All language subtitles for California.Schemin.2025.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-LAMA

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[Phone rings]

VOICEMAIL:
Hello, you've gotten through
to Polydor Records.

Please leave your message after the beep.

MAN [Raps]:
Hey, yo, you need to listen up
and even play back

See, when Brains raps, straight backs,
I bring lines like train tracks

It's slicker than hair wax,
lyrical Braveheart

Visioning a future
where I never have to pay tax

My doctor said the pills I take
are going to my damn brain

that's why I don't need liquor, son,
I'm addicted to this rap game

And screw fame,
I'm doing this for hip hop

I spit hot
so I can quick walk from the shit job

Greasy like chip shops,
I'll fry you till you pass out

Out of this world,
I'm on the moon with my arse out

MAN:
Hello, Polydor Records,
how can I help you?

Uh... Hello, hello?

Hello, Polydor Records,
how can I help you?

- You're in early.
- Yeah, I am.

- This is Gavin Bain.
- Who?

Gavin Bain.
I'm from Silibil N' Brains.

I've been calling you
for a couple of weeks now.

I'm just wondering if you've...
Sorry, did you hear me rapping just there?

Yeah. Yes, I did.

Did you like it?

Yeah, I love foreign language music.
It's beautiful.

What?

Listen, I think you might have
gone through to the wrong number.

- I'm gonna hang up now.
- No, no.

- This is Polydor Records, right? O-2...
- Have a nice day.

[Call disconnects]

[The Pharcyde's "Running" plays]

[Phone rings]

VOICEMAIL:
Hello,
you're through to Sony Records.

Please leave your message after the beep.

GAVIN:
Hi, this is Gavin Bain.
Just checking whether you got my demos.

MAN [On phone]:
Can you slow down?
Can't understand what you're saying.

- [Voicemail beeps]
- MAN:
Capital Records.

GAVIN:
Yo, what's happening?
This is Gavin Bain, again.

Ehm... Just checking whether
you've given my records a wee listen.

MAN:
Sorry, I'm going to have
to stop you there.

We don't take these kinds of calls
at reception.

GAVIN:
No, no, no, I've called here
a few times. My name's Gavin.

MAN:
Just reception, pal.
Sorry, mate, can't help.

GAVIN:
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't hang up. Don't hang up!

[Call disconnects]

WOMAN [On radio]:
Welcome back to the Breakfast Show.

We are here today with
Neotone Records' musical impresario...

- That's your roll and sausage, son.
- ...
and music producer, Anthony Reid.

Thanks, darlin'.

ANTHONY REID:
I know music and
I know what people want to hear.

And what they want to hear
is the next Dre, the next Snoop,

D12, the next Wu-Tang Clan,
the next Eminem.

PRESENTER: Well, it seems to me, Anthony,

like you're tired
of importing American talent.

Oh, I'm exhausted by it, Annie.

We know the talent is out there

and we think this is the best way
to find them.

- And so you're holding open auditions.
- That we are.

So if you've been laying down tracks
with friends in your garage

or sneaking in a few phat bars
on your cigarette break,

this could be your shot to get discovered
by a major record label.

One song, one chance.
The right people are listening.

ANNIE: From the mouth
of Anthony Reed himself.

If you think you've got what it takes,
audition details

are in this month's copies
of
Rolling Stone
,
Kerrang!
,
Mojo
...

I've got that one, I've got that one!

I probably won't go though, eh.

BOY: Gavin, ya weirdo!

- Eminem's a prick!
- [Laughter]

Ya fanny.

[Hip hop music plays in background]

Get back here!

GAVIN [Sighing]: Not again!

[Boys shout]

Come back!

Come on back, eh, skater boy?

[Car revs]

[Boys shout]

[Car hoots]

[Tyres screech]

That's it, run away, ya pussy!

[Brakes screech]

Get in! Get in, quick, quick, come on!

Go, go, go!

Fucking dick!

[They laugh]

We're making art here, you pricks!

[Hip hop music plays]

[Raps]:
I'm attacking like a Jacobite
Act first and think after

Like typical Scots,
start fights and drink lager

Blowing air like bagpipes
smelling San Miguel

Like a fire spread
and I'm setting alarms off as well.

Hot as hell!

Leaving Gabriel hooked up
to a drip an IV

Couldn't soften my kicks
with cushions and polystyrene

Scared to ask if I've seen
that movie
Braveheart

Why you think before battle
I show challengers my bare arse?

Paint my face the nation's flag
and act like a Mohawk

Vocal cord's a blowtorch,
spit flames leave your bones scorched

Yeah, I'm so hot!

Teach you a left to land a right
Each rap hits like a Sugar Ray-Duran fight

- And that-- Ah, fud!
- You'll get it, man. It's fine.

- I keep mucking it up, man.
- Sounds good.

I'm emphasising that wrong, man.

You do that in front of people,
it'll be fine.

I'm not ready to perform
in front of people.

- I keep messing it up, man.
- It sounds fucking great, mate.

[Gentle music plays]

BILLY: That was a primal level of fear
I just saw in your eyes

-
inspired by a 14 year old.
- GAVIN: He was 16 years old.

- He was 14!
- 16!

He was 14.

You ready for this?

[Music fades]

Just gotta get to 5 o'clock, pal.
Alright.

[Phone rings]

WOMAN: Hiya. Sorry to hear
you're having some connectivity issues.

So have you tried
turning it on and off again?

Oh, you have, right.
Yeah, no worries.

BILLY [in a posh English accent]:
Hello, is this Mr Stewart speaking?

Hello Mr Stewart, how are you today?

Excellent. Now I understand that
you are a small business owner

who's recently complained about their
insecure dial-up speed, is that correct?

I'm ringing today because we're offering
a one-time deal on a brand new product.

Yes, it's called broadband,
high Internet speed.

Now, imagine being able to download
a two-minute family movie

in just under 15 minutes
and the unprecedented speed of just 1Mbps.

Now does that sound like something
you'd be interested in, Stephen?

You're not going to regret this.

Anybody that knows me knows that
I'm not one for exaggeration, sir.

OK, you-- yes, you have a nice day now.
Ta ta. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

[Whoops]

[In his Scottish accent]: You see that,
babe? That is how it's done, people.

You're looking
at Telecom Jesus right here.

You're a wanker, man.

Always give the customer
what they want to hear.

- Every single time.
- BILLY: Phone-Call Jesus, babe.

You're my Mary.

- You alright, babe?
- Yeah, babe.

- What are we filming?
- Watch this.

Oi, gangster Gav.

You gonna try and make a sale today, pal?

Because you can either do that
or not bother coming back in.

[Raps]:
Practicality,
the miraculous lack of sanity

Battling this class is becoming a casualty

I'm ghastly--

- Agh, screw me, man.
- Excuse me?

- GAVIN: I dropped it, Bill.
- You'll get it.

You filming me?

BILLY: Yeah, we're doing a film, Graham.

Look, just try and make a sale, yeah?

- [Billy laughs]
- GRAHAM: You two are weird.

- Lunch break's over.
- Sorry, Graham.

- He said you two, not me.
- BILLY: He's getting sacked!

MARY: Bye, guys!

Graham's a prick.
Do you want me to kill him?

- Scary Mary!
- You heard from any record labels yet?

- Oh, yeah! All of 'em.
- GRAHAM: Right, back to work.

Oh, man. I don't think
I can do this again.

MARY: Do this?

- We're living the dream, Gav.
- It's not gonna be forever, eh?

[He groans]

Right,
so you're rehearsing tonight, right?

- That we are, why? What you thinking?
- I've got something to show you.

Just wondering.

Can I just come? Just come along.

Uh... well, look, I'd rather not
if we're gonna be finessing.

I mean, it's all right.
Like, I've got college.

It's fine. We're in a good place.
Look. Check it.

What?

[Raps]:
Paint my face in the nation's flag
and act like a Mohawk

Vocal cord's a blowtorch, spit flames
and leave your bones scorched

Pretty good, Bill.
Come on, Gav, what's your bit?

-
Tease you with a left and land a right
- Yeah?

Each rap hits like a Sugar Ray Len--

Ugh... It's always...
I just can't!

- I thought it sounded great.
- You'll get it.

Gav! Honestly, you've been worse.

- It sounded shite!
- MARY: Jesus!

- I don't think I should come.
- No?

- No. I'll come next time.
- Alright.

- See ya.
- Bye.

MARY: Next time I'm coming!
It sounded good.

- Enjoy college.
- Billy – keys, man.

I'll show you this thing.

- GAVIN: Parking on the syllable...
- To one syllable.

So if you're simply using some of the...

GAVIN [Raps]:
Tease you with the left
and land the right...

Each rap hits like
a Sugar Ray Leonard-Duran fight

At that rate, I'm like Cassius Clay
Back in the day, smack in the face

Any man brave enough to stand in my way

See? I told you you'd get it.
You're gonna smash that.

Always better when it's just us.

- GAVIN: We've got to be ready, man.
- Ready for what?

Shit where is it?

Freezing in here, man, you not cold?

Yeah. No money, no heat.
You feeling it?

