All language subtitles for Dr.Strangelove.1964.720p.BluRay.x264.YIFY

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For more than a year, ominous rumors
had been privately circulating...

among high-level Western leaders...

that the Soviet Union had been at work
on what was darkly hinted to be...

the ultimate weapon:
a doomsday device.

Intelligence sources traced the site
of the top-secret Russian project...

to the perpetually
fog-shrouded wasteland...

below the Arctic peaks
of the Zhokhov Islands.

What they were building or why it was
located in a remote, desolate place...

no one could say.

General Ripper, sir.

Group Captain Mandrake speaking.

This is General Ripper speaking.

- Yes, sir.
- Do you recognize my voice?

I do, sir. Why do you ask?

Why do you think?

I don't know, sir. We spoke
just a few moments ago, didn't we?

You don't think I'd ask unless it was
pretty damned important, do you?

No, I don't.

Let's see if we can stay on the ball.

Has the Wing confirmed holding
at their fail-safe points?

Yes, sir. The confirmations
have just come in.

Very well.
Now, listen to me carefully.

The base is being put on condition red.

I want this flashed
to all sections immediately.

Condition red. Jolly good.
Keeps the men on their toes.

This is not an exercise.

Not an exercise?

I shouldn't tell you this, but you're
a good officer and have a right ot know.

It looks like we're in a shooting war.

- Oh, hell. Are the Russians involved?
- That's all I've been told.

It came in on the red phone. I'm gonna
follow orders and seal this base tight.

Now, I want you to transmit Plan R...

R for Robert, to the Wing.

- plan R for Robert.
- Is it that bad, sir?

- Looks like it's pretty hairy.
- Yes, sir.

Plan R for Robert.

Last and possibly most important...

I want all privately owned radios
to be immediately impounded.

They might be used to issue
instructions to saboteurs.

As I previously arranged, Air Police
will have lists of all owners.

I want every one collected
without exception.

After you've done that,
report back to me.

In order to guard against
surprise nuclear attack...

America's Strategic Air Command
maintains...

a large force of B-52 bombers
airborne 24 hours a day.

Each B-52 can deliver
a nuclear bomb load of 50 megatons...

equal to 16 times the total
explosive force of all the bombs...

and shells used by all the armies
in World War II.

Based in America,
the Airborne Alert Force...

is deployed from the persian Gulf
to the Arctic Ocean.

But they have one geographical factor
in common.

They are all two hours
from their targets inside Russia.

Major Kong, I know you'll think
this is crazy...

but I just got a message from base
over the C.R.M. 114.

It decodes as Wing attack Plan R.
R for Romeo.

Goldie, did you say
Wing attack Plan R?

Yes, sir, I have.

Goldie, how many times have
I told you guys that I don't want...

horsiraround on the airplane?

I'm not horsing around.
That's how it decodes.

I've been to one world fair,
a picnic...

and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest
thing I heard over earphones.

You sure you got today's code?

Yes, sir.

There 's gotta be something wrong.

Wait a second, I'm coming back.

Maybe you'd better get
a confirmation from base.

Yes, sir.

Major Kong, is it possible
this is some kind of loyalty test?

You know, give the go code and then
recall to see who would actually go?

Ain't nobody ever got
the go code yet.

Old Ripper wouldn't be giving us
Plan R...

unless them Ruskies had already
clobbered Washington...

and a lot of other towns
with a sneak attack.

Yes, sir.

Major Kong,
message from base confirmed.

Well, boys, I reckon this is it.

Nuclear combat toe-to-toe
with the Ruskies.

Boys, I ain't much of a hand
at making speeches.

But I got a fair idea
that something doggone important...

is going on back there.

I've got a fair idea of the kind
of personal emotions...

that some of you fellows
may be thinking.

Heck, I reckon you wouldn't be
human beings...

if you didn't have pretty strong
personal feelings about nuclear combat.

I want you to remember one thing.

The folks back home
are counting on you.

And by golly,
we ain't about to let them down.

Tell you something else.

If this thing turns out to be half
as important as I figure it might be...

I'd say you're all in line
for some important promotions...

and personal citations
when this thing's over with.

That goes for every last one of you...

regardless of your race,
color or your creed.

Now let's get this thing on the hump.
We got some flying to do.

Buck, should I get it?

Yeah, you'll have to.

Hello?

Yes, General Turgidson is here,
but he can't come to the phone now.

This is his secretary, Miss Scott.

Freddie, how are you?

Fine. And you?

Oh, we were just catching up
on some of the general's paperwork.

He's tied up.
I'm afraid he can't come to the phone.

Just a minute.

General Turgidson,
a Colonel Puntrich calling.

Tell him to call back.

Freddie, the general says
could you call back in a minute?

He says it can't wait.

For Pete's...
Find out what he wants.

The general is in the powder room
right now.

Could you tell me what it's about?

Just a second. Apparently they monitored
a transmission eight minutes ago...

from Burpelson Air Force Base.

Right. It was directed to
the 843rd Bomb Wing on airborne alert.

It decoded as Wing attack Plan R.

Well, tell him to call what's-his-name,
Base Commander Ripper.

Do I have to think of everything?

The general suggests you call General
Ripper, the 843rd base commander.

Oh. All communications are dead!

Bull! Tell him to do it himself.

The general asks if you could
possibly try again yourself.

I see. He says he's tried personally
several times, but everything is dead.

Even the normal phone lines
are shut down.

Fred? Buck.
What's it look like?

Yeah?

Well, are you sure
it's Plan R?

Huh. What's cooking
on the threat board?

Nothing? Nothing at all?

I don't like the look of this.

Tell you what you better do,
old buddy.

You better give Elmo and Charlie a blast
and bump everything up to condition red.

Stand by the blower.
I'll get back to you.

- What's up?
- Nothing.

- Where 's my shorts?
- On the floor. Where are you going?

No place.

I thought I might mosey over to the
War Room to see what's doing over there.

It's 3:00 in the morning.

The air force never sleeps.

Buck, honey, I'm not sleepy either.

I know how it is, baby.

Tell you what you do.

You start your countdown
and old Bucky will be back...

before you can say "Blastoff!"

Your Commie has no regard
for human life, not even his own.

