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1
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,054
This can't be happening!
2
00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:16,558
Rain! Please, rain!
3
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:25,651
Yes! Yes! Yes!
4
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:29,655
He called forth rain!
5
00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,406
He controls the heavens.
6
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,700
He has the power!
7
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:43,502
Stuart tries to reset our lives
8
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:46,505
But he fails to save the universe
9
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:49,758
He's our only chance
And he tries and he tries
10
00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:53,345
But he fails to save the universe
11
00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:08,569
Stuart fails
12
00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:13,282
Just so I'm clear,
13
00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:17,202
you told you to use that machine
to get back to your universe.
14
00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:19,037
No, not my universe.
15
00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:21,498
His universe,
which was supposed to be my universe.
16
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,584
-And he was you?
-Almost.
17
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,460
He was the me I was supposed to have been.
18
00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:27,337
But if you were supposed to have been him,
19
00:01:27,379 --> 00:01:29,172
then how could he have existed
to tell you that?
20
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:30,549
Fair question.
21
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,968
More importantly,
you and I are back together.
22
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,219
What do you mean, "back together"?
23
00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:36,763
-We were never together.
-Okay! Yep.
24
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,223
I see what your problem is.
25
00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,601
You're confusing the you and I
that you remember
26
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:41,977
with the you and I that I remember.
27
00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:43,228
Easy mistake.
28
00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:46,356
-This is insane.
-Yes, it is.
29
00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:50,444
A wonderful story
to tell our grandchildren.
30
00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,612
I need a drink.
31
00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:55,949
That's right.
This version of you is an alcoholic.
32
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:58,619
I'm not an alcoholic.
I can quit anytime I want.
33
00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:01,997
Okay, I guess I'll be here selling...
34
00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:04,791
whatever the hell this is.
35
00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:13,842
There are legends of sorcerers
capable of controlling the weather,
36
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:15,552
but no one's ever witnessed it.
37
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:19,264
Wait. So, you guys think
that I'm the one who made it...
38
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,393
'Cause I did.
39
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:27,022
Rain, snow, hail...
40
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:28,732
I do all your precipitation.
41
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,651
Are you in league with a demon?
42
00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:34,696
Oh, no, I just ask nicely.
You know, "Please, rain."
43
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,036
Ta-da!
44
00:02:49,086 --> 00:02:50,295
One more time.
45
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,508
So, anyway,
he thinks he can pick up with me
46
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:56,635
right where he left off with the other me.
47
00:02:56,718 --> 00:03:00,138
-The you from another universe?
-You got it. And dig this.
48
00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:02,724
He claims he got all that
from another version of himself.
49
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:04,559
I'm guessing from another universe?
50
00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:05,894
Exactly.
51
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:08,105
Okay. Why don't we get
some food in that stomach?
52
00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:13,944
Deviled eggs, little on the nose.
53
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,743
Here's your Coke, sir.
54
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,204
-Diet?
-I'm sorry.
55
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:25,956
-It's regular.
-Not a problem.
56
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,375
Now, it's Diet.
57
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,837
You like that? Watch this.
58
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,422
Dr. Pepper!
59
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:37,134
You can control the elements.
60
00:03:37,216 --> 00:03:39,302
Can you manifest life?
61
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,304
You mean like hocus pocus puppy?
62
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,768
Look at you! House-broken.
63
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,232
Does your magic work in the bedroom?
64
00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:55,652
I don't need magic in the bedroom.
I'm a good listener.
65
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,615
Colder.
66
00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:04,286
There we go.
67
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,874
Holy cow, this is unbelievable.
68
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:12,961
-Hey.
-Where have you been?
69
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,796
Wooking everywhere for you.
70
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,339
Have you seen Bert?
71
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:19,509
I have not. I have not seen Bert, no.
72
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,179
-Should we be worried?
-Were you worried about me?
73
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,806
-Not really, no.
-Well, there you go.
74
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,809
Hey... Check this out.
75
00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:30,312
In a universe of magic,
what are the comic books?
76
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,564
Dr. Strange Colorectal Surgeon.
77
00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:37,194
It's a great story.
He does a bowel resection.
78
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,237
Yeah, tewwific. We gotta get out of here.
79
00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:42,657
Why? It's not such a bad world.
We could chill here for a while.
80
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:44,618
Stuart, the people here
think science is evil.
81
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,328
How's that different from our world?
82
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,371
Besides, we can't leave
without Bert and Denise.
83
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:49,790
Bert will be fine,
84
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,082
and you can always get
a new Denise in the next universe.
85
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:53,168
They're a dime a dozen.
86
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,878
No, I want this one.
87
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,547
She's got a little problem with the sauce,
but so did my mom.
88
00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,591
Maybe that's why
I'm finding her so attractive.
89
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:03,053
What are you doing?
What are you doing? Stop that.
90
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,387
-Stop-- Stop it.
-Come on, work. Work.
91
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:05,514
Stop that!
92
00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:08,767
-It's not working. Why isn't it working?
-I don't know. You're the scientist.
93
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:12,187
-What?
-They burn scientists here.
94
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,856
-Burn 'em how?
-With fire.
