Original subtitles

you

Oh, my God. Look at this.

She has risen!

Oh, no.

I was never dead.

TMZ got a bad tip.

They issued a retraction this morning.

They said they carried your body off a boat in Singapore and you didn't make

What? They said they carried your body off a boat in Singapore and you didn't

make it.

No, yeah.

No, no, no. I didn't make it to the hospital.

I came to in the ambulance. I had them reroute me to my hotel.

We didn't want to believe it, that it made sense because of your, you know,

breakdown.

My breakdown?

Yeah. At late night, it was all over the news that you had cuckoo.

Headlines are horrible.

How Debra Vance lost her way and lost late night in the process.

Oh, diva down.

Talk show host's bizarre behavior raises serious concern.

Ever since you went to Singapore, Bob Lipka has been smearing you in the

But I defended you in all the comments with my burner at Joyce Goldblatt Chang.

Oh, my God. Debra Vance's on -air break while they cut the feed before her

meltdown. What?

That's a bad one.

Oh, once an arsonist, always an arsonist. Debra Vance burns down late

God, I knew that social media detox was going to bite me in the ass.

First, I was tagged in some very unflattering photos. Now this?

There are hundreds of these.

World articles calling me a free speech warrior.

Well, there were some positive ones, but they've been buried.

Of course, because that bastard owns almost every news outlet.

Oh, my God.

I think we've all read the stories. Speaking of.

Yeah, it's tragic.

Of course, I wish Debra had spoken to us first, but hey, it is a tough gig.

Not everyone's built for it.

We all just hope she gets well. Gets well? Gets well? Gets well?

No wonder the obituary was so bad.

They needed someone to blame, so they blamed me, the crazy lady.

It's a fucking house fire all over again.

We need to sue, okay? And we need to get these websites to issue a retraction.

I don't think that's good. No.

Damage is already done.

We need to shift the narrative with something bigger than all of this. Like

what?

I'll figure something out.

How have you guys been?

Good. I think we should do a couple's costume for Halloween.

Well, what are you thinking?

Bart and Lisa or... Knock, knock.

Hey.

May I? Sure.

Regret to inform you that Jeff Dunham is signing elsewhere.

Fuck!

But the meeting went so well, I even got along with a stupid -ass puppet.

All of our meetings go well, and then they find out we can't do business with

Bob Lipka's company, then they ghost us. Well, it doesn't help that our client

list is older female losing bone density by the minute, Jimmy.

You don't have to tell me twice. We lost two clients to bad falls this month

alone. It's sad, and I don't want to visit the hospital again.

Parking is a nightmare.

I didn't want to tell you this, but...

We lost Lassie.

The dog signed somewhere else?

No, I mean, we literally lost her. She ran away.

And she's not fixed, Jimmy. She's probably taken loads of every pity from

to Santa Clarita, stupid whore. All right, look, I know this isn't popular.

one's going to want to hear this, but I think we should revisit the conversation

about downsizing the office. No!

We're not downsizing.

Don't make me say that again.

Kayla, the office?

The rent, the phones, the insurance. It costs $30 ,000 a month to be here. It's

worth it.

We're projecting success to the industry. I mean, there's already nasty

going around about us ever since you beat the shit out of Bob Lipka. I didn't

beat the shit out of him. I just knocked his phone out of his hand. We had a

little scuffle.

The assistant slack is still a buzz, boss.

Not good. If we move now, it's a death bill.

Okay.

Fine. It's Damien. Says Deborah wants to have lunch in Vegas this afternoon.

Oh, my God. The last -minute flights are going to be so expensive. This is what

I'm talking about.

Did you know it's free?

You have BMW, which I just had vacuumed. It's spotless. You could eat an omakase

off the desk.

Sure, but if we're going to drive and be there by lunch, we've got to go now.

Road tip. I'll drive. Don't worry. I just got my license.

Just? Second.

Okay, I guess I'll sit in the back of my own car.

I figured it out. What time is it?

Actually, what day is it? Every obituary leads to the person's greatest

achievement or failure. That's why I need a win. A legacy -defining win that

they cannot spin. Okay. I refuse to be remembered on other people's terms as a

quitter or the person who killed late night or some hysterical woman. I have

worked too hard and I have fought far too long.

I will be remembered for my accomplishments.

Yes. So I have decided to EGOT.

Uh, EGOT?

Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony. I know. Well, actually, I didn't. I thought the G was

for Golden Globe. But I love that. I love that!

Oh, good. I kind of assumed you'd think it was crazy. No.

I think it would be crazy if you did not do that.

Right? Great!

Come on, get up. We're having lunch with the team. Now!

