All language subtitles for I.Want.Your.Sex.2026.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Fuck.

Erika.

I'm a slave
to this vagina.

Join the fucking club.

I think all this gum chewing
is giving me TMJ.

Oh, please.

My jaw's still sore
from all the dick I sucked

in Laguna last weekend.

You know, I kind of thought
this job was gonna be

a little bit more
intellectually stimulating.

Oh, you're serious?

But I, like,
seriously need the money,

so I guess
beggars can't be choosers.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You don't have a trust fund?

- Huh?
- What are you, an orphan?

Oh, shit. Vikktor.
Twelve o'clock.

Elliot!

Erika would like
to see you in her office.

Me?

Well, you know
I hate criticism,

especially when it's accurate.

Art these days is all about
more noise, more commotion.

Otherwise, you might as well
be zombie-scrolling TikTok.

It's so "my cock's
bigger than yours,"

and it's so fucking boring,
and I'm bored. I'm bored. Bye.

- Sorry about that.
- Oh, no problem.

Elliot.

Yes?

How long have you been
working for me now?

- A little over a week, I think.
- Wow.

That long already?

And how are you liking it here?

- I love it.
- Oh.

- I see you've signed your NDA.
- Hmm?

In your application packet.

Yep.

Yes. Uh-huh.

Well, we all think you're doing
an excellent job here.

- Oh, great.
- But...

There is...

There is something I need
to speak with you about.

I wouldn't want you
to take this the wrong way,

but the way you've
been looking at me

has been making me feel
uncomfortable.

What?

Don't pretend you haven't
been flirting with me, Elliot,

and it is entirely inappropriate
in the workplace.

Oh, my God.
I am so sorry. I, um...

I don't even know
what I've been doing exactly,

but I promise, whatever it is,

I will...
I will stop immediately.

As long as we're really
on the same page about that.

I would love to be
on the same page, yes.

Okay. Oh, gosh.

Life...

is so fucking short,
don't you think?

Do you have a girlfriend?

What? Oh, sorry. I...

Um, aren't you not supposed
to ask questions like that?

I'm not.

Have I offended you?

No. No.

I just...

do...

have a girlfriend.

Good. That helps.
You wouldn't get weird then.

- Weird?
- If we fucked.

So your relationship
with your former employer

was initiated by her,

and you say it was primarily
sexual in nature?

- Uh-huh.
- What's that?

Yes.

- Am I a suspect here?
- Depends.

Elliot, look, I realize
it's been a long night,

but we really need you
to tell us the whole story.

Okay, yeah,
I know, I know. Um...

It started a couple months ago
when I was fresh out of school.

I was broke and
in desperate need of a job.

Sex and sexuality
are central to my work

because as an artist,
I'm... I'm seeking pure truth.

You know, what lurks beneath
the facades people hide behind.

What are you watching?

It's for my interview
this afternoon.

What interview?

With her. Erika Tracy.

I'm interviewing
to be her assistant

at her studio.

You think her boobs are real?

When you fuck someone,
even a one-night stand,

you're physically
and emotionally naked.

There's no bullshit,
no presentation.

That person knows you better
than your mother

or your best friend ever will.

She's so good with words, right?

- She looks kind of evil.
- I know.

Apparently, the rumor is
that she, like,

fucked Vincent Gallo
at The Brown Bunny premiere

in New York when she was 18.

Is it embarrassing
that I think that's cool?

Only if you care that
that's embarrassing

Everyone has a persona
they put on in public,

but during sex,
your most intimate,

primal self is revealed.

That's what
turns me on creatively.

Okay, remind me
what the difference is

between this and porn.

You know, lighting, context.

Right.

So does this mean
that you're gonna

pay your share
of the rent for a change?

Uh, I mean,
I have to get the job first,

but I hope so.

Yeah, me too.

I'm tired
of supporting your lazy ass.

Did you eat my fucking
yogurt again?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'll get you more, I promise.

Activia.

- The green kind.
- The green kind. I know.

You got this, man.

Hi, I'm here
for my 3:30 interview.

Elliot?

Should I give this to you
or sh...

Sh... should I...

Unless you'd rather stand
for the entire interview.

No. No. Oh, sorry.

Here you go.

So...

tell me a little bit
about yourself.

Well, I'm...
My name's Elliot. Um...

I graduated from UCLA
with a BFA in new media.

That is all stuff
in that résumé, though.

Why do you want to work here?

Oh, well, I love your work.

My early stuff
or my recent work?

Uh...

Honestly, both.

Contemporary art is a scam.
You know that, right?

Uh, uh-huh.

The real art
is convincing people

you're making something
meaningful and complex

when it's really just
arbitrary masturbation.

I'm currently working
on a photographic series

of nude men putting on makeup.
You should...

You should pose for me.

Oh.

That's so flattering.
No, no, no, no. I couldn't...

- No, it's not really my thing.
- Are you ashamed of your body?

Oh, no,
I wouldn't say that. I just...

You look bad without clothes on.

No, I look fine
without clothes on.

- I don't know
about that either.
- Oh.

- Is your dick a little..
- No, it's just not my thing.

- I'm fine.
- It's okay.

No, I don't know why...

- It's fine if it is.
- No, my... It's not my...

No, my dick. Oh, sorry.
Sorry, I don't mean to say dick.

- Oh, my God.
That's a rude thing
to say in an interview.

Calm down.
I am fucking with you.

Wow. I would never say
anything that inappropriate.

You... Okay, okay.

The, uh, door has been open
the entire time,

if you haven't noticed,
as per the woke police,

so feel free
to run away anytime.

Um...

No. I'm good.

Yeah. Can never be too careful.

It's a good thing you have
a sense of humor though,

'cause otherwise
this is definitely not

the place for you.

Yeah, so, um, I'm...
I'm getting that, yeah.

Okay, you're hired.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Holy sh... Wow.

Yeah,
this was just a formality.

Oh, my God.

But you just... you need
to just loosen up.

You're very tightly wound
and a little bit loud.

Uh, yeah, no problem.

- I can 100% do that.
- All right.

- Bye-bye.
- Is it... Okay.

Um...

Thanks.
Thank you. Honestly.

So Erika began grooming you
the day that you met her?

Grooming's kind
of a loaded word.

I mean, our relationship
was 100% consensual,

and, I mean, the attraction
was definitely mutual.

Plus, she was only 14
and a half years older

than I was.

Erika was your employer, though.

Yes, yeah, but in a weird way,
that dynamic is kind of what...

what made it so hot.

I mean, it was,
you know, it was forbidden.

It was against society's rules.

So are you saying
you didn't find it suspicious

that out of
all the qualified applicants,

Erika hired you for the position
right on the spot?

How awesome is that?
My first post-college job.

Awesome.

You're a pretentious
artist's peon.

Well, Erika's actually
not pretentious at all.

She's really cool and...

What are you studying?

My neuropharmacology exam
is this Friday.

What?