For this reason, men, I want
to impress upon you the need...

for extreme watchfullness.

The enemy may come individually
or he may come in strength.

He may even come in the uniform
of our own troops.

But however he comes,
we must stop him.

We must not allow him
to gain entrance to this base.

Now, I am going to give you
three simple rules.

First: Trust no one,
whatever his uniform or rank...

unless he is known to you personally.

Secondly: Anyone or anything...

that approaches within 200 yards
of the perimeter is to be fired upon.

Third: If in doubt, shoot first
and ask questions afterwards.

I would sooner accept a few casualties
through accident...

than lose the entire base
and its personnel through carelessness.

Any variation on these rules
must come from me personally.

Now, men, in conclusion...

I would like to say
that in the two years...

that it has been my privilege
to be your commanding officer...

I have always expected
the best from you...

and you have never given me
anything less than that.

Today the nation is counting on us.

We are not going to let them down.

Good luck to you all.

Here 's the attack profile, sir.

This is your attack profile.

"To ensure that the enemy cannot monitor
voice transmission...

or plant false transmission...

the C.R.M. 114 is to be switched
into all receiver circuits.

The emergency base code prefix
is to be set...

on the dials of the C.R.M.

This will block any transmission other
than those preceded by a code prefix."

Stand by to set code prefix.

Roger. Ready to set code prefix.

"Set code prefix."

Code prefix set.

"Lock code prefix."

Code prefix locked.

"Switch all receiver circuits
to C.R.M. discriminators."

Switched to C.R.M. discriminators.

"Check auto destruct circuits."

Auto destruct circuits checked.

"Primary target:
the I.C.B.M. complex at Laputa.

Target reference:
Yankee, golf, tango...

3-6-0.

Thirty megaton nuclear device...

fused for air burst at 10,000 feet.

Twenty megaton nuclear device
will be used if first malfunctions.

Otherwise, proceed to secondary target:

missile complex seven miles east
of Borchov.

Target reference:
November, bravo, Xray...

1-0-8.

Fused air burst at 10..."
Check..."12,000 feet."

Excuse me, sir. Something rather
interesting has just cropped up.

Listen to that. Music.
Civilian broadcasting.

I think the Pentagon has given us
an exercise to check our readiness.

I think it's taking things too far.

Our fellows will be inside Russian
radar cover in about 20 minutes.

Listen. Chock full of stations
all churning it out.

- Mandrake?
- Yes, sir?

I issued instructions for all radios
to be impounded.

You did, and I was in the process of
impounding this when I switched it on.

I thought our fellows hitting Russian
radar, dropping all their stuff...

I'd better tell you because if they do,
it'll cause a stink.

Group Captain,
the officer exchange program...

does not give you any special
prerogatives to question my orders.

I realize that, sir, but I thought
you'd be pleased to hear the news.

After all, let's face it.

We don't want to start a nuclear war
unless we have to, do we?

Please sit down.
And turn that thing off.

Yes, sir.

What about the planes? Surely we must
issue the recall code immediately.

The planes are not going
to be recalled.

My attack orders have been issued,
and the orders stand.

If you'll excuse me for saying so,
that would be to my way of thinking...

rather an odd way of looking at it

If a Russian attack was in progress...

we would certainly not be hearing
civilian broadcasting.

- Are you certain?
- I'm absolutely positive.

What if it is true?

I'm afraid I'm still not with you, sir,
because I mean...

if a Russian attack
was not in progress...

then your use of Plan R... In fact,
your orders to the entire Wing...

I would say, sir, that there was
something dreadfully wrong somewhere

Why don't you take it easy,
Group Captain?

Please make me a drink
of grain alcohol and rainwater...

and help yourself
to whatever you'd like.

General Ripper, sir, as an officer
in Her Majesty's Air Force...

it is my clear duty
under the present circumstances...

to issue the recall code upon my
own authority and bring back the Wing.

If you'll excuse me, sir.

Sir, I must ask you for the key and the
recall code. Have you got them handy?

I told you to take it easy,
Group Captain.

There 's nothing anybody can do now.

I'm the only person who knows
the three-letter code group.

I must insist
that you give them to me!

Do I take it, sir, you are threatening
a brother officer with a gun?

Mandrake, I suppose
it never occurred to you...

that while we're chatting here
so enjoyably...

a decision is being made
by the president...

and the joint chiefs in the War Room
at the Pentagon.

When they realize there is
no possibility of recalling the Wing...

there will be only one course
of action open.

Total commitment.

Mandrake, do you recall what
Clemenceau once said about war?

No, I don't think I do, sir. No.

He said war was too important
to be left to the generals.

When he said that 50 years ago...

he might have been right.

But today...

war is too important
to be left to politicians.

They have neither the time,
the training...

nor the inclination
for strategic thought.

I can no longer sit back
and allow...

Communist infiltration,
Communist indoctrination...

Communist subversion...

and the international
Communist conspiracy...

to sap and impurify...

all of our precious
bodily fluids.

Staines, is everybody here?

Mr. President, the secretary of state
is in Vietnam.

The secretary of defense is in Laos, and
the vice president is in Mexico City.

We can establish contact with them at
anytime. The undersecretaries are here.

Right. General Turgidson,
what's going on?

Mr. President...

about 35 minutes ago...

GeneralJack Ripper,
the commanding general...

of Burpelson Air Force Base...

issued an order to the 34 B-52s
of his Wing...

which were airborne at the time...

as part of a special exercise we were
holding called Operation Dropkick.

It appears that the order
called for the planes...

to attack their targets
inside Russia.

The planes are fully armed
with nuclear weapons...

with an average load
of 40 megatons each.

The central display of Russia will
indicate the position of the planes.

The triangles
are their primary targets.

The squares
are their secondary targets.

The aircraft will begin penetrating
Russian radar cover within 25 minutes.

General Turgidson, I find this
very difficult to understand.

I understood I was the only one
to order the use of nuclear weapons.

That's right, sir. You are
the only person authorized to do so.

And although I hate to judge
before all the facts are in...

it's beginning to look like
General Ripper exceeded his authority.

It certainly does, far beyond the point
I would have imagined possible.

Perhaps you're forgetting
the provisions of Plan R, sir.

Plan R?

