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1
00:00:10,410 --> 00:00:11,229
Room check!
2
00:00:11,230 --> 00:00:12,310
Oh, shit.
3
00:00:13,710 --> 00:00:14,710
One second!
4
00:00:15,290 --> 00:00:16,830
Come on, open up!
5
00:00:18,090 --> 00:00:19,510
Alright, where's the drugs?
6
00:00:19,870 --> 00:00:21,630
Drugs? Where's drugs?
7
00:00:22,150 --> 00:00:24,110
Search her room! Find them!
8
00:00:26,470 --> 00:00:29,870
Come on, come on, come on. Let's go,
let's go, let's go.
9
00:00:31,690 --> 00:00:34,490
Shirt, pants, socks, old pants.
10
00:00:34,730 --> 00:00:35,730
I'm good!
11
00:01:27,370 --> 00:01:28,370
Excuse me?
12
00:01:29,510 --> 00:01:30,510
Yeah?
13
00:01:30,930 --> 00:01:33,370
Do you by any chance have any extra
quarters?
14
00:01:33,710 --> 00:01:35,350
Oh, um, let me check.
15
00:01:37,590 --> 00:01:38,590
Yeah.
16
00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:45,730
Thanks.
17
00:01:46,570 --> 00:01:48,330
Your name's Montgomery, right?
18
00:01:48,930 --> 00:01:52,610
Yeah. And your name's Ashley Mackenzie
Merriman Gray?
19
00:01:53,610 --> 00:01:57,560
That is... All four of them. Yeah. Yeah.
Ashley, Mackenzie, Miriam, and Grant.
20
00:01:57,620 --> 00:01:58,700
Like, it just kind of falls out.
21
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:03,620
You know, it's funny. I feel like we are
always here at the exact same time.
22
00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:06,500
Well, no one's got dirtier undies than
me.
23
00:02:08,860 --> 00:02:10,340
Not from poop, to be clear.
24
00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:12,299
Or cum.
25
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:13,159
So, piss?
26
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,220
No, just normal stuff. I'm not weird.
27
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,000
Okay.
28
00:02:25,450 --> 00:02:26,450
I'll see you around.
29
00:03:17,420 --> 00:03:18,520
the football team, asshole.
30
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:26,480
Fuck yourself in your freak -ass face.
31
00:03:52,940 --> 00:03:56,060
You're upset about what happened with
the football team.
32
00:03:58,420 --> 00:03:59,420
I'm sorry.
33
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:05,080
But who amongst us all hasn't ever made
a mistake?
34
00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:07,020
We all have.
35
00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:13,740
So if you don't think that I deserve the
basic human decency of a second chance,
36
00:04:13,740 --> 00:04:14,740
then fine. Go ahead.
37
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:19,660
Take me to the top of that clock tower
and pelt me with water balloons full of
38
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,480
piss. But if not...
39
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:22,720
God damn it.
40
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,480
Hey, Jack.
41
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:42,400
Hi, Monty.
42
00:04:42,420 --> 00:04:43,420
How was your day?
43
00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:45,940
Uh, not great.
44
00:04:46,340 --> 00:04:47,279
How was yours?
45
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:48,280
I'm covered in piss.
46
00:04:48,910 --> 00:04:51,430
I'm sorry. It's okay. You know what's
going to make it all better?
47
00:04:51,930 --> 00:04:53,870
Quiet night of sleep. Turning him out of
alcohol.
48
00:04:54,150 --> 00:04:56,530
Let's boogie. Oh, wow. We said very
different things.
49
00:04:57,390 --> 00:04:58,970
Housing request due by midnight.
50
00:04:59,390 --> 00:05:01,370
Guys, housing request due by midnight.
51
00:05:01,830 --> 00:05:04,610
Montgomery and Jack, email your housing
request in by midnight.
52
00:05:04,850 --> 00:05:06,750
Also, Jack, go fuck yourself.
53
00:05:10,050 --> 00:05:11,570
Where do you want to live next year?
54
00:05:12,310 --> 00:05:14,070
Should we do Oreck Power?
55
00:05:14,550 --> 00:05:15,550
The Low Court?
56
00:05:15,910 --> 00:05:17,770
Or... Ugh.
57
00:05:18,890 --> 00:05:22,310
As long as it's not Grawl Call, that
place is literal hell.
58
00:05:22,630 --> 00:05:23,630
You know what I mean?
59
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:30,370
Oh, come on, dude. Stop hiding. Just ask
her out. Are you nuts?
60
00:05:30,850 --> 00:05:31,850
Oh, my.
61
00:05:31,950 --> 00:05:36,070
Girls like Ashley don't like guys like
me. What's wrong with you? I'm weird. I
62
00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:37,090
sound like a little old man.
63
00:05:37,710 --> 00:05:40,370
Girls like Alphys. Strong provider
types.
64
00:05:40,630 --> 00:05:41,630
Like him.
65
00:05:43,970 --> 00:05:48,820
Hot. So that's why I'm going to trick
her into thinking I'm an alpha. And then
66
00:05:48,820 --> 00:05:50,140
she'll ask me out.
67
00:05:50,780 --> 00:05:53,800
Wow. That's the creepiest thing I've
ever heard in my entire life. It's not
68
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,640
creepy. It's sweet. You don't even know
her. You may not even actually like her.
69
00:05:56,760 --> 00:06:00,700
Of course I like her. When I think of
the two of us together, it feels like
70
00:06:00,700 --> 00:06:05,360
floating on a cloud of lavender while
being sung to by lollipop pixies.
71
00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:07,340
Never mind.
72
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:09,480
That's the creepiest thing I've ever
heard in my entire life.
73
00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:12,100
Stop staring at her.
74
00:06:17,580 --> 00:06:24,380
time you take this and quit it into this
so we can turn off this look at her
75
00:06:24,380 --> 00:06:30,840
oh quit this right give her a stroke
perv what do you toast
76
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:36,500
uh may the crop grow strong and your
pants stay up and the night don't
77
00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:42,380
i got this shit to turning around this
shitty day oh god
78
00:06:42,380 --> 00:06:44,500
logan
79
00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:48,680
What's up, dildos? Can we please not do
this tonight? Relax.
80
00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:54,660
I know that we come in here every
weekend, we hold you down, and we fart
81
00:06:54,660 --> 00:06:56,440
faces for what you did to the football
team.
82
00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:02,660
But we have taken some time to reflect,
and we decided to apologize.
83
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:05,920
Wow.
84
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,400
Really?
85
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,360
No, we came to fart on your faces!
86
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,740
Fuck you! Fuck you! Hit him down! Fuck
you!
87
00:07:19,530 --> 00:07:22,010
I'll take you to trouble right here,
okay? That's perfect. That's it.
88
00:07:23,550 --> 00:07:24,610
Fucking fuck off.
89
00:07:26,550 --> 00:07:27,550
It's okay, Jack.
90
00:07:27,710 --> 00:07:29,690
They can't be thoughts. Shut up,
Montgomery.
91
00:07:30,090 --> 00:07:31,130
Look at why, Pookie.
92
00:07:31,530 --> 00:07:32,690
No. No.
93
00:07:33,210 --> 00:07:34,210
No.
94
00:07:36,050 --> 00:07:37,050
Oh, shit.
95
00:07:37,570 --> 00:07:40,230
Hey, dumbass, mind if I borrow your
charger? Oh, I should warn you, it's
96
00:07:40,230 --> 00:07:43,350
actually a third -party charger, and
it's technically got the terms of
97
00:07:43,350 --> 00:07:47,690
to use it. Shut up. Dude, this pajama
party tonight is going to be so thick.
98
00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:49,360
Pre -game at my place? Totally.
99
00:07:49,580 --> 00:07:53,640
I got beer. Nice. I got some weed. Swag.
And I'm bringing Wizard's Oath.
100
00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:57,060
What?
101
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,000
Is it a fantasy board game?
102
00:08:01,220 --> 00:08:02,440
It's actually really fun.
103
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,800
That was refreshing, dog.
104
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:08,580
I feel like a pound lighter.
105
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:11,400
All right, let's bounce.
106
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,340
What the fuck?
107
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:15,940
Your charger fried my phone.
108
00:08:16,190 --> 00:08:18,350
Well, I did warn you, it's a third
-party charger.
109
00:08:19,470 --> 00:08:23,430
You break my phone? Huh? How about...
Oh, shit. I break your bottle!
110
00:08:52,810 --> 00:08:53,549
All those guys.
111
00:08:53,550 --> 00:08:56,350
God, I hope I don't get pink eye again.
Like, fucking ruined.
112
00:08:56,590 --> 00:08:57,910
Well, maybe it's for the best.
113
00:08:58,470 --> 00:09:01,850
I was going to start Lysander on a new
brand of nectar tonight, and he gets -
114
00:09:01,850 --> 00:09:02,850
No!
115
00:09:03,670 --> 00:09:04,670
No!
116
00:09:04,910 --> 00:09:08,950
I can't stand another night listening to
you talk about the dietary restrictions
117
00:09:08,950 --> 00:09:10,150
of your pet butterfly.
118
00:09:10,890 --> 00:09:12,330
We are in college, Monty.
119
00:09:12,910 --> 00:09:14,810
These are supposed to be the best years
of our lives.
120
00:09:15,150 --> 00:09:16,150
Look at me.
121
00:09:16,870 --> 00:09:19,630
I'm the type of guy who's built for a
place like this, dude. I could be ruling
122
00:09:19,630 --> 00:09:20,630
the school.
123
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,140
I should be doing jello shots and
sparkler cake stands, but everyone hates
124
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:26,840
Well, not me. You don't count.
125
00:09:29,540 --> 00:09:32,500
Okay, I know what you need. I'm ordering
us a pizza.
126
00:09:33,220 --> 00:09:38,800
Because no matter how bad things are,
pizza makes everything a little better.
127
00:09:39,940 --> 00:09:44,040
Remember first semester when we ate
pizza and played games all night?
128
00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:47,060
Stop. What are you doing? You don't get
to do a speech. I'm doing a speech. I'm
129
00:09:47,060 --> 00:09:49,380
sad. Plus, pizza's not going to do
anything for me, ma 'am.
130
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,200
I need something to obliterate my brain!
131
00:09:55,700 --> 00:09:56,700
What's this?
132
00:09:59,380 --> 00:10:00,380
Minch?
133
00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,200
Oh my god.
134
00:10:14,620 --> 00:10:15,680
These are drugs.
135
00:10:19,430 --> 00:10:21,170
No. No.
136
00:10:21,710 --> 00:10:25,270
No! Come on! Are you insane? What are
the odds of this? I'm not doing random
137
00:10:25,270 --> 00:10:27,670
stealing drugs. We don't even know what
they are. Fine.
138
00:10:28,310 --> 00:10:29,570
We'll do some research.
139
00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:30,890
Hmm?
140
00:10:33,710 --> 00:10:35,750
Drugs. Pink pill.
141
00:10:36,390 --> 00:10:37,390
Exploding head.
142
00:10:37,650 --> 00:10:39,430
What the fuck?
143
00:10:40,610 --> 00:10:41,770
One result?
144
00:10:42,310 --> 00:10:43,310
That's shady.
145
00:10:46,650 --> 00:10:48,710
Tidings! Psychedelic adventurers!
146
00:10:49,390 --> 00:10:50,450
Frankie, of course.
147
00:10:51,870 --> 00:10:53,590
Her green screens suck.
148
00:10:53,890 --> 00:10:59,630
I'll be your cosmic captain on this
journey today. Please keep your vibes
149
00:10:59,630 --> 00:11:01,430
the vehicle at all times.
150
00:11:01,850 --> 00:11:03,470
Eww. Eww.
151
00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:06,370
Eww. Eww. Eww.
152
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:07,750
Yeah, I'm gonna see that.
153
00:11:08,090 --> 00:11:12,310
I dated Mickey Rourke. It's fine. Keep
going forward.
154
00:11:18,890 --> 00:11:20,470
That is dangerously misleading.
155
00:11:20,770 --> 00:11:23,870
This drug will give you an incredible
high.
156
00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:29,490
How would I describe it? It makes you
feel like you're floating on a cloud of
157
00:11:29,490 --> 00:11:33,550
lavender being sung to by lollipop
pixies.
158
00:11:34,950 --> 00:11:37,290
Dude, that's exactly your thing.
159
00:11:38,810 --> 00:11:43,050
No. Come on. No. Come on. No. No. Come
on. No. Come on. No. No. Come on. I love
160
00:11:43,050 --> 00:11:46,730
you. I love you too. Come on. No.
Please. No. I'll do anything. No. No.
161
00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:47,890
Jack, the answer's no.
162
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:12,040
debauchery. Every year, our school sinks
deeper into a swamp of vice and
163
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,580
buffoonery. Until now.
164
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:21,960
Welcome,
165
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,080
fellow RA.
166
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:30,840
For weeks, we have been preparing for
tonight to reign
167
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:32,460
fiery vengeance.
168
00:12:33,290 --> 00:12:38,450
upon the drug -addled delinquents that
have turned this dorm into a waking
169
00:12:38,450 --> 00:12:39,450
nightmare.
170
00:12:40,190 --> 00:12:41,530
There will be no mercy.
171
00:12:42,090 --> 00:12:44,870
Order will be restored.
172
00:12:45,630 --> 00:12:51,270
And those who have violated our rules
shall be shattered on the anvil of
173
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,270
discipline.
174
00:12:52,870 --> 00:12:54,110
Are you with me?
175
00:12:54,510 --> 00:12:56,590
Yes, Mr. Kaiser! Yes!
176
00:12:57,050 --> 00:12:58,050
Oh.
177
00:12:59,270 --> 00:13:02,310
Sorry, I'm new. Just had to think. I'm
new.
178
00:13:03,210 --> 00:13:04,690
This guy didn't tell me about the call
and response.
179
00:13:05,770 --> 00:13:08,090
It was very scary.
180
00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:11,370
Let's move out.
181
00:13:12,290 --> 00:13:16,190
And then I'm like, guys, don't worry.
I'm not going to fart in your faces. And
182
00:13:16,190 --> 00:13:18,490
then I fucking farted in his face, dude!
183
00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:23,210
Those guys fucking blow! Those guys
fucking blow.