Well, my balls have retracted back
into my lungs.

But that's where
I keep my favourite organs.

GAVIN: What do you think of this?

BILLY: Oh...

It's in London, but...

Yeah, like the London
where the English are.

How are we gonna get to London?

Bus?

It's a long way to travel.

Come on, pal.

- Dream big, remember?
- Too expensive, Gav.

Fairs, man.

That was stupid.

- Gavin, look at me. Look at me.
- Stupid, man.

Of course we're fucking going. Ha ha!
You should have seen your face, man.

- We're the best in the game, man.
- We're aiming for fame, man.

- Now, what's your name, man?
- Gavin Andrew Bain, man.

[Soft electronic music plays]

Oh mate, check Mary!

[Whoops]
Come on, boys!

- Let's get a picture.
- She's brought balloons, man.

One more, go.

- Wicked.
- Woo!

BILLY: Bye!

Got this.

BILLY: This is going to be for the
documentary when we're rich and famous.

- Yeah, man.
- So tell them what we're doing today.

- Where are we going?
- Southbound, baby.

Southbound. Where we belong, man.
London taking over.

Here on the road to London.
Say hi to Mary!

BOTH: Hello, Mary!

I'm going to teach them some rap today,
OK? So can you say...

- Baby, baby!
- Baby, baby!

- Say, we're going to London!
- WOMEN: We're going to London!

[They cheer]

[Rapping]:
Two men madder than Max
I take laxatives and I get max--

- My ass crack waxed!
-
[All laugh]

- The clock is not called Big Ben, it's...
- Bell.

- The Bell?
- Aye.

You're a flipping... bell end.

- We shall rhyme all the beaches...
- It's a rap battle.

OK, so where we going?

- Chinatown.
- Aha!

GAVIN: This way! No!

Fuzz is here.
No skateboarding. No skateboarding.

[Billy laughs]

GAVIN: Yes!

BILLY: See that?

Wow much wood could a woodchuck chuck
if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

[He scats]

[Joyful electronic music fades out]

Oh, shit, this is the place!

WOMAN: OK, guys, any demos
you haven't passed to me already...

- BILLY: I think we're up next.
- I'm gonna be sick!

- My colleagues will take your Myspaces...
- Hey!

We can do this, man.
Real deal, dream big.

Right, come on.

- Bonjour.
- MAN: Hi.

- WOMAN: Hiya.
- How's it going?

- What's up, boys?
- Where are you guys from?

- Dun--
- [Mic feedback screeches]

- Dundee.
- Dundee.

- Dundee's in Scotland?
- In Scotland?

- Scotland, eh.
- Well, let's just hear what you've got.

DJ, spin that shit.

[Music plays]

[Rapping]:
Yo, first thing's first,
let's set it straight

There ain't a rapper lyrically
that Billy can rate

Nas said hip hop was dead

Nah, correction – if hip hop was dead
we're its resurrection

I'd be the freshest,
next best yes, this is effortless

Rappers who want a challenge
can hand me their damn death wishes

Go grab your references,
'cos this is tight damn

The top MCs are queuing up
to be my hype man

[Singing]:
♪ All that shit we done,
nobody done what we had done

♪ It's so funny
we're still getting drunk, so hurry ♪

- BILLY:
It's a stick up better get up...
- WOMAN: OK, alright, thank you.

Yep. Thank you so much.

...question my pedigree,
you best just to test and see--

[Music cuts off]

WOMAN: There was a lot there.
A bit of Scottish, other stuff going on.

- Yeah. What else-- What else to say?
- MAN: Look, thanks for coming in.

But... we're not finished.

Still, I think we've got everything
that we need today.

We came all the way down from--

Scotland! Yes, you... you said.

- [They chuckle]
- WOMAN: OK--

[Rapping]:
Feel the strain and tension
My brain's a weapon

One mention of my name
could inflame a tame obsession

I reclaim possession,
the world's in my clutches

I bring heat to the mic
and burn any punk that touch--

MAN: OK, thank you.

You're just not
what we're looking for today.

BILLY: Well, what are you looking for?

MAN: Eminem, Dre, D12, you know?

- You ever seen MTV?
- Yeah.

Nah, mate. I live in a bush.

- MAN: Is that a Scottish thing?
- WOMAN: Oh stop [Laughs]

MAN: Where do these people come from?

It's like...
It's like The Rapping Proclaimers.

What did you just say?

Come and say that to my face,
you posh wee prick.

- GAVIN: Leave it. Just leave it, man.
- I'm not posh. Am I posh?

- Oh, my God, you're so not posh.
- I don't think I'm posh.

No, you're not posh.

[Slow sombre music plays]

[Speech inaudible under music]

MARY: Your computer's got a virus.

Computer worm. Yeah.

No, you... So you can't catch that.

If it's... if it's on the computer,
you can't... It won't affect you.

- You alright, mate?
- GAVIN: Yeah.

It's OK, pal, it's...

Just one audition, you know,

and... it was in front of wankers.

[Loud bangs]

- D'you want me to kill them, Gav?
- Mary, what are you doing in here?

I will. I'll go down there.
I'll kill all of them.

Mary, I love you, babe,

but you've got to stop offering
to murder people.

MARY: Like, you and Gavin,
you're pretty good.

And you're incredible,
but it's just not helping.

Look, we'll just have to find
another way, Gav.

We'll make some music that even
those wankers can't laugh at, eh?

Man, it wasn't the music
they were laughing at.

It was us.

MARY: Gav...

Look, it's not the end of the world, Gav.

We are who we are.

Alright, come on.

Pub.

Pub, pub, pub, pub, pub, pub!

- Got it?
- Thank you.

All right, boys, here's your drinks.

A stout, for you. Cheers.

- Hey, Billy!
- Craggy! How's it going, my man?

- It's alright.
- You alright?

- Cannae complain.
- Ah, you can. No bugger'd listen, but...

Yo, yo, yo.

Vanilla Ice Ice Creamy.
How you getting on, man?

Hey, good, good, aye.

Alright. Chill out, mate.
I'm only ripping your knitting.

Jesus, he's a laugh a minute, this one.

Billy, you still working
in the call centre?

BILLY [Posh English accent]: Well,
what's not to love about telephone sales?

Hello, sir,
you've reached the tip of my bell end.

How may I help you today?

That's not actually bad, man.
It's all right.

You've always got to give the customer
what they want to hear.

[Playful electronic music plays]

♪ Open your mouth ♪

[Record scratches]

[Phone rings]

MAN:
Hello, good afternoon.

[American accent]:
Is this Island Records in London?

- Yeah, that's the one.
- Cool, bro.

Yeah, we're a couple
of dope rappers from Californ-I-A.

- We just touched down in London.
- Oh, yeah? What do you think of the city?

-
Is he talking in American?
- It's... It's been epic.

Epically... epic.

Hello?

Hello? Are you still there?

[American accent]: We just thought, uh,
you know, why not, uh...

book a couple meetings whilst we're down
in merry old England, me governor.

Look, I can't make any promises,
I'm just a receptionist,

but do you have a demo?

Um...

Yeah, yeah, sure. No, we can...
We can send you some stuff for sure.

All right, well, post it through
to the London address c/o Joe Bryant

and I'll make sure it gets
to the right department.

- All right, yeah, yeah, cheer-- thanks.
-
Have a good day.

[All cheer]

- That was unbelievable.
- I told you, man.

It's never been about the music.
It's about the shitty industry.

- What do we do now?
- What we're gonna do is remix everything.

What, in American?

[They dip in and out of American accents]:
Hey y'all lights, action,

get your camera ready

When I swing my monster balls
in the face, it's so scary

Already up for arson and burglary
Cause I take shit too far

Like Michael Jackson in surgery

Run from me horror movie flick, lunatic

Stupid kid try to stab you
with a wooden toothpick, I'm losing it

Close my eyes and let my fists fly

Big Bill raps Joe Pesci and this guy

How was that?

That's pure shite.

BOTH: We need to work on our accents.

[American accents]: We're from California.

Hey, I'll take a cup of joe to go.

We were on a break.

- Life is like a box of chocolates.
- [They laugh]

I want vermouth.
Run Forrest, run!

BOTH: You can't handle vermouth!

God bless America.

Show me the money.

King Kong
ain't got shit on me.

To infinity and beyond.

- Stifler's mom.
- GAVIN: How are your mum's tits so fat?

[Gavin laughs]

We were on a break?
We were on a break?

- Little Bo Peep's kind of fit.
- I was just thinking that.

Break. Break.
Yipi kayay!

Yippee-Ki-Yay! Ki-Yay!

Oh, all righty, then.

We were on a break.

No!

We were on a break.

- We were on a break.
- That's good.

- Yeah?
- That sounds good.

- We were on a break.
- Yeah.

We were on a break.

- We were on a break.
- We were on a break.

- We were on a break!
- We were on a break!

- We were on a break.
- MARY: Can I just say something?

I don't think they were on a break.

So you're gonna actually pretend
to be American, like, in front of people?

- It's pretty straightforward.
- I've not actually thought this through.

- So we're gonna meet them as Americans?
- Aye.