Well, lunch?

I'm still on Singapore Standard Time.

Midnight snack could be good.

Now E! God is ambitious, but I'm already halfway there.

I have a daytime Emmy for hosting Begongle. Yes! Oh, my God. Begongle.

Yeah. Wait, what? Oh, Begongle was a game show on the USA Network in 1992

celebrities played Boggle on a constantly shaking floor.

So funny. And I already have my Tony for producing.

In a post -Coital Haze, Eric Idle convinced me to put some money into

Anyway, I already have my T and my E, so now I need you to get me my O.

O.

Well, I was for Oscar. No, I know what O stands for. I just meant O, like a

reaction. Oh, that's crazy. Wow.

Anyway, Debra, I'm going to have to review your contract because I have to

what you can even do legally.

Buffman, permission to speak?

Sure. Now, the network paid out Debra's contract, and they did it all through

her exclusivity clause, not the non -compete.

Technically, she can't do anything scripted or paid TV, film, no new media.

control her social, no live public performances.

And the contract specifies Florida law governs. And because Debra already

her injunctive relief clause, if she violates the contract, they can come at

with a restraining order or worse.

You memorized all that?

Inadvertently. Someone recently told me they thought I was autistic.

That was me this morning. Oh, yeah.

Anyway, she can technically still film something out as long as it's not

released until the non -compete is over.

I like this young man.

The thing about an Oscar is... Jimmy, it's not that difficult.

I mean, award voters love it when funny people go dead serious. Yeah. Just find

me my Monique moment. Well, I can take you off... Oh, now, on to the grammar.

Tragically, I have been nominated for my stand -up record seven times. I have

never won.

Seven? I was seven. Mm -hmm.

Not a Bantz in Hell, Under the Knife, Over the Drama, Live at the Mall of

America, The Alestra Diaries, Live for Your Diet, The Death Commandment.

And the best things in life are at Sears.

Debra Vance Live, sponsored by Sears. So, yeah.

Robbed. Now, I know I can't do stand -up right now, so I'm taking a different

route. I'm going to compete in the best audiobook category by recording my

memoir. You wrote a memoir?

That's great.

Well, no, not yet. But I happen to know the best writer in the world.

Oh. Tony Kirshner.

Hey, what about me?

You can't write my memoir. You're too obsessed with me.

It's cool.

I gave up on developing my prose skills when I realized Gen Alpha can't read.

All right, everybody, let's go.

G -O stands for Grammy, Oscar.

Yeah. I'm not scared.

A Grammy and an Oscar.

Ava. No, I know, okay, but you don't understand how bad it got in Singapore.

She was sleeping all day. She was drinking till noon. Jimmy, she wore

public. Did the Crocs have a heel?

No.

But she keeps her heels on during surgery.

Yeah, so that's why whatever she wants to do, we need to get on board, okay?

Okay, yeah.

And you know what? I guess she has done crazier things, right? Yes, of course.

She can do anything.

We can do anything.

Speaking of which, I need you to write and sell a huge international hit that

has potential for sequels. Can you do that?

I... Look, I would never normally pressure a client to help our firm

financially, but we really need it. We've had a tough few months.

Jimmy, she gave up the show for me.

You know, I have to stay and help her. I'm sorry. No, no, no. I get that.

Actually, I did finish my Mall Girl script in Singapore. I can send you

Amazing. Okay, great. You send me that, and I guess I'll go get Debra an Academy

Award?

Perfect. Great to see you.

Mr. Kushner, I just want to say, it's...

It's such an honor to observe the writing process of one of my heroes.

I mean, Angels in America was just, yeah, so formative for me.

Oh, that's sweet. She's just shadowing, so feel free to ignore her. I often do.

Oh.

So, Tony, where do we start?

I'm thinking a chapter a day, 15 chapters. We should be able to wrap this

two weeks. Easy.

We're going to need far longer than that. I really believe in an immersive

process.

Oh.

Okay.

Well, I don't tend to love those.

whiny childhood parts of most celebrity memoirs.

But then again, I was a very strong child.

I held up my own head at three months old. My little blonde head. Oh, wow.

I know.

Oh, that would make a great opening sentence.

Quote, I was born blonde.

I actually want to start way before that. Since your people descend from

Scotland, I've been reading The Lion in the North, 1 ,000 years of Scotland's

history. Did you know that your eighth great -grandfather was a prominent

in the Battle of Glenfruin? I didn't.

It's really fascinating stuff. It starts with the McGregor clan. They were in a

feud with the Coughlin clan over cattle theft and land theft. It's like the

beginning of the 17th century when James VI, who was a big homo, moved to

England to become James I. And it was the start of the Jacobean era.