184
00:13:25,210 --> 00:13:27,290
Yeah, those guys fucking blow.
185
00:13:28,410 --> 00:13:29,590
They are funny, though.
186
00:13:30,850 --> 00:13:31,850
What?
187
00:13:32,330 --> 00:13:33,450
Did you just say they're funny?
188
00:13:34,670 --> 00:13:35,670
No.
189
00:13:36,550 --> 00:13:37,790
Why would I say that?
190
00:13:40,510 --> 00:13:42,950
Anyway, let's get fucked up!
191
00:13:43,370 --> 00:13:45,330
Oh, my... Lithia!
192
00:13:48,730 --> 00:13:50,250
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
193
00:13:50,510 --> 00:13:51,510
It's fine.
194
00:13:57,610 --> 00:13:58,890
Oh, man. I'm tired.
195
00:13:59,290 --> 00:14:01,790
Yeah, it's late. I also am tired. Me
too.
196
00:14:02,490 --> 00:14:03,790
Maybe we should call it a night.
197
00:14:04,470 --> 00:14:08,630
Hey, Lizzie, you're closest to the door.
Why don't you just leave first, and the
198
00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:09,630
rest of us will follow?
199
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:13,490
Okay, sure. Yeah.
200
00:14:15,050 --> 00:14:16,050
See you around.
201
00:14:18,530 --> 00:14:21,910
Hey, remember when I said I wasn't going
to fart in their faces, but then I did
202
00:14:21,910 --> 00:14:25,650
fart in their faces? You know, I guess
I'll just cancel this party bus that I
203
00:14:25,650 --> 00:14:26,650
got for us.
204
00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:27,459
Party bus?
205
00:14:27,460 --> 00:14:30,900
I ordered us this totally awesome party
bus as a surprise.
206
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:35,000
But if you're tired, then I'll just
cancel it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
207
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:36,540
Do not cancel it.
208
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,220
I feel like I'm getting a second wind.
209
00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:41,440
Yeah, me too. I am also no longer tired.
210
00:14:41,740 --> 00:14:43,920
Can I get a Lizzie?
211
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:46,760
Lizzie.
212
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:48,840
Lizzie.
213
00:14:49,660 --> 00:14:50,660
Lizzie.
214
00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:52,480
Lizzie.
215
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:54,120
Lizzie.
216
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:55,860
Lizzie.
217
00:14:59,530 --> 00:15:00,570
You think I can honk the horn?
218
00:15:10,750 --> 00:15:11,350
You
219
00:15:11,350 --> 00:15:18,410
feel
220
00:15:18,410 --> 00:15:25,210
anything?
221
00:15:25,790 --> 00:15:27,950
No Wait
222
00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:32,160
No.
223
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:33,320
Fuck.
224
00:15:33,580 --> 00:15:34,580
He's done?
225
00:15:34,860 --> 00:15:35,860
Getcha.
226
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:39,060
Wanna play Wizard's Oath? No, we can't.
We need three people.
227
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:40,400
I could play.
228
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,180
No, it'd take too long to teach you the
rules.
229
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:47,600
Oh no.
230
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:06,840
Hey.
231
00:16:12,620 --> 00:16:13,620
You seeing this?
232
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:18,660
He wants me to shake his hand.
233
00:16:18,860 --> 00:16:19,860
Go for it.
234
00:16:20,340 --> 00:16:22,620
Oh, touch my nipple. What the fuck, man?
235
00:16:22,980 --> 00:16:23,980
Stop.
236
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:26,020
Hola. My name is Juan.
237
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:27,920
Nice to meet you. Hi.
238
00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:29,880
What a fucking baby.
239
00:16:30,180 --> 00:16:31,820
The baby does not like your work.
240
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:33,120
Do it again.
241
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:38,000
Fuck.
242
00:16:39,980 --> 00:16:42,280
No. Please stay over there. Back up.
243
00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:45,980
Don't do it. I want to be impolite.
What?
244
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,120
She did it again. What did you expect?
245
00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:51,260
She hates it. Do it again.
246
00:17:04,939 --> 00:17:07,740
Again. Again.
247
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:10,560
Again.
248
00:17:34,410 --> 00:17:36,830
Well, the good news is the drugs were.
Oh, do they?
249
00:17:37,270 --> 00:17:39,470
None of that felt like a gentle cloud of
lavender.
250
00:17:39,770 --> 00:17:41,890
I just got molested by Pinocchio's
cousin.
251
00:17:42,650 --> 00:17:43,650
Did that happen?
252
00:17:44,010 --> 00:17:45,270
I think I already repressed that.
253
00:17:45,470 --> 00:17:47,630
All right. We got to figure out what
this stuff is.
254
00:17:48,530 --> 00:17:49,930
Why stand or no? Get out of there.
255
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:52,050
Great. No drugs for you.
256
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:05,800
as you take it with food.
257
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:11,280
What? Without food, the drug has six
distinct phases punctuated by normal
258
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:12,740
periods of lucidity.
259
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:17,400
First is a prologue called Make the Baby
Like It. Definitely did that one. Then,
260
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:18,640
no bad words.
261
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,980
Flashback. The old witcheroo.
262
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:23,520
Nothing but the truth.
263
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:26,180
And we are all one.
264
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:30,939
What's that?
265
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:32,720
It's my worry ward. It calms me down.
266
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,040
for making these drugs. Huh?
267
00:18:36,300 --> 00:18:38,600
I made them right here in my dorm room,
3J.
268
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:43,720
Oh, shit. Sorry. Wait, is that this
room?
269
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:45,960
I know I'm still in college, but don't
worry.
270
00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:47,900
I'm a chemistry genius, okay?
271
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:48,839
That's good.
272
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:53,440
I mean, hell, I friggin' built these
cabinets using my own homemade epoxy.
273
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:57,700
We're gonna die.
274
00:19:08,620 --> 00:19:13,620
What does that mean? And two, there is a
final phase that I didn't yet mention.
275
00:19:38,169 --> 00:19:39,169
So, pizza?
276
00:19:39,350 --> 00:19:41,610
Yes, pizza, dum -dums. Happy sailing!
277
00:19:41,970 --> 00:19:44,950
Hope you don't get chainsaw -fucked! Ew!
278
00:19:45,490 --> 00:19:51,390
Ew! Your worst nightmare comes to life
and shoves a chainsaw up your ass!
279
00:19:51,610 --> 00:19:52,870
Cheese and rice!
280
00:19:53,190 --> 00:19:56,810
I just wanted a quiet night, and now I'm
gonna get chainsaw -fucked by the Rat
281
00:19:56,810 --> 00:19:57,810
King from the Nutcracker!
282
00:19:57,930 --> 00:20:01,430
Dude, that's not gonna... Wait, your
worst nightmare is the Rat King from the
283
00:20:01,430 --> 00:20:05,230
Nut... From the New Jersey Ballet's 2007
production of the Nutcracker. You
284
00:20:05,230 --> 00:20:06,230
haven't seen it.
285
00:20:06,670 --> 00:20:07,509
It's terrifying.
286
00:20:07,510 --> 00:20:08,750
It's not going to happen, okay?
287
00:20:09,170 --> 00:20:11,790
What did she say? It'll mellow out when
we have some pizza.
288
00:20:12,510 --> 00:20:14,550
And look, there it is right now.
289
00:20:15,830 --> 00:20:20,490
Hello, sir. Can you please bring the
pizza directly to room 3J with extreme
290
00:20:20,490 --> 00:20:21,490
haste?
291
00:20:22,690 --> 00:20:23,690
Hello.
292
00:20:24,130 --> 00:20:26,050
I am Snackatron 3000.
293
00:20:26,770 --> 00:20:33,270
I have arrived at your location with a
phone delivery for Montgomery from the
294
00:20:33,270 --> 00:20:34,690
restaurant. What do I say?
295
00:20:38,990 --> 00:20:40,470
It's a fucking robot.
296
00:20:40,930 --> 00:20:46,950
Actually, I'm a Snagatron. 3J, bring the
pizza to 3J now.
297
00:20:47,550 --> 00:20:51,250
I am sorry, but there is a set of stairs
impeding my journey.
298
00:20:51,730 --> 00:20:53,590
Stairs are my mortal enemy.
299
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:12,160
I hope you will be satisfied with your
order. No, Snackatron, I will not be
300
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,380
satisfied. No, there's no way we're
going out there.
301
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:18,240
Ashley's out there all racing. Who knows
what else? Hey, it's going to be fine,
302
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,500
dude. It's just two flights of stairs,
right?
303
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,480
Come on, I'm going to be with you the
whole time.
304
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,040
Yeah, boy, yeah.
305
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:29,280
Watch out, a block.
306
00:21:29,610 --> 00:21:33,930
If you want to chat to me, watch how you
talk. Leave my mom on top.
307
00:21:34,170 --> 00:21:35,170
I'm the boss.
308
00:21:38,090 --> 00:21:42,970
Why are you wearing a suit?
309
00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:45,050
I want people to know I'm high.
310
00:21:46,910 --> 00:21:48,870
Smart. So what's our plan?
311
00:21:49,150 --> 00:21:50,530
Okay, it's simple.
312
00:21:50,770 --> 00:21:55,290
We take the elevator down, we grab the
pizza, we eat it, and then we're
313
00:21:55,290 --> 00:21:57,670
on a cloud of lavender before the next
phase even hits.
314
00:21:58,270 --> 00:21:59,209
You ready?
315
00:21:59,210 --> 00:22:00,650
Yes. I don't know.
316
00:22:01,170 --> 00:22:02,170
Okay, yes.
317
00:22:02,290 --> 00:22:03,290
Great.
318
00:22:04,450 --> 00:22:06,030
Then let's do this. Fuck!
319
00:22:10,930 --> 00:22:11,930
What?
320
00:22:12,710 --> 00:22:15,690
What? Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my
gosh! Are you okay?
321
00:22:15,950 --> 00:22:16,970
Yeah, I think, I think, I think.
322
00:22:17,430 --> 00:22:18,430
Fuck!
323
00:22:44,270 --> 00:22:45,270
God damn it.
324
00:22:45,790 --> 00:22:46,810
No more!
325
00:22:47,570 --> 00:22:50,270
Fine. Okay. I'll just say, like, dang
it.
326
00:22:50,790 --> 00:22:52,510
Stop! Darn it?
327
00:22:52,890 --> 00:22:54,270
Stop! All right.
328
00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:56,030
I'll make up my own.
329
00:22:57,030 --> 00:22:58,030
Crimble sauce.
330
00:22:58,090 --> 00:22:59,870
You can't say crimble sauce.
331
00:23:01,230 --> 00:23:05,710
Okay. Just say super G -rated. And let's
get to the elevator.
332
00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:11,630
Hey, it's freak -ass phase. Hey, suck my
dick.
333
00:23:28,450 --> 00:23:29,450
Montgomery!
334
00:23:30,810 --> 00:23:32,490
Hey! Holy crap.
335
00:23:33,410 --> 00:23:34,670
You've got this, man.
336
00:23:34,930 --> 00:23:37,850
I'm a provider, I'm suave, I'm an alpha.
Whoa!
337
00:23:38,590 --> 00:23:40,030
Montgomery! Hi.
338
00:23:40,370 --> 00:23:41,410
What's up, leo?
339
00:23:42,230 --> 00:23:43,230
Shit.
340
00:23:43,930 --> 00:23:45,290
Hi. Ahoy there.
341
00:23:45,550 --> 00:23:46,550
Nope.
342
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:51,300
Good evening to you, my sweet baby,
baby, baby.
343
00:23:51,500 --> 00:23:52,500
Fuck that.
344
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:54,580
I'm gonna pick you a line.
345
00:23:54,940 --> 00:23:55,940
Hi, Ashley.
346
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,820
Hi, Ashley. Just like that. Hi, Ashley.
347
00:23:59,100 --> 00:24:02,340
Hi. Hey, I did it. Don't say it out
loud, dumbass.
348
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:05,060
Hi. Hi, Ashley.
349
00:24:07,360 --> 00:24:08,360
What's that?
350
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:12,500
It's my worry wart, which alphas don't
use, so we gotta start the whole thing
351
00:24:12,500 --> 00:24:13,500
over. No, it's good, it's good, it's
fine.
352
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,680
Con... Excuse me?
353
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:18,680
Con... What?
354
00:24:18,970 --> 00:24:19,970
Not you.
355
00:24:20,030 --> 00:24:22,750
Cunt. Cunt. Sorry. Sorry. Cunt. Sorry.
356
00:24:22,950 --> 00:24:25,370
Cunt. Cunt. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Cunt.
Cunt.
357
00:24:25,590 --> 00:24:27,890
Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt.
Stop!
358
00:24:28,230 --> 00:24:30,690
We can say cunt, but we can't say
crumble sauce.
359
00:24:32,510 --> 00:24:35,250
I sourced the chemicals from Manchester,
England.
360
00:24:35,530 --> 00:24:38,550
Oh, it's a pretty drunk. That's so
fucking stupid.
361
00:24:39,330 --> 00:24:41,590
Hi. Hi, Ashley. How's your night going?
Good.
362
00:24:41,790 --> 00:24:42,970
Good. Short.
363
00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:45,630
Hi. Hi, Ashley. How's your night going?
364
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:49,760
Good. Yeah, I've actually had a crazy
week working on my music thesis.
365
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,140
Oh, so you're a music major. Yeah. Who's
your favorite musician?
366
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:54,640
Sondheim.
367
00:24:54,980 --> 00:25:00,120
Sondheim? I love musicals. Oh, Stephen
Sondheim? I hate him. I like Matsuishi
368
00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:01,120
Sondheim.
369
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:03,200
Who the fuck is that?
370
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:08,040
Okay, apparently this guy does something
called Clowncore Vomit Opera.
371
00:25:11,690 --> 00:25:16,090
Have you ever heard of Matsuyoshi
Sondheim? Oh my god, are you serious? I
372
00:25:16,090 --> 00:25:18,550
him. Have you ever heard of the song
that goes...
373
00:25:18,550 --> 00:25:28,190
Duh,
374
00:25:28,190 --> 00:25:29,550
My Mother Pisses Death?
375
00:25:29,790 --> 00:25:33,850
Nobody ever likes that one. And most
guys are real pussies about it, but it's
376
00:25:33,850 --> 00:25:36,270
cool to meet someone that's actually
into it.