Plan R is an emergency war plan...

in which a lower echelon commander
may order...

nuclear retaliation
after a sneak attack...

if the normal chain of command
has been disrupted.

You approved it, sir.
You must remember.

Surely you must recall, sir,
when Senator Beaufort made...

that big hassle about our deterrent
lacking credibility.

The idea was for Plan R to be
a sort of retaliatory safeguard.

A safeguard?

I admit the human element seems
to have failed us here.

But the idea was to discourage
the Ruskies from any hope...

they could knock out Washington, and
yourself, as part of a sneak attack...

and escape retaliation because of lack
of proper command and control.

I assume the planes will return
automatically...

once they reach their fail-safe points.

I'm afraid not. The planes were holding
at their fail-safe points...

when the go code was issued.

Once they fly beyond fail-safe, they do
not require a second order to proceed.

They will continue
until they reach their target.

Then why haven't you radioed the planes,
countermanding the go code?

We're unable to communicate
with any of the aircraft.

Why?

As you may recall, sir...

one of the provisions
of Plan R provides...

that once the go code
is received...

the normal S.S.B. radios
in the aircraft...

are switched into
a special coded device...

which I believe is designated
as C.R.M. 114.

In order to prevent the enemy
from issuing fake or confusing orders...

C.R.M. 114 is designed
not to receive at all...

unless the message is proceeded by the
correct three-letter code group prefix.

You mean to tell me you will be unable
to recall the aircraft?

That's the size of it.
However, we are plowing through...

every possible three-letter combination
of the code.

But since there are
17,000 permutations...

it's going to take us about two
and a half days to transmit them all.

How soon will the planes penetrate
Russian radar cover?

- About 18 minutes from now.
- Are you in contact with General Ripper?

No, sir. General Ripper sealed off
the base and cut off communications.

Where did you get this information?

General Ripper called
Strategic Air Command Headquarters...

shortly after he issued the go code.

I have a portion of the conversation
transcript if you'd like me to read it.

Read it.

The duty officer asked
General Ripper...

to confirm the fact that he had
issued the go code and he said:

"Yes, gentlemen, they are on their way
in and no one can bring them back.

For the sake of our country
and our way of life...

I suggest you get the rest of SAC
in after them.

Otherwise, we will be totally destroyed
by Red retaliation.

My boys will give you the best kind
of start: 1,400 megatons won'th.

And you sure as hell
won't stop them now.

So let's get going.
There 's no other choice.

God willing, we will prevail
in peace and freedom from fear...

and in true health
through the purity...

and essence of our natural...

fluids.

God bless you all."

Then he hung up.

We're still trying to figure out
the meaning of that last phrase, sir.

There 's nothing to figure out.
This man is obviously a psychotic.

I'd like to hold off judgment
until all the facts are in.

General Turgidson, when you instituted
the human reliability tests...

you assured me there was no possibility
of such a thing ever occurring.

Well, I don't think it's fair
to condemn a whole program...

because of a single slipup, sir.

I want to speak to General Ripper
on the telephone.

That's impossible.

General Turgidson, I am becoming
less and less interested...

in your estimates
of what is possible and impossible.

General Faceman.

Yes, sir?

Are there any army units
stationed near Burpelson?

I'll just check, sir.

Hello?

I told you never to call me here.
Don't you know where I am?

Look, baby, I can't talk to you now.

My president needs me.

Of course Bucky would rather
be there with you.

Of course it isn't only physical.

I deeply respect you
as a human being.

Someday I'm going to make you
Mrs. Buck Turgidson.

Oh, listen, you go back to sleep.

Bucky will be there as soon as he can.

All right. Listen, don't forget
to say your prayers.

Apparently,
the 23rd Airborne Division...

is stationed seven miles away
at Alvarado.

General Faceman, I want them to enter
the base, locate General Ripper...

and put him in immediate
telephone contact with me.

Yes, sir.

Mr. President?

If I may advise.

Under a condition red, it is standard
procedure that the base be sealed off...

and the base defended
by base security troops.

Any force trying to enter would
certainly encounter heavy casualties.

General Turgidson, with all due respect
for your defense team...

my boys can brush them aside
without too much trouble.

Mr. President, there are one or two
points I'd like to make, if I may?

Go ahead, General.

One: Our hopes for recalling
the 843rd Bomb Wing...

are quickly being reduced
to a very low order of probability.

Two: In less than 15 minutes
from now...

the Ruskies will be making
radar contact with the planes.

Three: When they do...

they will go absolutely ape and
strike back with everything they've got.

Four: If prior to this time...

we have done nothing to suppress
their retaliatory capabilities...

we will suffer virtual annihilation.

Five: lf, on the other hand...

we immediately launched an attack
on their airfields and missile bases...

we'd stand a damn good chance
of catching them with their pants down.

Hell, we've got
a five-to-one missile superiority.

We could easily assign three missiles
to every target...

and still have a very effective reserve
force for any other contingency.

Six: An unofficial study which
we undertook of this eventuality...

indicated that we would destroy
90% of their nuclear capabilities.

We would therefore prevail...

and suffer only modest and acceptable
civilian casualties...

from their remaining force which would
be badly damaged and uncoordinated.

General, it is the avowed policy
of our country...

never to strike first
with nuclear weapons.

Well, Mr. President, General Ripper
has already invalidated that policy.

That was not an act of national policy.
There are still alternatives open to us.

Mr. President, we are rapidly
approaching a moment of truth...

both for ourselves as human beings
and for the life of our nation.

Truth is not always a pleasant thing.

But it is necessary now
to make a choice:

to choose between two admittedly
regrettable...

but nevertheless distinguishable
postwar environments.

One, where 20 million people are killed;
the other, 150 people killed.

You're talking about mass murder,
General, not war.

Mr. President, I'm not saying
we wouldn't get our hair mussed.

But I do say no more than
10 to 20 million killed. Tops!

Depending on the breaks.

I will not go down in history as
the greatest mass murderer since Hitler!

It might be better
if you were more concerned...

with the American people than
with your image in the history books.

General Turgidson,
I've heard quite sufficient from you.

Thank you very much.

Mr. President, they have
the ambassador waiting upstairs.

- Good. Any difficulty?
- He's having a fit about the M.P.s.

