Original subtitles

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(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Places, everyone.

(WHIRRING)

(SINGING)

BUSTER: This was it.

The moment it all began.

The moment an ordinary little guy fell in love with the theater.

Everything about it.

The lights,

the way the scenery moved, even the smell.

He was only six years old, but his plans to become

the first koala bear in space were suddenly toast.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

Some folks may have said he grew up to be the greatest showman

the city has ever seen.

Some called him a visionary, a maverick.

Sure, some folks said he was as crazy as he was stubborn,

but I say wonder and magic don't come easy, pal.

And, oh, there would never be any doubt.

The name Buster Moon would go down in entertainment history.

And I should know.

Because I am Buster...

ANGRY CHIMPANZEE: Moon! Open this door! (POUNDING ON DOOR)

Good morning, Mr. Moon. (ANIMALS CHATTERING ANGRILY)

Miss Crawly. What, uh... What's going on?

You got a lot of animals waiting to see you, Mr. Moon.

I do?

Holy moly, I really do!

MISS CRAWLY: Yeah, it's the stage crew from your last show.

They say their paychecks bounced.

Tell them I'll call up the bank and make sure

they're paid tout de suite.

Oh, I got Judith from the bank holding on line two right now, sir.

Um, actually, I'm gonna have to call her back.

Oh. What should I tell her this time?

Tell her Buster Moon is out to lunch.

ANGRY CHIMPANZEE: Moon! Open this door!

Come on, Moon!

I know you're in there!

Moon!

Open this door!

(GASPS)

(BICYCLE BELL RINGING)

(ALL GASP)

(SINGING ROCK SONG)

(POLICE RADIO STATIC)

(INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO CHATTER)

(GASPS)

Mmm! Thought I heard someone singing there.

Ah, whatever.

(ALARM RINGING) (GASPS)

Guys, listen!

Stay where you are. The cops are here...

What are you... Hold it right there!

Go, go, go!

(ENGINE STARTS)

(SIREN WAILING)

(PANTING) Whoa!

Johnny, you were supposed to be keeping a lookout!

Sorry, Dad.

And where's your mask?

(TIRES SCREECHING) (SIRENS WAILING)

(POP SONG PLAYING ON RADIO) (SINGING)

Look at me, I'm Mommy!

(IMITATES SINGING) (PIGLETS LAUGH)

Caspar, get off the table.

Rosita, have you seen my car keys?

(CONTINUES IMITATING SINGING)

Norman, would you please tell them what a good singer I am?

Oh, yeah, you were great, honey.

And by the way, the bathroom sink is blocked again.

Bye, honey!

(PIGLETS CHATTERING) (SIGHS)

One, two. One, two, three, four!

Oh, my gosh!

I thought you guys said you were musicians!

Ash, babe. I'm the lead singer, okay?

Just stick to the backing vocals.

Sorry, I get carried away.

Yeah, I know, right?

It just kind of ruins my song, you know?

(FAMILY SINGING)

(SINGING SOULFULLY)

(GASPS)

MEENA'S MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHER: Aww!

(CHUCKLES) What?

Come on, make your wish.

Hmm! I wish you'd join a choir. A local band, or something.

I tried! Bah!

Hey, hey, Dad! We've been over this.

So she's a little shy. So what?

If I had a voice like Meena's, I'd be a superstar by now!

Just singing...

(VOCALIZING)

Sure you would, Grandpa. Now blow out your candles.

(SCOFFS)

(TRUMPETS)

(PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC)

(COIN CLINKS)

A penny?

How dare you!

I happen to have studied at the Lincoln School of Music!

Sorry, it's all I got right now.

Oh, is that so?

(GRUNTS)

All right, prove it, pal! What?

Empty your pockets right now!

(SIGHS) Trying to find...

What is this you got here? I'm just trying to find...

What do you smoke out of this?

(STRAINED BREATHING) That's my inhaler.

A-ha! I knew it!

You all saw it! You all saw it right here! The monkey lied!

(ALL GASP)

I forgot I had that. (CLEARS THROAT)

And next time,

pick on someone your own size! (INHALES DEEPLY)

You bully!

(CONTINUES PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC)

(HORN HONKING)

(SIGHS) Take care of her, will you?

She may look old and rusty, but she is a classic!

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Okay, listen. We both know that my theater

has been going through some pretty rough times lately.

But as the saying goes, "For every cloud, a silver lining." We've got...

(TUTTING) Hold on right there, Buster.

My dad, he heard I was gonna see you today and he was all like,

"Eddie, you tell that koala I'm not funding any more of those shows.

"And that's final." Those were his words.

Your dad's right. Those shows were the problem.

War ofAttrition. Rosie Takes a Bow.

I mean, nobody wants to see that stuff anymore.

So, what do I do?

Quit? No.

I give them a show they cannot resist, which is gonna be...

Ahem!

Just one more minute, s'il vous plat.

(GRUMBLES) Merci!

Don't speak French. They speak English here.

Now, my next show is gonna be...

Drumroll, please.

(IMITATING DRUMROLL)

A singing competition!

A singing competition?

Who wants to see another one of those?

Everyone! Just... Just think.

Your neighbor, the grocery store manager, that chicken! Right there!

Everyone in this city gets a shot at being a star

live on my stage!

Buster, this is a terrible idea!

Oh! No, it's not!

Real talent from real life.

That's what audiences want, and I'm gonna give it to them!

All right, well...

(STAMMERS) Can we please just get out of here? Don't you wanna eat?

Yeah, but we can't afford any of this.

Yes, I know, and that's why...

I brought sandwiches.

Uh, that's not allowed. And... Ugh!

BUSTER: What, you don't like peanut butter and jelly?

Excuse me, sir.

Okay, look, I got cream cheese, I got banana... (YELPS)

(GROANS)

(SPUTTERS)

You okay?

Yup. Never better.

BUSTER: (ON INTERCOM) Miss Crawly?

Hello? (EXCLAIMS)

Uh, who is it?

It's me. (CLEARS THROAT)

Your boss. Mr. Moon.

Oh, hello, Mr. Moon. There we go.

Now, I need you to add the following information to our publicity flyers.

Yes, sir.

The winner of the singing contest will receive a grand prize of...

$935.

Hmm. Gonna need more than that. Just a second.

Uh, there.

(GRUNTS) $1,000.

You got that? $1,000.

Oh!

BUSTER: Print them up on every single sheet ofpaper we have left,

and let's spread the word right away, okay?

(STAMMERS) Oh, yes, sir.

Okay. Come on out of there.

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Ah, the winds of change.

Yep, when this show's a hit, I'm gonna get you a fresh coat of paint.

How are we doing with those flyers, Miss Crawly?

Oh, yes, sir. We're all good to go here.

(WIND WHOOSHES) Whoa...

Miss Crawly, no! No, no, no!

Oopsie-daisy.

(SIGHS) Well, I guess that's one way to spread the word.

(ANIMALS GASPING)

Hey, Lance, look at this!

Ash, babe. Hey!

(SIRENS WAILING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(HUMMING)

MEENA'S GRANDMOTHER: Meena!

(MIKE PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC ON SAXOPHONE)

(PLAYS OFF-KEY NOTE) Hey, hey, hey! What do you think you're...

Uh-huh. Yeah.

(ALARM RINGING)

(YAWNS)

(THUDS) (GROANS)

Ow. Mmm.