377
00:25:37,450 --> 00:25:39,750
Well, this has been nice.
378
00:25:40,050 --> 00:25:42,660
Yeah. I hope the rest of your night is
real good.
379
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:45,900
Oh, duck fucker! Uh,
380
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:48,660
duck fucker?
381
00:25:49,620 --> 00:25:50,620
Oh, no.
382
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:51,880
Is it over?
383
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:53,420
It's what over?
384
00:25:54,980 --> 00:25:55,980
The American Dream.
385
00:25:56,140 --> 00:25:57,140
Oh.
386
00:25:58,060 --> 00:25:59,060
Yes.
387
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:00,560
Anyway,
388
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:04,860
I am starving, so I'm gonna go get some
food. But it was great getting to know
389
00:26:04,860 --> 00:26:05,920
you. I'll see ya.
390
00:26:10,260 --> 00:26:11,260
My friggin' boy.
391
00:26:12,780 --> 00:26:14,800
Just so you know, I got a weird fuckin'
vibe about her.
392
00:26:51,950 --> 00:26:52,950
Sorry to interrupt.
393
00:27:04,490 --> 00:27:05,490
May I?
394
00:27:05,850 --> 00:27:06,910
Please, yeah.
395
00:27:11,090 --> 00:27:12,630
This stuff's so annoying.
396
00:27:14,170 --> 00:27:15,770
Okay. Prohibited items.
397
00:27:15,970 --> 00:27:18,710
Do you guys have any drugs, alcohol?
398
00:27:19,350 --> 00:27:20,350
No.
399
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:22,160
Firearms, weaponry?
400
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,580
No. Freestanding waffle makers?
401
00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:26,120
No.
402
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:33,800
Any large bongs shaped like a jar of
dill
403
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:34,800
pickles?
404
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:37,920
No.
405
00:27:40,100 --> 00:27:43,240
Great. I will leave you to it.
406
00:27:57,610 --> 00:28:03,790
You know... Some kids lie.
407
00:28:05,070 --> 00:28:07,710
I think I won't notice.
408
00:28:09,010 --> 00:28:12,690
But... Lies have a smell.
409
00:28:14,930 --> 00:28:15,950
A texture.
410
00:28:32,110 --> 00:28:33,710
and some alcoholic iced tea, are you
not?
411
00:28:36,990 --> 00:28:37,990
Yes.
412
00:28:38,830 --> 00:28:40,290
You're hiding them in the fridge, aren't
you?
413
00:28:43,570 --> 00:28:44,570
Yes.
414
00:28:48,070 --> 00:28:49,210
Deli drawer or crisper?
415
00:29:04,590 --> 00:29:09,370
I'm afraid I'll have to confiscate your
phone for the night. No, you can't
416
00:29:09,370 --> 00:29:12,650
confiscate my phone. I said confiscate
his phone!
417
00:29:21,270 --> 00:29:21,710
Each
418
00:29:21,710 --> 00:29:28,710
of you has a
419
00:29:28,710 --> 00:29:29,710
list.
420
00:29:29,730 --> 00:29:32,290
You are to collect the cell phones of
everyone on it.
421
00:29:33,070 --> 00:29:34,630
Use whatever justification you need.
422
00:29:35,630 --> 00:29:38,470
Understood? Yes, President Elijah, sir!
423
00:29:39,770 --> 00:29:41,330
What the hell?
424
00:29:41,530 --> 00:29:42,529
Did you want to break this?
425
00:29:42,530 --> 00:29:44,550
Come on, why is it taking so long?
426
00:29:47,770 --> 00:29:51,330
Jeez. Oh, God, this guy. What happened?
427
00:29:51,810 --> 00:29:53,510
Got transferred to Grok Hall.
428
00:29:53,710 --> 00:29:54,830
No. Yeah.
429
00:29:55,650 --> 00:29:57,910
The worst dorm in school.
430
00:29:58,710 --> 00:30:01,070
It's four hours away.
431
00:30:02,190 --> 00:30:03,370
You might as well be dead.
432
00:30:06,530 --> 00:30:07,790
That was a fuck -buddy.
433
00:30:09,630 --> 00:30:11,310
Sorry for your loss. Go fuck yourself,
Jack.
434
00:30:12,310 --> 00:30:13,950
We gotta get a housing request, then.
435
00:30:17,250 --> 00:30:18,250
Oh, my God.
436
00:30:18,310 --> 00:30:20,710
It got stuck between floors. Can you
guys please get me out of here?
437
00:30:22,210 --> 00:30:24,110
Stairs? Wait. Wait, no!
438
00:30:24,470 --> 00:30:25,830
You can't just leave me like this!
439
00:30:26,230 --> 00:30:27,990
I'm not gonna go upstairs! Please come
back!
440
00:30:28,190 --> 00:30:29,230
Two floors and we're good.
441
00:30:35,590 --> 00:30:36,750
Shit. R .A.
442
00:30:39,370 --> 00:30:40,930
That took us fun.
443
00:30:41,150 --> 00:30:42,450
Are they allowed to do that?
444
00:30:44,430 --> 00:30:45,890
Take him to the wellness lounge.
445
00:30:46,170 --> 00:30:48,950
Yeah. All right, guys, let's get him to
the wellness lounge.
446
00:30:49,410 --> 00:30:50,990
I love it. I agree.
447
00:30:52,250 --> 00:30:53,250
That's a good plan.
448
00:30:53,290 --> 00:30:54,290
Who are you again?
449
00:30:54,490 --> 00:30:58,470
Oh, I'm Sidney Putt, sophomore R .A. in
training. Your sophomore.
450
00:30:58,710 --> 00:31:01,090
Yeah. But I am 31 years young.
451
00:31:01,310 --> 00:31:02,990
I took a bit of a gap decade.
452
00:31:03,850 --> 00:31:04,849
Before I started school.
453
00:31:04,850 --> 00:31:08,970
Wow. But now I'm so excited to be an RA,
I'd love to know the inside joke.
454
00:31:09,410 --> 00:31:11,590
Who's ribbing who? Who's kissing who?
455
00:31:12,450 --> 00:31:14,650
You ever huff helium? Shut the fuck up!
456
00:31:16,870 --> 00:31:20,270
You two stay, and don't let anyone
downstairs.
457
00:31:20,950 --> 00:31:21,789
Fuck off.
458
00:31:21,790 --> 00:31:22,689
What?
459
00:31:22,690 --> 00:31:23,890
Now how do we get downstairs?
460
00:31:25,770 --> 00:31:26,770
Building renovation.
461
00:31:26,990 --> 00:31:28,790
There's scaffolding outside the corner
room.
462
00:31:29,070 --> 00:31:32,430
We could just climb down to the second
floor from there. Huh? We got this.
463
00:31:35,630 --> 00:31:37,230
Hi, we were wondering if we could use
your window.
464
00:31:37,930 --> 00:31:38,930
You.
465
00:31:39,290 --> 00:31:41,270
Oh, hey, if you... Fuck off!
466
00:31:42,150 --> 00:31:43,270
What the hell was that about?
467
00:31:43,710 --> 00:31:45,730
Earlier today, I accidentally hit him
with a football.
468
00:31:46,590 --> 00:31:47,590
Great, so we're stuck.
469
00:31:47,970 --> 00:31:54,310
Hey, Logan, sorry to call you back. I
can't find you guys, so... Hi.
470
00:31:54,830 --> 00:31:55,830
Hi, Lizzie.
471
00:31:56,430 --> 00:31:58,230
Hi. Why are you wet?
472
00:31:58,510 --> 00:32:03,190
I just, um, I'm having kind of a weird
night, but I'm fine.
473
00:32:03,890 --> 00:32:05,180
Dandy. Bye.
474
00:32:06,380 --> 00:32:07,380
Bye.
475
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:09,120
Asshole. No!
476
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:15,460
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Your head's been
exploding!
477
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:16,720
You're on our drug!
478
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:18,580
What? What?
479
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:20,320
What are you talking about?
480
00:32:20,620 --> 00:32:23,900
I didn't take any drugs. You are no fun.
481
00:32:25,780 --> 00:32:26,860
Stop laughing.
482
00:32:27,180 --> 00:32:28,520
I don't know why I'm laughing.
483
00:32:28,740 --> 00:32:30,560
I think it's a trauma response.
484
00:32:31,340 --> 00:32:32,880
But I didn't take any.
485
00:32:35,340 --> 00:32:36,340
It all makes sense now.
486
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:42,040
Earlier tonight, when I was in your
room, Logan was talking about the pajama
487
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:45,500
party, and I spotted a tin of mints on
your desk. Those weren't mints, dumbass.
488
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:51,060
Lizzie, those were not mints. No shit,
I'm aware, because I ate one, and just a
489
00:32:51,060 --> 00:32:54,680
little later... Why are my hands
singing?
490
00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:59,600
I started to bring my goddamn balls off
in front of Logan and all of his
491
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:00,600
friends.
492
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:07,840
Wait. How are we even seeing this? Are
we, like, inside her memory?
493
00:33:08,500 --> 00:33:11,080
Shit. I think I remember this from the
video.
494
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:13,440
This must be the next phase.
495
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:15,520
There's more of these?
496
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:18,580
There's a final phase that I didn't get
mentioned.
497
00:33:18,940 --> 00:33:24,940
It's called, Your Worst Nightmare Comes
to Life and Shoves the Chains Off Your
498
00:33:24,940 --> 00:33:28,900
Ass. Your Worst Nightmare Comes to Life
and Shoves the Chains Off Your Ass?
499
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,520
See, I do sound like a little old man.
500
00:33:31,740 --> 00:33:32,740
You dumb fu -
501
00:33:35,530 --> 00:33:37,190
Who eats random pills out of a tin?
502
00:33:37,810 --> 00:33:39,630
I've never done anything that stupid in
my life.
503
00:33:39,970 --> 00:33:40,970
You ready, Montgomery?
504
00:33:41,150 --> 00:33:42,510
Get the plane here, Jack.
505
00:33:43,250 --> 00:33:47,570
We leap off the roof and float to the
ground like a pair of graceful falcons.
506
00:33:47,890 --> 00:33:48,890
You were saying?
507
00:33:49,410 --> 00:33:51,590
All right, so I've done one dumb thing.
508
00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:53,250
But at least we had fun.
509
00:33:55,310 --> 00:33:56,590
That's the worst day of my life.
510
00:33:57,790 --> 00:34:01,810
I'm Lizzie the Magnificent. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
511
00:34:02,450 --> 00:34:03,650
Everyone, look close.
512
00:34:05,230 --> 00:34:08,690
Now it's a banana, and now it's a
chicken.
513
00:34:10,730 --> 00:34:11,830
You're incredible!
514
00:34:12,350 --> 00:34:15,489
Were you using wires or mirrors back
here? No, could I have a volunteer?
515
00:34:16,190 --> 00:34:17,929
This is so lame.
516
00:34:26,870 --> 00:34:30,230
All right, those are fucking sociopaths.
517
00:34:38,860 --> 00:34:40,020
I didn't know you did magic.
518
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:42,000
You should have told me you did magic.
519
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:44,260
I would have loved to have seen some
tricks.
520
00:34:45,540 --> 00:34:47,719
You know, back when we were friends.
521
00:34:49,699 --> 00:34:54,880
I miss those Wednesdays. We'd all meet
in a cafeteria and play Wizards of... It
522
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:55,880
was so fun.
523
00:34:56,040 --> 00:35:00,120
Remember how far we got? We were about
to storm the Fortress of Thalamus and
524
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:01,420
finally finish the game.
525
00:35:01,940 --> 00:35:04,820
But then... Lizzie ditched us.
526
00:35:05,190 --> 00:35:08,870
That's fucking good, dog. I'll tell them
I'm not going to fart in their faces.
527
00:35:09,090 --> 00:35:11,890
And I totally will do that. Hang on.
528
00:35:12,150 --> 00:35:13,690
I never ditched you guys.
529
00:35:14,010 --> 00:35:15,790
Don't think I ditched you. Lizzie!
530
00:35:16,970 --> 00:35:20,090
Also, you're leaving out the part where
you sabotage the whole football team.
531
00:35:20,210 --> 00:35:21,210
Oh, come on!
532
00:35:21,250 --> 00:35:22,330
That was an accident.
533
00:35:22,610 --> 00:35:23,388
Yeah, right.
534
00:35:23,390 --> 00:35:24,430
What the fuck? Wait.
535
00:35:24,810 --> 00:35:27,050
I can prove it. It was first semester.
536
00:35:27,350 --> 00:35:29,190
I was king of the campus.
537
00:35:29,470 --> 00:35:30,470
A .K .A.
538
00:35:31,070 --> 00:35:32,690
I was the school mascot.
539
00:35:33,710 --> 00:35:38,250
So, per tradition, I held the honor of
leading the football team in their
540
00:35:38,250 --> 00:35:39,290
naked run.
541
00:35:39,770 --> 00:35:40,770
Gentlemen!
542
00:35:42,550 --> 00:35:43,550
Cheeks out!
543
00:35:45,810 --> 00:35:49,150
Have fun out there. Just remember, this
is the past.
544
00:35:49,490 --> 00:35:52,850
But I had bigger plans than the past.
Everyone
545
00:35:52,850 --> 00:36:01,750
hated
546
00:36:01,750 --> 00:36:02,750
Professor Quinn.
547
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:08,280
So I figured they'd love me if I made
him spend his entire day getting
548
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:14,600
by 50 naked dicks. It was a flawless
plan until the stupid professor went off
549
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:21,400
campus and ran directly by a police
station during Bring Your Daughter
550
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:22,400
to Work Day.
551
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:29,840
Every single player got put on the sex
offender registry.
552
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:34,180
I was doing so well.
553
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:36,580
I was making friends. I was having fun.
554
00:36:37,340 --> 00:36:39,820
For once in my life, people actually
liked me. And then poof.
555
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:42,560
Overnight, for no reason, they all just
turn on me.
556
00:36:43,060 --> 00:36:47,000
Again, not me. Again, you don't count.
No, but what do you mean for no reason?
557
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:50,100
mean, you broke the rules. You were
reckless with the football team's dick.
