Original subtitles

[rock music playing]

[music stops]

Warning. The stunts in this movie were performed by professionals,

so for your safety

and the protection of those around you,

do not attempt any of the stunts you’re about to see.

[Jason] That look all right?

[Johnny] Just turn it up, here, turn it up.

[Jason] See? It’s recording.

-[Johnny] Okay. -[Jason] And then

[Johnny] Should I wear my glasses for this?

[Jeff] It’ll it’ll be okay.

[Jason] Go ahead.

Well, I’m Johnny Knoxville, United States of America,

and I’ll be doin’ a little article

on self-defense equipment.

We’re goin’ to drive out to the desert and

I have a .38 hammerless

nice and light Smith and Wesson,

that’s got all the stopping power of a nine millimeter.

And I’ll be gettin’ shot in the chest

with this 911

level IIA Kevlar vest.

Oh, and, to absorb some of the impact from the bullet,

I’ll be putting these magazines,

couple of Hustlers and a couple of Leg Worlds, under the vest

to avoid any and all blunt-force trauma.

All right.

That’s why I’d rather have someone else shoot me.

-[Loomis] fuckin’ sketch, man. -[Jeff] Hang on a sec.

Like that, Jason?

[Jason] Uh, looks pretty good.

[Jason] I can’t handle this, dude.

[Loomis] Dude, it’s fuckin’ sketch, man.

[Loomis] Dude, don’t be stupid.

[Jason] Say a prayer, dude.

This is beyond dumb.

-Let’s fuckin’ go. -[gun chamber clicks]

[Jason] Now you gotta go the whole way around.

-You sure? -[Jason] I can’t handle this.

[Loomis] P.J., let’s fucking go.

[Jason] Find out where the bullet went.

-[Loomis] P.J. -[gun chamber clicks]

[Loomis] Come on, man!

-P.J., let’s fucking go. -[gun chamber clicks]

[Loomis] I’m about to throw a fuckin’ rock at you. Let’s go.

-[gun chamber clicks] -[Jason] It’s the next one.

[Loomis] P.J., come on!

[Jason] I can’t handle this.

[Loomis] Make sure you got it fuckin’

P.J.

This is so fuckin’ lame, I can’t even tell you right now.

Forget it.

-[gunshot] -[grunts]

-[Johnny] Let’s go. -[Loomis chuckles]

[Jason] Let’s go, dude. Just go.

Put it in the thing and go.

Didn’t hurt?

No, I was kinda scared though.

See? Didn’t even leave a fucking--

Dude, I told you guys.

[Jason] Look at the powder burn.

[Johnny] I know.

Yeah, I was shaking a little.

You guys wanna go watch it on the TV?

[Jason] Fuck yeah.

[“Holding Out for a Hero” plays]

[grunts]

[grunts, groans]

[crackling]

[Rachel yells]

[Spike] Smile, this is gonna be great.

Walk away, back away, back away, back away,

back away, back away, back away.

-Ow! Ow, fuck! Ow, fuck! -[screaming]

Fuck!

Fuck!

[screams]

[Wee Man grunts]

[Ehren groans]

Hello, I’m Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass.

Oh! Ow!

-[laughter] -[Johnny groans]

-[screams] -[laughter]

Whoa, whoa! Okay, okay!

[“Corona” playing]

-[groans] -[laughter]

[whistling]

[screams]

[screaming]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[grunts]

-[thudding] -[groans]

[cheering]

[screaming]

[Ryan] Fuck!

[Steve-O] Oh, fuck!

Welcome to the first day of our final film.

[Spike] So what are you feeling?

Uh, I’m sad.

[Spike] How come?

I guess, uh

a big part of my, our life is

almost over.

[Spike] Does it make you sad, Chris?

No, I’m not in touch with my emotions.

[laughter]

So we have a new Jackass cast member.

His name’s 1W-Larry.

He’s a humanoid robot.

And voicing that robot

is Mr. Adam Ray.

And you’re going to be making history today

with the first robot-to-human prostate exam.

This is what Jackass looks like at 50, I guess.

[laughing]

-We are of that age -Damn good, though.

where we have to get prostate exams.

-Yes, this is raising awareness. -And so we hired the finest.

[Adam] You see the finger on that thing?

[Steve-O] I did.

Yeah, that’s not a finger, by the way.

It’s a claw.

You’re going to run into some trouble around mid-finger.

It’s not there. It’s this side that’s all sharp.

[Johnny] How many times have you done this, Larry?

[in robotic voice] Once.

To myself.

In the car on the way over.

Let’s let it rip, baby.

Maybe “letting it rip” is a bad choice of words, Larry.

I’m Steve-O, and prostate health is super important.

So, this is the robot rectal exam.

[Larry] Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Take your pants off.

-[Steve-O] They’re off. -[Chris] Stay safe.

[Steve-O] Non-lubricated condoms.

[Johnny] No, we have lube.

Oh, my God, it’s so sharp.

Here, I’m just gonna put a little lube on for you.

Crunchy peanut butter.

-[Ehren] Oh, no. -[Steve-O] Why crunchy?

Drop the laundry.

Oh, my God.

[crew groaning]

[Chris] Oh, gross!

[Larry] Now, before I begin

Wait, wait, wait.

[Wee Man] Slow down, Larry.

[Larry] Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

Wait. Wait.

On my cue.

[Chris] There we go, there we go!

[Steve-O screams]

-[laughter] -[screaming continues]

[Chris] Spread ’em out! Steve-O, spread ’em out!

Spread those cheeks out! Somebody help him.

[Larry] Don’t touch my hand.

Alright.

[Chris] Steve!

Is your chocolate in his peanut butter

or his peanut butter in your chocolate?

[Larry] More peanut butter, please.

[Chris] We need more peanut butter.

[Larry] More peanut butter. Don’t get it on my jacket.

[Johnny] Oh, my God!

[Wee Man] There we go!

[Larry] One

Two Three.

[Chris] You’re almost almost there.

[screaming]

That’s it. That’s it.

[Ehren] Breathe. Go, Larry!

Get down!

[Larry] Can you feel it? Can you feel it?

[screaming]

-[laughter] -[Ehren] Lean over.

[Larry] Do you want me to call your dad?

[Ehren] Oh, my God.

Hey, Larry, let Lance smell your finger.

[Larry] It’d be my pleasure.

Come on, Lance.

Smell it. Smell it.

[Ehren] Lookit, it’s not that bad.

[gags]

[Larry] Yep. Yep. Yep.

-Got him. -[retching]

[Chris] Not on your damn camera!

[Larry]I have one more thing I need to do.

Give you a reach around.

[Ehren] I’ll help you.

-Okayhere we go. -I got you.

[Larry] We got this. You got this.

-Teamwork makes the dream work. -I got you. I got you.

[Larry] Did I mention I’ve been drinking today?

Here we go.

-[Larry vocalizing] -[Steve-O screaming]

[Ehren] Don’t move!

[Larry] Got it.

Okay, let go, Larry. Let go, Larry.

-[Larry] Don’t move, got it -Larry, let go! let go!

He’s got his dick all the way! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, shit!

[Chris] Oh, my God, dude.

[Larry] This might be a bad time to tell you

my license was revoked last week.

[laughter]

Thank you. Thank you.

Good job, Steve-O.

Thanks, guys.

[Larry] Congrats.

Can I ask a question?

[Jeff] Yeah.

Why is this the last movie?

[laughs]

Well, I can’t ride red rockets or bulls anymore,

so it felt like the natural place to stop.

Yeah, I’m certainly not gonna ride those rockets.

Or the bulls. [chuckles]

You know, we were talking, it’s like

you know, we got all this footage

no one’s seen before or barely seen,

and we can pick our all-time favorite bits,

and, uh, shoot some new footage

and I’ll get to see the warhammer again.

Well, if a scene requires me to get into my birthday suit,

the answer just might be yes.

[laughter]

Okay, this is called the “Golf Course Airhorn.”

When people tee off,

when they’re coming down with their swing,

we’re going to blow these airhorns.

[airhorn blares]

[Johnny] Oh. [sputters]

-[airhorn blares] -[Johnny laughs]

-[Ehren] Here she goes again. -[Dave] No. Is it another one?

-[airhorn blares] -[Johnny laughs]

[Dave] She still hit it really good.

[airhorn blares]

[Johnny laughing]

[airhorn blares]

What’d I tell you? What’d I tell you?

I told you I was gonna kick your ass.

[Johnny] Here, you’ve lost your club. Sorry.

Didn’t I tell you I was gonna come over here and kick your ass for that?

What? I’m sorry, I got bursitis.

-[golfer] You got bursitis? -[Johnny] Yeah.

-[golfer] So that means you gotta play with a horn? -[Johnny] It helps.

[golfer] I’ll give you something to play with, pal.

[Johnny] Sorry, it won’t happen again.

[giggling]

[whispering] Oh, he’s gonna fucking--

He took his glove. He threw--

[airhorn blares]

[Johnny] Oh, fuck.