Ah.

Let's go to work!

And cue the crazy old lizard.

Good morning, Mr. Moon.

Indeed it is, Miss Crawly. Top of the morning to you.

I made you some coffee.

You did? Where is it?

Oh. I got a little thirsty on the way up those stairs.

Shall I go open the doors now? The doors?

You've got a lot of animals waiting in line to audition, Mr. Moon.

I do?

Holy moly, I really do.

(EXCITED CHATTER)

I swear to you, Eddie! This is no joke!

Look, just get down here and see for yourself! I gotta go.

(LAUGHS) This is it, Miss Crawly!

Get your scaly tail downstairs and throw those doors open wide!

(ANIMALS CHEERING)

Okay, um, one at a time, please. Calm down.

(ALL SINGING POP SONG)

(SINGING POP SONG)

(ALL SINGING ROCK SONG)

Bye, Iggy. Bye, Perry. Bye, Carla.

Bye, Gail. Bye, Rory. Bye, Micky.

Bye, Moe. Bye, Nelson. Bye, Hannah.

Bye, Tess. Bye-bye, Caspar.

Phew!

(SINGING R&B SONG)

(SINGING UPBEAT POP SONG)

(SINGING BARBERSHOP SONG)

(SINGING RAP ROCK SONG)

Uh, let's hear from a few more of the folks in line.

What about you, sir?

Well, Bob, I'm a lab technician

for a leading pharmaceutical company,

but I was born with a gift.

And that gift is to sing!

(SCATTING)

(SINGING POP SONG)

(SINGING HARD ROCK SONG)

(PLAYING FOLK MUSIC)

(TUNING GUITAR)

(SINGING POP SONG)

Oi, Dad! Just going out.

Well, don't be long. I got the gang coming over.

Look, I'm sure you're gonna get

a lot of namby-pamby animals in here,

saying things like,

"Oh, it's not winning. It's the taking part that counts."

Yeah, yeah. Not me, pal. I'm here to win.

That prize, it's mine!

(RAPPING)

(SINGING POP SONG)

(SINGING NEW WAVE SONG)

(SINGING LATIN DANCE-POP SONG)

(OPERATIC SINGING)

(SINGING ROCK SONG)

(SINGING SOUL SONG)

(SINGING R&B SONG)

Wow! Thank you, Johnny.

MISS CRAWLY: Okay, next up we have Meena.

Good luck out there.

All right, come on. Here we go. Come on, you can do it.

You can do it. Okay.

(MIC FEEDBACK) Oh, I'm sorry.

Okay. Hey, it's all right. You know, it's all right.

Take it away, Meena!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Uh... Okay. Uh...

Anytime, now.

Um...

BUSTER: Do you wanna start over?

Um... (HEART BEATING)

MIKE: All right, enough of that! That's quite enough of that.

That's it. Come on.

Off the stage, Helga.

Go on, you're useless. Thanks.

Right. Here we go. Hit it!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING SWING SONG)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(GRUNTS)

(SINGING POP SONG)

(MUSIC AND SINGING CONTINUE)

Okay, that's everyone, Mr. Moon. Phew!

All right, call everyone back to stage, Miss Crawly, and let's get...

(FEEDBACK) Ohh!

Hello! Can I have everybody back to stage, please?

Everyone come back to stage for selection.

Okay. Thank you, Miss Crawly.

You're welcome, Mr. Moon.

All right. Let's see, now.

(ANIMALS GASP)

Hmm.

I'll take...

You guys. (CHEERING)

And which one of you is the girl?

Ha-ha. Very funny.

"Loud and horrible, but shows promise."

Welcome to the show. (SCOFFS)

Cool. I guess we could hang.

No, no. I just want her, not you.

What? What?

All right, the rest of the group acts, thank you so much.

(DISAPPOINTED SIGHS) Oh, don't feel bad, folks.

There'll be a 10% discount on tickets for everyone!

Yeah, sure, thanks a lot.

(SCOFFS) Let's get out of here, Ash.

Ash?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, let's go.

Okay, soloists!

Johnny, Mike, Pete, Richard, Daniel and Ray.

Mike! Wowza!

I've got to have you in my show.

(CHUCKLING) Oh. If you insist.

And I'll take Pete.

Oh, yeah!

And one more.

Let me see now. (FARTS)

Oh, my gosh. I am so sorry.

(FARTS) (GASPS) What is wrong with me?

Whoo! Uh, thanks for coming, Richard.

(SIGHS)

(GRUNTS) (RAY SCREAMS)

Oh, my... Ray!

Are you all right? (GROANS)

Just hang in there, Ray. I got you.

(FARTING) Oh! Oh! Oops!

Okay, then I'll take...

Daniel.

Thank you, Johnny. (DISAPPOINTED SIGHS)

Daniel, can you hear me?

You're in the show!

What?

Are you talking to me?

Yes. (FEEDBACK)

I was saying that you are in...

Oh, geez, this is gonna drive me nuts. Johnny!

Get back here. You're in.

Thank you, Daniel. Goodbye! (ALL GASP)

Yes!

Okay. That's everyone on my list.

(DISAPPOINTED SIGHS)

Um, wait a second. Rosita.

Is Rosita still here?

Yes! Yes, I'm here!

Rosita, Rosita, Rosita. "Great set of pipes,

"but boring to watch."

(SIGHS) I knew it.

So, what should I do?

I could partner you up with Gunter.

Gunter! Where are you?

Ja! Ja! This is me.

(LAUGHS) Ja!

It's gonna spice things up on stage.

Wait. You want us to sing together?

Ja! The two of us together, you joking me?

We're going to be spicy, no? (LAUGHS EXCITEDLY)

That koala's a fool, Sherry-Anne!

You are gonna be a star one day!

Auditions are over, pal. Show's already been cast.

Okay. You are my chosen few.

Yes! (ALL EXCLAIM EXCITEDLY)

This is it, folks! A defining moment in all of our lives!

Um, no...

No, no, no. Not you guys. I dismissed all of the group acts already.

You can go home.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Look, I'm really sorry, but all of the slots are filled.

(CONTINUES SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(MUSIC PLAYING) No, no, listen!

No in show.

Goodbye-bye!

(MUSIC STOPS) Miss Crawly!

(GIGGLING) Come on, you guys! Out of here.

Come on. Off the stage.

Thank you so much.

Hey, Moon. What's the story?

Is the prize really inside this thing?

The prize? Oh, sure. Yes, it's all in there.

Open it, will ya? I wanna see what $100,000 looks like.

JOHNNY: Me, too! ROSITA: Yeah, go on. Open it, Mr. Moon.

Sure, I'll open it.

Wait. What did you say?

He said $100,000.

A hundred... (YELPS)

Uh... (NERVOUS CHUCKLE)

I forgot my keys.

Koala be right back.

(CRYING)

For the last time, Miss Crawly, I'm not going to fire you!

Now would you pull yourself together

and please blow that nose of yours.

(BLOWING NOSE)

No, no, no. Not in here. Blow it outside.

I'm sorry. Thank you.

Buster, what do you expect? She's, like, 200 years old.

Eddie, please. Look, if your folks could just loan me the money until...

$100,000? Buster, come on!

(EXHALES) I got to think, I've got to think,

I've got to think.

Look, maybe it's time to stop thinking, and it's time to just move on.

I mean, this theater of yours, you could get some decent money for it and...