Because we'll have made them listen
as American.

We'll just
be
American.

- Forever?
- No, we'll get a contract and a single.

Release a single and then we'll come out,
on, like, a TV programme.

- Like Oprah Winfrey.
- No, not like Oprah.

Like MTV.

T4, Top of the Pops,

we'll come out and be fully Scottish
and expose those wankers.

We'll show the industry up for what it is.
Right? Bullshit.

And racist.

Can you be racist against white people?

"Scottishist", then.

- Then who lives in a bush, hey?
- Right.

Go on, check it.
It's our best track. "Superhero".

[Rap songs plays through headphones]

Oh...

My...

- God!
- [They cheer]

- MARY: You actually sound American.
- BILLY: I know!

You sound, like, entitled.
What the hell?

[They screech]

[Calm music plays]

BILLY: I know we're ready, man.
They ain't ready for this.

GAVIN: For real, man. For real.

[Music continues]

[Knocks on door, doorbell rings]

BILLY: C'mon, pal, time to go
make some money for the man.

[Phone rings]

Hello.

[Music fades]

Huh?

[Rapping]:
Because of my mutated traits,
I'm wanted by Xavier

I'm like an ape escaped from cage gates
Rampaging, raging, trailing haters away

Safe to say I'm not a rapper,
I'm a lyricist

The difference is I think before I spit,
it's just ridiculous

-
Don't question my pedigree--
- In American, in American.

- Don't question my pedigree...
- MARY: Billy!

BILLY: Oh, Mary!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's up?

[She pants]
What's wrong?

We need to talk about adulting, right.
One of youse has got to get a phone.

- Chill out. What's wrong?
- I hate running.

- Want a chip?
- Yeah.

You've got a meeting.
With a record label.

What? Oh, my God!

[They shriek]

It's in London. In London.

[They laugh]

- Told you, man.
- No way!

[He laughs]

- I'm gonna look incredible.
- You're gonna look like a tit.

Aye, but an American tit,
[American accent]: baby doll!

- This is crazy, Billy. Pass me that.
- I know.

No, this is crazy.

- You're gonna keep an eye on him, right?
- Of course. He's my best mate.

Ok...

- Mary...
- Geez, Billy, sit still. Billy...

We've got a plan,

and we're gonna stick to it,
and it's going to be magnificent.

The real question is,
who's gonna look after me?

Oh, I'm not worried about you, Billy.
You always land on your head.

[Hip hop music plays]

- London, London, London, baby.
- London, baby. Groovy, baby.

[Chanting]: USA. USA. USA.

BOTH: USA. USA. USA. USA!

- Silibil N' Brains back in London, baby!
- [Cheers]

[They laugh]

[They shriek]

BILLY: Is this it?

This... is it.

[Buzzes]

[Music fades]

[American accent]:
Check that shit out. Is that a Grammy?

[Man sings]: ♪
It's so funny
we're still getting drunk... ♪

Dude, he's singing our freaking song.

MAN [Shouts]: Sharon!

He won't be much longer.

[Hums]

Help yourselves to m&m's, yeah?

That...

Is hip hop.

I mean, we could hit the clubs
with this immediately.

We might need to...

Work on the optics a little, but...
Whereabouts you from?

- LA.
- San Di...

Sandy Angeles.

Brits love the Americans, right?
Aspirational, hopes and dreams.

We all got hopes. We all got dreams.
But what's the truth?

Because hip hop needs to be real.

This is real.
This is our truth.

But what is your truth?

So check this out.

Maybe...

Your truths are different to our truths.

They're still all truths, baby.

It's all truth, baby.

You, you are on to something.

Yeah? What is my truth?

Right? What does my truth sound like?

Sounds like:
[He vocalises in falsetto]

[He beatboxes]

[They join in]

[Raps]:
Wake up in the morning
I make a cup of tea

26 times that I needed to pee

Got married once she decided to flee

Cause I fucked Thick Rick
down at big Sainsbury's

Get up, get up, get off your knees,
get up, get up, get off your knees

get up, get up,
get off your knees, get up--

[He shouts]

[He laughs]

- Sorry, Sharon.
- You broke it again.

Yeah, there's another two
in the car, babe.

Will you pop down and get one for me?

Listen, boys, I love this, you know?

I love America.
I love Los Angeles.

It's a place I know well.
Whereabouts are you from specifically?

Beverly Hills.

Beverly Hills?

Beverly Hills council estate...

...schemes...

- ...projects.
- ...projects.

Right.

- We were that close, man.
- I know!

Oh, man. Beverly Hills council estate,
what the hell was that?

- Screw you, man.
- [Billy laughs]

- Where the hell is Sandy Angeles?
- I was just freestyling, man.

What was with those... fucking m&m's?

If we're gonna do this, we need to commit.
That means no more Scottish.

- Not even to each other.
- Och, away!

No, man, I'm being serious.

[American accent]: We got a backstory.

The street we grew up on,
our high school, the girls we dated.

We gotta walk, talk,
freaking be American, whole time.

All right, all right.

No more Gavin and Billy.
We gotta become Silibil N' Brains.

Geez, it's bigger than home.
So, uh...

We need somewhere specific,
but not too well known.

I got family in this place called Hemet,
so that's where we grew up?

- Yeah, and we met in a... skate park.
- Both trying to bang the same chick.

- That's right. What was her name again?
- Pam.

Pam, that's right.
She was really something.

So we dropped out of school
to Huntington beach.

Hanging out with girls, doing drugs,
spring break, just having a good old time.

What is spring break?

I don't actually know, but
it's in every teen flick I've ever seen.

And Pam was there.

So then we thought,
screw it, let's get on a plane.

Europe, baby.

We've been travelling around
the Europe for the last year.

- Italy... Switzerland.
- Spain.

Yeah, which is why
our accents might seem a little off.

Yeah, who knows
what the Swiss sound like?

Probably like the Welsh.

- Tight.
- Sweet.

Now we just got
to find somewhere to perform.

[Crowd chatters]

I don't know about this, man.
It looks pretty locked down.

Everyone's played here.
D12 played their first gig in London here.

We belong here, man.
Come on.

Act like you belong.

There's a queue.

Hey.

What?

Yo, we're Silibil N' Brains.
We're performing tonight.

- Piss off.
- Cool.

Excuse me, I don't speak French.
Dude, you want to rephrase that?

You want to grab your mate before
I bounce that skateboard off his head?

Dude, it's cool. It looks like
he'd feed you your own bones.

Come on. Come on.

All right,
you guys have a great night, sirs.

Yankee twat.

We're not giving up, OK?
Just swap coats with someone.

I ain't swapping coats.
Swapping coats is stupid.

Hey, hey, come on, come on.

Come on!

- BOUNCER: All right.
- GAVIN: Dude, what are you doing?

Go, go, go, go, go!

Thanks, dude. Thanks.

[Hip hop music plays]

- Alright, boys?
- What's up?

- Yo! What's the plan?
- Check this out.

[London accent]: Yo, yo, yo, guys.
Who's up next?

- Yeah, we are.
- Right, well, we need your backing track.

We've lost it.
Come on.

Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.
This guy runs the place and he's pissed.

Warm up your voices, all of you.

Come on!

BILLY: Are you ready?

- Do you feel that bass?
- Oh, this place is bouncing.

Get ready!

[MC hypes up the audience]

[Crowd screams]

Oh, Goddammit.

All right,
I gotta go see a lady about a track.

OK, I'm gonna stay here
and throw up.

Sili!

We've never been American
in front of a crowd before.

I know, right?

[Performer raps]

[Crowd cheers]

[Crowd cheers]

So we've got an act...

She's sick.

Killed it!

MC: Make some noise
for RIP and The Bad!

- It's now or never.
- What if they laugh at us?

Yo, yo, yo. RIP and the Bad ate
some bad oysters, but who cares?

We're Silibil N' Brains
coming all the way from California.

We're gonna rock this show tonight.
Yo, Brains, you coming out or what?

Yo, Brains-san.

I see you've mastered the style
of no style.

Well, my style is Tongue Kung Fu!

[Raps]:
Hey, yo, lights, action

Get your cameras ready while I swing
my monster balls in the face

It's kinda scary

Already up for arson and burglary

Cause I take it too far
like Michael Jackson in surgery

Run from me horror movie flick, lunatic

Stupid kid trying to stab you
with a wooden toothpick

I'm losing it,
close my eyes and let my fists fly

Silibil, raps Joe Pesci and this guy!

[Crowd cheers]

Come on!

Screw it!

Silibil, Sili the kid – wild western

Me and my rhymes stay tight
like chicks wrestling

I step in and attack with all the evil

So crazy on my own
I had to sack my alter ego

I wonder why am I such a funny guy am I

Head's spinning like
I been in a tumble dryer

Okie dokie,
as the world falls apart slowly

Ladies, forget your husbands
If you want sex, phone me

Uh oh, look who's come through

Best get out the way,
this is Tongue Kung Fu

We just rude, we crush crews
Only here to--

They ain't feeling it

Look who's come through

You best to run
This is Tongue Kung Fu

We nuts too, we crush crews

If you ain't here to rock with us
then fuck you!