I thought maybe we could have
some celebration sex.

We just had sex 11 days ago.

Unlike some people,
I've got actual work to do

and I can't accomplish anything

with you constantly
draining my chi energy.

Come on, doctor, please.

- You're a sex addict.
- Sex addiction's a myth.

Uh, I read it on the internet.

Oh, Elliot, I want you so bad.

Please fuck my brains out

with your legendary,
rock-hard...

You know, because of you,

I've been masturbating
a lot more than usual,

and, um, I think
I'm getting claw hand.

- Is that the medical term?
- Uh, yep.

I Googled it.

Well, luckily, that's
why God invented porn,

so women like me
can make the world go round

while you men jerk off.

You precocious geniuses
all know how to chew gum, yes?

Fantastic.

You're going to chew each piece
until it is soft and juicy,

and you are going to stick it
on this canvas

in the clearly demarcated areas.

No matter what, do not go
outside of the lines.

Got it?

What are you waiting for?
Start chewing.

- What an insufferable cunt.
- Sorry.

Welcome to
the hipster sweatshop.

I'm Zap.

- Zach?
- Zap.

Like a ray gun.

Oh. Cool, yeah.
Uh, Elliot. Sorry.

It's just my first day.
I'm a little nervous.

What for?

We were just mindless cows
chewing cud in a pasture.

So, uh,
you're an artist too?

I do a pornographic blog

about a semi-fictional
G-chat conversation I'm having

with a priest
that I have never met

that lives in Mexico City.

- You?
- Uh...

I'm contemplating
starting a podcast.

- Ah.
- Yeah.

I have a very, like,
active imagination.

You know?

- You think Erika's hot?
- Oh, I guess.

Do you?

- She's a fucking goddess.
- Oh.

But she has a real vag,

which is, in fact,
where I draw the line.

But I do know someone
who has had sex

with someone who was
in an orgy with her once.

- Really? An orgy?
- Uh-huh.

Whoa.

You've never been in one, huh?

- No, I haven't. Have you?
- This morning.

Wow. So you're, uh...

pan, then? Or I guess...

No, Elliot, I am fucking gay.

None of this no-label
amorphous bullshit for me.

You?

Well, I have a girlfriend,
but I definitely,

you know, feel identified
with the... the queer community.

You ever suck a dick?

No, I haven't sucked a dick.

Well, look at that.
You're straight.

- Oh, is that what it is?
- Elliot.

Oh, my God.

Sorry. Just the gum
hit the back of my...

Are you okay?

Great. Do you have a car?

- Yep.
- I need you to follow me home

'cause there's something
I need you to move for me.

Put your number in here,

- and I'll text you the address.
- Okay.

Are you coming, or...?

- Hello, Elliot.
- Sorry.

Yes, no, I can... Yeah.

Tip it. Lift it up.

Good. Now just be careful.

I paid a small fortune
for that thing. Just... careful.

All right, uh...
Just on the ground over there.

- Sorry? Oh.
- Yeah, that side.

I could have done it myself,

but I don't
do manual labor, so...

Yeah.

Hmm.

- What do you think?
- Of?

- The...
- Oh, I, uh, like it.

- Why?
- It's very...

- succinct.
- Succinct?

I paid 20,000 dollars for that,

and that's the best thing
you can come up with?

- Well...
- Succinct?

Well, why'd you buy it anyway?

Yesterday you said
contemporary art's,

- what, a scam?
- All right,

I just say bullshit sometimes
to see if anyone's listening.

I'm gonna have a Spindrift.
Do you want one?

Uh, yeah, a Spindrift
sounds great. Thanks.

My issue with art today

is that people care more
about the celebrity status

of the artist
than the work itself.

So then the actual art
becomes just a trace element

of the trajectory of fame.

Why'd you become
an artist anyway?

How much time do you have?

Uh... Well,
you're the one paying me.

Not much though, right?

- No.
- Okay, good. Sit.

Here.

- Oh, no thanks.
- Oh, just have one.

Boys your age looks so hot
with a cigarette.

You should have one, trust me.

Have you read Harold Robbins?

- Sorry, who?
- Harold Rob... Oh, God.

He's as much a part
of the sexual revolution

as the pill or Playboy.

I found that stashed

in my mother's nightstand
when I was a kid,

and it literally
changed my life.

- Really?
- Mm.

It introduced me to unbridled,
Helmut Newton-style hedonism.

Inspired me to become a good,
sexually liberated citizen.

Unlike your uptight generation,
by the way.

What do you mean?

I read an article the other day

that said 30% of guys your age

haven't had intercourse
in a year.

They'd rather watch porn
or play fucking video games.

- It's complicated.
- Complicated?

Gen Z is all about FOMO

and yet you're willing
to miss out

on the sexual prime
of your life?

I think, uh, my peers have not
been well-served growing up

in a time where nothing
feels safe or okay.

And since our formative years
were spent lacking

in-person socialization,

it's challenging for some
to make eye contact,

let alone have sex.

But what is
with this bummer veil

cast over everything fun
or exciting?

Not to mention the dickbags
on TikTok who are like,

"Don't hold hands
in front of me."

- "I didn't consent to that."
- Well, I, uh...

A lot of zillennials
had parents and teachers

who would completely remove them

from anything that made them
feel uncomfortable, so...

But...

Being outside your comfort zone
is the whole fucking point.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- That's... How else
do you learn from your mistakes

and grow?

Sure, people should make
informed decisions

and not get AIDS
or pregnant or whatever,

but sex is everything.
It forges us as human beings.

I would not be the person
I am today

without my carnal experiences.

Good, bad, men, women, other.

Your time is now, kids,
you know. Get it while you can.

Mm-hmm.

- Sorry, I'm rambling.
- Nope.

- It's just
this retro sex negativity...

...gets me so fucking worked up.

No, I, uh...

I totally get it.

Oh, fuck. I have a Zoom thing
in five minutes.

Oh, uh...

You can find your way
back to the studio, right?

Oh, yeah, of course. Thank you.

Oh, borrow it.

- Really?
- Yeah, take it.

Okay, cool.

Your entire generation
is a bunch of whiny,

repressed weaklings.

You're all dying to fuck,

but you're too chicken shit
to admit it.

- Aren't you?
- Uh-huh.

- Aren't you?
- Yeah. Yeah.

- Aren't you?
- Uh-huh.

- Aren't you?
- Yeah.

- Aren't you? Aren't you?
- Yes. Yes.

Aren't you?
Aren't you? Aren't you?

Aren't you? Aren't you?

Aren't you?
I said, "Aren't you?"

After Erika loaned you the book,
then what happened?

Well, she kind of just...

left me hanging.

How so?

She was giving me
the silent treatment all week.

I mean, so much
so that I thought

any spark we had
was just my imagination.

- What a colossal cocktease.
- I know, right?

I mean, it is probably
for the best.

I do have a girlfriend, but...

Oh!

- Oh, that's right. I forgot.
- Yeah.