I don't know, maybe we could do something together.

What? What, sit around playing video games?

(EXCLAIMS)

Do you know what that is?

Uh, it's a bucket?

Yes, and do you know why I have this bucket?

Because the roof is leaking?

No, that's the bucket for the leak.

I have this one because it belonged to my father.

Every day for 30 years,

he worked his tail off washing cars

just so I could buy this place.

Every day, Eddie.

Just for me. (SIGHS)

Wow. Sounds like a great dad.

(SIGHS)

So how do you wanna handle this?

(INTERCOM BEEPS)

MISS CRAWLY: Uh, Mr. Moon, I got Judith from the bank holding on line two again.

(SIGHS)

Well, there's only one thing I can do.

Okay, everybody, listen up!

(SHUSHING) I gotta send you all home. Right now.

Huh? What?

Yep. 'Cause like my dad used to say,

"Get a good night's sleep and do a great day's work!"

(GROANS)

That's right. Rehearsals begin first thing tomorrow morning.

And if you wanna become stars and win 100 grand,

then you better be ready to work harder than you've ever worked in your lives.

So, get some sleep, and dream big dreams!

(CHEERING)

JOHNNY: Blimey! GUNTER: This is great!

(ALL SINGING)

Miss Crawly!

Come on, that's enough now. Come on, off the stage. Please.

"Dream big dreams"?

I know, it's good, right?

What about the 100 grand?

Don't you worry, Eddie. There's got to be a way to get it.

What? Buster, no, listen to me!

This show is not gonna

save your theater.

You're at rock bottom, pal.

Yep, and do you know what's great about hitting rock bottom, Eddie?

There's only one way left to go. And that's up!

And you can see the lucky few Ieaving the theater behind me.

Now back to you in the studio, John... (SWITCHES OFF TV)

(SNIFFLES) Oh, honey, please don't cry.

You are not a failure.

There'll be other chances, you just...

Bah! The heck, there will!

Dad, please...

Come on! Don't you want this?

Well, sure, but I messed it up.

Then you gotta go back there tomorrow and say,

"Mr. Moon, I demand you let me re-audition!"

Be confident! Show 'em you ain't gonna be pushed around!

You got that, Meena? Um...

Good! Now go get my cocoa.

LANCE: (SINGING) I won't sell out for nobody

Won't follow no fool

Would you stop? I'd only be doing it for us.

(SCOFFS) Oh, really?

Yes, really! If I won that money,

we could build our own recording studio, start our own label.

I mean, the whole world would get to hear your songs.

(SINGING) I'm not listening to my girlfriend

'Cause shejust wants to sell out (GROANS)

(PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC)

Ah...

(PLAYING ROMANTIC MUSIC)

Hey! Just a minute.

Oh, wait. Wait!

Aw, look at...

I know Derek, the manager. He'll vouch for me!

Come on!

BOSS BEAR: Hey, Mario!

How's it going?

Oh, for crying out loud!

Yeah, let the bears in.

Let the bears in. Fine.

(PLAYS OFF-KEY NOTE)

BIG DADDY: There he is!

I got a surprise for you, my son. (LAUGHS)

What's that? Tell him the plan.

Right.

We've been told there's a ship carrying $25 million in gold

gonna dock at night right here.

With the usual guards here and here.

But lucky for us, there's a sewer right under here.

So, the getaway driver meets us here.

And that is gonna be you this time, Johnny.

What? You want, you want me to drive?

Yeah. It's time my boy had a proper role in the gang, eh?

Hang on, hang on, Dad.

Barry's always been our driver.

Barry don't mind. Do you, Barry?

No. No, that's fine. Yeah.

So, when exactly is this ship comin' in then?

We ain't got a date yet.

Probably won't be for a while though, will it?

What do you care?

It's the last job we ever need to do.

When it comes in, we go. Right?

Great.

Can't wait.

Um, hi, I saw your ad in the paper.

Yes, I need a nanny, just for a couple of weeks.

You can? Great! (PIGLETS CHATTERING)

The kids? Yes, they're wonderful. Yeah, I have 25.

No, I'm not joking.

Um, but they're really no problem...

(PHONE DISCONNECTS) Hello? Hello?

Good night, Mommy.

Hey! How was the big meeting?

(GROANS)

That bad, really?

Oh, I have something really exciting to tell you...

Mmm. You make the best pie, honey.

Listen, Norman, I know it's short notice,

but I could really use some help with the kids tomorrow

because, well, you are not going to believe what I did today.

Norman, are you listening to me?

(SNORING)

(SIGHS)

BUSTER: Rehearsals begin first thing tomorrow morning,

so get some sleep, and dream big dreams!

(ECHOES) Dreams, dreams!

Hmm.

(CLATTERING)

(WHIRRING)

(DRILL WHIRRING)

(HAMMERING)

(SAWING)

(ALARM RINGS)

(SCATTERED YAWNS)

ROSITA: (ON RECORDING) Good morning, everybody.

Now, I want you all dressed before breakfast.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)

PIGLETS: Breakfast!

(ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)

Rosita, have you seen my car keys?

ROSITA: Don't forget, your keys are in your coat pocket.

Oh, I found 'em. Bye, honey.

Bye, Norman.

Time for school!

Bye, Iggy. Bye, Perry.

Bye, Carla. Bye, Gail. Bye, Rory. Bye, Micky. Bye, Moe.

Bye, Nelson. Bye, Hannah. Bye, Tess.

Bye, Kelly. Bye, George. Bye, Andy.

Bye, Freddy. Bye-bye, Caspar.

BUSTER: This contest is war!

This stage is the battlefield. Your song is your weapon.

Now you only get one shot to blow that audience away,

so choose carefully from the list of songs I've selected for each of you.

Ah, talked some sense into that boyfriend of yours?

Lance is an artist, but I wouldn't expect you to understand that.

You're right. I don't understand that at all.

Now, you'll notice each list also includes my costume and performance suggestions.

Okay? Miss Crawly will show you

to your rehearsal spaces.

Now, let's get to work!

Excuse me, Mr. Moon?

For some reason, it says here that I should be playing the piano?

Yes, just imagine, big, soulful guy like you

tenderly playing the keys.

There'll be goosebumps everywhere!

Well, I haven't played piano since I was a kid.

Miss Crawly! We're gonna need

some piano lessons over here.

Yes, sir! Up the stairs, I'll be right along.

And, Pete, you're in here.

You got it, Mr. Moon.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Check your ego, man!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, break it up, break it up.

Oh, yeah? Tell Ricki! He started it!

That's right! Just like I started this band! My band, Howie!

Oh, forgive me, your highness!

Guys, come on! No, no!

Hey! Get out! Get out of here!

(JAPANESE SONG PLAYING)

Look, just calm down and pick a song.

I think we'll probably have a better chance of winning

if I do the singing part and leave the dancing part to you.

Bah! Are you joking me?

You are just in need of, like, a super cool warm-up.

Come on! Let's take off these clothes!

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) That, that is not necessary.

Oh! That is a lot of skin.

Ah, don't you look so worried face! I've got one for you, too!

Hey, porky! Keep it down, will ya!

GUNTER: Sorry.

Hey, Moon, you gave me the wrong list.

Cheesy pop's not exactly my style.

Style! I'm glad you brought that up. Now, let's see...

There. (SHUDDERS)

Isn't this a great color for you?

