Original subtitles

(SYMPHONY NO 41 PLAYS)

ZEKE: When Mum was pregnant with me,

she played Mozart constantly

because she read it would make me smarter.

Maybe that's why I was born premature -

I was trying to get away from it.

Zeke! Come to Mama!

Then, when I was born,

she breastfed me for longer than usual

in the hope it would make me stronger.

All that led to was me being picked second-last

every time in PE.

And a bad set of bitch tits.

Italian families show love through food,

so, unless you want to seem ungrateful,

you better pack it in.

(RETCHES)

It's fine for people like my brother Lorenzo.

Come on! Yes! He can just burn it all off.

That's my boy! THAT'S my boy!

Not that I don't get exercise.

I spank it every chance I get.

Hey, what the fuck are you doin' in there?!

Which isn't often enough in my house.

Get out of the fuckin' bathroom!

There's no word in Italian for 'privacy'.

I swear to God, bro!

But while I might not be able to compete on the oval,

I definitely measure up in other ways.

Who was the real monster of the story?

That is the question.

Zeke, can you do me a huge favour?

Can you help me with this? Can we swap?

Oh, you're the best! The best!

The best!

Maybe all that Mozart paid off after all.

Oh, darling!

Oh! Hi, Mum.

Hey, Mrs C.

Hey, looking good! Eat up, boys!

Cheers, big ears. Ah!

Mmm.

How was your swim? Was it good?

Yeah, really good. Nice. Yeah?

Not that it mattered.

Mm-hm!

OK, are they almost ready?

Oh! Not too big.

We're not all little piglets!

Mum!

Wait, I haven't given them the ridges yet.

Oh, OK. (DOORBELL RINGS)

Uh, she's early.

Well, isn't that better than being late?

Not really.

(FRONT DOOR OPENS) Hi!

NAT: Hi! (MOUTHS)

Oh, you look handsome. So do you. You look gorgeous.

Hello!

Welcome. Come on through.

You have a beautiful home. Thank you!

And this is my Zeke.

Hi. Finally!

Oh, look out, Enzo.

I thought you said YOU were the handsome one.

Nice to finally meet you.

(LAUGHS) Don't worry. I'm a hugger.

Lorenz, why don't you get your girlfriend a drink?

It's fiancee, Mama.

I think we're all still getting used to it.

Yes. It's certainly all happening very quickly.

I brought tiramisu. Made it myself.

Oh, how thoughtful!

Thank you!

Oh, doesn't this look interesting?

It's great! I'm gonna pop it in here.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Can I be excused?

No, your brother's here,

and we barely get to see him anymore.

You'll get to see me every day soon. Eh, Pa?

And don't think I'm gonna go easy on you.

I'm sure you'll be the best boss in the world.

Enzo has big plans for the business.

Does he now?

I just wanna make sure

that we stay the number-one mechanics in Gero.

Yeah, and, you know, our reputation

is the reason we're number one, OK?

This town knows what our family stands for.

So, Zeke,

I think one of your friends is playing at our wedding.

They are? Yeah, Cemetery Drive.

Those kids are in your year, right?

Sorry, this is the first I'm hearing about this.

What... What about your cousin's band?

I'm sure he'd love to play.

Yeah, well... I mean, Nat and I, we...

...we wanted to go a little more modern, so...

Oh, OK.

Well, who's in the band?

Are they Italian?

Zeke?

I don't know, Mum.

But isn't Charlie in your class?

Charlie? Charlie Roth?

Not that deviant?

Excuse me? Oh, yeah.

I heard all about it on Facebook.

He tried to ruin Alicia's marriage.

Plied Kevin with drugs to try and spread disease.

Finocchio. Mm.

Well, he's a teenager.

I'm sure Charlie didn't make him do anything

he didn't wanna do. Sorry?

Kevin and Alicia have been loyal customers of ours

for 10 years.

12. 12.

They may have had their difficulties,

but, come on, they're good people.

