Original subtitles

Don't worry, cowboy.

IN TRIBUTE TO MORRIS AND GOSCINNY

I'll let you live.

But it will be worse.

It will be worse because I'll be all around you.

Far into the desert.

In everything you hear...

...my name will be there.

In everything you see...

...my name will be there.

In the whispering wind...

...my name will be there.

Under each heavy footstep you take...

...is my name

My name will be that wall you endlessly run into.

And you'll be afraid, cowboy.

Afraid even of your shadow.

CHAPTER VIII BACK TO THE ROOTS

ALBUQUERQUE 10 MILES AND DUST

Lincoln's convoy passed through here.

Not far from where we used to live.

You okay?

I'm doing well. Why?

Well, we're gonna have to face the man who almost killed you.

It's more like he's gonna have to face us.

Okay, so here we are.

I'm being serious, and you're acting all tough.

Well, of course I am. Because we're three against one,

and together we're stronger.

I'm so scared something will happen to you.

It's the convoy. Looks like they're boxed in.

Look at the soldiers on the ground.

The bodies with the gray and red uniforms are Sentinels,

the President's personal guard.

They were obviously blindsided.

In everything you hear, in everything you see,

my name will be there.

Yoo-hoo.

Hey... Analysis of the situation.

Okay.

Uphill, there are shooters hiding in the rocks.

And downhill, the wagons have been blown up.

But no cannon fire.

So either they're out of artillery, or they've been sabotaged like that one.

Did you hear that cracking?

It's a Sharps 59. It's coming from the wagons.

There's a sniper keeping the enemy in check.

With all the sentinels that have fallen, he won't hold that long.

In other words, we need to figure out how to cross a 300-yard open field

with a bunch of heavily armed, trigger-happy idiots watching us.

Yeah.

We're gonna need a battle plan that's...

- Daring. - Imprudent.

Suicidal.

Stupid, then.

Stupid.

- Just give up. - Freeze!

- This is the one. - Up there!

Stupid.

What?

It worked in The Odyssey. Ulysses hid under the sheep's belly.

The problem, bushes just don't walk!

What was your idea? You drew a blank.

Ceasefire!

I surrender!

No more lives.

Do you hear me?

I surrender!

But my Winchester doesn't!

It's the President.

Move it! Hurry up!

Hurry.

Whoo!

Hell of a change from Congress.

They should leave us alone for a while.

Abraham Lincoln, 16th president of the United States, ready to serve.

I'm so happy to see you, Luke. How long has it been?

- Almost three years, Mr. President. - That's so funny.

I was thinking of old friends, how I should invite them to Washington,

and pow, here we are together under siege in New Mexico.

Talk about kismet.

We're not here by chance, Mr. President.

What do you mean?

There's gonna be a coup?

Come on, we just won the election.

Really, these guys have no patience.

No, but they do have guns, Mr. President.

So we're here to rescue you.

Oh, is that why you brought your team?

Now I get it!

Between us, the lonesome cowboy who doesn't wash, talk, or smile.

A bit outdated and cliché, if you know what I mean?

- Does make me sad, though. - Are your defenses strong?

Yes, of course.

At least so far.

They attacked us by surprise, but my men fought tooth and nail.

I sent a fire team behind enemy lines to neutralize their cannons.

The mission must have been successful. Otherwise, they would have wiped us out.

But none of them came back alive.

Ever since then, we've held on.

- Did you try to escape? - Of course.

But from above, they've got us surrounded on all three sides

And ever since they captured our wagon over there,

they've closed our rear flank.

Okay, we're surrounded.

However... Mmm.

Luckily, we have an excellent sniper to keep the enemy in check.

Me.

I've always been a Wild West man at heart.

I can feel it in my bones. It awakens something in me.

I feel so much more alive.

And if there's one thing that I've learned so far

is that the river rat needs to come home right now.

The river rat needs to come home right now!

The river rat can't right now.

It's a code.

I sent him to retrieve the ammo off the bodies.

River Rat Bambini!

