Original subtitles

[LIGHTHEARTED ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]

– I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful.

I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful.

I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful.

I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful.

Good morning, Gil.

I said, "Good morning, Gil".

I gotta go to work. See ya.

Wish me luck, Gil.

– Don't ask me, she's your mother!

[SIRENS WAIL]

[HORNS HONKING]

[DOGS BARKING]

[LOUD RAP MUSIC]

– Doctor, it's your wife on the phone.

– Thank you, Claire.

Fay, are we sitting down?

My publisher thinks it's gonna happen.

He thinks good morning America is coming up to

Lake Winnipesaukee next week to interview me.

It's a tremendous shot in the arm for my book.

No! It's very unusual.

I think they did visit Dr.Ruth's house once,

But other than that… [BUZZER]

Hold on a second, honey.

Yes? – Excuse me, doctor.

But there's a Dr.Carswell fensterwald on the phone.

– Thank you.

Fay, I have to go. There's another colleague on the phone.

Boy, they sure do come out of the woodwork when you're famous.

[CHUCKLES]

Good-bye, dear.

Carswell!

– Leo! Long time no see, huh?

You got a big book out.

Things are really clicking, huh?

– That's the way I planned it.

– Listen, Leo, I'm quitting my practice for a while.

I'm leaving town,

And I have one patient I'd like to refer to you.

– Exactly what kind of a case is it, carswell?

He's not psychotic, is he?

– Uh, no, no. Nothing like that.

No, listen, his name is, uh, Bob Wiley.

He pays early. He comes on time.

And he just needs someone brilliant, Leo.

– You know, I know that you don't like flattery,

But if there's anyone I know

Who could win the nobel prize, it's you.

– Well…

I suppose I could find an hour for him

Sometime after labor day.

Okay, I'll work him in for an interview.

Say, carswell, how come you're quitting the business?

– We're a dying breed, Leo. Good luck.

[DIAL TONE]

Free!

– Claire, if a Bob Wiley calls,

Schedule him for a short interview

Right after I get back from my vacation.

– He's already called, Dr.Marvin, twice.

He's your next appointment.

– That's persistence.

– I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful.

I feel good…

– Son-of-a-bitch! Dirty bastard!

I'll get you. Son-of-a-bitch!

– I feel good, I feel great,

I feel wonderful!

I feel good.

– Help you, sir?

– Yes, Dr.Marvin. Dr.Leo marvin.

– Second elevator, 44th floor.

– Thank you.

Elevator?

[BELL DINGS]

[PANTING]

Oh, ooh…

[GASPS]

Bob wi…

– Bob Wiley?

Um, why don't you sit down?

It'll be a few minutes.

[KNOCKING] Dr.Marvin, Bob Wiley.

– Thank you.

Thank you for working me in.

– Hello.

– Should I call you Dr.Marvin or Leo?

– Whichever you'd like.

– Call me Bob. – Bob.

– Is that your family? – Yes.

– Oh, wait, let me guess. I'm very good at this.

Uh, that's harriet,

And then Ronnie, Gretchen…

And Rita.

Ah, wait, wait a second.

Uh, Cecilia, Dorothy…

And this is Kenneth,

And… Bambi.

– This is my son Sigmund and my wife fay

And my daughter Anna and that's my sister Lily.

– Lily? I was close.

It's a beautiful family.

– Thank you.

Have a seat.

– Why don't I start, huh?

The simplest way to put it?

I have problems.

Uh, I worry about diseases,

So I have trouble touching things.

Uh, in public places it's almost impossible.

I have a real big problem moving.

– Talk about… Moving.

– As long as I'm in my apartment I'm okay.

But when I want to go out, I get…

Weird.

– Talk about weird.

– Talk about weird.

Well, I get dizzy spells.

Nausea, cold sweats…

Hot sweats,

Fever blisters, difficulty breathing,

Difficulty swallowing,

Blurred vision, involuntary trembling, dead hands,

Numb lips, fingernail sensitivity,

Pelvic discomfort.

– So the real question is, what is the crisis, Bob?

What is it that you are truly afraid of?

– What if my heart stops beating?

What if I'm looking for a bathroom?

I can't find it… And…

My bladder explodes.

Have you ever heard of tourette's syndrome?

– Mm-hmm.

– Involuntarily shouting profanity.

– It's exceptionally rare.

– Shit-eating son of a bitch!

Bastard, douchebag, twat!

Numb-nuts, dickhead, bitch!

– Why, exactly, are you doing this?

– If I fake it, then I don't have it.

You know, it's the same with the cardiac arrest.

[GRUNTS AND GASPS]

– Are you married?

– I'm divorced.

– Would you like to talk about that?

– There are two types of people in this world.

Those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't.

My ex-wife loves him.

– I see.

So what you're saying is that even though

You are an almost paralyzed,

Multi-phobic personality

That is in a constant state of panic,

Your wife did not leave you, you left her

Because she liked Neil Diamond?

– Now, you're saying that maybe…

Maybe I didn't leave her because she likes Neil Diamond,

But maybe… maybe she left me?

– Yes.

– Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Ow!

Dr.Marvin… You can help me.

For the first time in my life I feel like there's hope.

I feel like I can be somebody.

– Bob, there's an old saying…

That the best psychiatrist in the world…

Is the one right inside of you.

– Yeah.

– I can help you, yes.

– Thank you.

– Bob, there is a groundbreaking new book

That has just come out.

Ah!

Now, not everything in this book,

Of course, applies to you,

But I'm sure that you can see,

When you see the title,

Exactly how it could help.

– Baby steps?

– It means setting small, reasonable goals for yourself

One day at a time, one tiny step at a time.

– Baby steps.

– for instance, um, when you leave this office,

Don't think about everything you have to do

In order to get out of the building.

Just think of what you must do to get out of this room.

And when you get to the hall,

Deal with that hall and so forth.

You see?

– Baby steps! – Baby steps.

– Oh, boy.

Baby steps. Baby steps.

Baby steps through the office?

Baby steps out the door.

It worked.

It works.

All I have to do

Is take one little step at a time

And I can do anything.

Hmm.

Baby step around the office. Baby step around the office.

– That should give you a lot to digest

While I'm on vacation.

– va… vacation?

– Oh, certainly my secretary told you.

As of this afternoon, I'm taking my family

On vacation until labor day.

– That's a month.

What if I need you? What if I need to talk?

– Well, my associate, Dr.Harmon,

Would be happy to talk.

And, Bob, I'll be back.

Just read baby steps.

– Baby steps out of the office.

– very good.

– Baby steps to the hall.

– very good, Bob. Keep going.

– That's it. Bye.

I'll see you in a month.

– Baby steps to the elevator.

Baby steps to the elevator.

– July 31st, Bob Wiley, introductory interview.

Multi-phobic personality,

Characterized by acute separation anxiety

And extreme need for family connections.

Bill the usual rate for the interview

And $29.95 for the book.

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

– It's your publisher.

He says good morning america is definitely coming

To lake winnipesaukee!

– Yes! – Oh!

– Thank you.

– Baby steps to the elevator.

Baby step onto the elevator.

Baby steps into the elevator.

I'm in the elevator.

[SCREAMING]

– ♪ Here's the story of a lovely lady

♪ who was bringing up three very lovely girls

♪ all of them had hair of gold like their mother

– Mid-manhattan exchange.

