Original subtitles

In the expanding shadows

of Death Adder's evil,

Gilius Thunderhead and Hampton Squib make their way

toward the dark fortress

of Death Adder's faithful minion,

Damned Hellstrike.

Damned Hellstrike? That's a bizarre name.

I wonder if he's a bad guy.

He's probably a bad guy.

Gilius, I've been working on a new battle cry

for when I face Damned Hellstrike.

Check it out. Yeah!

Ha! You're crazy if you think

you're ready to face Damned Hellstrike.

You need more training.

Well, then train me.

I am, and the first lesson starts now.

Finally! What'd you have in mind?

Carrying buckets of water up a hill, down a hill.

Just tell me where you want the buckets, Gilius.

I'm dying over here.

There's no buckets.

You're gonna fight those guys.

The one-eyed marauders?

-Why would I fight them? -They're mad at you

for stealing their eye patches.

Catch.

But I didn't take these. We have to tell them.

-In you go. -Gilius!

Hey! Look, way over there.

That skinny guy's got our eye patches.

How can you tell with only one eye?

Wait. Do you have two eyes?

Wha-What? No.

We're one-eyed marauders.

You can't maraud with us if you got both.

All right, all right. I lied about that.

But everything else I said was true.

Even when you said I'm a good singer?

Attack!

Aah! Whoa!

Did you see that, Gilius?

I parried an arrow. I'm an arrow-parrier.

Ah, great start. Now fight back.

Right, of course. I will.

What do you suggest I do?

What do you mean? You have a legendary weapon.

Use the blade.

Right. Stand back, bandits, for I wield...

the Emerald Blade!

Oh. Okay, um, how about... Yah!

I said yah!

Yah? Y... Ouch!

Man down! Full-grown man down!

Absolutely pathetic display, Hampton.

Thank the gods I didn't put you up

against the two-eyed marauders.

Yah!

No, wait, we wanted to fight the skinny guy!

Gilius, if I die, tell my parents

I died.

They'll know what you mean.

My eye!

While Gilius struggles to train his protégé,

his former companions Ax and Tyris have already arrived

on Damned Hellstrike's doorstep.

-A toast! -Wait,

are they drinking the night before a battle?

So irresponsible.

Tomorrow we scale the Ancient Mound

and vanquish the fiend Damned Hellstrike.

My mother always said,

"A hearty meal warms the heart

before a hearty, heartfelt battle."

She wasn't the best with words.

She sounds like a great warrior.

She was not.

She was a gentle, defenseless soul,

who was slain quite easily by Death Adder's minions.

Thank you, Tyris,

for that wonderful reminder of the painful circumstances

surrounding my mother's tragic death.

Anytime.

I know how hard it is to lose one parent

because it happened to me... twice.

She thinks because both of her parents were killed

by Death Adder, that she's a better fighter than me.

I do. It's twice as sad and therefore

-makes me twice the warrior. -I don't know.

I'm pretty tough

and everyone I care about is doing fine.

Surely, you have faced some horrific tragedy

that has spurred you to become a hero.

Village destroyed? Friend murdered?

Ran over by an evil horse? It happened to a bard I know.

He swore vengeance against all horses.

I'm not saying I agree.

Nah, I'm trauma-free.

I fight because I like adventure.

Pain and vengeance are what makes warriors great.

What fuels you to destroy your enemies

if not for the visceral memory of your parents being gutted

in front of you at 12 years old?

Hearing your father's gurgling screams as he slips away.

"Hold me, Tyris.

"I'm so cold.

"I see the black mountain.

Avenge me."

Well, I for one think it's refreshing.

A new generation of heroes who don't need to witness

the horrors of the world to do what we do best:

endlessly kill reanimated skeletons.

I'll drink to that.

"Avenge me."

Wake up, kid.

Ow. What the...

Oh, Gilius. I know we're brand-new friends, but

I don't really love being woken up that way.

Oh. And what is your preference?

Well, it starts with a back tickle,

but that's only the beginning...

Okay, I don't like that when I'm awake either.

