All language subtitles for Wet.Hot.American.Summer.2001.720p.BluRay.x264.YIFY

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali Download
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French Download
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean Download
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian Download
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese Download
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian Download
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala Download
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish Download
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai Download
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:10,097 Guys, we gotta get outta here. 2 00:02:40,378 --> 00:02:42,379 You guys aren't supposed to be out of your bunks. 3 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,382 You're in trouble. 4 00:02:50,012 --> 00:02:53,516 Wake up! 5 00:03:14,287 --> 00:03:16,288 You guys! 6 00:03:18,791 --> 00:03:20,292 Let's go, girls! You look hot. 7 00:03:20,793 --> 00:03:24,797 The bunk 5 boys are gonna freak out when they see you at kick ball. Let's go. 8 00:03:39,437 --> 00:03:40,938 Ow! 9 00:03:52,950 --> 00:03:55,453 All right, let's go. 10 00:04:09,091 --> 00:04:11,343 Good morning, everybody. 11 00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:13,554 Well, it's the last day of camp... 12 00:04:13,596 --> 00:04:16,599 And it will be sad to shut down wcfw for the summer. 13 00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:20,102 But not to worry, because those of you in the bethesda/chevy chase area... 14 00:04:20,603 --> 00:04:25,108 Can hear me all winter long on Jewish day school radio 89.9 f.M... 15 00:04:25,608 --> 00:04:27,109 "The fox." 16 00:04:27,610 --> 00:04:30,071 For those select few of you who went all summer, 17 00:04:30,113 --> 00:04:33,116 all eight weeks without finding that special someone, 18 00:04:33,158 --> 00:04:36,076 today is your day, 'cause you don't wanna go back home... 19 00:04:36,118 --> 00:04:39,622 And lie to your friends about a summer romance that didn't even happen. 20 00:04:40,122 --> 00:04:42,083 And you don't want to be the one person... 21 00:04:42,125 --> 00:04:46,129 Who doesn't have anyone to kiss tonight after the talent show. 22 00:04:46,379 --> 00:04:49,883 So, seize the day, camp firewood, because it's your last. 23 00:05:29,172 --> 00:05:31,674 Coop, do you like watching me and Andy make out? 24 00:05:33,676 --> 00:05:36,137 No. What a weird thing to say. 25 00:05:36,179 --> 00:05:39,682 - You look so sexy in this sweatshirt. - Uh-huh. 26 00:05:39,723 --> 00:05:41,643 - Your ass is so hot. - Stop it! 27 00:05:41,684 --> 00:05:43,936 - Do you want to be my boyfriend? - No. 28 00:05:44,437 --> 00:05:47,440 I get it. It's very funny. Stop. 29 00:05:50,443 --> 00:05:53,446 Oh, Coop, you know I'm just kidding. 30 00:05:53,488 --> 00:05:56,449 I know, and it's very, very funny. 31 00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:59,410 Okay. I'm sorry. 32 00:05:59,452 --> 00:06:02,914 - Want me to make it up to you? - No, you've done enough already. 33 00:06:02,956 --> 00:06:07,210 - I'm gonna find you a woman today. - Honestly, don't worry about it. 34 00:06:07,251 --> 00:06:11,422 No. And I'm not gonna rest until my mission is accomplished, okay? 35 00:06:11,464 --> 00:06:17,094 Okay. Then I'll cancel that order of onions and limburger cheese I made for lunch today. 36 00:06:17,136 --> 00:06:20,847 - Ha-ha. - Yeah. 37 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:25,603 - I want you inside me. - What? 38 00:06:25,978 --> 00:06:28,231 Hey, what's up? I was just... 39 00:06:28,356 --> 00:06:29,857 From before. 40 00:06:34,487 --> 00:06:38,449 Coop, were you just talking to Katie? What was that? 41 00:06:38,491 --> 00:06:42,996 That was, bar none, the longest conversation I've had with her in six years of camp. 42 00:06:43,038 --> 00:06:45,998 Does she want to fuck me? Is that what she was asking you about? 43 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:48,460 Because, tell her that I will. In fact... 44 00:06:48,501 --> 00:06:50,962 No, don't tell her that I will. Tell her that I might. 45 00:06:51,003 --> 00:06:53,506 Victor, I hate to break it to you, but your name didn't even come up. 46 00:06:53,548 --> 00:06:55,466 She definitely wants to fuck me. 47 00:06:55,508 --> 00:06:58,511 Why else would she be talking to you? 48 00:06:59,011 --> 00:07:01,014 - No offense. - None taken. 49 00:07:03,641 --> 00:07:05,643 Hello. Hi. 50 00:07:06,144 --> 00:07:08,230 - Uh, hi. - Hi. I'm Beth. 51 00:07:08,271 --> 00:07:10,273 Nice to meet you. I'm Henry. 52 00:07:10,648 --> 00:07:13,151 I've been seeing you around, so I thought I'd take a chance... 53 00:07:13,652 --> 00:07:15,778 And introduce myself. 54 00:07:24,662 --> 00:07:26,665 - Thank you. - So... 55 00:07:28,541 --> 00:07:31,044 So, you work at the camp? 56 00:07:31,169 --> 00:07:33,171 - I'm the camp director. How about yourself? - Me? 57 00:07:33,672 --> 00:07:36,382 - I don't work over there. - No, I know. 58 00:07:36,424 --> 00:07:39,052 I'm the director. I would know... 59 00:07:39,177 --> 00:07:41,680 - If you were... - Right. You would know that. 60 00:07:44,057 --> 00:07:47,060 I teach astrophysics over at the college in the school year. 61 00:07:47,561 --> 00:07:49,562 And I came here this summer just to, you know, 62 00:07:50,063 --> 00:07:51,565 relax and reflect. 63 00:07:52,065 --> 00:07:54,818 Wow! You're a Professor. What do you teach? 64 00:07:55,318 --> 00:07:57,320 Well, like I said before, astrophysics. 65 00:07:57,820 --> 00:08:02,826 I study space, stars, comets and that kind of thing. 66 00:08:02,868 --> 00:08:05,662 "Space... The final frontier." 67 00:08:05,703 --> 00:08:08,456 Right. Thanks for everything. 68 00:08:08,707 --> 00:08:11,709 Hey! You know what? It would be a great idea... 69 00:08:11,710 --> 00:08:16,590 If you came by the camp and taught the campers about space. 70 00:08:16,631 --> 00:08:19,468 - No, I couldn't... - They'd love it. 71 00:08:19,968 --> 00:08:21,469 No, I couldn't possibly. 72 00:08:21,970 --> 00:08:24,473 - It would be just... - I said no! 73 00:08:24,598 --> 00:08:26,599 Sorry. That was... 74 00:08:41,114 --> 00:08:44,075 Oh, Coop. Look at Abby. 75 00:08:44,117 --> 00:08:46,119 Oh, she wants to fuck me. So help me God. 76 00:08:46,161 --> 00:08:48,579 She wants to fuck me. 77 00:08:48,621 --> 00:08:50,624 And this time, Victor, I'm sure it's true. 78 00:08:51,124 --> 00:08:55,629 I have to admit. Abby Bernstein is one of the only Berry bushes... 79 00:08:55,670 --> 00:08:58,090 That I have yet to pollinate, if you get my meaning. 80 00:08:58,131 --> 00:09:01,134 You mean, she's the only girl at camp you haven't done it with yet? 81 00:09:01,175 --> 00:09:03,095 That's exactly what I mean. 82 00:09:03,136 --> 00:09:05,639 Hey, gene. Any mashed potatoes? 83 00:09:10,144 --> 00:09:12,646 Gary! Bring out the taters! 84 00:09:14,648 --> 00:09:16,608 Here they are. Hey, Gary. 85 00:09:16,650 --> 00:09:19,153 - Hey, dude, what's up? - Hey, guys. 86 00:09:19,194 --> 00:09:22,113 What'd you say, shithead? 87 00:09:22,155 --> 00:09:25,617 I said, "hey, guys." What's your glitz, gene? 88 00:09:25,659 --> 00:09:29,162 Listen to me, you fucked-up little cigarette-smoking piece of shit. 89 00:09:29,204 --> 00:09:31,665 I was in the Vietnam war. 90 00:09:32,165 --> 00:09:34,125 - I know. - Oh, yeah. 91 00:09:34,167 --> 00:09:38,171 The 'nam. 92 00:09:38,296 --> 00:09:40,299 Excuse me, ladies. You may remember me... 93 00:09:40,799 --> 00:09:44,803 As the guy who came to dinner a few weeks ago with underwear on my head. 94 00:09:44,928 --> 00:09:46,888 My name is Keith stack. 95 00:09:46,930 --> 00:09:50,934 From millburn, New Jersey. State bird: The mosquito. 96 00:09:51,059 --> 00:09:54,062 And as you may have heard, I am recently... 97 00:09:54,104 --> 00:09:57,565 A crowned class-b dungeon master. 98 00:09:57,566 --> 00:10:00,069 So if any of you would like to play "d & d" today, 99 00:10:00,111 --> 00:10:04,072 please speak now or forever hold your peace. 100 00:10:04,323 --> 00:10:07,825 Anyone? 101 00:10:07,826 --> 00:10:11,663 Alexa, maybe you'd like to join in? 102 00:10:11,705 --> 00:10:14,708 We do need a druid, and you have definitely cast... 103 00:10:14,750 --> 00:10:17,252 A level-five charm spell on me. 104 00:10:17,253 --> 00:10:19,713 In your dreams, douche bag. 105 00:10:20,213 --> 00:10:23,217 Douche bags are hygienic products. I take that as a compliment. 106 00:10:23,717 --> 00:10:26,470 - Thank you. - Ewww! Ewww! 107 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,983 Well, we made it to the end of the summer in one piece, 108 00:10:40,484 --> 00:10:42,987 except for a few campers who are lepers. 109 00:10:43,028 --> 00:10:44,988 Good one, Beth. 110 00:10:46,991 --> 00:10:49,493 Thank you, gene. 111 00:10:54,749 --> 00:10:59,753 Excuse me. Could you tell me where I could find the, uh... 112 00:11:00,254 --> 00:11:04,758 How do I put this? The, uh, Sci-Fi, 113 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:07,762 nerdy, indoor kids? 114 00:11:08,262 --> 00:11:10,764 - Bunk 3. - Oh, yeah. Thanks. 115 00:11:15,770 --> 00:11:18,772 Hey, guys. 116 00:11:19,272 --> 00:11:21,775 I'm associate Professor neumann. 117 00:11:22,276 --> 00:11:24,797 Who'd like to spend the last day at camp doing science projects? 118 00:11:27,781 --> 00:11:30,534 Okay, okay. Okay, cool. 119 00:11:36,791 --> 00:11:39,793 I've seen more fucked-up shit happen in five minutes out there... 120 00:11:39,835 --> 00:11:42,254 Than you'll see in your whole fucking life. 121 00:11:42,296 --> 00:11:46,050 Gene, I'm really sorry, you know. If I could change history, I would. 122 00:11:46,092 --> 00:11:49,804 Fuck you! We need to make eight gallons of bug juice by snack hour. 123 00:11:49,845 --> 00:11:52,806 Do you know where the powder packets are? 124 00:11:53,307 --> 00:11:56,810 In the pantry over the sink, right next to my bottle of dick cream! 125 00:11:56,852 --> 00:11:58,813 Wait. 126 00:11:59,813 --> 00:12:01,816 Ignore that last comment. 127 00:12:01,858 --> 00:12:03,817 - Did you say dick cream? - No. 128 00:12:04,318 --> 00:12:06,320 I said stick team. 129 00:12:06,821 --> 00:12:09,323 You know, stickball? Forget about it. Go away! Leave me alone. 130 00:12:11,826 --> 00:12:13,827 I'm pretty sure he said dick cream, but... 131 00:12:13,869 --> 00:12:16,330 Victor. 