Original subtitles

(drumroll)

(rousing orchestral fanfare playing)

(fanfare ends)

(lights match)

(quiet orchestral music plays)

(wings flapping)

(insects chirping softly)

(old-time band plays mid-tempo intro)

(soft chirping, croaking)

(click)

(click)

(woman singing)

(singing continues)

MAN (calls): Max!

Uh-huh?

Ready to concede?

No!

(singing continues)

I thought as it's your last night here,

it only appropriate that we open something extra special.

Bandol.

Excellent choice.

Tempier Bandol, 1969.

The kind of wine that'll pickle even the toughest of men.

I once saw a Castilian prizefighter

collapse in a heap

after drinking just a single glass.

Perhaps my knee landing squarely in his testicles...

(cork pops)

...may have been partly to blame.

What was I talking about before?

You said the importance of a good blue suit

can never be overstated.

Quite right.

A blue suit is the most versatile of accoutrements.

More important than the suit itself

is the man who fits it for you.

Once you find a good tailor,

you must never give his name away,

not even under the threat

of bodily harm.

(music continues in background)

Now, where were we?

- Whose turn is it? - Mine.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Max, have I told you why I enjoy

- making wine so much? - You don't

make the wine, Uncle Henry, that guy Duflot does.

In France, it's always the landowner

who makes the wine.

Even though he does nothing more than supervise

with binoculars from the comfort of his study.

No, I enjoy making wine because this sublime nectar

is quite simply incapable of lying.

Picked too early, picked too late, it matters not.

The wine will always whisper into your mouth

with complete, unabashed honesty,

every time you take a sip.

Mmm,

delightful.

Now, Maximillian,

now you know why I love wine so much,

have you anything you want to tell me?

Yes, I do.

Yes, what is it?

Checkmate.

You little shit.

##

- Good morning, lab rats. - OTHERS: Good morning, Max.

MAX: Today we're shifting gear.

Today... is Greedy Bastard Day.

(lively chatter, chuckling)

MAX: The secret to riches, lab rats,

is the same as the secret to comedy...

timing.

- (indistinct chatter) - MAN: 115.10, Max.

So I thought we should move now.

- Not yet, Alf. - Boss,

why do you keep calling me Alf?

Because you're an aggressive little flunky, Kenny.

And as your boss

and genetic superior,

I can call you whatever I want.

(cell phone rings)

Max Skinner's phone.

It's Kimberly. Is Max there?

Yeah. One moment, please.

It's Kimberly.

- Sorry, Kimberly, Max isn't here. - KI MBERLY: Where is he?

He and his fiancée

are at their wedding rehearsal today.

- Their what? - Do you want me to leave him a message?

No, I don't want to leave him a message!

Okay.

(phone beeps)

KENNY: 115.90...

116...

116.10.

All right, lab rats, just remember

we're not here for the dental plan.

50 big! People are buying! Max?

Sell.

(all shouting frantically)

That's yours!

(shouting continues)

KENNY: I said that's yours!

(phones ringing)

That miserable sod Skinner's dumping bonds

- onto the market. - But he can't do that.

There's a gentleman's agreement on the exchange.

A gentleman's agreement presupposes

- there's a gentleman involved. - Amis,

he put out $5 billion in sell orders— prices are

- crashing through the floor! - Come on,

people, get off your asses!

Come on, step to it! Start selling!

- (frantic shouting) - Sell!

(shouting continues)

They should bury you face down, Max,

because that's the way you're going.

(shouting continues)

(Kenny shouting)

Free big figures to 113.50!

WOMAN: Sell! Sell!

KENNY: Still going down.

Buy.

Fuckin' buy it all back!

Buy it all back immediately!

Buy it all back! It's yours to buy back!

Don't worry about it! Buy it all back!

You're a genius, Max!

Filthy bugger, he's forced down prices.

He's gonna buy everything back on the cheap!

Start buying!

Buying now! Start buying!

(frantic shouting)

(others singing)

(singing ends)

(cheering)

- I can! - I can!

Well done today, lab rats.

Wonderful work.

We all made a spectacular amount of money.

(cheering)

Today we proved the adage that

winning isn't everything...

ALL: It's the only thing!

(whooping, cheering)

MALE REPORTER: And there were strange goings-on

on the bond market today.

Prices crashed to 112.5, after Lorden Brothers

unloaded $3 billion in sell orders.

FEMALE REPORTER: Then in an extraordinary move, the company bought the bonds back

at a substantially reduced price,

making over $77 million

- in the process. - (whistles): Blimey.

Cries of foul play were loud

and widespread, with talks of an inquiry to follow.

(clears throat)

Morning, Mr. Skinner.

- Morning, Bert. - And congratulations.

- Thank you. - You might've tipped me off,

Mr. Skinner.

I'll give you a tip, Bert:

Never pat a burning dog.

(elevator bell dings)

(quietly): Wanker.

(glass rings softly)

##

##

##

(sighs)

Oh, Henry, bloody hell.

KENNY: Ready for the fan mall?

Shoot, sunshine.

- "Bastard." - Uh-huh.

"Bastard."

Uh-huh.

- "Burn in hell." - Right.

"Rot in hell."

Oh. Lovely.

"Die."

Charming.

Maxie?

"Congratulations, you're my hero."

Who said that?

Your lawyer.

- Oh. - Maxie, listen,

I just got off the phone with, uh, Auzet.

That's the notaire handling your Uncle Henry's estate.

She the one that sent me the letter?

Yeah.

Anyway, listen, uh, it seems that

your Uncle Henry

hasn't updated his will

in over 20 years.

Which is why, in typical frog fashion,

they take over a month

to notify us.

All right, so what do we do with that?

Is there a reading of the will,

or do we just download

that sort of thing these days? What happens?

No, that's the point, Max.

Sorry?

There is no legal will.

Really?

You're his closest blood relative,

- so you get everything. - What, his clothes

and his Edmundo Ross LPs?

(chuckles)

The house, you git.

You get to keep his house.

What, the old farmhouse

and the vineyards and the grapes and everything?

Place like must be worth a few quid these days.

Hey.

- Hmm. - Anyway,

I've booked you a flight

and an appointment with Auzet for 3:00 tomorrow afternoon.

Just a few papers to sign.

Come on, I can't go to France tomorrow.

Gem, I'm the toast of the town.

I need to do a few victory laps

around the city, show off a little bit,

have a late night or two. Oh, come on,

you heard the mail— it's times like this,

when everyone hates you, that's when it's fun.

Go on, Max— we'll take good care

of the place when you're gone.

No problems.

Right.

- Ken. - Mm.

Why don't you go and try and find

some small animals to hurt?

I know, find a poodle and punt it off the balcony.

(sighs)

Hmm?

- Tell me something, Max. - Yes?

Did you care for him?

Yes, I did.

When was the last time you spoke?

A long time ago.

Why?

Well, I don't know, Gemma.

That's probably got something to do

with me becoming an asshole.

Okay.

(piano plays mellow jazz)

(mellow jazz continues)

Max!

- MAX: Hello, how are you? - How are you?

- Congratulations. - Thank you.

I'm looking so much forward to gloating through the room.

Oh, well, follow me.

(indistinct chatter)

- Danny, how are you? - Congratulations.

- Thank you. Austin. - Max, congratulations.

Say hello to your dad for me.

Oh, love, mm. How are you doing?

- Very well. How are you? - Oh, Lucy.

- Hello. - I didn't realize that you two knew each other.

Whoops.

He's adorable.

Mm, magnificent bouquet.

Alluring nose.

Honey and spice.

And all things nice.

Inspection of the polyphenolics reveals magnificent hues

of brick red, indicative of a mature Bordeaux.

It's a burgundy.

Yes, I knew it's burgundy.

One for you, sir?

I think I shall have an eclipse.

- Thank you. - Charles, can we get

our minds off the double frontage with the view

and onto the French real estate?

What do you think it's worth?