-Where are we, by the way? -This

-is Tender Hamlet. -Whoa!

-I've brought you here because... -No, no, don't tell me.

Two adventurers arrive at a small town

in the middle of a larger quest.

Evil must be afoot.

I bet I can figure it out.

Hampton, there's no evil afoot.

A town crier. The first clue.

Hear ye, hear ye. I love my bell.

Huh. Didn't seem worth town-crying about.

The evil must be elsewhere.

Hampton, I promise you, this is a nice place.

Nothing is ever as it seems, Gilius.

Danger could be anywhere...

I'm deeply sorry.

Not necessary.

Human connection is always appreciated.

Terrific boots, by the way.

Now, do me a favor and have a great day.

What a nice bird.

Doesn't seem evil,

but anything's possible, I guess.

Hampton, listen to me.

Help me! Oh, please, gods,

-help me! -There it is... a cry for help.

Oh, thank gods.

I'm the mayor and two strangers have arrived in town

and I haven't personally welcomed them!

Two strangers? That could possibly be bad.

-We're the strangers. -Indeed you are.

Welcome to Tender Hamlet.

The tenderest place in all of Yuria.

Okay. And are there any foul doings about town?

Well, I don't think so. Look around.

We've got a tavern where the mead is free.

A barbershop where haircuts cost one hug.

And, you know we have a thriving theater scene.

That's my one-man show.

I sing some songs, tell a few jokes,

but it's mostly character work.

Ooh! I'll set aside some tickets

-for you. -You see?

Nothing going on.

Hmm. He almost had me fooled.

But when someone invites you to a one-man show,

you can be certain his intentions are evil.

Hampton! Tender Hamlet is a nice place.

Disgustingly so.

That is why I'm leaving you here.

What?

You couldn't even handle the one-eyed marauders.

You're not ready for what we're up against.

Now, I know you're gonna want to argue with me

and I am not interested in doing that sober, so

let's go off to the tavern.

Mm.

Hey, there. You look like you're feeling down.

Might I suggest you stop by the town compliment hut?

Whoa! You look like you've been working out.

What? We've never met.

You look good, bud. Shoulders are looking wide.

You're leaving me?

But... but-but it just doesn't make sense.

Dry those tears.

Two meads, on the house. Just like always.

Ugh, mead is disgusting.

I'll stick to my fetid wine

stored in a goat's belly, thank you.

Why are you doing this?

This is for your own good.

You can't fight, can't use the Emerald Blade.

Honestly, is there anything you are good at?

I'm a pretty good grandson. Both my grandmas say so.

It's my fault for believing in some silly fairy tale.

Which is why, instead of killing you

and ditching your body in the road,

I'm leaving you here.

But I'm destined to be a great hero.

All I need is a supportive,

patient father figure to help nurture my hidden talents.

Well, I don't have that kind of time.

I'm going to prove you wrong,

Gilius Thunderhead.

Mark my words.

You will woo this day.

Really, I'm gonna "woo" it?

I'm gonna woo this day?

You know I meant "rue."

Woo. Woo.

The moment of Damned Hellstrike's defeat has arrived.

-Oh, this is gonna be fun! -It's not supposed to be fun.

It's supposed to be a cathartic release of internal rage!

Look at him. There's just no way you can fight

that ferociously without some sort of internal turmoil.

-Tyris, focus. -I am focused.

Are you sure you haven't lost a cousin or something?

Maybe moved around a lot as a child?

Thank you, Chronos. Excellent in battle, as always.

It's just what us kitty-cats do.

Tyris.

I have something to tell you both.

That scenario I brought up last night...

the one about a 12-year-old girl named Tyris

seeing her father's guts spilled?

Well, that was me. I was Tyris.

And that was Tyris' father.

And Tyris' father was my dad.

And dad means father.

I can't believe I was friends

with someone who was in a scenario.

But now that I've seen Chronos fight,

it seems the death of my parents

was just a meaningless act that brought me no advantages.

Heavy stuff.

