Original subtitles

(Emily exhales)

(galloping)

(fabric scraping on rock)

(Emily sighs)

(carabiner clipping)

(Emily pulling body up against rock)

(Emily exhales)

(fabric scraping on rock)

(light wind and low rumble)

(pensive acoustic guitar music)

Open that up.

Come on, get it open.

I totally knew it.

I totally knew it. Yeah.

What is it?

It's a rope.

Yay!

Get rid of that box.

What other 12-year-old

would love a rope for Christmas?

Yeah, yeah.

Come on, Em.

Yeah! Wohooo!

(crowd cheering)

Yeah!

Emily Harrington.

Yeah!

Your 2000 National Champion!

(crowd applauding)

Congratulations.

Emily? Emily?

Emily, where are we?

I don't know.

I don't know?

We're at...

El Capitan.

(gentle spirited music)

From Colorado, Emily Harrington.

She's certainly a force to be reckoned with.

Emily made it look easy.

(crowd cheering and applauding)

Five-time national champion.

(camera shutter clicks)

But Emily is certainly

one of the most well-rounded American female climbers.

Part of your brain knows

that this is slightly illogical.

It is dangerous,

but life's boring if you don't have

that little element of spice, right?

(music swelling)

We should try to get a little bit more comfortable

with being afraid.

I love exploring my perceived limit

and trying to push past it.

(music creshendo and ending)

(writing and burning sound effect)

(fire crackle and kisses)

[Emily] Are you biting my nose?

(rope rubbing into pack)

(creaking stairs)

(door clunking)

(sparking lighter)

We got fire.

I think this is my pee bottle.

(cautious sniffing)

Nope, just a normal water bottle.

(roaring laughter)

A little flare in the van.

(highway driving and background radio voice)

I'm really proud of my career so far,

but if you wanna call yourself a successful

all around climber, you've gotta be up on El Cap.

There it is in all its glory.

El Capitan.

It's always surprising how big it is.

I never think, "oh, like, it doesn't look that bad"

or "it doesn't look that big.

It's always so fucking big.

No one talks about how scary it is.

I wish I could not feel afraid anymore.

(gentle spirited music)

El Capitan is a 3,200-foot granite face.

Doesn't get much bigger,

doesn't get much more difficult,

doesn't get much more high quality than El Cap.

It's just the most impressive,

most beautiful stone in the world.

And it's so hard to free climb.

When you look at El Cap, it looks impossible.

It looks smooth and you can't imagine

what there would be to climb it.

Always attracted people that are curious

to push themselves to the highest level.

For decades,

climbers have been testing themselves up there.

Climbing El Capitan is the most badass thing

that you can do as a human.

(cheering and applause)

With the exception of Lynn Hill

and a few other women, it's very much like a boys club.

Come on.

Go fast!

When I started climbing,

the first person I learned about was Lynn Hill.

She was the first to free climb

a route on El Capitan called The Nose.

And then the following year,

she went back and free climbed it in a day,

which was the most groundbreaking, astonishing achievement.

I didn't feel like I needed to prove anything after that

'cause I was at the age where I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to have a family.

And having the freedom to just go rock climbing

was not gonna happen forever.

At a certain point,

you have to be happy with what you've done.

(car driving on gravel)

What's your ring?

You wanna hear my alarm?

Yeah.

Oh. This is mine.

What's yours?

Mine's more of the other end of the spectrum.

I was in Yosemite looking for a project,

some sort of inspiration.

I was working on my personal quest

to free solo cap on the Freerider,

and she was willing to go up the wall

to support me for a day of climbing.

I got really excited

because climbing with Alex on El Cap

is like playing basketball with Michael Jordan.

It's like you're with the best of the best.

First time I met Emily was at a cliff called Jailhouse.

She was already a very established, very successful climber.

She was a lot better than me.

And the thing that really made an impression

was that she was all kind of done up

and she had earrings and things.

And I was like,

"Man, how can someone climb that hard with earrings?"

She was just so well put together and going to college

and doing the hardest thing at the cliff.

You know, everything about it was just different

than when I was living, I was like,

"Whoa, that's a different level."

You could tell he just didn't really care

about anything but climbing.

And he is very famous for free soloing,

which is rock climbing without a rope.

No person does what he does at his level.

Hey, I haven't done this stuff in a while.

I was incredibly inspired by the way he moved.

He was so perfect.

He seemed so at ease, and I've always envied that.

With the gri-gri on,

you can climb up to the spire

and, like, re-flake the rope and manage.

I'm just trying to nurture you

into a simul-climbing machine.

Good work. Sick.

Thank you.

Yeah, good work.

Good work.

There's no way... That was good.

There's no way I would've done any of that without you.

Isn't that pretty rad?

That was pretty rad.

That was a life experience.

Yeah.

I think you could do that in a day.

You do?

Yeah.

I don't think it'd be that bad for you 'cause you just have

the base fitness that you need, you know?

Yeah.

It'd definitely be a dream.

Yeah, It'd be sick.

Gotta start somewhere.

Yeah.

I mean, you know?

That's when I first thought

of trying to free climb El Cap in less than 24 hours.

Climbing it in a day is the epitome of hard rock climbing.