132 00:12:16,830 --> 00:12:20,334 I need you and Neil to take the eagles out on moose river. I made them a promise. 133 00:12:20,834 --> 00:12:23,337 It's the last day of camp. It's not gonna work for me. 134 00:12:23,379 --> 00:12:25,297 - It's not gonna work for you? - No. 135 00:12:25,339 --> 00:12:28,968 It's not gonna work for you. Okay, how about this as a compromise? 136 00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:32,263 The eagles are going to go out on moose river... 137 00:12:32,305 --> 00:12:35,475 - And you and Neil are going to take them. - What? 138 00:12:35,975 --> 00:12:38,476 Everybody focus up. All eyes here. 139 00:12:38,477 --> 00:12:41,480 I would like to announce that Ben and I are planning to produce a musical number... 140 00:12:41,522 --> 00:12:44,775 From godspell for the talent show tonight. 141 00:12:44,817 --> 00:12:47,986 I'm sorry. Ben is producing, I am directing/choreographing. 142 00:12:47,987 --> 00:12:50,989 I'm speaking from personal experience, but if you can't carry a tune... 143 00:12:51,031 --> 00:12:53,491 Don't come to the audition and waste our time. 144 00:12:53,492 --> 00:12:55,994 - We're serious. - And bring a lot of movement clothes, 145 00:12:56,496 --> 00:12:59,998 a.K.A. Jazz shoes, dance belts, lycras, et Al. 146 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,000 And seriously, f.Y.I., you guys, 147 00:13:02,001 --> 00:13:05,004 this is not an excuse to get out of your regular activities. 148 00:13:05,046 --> 00:13:08,006 This is an excuse to do some good musical theater. 149 00:13:08,048 --> 00:13:10,508 So, be prepared, be enthusiastic... 150 00:13:10,509 --> 00:13:14,013 And leave your bullshit attitude and baggage at the door, 'cause we don't need it! 151 00:13:14,055 --> 00:13:16,015 Hey, you guys! 152 00:13:16,390 --> 00:13:20,894 Oh, I was thinking maybe we could take a walk later, 153 00:13:20,936 --> 00:13:23,898 maybe go out to gunner's pass one last time. 154 00:13:24,398 --> 00:13:26,859 Goddamn it, Katie! You're suffocating me! 155 00:13:26,901 --> 00:13:28,861 I'm chokin', all right? Give me some breathing room. 156 00:13:28,902 --> 00:13:32,907 I just want to spend some time with you. It's our last day at camp. 157 00:13:32,948 --> 00:13:36,201 - My butt itches. - What are you talking about? 158 00:13:36,202 --> 00:13:39,372 - We're soul mates, right? - What? Yeah. 159 00:13:39,413 --> 00:13:43,418 Whatever, if you want. J.J., save me a waffle, man. 160 00:13:43,918 --> 00:13:45,878 Andy, I'm serious. Come on. 161 00:13:45,919 --> 00:13:49,423 I just want it to be special. Fuck you, dyke! 162 00:13:49,924 --> 00:13:52,927 - Why are you being such an asshole? - I gotta finish my breakfast. 163 00:13:52,969 --> 00:13:56,430 I love you, baby. So good talking to you. 164 00:13:58,933 --> 00:14:00,935 Yeah, see you in macrame. 165 00:14:10,319 --> 00:14:12,697 One last, successful b.K.F.S.T... 166 00:14:13,197 --> 00:14:15,658 Becomes one for the record books. 167 00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:18,703 And with t-minus 11 hours to the big talent show, 168 00:14:18,744 --> 00:14:21,747 we sail on aboard the good ship firewood... 169 00:14:21,748 --> 00:14:24,709 Toward a little oasis that I like to call... 170 00:14:24,751 --> 00:14:28,170 Morning activity time. 171 00:14:28,212 --> 00:14:30,173 What's going on with Silas? 172 00:14:30,214 --> 00:14:33,342 You didn't hear? He got kicked out of camp. - Why? 173 00:14:33,343 --> 00:14:37,222 He snuck into the office and videotaped himself jerking off. - You're kidding! 174 00:14:37,472 --> 00:14:38,973 - Where's the tape? - He hid it. 175 00:14:39,473 --> 00:14:44,478 - We gotta get that tape. - It's a subject matter I'm sure you're familiar with, McKinley. 176 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,271 - Shut up, j.J. - You shut up. 177 00:14:46,272 --> 00:14:48,149 - You shut up. - You shut up. 178 00:14:59,369 --> 00:15:02,372 One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. 179 00:15:02,872 --> 00:15:05,875 And one, and one. Step aside. Step aside. 180 00:15:18,763 --> 00:15:20,265 All right. Stop it! 181 00:15:22,516 --> 00:15:26,520 Okay, kids. Um, today we're going to use... 182 00:15:26,562 --> 00:15:29,524 Some crayons... 183 00:15:29,899 --> 00:15:32,902 To make some decorations for the talent show. 184 00:15:38,407 --> 00:15:40,910 - Is that your wedding ring, Gail? - Um, no. 185 00:15:41,411 --> 00:15:44,539 I mean, yes, actually. Yes, it is. It was. 186 00:15:44,581 --> 00:15:47,667 It was. It used to be, I mean, legally. 187 00:15:47,918 --> 00:15:51,921 It's so twisted. His lawyer won't even call me now. 188 00:15:52,297 --> 00:15:55,424 - Where are the crayons? - The crayons are... 189 00:15:55,550 --> 00:15:58,303 The crayon is right there. 190 00:15:58,553 --> 00:16:01,056 We could draw with the markers. 191 00:16:01,097 --> 00:16:04,058 Listen, Valerie, 192 00:16:04,558 --> 00:16:06,519 I need you to be helpful here, okay? 193 00:16:06,561 --> 00:16:09,564 I do not need you to undermine me, okay? 194 00:16:10,065 --> 00:16:12,817 But there's only one crayon, and it's brown. 195 00:16:12,858 --> 00:16:15,570 There are literally hundreds of colored markers. 196 00:16:29,709 --> 00:16:31,336 Hey. 197 00:16:32,837 --> 00:16:34,840 Going on your trip? 198 00:16:34,965 --> 00:16:37,466 Yep. 199 00:16:37,467 --> 00:16:39,970 Sucks dick we never got to know each other. 200 00:16:40,220 --> 00:16:42,221 Yeah. 201 00:16:42,598 --> 00:16:44,099 You got a stick of gum, Victor? 202 00:16:44,599 --> 00:16:46,602 I thought you'd never ask. 203 00:17:04,244 --> 00:17:07,998 Abby! My trip... It doesn't come back until tomorrow. 204 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:11,000 - Don't go. - I can't, because Beth told me... 205 00:17:14,129 --> 00:17:16,590 Let's go. 206 00:17:28,059 --> 00:17:30,019 Ah! 207 00:17:30,020 --> 00:17:34,023 This is "the beekeeper" here on camp firewood radio. 208 00:17:34,024 --> 00:17:38,653 I've got my drones working hard on a breakfast time rock... hey. 209 00:17:38,695 --> 00:17:42,657 - Arty, I need you to take a shower. - Okay. 210 00:17:43,158 --> 00:17:46,161 Your parents are coming tomorrow. I don't want to get in trouble. 211 00:17:46,203 --> 00:17:49,163 - Sure. - You haven't taken a shower once yet this summer. 212 00:17:49,205 --> 00:17:53,167 - Fine. No problem. - Arty, take a shower. 213 00:17:53,669 --> 00:17:55,670 You're covered in dirt. 214 00:17:55,712 --> 00:17:57,672 Fine. 215 00:17:59,674 --> 00:18:02,052 This is arty Solomon here. 216 00:18:02,094 --> 00:18:04,387 Alias, "the beekeeper." 217 00:18:04,429 --> 00:18:09,434 - You guys, I'm really gonna miss this place. - Me too. 218 00:18:09,684 --> 00:18:15,190 Hey, let's all promise that in ten years from today we'll meet again... 219 00:18:15,232 --> 00:18:16,942 And we'll see what kind of people we've blossomed into. 220 00:18:16,983 --> 00:18:19,903 - Yeah! - What time you wanna meet? 221 00:18:19,945 --> 00:18:22,447 - You mean ten years from now? - Yeah. 222 00:18:22,697 --> 00:18:24,700 Let's meet in the morning so we can make a day of it. 223 00:18:24,741 --> 00:18:27,493 Okay, so what is it? Is it like 9:00 or 9:30? 224 00:18:27,494 --> 00:18:30,205 Let's say 9:00, that way we can be here by 9:30. 225 00:18:30,246 --> 00:18:32,582 Why don't we say 9:30, 226 00:18:32,583 --> 00:18:35,085 and then make it your beeswax to be here at 9:30? 227 00:18:35,586 --> 00:18:39,589 We're gonna be in our late 20's. I don't see any reason we can't be places on time. 228 00:18:39,714 --> 00:18:42,717 Okay, it's settled. 9:30 it is. 229 00:18:42,759 --> 00:18:45,679 - All agreed? - Agreed. 230 00:18:45,721 --> 00:18:48,682 Great, 'cause I have something at 11:00. 231 00:18:48,724 --> 00:18:51,685 You've got a trapper keeper full of appointments, right? 232 00:18:51,726 --> 00:18:55,230 No, I have something at 11:00 that I can't change 'cause I already moved it twice. 233 00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:01,361 What are you looking at? 234 00:19:01,362 --> 00:19:04,363 Is there a u.F.O. In the sky? 235 00:19:04,364 --> 00:19:08,368 No, no. It's nothing you need worry about... 236 00:19:11,872 --> 00:19:14,375 Yet. 237 00:19:20,755 --> 00:19:24,759 Andy? Are you gonna clean that up? 238 00:19:24,801 --> 00:19:27,221 Oh, yeah, I will. 239 00:19:27,262 --> 00:19:30,724 Uh, I just got... I don't have time now. 240 00:19:30,766 --> 00:19:33,893 Clean it up and come to my office for the meeting. 241 00:19:34,395 --> 00:19:36,396 I gotta... 242 00:20:05,551 --> 00:20:07,552 Damn! 243 00:20:26,697 --> 00:20:30,701 - Gail, are you okay? - Yeah, I'm okay. 244 00:20:32,702 --> 00:20:35,706 It's just that my husband Ron... 245 00:20:35,747 --> 00:20:38,250 You know... No, he's my ex-husband. 246 00:20:38,292 --> 00:20:40,711 I guess I have to get used to that. 247 00:20:41,211 --> 00:20:43,714 I have to get used to saying ex, ex, ex. 248 00:20:44,089 --> 00:20:47,467 He's my ex, ex-husband. 249 00:20:47,468 --> 00:20:51,972 You know, it's just that I thought, like... 250 00:20:52,473 --> 00:20:55,476 When Jonas and I separated, I thought everything was lost. 251 00:20:55,518 --> 00:20:57,226 And then I met Ron... 252 00:20:57,227 --> 00:21:02,733 And it just seemed like everything was gonna work out, you know? 253 00:21:02,858 --> 00:21:06,612 Keep going. We're with you. I'm a total wreck! I don't even know where the crayons are. 254 00:21:06,988 --> 00:21:11,492 - I know, I know. Gail, listen to me. - I'm a loser. What? 255 00:21:11,534 --> 00:21:15,997 - Ron's who he is and you can't change that. - I know. 256 00:21:16,038 --> 00:21:17,997 Okay? 257 00:21:17,998 --> 00:21:20,751 - Gail, listen to me. Look at me. - I am. 258 00:21:20,793 --> 00:21:23,504 Gail, look at me. Gail, look at me. 259 00:21:24,005 --> 00:21:26,006 I want you to say "okay." 260 00:21:27,508 --> 00:21:29,510 - Why? - I want you to say "okay." 261 00:21:31,511 --> 00:21:34,514 - Okay. - Okay. Good. 262 00:21:34,515 --> 00:21:36,767 I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you all... 263 00:21:36,809 --> 00:21:38,769 For making the last eight weeks, 264 00:21:39,269 --> 00:21:41,772 without rival, the best summer of my entire life. 265 00:21:44,149 --> 00:21:46,110 Okay, let's get to business. 266 00:21:46,152 --> 00:21:49,155 Coop, the camp goat took a shit in the infirmary. 267 00:21:49,655 --> 00:21:51,657 - I need you to take care of that, please. - That's impossible! 