Max, barely a day has passed since you learned

of the long-lost uncle's

departure from this world,

and all you can think of is money.

The very same uncle you're talking about, Charles, is

the man who taught me every man needs a fuck-you million.

Okay, when are you gonna furnish me with the particulars,

because an estate agent needs something

he can sink his teeth into.

Well, uh, it's been a while

since I've been there, but from memory,

at least half a dozen bedrooms, a pool, tennis...

court, a decent-sized kitchen...

- Thanks. - 11 hectares, a vineyard.

Bloody hell, Max, it sounds like an estate to me, a château.

What's a château go for these days?

Well, we're obviously in the "F-You" department, aren't we?

- Maybe several. - Really?

God bless Henry.

I won't count my commission.

I wouldn't expect you to, Charles.

That's why I'm fond of you.

Well, in that case, Max...

here's to you.

(jet engines roaring)

(woman speaking French over P.A. System)

(woman singing pop song in French)

(speaks in French, laughs)

Gemma.

(GPS speaking in Italian)

(male and female voices alternate in foreign languages)

Parlez-vous anglals?

(horn honks)

(phone rings)

- Yeah? - Kenny,

I want the current ten-year yield,

I want an update on the figures for nonfarm payrolls,

and I want you to get your scrawny little backside

out of my chair.

Thank you.

How'd he know that?

(woman singing pop song in French on radio)

Lance Armstrong!

(shouting angrily in French)

(pop song blaring from distance)

(pop song blaring on radio, line ringing)

Maxie! Hi. How are you?

Gemma, come on, love, admit it: This is

because I didn't shag you at the Christmas party,

- isn't it? - Listen, I swear on my life,

Max, they didn't have any other cars.

GEMMA: So, where are we, Max?

Oh, for bollocky's sake!

Right, I've gone to the end of that road...

- Look, they're both the D-3. - (GPS repeats "Go!" in French)

I've got Menerbes on my left, or I've got Cavaillon on my right,

and they're both on the D-3.

- GPS (in French): Go! Go! - Oh... shut up!

Okay, okay, hang on a minute. I'll help you. Hang on.

I've got a... I've got a GPS here

- GPS (in French): Go! Go! - With a stutter and a...

quite frankly, a shitty, froggy attitude!

(beeping)

Okay, listen, you turn left and that'll take you straight

onto the N-7, and if you really put your foot on it,

you might even get to your appointment on time.

(flies buzzing loudly, Max grunting in pain)

- Bollocks! Bugger! - (zips pants)

(phone rings)

Mission control.

All right, love, please reschedule

my meeting with the notaire

for first thing tomorrow morning.

Okay.

What about the keys, Max?

- Oh, there used to be a stone, you know. - Uh-huh.

Uh, by the front door. Ask her to put that... put the keys under the stone,

and I'll, um, I'll pick them up from there.

Okay, copy that. Copy that.

(GPS speaking in French)

Huh.

(insects chittering)

(bell tolling in distance)

(insects chittering)

(bell tolling in distance)

(groans, exhales)

(dog barking in distance)

(hinges squeak)

MAX: Hello?

(clock ticking)

Henry?

(dog barking)

(speaking French)

(speaking French)

(phone beeps off)

(medium-tempo piano intro plays)

(man singing)

(singing continues)

- (singing continues) - (board creaking)

(squeaking)

UNCLE HENRY'S VOICE: Come on, you're slower than your Aunt Mldge!

(rackets hitting tennis ball)

- That's lt, Maxlmllllan. - (Max grunting)

- (Uncle Henry laughing) - YOUNG MAX: It's not funny.

UNCLE HENRY: What are you, a man or a mouse?

YOUNG MAX: Flne, then, I'm a mouse. Squeak, squeak!

(Uncle Henry laughing)

(singing continues)

(insect buzzing)

UNCLE HENRY: Hopeless, you're hopeless.

YOUNG MAX: Oh, stop lt!

- (Uncle Henry laughing) - (singing continues)

(singing ends)

UNCLE HENRY: Match polnt.

Ace!

Game! Set!

- Match! - You cannot be serious!

- (groaning) - Hey.

- You have to rub it in? - Hey...

The point is, Max, why you aren't celebrating?

Because I lost!

Well, a man should acknowledge

his losses just as gracefully as he celebrates his victories.

Come on, give us a jig.

Give your old uncle a jig.

- Oh, yeah, I lost. - Arms and up and down.

Yeah, great, yeah, I lost! I lost!

- Uncle Henry won! - Yes.

- Three cheers! - Dance, don't shimmy like an Italian.

Well done, Uncle Henry.

This is stupid.

You'll come to see

that a man learns nothing from winning.

The act of losing, however, can elicit great wisdom.

Not least of which is, uh,

how much more enjoyable it is to win.

It's inevitable to lose now and again.

The trick is not to make a habit of it.

Drink?

##

(inhales deeply)

(coughing)

Chicken shit.

- (dog barking) - Excuse me?

On the roses.

Oh, fertilizer.

Oh, Tati.

Hello.

Duflot?

Oul.

- Max. - My God.

Haven't you... matured.

Ah, c'est vral, the floods of'78,

- Right. - Mistral of'86,

- fanleaf disease in '93. - (dog urinating)

- Fanleaf disease. - In each vintage I've

corked away another year of my youth.

But I still have my wife, Ludivine.

- Ludivine. - Yeah.

And my dog... ah, vollà, Tati.

(barks)

I expect you're hungry, no?

Please, come tonight.

My wife is roasting a lamb— mmm!

To tell the truth,

I haven't had much of an appetite

since I learned of Henry.

Oh, the very last years, his sight was failing.

But I tended to things for him, you know?

We became very close.

Almost like... father and son.

Well, I am most appreciative

that someone was here for him.

Well, my wife will come in the morning

with croissants, okay?

Huh? She will resume her duties.

- Allez! Bon! - If you insist.

(speaking in French)

(dog growling)

Hmm.

"Welcome."

Ah.

Don't mind if I do.

Here's to you, Henry.

Devoting your life to the vines...

and bottling the truth.

(swishing)

Hmm...

(groans)

(spits)

That was honest.

Jesus, ought to have a poison sticker on it.

Ah... coffee, coffee.

What's in here?

And that?

Piss off.

Hmm.

Morning, Henry.

Milk.

Hmm.

(sighs)

(speaking in French)

(gasps)

Maxie!

Madame Duflot!

Maxie! Maxie! Maxie!

(kissing rapidly)

- Oh... - Morning.

(cell phone ringing)

Morning, Gemma.

Are you enjoying yourself, Max?

Oh, yes, as bereavements go, you know.

This will cheer you up.

You've been busted.

Morning Flnanclal Tlmes headline:

"Lorden Brothers trade under investigation."

You don't have to worry about any of that.

The FSA today launched an official inquiry

into recent Lorden Brothers trade activity.

Yes, well, I double-checked it all through Legal.

I covered our asses, okay?

It's just bollocks to placate the lucid back.

Oh, he doesn't think so.

- Nigel? - Sir Nigel.

He wants a meeting with you today, 5:00 this afternoon.

Well, it must be about something else.

Um, what time is my meeting with the notaire?

A little over an hour from now.

My time or yours?

Oh, shit.

Oh, Gemma!

(light, medium-tempo theme playing)

##

(cell phone ringing)

Yes?

How's the house, Max? Is it gorgeous?

Well, to tell you the truth, Charlie,

it's a little bit shabby.

We don't say shabby, Max.

We say filled with the patina of a bygone era.

- How's the wine? - Right.

Uh, bouquet of a wet dog.

Hits the palate like a razor blade

with a finish that hints of awful.

So the house is falling apart

and the vineyard makes undrinkable wine?

Excellent.

One thing you are going to need is an oenologue.

All right, what's that?

It's a sort of licensed wine expert.

They take soil samples— bits of the vine, that sort of thing—

tests them— there must be a couple near you.