And how do you know Charlie isn't?

Because he went online and laughed about it.

And now they want to get married, these gays?

Just degrading our institutions.

I hope you're not friends with this boy, Zeke.

I'm not. Good.

‘Cause it's a sin.

The Church is very clear.

I don't want him playing at my son's wedding.

Well, it's my wedding too and I want him to play.

(SIGHS)

Who wants dessert?

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

(SIGHS)

I thought she'd never leave!

Mum! What?

No secrets in this house. (SCOFFS)

Come on.

I'd like to use the laptop that I paid for.

I need to do my emails.

I'm doing an assignment, Mum. It's important.

What, and your mother's email isn't?

Can't you just use the main computer?

No. Your dad's doing his MYOB.

You can use your phone, you know?

OK.

I don't ask you for much, Zekey. Yeah?

And after everything I do for you

and everything that Chinese girl's put me through...

She's Vietnamese.

That's hardly any better.

Just promise me you won't end up with a girl like that.

I promise.

Find a nice Italian girl, you know.

Someone to make us proud! (CHUCKLES)

Not a gold digger who can't make tiramisu.

(SIGHS) You're not gonna be long, are you?

It will take as long as it takes.

Thank you!

What's this? What's Holding The Man?

It's the movie we're watching for school.

But isn't that a gay film?

No, it's not a gay film.

It is. It's gay pornography. I don't want you watching this.

Mum! Sam!

Have you heard about this?!

Guess what they're showing at your son's school

that we pay top dollar for?!

Pornography!

It's not porn, Mum. It's Australian.

Ohh!

OK, now it all makes sense.

That boy at your school - this is where he's getting it.

That's not how it works, Mum.

This is exactly how these things happen.

Movies like this

let disturbed boys like him think it's acceptable,

when it's not.

Listen, you need to be really careful, OK?

'Cause boys like him are very troubled

and they're just... lonely, tortured people

who'll drag anyone down to their level.

You don't have to worry about me, Mum.

I know. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

(SIGHS)

I'll take care of things.

Don't you worry.

And clean up, please.

(CAR DOOR OPENS)

MATT: See ya, Charlie.

See ya.

(CHUCKLES)

You gotta get off my car.

OK.

(CHUCKLES)

I gotta go now.

I'll see you soon.

Yep.

(STARTS ENGINE)

(PHONE RINGS)

What's up? Did I leave something in your car?

MATT: (ON PHONE) No, I'm just driving home

and feeling sleepy.

Didn't wanna crash.

And I wanted to hear your voice again.

I bet you say that to all the boys.

(LAUGHS)

I've never given my number out before.

Where are you?

Just getting ready for bed.

At home?

Not exactly.

Why not?

Uh...

Home isn't always the safest place to be.

I know what you mean.

I wish I was there with you.

Why, are you gonna protect me?

Something like that.

You there?

Yeah.

Go home.

Please.

I don't like the idea of you sleeping rough.

Will you walk me home?

Sure.

So, how far are you from home?

She started crying her eyes out for hours.

(INAUDIBLE)

(LAUGHS)

You wouldn't believe...

(INAUDIBLE)

I'm home.

Yeah, same.

I'm really glad I met you, Charlie.

Me too.

Sweet dreams.

Goodnight.

(INSECTS CHIRP)

(LAPTOP CLICKS)

(ON VIDEO) Fuckin' wishbone is fuckin' thick.

Fuckin' nice one.

Fuck, yeah.

You should fuckin' feel that.

Bet you wanna know what it feels like

fuckin' pressed up against you.

Pinning you down.

This big fuckin' dick.

Fuckin' stretching your fuckin' cunt with it.

(LAPTOP DINGS, PINGS)

Fuck, yeah.

NADINE: Up you get.

What?!

I wanna sleep!

I suppose we're gonna have to talk about AIDS now, are we?

God, give it a rest, Nadine.

What am I supposed to say? Hm?

