, if you don't like it, then get the fuck out! 406 00:35:33,005 --> 00:35:34,608 Go fuck your mother, you philistine! 407 00:35:34,632 --> 00:35:36,693 La, la, la, la, language! 408 00:35:36,717 --> 00:35:38,886 All right! All right, all right, let's... 409 00:35:40,888 --> 00:35:42,407 Let's recenter. 410 00:35:42,431 --> 00:35:43,408 Recenter. 411 00:35:43,432 --> 00:35:44,910 Gentlemen. 412 00:35:44,934 --> 00:35:46,787 Gentlemen, calm. 413 00:35:46,811 --> 00:35:47,811 Calm. 414 00:35:48,855 --> 00:35:50,398 Let him take your burden. 415 00:35:51,357 --> 00:35:53,043 Let him take your burden. 416 00:35:53,067 --> 00:35:57,548 Look into your brother's eyes. Let him feel your pain. 417 00:35:57,572 --> 00:36:00,217 He knows your pain. Let it out, gentlemen. 418 00:36:00,241 --> 00:36:03,161 Let him take your burden from you. 419 00:36:06,539 --> 00:36:08,058 Embrace your brothers. 420 00:36:08,082 --> 00:36:10,811 Let go of that pain. 421 00:36:10,835 --> 00:36:12,128 Let go of that pain. 422 00:36:15,089 --> 00:36:16,984 Let him take your burden. 423 00:36:17,008 --> 00:36:18,759 Let him hold it away. 424 00:36:19,927 --> 00:36:21,822 Let, oh! 425 00:36:21,846 --> 00:36:22,948 Good. 426 00:36:22,972 --> 00:36:24,199 Good. Gentle! 427 00:36:24,223 --> 00:36:26,910 Gentle now. Gentle now. 428 00:36:26,934 --> 00:36:28,769 Let it out. Let it out. 429 00:36:30,021 --> 00:36:33,000 Is this what you imagined hell would be like? 430 00:36:33,024 --> 00:36:35,711 Okay, let go. 431 00:36:35,735 --> 00:36:38,529 I've already been there, brother. 432 00:36:41,574 --> 00:36:44,452 And breathe. 433 00:36:45,995 --> 00:36:47,306 You know, you smell like somethin' 434 00:36:47,330 --> 00:36:48,748 rottin' around you, brother. 435 00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:52,477 And when you've been a tunnel rat for as long as I have, 436 00:36:52,501 --> 00:36:56,297 livin' in the dark, you tend to trust your other senses. 437 00:36:57,715 --> 00:36:59,443 What're you talking about? 438 00:36:59,467 --> 00:37:02,029 I'm sayin' that you got a passenger 439 00:37:02,053 --> 00:37:03,429 on your shoulders, brother. 440 00:37:04,305 --> 00:37:05,241 Death! 441 00:37:05,265 --> 00:37:06,575 - Fuck off! - You reek of it! 442 00:37:06,599 --> 00:37:09,328 Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh! 443 00:37:09,352 --> 00:37:10,871 It's okay. It's okay. 444 00:37:10,895 --> 00:37:12,372 Shh. - Just let it go. 445 00:37:12,396 --> 00:37:14,583 - Shh. - Let him take that- 446 00:37:14,607 --> 00:37:16,108 What did you do? 447 00:37:17,777 --> 00:37:20,154 Come on, did you touch the devil or did he touch you? 448 00:37:21,822 --> 00:37:24,426 How the fuck would you know what I did? 449 00:37:24,450 --> 00:37:28,555 Oh, brother, you went down the mouth of madness, 450 00:37:28,579 --> 00:37:31,475 and now you're looking for penance, aren't you? 451 00:37:31,499 --> 00:37:33,310 You're wrong. 452 00:37:33,334 --> 00:37:34,335 Oh, am I? 453 00:37:37,505 --> 00:37:40,275 Yeah. 454 00:37:40,299 --> 00:37:41,425 Sure I am. 455 00:37:44,595 --> 00:37:47,014 I don't wanna see your face here ever again. 456 00:37:48,307 --> 00:37:49,517 You hear me? 457 00:37:52,770 --> 00:37:54,498 What're you talking about? 458 00:37:54,522 --> 00:37:58,752 I'm sayin' that these are my people. 