268 00:21:51,698 --> 00:21:55,619 It is possible, and it happened... On my shoes. 269 00:21:55,661 --> 00:21:59,165 Abby, bunk 8 wants to watch the China syndrome again, so run the betamax. 270 00:21:59,665 --> 00:22:02,627 - Again? - What can I say? They love it. McKinley. 271 00:22:02,668 --> 00:22:06,547 Four lower campers are stuck in the ropes course. I meant to tell you yesterday. 272 00:22:06,922 --> 00:22:09,926 Could you get to it now? And last, but certainly not least, 273 00:22:10,426 --> 00:22:12,803 tonight is the big talent show. 274 00:22:13,178 --> 00:22:15,681 We have a lot of hard work ahead of us. A few ground rules... 275 00:22:16,056 --> 00:22:18,559 Hey. Hey! 276 00:22:19,060 --> 00:22:22,063 I'm serious here. I am not joking around. 277 00:22:22,563 --> 00:22:26,066 I am not jok... I am not Ruth buzzi standing here. 278 00:22:26,109 --> 00:22:28,944 I am no Ruth buzzi standing here! 279 00:22:33,824 --> 00:22:36,702 Steve? What you got there? 280 00:22:37,953 --> 00:22:40,956 I have been programmed... 281 00:22:40,998 --> 00:22:42,917 By my galactic master... 282 00:22:42,959 --> 00:22:44,961 Not to talk to earth denizens... 283 00:22:45,211 --> 00:22:49,215 Of classifications j.J. And McKinley-I-zoid. 284 00:22:53,594 --> 00:22:57,098 - Your brother is such a freak. - I know. 285 00:22:57,140 --> 00:22:59,600 Katie, you're hot, right? 286 00:23:00,101 --> 00:23:04,105 By all accounts, you would be considered "hot." Is that correct? 287 00:23:04,147 --> 00:23:06,107 Uh, I suppose so. 288 00:23:06,607 --> 00:23:12,112 So if one wanted to be hot and make a good impression, what would you wear? 289 00:23:12,154 --> 00:23:14,615 You put on a clean pair of pants? 290 00:23:15,116 --> 00:23:18,119 Beth, come on. Pants? Are you kidding? 291 00:23:18,619 --> 00:23:20,622 Yes. Pants. 292 00:23:20,663 --> 00:23:22,622 Of course I'm kidding. 293 00:23:22,623 --> 00:23:25,627 You didn't get I'm kidding? Unless you're kidding. 294 00:23:25,668 --> 00:23:30,131 'Cause pants, Katie. Come on, please. Pants. 295 00:23:30,173 --> 00:23:32,633 So would you... slacks? Pants? 296 00:23:33,133 --> 00:23:36,137 I don't know. I think I'd wear a sexy dress or something. 297 00:23:36,637 --> 00:23:38,640 That? Oh, you're good. Sexy dress. 298 00:23:38,681 --> 00:23:41,642 Okay. Uh, that's "a." 299 00:23:41,643 --> 00:23:46,147 Um, what else... what else would one do if one were... 300 00:23:46,189 --> 00:23:49,149 I'd do my hair. Oh, get out of town! 301 00:23:49,150 --> 00:23:53,154 I'm not getting out of town, and I'm serious. And I'd use a little mousse. 302 00:23:53,654 --> 00:23:57,158 Moose, as in... 303 00:23:57,658 --> 00:24:00,411 No, as "mousse" for your hair. Right! Right! 304 00:24:00,787 --> 00:24:03,790 - Okay. Wait a minute, Beth. Are you... - What? 305 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,042 Huh? What's up? 306 00:24:06,417 --> 00:24:09,919 You dog! You have a crush on somebody! 307 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:14,300 - I do have a crush. I just don't believe he's interested. - What? 308 00:24:14,342 --> 00:24:18,679 Beth, do not worry. Come with me and I will mousse you up. 309 00:24:24,436 --> 00:24:27,814 Hey, Andy, can I take out the motorboat and drive around the lake? 310 00:24:27,939 --> 00:24:31,817 - Sure. - Wow! Thanks. 311 00:24:32,319 --> 00:24:36,823 Just make sure you fill it up with gas when you're done, and watch out... 312 00:24:36,865 --> 00:24:38,825 Yeah, whatever. 313 00:24:45,832 --> 00:24:48,835 Man, I'd give anything for two minutes in the closet with Lindsay. 314 00:24:51,838 --> 00:24:54,340 - What about Katie? - Who? 315 00:24:54,841 --> 00:24:56,842 Excellent. 316 00:25:09,606 --> 00:25:12,608 Hey. Whatcha writin' on? 317 00:25:12,650 --> 00:25:14,569 My "gurnal." 318 00:25:14,611 --> 00:25:17,113 I write my thoughts in it every day. 319 00:25:17,155 --> 00:25:20,116 Oh, you mean a journal. 320 00:25:20,158 --> 00:25:22,076 Yeah, whatever. 321 00:25:22,118 --> 00:25:24,621 Guess I'm not all smart like you. 322 00:25:24,662 --> 00:25:27,082 Can I see what you're writing? 323 00:25:27,124 --> 00:25:31,628 Only three people are allowed to look at this... me, myself and I. 324 00:25:31,670 --> 00:25:33,629 But I want you to share it with me. 325 00:25:36,633 --> 00:25:38,634 Hey! 326 00:25:42,388 --> 00:25:45,391 Let's see. Debbie waxman? 327 00:25:45,892 --> 00:25:49,396 No. She makes that weird piggy face when she talks, you know? 328 00:25:49,437 --> 00:25:53,400 Yeah. Okay, good. No piggy face. 329 00:25:55,401 --> 00:25:57,862 - Rachel Schwartz. - No. 330 00:25:57,904 --> 00:26:00,907 - Come on, she's a slut. She'll go. - I'll pass. 331 00:26:00,949 --> 00:26:03,868 - Yeah, you're not really a slut type. - Yes, I am. 332 00:26:03,910 --> 00:26:07,914 I love sluts. Sluts rock. It's just gotta be the right slut. 333 00:26:08,290 --> 00:26:10,292 What about susie? 334 00:26:12,168 --> 00:26:15,130 Yeah. I could go for susie. 335 00:26:15,171 --> 00:26:17,424 She and I went out my first summer here. 336 00:26:17,466 --> 00:26:19,676 - When you were ten? - Yeah, we were ten, 337 00:26:19,801 --> 00:26:21,803 but we were into some heavy shit. 338 00:26:22,304 --> 00:26:23,930 Did you go all the way? 339 00:26:24,430 --> 00:26:27,434 You bet we went all the way. We went all the way back too. 340 00:26:27,475 --> 00:26:29,895 We did doggy style, pony style. 341 00:26:29,937 --> 00:26:33,815 Style council. That's a good band. They're hot now. Human league. 342 00:26:33,857 --> 00:26:36,316 They have some good stuff. 343 00:26:36,317 --> 00:26:39,821 League of nations. That brings in the whole thing of united nations. 344 00:26:40,071 --> 00:26:42,574 That brings in the whole category of countries. 345 00:26:42,616 --> 00:26:46,077 Where to start? Well, the obvious one. 346 00:26:46,078 --> 00:26:50,582 The birthplace of spaghetti and pasta, all the oily stuff... Italy. 347 00:26:50,832 --> 00:26:53,334 - Now you go. - Um... 348 00:26:53,835 --> 00:26:56,838 - How about Italy? - Yeah, good! It's safe. 349 00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,841 I kind of paved the way with that one, but... 350 00:27:03,345 --> 00:27:04,846 What? 351 00:27:05,347 --> 00:27:07,349 - What? - Hey, guys. 352 00:27:08,975 --> 00:27:10,977 - Hi, Nancy. - Hi, Katie. 353 00:27:11,019 --> 00:27:12,979 Coop, goat shit. 354 00:27:20,612 --> 00:27:22,614 Whoo-hoo! Ow! 355 00:27:31,748 --> 00:27:34,251 Andy! Help me! 356 00:27:34,376 --> 00:27:36,378 - You French great. - Andy! 357 00:27:36,879 --> 00:27:40,883 - You're not so bad yourself, Mr. man. - Andy, help me! 358 00:27:40,924 --> 00:27:44,887 - I can't swim! - Cut it out, Bobby. You're fine. 359 00:27:44,929 --> 00:27:48,264 For chrissake, Andy, help me, I'm drowning. 360 00:27:54,021 --> 00:27:57,524 No, you can't hear the ocean, but you can learn a great deal about our world. 361 00:27:59,026 --> 00:28:02,154 - Hi, guys. - Hey, Beth. 362 00:28:02,196 --> 00:28:05,240 Like the new look. Tres chic. 363 00:28:05,281 --> 00:28:08,285 - Thank you, Henry. - Please, call me Henry. 364 00:28:08,326 --> 00:28:10,287 Okay, Henry it is. 365 00:28:10,788 --> 00:28:13,790 I see you decided to come teach the campers, Henry. 366 00:28:13,832 --> 00:28:16,793 Yeah. I'm sorry I snapped at you before. 367 00:28:17,294 --> 00:28:20,255 I'm a little shy around children. But it's been great! 368 00:28:20,297 --> 00:28:23,300 I've got them making miniature black holes with paper clips and soot. 369 00:28:23,342 --> 00:28:26,261 What you do is so fascinating! 370 00:28:26,302 --> 00:28:30,307 - You really like astrophysics? - I love it! It's my biggest hobby. I love it. 371 00:28:30,348 --> 00:28:35,312 Really? Okay. Who's your favorite astrophysicist? 372 00:28:35,354 --> 00:28:38,815 My fav... I totally know this one. 373 00:28:38,857 --> 00:28:40,818 Okay, any... 374 00:28:45,322 --> 00:28:47,825 - What time is it? - Um... 375 00:28:47,867 --> 00:28:49,785 9:00, 9:30. 376 00:28:49,826 --> 00:28:53,831 I'm so late. I have to go meet Jim... stansel. 377 00:28:53,872 --> 00:28:56,834 - You know Jim? He's that guy. - Uh-huh. 378 00:28:57,334 --> 00:29:00,338 - So I'll talk to you later. Okay? - Okay. 379 00:29:00,379 --> 00:29:03,340 Okay. Okay. Later, then. 380 00:29:07,969 --> 00:29:10,973 Andy, have you seen my swimming buddy? 381 00:29:11,014 --> 00:29:12,974 Um... If I can't find him, 382 00:29:12,975 --> 00:29:15,477 I'm telling Beth that you let him drown. 383 00:29:15,977 --> 00:29:19,481 - I was busy. - It's your job to make sure kids don't drown. 384 00:29:19,523 --> 00:29:21,484 Lindsay, I need like 20 minutes, all right? 385 00:29:21,984 --> 00:29:24,486 Gotta talk to this kid. 386 00:29:24,986 --> 00:29:26,989 Andy, where are we going? 387 00:29:27,489 --> 00:29:28,990 To a big, secret pizza party. 388 00:29:29,492 --> 00:29:31,869 Wow! Cool. I love pizza. 389 00:29:31,910 --> 00:29:34,872 Yeah, well... 390 00:29:40,252 --> 00:29:42,755 Nancy! Hello. 391 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:47,259 If I was looking for a book on astrophysics, where would I find one? 392 00:29:47,635 --> 00:29:50,638 Off the top of my head, I'd have to say a bookstore. 393 00:29:50,763 --> 00:29:53,264 - Or a library. - Right. 394 00:29:53,265 --> 00:29:55,267 Just curious. Keep up the good work. 395 00:29:55,518 --> 00:29:57,019 Okay. 396 00:29:59,647 --> 00:30:02,107 Excuse me. Uh, Nancy. 397 00:30:02,149 --> 00:30:04,527 Say I wanted to get a book on, um... 398 00:30:04,902 --> 00:30:06,903 What? 399 00:30:07,405 --> 00:30:10,907 - Camp directing, I guess. Would that be... - Henry. 400 00:30:11,158 --> 00:30:13,661 Henry! Library. 401 00:30:14,161 --> 00:30:18,248 Ooh. Thank you! 402 00:30:18,290 --> 00:30:22,294 Beth! Beth! 403 00:30:22,669 --> 00:30:25,798 If you're going into town, can you pick me up something at the drugstore? 404 00:30:25,923 --> 00:30:30,177 Beth, come on. My husband's coming today and I need some lube. 405 00:30:30,219 --> 00:30:32,179 For my pussy. 406 00:30:35,682 --> 00:30:37,643 Oh, cool! 407 00:30:37,685 --> 00:30:41,189 Beth's going into town. Let's go! Wait, wait! 408 00:30:45,443 --> 00:30:48,070 No, no, no. No, no, no, no. 409 00:30:48,195 --> 00:30:50,698 Come on, Coop! Come on! 410 00:30:57,955 --> 00:30:59,457 Whoo! 411 00:30:59,957 --> 00:31:01,959 Whoo! 412 00:32:07,900 --> 00:32:09,902 Come on. 413 00:32:41,559 --> 00:32:44,020 Hey, guys, how was waterville? 