558
00:36:50,300 --> 00:36:53,240
I wasn't even thinking about the dicks.
That's my point.
559
00:36:53,700 --> 00:36:56,360
Maybe you should have been thinking
about their dicks. Why are we even
560
00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:58,740
about dicks? I am the victim here. Tell
her, Montgomery.
561
00:36:59,420 --> 00:37:02,940
I mean, maybe you could stand to think a
little bit more about other people's
562
00:37:02,940 --> 00:37:05,340
dicks. Uh -huh. Seriously, sorry.
563
00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:06,860
Wait till you fucking get it.
564
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:08,440
Wait,
565
00:37:10,300 --> 00:37:11,300
wait!
566
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:12,760
Hi.
567
00:37:15,260 --> 00:37:16,700
Dude, you saved my ass!
568
00:37:16,940 --> 00:37:17,940
You're welcome.
569
00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:25,100
What just happened? Did I just interact
with a memory?
570
00:37:26,300 --> 00:37:27,580
Montgomery, my man!
571
00:37:28,490 --> 00:37:29,850
This guy saved my ass earlier.
572
00:37:31,170 --> 00:37:32,170
Nice.
573
00:37:32,290 --> 00:37:34,950
Can we use your window? Of course, yeah.
Come on in.
574
00:37:35,370 --> 00:37:36,750
Oh, let me go grab your thing real
quick.
575
00:37:37,130 --> 00:37:40,830
What? Did we change the path? How is
that even scientifically possible?
576
00:37:41,150 --> 00:37:43,810
I don't know. You want to disprove
quantum theory or get a pizza? Come on.
577
00:37:44,910 --> 00:37:47,630
Wait. Where are you guys going?
578
00:37:47,930 --> 00:37:50,870
Nowhere. Eat shit. We're climbing down
the scaffolding to get downstairs to get
579
00:37:50,870 --> 00:37:52,370
a pizza. Montgomery, goddammit.
580
00:37:53,190 --> 00:37:54,190
Okay, great. Let's go.
581
00:37:54,510 --> 00:37:55,510
Excuse me?
582
00:37:55,690 --> 00:37:56,970
You are not coming with us.
583
00:37:57,360 --> 00:38:02,180
You and Logan fucking fart Hitler just
used us as literal toilet paper. Well, I
584
00:38:02,180 --> 00:38:06,000
didn't. Goodbye and watch like a good
German. Honestly, that might be worse.
585
00:38:06,060 --> 00:38:08,200
Right, Montgomery? I'd actually love if
we used a different metaphor.
586
00:38:08,500 --> 00:38:11,560
You guys can't just leave me here, okay?
Without my credit card, my friends
587
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:15,020
can't use the party bus. Oh, no. You
mean to tell me that Logan may have a
588
00:38:15,020 --> 00:38:16,240
slightly less fun night?
589
00:38:16,460 --> 00:38:17,660
Tough pity. Let's go.
590
00:38:18,060 --> 00:38:19,060
Okay.
591
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:20,620
Listen up, assholes.
592
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:24,940
If you guys don't let me come with you,
I'm going to make sure Logan sharts on
593
00:38:24,940 --> 00:38:25,940
you next time.
594
00:38:26,410 --> 00:38:27,410
Not fart.
595
00:38:27,690 --> 00:38:31,110
Shocked. To get that stain out, you
won't just need soap.
596
00:38:31,370 --> 00:38:32,590
You'll need therapy.
597
00:38:32,890 --> 00:38:35,570
Okay, guys, come on. We need to work
together.
598
00:38:36,370 --> 00:38:37,370
Now, what do you say?
599
00:38:38,350 --> 00:38:39,710
Fuck now. A whole hand?
600
00:38:40,050 --> 00:38:44,370
Yeah. It boosts endorphins and supports
cooperative thinking.
601
00:38:44,590 --> 00:38:45,590
Here's this back.
602
00:38:45,930 --> 00:38:47,170
It is wild.
603
00:38:47,850 --> 00:38:51,410
Wait, how did you get... Hope you don't
mind I took one. Those five phases were
604
00:38:51,410 --> 00:38:52,410
so fun.
605
00:38:52,770 --> 00:38:55,330
What do you mean, six phases? Oh,
there's a sixth phase?
606
00:38:55,870 --> 00:38:56,870
What is it?
607
00:38:57,490 --> 00:38:59,910
Uh, uh, I don't know.
608
00:39:03,290 --> 00:39:04,290
No.
609
00:39:05,830 --> 00:39:06,950
Oh, God, no!
610
00:39:09,150 --> 00:39:10,350
It's a mall Santa!
611
00:39:11,210 --> 00:39:12,730
Who's in your sheets, huh?
612
00:39:13,230 --> 00:39:14,270
Mall Santa?
613
00:39:15,530 --> 00:39:17,930
Oh, my God!
614
00:39:51,289 --> 00:39:54,130
We gotta get that fucking pizza
615
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:19,580
But to receive anything less, it's
failure.
616
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:21,480
Doom.
617
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:23,160
Oblivion.
618
00:40:24,860 --> 00:40:25,860
What the fuck?
619
00:40:26,260 --> 00:40:28,820
Yes, and I am Samistra.
620
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:30,700
All right, let's find out.
621
00:40:31,940 --> 00:40:34,780
That thing's shaking as shit. We should
probably go one at a time.
622
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:37,920
Oh, I almost bit it.
623
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:39,760
Hey,
624
00:40:40,900 --> 00:40:41,900
is that a worry wart?
625
00:40:48,190 --> 00:40:49,190
They're great, right?
626
00:40:50,370 --> 00:40:53,730
Not the newer models. They kind of suck
because they added too many doodads.
627
00:40:53,790 --> 00:40:55,410
It's like six more sides. It's terrible.
628
00:40:56,370 --> 00:40:58,990
But, you know, if you need any other
wrecks, let me know.
629
00:40:59,430 --> 00:41:04,310
Like, for example, when I'm really
freaking out, it helps when someone
630
00:41:04,310 --> 00:41:06,550
right earlobe and blows on my nose.
631
00:41:08,990 --> 00:41:14,710
Um, listen, I just want to say I didn't
ditch you guys.
632
00:41:14,930 --> 00:41:16,750
I just, you were like me. No, I get it.
633
00:41:16,970 --> 00:41:20,050
You gotta go with the alphas. I'm
actually becoming an alpha myself.
634
00:41:20,930 --> 00:41:21,930
What?
635
00:41:23,730 --> 00:41:25,610
Nothing happened.
636
00:41:25,950 --> 00:41:29,050
Oh, yeah, no, I know. I just thought,
like, something might.
637
00:41:32,650 --> 00:41:34,070
Anyhow, cheers.
638
00:41:39,110 --> 00:41:40,810
Guys! Get down here!
639
00:41:51,140 --> 00:41:52,140
Whoa.
640
00:41:52,820 --> 00:41:54,280
It's the pajama party.
641
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:56,080
You guys think they have yellow socks?
642
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:57,320
Who cares?
643
00:41:57,400 --> 00:41:58,400
Montgomery!
644
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:00,920
Montgomery! Oh, my God.
645
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:02,320
Ash is here.
646
00:42:02,500 --> 00:42:04,660
Montgomery, come meet my friend. What
should I do?
647
00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:07,920
Nothing. Should I go talk to her? No,
come on. We have a fucking mission.
648
00:42:08,260 --> 00:42:09,260
Okay, I won't.
649
00:42:11,900 --> 00:42:14,680
I'm not going to go talk to her. I'm
just going to go talk to her. Get the
650
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:16,120
back over here. Wish me luck.
651
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:20,140
No. Bad luck, you fucker. There he goes.
I'm honestly a little proud of him.
652
00:42:20,380 --> 00:42:21,520
Any other night, this would be great.
653
00:42:23,900 --> 00:42:25,100
Wait, whose dorm is this?
654
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:33,460
This is a football party. Yo, we got
kegs, beer pong, and I'm legally
655
00:42:33,460 --> 00:42:35,420
to tell you I'm a registered sex
offender.
656
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:38,480
It's fine. Let's just keep moving and
get to the pizza.
657
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:41,260
Jack? Guys,
658
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:43,100
this is Montgomery.
659
00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:45,280
Montgomery? This is my band.
660
00:42:45,500 --> 00:42:46,500
Oh, hi.
661
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:47,700
Nice to meet you guys.
662
00:42:50,370 --> 00:42:52,770
Okay. So, what type of music do you guys
play?
663
00:42:52,990 --> 00:42:53,990
We play folk music.
664
00:42:54,290 --> 00:42:55,390
Oh my gosh, I love folk.
665
00:42:55,610 --> 00:42:56,610
Yeah? Here.
666
00:42:57,550 --> 00:42:58,550
Flyers.
667
00:42:58,850 --> 00:43:03,110
Oh. Well, I guess technically it's new
wave, non -consensual death metal folk.
668
00:43:03,610 --> 00:43:05,210
What type of instruments is that?
669
00:43:05,450 --> 00:43:10,270
So, George plays guitar, Simon's on
horns, Tina's on drums, and I play
670
00:43:12,790 --> 00:43:16,810
You plate up? Yep. I hook him up to this
machine that simulates the pains of
671
00:43:16,810 --> 00:43:20,230
childbirth, and then I create harmonies
from his extracted screams.
672
00:43:21,930 --> 00:43:22,930
Fantastic.
673
00:43:23,550 --> 00:43:25,310
Hey! Oh, it's you.
674
00:43:25,550 --> 00:43:27,150
What are you doing under here? Come on,
let's go.
675
00:43:27,410 --> 00:43:28,410
Are you nuts?
676
00:43:28,750 --> 00:43:30,230
These animals will eat me alive.
677
00:43:30,470 --> 00:43:32,330
No, I'm staying right here. Fine,
whatever.
678
00:43:32,530 --> 00:43:35,730
I'll just go figure out a way to get
this pizza up without you. Great, good.
679
00:43:35,910 --> 00:43:36,910
Just go ditch us again.
680
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:41,700
Stop with that, okay? Because I didn't
ditch you guys. You were like my first
681
00:43:41,700 --> 00:43:45,040
month of school friends, and then I
found my real friends, and it happens to
682
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:48,420
everyone. Your real friends? Yes. Give
me a fucking break. They don't like you.
683
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:49,480
They like your credit card.
684
00:43:49,620 --> 00:43:52,860
You have no idea what you're talking
about. You're just jealous.
685
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:54,080
You're you.
686
00:43:54,940 --> 00:43:56,080
And I'm me.
687
00:43:59,240 --> 00:44:00,620
What just happened to my voice?
688
00:44:02,540 --> 00:44:04,500
Then why am I looking at me?
689
00:44:06,740 --> 00:44:07,740
Oh.
690
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:09,560
Oh, my God.
691
00:44:09,960 --> 00:44:11,560
Am I in your body?
692
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:19,940
I don't know if you know this, but I
recently became a alpha.
693
00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:21,500
Oh, nice.
694
00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:22,800
Is this the coke room?
695
00:44:24,180 --> 00:44:25,980
Whoops. Sorry about that.
696
00:44:26,580 --> 00:44:31,380
Anyhow, like I was saying, I hate soy
boy beta cock. Did you just apologize to
697
00:44:31,380 --> 00:44:32,380
him?
698
00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:34,440
Yeah. I mean...
699
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:37,920
No, I mean... Okay, I think I'm just
gonna go hang out with my friends.
700
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:42,420
Wait, uh... Montgomery?
701
00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:46,040
Huh?
702
00:44:47,020 --> 00:44:48,180
What's going on?
703
00:44:48,620 --> 00:44:49,660
Where am I?
704
00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:52,680
Wait! Oh, my God!
705
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:56,160
Am I... What the fuck is this fucking
drug?
706
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:03,760
Are you okay?
707
00:45:04,140 --> 00:45:05,140
I crave nectar.
708
00:45:07,220 --> 00:45:12,200
Sorry? I crave nectar.
709
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:17,820
Jack, did you paint your fingernails
with Sharpie? Shut up, it looks great.
710
00:45:18,020 --> 00:45:19,400
What's wrong with you? Yo.
711
00:45:20,980 --> 00:45:22,100
Lizzie? Yeah?
712
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:25,400
I'm not talking to you.
713
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:27,000
Lizzie. What?
714
00:45:27,380 --> 00:45:28,380
Stop it.
715
00:45:28,460 --> 00:45:31,340
Dude, what are you doing down here with
freak -ass face?
716
00:45:33,269 --> 00:45:37,730
Actually, I'm hanging out with him
because he fucking rules. No, no, you
717
00:45:37,730 --> 00:45:41,290
think that. You think I blow. No, I
don't. Yeah, you do. No, I don't. Yeah,
718
00:45:41,290 --> 00:45:45,070
do. No, I don't. And I really wouldn't
call his face freak -ass. I would call
719
00:45:45,070 --> 00:45:48,230
distinguished. And I don't know why
people keep saying that. Yeah, you
720
00:45:48,230 --> 00:45:50,990
you do. You think people should spit in
my face? Spit in my face.
721
00:45:52,710 --> 00:45:53,710
Thank you.
722
00:45:54,750 --> 00:45:56,770
Okay, well, we're over by the bar.
723
00:45:57,190 --> 00:45:58,190
Come hang.
724
00:45:59,310 --> 00:46:00,750
What are you waiting for? Go hang.
725
00:46:01,420 --> 00:46:05,920
hanging out with those assholes? You go
to them or I will rip your dick off. Oh,
726
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:06,920
you touch my dick?
727
00:46:06,980 --> 00:46:08,480
I will piss your skort.
728
00:46:08,860 --> 00:46:10,460
Lindsay! Joe's on!
729
00:46:15,320 --> 00:46:20,160
Okay, fine. Thank you. But you owe me
one. Sure. Just make me look good,
730
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:21,520
Please.
731
00:46:21,780 --> 00:46:23,240
Okay. Yeah, for sure.
732
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:24,800
What's up?
733
00:46:24,900 --> 00:46:25,900
What's up?
734
00:46:26,240 --> 00:46:27,980
Let's do some Joe shots!
735
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:30,280
Hey, dude.
736
00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:31,680
Could you grab that phone?
737
00:46:31,940 --> 00:46:35,500
Okay, I'm legally required to inform you
I'm a registered sex offender. Huh?