459 00:37:58,776 --> 00:37:59,944 My camp. 460 00:38:00,820 --> 00:38:02,130 Mine. 461 00:38:02,154 --> 00:38:04,424 You go find your own. You understand? 462 00:38:04,448 --> 00:38:06,927 - Man, you're fuckin' crazy. - Yeah. 463 00:38:06,951 --> 00:38:09,287 According to my last psych evaluation, yes. 464 00:38:12,581 --> 00:38:15,602 Did you know that there are several ways to make napalm? 465 00:38:15,626 --> 00:38:18,981 All you need is a little OJ and gasoline. 466 00:38:19,005 --> 00:38:21,316 Can you just stop? Just fuckin' stop. 467 00:38:21,340 --> 00:38:22,340 Listen to me. 468 00:38:23,384 --> 00:38:24,468 This is my group. 469 00:38:25,303 --> 00:38:26,804 I have nowhere else to go. 470 00:38:29,515 --> 00:38:32,643 Well, then you better understand somethin', brother. 471 00:38:38,983 --> 00:38:41,485 The ghosts of the people we kill 472 00:38:43,029 --> 00:38:46,991 will haunt us for the rest of our lives. 473 00:38:49,452 --> 00:38:52,788 Believe me. I know. 474 00:38:58,127 --> 00:38:59,378 I know. I know. 475 00:39:00,838 --> 00:39:01,922 I know. Yeah. 476 00:39:02,923 --> 00:39:04,067 What do I do? 477 00:39:04,091 --> 00:39:06,028 Take him as an example of courage. 478 00:39:06,052 --> 00:39:08,488 Oh, brother, this is all one big bucket of piss 479 00:39:08,512 --> 00:39:10,431 that we're drownin' in. 480 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:13,934 Do yourself a favor. 481 00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:18,206 Make it quick. 482 00:39:18,230 --> 00:39:19,230 That's what you do. 483 00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:22,400 That's it. 484 00:39:23,194 --> 00:39:24,755 No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 485 00:39:24,779 --> 00:39:26,590 Make it quick, baby. Yeah, make it quick. 486 00:39:26,614 --> 00:39:28,967 - No. - No, yeah. 487 00:39:28,991 --> 00:39:30,135 Make it quick, you gotta make it- 488 00:39:30,159 --> 00:39:31,053 No! No! 489 00:39:31,077 --> 00:39:31,888 We ain't never getting right 490 00:39:31,912 --> 00:39:33,013 with the wrongs we done, brother! 491 00:39:33,037 --> 00:39:34,973 We ain't never getting right for nothin'! 492 00:39:34,997 --> 00:39:37,100 You hear me? Nothin'! 493 00:39:37,124 --> 00:39:38,185 Oh, oh, oh! 494 00:39:38,209 --> 00:39:40,937 I control my life and what I do! 495 00:39:40,961 --> 00:39:41,961 I do! I do! 496 00:39:43,130 --> 00:39:44,130 I do! I do! 497 00:39:45,174 --> 00:39:47,259 'Cause I'm a baby killer! 498 00:39:48,094 --> 00:39:49,220 No, Mr. Abbot! No! 499 00:39:50,596 --> 00:39:52,574 Oh, my god! 500 00:39:52,598 --> 00:39:54,242 Fuck! - Somebody call an ambulance! 501 00:39:54,266 --> 00:39:56,078 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 502 00:39:56,102 --> 00:39:57,269 Somebody! 503 00:40:00,106 --> 00:40:02,084 The time is 5:30. 504 00:40:02,108 --> 00:40:04,610 David Brinkley is on vacation. I'm Chad Huntley. 505 00:40:05,736 --> 00:40:06,672 For an hour and a half today, 506 00:40:06,696 --> 00:40:09,966 the normally placid university and capital city of Austin, 507 00:40:09,990 --> 00:40:11,885 Texas was held in the grip of a terror, 508 00:40:11,909 --> 00:40:14,721 which began in killing and ended in killing. 