Look.

Does she even like you?

Well, I mean,
I don't know. She kind of...

She treats me likes shit
most of the time, but...

I don't know. You know,
Minerva and I on paper,

it doesn't really make sense.
She's in medical school.

She's super ambitious.
She's focused.

- And now I'm just...
- Utterly lost and adrift?

I was gonna say
figuring my shit out, but...

- Potato, po-tah-to.
- Yeah.

Also, she doesn't really
like sex.

Yeah. Can I ask you a question?

No, I won't fuck you
to see if you like it.

No, I just...
In a relationship, you know,

do you think
about other people sexually?

I am gay. We basically
invented non-monogamy.

And anal.

I am a slave to this vagina.

If we fucked.

If you're not interested,
that's... that's actually...
that's fine.

I don't really care.

It's probably a bad idea
anyway.

I'm not sure I heard you right.

So you are interested then?

Yeah.

You wouldn't freak out

and make working together
impossible?

No, I wouldn't freak out.

- Would you freak out?
- No.

- Not at all.
- Okay.

Why don't you close
that door for me?

That's better.

Come over here so I can take
a better look at you.

Oh, don't walk.

I'd really prefer
if you crawled.

Crawl...

- No! No!
- Yes, dude!

Why does all
the cool sex deviant stuff

- always happen to you?
- What are you talking about?

I don't know.
Doesn't Minerva get, like,

super kinky sometimes?

That would be never.

She should probably
just kill herself.

I've always said that about her.

I mean, like, listen,
like, me and Minerva
have our differences, yes,

but she's a good presence
in my life.

I don't know. She grounds me.

Plus, she's fucking hot, dude.

She's, like,
what AI would generate

if you told it "total bitch."

Right. Just my type.

I don't even know what
my type is anymore.

It's like, lately,
I'm just, like,

weirded out
by the whole penis thing,

you know?

Like, is it just me,
or does having sex,

fucking somebody,

it kind of just feels like
you're inserting a tampon,

like, over and over
and over again.

I... I wouldn't know.

But I would... I would venture
to say it's probably just you.

If only, like, there was a way
to have sex...

Uh-huh.

...without the whole penis thing
involved, you know?

Anyway, why are you hooking up
with Erika again?

I don't know, dude.

Like, do I really want to be
Monica Lewinskying my boss?

E, she's famous.

You could be
famous by association,

like Travis Kelsey.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

God, stop pretending
like you have a conscience.

Yes.

- Louder!
- I'm a whore.

- I can't hear you.
- I'm a whore!

I'm a whore!

I'm a whore!
I'm a whore! I'm a whore!

- Louder!
- I'm a whore!

Holy fuck.

Oh, my God.

- Whoo!
- Ow!

Please, please, please.

Oh.

I'm not really into that.

It's okay.
It doesn't mean you're gay.

- Have you ever tried it?
- Okay.

- Uh...
- I'm using a ton of lube.

And you can use your safe word
if you get into trouble.

Uh, we don't have a safe word.

Whatever. You're gonna love it.
It's gonna change your life.

Don't you trust me?

- Yeah?
- Okay. Ready? Just breathe.

Relax. We're gonna go really,
really slow.

That's good.

Just breathe. Breathe.
Dude, just relax.

Good.

I was in way
over my head,

and it was like the more
I would hang out with Erika,

the more under her control
I became.

And how did that make you feel?

- Thankful.
- Thankful?

You said that your relationship
had a violent undercurrent,

that Erika physically abused
and humiliated you.

I... Listen,
I understand as an outsider,

it might seem like
our relationship was a bit,

I don't know,
kinky or strange, but,

I mean, these were
my wildest fantasies

coming to life.

Hey!

Oh, God. Is that how
you always greet people?

What?

Smiling all huge and artificial

like some sort
of cyborg cheerleader.

- Want one of these?
- What is it?

It's fucking dried fruit.
I don't know.

Not papaya,
one of the other gay ones.

I'm okay, thank you.

Mm. What are you doing?

Um, well, I'm... I'm just
drafting your press release

for the show next week.

Erika?

I left that cost report
on your desk.

Okay.

We have the meeting
with the accountant at 2:30.

Great.

Go on.

Right. Um... uh,

"Tracy's work
is uncommonly visceral,

riffing on themes of bodily
and sex... sexual excess."

"Her singular ability
to blend the profane

with the deeply poetic
has made her

one of the most essential
neo-pop artists

of her generation."

You make me sound like
I know what I'm doing.

What are you talking about?

You're brilliant.

Cancel my phoner
with that d-bag from Art Forum

and, uh, meet me
in my office, okay?

Okay.

Oh, hey, Vikktor.

Don't think you're the only one.

- What?
- You're not the first.

You won't be the last.

Hey.

Hi. Um... What is that?

Come. Come here.

Yeah.

- Is this, uh--
- I was masturbating

before work and got so inspired,

so, I recorded it
to play on a loop

as a soundtrack
for a video installation.

Oh. Okay. C... cool.

It's abstract, babes.

God, sometimes
you're such a philistine.

Oh...

What's wrong?

- Come.
- I ca... Come on.

Just sit down.

- It's nothing.
- Oh. Are you sure?

Can I tell you
something embarrassing?

Mm-hmm. Of course.

I think about you all the time.

You know, like,
from the moment I wake up

to when I go to sleep, it's like
I can't change the channel.

Well, you're my sub,
so that's perfectly normal.

Aw, you look so adorable
when you're nervous.

Really?

You know, earlier,

when you were reading me
that thing you wrote about me?

Mm-hmm.

I felt like maybe
I was falling in love with you.

Are you serious?

No, I just said
that to fuck with you.

Do you ever think about me?

I think we have
incredible chemistry.

Mm, no. I... I mean,
do you think about
our relationship?

Like, am I more than just
a piece of ass to you?

Well, I did tell you that
I don't want a relationship.

Plus, you have...
you have a girlfriend.

I know. I'm thinking
about breaking up with her.

What? No. Why?

Because I really just want
to be with you.

Listen...

Can I let you in on a secret?

People are assholes.

Okay?

They're out there pretending
to give a shit.

Nobody gives a shit.

People only care
about themselves.

So, if you find someone
that you care about

who cares about you back,
that's... that's special.

That's something
you should think twice about

before you throw it away.

I know, but if what me
and Minerva have is so special,

then why am I cheating on her?

Oh, because you're like me.
You're a...

a sexual astronaut
just exploring the outer limits

of experience.

And fucking people
gives you a sense

of identity and control.

How do you know all of this?

Because I've been
in therapy since I was six.

- You almost done?
- Getting there.

You're supposed to say
thank you when I hit you.

- Thank you.
- Uh, you're welcome?

- Thank you.
- Uh-huh.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

- Are you getting close?
- You just come.

I don't think I'm going
to be able to right now.

Thank you. Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

You know, uh, just try it.

I want... I want us
to come together.

Thank you. Thank you.