And also, I would need a couple of sexy snaps

to get the punters clamoring,

and I have an e-mail address for you to send them to, which is...

Hold on a second. I'll just put you on speaker.

Okay, shoot.

Provencelistings@

abroadproperties. Inc.

Shit.

- Hello? - Attentlon!

(shrieking, tires screeching)

- Hello? - Shit.

(gasping)

- Max? - All right, go on.

(yelling in French)

(horn honking)

(engine revving)

(clears throat)

Auzet.

(speaking French)

Hello.

Max Skinner.

The vigneron makes the wine

and the estate owner maintains the property.

Mr. Skinner?

Yes, hmm, right, well, delightful.

This is how your uncle and Monsieur Duflot

worked for over 20 years.

Naturally, Monsieur Duflot

will be anxious as to your intentions.

I think I can speed this up.

I have no intention of becoming a winemaker.

So let Monsieur Duflot make the wine

and you enjoy the estate on the weekends.

I'm not sure you understand me.

My life is in London.

I don't do weekends.

I intend to sell La Siroque

as soon as possible.

And what about, uh,

Monsieur and Madame Duflot?

Look, in all cases like this, it simply

just comes down to a figure.

Well, if there's nothing else, I have a plane to catch.

Right.

You're selling La Siroque?

There has been a mistake, I think.

News travels fast.

(barking)

But your uncle,

he meant for you to have it,

not sell it.

Well, I'm sure if he did,

he would have written that down in a proper will.

He didn't.

You know, Henry was not English the way you are.

He was a man of secrets, a man of passion.

He didn't write things down.

You would take me away from my vines?

My vines, Duflot.

I live in them,

I breathe in them.

They tear my hands.

Look, Francis, when I sell the property,

I do intend to make you a handsome settlement.

Do you know, monsieur, what it is to love something

more than your own life?

To submit your days and nights to the fickle will of nature?

I have only a few vintages left.

Soon my body and spirit will be defeated by the terrolr.

And you would dare come here and take away

my last few chances of immortality?

Afraid so. Be in touch.

(grunts)

- (dog barking) - It's not over!

(speaking in French)

(cell phone ringing)

Leaving now.

Oh, good.

'Cause Sir Nigel has made a special trip, Max.

- Is everything okay? - Everything's fine.

Good. Oh, did you remember to take photos for Charlie?

Yes.

- (tires screech) - Damn it!

Idiot.

(door chime ringing, engine idling)

(shutter clicking rapidly)

(clicking)

(clicking)

(flies buzzing)

(inhales deeply)

UNCLE HENRY: Let's see you then.

YOUNG MAX: One... two...

...and go! - (Henry laughs)

(clicking)

(cell phone ringing)

- Yes? - Get in the car.

Get off my camera.

(board creaking)

- (board snapping) - Bollocks!

(grunts)

(groans)

(raspy grunt)

(cell phone ringing)

(grunts)

(line ringing, sighs)

(vibrating)

Oh, come on! Where's the ladder?

Where are you, tosser?

(French pop song playing on radio)

(rattling, scraping)

(door chime ringing)

(engine idling)

- (ringing and vibrating) - Hold on!

Come to Papa. Come to Papa.

(speaking in French)

(line ringing, sighs)

MAX: Gemma, for God's sake, keep calling!

(grunting, cell phone ringing)

Hello.

Oh, no, don't worry about me.

I'm... I'm the pool man.

I do this every Thursday.

It's just routine maintenance.

(groaning)

It's been lovely chatting to you.

And, and you are a spectacular vision.

But any chance for a rope or a ladder?

Is that your little car?

Uh, yes, I'm the temporary custodian

of the lime green roller skate,

but it's a hired car; it's a rental.

It's not for sale. Sorry?

- Can you swim? - Well, yes, but...

but not in a foot of cow shit.

Hello?

(hissing, then whooshing)

WOMAN (over P.A.): Will all passengers on Flight...

(cell phone ringing)

He's not on the flight.

GEMMA: Right, right.

Okay, roger that.

What is it, Major Lawrence,

that attracts you, personally, to the desert?

It's clean.

I like it because it's clean.

(light, jazzy theme playing)

Great.

(groaning)

(panting)

(cell phone ringing)

You better be in prison, Maxie.

Yes, just tell him I'm sorry.

There was nothing I could do about it.

Sorry's no good, Max. He's gone.

Oh, shit.

Um, what time is the first flight out in the morning?

Oh, there's no point in rushing back, Max.

You know, the last thing Sir Nigel did on his way out

- was to suspend you for a week. - What?

What the f— does he expect me to do for a week?

Take a holiday?

Christ, he didn't say that, did he?

No, I just did.

Right, Gemma. Never say that.

If anybody calls,

do not say I'm on holiday.

All right? That's worse than dying.

Now, look.

I'll be back in the office in a couple of days.

- You just make sure - Okay.

That every man jack in there is ready.

Set it up so I can trade in Kenny's name.

What?

Get him a clearance at the highest level

on Sir Nigel's recommend.

Are you mad, Max?

Who cares? Just do it.

Don't tell anybody, all right?

Especially not that little shit, Kenny.

Max, is there a problem?

No, I'm having a great time.

- You sure? - Yes.

- You just be careful, okay? Okay. Ciao. - Okay.

Bye.

(man singing on phonograph)

(singing continues)

(sniffs)

(singing ends)

(bell tolling, rooster crows)

(singing a happy tune)

(bell tolling in distance, singing continues)

(rooster crows, gasps, grunts)

(continues singing)

(exhales)

- (rattling) - Oh, shit!

Shit! Scorpion! Scorpion! Ludivine!

(shouts)

Scorpion!

- (Ludivine yells) - Oh! Drop it! Bloody hell!

Get that little bastard!

Of course.

Okay.

(upbeat pop intro plays)

(man singing)

Fits very well; beautifully.

CHARLI E: Max?

Are you back in Blighty?

On the contrary, chuckles.

I've decided to stick around for a couple of days.

So it's true, you are getting the sack.

No, I'm not getting the sack, Charlie.

I'm just exploring my options, with a view to realizing

the full potential of my inheritance.

Well, speaking of your inheritance,

how soon before we can view?

It's cosmetic stuff mostly, I'd say.

Surprising, actually, how well it's been maintained.

Hmm. So you don't need

a contractor or anything like that?

Uh, no, no, no, no. Just needs a...

a coat of paint and a bit of a scrub.

Okay, you sure?

- No problem at all, Charlie. - Good.

Charlie?

Charlie, can you hear me?

- Yes. - (hinges creaking)

Can you hear me now?

- Yes. - Look, I wasn't joking before

about what I said about the wine they make here.

It is not, I repeat, not first-class.

- Will that affect our price? - Well, how bad can it be?

Uh, well, it gives you a blinding headache

- and it makes you angry. - Ah.

I can't imagine the damage a second sip might do.

Well, we'll just have to make sure

our buyers don't know anything about wine.

We'll concentrate on the Americans.

(imitates electric guitar)

Just make sure she's match-fit in 72 hours.

72 hours.

Righto.

(chicken clucking)

(chuckles): A Lamborghini tractor.

Palntbrush...

paintbrush, paintbrush.

Paintbrush!

(clucking)

(excited squawking)

You old bugger.

(engine starts)

(engine roaring)

(engine turns off)

Duflot.

(footsteps approaching)

I was just about to use that paintbrush.

It's my paintbrush.

Gee whiz.

This is fun.

Tell you what,

I'll give you 20 euros for your paintbrush.

- Hmm? - No.

No?

Fifty.

I'll give you a hundred euros for your paintbrush, Duflot.

I don't care. What do you want?

When you sell, I stay vigneron.

I keep my vines.

You want to stay with your vines?

- Mm-hmm. - Fine.

That means you...

must help me... fix the place up—

do the gardens,

paint the house, clean the pool— and I,

if at all possible, will attempt to convince

the new owners of the worth and value

of your services.