509 00:40:14,745 --> 00:40:17,349 A maddened former Marine, a 24-year-old student 510 00:40:17,373 --> 00:40:19,810 in the architectural school named Charles Whitman 511 00:40:19,834 --> 00:40:22,938 first killed his wife and mother in their home. 512 00:40:22,962 --> 00:40:24,981 Then he fled to the top of the university tower, 513 00:40:25,005 --> 00:40:27,442 a 27-story building, and from there, shot to death 514 00:40:27,466 --> 00:40:31,154 at least 13 other people and wounded at least 31. 515 00:40:31,178 --> 00:40:34,199 The carnage did not end until police ended Whitman's life 516 00:40:34,223 --> 00:40:35,659 with several bullets. 517 00:40:35,683 --> 00:40:39,520 Here is a report from Neil Speltz of KTBC TV Austin. 518 00:40:42,106 --> 00:40:44,209 A marine veteran who was an expert marksman 519 00:40:44,233 --> 00:40:47,212 shot and killed 10 unsuspecting noontime strollers 520 00:40:47,236 --> 00:40:49,589 on the University of Texas campus today. 521 00:40:49,613 --> 00:40:51,508 And then he was cut down, an hour and a half later, 522 00:40:51,532 --> 00:40:53,260 by an Austin policeman. 523 00:40:53,284 --> 00:40:56,328 When the shooting ended, 30 others were seriously injured. 524 00:40:57,705 --> 00:41:00,142 And then the bodies of the alleged sniper's mother and wife 525 00:41:00,166 --> 00:41:02,394 were found in his apartment, both dead. 526 00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:06,022 The tally at this hour is 13 dead, 30 wounded, 527 00:41:06,046 --> 00:41:07,816 and that figure includes the death of the man 528 00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:09,609 police say he did the shooting. 529 00:41:09,633 --> 00:41:12,571 A sniper identified his 24-year-old Charles J. Whitman 530 00:41:12,595 --> 00:41:14,990 started shooting from the observation deck 531 00:41:15,014 --> 00:41:17,558 of the 27-story-tall university tower. 532 00:41:19,185 --> 00:41:21,496 He fell moving targets blocks away. 533 00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:23,206 The terror-filled 90 minutes started 534 00:41:23,230 --> 00:41:25,584 at five minutes before 12 Austin time, 535 00:41:25,608 --> 00:41:30,130 and it was 1:22 when policeman Ramiro Martinez shot Whitney. 536 00:41:30,154 --> 00:41:31,465 Those who were felled with bullets 537 00:41:31,489 --> 00:41:33,675 from the high caliber rifle were pulled to safety, 538 00:41:33,699 --> 00:41:36,720 as soon as possible by officials and passers-by. 539 00:41:36,744 --> 00:41:38,412 Others crouched in terror. 540 00:41:40,456 --> 00:41:42,809 Heavily-armed Austin Police, sheriff's deputies, 541 00:41:42,833 --> 00:41:45,020 highway patrolmen and Texas Rangers, 542 00:41:45,044 --> 00:41:46,521 converged on the campus 543 00:41:46,545 --> 00:41:48,672 and began returning the sniper's fire. 544 00:41:50,090 --> 00:41:51,318 But he was well entrenched, 545 00:41:51,342 --> 00:41:54,905 and he had a fantastic vantage point of the entire area. 546 00:41:54,929 --> 00:41:57,574 I'm not paying you two ladies to watch TV. 547 00:41:57,598 --> 00:41:59,409 Reporter Charles Ward was on the scene, 548 00:41:59,433 --> 00:42:00,744 as the gun... 549 00:42:00,768 --> 00:42:02,645 Chop chop. Get to work! 550 00:43:15,217 --> 00:43:16,820 Sir! Yes, sir! 551 00:43:16,844 --> 00:43:19,013 Holy fuckin' heaven! 552 00:43:20,931 --> 00:43:22,033 Kill! 553 00:43:22,057 --> 00:43:23,142 Or be killed! 554 00:43:24,184 --> 00:43:25,686 Kill or be killed! 555 00:43:26,937 --> 00:43:28,439 Kill or be killed! 