Mm. Ah.

Thank you? Thank you. Thank you.

- Ah.
- Oh, my God.

Are you getting there?

- Uh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Ah.
- Yeah. Okay.

You're so hot, you make me want
to do crazy things.

Oh, God.

This is good, right? Oh, my God.

- So good. Mm.
- Yes.

I made you
breakfast in bed, baby.

I want to make you breakfast
every day...

- Okay.
- ...for the rest of my life.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Have you ever thought
about having kids?

Oh, my God.

That was insane.

Yeah.

- Hello?
Why aren't
you answering?

I've called you three times.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't hear you. I'm running.

From who?

Listen, I have an old friend
from Paris in town,

and I'm busy working.

Okay.

I forgot her birthday last week,

so I need you to go over there
and fuck her

as a belated present.

What? Are you serious?

As Wolf Blitzer.

She's at the London,
expecting you at 9:00.

Tonight?

I'm not home, Erika,
and also I'm really sweaty.

- I just...
- Don't be late.

And screw her real good,
but don't let her penetrate you.

She's not that close a friend.

Oh, her name's Yvette.
All right.

Erika. Erika.

Is this trying too hard?

You look like an assassin
in a Netflix yakuza movie.

Is that good or bad?

What if I just wear a T-shirt?

I'm basically just
saying, like, "Hey,

I'm casually wearing a T-shirt."

You know, you should really
stop running.

Haven't you ever heard
of jogger face?

No, what's that?

It's like when you run
and you're, like,

constantly bouncing up
and down and up and down,

and it pulls all the skin
on your face,

like, away from your muscles,

so you end up just having,
like, disgusting,

like, saggy flesh hanging off
your skull, and it's like...

Jogger-face!

So, you should stop running.

Or wear a jockstrap
on your face.

God, why is it that no random
European stranger

ever flies into town
to fuck me?

My life is so beige.

Hi, I'm...

Elliot?

Yeah.
That's right. Elliot. Yes.

Yvette.

I'm so glad you could make it.

Come in.

Would you like some wine?

Uh, yeah. Sure,
wine would be great.

It's a white burgundy.
2016 Château de Beauregard.

- Oh.
- This is okay for you?

Uh, yeah, I'm used to drinking
Two-Buck Chuck from TJ, so yes.

- Sorry, my English.
- This is great.

Well, this is a bit awkward.

Yeah.

I kind of feel like we're
in a porno or something.

What?

Uh, you know, you're, the,

uh, sexy executive here
on a business trip,

and I'm just the naive bellhop.

I don't know.

Anyway, Erika
thought we should meet.

She's always surrounded herself
with such interesting people.

A creator of personalities,
I like to say.

And what do you do
for her, Elliot?

Um, well, I think...

tonight, uh,
the question really is...

what can I do for you?

What are you doing?

Whatever you want.

I'm your boy whore
for the evening.

- Oh, really?
- Uh-huh.

Do you want to slap me?
You can slap me if you want.

Do you know what "eroticism" is?

It's, uh, being turned on?

No.

Really?

Americans treat sex
like it's an animal act...

stripped of sensuality,
of mystery.

Crawling on your hands
and knees,

reciting this cheap,
pornographic script?

This is not erotic.
This is performance.

- Get up off the floor.
- Okay.

Sex is not something you do.

It's not?

No, it's a language.
It's a dance.

Do... Do you mind?

Very good wine.

Okay.

You need to slow down.

Mm-hmm.

Be in your body.

Be in my body.

Maybe you should just go.

- What?
- I'm not going to fuck you.

You're not?

Never in a million years.

Did she really say,
"Sex is a dance?"

This is why
I fucking hate Europe.

- I'm sorry. Did I fuck it up?
- No, babe, no.

- Okay.
- It is not your fault

that she's such a fucking prude.

If she contacts you again,
no more.

She's lost her privileges.

I really don't think we'll have
to worry about that, but okay.

Um...

But do you mind if we do this
with, like, another one
of your friends?

I don't know.
I kind of like being your toy

that you pass around
and share, I guess.

Yeah, we'll see.
Not for a while, though.

- Why not?
- Mm.

Because I said so.

All right,
I gotta get back to work.

Um...

Do you want
to have dinner tonight?

Dinner? Like what...
like a real date?

Yeah, baby, like a real date.

Ye... yeah, yeah.

- Okay.
- Yeah. That'd be nice.

- How's your girlfriend, Minnie?
- Oh, Minerva?

- That's right.
- She's all right, I guess.

Yes, it's... it's just, uh,

she's been super busy
and stressed recently.

Also, we just go through life,
you know, differently.

She's way more wrapped up
in science

and I think just thinks
art's superficial.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

- A dullard.
- Yeah, yeah.

Maybe.

You should remind her that
art cuts through the bullshit

of every single day.

It connects us
to the core emotions

that actually make us human.

Ecstasy, fear, desire.

Artists see things
other people don't.

Have you always
been this way, or...?

- A pretentious whore from hell?
- Ah.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, pretty much.

You sub for your girlfriend too?

Mentally and emotionally, yes.

But I... No,
not... not in the bedroom.

I... Yeah, sex is kind
of a minefield for me.

- In what way?
- Well...

Right after I was born,
my dad left,

and so I was pretty much
just raised by my mom.

By the way, I'm so sorry.
Let me know if I'm boring you.

- No, not at all.
- Okay. Um...

All my life, I've kind
of been this curious kid,

like living in my own world,

but also plagued by fear
and the desire for normalcy.

But with you, you know,

I actually don't have
to make any decisions.

I've found this amazing
freedom...

...in just letting go
of control.

I know.

You're welcome.

Where's your ticket?

- Oh, I didn't valet.
- I just parked in the street.

What?

Dude, even when I was poor,

I valeted everywhere,
all the time.

- Okay.
- You have to fake it
till you make it.

Okay, okay.
Point taken.

Can you hold this for a second?

I have to go back
to the salt mines.

Oh, you don't want me
to come over?

The opening's next week, so...

As much as I would love to come
for the next three hours,

she gets what I mean,

I can't. I gotta work.

You don't really give
a shit what people think

about you, do you?

Why would I? Most people
are idiots and cowards, so...

Yeah, you know,
I just wish that I could stop

caring so much
about other people's opinions.

But that's your thing.

You're the guy who loves
that spiked heel

just grinding into his back.

- That's my thing?
- Yeah.

It's the most romantic thing
anyone's ever said to me, so...

Aw. Well, you know
that's what I'm here for.

Good night, baby.

Night.

Erika played me like a violin.

She knew just
how far she could push me

and have me doing things
I never even dreamed of.

I mean, we were outlaws.

Just the two of us
against the oppressive,

puritanical world.

Sounds like
you were obsessed with her.

Yeah, I... I was.

Sorry about canceling tonight.

Just, we're kind of,
uh, slammed

getting ready
for the show next week.

Oh, were we supposed
to do something?

I was studying.