D'accord?

(exhales, spits)

A Frenchman's hand

is his word.

(spits)

An Englishman's word is his bond.

- Concord? - Deal.

Frog tosspot.

English prick.

(man singing passionate folk ballad in French)

No.

(grunting)

(grunts)

(grunts)

(laughs)

Awfully sorry.

(laughing)

(whispering): Goal of the day.

(ball bouncing)

(folk music playing)

UNCLE HENRY: Bat. Come on.

Here comes the ball!

(cheering)

Champion of the over— unh!

(grunts)

Let's play.

Come on.

(man singing)

All right, I'm 12-none out.

Okay.

(cheering)

It won't last one month.

If things go according to plan, Francis,

it will be somebody else's problem.

LUDIVI NE: Monsieur Max!

Yes?

There is, um... a person

- at the door. - A person?

A person.

(hinges creaking)

Bonjour.

Bonjour.

The only country that issues teeth like that is America.

Oh.

You speak English.

- Like a native. - (chuckles)

I'm Christie Roberts.

I'm looking for Mr. Skinner.

You lucky devil, you found him.

Impossible.

You're way too young.

You know, I was just thinking the same thing about you.

I meant too young to be my dad.

Henry Skinner is my father.

She has Henry's nose.

Allez. Allez.

(hinges creaking)

Wow.

(clears throat)

This your mum?

In all her Flashdance glory.

(chuckles)

So, uh...

is he around?

Oh, bollocks.

Um...

I'm sorry. I've forgotten your name.

- It's Christie. - Christie.

You see, Christie, um...

Henry...

He's dead, huh?

A month ago.

Um...

(sighs)

Cup of tea?

Yes?

Madame Duflot.

(speaking French)

Well, no, it's more than a wrinkle, Max.

What if the girl turns out to be legit?

Oh, come on, she turns up

a couple months after he parks it?

Far too sweet, Charlie; I'm not buying it.

You need some legal advice, mate,

and you need it fast, in case the little minx

screws up the whole deal.

Asking price?

Uh, it's seven and a half.

Did you get that?

Right.

Christie, I'm just going to pop into town.

Oh, no problem— I booked a youth hostel,

just in case the old man

- was schizo, you know? - Oh, right.

Oh, you mind dropping me off?

I really got to get out of these clothes.

Why don't you just get out of your clothes here?

(chuckling): Got plenty of space, lots of room.

You can clean up, take a shower.

- I'll be back in a jiff. - You sure?

Absolutely, absolutely.

Madame Duflot? (speaks French)

Vollà.

WOMAN: In the French law, there Is no dlfference between

legitimate and illegitimate children when it comes

to their right to inherit.

That's bloody ridiculous.

She never even met Henry.

She could very well be an impostor.

That is precisely why she would be required

to produce some form

of documentation.

Photo or even

correspondence— a love letter.

Yes, yes, yes, but what if I just... sell the property

before she even makes her claim?

No; legally, she could invalidate the sale

even after the transfer of title.

Bugger.

My advice, Mr. Skinner,

is to treat her with the utmost respect.

(mumbling) Goes without saying.

And hope she'll be on her way.

(mumbling) ...bugger off.

Don't let this... end in court.

(upbeat, jazzy theme plays)

(revs engine, honks horn)

Mercl.

(tires screeching)

Joan of Arc?

Oh, Jacques Cousteau.

You tried to drown me.

And you tried to run me over with your little car.

What are you talking about, I tried to run you over?

What sort of bollocks is that?

Down the road from La Siroque,

you were driving your midget car on your phone.

Bonjour. Bonjour.

And I believe

had your head stuck very far up your ass.

Look at the damage you have caused me!

(yells in French) You tried to kill me,

I tried to kill you.

(patrons applauding, whistling, cheering)

My God.

She's fantastic.

Hey, Max.

Look at the view.

It's like Cézanne.

(pops lips, exhales)

(sniffing)

(snoring)

(gasps)

(barking)

Oh, Tati. Psst.

Francis...

in, uh, in town today,

I was, um,

I was passing by this restaurant...

Her name is Fanny Chenal.

(chuckling)

Right.

Many times, I've seen

this same look on your uncle's face.

But you deserve credit.

Why is that?

You are now the town hero for making her show

her derriere. (chuckles)

She, um... (clears throat) She grew up around here, didn't she?

Who?

Fanny Chenal.

I believe, yes.

She, um...

She otherwise spoken for?

She was once.

A football player— for Lyon.

He was shit,

just like his left foot.

He treated her very badly, you know.

Since then, it's rumored that she will let no man

near her heart.

(lid rattles, creaks)

So she's alone, then.

Who?

Fanny Chenal.

Max,

recall what Proust said:

"Leave pretty women

to men without imagination."

Duflot, I'm a banker.

I have no imagination.

Stop.

Fred Perry.

Henri Lacoste.

(grunting)

(groans)

Love-15.

(barking)

15-all.

- (Tati whimpers) - MAX: Yes!

(laughing)

No, no, out.

Cannot be serious! That was in by a mile!

Ball. Ball!

(man singing)

Ah, good.

(grunting, groaning)

(barking)

- Yeah! Hey! - (groans)

(singing continues)

Oh... oh, bollocks!

(laughing)

(grunts, yells)

(yells)

(grunts)

(singing continues)

(laughing)

My point.

(mumbles)

(panting)

Match point.

(grunts)

(straining)

Game.

Hmm.

(exhales loudly)

(coughing)

(coughing, wheezing)

(grunts)

Eh, Tati.

(Tati snarling)

(imitating crowd cheering)

(chuckling)

(lush piano melody playing)

Vollà.

(gasps)

Oh, Maxie.

Oh, look, Ludivine, um,

she's my cousin.

Well, she might be... could end up turning out

to be, um, a relative, uh, from a cousinly perspect...

Uh-huh.

This is perhaps a little over the top.

No.

Half the aristocrats in France

have liaison with their cousins.

Gosh, that explains a lot.

- Ooh. - (giggles)

Oh, won't do.

Anything but, uh... La Siroque.

Vln de merdre.

No label. That looks promising.

HENRY: Careful on those steps.

What do you see up there?

Fervens.

Are you speaking in tongues, boy?

"Fervere"— it's a Latin term.

It means "to boil."

The native yeasts in your cellar are converting the sugar

inside the grapes to alcohol.

(sniffs)

The release of carbon dioxide gas

is what causes the bubbling of it.

I must be suffering from dementia.

I don't recall ever having told you that.

You didn't.

Monsieur Duflot explained it to me.

Well done.

Proves the adage

that wisdom can be found in the most unlikely places.

To watch Duflot on bended knee

doing something as simple as weeding his soil,

he brings a magnificent poetry

in his devotion to each and every grape.

(inhales)

Perhaps it'd inspire you

to find devotion in what you do for a living one day.

I want to be a professional poker player when I'm older.

Or a comedian.

Maximillian,

ask me what is

the most important thing in comedy.

What is the most important thing

- in comedy? - Timing.

(chuckles)

(laughs)

Timing.

(cork pops)

Have you tasted Dad's wine?

Oh, yes, indeed. Bloody awful, isn't it?

But I do recommend it

for getting the paint out from underneath your fingernails.

(chuckles) So you know.

Well, I'm more of a cognac drinker.

I'm too impatient to be a wine lover.

If I'm gonna get drunk, I don't want

to spend all night doing it.

Try that.

(sniffs)

(sips)

It's better.

It's extraordinary.

Like a Bordeaux,

only velvet rather than wool.

Well, well,

guess who knows a thing or two about wine.

(chuckles)

Back in Napa,

we're known to gargle

and spit on occasion.

That sounds like fun.

Is, uh, is this made here

on the estate?

"Coin Perdu."

Doubt it.

Different bottles.

Same corks.

Un petlt mystery, n'est-ce pas?