That can't be helped.
Have him brought here straightaway.

Yes, sir.

Is that the Russian ambassador?

Yes, it is, General.

Am I to understand
the Russian ambassador...

is to be admitted entrance
to the War Room?

That is correct.
He is here on my orders.

I don't know exactly how
to put this, sir...

but are you aware of what a breach
of security that would be?

He'll see everything.
He'll see the big board.

That is precisely the idea, General.

That is precisely the idea.

Staines, get Premier Kissoff
on the hot line.

"Survival kit contents check.

In them you will find
one.45 caliber automatic...

two boxes of ammunition...

four days concentrated
emergency rations...

one drug issue
containing antibiotics...

morphine, vitamin pills,
pep pills...

sleeping pills,
tranquilizer pills...

one miniature combination
Russian phrase book and Bible...

$ 100 in rubles...

$ 100 in gold...

nine packs of chewing gum...

one issue of prophylactics...

three lipsticks,
three pair of nylon stockings."

Shoot, a fellow could have a pretty
good weekend in Vegas with that stuff.

- You don't have any fresh fish?
- I'm afraid not, sir.

- Your eggs are fresh?
- Yes, sir.

I will have poached eggs. And bring me
some cigars, please. Havana cigars.

That will be all, sir?
I'll see to it right away.

Try one of theseJamaican cigars,
Ambassador. They're good.

Thank you, no. I do not support the work
of imperialist stooges.

Oh, only Commie stooges, huh?

Mr. President.

You're gonna let that lousy Commie punk
vomit all over us like this?

Mr. President?

They haven't reached Premier Kissoff.
They don't know where he is...

and he won't be back for two hours.

Try B-8-6-5-4-3 Moscow.

You would never have found him
through his office.

Our premier is a man of the people,
but he is also a man, if you follow.

- Degenerate atheistic Commie.
- What did you say?

I said Premier Kissoff is
a degenerate atheistic Commie!

- Have this ignorant fool...
- I'm sorry!

Mr. President,
I think they're trying the number.

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here.
This is the War Room!

What is going on here?
I demand an explanation.

This clumsy fool tried to plant
that ridiculous camera on me.

You bet your sweets, Mr. Commie!
Look at this, Mr. President.

This lousy Commie rat was taking
pictures with this of the big board!

Mr. Ambassador!

This clumsy fool attempted to plant
that ridiculous camera on me.

That's a damn lie!
I saw him with my own eyes.

This is outrageous. I have never heard
of such behavior in the War Room before.

Mr. President, I think
they're getting him on the line.

You got to hand it to those Commies.

Yeah. Those trucks sure look like
the real thing, don't they?

I wonder where they got them from.

Probably bought them
from the army as war surplus.

Okay, open up at 200 yards.

Tell him where you are and that
you'll speak if I say anything untrue...

but nothing more than that.

Alexi? Alexi, please.
I beg you.

But I don't have a phone.

Give him the phone.

I've done as you asked.
Be careful. I think he is drunk.

Hello? Hello, Dimitri?

Listen, I can't hear too well.

Could you turn the music down
a little?

That's much better.

Yeah. Yeah.

Fine. I can hear you now, Dimitri.

Clear and plain
and coming through fine.

I'm coming through fine, too, eh?
Good.

Well, then, as you say,
we're both coming through fine. Good.

It's good that you're fine...

and I'm fine.

I agree with you.
It's great to be fine.

Now, Dimitri...

you know how we've always talked
about the possibility...

of something going wrong
with the bomb.

The bomb, Dimitri.

The hydrogen bomb.

Well, now, what happened is...

one of our base commanders,
he had a sort of...

Well, he went a little funny
in the head.

You know, just a little funny.

And he went and did a silly thing.

I'll tell you what he did.

He ordered his planes...

to attack your country.

Let me finish, Dimitri.

Let me finish, Dimitri.

Listen, how do you think
I feel about it?

Can you imagine how I feel
about it, Dimitri?

Why do you think I'm calling you?

Just to say hello?

Of course I like to speak to you!

Of course I like to say hello!

Not now, but anytime, Dimitri.

I'm just calling up to tell you
something terrible has happened.

Of course, it's a friendly call.

Listen, if it wasrt friendly,
you probably wouldn't have even got it.

They will not reach their targets
for at least another hour.

I am positive, Dimitri.

I've been all over this
with your ambassador.

It is not a trick.

I'll tell you.

We'd like to give your A ir Staff
a complete rundown on the targets...

the flight plans
and defensive systems of the planes.

Yes, if we're unable
to recall the planes...

I'd say, well...

we're just gonna have to help you
destroy them, Dimitri.

I know they're our boys.

Listen. Now, who should we call?

Who should we call?
Sorry, you faded away.

The Peoples Central
Air Defense Headquarters.

Where is that, Dimitri?

In Omsk. Right.

Yes.

You'll call them first, will you?

Do you happen to have the phone number
on you, Dimitri?

What? I see.
Just ask for Omsk information.

I'm sorry too, Dimitri.
I'm very sorry.

All right, you're sorrier than I am.
But I am sorry as well.

I am as sorry as you are, Dimitri.

Don't say that you're more sorry
than I am...

because I'm capable of being
just as sorry as you are.

So we're both sorry, all right?

All right.

Yes, he's right here. Yes, he wants
to talk to you. Just a second.

What?

What? What is it? What?

The fools. The mad fools.

What's happened?

The doomsday machine.

The doomsday machine?
What is that?

A device which will destroy
all human and animal life on Earth.

All human and animal life?

- Mandrake?
- Yes, Jack?

Have you ever seen a Commie
drink a glass of water?

Well, I can't say I have, Jack.

Vodka. That's what they drink,
isn't it? Never water.

I believe that's what they drink, yes.

On no account will a Commie
ever drink water...

and not without good reason.

Oh, yes.

I can't quite see
what you're getting at.

Water. That's what I'm getting at.
Water.

Mandrake, water is the source
of all life.

Seven-tenths of this Earth's surface
is water.

Why, do you realize that...

70% of you is water?

Good Lord.

And as human beings,
you and I need fresh, pure water...

to replenish
our precious bodily fluids.

- You beginning to understand?
- Yes.