Get the cops...

[Crowd cheers]

Act the fool so well I should win an Oscar

I got ya spaced out
– live long and prosper

Smashing up the place
like an out-of-hand rock star

Jump off a bridge
without a rope around my ankles

Kids shouldn't look up to me as an example

I walk in the place with my pants down low

Slap a dude in the face,
tap dance and then go

Oh shit, look who's come through

Best get out the way,
this is Tongue Kung Fu

We just rude, we crush crews

Only here to drink some beer
and touch boobs

Oh-oh-oh, look who's come through--

Get the fuck off the stage!

...this is Tongue Kung Fu!

[Crowd screams and cheers]

If you ain't here to rock with us,
then fuck you!

If you ain't here to rock with us,
then fuck--

[They groan]

What's wrong, you Yankee Doodle dickheads?
I thought you were tough.

Come back and I'll smack
that chinstrap off your face.

Go, go, go!

[They laugh]

[Gavin cheers]

Yeah! Yeah, baby.
That's how you do it.

- It was the best.
- You rocked it, dude.

Oh, my God.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. You OK?
- [Vomits] I feel amazing.

- WOMAN: Hello? Hey.
- What the hell?

You all right?

Yeah, no, he just had a...
Bad potato.

OK. Hi, I'm Tessa.
You're Silibil and...

- Brains.
- Brain. He's Brains. I'm Silibil.

- Where are you from?
- The greater LA area. Yep.

OK, so, I work for Neotone Records.

You're a suit?

No, no, no, I'm not a suit. Not yet.
No, I am just a scout.

But, yeah, you gotta have a dream, right?

Yeah. Dream big. That's us.

What do you think?

Oh, yeah. Uh, yeah, I...

I thought you were great.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, it's...

I mean, you're weird, but it works.
You're funny. You're charismatic.

- BILLY: Yeah, we are.
- You're American. People love America.

- Get me a demo if you want.
- Yeah, demo!

- I've got a demo.
- We got a demo for you now.

Oh, nice.

GAVIN: There's a number on there.
Just give it a call.

- All right, sweet. Well...
- Yeah.

- See you soon, hopefully.
- Nice.

- See ya. Tessa.
- Tessa?

- Silibil. Brains. Nice.
- Yeah!

[Hip hop music plays]

WOMAN:
Yeah, we just felt like
we didn't really find anybody,

so we thought it might be nice to...

Hi. Sorry, just before you go,
I don't suppose you listened to...

More grime?

Anthony. Anthony!

Did you listen to those mad kids
from California that I sent you?

Mhm.

What did you think?
You've got 30 minutes free tomorrow at 10.

Will I call them in?

[Phone rings]

- MARY [On phone]:
Billy?
-
BILLY:
Hellooo?

MARY:
Don't try and be cute right now,
Billy, we don't have the time.

You've got a meeting in 20 minutes.

- Who with?
- Neotone Records.

OK. OK. I gotta go.

- What's up?
- Hurry up, we gotta go!

- Dude, where are you going?
- Billy!

Billy, I need to give you the address.

You need to give me the address, babe.

Yeah, I know, that's what I was...

- What?
- We gotta go, we got a meeting.

What? We have to go!

- We got a meeting! We got a meeting!
- Oh, my God. We have to go.

GAVIN: Bill! How do I look?
I feel like my breath stinks.

What are you going to do, kiss them?

Come on.

Yo, yo, yo, we made it!
Nobody panic!

Silibil n' Brains are in the building, yo!

[They cheer]

Too much?

- No, you're up here looking beautiful.
- Boys, boys.

Welcome to Neotone.
What time do you call this?

- LA time zone.
- [They laugh]

Cool. If you want to take a seat here
and get comfortable.

Everyone will be with you in a second.

Dude, have you seen this place?

I know about rap battles.
Do you know what I mean?

- Shit, it's them.
- They're gonna recognise us.

No, no, no. It's cool.

We're American now.
You've got your blonde hair.

- You've lost weight.
- What?

Simon. Good to meet you.
How are you?

- Nice to meet you!
- Love the orange!

Let's get comfy.
God, sorry, I'm hungover.

Thanks for coming in. Anthony
will be joining us, he's just been...

Because I told you so,
you soft wank of a man.

SIMON: That's an important meeting.
Yeah, look, he'll be with us any second.

- Dude, he's Scottish.
- I know...

- So genuine. It's so funny. It's so real.
- So real.

Oh yeah, no. Thanks, guys.
That means a lot coming from you.

Sorry, we haven't met before, have we?

- Well, I have done a lot of...
- Hardcore porn.

"Sloppy Builders Two", wasn't it?
Yeah. You seen that, Simon? You like that?

- It's so, so real.
- Probably.

Can you excuse us
for just two seconds?

Dude, what are you doing?

Dude, they called
us The Rapping Proclaimers.

- I wanna fucking drown them.
- I know, but...

They want us, man.
Expose the wankers.

Fist bump.

ANTHONY: ...send the contracts through
immediately, or I will come over there,

I will rip you down the middle,
I will step inside you

and I will wear you
as my next Halloween costume.

How does that sound?

SIMON: Look, guys, we were discussing,
and we were wondering,

do you guys freestyle your verses?

- Oh yeah, dude.
- Can we hear some?

Are you sure?
We can be, like, pretty robust.

- We like that.
- Give it to us.

[Raps]:
OK, y'all need to embrace
Cause I can freestyle for days

I'll leave you feeling like I'm lethal
She'll be left in a cage

I'm feeling the rage, and I don't mean
to be brave but I'm with Brains

My shit's stinking
Like that shit on your face.

[Simon gasps]

And check out this dude here,
the one with the pube beard

I mean, are you in disguise or
you just think it's cool to dress weird?

He looks like a paedo

- ANTHONY: Don't let me stop you.
-
Looks like he's wearing--

- You finished?
- Yep.

I'm late.

Sometimes you've got to knock
a few heads together.

- Do you know what I mean?
- Oh, yeah.

True all the time!

- No doubt.
- So what's your story?

[They clear their throat]

- Well, we grew up together--
- Yeah, around LA.

Yeah, started rapping.

- Yeah, he loved Tupac.
- He loved Biggie.

Then one day
we thought we'd team up.

Join forces, you know,
take over the world.

[Woman laughs]

Forgive me, boys, but your accents,
I'm finding them hard to place.

We get that a lot, dude. We've been
travelling around Europe so much.

I know what you mean.

I've been down here so long,
I practically sound English.

[Forced laughter]

- Aye, man.
- ANTHONY: Sorry?

Oh, that's what you guys say, right?
"Aye".

"Top of the morning."
[He chuckles]

Listen, Anthony, man.
No offence, dude. Sir.

What do you think?

Well, these two think that
you could make some money.

Me? I don't know.

What do you say?

I think they could be something
seriously special.

[He inhales]

[Grumbles]

OK. We would like to sign you.

We'll give you a recording studio,
accommodation, you'll cut a single,

and we'll offer you
a 30,000 signing-on fee.

Shit, dude!

Anthony, man, let's be real here.

- You want me to be real, Brains?
- Yeah.

We ain't getting out of bed
for anything less than 35 grand.

Get the bubbles.
35 grand it is.

[They cheer]

ANTHONY: All right, all right,
you've met your managers. What's the plan?

- I thought Blue Peter. Get them a badge.
- Absolutely.

I'm thinking music video, ski resort.

- See you both down the mountain.
- Get to shopping centres...

- Yeah.
- Hold on, hold on. What about Tessa?

Oh...

You did find them.
You think you're ready for this?

Yeah. Yeah, I really do.

ANTHONY:
No more salary, working on commission.

Your success or failure tied to theirs.

- Yeah, I know.
- All right, well, what's your plan?

Yeah, I think,
with all due respect to these guys,

I would go in
a slightly different direction.

Let's play the clubs, you know,
build the fan base, work on the single,

and then maybe have the release
at the same time on
The Hook
.

It's the biggest platform right now,
and I know the presenter.

Sounds like a plan.
Boys, welcome to Neotone.

- Love you, Tess.
- Love you!

[Echoing whooping]

[Emotional music plays]

[They shriek]

- 35 grand?
- Yeah!

- Like, with three zeros?
- Yeah.

And they actually think you're American.

BILLY:
Yeah.

But how?
Your accents are pure shite.

- I know!
- Right, be honest with me.

- How's Gavin doing with it all?
- Gavin was incredible.

He totally saved my ass.

Oh, guess what, babe.
We're going on
The Hook
.

- I watch
The Hook
. I love
The Hook
!
- I know!

- Oh, my God.
- MTV, baby!

Well, that's when you should do it, Billy.

Billy, that's when you should come out
and expose the industry, it's perfect.

Yo, yo, that's when we should do it.

- Do what?
- Come out on
The Hook
.

- Racists!
- Scottishists!

- Wankers! [They laugh]
- Alright!

- When can I come down and see you?
- Oh, I gotta go.

Gav just slammed his knee
on the ground.

- All right, love you.
- All right, I love you, too. OK, bye.

Oh, you all right?