Well, Henry always was a little bit of a mystery.

How so?

He loved England, but he lived in France.

And he loved women,

but never the same one for more than

a certain period of time.

He never got married.

And he loved adventure.

But every single one of

my memories takes place

within about 100 steps of this very spot.

Are they good memories?

No.

They're grand.

(chuckles)

I'm going to go upstairs,

finish my book.

Death In Venlce.

That's my book.

Don't tell me the ending.

(chuckles)

Well, actually, I never got around to finishing it.

Hello, old mate, how are you?

Just a quick question.

Yeah, hang on. Shirley.

Yes?

You'd know this.

In France,

is it actually illegal to shag your own cousin?

Only if she's ugly.

Right.

(phone beeps off)

Bollocks.

MAX: Lance Armstrong!

(bikers shouting angrily)

(people laughing, chattering)

I know, I'm so sorry.

I'm supposed to be here for a 7:30 reservation!

30 minutes, I'm sorry.

Oh, come on.

FANNY: I know. I know.

WOMAN: You said we'd be seated right away.

I know. Okay, you have a drink.

We'll offer you a drink,

and you'll have your table in less than 20 minutes, okay?

All righty. Okay.

MAN: All right, what I want is—

get ready, write it down: Double mai tai.

Caroline?

(elegant song playing)

Bonsolr.

Monsleur...

Well, I hope your food's wonderful

because your service is obviously lousy.

Please, Monsieur, I'm too busy to ignore you.

- Where are all your waiters, love? - Look,

- my hands are full without fun and games with you. Comprends? - Mm-hmm.

- My hands are full without fun and games with you. Comprends? - Mm-hmm.

McDonald's is in Avignon, fish and chips in Marseille.

Table six?

MAN: Allez, allez!

- What are you doing? - Don't worry, love.

Done this before.

Where?

Worked my way through university

at London's finest restaurants.

MAN: Monsleur!

- Mals qu'est-ce qul se passe? - Alors?

Venez, monsleur!

Okay, okay. You can serve.

But remember, if there are any complaints,

in France, the customer is always wrong.

Table six.

(French accent): Table six.

Bonsolr...

Table?

Uh... 16.

Champagne?

Yes, cheers. And wha-what are we going to have here?

MAN: Garkin! Garkin! Get over here.

- I need, need help over here. - En deux mlnutes, monsleur.

Where you going?

Garkin!

WOMAN: Oh, do you speak American?

'Cause this menu is all in French

and we don't understand it.

MAN: Yeah, we need some silverware.

But, uh, let me tell you what I would like to have.

Mm-hmm.

I would like a salad "Nicoisee..."

with ranch dressing on it.

Wait, wait, baby, low-cal ranch dressing.

Oh, that's right. I'm still on my diet.

So, I would like low-cal ranch dressing with no oil.

And could you sprinkle some bacon bits on top?

(French accent): McDonald's is in Avignon,

fish and chips, Marseille. Allez.

MAN: You people got some serious attitude around here.

(gentle, upbeat pop song playing)

Here are your tips.

Thank you for your help.

You're fired.

You know, my vigneron said that

you grew up around Gord.

Monsieur Duflot is mistaken.

I only visited Gord during the summer with my mother.

I used to spend my summers here.

I wonder if we ever met.

Well, if we did, I hope I was unbearable.

You're a local. You'd know the answer to this.

Where would a young man, recently cashed up, take someone

for a drink?

What?

Are you asking me on a date?

No, it's more of an apology.

I just don't, uh, want you to think I'm the sort of maniac

who goes around running people off the road.

I'm not interested.

Have a good night.

(door closes)

(crickets chirping)

(fountain burbling)

Sunday night, 8:00.

Place de I'Etang.

Don't be late.

I shall see you then.

(rattling)

Oh, my God. (screams)

Help! Scorpions!

- Scorpions! - Maddy!

Help!

Oh, my God. (screams)

Et vollà!

(screams)

Et vollà.

- La lavande... - No, no!

(screams)

La lavande...

(upbeat Latin-flavored swing melody playing)

##

Mercl.

You're welcome.

##

##

You dance very well, Ludivine.

Thank you.

I miss Henry.

He was an excellent dancer.

Yeah.

(man singing)

- Do you want to dance? - Oh, oh, oh...

Oh, what happened?

Uh, the tennis with (clears throat) Francis.

Oh, poor boy. Do you want me to put a bandage?

No.

Antiseptic?

No.

Oh, you are coming

to our house tonight, manger ce solr, to our home.

Oul.

- Huh? - Oul.

I am cooking for you, Max.

(clicks tongue)

Mercl.

- (man singing continues) - (Ludivine humming to tune)

(music fading)

Bonjour.

Vous parlez françals?

Ouals.

Francis Duflot, vigneron.

Christie Roberts.

Illegitimate daughter.

(chuckles)

The resemblance to Henry is unmistakable.

The nose.

(both chuckling)

For 23 years, I toiled side-by-side with your father.

Even now, he works from there and I from here.

That's when I first planted the vines.

But now they are sad and tired.

Except here.

Here? No, it's catastrophic.

Nothing but rocks and grief.

CHRISTI E: Limestones absorb the sunlight.

Keep the vines warm at night.

Wine brat.

I spent summers working in a vineyard in California.

(chuckles): Oul, mals...

In California, they don't make wine.

They make Hawaiian Punch.

Mondavi might argue with that one.

Maybe Henry's daughter

would be interested in a personal tour in the vines.

- Okay. - Okay?

If we are lucky, his spirit will join us.

(sniffing)

(sniffs)

Paid to the order of Francois Hupert, the plumber?

How much?

Uh, 87 francs.

Mm...

sign!

Henry Skinner.

- Next? - The mechanic.

Not a sous to that grease monkey.

The old Jag's still coughing like your Aunt Midge.

Next.

Uh, Jean-Pierre Lesourdre.

How much?

How much?

2,000 francs.

Huh? Uh, okay, okay.

You're a genius, Maximillian.

You could be me.

(Henry laughs)

CHARLI E: The photos worked like a charm.

MAX: Really?

Yeah, massive interest, Max.

Wonderful.

Yes, money, money, money, money, money.

So I decided it's time I was on-site.

So I booked a flight.

I'll be with you tomorrow afternoon.

Terrific.

Well, I'll alert the staff and chain up the dogs.

What do you mean, chain up the dogs?

No, I don't have any dogs, Charlie, that's a...

that's just a figure of speech, eh? Okay, bye.

(ambulance siren wailing)

(woman singing)

(singing continues)

(chuckling wryly)

Max! (chuckles)

Pretty cool, huh?

Bonsolr.

(singing continues)

Ça va?

Ça va...

Allez, we must have an appero.

We must have a big one. Look at that.

(chuckles)

(singing continues)

Ah, Ludivine.

Ah, non, non, non, je ne veux pas— Maxle!

Bonsolr.

Hello.

Ça va?

Ça va?

Oh, mercl.

C'est gentll, mercl, mercl, mercl...

Of course.

(speaking French)

Ah, I took the liberty

of inviting Henry's daughter to join us.

Pastls?

- Oul. - Allez.

Bonsolr, coz.

Bonsolr.

I see you've managed

to ingratiate yourself with the hired help.

Where'd you get the Halston?

Dad's closet.

Ta-da.

I wonder what she wore home.

A simple meal after a day's work in the fields.

Eggplant...

Caviar de Bergine—very good. Headless larks.

Where are the heads? We didn't, like, eat them already, did we?

No, no, no.

Uh, mushrooms of the region.

Et vollà...

And finally civet of wild boar

marinated in red wine and blood pressed from the carcass.

Why would you have it any other way?

Allez, attaque. Ludivine?

Help, help.

Wine, Max?

La Siroque?

Mals non.

Uh... Christie?

- Wine? - No, I'm okay.

(gasps)

Oh, Papa.

(groans)

Papa speaks Provençal.