738
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:37,580
Wait. It's you.
739
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:39,600
Me? No, fuck me.
740
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:41,660
Oh, fuck! Oh, my face!
741
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:51,440
It can't be real! It can't be real! I
can't see shit!
742
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:03,860
I hope my standard's being responsible
with my body. Hey, man, do your bump.
743
00:47:07,300 --> 00:47:09,920
Where are the stairs?
744
00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:13,460
What are
745
00:47:13,460 --> 00:47:20,020
you
746
00:47:20,020 --> 00:47:23,460
doing? Oh, Logan, thank God.
747
00:47:23,940 --> 00:47:25,540
You've got to hit him way harder than
that.
748
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:27,780
You've got to lean into it. Use your
back.
749
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:40,600
I gotta take a break.
750
00:47:40,720 --> 00:47:41,720
Eyes front.
751
00:47:42,020 --> 00:47:48,000
Wait, that voice. Is that... Advisors,
prepare yourselves.
752
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:53,820
Just down that hall, there's a pajama
party.
753
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:55,200
Oh, no.
754
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:59,800
And in it are the remaining students on
our lift.
755
00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:06,340
Lift? This lift contains the name of
every student in this dorm.
756
00:48:06,970 --> 00:48:09,590
That has made our lives a living hell.
Alright, let me see.
757
00:48:09,950 --> 00:48:12,170
What? No! Holy shit!
758
00:48:12,970 --> 00:48:15,810
Did you also just hear the tiniest voice
in the world say holy shit?
759
00:48:18,050 --> 00:48:19,090
We move quickly.
760
00:48:19,550 --> 00:48:24,370
We confiscate their phones, unlock them
with our secret weapon, and then use
761
00:48:24,370 --> 00:48:27,010
them to submit a very specific housing
request.
762
00:48:27,690 --> 00:48:31,750
To transfer them to the worst dorm at
this school.
763
00:48:32,590 --> 00:48:34,770
What? I'm of course talking about...
764
00:48:36,240 --> 00:48:37,700
Ralk Hall.
765
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:44,980
Located four hours away on a satellite
campus forgotten by God.
766
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:53,140
Lit by candle, plumbed by aqueduct, and
heated by the bitter breath of
767
00:48:53,140 --> 00:48:54,140
unheard prayers.
768
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:58,760
Ralk is a cemetery for the living.
769
00:48:59,360 --> 00:49:05,320
It turns even the good kids into
unforgiving feral beasts.
770
00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:20,520
The kids fade fast, each breath more
distant than
771
00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:22,100
the last.
772
00:49:22,740 --> 00:49:28,960
Their lives are over, they never call.
773
00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:33,920
Forgotten names inside.
774
00:49:43,370 --> 00:49:44,590
Could you repeat that? Go away!
775
00:49:44,990 --> 00:49:48,070
We don't like you. Okay? Go anywhere
else but here.
776
00:49:48,350 --> 00:49:49,269
For sure.
777
00:49:49,270 --> 00:49:51,610
The rest of you, just move out.
778
00:49:53,390 --> 00:49:54,690
Oh god, I gotta get back!
779
00:49:54,930 --> 00:49:58,710
I gotta warn him! Yeah, I ordered
everything off the menu. Got the flank
780
00:49:58,930 --> 00:50:03,370
got the hanger steak, got the filet
mignon, got the confit, got the gumbo,
781
00:50:03,370 --> 00:50:06,430
the milkshake, chocolate and vanilla.
Hey, what the fuck, man?
782
00:50:06,690 --> 00:50:07,750
Who the fuck are you?
783
00:50:08,810 --> 00:50:11,750
I am Lysander Featherhelm, bird of its
name.
784
00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:13,940
Lord of the Syracuse Meadows.
785
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:18,920
I serve the one God, Montgomery, and I
shall have my nectar!
786
00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:26,140
What the fuck?!
787
00:50:26,140 --> 00:50:32,060
I'm not Jack!
788
00:50:32,460 --> 00:50:33,720
Yes! Yes!
789
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:36,820
Oh! Oh, shit.
790
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:40,240
Yo, I gotta bounce. Party bus is here.
Wait! You need Lucy! You need Lucy! She
791
00:50:40,240 --> 00:50:41,240
went to that. She's right over there.
792
00:50:43,430 --> 00:50:45,990
Yes. Guess we need her credit card. Ugh!
793
00:50:46,630 --> 00:50:48,150
Whatever. She'll meet us there.
794
00:50:52,710 --> 00:50:53,710
Goal!
795
00:50:55,610 --> 00:50:56,610
Oh, fuck.
796
00:50:58,930 --> 00:51:03,650
Come on, Montgomery!
797
00:51:04,130 --> 00:51:05,530
Why? Why?
798
00:51:06,450 --> 00:51:08,590
Oh, my God, Montgomery, are you okay?
799
00:51:08,810 --> 00:51:11,050
Yeah. Wait, what did I do?
800
00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:23,060
I mean, that was kind of incredible.
801
00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:24,880
Yeah. What was?
802
00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:29,380
You dominated that guy. I don't know.
I'm sorry. Actually, I gotta go. But
803
00:51:29,380 --> 00:51:31,120
seeing you. Hey, later. Oh, okay. Well,
uh, see you later.
804
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:37,160
Oh.
805
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:38,960
You're still making me look good.
806
00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:40,960
I owe you one. You owe me two.
807
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:43,380
One. One and a half? Zero.
808
00:51:44,140 --> 00:51:45,140
One.
809
00:51:45,260 --> 00:51:47,060
Zero. Oh, my God.
810
00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:48,360
They're outside.
811
00:51:48,380 --> 00:51:50,600
Who? They're taking kids to Krog Hall.
Who is?
812
00:51:51,070 --> 00:51:52,890
We gotta get out of here. What are you
talking about, man?
813
00:51:53,090 --> 00:51:54,090
Am I on cocaine?
814
00:51:55,730 --> 00:51:56,730
Fine.
815
00:52:24,940 --> 00:52:28,360
the hell is going on? The RAs are taking
people's phones and using them to
816
00:52:28,360 --> 00:52:32,460
request room transfers to Grawl Call,
and our names are on the list. Fuck!
817
00:52:33,060 --> 00:52:35,920
If we get sent to Grawl Call, it won't
even matter if we stop this drug.
818
00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:39,060
I mean, what life would we even have
left to live? I know!
819
00:52:39,720 --> 00:52:43,560
Ash will never date me, I'll probably
get scurvy, and they don't have any
820
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:45,080
rooms. What about me?
821
00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:48,680
If I get sent to Grawl, then Logan will
probably never talk to me. Oh, this
822
00:52:48,680 --> 00:52:51,960
again. At least you'll survive. These
kids are gonna rip me apart like a pack
823
00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:53,200
wild dogs. Let's just focus up.
824
00:52:53,560 --> 00:52:54,940
The R -Rays need our phones, right?
825
00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:59,100
So we just need to get the pizza and get
out of the dorms, and then we won't get
826
00:52:59,100 --> 00:53:00,580
chainsawed or grokked.
827
00:53:01,380 --> 00:53:04,660
Okay? And in the meantime, we'll just
hide here and let's go.
828
00:53:06,240 --> 00:53:07,078
Oh, no.
829
00:53:07,080 --> 00:53:09,340
Just grabbing something from the meeting
room. I'll be right there.
830
00:53:09,700 --> 00:53:10,598
Triple sword!
831
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:12,080
Language. How do we get out of here?
832
00:53:12,520 --> 00:53:13,520
Vent!
833
00:53:14,100 --> 00:53:16,140
We can go through the vents. You want to
crawl through the vents? Are you
834
00:53:16,140 --> 00:53:18,620
insane? What are you talking about? We
need to think of something realistic.
835
00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:27,560
You are blowing it!
836
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:30,180
Pull yourself together, Sydney.
837
00:53:33,240 --> 00:53:34,240
Hi.
838
00:53:34,720 --> 00:53:35,820
Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
839
00:53:36,100 --> 00:53:37,860
I didn't realize there were other people
in here.
840
00:53:38,320 --> 00:53:39,940
I'm Sydney. I'm new here.
841
00:53:40,380 --> 00:53:42,260
Still meeting all the RAs. Hi. How's it
going?
842
00:53:42,740 --> 00:53:44,980
Well, we really got to get going.
843
00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:49,320
Oh, actually, do you mind if I ask you
some questions? I'm having kind of a
844
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:50,320
time fitting in.
845
00:53:50,700 --> 00:53:52,620
We really, really got to go, though.
846
00:53:54,320 --> 00:53:55,320
Yeah.
847
00:53:55,850 --> 00:53:58,490
Obviously things are like crazy right
now. You guys probably have official RA
848
00:53:58,490 --> 00:53:59,510
duties to do, right?
849
00:54:00,350 --> 00:54:01,350
No.
850
00:54:02,730 --> 00:54:05,130
I mean, no. What?
851
00:54:05,890 --> 00:54:09,490
Sorry about him. What he means to say is
no.
852
00:54:10,450 --> 00:54:16,930
No. No. Look, the truth is, no, we don't
have any RA duties.
853
00:54:18,210 --> 00:54:19,590
Great. So we can talk.
854
00:54:20,130 --> 00:54:21,130
Let's grab a seat.
855
00:54:27,540 --> 00:54:32,380
So, I just started, and I feel like
everyone's mad at me, you know, but I
856
00:54:32,380 --> 00:54:35,980
know why, because I'm trying really hard
and being nice, and I guess I'm just
857
00:54:35,980 --> 00:54:37,900
looking for ways to connect with the
other RAs.
858
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:41,060
Like, you know, what do you guys do in
your free time?
859
00:54:41,620 --> 00:54:44,920
Oh, not much. Sometimes I Google if my
penis force gets too long.
860
00:54:47,160 --> 00:54:48,160
Hmm.
861
00:54:49,580 --> 00:54:50,800
Yeah, well...
862
00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:54,380
I guess I meant more like communal
activities. Like, do you guys go to the
863
00:54:54,380 --> 00:54:55,380
together or exercise?
864
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:58,920
I only go to the gym to see pics of
other guys' foreskin to see if mine is
865
00:54:58,920 --> 00:54:59,920
longer than normal.
866
00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:01,960
What the fuck?
867
00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:03,920
Totally.
868
00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:07,420
I'm just going to pivot away from the
moment you're having and I'll pop it
869
00:55:07,420 --> 00:55:07,999
to you.
870
00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:11,180
Pass. No, can't pass. Just trying to see
if we're into the same thing.
871
00:55:11,540 --> 00:55:13,080
Like, what'd you do last Saturday?
872
00:55:13,700 --> 00:55:17,780
Oh, nothing really. I had breakfast and
then I got banned from oldbuffdaddy .com
873
00:55:17,780 --> 00:55:18,980
for violating their terms of service.
874
00:55:21,299 --> 00:55:23,360
I don't want to ask, but I need to know.
875
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:27,660
What'd you do? I tried to pay a
prostitute to impersonate my father and
876
00:55:27,660 --> 00:55:28,660
compliment.
877
00:55:30,540 --> 00:55:32,820
Okay. I feel like I need to change how
I'm asking the question.
878
00:55:33,300 --> 00:55:35,140
I'm not talking about weird stuff you've
done on the internet.
879
00:55:35,460 --> 00:55:38,260
More like, what's something you've done
today? I purchased a pill that's
880
00:55:38,260 --> 00:55:41,680
reported to shrink foreskins by 35%. I'm
done talking to you. Maybe I'm talking
881
00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:42,299
to you.
882
00:55:42,300 --> 00:55:45,140
Pass. There's no passing. But I'm a
woman. That won't work on me.
883
00:55:45,340 --> 00:55:48,440
There should be passing. I didn't pass.
I'm not talking to you. Please don't.
884
00:55:48,500 --> 00:55:49,399
Alright, you.
885
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:50,400
Blonde girl.
886
00:55:50,620 --> 00:55:51,620
What have you done today?
887
00:55:51,780 --> 00:55:53,020
I got my nails done.
888
00:55:54,860 --> 00:55:56,680
Okay, that's what I'm talking about.
889
00:55:56,940 --> 00:55:58,080
Let's keep it in that gear.
890
00:55:58,280 --> 00:55:59,540
Huh? What else?
891
00:55:59,840 --> 00:56:02,360
I went number two in Logan's toilet, but
it clogged, and I didn't want him to
892
00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:04,640
see my poop, so I put it in a bag, and
that bag's still in my purse.
893
00:56:09,940 --> 00:56:10,940
Okay.
894
00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:13,920
Are you okay? No.
895
00:56:14,220 --> 00:56:15,220
Okay.
896
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:16,440
I gotta ask.
897
00:56:17,200 --> 00:56:19,060
Why are y 'all doing this stuff?
898
00:56:19,280 --> 00:56:22,340
Because I'm seeking external validation
to alleviate my conceited fear of being
899
00:56:22,340 --> 00:56:23,340
alone.
900
00:56:24,700 --> 00:56:25,700
Oh my gosh.
901
00:56:26,960 --> 00:56:28,840
I think I'm starting to understand
something.
902
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:35,740
You guys are friends because you reveal
your ugliest, darkest truths to one
903
00:56:35,740 --> 00:56:38,100
another. And you don't judge each other
for it.
904
00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:40,340
That's what friendship is, huh?
905
00:56:42,040 --> 00:56:43,520
So I'll join ya.
906
00:56:44,180 --> 00:56:45,540
I'm just gonna tell you guys.
907
00:56:45,930 --> 00:56:47,310
Something I've never told anyone before.
908
00:56:47,550 --> 00:56:48,630
You don't have to. I'm gonna.
909
00:56:48,850 --> 00:56:49,850
Okay.
910
00:56:50,010 --> 00:56:51,110
My name is Sidney Putt.
911
00:56:51,570 --> 00:56:52,830
I'm 31 years young.
912
00:56:53,470 --> 00:56:56,810
I like to dress up as the Grinch in a
diaper while sucking down a bunch of
913
00:56:56,810 --> 00:56:58,510
helium so I can make a beep beep.
914
00:57:03,650 --> 00:57:05,150
That feels incredible to share.
915
00:57:05,590 --> 00:57:07,650
Thank y 'all for creating the space for
me to say that.