Do you guys smell that?

Aah.

Wow, he... he really hates cages.

I never got to bury my parents.

"Woo the day?"

Ugh! Great start on proving yourself, Hampton.

Oh...

Hey, you're sitting on my bench.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Don't apologize, move.

You're not very nice.

In fact, you're the first not-nice person I've met

-in this entire hamlet. -Thanks.

Name's Dry Arthur.

Been sober ten years, feels like 20.

That's why you're in such a bad mood, mm-hmm.

No, sober people can be fun.

I mean, I'm not, but it is possible.

I'm rude because I can be.

Everyone else in Tender Hamlet has been enchanted to be nice.

Dare I say...

tender.

No, no. No. Nice. Nice is the right word.

So, you're telling me

this whole town is under an enchantment?

Yup.

Hey, you broke my hut!

Good job.

It's in the mead.

Yes! Something is afoot in this town.

This is the perfect opportunity to prove myself to Gilius.

Gods, it is so hard to make friends as an adult.

What do you want?

-How hot is the hot pretzel? -Scalding.

I'll make it work.

Gilius, you were wrong.

There is something going on in this town.

Nope. No use trying to change my mind, kid.

You're staying here.

Okay, option B.

Let's share a mead before you go.

If this disgusting honey wine

will keep you in this hamlet, then bottoms up.

Ugh. Yeah, that's still disgusting.

I feel, ugh, I-I feel... I feel...

I feel well and truly grateful for it.

-It worked! -What worked?

Nothing. Have more mead.

Wow! You'd make a great waiter.

But to be fair, you'd be great at a lot of things.

Chef, model.

Oh, this one's crazy... blacksmith?

Oh, I don't know, everything's so heavy

and I have these little chicken wrists.

Don't you dare let that stand in the way of your dream.

You know, my real dream is to become an adventurer.

What's stopping you?

Technically, you.

But if you're on board, then maybe I should

come with you to fight Damned Hellstrike after all?

Well, I see no reason why not.

Oh, I can't wait to eat my pretzel.

Starting to feel a little guilty.

Hey, you listen to me.

Never let anyone make you feel guilty about anything.

Okay.

Fare thee well, Tender Hamlet.

I will tell tales of your hospitality.

But now we must venture forth

to defeat Damned Hellstrike.

But first there's something important we need to do.

Gather supplies?

Splash in the fountain!

Okay. Okay, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done.

So, we can go after Damned Hellstrike?

Who cares about Damned Hellstrike?

That guy's painting caricatures.

I like axes and he likes daggers.

Sor-Sorry, I didn't mean to speak for you,

I'm just really excited.

The hell?

Oh, hey guys. You made it.

Chronos. Hey, bud.

You, uh, want to tell us what happened?

I won the fight.

All right, uh, care to go into details?

Sure.

I went left and right, jumped a couple times,

few kicks, you know how battles go.

Figured I'd wait for you to take on

Damned Hellstrike.

Throne room is just down the hall.

Uh, why do you know that?

Beats me. I have no memory of this place.

I'm worried about Chronos.

Do you think he got enough sleep last night?

All right,

raise your hand if you've ever mixed up

the town crier with the town friar.

Whoa, that's more than I expected.

Does it get any better than a one-man show?!

Hey, uh, after this, I was thinking

that we should finally go after Damned Hellstrike.

Or, better i... or, better idea...

what if we invited him here? I think he'd love this place!

Now I'm gonna need a volunteer from the audience

who loves to smile.

Me! Pick me! You're talking about me!

First rule of showbiz,

always pick the person who wants it most.

Get up here, Gilius!

This show blows, huh?

Oh, hey, Dry Arthur. Good to see you.

Uh, that's a lie.

So I tell you the whole town's enchanted

and you enchant your friend?

Yeah, but I think it's kind of backfiring.

Any idea how to sober up a dwarf?

One day at a time.

Ah, I swear I was so funny when I was a drinker.

I-I don't... I don't think you were.

Hello?

Bar maiden. I know what you're doing to this town,

and I need to know how to reverse it.