Have you never wondered why I drink
only distilled water...

or rainwater,
and only pure grain alcohol?

It did occur to me, Jack, yes.

Have you ever heard of fluoridation
of water?

Yes, I have heard of that, Jack, yes.

Do you know what it is?

No, no, I don't know what it is.

Do you realize that fluoridation...

is the most monstrously conceived...

and dangerous Communist plot
we have ever had to face?

Two can play at that game, soldier.

That's nice shooting, soldier!

Mandrake, come here.

You calling me, Jack?

Come over here
and help me with this belt.

I haven't had very much experience...

with those sort of machines.

I've only ever pressed a button
in my old Spitfire.

In the name of Her Majesty and the
Continental Congress, feed me this belt.

Jack, I'd love to come,
but what's happened, you see...

the string in my leg is gone.

- The what?
- The string. I never told you.

I've got a gammy leg.
Oh, dear. Gone. Shot off.

Mandrake, come over here.
The redcoats are coming.

When it is detonated, it will produce
enough radioactive fallout...

so that in ten months...

the surface of the Earth
will be as dead as the moon!

Come on, De Sadesky!
That's ridiculous!

Our studies show even the worst fallout
is down to a safe level after two weeks.

- You never heard of cobalt theoium G.
- What about it?

Cobalt thorium G has
a radioactive half-life of 93 years.

If you take 50 H bombs
in the 100 megaton range...

and jacket them
with cobalt thorium G...

when they are exploded,
they will produce a doomsday shroud...

a lethal cloud of radioactivity...

which will encircle the Earth
for 93 years!

What a load of Commie bull.
I mean, after all.

I'm afraid I don't understand
something, Alexi.

Is the premier threatening to explode it
if our planes carry out their attack?

No, sir. It is not a thing
a sane man would do.

The doomsday machine is designed
to trigger itself automatically.

Surely you can disarm it somehow.

It is designed to explode if
any attempt is made to un-trigger it.

Automatically?

It's a Commie trick!
We're wasting valuable time!

Look at the big board!
They're getting ready to clobber us!

This is absolute madness.
Why should you build such a thing?

There are those of us
who fought against it.

But in the end, we could not keep up
with the expense involved...

in the arms race, the space race
and the peace race.

At the same time, our people grumbled
for more nylons and washing machines.

Our doomsday scheme cost us
just a small fraction...

of what we have been spending on defense
in a single year.

The deciding factor was when we learned
your country was working similarly...

and we were afraid of a doomsday gap!

This is preposterous! I've never
approved of anything like that.

Our source was The New York Times.

Dr. Strangelove, do we have anything
like that in the works?

A moment, please, Mr. President.

Under the authority granted me...

as director of weapons research
and development...

I commissioned last year
a study of this project...

by the Bland Corporation.

Based on the findings of the report...

my conclusion was that this idea
was not a practical deterrent...

for reasons which at this moment
must be all too obvious.

You mean it is possible for them
to have built such a thing?

Mr. President, the technology required
is easily within the means...

of even the smallest nuclear power.

It requires only the will to do so.

But how is it possible for this thing
to be triggered automatically...

and at the same time
impossible to un-trigger?

Mr. President,
it is not only possible...

it is essential.

That is the whole idea
of this machine, you know.

Deterrence is the art of producing
in the mind of the enemy...

the fear of attack.

And so because of the automated and
irrevocable decision-making process...

which rules out human meddling...

the doomsday machine is terrifying...

and simple to understand...

and completely credible
and convincing.

I wish we had one of them
doomsday machines.

But this is fantastic, Strangelove.
How can it be triggered automatically?

It's remarkably simple to do that.

When you merely wish to bury bombs...

there 's no limit to the size.

After that, they are connected...

to a gigantic complex of computers.

Now then, a specific and clearly
defined set of circumstances...

under which the bombs
are to be exploded...

is programmed into a tape memory bank.

Hmm. Strangelove?

What kind of a name is that?
That ain't no Kraut name, is it?

He changed it when he became a citizen.

It used to be Merkwurdichliebe.

Well, a Kraut by any other name,
uh, Stainsey?

The whole point of
the doomsday machine...

is lost if you keep it a secret!

Why didn't you tell the world?

It was to be announced
at the Party Congress on Monday.

As you know,
the premier loves surprises.

Stay with me, Mandrake.

All right, now feed me.
Feed me, boy.

Don't you think we'd be better off
away from this flying glass?

We're okay here.

Mandrake, do you realize that
in addition to fluoridating the water...

there are studies underway
to fluoridate salt, flour...

fruit juices, soup, sugar,
milk, ice cream?

Ice cream.

- Childrers ice cream.
- Good Lord.

You know when fluoridation
first began?

No, I don't, Jack.

1946.

1946, Mandrake.

How does that coincide with
your postwar Commie conspiracy, huh?

It's incredibly obvious, isn't it?

A foreign substance is introduced
into our precious bodily fluids...

without the knowledge
of the individual.

Certainly without any choice.

That's the way a hard -core Commie works.

Jack. Tell me, Jack.

When did you first become...

Well, develop this theory?

Well, l...

I first became aware of it, Mandrake...

during the physical act of love.

Yes, a profound sense of fatigue...

feeling of emptiness followed.

Luckily I was able to interpret
these feelings correctly.

Loss of essence.

I can assure you it has not recurred,
Mandrake.

Women sense my power...

and they seek the life essence.

I do not avoid women, Mandrake.

But I do deny them my essence.

Yes, yes, Jack.

Cease fire!

My boys must have surrendered.

There it is.

Jack, listen.

While there 's still time, I beg you,
let's recall the Wing and...

Those boys were like my children.

Now they let me down.

No, not a bit.

I'm sure they all gave it
their very best.

I'm equally sure they all died
thinking of you...

every man jack of them, Jack.

Supposing a bit of water
has gone off, eh?

Certainly one can never be too sure
about those things.

But look at me.
Do I look all rancid and clotted?

Look at me, Jack. Look.

And I drink a lot of water.
I'm what you might call a water man.

And I can swear to you, my boy,
swear to you...

that there 's nothing wrong
with my bodily fluids.

Not a thing, Jackie.

Mandrake, were you ever
a prisoner of war?

Well, Jack, the time's running very...