And there's a desire to prove myself,

like, I do deserve to be here.

I do deserve to be climbing with all of these people

that I've looked up to and idolized for a long time.

That's, you know- That was pretty good.

All right.

Haggard too, huh?

It's the sense of belonging that I want.

(mysterious music creshendo)

(light wind and birds chirping)

I see some big wet streaks,

but I also see dry rock,

so it's kinda a mixed bag up there.

It is not going to change a single thing.

Most people free climb El Cap over five days or so.

It's so much harder to free climb El Cap in a day.

The difference between doing a multi-day ascent

and doing one day ascent is huge.

To climb that thing in a day, it's outrageous.

It's an audacious undertaking.

And I'm left wondering whether she can pull it off.

Most people who free climb El Cap in a day

have done it via the Freerider

because it's the easiest route.

I wanted to do a more challenging route,

and that's why I chose Golden Gate.

There are very few climbers

who have free climbed any route on El Cap in a day

other than the Freerider.

Golden Gate is quite a bit harder.

Golden Gate has only been free climbed in a day

by three people.

Yeah, Brad.

Three of the best El Cap climbers in the world.

These guys are heroes of mine,

and I wanna be a part of that group.

Golden Gate has 34 pitches.

My goal is to climb from the beginning of each pitch

to the end without falling.

That will be a free ascent.

If I fall, I have to go back

to the beginning of that pitch and try again.

And I need to do this in under 24 hours.

(gentle guitar strum)

That's gonna be really hard for her.

I give her a 20% chance of sending, honestly.

She just hasn't paid her dues like Honnold has.

(rope coiling)

It is hard to put yourself out there

and say you're gonna try to do

the hardest thing you've ever done.

Just because I'm trying to protect myself

from people finding out that I'm afraid

or that I fail or that I'm just like everyone else.

I mean, I don't wanna say it's mansplaining,

but primarily there's men that have accomplished this goal,

and so it's like I get a lot of advice.

And it's a lot of like,

"Oh, you need to be committed to this

and you need to go here for this amount of time

and you need to do it this way

and you should be doing this and you should be doing that."

I've been climbing for 22 years.

Like, I know how to approach a goal.

I don't need someone to tell me how to do it.

But obviously that's a hard...

That's a hard thing to convince yourself of as well.

It's hard for me to convince myself

that I know what I'm doing.

Do you think I need more than one three?

I wouldn't even take the three.

Oh my god.

Maybe I don't need this and two purples.

I always had it in my mind

ever since he asked me to support him

that he would probably be willing

to support me on Golden Gate.

I'd like to think I'm maybe the best supporter

in the world for El Cap

just because I know the routes really well,

I've worked on them a long time.

I don't think anyone has climbed

any of those parts of the wall faster.

Are you climbing The Monster with just one six?

Yeah. Awesome.

And I wanted to help Emily

achieve this big dream of hers.

Alex is very comfortable, very confident,

but I also trust him.

Having someone up there who you can tell is right at home

makes me feel that much more comfortable.

I'll give you that.

Go up and try your best and-

That's all I'm doing.

I'm just gonna go try.

Move by move, you just do your best

and see how it plays out.

I'm allowed to fall?

Yeah, I mean, that's the beautiful thing.

You have a rope.

It's like, who gives a shit?

I'm really happy that I have a rope.

(mysterious drone music)

Take your time.

Enjoy.

Remember, climbing the mountain is fun.

(gentle pensive music continues)

The way that I climb the bottom

2,000 feet of the route with Alex

is something called simul-climbing.

So I'm leading, placing gear, and Alex is following,

climbing at the same time as me.

So we're moving up the wall together.

And it enables you to move a lot faster

but it cuts some corners

because you're placing less safety equipment

between yourself and your partner.

So if either of us falls,

we can get severely injured or we could die.

But this is really the only way to climb it in a day.

I was kind of proud of myself, honestly.

Yeah, that was good. Thank you.

I just hand over, handed the rope.

I was like, "Fuck that."

That was the easiest that The Monster has ever felt,

but it's still really hard.

Now it's way faster than ever before.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, like 45 minutes.

Like 50.

You climbed 2,000 feet already.

You might as well climb one more pitch.

I'm gonna try.

I don't know if I can though.

Yeah, of course.

You can just get in there and engage.

All right, you need someone to, like, punch in the nuts.

Like, ugh. I don't have nuts.

Ovaries.

Good job, Em.

You are doing great.

Thank you, I really appreciate it.

I'm really digging deep here. I mean, this is...

This is...

This is my first effort.

Yeah.

Do you think it's worth giving it one to the death effort?

I mean, I've been trying to give it to the death.

Yeah, well, is that to the death?

It seems a little like worky.

If we decide to go down, let's fully debrief.

Like, what are you gonna do differently?

What are you gonna do better?

Where can you save energy?

Because, I mean, obviously,

there's a ton of room for improvement today.

A lot of room for improvement.

(thunder, wind, and rain showers)

Yeah, that's crazy.

It just went from perfectly okay.

To perfectly not okay.

(water rushing)

Oh.

Oh my god, it hurts so bad.

(loud hail hitting rock)

Hi, give me a hug.

I needed a hug from you all day.