So, welcome to Studio One, guys.

[Exciting music]

- Can we...
- Oh, you may.

[They shriek and whoop]

- What the f...?
- This is so cool!

Is all this for us?

Yeah, exclusive use for Silibil N' Brains
whenever you like.

[Music ends]

- Hey, yo, Sili.
- Yo?

- Beer me, dawg.
- Sure.

- Get in there, man.
- Let's go.

- BILLY: Still doing that?
- Yeah, give me a second.

- Where are you from?
- I'm from Australia.

- G'day!
- G'day to you, mate.

[Australian accent]:
So, what are we working on, mate?

"Medicine", man.
It's gonna be the single.

Shouldn't the single be "Superhero"?

Nah, man. "Medicine".
It's gonna hit.

- All right, let's go.
- You ready?

Ready. You ready?

- I'm ready. Are you ready?
- I'm freaking ready. Let's go!

Let's do it!
Three, two, one!

[He makes an explosion sound]

[Music plays]

[Raps]:
Sili N' Brains, yo,
going out to all the rejects

Grab your helmets...

So, this is the penthouse.
And this is your main living area.

We'll be paying for the deposit.

And the insurance.

BILLY [Raps]:
Hey, yo, if you didn't know
I'm a liar, in stores I don't buy

I steal like Winona Ryder

Irrational, walking around butt naked

Look at Brains, he's so unfashionable

Yeah, but I don't care
I'm a mess I'm like a plastic surgeon

I'm always staring at breasts,
I'm bored, I'm very depressed

I glue my pubes to my nipples
to put some hair on my chest

Just an ill emcee, illegitimately...
Ah, fuck it.

[Record rewinds]

-
GAVIN:
One more time.
-
BILLY:
Nurse!

[Music plays through headphones]

It's not ready yet.

[Silibil N' Brains track
plays in background]

OK, give me Street Jesus.

Surprise! Phones!

- I'm gonna try and call my mom.
- The future.

You're getting fired for that, homie.

Honest to God,
this head's worth money, dude!

[Phone buzzes, voicemail beeps]

MARY:
Hey, Billy.
Don't know if they told you,

but you actually need
to turn the phone on!

Anyway, right. Give me a call back
when you get this. I love you.

[Rapping]:
When people see me
They go screaming and running

So I put a condom in your ear
So you can't hear me coming

We always up to something,
typical low lifes

Scratching in your pad
And jack you with your own knife

Our reputation got you
threating and shaking

Because we deadlier and stepping up
to Freddy and Jason

You best be ready and waiting

But trust me, no one's equal

Rejects ain't holding back
like broken seatbelts!

Would you do me a favour
and tell your mate to make up his mind?

Shit...

HAYLEY: Billy, Just call
your girlfriend back! [Slams door]

[Music distorts]

[Phone rings]

MC: Silibil N' Brains!

BILLY:
Hey, babe. I know it's late.
I'm sorry that I haven't called you.

Gavin's living in the studio.

Look, can you get yourself down to London?
I just... I really miss you.

[Sound distorts]

If you see us in the club
better holla hey-yo!

And if you see us getting drunk
you better holla hey-o!

[Music fades]

[Music plays through headphones]

[Hip hop plays;
They cheer]

[Rapping]:
I'm like a plastic surgeon,
I'm always staring at breasts

I'm bored, I'm very depressed

I glue my pubes to my nipples
To put some hair on my chest

I'm just an ill emcee illegitimately

giving my willy to women
that really feel me, I'm really silly

killing hillbillies, smoking a phillie,
hotter than Chillies,

You know the dilly leave you
miming my words like Milly Vanilli!

[Crowd cheers]

Boys, boys, boys, nicely done.
Walk the room, sell the single.

Tessa.

SIMON: You boys are getting so good.
So impressed. Have fun.

See you later,
Tweedle-dumb and Tweedle-dickhead.

[Shrieks]

That was so good, I could kiss you guys.
I'm so happy for you. That was amazing.

Right, you ready to dazzle
some journalists?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Take this. Don't drink that.

- Five minutes, OK? Five minutes!
- Where are you going?

OK. Don't be nervous, right?
Anthony's overjoyed.

I know you can't tell from his face,
but he's started remembering my name!

I've been bringing that guy
the biggest acts for years.

Serious, serious players, but...

- You know.
- Yeah, I do know.

- You know?
- Yeah, I know.

- Oh, you know.
- I know I know.

You know.
What do you know?

- Brains, look around you, come on.
- What?

It's Black music and white management.
Always has been.

And now it's white talent as well.
No, come on, you're cool.

When I first met you,
I wasn't, like, completely into the music.

It wasn't really my thing.
But no one is writing your lyrics.

No one's sculpting your stuff.
You're authentic.

- Cha-ching.
- Cha-ching.

Black stamp of approval, baby.

- I've been waiting for that!
- Come on, now.

We both win. And once we hit MTV,
bro, it's the shutdown, it's lock off.

Complete takeover.
No one can touch us.

What is wrong?

I just, um...

- Don't I gotta sell the single?
- Yeah, yeah. Come on.

- What have you got to say about this?
- Where are you from?

- Where do you hail from?
- LA.

LA, Hemet.

- In Hemet. I'm the brains.
- You're the brains.

You've visited the UK before?

You're the brains.
Who's the boss?

There's been a question of, you know,
kind of juvenile misogyny in your work.

What's that?

- What are your influences?
- What are your influences?

Influences.

- I'm... I'm going to take a break.
- Where are you guys from?

LA. Hemet.

[Billy cheers]

- ...celebrating tonight?
- Celebrating? Yeah. Massive.

When I first met him,
it was in the skate park, like,

just spitting Tupac constantly, so...

Hey, Gavin!

- Hi, Mary!
- Looks amazing.

JOURNALIST:
What are your thoughts on British rap?

British rap?!

Billy, Billy. Billy!

Gavin! Oh, my God.
I'm so proud of you.

- It was amazing.
- Yeah, it's Brains now, remember?

Yeah, that's fine.

Honestly, it's incredible, boys. So good.

- Yo, yo, yo. I'm merched up, baby.
- Hiya. Ah, so you're the boss then, eh?

- Sorry?
- Oh, I was just saying you're the boss.

Just a wee joke.

Sorry, I just couldn't...
Because you're Scottish.

Yeah, that's exactly what I am.

- And I'm their boss. Aren't I?
- Yeah.

How do you know the boys?

How do I know the boys?
Well, how do I know the boys?

I met them whilst they were touring,
in Scotland.

- BILLY: Bonnie wee Scotland.
- I didn't know you toured.

Yeah. "Och-aye-the-no",
ain't that right, Mary?

- Yeah, she was...
- Yeah she was a sort of groupie.

Just a groupie.

- Well, not for the whole band.
- No, definitely not.

OK.

- Well, it's good to meet you.
- Oh, no, you too.

Boys, I'm gonna need to get a drink
and then we're gonna need to get to work.

- BILLY: Yeah, cool.
- Do you want one?

No, I'm not drinking.
You're fine, you're grand. Thank you.

- GAVIN: Not drinking?
- Yeah, I know. Your face is on a sticker.

- Hey, I'm sorry about the groupie thing.
- No, no, don't be daft. I'm sorry.

Oh, my God, Billy.
Is that my belt?

Yeah. Shit! You know what?
I completely forgot I took that...

You can't just take belts.
A belt is a prized possession.

[Sound muffles]

[Emotional music plays]

- Brainsy Brainsy.
- What's up, dawg?

- You all right?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm great.

Good.

I was just saying to the guys – Scotland?!

We didn't tour, we just...
filled out a gig. It was the Pavillion.

- Joint was packed.
- You filled the Pavillion?!

Yeah. Well, no, we were...

- We were supporting D12.
- You supported D12?

Yeah, yeah, I introduced Sili to them.

What?

Yeah, I've known them since we were kids.
How did you not know this?

- How have you never told me that?
- I don't know.

I think D12 are touring here again
in a few weeks.

- Yeah?
- Who else do you know?

Dre, Jay Z, Snoop.
This party was crazy.

Literally everyone was there.

- Michael Bublé.
- Michael Bublé?!

Yeah. Yeah. No, really great guy.
Brains? Come on.

- What the hell, dude?
- Can I have a word?

- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?

I'm giving them
what they want to hear, remember?

How are you gonna remember all that?

You just dropped like 12 bombs
in the last five minutes,

dude, Michael Bublé?

Why don't we just tell 'em that
we're sucking off Kermit the Frog as well?

Well, he's not a musician, man.
How the hell would I know him?

- I'm serious.
- Cut me some slack, OK?

I'm not the one who said
we toured in Scotland.

- Mary was just trying to help.
- She's a huge risk.

- No, she's not. She's freaking Mary.
- Well, you two were busy.

Tessa asked. I freestyled.

Boys, we're thinking
about going to a club.

Yeah, sounds good to me.

Look, I know the plan. Keep it tight
till MTV, then we'll come clean.

Yeah. It's all good, bro.

I'll rein it in.

Yeah, no, it's cool. Me too.
I mean, Kermit the Frog?

I would totally blow him. Come on.