You know that I'm enchanting people to be nice?

That's right. I know everything.

So that I can kill them

and use their body parts in my evil stew?

That part is new to me.

When Death Adder's evil hordes

march through this part of Yuria,

they'll be in need of nourishment.

And they will gain powerful strength

from my enchanted feast.

And if I have a little left over,

I'm gonna make a potpie just for me.

Why can't you just

make the stew out of veggies?

Oh, wow, a witch!

Time to add our main ingredient.

Ooh, scary.

Citizens of Tender Hamlet,

prepare to die.

Big cauldron.

Well, I'll be Damned.

The prodigal son has returned.

Tyris, do they know each other?

Oh, did Chronos not tell you?

Chronos was not born,

but created by my dark magic.

I gave him a very traumatic upbringing,

filled with unimaginable torture and suffering.

Isn't that right, Chronos?

Wait, wait. You're his father?

Okay. Oh...

Oh, yes, that-that's good.

Why did I do it?

It's simple. I thought it would be funny.

I'm sorry!

He's eating my face!

What have I done to deserve this?!

Thank the gods.

You are a victim of trauma.

And it's way worse than mine.

Oh, today is confusing.

Chronos! My boy...

Form a line, people.

Everybody will have a chance to get in the boiling cauldron.

Don't do it, everyone!

Oh, but I want to be soup so bad.

Whee!

Oh, gods.

-Me next! -Gilius?

So fun.

I'm gonna get my dirty ass in there.

Stop, Gilius. You have to snap out of it.

I'm gonna pretend I'm a slice of onion.

-Gods, what do I do? -Hey, buddy, it looks like

you're really struggling with something.

I enchanted my friend and now I don't know how to reverse it.

Most enchantments can be reversed

with a drop of blood from someone who is unaffected.

Hey, I'm unaffected.

I can do this. Or...

Hey, can I borrow something?

Ow! Hey!

-I was so nice to you. -Sorry.

Now drink, Gilius.

What in a pig's taint did you do to me?

I'm so sorry,

but the bar maiden's an evil sorceress

enchanting the town and is now...

Making a people stew to feed Death Adder's hordes.

Oh, that witch!

-Aah! -I'm giving you one chance

to free these townsfolk on your own, you frigging witch!

I'm a frigging sorceress.

And it's not my job to explain to you the difference.

It's your job to die!

And I hear you're real good at it.

Go, Gilius! He is doing it.

Aah!

Your friends will be joining you spoon.

-Joining you spoon? -Oh, uh, I-I think

the enchantment must still be wearing off.

Sure, dude.

Shut up, shut up!

You fight well, dwarf.

But you're a fool if you think you can stop me.

Aah!

Right in my witch chest.

Is it crazy that I want to try the soup?

Well, I guess this is goodbye.

Sorry I enchanted you.

Guess I can't blame you for ditching me now.

Oh, shut up.

You're coming with me.

Don't joke around, Gilius,

I'm too fragile for sarcasms right now.

Look, you drugged me

and I'm pissed as hell.

That was stupid and reckless, but also a lot of fun.

Now, Damned Hellstrike awaits

and if we're gonna defeat him, we're gonna have to teach you

how to fight and figure out

what the heck turns on the Emerald Blade.

Training? Finally! What'd you have in mind?

Nothing, if you don't get rid of that picture.

-Come on, let's go. -Aw.

Well, this doesn't look real.

I could have drawn this way better.

He ate his face.

He ate his father's whole face.

What's wrong with Ax?

Nothing's wrong.

He's got some new trauma that's gonna make him

extra good at fighting tomorrow.

Tyris, trauma doesn't make you a better fighter.

Now, let's rest,

for tomorrow we take on Dad Hellstrike...

Damned Helldad.

Dad Dad-dad.

Welp, goodnight.

He doesn't even remember.

What do you have to go through

to eat your father's face

and not remember?

Maybe it would be healthier to talk about our trauma.

Chronos?

Is he asleep now?

Chirp.