Thank you.

These bruises are just all from one pitch.

I was secretly happy that we got rained off

because everything just felt so hard.

I don't really foresee me trying again this spring.

I'm kind of worked over from the season.

(somber music)

I didn't feel ready

and I haven't put in the work in order to be successful.

(somber music concludes)

(light wind)

(door cracks open)

Oh.

Yeah, that was her first wetsuit.

Look at how tiny that little thing is.

Here you go.

Here's a bunch of trophies.

Climbing stuff, first place

Junior nationals.

Oh, when she was 12 years old.

I don't remember what that one was.

Where's that one from?

Serre Chevalier.

Oh, yeah, this is the World Cup she won.

Now, there's the little Mohawk.

Look at that Mohawk.

(bright happy music)

I would say I had like a very normal childhood.

My dad was really into any activity

that was in the mountains.

Ski.

Turns.

Growing up, I had this idea

that girls were inferior in some way.

(crowd cheering)

I desperately wanted to prove that I wasn't like that.

I grew up with my two cousins who were boys,

and we were super competitive with each other.

All I wanted to do was be better than them.

I wanted to do well in everything,

and I tried really hard.

When I found climbing, this switch went off.

It was like instantly that's what I wanted to do.

(crowd cheering)

The feeling of lightness and strength

and invincibility was pretty profound.

(crowd applause)

I liked the feeling of success.

(large crowd cheering)

And if I didn't measure up to that,

(crowd groans)

I was so upset and disappointed.

Competitions, being the best, winning.

To me, that was what climbing was.

(somber music)

I definitely started putting more pressure on myself.

My self worth was so tied to my success in climbing,

and then my success in climbing was tied to my weight.

The less mass you have,

the easier it's gonna be to stay on the wall.

It just became this cycle of punishment.

I remember being completely exhausted all the time.

She was so thin and I didn't know what to do.

And I remember her hands were orange

'cause all she was eating was carrots.

And I wasn't sleeping well

and I was dizzy sometimes.

(crowd applause)

And then climbing wasn't very fun.

I feel like I barely laughed.

I started realizing

that this isn't how I want to live my life.

And is climbing going to be a positive force in my life

or is it always gonna be this negative thing?

(somber music)

"I guess now is the best time

and here is the best place to say this.

I have an eating disorder.

I can't admit it to anybody else,

but at least I can admit it to myself.

I feel out of control when I indulge in food

and my all or nothing behavior

makes me depressed and unhappy.

I don't ever give myself a break.

I wanna be perfect all the time.

I must run fast, climb strong,

and eat as little as possible."

Eventually, my body and my brain

just couldn't really handle

all the stress and the pressures.

I realized that competing wasn't something

that I really wanted to do anymore.

(music creshendo)

(wind and outdoor atmosphere)

The pivotal thing that happened

was I joined The North Face athlete team

and got invited on an expedition to Mount Everest.

(hopeful music)

I had no idea what it would do for me and my life.

(hopeful music continues)

She was keen to try out mountain climbing.

So it's like, "Oh, first mountain climbing trip.

How about Everest?"

A little bit crazy, but why not?

It's the tallest and most precipitous mountain range

on our planet.

If you wanna test your mettle, that's where you go.

I remember just saying, "Emily, no.

I do not want you going to Everest."

Tim said to her, "You're not going."

And she said, "Dad, I'm not 16."

And that was the end of that.

Emily at 25, barely coming out of the gym

as a gym climber, and then being on Everest?

I mean, that's a huge leap to make.

I was a little like dark in those days,

so I might have just totally written her off

as a first impression, you know?

Just kind of like, "Ugh, whatever."

(wind blowing and tents flapping)

It wasn't until I got there and realized

that Conrad was like completely hands off with Emily

and he was like, "Well, you step in."

And I'm like, "I don't even know her.

I don't wanna do this.

I'm not a mentor."

I was not very helpful.

I definitely am not an incredibly sympathetic person.

(menacing music and wind gushing)

I'm ready to go up tomorrow.

I'm a little nervous and scared

to go through the icefall.

(avalanche rumbling)

That's an avalanche.

It happens like five times a day.

It's really unnerving.

(carabiner clipping)

(crampons clanging on ladder)

I wanna get through the icefall and then I'll be okay.

(menacing music building)

Conrad saw something in her, and he was right.

(wind rushing)

She just didn't give in.

(wind blowing and clothing flapping)

Emily, what's up?

Nice job, Em.

(positive and hopeful music)

I came to care immensely for Emily

over the time of that trip.

We talked about my relationship,

we talked about my climbing,

we talked about her kids

and how much she missed her kids and just life.

And it gave me a peek

into what my life could be like in the future.

Hey, I'm at the South Col.

Getting ready to go up for the summit.

(light winds)

(crampons crunching snow)

Just stuck behind a line of people.

She passed me and she was by herself.

And I was like, "Emily, why are you by yourself?

Where's the Sherpa that you were climbing with?"

She's like, "Oh, god, I feel so bad.

He was slow, so I left him behind.

Was that really bad?

Should I go back and get him?"

(light wind)

She crushed it.

It was so out of her main sport

that it just was all the more of a huge achievement.