556 00:43:29,523 --> 00:43:31,025 Kill or be killed! 557 00:43:32,234 --> 00:43:33,234 Kill! 558 00:43:42,036 --> 00:43:45,706 Someone once said hell is an illusion. 559 00:43:49,752 --> 00:43:53,922 But the first real casualty of war is the soul. 560 00:43:57,217 --> 00:44:01,180 I woke up, months later, barely holding on. 561 00:44:02,348 --> 00:44:05,493 My grip on reality faltering in a sterile fortress 562 00:44:05,517 --> 00:44:09,897 of white walls and unending corridors. 563 00:44:12,399 --> 00:44:15,170 I was surrounded by others whose minds 564 00:44:15,194 --> 00:44:16,737 had also betrayed them. 565 00:44:18,697 --> 00:44:21,551 And I couldn't help but wonder if, if I would ever find 566 00:44:21,575 --> 00:44:23,661 a way to piece myself back together again, 567 00:44:26,288 --> 00:44:30,250 or if I was destined to be a lost toy soldier. 568 00:44:31,335 --> 00:44:32,419 Never remembered. 569 00:44:33,629 --> 00:44:36,006 As if I never existed in the first place. 570 00:44:39,093 --> 00:44:40,093 But... 571 00:44:41,303 --> 00:44:43,013 She wouldn't let that happen. 572 00:46:30,078 --> 00:46:32,581 I'm not supposed to be here! 573 00:46:33,457 --> 00:46:35,375 Get off! Get off of me! 574 00:46:46,845 --> 00:46:49,515 No! 575 00:47:58,542 --> 00:48:01,312 We gonna have ourselves a pool party tonight! 576 00:48:01,336 --> 00:48:03,147 Watch your six. 577 00:48:03,171 --> 00:48:05,340 Watch out. 578 00:48:29,948 --> 00:48:30,843 God, Abbot. 579 00:48:30,867 --> 00:48:32,719 Don't you sleep? 580 00:48:32,743 --> 00:48:37,372 God doesn't have anything to do with this shit hole. 581 00:48:39,708 --> 00:48:42,210 But you can call me Jesus Christ. 582 00:48:44,713 --> 00:48:47,483 And believe me, I would staple my eyes shut 583 00:48:47,507 --> 00:48:49,986 to sleep for one god damn minute, 584 00:48:50,010 --> 00:48:51,261 but then the demons come. 585 00:49:04,900 --> 00:49:06,210 Leave him. 586 00:49:06,234 --> 00:49:08,111 Let him lay where he fell. 587 00:49:10,072 --> 00:49:11,174 Give him the common decency to die 588 00:49:11,198 --> 00:49:13,617 on the patch of fucking concrete that chose him. 589 00:49:14,952 --> 00:49:16,370 That's the least you could do. 590 00:49:18,830 --> 00:49:21,559 Death gives you perspective, doesn't it? 591 00:49:21,583 --> 00:49:23,085 We're not dying, man. 592 00:49:27,589 --> 00:49:30,151 Oh, that's where you're wrong, brother. 593 00:49:30,175 --> 00:49:31,176 We're already dead. 594 00:49:32,594 --> 00:49:36,348 You know, it's funny how people find it odd. 595 00:49:37,849 --> 00:49:40,060 They're always so confused about life 596 00:49:40,936 --> 00:49:43,605 and how the hell things didn't go as planned. 597 00:49:45,190 --> 00:49:47,192 And that's 'cause they're all in a coma. 598 00:49:49,861 --> 00:49:50,861 Gone. 599 00:49:53,448 --> 00:49:55,134 And it's not supposed to make sense. 600 00:49:55,158 --> 00:49:57,869 And if you learn that, I mean truly embrace that, 601 00:49:58,745 --> 00:50:00,789 you'll live a better life. 602 00:50:04,626 --> 00:50:06,169 It happened again. 603 00:50:08,130 --> 00:50:09,923 Where were you this time? 604 00:50:33,071 --> 00:50:35,425 Where were you this time? 605 00:50:35,449 --> 00:50:36,449 Fuck you. 606 00:50:38,326 --> 00:50:39,929 That dark is all we have left. 607 00:50:39,953 --> 00:50:41,806 You better get used to that, brother. 