– Yes, this is Bob Wiley.

I'm a patient of Dr.Marvin's.

I have to speak with him right away.

It's urgent.

– I'm sorry, mr. Wiley, but Dr.Marvin's out.

– It's Bob. And you are?

– Betty.

– Betty, hi.

– Bob, Dr.Marvin's out of town

And Dr.Harmon's taking his calls.

– I know that, betty.

It's just that there's been some confusion.

I was supposed to call Dr.Marvin,

But I've lost his phone number.

– Bob, I can't give out that number.

– I know that, betty, but you could

Call him on the other line

And tell him that I'm on hold on the other line.

Couldn't you, please? Thanks, betty, please?

– Siggy, honey, put that down in front

Of that other chair, okay?

[PHONE RINGS] – Okay, mom.

Hone ringing]

– phone, daddy.

– Thank you, Anna.

– Sure.

– Thank you, sweetheart.

Yes? – Dr.Marvin?

This is betty at your exchange.

I'm sorry to disturb you, but I have a Bob Wiley

On the line who says you'll want to talto him.

– Betty, you know better than that.

Dr.Harmon is covering for me.

– I told him that, doctor,

But he said he lost your number and that it was urgent.

– All right, put him through.

– Go ahead, Bob.

– This is Dr.Marvin.

What's the problem, Bob?

– Dr.Marvin, how's the weather up there?

– What?

– How's your brood?

You all getting a chance to relax?

– Bob, I thought I made it clear

To you that I'm on vacation.

– Well, I know, but I'm just worse than usual this time.

Really bad.

– Bob, if this is really an emergency,

Go to the emergency room.

And if it isn't, call Dr.Harmon.

I'm sure he can help you.

– Well, I'd just feel so much better

If I knew where you were.

It's martha's vineyard, right?

– Bob.

– Well, can't we just talk?

– Yes, we can.

In my office after labor day.

– After you're back from fire island, huh?

– Good-bye, Bob.

– What, you want to keep maine all to yourself?

– Good-bye, Bob!

– Is this a fake hang up?

It's a fake hang up.

– Eat these beans. – No, no.

[PHONE RINGING]

– I'll get the phone. I'll get the phone.

Hello?

– Doctor, it's betty again.

I have an urgent call from your sister.

– My sister? Put her through.

– Go ahead.

– It's not you, it's me.

– Lily, what's wrong?

– Dr.Marvin, please don't be angry.

This is Bob.

I know that I shouldn't be calling you here…

– Bob, the doctor/patient relationship is based on trust.

When you call me and pretend to be my sister,

I can't trust you anymore.

Go to the emergency room, but please

Do not call me here again.

– Oh, no, no.

That was not smart.

That was not smart.

[KNOCKING]

– Who is it?

– Detective roberts from homicide.

I have some questions about a Bob Wiley.

– What?

– That was the Bob who kept calling Dr.Marvin.

– That was that Bob who kept calling.

Unfortunately, Bob committed suicide about 15 minutes ago.

– Oh, my god.

– That's terrible. – Oh.

– very sad.

Should never have happened.

He was a very sweet guy.

But he did leave a note, however.

He mentioned the name betty.

– She's betty. – I'm betty.

– Oh, so you're betty.

– Uh, Bob calledere trying to reach his psychiatrist.

– Oh, well, where is he?

I'll have to ask him some questions, too.

– Dr.Marvin's on vacation in new hampshire.

– New hampshire?

– I can get him on the phone for you.

– Good. No, don't.

If I really need to, I can have somebody

From nhpd drop by, you know.

Uh, but, what if I wanted to write him a letter?

Would you have a mailing address of some kind up there?

– Oh, sure.

That's, uh, p. O. Box 14…

– Yes?

– Lake winnipesaukee.

– Which is spelled…

– W-I-n-n-I…

[OVERLAPPING DIALOGUE]

That's two ns. – Two es.

– E-e, two ns, two es.

Thank you very much, ladies.

I'm crazy about you, especially you, betty.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[PHONE RINGING] – Hmm?

[MUMBLES]

[PHONE RINGING]

Better not be who I think it is.

[CLAPS]

Hello.

What?

All right.

Thank you for calling, betty.

It was the service.

That patient, the one who called before?

– Mm-hmm.

– He committed suicide.

– Oh, Leo, how horrible.

– Oh, well, let's not let it spoil our vacation.

– Baby steps, get on a bus.

Baby steps, get on a bus.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

– This is the last bus to winnipesaukee, Bob.

– Yes, I know, wing, thank you.

Baby steps toward the bus.

Baby steps toward the bus. Baby steps toward the bus.

– Do you think you can do it today, Bob?

We have a baby schedule to keep.

– Baby steps get on the bus.

Baby step down the aisle. Baby step down the aisle.

Baby step… And sit in the seat.

Hello, I'm Bob.

Would you knock me out, please?

Just hit me in the face.

– Do we have enough to feed the entire film crew, dear?

– Honey, we have enough to feed the entire network.

– Oh, great.

Another vacation that's not a vacation.

– Why do I have to dress up for this stupid show?

– What do you mean?

You've already tried on everything you own.

– I have not!

All right, all right, gosh.

It's probably gonna be a short interview, anyway.

You know, just me and the family, and my book.

– Easy, fella, we're almost there.

[VOMITING NOISES]

False alarm.

[CHEERING]

Dr.Marvin!

Dr.Leo marvin!

Dr…Marvin!

Dr.Leo marvin!

– Thank you.

– Good-bye, doctor. – Thanks again.

– Dr…Leo…Marvin!

– Honey, is someone calling you?

– Dr.Marvin!

– Right over there.

– Dr.Leo marvin!

– Oh, my god.

– Doctor! Leo!

– Leo, do you know that man?

– Get in the car.

Come on, hurry, hurry, hurry.

– Dr.Marvin!

Oh, ho, ho!

I really appreciate this.

– Everyone in the car. Come on.

– Dr.Marvin. Ha!

Is this a bad time?

[SIGHS]

– Who's that guy?

– Oh, the fam!

– Who's that?

– I don't know.

– What are you doing here?

I thought you were dead.

– Oh, no. They told you.

Well, I fibbed a little bit, but don't be mad.

– Bob, your behavior is completely inappropriate.

– You're angry.

– No, no, I don't get angry.

– Well, you're upset.

– I don't get upset.

– Well, then let's have a little talk.

– Bob.

I do not see patients on vacation.

Ever.

How many ways can I make that clear?

Now, what I'd like you to do

Is to get on this bus and go back to new york.

– I can't. I'm totally paralyzed.

I'm all locked up.

– You got yourself here.

– Barely!

– Well, getting back will be therapeutic.

– But can't we just have a little talk?

– Bob, you are testing my patience.

– Come on. I've come so far.

– Bob! – I'm baby steppin'.

I'm doing the work.

I'm baby stepping!

I'm not a slacker!

– Listen to me. – Check it out.

Lookit, I'm in really bad shape.

Come on, please! Please!

– Bob, Bob!

– Gimme, gimme, gimme! I need! I need!

– Bob, Bob. Listen, Bob.

Okay, okay! All right!

All right! All right!

All right, it's 2:00.