I'm just scrolling Facebook, minding my own business,

when suddenly I find out my son's hooking up with pedos.

Why didn't you tell me?

Maybe because I thought you'd take it bad.

You and your thieving fuck-bud.

Well, you won't be seeing him again, so...

But your money's gone. No point crying about it.

If you want cash, go out and earn some more.

Meanwhile you're going to school.

Get up!

STUDENTS: (SING) ♪ Through this barren land

♪ I am weak

♪ But thou art mighty

♪ Hold me with thy powerful hand

♪ Bread of Heaven

♪ Bread of Heaven

♪ Feed me now and evermore

♪ Feed me now and evermore

♪ Feed me now and evermore

♪ Open now the crystal fountain Whence the healing waters flow

♪ Let the fire and cloudy pillar

♪ Lead me all my journey... ♪

On the tractor listening to music.

Let me pack up the ute

and I'll let you know how I'm tracking, OK?

I'll have to make you a tractor playlist,

put some Nick Cave on there.

I'd like that.

I reckon Like A Virgin should make an appearance

after last night left you feeling shiny and new.

Charlie, that's not funny.

I don't listen to music like that.

♪ All my journey through

♪ Strong Deliverer

♪ Strong Deliverer

♪ Be thou still my strength and shield... ♪

(HAMMER LAUGHS)

♪ Strong Deliverer... ♪

Just... I'm just sick of it.

Hey!

Oh, so, you're talking to me now?

Don't be mad.

You told me to leave you alone? Well, great. You get your wish.

I'm sorry. OK?

I'm sorry I didn't tell you.

I just...

I didn't wanna be your 'gay best friend'.

I don't suddenly wanna watch Drag Race

and talk about Ariana Grande.

We never had secrets from each other, Chupa.

I know. I'll tell you everything from now on, I swear.

Starting with Fitzy taking all of my fucking cash.

He what?!

And, so, we're gonna need gigs,

and fast, because I need some money.

If we're gonna do gigs, you have to follow the set list.

Yeah. Yeah, of course. I mean it.

You have to be willing to play whatever the crowd ask for.

Yep. Yeah, I will.

Like Footloose.

One of my faves.

Macarena.

No problem.

Kylie. Come on!

See? This is what I mean!

Alright, alright. I'll play the goddamn Kylie.

And, by the way, I smashed my guitar

so I'm gonna need to use band money to buy a new one.

Thank you. Bye. Charlie!

Father!

Shirt. Yep.

Your hair colour hasn't changed, I see.

I suppose I should be glad it's not, uh...

...rainbow colours.

Is this where you give me a big speech

about having to grow out of this phase or burn in hell?

Ah, no, the Church has moved

a little beyond that stance, Charlie.

Wait, so, you're not gonna punish me?

For homosexuality? No.

Tardiness and for using your phone in Chapel, however.

Right. Saturday detention.

Saturday detention.

Do I get it back?

Please?

As long as you use it...

...to call for help whenever you need it.

Right?

Deal.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(STUDENTS LAUGH)

HAMMER: P-e-e-a-ch! (LAUGHS)

Mm!

(OTHERS LAUGH)

Ohh!

Looks like Calogero's

packing some full Kardashian juice back there.

(LAUGHS)

Come on, Zekey.

Clap ‘em for me.

(SNICKERS)

(OTHERS LAUGH)

Mm.

Good girl, Zekey.

(SMOOCHES)

(SNICKERS)

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

(PHONE CHIMES)

ANNA: (CALLS OUT) I'm home!

Fuck!

Zeke, where are you?!

In here!

Can you give me a hand with the groceries?

Zeke!

Fuck!

(BIRDS TWITTER)

(PHONE CHIMES)

(PHONE CHIMES)

Uh... So, we'll be back by about 10:00 or so.

Are you sure you don't wanna come with us?

No. I've gotta study.

Always studying.

OK.

Don't work too hard.