I mean, Corporal Bambini, come back right away!

Impossible.

What do you mean, impossible? What's wrong with you?

What are you waiting for, Bambini?

For Congress to pass a law against lazy--

- Mr. President. - Look over there.

Ah, it must be one of the men I sent to sabotage the cannons over there.

Come on, hurry up.

That's all? How many are there?

Thirty-seven.

Count them again.

It's fine.

I'd lost hope, Sergeant.

Pierce, Mr. President.

I'm the only survivor.

It's as bad as Gettysburg. It's not a pretty sight.

Permission to resupply and go back and fight,

Mr. President.

All their cannons are destroyed, but they still have shooters.

- Nice work, Sergeant. - Breathe. Come on.

Hey, the other side of the lines, did you see where the enemy was hiding?

Yeah. Why?

Because we're gonna need you.

Well, we don't have enough bullets to hold them off.

- Oh, Bambini can always go and find some. - Huh?

That won't help in the long run.

Mr. President, we have to attempt a breakout.

You want us to flee? Like Southerners?

I don't take sides, Mr. President. I take action.

This is the rallying point.

We are in the middle.

The enemy is here and here.

Because you already eliminated 23 of their men,

they will have to redeploy.

He's right.

Thanks to the President's sharpshooting on their left flank,

they all rallied here and found shelter on the higher ground.

Which means that...

by crossing both of their firing angles...

Now there's a blind spot.

But the last ten yards

before the rallying point is exposed to rain.

Which means we'll die.

Unless, of course.

We could cover our entire bodies with metal plates. Look at these.

They put a bunch of these all over the wagons.

We'll slide these under our clothes to protect us.

We're gonna destroy 'em.

Mr. President, with all due respect to you,

- I honestly doubt-- - Well, if push comes to shove, it fails.

We run away, Zee wins, the system collapses,

she kills people and makes Bambini your toy.

Wait, what? Now, why would I become a toy?

And as for me, I'll fake my own death.

Then I'll come join your little team.

Then, altogether, we can go to the plains in South Dakota.

Just a bunch of outlaws hunting outlaws,

tracking men and rewards, the renegades.

Okay. Or we evacuate in two separate groups.

You three go with Pierce and Bambini to find reinforcements.

They've already crossed enemy lines, they'll be able to guide you.

The men and I will create a diversion to fool them.

They'll concentrate their gunfire on us so you can escape.

We'll hold them for as long as necessary.

Let's go.

You can't stay here.

I mean, we need you. With us.

Right now, they need my help here.

What if something goes wrong?

I've got things to tell you.

One more reason to save the country, and its freedom of speech.

Eh?

Don't worry.

You'll take care of the girls?

Uh, I mean, all of them.

Everyone.

- Hey, you okay? - No.

For courage.

Mr. President.

Would you like some?

Just a second. Can I try?

I know that smell, and I know you

It's chloroform.

It's chloro-what?

What the hell is going on, Pierce?

That's not Pierce.

He took the uniform off his dead body,

But he forgot this little detail.

The Red Badge of Courage.

It's for those who fought in Pittsburgh.

Except he couldn't have been there.

It happened on the same day as the worst battle he ever saw.

Gettysburg.

Almost 200 miles from Pittsburgh.

Sentinels.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

But the right question isn't that.

The right question is...

are all of your weapons pointed the right way?

We've been waiting for your signal.

DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

OF THE STATE OF NEW MEXICO IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE

AND THE SELF-DETERMINATION OF THE POPULATION

I put you all the way over here

so you could enjoy the scent of the pine trees.

It's impressive how smells can bring back memories.

As I recall, we're not far away.

It's like coming home.

You can smell gunpowder...

Fear.

Blood.

Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you.

Look at the one who spared your life

when he could have easily killed you instead?

Hmm.

It's time for you to sign, Lincoln.

Eight letters, one period, and it's over.

You really think I'm gonna hand you over New Mexico?

Yes. And in all legality.

A first step in renewing the United States.