916
00:57:09,490 --> 00:57:12,270
Great. Well, we really gotta keep going.
917
00:57:12,590 --> 00:57:13,590
Absolutely, yeah.
918
00:57:14,050 --> 00:57:15,050
I'll, uh...
919
00:57:15,210 --> 00:57:16,570
I'll see you guys at the next RA
meeting.
920
00:57:16,830 --> 00:57:20,130
No, you won't, because we're not RAs.
We're students on the growth hall list.
921
00:57:21,370 --> 00:57:22,710
Huh? Gwen!
922
00:57:23,450 --> 00:57:25,210
Gwen! No. Gwen!
923
00:57:25,510 --> 00:57:26,530
Help! Help!
924
00:57:26,910 --> 00:57:32,290
No, stop it. Let her go. Help! Let her
go.
925
00:57:32,550 --> 00:57:36,370
I'll throw it at you. Okay, okay. I'll
do it. Don't test me. Okay. I'm on the
926
00:57:36,370 --> 00:57:37,530
freaking edge.
927
00:57:37,770 --> 00:57:38,569
Take it easy.
928
00:57:38,570 --> 00:57:39,890
I'll do it. No, you won't.
929
00:58:01,529 --> 00:58:03,010
Hey, hi, Logan.
930
00:58:03,250 --> 00:58:06,590
Lizzie, where are you? You have to pay
the driver or he won't let me honk the
931
00:58:06,590 --> 00:58:10,850
horn. Oh, uh, sorry. Yeah, I have to eat
the pizza real quick.
932
00:58:11,130 --> 00:58:12,470
We've got pizza on the bus.
933
00:58:12,690 --> 00:58:17,150
Just get here. You agree not to fall in
love or lust with Snagitron.
934
00:58:17,550 --> 00:58:18,550
Hey.
935
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:21,900
So they've got pizza on the bus.
936
00:58:22,160 --> 00:58:28,260
Mm. So I'm going to head there, but, um,
please don't tell anyone about my
937
00:58:28,260 --> 00:58:31,240
purse. Oh, it's a shit. I've actually
done the exact same thing.
938
00:58:31,760 --> 00:58:34,020
You may not teach Snack -O -Trop to be
racist.
939
00:58:34,300 --> 00:58:39,060
Thanks, guys. And you may never, ever
ride Snack -O -Trop. Do you agree to
940
00:58:39,060 --> 00:58:40,500
terms? Yes. Please click agree.
941
00:58:41,740 --> 00:58:43,340
Fuck yeah.
942
00:58:43,580 --> 00:58:45,120
Are you satisfied with your order?
943
00:58:45,680 --> 00:58:48,380
God, let's eat this quick and get the
fuck out of here before we get sent to
944
00:58:48,380 --> 00:58:49,380
Grok Hall.
945
00:58:49,710 --> 00:58:53,690
Wait, what were you saying before about
single room? Oh, nothing. Just that I'm
946
00:58:53,690 --> 00:58:55,850
requesting a room transfer because I
don't want to live with you anymore.
947
00:58:59,930 --> 00:59:02,190
What? Hello, boys.
948
00:59:03,710 --> 00:59:04,850
We've been looking for you.
949
00:59:05,550 --> 00:59:08,110
You made quite the mess in my room.
950
00:59:08,710 --> 00:59:12,290
So, are you satisfied with your order?
Collect their phones.
951
00:59:14,310 --> 00:59:18,010
And take them to the wellness lounge.
952
00:59:41,450 --> 00:59:42,970
Wait, hey, hey, let's go.
953
00:59:43,650 --> 00:59:46,430
Give way, damn it. No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
954
00:59:47,930 --> 00:59:49,470
Wait, you can't understand.
955
00:59:49,770 --> 00:59:51,730
Wait. At least give us our pizza.
956
00:59:52,630 --> 00:59:54,910
At least give us our pizza. We need
pizza.
957
00:59:56,370 --> 00:59:57,410
Do you have any pizza?
958
00:59:58,210 --> 00:59:59,370
Do you have any pizza?
959
01:00:01,190 --> 01:00:02,570
Fuck, Jack. What do we do?
960
01:00:04,550 --> 01:00:06,210
You're requesting a room transfer?
961
01:00:06,690 --> 01:00:08,490
No. Oh, good. We can lie again.
962
01:00:08,710 --> 01:00:10,610
Shit. So you're fucking ditching me.
963
01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:14,240
I'm not ditching you. Well, kind of
looks like it. What the fuck else would
964
01:00:14,240 --> 01:00:17,340
really call it? It's not what... Oh,
don't start. You know what? You are just
965
01:00:17,340 --> 01:00:20,500
like everybody else. But it's okay. It's
fine. Jack. I get it because being
966
01:00:20,500 --> 01:00:22,120
around me is just, what, social suicide?
967
01:00:22,420 --> 01:00:26,200
It's okay. That's not right. Leave me
behind. I might as well just move here
968
01:00:26,200 --> 01:00:29,320
into the wellness lounge with my people.
Jack. The scum.
969
01:00:29,720 --> 01:00:31,460
The forgotten folk. But it's fine.
970
01:00:31,720 --> 01:00:36,040
I want a five -star fucking
establishment. And you and your
971
01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:39,420
forget that I exist. I mean, after
everything I have done for you, you
972
01:00:39,420 --> 01:00:43,500
ungrateful asshole. Oh, my God, would
you stop being such a fucking victim?
973
01:00:45,260 --> 01:00:48,100
I wanted to switch rooms because I need
a fucking break.
974
01:00:49,450 --> 01:00:53,890
I'm sorry, Jack, but living with you,
it's like the Jack show all the time.
975
01:00:53,890 --> 01:00:57,090
do whatever you want to do without
thinking about anyone else. Okay, well,
976
01:00:57,090 --> 01:00:59,550
the fuck were you planning on telling me
this? I'm not a mind reader.
977
01:00:59,810 --> 01:01:00,810
You don't listen.
978
01:01:00,830 --> 01:01:05,070
You ignore me and then pressure me to do
shit that I don't want to do. Name one
979
01:01:05,070 --> 01:01:07,010
thing I pressured you to do.
980
01:01:07,310 --> 01:01:08,310
Drugs!
981
01:01:08,590 --> 01:01:12,590
I didn't want to do drugs tonight. I
don't even like drinking caffeinated
982
01:01:12,910 --> 01:01:17,450
But boo -hoo, everybody hates Jack, so
we got to do what you want to do.
983
01:01:17,450 --> 01:01:18,690
apparently, I...
984
01:01:19,130 --> 01:01:20,130
don't count.
985
01:01:21,310 --> 01:01:25,770
And now we're locked up in here, we're
gonna get chainsawed up the ass, the RAs
986
01:01:25,770 --> 01:01:31,070
are sending us to Grog Hall, and... What
the fuck?
987
01:01:31,550 --> 01:01:33,790
What the hell is going on?
988
01:01:35,190 --> 01:01:38,930
And I have no idea what that was, but I
know it's your fault. Oh, please.
989
01:01:39,350 --> 01:01:41,290
If it wasn't for me, you'd never leave
your room.
990
01:01:41,670 --> 01:01:45,950
You would sit there, buried under your
fucking covers, afraid to breathe,
991
01:01:46,110 --> 01:01:47,130
because you...
992
01:01:47,550 --> 01:01:51,410
are the most pathetic, biggest pussy I
have ever met.
993
01:01:53,190 --> 01:01:58,830
Gee, Jack, I really don't see why
everybody hates your fucking guts. Fuck
994
01:01:58,950 --> 01:01:59,950
Fuck you!
995
01:02:09,930 --> 01:02:12,290
Hey, take him to the old dungeon.
996
01:02:14,150 --> 01:02:16,670
So remember when I said I wasn't going
to fart on their faces?
997
01:02:17,950 --> 01:02:19,090
Oh shit! She's here.
998
01:02:19,950 --> 01:02:20,950
Lizzy!
999
01:02:21,410 --> 01:02:22,410
Lizzy!
1000
01:02:22,770 --> 01:02:25,390
Lizzy! Sorry, uh, where's that pizza?
1001
01:02:26,010 --> 01:02:27,590
Oh shit, the pizza.
1002
01:02:27,890 --> 01:02:29,990
No, I just, I lied to you because you
were taking forever.
1003
01:02:30,390 --> 01:02:32,150
Also, why do you smell vaguely of poop?
1004
01:02:32,890 --> 01:02:33,890
I'll be right back.
1005
01:02:33,990 --> 01:02:35,230
Wait, you need to pay the driver!
1006
01:02:36,270 --> 01:02:39,530
Are you satisfied with your order? Are
you satisfied with your order? Are you
1007
01:02:39,530 --> 01:02:42,350
satisfied with your order? Are you
satisfied with your order? Are you
1008
01:02:42,350 --> 01:02:43,730
with your order? Are you satisfied with
your order? Dr. Collins?
1009
01:02:44,430 --> 01:02:45,870
Can you give me those two guys' minds?
1010
01:02:46,430 --> 01:02:48,710
Take them to the wellness lounge.
1011
01:02:51,650 --> 01:02:56,650
Crabbleclaw! I must know if Montgomery
was satisfied with his order!
1012
01:03:07,030 --> 01:03:08,070
Hello, Jack.
1013
01:03:09,530 --> 01:03:10,530
Welcome.
1014
01:03:11,570 --> 01:03:13,310
Do you like the old study hall?
1015
01:03:15,660 --> 01:03:22,360
This room was built as a sanctuary for
hard -working students to
1016
01:03:22,360 --> 01:03:25,280
research their theses and prepare for
exams.
1017
01:03:26,880 --> 01:03:32,260
But now, it's nothing but rubble.
1018
01:03:33,040 --> 01:03:34,040
What?
1019
01:03:36,980 --> 01:03:39,340
It's nothing but rubble. Thank you.
1020
01:03:40,220 --> 01:03:41,820
The R .A. has recruited me young.
1021
01:03:43,660 --> 01:03:44,860
He promised me the world.
1022
01:03:46,300 --> 01:03:49,840
All I had to do was keep an eye on
things after dark.
1023
01:03:50,920 --> 01:03:57,420
But they didn't mention that the dark
never ends.
1024
01:03:58,800 --> 01:04:01,740
Try as I might, I couldn't calm the
chaos.
1025
01:04:03,140 --> 01:04:09,120
This study hall was destroyed when a
drunken sophomore shot a Roman candle
1026
01:04:09,120 --> 01:04:11,200
of his ass into a bucket of rum.
1027
01:04:12,100 --> 01:04:13,100
You see?
1028
01:04:13,480 --> 01:04:14,820
There are no scholars here.
1029
01:04:16,160 --> 01:04:19,520
Only demons with student IDs.
1030
01:04:22,040 --> 01:04:24,980
And they must be purged.
1031
01:04:26,580 --> 01:04:29,680
All we need now is to unlock their
phones.
1032
01:04:30,140 --> 01:04:33,480
And you, Jack, are the key.
1033
01:04:37,640 --> 01:04:40,500
Early Internet message boards predicted
the coming.
1034
01:04:41,840 --> 01:04:42,920
The chosen face.
1035
01:04:43,940 --> 01:04:46,200
One so distinct.
1036
01:04:46,600 --> 01:04:47,960
So peculiar.
1037
01:04:49,260 --> 01:04:55,180
So utterly... Freak -ass. Oh, come on.
It would profoundly
1038
01:04:55,180 --> 01:04:58,680
beguile every phone's face ID.
1039
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:02,000
A skeleton key.
1040
01:05:02,940 --> 01:05:06,580
For nearly all of Folsomester, we have
searched for this face.
1041
01:05:07,860 --> 01:05:09,960
And now we've found it.
1042
01:05:18,920 --> 01:05:20,660
One face to unlock them all.
1043
01:05:22,540 --> 01:05:23,540
Look at me.
1044
01:05:24,400 --> 01:05:25,400
Look at me.
1045
01:05:25,800 --> 01:05:26,800
Look at me.
1046
01:05:28,220 --> 01:05:29,920
Where is the pizza?
1047
01:05:30,200 --> 01:05:31,200
We already took it.
1048
01:05:31,960 --> 01:05:34,000
Okay, well, come on. We gotta go get it.
1049
01:05:34,220 --> 01:05:35,520
No, I'm done.
1050
01:05:36,120 --> 01:05:38,940
I'm staying here with the forgotten
folk.
1051
01:05:39,860 --> 01:05:41,060
What are you talking about?
1052
01:05:41,860 --> 01:05:43,900
Wait, how did you get in here?
1053
01:05:44,680 --> 01:05:46,040
The door only locked me in.
1054
01:05:46,500 --> 01:05:47,500
Hide!
1055
01:05:54,380 --> 01:05:55,380
how we're going to get out of here.
1056
01:06:06,280 --> 01:06:11,120
Come on, come on. You can do it. Prove
them wrong, Snackatron.
1057
01:06:11,380 --> 01:06:12,660
Prove them all wrong.
1058
01:06:15,180 --> 01:06:16,180
Yippee!
1059
01:06:16,560 --> 01:06:19,400
Only 182 left to go.
1060
01:06:20,880 --> 01:06:23,140
I can't believe we're crawling through a
fucking vent.
1061
01:06:23,690 --> 01:06:25,290
Keep going, it's gonna dump out
somewhere.
1062
01:06:25,570 --> 01:06:27,350
I just wanted a quiet night in.
1063
01:06:28,170 --> 01:06:29,930
I keep getting friction problems.
1064
01:06:33,350 --> 01:06:34,950
Hey, wait, stop.
1065
01:06:36,850 --> 01:06:37,850
Lifehander?
1066
01:06:39,950 --> 01:06:43,490
Lifehander? Hey, hey buddy, you okay?
1067
01:06:58,759 --> 01:06:59,759
Dead.
1068
01:07:00,280 --> 01:07:01,340
I can't.
1069
01:07:02,120 --> 01:07:03,460
What the fuck? Montgomery.
1070
01:07:03,680 --> 01:07:04,678
Oh, what the hell?
1071
01:07:04,680 --> 01:07:05,680
Hey. Oh, shit.
1072
01:07:05,920 --> 01:07:06,980
Montgomery. I lost my butterfly.