I can't tell. It's melting my eyes. You got anything in black?

Black? What, you want everyone to think you're going to a funeral?

You think you're some kind of artsy-fartsy type? No, no, no.

Bingo! Pop star princess!

(SCATTERED GASPS)

ROSITA: Wait, what happened?

Is this part of the competition?

Okay, everybody, don't panic. Don't panic.

MIKE: What's going on? Talk to me, Crawly.

When did we last pay the power company, Mr. Moon?

Oh, for Pete's sake.

Okay, don't worry, everybody.

I will take care of this.

In the meantime, you will continue to rehearse in the dark.

What? But I can't see anything.

Don't you worry, Rosita. I have glow sticks.

Great! Use this time

to shake off those first day inhibitions, and I'll be right back.

MIKE: You got to be kidding me.

Okay, you heard him. Back to work now!

Come on, everybody.

(YELPS)

(SIGHS)

Sorry, old girl. I'll fix that.

(SCREAMS)

(SHRIEKS)

Hey. Mr. Moon?

You probably don't remember me, but I auditioned yesterday and I...

Hey, listen.

Do you think, maybe, you could reach the ledge?

That ledge?

Whoa-oh!

That's a heck of a trunk you've got there!

Thanks a lot, kid!

Uh, Mr. Moon?

My name is Meena, and I baked a cake for you

and, uh, I was wondering if you'd, maybe, give me a second chance to...

Just a moment, please.

Be right with you.

Hmm.

(STRAINS)

(PLAYING PIANO)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES) MIKE: Yay! It's about time.

(CONTINUES PLAYING PIANO) (GROANS) Johnny...

Yep, mind your head here.

Hey, can you pull up that scenic cable?

You mean this? Yes, that's it!

Great. And the house lights?

Wow.

Oh, I know. Beautiful, isn't she?

You know what, kid?

How would you like to be a part of this show?

Really? Wait, oh, my gosh,

I was just gonna ask about that.

Great! Because I could really use a stagehand.

Stagehand? But...

Don't worry about it. You're gonna pick it up in no time.

I'll teach you everything I know. Follow me.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

These are the rehearsal spaces and dressing rooms

and up here, we got workshops and the main office.

GUNTER: Up in the air! Touch your toes!

(VOCALIZING)

(PLAYING ROCK MUSIC)

Awesome!

MIKE: Awesome?

(SCOFFS) Yeah, I think the word you're after is "awful."

And that's me restraining myself.

There's not an ounce of talent between them. Not an ounce.

In fact, you know what?

I think that prize is as good as mine already.

Yes, indeed. I am about to come into a very, very large sum of money.

$100,000 to be precise.

Well, is that so?

In that case, sir, you'll be wanting our platinum card.

(GASPS)

(CAR HONKS)

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

Well, well, well... Hello again.

(CHUCKLES)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, man, these are like the cheesiest songs of all time.

I know, right?

I mean, I was even thinking of writing my own song instead.

Wait, what? Your own song?

Well, yeah.

Look, if you wanna win that money,

just do what the koala says.

Why? You think I can't write my own song?

Whoa, whoa! I'm just saying.

Not everyone can write songs, okay?

I know I make it look easy, babe. But it's not.

Oh, here she is! Quiet down, everybody.

(ALL SHUSHING)

So, Meena! Are you in the show?

Uh, well, yeah. Kinda. But...

(LOUD CHEERING)

MEENA'S MOTHER: I knew it! I knew it!

MEENA'S GRANDFATHER: She did it!

Oh, I'm so proud of you! I could pop!

That's my birthday wish coming true right there!

Way to go, Meena!

Oh, Meena, we love you!

Mom! What the heck?

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Don't be mad, okay?

It was your Grandma. She told the whole street about your audition.

Mom, no, wait. Shush, baby.

You need to save that singing voice of yours.

So, from now on, just nod or shake your head, okay?

(CHUCKLES)

(ALL CHEERING) (SHUTTERS CLICKING)

(GROANS)

How was that, Dad?

You're still too soft on 'em corners, Johnny.

You got to attack 'em. (MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

And you're crunchin' the gears.

I told you, you got to be gentle with the...

Look, turn that down. Oi!

Listen to your father!

"Too soft on the corners, Johnny."

(TIRES SCREECHING)

"You're not doin' it right, Johnny. Speed up, Johnny."

"Do it like I showed you..."

Whoa!

(BRAKES SQUEAL)

(PANTING) (TURNS STEREO OFF)

Dad?

Oh, no, I've run over my dad.

(THUDS) (SCREAMS)

Now, that is more like it.

(LAUGHS) (SIGHS)

ROSITA: (ON RECORDING) And the three little pigs Iived happily ever after.

Good night, my dears. (PIGLETS SNORING)

Norman, are you awake?

(MOANS)

How was your day, honey?

(YAWNS) Same as always.

It was? Mmm-hmm.

I don't know how you do it all, honey.

Good night.

(BUSTER MIMICS TRUMPETING)

(HUMMING)

BUSTER: AII creatures great and small,

welcome to the Moon Theater!

(CHEERING)

MISS CRAWLY: Mr. Moon?

I have Judith from the bank.

What? Oh, no, no. Tell her I'll call her back in the morning.

I can't.

She's right here.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

Judith! Hello!

I work for a bank, not a charity.

And if your accounts are not settled by the end of the month...

Okay. Judith...

I personally guarantee by the end of this month this show is going to be

the biggest hit this city has ever seen!

Mr. Moon, none of your shows have ever worked.

None of them!

You've had your chances.

Now settle your accounts or we will repossess this property!

Okay. Toodle-oo.

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

What are you gonna do, Mr. Moon?

Honestly...

Uh, I have no idea.

(SCREAMS)

Are you wearing a Speedo, Eddie?

What are you...

EDDIE'S MOTHER: Eddie, is everything all right?

Yeah, uh, just doing my laps, Ma!

(VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

So, what, you live in the pool house now?

Yeah, my folks want me to be more, you know,

independent, I guess.

They even hooked me up with this life coach dude.

Life coach? Yeah.

I guess he's gonna help me find my purpose in life.

I thought I had one,

but, turns out, it wasn't the right one or something?

I don't know.

Anyway, he's got me on this whole schedule thing.

It's like, Mondays, take out the recycling.

Tuesdays, mow the lawn. Wednesdays, go visit Nana.

Thursdays, clean the pool.

It's like, don't we have people to do all this stuff?

Whoa, whoa. Back up.

Your nana is still alive?

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

And she's rich, right?

She's loaded.

But trust me, you don't wanna go near my nana.

(SHUDDERS)

She is one mean sheep.

(SINGING SWING SONG)

Now fade up the spot.

Good. Lower the moon.

Coffee? Thank you, Miss Crawly.

(CABLES CREAK)

Okay, that's normal. Just needs a knock.

See? You're getting it.

Anyone seen my glass eye?

The darn thing keeps popping out.

Whoa!

Oh!

You almost killed me, Jumbo!

It wasn't me.

Oh, is that so? (FIRE ROARS)

(BOTH SCREAM)

Pete? (GASPS) (GROANS)

(GROANING)

Pete, you're gonna be all right, okay?

Just hang in there, buddy.

(INDISTINCT ARGUING)

Ricki? Kai? (CRYING)

Why aren't you guys rehearsing?

We're through!

They said I'm an intolerable egomaniac.