You know?

Oh, but very few still understand it.

It's now exclusively practiced

by poets and sodomites.

What a sodomite is, by the way?

I will explain you tonight.

(chortling slurp)

Francis.

Mmm...

Mmm...

The asparagus is-is lovely.

Mmm, thank you.

Very chewy, but...

Iovely.

Eh, bravo, eh, Ludivine?

MAX: And the boar, mmm!

Perhaps the best boar I've had.

Can I have some bread, please?

Oh, yeah.

Francis, Francis?

Papa, donne-mol ca, Papa.

(both arguing at once)

Sorry.

C'est Le Coln Perdu.

It's a local vln de garage, c'est...

"Vln de garage?"

CHRISTI E: It's a garage wine.

Like a boutique wine.

Small vineyards, small productions.

Seriously big prices.

It's overrated.

It didn't say that on the Web.

Turns out Le Coin Perdu is a Provençal legend.

It changes hands among collectors,

but nobody knows who makes it.

Well, uh, it's time for fromage.

Okay?

LUDIVI NE: You want, uh, fromage, cheese?

- Allez. - Allez.

FRANCIS: And now, now...

Papa? Papa?

Trouble you for a spot of the Coin?

You know what it is, Christie?

It is Mar de Provence. I made it myself.

CHRISTI E: Wow.

It's a little bit strong.

But very good.

Chin-chin.

It's your father's recipe.

Yes.

Max.

- Little bit? - Oul, mercl.

Tell-Tell us, Madame Duflot,

what is it that makes you so certain she is Henry's child?

Oh, but of course.

The nose.

Oh, the nose.

The glorious snout. The prominent proboscis.

Is there something else? Anything?

No? Anything that might help

corroborate Christie's claim?

Henry ever discuss California?

Did he ever mention a woman in California?

(chuckling)

It's funny, isn't it? Any moments of drunken candor

where he might have mentioned offspring?

No?

I mean, seriously.

Oh, because the last person that

Henry would ever consciously breed with would be an American.

Yes, but, uh, in this moment,

I see more of Henry in Christie than I do in you.

(laughing)

CHRISTI E: Max...

all I want is to learn about my father.

This is my chance to find out who made me and...

I don't care if you believe me or not.

Oh!

Oh.

(sighs, chair falls)

Monsleur...

Madame... Papa Duflot...

thanks for a lovely evening.

Oh, Papa will walk you back.

No, Ludivine, no.

(Papa whimpering)

The vines will guide me.

Bonsolr.

(Papa sighing)

Good night.

- Whoa. - It's okay?

I'm okay.

Oh.

(hiccuping)

(frog croaking)

(hiccuping)

(hiccuping)

(hiccups)

(frog croaks)

(hiccups)

What are you doing?

I lost my shoe.

What?

I lost my shoe.

Why can't Henry be my dad?

Well, because now that he's back in my life,

I'm not sure that I want to share him.

You don't believe me, do you?

Look, Christie, it's not a matter of that.

Ludivine told me your parents died when you were young.

You know, I... grew up without a dad, too.

Doesn't it matter to you

that I may be the only blood relative you have?

Yes, it does. That's why I need to be sure.

(groans)

(groans)

Whoa... whoa!

(panting)

(snoring softly)

This was my room when I was a little boy.

Sleeping here...

it was the safest place in the world.

No bedtimes, no chores.

No squabbling adults.

I loved Henry deeply, but I never got

around to telling him.

It's a shitty feeling.

He was someone who saved my life.

Thanks a million, Maximillian.

Bloody hell, Henry. Oh, where does it come back in?

- Where does it come back in? - LUDIVI NE: Maxie!

Bugger cooked the books.

(cell phone ringing)

Yes?

AMIS: Max, my boy.

MAX: Amis, you old cheese.

AMIS: So sorry to hear you're out.

MAX: Well, as usual, Amis,

the only thing right about your intelligence is that it's all wrong.

Then again, you always were at the back of the conga line.

You've crossed the line one too many times, "Sinner."

You little runt!

By the by, thank you so much for your very generous contribution

to my Aston Martin fund.

Did you get the flowers?

What flowers? What are you talking about?

...little schemes and ploys... - Do go on.

Well, you're nothing.

Plonker.

Oi! I heard that.

Who you calling a plonker?

You fat prat.

Hey? Hello?

- AMIS: Skinner? - Bonjour.

Hello. I'm Jean-Marie Bougnier.

Yes?

I've come to test the vines.

- Oh, the oenologue! - Yeah.

Right, great. Um, well, grab your boots and off we go.

Yeah.

(cell phone ringing)

Gemma, long time.

Max, I've just had a vision of you serving Kenny

a latte at Starbucks.

Getting comfortable in my chair, is he?

GEMMA: Yeah, listen.

Remember, we are not here for the dental plan.

Sell, sell.

He's even taking credit for your trade this week.

He's telling everyone in the office that he was the one

that gave you the idea.

Well, if he wasn't an ambitious and mercenary little bastard,

I never would have given him the job in the first place.

Yeah, but, Max, he's really trying to take...

Gemma... just give him his head

and let him do what he needs to do.

All right? Tout à I'heure, Gemma.

Tout à I'heure.

(sighs)

Well...

Plquette.

Wonderful, wonderful.

No, no, it mean, um... it is bad, you know?

Yeah.

Uh... shit.

(speaking French)

Chicken shit, no?

(speaks French)

It's very terrible, this one, you know?

It's like, um, in French we say, um... mort.

It's completely dead.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God.

Look at this one; this is a...

It's a baby. It is a baby.

Look at it.

I test this one.

(speaking French)

Wow.

Catastrophe.

Very, very bad.

I am really sorry. Eh!

More like a quarry than a vineyard.

(chuckles)

Look at this—you know what it mean?

(speaking French)

You cut off two of every three bunches.

What's left gets all the nourishment, you know?

And why would you do that?

Perhaps the peasants got the time to salvage

what they could, you know?

(laughing)

(hollow chuckle)

Right, um...

I think I follow you.

Um, so wh-what's the verdict?

Despite your vigneron's

unbearable faults, you know,

this terrolr is beyond help.

Nothing, um... shit.

Nothing. No.

You might consider growing potatoes or squash.

(laughing)

I will have my office send a report

and my invoice.

Thank you.

Oi!

Wakey, wakey, beach bunny.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

These are Henry's private papers.

They're irreplaceable.

(groans)

Did you know Dad mixed a martini for Winston Churchill?

He also danced a waltz with Amelia Earhart in 1975.

Well, considering Amelia Earhart died in the 1930s,

that's a perfect example of the type

of exaggerator Uncle Henry was.

Want to know the real Uncle Henry?

Not the one your overactive imagination is manufacturing?

The real Henry Skinner was a man so afraid

of committing to the real world

that he retreated from life to drink and shag his way

to a lonely and loveless end!

Everything I need to know about my dad is right here.

It's right in front of me.

You know, and if this place meant as much to him

as I believe it did,

you're worse than I thought

for even thinking about selling it.

I'll leave tomorrow.

##

##

YOUNG MAX: Uncle Henry!

HENRY: Let's see you then.

- One, two, and go! - Yay!

(Henry laughs)

##

(cell phone ringing)

Yes?

CHARLI E: Hello.

You working out on the house?

(sighs) Charlie.

Yes, at it since daybreak.

Really.

I hate to think of you toiling down there, all on your own.

We're English, Charlie, you know?

Born to rule and sacrifice.

Yes.

Where are you?

- I'm outside. - (phone beeps off)

(whispering): Wow.

Max, take my original estimate

- and shove it up my ass. - Shh!

- If I can't get you $5 million - Charlie, shh-shh...

for this baby, I'm in the wrong sport.

What?

What?

Oh, dear.

Huh?

This is a disaster.

Mr. Froggy Wineman

has just knocked a million off our sale price.

Oh, bugger it, you know?

We just go to plan two, right?