[Dave] Shit, he’s teein’ off. He’s teein’ off! Get down!

[Johnny] Oh, shit.

[laughter]

[Dave] Get back.

-Get down! Get down! -[Johnny] Watch this, wait, wait.

-Get down, Dimitri! -[Johnny] Wait.

[airhorn blares]

[laughter]

[Dave] Oh, fuck.

Hello, my name’s Johnny Knoxville.

This is Tory Belleci, international scientist.

This is “Follow the Leader.”

So what’s gonna happen is Knoxville’s gonna move his arm

and an electrical signal will go into the computer,

and then he will be able to control your arms.

-What? -So, all you need to do is flex your muscle.

No problem.

Yeah.

-[screams] -[laughter]

All right.

-[Rachel] Oh, my God. -Holy shit!

-What? -[Dark Shark] Dude.

What the heck? That’s a lotta electroids!

Can we get Poopies a coffee, please?

How hot is that coffee?

Hot.

Have a little bit of coffee, Poopies. I’m sure it’ll be--

-[laughter] -[machine buzzing]

I think somebody needs to shave.

-Here is a -[Dark Shark] Gotta shave.

[Johnny] almost-new shaver.

Couple of weeks old. Just start shaving.

-You gotta get-- -[Johnny] All you gotta-- Yeah, that’s good.

-That’s good. -You missed a spot, yeah?

[screams]

[laughter]

Lance, why are you not--

Look, Lance is not looking.

Hey, Poopies, you gotta get it underneath.

I know what you want me to do, and

-I’ll do it. -[laughter]

Yeah, yeah, doing good.

Oh, my God.

[Dark Shark] Get the middle. Get the middle.

Get the middle.

-[machine buzzes] -[laughter]

[Rachel] It looks so graceful.

-[Johnny groans] -[Dark Shark] Oh!

[Johnny] That was a close shave.

Zach does not, as of yet, have a tattoo from me.

Oh, okay, well, let’s do Zach.

And what tattoo are you giving?

I’m gonna give Zach a nice, nipple smiley face.

-That’s a beautiful canvas. -[machine buzzes]

[screams]

I mean, if you want me to have the fuckin’ art on there

Why’re you yelling at me?

I would like this to come out good.

Me, too. I’m on your side.

-I promise, hand to my heart. -[screaming]

Okay, don’t mess this up, Steve-O.

Steady hand.

-Sorry. -Okay.

[Steve-O straining]

-[screams] -[laughter]

[Tory] He can’t get it centered.

That wasn’t even close.

I’m not doin’ it yet.

-[Steve-O] Okay. -I’m not doin’ it yet.

-I’m doing it! -[screams]

You fucking--

[Dark Shark] You got it, Steve-O!

Steve-O! Steve-O! Steve-O! Steve-O! Steve-O!

-[Steve-O groaning, straining] -[chanting continues]

[Rachel] It’s good. It looks good. It looks good.

It looks good.

How did that feel?

Not good.

[Johnny] Holy shit.

[Tory] Hey, Zach, it’s pretty awesome, dude.

[Johnny] Oh, my God!

-Great job, Poopies. -Thank you.

Great job, Tory. Thanks, Steve-O.

And Zach.

And thank God Bunny the Lifeguard’s here

to make everything safe.

-Thank you. -Yeah, I-- I really don’t--

I still don’t understand why

they asked for a lifeguard on duty, but

it’s better to have one and not need him

than need him and not have him.

Well, the, the convict bit

we’ve always wanted to include in our movies.

We shot it for the pilot of the TV show and got shut down.

Our crew member got arrested.

MTV couldn’t shoot in West Hollywood for ten years.

So no one’s really seen it.

It’s been sitting there for 25 years.

It was total chaos.

Today, I’m going to be an escapee

from the LA County Jail

and go into a hardware store

and see if they’ll lend me a hacksaw.

Ow.

[Spike] I see the lens.

[cameraman] Okay. Good.

Do I need some dirt on my face?

[Jeff] Try and get up closer to him.

[Spike] He needs some on his neck, too.

Is my shirt too--? Ah, that’s good.

[Spike] Should we slap you around?

Yeah, that helps. Thanks.

[panting]

I need some help.

[cashier] Okay.

I need some, uh

I need a saw a hacksaw.

[cashier] Let me get somebody, okay?

[grunts]

[thud, clanking]

-[clanking] -[Johnny grunts]

[panting]

[metal scraping]

Help me!

[Spike] Excuse me, what’s going on?

I wouldn’t even touch that.

[rapid scraping]

Ah, we got a situation up here.

[Johnny] Someone help me!

We’re kind of closed for right now.

We’re not letting anybody in.

[straining]

[Spike] PJ, they are calling the cops.

He’s probably an escapee from the jail or somewhere.

Handcuffed in a sheriff’s jumpsuit?

[Johnny] Get outta my way.

[Johnny] Hello, my name is Johnny Knoxville and I am about to be arrested.

[Jeff] Fuck!

[Spike] What? Oh, fuck me.

-[Jeff] Oh, fuck. -[Spike] Oh, shit, no way.

[officer shouts]

[Spike] What should we do?

[Jeff] Dude.

-[officer] Get on the ground. -[Jeff] Keep filmin’, dude.

[officer] Copy that.

[Johnny] I have a good explanation for this.

[officer] How come you’re not in jail?

[Johnny] ’Cause I don’t belong there.

How did you get out?

[Johnny] I was never in jail.

[officer] What is this in the back?

-That’s a microphone. -From what?

Cause we’re, ah, filming.

You’re filming?

Yes, ma’am.

That is really stupid!

[cameraman] What’s going on over here?

I don’t know, this guy escaped from jail.

[Johnny] We didn’t mean to cause a ruckus.

You’re wearing an LA county jumpsuit with handcuffs on, what do you think?

Yeah, I guess I wasn’t thinking, too. I apologize.

You got a camera on you?

-Is it off? -[cameraman] It’s on.

It’s on? Are you filming this?

[officers] Turn it off!

So, upon arrival today,

we were informed by Mr. Cliver that

our production manager informed us

we are on officially on hiatus.

A kind of suspension because of the incident yesterday

at the hardware store.

But I guess this show may get to air, it may not.

[Jeff chuckles]

But

-Have anything to add, Jeff? -[Jeff] I do not.

I think let’s just think about the poo cocktail today.

Right. We’re focusing on the poo cocktail.

[Jeff] Yeah.

My name is Johnny Knoxville,

and this is the “Poo Cocktail.”

[yelling]

[Johnny] I think it’s about ten years ago today

that I was doin’ the first Poo Cocktail,

and now you’re taking the reins

and taking it to a whole other level.

I’m Steve-O, and this is the “Poo Cocktail Supreme.”

[Johnny laughs]

All right. Good luck.

[lock clicking]

[Chris] You ready, Steve-O?

No.

[sighs]

[Chris] Order up! Poo Cocktail Supreme!

[thud]

[team members shouting]

[laughing and shouting]

Oh, shit!

[screaming]

[team members groaning]

[thumping, liquid spraying]

[team members groaning]

[Steve-O vomiting]

[laughing] He’s puking.

[gagging]

Dude, it fuckin’ reeks, man!

[Johnny] What is, what’s wrong with you, Bam?

[team members talking]

[Johnny] Are you okay, Steve-O?

[Ryan] Oh, my God.

It’s gonna be ugly. I don’t know if you wanna see this.

-[laughing] -[Chris] Oh, my God.

[Johnny] Oh, Jesus!

-[Jeff] Oh, my God. -[Chris] Oh, my God.

[Johnny] Help him out of there.

-[Jeff] Let him out! -[Chris] Oh, my God.

[laughter]

[team member] Oh!

[laughter continuing]

[Ryan yells]

-Look at him! -Oh, my God.

[Johnny] Jump in that lake right now.

[Ryan] The worst damn thing you can imagine.

[Jeff] Oh, my God.

[Johnny] Oh, my God.

[laughter]

[Wee Man retching]

[Dave retching]

Jesus!

Yeah, dude.

That was rad.

It went so high.

It was so scary.

[Chris] This is the kind of extreme shit

that those extreme dudes don’t even think of.

[slowed-down screaming]

[Chris] I mean, that had it all.

That had danger, it had shit.

It had puke.

Yeah, that’s what this show’s all about.

And sex appeal.

[both laughing]

[Johnny] Do it!

-[screams] -[all] Oh!

[Johnny] Jesus Christ. What an idiot.

[others laughing]

[Larry] What’s up, players?

Hey, Larry!

[Johnny] Where you been?

[Larry] I had a few strawberry White Claws in the Green Room.

-[Poopies] He’s drunk. -[Johnny] He’s had a couple of drinks.

He’s a little wobbly right now.

We’re about to give Poopies lip injections

to make him 23% more gorgeous.

[Larry] Finally!

[Ehren] Oh, my gosh! He got you!

Hello, Dr. Julie.

-Hello. -[Poopies] Hi.

This is Poopies, and we want to make him more handsome

with some lip injections.

-Can you help us? -Yes.