Go to the bus station, buy yourself a ticket home,

And then wait for me in that coffee shop.

– You'll meet me?

– I'll call you… In two hours.

– Oh, my god. You're the greatest.

– No, no. Just you have to promise me

That you will buy your ticket and go home.

– Absolutely.

I'm gonna do it right now.

– All right, I'll call you at 4:00.

– You couldn't possibly make it 3:30, could you?

– Bob!

– 4:00, 4:00, okay.

Exactly, 4:00.

It's better.

Okay, thank you, Dr.M.

Baby step to 4:00.

Baby step to 4:00.

Baby step to 4:00.

Baby step to 4:00.

Baby step to 4:00.

Baby step to 4:00.

Oh, my gosh! I need a bowl!

– What? – A bowl.

He's been locked in for about eight hours.

He's about to scream. He's furious.

Sorry, Gil.

A little negligence on my part.

Here you go. Come on.

Hang tight, fella.

Geronimo!

It was a long ride, wasn't it?

I know you needed to stretch.

Hey, no, no, no!

I'm expecting a phone call.

Thank you. Thanks a lot.

Thanks, everybody. I really appreciate it.

Also, uh, if I lose consciousness

Or black out or something explodes,

Would you tell Dr.Marvin when he calls…

– Dr.Leo marvin? – Do you know him?

– Yeah, he bought our dream house.

Worked a lifetime to save for a down payment.

– And he swooped down with his bag full of money

And grabbed it out from under us.

Son of a bitch.

– She never says that.

– Stay as far away from him as possible.

– Well, that'll be easy.

He won't see me.

That's why I'm waiting for the phone call.

– He won't see you?

Well, we'll show you where he lives.

– You will?

– The son of a bitch!

– She never says that.

– Siggy, I have the whole house to fix, all the art to hang.

I have no idea what I'm gonna wear on the tv show.

But I have stopped everything in order to teach you how to dive,

Because it is as important for me to see you dive

As it is for me to appear on good morning america.

– Oh, man, this is really precious.

– Come on, take off your robe.

Why are you always wearing black?

What is it with you and this death fixation?

– Maybe I'm in mourning for my lost childhood.

– All right, come on. Come on, turn around.

Toes at the edge. That's it.

Remember what we learned last year.

Okay, one, two, three, spring.

Now bend at the knees, bend at the waist,

Hands out stiff as a board.

One, two, three, spring.

– One, two,

Three…

Spring.

Spring… Summer, fall.

Time to go, dad.

– I don't understand. Why won't you dive?

– With all the horror that's going on in the world,

What difference does it make?

– Hi, Lily.

I'm just calling to remind you

About Leo's surprise party. Thursday night, 7:00.

Okay?

Well, it'll be after his interview,

So he should be rela… uh-oh, wait a minute.

Oh, well, of course I'm thrilled, Lily.

The last person they interviewed on vacation was Dr.Ruth.

Uh-huh.

Here he comes.

Thursday night, 7:00. Don't forget.

Okay, bye-bye.

He didn't dive?

– No.

– Now come on, sweetheart.

He's just a little afraid of it.

Have patience.

– It's not like I'm making him jump

Out of an airplane or anything.

When I was growing up, I thought diving was fun.

– I thought you were born grown-up, daddy.

– Yes, I'd like the number to the guttmans' coffee…

What are you doing here? – I'm sorry.

Don't be mad. The guttmans brought me.

Thank you, mr. And mrs. G.

– You're welcome, Bobby.

Hello, Dr.Marvin.

The house looks good.

– Burn in hell, Dr.Marvin!

[ENGINE TURNS]

– Bob, we agreed that I would call you.

Your coming here is unbelievably inappropriate.

– Dad, can I, um… oh, sorry.

– Hi, you're Anna, aren't you?

I saw your picture. I'm Bob.

– Hi, Bob. Nice to meet you, Bob.

– Hi, I'm Bob!

– I'm Fay.

– Oh, mrs. M, you are even prettier

Than your picture.

[CHUCKLES]

– And younger.

[GIGGLES] thank you.

– fay, Anna, would you please excuse us?

I think Bob and I have something to talk about.

– Really? You think so too?

– Let's take a walk.

– Bob, could I take your fish?

– Oh, yes. Thank you.

He's already eaten.

Don't let him tell you otherwise.

This is a great place.

No wonder the guttmans wanted it.

Whoa!

I'm sorry about barging in here like this.

– That's all right. I understand.

Problems don't go away just because I do.

[GIGGLING]

– Bob, I'd like you to…

Take a long look around you.

What does everything you see here have in common?

Vacation, Bob.

– vacation.

– Now I can't, Bob, at this time give you

The kind of therapeutic attention you need

To solve all your problems and you know why.

– You're on vacation. – Exactly.

What I can do is this.

– Aww, don't give me pills.

I already have pills.

– Uh-uh-uh, this is not pills.

Read it.

– It says, "take a vacation…

From my problems".

– I'm giving you permission to take a vacation, Bob.

Not a vacation from your work

And not a vacation from your daily life,

But a vacation…

– from my problems.

– Exactly!

Now, I want you to get on that bus and go back to new york.

But every single time a problem arises,

I want you to take that prescription out

And follow it to the letter.

Doctor's orders.

I'll see you in new york in my office in one month.

– This is incredible. This is astounding.

For the first time since eselin I feel free.

You've given me a great gift, doctor.

The gift of life.

You're a great man.

I knew coming up here was the right thing to do.

– It feels right because you're here…

And it feels right because you're leaving.

– Have a great vacation.

– You too, Bob.

– A vacation from my problems!

You bet I will!

– There you go.

Baby steps.

[WHISTLING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

– Is everything all right, honey?

– Yes, everything is perfectly fine.

– He seemed pleasant enough.

– Mm-hmm, when he's controlled.

[CHUCKLES]

I got so excited I forgot to bring you with me.

Gil.

– Oh, the fish!

– Oh, that's a very nice likeness of you.

– Thank you very much. – Of everyone, actually.

– Bye, Bob. – Bye-bye, Bob.

– Bye-bye. So long.

You've got to be sigmund.

– Yes, this is sigmund and this is Bob

And Bob was just leaving.

– Hi.

– Oh, this is Gil, my fish, sigmund.

– Did you get him out of the lake?

– No, he's a city fish.

– Cool.

– But he's loving it up here.

[CHUCKLES]

Your father is the most incredible psychiatrist.

I certainly hope you appreciate him.

Have a great vacation, family.

[QUIETLY] me too.

– Good-bye, Bob.

– Bye, Bob. – Nice to meet you.

– Good-bye. – Bye-bye.

– Bye.

– Well, he's different.

– Uh-huh.

– Neat fish.

– I think I do look younger than that picture.

– Or…

[GRUNTS]

[HUMMING]

[CHUCKLES]

– This?

– I told you I like the rifle.

I think it's a symbol of virility.

Now can I eat breakfast?

I'm supposed to go sailing on george stark's boat.

– Wait, wait, wait.

– fay, I need your opinion.

Rifle or bust?

– I think both look so wonderful, sweetie.

– Oh, Fay.

You know I can't live with that kind of answer.

I need… I need feedback.

[BELL RINGING]

– Good morning, Dr.Marvin.

No, these aren't for you.

They're for fay… For yesterday

For your hospitality to Gil and me.