For a...
For a change, right?

Um, is it okay if I stop by?

I'm kind of
in your neighborhood.

I told you, I'm studying.

Yeah, I just sort of wanted
to talk to you about something.

Can't you do it
over the phone?

Yeah, I just thought, um...

All right, um...

I was wondering,
have you ever...

Have I ever what?

Are you drunk or something?

I had a little bit of wine
earlier, but I'm not drunk.

Uh, no. I just...

Have you ever
thought about us...

taking a break?

Yeah, all the time.

Really?

I mean, if that's what you want,

it makes sense with me
being so busy and all.

So, uh, last night,

I talked to Minerva
about us taking a break.

You know, she seemed
pretty okay with it.

- So she dumped you, you mean?
- No, that's not...

- Did you just hear
what I said, or...?

What do you think's going on?

I heard Viktor is freaking out
about the show

because the studio is
on life support

and Erika has been slacking off.

- Okay.
- Rumor has it

that she's been too busy banging
one of the assistants.

So, what do we want
to do for lunch?

- Uh...
- Anywhere is fine,

except I am not doing
meat, soy, dairy, gluten,

or sugar this week.

Or corn.

You're a blast at lunch.

Elliot, Erika would like
to see you in her office.

Now.

- Hi.
- Hey, uh, come on in.

Is everything all right?

Yeah, Vikktor's just
on the fucking rag again.

Um, listen,
he and I were chatting,

and we are in agreement

that you and I should
probably cool it for a while.

What? Why?

The show's right
around the corner.

I... I need to focus.
I just need to eliminate

any and all
unnecessary distractions.

Okay. Um...

For how long?

At least until the show is over.

Um... Uh...

Really? I just... I just...

I understand you have
to concentrate on your work.

I realize that
this is the priority, but,

what we have, us, right?
It's special. Right?

Sure, but it's strictly
a sex thing.

You understand that, right?

You say sex is everything, so...

Yeah, well, sex is everything.
It's also nothing, Elliot.

I actually...

I don't have time
to discuss it right now.

So...

Thank you.

Okay.

I'm really gonna miss you.

I know.

Hello, everybody.
Uh, I'm Elliot.

I'm 23.

And, like a lot of people
my age, I've had...

conflicted and confusing
feelings about sex.

Anyway, I met a girl
recently who...

kind of rocked my world.

Sexually, you know, speaking.

And she's changed me

in ways that I probably
can't even comprehend yet.

But sex is a drug, man.

I mean, the highs
are so intense.

They bring you
to such a euphoric,

out-of-body place.

It's like you leave reality
and all your troubles behind.

Which makes the lows
feel fucking bottomless.

Such black, hopeless despair

that will make you do
anything for another fix.

Nothing else matters.

It's like any other addiction,
I guess.

You know, you have to learn
how to control it,

otherwise it just ends up
controlling you.

Hello?

Okay, I'll fuck you tonight,
but you have to bring someone

to hold your ass open for me.

What?

I said I want
to have a threesome,

but it has to happen quick.

Are you in or are you out?

No, I... uh... uh... I'm in.

Okay, meet me
at my place at nine.

With a friend, who is hot.

What?

How long
have we been best friends?

You're not paying rent again?

What if Erika's not into me?

Oh no, dude, I already sent
her a pic. Don't worry.

- What, which one?
- This one.

No, I look like a garden gnome
in this picture.

No, you look so cute.

- Oh, my God.
- What'd she say?

Uh, she...

Like, "She'll do."

I need to be way more drunk...

I know. Me too, me too, me too.

Do you ever fake orgasms?

Well, I'm a dude.

So?

My hair looks like
a giant tarantula

is crawling out of my skull.

Wait, um,
does this mean that, like...

we're... you're gonna...

No!
No, no, no, no, no, no.

Maybe.

I've never had
a threesome before. Have you?

Uh, in freshman year,

I messed around
with that lesbian couple,

Mutt and Jeff,
does that count?

- Ew, really?
- No, well, I bowed out

because they were
both on their periods.

- Why are you telling me this?
- I know.

It's disgusting.

Okay, so just
a full disclosure, okay?

I haven't... I haven't had,
like, sex in a while.

What's a while?

I don't know, like, since Felix,
so, like, probably...

- a year or something.
- A year!

Apple...

- What?
- I'm so sorry.

No, why are you reacting

like I just told you
I had a brain tumor?

Stop.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hi, guys, come in.

Okay.

Can I get you anything?

Uh, no. I think we're okay.
Thanks.

You can have a seat
if you'd like.

- Oh.
- Oh, yeah. Mm.

I like your friend.

- You're very hot.
- Oh, thank you. Thanks.

- She's got nice tits, too.
- Elliot, Elli...

Come on. It's okay. It's okay.

May I?

Okay, hmm.

Hmm.

Beautiful.

- Thank you.
- Mm.

So you're gay.

What? No. No.

Oh. I got a clue.

Well, you're a very good kisser.
Gentle.

Not like Elliot.

Elliot kisses with his mouth
wide open

like he's just trying to suck
the whole world in.

- No, I don't.
- Yeah, no, I'm not saying
it's a bad thing.

It's just how you kiss.

Why don't you just show Apple?
Why don't you demonstrate?

- What?
- Yeah.

- No.
- Um...

Okay, um, yeah.

I'm sorry.

Hey.

Should we follow her?

Uh, who?

- Erika.
- Oh, yeah.

- Right, right?
- Yeah. Have you...
You mean, me too?

Yeah, of course.

Oh. Did you... Okay. Um...

Wow.
You guys really took your time.

Okay, here's
what's gonna happen.

Elliot, take your clothes off.
Apple, get on the bed.

Now!

- Hand.
- What?

- Turn around.
- Oh.

Ow, ow, ow, ow.
The cuffs are hurting me.

Quit fucking whining.

Okay, you are going to sit here
like a good little pervert

and watch
while I fuck your friend.

This sucks.
The cuffs are hurting my wrist.

I... I think Elliot wants
to be untied.

No, he's fine.

- Okay.
- I'm not fine. I'm so bored.

Oh, my God. Shut the fuck up.
I told you to stop whining.

Well, wouldn't it be fun
if you fucked me too?

- No.
- Why?

Because you're
a greedy little slut

and you can't always
get what you want.

You, come here.

Blindfold him.

Really?

Ugh, yes.

Apple, this is all part
of the game,

and Elliot loves this.
He thinks it's wonderful.

No, I don't...

Ah...

Erika, stop.
This isn't funny anymore.

Come on.

Fine. You want to get fucked...

...you can get fucked.

Put this on.

Uh, um...

Mm.

Okay, okay. Come on.
Come on, come on.

Oh, fuck!

Did you bite my fucking lip?

This is... Apple, just stop.
I'm so sorry.

This was such a fucking stupid,
crazy fucking idea.

Why? Are you...

Are you grossed out
by me or something?

What? No. What are you
talking about?