Holy shit. Are you serious?

So, during this whole movie, I’m gonna have the biggest lips.

[Johnny] You’re gonna have the most beautiful lips.

-Full lips. -Full.

-[Poopies] Oh, my God. -Volumptious.

I’m Poopies, and this is “Lip Filler.”

[Johnny laughs]

Okay, normally, people get numbing, but

Normally people get numbing.

-No, you don’t need it. -No?

-No, no numbing. -Okay. Just relax.

[Adam] What is this you’re putting in?

-This is hyaluronic acid. -[Adam] Oh, this is it.

[Larry] Sounds safe.

-[Wee Man] Don’t move, either. -[Dark Shark] That’s a long-ass needle.

-[Wee Man] Stay still. -[Johnny] Oh, my God. [groans]

[Rachel] You’re gonna get so much work after this.

-[others exclaiming] -Shit!

-[Larry] Oh, fuck! -[others cheering]

-[Johnny] Now we’re doin’ good. -[Rachel] Oh, my God! All right.

-Yeah! -Holy shit!

[Larry] Holy shit!

[Johnny] All right, we can go bigger.

[Larry] Bigger!

-[Johnny] You can go bigger. -[Rachel laughing]

[Dr. Julie] Now we’re gonna do the bottom.

[Dark Shark] Damn! I thought that was about it.

Dude, what the fuck is this shit?

You look awesome, Poopies.

Is it supposed to have the right side be bigger?

[Larry] What a stupid fucking question, Ehren!

I think I can probably put just a little bit more and that’s it.

-[Jasper] Sexy is the word. -[Ehren] Oh, fuck, it’s turning white!

What the fuck?

I look more like one of those botched fucking housewives.

[Larry] Can we do Ehren next?

Yeah.

[Larry] We need to fix that Lego face.

-[laughter] -Oh, fucking Larry.

They’re all lumpy and shit.

[Chris] I think it looks good.

[Johnny] All right! Way to go, Poopies.

-[Rachel] Yeah, you’re good. -[Johnny] Yeah!

[team member] What are you pouting at?

On Jackass Forever, Knoxville and I

are just interviewing the new guys

and straight up, like,

“Poopies, are you afraid of anything?”

He’s like, “Well, I’ll tell you what.

I don’t like the dark, and I don’t like--”

You know, just like layin’ it all out. Like

But I don’t think Bam ever told us he was scared of snakes.

We just kinda happened to figure it out when snakes came out.

Once we figured that out, it sure wrote a lot of bits.

You know, the worse the experience is

the better it looks on screen.

[Jeff laughing]

So, today we’re going to bring the cast

into this room, two at a time,

to shoot a rattlesnake stunt.

But that’s just a ruse to get them in here,

so we can lock the door, turn out the lights

and make their life a living hell.

This is “Silence of the Lambs.”

[Johnny chuckles]

-[rattling] -You hear that?

[Jeff] What is it?

-That’s a rattlesnake. -[Jeff] No, it isn’t.

It is. Listen.

-[Jeff] Oh, really? -Jules.

[Jeff] But you’re not a part of this bit.

[Johnny] You’re in peanut gallery.

He’s got a western diamondback rattlesnake.

He’s gonna release it on the ground.

Pontius is gonna take a cookie and set it on its head,

and then I’m going to try

and take the cookie off its head.

And this is a western diamondback rattlesnake.

He’s about five feet and change.

Very, very venomous.

He will bite you if you get too close,

and he will kill you. Or try to.

-I’m not kidding. -Whoa.

-Ready? -[Bam] I’m gonna sit back.

Chris, you’re fucking nuts, man.

[Ehren] Whoa, shit, dude.

[rattling]

-[Jeff] Oh, fuck. -[Bam] Dude!

-[Jeff] Oh, fuck. -[Bam] Oh, my God.

[Chris] It’s got a big head, though.

[Johnny] Jesus!

[Chris] They can strike so fast.

[Jules] He will absolutely kill you, son, at two heartbeats per second.

Can you feel my heart?

[others laughing]

Wow, dude!

[Jeff] All right.

It’s goin’ as fast as that rattlesnake.

[Jeff] That’s why I won’t do this.

I’m really scared for Johnny right now.

[Jeff] All right, let’s put the snake away

and get these guys mic’’d. It’s time to do this.

[Ehren] They’re huge, man. Those are big-ass snakes.

All right, switch the bucket.

Let’s get the snake out of the room.

[Poopies] Is there an antidope here?

[tech 1] Okay, let’s get Knoxville for me.

That is what it’s called. Antivenom, not antidope.

What’s antidope mean? I don’t even know.

[crew members shouting]

What’s antidope?

[laughing] Uh, that’s like--

-[door slams] -[Zach] Oh, my fucking God.

-[Poopies] No! -[Zach] No!

-[door slams] -[Preston] Goddamn!

[Wee Man] Oh, fuck you, guys.

Wait, how-- Why are we the only ones in here now?

I don’t know, dude.

-[door slams] -[Ehren] Doggone it!

[tech 1] Oh, fuck this, let’s go!

-He’s driving himself around? -[door slams]

[Bam] Oh, no! No!

[Johnny] Hello, my name’s Johnny Knoxville.

Welcome to hell.

[Bam] Please, no!

Wait, dude, where’s the fuckin’ light?

Bam, seriously, there’s a snake in that bucket,

so don’t fucking swing around.

Well, where should I go? What am I gonna do?

Oh, fuck!

So, if we get bit, we die.

[Zach] Yeah, oh, God!

Are you serious?

Why the fuck did we go down to the basement? [shrieks]

Dude, come on.

[Wee Man] Knox, what the fuck? Come on.

Dude. Come on.

-[Wee Man screams] -[Preston shrieks]

What the fuck?

[Ehren] I’m gonna break that fucking door down.

[Dave] Do it, Ehren.

Did they just-- [screams]

[Ehren] Fuck this shit! Ah, fuck you guys!

All right, knock over the bucket

and cue the snake sound.

[Johnny] Oh, shit!

-[thudding] -[rattling sound]

-[Johnny] Oh, shit. -Oh, my God!

[Johnny] Everyone, stay-- Guys, stay on the couch.

The fuckin’ snake.

-Bam. -Yeah?

You gotta be cool, man, there’s a fuckin’ snake in here.

-[Bam] Yo, I don’t know what to do. -[Johnny] Stay where you are.

-[Bam] All right. -[rattling continuing]

[Bam screams]

Dude, it bit me, I think.

[Johnny] Jeff, Bam got bit! No fuckin’ shit.

[laughing]

-[rattling continuing] -[Bam] I can’t do it. I just showed up.

Just turn on the lights, all right? [shrieking]

That’s it! That’s it! That’s enough! That’s enough!

[Johnny] There’s a snake, Dave!

[Dave] Where are you, Ehren? Ehren.

Ehren! What the fuck?

-Ehren! -How am I supposed to even help you, Dave?

Just-- I just need to know you’re there.

-[crackling] -[screams]

Fuck this!

-[Dave] Ehren! -Oh, I got a weapon now, motherfuckers.

I got a weapon.

[Dave] Don’t hit me, Ehren.

-No, I got a weapon. -[Dave] Ehren!

-Don’t hit me! -You fuckin’--

Ehren, don’t fuckin’ not answer me!

Ehren, answer me.

-[crackling] -[Ehren screams]

Ah, fuck! There’s a door!

Dave, over here! Dave, this way!

-Yeah, right. Fuck that door. -Dave, this way!

Fuck that. There’s something bad over there probably.

No, I promise!

[Dave] No, you don’t know shit.

[Ehren] There’s a door I just opened, I swear to God!

Oh, wow, how convenient.

Come this way. I swear to God,

-I’m not lying to you. -[Dave] Fuck that door.

You’re on your own then, fucker.

-[clang] -[shouts]

Shit!

-[screaming] -[Johnny laughing]

-[Dave] Ehren! -[Johnny laughing]

What the fuck is going on?!

I can’t even I can’t even fucking do it.

[Zach] What the fuck is this?

[moans, laughs]

-[traps snapping] -[yells]

Holy shit!

Motherfuckin’--

-[traps snapping] -[Zach yelling]

[Johnny, laughing] Oh, my God!

Ow! Fucking bitch!

[Johnny] Keep going to the right, Bam.

I don’t trust you now.

[Johnny] If you got the fucking--

Bam just got bit.

I got bit, Jeff!

I’m going-- Okay, I’m done fuckin’ with you, okay?

-It’s buzzin’ over there. -Here.

I’m done fuckin’ with you. I’m helping you.

’Cause you got-- Bam, you got snakebit.

We gotta get you medical attention.

Come on, Bam. Come on, buddy. Let’s go. Let’s go.

Everyone, I’m done fucking around!

You gotta let-- You gotta open the door. Okay.

Okay.

[Johnny] You got-- Okay, close it!

No! No! No!

No!

Dude, I’ll fuck--

That’s it, that’s it! That’s it!

It got me! Okay? It got me!

[Johnny] The snake got you?