[Electronic music plays, muffled]

[Music plays loud and clear]

Yo, Sili!

- Yo.
- Dude!

Yo, I need to go check this out.

All right?

- You want a drink, babe?
- I'm fine with the water.

You're not pregnant, are you?

- BILLY: Yo, wait up!
- Excuse me.

No!

- Time to get wrecked.
- What?

I got us a little special something
for tonight, baby.

No way. You picked up?

- Yeah. Yeah, baby.
- Check you out!

I really shouldn't, man.

Mary's only here for a little bit.
I don't want to ruin it.

What?

- But it's a big night.
- I know, I...

- You love doing this shit.
- I don't want to get wasted, man.

- Silibil.
- No, I don't want to get wrecked, man.

I know, I know, man.
But it'd be shit for her, dude.

You know what it's like
when you're straight, it blows.

[He scoffs]

She's already dropped one.

Shit, I thought there was
something going on with her.

That's probably why she's not drinking.

- Yeah, I better catch up.
- You better catch up.

[Ominous music plays]

Here. Check it.

- Silibil and Brains.
- Mm-hm.

I freaking love you.

- Brains, bro.
- Come on.

[Muffled chatter, pumping music]

[Electronic music plays]

Hey, you don't mind if I borrow
the president of the fan club?

[They shout]

- Coming back, Tessa. What?
- Everything cool?

Yeah. President, I like that.

You haven't given anything else away,
have you?

- Of course not.
- Because--

I mean, they're gonna find out eventually.

But we're not there yet.
You understand that, right?

Yeah.

If you don't,
then maybe you shouldn't be here.

- I shouldn't be here?
- Jesus, keep your voice down!

Gavin, let go of my arm.

You're higher than a shuttle to Mars,
Gavin, OK?

You need some water.
Do you need to take a breath or something?

- Have some of mine.
- Oh my God.

You're jealous?

Gavin, you're...

You don't need to be
because this isn't about you.

You know none of this is real,
right, Gavin?

Stop calling me Gavin!
It's Brains!

- I know exactly who you are!
- BRAINS!

- Why do you keep calling me that then?
- Jesus, you're off your face!

I'm going to find Billy,
'cos you're not OK right now.

- I just need you to understand my name.
- Because this isn't you. Jesus!

[Music fades into emotional music]

[Music fades]

[Gavin mumbles]

Check this place out.

- All paid for by the label, huh?
- Hey, Brains.

All right, Mary.

- Big night, Brains?
- Yep.

You go ahead and have a safe trip now.

- Hiya.
- See you later.

BILLY: Thanks for coming down.

Just wish we had more time.

- Hey, we all right?
- Yeah.

I don't know what
I thought this would be, Billy.

It's not what I thought it would be.

I mean, it's... It's incredible, Bill.
Like, I'm so proud of you.

And I'm not saying this
because I want you to stop.

You deserve this. It's just...

You know that none of this is real, right?

What's not real?

All of it.

It's just, you came down here
with different accents

and now you're both acting
like totally different people, and--

We're still the same people.

It's still Bill.
It's still the guy you fell in love with.

- I have to go, Billy.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I love you.

Billy, have you been fucking people
down here?

No.

Maybe it's just the accent,

but just about everything
that you're saying right now

honestly sounds like bullshit.

[In his Scottish accent]: All right, look.

We're going on
The Hook
tomorrow
and we're coming out, that's the plan.

Expose the wankers
and we're gonna do it, right?

And then after that, no more pretending
to be something we're not.

OK? All that's finished.

Marry me.

- [She scoffs]
- I'm serious, Mary. Marry me.

Look, call me tomorrow.
As Billy.

The Billy that I know.

Because I really love him.

CONDUCTOR:
Final call for Dundee via Edinburgh!

INTERCOM:
Peterborough,
Doncaster, York. Darlington. Newcastle.

[Whistle blows]

[Emotional music plays]

Hi. Just this way.
That's an arrival on Silibil N' Brains.

Hi, Boys.

[Crowd clamours]

Joe! Hey hey! What's up, dude?

MAN: What do you call yourselves, boys?

- We're Silibil N' Brains, baby.
- For now.

Aha-ha!

Jez is buzzing to meet you.
He loves the track.

- You're just in here.
- Woah ho!

You should have everything that you need.

But if you need anything else,
give me a shout.

- Hey, yo, can we get some whiskey?
- Yes. In the fully stocked bar.

- BILLY: Some water.
- GAVIN: Some water?

Easy on the booze, please.
Boys, this is Jez.

- What's up, dude?
- Big fan, big fan.

JEZ: Hey, let's have fun out there, yeah?

You know what?
Tessa, I wanted water.

Is there any chance
we can get some privacy?

Just want to get focused,
to get our heads in the zone, you know?

- Yeah, no problem.
- Hey, it's all good. We got this.

Yeah, I know you do.
Do what you got to do.

[Sound muffles]
Please remember to mention the album.

PRESENTER:
This is MTV's
The Hook
!

OK, let's do this, baby.
Let's blow this shit wide open.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Let's do it!

GAVIN: All truths, baby.

[They rap, music muffles]

Or you'll get stuck for words
like a mute with a stutter

They tell me "Sili keep it real"
Oh damn it I know this

but I want cash to blow quick
like Anna Nicole Smith

I know it may seem, I rap James Dean

cause the dame's scream
as soon as I'm seen like Ralph Fiends

Always mean and--
[Voice cuts out]

[Tense music]

[Music intensifies]

[Music plays on television]

Welcome back to MTV's
The Hook
.

I'm Jez, and in the studio right now,
we have Silibil N' Brains.

Boys!

JEZ:
Brilliant stuff.
So, what are you guys about?

We're smashing it up, man.

Yeah, we're smashing it up,
dropping bombs.

And this is gonna be our biggest bomb yet.

Sharon!

Come on, Billy.

- So the truth is--
- [Raps]
The truth is we're coming up

Thumbing up, climbing that pole

It ain't over till the fat lady sings

but Jez's mom's busy
surfing on my ding-a-ling

- [Crowd gasps]
- GAVIN: My bad.

JEZ: All right, guys, let's just leave
the mothers out of it, please.

OK, so why don't you tell us
a bit about you guys.

- Where are you from?
- Yeah, so that's the deal, so...

GAVIN: We're from the planet Cyberdong.

- JEZ: Is that right?
- Yeah.

Aliens sucked us right up in their ship.

Full works. Anal probe, cosmic trip.

JEZ: OK, but seriously, though, because
looks like you're heading for success

- on both sides of the Atlantic.
- Yes.

And is that because you spent time
in America and in the UK?

Yeah, so the UK.
So let's talk about the UK.

Yeah. Your mom's from here, right?

[Crowd laughs and gasps]

- JEZ: Yeah
- Well, she's gonna be our number one fan.

[Crowd laughs nervously]

Jez's mom, call me!

OK, we're gonna have to leave it there,
but please give it up one more time

for Silibil N' Brains!

JEZ:
Ha, boys!

It's been fun!
OK, stay exactly where you are.

There is plenty more stuff still
to come on MTV's
The Hook
.

[Crowd cheers]

[Emotional music plays]

PRESENTER:
Next up on BBC Radio 1,
get ready to take your "Medicine".

It's Silibil N' Brains.

- [Their rap plays on radio]
- TESSA: Heh heh! The one and only!

Yeah, dude, turn that up.

Yes!

Hey! Come on, dude!

[Tessa sings along]

[She laughs]

Dude, it wasn't the right time.

We're gonna release an album,
and then we'll come clean.

- Everyone's just seen us.
- Not everyone!

Everyone we know from back in Dundee.

Dude, do they even have
The Hook
in Dundee?

What?

Personally, I don't give a flying shit

about what people in Scotland
think about me.

And neither should you.

You're better than that.

TESSA: My phone is on fire.

Everyone loves you.

Think about what happens to Tessa
if we come clean.

TESSA: Yeah, this is the boys, man!
They're so good, innit?

- You're fucking losing it, Gav.
- Don't call me Gav!

TESSA:
Yes. Tell all your passengers.

[Phone rings]

- TESSA: Hello.
- ANTHONY:
Hello. Are you with the boys?

- Do you want to talk to them?
-
Very much so.

- Pull over, I'm not far behind you.
- Would you mind just pulling over here?

- DRIVER: Yeah, no problem.
- Shit, they can't know already!

It's cool, it's cool.
They don't know. They don't know.

They don't know.

- Anthony, man.
- Drive away, driver.

[Ominous music]

You two must be pretty pleased
with yourselves.

That's good, boys.

It's really weird, but it's good.

Nicely handled.

Either of you two ever heard of a venue
known as the Barrowlands in Scotland?

Nope.

ANTHONY: Heartland of music in Scotland,
you might say.

After what I just witnessed,

from the amount of airtime
you're getting on that radio,

I can confirm that you two
will be playing there tomorrow night.

Supporting D12.

Holy shit!

[He shrieks]

- GAVIN: Yes!
- ANTHONY: Right?

- Shit!
- Am I right?

- Dude, come on!
- [Anthony laughs]

Congratulations, boys.
Now get out of my car.