As a climber, you're the sum total

of all your ascents and expeditions,

and each experience that you have

builds into who you are as a climber.

And Emily got that.

I was a lot stronger than I thought I would be.

Climbing Mount Everest has made me appreciate

the style of climbing that I do.

I do want to continue to be in the mountains

and to learn from them.

Good morning. Morning.

Here's your coffee.

I stayed up late last night and get all these emails

and, like, texts with China and Nepal and Tibet

and I'm like scared to talk on my phone

and see what everyone wrote.

Come back to bed.

No.

I have an interview in 15 minutes.

Okay, I'll make breakfast.

Hi, this is Adrian.

Doing some final prep for a big trip.

I'm leaving on early next week.

You know the average Everest expedition is two months long

and I'm probably away,

you know, seven to eight months a year,

still traveling and climbing around the world.

Adrian, he is a high altitude climber

and a mountain guide

who spends a lot of time in the Himalaya.

We met at Camp 2 on Mount Everest.

I just remember this charismatic guy.

He was super nice and fun to talk to.

The sad fact of high altitude climbing

is there's just not many women.

I certainly noticed Emily as an anomaly.

But 21,000 feet is really miserable,

so you kind of like have a crushing headache

at the same time that you're trying to be,

like, social and funny and interesting.

It's not like a great flirting opportunity.

It was this really powerful connection

that we had.

I've never felt like that with anyone before

and we knew that we wanted to stay connected.

Adrian is gone most of the year, guiding in the Himalaya.

And because I have this big project I'm working on,

we are gonna spend the next four months apart.

I don't really look forward to this time of year as it is

because Adrian's gonna be gone for a really long time

and I have a lot of,

like, I put a lot of pressure on myself for my own projects.

No.

I've spent a lot of time with people

who have lost their partner in the mountains.

And every time he leaves,

I have this part of me that is afraid he won't come back.

(bed squeaking)

The secret stash.

Okay, I'm overwhelmed again.

I'm gonna go eat toast.

I'm really overwhelmed right now.

Good luck.

Here we go.

It kind of sucks.

(stairs creaking)

I have cat stuff.

I have food, coffee stuff.

Music.

Music.

Bed.

I love you.

I love you too.

And she's off.

It's always hard.

This one especially.

(Western guitar music)

I am going to Moab because I want to prepare

for the upcoming Yosemite season.

And Moab is a great place to do that.

Last spring, I just wasn't ready.

I hadn't put in the work.

Look at these nails too.

These are the gel nail.

Gel nail magic.

Supposed to last for like three months.

(bright hopeful music)

I did not grow up learning how to crack climb.

And for climbing in Yosemite, it's a required skill.

(bright hopeful music continues)

(gear clanging and heavy breathing)

I wouldn't consider myself a super confident person

when I'm standing on the ground.

It's more when I'm like climbing

that my confidence shines through.

I think I did get better technique.

It's nice to feel a little more confidence.

I'm excited to go to Yosemite.

(keyboard clacking)

I've been in Yosemite now for a few weeks

training on Golden Gate.

It's been long days hiking in

and practicing the harder pitches.

It's really the only way to know every pitch

for that in a day attempt.

(determined music)

There's five hard sections of the route for me.

The first one that comes up is The Monster.

You have to kind of wedge your body into this crack

and this is almost 200 feet long.

The Monster off-width is harder

if your foot can't bridge the crack.

My foot can span

between one side of the crack and the other side

so I can easily wedge one foot and push upward.

If you have a smaller foot,

it's harder to make upward progress.

I sort of wanna die right now.

The next pitch that's really hard for me

is called The Downclimb.

There's essentially no holds.

You're kind of standing

on a less than vertical smooth surface,

just pasting your feet on the wall

and using the friction in order to stick.

Come on.

Your balance has to be pretty perfect

in order to not get spit off.

Oh, that was it.

The next hard pitch is called The Move.

At the end of the pitch,

there's a really hard boulder problem.

So, a series of really hard moves.

(Emily screaming)

For me, it's the most powerful section of the route.

It has the hardest single moves.

The next section is called The Golden Desert.

It is a really long crack climb

mixed with some funky traversing under a roof.

And then the very next pitch after that

is called the A5 Traverse.

And that's kind of the pitch that guards you from success.

Imagine traversing this steep sloping rail

and trying to stand on feet that are the width of dimes.

The A5 Traverse is the spot where most people fail.

By the time you've climbed almost 3,000 feet to get there,

your arms are just incredibly tired

and it's really hard to hang on.

I'm still a little nervous about the A5 Traverse.

(music concludes)

(distant boat motor and rushing water)

(engine roaring and rushing water)

You are doing it!

Thankfully, Adrian came home from Everest

and everything was fine,

but there was weeks there where I thought he might not.

It's not really that safe, even if you make good decisions.

Is it true?

That I thought you might die?

Yeah.

I thought you might die, and I was trying to be-

So you figured you'd stop moving on right away?

Yeah.

Just gonna be a bachelorette

and, like, be just in my little world, independent.

It could happen

or it could be the other way around.

Yeah.

I think I think about it less,

but I think about it sometimes

as you start speed climbing more and more,

cutting corners, rock fall,

there's plenty of things that can kill you.