I don't even know what that means!

All right. We're two acts down.

Give me some good news, Miss Crawly.

Oh, it's not as bad as it looks.

Oopsie-daisy. (SIGHS)

Meena, how would you like to re-audition for the show?

Really? Well, yeah.

Great! I mean, no.

What?

I mean, yes, I can sing.

But, no, I get so nervous and I can't do it.

I mean, I would totally do it, but...

(STAMMERS) No, I... No.

I'm gonna take that as a maybe.

(GIGGLING) (JAPANESE SONG PLAYING)

Great! Look, they're back!

We're gonna come back to this, Meena.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING) (MUSIC STOPS)

Listen, guys, forget what I said before.

You are very talented.

Please, join the show. Okay?

Yes? No?

Oh, um...

Here...

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(ALL GASP)

What? Hey, no! Wait, wait, wait! Don't go!

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh. What is this for?

Now, we use this to follow the steps.

(SINGING POP SONG)

(CASPAR YELLING)

Caspar! Caspar! No!

How about this? Ha-ha!

Come on! What did I tell you?

I'm so sorry, he had a fever and it was too late to get a sitter, so...

Well, you seem fine now! (CASPAR GIGGLING AND SHOUTING)

Wow!

(SINGING OFF-KEY)

Stop! You're messing it up!

Hey!

(POP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

I am not singing this.

What's not to like?

You're a female and you're a teenager.

This song was made for you.

(SARCASTICALLY) Wow. It's like you can see inside

my tiny teenage mind.

I know, right?

You just gotta add some moves and a little bit of...

(SINGING POP SONG)

Go for it!

Oh, you mean like this?

(SINGING)

There you go! You're a natural!

(PLAYING PIANO)

(PLAYS OFF-KEY)

(FRUSTRATED GROAN)

Yes, that was very bad.

BIG DADDY: (OVER RADIO) Johnny?

Come in. Over.

Oh, Johnny, your jacket's talking.

Johnny, where are you?

Dad, what's going on? Over.

What do you mean you gotta leave now?

I know. I'm so sorry.

It's just that I've got this family business thing.

Do I need to start worrying about your commitment here, Johnny?

Tell me no. No. Absolutely not.

I promise it won't happen again.

It better not. Thank you, Mr. Moon.

(SIGHS)

Baby, I'm back.

(SINGING AND MUSIC FROM INSIDE)

(SINGING ROCK SONG)

ASH: What is going on here?

Hi, I'm Becky.

Becky?

Hey, what did you expect? You're never around anymore.

I did it for us, Lance!

You and me! (YELPS)

Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.

I think I left my sunglasses in there.

(PANTING)

LANCE: Come on, Becky. Let's get out of here.

(SIGHS)

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

Jackpot, baby! Whoo-hoo!

Well, I say we call it a night there, fellas.

Hey, put the cash in my car, will you, Derek?

(LAUGHS)

Well, you're one great card player, Mike.

Not so bad yourself. (GIGGLES)

Except, I still can't tell how you cheated.

Cheated? Cheated?

Oh, I am offended.

Come on, baby, let's cut some rug.

Oh! What the...

Oh. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

How did that get there?

Run for it, baby! Hey!

BOSS BEAR: Get him!

(SCREAMS)

Excuse me!

BOSS BEAR: Don't let him get away!

(GRUNTING)

Thanks, Derek! BOSS BEAR: Out of the way!

(ENGINE STARTS) (TIRES SCREECHING)

So long, suckers! (LAUGHS)

(GROWLING)

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

Good morning, Buster.

Hey, Eddie, how are you?

Good. How's the show going?

Ah, it's going great.

And, hey, that's a sharp jacket you've got on today.

Oh, thanks.

Wait.

(SHRIEKS) What are you doing here?

Eddie, you can't come visit your nana without bringing her some flowers.

Here.

What? No! Buster, no! Don't go in there! (RINGS DOORBELL)

Yes, can I help... Buster!

Ah, Nana!

Just look at you, dear. Wow!

You don't look a day over 90!

Oh, my gosh!

Buster Moon!

We met at Eddie's graduation.

Oh, lucky me.

A visit from my useless grandson

and his ghastly little theater friend.

Look at that, she remembers me.

Okay, Nana,

how would you like to be the sponsor for a very prestigious prize?

Not for that singing contest I saw on the news.

That's the one!

Oh, I see.

You don't have the money, do you?

Well, we don't quite have it all locked in...

Well, you'll not get a cent out of me.

Nana, please just listen to me...

No, absolutely not.

Don't listen to him, Nana.

I'm not listening to either of you.

Lapsang souchong. No sugar. And be quick about it.

Uh, Nana...

I don't know how to make tea.

(OPERA MUSIC PLAYING) Wow. I saw this show when I was a kid.

Nana, you were absolutely amazing.

Please, this flattery is futile.

I have no intention of bailing you out. (GIGGLES)

Your pathetic shows are the reason

that theater no longer has an audience.

Oh, but this show is gonna pack them in like it did in the good old days.

They were not good old days, Mr. Moon.

They were magnificent.

And that theater of yours,

it was a palace of wonder and magic.

But, Nana, it still is.

EDDIE: Yeah, right. Ow!

I can recall the ushers in their velvet suits.

Queues a mile long just to get a ticket.

The curtain rising over that glorious stage.

Music and light bringing dreams to life?

Precisely.

Well, it's just like you remember it.

In fact, I've made it even more spectacular.

EDDIE: No, you haven't. Shh.

Come see for yourself. A special performance just for you.

What do you say, Nana?

I say, you are a liar, Mr. Moon.

EDDIE: Okay, well...

We're done now. Thank you, Nana.

But anything's better than spending another evening

playing checkers with this old fart.

What?

Great! It's gonna blow you away, Nana.

And that is no lie!

Now, listen up!

Tomorrow we're going to have a full preview of the show.

And our audience will be none other than Miss Nana Noodleman.

Nana Noodleman? She's still alive?

Oh, yes, and believe me,

she's got some pretty high standards, all right.

So, today we're gonna have a full dress rehearsal.

And I want to see you light up the stage, folks!

Well, that's cool.

Meena, Miss Crawly...

What do you think? MISS CRAWLY: Wow, it's so ambitious.

Yeah, are you sure about this?

I promised Nana something spectacular.

And this... (CHUCKLES)

It's gonna blow her away. Oh, yes.

Two minutes, everybody.

BIG DADDY: (OVER RADIO) Johnny?

Johnny, where are you?

Johnny? Answer the walkie-talkie.

(STAMMERS) Yeah, Dad. I'm here. I'm here. What's wrong?

We got the call. Shipment's coming in.

Tonight? Not tonight.

Now.

Meet us on the corner of Hector Street in two minutes.

(LAUGHING)

(TIRES SCREECH)

Stay here. We'll be back in exactly 37...

Yeah, 37 minutes. Yep. You've told me repeatedly.

I can make it.

Bravo, Mike. Nana is gonna love that!

Aw, you're too kind, Mr. Moon.

BUSTER: And I myself am loving the new suit, sir.

Okay, can we see Ash next, please?

Ash, let's get you out here!

Oh! Stand back. Moody teenager coming through.

MEENA: Good luck, Ash.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(SINGING WEAKLY)

(VOICE BREAKING)

(SOBBING)

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Okay. Enough of that! Cut it! Cut it!