608 00:50:41,830 --> 00:50:43,891 No. I'll never get used to it! 609 00:50:43,915 --> 00:50:46,811 Oh, no. One day you will learn to embrace it. 610 00:50:46,835 --> 00:50:47,812 Teller, her we have to. 611 00:50:47,836 --> 00:50:50,714 We don't have any other fucking chance, man. We're gone! 612 00:50:53,967 --> 00:50:57,387 All the wisest do not let themselves be tricked 613 00:50:59,222 --> 00:51:00,307 a second time. 614 00:51:12,486 --> 00:51:14,797 What the fuck does that mean? 615 00:51:14,821 --> 00:51:15,821 Hey. 616 00:51:19,242 --> 00:51:20,470 Wait. 617 00:51:20,494 --> 00:51:21,828 Are we the rats? 618 00:51:26,792 --> 00:51:28,126 Are we the rats? 619 00:51:30,670 --> 00:51:32,005 Are we the rats? 620 00:51:34,424 --> 00:51:35,759 Are we the rats? 621 00:51:36,676 --> 00:51:38,011 Are we the rats? 622 00:51:49,606 --> 00:51:50,857 The rats! 623 00:52:01,952 --> 00:52:03,387 They'd let me go a year earlier 624 00:52:03,411 --> 00:52:05,080 at the behest of Richard Nixon. 625 00:52:06,873 --> 00:52:09,543 I'd crawled four stories below Hanoi, Vietnam. 626 00:52:10,418 --> 00:52:12,295 I mapped out dozens of tunnels, 627 00:52:14,047 --> 00:52:15,966 detonated 48 bombs. 628 00:52:17,342 --> 00:52:19,010 How many lives have I destroyed? 629 00:52:20,428 --> 00:52:21,555 How many I ended? 630 00:52:23,473 --> 00:52:24,473 I'll never know. 631 00:52:26,476 --> 00:52:27,476 What I do know 632 00:52:29,646 --> 00:52:32,816 is that I met you on the final day of 1972. 633 00:52:34,067 --> 00:52:36,027 The same day I resolved to kill myself. 634 00:52:52,419 --> 00:52:54,105 - Hey, sweetie. - Hey, baby. 635 00:52:54,129 --> 00:52:56,798 - What can I get you today? - What you got? 636 00:53:04,431 --> 00:53:08,244 In a barren motel room with a fifth of Tennessee rye, 637 00:53:08,268 --> 00:53:11,605 and a pang of shame permeating the recesses of my soul, 638 00:53:12,606 --> 00:53:13,857 I vowed that this was it. 639 00:53:15,108 --> 00:53:17,777 That I would give myself the discharge I deserved. 640 00:53:23,033 --> 00:53:25,076 For hours, I obsessed about doing it. 641 00:53:29,623 --> 00:53:31,833 I remember the seconds felt like lifetimes, 642 00:53:32,792 --> 00:53:33,835 but I couldn't do it. 643 00:53:37,547 --> 00:53:39,692 I couldn't experience what my victims had, 644 00:53:39,716 --> 00:53:40,884 those years before. 645 00:53:42,594 --> 00:53:43,887 I could live with nothing. 646 00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:48,683 Piece of shit. 647 00:53:56,775 --> 00:53:58,586 Only the tortured echoes from the past 648 00:53:58,610 --> 00:54:00,237 that were forever by my side. 649 00:56:11,743 --> 00:56:13,661 I walked for what felt like days. 650 00:56:14,954 --> 00:56:18,225 I roamed the common, scaled the hell, and meandered 651 00:56:18,249 --> 00:56:20,919 into a labyrinth of the world I no longer remember. 652 00:56:23,004 --> 00:56:25,590 While the pedestrians howled at the world around me, 653 00:56:26,716 --> 00:56:28,611 I trudged further into the darkness 654 00:56:28,635 --> 00:56:30,905 I had loathed so much. 655 00:56:30,929 --> 00:56:33,240 I thought, or rather, hoped, 656 00:56:33,264 --> 00:56:35,326 that it might wash away the patina of guilt 657 00:56:35,350 --> 00:56:37,227 that had coagulated around my heart. 