95
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,900
What do you mean, "how"? Wait a minute.
96
00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:21,321
If this universe doesn't obey
the waws of physics,
97
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,824
then maybe we need magic.
98
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:26,910
Okay. You know a wizard
or a sorcerer or something?
99
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,870
I do not. I absolutely do not.
100
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:32,957
Remember when you could just say,
"Hey, Alexa, show me wizards near me"?
101
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,709
-Yeah.
-Yeah, what?
102
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,294
What the hell?
103
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:38,922
Come on. I'm the demon Alexa.
You summoned me.
104
00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,132
I'm fweaked out. You fweaked out?
105
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:44,636
Tick tock. Got a lot of people waiting.
106
00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:46,638
Okay...
107
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,558
-Are there any wizards around?
-Checking.
108
00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:54,229
While you wait,
I noticed your shopping list is empty.
109
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:57,691
-How you doin' with paper towels?
-Will you just show us some wizards?
110
00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,777
Do not take that tone with me, buddy boy.
111
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,029
-Sowwy.
-Okay.
112
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,991
Here are some wizards near you.
113
00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:11,371
-How's it going?
-Can't complain.
114
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:16,376
Stuart, here's a name I wecognize.
Bernadette Wostenkowski, master sowcewess.
115
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:20,088
-Really? Bernadette?
-Yeah, four-and-a-half stars.
116
00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:23,383
Well, you guys want
this broad's address or what?
117
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:25,886
Walking, not dwiving?
118
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,055
And don't even get me started on Stuart.
119
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:30,515
He says he loves me.
120
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:33,894
Well, the Stuart I know,
he was kind of a wimpy guy.
121
00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:35,520
And then this Stuart comes in
and he's like,
122
00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:37,939
he's taking me from universe
to universe, you know.
123
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:40,400
And sometimes he loses me,
but he always finds me.
124
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,652
He always finds me.
But it's a different me.
125
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,946
Totally different. But still love, right?
126
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,323
-Sure.
-Yeah.
127
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,077
Oh, my God. Gary.
128
00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:55,790
Hi, Gary! Hey, Gary!
129
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:58,543
-Have we met?
-Gary,
130
00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:01,254
we were in a terrible marriage
for six years.
131
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,840
But we never fought, not once.
132
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:07,427
'Cause we had shock collars.
They really hurt.
133
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,430
You'd be getting all mad,
and you'd be like...
134
00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:16,478
You used to part your hair
on the other side.
135
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:18,021
I think I liked it better.
136
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,358
Have you or a loved one been injured
137
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,027
by a defective spell
or faulty incantation?
138
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,862
Call me, Abramowitz the Grey.
139
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:29,616
Over 700 years' experience
in magical litigation.
140
00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:32,827
Now what?
141
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:37,457
Hey, Stuart. Kripke.
142
00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:39,876
-You know us?
-Of course I know you.
143
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,544
-What do you want?
-Can we come in?
144
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:44,798
I'm kind of busy, but okay.
145
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:49,177
Excuse the mess. I gave up giving a shit.
146
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,390
So, what's up, buttercup?
147
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:58,561
Well, this is gonna sound crazy,
but we've got this machine
148
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:01,314
that allows you to travel
between alternate universes.
149
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:04,317
And we just need a wittle abwacadabwa
to jump-start the damn thing.
150
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,612
Sorry to disappoint you,
but I'm all out of abracadabra.
151
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:11,241
Word on the street is
you're wike a worwd-wenowned sowcewess.
152
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,243
-Used to be.
-What happened?
153
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,830
Not that it's any of your business,
but the Wizards Guild of America
154
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:19,290
claimed I used my powers
while we were on strike.
155
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,792
What were you on stwike for?
156
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:23,253
Better dental,
residuals for eternal spells.
157
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,588
It's ridiculous.
We were out for six months,
158
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,341
and basically,
everyone got a handful of magic beans.
159
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:31,386
So, did you use your powers
during the strike?
160
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:36,850
My neighbor's son had a dog.
A little rescue. Adorable.
161
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:39,561
Called him Chocolate Chip
because he kind of looked like a cookie.
162
00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:43,648
Anyway, he ran out into traffic
and a car hit him.
163
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:45,900
Then another car.
164
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,403
Then another one.
165
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:53,074
-Then another one.
-Got it. Cars.
166
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:56,536
The kid's crying.
I couldn't stand there and do nothing.
167
00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:59,914
So, I used my powers
to bring Chocolate Chip back to life.
168
00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:02,709
-I don't see how that's bweaking a stwike.
-Exactly.
169
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:05,587
Let me tell you something
about Wizards Guild of America.
170
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,882
Ninety percent of 'em don't even work,
and yet they get to vote.
171
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,341
Ninety. Wow.
172
00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:12,510
Isn't there something that you can do?
173
00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,846
-Can you fiwe an appeaw?
-Not really.
174
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:19,893
I mean, there is a reversal spell
that would give me my powers back,
175
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:22,562
but the key ingredient's
impossible to find.
176
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:26,858
What are we talking about?
Saffwon? Twuffews?
177
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:31,696
Blood of an innocent.