It's a little bit of a stretch

but I'm not gonna die.

I'm not gonna die rock climbing.

But you got to think about it

and acknowledge it's a possibility.

It's true.

I just think that I've finally, like, come to a place

where I'm okay.

Not okay, but more okay.

More okay is good.

Yes.

Okay, questions.

"Okay, get married already."

"When you're getting married?"

"Are you gonna have babies?" Babies.

"Get married already."

"Do you plan on having kids soon?"

Okay.

I do plan on having kids eventually, I think.

I want one kid, so I'm not really in like a huge rush.

I say we.

We, right? We.

I think I've come around.

We kind of settled on one

because Adrian wanted like three.

Seven-teen. He wanted three.

But I just want one, so I'm not in a rush.

And I have like, we both have things we wanna do first.

I've got a couple about asking me about El Cap

and what happened and if I'm going back.

Basically, I failed and I also had terrible weather,

but that's, like, a second part of it,

that prevented me from succeeding.

And then, yes, I'm going back in the fall.

(serene music)

(antler clanging)

(serene music continues)

So we got two liters of water.

Okay.

I have extra chalk.

Okay, cool.

Let me get the air out of it.

Wait, are you taking that much extra chalk?

I'm very concerned about the heat.

For one El Cap route?

It weighs nothing.

I guess.

It just, that seems like a lot of chalk for...

Well, we don't have to bring it.

No, no, you-

No, but I actually really-

If you think it'll make you feel better,

you definitely bring it. It makes me feel better.

Okay, extra chalk.

I'm bringing these.

It's really hot.

What are those?

They're breakable ice packs. Ice packs?

For my hands and feet. That seems totally absurd.

So if we wanna climb by three,

what time should we meet in the meadow?

Well, like 2:30.

2:30.

That's, like, pretty early though.

Pretty early.

(gentle spirited music)

(Emily takes deep breath and exhales)

(footsteps thumping on rocks)

(hands rubbing loudly)

Okay.

(gentle spirited music continues)

Nice job, Em.

Thanks.

(gear scraping up rock)

(gentle spirited music continues)

(Emily breathing heavily)

(Emily grunting)

Come on, Em. Come on.

Come on.

Dude, come on. Yeah, come on.

Come on, hold it.

Come on.

Yes.

Fuck, yeah.

Come on, Em.

You're doing good.

Come on, Em.

(Emily grunting)

Nice.

(Emily breathing heavily)

If you do it today in this style,

just like you just did it-

It'd be pretty sick.

Just think about how good that's gonna feel.

Oh, I can't yet.

I gotta finish the rest of it.

(pensive music)

(Emily scraping rock)

Yeah, we started 11 and a half hours ago,

so it's a good time, actually.

This is when you rely on your World Cup fitness.

(Emily breathing heavily)

Good, come on.

Yeah, yeah.

[Jon] Pretty sure you can just climb one more pitch.

Pretty sure there's like five more pitches.

Good em.

That's it.

Good.

Good.

I'm falling.

No, no, you're okay.

Come on.

Come on. No, it's too much.

Stay with it.

I just fucked everything up and like...

That's all right.

Oh my god.

I'm just, like, shit.

(tense music)

Really good, Em.

Yeah, really good.

(Emily breathing heavy)

Come on.

Come on.

Come on, there you go.

Oh, fuck.

I don't have it, you guys.

I don't have it.

I'm just too tired.

(crying) I'm giving it everything I have.

I just...

I just couldn't do it.

I couldn't keep climbing.

I'm like super bummed

but it's like everything I could possibly do.

I failed on the last hard pitch.

Pretty heartbroken.

(keyboard clacking)

(keyboard clacking continues)

I think you have to try things that you're afraid of,

that you might suck at,

that you're gonna most likely fail at,

in order to actually really get to know yourself

and know what you're capable of.

(gentle tribal music)

When I was trying to figure out how to make a team to go

on this seven-week totally unknown jungle bashing,

crazy alpine Myanmar expedition,

I wanted Emily to go.

Like, I wanted her to go more than anyone.

Like, I wouldn't go if Emily didn't go.

This is like an anti-Everest trip.

(birds flapping wings)

Think of Everest.

From the minute you get off the plane

to the summit of Everest,

every step of the way is mapped out.

Hkakabo Razi was exactly the opposite.

Wanting her on the team was met with a lot of resistance,

but I put my foot down and she was stoked to do it.

(motorcycles revving engines)

It was a month before we even got this camp.

We had to cut our gear by two thirds.

Ran out of food.

(tense music swells)

A lot of the things that I did today,

I've never done before.

(ice axe and crampons crunching snow)

It's scary that heavy pack feel off balance a little.

Good job, Em. Thank you.

Way more rad.

Way more gnarly than Everest.

My favorite day on that whole climb

was Emily and I were stuck on this ridge for 48 hours.

(wind blowing and tent flapping)

Winds blowing 60 miles an hour nonstop.

And at one point, Emily looks at me and she's like,

"What do you think?

You think we're gonna be okay?"

I looked at her and I was like,

"I don't know.

I hope so."

And she was like, "All right, cool.

Okay."

Whoo!

And five minutes later,

we're laughing and, like, doing what we can

to, like, stay alive.