414 00:32:44,062 --> 00:32:46,564 - It was really fun. - It's always fun to get away from camp, 415 00:32:47,065 --> 00:32:49,066 even for an hour. 416 00:32:50,568 --> 00:32:53,321 Katie! I'll see you later maybe? 417 00:32:53,362 --> 00:32:56,074 Definitely. 418 00:32:59,202 --> 00:33:01,204 Guys, wait up! 419 00:33:09,337 --> 00:33:11,297 How far away is this goddamn river? 420 00:33:11,338 --> 00:33:14,842 It's at least two hours, Vic. Try to forget about Abby. 421 00:33:14,884 --> 00:33:17,845 I can't, Neil, okay? This is my only chance. 422 00:33:18,346 --> 00:33:19,847 What are you talking about? 423 00:33:20,348 --> 00:33:23,188 I'm gonna tell you something, but I swear to God, if you tell anybody... 424 00:33:23,351 --> 00:33:26,604 - I swear to God! - What? Wha... 425 00:33:29,607 --> 00:33:32,611 - I'm a virgin. - Wha... 426 00:33:33,111 --> 00:33:35,571 You're joking. Right, dude? 427 00:33:35,613 --> 00:33:39,617 You're the stallion. You've had like 50 or 60 women, so I mean... 428 00:33:39,659 --> 00:33:43,621 Actually, it's closer to... zero. 429 00:33:45,123 --> 00:33:47,583 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 430 00:33:47,625 --> 00:33:49,628 You're a loser. You are a loser! 431 00:33:49,669 --> 00:33:52,420 Oh, my God. Don't. I... 432 00:33:52,421 --> 00:33:55,133 You're such a loser. 433 00:34:04,350 --> 00:34:06,811 - What? - What? 434 00:34:06,853 --> 00:34:08,855 You listen to me, Mr. kickass. 435 00:34:09,355 --> 00:34:11,357 Mr. rubber burner. 436 00:34:11,358 --> 00:34:13,860 You wipe that hotshot grin off your face or I'll shoot it off you. 437 00:34:13,901 --> 00:34:16,362 You got that? Now finish up them taters. 438 00:34:16,863 --> 00:34:19,116 - I'm gonna go fondle my sweaters. - Come on. What? 439 00:34:19,157 --> 00:34:21,366 - Finish up the taters. - Then what did you say? 440 00:34:21,367 --> 00:34:24,371 - Then what did I say? - You said you were gonna go fondle your sweaters. 441 00:34:24,871 --> 00:34:27,373 I... no, I didn't. 442 00:34:27,374 --> 00:34:29,374 I said I'm gonna fondue with cheddar. 443 00:34:29,375 --> 00:34:31,878 I was thinking about making fondue with cheddar cheese for dinner tonight. 444 00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:36,007 - No, gene, that is not what you said. - It is what I said. 445 00:34:36,049 --> 00:34:38,509 Fondue with cheddar. 446 00:34:38,551 --> 00:34:40,512 Okay, fine. 447 00:34:44,016 --> 00:34:46,142 Okay, see you later. 448 00:34:46,184 --> 00:34:49,104 See ya. 449 00:34:49,145 --> 00:34:52,148 I'm just gonna stop by my bunk for a real quick sec. 450 00:34:55,151 --> 00:34:57,654 Maybe you should talk to him. 451 00:34:57,779 --> 00:35:02,784 So rabbi rothstein says, "SIM, SIM, SIM, SIM, ata..." 452 00:35:03,284 --> 00:35:05,245 Hey, McKinley. 453 00:35:05,287 --> 00:35:08,289 - Did you take that shower yet? - Yeah, of course. 454 00:35:08,331 --> 00:35:10,833 - Did you? - No. 455 00:35:10,834 --> 00:35:13,295 Take a shower. 456 00:35:15,797 --> 00:35:18,800 Sorry, folks for the "coitus interuptus," if you will. 457 00:35:18,925 --> 00:35:21,426 I know you're all hungry for the picnic, 458 00:35:21,427 --> 00:35:23,930 so don't eat too many barbecued bovine muscles. 459 00:35:23,972 --> 00:35:26,433 Those being hamburgers. Thank you. 460 00:35:30,687 --> 00:35:33,690 Gail, if I could just interject something here. 461 00:35:33,815 --> 00:35:38,069 This is gonna sound like I'm putting down my own gender, 462 00:35:38,111 --> 00:35:42,323 but the truth is, a lot of the time men can be real... 463 00:35:42,365 --> 00:35:45,326 And excuse the yiddish... Insensitive schmucks. 464 00:35:45,577 --> 00:35:48,080 - It's true. - I know. 465 00:35:48,580 --> 00:35:52,584 I know. It's just that I'm 34 years old. 466 00:35:52,959 --> 00:35:54,459 You know? 467 00:35:54,460 --> 00:35:57,964 I'm just afraid I'm never gonna meet anybody. 468 00:35:58,464 --> 00:36:00,467 - Shh. Just breathe. Shh. - It's so sad. 469 00:36:02,469 --> 00:36:06,473 Breathe. Shh. Just breathe. 470 00:36:06,514 --> 00:36:09,267 Oh, God! 471 00:36:09,309 --> 00:36:11,979 Your hands are magic. 472 00:36:12,104 --> 00:36:15,106 - There you go. - You, my friend, are a magician. 473 00:36:20,738 --> 00:36:22,697 Okay! 474 00:36:22,739 --> 00:36:26,243 Everyone! Immediately! Out of the van. 475 00:36:26,284 --> 00:36:28,746 Get out of the van. Out. Out. 476 00:36:30,247 --> 00:36:32,088 - What are you doing? - I'm going back to camp. 477 00:36:32,248 --> 00:36:35,210 - I'll come back in the morning and pick you up. - Wait a second. 478 00:36:35,252 --> 00:36:39,506 - What, Neil? - Wait a minute. You can't get there and back by sunup. 479 00:36:40,006 --> 00:36:43,510 I am going to be with Abby Bernstein tonight. And if you don't like it, you know what? 480 00:36:43,552 --> 00:36:47,014 You could just go ahead and fuck yourself! 481 00:36:47,055 --> 00:36:48,765 Hey! 482 00:36:52,519 --> 00:36:56,148 You're making a big mistake, Victor pulak. 483 00:36:56,189 --> 00:36:58,400 A big mistake. 484 00:37:16,918 --> 00:37:18,420 Oh, shit! 485 00:37:19,922 --> 00:37:21,923 Abby! 486 00:37:29,723 --> 00:37:32,643 Hey, Abby. 487 00:37:32,685 --> 00:37:36,188 - I thought this was a different bunk. - No. 488 00:37:36,313 --> 00:37:38,815 - Am I bothering you? - No, not at all. 489 00:37:39,316 --> 00:37:41,818 You wanna come sit on the bed? 490 00:38:18,898 --> 00:38:21,817 What? What? 491 00:38:21,859 --> 00:38:23,861 I just want to take off my shirt. 492 00:38:25,612 --> 00:38:28,615 - Where are we going? - I don't know. Victor took the maps. 493 00:38:29,116 --> 00:38:31,619 - Shut up and paddle. - I want Victor back. 494 00:38:32,119 --> 00:38:35,623 - We all want him back, Sammy, but he's not coming back. - My name isn't Sammy. 495 00:38:36,123 --> 00:38:39,126 We'll die without him. He's the only one who can navigate the river. 496 00:38:39,168 --> 00:38:41,628 Fine, you're right. I'll find the son of a gun. 497 00:38:42,129 --> 00:38:46,133 I'll bring him back here if it's the last thing I do, dead or alive. 498 00:38:46,174 --> 00:38:47,885 Alive. We want him alive. 499 00:38:47,927 --> 00:38:50,387 Okay. Wait here. 500 00:38:56,393 --> 00:38:59,396 Okay. Okay. 501 00:38:59,897 --> 00:39:01,398 All right. 502 00:40:05,337 --> 00:40:07,340 Ahh! 503 00:40:17,224 --> 00:40:18,976 Oh, my God! 504 00:40:19,477 --> 00:40:21,979 Look at Lindsay's chicken wings. 505 00:40:22,479 --> 00:40:24,120 Debbie Epstein has, like, playboy titties! 506 00:40:24,357 --> 00:40:27,860 - It's just like klute! - Holy shit, you guys! Look, look, look. 507 00:40:28,111 --> 00:40:31,864 Bend over, yes. Take 'em off, take 'em off. Yes! Yes! 508 00:40:31,906 --> 00:40:35,367 Guys, I'm gonna catch up with you later, okay? 509 00:40:37,870 --> 00:40:39,830 Dude, that's kind of sad. 510 00:40:39,872 --> 00:40:43,375 He gets so uncomfortable whenever we talk openly about sexual issues. 511 00:40:43,417 --> 00:40:45,836 You know, he's never been with a girl before. 512 00:40:45,878 --> 00:40:48,255 McKinley needs to experience the ultimate. 513 00:40:48,380 --> 00:40:49,942 I think you know what I'm talking about. 514 00:40:50,383 --> 00:40:52,384 You mean penis in vagina? 515 00:40:52,426 --> 00:40:54,845 No, dickhead. Sex. 516 00:40:54,887 --> 00:40:57,890 Oh, oh, oh. 517 00:41:00,017 --> 00:41:02,520 They're total nymphos! Throw the ball! 518 00:41:02,562 --> 00:41:04,980 Yes! 519 00:41:05,022 --> 00:41:08,901 I'm sure we can convince one of the girls from bunk 10 to boink McKinley. 520 00:41:09,401 --> 00:41:11,862 They're really horny this summer. 521 00:41:11,904 --> 00:41:14,532 Where did he go, anyway? - I don't know. 522 00:41:15,032 --> 00:41:17,534 - Probably went to write his mommy and daddy a letter. - What a fag! 523 00:41:17,576 --> 00:41:20,538 - Who are we gonna set him up with? - How about Debbie? 524 00:41:20,579 --> 00:41:22,582 - No, she's got mono. - Right. 525 00:41:22,624 --> 00:41:24,500 - How about Debbie? - Who? 526 00:41:24,542 --> 00:41:28,546 - You know, Debbie Debbie. - Oh, Debbie Debbie. No, she's his cousin. 527 00:41:28,588 --> 00:41:32,550 - How about tall Debbie? - Too tall. 528 00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:36,304 How about Debbie Freeman? She's in heat! 529 00:41:36,804 --> 00:41:39,807 - She wants to French. - No, you shithead. She wants to get boned. 530 00:41:39,849 --> 00:41:42,643 - Then I want her. - You're being ridiculous. 531 00:41:42,685 --> 00:41:45,188 I'm not being ridiculous! I'm just saying I want her. 532 00:41:45,229 --> 00:41:47,147 This isn't about you. This is about McKinley. 533 00:41:47,190 --> 00:41:51,193 Haven't you been listening to what we've been saying? We're trying to get our friend laid. 534 00:41:51,235 --> 00:41:55,699 - Ah! Point taken. - Okay. Tonight... 535 00:41:56,199 --> 00:41:58,701 - Get McKinley laid. - Come hell or high water? 536 00:41:58,743 --> 00:42:00,662 Secret handshake? 537 00:42:00,703 --> 00:42:03,205 Get McKinley laid! 538 00:42:25,603 --> 00:42:27,105 As everybody knows, 539 00:42:27,605 --> 00:42:32,235 today is the big culminating, climactic softball game... 540 00:42:32,276 --> 00:42:35,738 - Against evil camp tiger claw. - Boo! 541 00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:38,241 We have put together an unlikely... 542 00:42:38,491 --> 00:42:41,995 Team of misfits, and we've been training like crazy all summer. 543 00:42:42,495 --> 00:42:44,997 Yeah, it's a motley crew that you'd think... 544 00:42:45,498 --> 00:42:47,100 Would never be able to win a single game. 545 00:42:47,500 --> 00:42:50,503 We had a kooky training period where it seemed like... 546 00:42:50,545 --> 00:42:53,506 It seemed like nothing was gonna go right. But, guys, 547 00:42:53,631 --> 00:42:55,592 somehow we made it to the finals. 548 00:42:55,633 --> 00:43:00,013 So I say, when those anonymously evil campers from tiger claw get here, 549 00:43:00,513 --> 00:43:04,017 we give it our best shot, and we try to come from behind at the last minute... 550 00:43:04,058 --> 00:43:07,020 With some weird trick play that we made up and we win the game. 551 00:43:07,062 --> 00:43:09,522 What do you say, team? 552 00:43:09,772 --> 00:43:11,274 It sounds like well-worn territory. 553 00:43:11,775 --> 00:43:13,976 The whole thing feels kind of trite. I say we forget it. 554 00:43:14,026 --> 00:43:16,529 - Is that how everybody feels? - Yeah. 555 00:43:16,571 --> 00:43:18,281 Well, it's fine with me. 556 00:43:29,793 --> 00:43:33,296 So listen, they just aren't into it. It's kind of trite. 