I didn't say thank you.

I thought about what you said.

Take a vacation from my problems and I did.

– But you're back. – No, I'm not.

– You're not? – No, I'm not.

I'm on vacation.

This isn't an appointment. I'm dropping by.

This is my first time over the lake.

This is my first time anywhere.

I'm a little anxious 'cause I haven't figured out

How to get food yet, but I'm staying at the guttmans'.

When I told them what you said, they insisted.

– No, no, no, no, no!

– So, I know we can't work,

But let's get the friendship thing going.

See you later.

– Sure seems like he's staying, doesn't it?

– Hey, paper boy, this was on your porch.

– Thank you.

– family conference! Family conference!

All right.

Now, I don't want any of you

Letting Bob into this house.

– Why? – Why?

– Sweetheart, aren't you overreacting just a little bit?

– Good, I'm glad we're all in agreement.

Family conference is over.

[CHUCKLING]

– vacation from my problems.

There's nobody here.

There's nothing to fear.

There's nobody here.

I'm completely alone.

I'm all by myself.

There's nobody here!

Oh!

There's nobody here!

– Hi, Bob. – Hi.

– Where ya going? – Just going to town.

Buy some kleenex.

– Well, you want a ride?

– I'd love one.

Do a lot of people use this car?

– Just us.

– So what's it like being the daughter of a brilliant analyst

Who's sleeping in the next bedroom

At night when you need him?

Is it great?

– No, it's not great.

I have problems the same as anyone else.

The same as you.

– You're afraid your bladder will explode?

What other ones are the same?

Like what? Like what?

– Well, like analyzing everything tdeath

To see if what I'm feeling is normal.

– Yes, I have that.

– Do you freeze up and turn into wood when you're around

A good-looking guy and you don't even know

If he likes you or not?

– Well, not a guy, but, yes, I freeze…

You know what I do?

I treat people as if they were telephones.

If I meet somebody who I don't think likes me, I say to myself,

"Bob, this one is just temporarily out of order.

"you know, don't break the connection.

Just hang up and try again".

– And does it work? – It seems to be.

I'm on vacation at lake winnipesaukee, aren't I?

– Do you want to come sailing with me

On my friend george's boat?

– No, no.

– That's okay. You don't have to.

– No, I'd love to. [CHUCKLES]

It sounds great.

I've never been on a boat

And I don't think I could handle it.

It just makes my lips numb to think about it.

But if your friend is a good sailor

And the craft is seaworthy, yes, I will go sailing.

Yeah, let's go sailing.

I have no other plans.

I'm sailing!

I'm sailing!

I'm sailing!

I'm sailing!

I'm sailing! I'm sailing!

I'm sailing!

– This is child abuse.

If you drop me, I'll prosecute.

– I'm not gonna let go until you're ready, okay?

Trust me.

Put your hands out like I showed you.

– I'm not ready.

You hear me? I'm not ready.

Don't drop me. I'm not ready.

– Dr.Marvin, I'm sailing!

– Whoa!

– How about that, doc? – Oh, siggy.

Oh, oh!

– Murderer!

– Hitler!

– Hi, dad!

– I sail!

– Anna!

Anna, come here, please.

– Dad?

– Anna, I'd like to speak to you, please.

– Dr.Marvin, Dr.Marvin, guess what.

Ahoy!

I sail. I'm a sailor. I sail.

– I'd like to talk to my daughter alone.

– But isn't this a breakthrough?

I mean, that I'm a sailor.

I sail.

I sail now.

– keep sailing, Bob.

– Out on a boat on the lake

Way far away from the dock

Into the wind with the sky and everything.

Ahoy!

– I thought I told you to stay away from Bob Wiley.

– Daddy, I was with my friends.

Where are we going? – Home.

– Well, what about the car? – Leave it.

It's been a long time since

I've had a talk with my daughter.

– Oh, daddy, not here.

– Anna, Anna, Anna, Anna.

[SIGHS]

– Anna, I know you won't listen to your father,

But you always listen to me.

So I'm asking you not to see Bob Wiley.

– Daddy, I am just…

– I can't hear you.

Where are you, Anna?

Ooh!

– I am just having fun with my friends.

– And Bob Wiley. – Yes, and Bob Wiley.

– Bob Wiley is your father's patient.

– Bob Wiley is a very sensitive person.

– Your father's sensitive.

– Bob listens to people.

– Your father listens to people!

Except when he's up here in lake winnipesaukee.

[SIGHS]

He is fun!

Ugh!

– Your father's… Kind of fun.

– I'm fay marvin, Dr.Marvin's wife…

And I'm very happy to be on your program.

And these are our children, Anna and siggy.

– I'm a failure. – What?

– I'm going on national television tomorrow

As an expert in human behavior

And in the space of the last hour,

Both of my children have told me that they hate me.

– Come on, you know they don't mean it.

– Anna accused me of being insensitive.

No. No.

What she actually said was

I was insensitive and I didn't listen

And I wasn't any fun

And that Bob Wiley was.

– ♪ give me some time

♪ to blow the man down

Notice anything different about me?

– No. – Do you sail?

– No.

– Well, I just picked it up.

[CHUCKLES]

Wonder what I'm going to pick up next.

– Try diving. – All right, diving.

– I know a great teacher.

[SIGHS] I mean, my dad,

He just dropped me in the water without warning me first.

I mean, I nearly drowned.

My whole life flashed before my eyes.

– Well, you're lucky you're only 12.

– It was still grim.

What is it with him and diving?

What's the big deal?

– Well, he, he prob… whoa.

He probably just wants you to beat it.

That's all.

You know, he probably just wants you to dive

Because you're afraid of diving.

Did I tell you I sailed on my first try?

I just let the boat do the work.

That was my secret.

But with diving, what is the, uh…

What's the thing? What's the trick?

– I don't know. It's supposed to be easy.

– Well, can you give me a handle on it?

Thanks.

Careful. Oh, careful!

– Let's go to the edge.

– Careful. – Go to the edge.

Come on, toes up, toes up, to the edge.

Don't worry. Come on.

– Right here.

Let's call this the edge right here.

– Okay, then step up to the edge.

Well, then walk up to our edge.

Okay, got you.

Now bend your knees. Bend your knees.

Very good.

Bend your knees and be stiff as a board.

– I am stiff as a board.

– Now, lean forward. Lean.

– All right, just a second. Don't rush it.

Just a second.

This is my first dive.

– Okay, lean. Lean.

– Wait, I can't see what you're doing.

Why don't you get in front?

All right, careful. Hold it, hold it, hold it.

Wait, wait. – Okay, come on, come on.

Now hold my shirt.

I'll show you what we're supposed to do.

– I got it.

– Okay. – All right.

– And bend my knees. – Bend your knees.

– Lean forward. Arms out.

– Arms out straight. Stiff as a board.

– Honey, come here. Look.

– Bend over.

– Come here. – All right, I got ya.

I got ya.

I don't want to have to see this.

No, please. – One.

– No. – Two.

– Don't do it, please!

– Three.

– Yes. – Yeah!

– Yeah.

– Bravo, siggy! – Good boy!

– very nice, Bob! Thank you!

Thank you!

I'll take it from here.

– You dove. That's wonderful.

– Did you see me dive, dad?