(wind blowing and laughing)

Emily and I have talked a lot about how crazy it was

and how strung out we were

and how close to just like laying down on the trail

and giving up we were.

And we just didn't.

She was everything I expected her to be on that trip.

She was gritty, she was funny.

She helped me when I was low.

She tackled massive scary things.

3:30 in the morning, November 20 something.

Dragged everyone into helping me climb El Cap in a day.

Has it been two years?

Massive Snowstorm is approaching, like, tomorrow, so...

Day after tomorrow.

Last day of the season, basically.

I'm dragging everyone up here to support me one more time.

One more character-building day on the mountain.

One more character-building day on the mountain.

It's like 4:00 a.m.

It's way colder than it was last time, so that's good.

If you were really pro

you'd be racking onto the harness already.

You packed your harness that way.

Oh, yeah, I didn't do that.

You basically did it last time.

10 more feet today, okay?

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. 10 more feet today.

Go, Em, go.

Here we go.

You're gonna crush it.

Thanks, Sanni.

(gear clanging)

Nice, Em.

You're crushing.

It's such a still day up on El Cap.

(gear clanging above)

(tense music)

(Alex groans)

Creaky old grandpa sit down and tighten his shoes up.

Nice, Em.

(Emily screaming loudly)

Shit. Oh my God.

Are you okay, Em? Emily, you okay?

Em?

Holy shit.

Oh my god, Em.

(Emily moaning above)

Should I lower you to the ledge?

Emily, you're okay.

(Emily moaning in pain)

Lower?

Em.

Talk to us.

Talk to us, Em.

Are you okay?

Are you right side up?

(Emily moaning in pain)

No, no, no. She's not right side up.

Just confirming your number, 4046.

Correct.

I'm gonna put you on hold

while I try to get a ranger, okay?

Okay, thank you.

(dark music)

Yeah, stable now, huh?

Hang in there, Em.

You know, I can tell that it's terrible.

It's all terrible.

Like you can tell it's a giant fall.

The only thing I was thinking about

was whether or not she'll walk again.

(rescue workers clanging)

(somber music)

(footsteps)

(somber music continues)

(radio chatter)

I've tried this pitch so many times.

I know it's slippery, but I've never fallen.

I know my feet are cold, but I need to be confident.

I wasn't scared.

I just...

Now it's scary though, think about.

(somber music intensifies)

I'm sorry guys.

Yeah.

Still have some stuff to learn, I guess.

(keyboard clattering)

World class climber

Emily Harrington trying to make history

falling from Yosemite's El Capitan,

rescued by one of the most famous climbers in the world.

Falls are a peril of the sport no matter your skill level.

Thank goodness she was with people like Alex Honnold.

The climber at the center

of that Oscar-winning documentary, "Free Solo."

I was belaying because I'm holding the rope.

But then when she fell,

so much rope fell into the system.

Like, so much rope pooled at my feet, basically,

that I wound up actually grabbing the rope with my hands

in an effort to catch her sooner.

I don't know if you guys had a chance

to watch "Free Solo."

Oh, he was...

I mean, it's amazing what they do.

And, boy, you gotta have some nerves of steel.

Yes you do. You sure do.

Hope she has a full recovery.

(driving in car)

How are you feeling about it all?

Shitty. Shitty?

Shitty about it.

Like sad?

Yeah.

Everyone is interested in El Cap

and everyone is interested in the fact

that I was climbing with Alex Honnold.

So they wanna write a story about the damsel in distress

who was rescued by the "Free Solo" star.

"Oh, adrenaline junkies, like,

risking their lives and falling off of sheer cliffs

and gets rescued."

Like, it's just stupid and not true,

and it's misunderstood.

I had a bad fall climbing

because rock climbing is inherently dangerous but-

And Alex did exactly what any good partner would do.

Yeah.

And that's the end of the story.

Don't put that close to me at all.

We were choosing to take a certain level of risk that day.

It was 100% not his fault what happened.

(somber music)

(message alerts)

I was afraid of not being good enough,

and now the entire world thinks that as well.

"She is no Alex Honnold."

"Do this without the security of a rope,

and then you can pretend to have accomplished something."

"Woman, go back to kitchen, please.

Let man's doing this stuff."

"She's too fat."

I am bruised and have a rope burn on my neck

and a pretty intense concussion.

I'm slowly recovering but mentally I'm struggling.

I just spiral into the negativity of,

"Oh, I'm never gonna be able to get anywhere with this."

Lots of doubt and lots of kind of, like, questioning

of, like, "Why am I doing this?

Why am I even, like, trying so hard?"

And just feel like giving up.

There's just this really big fear

and it's all circling around, like, the whole kid thing

and the clock is ticking idea,

and I really do wanna have fun and enjoy climbing.

I do.

I just don't know how right now.

Yeah.

It's hard to trust myself, I guess.

(Somber music)

It's Passover.

Happy Passover, guys.

And we can tell that it's Passover

because we are in our houses hiding from a plague,

and because in a recent-

Breakfast, podcast.

Very loud podcast.

Very loud podcast.

Blood on your door will stop coronavirus.

We are one day short of a month since we've been home.