- What?
- Were you ever a prisoner of war?

Yes, I was, as a matter of fact.

Did they torture you?

Yes, they did.
I was tortured by theJapanese.

Not a pretty story.

What happened?

I don't know, Jack. It's difficult
to think under these conditions.

Well, what happened was...

they got me on the old
Rangoon-Inchinawa Railway.

I was laying train lines
for the bloodyJapanese puff-puffs.

No, I mean, when they tortured you,
did you talk?

No, l...

Well, I don't think they wanted me
to talk, really, or say anything.

It was their way of having
a bit of fun, the swine.

The strange thing is,
they make such bloody good cameras.

Those clowns outside will give me
a good going-over soon for the code.

Yes, you may have quite a point
there, Jack.

I don't know how well
I could stand up under torture.

The answer to that is,
no one ever does.

And my advise to you
is to give me the code now.

If those devils come back
and try any rough stuff...

we'll fight them together
like we did just now on the floor.

You with your gun and me
with a belt of ammo, feeding you.

"Feed me," you said,
and I was feeding you, Jack.

You know, Mandrake...

I happen to believe in
a life after this one...

and I know I'll have to answer
for what I've done.

And I think I can.

Yes, of course you can.
Of course you can. You can.

I'm a religious man myself,
you know.

I believe in all that sort of thing
and I'm hoping, you know, Jack...

You've dropped your gun, Jack.

No, Jack, let me take that for you.

You know what I'm hoping? I'm hoping
you're going to give me the code, boy.

You're going to wash and brush up?
What a good idea.

Always did wonders for a man,
a wash and brush up.

Water on the back of the neck
makes you feel marvelous.

That's what we need: water on
the back of the neck and the code.

Supposing I play a little guessing game
with you, Jack boy?

I'll try and guess
what the code is...

Copilot to navigator.
I'm ready with the fuel figures now.

We have 109,000 total...

79,000 in the mains...

and 30,000 in the auxiliaries.

And that works out
to roughly...

seven hours, 15 minutes
endurance from this time.

D.S.O. to Captain.

I have an unidentified
radar blip.

Distance: 60 miles.

Approximate speed:
Mach three.

Looks like
a missile tracking us.

Confirmed:
definite missile track.

Commence evasive action right.

Missile still closing range.

Distance: 50 miles.
Continue evasive action.

Lock E.C.M. to target intercept mode.

E.C.M. locked to
target intercept mode.

Missile still tracking
and closing distance.

Range: 40 miles.
Continue evasive action.

Electronic Guidance Scrambler
to blue grid.

Missile still tracking steady
and closing distance.

Range: 30 miles.

Missile still closing true and steady.
Continue evasive action.

Range: 20 miles.

Missile still closing distance
and tracking steady.

Attack range gate
on maximum scan.

Range gate on maximum scan.

Range: 10 miles.

Missile track deflecting.
Continue evasive action.

Deflection increasing.
Range: eight miles.

Deflection still increasing.
Range: six miles.

Missile still deflecting.
Range: four miles.

Range: two miles.
Missile still deflecting.

Range: one mile.
Missile detonated!

- Start lever to cut off!
- Cut off!

We're losir power!

Re-select essential power!

Essential power re -selected.

The hatch is stuck!

Hit emergency power!

- Extinguishers!
- Roger!

- Transfer switches!
- Transferred!

- Boost pumps off!
- Cut off!

Fuel valves three, four and six!

Give me full power!

Peace on Earth.

P.O.E.

Purity of Essence.

O.P.O.E.

Put your hands over your head.

What do you think you're doing?
Who are you?

Put your hands over your head.

What kind of suit
do you call that, fella?

What do you mean, suit?

This happens to be
an R.A.F. uniform...

and I am Group Captain Lionel Mandrake,
General Ripper' s executive officer.

Where 's General Ripper?

He's dead, in the bathroom.

Where 's the bathroom?

Next to you.

I don't know what stupid game
this is you're playing...

but I've got a good idea
what the recall code is...

and I have to get in touch
with SAC headquarters immediately!

Put your hands over your head
and keep 'em there! Go on.

Got any witnesses?

What are you talking about?
He shot himself!

While he was shavir?

Now look, Colonel Bat Guano...

if that really is your name...

may I tell you that I have
a very good idea...

I think, hope, pray...
what the recall code is.

It's some theme he kept repeating.
A variation on...

"Peace on Earth" or "Purity of Essence,"
one of those.

Put your hands on top of your head.
Start walkir.

Don't you know that General Ripper
went mad...

and sent the whole Wing
to attack the Soviets?

- What are you talkir about?
- I'll tell you what I'm talking about.

I'm going to pick up this red telephone,
which is connected to SAC...

and I hope...

Blast. Blast.

Shot away, I expect, by one of your men
during this ridiculous fighting!

Right.

All right, Charlie, I've been
wastir too much time on you.

I got a lot of wounded men outside.
Start walkir.

All the radio gear is out,
including the C.R.M. 114.

I think the auto-destruct mechanism
got hit and blew itself up.

The fire is out.
The emergency power is on.

Everything checks out all right.
Will advise.

Roger. Navigator?

I've worked out our rate of fuel loss
at approximately 1-6-2 per minute.

This gives us a radius of action
sufficient to take out...

primary and secondary targets,
but we will not...

repeat, not be able to make it back
to any base or neutral country.

However, we would have
enough fuel to ditch...

at weather ship Tango Delta...

grid coordinates 0-0-3-6-9-1.

Well, boys,
we got three engines out.

We got more holes in us
than a horse trader' s mule.

The radio is gone,
and we're leakir fuel.

And if we was flyir any lower,
we'd need sleigh bells on this thing.

But we got one little budge
on them Ruskies.

At this height
they might harpoon us...

but they sure ain't gonna spot us
on no radar screen.

The other way.

- Where are you taking me?
- To the main gate.

Colonel, I must know what you think
has been going on here.

- You wanna know what I think?
- Yes.

I think you're some kind
of deviated "prevert."

I think General Ripper found out
about your "preversion"...

and that you were organizing
some kind of mutiny of"preverts."

Now, move!

On top of that, I don't know anything
about any planes attacking Russia.

I was told to get Ripper on the phone
with the President of the United States.