[Bam screams]

-In the leg and in the ribs. -In the leg and the ribs?

Please!

Fuck!

I’m gonna have a cardiac arrest.

[Johnny] Turn on the lights.

Okay, okay.

-Welcome to the set, Bam-Bam! -Oh, my God.

[Johnny laughing]

Zach, you all right?

-Holy shit! -[Zach] I crawled through the fuckin’ thing!

I heard Zach and it sounded like

he was gettin’ murdered in here.

[all laughing]

I thought this was like the only way to get out.

So I just climbed over it, and then it broke.

Oh, my God, man.

Did you think there was a snake in the room?

Fuck, yeah!

-You thought you were gettin’ bit? -Yeah!

[Johnny] Oh, fuck.

[Bam growls]

-[yells] -[others laughing]

God!

This whole fuckin’ place is probably rigged.

It is, isn’t it?

It is, isn’t it?

See, when I come up with my ideas,

I don’t write them down.

I just draw a picture and fax it to Los Angeles.

I just drew a picture of a fat-ass and a little guy

with a bungee cord connected.

This is “The Bungee Jump.”

[Wee Man] Are you ready, Preston?

[Preston] Just go, just go.

[Wee Man] Three two one.

[Wee Man shouts]

[others laughing, whooping]

[Bam] Yes! Yes!

Yes, yes! Oh, my God.

-[Ehren] You did it! -That worked perfect!

[cheering, whistling]

Hello, my name’s Johnny Knoxville.

Welcome to our production of “The Marionettes.”

I smell a Tony. Let’s go.

[clapping]

This job sucks.

Fade in. Timmy, ten years old.

A pasty, dimwitted but unlikeable boy,

makes his way through the town square.

He spots Dolores, 11 years old.

Dolores is pretty, like an old catcher’s mitt,

and only has one nut.

Timmy:

[Ehren] Good morning, Dolores.

I want to take you to the dance,

but I heard Ugly Jeff asked you, and I was shocked.

Timmy is hit with Taser-gun darts.

What?

No, fuck that! No, fuck that!

-[screaming] -[zapping]

[others laughing]

Fuck this job!

[Johnny] Don’t be mad at me. Be mad at the narrator.

[Ehren] Stop it!

Fuck you!

Fuck!

[laughing, stammering] Timmy:

Gimme a second, Adam fuckin’ Ray!

[Johnny] Timmy, you’re holding up the play!

How can I win her love?

I sure could use a little help.

Up in the rafters,

a cute, but soon to be crabby Cupid appears.

-[Wee Man groans] -[Ehren] Oh, fuck.

[laughter]

[Ehren] Oh, fuck.

[Adam] Cupid:

Timmy, I’m shocked it took you so long to summons me.

I’m gonna beat you, Chris.

Cupid is mercilessly shocked with a stun baton

and then pelted with pineapples.

[Wee Man] Okay! Ah!

Pineapples?

What does pineapples have to do with Cupid?

Cupid then pulls the bow back on his love arrow

and shoots Dolores in the eye.

-[yells] -[others groaning]

Sorry.

I’m not Dolores, man!

[Johnny] Sorry!

-[Adam] Timmy: -Dolores, you drive me crazy!

I feel like my heart is going to explode.

[Adam] A large brick of firecrackers

is duct-taped to Timmy’s chest,

and a very long fuse is lit.

No!

-[Wee Man] Oh, shit. -No!

[Wee Man shrieks]

[Adam] Timmy’s heart explodes like a cantaloupe.

It’s burning me!

-[shrieks] -[banging]

[Ehren] Oh, fuck!

-[Dave] Oh, shit! -[Wee Man] What?

[Ehren] Oh, fuck!

[Adam] And then, our two living actors

take their triumphant final bows

as Timmy hangs there lifeless and limp.

The End.

-[Johnny] Yay! -[cheering]

Two thumbs up.

All right, well, this is an opportunity that I’m gonna enjoy.

Mr. Knoxville

Did you choose to host Fear Factorfor the money,

or because it really turned you on creatively?

-[all laughing] -Tell the truth!

I It turned me on

-[strained] creatively! -[electricity crackling]

[laughter]

Keep going. Keep going.

All right. Here we go.

[chuckles]

Poof! I’m an old prick now. [laughs]

[dance music playing in club]

Hello, ladies!

Hey, grandpa, how you doin’?

Good! How you doin’, baby?

All right!

[upbeat music plays]

[Irving] Wow.

[cheering]

[Irving] He’s got his jim dog out!

How are you ladies doin’ down here?

What you gon’ do, watch it or watch us?

I came to watch you girls.

[laughs]

You ladies are going to get all worked up

and then hopefully old Irving can swoop in there.

-What’s your name? -[laughs]

Irving.

Maybe some of these ladies’ll want a serving of Irving,

if you know what I’m sayin’.

[announcer] If you ready for the next entertainer,

then somebody say, “I am!”

I am!

He’s harder than a horseshoe!

How hard are you?

I’m pretty loose right now,

but I could probably get it goin’.

[woman] We want to see yours. We want you to walk the red carpet.

[Irving] She wants to see mine?

Walk the red carpet.

[Irving] I’ll show her mine right now!

We gonna make it rain, walk the red carpet.

I’m gonna go. I’m gonna. I’m gonna walk the red carpet.

Yeah, I’m gonna shake it!

[upbeat music continues]

[announcer] I don’t know what the fuck is goin’ on.

[club-goers gasping, cheering]

[announcer] No, he is not gonna stay.

[laughter]

[cheering continues]

I’m Bam Margera.

And I feel like kicking my dad’s ass all day today.

Come on, Bam.

No, I gotta go to work, jerk-off!

Stop it!

Come on, I gotta go the hell to work on time!

-Will you stop? -[thud]

[Johnny] Should I be naked like the dummy?

As long as you’ll strap me in, I’ll do it.

[rocket technician] Five, four, three, two, one!

[Steve-O] Oh, shit.

-[Bam] Oh! -[laughter]

[laughs]

-[Bam] Oh, my God! -[Johnny] Oh, my God.

Yeah, I guess I will have to hold on like a motherfucker.

[laughter]

[Johnny] Oh, my God, that’s crazy!

[Chris] Oh, please.

It’s weird to strap a dummy to a big rocket

and then see it go off [imitates rocket]

and then say, “All right, time for you to get on, Knox.”

[Steve-O] It’s moments like these when you know

Johnny Knoxville is one gnarly dude.

Dun, da-da-da-dun, da-da-da-dun

da-da-da-da-da-da- da-da-da-dun

I’m so glad I’m not the star of this movie.

[laughs]

[Bam] Knoxville’s gonna see

what the moon’s gonna look like.

He is gonna go definitely 60 feet up in the air.

He’s gonna get annihilated.

But I don’t want to tell him that.

You’re gonna be just fine!

Hi, I’m Johnny Knoxville,

and this is my “Big Red Rocket.”

[rocket technician] Five, four, three, two, one, go!

[laughter]

[Wee Man] What the fuck was that?

-[Bam] Whoo! -[Ryan] Oh, my God.

[Wee Man] Holy shit, dude.

[Steve-O] What? What?

[Johnny] Well, usually, the rockets fail

backwards and forwards, I was told,

but there was a rocket that came out the side.

If it’d been like right here

that’d been a picture-wrap on old Knoxville.

[laughs]

And now we’re trying it again. It’s rocket launch take two.

I’m scared just watching.

-I know, yeah. -I want a Lance helmet.

I have full, like, adrenaline.

[laughter]

This isn’t the best idea ever.

Yes, it is.

I’m Johnny Knoxville and I’m going to the moon!

[rocket technician] Five, four, three, two, one!

Later.

[crew cheering]

Yeah! Yeah!

[Bam] If you’re okay, give us a thumbs-up!

[Chris] He held onto it.

[Dave] That was incredible.

[cheering continues]

[Bam] Totally awesome!

All right, we’re having a little party at the office.

But unfortunately, Ron’s in there

and he’s in a terrible mood

because his wife left him again.

Poor Ron.

We’re gonna have to go cheer him up.

That’s right. Let’s kill him with kindness, fellas.

It’s party time, boys.

Okay, let’s do it, let’s do it.

All right, let’s do it.

[Poopies] Let’s go cheer up Ron.

Hey, Ron, what do you say?

We’ll just have a little cake and fun in here?

Hey, Ron, I heard about the breakup.

[Johnny] Yeah.

-[screams] -[laughter]

Fucking Ron!

Hey, Ron, come on-- Ow! Shit, Ron!

Ow!

I will fucking call HR.

[Jasper] Ow!

Oh, that was my arm!

I’m starting to think he’s racist.

[laughter]

Ron can smell his wife’s cheap perfume

all over Jasper, and he’s furious.

[Jasper] Ron, it’s cool.

[Poopies] Oh, no!

Wellthat solves the office mystery

about who fucked Ron’s wife.

[laughter]

[exhales]

[sighs]

-I’m Steve-O. Oh, fuck! -[laughter]

Oh, why do I have to be Steve-O?