Did you see me dive? I dove!

– Thank you. Excellent.

– Watch this! I can do it again.

– I'll take it from here.

– Did you see, dad?

Here, I'm gonna do it again.

– Thank you very much.

That was very nice.

– Ow!

[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

– Bob! – Bob!

– kick your feet, Bob!

– Ooh! – keep breathing.

– keep breathing. – Bob, catch!

– What are you staring at?

I had every right to buy this house!

– Come on, kick harder.

– Oh!

Am I gonna die?

[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

– Bob? – Help.

– He's over here.

– Bob! – Am I gonna die?

– No!

[RASPBERRIES]

– Fay.

Look, everybody, I'm not wrong often,

But when I am I admit it.

I mean it.

I would like you all to accept my apology.

– Well, what about Bob?

– What about Bob?

– Yeah, dad.

Don't you think you should apologize to Bob?

– I will not apologize to Bob.

– Why not?

– All right, I'll apologize to Bob.

And now I'd like him to go.

– Leo, why are you so hostile to the poor man?

– Because he's a patient.

Fay, don't you get it?

He's a patient.

A patient. A patient.

– Mom, can we have Bob over for dinner?

– Dinner? – Yeah!

– I don't want Bob for dinner, Fay.

– Leo, it's for the kids.

– I don't want Bob for dinner.

Fay, I want to think about my interview tomorrow.

– I'm sorry, Leo. Right is right.

– Oh, mmm-mm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm-mm.

Mmm.

Mmm-mm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Fay, this is so scrumptious.

Is this hand-shucked? – Mm-hmm.

Would you like some more chicken, Bob?

– Mmm.

Leo, do you want the breast?

– No, no, no, no, that's fine. Eat up.

– Mmm, great biscuits, huh, Bob?

– Mmm, yeah. Great biscuits,

Great corn, great potatoes.

– You want some more salad, Bob?

– Yeah, I think I do.

Pile it high and deep, will you, please?

Could you get that tomato off there, please?

– Sure. – Thank you.

Mmm!

Mmm.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.

Mmm.

Mmm!

Jesus, this is delicious!

Mmm. Mmm!

– Will you stop that, please?

– Leo, I see salt and pepper.

Is there a salt substitute?

– Mmm. I'll get it.

And don't call me Leo.

– But you said in your office that I could call you Leo.

– That was in my office.

In my home, I'd like you to call me Dr.Marvin.

– He's just a little nervous about his interview tomorrow.

– Oh, yeah, I heard about your upcoming debut.

Congratulations, le… Dr.Marvin.

[CHUCKLES]

Your book is gonna do a lot of good

For a lot of people.

I'm walking proof of that.

[COUGHING]

– Is this butter or margarine?

– Butter.

– Dad?

[COUGHING]

– Dad, are you okay? – Dad!

– Honey?

– Dad!

– Don't panic. I know what to do.

Don't worry. I got it.

Okay?

– Oh, my god!

[OVERLAPPING YELLING]

– I'm doing the right thing.

– He's still choking!

– He's turning blue! – Now?

There's one other thing I can do.

[OVERLAPPING YELLING]

– Honey, I love you! Breathe!

– Harder! Maybe with your knee more.

– Hit him harder! Jump higher.

– Oh! – Spit it out!

– He's still blue! – He's still blue!

– Ah! – Spit again! Breathe!

[GAGS AND EXHALES] – Leo, are you okay?

– Get him off me.

Get him off me!

– Dad.

– Bob, you saved him!

– That was incredible.

– I just never gave up hope.

[THUNDER]

– Aah! Oh!

– Shh, it's all right. It's okay.

[MUFFLED SINGING]

All:♪ we're singin' in the rain

♪ just singin' in the rain

♪ what a glorious feeling

♪ I'm happy again

♪ I walk through the kitchen

♪ with a bowl full of chicken

♪ and I put it in fay and Leo…

♪ I mean Dr.Marvin's refrigerator

– ♪ thank you – ♪ For the night

– ♪ I'm singin' in the rain

♪ singin' in the rain

– I don't like being a party poop,

But tomorrow's very important

And I think we better call it a night.

[SINGING CONTINUES]

I don't wAnna be rude,

But maybe it's time for Bob to sing his way home.

– Honey, he can't walk home in this.

– Did I say that? I'll drive him.

– Oh, dad, the car's still at the marina.

– What?

– You said to leave it. Remember?

– Well.

Rain's got to let up soon. He can go home then.

– Well, what if it starts up again?

– He can borrow my slicker!

[THUNDER]

– Leo. – Shh!

– Leo! – Shh!

I think it's letting up.

– Leo, honey, it's 1:00 in the morning.

We can't make that poor fella just sit here all night.

Now let's just let him stay over.

– fay!

Good morning america will be here at 7:00.

You don't want them to find

A severely disturbed patient

Sleeping on one of my couches when they get here.

– There's an extra bed in siggy's room.

– fay!

– Leo, you were very upset over Anna and siggy.

Well, now here's you chance to show them

What kind of a guy Leo marvin really is.

[THUNDER]

Come on, sweetie. Come on.

Bob, we'd love for you to spend the night.

– That's a great idea.

– Do you have a dacron pillow?

– Sure, sure.

Anna, would you get a pillow and some sheets for Bob?

– Sure.

– Siggy, would you get one of your father's robes for Bob?

– Yeah.

– Are you sure I'm not imposing?

– Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not at all.

[CHUCKLES] okay.

[THUNDER]

– Do you care which bed?

– Well, I prefer facing southeast.

– This one.

Did you find a toothbrush?

– Yes.

– fay, do you know where my new toothbrush is?

– Should be in the bathroom.

– Well, I know it should be in the bathroom, darling,

But it's not in the bathroom.

– Leo, honey, just because you're

Going on television tomorrow, well,

It doesn't give you any right to be so snippy.

– It is not that that is making me snippy.

It's him.

– Him who? Bob?

– Yes, Bob!

Who else am I talking about?

– Shh!

Quiet, he'll hear you.

– Well, so what if he hears me?

It's my house, isn't it?

Don't you get it?

He faked suicide. Eh?

– Isn't that a cry for help?

– What is the matter with all of you?

Don't you understand this man is crazy?

I mean, for all we know,

The guy could be a… uh, uh…

A mass murderer.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, come on, Leo.

He's a sweet guy.

He's perfectly harmless.

Maybe a little neurotic, but not crazy.

– Don't you realize that everything he's done

Violates the doctor-patient relationship?

And now he's in there with our son.

– Bob?

– Yeah?

– Are you afraid of death?

– Yeah.

– Me too.

There's no way out of it.

You're going to die.

I'm going to die.

It's going to happen.

What difference does it make if it's tomorrow or 80 years?

Much sooner, in your case.

Do you know how fast time goes?

I was six, like yesterday.

– Me too.

– I'm going to die.

You are going to die.

What else is there to be afraid of?

– Well, not diving anymore.

Huh?

But, uh…

Tourette's syndrome.

– What's tourette's syndrome?

What's tourette's syndrome?

– Oh, I'm very proud of baby steps.

Very encouraged by its success.

I think the greatest challenge to me, aside from writing…

– Shit-for-brains!

– Butt-head!

– Dingleberry-butt!

– Snot-face!

– vulture-vomit!