What if Debra produces a documentary short? That's got to be an easy

right? There's no way Debra's getting into that category this year.

I mean, do you see how many ongoing awards we have going on right now?

at least a nominee coming out of each.

Unless Debra wants to drag a film crew through the Congo, it's not happening.

This is impossible.

It is. Is it, though?

Because correct me if I'm wrong, there already is a movie with early Oscar buzz

that Debra has a connection to.

Which one?

The Fatty Arbuckle movie, Jimmy? The one you're producing? Hello?

Hi, yeah, no. That's the only project we have without Deborah or a rabid dog

attached. Absolutely not, no.

And dare I say I'm proud of my work on it. Thank you very much.

It's an award season dream.

It's a biopic.

It's got famous actors playing a games type. It's a period piece. It's got

everything. She just needs a small part. Do you know that Beatrice Strait won

the Oscar for Network despite having only five minutes of screen time? Five

minutes? I didn't know. I had no idea. But it doesn't matter. We're already

finished shooting.

Don't we have to do reshoots? No, we are doing additional photography.

Reshoots? We are doing additional photography, but it's different than a

reshoot. Christopher Plummer was nominated for a performance done

within additional photography. Thank you.

Wow. How do you know all this stuff?

Once I started learning about Hollywood, I couldn't stop.

Such a fascinating mix of culture and business and art and history.

It's America.

I mean, maybe if she was Australian, I could see it.

But, no, look.

The Arbuckle movie is the only thing that's going well for her firm. I can't

mess it up.

All right, whatever you say.

Maybe she could learn sound mixing and ride to the top of her field in the next

few weeks.

The worst idea I've ever heard. Hey, there are no bad ideas, but... No, it's

okay. I probably shouldn't have said anything.

Fuck!

You've got to be more sensitive to her, okay?

Kayla, Kayla, honey, it's okay. You know what? There are no bad ideas in a

brainstorm. And it's really hard to get an author.

So today, let's start with high school.

I was gorgeous, smart, and popular.

College, same. Now that's when Frank came in. Before we get into that, let me

just play you something.

I think this is the soundtrack for the first chapter of the book.

Books don't have soundtracks. No, the soundtrack I'll listen to while I write

that section of your life.

Oh my God, that is...

Such a cool way to do it. God, when I write, I just change out of my sleep

pajamas to my daytime pajamas.

Maybe close your eyes to really feel it?

I don't know. I have a Pulitzer.

Oh, wow.

That does feel good.

Right? She gets it.

I love this song. Hi, Tony.

Isn't that all there is?

Is that all there is?

If that's all there is, my friend, then let's keep

dancing.

Oh, Patty, I can't be alone.

I wish I could hold you just one more time.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but Debra actually would be better for this

part. Uh, yeah.

Anybody would. Let's cut.

Cutting! I'm sorry, guys. I'm really having trouble accessing the emotions

today. No, no, no, darling. You're doing fantastic. We love it.

I hate it that she's so mad.

Yeah, she's been horrible all day.

Do you think that maybe she'd be better if we put peanut butter on the roof of

her mouth?

What? We recently did the last reboot.

She's kidding, I think. I'm not kidding. I hope.

Look, I hate to say this, but I do think we should recast her. You do?

That's a good idea. I mean, this movie's about a comedian, right?

Cleaning a little maudlin.

I think you should put a comedian in the role, right?

What about Debra Vance?

That's an interesting idea. Does she act at all? Are you kidding? She was the

lead of Who's Making Dinner, a groundbreaking sitcom in the 70s.

She's great in that. And you know what is crazy? Her story is exactly like

Fatty's. I mean, she was cast aside by the public, she was maligned, but then

she rose from the ashes.

It's actually really good for the narrative, and I think she'd be amazing

park. That was very inspiring, Kayla.

It's a great idea. I just totally came up with it. Didn't she go crazy or

something recently? No, no, no, that was a coordinated smear campaign. What the

hell are you talking about? That is absolutely false. I can tell you after

the things you've read. Something's not true.

She's fattier than ever. Okay, great.

I love it. Let's do it.

Okay. Awesome. Oh, my God. And you have to fire Esme because I'm not good at

being direct with people.

You're a director.

I know.

Okay. Great.

Cool. Moving on, everyone.

All right, moving on.

God,

I can't believe you're recording the book already.

Oh, no, no, the book's not happening.

I fired Kushner.

You fired Tony Kushner?

No, Deborah!

God, I was going to slowly develop a relationship with him over the course of

years and then eventually ask him to read my script, and he was going to love

it. You know how it is with men. If they're not moving at your pace, it just

gets boring and painful after a while. Okay, so why are we in a recording

then?