I’m Steve-O and this is “Tee Ball.”

[breathes heavily]

-[grunts] -[laughs]

I remember seeing the footage

of the “Box Down Stairs” when

right after it was shot, in the editing room, and

I always wondered why it wasn’t allowed to be on TV,

and then I found out that it was too imitate-able?

[Johnny] Yeah.

Duh.

Yeah, I got two herniated discs

because of the “Box Down Stairs.” [laughs]

We put a pillow in there, or two.

Yeah, thank you. Thanks for those pillows.

-[laughs] -Oh, man, it killed!

[Greg] You need one for his head.

[Jeff] All right, just tuck your head down.

[laughs]

[Johnny] Let’s hurry up and do this!

[Jeff] No worries, we’re getting it taped up.

[Greg] Can you breathe?

[Johnny] Not well.

[Jeff] All right, let’s go. You ready?

[Johnny grunts]

-Oh! Oh. -[laughter]

[Jeff] Get it back up.

[Greg] Wait, is this the top or the bottom?

Oh. [chuckles]

[Dave] You okay?

[chuckles] No, I’m not.

That really hurt. I wanna see a playback.

[Jeff] At one point, it just took off,

like you actually got airborne.

In the first Olympics, they performed naked.

-Oh, yeah. -And

we would like to do, uh,

one of the events from the first Olympics,

the high jump,

and if you would do it buck naked.

-Okay. [chuckles] -[laughs]

[Johnny] And you know how they do it.

They kinda run at it and then they kinda turn?

[Chris] Yeah, yeah, Fosbury flop.

[Johnny] Yeah, the old Fosbury flop.

-Yeah. -I think it’s Dick Fosbury.

-Yeah. -Oh, is that who invented it?

Yeah, and now we got Big Dick Fosbury,

ol’ Chris Pontius.

-[breathes heavily] -[skin slapping]

I’m Chris Pontius, and this is the “Pole Vault”.

Wait, I fucked up my rhythm.

[laughter]

-[exhales] -I’m Chris Pontius, and this is the “Pole Vault.”

Ah, I totally fucked up.

[laughter]

[Jeff] We need to get some clean sound of this. Get in close.

-Get in there. -Yeah, I got it.

All right, the Tahitian Dancer.

[breathes heavily]

Detroit Muscle Rock.

[laughter]

I’m Chris Pontius, and this is the “Pole Vault.”

-[breathes heavily] -[laughter]

[Rachel] Yes, Chris.

[Steve-O] Whoo-hoo!

[cheers] Yea-- Oh!

[Zach] Almost

You started jumping from too far back.

I know, I completely fucked up.

Oh!

My angle was all wrong.

[cheering]

[triumphant music playing]

[Johnny] That was amazing.

[Bam exhales] Here comes Dunn.

[chuckles]

[explosion]

[laughter]

No fucking way, dude!

We just spent so much time getting ready.

-Is there blue on me? -[laughs]

I’m so happy.

There’s a lot of blue.

Dude, that thing goes.

[Johnny laughs]

[Bam] What’s the word on, uh, “Butt X-ray”?

There you go again.

Everyone’s fuckin’ saying to me I’m gonna do something

I fucking never said I was gonna do. You know?

I didn’t fuckin’ commit to that.

[Ryan] What do they want you to do?

They want me to fucking start shoving shit up my ass!

[Bam] I thought that was-- That wasn’t your idea?

No, it wasn’t my idea.

I mean, I was always entertained by the idea.

I never fuckin said I’d do it. You know?

[Bam] So you’re not doin’ that.

Fuckin’ highly doubt it.

You know?

And if there’s a fuckin’ problem with that

then maybe someone else can start

shoving shit up their ass.

You know?

Now, I’m lubing up

[Jeff] I can’t see the car, Ryan.

the little toy car

because I’m going to put it in my butt.

[laughter]

[Bam] Just shove it the fuck up.

[Ryan] Oh, fuck.

[Steve-O] Oh, fuck, no!

Dude, it feels so goddamn gross.

[laughter]

Really. You know what?

I’m really questioning myself right now.

[Jeff] Is it almost in?

[Ryan] It’s in, dude.

-[Manny] It’s in? -Yeah.

-[Manny] Let’s go. -Oh, fuck!

I feel like I have to shit my ass.

[laughter]

Oh, fuck.

I’m not too excited about this skit.

It’s not my favorite I’ve ever done,

because there’s a toy car in my butt.

But this is the “Butt X-Ray.”

I think I need an X-ray.

-[receptionist] Antoine? -[Dr. Antoine] Yes?

How you doing?

Pretty good.

-I’m Ryan, and this-- -What can I do for you?

I was partying last night with some frat guys.

I passed out.

I must’ve fallen down and broken something

’cause I haven’t been able to walk right since.

We’re gonna take X-ray now

-Okay. -to be sure.

-We’ll take a look. -Okay.

This is comfy.

[radiologist] Hold your breath. Don’t move.

[whirring]

[doctor 1] Oh, wow!

[doctor 2] What’s that? What you got?

[doctor 1] What is that?

[doctor speaks Spanish]

[laughs]

-[doctor 2] What the hell? -[doctor 1] A car?

[Jeff] What is that?

[doctor 2] Is his own car, no? The toy.

-The toy car. -[Dr. Antoine] Toy car?

[doctor 2] This is the wheel.

See that?

[in Spanish] It’s a little car.

It’s a little toy.

They were at a party yesterday and everyone passed out

and they were having sex with each other and stuff like that.

They were drugged up last night.

What’s that?

[Ryan] I have no idea.

That’s not part of you.

That’s something extra.

I woulda known if I ate that.

No, you won’t be able to swallow that.

That is a car toy.

[Ryan] Well, how did a car toy get there?

Maybe you stuck it up your ass.

I didn’t stick anything up my ass.

[Jeff] God. Have you ever seen anything like that?

No, I’ve never seen that in there.

I’ve seen the toy car all over,

but no, never in somebody’s rectum.

[Ryan] You can’t get it out? You don’t have--

No, I I’m a physician.

But I practice this, X-ray only.

[Ryan] You think maybe I can just you know, poop it out?

You won’t be able to poop it out.

In fact, it will hurt you.

In fact, I

I don’t think it’s even good for you that you poop it out.

[Jeff] What will happen if you take Ex-Lax?

Will that help?

No, if he takes Ex-Lax,

he gets a Iot of diarrhea, but no car.

-[doctor 3] It’s up there? -[laughter]

He must drink a lot.

[Ryan] I mean, don’t show it to everybody.

-You just go to the doctor. You don’t talk to anybody -Yeah.

to your girlfriend, to your boyfriend, to whomever.

You don’t tell nobody, all right?

He already knows. That’s too many people.

I appreciate it.

Thank you for taking care of me.

-Okay. -Thanks again.

I gotta see it!

[laughter]

[Chris] It’s still in your ass?

[Ryan] Yeah, we gotta go to the hotel

and pull this thing out.

-[Johnny] Ooh. -[Ryan] Oh!

Hit! Good.

[Preston groans]

Hello, my name is Johnny Knoxville.

Welcome to the “Dum Dum Game: Part Deux,”

-aka “Double Boom.” -[all laughing]

In this competition, our four competitors

and our special guest star,

Paul Walter Hauser,

are going to sit in this hot seat

and answer trivia questions.

Everyone ready to get started?

[Larry] Yay.

Let’s raise Zach.

All right.

He’s an angel.

Oh, boy, there’s the double boom.

What the fuck?

Jasper, take a seat.

-[groans] -Yeah, Jasper, let’s go!

[Johnny] All right, Jasper.

Where was your father, Dark Shark, born?

Fuck. [laughs]

What?! I mean, what?

Dude, I’m trying to give you a softball.

Just drop him!

I’m guessing like Crenshaw, Venice area?

South Central.

[all exclaiming]

Jesus Christ, Jasper!

It’s all the same thing!

That’s shameful. You should

-be embarrassed. -Really, Jasper?

Okay, what is Jeff’s last name, our director?

Dickhead. No, Tremaine, Tremaine.

God, just get outta the chair!

[all laughing]

Yes, Jasper!

Paul, you realize you’ve already

broke into show business, right?

[all laughing]

[Johnny] You don’t need to be doing this.

This is like a Make-a-Wish, if it were a punishment.

I’ve seen worse asses, Zach. I’m just sayin’.

-Thanks. -Okay.

[Larry] Send me the link.

[Johnny] How many Earths

could fit inside our blazing sun?

If you need to phone-a-friend, you can ask Larry here.

Larry.

[Larry] Yes?

Do you know how many Earths could fit inside of the sun?

[Larry] Thinking

Thinking

Thinking

Fuck, I’m horny.

Oh, Larry!

Fuck off, Larry. I’m gonna say seven.

-Oh, you fucked that up. -I’m gonna say seven.

One point three million.

[Larry] I was gonna say that.

Oh, boy.

Poopies! Come on.

Thank God I’m not last.

Well

I don’t think there is a last.