– Turkey-tits!

Belch-breath!

– Open this door. Sigmund!

Sigmund, open this door immediately.

– I'm sorry, dad.

– Sorry.

Sorry.

– What is going on around here?

– Tourette's, dad. Tourette's.

– I'm sorry, dad… Leo… Dr.Marvin.

– I don't wAnna hear another peep out of this room.

People are trying to sleep around here!

– Honey, it's just kids being kids.

– Well, tomorrow is the most important day of my career!

– I'm sorry. We'll stop.

– We just got carried away.

It'll never happen again.

– I want you out of here by 6:30.

Do you understand me?

The camera crew is coming at 7:00.

I want you out by 6:30.

– Sure.

Would you like something for sleep?

– What?

– I have valium, if you need it.

– No, I don't need any valium.

– Halcyon? Seconal?

– I want some peace and quiet.

– I'll be quiet.

– I'll be peace.

[LAUGHING]

– Come on, Bob.

Come on. Here we go.

Now we've just gotta get your father

Through good morning america tomorrow.

– Bob gave me a great thing to be afraid of instead of death.

– That's nice, sweetie.

That's very nice, Bob.

– Yeah, I know.

– Good night, fellas.

– Mrs. M?

Could you leave the door open just a crack?

– Okeydoke.

[ROOSTERS CROWING]

– 6:00, Bob, time to wake up.

Come on, let's go.

Come on, Bob, get up.

Bob. Come on, Bob.

Bob, rise and shine. Come on.

Bob, come on. Bob,et up!

Bob! Bob!

Bob!

Bob! Get up!

Come on! Come on, it's 6:00.

Rise and shine. Rise and shine.

Anna, go get the car right now. Come on, Bob.

Come on, Bob.

Bob. Bob! Bob!

Cock-a-doodle-doo!

Bob. Bob!

Oh!

[ALARM CLOCK RINGS]

– Hi.

– Honey, relax.

– ♪ baby stepping down the stairs

♪ baby stepping down the stairs

Success.

Is this a beautiful morning or what?

– Get out.

– I had the most incredible dream last night…

– Leave.

– Good-bye, mrs.M. See you later.

– Bye-bye, Bob.

– Bye, Anna. – Bye, Bob.

– Good-bye, rat-dick, suck-nut.

– Bye, dog-piss and barf-brain!

– Siggy!

– Later, testicle-head, bosom-beaver.

Good morning america's here.

– Everybody, let's go.

– Hi, I'm marie grady. – Hi.

– Lifestyle reporter with good morning america.

– I'm a big fan. I watch your stuff all the time.

– Gee, I hope we're not too early.

– No, no, no. Not at all.

– I'm howie katrell, the director.

And this is our producer, lennie burns.

– Hi, nice to meet you. – Good to see you.

– Well, may we come in?

– Yeah, oh, sure. Yeah, absolutely.

Um, this is uh… this is our home.

I was thinking of something by the fire.

– It's a fireplace shot, fellas.

– This is even nicer than the pictures.

– Thank you. – Is this your family?

– Yes, yes, yes, it is.

Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry.

This is my wife, Fay.

– Hi.

– Oh, I'm sorry.

And this is my, uh… my… my daughter, Anna.

– Hi. – Hi.

– And my son, uh…

– Siggy.

– Siggy!

– Oh, hi, I'm marie.

– Hello, marie, I'm Bob.

– Ah, yes, this was Bob.

He's a patient. He lives down the road.

– Dr.Marvin, what a great idea.

A "baby-stepper" in action. – What?

– Howie, Dr.Marvin's going to have a patient on with him.

– fine.

Lenny, let's not shoot this fireplace.

Let's set up over here and… – Oh! Wait a minute!

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

– No problem, Dr.Marvin.

We can still use the fireplace.

You on one side and Bob on the other.

– I don't think it's such a good idea

To have a patient on with me.

– It is. – It is?

– Yeah, dad. – It's a great idea.

– What better way to show the effectiveness

Of your book than have a patient on with you?

– I think it's a fireplace shot.

– May I speak to you outside for just one second?

Thank you so much.

I worked very hard to get where I am.

Do you understand me? – Well, schooling alone, yes…

– I do not want you on this show with me.

Do you understand? – I think I do…

– Now make up some excuse.

– Dr.Marvin, Bob, can we have you

In here for a minute, please?

– I can't. Dr.Marvin doesn't want me.

[CHUCKLES] – No?

– No, get in there. They're waiting for us.

– Okay.

– Right this way.

[UPBEAT SMOOTH JAZZ]

– In three, two, one.

Marie grady in lake winnipesaukee, new hampshire.

And marie, what is so special about lake winnipesaukee?

– Well, joan, among other things,

It's the summer home of Dr.Leo marvin,

Author of the newest sensation in therapy, baby steps.

And with Dr.Marvin is Bob Wiley, who is a patient

And obviously a big fan of baby steps therapy.

Good morning, Dr.Marvin, Bob.

– Good morning. – Good morning.

– Now clearly, to come on national television live

With a patient shows a remarkable amount

Of confidence in your meth… ods.

[RETCHING]

False alarm. Sorry.

– Okay?

Good.

Now, Dr.Marvin, exactly how does baby steps

Work on someone like Bob?

– Well, joan, I'm very proud of baby steps

And enormously gratified by its success.

I think the greatest challenge, aside from the writing,

Is finding ways to make the ideas within it

Accessible to laymen as well as to my colleagues.

– Bob, tell us your impressions of baby steps?

– Mashed potatoes and gravy, marie.

I couldn't be happier about baby steps.

I was a total disaster

And now, because of this man,

This morning I'm on tv in front of, you know,

Millions and millions of people.

I don't even think Dr.Marvin knows

What the heck's going on.

He can't believe what's going on.

I'm very excited.

– You know, it sounds like a very intriguing process.

How long have you been a patient of Dr.Marvin's?

– Um, three or four days.

– Three or four days?

[CHUCKLES] actually…

Book is not really meant to work that quickly.

It only worked that quickly with boob.

Bob. – You can call me "boob".

– I don't… no, I don't wAnna call you "boob".

– Even if you do it as an accident…

– No, no, I really don't want to call him "Boob".

The book isn't, you know, meant to work that quickly.

– But it did work that way.

That's the miracle of… of baby steps

Is that it's not just this book.

It's this man. It's the compassion.

It's the dignity. It's the wisdom.

It's the horse-sense of the guy that gets you

And has turned me…

He actually had me stay here last night in his jammies.

Using his toothbrush… In his house.

And I spent the day swimming and sailing with his family.

Fay and Anna and siggy, come here.

[STUTTERING]

– Here's the fam. The marvins.

This is fay and Anna and siggy,

Whom I went diving with yesterday

And Dr.Marvin accidentally pushed me in.

– You have a very nice family.

– Thank you. – Thank you.

– Thank you for coming.

– Thank you. – Thank you.

Thank you for coming.

– Marie, you're wise.

What do I say to someone who has turned my whole life around?

Who has given up so much of their time

And their vacation to make me better?

What I'd really like to do is put

The greatness of this man in perspective.

I think there's really only three names.

Dr.Albert schweitzer, mother teresa of calcutta,

Probably, and Leo marvin.

– The book is baby steps.

The author is Dr.Leo marvin.