Just flog it as fast as we can for as much as we can.

And just keep in mind that the vigneron, Duflot,

he stays on as part of the deal, okay?

- I'll do my best. - Right.

Max?

So what's on the agenda for this evening?

Steak frlte?

Bottle of pastis? Evening game of bridge?

Charlie.

Charlie, please; real men don't play bridge,

and, uh, I have a...

an obligatory cultural activity in the village this evening.

Can I come?

Will there be girls?

No and yes.

So you're leaving your best friend alone

in an eerie château on his first night?

Charlie.

No. I'm leaving you alone.

And, um, you're not as alone as you think you are.

You'll find a friend.

Okay?

(motorcycle starting)

(laughter and enthusiastic conversation)

(phone rings)

Max.

(laughs) We thought you were dead.

Kenny, I've heard the word that Monday's auction

is going to trade like a turd.

Oh, yeah?

A smart move

would be to sell 28 gilt short at, say, 99.10.

Good grief.

Are you sure?

It's risky as hell; it'd seriously piss off the markets.

Now, of course,

I'm not allowed to do the trading, Kenny, but, uh,

I'm sure that you'll share the credit with me

when the bouquets are passed around.

- Yes? - All right, Max.

- See you later. - Righto.

Boss, someone is shorting Monday's gilt auction.

Skinner.

Not this time, you miserable sod.

(thunder rumbles)

ALL: Buy!

Get your hands on as much as you can.

(growling)

(slow, romantic music playing)

(man singing in French)

(swishing)

CHRISTI E: Hello.

Hello.

Anyone there?

Hello?

Who are you?

I'm Charlie's friend Max.

No, I'm not.

I'm Max's friend Charlie.

Okay, Max's friend.

I need you to come up here and take a look at my back.

Thanks.

(overlapping chatter)

(laughter)

Have I told you you're a vision?

Oul, from the bottom of the pool,

when you were peeking up my skirt.

Gosh, guilty as charged.

Sorry about that.

- Bonsolr. You look lovely. - Bonsolr.

You, too.

Sartorial elegance by Henri.

Wow.

Le Coin Perdu?

I've never actually seen a bottle.

Have you heard of it?

It's expensive.

It's expensive.

Are you trying to seduce me, Max?

Oh, gosh. No, of course not.

The thought would never even cross my mind,

not more than six or ten times.

Um...

Eh, right now,

it's sort of the color of...

ripe pomegranate.

(sighs)

Bummer.

Could you, uh... look

in the medicine cabinet for some aloe,

aspirin, bucket of ice.

Yeah.

Uh, I'm Christie, by the way.

Charlie.

(groans)

How do you do?

(chuckles) I love your accent.

Thanks.

(softly): Love your bum.

(softly): Love your bum.

(overlapping chatter)

(brass-driven fanfare playing)

(man singing spry tune in French)

(laughter)

##

(thunder rumbles)

There's something you should know about me, Max.

Yes?

I'm very, very choosy.

Well, I'm very, very honored.

I'm also very, very suspicious;

very, very irrational;

and I have a very, very short temper.

(laughing)

I'm also extremely jealous and slow to forgive,

just so you know.

Well, this promises to be

- a lovely evening. - Mm.

I wouldn't go to Rome.

It is quite overcrowded.

I mean, there's more tourists than pigeons.

I've got to go somewhere, maybe Venice. Ow.

Yeah, but it's sinking.

You know, one false move,

fall in the canal— sorry.

Run down by a gondolier.

Whereas London has got it all,

including your own

personal tour guide: Mol.

(gasps) Charlie.

(sighs)

Concentrate.

Sorry.

(song continues)

(thunder rumbling fiercely)

(patrons screaming)

(shouting)

Alone at last.

You've been candid with me, so I

should be candid with you.

I'm famously callous,

even to the point of being insensitive.

And I have an absolute inability to trust anyone.

The only person I ever loved was my Uncle Henry, and...

I didn't contact him for the last ten years of his life.

He often expressed great sadness,

as though he thought you had been lost.

You knew him?

As a woman living here,

it was impossible not to know him.

Right.

Um, he didn't, by any chance,

ever get out the Edmundo records

- (chuckles) - And do the, um...

Rumba?

No.

Thank you.

(chuckles): But of course I tried.

Well, you would, 'cause he was absolutely lovable.

Yes.

I can't for the life of me think of why

I stopped coming down here.

I love this place.

It's intoxicating.

(Fanny gasping passionately)

(moans)

##

(chuckles lightly)

(laughs)

(door squeaks)

CHARLI E (in distance): Scorpions! Agh!

Ow!

- Scorpions! - Mm.

(yelling at Tati in French)

There are scorpions in my bedroom!

I must go to work.

Isn't that usually the man's line?

Do you know the reason

why I spent the night with you?

It is because once you have done what you came here to do,

you will not return.

For us, there can be no future.

There is safety in that.

Well...

...there's absolutely nothing

stopping us from setting up your café in Notting Hill.

- (laughing) - London definitely needs

a decent bistro.

Mm.

How typical... to assume

that I live in Provence because I have no choice.

Fanny, this place just doesn't suit my life.

No, Max.

It is your life that doesn't suit this place.

Au revolr.

What happened to the diving board?

Hmm.

We did quite well, didn't we?

Yeah, I don't think we did too badly, considering

the oenologue's report.

You know, Charlie...

...I think I'm in love.

I don't blame you, mate.

She's a goddess, even if she is your cousin.

Not Christie, you silly sod.

My, um...

my obligatory cultural activity is a girl.

- Oh. - A woman.

Fanny Chenal.

Ooh, la la.

I've been thinking, perhaps I shouldn't sell.

(with French accent): Max, I think

at the moment, your whole body is covered

in the eau de French girl,

and when you have had a cold shower,

things will look a little bit different.

I could keep it as a pied-à-terre, a weekender,

holiday house, you know.

Can I remind you what happened when your boss and mentor,

a man you loved, took his first holiday in 15 years.

I stole his job.

Exact.

Max Skinner doesn't do weekends.

Max Skinner doesn't take holidays.

Max Skinner...

...makes money.

So do what you do best, Max.

Hmm?

If you're going to sell it,

you got to sign it.

(man singing in French)

(singing continues)

Shh.

(singing)

Why is he singing to them, Uncle Henry?

Well, you see, Max,

the terrolr needs more than southern rain.

It needs harmony.

It needs balance.

(Duflot humming)

(singing same song)

My whole life, people laughed at me

for singing to the vines.

I explained that, someday, the vines would sing back.

Here, they finally have.

You don't know what you are doing.

What are you talking about?

Here...

Le Coin Perdu.

It's not possible.

The oenologue said you couldn't even grow squash or potatoes...

No, no, no, no, no.

The oenologue was paid to say that.

We thought that if you believed La Siroque had no value,

you would leave things as they were,

so the status quo.

Why didn't you tell me this before?

Why didn't you trust me?

Max, would you trust you?

These vines, they are illegal.

Your uncle always intended

to leave the estate to you,

but he worried about what you had become.

"My nephew is selfish," he used to say.

"How can I give this place to a man

who can't even appreciate the simple pleasures of life?"

So it was never written.

(chuckles) Plus, fate took him

before he could decide what to do.

I've already sold it.

Then you have done the very thing

your uncle feared you would do.

You have sold his spirit to the highest bidder, Max,

and betrayed the only man who ever cared for you.

Here, Max.

Here was Henry's fuck-you money!

(thunder rumbling)

(inhaling)

(glass tinging)

This one.

Ah, well chosen.

It's not quite there yet.

Once you find something good, Max,

you have to take care of it.

You have to let it grow.

Christie.

What are you doing? You can't just leave.

Sure, I can.

Well, what about last night?

I nursed you through second-degree burns.

You were sweet.

And I seriously damaged the ends of my fingers.

Frostbitten?

Like your heart.

Bye, Charlie.