658 00:56:40,271 --> 00:56:41,356 I saw my way out. 659 00:56:44,234 --> 00:56:47,421 Hearing about the massive invasion of South Vietnam 660 00:56:47,445 --> 00:56:49,614 by the communist armies of North Vietnam. 661 00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:53,952 I killed that little girl. 662 00:56:55,745 --> 00:56:57,038 It wasn't the first time, 663 00:56:59,082 --> 00:57:00,083 nor the last. 664 00:57:01,418 --> 00:57:03,062 And the efforts we are- 665 00:57:03,086 --> 00:57:05,356 I didn't even know who I was anymore. 666 00:57:05,380 --> 00:57:06,380 What I did know 667 00:57:09,426 --> 00:57:11,362 was that I was a murderer. 668 00:57:11,386 --> 00:57:12,738 And what we have done since then, 669 00:57:12,762 --> 00:57:15,056 to end American involvement in the war... 670 00:57:37,162 --> 00:57:39,849 In the eyes of my superiors, 671 00:57:39,873 --> 00:57:41,916 I had served my country honorably 672 00:57:42,834 --> 00:57:46,004 and I was thusly discharged with such distinction. 673 00:57:47,213 --> 00:57:48,423 "Distinction". 674 00:57:50,216 --> 00:57:51,384 If they only knew. 675 01:02:26,617 --> 01:02:27,617 And then... 676 01:02:28,953 --> 01:02:32,933 - Hawthorn Street. - This is Hawthorn Street. 677 01:02:32,957 --> 01:02:34,792 I saw you. 678 01:02:36,377 --> 01:02:38,629 To this day, I don't know what made me stop, 679 01:02:40,131 --> 01:02:41,131 but there you were. 680 01:02:48,514 --> 01:02:53,436 Next stop will be the last stop on this bus. 681 01:03:02,445 --> 01:03:04,947 I'd never seen anything so beautiful. 682 01:03:14,081 --> 01:03:16,083 You were wearing a teal ball gown 683 01:03:17,627 --> 01:03:21,881 that appeared to me to be both regal and ridiculous. 684 01:03:26,469 --> 01:03:29,514 Your brown hair was matted to the right side of your face. 685 01:03:31,307 --> 01:03:33,976 And a galaxy of freckles dusted your shoulders. 686 01:03:37,146 --> 01:03:38,147 I couldn't speak. 687 01:03:39,440 --> 01:03:40,584 When I joined you at the seat, 688 01:03:40,608 --> 01:03:42,777 you looked at me with those big green eyes, 689 01:03:43,694 --> 01:03:45,696 and I could tell that you'd been crying. 690 01:03:49,158 --> 01:03:50,719 And I said... 691 01:03:50,743 --> 01:03:51,869 I, I... 692 01:03:57,208 --> 01:03:59,019 Ladies and gentlemen, this is the last stop. 693 01:03:59,043 --> 01:04:00,378 Please exit the bus. 694 01:04:17,270 --> 01:04:19,021 Yeah. Yeah, I'm, I'm fine. 695 01:04:24,735 --> 01:04:25,735 Where you headed? 696 01:04:36,789 --> 01:04:37,832 Don't you speak? 697 01:04:54,891 --> 01:04:55,891 I, uh... 698 01:04:57,310 --> 01:05:01,480 I don't, I don't know. 699 01:05:04,442 --> 01:05:06,944 I don't think I've ever known. 700 01:05:24,295 --> 01:05:26,231 Okay. 701 01:05:26,255 --> 01:05:29,091 Yeah, yeah. I'll, I'll play along. 702 01:05:31,719 --> 01:05:32,719 Who's there? 703 01:05:51,238 --> 01:05:52,323 Mustache who? 704 01:06:25,982 --> 01:06:28,961 Oh, it's, uh... 705 01:06:28,985 --> 01:06:31,946 It's been a long time since I, uh... 706 01:06:39,745 --> 01:06:40,745 Thank you. 707 01:06:56,721 --> 01:06:57,721 Yeah. 708 01:07:04,103 --> 01:07:06,581 Before I knew it, you snatched my hand, 709 01:07:06,605 --> 01:07:10,317 and led me on a dash through downtown and into a diner. 710 01:07:16,657 --> 01:07:18,593 We sat at the booth at the five and dime 711 01:07:18,617 --> 01:07:21,037 and talked like old friends. 