And we've been talking with Bob Wiley.

Pretty impressive stuff, Bob, Dr.Marvin.

Back to you, joan.

– Way to go, Bobby!

[LAUGHING AND CHEERING]

– That was wonderful, Bob.

– Thank you very much, marie.

– Can we come back in a few months

And update your progress?

– Uh…As long as it's okay with my doctor.

– What? Oh, absolutely.

That's a very good idea. – Okay, great.

– Come on, dad, we're taking a picture.

– Come on, dad. – Come on, Dr.Marvin.

– Nah. Nah.

No. No, you go ahead.

– All right.

– How long were you planning on staying up here?

– Just till labor day and then we all

Go on back to new york city.

– Okay, big smiles, everybody.

– All right, what's the magic word?

All: cheese!

[LAUGHTER]

– Okay, bye-bye.

– Good-bye, marie. – Bye-bye.

– Gonna miss you. – Bye.

– Bye-bye. It was nice having you.

– Bye, howie. Bye, marie.

– Come again. – Bye.

– They're so nice. – You were great, Bob.

– You really were. – You were incredible.

I mean, dad choked, you saved him.

[LAUGHTER]

– It's such a big day for the whole family.

And here's the one who made it happen.

Dr.Leo marvin. Dr.Leo marvin.

– Get out.

– No, we won't get out.

We won't. You deserve it.

– I mean get out!

Get out!

– Is it something I said?

– You've ruined my life!

You've ruined my career.

You've ruined my book.

You've turned a perfectly peaceful house

Into an insane asylum.

Get out! – Daddy!

– My god, Leo. What's gotten into you?

– It was a disaster, fay!

– No, it wasn't. You were wonderful, sweetie.

– You were fine, dad. – Yeah.

– Why did you need to kick Bob out of the house?

– You think he's gone? He's not gone.

That's the whole point.

He's never gone!

– Is this some radical new therapy?

– You see?

– We can't be expected to understand him.

He's so far above us,

We're like ropes on the goodyear blimp.

– Are you all right?

– I want to apologize to you for that terrible outburst.

I'm truly sorry.

Call it a case of show-business nerves.

– Well, we can all certainly understand that.

– A lot of people freeze on tv, dad.

– Thank you.

Bob, how would you feel about you and me

Having a little talk?

– Just me and you? – Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

I think I'd like to spend a little time with you.

Pay you back for all the time you spent with me.

What do you say?

Feel like going for a little ride?

– Do I?

– This is so sweet.

– It's really great of you, dad.

– It's really nice.

– Look how happy he is.

[CHUCKLES]

– Try to be home by 7:00.

– Where are we going?

– Intensive psychotherapy.

– Whoa!

Okay.

Some free associations from my infancy.

A beach ball, a dog, a frog,

A log, a poodle, a noodle, a doodle.

– Dr.Marvin to see Dr.Tomsky.

– Dr.Leo marvin.

– Main building, doctor. They're expecting you.

Hey, you're Bob Wiley, aren't you?

– Yeah.

– I saw you on tv. You were great.

– Ha!

– Hello, Leo. Long time no see.

Sorry I missed your show this morning.

Well, is this the friend you called about?

– Bob Wiley, I'd like you to meet

Your new pal, Dr.Tomsky.

– Hello, Bob.

– New pal? What's wrong with my old pal?

– Would you show mr. Wiley to his room, please?

– Oh, no, wait a second.

Doctor you're coming with, aren't you?

Fellas, I have convulsions. My bladder is feeling funny.

Fellas!

– Really appreciate you helping me out on this, Catherine.

– I can only hold him for 24 hours, Leo,

Without staff corroboration.

[CHUCKLES]

I'm not worried about that in the least.

I'm sure your entire staff will corroborate.

Thank you. Thank you very much, Catherine.

– You're welcome.

– Thank you.

[CONTINUES CHUCKLING]

You see, Bob, I will not be defeated.

I will negotiate and I will compromise.

But defeat? Ha, ha, ha.

Uh-uh.

Cigarette, Bob?

Oh, sorry. Didn't realize you were in a straitjacket.

[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

[SCATTING]

– Honey, Catherine tomsky's on the phone.

– Hello?

What? No! No!

Son of a bitch! – Where's Bob?

– Son of a bitch!

– Honey, where's Bob?

What about Bob? What about Bob?

[YELLING] what about Bob?

– "Is it male or female?"

"It's a female.

What do you think, I'm weird or something?"

[LAUGHTER]

But it reminds me of my favorite poem,

Which is, roses are red, violets are blue,

I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.

[LAUGHTER]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

So the psychiatrist has a patient.

He draws a circle and says,

"what do you think of when you see this?"

He says, "Sex". [LAUGHTER]

– That's not the joke yet. Wait a second.

He draws a picture of a tree and he said,

"What do you think of that one?"

"Sex". "All right".

And then he draws a picture of a car, a house.

"Sex, sex, sex".

The doctor says, "You're obsessed with sex".

And the patient says, "Well, you're the one

Drawing all the dirty pictures".

– I'm giving you back your admitting form, Leo,

To save you any embarrassment.

– Embarrassment? – Yeah.

Catherine, you have been duped

By a textbook narcissist.

A brilliant sociopath.

– Brilliant enough to dupe my entire staff?

I doubt that.

It's perfectly natural for a patient

To bond with his analyst.

– Oh, it's not…

– If you want to be rid of him, just tell him

You won't treat him anymore.

– Catherine, that's easy for you to say!

The man is human krazy glue.

– You should have never let him sleep in your pajamas, Leo.

– Oh, I can't believe that I'm hearing this!

– Relax, Leo. – I'm relaxed!

– Take a vacation.

– I'm on vacation!

– Maybe you should check in here for a few days.

Get a handle on things.

[LAUGHTER]

– It was an interesting morning, fruitful.

But it lacked the intensity that you and I generate together.

The sparks that we get one-on-one.

We just gotta figure out a way to work around your schedule.

Could we work afternoons?

2:00 to 4:00? 3:00 to 5:00?

Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday?

[SCREAMING]

[TIRES SQUEALING]

– Are you saying you'd rather work mornings?

– Get out [INDISTINCT]!

– It's a combustible relationship, isn't it?

Is it just you and me or is it you and everybody?

What is this? Isolation therapy?

[SIREN]

[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

– Ahoy!

Excuse me, officer, can you make sure he's home by 7:00?

– Hey, didn't I see that guy on TV?

– Certainly very shrewd, Bob.

Really very shrewd.

You stayed free and I wrecked my car.

But it's over, Bob!

Oh, damn.

Son-of-a-bitching Bob!

I'm home!

Fay?

– We're out here, sweetie.

All: Surprise!

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday, Leo marvin

♪ Happy birthday to you

[CHEERING]

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow

♪ Which nobody can deny

♪ Which nobody can deny

♪ Which nobody can deny

[SINGING FADES OUT AND STOPS]

– Dad, what happened?

– Dad!

– Honey, you're a mess. Are you all right?

– Oh, yeah, yeah.

I just had a little car trouble.

– Oh, on your birthday?

– Mmm.

– Happy birthday, Leo.

All: Happy birthday, Leo.

– Speech!

– Sweetie, we have a great big surprise for you.

Your sister Lily's here from chicago.