Now just one second.
You just said "the president."

What about the president?

The president wants to speak
to General Ripper, doesn't he?

Now, General Ripper is dead,
is he not?

I am General Ripper' s
executive officer...

so the president will want
to speak to me, won't he?

There 's a telephone box over there
and the line may be open.

You wanna talk to
the President of the United States?

I don't want to talk to him, Colonel,
I've got to talk to him.

And if you don't put that gun away
and stop this stupid nonsense...

the Court of Inquiry on this
will give you such a pranging...

you'll be lucky to end up wearing the
uniform of a bloody toilet attendant!

Go ahead, try and get the President
of the United States on the phone.

Try any "preversions,"
I'll blow your head off.

Operator? This is
Group Captain Lionel Mandrake.

I'm speaking from
Burpelson Air Force Base.

Something urgent has come up and I want
you to place a person-to-person call...

with President Merkin Muffley
in the Pentagon, Washington, D.C.

Burpelson 3-9-1-8-0.

No, I'm perfectly serious.
The President of the United States.

I'm sorry,
I haven't got enough change.

Could you make this
a collect call, Operator?

Just one second, Operator.
They won't accept the call.

Have you got 55 cents?

Do you think I'd go into combat
with loose change in my pocket?

Operator, look.

Is it possible to make this
an ordinary trunk call?

Well, what do you call it?
You know...

Oh, station-to-station.

Oh, blast!
I'm still 20 cents short.

Operator, hold on.
I shart keep you a second.

Colonel, that Coca-Cola machine.
I want you to shoot the lock off it.

There may be change in there.

That's private property.

Can you possibly imagine
what is going to happen to you...

your frame outlook,
way of life and everything...

when they learn you have obstructed
a phone call to the president?

Can you imagine?
Shoot it off!

Shoot with the gun! That's what
the bullets are for, you twit!

Okay, I'm gonna get
your money for you.

But if you don't get the president on
the phone, you know what's gonna happen?

You're gonna have to answer
to the Coca-Cola Company.

This is SAC
Communications Control.

The recall code O.p. E...

is being acknowledged "roger"...

by elements of
the 8-4-3 Bomb Wing.

These are the details.

Missions 12, 22, 30 and 38...

are reported destroyed
by enemy action.

All other missions have
acknowledged recall code.

This is SAC Communications Control.

Over and out.

Gentlemen, gentlemen.

Gentlemen.

Mr. President.

I'm not a sentimentalist by nature...

but I think I know what's
in every heart in this room.

I think we all ought
to bow our heads...

and give a prayer of thanks
for our deliverance.

Lord...

we have heard the wings
of the Angel of Death...

fluttering over our heads
from the Valley of Fear.

You have seen fit to deliver us
from the forces of evil...

Excuse me, sir.

Premier Kissoff's calling again
and he's hopping mad.

Fuel flow on active engines
and leakage has increased.

Now works out at 2-0-5.

Estimate remaining fuel...

at 8-7-9-0.

Roger.
Confirm 2-0-5 per minute...

and remaining fuel 8-7-9-0.

No, no, Dimitri,
there must be some mistake.

No, I'm certain of that.

I'm perfectly certain
of that, Dimitri.

Just a second.
You know what he says?

He says one of the planes
hasn't turned back.

He says according to information
forwarded by our A ir Staffs...

it's headed for
the missile complex at Laputa.

That's impossible, Mr. President.

I mean,
look at the big board.

Thirty-four planes, 30 recalls
acknowledged and four splashes...

and one of them
was targeted for Laputa.

Dimitri, look, we've got
an acknowledgement from every plane...

except the four you've shot down.

Hang on a second, Dimitri.

He says their air defense now only
claims three aircraft confirmed.

The fourth may only be damaged.

Mr. President...

I'm beginnir to smell
a big, fat Commie rat.

I mean, supposir Kissoff is lyir
about that fourth plane...

just lookir for
an excuse to clobber us?

If the spaghetti hits the fan,
we're in trouble.

Dimitri, look,
if this report is true...

and the plane manages
to bomb the target...

is this gonna set off
the doomsday machine?

Are you sure?

Well, I guess you're just gonna have
to get that plane, Dimitri.

I'm sorry they're jamming
your radar and flying so low...

but they're trained to do it.

It's initiative.

Look, Dimitri, you know
exactly where they're going...

and I'm sure your entire air defense
can stop a single plane.

It's not gonna help either one of us
if the doomsday machine goes off, is it?

There 's no point in you getting
hysterical at a moment like this!

Keep your feet on the ground
when you're talking, Dimitri.

I am not...
I am not getting...

No, Dimitri, I'm just worried.

That's all.

Now look, if our A ir Staffs say
its primary target is Laputa...

and its secondary target is Borchov,
it's true.

You gotta believe it!

Dimitri, can I give you
just one word...

Can I give you just one word
of advice, Dimitri?

Listen, Dimitri.

Put everything you've got into
those two sectors, and you can't miss!

Sir, if we continue to lose fuel
at the present rate...

I estimate we only have
38 minutes flying time...

which will not even take us
as far as the primary.

Doggone it, Sweets, you told me that
you could get me to the primary!

I'm sorry, sir. That estimate was based
on the original loss rate factor...

not at 2-0-5.

I don't give a hoot in hell
how you do it...

you just get me to
the primary, you hear?

I'm sorry, sir,
but those are the figures.

We'll be lucky to reach
weather ship at Tango Delta.

Well, shoot!

We ain't come this far just
to dump this thing in the drink.

What's the nearest
target of opportunity?

Sir, if the rate of loss
does not increase...

we have a chance
to reach target 3-8-4...

grid coordinate 0-0-3-6-9-1...

and possibly make it from there
to the Tango Delta weather ship.

What kind of a target
is that, anyhow?

Sir, that's the I.C.B.M.
complex at Kotloss.

All right.
Designating new target: 3-8-4.

Give me a headiron that just as soon
as you get it worked out.

We'll keep our fingers crossed.
Remember, we're all in this together.

We're right behind you,
we're with you all the way.

Yes. We'll keep the line open.

All right, Dimitri.

General Turgidson...

is there really a chance
for that plane to get through?

Mr. President,
if I may speak freely.