I had Mackenzie run the numbers to see if I could still get a Grammy this year.

Deborah, we talked about you not using Mackenzie.

You said I could do it if it was for a good cause.

No, I didn't. Well, it is, and I did.

Apparently, it is an incredibly weak year for one Grammy category.

Regional Mexican music album, including Tejano.

And and if I'm featured with the frontrunner and they win we say well,

week here.

I get my G Yeah Hey Deborah, we're ready for you Did

you know about this

yeah

Oh, God.

I hate firing people.

Let's do Good Cop, Bad Cop.

I'll be Bad Cop. They're sexier.

Okay. Just... Okay. We should see a concert soon. I'm kind of in the mood

concert.

All right. Come in.

Hi there. It's Jimmy and Kayla.

Yeah. Hi.

Hi.

We need to talk to you, honey. Okay.

Sure. Come on in.

Oh, thank you so much for welcoming us into your space.

Of course.

We should start by saying that you, madam, have been just so punctual.

Of course I'm punctual. That being said, you're bad.

Your acting's ass, and you're being outperformed by a dead corpse, mama.

Okay, sorry about her. Give us a second.

That was insane, but honestly, it's on me. I should have never let you be bad

cop. You be good cop.

Okay. Kind of an oxymoron, though. Fucking pig.

Just be as nice as you possibly can, okay?

Okay. I'll be the nicest girl in the whole world.

Sorry about that, hon. I'm super vibe -holer.

Oh, my God. I did not know that.

Yeah, I'm really sorry about that.

But unfortunately, I do have some bad news.

Okay.

Those are real lips.

If so, your boyfriend's one lucky son of a bitch.

I have a wife.

Oh. Yeah.

Listen, there's no easy way to say this.

You are being recast. What?

Oh, my God.

You are terminated and effective immediately. Please pack up your things

return your costume and the wig cap.

Fuck you, Jimmy.

Seriously? What? I mean, this is so unfair, right?

Insane. Wrong.

You jackass! No, we're not getting the union involved.

We're just recasting. It happens every day. No, I mean, seriously.

You've been mistreated in the workplace.

No, she hasn't. This is just a recasting. It happens every day in

I've never seen something like this. It happens a lot, OK?

Unfortunately, this division is final.

You're fired.

But you're also signed by us as a client.

Really? Mm -hmm. Kayla.

I am seeking representation.

Well, you found it with Schaefer and Lucek.

Welcome to the family.

Oh, my god.

Yeah, we should definitely get a dinner on the books. Yay!

Dinner, dinner, dinner.

To build the comfort of the dead, yet to be destroyed. I

consider myself a playwright who's learned to write screenplays. Or perhaps

should say, I'm a playwright who's learned to write screenplays for Steven

Spielberg.

Hello.

Hey, what's up? I've been thinking. The real way.

To cement my legacy is for me to primary AOC.

What do you think?

Oh, um, yeah.

Yeah, totally.

That sounds good. I guess we would have to get you a New York address first in

the Bronx.

That could be cool. We could hang out there. I heart New York. I would love to

hang out in New York City a lot more. I would love that.

Okay, that's it. What is wrong with you?

Nothing. What are you talking about?

You're not challenging me in your normal, well, haven't you ever

way? I'm just trying to be supportive.

Well, I don't need a yes man. I need a no woman to ignore.

Okay, well, fine.

Yeah, things got really dark in Singapore, and it was really scary

that way.

And now you're back, and you're motivated, and it's just nice to see you

out of bed every day excited.

Well, okay.

But, you know, I do sometimes need you to be honest with me.

Okay, well, I don't think performing Tejano music is how you want to rewrite

your legacy.

Why not?

I just... I don't know that, like, trying to find some loophole to game the

system in an obscure awards category is what you want to be remembered for, is

it? Maybe.

I mean, it's non -compete. It could be a blessing in disguise.

I could discover something new. I'm brilliant at my true calling.

I mean, look at Woody Allen.

He's a gifted clarinetist. Doll, Woody Allen is not going to be remembered for

playing the clarinet or the movies or the bucket hat. It's going to be the

thing, okay? And you are going to be remembered for comedy because you're a

comedian.

You said it yourself in your final monologue, remember?

God, I don't remember what I said.

I certainly haven't watched it.

Yeah, well, maybe you should.

Okay.

What is the biggest achievement for a comedian?

Beating a rape trial.

Seriously.

Hosting a late night show.

Come on, anything else?

Selling out Madison Square Garden.

Okay, great.

But I can't do that.

I can't perform.

I know, and I don't know how to get around that.