557 00:43:33,338 --> 00:43:35,798 Yeah, you're right. No problem, man. 558 00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:38,801 It's sort of hackneyed. Tried and done before. 559 00:43:38,843 --> 00:43:40,804 See you later, man. 560 00:43:44,808 --> 00:43:47,310 It's no big deal. They were totally cool. 561 00:43:47,352 --> 00:43:49,312 Okay? All right. 562 00:43:56,069 --> 00:43:59,072 Susie is gonna score with McKinley. 563 00:43:59,572 --> 00:44:02,075 Then he's gonna need some eyewitnesses for verification. 564 00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:03,701 Let's go! 565 00:44:10,083 --> 00:44:13,921 Why does she still have her clothes on? 566 00:44:13,962 --> 00:44:17,715 - Looks like she's playing the flute. - Oh, wow. Kinky. 567 00:44:22,346 --> 00:44:24,806 As bared witness by myself, 568 00:44:24,848 --> 00:44:29,352 all of camp firewood and the higher power, however you define it, 569 00:44:29,727 --> 00:44:32,731 I hereby consecrate and sanctify the union... 570 00:44:32,981 --> 00:44:35,442 Of McKinley and Ben. 571 00:44:35,484 --> 00:44:38,736 May their majestic and blessed love... 572 00:44:38,778 --> 00:44:41,990 Flourish all the days of their lives. 573 00:44:43,492 --> 00:44:45,493 - Amen. - Amen. 574 00:44:45,744 --> 00:44:47,370 Amen. 575 00:44:51,249 --> 00:44:53,752 McKinley's a fag. 576 00:44:54,252 --> 00:44:57,756 - McKinley's a fag with Ben! - What are we gonna do? 577 00:44:59,048 --> 00:45:01,343 Capture the flag! 578 00:45:13,980 --> 00:45:16,984 Hey, aren't you gonna eat anything? 579 00:45:17,484 --> 00:45:18,985 I'm not hungry. 580 00:45:21,488 --> 00:45:24,991 So, you haven't made many friends this summer, have you? 581 00:45:25,033 --> 00:45:27,452 No, I have not. 582 00:45:27,494 --> 00:45:31,373 - Let's drop the robot voice, shall we? - Okay. 583 00:45:31,748 --> 00:45:35,377 - This your first summer here? - Fifth. You were my counselor... 584 00:45:35,502 --> 00:45:37,462 - Three times. - Now I'm the camp director. 585 00:45:37,503 --> 00:45:41,007 If there's anything I can do to make your last day more enjoyable, let me know. 586 00:45:41,049 --> 00:45:42,968 Really? 587 00:45:43,010 --> 00:45:46,513 I have an idea. How about whatever you've been working on is your talent tonight? 588 00:45:46,555 --> 00:45:49,474 That way, the other campers can get to know you. 589 00:45:49,516 --> 00:45:53,395 - It's not a song or anything. - It's okay. I'll have susie put you on the list. 590 00:45:53,895 --> 00:45:56,398 Oh, God! Thank you! 591 00:45:57,899 --> 00:46:00,777 - How was the waterfront this morning? - It was good. 592 00:46:01,278 --> 00:46:04,156 We gonna get a chance to spend time together? 593 00:46:04,198 --> 00:46:07,034 Are you gonna pound this into my face all day? 594 00:46:07,076 --> 00:46:09,494 Sorry. 595 00:46:09,536 --> 00:46:12,498 Apology accepted. 596 00:46:12,539 --> 00:46:16,043 Guess what. A bunch of us went into town and got ice cream and hamburgers... 597 00:46:16,085 --> 00:46:18,044 It smells like the ribs are ready. 598 00:46:22,549 --> 00:46:26,261 Beth, I may regret saying this, 599 00:46:26,303 --> 00:46:31,308 - but how dare you usurp my authority as producer... - Hmpf! 600 00:46:31,349 --> 00:46:33,310 Director/choreographer of the talent show? 601 00:46:33,811 --> 00:46:36,312 You were wrong to do that! 602 00:46:36,439 --> 00:46:38,899 I have been busting my balls, woman! 603 00:46:38,940 --> 00:46:41,944 I am telling you, the musical numbers are a mess, 604 00:46:42,444 --> 00:46:44,905 my kids are a bunch of amateurs, 605 00:46:44,947 --> 00:46:48,200 and the last thing I need today is some diabetic freak... 606 00:46:48,241 --> 00:46:51,453 Prancing around on stage making my life a living hell! 607 00:46:53,456 --> 00:46:56,083 All right, I'll put him last. 608 00:46:56,333 --> 00:46:58,335 Good. 609 00:46:58,836 --> 00:47:00,837 Oh, she always wins! 610 00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:05,843 Don't pick it up, stupid! 611 00:47:05,885 --> 00:47:08,678 Stop picking it up! 612 00:47:08,720 --> 00:47:11,432 You see? This is us, 613 00:47:11,473 --> 00:47:16,979 and we're traveling around the sun. 614 00:47:17,479 --> 00:47:22,985 That's a 1.3 million mile trip every year! 615 00:47:23,027 --> 00:47:25,445 Radical. 616 00:47:25,487 --> 00:47:28,991 You might say that each and every one of us... 617 00:47:29,032 --> 00:47:32,494 Is a crew member here on spaceship earth. 618 00:47:32,995 --> 00:47:35,498 - When would we say that? - Any time. 619 00:47:35,539 --> 00:47:38,458 Dinner. Literally any time. 620 00:47:38,500 --> 00:47:42,379 You're amazing. I hope I can come to your college and you can be my Professor. 621 00:47:42,421 --> 00:47:45,841 Actually, I, uh... 622 00:47:45,883 --> 00:47:49,386 I'm just an associate Professor. 623 00:47:49,636 --> 00:47:51,638 - What does that mean? - Melvyn! 624 00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:53,641 No, no, it's all right. 625 00:47:53,891 --> 00:47:56,143 It means, melvyn... 626 00:47:56,185 --> 00:47:58,395 It means that I'm... 627 00:48:02,399 --> 00:48:04,402 Less than. 628 00:48:11,909 --> 00:48:13,911 Oh, God! 629 00:48:17,540 --> 00:48:20,042 Hey! What's goin' on? 630 00:48:21,669 --> 00:48:24,171 Hey, Beth. We're just having ourselves a little cry. 631 00:48:28,926 --> 00:48:30,886 I know what this group needs. 632 00:48:30,928 --> 00:48:33,931 How 'bout we grab some lunch and watch the "capture the flag" game? 633 00:48:33,973 --> 00:48:37,809 - What do you say? - I think we'll take a rain check, Beth. 634 00:48:38,311 --> 00:48:42,315 - We're in the middle of some pretty interesting stuff. - I'll make you a deal. 635 00:48:42,690 --> 00:48:45,150 You come watch the "capture the flag game" with the normal kids, 636 00:48:45,192 --> 00:48:48,696 and then you can have the whole rest of the day to learn about planets, stars, 637 00:48:49,196 --> 00:48:52,199 pulsars, heliocentricity, gravitational collapse... 638 00:48:52,575 --> 00:48:54,034 And the science of celestial mechanics... 639 00:48:54,076 --> 00:48:57,079 As shown through the work of the 19th century scientists... 640 00:48:57,121 --> 00:49:01,583 Alexis clairaut, Jean d'alembert and Pierre laplace. 641 00:49:01,625 --> 00:49:04,337 - Okay? Ready? - Okay! 642 00:49:04,712 --> 00:49:07,340 Break! 643 00:49:10,342 --> 00:49:14,346 Gee, I was really impressed by some of the stuff you said back there. 644 00:49:14,388 --> 00:49:18,809 - Oh, it was... - No, Beth, you know what you're talking about. 645 00:49:18,851 --> 00:49:20,853 I don't know where you find the time to learn about astrophysics. 646 00:49:21,354 --> 00:49:24,857 I mean, with camp payroll and insurance to deal with. 647 00:49:25,358 --> 00:49:28,361 Keeping parents happy, supervising a young staff. 648 00:49:28,403 --> 00:49:31,322 - Keeping everyone fed. - Wow. 649 00:49:31,363 --> 00:49:35,367 It was in 1908 that the first American summer camps were founded in the catskills. 650 00:49:38,621 --> 00:49:41,624 - Is there any more corn? - What? 651 00:49:42,124 --> 00:49:45,128 - More corn. - Oh, dude. 652 00:49:45,169 --> 00:49:48,130 - You got... - What, dude? 653 00:49:48,255 --> 00:49:50,758 What? What are you doing with your hand? 654 00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:53,343 On your face. You, uh... 655 00:49:53,386 --> 00:49:56,347 Cat got your tongue, Andy? What is it? 656 00:49:56,388 --> 00:49:59,141 You have barbecue sauce all over your face. 657 00:49:59,267 --> 00:50:02,270 - I know that. So? - It's pretty foul. 658 00:50:02,645 --> 00:50:08,150 It's just barbecue sauce. Come on. I wanna make out. 659 00:50:10,653 --> 00:50:12,655 Okay, but not here. 660 00:50:19,162 --> 00:50:21,622 What's it like being a Professor? 661 00:50:21,664 --> 00:50:26,669 - What do they say, "publish or perish"? - Well, perish mostly. 662 00:50:26,710 --> 00:50:29,171 I'm up for tenure this fall. 663 00:50:29,672 --> 00:50:32,175 If I don't make my mark soon, I could end up out of work. 664 00:50:32,675 --> 00:50:35,177 But you're so talented! 665 00:50:35,678 --> 00:50:37,680 Tell that to my Dean. 666 00:50:39,181 --> 00:50:42,685 Okay. Okay, what's his address? 667 00:50:42,726 --> 00:50:45,646 You serious? 56 linden Lane. 668 00:50:45,688 --> 00:50:49,275 - Okay. City? - God, you're really... Augusta. 669 00:50:49,317 --> 00:50:52,320 - State? - I can't believe... Well, Maine, of course. 670 00:50:52,821 --> 00:50:56,783 - Zip? - This is... 04139. 671 00:50:56,825 --> 00:50:59,326 - Does he have an apartment number? - No! 672 00:50:59,827 --> 00:51:04,331 Beth, this is incredible. I don't know how to thank you. 673 00:51:04,373 --> 00:51:07,835 You already have, Henry. You already have. 674 00:51:16,969 --> 00:51:20,473 This is crazy. This is crazy. 675 00:52:25,080 --> 00:52:27,582 That's it, Lars. 676 00:52:28,082 --> 00:52:30,085 Good. Keep your feet together. 677 00:52:30,126 --> 00:52:31,711 You got it. Good. 678 00:52:34,964 --> 00:52:36,925 Aah! 679 00:52:36,967 --> 00:52:40,595 You taste like a burger. I don't like you anymore. 680 00:52:42,847 --> 00:52:44,348 Whatever! 681 00:52:49,353 --> 00:52:52,190 Damn it! 682 00:52:52,231 --> 00:52:54,859 Is it my turn yet? 683 00:53:06,120 --> 00:53:09,624 So, this is where I come when I want to think. 684 00:53:09,665 --> 00:53:11,626 Wow! 685 00:53:12,127 --> 00:53:14,630 It's very... 686 00:53:14,671 --> 00:53:17,132 Barn-like. 687 00:53:21,636 --> 00:53:24,097 You know, it's weird, Coop. 688 00:53:24,139 --> 00:53:27,643 I was supposed to be in the woods with Andy this afternoon, but... 689 00:53:27,684 --> 00:53:32,147 Oh. I'm sorry. We can go back. We should go back. 690 00:53:32,189 --> 00:53:35,651 No, no! It's okay. I can see him later. 691 00:53:41,656 --> 00:53:44,660 Give me your hand. 692 00:53:49,789 --> 00:53:51,749 It's cold. 693 00:53:51,791 --> 00:53:54,794 Yeah. I'm freezing. 694 00:53:55,295 --> 00:53:56,797 Do you want my sweatshirt? 695 00:53:56,839 --> 00:53:59,174 Do you mind? 696 00:54:14,690 --> 00:54:18,694 Okay, Coop, now I'm colder than I was before when I said I was cold. 697 00:54:20,195 --> 00:54:22,698 Well, do you want my flannel? 698 00:54:24,199 --> 00:54:26,702 Yeah. 699 00:54:35,335 --> 00:54:39,339 This is cool! It's really a great shirt. I love it. 700 00:54:39,381 --> 00:54:42,342 It's my favorite shirt. 701 00:54:42,843 --> 00:54:45,845 So... you're gonna have to give it back. 702 00:54:45,887 --> 00:54:47,848 Now? 703 00:54:48,348 --> 00:54:50,350 Yeah. 704 00:54:58,858 --> 00:55:01,319 What are we doing? 