I bet you're glad I didn't let you
drop us in it now, huh?

[Laughs]

Whoo!

[Phone rings]

[Phone rings]

MARY:
Hello?

-
[Scottish accent]:
Did you see it?
- What happened?

BILLY:
I don't know.

Gavin decided that
we're gonna bring an album out first,

and we're scared of screwing Tessa over.

But it is gonna happen, like...

I promise you it's gonna happen, Mary.

We're supporting D12
at the Barrowlands tomorrow, I think.

Please come, I'll put your name down.

But it is happening.

It needs to soon.
I know it does, babe.

Listen.

- No.
- There's a lot going on, Billy.

No, no, no, no, no.

- I think it might be best if...
- No, Mary, no. Don't.

we just take a break.

- Please.
- I don't know what to do, Billy.

- Do you even know what you're doing?
- Right, no, that's it. I'm coming home.

I'm coming up to see you now.
I want to see you right now.

I don't need you to come home, Billy.
I just need you to be you.

Can't we.... Can we fight, at least?

Like, can you just shout at me
or something? Please?

I've never needed to do that before.

[Sombre music]

- Mary...
- Look, I'm sorry, Bill.

- I'm sorry.
- I need to go.

Can't we just talk?

[Whispers]: I love you.

PRESENTER:
OK, Glasgow.
Who is excited for D12 tonight?

Well, we are giving away
a pair of tickets for the Barrowland.

TESSA: You good?

Yeah!

Good.
Come on, don't be nervous, boys.

You're just on your way
to meet some old friends, OK?

And, you know, play for 2,000 people.

Ah! Let's go.

Oh! Woah!

I just got a little carried away, man.
I'll rein it in, man.

[Hip hop music plays]

- Yo, we got it. We good. We good.
- GAVIN: Oh my God.

ARTIST: Mic check. 1, 2, 1, 2.

- Shit! Shit!
- ARTIST: Yo, we good.

Yo, yo! Yo, yo, yo!

- What are we going to do now?
- We got it!

- I don't got this, dude.
- Sili, you can sell it, man.

- I don't got this.
- You can sell anything to anyone.

You told people that we knew 'em.

[They chatter]

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Hey.

I got this.

I got this.

Check it.

[Coughs]

Oh, my God.

[Tense music plays]

ARTIST: Hey, yo, Sean.
We good. We good.

[They chatter and laugh]

GAVIN:
Yo, what's up, man?

Yo, Proof!

What's up, man?

- It's been way too long, dawg.
- Do I know you?

Yeah, dude, it's Brains.

From Silibil N' Brains, remember?

Dude, we tore it up, man.

Came off stage, got messed up.

Went to dinner, got more messed up.
Went to the club, went to the beach.

Stole that donkey from that--
from that place on the beach.

Yo, dude, we were wilding, bro!

Fat Matt shat himself
in the back of the hummer.

Guys!
[Laughs nervously]

Fat Matt shat himself
in the back of the hummer, yo.

Remember?

Hey. Ha ha!

- This the fool that kissed the donkey?
- I'm the dude who kissed the donkey, bro!

- You lost weight. You lost weight.
- That's the Atkins diet, bro.

- Yeah, Jennifer Anniston put me on it.
- You lost weight!

The Atkins diet! Ah!

[They laugh and whoop]

Man, you kissed the shit
out of that donkey.

GAVIN: It was a cute-ass donkey,
what can I say?

Rob thought you died, man.
Give them a drink, man. Come on, yo.

Yo, Sili, get up here, man!

[Emotional music]

[Phone rings]

VOICEMAIL:
Hiya, it's Mary.
I'm busy. Leave a message. Bye.

[Beeps]

[Crying]: Please, Mary.

Please, Mary.
Can you call me back?

I can come home after the gig.

I want to come home and see you?
Could you please give me a chance?

[Emotional music continues]

I love you.

[Muffled cheers, MC hypes]

MC: Are we having a good time?

Are you ready for the next act?

Dude, I know you're not feeling good,
but you were right about the single.

WOMAN: Boys, break a leg!

It should have been "Superhero".
So that's what we're gonna open with.

- You smash it every time it comes on.
- Yeah, whatever you say, man.

Just stop looking back, dude.
You got this, man.

- You can do it.
- All good.

- Hey, give me something, man.
- I'm cool.

What's going on with you?
Talk to me, man.

Whatever, Brains,
let's just get this done.

MC: Silibil N' Brains!

- Let's go, let's go, let's go.
- Hey, yo, Glasgow!

- Put your motherfucking hands up!
- How y'all doing tonight?

[Crowd cheers]

- GAVIN: Put your hands up!
- How's it going?

[Rapping]:
Sick of positions you're in

Sick of being kicked
in the ribs and the chin

Sick of sticking
in tricky predicaments

Get your shit and hit the road
You should know you could be a superhero

Sick of positions you're in

Sick of being kicked
in the ribs and the chin

Sick of sticking
in tricky predicaments

Let's go!

You should know,
you could be a superhero

Witness the mystic,
twisted when I spit shit

Gifted, I'm a lyrical Christmas
for these hip kids

Diminish any critics
that have visioned I'm finished

Still they scrimmage to confirm me
in their scripts co-existed

This is just a part of it
Back for another crack at it

Like Mama back from the dead
with a vain craving a last hit

Grand master, part man,
part bastard, part disaster

Jedi with a blaster

I don't write,
I just hunt rhymes in the dark with an axe

And drag paragraphs back
to the park in a black bag

Strangle them,
stab them with darts and voila!

The magical of masterful raps

I'm a walking mutant
Always cause confusion

Cos the docs assume my thoughts
are just too awesome for a human

Thor, Doom and another handful
couldn't match me

Make you Marvel
cos I got more character than Stan Lee!

Sick of the positions you're in

Sick of being kicked
in the ribs and the chin

Sick of sticking in tricky predicaments

Get your shit and hit the road
You should know you can be a hero

[Music muffles]

[Music uplifts]

[Crowd cheers]

I'm still a nerd with the wordplay
That's just what my nurse say

Need help but hell
I murdered my attorney

Still I hit hard and spit bars

and discard ripped limbs
from disfigured victims and flip cars

So who's next to beat by
an immense emcee

Even my shadow in the mirror
is afraid to go against me

Now let's see
I'm number one like Airforce

Cowardly rappers get stuck up
like scarecrows

Intruders are warned
I'm Lucifer's spawn

Me and the mic we go together
Like computers and porn

The luchador bash through the door
Puke on your floor

End up so hammered
I get confused as Thor

You might have noticed that
I'm ferocious

The diagnosis of my psychosis
Is kinda close to Keyser Söze's

My psychiatrist knows it
My mind is explosive

I got all the bad guys
Rushin' like the Soviets

Sick of the positions you're in

Sick of being kicked
in the ribs and the chin

Sick of sticking in tricky predicaments

Time to rip the script and go!

Time to rip the script and go!
Time to rip the script and go!

Cut the shit and hit the road!

Let's go!

[Crowd cheers and screams]

BILLY: We love you Glasgow!

GAVIN: They love us, brother!

BILLY: Yo we're Silibil N' Brains
all the way from California.

Let's do this, bro!

This next song's called "Medicine".

Are you ready for fucking D12?

[Crowd cheers]

- Just two seconds. Two seconds!
- TESSA: OK, OK, OK.

[He pants]

Oh, my God. Dude.
Did you hear that?

I freaking heard it, dude. Come here.

[They shriek]

- Dude, you killed it, man.
- TESSA: I'm coming in, oh my God!

[Phone rings]

[They cheer and chatter]

[Crowd chants in distance]

Sili! Sili!

[Crowd chants]: Here we, here we,
here we fucking go!

[They scream]

Yo!

[Cheering continues]

[Hip hop music plays]

Yo.

Are you serious?
What are youse doing over here, man?

You could be drinking and smoking
with me and Proof, and you're over here.

- Doing-- doing what?
- You all right, man?

I'm good. I'm really good.

You sure?

- What are you talking about?
- Just filling in a few blanks, Gavin.

Do not fucking call me that.
Dude, how stupid is she?

- Hey!
- Alright, come on. That's enough, Gavin.

- Don't... call me Gavin!
- OK, listen.

She called me Gavin.

- We need to talk.
- She's calling me Gavin, dude.

- We need to talk.
- What!

- Come on.
- Yeah, yeah, I'm coming, Dad.

- GAVIN: Dude!
- [Door slams]

[Scottish accent]
Look, we need to talk, mate.

We don't need to talk. We're good.

We have no problems, man.

Gavin, can we just drop the accent,
please?

- Yeah, for like, five minutes.
- [American]: I'm doing what I need to do.

Do you not understand that?

Did you lie to me
about Mary taking pills at the launch?

- Is... Is that what this is about?
- MARY: Come on, Gav.

Why did you lie to me, Gav? To me?

My lies have caused no problems.

Look where you are, dude.

- This is what we wanted.
- This is not what we wanted.

We wanted to expose them, right?

We wanted to come out on TV
and run this town.