It keeps going round and round.

-Yeah, dummy. -Yeah.

Dude, are you dumb?

Ehren your face is ugly, so just--

Ooh!

Wow, sick burn!

Oh, it smells.

How many colors make up the classic rainbow?

Blue, yellow, orange, green, purple

Red

And

You got this, Poopies.

White.

[laughing]

Oh, my God. Lower it!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Let me just-- Wait, that’s gotta move over a little more--

Sorry, I just had to shift it over a little.

Oh, my God.

-Okay. -[laughing]

[Johnny] Poopies what color are the shoes I’m wearing?

-I can’t see. -[all laughing]

[Wee Man] Don’t look!

-[Johnny] What color are the shoes I’m wearing? -Red.

Wow!

Ehren’s up!

-Zach, you good? -Oh, yeah, I’m great.

This sucks, dude. What the fuck?

[exclaiming]

-Oh, my-- Oh, God. -[Johnny] Oh, Jesus.

-[gagging] -[Johnny] Please do not puke.

-Stop it! -[Larry] If you puke in his butt

it’s seven years bad luck.

-[all laughing] -[gagging]

[Johnny] Okay, Ehren.

-Who starred in and wrote -[gags]

“The Meter Fairy”?

I’m the Meter Fairy.

That’s-- That would be Ehren McGhehey.

Danger Ehren. Me.

All. Final answer.

And that is the worst bit we’ve ever filmed.

That’s not cool, man!

-[screaming] -[all exclaiming]

Up, up, up, up, up! Up!

[gagging]

[coughing, gagging]

Wait!

-[groans] -[all laughing]

We gotta give it up to Zach for sure, dude.

[Johnny] Yay, Zach!

That is it for the “Dum Dum Game: Part Deux.”

Some of my favorite bits are,

like, ones that just, there’s--

Like, we’re sittin’ around, we don’t have anything to do.

Then someone says, “Go get some Super Glue”.

It’s kinda like what happened with Brad Pitt.

-[laughing] -He was there

to shoot “Night Monkey”,

and you’re like, “Why don’t we just kidnap you?”

And he said, “Okay.”

And we had the presence of mind

to call the police department

to let them know to disregard 9-1-1 calls

about Brad Pitt being kidnapped.

[laughs]

“I know this just sounds really specific,

but Brad Pitt’s gonna be kidnapped.”

-[laughing] -“But it’s a joke.”

“Yeah, it’s a joke. That would never happen.”

Hi, I’m Brad Pitt and I’m gonna get abducted.

[Brandon] All right, good. See you out there.

Fun with celebrities.

Yo, Brad Pitt!

No shit!

No shit! No, it’s Brad Pitt! Oh, how’s it goin’, dude?

-It’s slow. -All right, all right. Take a break, man.

Yeah, but can I get your autograph?

-Come on, man. -Yeah, get him, now! Get him!

-Get in the fuckin’ car! -What are you doing?!

-Holy shit. -Wait!

[Brad] Hey, hey! Help!

Help! Help! Help! Help!

[onlooker] Hey, what are you doing to him?

-Leave him alone. -Go, go, go!

[Brad screaming]

[man in line] Son of a bitch.

[Bam] Oh, shit!

[Chris] Look at him.

-[all laughing] -Aw, fuck!

[Bam] Yeah.

It’s like a drug, yeah.

[Brandon] Run the lights.

You get the license plate?

Shit, someone call the cops.

-Was that Brad Pitt? -Yeah.

What just happened? What the fuck?

Brad Pitt got kidnapped.

Yeah, yeah, it was Brad Pitt?

-You see the [indistinct] -Brad Pitt, he was here?

Brad Pitt was in line and he was just

kidnapped and thrown into a van.

I’m really not kidding.

Some dude was like grabbing my ass,

trying to rip me outta the car.

He was really fighting to not get in, too.

Yeah, totally.

-You’re a good actor, dude. -[Brad] Oh, thanks, Chris.

[all laughing]

Hi, I’m Johnny Knoxville and I’m gonna

get hit by a car real soon.

[engine revving]

All right, guys, we’ve got Tory Belleci from MythBusters.

So I’ve decided to try a trick for the first time ever.

And frankly, I’m pretty nervous about it, okay?

Are you ready?

[exhales]

[gulps]

[grunts]

[grunting, gasping]

-[Johnny] Oh, no. -[grunts]

-[Johnny] Ugh. -[Steve-O grunting]

On the table. We might be playing table tennis.

[all laughing]

[Johnny] Wait, wait, wait.

Can you?

-[all laughing] -You got this?

[groaning]

He’s at five centimeters.

[all laughing]

-[groaning] -Oh, he’s crowning!

Maybe you should’ve put the ping-pong ball

up your ass and then puked it out.

[strained] I’m gonna get it, I’m gonna get it.

I don’t know, this myth might be busted.

[all laughing]

Okay, here’s the thing, guys.

I put the ping-pong ball in my mouth, right?

Yeah.

-Pretending to swallow it. -Yeah.

But I had already jammed a ping-pong ball up my ass.

Now I think I lost it.

Oh, God.

A good magician never reveals his tricks.

-Yeah, right. -[groaning]

It’s our last day of filming after 25 years

and we haven’t learned a goddamn thing.

-[all laughing] -[groaning]

Push!

Oh, yuck!

Oh, my God.

[all groaning, exclaiming]

[Johnny] That was a dirty trick!

[Steve-O] Take it.

That wasn’t even, you didn’t even get close to the target.

Oh, no!

Get the dog. Go, buddy. Go, buddy.

[Jasper] He heard the ball falling.

-You guys stay. -Oh, my God!

It fuckin’ worked.

[all laughing]

That is all cheese, no whiz.

This is all flour for our friend Bam.

We’re gonna antique him when he gets here.

-Okay. -Walkin’ in.

-He’s walkin’ in? -There he is, walking in.

-What’s up? -What up?

[chuckles] Not much. How you been?

-Good. -High five!

[all laughing]

Oh, my God.

That was the best one so far.

You guys, you kicked my fucking ass.

You got--

[Johnny] He got antiqued!

[Bam] I was so not ready for that.

[Dave] That was so good. You went--

Oh, good morning, man.

-Good morning, Bam. -Howdy.

-Oh, shit. -Goddamn.

You know, we have that the

it looks like a dog-- a shock collar for

-The Taser? -for the neck?

-There’s one for your cock? -Yeah

Poopies said he wants to try to see if it shocks.

I didn’t say, but I will. I didn’t say.

[Johnny] Oh, I thought you said it.

You were, like, “Yeah, that’d be awesome.”

[chuckling] When did I say that?

You said-- Yeah, you said, “Sick!”

Can someone go get the, uh shock collar for your penis?

Yeah, I’ll run and get it.

Excuse me, for Poopies’s penis.

Okay, it’s on there.

It looks like his dick’s on house arrest.

[all laughing]

[Johnny] I don’t know why we decided

to film this on the side of a cliff.

Hi, I’m Poo-- [screams]

-[Johnny] Wait! I’m sorry! -Fuck!

-Poopies, I’m sorry. -No, I’m not doing this!

-No, come on, Poopies! -I gave you an opportunity!

I’m sorry! I’m sorry! One more time.

One more time, I won’t do it.

I’m Poopies and this is “The Balance Beam

with a Taser on My Dick.”

[Jasper] He’s gonna score a T-in-and-out.

[Dave] Gonna make it all the way across.

[screams] Oh, fuck!

You’re supposed to land on the beam.

[Johnny] You gotta take your hand off the beam.

Hang on.

[screaming]

-Oh, fuck! -[all laughing]

I’m fuckin’ done, I’m done.

I can’t even think about anything else but my dick right now.

Ditto.

[laughing]

-Fuck! -[Johnny] I didn’t even shock you.

-What happened? -My mind’s getting’ to me.

-His mind and spirit. -[all laughing]

That would be a first.

That would be the first time that’s ever happened.

-[Rachel] Yeah, Poops. -You got this, Poops.

[Jasper] Come on. Balance it, baby.

[Rachel] You’re so graceful.

-[screaming] -[all laughing]

[Dave] Dude, you almost rolled down that cliff!

[Jasper] Dave saved you.

[Jeff] Jump out.

[groaning, laughing]

The last movie, Danger Ehren was all-the-way MVP.

The movie before that, 3D, Ryan Dunn was MVP.

I feel like I’ve had some strong moments

in all of our installments,

but I don’t think I could ever claim

that I was really, like, the MVP of one.

And when I learned that

there was gonna be another chance,

I wanted desperately to step up and just do the thing.

Yeah, I showed up to work for this one, man.

And the bar’s been pretty high.

But, uh I’ll tell ya this, my butthole really hurts.

[laughing]

When you reach our age, you gotta get a colonoscopy,

and that begins with drinking this stuff

that completely flushes you out.

If you’re not 50 and don’t know, it’s a super laxative.

In just a few minutes, we’re gonna be pooping violently,

while testing ourselves

with a game of dexterity, flexibility and stuff.