April 12th, Easter Sunday.

And it's Sunday

but it doesn't really matter that it's Sunday.

Every day is pretty much very similar.

Adrian and I have been physically together

for longer than we have ever been.

It's felt like this period of deep connection.

What's your favorite color?

This is like a rapid fire question.

Oh, really?

I actually...

I actually...

What's your favorite color?

Gray.

Gray?

That's a terrible favorite color.

My favorite color is green.

Really?

Yeah. I never knew that.

Well, you learn something new every day,

don't you?

I don't think I've ever bought you anything green.

Better start now.

(dog panting)

We've discussed starting a family in more serious ways,

but I really have to finish this project

before I can start thinking about taking that step.

I don't wanna take eight years

to free climb El Cap in a day.

Then I'll be 40, and then, you know,

it might be too late.

(somber music continues)

If I let something like fear,

something like an accident,

stop me from doing something,

then I'll never go back.

I'll never try something hard again.

This is no longer just a way to prove myself.

It's a way for me to gain back trust

and confidence in myself.

I need to go back.

I've been really gentle with myself,

just accepting that I'm probably gonna be

a little more conservative this year.

And I think I need to talk to Alex about adjusting my method

and just be like, "Dude, I don't wanna, like, go so fast."

I wanna be able to stop and take a breather

and I wanna be able to place more gear

and feel way more safe.

(gentle pensive music)

And so it begins.

Emily's Yosemite season.

3:00 a.m., I'm out of bed making coffee.

Em's waiting for a coffee.

The life of a superstar.

How's it feeling?

Feels okay.

Where I fell last year.

Where you fell last year.

Yeah.

I'm back in Yosemite for the first time since the accident

and Adrian's been helping me train on the hard pitches

and build back that trust.

Down to The Move pitch.

Dun, dun, dun.

Come on.

Yes.

There was no, like, massive screaming whippers

out of The Move today.

You just hit it every time.

You're stronger.

Big support today.

Thank you.

Woop, woop!

Physically, I feel better than I have

probably ever in my life.

I'm trying to figure out the best tactics

for climbing The Monster.

And so I'm gonna try putting on my climbing shoe

and then I'm gonna try putting on a size 42 TC Pro

over top of it to make my foot bigger.

(Emily laughs excitedly)

I'm so excited about this.

And so what time are we thinking about starting?

Let's say starting The Monster at 6:00 a.m.,

which means start and climbing at 1:00 a.m.

That's what I was hoping to do tonight, you know?

I know. Get some

You signed up for it.

Yeah, no, no.

I'm into it.

Yeah, knee pads and duct tape and elbow pads.

At this point, you're gonna get to the top more fresh

than when you left the ground.

I think it'd be tough to make this more comfortable.

Yeah, that's the whole point.

I think it's...

Yeah, exactly.

We're ready for the long haul right now.

I'm planning to have two partners.

It is really valuable to have Alex as a partner

because he is so fast.

But up higher, when the climbing gets slower,

I really like having Adrian there.

He's really good emotional support for me.

Go get her!

Go get her!

I move slowly, and then, like, see how it feels

when I get to the...

Yeah, cool.

It's the same temps tomorrow as today basically, right?

I do feel ready.

I don't think I'm gonna be any more ready

than I am right now.

If I achieve this, I'll never not be a climber,

but I can, like, move on

from being, like, solely focused on climbing.

Like, I can move forward with my life.

I could have a family,

like, I could do all these things I've wanted to do

that might not require so much, like, pinpointed focus.

It's that meaningful.

(hopeful pensive music)

Love you.

Have fun.

Kick some ass up there.

Nice, Em.

At some point in here,

I'm going to have to tie my shoes and put them on

and I'm sort of like,

"Oh, I've got flashbacks from last year."

PTSD, yeah? Yes, exactly.

Oh, my god.

Jeez!

I am gonna run around to the top

and hopefully get to meet Em,

like, two thirds of the way up.

Nice, Em, really smooth.

There's Em.

She's done the free blast.

Yes.

Great job . Thanks.

How do you feel?

Nice.

Had a call from the film team

that Em might be starting The Monster,

which should be right on track.

It's so funny

that you're wearing two pairs of shoes.

(Emily scrapping up crack)

(Emily breathing heavy)

Scary.

Ugh, so glad to have that pitch over with.

I'm taking off all of my shoes,

all four pairs of them that I was wearing.

I was wearing Alex's shoes over my shoes,

so I could climb The Monster easier and faster.

And it works.

I'll say it's not often that I encounter

a completely new rock climbing technique on a big wall.

This is one of those times.

You've styled the hard stuff.

Next, Em is gonna lead us to the summit

of the mighty El Capitan.

That's what's happening next.

(gentle pensive music)

Good, Em.

Really nice.

Nice and relaxed.

Trust the feet.

Perfect.

That's the one.

Perfect.

Really good.

Good, Em.

Really good.

Oh. Good work.

I'm not coming down off the mountain

until I send this route.

I'm never climbing that pitch again.

Nice, Em, really smooth.

I gotta say, you look really fit right now.

Like, your arms are, like, muscular.

Thanks, Alex. Yeah.

Have you been, like, working out more?

Yeah.