705 00:55:01,361 --> 00:55:04,865 - Do you mean like switching our shirts? - No. 706 00:55:05,365 --> 00:55:07,868 What are we doing? 707 00:55:07,910 --> 00:55:09,870 I don't know. 708 00:55:29,014 --> 00:55:32,892 Okay, so I'm Ron and I'm calling you. Here we go. Ring, ring. 709 00:55:33,269 --> 00:55:35,270 Hello? Hi, Gail. 710 00:55:35,312 --> 00:55:37,231 It's me, Ron. 711 00:55:37,273 --> 00:55:41,735 Hi, Ron. What do you want? Um, well... 712 00:55:41,777 --> 00:55:46,282 I'm ready to give our marriage another shot. What do you say? 713 00:55:47,783 --> 00:55:50,286 Um... 714 00:55:50,411 --> 00:55:52,412 Be strong, Gail! 715 00:55:52,537 --> 00:55:56,792 - No. - No, Ron, it's over. 716 00:55:56,833 --> 00:56:01,046 Good-bye. 717 00:56:09,054 --> 00:56:11,557 Hi, mom. Could you get dad? 718 00:56:11,599 --> 00:56:14,017 Just get him. 719 00:56:14,059 --> 00:56:18,063 Hi, dad. Okay, are you guys sitting down? 720 00:56:18,563 --> 00:56:21,566 I met somebody. Well, she's got this other boyfriend, 721 00:56:21,608 --> 00:56:24,069 but, well, it's just a matter of time, I think. 722 00:56:26,696 --> 00:56:29,199 Her name is Katie, and she's really great. 723 00:56:29,241 --> 00:56:32,161 And, um... what? I don't think so. 724 00:56:32,203 --> 00:56:35,163 She might be. She's got a pretty big nose. 725 00:56:35,205 --> 00:56:38,208 Well, I know how you guys worry that I have trouble meeting girls. 726 00:56:38,250 --> 00:56:40,669 And I'm just saying, worry no more. 727 00:56:40,711 --> 00:56:44,715 Well, I should get going. She's probably looking for me. 728 00:56:44,757 --> 00:56:48,719 Okay, I'll talk to you guys tomorrow. Bye-bye. 729 00:56:50,721 --> 00:56:53,182 This feels so good. 730 00:56:53,224 --> 00:56:56,226 Maybe you shouldn't jump the gun just yet, Coop. 731 00:56:56,601 --> 00:56:59,605 Very good, very good. 732 00:56:59,646 --> 00:57:02,107 A-plus for comedy, Beth. 733 00:57:02,608 --> 00:57:05,110 Ruth buzzi better watch her back. 734 00:57:05,152 --> 00:57:08,113 Beth! "Jump the gun." 735 00:57:18,749 --> 00:57:24,129 Okay, stop! I feel like I'm watching regional theater, you guys. 736 00:57:24,171 --> 00:57:27,674 God, am I at the Cleveland playhouse or something? 737 00:57:27,675 --> 00:57:31,095 Your craft is a muscle! You need to exercise it! 738 00:57:31,137 --> 00:57:34,515 Take a break! Think about what you've done. 739 00:57:35,016 --> 00:57:37,768 Gee, susie, have you seen Katie anywhere? 740 00:57:37,809 --> 00:57:40,229 No. Why? 741 00:57:40,271 --> 00:57:42,522 No particular reason. But if you see her, will you tell her I'm looking for her? 742 00:57:43,024 --> 00:57:45,776 - Sure. - Okay. 743 00:57:47,778 --> 00:57:50,280 All right, with passion! 744 00:57:52,908 --> 00:57:55,410 Katie! Are you in here? 745 00:57:55,536 --> 00:57:57,037 Oh, hi. 746 00:57:57,538 --> 00:58:00,541 Um, I want to talk to you later, okay? 747 00:58:00,916 --> 00:58:03,920 Oh, yeah. Sure. 748 00:58:14,180 --> 00:58:18,684 Dinner! 749 00:58:18,934 --> 00:58:21,938 - Have you seen j.J. And Gary? Do you know where they are? - Don't know. 750 00:58:21,979 --> 00:58:24,941 I'm a little worried they might have found out about us. - Hey! 751 00:58:25,191 --> 00:58:26,692 McKinley and Ben! 752 00:58:28,569 --> 00:58:31,447 This is for you. 753 00:58:34,950 --> 00:58:37,453 It's a chaise lounge. 754 00:58:37,704 --> 00:58:41,206 We didn't know if maybe you guys already had one. We have the receipt if you do. 755 00:58:41,248 --> 00:58:43,667 No, we don't have one. Thank you! 756 00:58:43,709 --> 00:58:46,212 It goes with the chenille throw cloth Beth's sister gave us. 757 00:58:46,254 --> 00:58:49,924 Okay, everybody, attention. I've got an announcement. 758 00:58:49,966 --> 00:58:52,486 I know you're all getting ready for the big talent show tonight, 759 00:58:52,510 --> 00:58:56,012 but the following campers need to put their trunks out... 760 00:58:56,013 --> 00:58:59,475 So the early bus to Boston can pick them up at 7:30 A.M. 761 00:58:59,517 --> 00:59:04,521 Amanda klein, Jessica azaria, 762 00:59:04,522 --> 00:59:09,485 ira stevenberg, sol zimmerstein, 763 00:59:10,987 --> 00:59:15,366 uh, David... Ben gurion. 764 00:59:17,368 --> 00:59:20,872 Cookin' slop for the grunts in 'nam was easier than this. 765 00:59:20,913 --> 00:59:24,375 We had no place being over there. 766 00:59:24,417 --> 00:59:26,335 It was a war we couldn't win, gene. 767 00:59:26,377 --> 00:59:31,382 Yeah, well I'm gonna go smear some mud on my ass. 768 00:59:31,423 --> 00:59:33,759 What? 769 00:59:34,260 --> 00:59:39,723 I said, "I hear my bud's in class." 770 00:59:39,765 --> 00:59:43,018 I gotta go and call my bud and see how his grades are. 771 00:59:43,060 --> 00:59:46,272 - I, I gotta go. Go away, leave me alone. - Gene, hold on. 772 00:59:46,772 --> 00:59:51,277 Look, I don't care what you do in your private time, but don't lie about it. 773 00:59:51,319 --> 00:59:55,614 I mean, you clearly said, "smear mud on my ass." 774 00:59:55,656 --> 01:00:01,663 And I'll tell you something. If you wanna smear mud on your ass, smear mud on your ass. 775 01:00:01,704 --> 01:00:04,040 Just be honest about it. 776 01:00:04,165 --> 01:00:07,668 Look, gene, I've never told anyone this before. 777 01:00:07,710 --> 01:00:11,672 But I can suck my own dick. And I do it. 778 01:00:12,048 --> 01:00:14,551 A lot. 779 01:00:14,926 --> 01:00:16,927 There, I said it. I was honest. 780 01:00:16,969 --> 01:00:19,264 And you know what, gene? 781 01:00:19,305 --> 01:00:22,309 Being honest makes you feel better. 782 01:00:23,559 --> 01:00:28,064 Hey, Katie, wait. I'm sorry about before. 783 01:00:28,106 --> 01:00:30,567 - I hope that wasn't bad timing. - No. 784 01:00:30,692 --> 01:00:32,652 - Coop, we have to talk. - Sure. 785 01:00:32,693 --> 01:00:36,698 I was thinking that what happened between us before was a mistake. 786 01:00:36,739 --> 01:00:39,159 - And, uh... - What? 787 01:00:39,200 --> 01:00:41,202 I wasn't thinking straight. It was wrong. 788 01:00:41,702 --> 01:00:46,707 No, it wasn't wrong. Katie, why are you doing this? 789 01:00:47,208 --> 01:00:49,168 I'm really sorry. 790 01:00:49,210 --> 01:00:52,213 Come on! This is a joke, right? 791 01:00:52,255 --> 01:00:54,674 I have a boyfriend, Coop. 792 01:00:54,715 --> 01:00:59,220 And I can't... I can't do this. I'm sorry. 793 01:01:04,226 --> 01:01:06,311 Wait, Katie! 794 01:01:06,352 --> 01:01:10,106 When we first started hanging out together this morning... 795 01:01:10,148 --> 01:01:12,066 We were just friends. 796 01:01:12,108 --> 01:01:15,611 But things change, and I've fallen in love with you. 797 01:01:16,112 --> 01:01:19,240 And I just, I just know that if you gave me a chance, 798 01:01:19,740 --> 01:01:22,202 I could make you feel so good. 799 01:01:22,243 --> 01:01:25,580 So I'm coming to you, not as your buddy, 800 01:01:25,622 --> 01:01:28,249 and not as a co-counselor, but for the first time as a man. 801 01:01:28,749 --> 01:01:31,211 A man who loves a woman, 802 01:01:31,252 --> 01:01:34,256 and who wants to hold her, and provide for her, 803 01:01:34,297 --> 01:01:36,257 and, yes, have sex with her. 804 01:01:36,507 --> 01:01:39,511 But, seriously, Katie, I love the way you laugh. 805 01:01:39,552 --> 01:01:41,595 And I love the way your hair smells. 806 01:01:41,637 --> 01:01:45,641 And I love it that sometimes for no reason, you're late for shul. 807 01:01:45,891 --> 01:01:49,228 And I don't care that you're bowlegged and bilingual. 808 01:01:49,270 --> 01:01:52,273 All I know is I would have said "no" to every person on your list... 809 01:01:52,315 --> 01:01:55,277 Because I've always wanted you. 810 01:01:57,653 --> 01:02:00,657 Coop, I don't know what to say. 811 01:02:03,660 --> 01:02:05,912 Coop, wait! 812 01:02:07,414 --> 01:02:10,917 Rachael clipperhofferman, 813 01:02:12,419 --> 01:02:14,420 - Steven schenk... - Beth! 814 01:02:14,670 --> 01:02:18,174 - Can I make a quick announcement before we finish up? - Sure thing. 815 01:02:22,553 --> 01:02:26,558 I want to thank all of you for a terrific summer. 816 01:02:26,599 --> 01:02:29,060 Cooking for all you nice people... 817 01:02:29,436 --> 01:02:33,690 Has really helped me get over the fact that I fought in the Vietnam war. 818 01:02:33,732 --> 01:02:36,192 Have a great winter! I'm gonna go hump the fridge! 819 01:02:36,568 --> 01:02:38,820 What? 820 01:02:42,824 --> 01:02:47,829 Yes, folks, it's true. I said, "I'm gonna go hump the fridge." 821 01:02:49,706 --> 01:02:54,794 What you may not know is that I also own a bottle of dick cream. 822 01:02:54,836 --> 01:02:59,841 I fondle my sweaters, and I often like to smear mud on my ass. 823 01:03:00,091 --> 01:03:03,595 You're probably asking yourselves, "isn't he a weirdo, 824 01:03:03,637 --> 01:03:05,597 outcast, loose Cannon?" 825 01:03:07,474 --> 01:03:10,936 Maybe. I don't think so. 826 01:03:10,977 --> 01:03:14,982 I want to introduce you guys to someone. This is my friend. 827 01:03:17,483 --> 01:03:19,986 I don't know who he is, but I do know this. 828 01:03:20,487 --> 01:03:25,492 At a time when I was trying to hide myself from myself, 829 01:03:25,533 --> 01:03:29,496 he was there to show me a new way. 830 01:03:31,498 --> 01:03:34,000 Because I couldn't hide from him. 831 01:03:35,002 --> 01:03:38,004 And I can be proud of who I am. 832 01:03:40,007 --> 01:03:43,510 I put it to you, camp firewood, 833 01:03:44,011 --> 01:03:48,515 as we spend our last dinner together: Be proud of who you are! 834 01:03:50,892 --> 01:03:53,895 Look at me, ma! 835 01:03:54,271 --> 01:03:57,733 I made it! I'm okay! 836 01:04:07,659 --> 01:04:09,661 Now, if you don't mind, 837 01:04:11,663 --> 01:04:15,167 I have some unfinished business to attend to. 838 01:04:31,183 --> 01:04:35,187 Great! 839 01:04:49,075 --> 01:04:52,079 Hey! Hey! 840 01:04:56,333 --> 01:04:59,336 You fuckin' assholes! Let me go! 841 01:05:01,338 --> 01:05:04,299 No! No! No! 842 01:05:04,341 --> 01:05:06,843 Please, stop! No, no, no! 843 01:05:06,885 --> 01:05:10,347 No! No! 844 01:05:20,232 --> 01:05:24,320 Oh, Henry, I'm so happy. 845 01:05:24,361 --> 01:05:27,364 But what will become of us tomorrow? 846 01:05:27,405 --> 01:05:30,325 Hey, you. Penny for your thoughts. 847 01:05:30,367 --> 01:05:33,370 Beth, tomorrow's the least of our problems. 848 01:05:33,871 --> 01:05:37,374 Don't tell me. Don't even tell me you have crabs. 849 01:05:37,875 --> 01:05:40,335 No. Well, yes, but that's not the point. 