The Ruskie talks big, but frankly
we think he's short of know-how.

You can't expect ignorant peons
to understand a machine like our boys.

That's not meant as an insult,
Mr. Ambassador.

We all know how much guts
the average Ruskie's got.

Look at all of them Nazis killed
off, and they still wouldn't quit!

Can't you stick to the point?

Well, sir,
if the pilot's good, see...

I mean, if he's really sharp,
he can barrel that baby in so low.

You oughta see it! It's a sight!
A big plane like a 52! Vroom!

Its jet exhaust fryir chickens
in the barnyard!

- But has he got a chance?
- Has he got a chance?

Hell, ye...

Navigator to Captain.

Approaching target
at distance 1-0 miles.

Switch from green grid
to target orange.

Roger.
Ready for final bomb run check.

- Take over, Ace.
- Roger.

- D.S.O. ready.
- Bombardier ready, sir.

Bomb fusing, master safety on.

Electronic, barometric,
time and impact.

Bomb fusing,
master safeties on.

Electronic, barometric,
time and impact.

Fuse for ground burst.
Delay factor yellow three.

Fuse for ground burst.
Delay factor yellow three.

Bomb fusing circuits
one through four, test.

Bomb fusing circuits one through four,
test. Lights on.

Bomb arming test lights on,
one through four.

Bomb arming test lights on,
one through four.

Engage primary trigger switch override.

primary trigger switch override engaged.

Track indicators
to maximum deflection.

Track indicators
to maximum deflection.

Detonator set to zero altitude.

Detonator set to zero altitude.

Release first safety.

First safety released.

- First safety.
- Release second safety.

Second safety released.

Second safety.

Check bomb door circuits
one through four.

Uh, bomb door circuits...

negative function, lights red.

- Switch in backup circuits.
- Roger.

Backup circuits switched in.
Still negative function.

Engage emergency power.

Roger.

Emergency power on.
Still negative function.

Operate manual override!

Roger.

Still negative function.

The Teleflex drive cable
must be sheared away.

- Fire the explosive bolts!
- Roger.

Still negative, sir.
The operating circuits are dead, sir.

Stay on the bomb run, Ace. I'm goir
down below and see what I can do.

Stay on the bomb run.

I'm gonna get them doors open
if it harelips everybody on Bear Creek!

Target orange grid reference checks.

Target distance: eight miles.

Roger. Eight miles.

Telemetric guidance computer
into orange grid.

Telemetric guidance computer
into orange grid.

Target distance: seven miles.

Correct track indicator:
minus seven.

Roger. Seven miles.
Check G.p.I. acceleration factor.

G.P.I. acceleration factor set.

Target distance: six miles.

Roger. Six miles.
Pulse ident transponder active.

Pulse ident transponder active.

Target distance: five miles.

Five miles. Homing alignment
factor to zero mode.

Homing alignment factor
to zero mode.

Target distance: four miles.

Roger. Four miles.

Auto C.D.C. into
manual Teleflex link.

Auto C.D.C. into
manual Teleflex link.

Target distance: three miles.

Roger. Three miles.

Target in sight!
Where in hell is Major Kong?

What about Major Kong?

Mr. President, I would not
rule out the chance...

to preserve a nucleus
of human specimens.

It would be quite easy...

at the bottom of some
of our deeper mine shafts.

The radioactivity would never penetrate
a mine some thousands of feet deep.

And in a matter of weeks, sufficient
improvements in dwelling space...

could easily be provided.

How long would you have
to stay down there?

Well, that's, you know...

Cobalt thorium G.

Radioactive half-life of...

I would think that possibly
one hundred years.

You mean, people could actually
stay down there for 100 years?

It would not be difficult,
Mein Fuhrer.

Nuclear reactors could...

I'm sorry, Mr. President.

Nuclear reactors could provide
power almost indefinitely.

Greenouses could maintain
plant life.

Animals could be bred
and slaughtered.

A quick survey would have to be made of
the available mine sites in the country.

But I would guess
that a dwelling space...

for several hundred thousand of
our people could easily be provided.

Well, I would hate
to have to decide...

who stays up and who goes down.

Well, that would not be
necessary, Mr. President.

It could easily be accomplished
with a computer.

And the computer could
be set and programmed...

to accept factors
from youth, health...

sexual fertility, intelligence...

and a cross-section
of necessary skills.

Of course, it would be
absolutely vital...

that our top government
and military men be included...

to foster and impart the required
principles of leadership and tradition.

Naturally, they would breed
prodigiously.

There would be much time
and little to do.

But with the proper breeding techniques
and a ratio of, say...

ten females to each male...

they could then work their way back
to the present gross national product...

within 20 years.

But look, Doctor.
Wouldrt this nucleus of survivors...

be so grief-stricken
and anguished that they...

well, envy the dead
and not want to go on living?

No, sir. Excuse me.

When they go down into the mine,
everyone would still be alive.

There would be
no shocking memories...

and the prevailing emotion will be one
of nostalgia for those left behind...

combined with a spirt of...

bold curiosity for
the adventure ahead!

Doctor...

you mentioned the ratio
of ten women to each man.

Now, wouldn't that
necessitate the abandonment...

of the so-called
monogamous sexual relationship?

I mean, as far as men were concerned?

Regrettably, yes.

But it is a sacrifice required
for the future of the human race.

I hasten to add that since each man
will be required to do prodigious...

service along these lines...

the women will have to be selected
for their sexual characteristics...

which will have to be of
a highly stimulating nature.

I must confess, you have an
astonishingly good idea there, Doctor.

Thank you, sir.

We ought to look at this
from the military point of view.

I mean,
supposing the Ruskies...

stashed away some big bombs,
see, and we didn't?

When they come out in 100 years,
they could take over!

I agree, Mr. President.

They might try a sneak attack so they
could take over our mine shaft space.

It'd be extremely naive of us to
imagine that these new developments...

are gonna cause any change
in Soviet expansionist policy!

I mean, we must be
increasingly on the alert...

to prevent them from taking over
other mine shaft space...

in order to breed more
prodigiously than we do...

thus knocking us out through
superior numbers when we emerge!

Mr. President, we must not allow
a mine-shaft gap!

Sir!

I have a plan...

Mein Fuhrer...

I can walk!

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