1073
01:07:07,220 --> 01:07:10,340
Look at me. I lost my best friend. We
have to keep this together. We have to
1074
01:07:10,340 --> 01:07:11,340
the pizza from the audience. No.
1075
01:07:11,760 --> 01:07:14,640
I can't. There's too many of them. Jack
was right.
1076
01:07:15,080 --> 01:07:16,080
I'm not an elf.
1077
01:07:16,460 --> 01:07:17,820
I'm a fucking pussy.
1078
01:07:18,260 --> 01:07:19,920
Montgomery. I'm heavy. I'm heavy.
1079
01:07:20,340 --> 01:07:21,400
Look at me. Attack.
1080
01:07:21,740 --> 01:07:22,740
Look at me. No.
1081
01:07:22,840 --> 01:07:24,480
Look at me. No. Montgomery.
1082
01:07:24,920 --> 01:07:25,920
Just let me die.
1083
01:07:50,250 --> 01:07:51,850
You're also not a pussy.
1084
01:07:53,850 --> 01:07:56,610
You stood by your best friend when
nobody else did.
1085
01:07:56,850 --> 01:07:57,850
That is brave.
1086
01:07:58,910 --> 01:08:00,030
I couldn't do that.
1087
01:08:02,550 --> 01:08:03,550
I guess.
1088
01:08:04,590 --> 01:08:05,750
I didn't do that.
1089
01:08:08,270 --> 01:08:09,510
I ditched you guys.
1090
01:08:14,410 --> 01:08:17,350
I guess I thought that if I was friends
with you, then...
1091
01:08:18,510 --> 01:08:20,189
People wouldn't like me.
1092
01:08:22,330 --> 01:08:27,290
But turns out people don't like me very
much anyway.
1093
01:08:28,229 --> 01:08:31,010
What? Who doesn't like you?
1094
01:08:32,090 --> 01:08:35,270
You're like the coolest person I've ever
met.
1095
01:08:35,950 --> 01:08:36,990
You're smart.
1096
01:08:37,310 --> 01:08:38,750
You're good at board games.
1097
01:08:39,330 --> 01:08:40,670
You do magic.
1098
01:08:42,450 --> 01:08:44,850
I mean, you're Lizzie the Magnificent.
1099
01:08:55,850 --> 01:08:57,370
I'm sorry we didn't get to finish the
game.
1100
01:09:00,310 --> 01:09:01,310
Yeah.
1101
01:09:02,069 --> 01:09:04,229
That would have been nice to finally
see. The game!
1102
01:09:04,670 --> 01:09:05,670
That's it!
1103
01:09:05,729 --> 01:09:09,450
Remember last campaign, how we created
that musical distraction with the Merry
1104
01:09:09,450 --> 01:09:10,450
Minstrels?
1105
01:09:11,310 --> 01:09:13,130
Yeah, but what does that have to do?
1106
01:09:13,649 --> 01:09:15,189
Let's go turn the fort to sound.
1107
01:09:20,550 --> 01:09:21,550
Wait!
1108
01:09:21,890 --> 01:09:23,970
Frank, I have no idea what we're doing.
1109
01:09:24,380 --> 01:09:25,760
Oh, right. I have to be more specific.
1110
01:09:26,040 --> 01:09:29,080
The RAs took Jack and the pizza to the
old study hall, and I have a plan to
1111
01:09:29,080 --> 01:09:30,080
distract them.
1112
01:09:30,899 --> 01:09:31,899
Okay.
1113
01:09:59,880 --> 01:10:00,880
Still looking for a gig?
1114
01:10:01,940 --> 01:10:03,700
Sorry, I need more information.
1115
01:10:04,180 --> 01:10:06,000
Oh, right. Sorry, I have to be more
specific.
1116
01:10:06,320 --> 01:10:12,480
The R -Race suggests... That's the last
phone.
1117
01:10:13,460 --> 01:10:14,580
We're all set here, sir.
1118
01:10:16,500 --> 01:10:17,500
Listen up.
1119
01:10:19,220 --> 01:10:23,120
Tonight is a momentous occasion.
1120
01:10:24,500 --> 01:10:26,440
The phones are all unlocked.
1121
01:10:27,600 --> 01:10:30,720
Synchronized. and wired to the control
panel.
1122
01:10:31,280 --> 01:10:34,360
Soon, the transfer request will be sent.
1123
01:10:34,880 --> 01:10:37,180
Our watch will finally be ended.
1124
01:10:37,900 --> 01:10:42,060
And a bright new day shall start. What
is that music?
1125
01:11:01,900 --> 01:11:02,858
What are you guys doing?
1126
01:11:02,860 --> 01:11:04,020
We're rescuing you.
1127
01:11:05,620 --> 01:11:06,620
Hi.
1128
01:11:07,160 --> 01:11:08,160
Hi.
1129
01:11:08,740 --> 01:11:09,740
You look good.
1130
01:11:10,920 --> 01:11:11,920
Thank you, I know.
1131
01:11:12,540 --> 01:11:13,540
How have you been?
1132
01:11:14,420 --> 01:11:15,920
Fine. Like you care?
1133
01:11:17,100 --> 01:11:19,680
Well, if you're going to talk like that,
maybe I won't untie you. Maybe I don't
1134
01:11:19,680 --> 01:11:20,619
want to be untied.
1135
01:11:20,620 --> 01:11:21,960
Shut the fuck up.
1136
01:11:22,800 --> 01:11:25,260
The show's over. Get the fuck out. Let's
go.
1137
01:11:25,500 --> 01:11:26,500
Everyone get out.
1138
01:11:27,600 --> 01:11:30,880
I only have a few moments, so you guys
are going to go get the phones, I'm
1139
01:11:30,880 --> 01:11:33,720
to go get the pizza, and then we're
going to reconvene at the stairwell and
1140
01:11:33,720 --> 01:11:34,720
sneak out quietly.
1141
01:11:35,020 --> 01:11:36,680
Got it? Got it. Great.
1142
01:11:38,380 --> 01:11:39,380
Let's move.
1143
01:11:40,040 --> 01:11:41,040
Montgomery!
1144
01:11:41,540 --> 01:11:43,780
Fuck! Are you satisfied with your order?
1145
01:11:44,200 --> 01:11:45,200
Uh -huh.
1146
01:11:46,340 --> 01:11:48,160
Look who's joined the party.
1147
01:11:48,480 --> 01:11:50,500
The last name's on my list.
1148
01:11:50,920 --> 01:11:52,040
Montgomery? Hi.
1149
01:11:52,440 --> 01:11:56,960
Lizzie? Can I just ask, why am I being
sent a girl call?
1150
01:11:57,520 --> 01:12:02,120
I'm a really well -behaved kid. I mean,
I'm polite, I'm nice, I'm responsible
1151
01:12:02,120 --> 01:12:03,300
with my body and the doors.
1152
01:12:03,580 --> 01:12:06,820
I tell you guys my favorite puns. You're
weird, and we don't like you.
1153
01:12:07,060 --> 01:12:10,780
Copy that. Fine, you got us. Can we at
least just have the pizza?
1154
01:12:11,240 --> 01:12:12,240
Pizza?
1155
01:12:12,620 --> 01:12:13,620
Oh, this pizza.
1156
01:12:14,000 --> 01:12:16,220
Yeah, it feels like it's missing a
topping.
1157
01:12:16,560 --> 01:12:20,840
Maybe, uh... Toxic whey.
1158
01:12:21,420 --> 01:12:22,420
What? No!
1159
01:12:47,530 --> 01:12:48,530
Time to die.
1160
01:12:49,170 --> 01:12:52,410
What are you going to, like, fucking
kill us? We're not... No, we're not
1161
01:12:52,410 --> 01:12:55,550
to kill you. We're going to, like, beat
you guys up a bunch. How does that
1162
01:12:55,550 --> 01:12:58,430
sound? Time to beat you guys up a bunch?
It's damn weird.
1163
01:12:58,970 --> 01:13:00,470
Whatever. Just hurt them.
1164
01:13:08,070 --> 01:13:09,070
What's happening?
1165
01:13:09,590 --> 01:13:10,590
Shit,
1166
01:13:10,770 --> 01:13:11,770
it's the next...
1167
01:13:31,790 --> 01:13:32,669
Is everyone okay?
1168
01:13:32,670 --> 01:13:35,210
What? Where are we?
1169
01:13:35,430 --> 01:13:38,870
I think we're all inside some guy.
1170
01:13:39,210 --> 01:13:40,310
Oh, my God.
1171
01:13:40,530 --> 01:13:41,990
I know what this is.
1172
01:13:42,330 --> 01:13:43,470
We're not one.
1173
01:13:44,250 --> 01:13:46,050
We're... Hola.
1174
01:13:46,530 --> 01:13:47,610
My name is Juan.
1175
01:13:55,890 --> 01:13:57,710
What the fuck is this fucking room?
1176
01:13:58,070 --> 01:13:59,070
God damn it.
1177
01:14:03,920 --> 01:14:07,480
Impossible. What's happening? Shut up.
We need to move as one. Did you say one?
1178
01:14:07,680 --> 01:14:08,880
I said one.
1179
01:14:09,540 --> 01:14:10,740
Move as one.
1180
01:14:11,100 --> 01:14:13,000
Wait. One or what?
1181
01:14:13,240 --> 01:14:15,340
One. It doesn't matter. Come on.
1182
01:14:16,300 --> 01:14:22,280
Get off of me. You get off of me. Guys,
we need to focus. We're running out of
1183
01:14:22,280 --> 01:14:23,320
time. Enough.
1184
01:14:23,800 --> 01:14:25,740
And we're about to get our asses kicked.
1185
01:16:48,750 --> 01:16:49,750
Stop the orange.
1186
01:16:52,370 --> 01:16:56,670
Get out of the forest. What do I do?
Just break them. Shit. Fucking destroy.
1187
01:16:58,250 --> 01:17:00,210
Jack, Jack, Jack.
1188
01:17:00,870 --> 01:17:01,870
Give it up.
1189
01:17:03,170 --> 01:17:04,630
There's nothing you can do.
1190
01:17:05,190 --> 01:17:08,030
You can't stop this. I can't?
1191
01:17:08,790 --> 01:17:09,790
No.
1192
01:17:10,790 --> 01:17:11,990
Except I can.
1193
01:17:14,270 --> 01:17:15,570
Third party charger.
1194
01:17:21,880 --> 01:17:22,880
Look.
1195
01:17:25,600 --> 01:17:27,040
I've still got your phone.
1196
01:17:28,680 --> 01:17:31,360
I press send and that's it. You're
transferred to Grog Hall.
1197
01:17:32,280 --> 01:17:35,920
So before you fry those phones, let's
make a deal.
1198
01:17:37,140 --> 01:17:39,180
You give me that, I'll give you this.
1199
01:17:40,880 --> 01:17:41,880
And that'll be that.
1200
01:17:43,240 --> 01:17:44,900
Plus, I'll sweeten it.
1201
01:17:46,400 --> 01:17:48,060
And I'll make you an RA.
1202
01:17:49,180 --> 01:17:50,180
Huh?
1203
01:17:52,940 --> 01:17:53,940
the fuck would I want that?
1204
01:17:55,660 --> 01:18:00,440
Because, Jack, you know the truth.
1205
01:18:01,900 --> 01:18:07,240
No one at this school is ever going to
forgive you for what you did to the
1206
01:18:07,240 --> 01:18:08,240
football team.
1207
01:18:08,440 --> 01:18:10,200
But you know what's better than being
liked?
1208
01:18:12,580 --> 01:18:13,760
Being feared.
1209
01:18:15,780 --> 01:18:16,800
Power, Jack.
1210
01:18:17,920 --> 01:18:21,200
No one will ever bully you again.
1211
01:18:23,120 --> 01:18:24,500
Are you really gonna turn that down?
1212
01:18:25,060 --> 01:18:29,180
To save a bunch of people who hate your
guts?
1213
01:18:30,140 --> 01:18:33,440
Your own roommate was ditching you.
1214
01:18:34,660 --> 01:18:39,160
Save him, and you'll rot in raw coal.
1215
01:18:40,220 --> 01:18:44,000
Or, me, your son.
1216
01:19:04,100 --> 01:19:05,200
Montgomery, I'm sorry.
1217
01:19:06,600 --> 01:19:08,240
Looks like I'll be shipping out.
1218
01:19:08,740 --> 01:19:12,980
What? So next year, I want you to find
the best new roommate.
1219
01:19:13,380 --> 01:19:15,900
Jack. Find someone who's going to listen
to you. Jack, no.
1220
01:19:16,180 --> 01:19:20,580
Jack. You don't have to do this. I want
you to tell that roommate to treat you
1221
01:19:20,580 --> 01:19:23,820
good. Jack, we could come up with
something else. Tell them to do all that
1222
01:19:23,820 --> 01:19:27,800
boring bullshit that you like, like the
puzzles or that game. Come on. You try
1223
01:19:27,800 --> 01:19:28,880
to guess my favorite bird.
1224
01:19:29,180 --> 01:19:31,520
Eagle? Not eagle. Quit guessing eagle.
1225
01:19:31,740 --> 01:19:32,740
I don't want this, Jack.
1226
01:19:33,220 --> 01:19:37,720
This is the only way. No. Jack. You
changed my mind, Jack. I want a room
1227
01:19:37,720 --> 01:19:41,420
you. What you want isn't what you need,
man. Jack. I need you. I love you,
1228
01:19:41,440 --> 01:19:45,720
Montgomery. Jack. I love you, Jack. I
love you so much. And I don't tell you
1229
01:19:45,720 --> 01:19:47,300
enough. Jack, the deal. The deal.
1230
01:19:48,380 --> 01:19:49,380
Come on.
1231
01:19:49,980 --> 01:19:51,160
Be smart, Jack.
1232
01:19:51,920 --> 01:19:53,240
You have to think about yourself.
1233
01:19:54,120 --> 01:19:55,120
Okay?
1234
01:19:55,740 --> 01:19:56,740
No.
1235
01:20:00,940 --> 01:20:03,100
I need to think about other people's
dicks.
1236
01:20:04,120 --> 01:20:05,120
What?
1237
01:20:31,470 --> 01:20:32,470
I forgot one thing.
1238
01:20:33,630 --> 01:20:35,610
I'm Lizzie the Magnificent, bitch.