You'll fuck anyone
and everyone,

but I'm not good enough for you?

No, Apple, where is this
coming from?

Who are you? I'm so...

I just... Please,
just wait a second, okay?

- No. No, don't talk to me.
Here,
listen, I'm sorry.

I don't know why
I even came here.

I can't believe I let you
talk me into this.

Apple, I just... I didn't know
it was going to be...

I'm so sorry. Don't go.
Please, just wait...

So, what's happening right now
is very special.

You both are entering
into what's known as subspace.

You see, you,
Apple, and I just...

We went through something
very intense together,

and you're having just extreme
emotional reactions.

See, this is what
S&M is all about.

Are you fucking crazy?
Why are you doing this?

Because you like it, baby.

I don't like it.
I don't even know if I like you.

Okay, whatever.

I mean, Apple.

- Apple, just one second.
- No! No!

Who do you think you are?

You can't just fucking toy
with people's emotions

for your own
sick game, you know?

Go ahead. Run away
like a scared little boy.

You'll be back.

Uh, actually, uh,
sir, can we, um...

can we make one more stop?

Did you ever love me?

Uh, what are you doing here?

I'm trying
to talk to you.

But...
...we're not together anymore.

No, I know, but... but...
but we need to talk.

It's late
and you're obviously wasted.

Yeah.

Seriously, Elliot,
let's not do this right now.

It's never a good time for you.

Why were you such
a shitty fucking girlfriend?

Excuse me?

You never wanted
to hang out or have sex with me,

which is basically
the whole point

of being in a relationship.

You knew exactly
what you signed up for.

I told you
from the very beginning

that until I finish my postdoc,
my work comes first.

Don't you think because,
you know,

we're both
so emotionally stunted

and suck at communicating

that actually we're,
I don't know,

maybe perfect for each other?

What? Are you fucking
kidding me right now?

- Can I come in?
- No.

Please, please,
just let me come in.

I'm not gonna try
to have sex with you, right?

- Elliot, just...
I'm not gonna try
to fuck you.

- Elliot, go home!
- Please.

Babe?

The fuck is going on?

I was totally
circling the drain.

My two most
important relationships,

my girlfriend
and my best friend,

were trash beyond repair.

And I really just had no one
to blame but myself.

You didn't blame Erika,
considering how she treated you?

Seems like you would be
angry or resentful.

Sure, Erika led me down
the path to my destruction,

but at the end of the day,

everything I did
was always my choice.

I mean, you want
to know the sickest part?

It's the fact that even though
all of this had happened,

I still wanted to be with her.

This is the kind of fucked up,
intense state of mind I was in.

Hey, man, I really can't
thank you enough.

I mean, I... I...

I swear to you, I'll be out
of here as soon as I can.

I already asked
my mom for a loan.

Oh, that's great,

because you're already kind
of cramping my style.

You know, I have a hookup coming
over in about half an hour.

- Okay.
- So...

- Oh, okay. Um...
- Mm-hmm.

Well, I can grab a cup
of coffee or something.

Honestly, I don't really care
what you do

as long as you're not here.

How long do you think?

Give or take, like, 90 minutes.
It's gotta be a quickie,

because I have a real date
later tonight.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Is it too much to ask
to take a shower before?

- Yeah, just make it fast.
- Okay.

Mm-hmm.

- You'll find it.
- Sorry. Sorry.

Yeah. Also,
can you use the guest towel?

It's the one
that says guest on it.

Copy.

Things were looking very bleak.

It definitely seemed like
I had hit rock bottom.

I just had no idea

how much worse
my life was going to become.

Ugh, that woman over there
looks like a foot.

I'm fucking starving.

- I'm sorry, do you mind?
- Uh, don't.

Why?

Grabbing food off
of a tray is disgusting...

Yeah, but Zap,
I haven't eaten lunch.

I think
you're gonna love it.

You were one of
the first people I thought of.

Whoa! Oh, my God.
You're Laquisha Fox.

I am such a huge fan.
I work with Erika.

- My name's...
- You don't have to.
He's an assistant.

What you have to do
is see Erika's newest work.

It's... It's everything.
It's dangerous.

I don't know.
I'm not sure I get it.

It's like Pornhub meets
the bottom of our son's sneaker.

Hun, don't be a vulgarian.

Well, then, please,
Erika, enlighten us.

What does it all mean?

Fuck if I know.

- It means money
in my bank account, guys.
- Oh!

That's all I care about.

Thank you.

Oh, oh, Elliot. Wait one second.
Elliot. Elliot.

- Hi.
- Hi. God, there you are.

I've been looking for you
literally everywhere.

Guys, this is Elliot.

Elliot, meet
my very good friends

from New York, the Bruces.

- Hi.
- Hi. Hi.

Hello. Hi. Nice to meet you.

- Hello, Elliot.
- Okay, guys, have fun.

Go roam. Drink for free.
Buy everything. Thank you.

Thank fucking God.

I thought my face was gonna
crack off from fake smiling.

Hi! Aw.

Okay. I'm sorry about...

the other night.
I think I was...

I think I was more stressed
about the show

than I thought,
and, um, I'm sorry.

Okay.

But it's going
really well, right?

I feel like
it's going really well.

- Yep.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay, this is what
I want to do.

I want you to go
to the ladies' room.

I want you to wait
in the furthest stall

for three minutes,

and then I'm gonna come in
and fuck you with this dildo.

No. Are you drunk? No.

Wha...

Don't be a buzzkill.
It's gonna be fun.

And also, this is technically
a work-related event,

so I am paying you.

- Mm-hmm.
- So you have to do what I say.

I mean, that's gotta be
sexual harassment or something.

Oh, aw.

Come on, baby.

Please?

Thing is that I'm just really,
really wet,

just thinking about it, so...

Erika, Erika.
I'd like to introduce you

to Margaret Epstein
from MoMA.

Wow, yes,
it is such a pleasure.

We've... we've...
we've chatted on the phone,

but never in person.

Really, Erika, I am such a fan.

Oh, my God,
thank you.

You are more than an artist.

You are a psychologist
of the human condition.

You know what?
I absolutely agree with you.

Right.

Right.

The new work, though.

- Yes.
- I must say...

I'm not so sure it's up to par.

Well, I... I do always strive
to break new ground creatively.

- Erika never plays it safe.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.

And she never repeats herself.

- That's what makes her iconic.
- Mm-hmm. Hmm.

And I'm going to show
you a piece

that illustrates that
right over here.

Come this way. Come this way.

Even more than an artist,
I sort of think of myself

as a psychologist
of the human condition.

You know?

Elliot.

Erika?

I don't even wanna
know what you're doing

in the women's bathroom, okay?

- You need to get
your shit together...
- Oh, my god, Yeah.

...and you gotta come
with me right now.

Let's go. Come on.

Is that you?

Elliot, you gotta think
about this.

Okay, just think it through.
Think it through.

Oh, my God.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Uh, I'm sorry, sir.
Can I help you?