Bye, Christie.

(sighs)

Where you headed?

Not exactly sure.

I brought you something.

Your book.

You didn't finish it.

Christie?

You do have his nose.

Au revolr.

Au revolr, coz.

HENRY: Dear Max,

I know It's been many years slnce we last spoke,

but I find myself In a blt of a jam,

and I'm afrald I need your help.

The thlng Is, Max, old boy, I'm dylng.

I know thls because, uh, Dr. Karr, my physlclan,

has stopped talklng about my health

and begun dlscusslng the weather.

Convlnced that death, llke all tradesmen,

would be unable to find my front door,

and havlng always belleved wllls

to be wrltten Invltatlons to the Reaper,

I find myself lmpelled to lmpress upon your klndness.

I have a daughter, : Her name Is Chrlstle Roberts.

Sadly, we have never met.

Her mother's name was Alllson.

She was a tour gulde at a tlny vlneyard

In Northern Callfornla.

Max, I should llke you to find her,

and to thls end, I should llke to leave her

what Is rlghtfully hers.

I hope thls declslon doesn't hurt your feellngs,

and as successful as you are, you don't need lt.

I hope you understand,

because, for me, even In lts present state,

La Slroque Is a place of maglc,

and It Is my heartfelt wlsh

that Chrlstle should share In that maglc.

I llke to thlnk ofher here.

After all, she and La Slroque are all I leave behlnd.

Your lovlng uncle...

MAX: Your loving uncle,

HENRY: Henry Sklnner.

MAX: Henry Skinner.

Il est un petlt, um, wrinkle.

What do you mean? What... What sort of wrinkle?

Uh...

Ah, Genghis, back from the dead.

Just a lovely tie.

Do tell your mother I admire her taste.

Welcome back, boss.

Oh... I bet.

KENNY: You wanker!

Kenneth. Nice haircut.

You set me up.

Oh, dear boy,

you haven't been fired in my absence, have you?

A short order.

Did my nuts in in less than an hour.

You didn't? That's unfortunate, dear boy.

Lost us six million quid.

Couldn't have anything to do with me, Kenny. I was suspended.

You bastard!

Morning, lab rats.

- Morning, boss. - Morning, Max.

Morning, Max.

Bonjour, Jasmlnda.

Ça va?

Bonjour?

You look different.

Give me everything I need to read to catch up

and an espresso.

Max?

Hmm?

Sir Nigel's waiting for you.

Make it a double.

(speaking German)

(Nigel continues speaking German)

Auf Wlederherren.

Van Gogh.

Hope you've got a good lock on the door, sir.

Don't be soft.

It's not real.

The real one's in my vault.

It's a copy.

200 grand for a knockoff.

200 grand for a knockoff.

Sit.

Art's a passion, Max.

Got to have passions.

I have horses, cars, money...

Are they passions or vices, sir?

Have I finished talking?

When I finish talking, that's when you talk,

and it better be good!

While you've been on your little holiday,

I've been in a shitstorm!

Sir, I do appreciate that my actions may have caused some...

Max...

You're one of the ballsiest traders in this square mile,

but you've got to learn there are consequences

to your sort of behavior.

There it is.

You have one hour.

So, shall I pack my Smurfs?

(quiet, melancholy theme plays)

(birds chirping in distance)

HENRY: Oh, Max!

Look after Madame Chenal's daughter, Fanny,

while I give her mother a tour of the estate.

Uh, but I really want to finish the last chapter

of Death In Venlce.

Well, given the book's title,

I don't think you'll be surprised by the ending.

CHENAL: You be good, Fanny.

HENRY: Come now, Madame Chenal.

There are many attractions here at La Siroque,

beginning with the view, as seen from my bedroom.

(slurps)

(Henry laughs in distance)

(samba music begins playing from inside the house)

(music continues)

(Chenal laughing)

(man singing)

(whispering)

(song fades)

That's a lot of zeros, Max.

Or a full partnership for life.

My choice.

Now you listen to Mommy, Max.

Partner—you're made for life.

Sir Nigel didn't become partner till he was 53,

and look at him.

Yes.

Look at him.

Now what's it to be: The money

or your life?

When do you ever see it, Nige?

The real one?

When do you look at it?

Do you make late-night pilgrimages down to the vault

just to see it or?

What point are you making?

(music playing softly in background, people chattering)

(quiet, contemplative theme playing)

(speaking French)

Bonjour. (speaking French)

I think so.

You sure you don't need more time?

No, I know what I want.

You're sure?

Absolutely.

So, what is it to be?

How's the soup?

The soup is finished.

Like my job.

The fish?

We've run out.

That's like me with excuses.

Don't waste my time.

Choose something we have.

I would like a lifetime spent

with an irrational and suspicious goddess.

Some short-tempered jealousy on the side...

...and a bottle of wine that tastes like you...

and a glass that's never empty.

You remember what I whispered to you

when we were kids in the pool.

And it seems that you do, too.

Blen sur.

But it was not until just now

that I recognized you: Max.

(people chatting and laughing)

(slow, pleasant theme playing)

(Duflot and Christie arguing)

CHRISTI E: I said no.

DUFLOT: What, "No, no, no, no."

No way. You are not de-stemming those grapes.

But this is the way

I've always done things, you know.

We want structure and color for the wine.

CHRISTI E: Leaving the stems on when we press will give it a kick in the ass.

DUFLOT: And the wine will taste like rocket fuel.

CHRISTI E: No way!

You are not de-stemming those grapes.

DUFLOT: All acids and tannins.

Oh, you say acid and tannins...

Yes, I say tannins...

I say flavor and cojones, you know,

- Barolo super Tuscans. - Whoa.

That's what's selling out there.

Not some wimpy wine from Louveron!

Ah, Max. Thank God you're here.

I will not work with this mad person jamals! Never!

I love her, this woman, she...

she's like Henry, with a nice ass.

Oh...

I can't deal with this guy, Max.

What is it with the French?

Oh, and, uh, by the way,

you were running low on green ink,

so I bought you some more.

- Never know. - (phone ringing)

You might want to write a letter or something.

Yes?

CHARLI E: Max, how's Christie?

How's the sale going, Charlie?

Apartments in this bracket shift in a blink.

I'm very confident of getting you more than you paid for it.

Bullshit, Charlie.

If you don't give me a 40% yield,

you're off the gig, Sunshine. You got me?

(Charlie laughs)

Max, you do realize, of course,

it's not going to last down there, don't you?

You don't say.

And as impossible as it may seem,

the very things that are so unique and sexy now,

will soon be the dread of your day-to-day existence.

And after a few months of eating

and drinking and sleeping,

and shagging, what have you got to look forward to, huh?

Boredom.

(Max sighs)

I mean, what are you going to do, write a book? Hmm?

Max, I'm your best friend,

and I'm telling you, you won't last.

We'll see about that, Charlie.

DUFLOT: Okay, okay, okay.

Like this, I-I...

(speaking indistinctly)

You know, that was Charlie on the phone...

Ah, no, no, no.

Un arbre.

Olseau.

(quiet, pleasant theme playing)

(people laughing and cheering in distance)

(talking excitedly)

So, uh, are you an actual rapper?

No, he's the rapper. I'm the manager.

Mm.

I'm Jasminda, by the way.

Gemma for short.

(women vocalizing)

(man singing in French)

Bollocks!

(tires screeching)

(inhales deeply)

Oh.

(spits)

Shh.

(man singing continues)

(bikers shouting)

(tires screech, horn beeps)

(bike bell rings)

(cork pops)

(swishing, spitting)

- Vlva La Armstrong! - (bikers shouting)

(ringing)

(barks)

- Be in touch. - (song ends)

(mellow jazzy tune begins)

##

(jazz music transitions to slow rock beat)

##

(music transitions to gentle melody)

(woman singing in French)

##

(song ends, bluesy tune begins)

##

(song ends, gentle melody begins)

##

##