SAM: Come on, let's go.

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(GROANING ON VIDEO)

Yeah! Yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Fuck.

(CLACKS KEY)

(SIGHS)

(WEIGHTS CLINK)

(CHUCKLES)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

PATRON 1: Oi, Matty! What are we drinking?!

PATRON 2: It's your shout! Yeah, come on, brother! Ohh!

What?

Nothing.

I'm gonna take a slash.

Too specific, babes.

(DOOR OPENS)

Hey.

MAN: Didn't realise this place was turning into a gay bar.

(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)

Just stick to the set list.

And remember - they're barely a step up from pig fuckers.

The show must go on.

(BAND PLAYS INTRO TO LOVE SHACK)

(SINGS) ♪ If you see a faded sign

♪ At the side of the road

♪ That says '15 miles to the...'

(SINGS) ♪ L-o-o-o-ve Shack!

♪ Love shack, yeah, yeah

BOTH: ♪ I'm heading down the Atlanta Highway... ♪

Cruising for cock, I bet. (LAUGHTER)

♪ Lookin' for the love getaway

♪ Heading for the love getaway

♪ I've got me a car It's as big as a whale

♪ And we're headin' on down to the love shack... ♪

We know what fags like you do there!

Sounds like you're jealous you weren't invited!

♪ Getaway ♪ So, come up

♪ And bring your jukebox money!

♪ To the love shack

♪ It's a little old place where

♪ We can get together... ♪

What for? Bum sex?

(LAUGHTER) ♪ Love shack, baby

♪ Love shack, baby

BOTH: ♪ Love shack... ♪

Fag shack, more like it! (LAUGHTER)

♪ Love shack

♪ Baby, love shack

♪ Love shack

♪ Baby, love shack... ♪

PUNTER: Come on, mate. Take a fuckin' joke!

(PATRONS MURMUR)

(PHONE RINGS)

Fuck you!

I thought you were better than the other dumb cunts here,

but you're just the same.

MATT: (ON PHONE) Charlie, let me...

Tractor graveyard shift? You fuckin' liar!

Let me explain. Just because you're hot

doesn't mean you get to treat people like shit,

you fuckin' arsehole!

Charlie!

You can act as masc as you like,

but you're still a faggot.

(BREATHES SHAKILY)

(PHONE RINGS)

Fuck!

What?

You think I'm hot?

Fuck off.

I'm sorry.

Sorry for not replying or for sticking up for you

back there.

I didn't mean to lie to you. It was dog of me.

I guess I'm just...

...not used to having a boyfriend.

But...

Wait, did...

Did you just call me your boyfriend?

Turn around.

Why?

‘Cause I wanna see your face.

(CAR DOOR OPENS)

(CAR DOOR SHUTS)

Don't be a prick!

Nice eyeliner.

Shut the fuck up.

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

(LAPTOP DINGS)

(SIGHS)

(LAPTOP DINGS CONTINUOUSLY)

(FRONT DOOR OPENS) ANNA: (CALLS OUT) Zeke!

We're home!

Where are you, darlin'?

Are you still studying?

Just finished.

You know, you can't spend your whole life studying, yeah?

You need to get out there.

Be more like Lorenz. Go to parties.

Yeah, I will. I will. Soon.

Good.

You're a good boy, Zeke.

(SIGHS)

(SNIFFS)

And open a window or something.

Don't know how you can breathe in here.

(EXHALES HEAVILY, LAUGHS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER)

HAMMER: C'arn, Zekey!

Show us that peach!

Why? You need something for your spank bank?

(OTHERS CHORTLE)

(BOY LAUGHS)

Ooh!

Anyone home?!

Hi.

I found your phone.

I was wondering why you didn't tell me it was broken,

so I had it fixed.

The people at the shop had to unlock it,

so I saw everything

you have on there.

And is this what I think it is?

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

♪ The more you know

♪ The more

♪ The more you know

♪ You know! ♪