What? Are you joking?

Erika, that video was just
supposed to be for... ours.

That was supposed to be for us.
I trusted you with that,

and then you go
and put it in your show
without my consent.

Sorry, sir, you seem
to be quite drunk.

- I don't know if you need
any assistance.
What?

I get that you've done
fucked up shit before, right?

But this is on a whole new level
of fucked up-ness.

Hey, excuse me. What's, uh...

Something...
Is something wrong?

I don't know. This man seems
to be having some sort
of psychotic episode.

No, Erika, you can't.

You cannot just act
like some kind of god

up in the sky and none
of your actions,

you know,
have any ramifications.

- You can't just do that.
Please, Erika, no.
- Sir, sir.

- Vikktor, stop.
Talk to me, Erika.
- You're gonna have to leave.

- Sir.
- He's on drugs.

You need to get him
out of here...

- Go fuck yourself.
- Hey, hey, hey.

- All right, hey! Sir! Sir!
- Go fuck yourself.
Fuck you, Erika.

- Go fuck yourself.
- Sir, get the fuck outta here!

Well...

That...

That was entertaining.

Never a dull moment, right?

Okay.

What was I saying?

"Is Erika Tracey over?"

"As if the art on display
last night was not proof enough

that this tired old whore
is done-zo,

an enraged former boy toy,"

that's you, "exploded in
her face at her own party."

"Say buh-bye,
bee-atch."

That's not even the worst one.
You should read

- what the fucking Times said...
- Yeah, no, I get it, I get it.

I drank a little bit
too much last night.

Didn't we all?

After you left, I gave a fat guy

half a handjob
in the parking lot.

- Oh, fuck.
- What?

- Vikktor fired me.
- Mm.

Are you surprised?

I guess not.

Well, don't feel too special.

With Erika officially
past her sell-by date,

I think it's safe to say

we are all
on the chopping block.

Thank God. I don't really need
to work anyway.

Oh, heads up.

I am having
a Grindr party/orgy tonight,

so you might want to find
somewhere else to sleep.

How long's the man jamboree
gonna last this time?

All weekend.

Great.

I had nowhere left to go.

I had no job.

No prospects.
I was at the end of my rope.

Okay, okay, I'm leaving.

Fuck.

Hello?

Finally. God, what took you
so fucking long?

Come on, get in here.

Don't fucking stand there
like a half-wit.

I hate drinking alone.

It's so traj.

So look, come here. Just get...

I want to propose a toast
to the bitter end...

- of Erika Tracy.
- What?

Oh, did you not hear?

The show
was a fucking disaster.

I'm done. Finito. Terminated.

They fucking hate me.
They hate me. They hate me.

So now, we have to toast.
We have to celebrate.

Will you celebrate with me?
Come on. Come on.

Mm.

Yeah.

Here, have more. This helps.

Come on. No, it's good.

It's good. It's good. It's good.
It's good. It's good. It's good.

Okay.
Mm-hmm, mmm.

You want some more?

- Mm-mm
- You want some more?
Just like a little bit more?

- Little bit? Bit, bit, bit!
- No, Erika. Please... Stop...

Oh!

Mm-hmm, mm-hm.

Ugh. Here's what I want to do.
You come with me.

Here's what you're going to do.
You're gonna, um,

take all
your fucking clothes off.

- Take your clothes off.
- What?

You're going to take
all your clothes off.

- Just take your clothes off.
And then you put this on.
- I don't want to...

Take all your clothes off.
Come on. Let's go.

Erika,
I don't want to...
- Just fucking do it!

Jesus. Fuck.

And into that.

That's great. Yes.

Yes.

Come on.
We don't have all night.

Let's go.

Okay. You're gonna love this.

This is so good.
I have something so good.

Okay.

This is so...

Okay, you sit down.

Here, you sit. Sit there.

You go like that...

Like... I go...

- Oh, you're so pretty.
- What are you doing?

Shush, shush, shush.
No... No questions. Oh...

Hi. Hi.

Mm.

Okay.
Here's what I'm going to do.

Tonight...

you...

are gonna be me.

And I'm gonna fuck you.

And then
I will be fucking myself.

Literally this time.

- So I get...
- Are you out of your mind?
I'm not doing that...

No, no, no,
Come on. Come on.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no

No, no, no.

- Erika, I don't wanna do that.
- Oh, come on, sit.

Please stop.
- Just... Oh, you don't
wanna fuck me?

- No.
- Come on.

Come on. Oh, come on,
come on, come on.

- This isn't funny.
- Come on, come on.

- Stop.
- Come on.

Stop it.

Are you fucking crazy?

Come on. Come on!

I just told you
what I want you to do!

Can you just do it for me?

Can you just do
what I asked you to do?

Erika, what is wrong with you?

What the fu...
Are you fucking insane?

Stop! This is not fun anymore.

- Erika, listen to me.
- You do it!

Right now. No.
This is... Erika, stop!

No!

Do not hit me!

That's the last thing
I remember.

So you hit her?

No. What?
No, I didn't hit her.

She was attacking me.
I was just defending myself.

I mean, I've never seen
Erika like this. So unhinged.

Like she had
nothing left to lose.

You said she was intoxicated
when you arrived.

Yeah, I mean,
she was definitely fucked up.

I mean, you know,

she was really upset
about the show tanking.

So, I mean, I don't know
if she was on anything

besides alcohol, but...

You were under
the influence as well.

I had a few glasses
of champagne,

but that was it.

You said earlier
you blacked out.

Um, well,
I hadn't eaten all day.

I guess that the alcohol
was hitting me,

you know, a little bit
harder than usual.

So let me
get this straight.

You drove to Erika's house,
you got drunk,

you got in a violent,
physical altercation with her,

and then you
conveniently blacked out

and can't account
for anything that happened

for the rest of the night?

I didn't conveniently black out.

Yeah, if you say so.

After you regained
consciousness,

then what happened?

Erika?

Erika?

Stop fucking around, Erika.
Where are you?

Oh, fuck.

Fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Fuck.

Erika.

Wait, wake up, wake up.

Erika... Erika, wake up.

Wake up. Erika, wake up.

Erika, come on.
Stop fucking with me.

Come on. Wake up. Wake up.
Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

Come on, come on, come on!

Hi, uh, hello.

My, uh, my friend,
she fell into the pool.

Uh, there was an accident.
She...

I tried to give her
mouth-to-mouth,

but I think...
10,010 Wonderland Terrace,

Yes. Um, okay.

Yeah. But... Please hurry.

Okay. Okay.

Erika?

Erika?

And then her body
miraculously disappeared.

I don't know.

I mean, I went
inside the house

for, like, 60 seconds
to call 911.

How long
were you unconscious?

I don't remember,
but I didn't kill her.

I know that for sure.

Is there anyone you can think of
that may have wanted Erika dead?

She wasn't universally loved,
but...

I can't think of anyone
she pissed off

enough to want her murdered.