Now we just look like
a pair of fucking liars, mate,

and half the country knows it.

And I need to understand
that you get that.

- You're tripping, man.
- Because right now, I don't--

- You're tripping.
- It's pretty fucking scary, pal.

The fuck?
Yeah, 'cause Billy never lies, right?

I literally just said that
it was me lying as well, Gav!

Billy's not a liar, is he, Mary?

Come inside and drink with me, man.

No.

Sili.

Come inside and drink with me, man.

What's going on, Billy?

[Tense music]

Don't.

All right.

No worries, man.

I'll go back and drink with Hayley.

Do you remember Hayley?

Hayley was rolling out of your bed
two nights a week.

You lying fuck.

Billy?

[Music intensifies]

Billy, what's going on?

- Fucking wee...
- MARY: Billy! Billy, Billy!

GAVIN: Get the fuck off!

[They grunt]

- Fuck this.
- Get off me!

[Gavin yelps]

MAN: Oi! Oi!

- What are you doing?
- TESSA: Get off him! What are you doing?

- Stop it!
- Get off of me!

Stop it!

TESSA: What the fuck?!

Stop it. Stop it!

[Scottish accent]:
You're full of shit, Gav.

You're a fucking psycho.
I never want to see you again!

[Dramatic music]

[Heavy breathing]

Tessa, I'm so sorry.

You weren't supposed
to find out like this.

I promise
we never meant to hurt you.

Bruv, I'm done.

GAVIN: Sill!

What the fuck?

Tessa!

Tessa, stop, man!

Tessa, where are you going?

Tessa, stop. Please!
Please, stop.

Where are you from, Gavin?

LA!

Mate. Where are you from?

[Sombre music]

Tessa, where are you going?

Tessa!

You can't leave me here in Scotland!

Shit.

[Phone rings]

[Beeps]

Hey, man.

I'm heading back to London.

And... I'll talk to Anthony.

I'll save it, dude.

[Talk raps]:
I got my boy Billy coming over.

Wild in his whip.

He ain't too scared
to dip out from his bitch

'Cause she knows he's holding back
the hoes in droves because he loves her.

But now he's spitting.

Cashing these cheques with his brother

and we're gonna be so high
we could actually fly.

And they'll be lucky enough to witness.

The two baddest MCs
[He sniffles]

in this whole fucking business.

[Voicemail beeps]

[Music fades]

[Doorbell rings]

ANTHONY [On phone]:
We'll make double that in Germany, Poland.

Losing South Africa is no great shakes.

We just jump straight back.

OK.

Alright, done.

- You were saying?
- We fight over chicks all the time.

He'll come back, we're all good.

He might not come back,
which puts you in a tricky position.

Tell me something,
have you ever thought about going solo?

Yeah.

- Yeah, man.
- Yeah?

I'm the one that does all the writing.

I'm the one that does all the mixing.
He's just more of a hype man.

What did I tell you?

So where exactly in Scotland
are you from, Gavin?

- What?
- Don't what me.

Have you got any idea how much money
we have spent on you

between studio time, accommodation
and every drink you've had,

we're talking close to £100,000.

You backstabbing phoney rat.

You've embarrassed yourself, son.
You've embarrassed me.

And most importantly,
you have embarrassed this company.

Do not look at her!

She can't help you because
you have well and truly shafted her career

into the middle of next week.

So you're gonna disappear quietly.

Because if I hear so much as a whisper

of you taking this story or your tracks
to another company,

I swear I will come after you
for every penny you owe

until even your grandchildren
are looking for payday loans.

[Sound muffles]
Do you understand?

Abby, you can send them in
and set me up for my 9:15.

Thank you.

You have to listen...

- Gavin.
- We tried as us.

Don't want another...

[They shout]

- Tessa, please!
- [Dramatic music plays]

Tessa!

BILLY [On video]:
This is going to be

for the documentary
when we're rich and famous.

- GAVIN:
Yeah, man.
- So tell them what we're doing today.

Where are we going?

GAVIN:
Southbound, baby. Southbound.
Where we belong, man.

London taking over.

Freedom! Freedom!

GAVIN [On phone]:
Hey, man, hope you're good.

I think I might have screwed
everything up a little bit.

But it's all right, 'cause...

We'll make it work out, right?

Can you just help me work out what I did?

[Sombre music]

I'm just a little confused...

why I'm down here without you.

It's all... It's all good, man.

I think.

I think I'm just gonna stop now.

[Music fades]

[Street buzz]

[Footsteps approach]

[People chatter]

So...

You're looking well.

[Scottish accent]: Yeah, last couple
of months have been better.

I've been sleeping and I've been eating.

[She laughs]

- Oh, my days.
- What?

- What?
- Your voice.

- I've never heard
you
, you know, not...
- Oh.

Yeah, well, uh...

[He sighs]

Are you going to apologise?
Is that what I'm doing here?

I'm going to apologise.

Tessa,

I am really sorry.

- Is that it? What else you got?
- Have you been working?

Am I working?
What? We're doing small talk now?

I'm just scared
that you've lost your job, like...

OK, yeah, I am.
I left Neotone.

Not because of
that gaping dickhole Anthony, either.

I just... left.

Listen, you know what?
I'm gonna go.

I've got an act sound checking in an hour

and it's a bad look
if the manager's late, so.

Yeah, I'm out.

OK. No, totally. Are they good?

Not as good as you.

[Laughs]

Why is that funny?

You were brilliant.

That is the saddest thing
about all of this.

Had you been honest with me...

- Tessa, we tried.
- Oh, my God, Gavin.

We auditioned for Neotone,
but we got nowhere.

They literally laughed in our faces.

How many auditions
did you have as yourselves?

One.

One?

One.

One knockback
and you two start running around

pretending to be
American gangster wankers.

Dude, I know you've been in a dark place,

and I know
what those people are like, but...

Whatever they did,
the truth is...

You screwed me,
you screwed your friends,

and you screwed your shot.

And that is on you.

Please take care of yourself, OK?

I really like the accent.

[Emotional music plays]

[Phone rings]

GAVIN:
Hey, man, I hear you two
are expecting a baby.

Man, that's...

That's really wicked, man. Congrats.

Man, I'm sorry
I never called you sooner.

I'm not going to be here forever.
I'm going back down to London.

The London that is in England.

I'm performing at the Doghouse tonight.
Some new stuff.

It's not a big deal, though.
It's... small.

Small thing.

I just wanted to say, I'm really...

[Call disconnects]

[Sings]:
Now she sits at home feeding
the baby, she's all alone

Turns on TV and guess who she sees
Skater boy rocking up MTV

Calls up her friends,
they already know

And they've all got tickets
to see his show

She tags along
and stands in the crowd

Looks up at the man
she turned down

Because he was a skater boy...
[Song continues in background]

Big turnout.

[Song continues in background]

- Are you OK?
- Yeah, aye, I'm fine.

Look, you sure
I can't get you something?

No, no, water's fine, aye.

I'll clap for you, Gavin.

Just make sure you go up there
and gie it laldy.

[Song ends, crowd claps]

HOST: Everyone,
let's hear it for Mackenzie!

Next up, we have Brains Bain!

Yo, yo, what's up? My name is Brains Bain.
It's good to be back in Dundee.

Some of you know me, some of you don't.

Yeah, I've got some new material.
I'd love to try it tonight.

So, yeah. DJ, let's go.

[Upbeat music plays]

GAVIN: Cut the track.

[Music stops]

You alright?

[Raps]: I
t seems I sacrificed it all
But what have I got left to show?

I stand alone, they dim the lights,
I watch the curtains close

I had it and lost it all

The fall is not what hurts the most
What's worse is being left alone

My presence has become a ghost
I chose the path

I know gradually I lost control,
lost myself, lost my friends

I question if I lost my soul

If only I had known that
the journey really was the goal

I'd have told myself to be myself
and not to let it go

I turned my back on my beliefs
and let the culture down

I burnt relationships
And yeah it hurts, I became the clown

So do I regret it? Yes.
There's no need to wonder now

If sorrys really worked,
I'd say it loud enough

To turn it around

I feel proud to take this mask off

I'm standing here, no character
I'm glad this is my last stop

Can't stop music though
It's really all I've got left

Some people find true love

But me...

I know it's not yet

You two are just weird.

[Crowd laughs]

- You gonna sing something or no, Gav?
- Hey, yo, DJ, spin that.

- Yo, my name is Gavin Bain.
- [Upbeat music plays]

I'm from Scotland.
I've never been to America.

And this is my music.

[Bad American accents]:
California. We're from California.

[Upbeat hip hop music plays]

Silibil, Brains.

Both met in the same skate scenes,
punk rock scenes and hip hop scenes.

- Just back in the day.
- Two ill emcees.

Uh, ended up back in London.

Did one show,
there was record company people there.

We were flat broke by this time,
so they offered us a record deal.

We needed money for booze, so we thought:
take the deal, let the good times roll.

Got a phone call this morning saying,

come and support D12, which...

Few thousand people,
nothing to worry about!

[Crowd cheers]

REAL BRAINS [On mic]:
We are out of here. Thank you very much.

[Rap song plays]