850 01:05:40,377 --> 01:05:43,338 - What is the point? - This isn't the time or the place to discuss it. 851 01:05:43,380 --> 01:05:47,384 Beth, meet me at the picnic table in ten seconds. I'll tell you all about it. 852 01:05:47,426 --> 01:05:49,845 Okay. 853 01:05:58,896 --> 01:06:03,359 Beth, hello. Thanks for coming. Let's get right to it. 854 01:06:03,400 --> 01:06:05,903 You may recall ten seconds ago, I asked you to join me here by the picnic table... 855 01:06:06,404 --> 01:06:07,905 So I could tell you what's going on. 856 01:06:08,405 --> 01:06:12,910 Well, earlier today, I saw what I thought was possibly a planet, 857 01:06:12,951 --> 01:06:16,246 also possibly a meteor in the evening sky. 858 01:06:16,288 --> 01:06:19,500 I now believe that object was none other... 859 01:06:19,542 --> 01:06:23,546 Than a renegade piece of skylab, the NASA space station. 860 01:06:23,587 --> 01:06:27,049 - And it's heading right for the camp. - Oh, my God! 861 01:06:27,550 --> 01:06:31,554 And there's more. We have no way of pinpointing exactly where it's going to land. 862 01:06:32,054 --> 01:06:34,014 - It could kill us all! - Jesus! 863 01:06:34,056 --> 01:06:37,017 Wait a minute! There might be a way... 864 01:06:37,059 --> 01:06:40,021 To build a homemade skylab tracking device! 865 01:06:40,062 --> 01:06:43,691 - Which accomplishes? - We could surmise the location of impact. 866 01:06:43,733 --> 01:06:46,693 We could avert a tragedy on the scale of the hindenburg. 867 01:06:46,735 --> 01:06:50,072 - Beth, will you help us? - Anything you need. 868 01:06:50,114 --> 01:06:52,825 Let's do it! 869 01:06:52,950 --> 01:06:54,451 Hey, Andy? 870 01:06:54,952 --> 01:06:57,705 - Can I talk to you for a second? - Sure. 871 01:06:57,955 --> 01:06:59,456 - Okay, well... - Time's up. 872 01:06:59,957 --> 01:07:01,959 You said a second. 873 01:07:02,084 --> 01:07:05,588 - I want to ask you something. - So you want to talk for more than a second? 874 01:07:05,713 --> 01:07:08,674 - Yeah. - What is it then? Like a couple minutes? 875 01:07:08,716 --> 01:07:11,468 - No. Yeah, at most, say, like three minutes. - Fine. 876 01:07:11,844 --> 01:07:14,847 - Do you really love Katie? - Not really. 877 01:07:14,972 --> 01:07:16,932 Because I really love her, man. 878 01:07:16,974 --> 01:07:20,978 And if you have one ounce of decency, you will do the right thing and let her go. 879 01:07:21,019 --> 01:07:22,730 - No way! - No way? 880 01:07:23,105 --> 01:07:26,234 Fuck no, dude. She's hot! In fact, fuck off. 881 01:07:26,275 --> 01:07:28,819 I will not fuck off. 882 01:07:28,861 --> 01:07:31,614 You're making a really big mistake, buddy, 883 01:07:31,655 --> 01:07:34,367 because that woman is not your plaything. 884 01:07:34,617 --> 01:07:39,121 Coop, seriously... Fuck off. 885 01:07:39,247 --> 01:07:43,251 - I'm sick of talking about this with you. - God! 886 01:07:50,883 --> 01:07:53,135 Whoa! 887 01:08:00,143 --> 01:08:03,145 So this is the skylab tracking device? 888 01:08:03,187 --> 01:08:05,106 Is this gonna save my camp? 889 01:08:05,147 --> 01:08:07,900 I don't know. But if it does, we'll all be heroes. 890 01:08:07,942 --> 01:08:10,819 In fact, I just got word that if we pull this off, 891 01:08:10,861 --> 01:08:13,614 I could be up for the Hopkins prize for physics. 892 01:08:13,656 --> 01:08:18,160 The Hopkins! Baby, what a dream. You'll finally get your tenure. 893 01:08:32,926 --> 01:08:34,927 Be proud of who you are. 894 01:08:35,428 --> 01:08:37,388 Huh? 895 01:08:37,430 --> 01:08:40,891 - Gene? - Shh. 896 01:08:40,934 --> 01:08:44,937 - It isn't about the girl. - It isn't? 897 01:08:45,438 --> 01:08:47,440 Well, it is, 898 01:08:48,941 --> 01:08:52,945 but see if you can follow me here. 899 01:08:52,987 --> 01:08:55,948 It... 900 01:08:56,449 --> 01:08:58,451 Isn't. 901 01:08:59,452 --> 01:09:01,913 Oh. 902 01:09:01,955 --> 01:09:05,958 So it is and it isn't. 903 01:09:12,465 --> 01:09:16,469 You are ready to be taught the new way. 904 01:09:18,470 --> 01:09:23,977 Will you help teach me about this... 905 01:09:24,018 --> 01:09:27,981 What is it? A "new way"? 906 01:10:56,569 --> 01:10:57,987 Abby. 907 01:10:58,488 --> 01:11:01,491 Abby. Abby, my lover, my friend. Abby! 908 01:11:09,624 --> 01:11:13,336 - Hey, Neil, what's up? - Victor abandoned the raft trip, 909 01:11:13,378 --> 01:11:15,880 and now the kids are about to go over devil's canyon rapids! 910 01:11:20,635 --> 01:11:22,887 - Where did he go? - He wanted to get back to camp. 911 01:11:22,929 --> 01:11:25,056 So you left the campers alone on the river? 912 01:11:25,057 --> 01:11:27,100 Only Victor knows how to navigate those rapids. 913 01:11:27,141 --> 01:11:29,644 We've got to find him and get him back to that river. 914 01:11:29,686 --> 01:11:32,522 It's him! Victor! Victor! 915 01:11:33,023 --> 01:11:35,024 - We lost him, goddamn it! - I've got him! 916 01:11:35,525 --> 01:11:37,361 - Where is he? - He's calling from inside the camp. 917 01:11:37,402 --> 01:11:40,905 The only other phone is in the infirmary! We gotta go! 918 01:11:43,658 --> 01:11:45,661 Ahhh. 919 01:11:49,539 --> 01:11:51,041 Beth, what's the matter? 920 01:11:51,541 --> 01:11:54,544 The phone! Where's the fucking phone? 921 01:11:55,045 --> 01:11:58,048 In the back room. 922 01:12:14,564 --> 01:12:17,567 We're losing time! 923 01:12:22,822 --> 01:12:25,825 My baby! 924 01:12:25,950 --> 01:12:28,954 I want to make love to you! 925 01:12:29,454 --> 01:12:31,456 Abby! 926 01:12:32,958 --> 01:12:34,459 Abby? 927 01:12:36,461 --> 01:12:37,921 Moose? 928 01:12:37,963 --> 01:12:40,716 Um, you're gonna think this is so shallow, 929 01:12:40,757 --> 01:12:43,468 - but what was your name again? - Oh, my God. 930 01:12:43,968 --> 01:12:47,472 Do you have any idea... 931 01:12:47,514 --> 01:12:50,976 What I had to go through to see you? 932 01:12:51,476 --> 01:12:54,479 You snooze, you lose, dude. 933 01:12:56,481 --> 01:13:00,986 Victor pulak, there's a raft of campers about to go over devil's canyon rapids! 934 01:13:02,612 --> 01:13:06,116 Are you gonna be part of the problem, or are you the solution? 935 01:13:12,497 --> 01:13:14,958 Let's go. 936 01:13:15,000 --> 01:13:18,003 Let's go! 937 01:13:22,883 --> 01:13:24,384 Here we go. 938 01:13:28,889 --> 01:13:32,350 - Oh, fuck my cock! - What does it say? 939 01:13:32,392 --> 01:13:35,896 According to this readout, skylab is going to land directly on the rec hall. 940 01:13:35,938 --> 01:13:37,856 Oh, no. When? 941 01:13:37,897 --> 01:13:40,359 - Sometime in the next 90 minutes. - Oh, my God! 942 01:13:40,400 --> 01:13:43,904 - That's only one mix tape. - The talent show's starting right now! 943 01:13:44,404 --> 01:13:47,533 - Good evening, firewood! - Are you ready for some talent? 944 01:13:50,410 --> 01:13:53,288 - Beth, we have to evacuate the rec hall immediately! - Yeah. 945 01:13:53,413 --> 01:13:55,248 Victor! 946 01:13:55,290 --> 01:13:57,042 Come on! 947 01:14:00,671 --> 01:14:02,672 Stand back. 948 01:14:05,175 --> 01:14:07,177 Whoa! Whoa! 949 01:14:07,677 --> 01:14:12,683 You're a master, Vic. What the... what the fu... what? 950 01:14:12,725 --> 01:14:15,185 You're doing it. You're actually doing it. 951 01:14:15,685 --> 01:14:19,189 Oh! You saved them! You saved them! 952 01:14:22,568 --> 01:14:26,572 Victor pulak, you're okay by me. 953 01:14:26,613 --> 01:14:28,573 I'm okay, you're okay. 954 01:14:29,075 --> 01:14:33,579 And Neil, next time we go camping, you drive the van. 955 01:14:51,096 --> 01:14:53,616 I wish there was another way. Maybe we should just let them die. 956 01:14:53,848 --> 01:14:55,351 No! My friend, Jimmy's, in there. 957 01:14:55,851 --> 01:14:57,853 - You have a friend? - I'm kidding. 958 01:14:58,103 --> 01:15:00,105 Wait a minute. 959 01:15:03,109 --> 01:15:05,068 - No. - What? 960 01:15:05,110 --> 01:15:08,614 Well, there might be a way that we could use our device... 961 01:15:08,655 --> 01:15:12,618 To slightly change its direction, but... 962 01:15:12,660 --> 01:15:14,578 No, it's impossible. 963 01:15:14,619 --> 01:15:16,580 Why? What's the problem? 964 01:15:16,622 --> 01:15:19,082 In order to do it, we would somehow have to be able... 965 01:15:19,125 --> 01:15:22,127 To repeatedly generate random numbers between one and twenty... 966 01:15:22,627 --> 01:15:24,130 In order to calibrate the deferential. 967 01:15:24,630 --> 01:15:29,134 That would take some sort of super mainframe computer and we don't have one. 968 01:15:29,176 --> 01:15:31,888 So all is lost. 969 01:15:31,929 --> 01:15:34,598 No, it's not. 970 01:15:34,640 --> 01:15:38,143 Any dungeon master worth his weight in geldings... 971 01:15:38,185 --> 01:15:41,647 Goes nowhere without his... 972 01:15:43,649 --> 01:15:45,609 20-sided die. 973 01:15:45,651 --> 01:15:49,530 I'd like to introduce us to the emcee for the evening. 974 01:15:50,030 --> 01:15:55,035 We brought him all the way from kutscher's country club in the catskill mountains. 975 01:15:55,077 --> 01:15:58,539 Wait! I have some bad news! 976 01:16:00,165 --> 01:16:02,668 And my bad news is... 977 01:16:07,298 --> 01:16:12,302 And my bad news is... there is no bad news. I was just joking. 978 01:16:12,678 --> 01:16:14,639 Good one, Beth. 979 01:16:14,680 --> 01:16:18,684 Let's give a firewood welcome to Mr. Alan shemper! 980 01:16:21,937 --> 01:16:23,898 Thank you very much. 981 01:16:23,939 --> 01:16:28,444 Hello, camp firewood. Thank you for having me. 982 01:16:28,819 --> 01:16:33,824 I went to sleep-away camp so long ago that it was the stone age. 983 01:16:34,826 --> 01:16:36,827 Seriously, it wasn't the stone age. 984 01:16:36,869 --> 01:16:39,288 It was the ice age! 985 01:16:39,330 --> 01:16:42,959 No, really, it was the stone age. But, folks, 986 01:16:43,459 --> 01:16:47,171 actually I went to camp machnudin... 987 01:16:47,213 --> 01:16:49,215 In the pine hills of Westchester, New York. 988 01:16:49,256 --> 01:16:51,174 And that was so long ago... 989 01:16:51,216 --> 01:16:55,220 For breakfast we had to eat scrambled pterodactyl eggs... 990 01:16:55,262 --> 01:16:58,224 And raptor bacon! 991 01:16:58,349 --> 01:17:01,602 Back then we didn't have cots, we had slabs. 992 01:17:03,103 --> 01:17:06,357 Instead of sleeping bags, we had sleeping pelts. 993 01:17:14,490 --> 01:17:19,495 Our first act hails all the way from over in bunk 2. 994 01:17:19,995 --> 01:17:25,001 And his name is Roger, the master broom balancer. 995 01:17:37,889 --> 01:17:39,390 Holy cow! 996 01:17:41,016 --> 01:17:44,020 Right here, right here. 997 01:17:44,061 --> 01:17:46,522 Let's pray to God this works. 