712 01:07:24,248 --> 01:07:26,167 We laughed as easily as we lamented. 713 01:07:28,294 --> 01:07:31,297 And you confessed over coffee that you were engaged to a man 714 01:07:32,590 --> 01:07:33,590 you didn't love. 715 01:07:36,969 --> 01:07:39,638 A banker from some line of nobility. 716 01:07:41,515 --> 01:07:45,120 Either way, his parents were throwing a soiree 717 01:07:45,144 --> 01:07:46,872 to ring in the new year. 718 01:07:46,896 --> 01:07:48,064 Hence the dress. 719 01:07:50,775 --> 01:07:52,669 For my part, I shared more of myself 720 01:07:52,693 --> 01:07:55,362 than I could have ever imagined possible at that time. 721 01:07:58,991 --> 01:08:01,803 Didn't mention Vietnam, but I got a sense that you could see 722 01:08:01,827 --> 01:08:03,913 there was a war waging inside me. 723 01:08:06,749 --> 01:08:07,749 Still... 724 01:08:09,794 --> 01:08:11,337 Your eyes offered no pity. 725 01:08:15,883 --> 01:08:17,093 And I loved you for it. 726 01:08:27,019 --> 01:08:27,955 Last many, many years 727 01:08:27,979 --> 01:08:29,748 that people gathered here on New Years. 728 01:08:29,772 --> 01:08:33,192 The only year that ever had that small a crowd was 1917. 729 01:08:34,777 --> 01:08:36,737 Hell of a way to chime it in, huh? 730 01:08:40,658 --> 01:08:42,344 You remind me of someone. 731 01:08:42,368 --> 01:08:45,305 And in a few moments, we'll be turning over 732 01:08:45,329 --> 01:08:46,372 to look at... 733 01:08:55,673 --> 01:08:57,150 She speaks? 734 01:08:57,174 --> 01:08:59,653 That will signify New Years 735 01:08:59,677 --> 01:09:01,071 to an awful lot of people 736 01:09:01,095 --> 01:09:06,100 all over the United States and Canada. 737 01:09:06,892 --> 01:09:08,829 We're just getting ready to close up. 738 01:09:08,853 --> 01:09:11,915 Can I get you guys anything? Dessert? 739 01:09:11,939 --> 01:09:12,940 - Apple pie. - Pie. 740 01:09:13,858 --> 01:09:16,962 A moment ago, I was planning to end my life. 741 01:09:16,986 --> 01:09:19,238 In an instant, everything had changed. 742 01:09:21,157 --> 01:09:23,075 Now I suddenly wanted pie? 743 01:09:23,951 --> 01:09:26,287 What was happening to me? Who were you? 744 01:09:27,580 --> 01:09:30,725 Why are they there? Very good question! 745 01:09:30,749 --> 01:09:32,793 Could you excuse me for just a moment? 746 01:09:34,837 --> 01:09:37,941 Very unusual and a very strange way 747 01:09:37,965 --> 01:09:39,818 to celebrate New Years. 748 01:09:39,842 --> 01:09:43,363 Moments from now, this giant crowd here in Times Square- 749 01:09:43,387 --> 01:09:44,387 Hey! 750 01:09:47,474 --> 01:09:48,474 Judy. 751 01:09:56,400 --> 01:09:57,400 My name is Judy. 752 01:10:01,405 --> 01:10:02,405 Judy. 753 01:10:38,609 --> 01:10:40,712 I remember consulting myself in the mirror, 754 01:10:40,736 --> 01:10:42,964 wondering if I should kiss you. 755 01:10:42,988 --> 01:10:44,949 It was New Years in minutes, after all. 756 01:10:46,617 --> 01:10:47,952 No, I couldn't do that. 757 01:10:48,994 --> 01:10:49,994 Could I? 758 01:10:53,415 --> 01:10:54,476 If I should tell you what I'd done 759 01:10:54,500 --> 01:10:57,002 from the tunnels of that village a year before... 760 01:10:58,420 --> 01:11:00,398 If I should return to the .44 caliber 761 01:11:00,422 --> 01:11:02,216 that was tucked in my waistband... 