(MUSIC STOPS) (ASH CRYING)

I don't think anyone's gonna call her after that.

Okay, Ash. Um...

Hey, come on, Ash.

What is it? Do you not like the dress?

(CONTINUES CRYING)

Ow! Ow!

Ash, what's wrong?

Well, it sounds to me like you are way better off without that...

That total super-jerk dinkleschplatt!

Exactly. Total super-jerk dinkleschplatt!

BUSTER: Rosita! Gunter! You're on next!

Yeah, okay, here.

There should be some gum or some candy in there somewhere.

Just help yourself.

Rosita! Rosita! Wait! Wait! Wait!

Can I take your place, please?

(POP MUSIC PLAYING) Sure, Johnny, go ahead.

Okay, get ready, 'cause I'm warning you... (CHUCKLES)

This stage is about to explode with major piggy power!

I am so sorry. I have no control.

Oh!

Yeah!

Okay, come on, you can do this.

(SINGING POP SONG)

(GRUNTS)

Are you okay?

Oh, yes, I'm fine, thank you.

How are you?

Okay, Johnny! Let's get you out here!

And you guys, you've got to work on that routine!

Take it away, Johnny!

(PIANO PLAYING)

(SINGING R&B SONG)

(PLAYS WRONG NOTE)

You can't just sing it, you've got to show the fire and desire!

(NASALLY) The fire went out a long time ago.

What? Look, I can't even keep count of the steps!

Ugh! Counting schmounting!

She sings too much with her head, right?

Ja, ja, see?

Forget the steps and just like...

Let the music take control of your body parts.

My body parts are not responding, okay? It's never gonna happen.

I should just be getting groceries.

Rosita, no... Rosita, come on!

Please, like, don't go.

MIKE: Psst! Hey! Hey! Down here.

Have you seen three nasty-looking bears out there?

Uh, no. Oh, great.

Hey, by the way, I love your act. Seriously.

The part where you fall flat on your face...

(LAUGHS) That cracks me up every time.

See you around, porky.

(CONTINUES SINGING)

Aw, man.

Johnny, uh, I know I'm asking a lot of you...

Mr. Moon, I'm really trying, I promise.

What about your backup song? Have you practiced that?

Uh, well, not yet.

Well, why don't we go back and work on that one, okay?

I mean, look, if you play like that in front of Nana Noodleman...

Johnny?

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(HORN HONKS) Hey!

(BRAKES SCREECH)

(INDISTINCT ARGUING)

(LAUGHTER ECHOING)

BIG DADDY: We are set for life now, boys!

Oh. Oh. What's going on?

Where's Johnny?

He's not here.

(SIREN WAILING) (GASPS)

Run!

(HORN BLARING)

Oh! I'm dead.

(ASH SINGING BALLAD)

Okay, wait, let me see...

(CLEARS THROAT)

(CONTINUES SINGING)

No, Mom, I have not made any friends.

What do you think this is, kindergarten?

Ifyou hadn't squealed to the cops, I wouldn't be in here right now.

Honey, when are you getting out?

I'm only gonna be in here for a few years.

Well, where'd you hide the money?

Where were you?

Um, well, the thing is, I went to get gas...

Don't lie to me!

Um, I was at a rehearsal.

Rehearsal? For what?

(SIGHS) I was at a singing contest.

Look, Dad...

I'm sorry, Ijust don't want to be in your gang.

I want to be a singer.

Singer? Look, Dad, no, it's okay. I can get the bail money.

There's a prize. It's $100, 000.

(LOUD THUD)

How did I end up with a son like you, eh?

You're nothing like me.

You never were and you never will be.

I'll get you out! Dad, wait! I'll get the money. I promise!

(MISS CRAWLY HUMMING)

(CONTINUES HUMMING)

(SHRIEKS) Johnny! You gave me a fright there.

Sorry, I didn't mean to. I just...

Well, I know it's late, but I could really use some extra piano lessons.

(PIANO PLAYING) (JOHNNY HUMMING)

Ah-ha.

Mmm. That's it.

That's good.

You're getting it.

(MUSIC PLAYING OVER PA)

MAN: (OVER PA) Shoppers are reminded

the store will close in 15 minutes. Thank you.

(YAWNS)

(SPANISH SONG PLAYING OVER PA)

(MOUTHING)

MAN: (OVER PA) The lady in aisle six...

That was awesome.

(CLAPPING AND WHISTLING)

AII right.

Mr. Moon, are you sure this is legal?

Uh, I don't know.

But if you keep asking questions, we'll never get this done.

Now, hit it!

Oh! Ahh!

A little higher.

There it is! Thank you!

Hey!

Posters up!

You... Now, run away!

Come back here, you vandals!

(PIGLETS CHATTERING)

Rosita, have you seen my car... Whoa!

Rosita? What the...

What's going on?

Rosita! (GASPS)

(PIGLETS LAUGHING) Kids, where's Mommy?

(PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC)

Phew!

How's that, Miss Crawly?

(SNORING)

Hey! (SHRIEKS) Oh!

Sorry!

Mr. Moon would like everyone to meet backstage before she arrives.

(SINGING BALLAD)

BUSTER: Wow.

You wrote that?

Uh, yeah. Do you like it?

Are you kidding? It's fantastic!

You've got to sing that today!

Mike, you're on first.

(CELL PHONE RINGING) Sure. Just a second here.

Honey, I'm busy.

What? I can't hear you.

Rosita and Gunter, you're on after Mike.

You got it, boss. Rosita!

(CHUCKLES) Super cool! You've, like, totally come back!

Okay, Johnny, you follow them.

What? Oh, yeah. I'm ready. Yeah, yeah.

Ash, you're...

After Johnny. I got it.

And Meena. Last chance, kid.

You wanna join these guys out there today?

I would... I just get so scared.

Sure, you do.

(STAMMERS) But you know how to get over that, right?

Uh, no.

You just start singing! (CHUCKLES)

Do what you love, then you'll be great,

'cause you won't be afraid anymore,

because you'll actually be doing it.

Right?

Uh...

Look, do you love to sing?

I mean, do you really love it?

Of course I do.

Then you face this head on, Meena.

Look, it's like my dad always said,

"Don't let fear stop you from doing the thing you love."

Uh... (CHUCKLES) Okay, I'll do it.

Great! Mr. Moon!

She's here!

Nana!

Oh! Do not even think of embracing me.

You got it. Eddie, please show your nana to the royal box.

Oh, for heaven sakes! I'm perfectly capable of walking.

You nervous? Are you kidding?

(NERVOUS CHUCKLE) I'm absolutely terrified.

(TIRES SCREECH)

Boss, that's his car, isn't it? Right there!

Pull over.

Lapsang souchong, courtesy of Mr. Moon...

(SNEEZES)

Oh... Wonderful.

(BELL RINGING)

(STAMMERS) Honey, the show is starting, all right?

I can't talk now. I gotta go.

Of course I love you.

You think I'd buy you diamond earrings if I didn't...

(SHRIEKS) Where is my money?

Okay, okay, listen, listen.

I just, maybe, kind of, spent it all.

You know?

(SHRIEKS) No, no, please, please, wait! I'll give you the money!

I'll get you $100,000!

(LAUGHS) Where are you going to get that kind of money?

Moon! Okay?

Moon's got my money.

Who is this "Moon"?