I don't know. I can't say
for sure, though. I...

I honestly didn't know her
that well.

So, what happens now?

Well, with no body,
there's no evidence.

So...

you're free to go.

What?

I can just leave?

For now.

But don't go far.

So, how many days
has it been now?

Five.

You know, the police say
the longer that she's missing,

the less likely it is
that she's alive.

Do you think I need
to get a lawyer?

I mean, not that
I can afford one, but...

Let's stay optimistic
for the time being.

Speaking of, it seems like
the clickbait drama has restored

Erika's market value
at the very least.

What?

Every one of her pieces

from her shitty
train wreck show sold out.

So I guess it's true
what they say.

"An artist is worth more
dead than alive."

I mean...

Is it just me or is that
so unbelievably fucked up?

Welcome to the sad reality
of now.

I'm gonna go for a run.
You want me to get you anything
while I'm out?

No, I'm... I'm good.

Text me if you change your mind.

Okay.

- You expecting a package?
- No.

Elliot?

It's for you.

I'll give you two a minute.

Hi.

So...

What you're trying to say
is that it's all...

it's all Vikktor's fault.

No. No, no, no, no.
Definitely not.

I... I take full responsibility
for my part in this. But...

after the show bombed,

the brand took a huge hit.
We had to do something.

You used me in a plot

to fake your own death
for publicity?

I understand
why you're upset. I do.

Which is why I'm here
apologizing in person.

And as I told you,
I already cleared everything up

- with the police.
- Oh.

Oh, yeah. Thanks for that.

I'm sorry.
I'm truly, truly sorry.

But the studio
was hemorrhaging money.

And... and...
and when Vikktor came up

with this whole
cockamamie scheme, I...

I didn't know
what else to do.

Did you roofie me?

I had to.

For the plan to work,
you had to be just
a little foggier than usual,

and we needed time,

you know,
to pull off the operation.

It was your usual just...

spy movie stuff.

I mean, to be honest,
the hardest part

was forcing myself
not to breathe

or laugh when you were
giving me mouth-to-mouth.

And then Vikktor
and I waited outside

to make sure you called 911.

And the rest is history.

Why me?

Well, you gave us a...

I mean, with your whole meltdown
at the opening,

it was
a pretty convenient motive,

you know?

And plus, you're the most
gullible/trustworthy

of my... Most of my friends
would have just run away,

not even called 911.

I don't know
what to say. I mean...

I'm happy you're alive.

But I'm so, um,

unbelievably angry
at the same time.

I mean,
I was just living my life,

minding my own business,
and then you come along,

and before I even know
what's happening,

I'm a sex slave
to a complete fucking sociopath

and being interrogated
by the cops for murder.

- That's fair.
- It's not fucking fair, Erika!

It's fucked up!

Do you not understand
what you've done?

I lost everything
because of you.

I mean, Erika, I had real
fucking feelings for you,

and you destroyed
my entire fucking life.

I know you're upset right now,
but you need to trust me.

As somebody who has come back
from the dead,

literally and figuratively
more than once,

your life is not destroyed.

In fact...
there's a silver lining.

Silver lining? What the fuck
are you even talking about?

Okay, I'll tell you.
Remember when I was saying

that in order
to break through the noise

and get people's attention
these days, you have to make
a big commotion?

Well, now you,

despite whatever nuisance
it's caused at the moment,

you can now go
and make a documentary

or, uh, write a book
or a miniseries or whatever

after you change all
the names, and it'll say,

"Based on an insane
but shockingly true story,"

which is all people give
a shit about these days.

So, what? You... you expect me
to be grateful

for you implicating me in
this entire fucking shit show?

- Yes.
- Wow.

Wow.

You are fucking something else.

I don't believe
in shame or regret

or any of the other
fucked up brainwashing

they give you
in Catholic school.

Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
we have a very special guest

in the studio today,
world-renowned artist

and now author,
uh, Erika Tracy.

Erika's autobiography,

Confessions of a Slut,

How to Get Laid
and Conquer the World
at the Same Time

is online
and in bookstores now.

Go get it.

Erika, I mean, welcome
to the show, obviously.

I kind of can't believe
you're here right now...

...which is so crazy.

That makes two of us.

Um, I was surprised

to see that I made enough
of an impression

to warrant an entire chapter
in your book.

I mean, I'm full of surprises.
You should know that by now.

Do I ever. Uh...

So, um...

So that was fun.

- It actually was.
- Yeah.

- It was great.
- Yeah.

And it looks like
you were right again.

What do you mean?

Well, you always said
that I'd see the benefits

of our relationship in the end,
and I mean, well, here we are.

I'm always right.
You should know this.

That is... That is so true.

Hey, I, uh...
Did you want to get,

like, a drink
or dinner or something?

Elliot, are you hitting on me?

Maybe.

I have plans tonight.

And I'm flying out first thing
in the morning.

And plus, I've already
fucked you, so what's the point?

So true.

You do look good,
though.
- Thank you.

What'd you do?
Did you replace me or something?

Oh, Erika, trust me,
there's no replacing you.

- Why, have you replaced me?
- Yeah, of course.

- Oh.
- But it's not the same.

That's nice to hear.
Well, I'm not worried about you.

I mean, you know, I'm sure
there's a lot of weak men

looking for a strong woman
to dominate them.

- Ouch.
- I know.

Wow. I do want to tell you,
though, that I...

I am proud of you.

Oh, um, thank you.
That... That means a lot.

Oh, gracias, babe.

Jesus, this is Elliot.
Elliot, this is Jesus.

Hey, man. Uh, nice to meet you.

No, no, he doesn't
speak English, so...

Oh, yeah, no, of course not.

I really hate to break up
this circle jerk,

but our next segment is ready,
and we are on a tight schedule.

- Mm-hmm.
- Have we met before?

Two minutes.

Let's not make it
another two years.

Definitely.
If you're in New York, call me.

Uh, it's a date.

- Bye, Elliot.
- Bye.

Dearly beloved.

We are gathered here today

to witness the union of these
two beautiful souls...

as one.

Do you, Elliot, take Erika
to be your lawfully wedded wife,

to have and to hold,
to honor and cherish...

till death do you part?

I do.

And do you, Erika,

take Elliot to be
your lawfully wedded husband,

to have and to hold,

to honor and cherish...

till death do you part?

I do.

I pronounce you
man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

- My toothbrush...
- Do you wanna...

Legendary, rock hard...
Sorry. Sorry.

Mm-hmm.

And wear a cockstrap.

Should I wear
a cockstrap?

- Are you sure?
- Elliot. Yes.

You're selling it so well.

Thank you so much, Erika.

No. Like, that's,
like, not the vibe.

- Ow, fuck.
- Oh, God.

Looking at you.

I'm looking at you.

I knew it. I knew it.

Okay.

Greg, I'm gonna do this one

just fucking right
down the barrel.

Sorry, say that again?

Sure. Mm-hmm.

She's so manipulative.

I know.