762 01:11:06,011 --> 01:11:07,554 I decided, ultimately, 763 01:11:10,015 --> 01:11:12,077 that I was unworthy of the resuscitation 764 01:11:12,101 --> 01:11:14,478 this stranger in a ball gown had given me, 765 01:11:16,355 --> 01:11:18,917 and to turn my back on such sweet serendipity 766 01:11:18,941 --> 01:11:20,442 would be the real disgrace. 767 01:11:24,280 --> 01:11:27,050 On my way back to the booth, my heart thumped in my chest 768 01:11:27,074 --> 01:11:28,784 like an angry judge's gavel. 769 01:11:30,035 --> 01:11:31,035 And a future, 770 01:11:32,037 --> 01:11:33,037 our future, 771 01:11:34,248 --> 01:11:35,416 flicked in my mind. 772 01:11:44,883 --> 01:11:45,695 When I reached the booth, 773 01:11:45,719 --> 01:11:47,428 I had no idea what I was going to find. 774 01:11:50,347 --> 01:11:51,347 You were gone. 775 01:11:56,020 --> 01:11:58,147 As strangely as our union had begun, 776 01:11:59,773 --> 01:12:01,066 so too had it ended. 777 01:12:05,195 --> 01:12:06,322 I was devastated. 778 01:12:07,573 --> 01:12:08,573 But somehow, 779 01:12:12,369 --> 01:12:13,369 I knew. 780 01:12:14,371 --> 01:12:17,541 I went back to that diner every day, for a year. 781 01:12:19,126 --> 01:12:24,048 I think it's a parking lot now, but I never saw you again. 782 01:12:27,926 --> 01:12:29,678 Are you good, doll? 783 01:12:34,224 --> 01:12:37,245 Can I get you anything else? 784 01:12:37,269 --> 01:12:38,371 From Time Square, 785 01:12:38,395 --> 01:12:41,499 a roar like you've never heard before. 786 01:12:41,523 --> 01:12:43,752 Here we go with the countdown. 787 01:12:43,776 --> 01:12:44,669 Five. 788 01:12:44,693 --> 01:12:45,503 Four. 789 01:12:45,527 --> 01:12:46,339 Three. 790 01:12:46,363 --> 01:12:48,006 Two. 791 01:12:48,030 --> 01:12:51,700 One and happy, happy, happy, happy, happy... 792 01:12:55,329 --> 01:12:59,893 I am an old man now, and all I know of you 793 01:12:59,917 --> 01:13:02,378 is your name and that you lived in this city once 794 01:13:03,879 --> 01:13:06,715 and even by some miracle, if I happened upon you, 795 01:13:08,050 --> 01:13:09,885 I'm not sure I would recognize you. 796 01:13:12,429 --> 01:13:13,806 Time is cruel that way. 797 01:13:15,766 --> 01:13:18,894 In these intervening 42 years, I've lived a good life. 798 01:13:19,728 --> 01:13:21,498 I've loved a good woman. 799 01:13:21,522 --> 01:13:23,541 I've raised a good man. 800 01:13:23,565 --> 01:13:25,543 I have hard days, too. 801 01:13:25,567 --> 01:13:27,212 My wife passed away four years ago, 802 01:13:27,236 --> 01:13:28,654 and my son, the year before. 803 01:13:32,408 --> 01:13:34,660 I can still smell the smoke over Vietnam. 804 01:13:35,661 --> 01:13:37,996 But then I think of you. 805 01:13:40,457 --> 01:13:42,418 I never really stopped thinking of you. 806 01:13:48,507 --> 01:13:50,717 So, wherever you've been, wherever you are, 807 01:13:51,927 --> 01:13:53,220 and wherever you're going, 808 01:13:54,430 --> 01:13:55,907 know this. 809 01:13:55,931 --> 01:13:57,349 You're always with me. 810 01:14:02,104 --> 01:14:05,524 But as I cast this coin into the wishing well of the cosmos, 811 01:14:07,317 --> 01:14:08,444 it occurs to me, 812 01:14:09,903 --> 01:14:13,157 after a million what-ifs in a lifetime of lost sleep, 813 01:14:15,534 --> 01:14:16,702 that our connection 814 01:14:19,079 --> 01:14:20,289 wasn't missed at all. 815 01:14:41,768 --> 01:14:45,606 I met you on that night, back in 1972.