(SIGHS)

AII creatures great and small, welcome to the Moon Theater!

I am your host, Buster Moon, and...

Whoa!

Okay. Behold!

The very first stage Iit entirely by squid power!

(MUSIC PLAYING) (AUDIENCE GASPING)

(APPLAUSE)

(CHEERING)

Yeah!

Beautiful work, guys. Now, just follow me on the beat.

And as you can see, this is no ordinary theater.

This is a palace of wonder and magic.

(LAUGHS)

He's done it! He's really done it, Nana!

Oh! Goodness!

Now, welcome our first contestant.

Whoa! (MUSIC STOPS)

Which one of you is Moon?

Hey, hey, you can't just barge in here!

You know this guy?

Mike? Right.

Mike here says you got his money, and it's in that box.

No, no, just hold on a moment here.

That's prize money, and it's not Mike's unless he wins it fair and...

Give him the money! Okay! Okay! Hey, hey, take it! The whole chest!

It's yours, okay? All right here.

Open it. (STAMMERING) Open it?

Me?

(CHOKING) Open it!

(STAMMERING) Okay, no...

I just don't have the keys.

So, maybe you can come back later?

Get outta the way! (MIKE SCREAMS)

No, no, no! Wait!

(CHUCKLING) Hey, there you go!

Big guy with a bat! Who needs keys, right?

All right. Well, let's get this thing squared up now.

What the...

That's it?

That's all there is?

He lied.

(ALL GASP) (GROWLS)

Moon lied to us all!

Wait a second. I can explain...

He's your problem, not me. This is just a prop.

So where's the $100,000?

ROSITA: You're kidding!

JOHNNY: I cannot believe you lied to us this whole time.

ASH: Huge waste of everyone's...

This was just...

(GLASS CRACKING)

(ALL GASP)

Buster! Look out!

(ALL SCREAMING)

I'm stuck!

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

Buster! It's falling! Let go!

(PANTING) Whoa! Whoa!

(GRUNTING AND PANTING)

Okay, okay. Steady, girl. Steady.

(GASPING)

No, no, no!

(COUGHING)

(GROGGILY) Oh!

(COUGHING) Ah! Is everyone okay?

Nana!

(STAMMERING) I'm so sorry! I just...

No, no, don't go!

Has anyone seen my glass eye?

Oh... (STUTTERS)

It's right here, Miss Crawly. I've got it.

(RUMBLING)

(CREAKING)

BUSTER: Look out!

(COUGHING)

No.

Oh, Dad.

I'm so sorry.

(SOBBING)

BOSS BEAR: Where is Mike?

(GASPS) He must be dead.

Come on, let's go!

PIGLET: Mommy, where are you?

PIGLETS: Help! Oh, my gosh!

Help!

Hold on! Mommy's here!

NEWS REPORTER DOG: (ON TV) I'm standing at the scene right now, Judy.

And I can tell you,

it is a miracle anyone survived this unbelievable disaster.

(INAUDIBLE)

Yeah, Buster Moon certainly brought down the house once and for all today.

And although Mr. Moon has not been available for questions,

unconfirmed reports suggest

he was responsible for building a water tank

that exploded and flooded the building.

I've been told the 250 squid

who had been part of Moon's display are in fact... (KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Eddie? There's someone at the door.

(KNOCKING CONTINUES) And that none of them were harmed during the incident.

Whether they will be returning to their usual work is not yet...

(TV SWITCHES OFF)

Oh, no.

MISS CRAWLY: Mr. Moon?

ASH: Come on, Moon. You can't just hide out in your buddy's pool house.

ROSITA: Yeah, we just wanna make sure you're all right, that's all.

Hey, Mr. Moon. You okay?

Guys, look. I'm sorry about what happened...

And the prize money and...

ROSITA: Oh, it's okay.

No. None of this is okay.

At least we're all in one piece.

Yeah, and you know what?

I bet we can find some other place to put the show on.

Right? ALL: Yeah!

The show? Guys, I'm done.

Are you serious? What do you mean, "done"? Come on!

Didn't you see this? Huh?

Look, it says I'm a "danger to society."

(ALL SCOFF)

"A deluded, washed-up charlatan

"who never had a hit in his career."

Oh, come on, you don't believe all that?

Yeah. I do.

JOHNNY: Listen. You're not the only one who lost something here.

We all did. GUNTER: Ja!

I mean, I lost any chance of ever speaking to my dad again over this show.

Sorry. ROSITA: Oh, Mr. Moon, don't...

JOHNNY: (SIGHS) Forget about it.

GUNTER: What is this? I don't understand.

ASH: Come on, let's get out of here.

MEENA: Mr. Moon?

Meena, please...

I baked a cake for you 'cause...

Well, I know you're sad right now and probably afraid to try again and...

Yeah, I am afraid.

I'm afraid that this...

This, me, right now, this is who I am.

This is my lot for life.

That I'm not the guy that my dad wanted me to be.

Not by a million miles.

But you told me...

BUSTER: What? What did I say?

Well, you know...

"Don't let fear stop you from doing the thing you love."

Ugh! That's just a bunch of stupid, corny...

No, it's not. What? You really believe that you're gonna be a singer?

Well, yeah, maybe...

Well, then you're just as big a fool as I am!

Look, kid...

You and me, we're both

afraid for good reason.

'Cause deep down, we know...

(SIGHS)

We just don't have what it takes.

(SNORING)

(RINGTONE PLAYING) I'm awake, I'm awake!

Hey, Buster.

BUSTER: Hey, Eddie.

Man, where'd you go? Are you okay?

Listen, could you meet me at the corner ofDinsdale and Lemington?

(YAWNS) Now?

Yeah, please.

And could you...

Ahem. Could you bring me a spare Speedo?

(CALL DISCONNECTS)

Speedo?

Hey, Miss Crawly.

Oh! Hello, Eddie!

Hey, did you bring the Speedo?

The... Oh, yeah. Uh, here.

Great. You're a real pal, Eddie. (HORN HONKING)

Oh! Our first customer!

(CHUCKLES) Miss Crawly, fill the bucket.

Be right with you, sir.

Wait, what are you doing?

The only other job I know. (HORN BLARING)

(SIGHS) I'm just glad my dad isn't here to see this.

Miss Crawly, if you would... Oh!

Thanks.

Well, gotta go to work.

Uh, I'll see you around, Eddie.

(OPERA MUSIC PLAYING)

(ENGINE STARTS)

Come on! I ain't got all day!

(PANICKED GRUNTING) Aw, forget it.

(ENGINE STARTS) Too slow, dude.

Whoa!

(BRAKES SQUEAKING)

(HORN HONKS)

EDDIE: One moment, please, sir!

Well, you know the good thing about hitting rock bottom?

There's only one way left to go. And that's up.

Come on. You wash. I'll dry.

Thank you, Miss Crawly.

(SQUEAKING)

(GLASS SQUEAKING)

(MELODIOUS SINGING IN DISTANCE)

Buster, where you going?

(MEENA SINGING FOLK ROCK SONG)

(GASPS)

I, uh... (CLEARS THROAT)

Do you think you could sing like that in front of a real audience?

I don't know. But I wanna try.

Good. (CHUCKLES)

'Cause I wanna see it.

We are? Seriously? (PIGLETS SHOUTING)

Oh, my gosh! Okay, yes. I'll be right over.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Oh, hello, Mr. Moon.