Game of “Human Pretzel”.

But thank God we have these awesome fashions,

to give you an inside look at the action.

People don’t got a lot of faith in you

that you’re not puking in this bit, Lance.

No? Not gonna happen? All right.

Shall we play?

Steve-O will go first, okay?

Right hand, orange.

Right there.

I’m right in the line of fire right here.

[Rachel] Chris, left foot, purple.

Sorry, Preston.

-[onlookers groaning] -[Ehren] Yeah.

[Chris] I just farted. I tooted.

Oh, wow, that’s very brave.

[Johnny] Oh, I think she spun it

and said, “Chris, uh, right foot, pink.”

-[Chris] Fucking-- -[Johnny] Yeah, yeah.

[Chris] Oh, look right into the eye of the storm.

[all laughing]

Okay, left foot, purple.

It’s gonna be left foot brown, real soon.

What’s wrong, Lance?

Lance is getting sick.

-[Rachel] Steve-O, left foot, pink. -[Johnny] Oh, man.

[all exclaiming]

[Wee Man] Dave!

[Rachel] You guys are doing great.

We got a leaker!

-Uh-oh. -Steve-O’s--

Oh, God!

Oh, my God.

[Poopies] Dave, look to the right.

[all exclaiming]

[Jasper] Look at him.

[Chris] Ew, gross!

[Chris] Hold your ground.

[all gagging]

[Rachel] Right hand, green.

[Johnny] Goddamn it, she said right hand, green!

[gagging, retching]

[Ehren] Fuck this!

Oh, my God!

[Johnny] How you doing, Lance? Still hanging in there?

[Johnny laughing]

-I’ve never smelled poop that bad. -No.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my-- He’s still shi

-Oh, my God. -[people retching]

[Johnny] How did you not puke?

Steve-O is the winner

-[Rachel] Yeah, Steve-O! -of the Human Pretzel!

-He’s coming right now. Okay. -Oh, God. Get outta here.

[Poopies] Go right up and shower, Steve-O, shower.

Good job, bubba!

[indistinct chatter]

Don’t say anything.

Hey, what can I get you to drink?

[Wee Man] Two Budweisers.

[bartender] Thank you, dear.

Cheers.

-Cheers. -Boop!

[bartender] So, what’s crackin’?

[Wee Man] I don’t know, go down

to the beach or something.

Terra!

All right.

What the fuck you doing?

Who the fuck are you?

-Shh. -Who are you?

-Calm down. -I’m her freakin’ boyfriend, asshole!

That’s cool, bud. I’m her man-friend.

Dude, don’t push me. Don’t push me.

-I’m not even touching you. -Whoa, Poppy, calm down.

You know, fuck both of you! Fuck both of you.

So, he and I are kind of taking a break and

Hey, he’s right in here.

-What’s up? -Fuck you!

-Fuck you. -Yeah, I told you to get the fuck away.

Don’t push him, man!

Stop! Stop!

Get him, Pop! Get him, Pop!

[thug] Get his ass down, man!

[male patron] Come on, guys, break it up.

Police! Get on the fucking ground!

Get on the ground!

Freeze! Everybody up against the wall!

-This is your fuckin’ fight. -Up against the wall!

-Get the fuck off me! -Up against the wall!

-Damn! -The fuck are you doing?

[police officer] Get him up! Get him up!

Freeze, motherfucker, get your hands behind your back!

-[security] What’s going on? -[Wee Man] Let’s go, baby.

Fucking get off me!

[paramedic] Code 54! Paramedic!

[boyfriend] Get off me!

Paramedic!

[boyfriend] Get the fuck off me!

-Shut up. -[boyfriend] Get ’em off me!

Get the fuck off me!

Shut up!

-Shut up! -Oh, look at them two.

Rick?

-Whoa! -Oh, shit.

What? He can walk?

Okay.

[patrons whooping]

What was that all about?

What the hell was all that about?

[cameraman] What happened?

I don’t know what happened.

It was wild.

The cops came in, I can’t believe it.

Little miniature cops.

Hello. I am Johnny the Magnificent.

Today, I’m going to wow you

with my supreme skills of prestidigitation.

[metal clanking]

Oh, fuck! Oh, God! [yelps]

-What a-- Oh, shit. -[bull grunting]

Oh, shit. [yelps]

[screams]

[Chris] Oh, my God.

You okay, Johnny?

Holy shit.

[Johnny groans]

[onlooker whooping]

Abracadabra.

[Ehren] You left your hat out there.

[Johnny] Did we get it?

[Jeff] Take two?

I hate take two with bulls.

-[Dave] Oh, man. -[Wee Man] We saw Knox dancing around with the bull.

But we know the hit that the bull gave Knox

wasn’t the one Knox wanted.

It was close, but it wasn’t the one.

[Johnny] What do you think? Maybe a take two?

Fuck that.

[bull bellowing]

[metal clanging]

This one’s twice the size!

Oh, my God, dude.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit!

I don’t wanna fuckin’ watch this, man.

[Jeff] All right, are we good?

Hello. I’m Johnny the Magnificent.

Today, I’m going to wow you

with my supreme skills of prestidigitation.

-[metal clanging] -Oh, shit!

-[bull bellowing] -[Johnny shouting]

[onlooker whoops]

Oh, no. Oh, shit.

[bull bellows]

[others gasping]

[Steve-O] Jesus, Mary.

That one works. That works.

-[Steve-O] Damn. -Johnny, you okay?

P.J., talk to me. You okay?

You all right?

[Jasper] He’s had it.

[Jeff] You doin’ okay? Johnny?

[Preston] He’s getting’ back. He’s coming to.

[Eric] He’s comin’ back, yeah.

[Jeff] You all right?

That was a violent brawl. One-sided to be sure.

[chuckles]

[Wee Man] Fucking gnarly, dude.

-[Steve-O] Yeah. -Did we get it, Jeff?

[Jeff] We got exactly what you wanted.

-[Wee Man] Yeah, Knox! -Yeah, Knox!

[Johnny] Oh, fuck.

So what happened after it hit me?

[Jeff] Dude, it’s gnarly.

This is you, this is the bull.

[all laughing]

[Wee Man] He didn’t even mess around, dude.

He turned around and just nailed him.

[Steve-O] Dude, that was insane.

[Poopies] Yeah, Knox.

[Ehren] It’s probably the biggest hit you’ve ever taken.

[Chris] And that’s why he is the captain.

[Johnny] That bull didn’t like fuckin’ magic.

[laughter]

[Poopies] Yeah, Knox, we love you!

-[clapping, cheering] -[Johnny] Love you!

[Poopies] Captain!

[Steve-O] Concussions aren’t great.

But as long as you have ’em before you’re 50, it’s cool.

And Knoxville is 49. So we’re good.

Hello, I’m Johnny Knoxville,

and this is the “Escape Room from Hell.”

[laughs]

[Johnny] There are three different rooms.

You have to solve puzzles in each room to get to the next.

Godspeed.

[sighs] Thanks, dude.

[Johnny, over speaker] All right, Wee Man

To get to the next room,

you’ll have to reach through that wall

to find a special Jackass coin.

-I don’t know-- -Fuckin’ hold my hand and go.

Go! Fuckin’ put it in there!

-I don’t wanna hold your hand. -Go!

[screaming]

What the fuck! Okay.

What the fuck is that?

-[laughs] -What the--?

What’s the deal? What’s it feel like?

-I don’t know! -[Ehren] This sucks.

-I can’t tell. -[Ehren] Doggone it.

I put my hand in it and I feel shit.

[Dave] I saw you put your hand in it.

[all laughing]

-Dave! Dave! -Come on, Dave.

-Come on, Dave. -Oh, my God, dude.

[Johnny] Get in there, Dave.

-[Wee Man] Scoop. Scoop. -[Dark Shark] Reach down.

All-- Put your arm all the way in and go down.

[Wee Man] Go in and down. In and down.

-[Zach] What the fuck? -[shouting, laughing]

[Zach] Oh, God!

There you go. Got it?

It’s a, it’s a butthole!

[Wee Man screams]

Oh, my God!

My finger went in it.

[all laughing]

[Preston] Oh, God, it’s really good.

-[Johnny] Get that coin. -Okay.

[Johnny] You gotta reach in deep and scoop.

[Ehren] Dude, go deep.

[Zach] Is it in your butthole?

[groans]

[Johnny] Oh, they got the coin!

-[Dave] Oh, my God. -[Johnny] They got more than the coin.

-[Dark Shark] What the fuck? -[Dave] Dude, my finger--

I jammed my finger backwards.

I can smell the shit on your hand.

Looks like you guys solved the puzzle.

I think we’re moving to the next room.

[laughs]

Okay, Dave, this next puzzle is for you.

And what’s gonna happen to me?

Well, if you solve the puzzle, nothing.

You have to correctly guess four animal sounds

to stop this. To save Dave.

Are we ready?

Wait, you’re goin’ heel?

Yeah, heel.

-Okay! -Oh, shit.

No, dude. Oh, my God.