1239
01:20:37,290 --> 01:20:38,430
Oh, my God!
1240
01:20:38,770 --> 01:20:41,590
How did she do that? I don't know!
That's incredible!
1241
01:20:41,830 --> 01:20:43,010
No! Fuck this!
1242
01:20:44,030 --> 01:20:45,570
Oh, shit.
1243
01:20:45,850 --> 01:20:48,790
Well, time to beat you to death with a
pipe.
1244
01:20:49,070 --> 01:20:50,930
That doesn't scan either. Shut the fuck
up!
1245
01:20:52,370 --> 01:20:53,490
Which one of you is first?
1246
01:20:53,790 --> 01:20:54,890
Huh? Which one?
1247
01:20:59,570 --> 01:21:00,670
Remember me?
1248
01:21:01,350 --> 01:21:04,050
Lysander! You crushed my wings.
1249
01:21:04,310 --> 01:21:07,670
You squashed my body. You left me for
dead.
1250
01:21:07,950 --> 01:21:10,490
But you didn't finish the job.
1251
01:21:10,710 --> 01:21:15,290
Get away from me! Get away from me! From
the depths of the dormitory events, I
1252
01:21:15,290 --> 01:21:16,290
have returned.
1253
01:21:16,450 --> 01:21:17,710
Fuck you, butterfly!
1254
01:21:18,270 --> 01:21:19,630
Go get him, Lysander!
1255
01:21:19,930 --> 01:21:25,050
My name is Lysander Felahel, lord of the
Syracuse meadows.
1256
01:21:25,550 --> 01:21:31,860
I serve the one god Montgomery, and I
shall have... My
1257
01:21:31,860 --> 01:21:32,860
vengeance!
1258
01:21:33,800 --> 01:21:34,800
Scorpion kick!
1259
01:21:42,360 --> 01:21:43,360
Victory.
1260
01:21:50,160 --> 01:21:52,120
The sweetest nectar.
1261
01:21:52,480 --> 01:21:53,620
Monty, I'll see you at home.
1262
01:21:54,040 --> 01:21:54,879
Oh, shit.
1263
01:21:54,880 --> 01:21:55,880
I got to go.
1264
01:22:07,170 --> 01:22:08,170
Thanks. Sure.
1265
01:22:08,610 --> 01:22:09,610
I owed you one.
1266
01:22:11,270 --> 01:22:14,090
Well, guys, we did it. We defeated the
RAs.
1267
01:22:14,310 --> 01:22:15,370
We ate the pizza.
1268
01:22:16,090 --> 01:22:17,090
Oh, wait.
1269
01:22:19,990 --> 01:22:20,990
What's that?
1270
01:22:23,310 --> 01:22:24,310
What is that?
1271
01:22:24,990 --> 01:22:25,990
Oh, my God.
1272
01:22:26,270 --> 01:22:27,270
It's him.
1273
01:22:52,560 --> 01:22:53,459
Hi, Lizzie.
1274
01:22:53,460 --> 01:22:54,460
Remember me?
1275
01:22:55,380 --> 01:22:57,120
This fucking cunt.
1276
01:23:10,660 --> 01:23:11,820
I'm sorry, who are you?
1277
01:23:13,080 --> 01:23:14,080
I'm you, Jack.
1278
01:23:14,340 --> 01:23:16,000
The you you're scared you'll become.
1279
01:23:16,820 --> 01:23:19,780
Boring, sober, obsessed with my bird
feeder.
1280
01:23:20,680 --> 01:23:22,920
I also review sparkling water brands on
YouTube.
1281
01:23:23,280 --> 01:23:24,280
Oh, my God.
1282
01:23:24,760 --> 01:23:27,860
What's wrong with that? That honestly
sounds nice. Fuck off!
1283
01:23:32,760 --> 01:23:33,760
Run!
1284
01:23:39,760 --> 01:23:40,760
No!
1285
01:23:43,760 --> 01:23:44,760
Shit!
1286
01:23:45,880 --> 01:23:46,880
What do we do?
1287
01:23:53,130 --> 01:23:55,550
Time to float like graceful falcons.
1288
01:24:54,600 --> 01:24:55,760
Fuck off, that was fun.
1289
01:24:56,380 --> 01:24:58,480
There are so many condoms in here.
1290
01:24:58,700 --> 01:25:02,460
I landed on the condom.
1291
01:25:02,880 --> 01:25:04,060
Hey, make a wish.
1292
01:25:04,440 --> 01:25:06,520
I wish I didn't land on the condom.
1293
01:25:06,960 --> 01:25:10,800
Oh, look on the bright side, guys.
1294
01:25:11,440 --> 01:25:12,840
At least we got away from the nightmare.
1295
01:25:22,480 --> 01:25:23,480
Let's go.
1296
01:25:30,850 --> 01:25:34,530
I wrote a complaint letter to Microsoft
if they discontinued my favorite font.
1297
01:25:50,850 --> 01:25:52,150
Well, well, well.
1298
01:25:54,270 --> 01:25:55,950
Hello again, dickheads.
1299
01:25:56,570 --> 01:25:57,570
How are you not dead?
1300
01:25:58,550 --> 01:26:01,550
Is it not you who killed me?
1301
01:26:01,930 --> 01:26:07,390
Get off the bus! It's gonna take a lot
more than that to get rid of Blake!
1302
01:26:10,650 --> 01:26:11,650
Grab him!
1303
01:26:12,690 --> 01:26:18,670
Happy sailing!
1304
01:26:21,310 --> 01:26:23,810
Do not take more than a single pill.
1305
01:26:24,270 --> 01:26:28,210
If you do, you will see the true,
horrible nature of reality.
1306
01:26:31,550 --> 01:26:38,330
I just think my biggest concern right
now is how little of this
1307
01:26:38,330 --> 01:26:39,630
makes any sense at all.
1308
01:26:39,850 --> 01:26:40,749
Like what?
1309
01:26:40,750 --> 01:26:41,750
What do you mean, like what?
1310
01:26:42,150 --> 01:26:45,350
Like, okay, for example, how many
college freshmen do you know that own a
1311
01:26:45,350 --> 01:26:47,870
butterfly? That's what you find
unbelievable?
1312
01:26:48,270 --> 01:26:51,890
We have a scene where the three leads
become a Venezuelan man.
1313
01:26:52,210 --> 01:26:53,210
All right, fine.
1314
01:26:53,480 --> 01:26:56,200
But we've got to come up with a better
title than Pizza Movie. Well, of course
1315
01:26:56,200 --> 01:26:59,580
we're not calling it Pizza Movie. That's
a placeholder. I mean, if we can't beat
1316
01:26:59,580 --> 01:27:01,780
that, I'm going to walk into the goddamn
ocean. What the fuck?
1317
01:27:03,200 --> 01:27:04,200
Oh, God.
1318
01:27:04,220 --> 01:27:05,360
One of the actors is here.
1319
01:27:05,660 --> 01:27:07,260
Hey, man, could you give me like ten
minutes, please?
1320
01:27:07,580 --> 01:27:08,580
Thanks.
1321
01:27:09,680 --> 01:27:12,720
Oh, so listen. I told my grandfather he
could have a part. Is that okay?
1322
01:27:14,860 --> 01:27:15,860
No.
1323
01:27:19,300 --> 01:27:21,020
What in the movie?
1324
01:27:24,110 --> 01:27:25,310
Low budget movie.
1325
01:27:26,670 --> 01:27:29,630
My character's not written by any nuance
at all.
1326
01:27:30,750 --> 01:27:31,770
I'm a character.
1327
01:27:34,090 --> 01:27:37,470
I like only deliver exposition.
1328
01:27:38,430 --> 01:27:39,930
What the fuck was that?
1329
01:28:17,640 --> 01:28:18,640
Montgomery.
1330
01:28:24,480 --> 01:28:28,400
Were you satisfied with your fucking
order?
1331
01:28:28,700 --> 01:28:29,960
Yes, Nackatron.
1332
01:28:31,660 --> 01:28:33,020
Yes, we were.
1333
01:28:41,230 --> 01:28:45,090
Time to measure the length of my
foreskin. Wait, is this robot still
1334
01:28:46,150 --> 01:28:47,150
Goodbye.
1335
01:29:18,160 --> 01:29:19,160
Let's go!
1336
01:29:20,460 --> 01:29:21,860
Montgomery, over here.
1337
01:29:22,140 --> 01:29:23,860
Hey, thanks for the gig.
1338
01:29:24,260 --> 01:29:25,260
Thank you.
1339
01:29:25,340 --> 01:29:26,340
You ready?
1340
01:29:26,700 --> 01:29:30,100
Get this night going. I'm about to honk
that horn like you won't believe.
1341
01:29:30,540 --> 01:29:33,020
Oh, my God, I feel so alive after
performing.
1342
01:29:33,460 --> 01:29:36,720
Yeah, I can imagine with the electric
torture.
1343
01:29:37,020 --> 01:29:38,020
Yeah.
1344
01:29:38,920 --> 01:29:45,140
Anyway, um, I was wondering if maybe you
wanted to go out sometime.
1345
01:29:50,620 --> 01:29:53,020
Lizzie, you gonna give the driver your
freaking credit card?
1346
01:29:53,340 --> 01:29:54,340
What's up?
1347
01:29:55,500 --> 01:29:56,500
Montgomery?
1348
01:29:58,620 --> 01:30:00,120
Montgomery? No, thank you.
1349
01:30:01,480 --> 01:30:02,920
No. No.
1350
01:30:04,080 --> 01:30:06,840
I do not think we are a good match.
1351
01:30:08,720 --> 01:30:10,440
Why? You scare the shit out of me.
1352
01:30:11,880 --> 01:30:14,340
But hey, good look on the music.
1353
01:30:15,380 --> 01:30:17,180
Killer. Killer. Good look.
1354
01:30:18,240 --> 01:30:23,150
Lizzie! Stop thinking pensively and get
your freaking credit card out and give
1355
01:30:23,150 --> 01:30:26,710
it to the... Oh, my God.
1356
01:30:27,010 --> 01:30:28,530
Logan, have fun.
1357
01:30:28,950 --> 01:30:30,110
Are you dead?
1358
01:30:44,290 --> 01:30:46,310
Hey, freaking ass face.
1359
01:30:58,090 --> 01:30:59,090
What time is it?
1360
01:30:59,330 --> 01:31:01,450
It's got to be 5 a .m.
1361
01:31:02,330 --> 01:31:03,630
It's only 8 .30.
1362
01:31:03,870 --> 01:31:05,450
All that only took 45 minutes?
1363
01:31:05,970 --> 01:31:07,270
You guys want to do something?
1364
01:31:10,390 --> 01:31:11,650
Want to finish our game?
1365
01:31:13,270 --> 01:31:14,270
I'm down.
1366
01:31:14,410 --> 01:31:15,410
Me too.
1367
01:31:21,490 --> 01:31:25,750
And I am also down.
1368
01:31:27,400 --> 01:31:28,400
Oh, man.
1369
01:31:29,160 --> 01:31:30,380
College is awesome.
1370
01:31:31,120 --> 01:31:32,480
I love being 19.
1371
01:31:32,840 --> 01:31:36,280
Grandpa, don't look at the camera. Don't
talk to me that way.
1372
01:31:36,580 --> 01:31:43,420
Dude, this isn't working. Let's cut him.
Fine. All right, should we start from
1373
01:31:43,420 --> 01:31:44,740
scratch or pick up where we left off?
1374
01:31:45,140 --> 01:31:47,200
Let's do it from scratch. Yeah? We got
it.
1375
01:31:47,420 --> 01:31:48,420
Oh, my God.
1376
01:33:23,980 --> 01:33:27,480
Everything's happy, everything's nice.
Everything's happy, everything's nice.
1377
01:33:27,720 --> 01:33:30,940
Everything's happy, everything's nice.
No one's gonna die today.
1378
01:33:31,360 --> 01:33:33,020
Everything's happy, everything's nice.
1379
01:33:33,280 --> 01:33:37,040
Everything's happy, everything's nice.
Everything's happy, everything's nice.
1380
01:33:37,040 --> 01:33:38,380
one's gonna die today.
1381
01:33:38,760 --> 01:33:44,040
Happy night, happy night. Happy, happy,
happy night. Happy night, happy night.
1382
01:33:44,200 --> 01:33:45,400
Happy, happy, happy.
1383
01:33:46,120 --> 01:33:49,660
Everything's happy, everything's nice.
Everything's happy, everything's nice.
1384
01:33:49,740 --> 01:33:51,500
Everything's happy, everything's nice.
1385
01:33:51,710 --> 01:33:55,930
No one's gonna die today Everything's
happy, everything's nice Everything's
1386
01:33:55,930 --> 01:33:59,770
happy, everything's nice Everything's
happy, everything's nice No one's gonna
1387
01:33:59,770 --> 01:34:04,950
die today Everything's happy,
everything's nice Everything's happy,
1388
01:34:05,030 --> 01:34:10,590
everything's nice No one's gonna die
today Everything's happy, everything's
1389
01:34:10,590 --> 01:34:13,970
Everything's happy, everything's nice
Everything's happy, everything's nice No
1390
01:34:13,970 --> 01:34:15,150
one's gonna die today
1391
01:34:17,070 --> 01:34:20,430
Happy, happy, nice, nice, happy, nice,
happy, nice, happy, happy, nice, happy,
1392
01:34:20,430 --> 01:34:21,870
nice, happy, nice, happy, nice.
1393
01:34:22,910 --> 01:34:25,570
Everything's happy, everything's nice,
everything's happy, everything's nice,
1394
01:34:25,610 --> 01:34:28,150
everything's happy, everything's nice,
no one's gonna die today.
1395
01:34:30,990 --> 01:34:34,850
Everything's happy, everything's nice,
everything's happy, everything's nice,
1396
01:34:34,850 --> 01:34:35,850
one's gonna die today.
1397
01:34:36,050 --> 01:34:38,490
Everything's happy, everything's nice,
everything's happy, everything's nice,
1398
01:34:38,510 --> 01:34:41,590
everything's happy, everything's nice,
no one's gonna die today. Someone's
1399
01:34:41,590 --> 01:34:43,390
die today, we're all gonna die today.
98251
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