NEWS REPORTER DOG: (ON TV) Some say he's the worst showman this city's ever seen.

Some say he's a walking disaster.

A loose cannon.

Well, tomorrow night,

the name Buster Moon will go down in entertainment history once and for all,

as he and this bunch of bumbling amateurs attempt to re-stage the show

that brought down his theater.

(INAUDIBLE)

Ah, don't you worry, Mike, all is forgiven.

Just glad you're back in one piece.

Oh, yeah, you're too kind, Mr. Moon.

And, uh, the prize money?

I mean, it's real this time, right?

There is no prize money 'cause there's no competition.

Tonight, you're singing for yourselves.

Two minutes, everybody! Final checks.

Singing for ourselves?

(LAUGHS) Unbelievable.

Who's he... This is crazy. I'm outta here.

Hello!

We're putting on a show here.

You all should come and see it!

You! Come on!

Come on, fella! It's gonna be really good!

Hey! How's our new stagehand getting on?

He's learning fast.

All set and standing by! I love this headset!

The audience are in their seats, Mr. Moon.

Great!

Hmm. (PIGLETS CHATTERING LOUDLY)

NORMAN: Caspar!

BUSTER: That's all? Get your pants back on, young man!

Please, you guys, please. Please sit down!

Hey! Put your shoes back on right now!

Zoe, I saw that! Stop it!

And, Leo, that is disgusting.

Well, John, I've covered many disasters for this network,

but this is sure to...

(TRUMPETS PLAYING) Oh, they're about to start.

Okay, guys, listen up!

Look, I gotta tell you, um,

there's not much of an audience out there tonight.

But you know what?

It doesn't matter.

It really doesn't.

'Cause tonight is our night.

And whatever happens,

I just want you all to know how proud I am to be a part of this with you.

Good luck, Mr. Moon.

Good luck, everyone... Whoa!

(PANTING)

Whoop! Uh...

Sorry. Just jumped the cue there.

Don't worry. I'm gonna get the hang of this.

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

Here we go.

AII creatures great and small...

(PIGLETS LAUGHING) ...welcome to the...

Oh, hello, there.

(LAUGHS) Great!

Welcome to our newly refurbished, open-air theater.

You ready, big guy?

Yeah.

I'm, like, totally ready.

All right!

Let's do this.

Gunter and Rosita!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(SINGING POP SONG)

(SINGING)

(LAUGHING)

(CHUCKLES) Are you getting this?

(SINGING)

ALL: Whoa!

(YELLS)

(ALL SINGING CHORUS)

Aren't they great?

What, are you kidding me? It's like watching Jell-O dancing around.

(SCOFFS) Like you could do any better, pip-squeak.

(ALL LAUGH)

All right, all right. Hey!

You wanna see something great? I'll show you great.

(CONTINUES SINGING)

(SINGING)

(SINGING)

(BOTH SINGING)

(CHEERING)

Gunter and Rosita!

Kids! No! Back to your seats!

Okay, okay. Whoa!

Norman!

All right!

Piggy power! Ha-ha!

That was great!

(YELPS) (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Well, it seems I'm not the only one who actually enjoyed that.

Crowds are beginning to arrive at the scene.

Help!

I'm so sorry, Mr. Moon.

Johnny, you're on next.

(STRIKES PIANO KEYS)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING POP SONG)

What is that?

Turn it down, will ya?

Oi...

Didn't you hear me? I said, turn it...

Johnny?

(CONTINUES SINGING)

Johnny.

It's Johnny!

That's my son!

My son...

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(GRUNTS)

What the... Hey!

Hey, hey, hey!

(CHEERING)

(CONTINUES SINGING)

(ALL SINGING ALONG)

(CHEERING)

What about that, huh?

Give it up for Johnny, folks!

(LOUD CHEERING)

What's with the face? You were great!

They loved you!

Yeah, thanks, Rosita.

(INDISTINCT TALKING OVER POLICE MEGAPHONE)

BUSTER: AII right. Welcome to all you newcomers!

You arejust in time to meet a teenager

who was recently dumped by her boyfriend.

(AUDIENCE MOANS) I know, right?

But she's gonna chase those blues away with a song ofher very own.

Allow me to introduce the singing sensation...

Ash!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(STRUMS GUITAR LOUDLY)

(GUITAR TURNS OFF)

Judith?

You are all trespassing on private property.

What? And you will leave right now.

No, no, no. Judith...

All of you!

(ALL GROAN)

(RHYTHMIC STOMPING)

(RHYTHMIC CLAPPING)

(SINGING ROCK SONG)

I am calling the police.

(ASH CONTINUES SINGING)

Ugh. Seriously? She's not even that good.

(SCOFFS) Yeah, yeah. Totally.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(CONTINUES SINGING)

(ALL GASP)

(CONTINUES SINGING)

Uh...

You guys okay?

(CHEERING)

Ash! Ash! Ash!

What about that? (LAUGHS)

Wejust witnessed the birth of a genuine rock star!

Moon, you've got some stuck here.

Ow!

(PANTING)

BUSTER: He may be tiny,

but there's no denying his enormous talent.

Would you please welcome to the stage, Mike!

What are you doing back here?

Relax, sweetheart.

Just came back to show you bozos how it's really done.

Now, watch this.

(SINGING TRADITIONAL POP SONG)

(SPITS)

Boss! That is him!

That is Mike!

(GROWLS)

I'm so proud of you.

(MIKE CONTINUES SINGING)

Uh-oh.

(SONG CONTINUES)

(WIND WHOOSHING)

You gotta be kidding me.

(CONTINUES SINGING) (GRUNTS)

(STRAINING)

Negative. I've lost sight of the suspect and am terminating pursuit.

(MIKE CONTINUES SINGING)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

That pip-squeak really was great.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Oh, please, you're too kind, really.

Look at me, I'm turning red.

Stop! I can't take it.

Keep it coming.

Well, I better get back.

They'll be wondering what happened to me. (CHUCKLES)

You'll visit me though, yeah?

Yeah, course I will.

See you, son.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

BUSTER: We have one final act foryou tonight.

Would you please welcome to the stage

for her first ever live appearance,

Meena!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Meena?

Is she coming out?

Meena, what's wrong? Are you okay?

I... I can't move.

I'm... I'm terrified.

(AUDIENCE CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY)

Give me your hand, kid.

(GRUNTS)

Okay, deep breaths.

Deep breaths, and remember what I told you.

You will not feel afraid anymore if you just start singing.

ALL: Meena!

Meena!

Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry!

(LAUGHS)

Uh...

Okay.

Uh...

Sing.

Okay.

(SINGING SOUL SONG)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(CONTINUES SINGING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Whoo-hoo!

Guys, guys, wait. We can talk this over, right?

We're all reasonable individuals here.

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

Get in! Quick!

Oh, thank you, sweetheart!

(GROWLS) (YELPS)

Whew! That was close! Yeah.

(GROWLS)

(CONTINUES SINGING)

(VOCALIZING)

(LOUD CHEERING)

(CONTINUES SINGING)

(VOCALIZING)

Come on!

(ALL VOCALIZING)

(CONTINUES SINGING)

(VOCALIZING)

(CONTINUES SINGING)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

She did it!

Go, go!

Oh, Dad, I wish you could see this.

Everybody ready?

All creatures great and small,

welcome to the New Moon Theater!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

(FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

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