998 01:17:54,447 --> 01:17:57,866 That's from us to bunk 7! 999 01:17:57,908 --> 01:18:00,119 - Nine or six, what was it? - Nine! 1000 01:18:00,161 --> 01:18:04,665 Okay. We're getting closer. Give me another. Seven. 1001 01:18:04,707 --> 01:18:07,502 White folks are so stupid when they get mad. 1002 01:18:07,544 --> 01:18:11,047 They be like, "hey, asshole, I'm going to kick your behind." 1003 01:18:11,089 --> 01:18:14,050 But the brothers don't even need to raise their voice. 1004 01:18:14,091 --> 01:18:17,053 These motherfuckers be like, "don't make me say it twice." 1005 01:18:17,553 --> 01:18:19,054 That's true, that's true. 1006 01:18:19,096 --> 01:18:21,057 I hate white people! 1007 01:18:21,557 --> 01:18:26,062 Be that as it may, this next act is a guy named Bert flugalman. 1008 01:18:26,103 --> 01:18:28,565 But it says here that you all know him as... 1009 01:18:29,065 --> 01:18:31,817 Mooooose! 1010 01:18:48,710 --> 01:18:50,670 Gail. 1011 01:18:50,712 --> 01:18:54,215 - Gail. - Ron. 1012 01:18:57,093 --> 01:18:58,595 What are you doing here? 1013 01:18:58,845 --> 01:19:01,348 I've been thinking about you a lot. 1014 01:19:01,848 --> 01:19:04,350 And I want you back. 1015 01:19:08,229 --> 01:19:11,191 Ron... I love you, 1016 01:19:11,232 --> 01:19:14,736 and I want to be with you, but... 1017 01:19:16,737 --> 01:19:19,240 I've just had too many woulda-coulda-shouldas in my life. 1018 01:19:19,282 --> 01:19:21,701 Well, I'm just... 1019 01:19:21,742 --> 01:19:25,746 I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired, you know? 1020 01:19:25,788 --> 01:19:29,250 And if you can't handle that, then to hell with you! 1021 01:19:29,375 --> 01:19:32,378 You'll come back to me, Gail. I know you will. 1022 01:19:38,259 --> 01:19:41,262 I don't think so, Ronald Von kleinenshtein. 1023 01:19:41,304 --> 01:19:43,765 I really don't think so. 1024 01:19:50,396 --> 01:19:54,025 And now, camp fizzie-poo, performing the song... 1025 01:19:54,067 --> 01:19:57,529 "Day by day" from the musical godspell, 1026 01:19:57,570 --> 01:19:59,530 is susie's drama group. 1027 01:20:01,032 --> 01:20:02,593 Before we start, I'd just like to say... 1028 01:20:03,034 --> 01:20:05,036 That the campers you're about to see suck dick. 1029 01:20:05,078 --> 01:20:07,038 Nevertheless, please welcome them. 1030 01:21:27,118 --> 01:21:30,580 Boo! 1031 01:21:30,622 --> 01:21:33,625 Well, well, well, I can honestly say... 1032 01:21:34,125 --> 01:21:36,587 That there is no Broadway ditty... 1033 01:21:36,628 --> 01:21:41,133 Closer to my heart than the one you just heard, "day bidet." 1034 01:21:41,508 --> 01:21:42,968 Give me another. 1035 01:21:43,009 --> 01:21:45,012 - Twenty. - There's not much time left. 1036 01:21:45,387 --> 01:21:49,892 When I was at camp, my favorite activity was always arts and crafts. 1037 01:21:49,933 --> 01:21:53,896 Or as we used to call it, arts and "farts" and crafts. 1038 01:21:54,021 --> 01:21:56,523 We used to make drawings. 1039 01:21:56,648 --> 01:21:58,650 Cave drawings! 1040 01:21:58,900 --> 01:22:02,362 Which is my way of saying we were cavemen. 1041 01:22:02,404 --> 01:22:05,908 I went to camp so long ago that I can remember saying... 1042 01:22:05,949 --> 01:22:09,369 "Sticks and stones may break my bones," and meaning it! 1043 01:22:09,410 --> 01:22:14,416 I went to camp so long ago that fucking Jesus Christ was my counselor! 1044 01:22:14,458 --> 01:22:18,420 And my best friend hadn't fully evolved yet. 1045 01:22:18,796 --> 01:22:21,548 His name was ugh, and he walked on all fours! 1046 01:22:21,589 --> 01:22:24,926 There were two epidemics when I went to camp. 1047 01:22:24,968 --> 01:22:28,305 Head lice and the plague... The bubonic plague. 1048 01:23:02,714 --> 01:23:06,218 Katie, I came here to tell you I'm leaving. 1049 01:23:08,219 --> 01:23:10,180 - Uh, what? - Yeah. 1050 01:23:10,222 --> 01:23:13,726 I've grown up a lot since before dinner when we last talked. 1051 01:23:13,767 --> 01:23:17,688 - Where are you going? - I don't know. 1052 01:23:17,730 --> 01:23:22,234 Maybe see the world. I got a couple more weeks before school starts. 1053 01:23:22,734 --> 01:23:26,613 - But... - Hey. 1054 01:23:27,614 --> 01:23:30,618 I want you to have this. 1055 01:23:35,873 --> 01:23:39,251 Hurry up! I think I can see it coming towards us! 1056 01:23:43,255 --> 01:23:46,257 And finally, ladies and germs, is a dude... 1057 01:23:46,299 --> 01:23:50,763 Who goes by the name of... "Steve." 1058 01:23:50,805 --> 01:23:54,140 Let's give him a hand. 1059 01:24:04,276 --> 01:24:07,280 Come on, do something. Or get the fuck off the stage! 1060 01:24:32,680 --> 01:24:35,182 Is that wind? 1061 01:24:52,449 --> 01:24:54,952 Oh, my God. 1062 01:24:59,582 --> 01:25:01,541 Coop? 1063 01:25:01,583 --> 01:25:04,837 Coop, Coop, don't leave. 1064 01:25:04,878 --> 01:25:08,090 Coop! Coop, I love you! 1065 01:25:10,092 --> 01:25:13,554 Yeah, I didn't know it until this very moment for sure, 1066 01:25:13,595 --> 01:25:18,100 but now I know, and it feels like nothing I've ever known before. 1067 01:25:18,141 --> 01:25:20,061 It feels so good. I love you. 1068 01:25:51,383 --> 01:25:53,344 How do I know it's real this time? 1069 01:25:53,386 --> 01:25:56,389 Because I'm telling you. That's all I can do. 1070 01:25:56,431 --> 01:25:58,349 I love you. 1071 01:25:58,390 --> 01:26:02,895 - Say it again. - I love you, I love you, Gerald cooperberg! 1072 01:26:19,662 --> 01:26:22,165 It's working! 1073 01:26:43,311 --> 01:26:46,145 Way to go, guys! 1074 01:26:46,146 --> 01:26:48,941 Beth, we did it. 1075 01:27:02,454 --> 01:27:03,957 Whoo! 1076 01:27:23,100 --> 01:27:27,104 Baby, that was beautiful! 1077 01:27:58,803 --> 01:28:04,183 You better write to me. I'm gonna miss you so much! 1078 01:28:09,563 --> 01:28:12,066 Beth! Beth! I got it! 1079 01:28:12,108 --> 01:28:14,527 The Hopkins award! 1080 01:28:14,568 --> 01:28:19,574 And, NASA's hiring me to go to work for them at cape canaveral, Florida. 1081 01:28:20,074 --> 01:28:22,076 I'll have a whole new life! 1082 01:28:22,576 --> 01:28:24,537 That's wonderful. 1083 01:28:24,579 --> 01:28:28,583 I knew this would happen. I would meet you, fall in love and you would leave me. 1084 01:28:29,083 --> 01:28:31,586 Wait, hold on, Beth. I've already told them, 1085 01:28:31,628 --> 01:28:34,046 I need an apartment for two people. 1086 01:28:34,088 --> 01:28:37,550 - And they'll fly you back here every summer. - Fuck you! 1087 01:28:37,592 --> 01:28:42,597 And, Beth, I know we've been having trouble with, you know... 1088 01:28:42,638 --> 01:28:45,600 But I was thinking when the time comes, we can adopt. 1089 01:28:45,642 --> 01:28:48,562 Shh. It's happened. 1090 01:28:48,603 --> 01:28:50,605 I'm pregnant. We're gonna have a baby. 1091 01:28:51,105 --> 01:28:54,609 Oh. Oh, baby! 1092 01:28:54,734 --> 01:28:57,237 - Good-bye, Beth. - Oh, hey! 1093 01:28:57,737 --> 01:28:59,739 Looks like everything worked out for you two. 1094 01:29:00,239 --> 01:29:02,242 Yeah, it's the best thing that's ever happened in my life. 1095 01:29:02,283 --> 01:29:04,243 I hope you like shrimp cocktail, because we want you... 1096 01:29:04,285 --> 01:29:07,247 To be the guest of honor at our wedding next week. 1097 01:29:07,747 --> 01:29:09,749 We would be delighted. But I hope it's not jumbo shrimp... 1098 01:29:09,791 --> 01:29:13,252 Because I'm allergic to oxymorons. 1099 01:29:16,756 --> 01:29:18,758 - Bye. - Bye. 1100 01:29:36,026 --> 01:29:38,528 We saved everyone's life and they'll never know it. 1101 01:29:38,570 --> 01:29:40,530 I almost like it better that way. 1102 01:29:41,030 --> 01:29:43,033 It was us rolling the dice that diverted it, right? 1103 01:29:43,533 --> 01:29:46,995 - Not the enormous gust of wind, right? - Right. 1104 01:29:47,037 --> 01:29:50,540 I feel like this entire summer, which kind of sucked, 1105 01:29:50,581 --> 01:29:54,043 has been rejuvenated by the events of the past 24 hours. 1106 01:29:54,085 --> 01:29:59,048 Yeah, it's like... Well, forget it. 1107 01:29:59,090 --> 01:30:01,051 - You know what? - What? 1108 01:30:01,551 --> 01:30:05,555 You guys are my best friends. Well, my only friends. 1109 01:30:05,597 --> 01:30:08,558 - Yeah. - Nanoo-nanoo. 1110 01:30:15,565 --> 01:30:18,026 - So, this is it, babe. - Yep. 1111 01:30:18,068 --> 01:30:21,822 So, obviously I think we should get together in the city next weekend. 1112 01:30:21,863 --> 01:30:26,493 - I'll call my parents, and you can talk to your dad and Kim. - Listen. 1113 01:30:26,534 --> 01:30:31,081 Last night was really great. You were incredibly romantic and heroic. 1114 01:30:31,122 --> 01:30:34,042 No doubt about it. And that's great. 1115 01:30:34,084 --> 01:30:37,546 But I've thought about it, and my thing is this: 1116 01:30:37,588 --> 01:30:40,590 Andy's really hot. And don't get me wrong, you're cute too. 1117 01:30:41,090 --> 01:30:45,554 But Andy is like cut from marble. He's gorgeous. 1118 01:30:45,596 --> 01:30:49,599 He's like this beautiful face and this incredible body, 1119 01:30:49,640 --> 01:30:53,603 and I genuinely don't care that he's kind of lame. 1120 01:30:53,854 --> 01:30:56,856 I don't even care that he cheats on me. 1121 01:30:57,357 --> 01:31:00,318 And I like you more than I like Andy, Coop, but I'm 16. 1122 01:31:00,360 --> 01:31:03,363 And maybe it will be a different story like when I'm ready to get married. 1123 01:31:03,405 --> 01:31:07,367 But right now, I'm entirely about sex. I just want Andy. 1124 01:31:07,868 --> 01:31:09,828 - Yeah. - I wanna take him, 1125 01:31:09,869 --> 01:31:13,873 and grab him and just fuck his brains out, you know? 1126 01:31:13,915 --> 01:31:16,418 So that's where my priorities are right now. 1127 01:31:16,460 --> 01:31:19,171 Sex. Specifically with Andy and not with you. 1128 01:31:19,213 --> 01:31:21,881 But you're really nice. Everybody thinks so. 1129 01:31:22,382 --> 01:31:26,386 And I'm sorry if this isn't the direction you saw things going between us. 1130 01:31:26,428 --> 01:31:29,431 I still totally want to be friends. 1131 01:31:29,473 --> 01:31:32,392 You better write me a letter, okay? 1132 01:31:32,434 --> 01:31:34,853 Sure. 1133 01:31:34,894 --> 01:31:37,272 Cool? 1134 01:31:40,276 --> 01:31:43,278 Katie, let's go. 1135 01:32:01,422 --> 01:32:04,424 - How you doing? - Good. 1136 01:36:34,570 --> 01:36:36,947 I'm sorry, I'm late. I thought we said 9:30. 1137 01:36:36,989 --> 01:36:39,325 No, we said 9:00 so we could be here by 9:30. 89336

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.