Not a lot. Two teaspoons.
178
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,531
Maybe a cup.
179
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:36,785
Bwood of an innocent. I'm out.
180
00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,161
How about you?
181
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:42,790
Me? No. No, I'm not innocent.
I've had... I've had girlfriends.
182
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:44,375
How many?
183
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:53,676
-One.
-I can work with that.
184
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,678
You heard the wady. Start bweeding.
185
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:04,854
That was more than a cup.
186
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:08,525
We're gonna need some backup
in case your bwood doesn't do the twick.
187
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:11,694
You're right. Hey, Alexa.
188
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,240
Hey, Alexa.
189
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:19,410
I was taking a dump. What do you want?
190
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:22,705
-Where would we find Sheldon Cooper?
-Searching.
191
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,834
Sheldon Cooper is currently starring
192
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:29,129
in a revival of Man of La Mancha
on Broadway.
193
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:32,507
Damn it. We'll never get him to help us.
194
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,885
I saw that with, John Withgow.
195
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,679
He's always good.
196
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:41,766
To bear with unbearable sorrow
197
00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:44,310
Hey, Stuart.
198
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:47,981
-Bert!
-Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit!
199
00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:51,192
What was that?
200
00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:54,362
Oh, yeah. I'm magic now. Watch.
201
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:00,743
Weawwy?
202
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,829
I'm terribly sowwy, Bert.
Pwease forgive me?
203
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,706
You let them set me on fire.
204
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:08,001
It was peer pwessure.
I am fiwwed with wegwet.
205
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:11,337
They were gonna burn me at the stake,
and he did nothing!
206
00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:12,630
Oh, Barry!
207
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:15,258
I know. I'm tewwible.
Pwease change me back.
208
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,886
Change you back?
I should turn you into a maggot.
209
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:20,013
No, penguin's fine! Happy to be a penguin.
210
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:23,808
-Who are they?
-Oh, yeah. They're my acolytes.
211
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,519
-Acolytes?
-Yeah.
212
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:29,189
They worship me.
See the really pretty one?
213
00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,734
-I got to first base.
-Oh, happy for you.
214
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,903
Stuart Bloom!
215
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:42,785
Wil Wheaton?
216
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:46,414
Did you give blood
to Bernadette Rostenkowski?
217
00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:48,082
A little. Why?
218
00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:53,838
Oh, you stupid, stupid man.
The guild sanctioned her for a reason.
219
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,340
Oh, yeah, the dog.
220
00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:58,301
What dog? She's a demon.
221
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,887
Oh, she can be a little bitchy.
I wouldn't call her a demon.
222
00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:03,389
Okay, I have no time for this.
223
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:09,729
It is the ruling of the guild
that you have enabled a demon,
224
00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:12,357
and therefore, you must be destroyed.
225
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:15,109
No!
226
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:19,405
Don't throw magic fireballs at my friend.
227
00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:23,868
No!
228
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,959
Shitty fucking penguin wings.
229
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,890
-What the hell?
-Over here!
230
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,519
What is happening?
231
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:52,397
Well, let's see. Bert's magic,
Kripke's a penguin.
232
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,606
Hey.
233
00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:58,403
And Wil Wheaton's mad
'cause I gave blood to Bernadette.
234
00:12:58,486 --> 00:12:59,904
-Why?
-She may or may not have
235
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:01,906
-saved Chocolate Chip.
-A cookie?
236
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:03,700
A dog.
237
00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:32,937
Oh, you idiot.
238
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,981
Can't you see
I'm trying to save the world?
239
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,482
Nope.
240
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,202
Oh, baby!
241
00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:57,962
Bernadette is not who you think she is!
242
00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:03,426
She is a demon! A real, actual demon!
243
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:11,684
Is it over?
244
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:15,063
Yeah. I think maybe I overdid it.
245
00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:18,191
Oh, don't feel bad, buddy. He started it.
246
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,155
What's that for?
247
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,616
Maybe you're great.
248
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,368
Maybe there is something here.
249
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:29,994
Really?
250
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:31,788
Aww.
251
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:38,169
Guys... guys, you need to see this.
252
00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:45,968
Excuse me. Sorry.
Oop, coming through. Oop.
253
00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:48,513
Sorry. Oopsie.
254
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:56,104
I like your shoes.
255
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,733
"Demon" was witeral! "Demon" was witeral!
256
00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:06,864
No!
257
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:11,744
You have the machine that spans worlds.
258
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:17,458
-I want it.
-Bert, quick, fix the machine!
259
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,460
-How?
-Magic. Do magic.
260
00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:21,170
I don't know this magic!
261
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,298
-Try anything!
-Work.
262
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:29,720
Turn on. Turn on more.
263
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:34,058
I want to rule them all!
264
00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:37,103
Ah, shit!
265
00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:15,391
Mr. Bloom. How are we today?
266
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:18,311
-What?
-Time for your meds.
267
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:21,481
-Meds?
-Mm-hmm, three o'clock.
268
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:23,524
Okay.
269
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:34,660
Isn't that nice?
270
00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:36,496
You're very talented.
271
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,388
Oh, this is not good.
18834
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