I don't know what to do.

So you have a bump, but no pitch.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

Yeah, me too.

I'm going to bed.

No results.

Unbelievable. Yeah, they've taken down every late night clip.

This is criminal.

Hang on.

Oh, shit.

What?

They took down my bad, too.

What?

Why would my special be gone?

Because it's on their streamer.

Bob Lipka controls that, too.

They fucking scrubbed everything.

Everything.

Everything that we have worked on for the past five years is gone.

They're not just rewriting me. They are erasing me.

I'm so sorry.

You know, the last time the press smeared me, I just let them.

I leaned into it. But not this time. This time I am writing my story. Because

you're right. I am a comedian.

And I'm doing comedy. And I'm doing it tomorrow night.

Totally. Super support you. But how are you going to call Jimmy, manager?

I'm sure she'll be okay.

Thank you, Orna. But again, I do want to revisit working on your boundaries with

clients.

I've been thinking about that a lot, and I, um... Oh, you know what? Deborah's

calling. Same time next week? Great.

Hey, Deborah.

Hi, hi, hi, hi. I hope it's not too late. No, no, this is great. I actually

to talk to you. I just figured it was too late for you.

Are you ready for your close -up, Mr. Vance?

What? I got you a part.

Your Oscar is just one great performance, nomination, flawless

away. No, I'm over that.

Don't need an Oscar anymore.

No, yes, you do. You need it. You told me you needed it. And we recast

We're putting you on the call sheet right now. Jimmy, I'm doing stand -up

tomorrow. Oh, no.

Your son down in Darling.

You cannot perform.

No, I'm going to do a secret show. We're going to confiscate phones.

Well, no venue's going to agree to that.

They don't have to.

I know a guy.

Password? Hermes Kelly 28, Croc, Gold Hardware.

Follow me. I'm gonna do this in time.

Phones, please.

If your babysitter calls, Damien here will handle it. And if you try to think

a device, you will be paid.

They are good.

Follow me and watch me step. We are not live with people, ladies.

Open any hard candy now. So help me God, if I hear a rustle, you're gone.

Sit. Right this way.

Front row, best seat in the house. You do have to sit on the floor, though.

Sorry about that. Did you get your mom yet? The Arbuckle movie is freaking out.

All right, let me try her again.

I'm so sorry, everybody. I'm so sorry.

Oh, it's my son calling. He's been trying to reach me.

Hi, Annie. What's going on? You know that we shoot until midnight every

I know. I'm sorry. Just listen.

I got you a role in the Fatty Arbuckle movie.

Okay. Say more.

Here's the only issue. We lose our location Saturday, so we have to shoot

tomorrow. Can you be off book for eight pages by morning?

Baby, are you kidding?

I'm in soaps. I could be off book for Hamlet in 20 minutes.

Oh, great.

Okay. Oh, the show's starting. I gotta go. I'll text you. All right. Love ya.

Okay. When my mom is in, she's going to do it.

Thank you.

Here I am, back from the dead.

You know, when a man does that, he's the son of God. When a woman does it, she's

held for questioning at LAX.

The only other time I was mistaken for a corpse is when I let a straight man do

my makeup.

You know, when you're away from the spotlight.

You have time to think about what really matters.

The spotlight!

Oh,

can I try the kitty cat?

Mmm. Oh, that is fierce.

Stunning. Look at that.

stunning oh excuse me are you deborah van yes i'm alive and you've been served

there's

a video of you from the show online i can't believe those people found it so

quickly looks like we're going to court ma 'am we need that ring back so give it

back when she's ready

Thank you.

We've just learned the judge has ruled that due to Comstar's investment in

promoting Deborah Vance as the host of Late Night, the clause barring her from

performing is, in fact, enforceable. A temporary restraining order will be put

in place until a full trial can be set. This is a huge loss for Ms. Vance and

her team.

We'll be covering... Okay, give us some space, please. Just stay back.

Free speech is under attack in this country.

Today, I have been told that I cannot so much as perform one single joke or I

will go to jail.

But they can't censor me forever.

The moment my contract expires, I will be speaking my truth. In fact, I'll be

shouting it at my comeback show at the world's most famous arena, Madison

Garden.

Thank you.

Excuse us, guys. Excuse us, please. Back up.

Back up.

Give us some room. Thank you.

The garden?

Yep. It's the ultimate win for a comedian. If I sell it out, I'll be one

a handful who have ever done it. And that will be my legacy.

You know, for a woman who can't be on camera, you've just got a lot of air

Mm -hmm.

Wait. You leaked that video, didn't you?

No.

I did.

So it's a great fit.

We have to announce somehow.

Oh, my God.