– Happy birthday, Leo.

– Lily!

– We're all here for you, Dr.M.

This is your night!

– Don't touch my sister!

Aah!

[CROWD GASPS AND SCREAMS]

– I've never seen him like this, Phil.

– He's been under a lot of stress, Fay.

His book, his interview,

Which, frankly, didn't go so well.

– And his birthday.

– Exactly.

It's a lot to bite off all at once.

The sedative's probably taking effect.

He should be sleeping now.

– Phil, do you think Leo was surprised?

– Oh, I think so. – How is he?

– I'm leaving a prescription for prozac.

– Excuse me, Phil, but with these particular symptoms,

Is prozac the right choice?

– You think prozac is a mistake?

– With this kind of manic episode,

I would think that librium might be

A more effective management tool.

– You could be right.

I'll rewrite the prescription.

– Bob, why do you think Leo went after you like that?

– I don't know. He's been tense today.

But don't worry, no matter how long it takes,

I'm going to stay on and help out the family.

I'll just be the daddy.

– You are such a good friend.

Leo's lucky to have you.

– Lily, honey. Thank you, sweetie.

– Oh, no problem.

It'll be all right. Good-bye.

– It's been a real pleasure.

– keep me posted. – Okay.

– Bye, aunt Lily. – Good night.

– Bye-bye, Lily. – Good night, Lily.

– Bye, Lily. – Bye…Bob.

– It's so hard, Bob.

But, now listen.

We're not defending Leo's recent behavior in any way,

So please don't take this personally.

– No.

– But we've been thinking that however irrational the reasons,

Leo's just so upset with you right now that…

We just think it would be best

If you're not here when he wakes up.

Please? It's not the way I want it.

– Me either.

– Or me.

– You want me to go.

– I'm sorry.

– Really?

– Good-bye.

Green-puking pissant.

– Later… Barf-breath douche-mouth.

[CHUCKLES]

– Good-bye, Bob. – Good-bye, Anna.

– Take care of yourself.

– Okay and you take care of Leo.

Just temporarily disconnected, that's all.

You know, I've gotta tell you,

I've had the greatest vacation with y'all.

Y'all! I am country now!

– Naw, too messy.

No, no. Not painful enough.

Yes!

– He's not at the dock.

– He's not downstairs.

– Let's get in the car. Come on.

– Maybe he went for a walk.

– I think that's a mass-murderer's stunt.

No one sees it coming then, snap!

[WHISTLING]

[CREAKING]

[owl hooting, wings flapping]

Hello?

[COYOTE HOWL]

Oh, gosh! Dr.Marvin!

Doctor!

Dr.Leo marvin!

Dr.Marvin!

Dr.Le…

Dr.Marvin!

– Hello, Bob.

– What are you doing with the rifle?

– Leo? – Get back!

Get back!

– What are you doing with that?

– Quick! Quick!

– Daddy? – Stand there!

– Dad! – Dad!

– Daddy, where are you?

– Leo? – There goes the fam.

– Shh! Be very quiet!

And do exactly as I say. Turn around.

Now, move.

– What are we up to?

– Death therapy, Bob.

It's a guaranteed cure.

– Wow, should I put my hands up?

– Yes, that's good. Do that.

– Which way? – To the left.

To the left, yes.

– It's so right that you and I have come together,

Isn't it, Dr.Marvin?

I know it was meant to be. – You think so, Bob?

– Yes, because it's time and I'm ready.

With Dr.Carswell fensterwald, I wasn't ready.

With Dr.Rosengay and pancheski, it wasn't time.

I certainly wasn't ready for mallmerstien

Or miller or hill.

But with you, finally, I'm ready.

– The only significant difference

Between those other guys and me, Bob,

Is that I'm going to kill you.

– But if you shoot me…

Then our therapy will be over.

– I'm not going to shoot you, Bob.

I don't think I could shoot anybody.

I am going to blow you up.

See, this is called black powder, Bob.

One teaspoon of this stuff can blow up a tree stump.

There we go.

– And how much is is?

– 20 pounds' worth.

You understand, don't you? There's no other solution.

You won't go away.

– I will.

– No, you won't.

You're just saying you will.

Then after I don't kill you,

You'll show up again and you'll do something else

To make everyone in my life think you're wonderful

And I'm a schmuck.

But I'm not a schmuck, Bob, and I'm not gonna

Let you breeze into town

And take my family away from me just because

You're crazy enough to be fun.

[HUMMING]

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

– You'll take care of Gil for me?

– Yeah, don't worry.

I'll feed him till he's big and fat

And then I'll eat him, Bob!

– You sure are convincing, Dr.M.

[TICKING]

This is tricky.

– What?

Oh, it's terrible news, Fay.

Well, he did try to commit suicide once before.

Maybe we should have seen it coming.

More fish, anyone?

– I'm all tied up.

I'm tied up.

Yeah, that's it.

You're saying I'm all tied up inside.

Okay, I'm all tied up inside.

And these phony bombs mean that…

If I don't…

Untie myself… Inside,

the emotional knots,

I'm going to explode!

Yeah! Oh, it's so simple.

Yet, so brilliant.

Okay, Dr.M. I get it.

Baby step…

Untie your knots.

– free!

Free! [LAUGHING]

– free!

Dr.M., you did it!

– free!

– Dr.Marvin, Dr.Marvin! You did it!

You did it! Leo!

Ollie ollie I'm free!

– On Tuesday, we'll eat Gil.

On Wednesday, we'll eat Bob.

[LAUGHING] no, no, no.

That's going too far.

– Dad! – Daddy!

– Dad! Dad, are you all right?

– Where were you?

Honey, we've been worried sick.

– I'm fine! I'm fine.

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. Really.

Thank you for asking. I'm fine now.

Bob's gone.

– We know, sweetie. – You do?

How? I didn't hear it go off.

– ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow

– It's Bob.

– ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow

– Bob, just leave, please.

– No, no, no, no.

– ♪ For Leo marvin's a genius

♪ your death therapy cured me, you genius

– What are you doing here?

– You cured me, doc-o!

Bob…

The bags I put around your neck, Bob, where are they?

– In the house.

Why?

[EXPLOSION]

– Sweetie, our house.

– Oops.

Both: burn, burn, burn, burn!

[LAUGHTER]

– Burn, burn!

[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]

– Can we talk to him?

– I don't know if it will help, but try.

– Come on, sweetie.

Leo, sweetie?

Leo?

Can you hear me?

– Daddy, it's me, Anna.

– Leo, it's me, Lily, your sister.

– We don't care about the house.

Come back to us.

The worst is over.

– Yeah, dad. How much worse can it get?

[WEDDING MARCH]

– Do you, Bob Wiley, take Lily marvin

To be your lawful wedded wife

To love, honor and cherish till death do you part?

– I do.

– Do you, Lily marvin, take Bob Wiley

To be your lawful wedded husband

To love, honor and cherish 'til death do you part?

– I do.

– If anyone here knows any reason

Why these two should not be joined together

In holy matrimony,

Speak now or forever hold your peace.

[GRUNTING]

– Then by the power vested in me by the state of new york,

I pronounce you man and wife.

– No!

– Dad's back! – Daddy!

– Leo! – Leo!

Leo!

I'm married, Leo!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CHEERFUL MUSIC]