I've been putting some effort in.

Like, have you really?

'Cause you look like freaking kind of jacked.

Yeah.

Yeah, dude, I have.

Really good, Em.

Come on. Nice.

Really good, come on. So strong.

Come on. Come on.

Nice, Em.

(Emily breathing heavy)

That's it, come on.

Really good.

(Emily grunting)

Hell, yeah.

I had to dig really deep with that one.

I sent The Move pitch on my first try.

Everything's going well.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

(spirited music)

(Emily breathing heavy)

Nice job, Em.

So exciting up here.

So fresh.

You have dirt all over your face,

but otherwise looking good.

Thanks, Alex. Yeah.

I feel good.

Dude, infinitely better than last time.

(tense music building)

Good job, Em.

(Emily screaming) No!

(head impact on rock)

Oh, oh!

Oh, my god.

Oh, no.

It's bleeding.

Yeah, I see, just a little.

You want me to bring you down?

Yeah. Okay.

You're okay.

Fuck.

Let me see how bad it is.

Like I just don't know anymore about this whole thing,

it just feels too hard for me.

Stupid shit just keeps happening.

No.

You're getting better and better every time.

I know I am.

I know I am.

(Emily sobbing) I just don't feel good enough right now.

I wanted it so badly and maybe I just wanted it too much.

(Emily crying)

I've worked really hard.

I know.

You're not done, Em.

You're not done.

Stupid.

Why did that have to happen?

I didn't do anything wrong.

I wasn't running it out.

I wasn't doing anything wrong.

I'm just scared now.

You just bumped your head.

You're fine.

And you didn't break anything.

I know.

Someday I'll do it.

You're gonna do it today.

It's not hopeless, I promise.

Okay.

I'm trying.

I'll keep trying,

but I don't have much that confidence anymore.

I think you've got more try in you.

You know I'd tell you if I didn't.

I know.

I think you can do this.

I'm gonna try.

(gentle hopeful music)

(gentle hopeful music continues)

Nice.

Thank you.

(Jon and Adrian cheering loudly)

Thanks.

No matter what happens, I'm proud of myself.

Really proud of myself.

Look at the sunset.

Oh.

Gotta keep climbing.

I'm trying to rest before the last hard pitch.

The A5. Yeah.

The site of-

Last time's failure, last year's failure.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Pretty nervous for it.

And we're out of water.

Yeah, we are out of water.

It sucks.

Poor mountain guide planning.

You look great.

So proud of you.

Have fun on this.

This is the pitch you earned.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

(tense music)

Okay, Em.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

(Emily grunting)

Come on, Em.

Come on.

You know what to do.

(Emily breathing heavy)

Come on.

Come on.

Oh my god.

(Jon and Adrian cheering)

You did it!

(Emily crying)

Awoo!

Oh, my god! Yeah.

Holy shit, Emily!

(Emily crying)

I can't believe I did that.

Okay, I got to keep it together.

We've got five more pitches.

Oh, my god.

So badass.

Loads of focus.

I've always dreamed of being able to do this.

And now it's happening

and it's just crazy how it's happening.

It was so close, so many times of falling just now.

So close.

But I just didn't fucking let go.

Fuck yeah!

I am really, really happy and exhausted.

My head kind of hurts and I'm thirsty,

and everything is perfect.

I love you so much.

Thank you, thank you. Fuck, yeah.

You did it.

(Emily crying)

Thank you. I'm so proud of you.

You worked so hard.

And you believed.

Yeah.

21:12... 21:13.

(keyboard clacking)

(Champagne cork popping)

Oh!

You earned that.

Mm-hmm.

Hey.

I can say hi to everyone.

Nice work.

Thanks. Well done.

You look worse.

Actually, you look pretty good.

Things going downhill a little bit.

No, yeah, yeah, I know.

She had to make an effort, dude.

I'm so proud of you. Why'd you leave us?

Oh my...

That is so funny.

Dude, .

But I also didn't...

(applause)

(baby cooing)

I can still hear her voice in my head

and I think about whenever something's hard

or something comes up that feels tricky

or feels complicated,

especially as, like, a woman and a mother,

I try to think about how Hilaree would handle it.

Climbing is dangerous and it entails a level of risk,

but climbing has given me so much

and I'm just not willing to give it up.

I'm excited for what's next.

Hi, bug.

Hi.

Aw.

♪ I know the rise and I know the fall ♪

♪ 'Cause the voice inside knows me best of all ♪

♪ If I can't run I'll walk or crawl ♪

♪ I'll restart restart I'll give my all ♪

♪ To find my place ♪

♪ My place on the world ♪

♪ Hmm ♪

♪ Hmm ♪

♪ I follow the path into the sky ♪

♪ To kiss the heaven before I die ♪

♪ Amidst the cloud the world seems small ♪

♪ This tired heart still wants it all ♪

♪ I'll find my place ♪

♪ My place on the world ♪

♪ I'll find my place ♪

♪ My place on the world ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Giving my all ♪

♪ Giving my all for my place on the world ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Giving my all ♪

♪ Giving my all for my place on the world ♪

♪ I'll find my place ♪

♪ My place on the world ♪

♪ I'll find my place ♪

♪ My place on the world ♪