What sound does a dog make?

[barking]

Okay, good job.

What sound does a cat make?

[meowing]

Wow, they’re doin’ really good.

What sound does an aardvark make?

[quacks]

No.

No, they don’t make a sound! They don’t sound.

Okay, okay, okay.

-I got that right! [laughs] -[Wee Man] Nice!

Yeah, baby!

[Johnny] You just need one more.

Dude, are you kidding me? No.

[Johnny] What sound does a cassowary make?

-No! -[Ehren] Cassowary?

[grunting]

That’s incorrect!

[Dark Shark] Oh, shit.

-[Johnny] That’s incorrect! -[Wee Man] Just start sayin’ shit!

[Dave screaming]

[Johnny laughing]

[Ehren] Oh, my God!

[all shouting, laughing]

Goddamn, bro!

Dude, what the fuck?

[Dave whimpering]

I think that’s the sound of a cassowary.

That is correct! That is the sound a cassowary makes.

And I think we can go to the final room.

It’s done, dude. Dave, it’s done.

Dude, my dickhead’s just going [imitates machine]

[all laughing]

[Johnny] In this bit, Ehren will sit

in this comfy electric chair that we built for him.

-[Ehren] Wait, what? -You have all these jumper cables.

You have to get the right jumper cables

on the right thingies.

Then you come up here and you turn this down.

How do we know if we got the right ones?

Because if you don’t have the right ones,

Ehren is going to get shocked.

[Chris] Have you ever done an escape room?

Fuck no and fuck that shit. You do it?

-I have done it. -You’ve done an escape room?

Yeah.

-I don’t believe you. -It’s a team-building exercise.

[Johnny laughs]

All right, Ehren, get in your love seat.

[Dave] She’s the worst at doing it.

[Johnny] Let’s close the doors and please start the game.

Just give him a little shock now.

-Ow! Fuck! -[crackling]

[Johnny] Hey, hey. Hey, guys, I’m sorry, that was a mistake.

-[Wee Man] Fuck! -That was a mistake.

-Fuck that! -[Ehren] Fuck, dude.

[laughs]

-[Dave] Fuck this. -[Johnny] You guys can start now.

Fuck, what are we doing?

-Here’s seven. -This one’s four.

-Four? -Yeah, where’s seven?

I don’t know where four is.

Fuckin’ figure it out, you guys!

-Where two at? -Two’s right here. The red one.

[Johnny] You guys are getting close.

-[Dark Shark] Where’s four? -Oh, no, wait!

[Dark Shark] Get that last one right there.

-[Johnny] Are they all in place? -Damn it.

-Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa -Calm down.

-I think it’s colors. -No! It’s numbers.

-He had it wrong. -No, it’s fucking not numbers, guys!

He had it wrong and he put it up there.

-Okay, do the thing! -He’s gonna get shocked!

[Wee Man] No, he’s not. No, he’s not.

-[crackling, buzzing] -[screaming]

[Dave] I knew it! I knew it!

[Wee Man] Okay! Okay!

-It was right! -I turned it off!

-Turn it off! -I turned it off!

Turn it off. Turn it off.

Okay!

Y’all killed him, man.

-Y’all killed him, bro! -Fuck, dude,

-he’s like fuckin’ dead, dude. -All right, Dave.

Get the thing. Get him out.

-Get him out. Get him out. -[Dave] He’s out.

What happened?

-Hey, sit still-- -Get outta here! What the fuck?

It’s your hat. I’m taking your hat off.

Hey, she’s trying to let you out!

[Johnny] Blow the horn. Who’s got the horn?

[horn blows]

[Johnny] That’s good. That’s good.

Fuck this fucking shit!

-[horn blows] -[Ehren] Fuck!

-[Ehren] Fuck! -[Dark Shark] Damn, that was crazy.

[Ehren] Fuck this fuckin’--

[screaming]

I’m out! Fuck off!

Oh, my God.

Well I think that’s it for the Escape Room from Hell.

[laughs]

-Wait-- We’re done? -[Jeff] Yep.

-Oh, my God. -We did it.

You got out of the escape room!

Do we get a therapist after this shit, man?

-Do we get a therapist? -Good job, Dark Shark.

Goddamn, you all fucked me up, man!

And you put your hand in Zach’s ass.

-Way, way up his ass, dude! -[laughing]

[Ehren] Fuck you guys!

[Jeff] You forgot your shoes!

[Ehren] Fuck this fuckin’ place!

There were headlines on the internet

that you said this Jackassfilm

will be the last one ever.

After you said that about every single Jackassmovie,

do you think anyone’s gonna take that seriously?

As much as I fuckin’ hate to say it

-[sighs] -[laughs]

[Poopies] Don’t say it!

I’m getting emotional. [chuckles]

[Poopies] Don’t.

It it is.

That’s it.

[wind whistling]

[“My Way” playing]

Hello, I’m Johnny Knoxville! And this is the end!

[all] Yeah!

[laughing]

[song ends]

[cheering, laughing]

[“We’ll Meet Again” playing]

[Wee Man] Yeah! Yeah!

Oh, my God

-[explosion] -What the fuck?

[chattering]

[laughs]

[groans]

[chattering, laughing]

-God, it feels so good! -Yeah.

I can finally put my clothes back on.

[Steve-O] I need money to stop in the hospital.

[grunts, laughs]

All right, come on!

-[cheering] -Yeah. A group photo.

-Yeah, Poopies. Antidope. -Right here, bro.

I think Poopies is crying.

-[Chris] What’s wrong? -This might be the last bit we ever film. [crying]

[Dark Shark] Nah, you ain’t like this.

No, I think he’s actually upset.

[interviewer] So, what’s it like seeing all this old footage?

Everyone looks like babies.

Actually, I feel old and I miss Dunn.

[Johnny] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel old and I miss Dunn.

[inaudible]

[cameraman] What are we doing here?

Steve-O’s late for his plane, so I’m gonna wake him up.

-Okay. -Make sure he makes it.

[laughing]

[screams]

[cheering]

Steve-O!

-[Poopies] Spike. -[Johnny] Love ya, buddy.

[Johnny] Spike Jonze!

Jeff Tremaine over there!

[crew member] John!

Hey, will you get him back to his room?

-[Poopies] So good. -[Johnny] Who this?

I didn’t hear him on there, so--

-[Jeff] It’s, it’s for you. -Hello?

[driver] Loomis, you’re up this way, right?

-[Loomis] Yeah. -There’s trouble?

[inaudible]

[song continuing]

-You did great today, Jeff. -Stop. God.

-[kisses] -[groans]

Oh, Johnny Knoxville!

-This is the end! -This is the end!

-[song ends] -[Jeff] And two.

-[explosion] -[cheering]

[Wee Man] Ohhh, shit!

[Ehren] Look at that fuckin’ fireball!

[screaming]

[“Southerly” playing]

Hello, I’m Johnny Knoxville!

Hi, I’m Johnny Knoxville!

Hi, I’m Johnny Knoxville.

Hello, I’m Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass.

[grunts]

[screaming]

[groans]

[screaming]

Shit!

[electricity crackles]

Oh, no!

That’s semen, all right.

[retching]

-Did you fart on me? -Yep.

Oh, my God, no!

[drumming]

-[Preston] Ow! -[laughing]

Ow!

[laughing]

[cheering]

Phew.

-[buzzing] -[laughing]

[laughs]

[song ends]

I hate the fact that I had to fuckin’

hang out with alligators and fuckin’ cobras.

I have dicks branded on my ass.

Everything fuckin’ sucks.

[laughs]

Like everybody’s just effin’ with me today.

And my Misfits sock.

[“Shine a Light” playing]

[chattering, laughing]

That went good.

[all laughing]

That’s something.

[struggling]

-[chattering, laughing] -Sorry, bro. What happened?

fast. And then it just, like

-Yeah. -it just slammed down.

[screams, grunts]

[yells, groans]

[groans]

[barking]

Oh, no!

[laughing]

[groans]

[cheering]

Is Butterbean okay?

[laughing]

-Ow! -You okay?

Oh, yeah, I feel great.

Good job, man.

[cheering]

[Poopies] All right, boss, we love you!

[Chris] Love you.

[Poopies] Captain!

-Whoa! -[laughing]

-Ow! -[laughing]

Oh, my God.

[laughs]

Look how nervous he is.

This sucks. Oh, man.

[thunder crashing]

Spin you around.

[screams]

[shouting]

-[gunshot] -Ow!

-Ow! -[laughing]

[screaming]

[laughing]

-I need help. -Yeah.

[song ends]

But, man, that almost turned out real bad.

Yeah, I was scared, man.

Shit. Scariest thing ever, man.

Yeah, that was exactly what we wanted though.

Oh, God. That is--

It couldn’t have ended any better.

That’s-- I don’t know if that’s exactly what I wanted.

That’s exactly what I wanted.

Yeah.

Reminder. The stunts in this movie were performed by professionals,

so for your safety

and the protection of those around you,

do not attempt any of the stunts you have just seen.