Or plunge it into chaos?

How dare you mention chaos when you've destroyed all our values?

You promised everything to the people, including freedom to all.

Freedom to speak, think, and own land.

That's not what the people need.

All they need is order and rules to follow.

To know where their place is.

So I'll make sure it all gets restored.

All empathy and progress.

Even your pathetic abolition.

- I'll dismantle everything. - Yeah, great fantasy you've got there.

How many men do you have left? Four.

Exact number of times I'll politely ask.

And I politely ask you to fuck off now.

One down, and next will be your private, and I'll rip his eyes out.

- After that, your corporal. - Not her toy.

Not her toy.

I'll sign.

I'll sign.

This is bad.

Why are you smiling?

I dislocated my finger.

And that makes you smile?

Yeah, it's the right one.

Thank you for such a presidential gesture.

And God bless America.

I doubt he'll bless your America.

Maybe you should ask him for me.

Long lived the state of New New Mexico.

This is the start of a new era.

Finally, we have obtained what we wanted.

- Go, go, go! - Louise! Louise!

The Declaration.

She stole my declaration!

Come on, guys, let's hunt her down.

- Come on, guys. - Piece of shit.

Your daughter's got courage.

You didn't raise her so badly after all.

It almost pains me to have to do this.

Damn it.

You have to save our Louise.

Mr. President?

Wow.

Now that's what you call protection.

I'm gonna kill ya.

I'm gonna kill ya.

Help! No!

Let me go!

No, I don't wanna go!

Help!

No!

No sudden moves.

Gun in your holster.

My trigger finger's twitchy.

Shoot!

Look at his hand.

He won't. He's afraid he'll miss.

He also knows I'm a quicker draw than him.

In order not to tremble, you must have a heart of stone.

But you decided to let them back into your life

Now you're paralyzed.

- You won't be able to save her. - Yes, you will!

Shoot!

Do you hear it coming, Luke?

The miracle?

It's that special moment when lightning strikes the same place

where it did before.

Today's second lesson is, in the West,

If someone wears sleeves, it's not because they're cold,

it's to hide the cards.

Do you see, Luke? He's a cheater.

That's what makes him quicker.

I told you I'd kill ya.

I wanted to know what it felt like to be the real Calamity.

Legends are sometimes written in the present.

I myself had the privilege of witnessing it today.

And in this battle that took place, between darkness and democracy,

darkness almost won.

That was without counting on our saviors.

Those stars that show us the light and the darkness.

It's with deep emotion that I acknowledge today

the courage, the inner strength and selflessness

of one of our most remarkable figures, a true hero from the Wild West.

Someone who, I must admit, I've always been a fan of.

The one and only Calamity Jane.

Mr. President, this is an honor.

Since you've read my book...

Excuse me. Sorry, would you mind holding this for me, please? Thank you.

What are you doing here?

Oh, well, I'm here with Mrs. Jane for her book

- What do you mean? - She didn't mention it?

We're relaunching the franchise as a photo-novel.

Calamity Jane Volume 3.

Title's mine. Real feats caught in the act.

There's action and emotion, 100% authentic.

She told me the whole story.

Like earlier in the forest, when she took on 32 desperadoes

before saving you all.

Thank goodness she was there.

Well, then, um...

Did she save us to save us or for her book, then?

Muybridge, photograph.

Find your places, please.

Are you ready, Mr. President?

Stand still.

That was really super intense.

Hmm.

You said a lot of things.

And we avoided saying a lot of things.

This means you'll be leaving, am I right?

Come on, Muybridge. We're out of here.

- I've got work to do. - Coming, coming.

Joe's on the run again. He robbed Marshall City.

You know him. While he was playing marshal protecting the bank,

he ended up robbing the bank.

Okay, I think I have everything.

No, hold on. I'm sorry.

Miss, over there. What's your name?

- Me? - Yes, you. What's your name?

It's for the book. Your name is Louise...

Lucky.

Her name is Lucky Louise.

On three.

One, two...

END