Original subtitles

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This Love and all is not my kind of thing

Do you know, till today I have not understood...

...how some people spend their whole lives with one girl

I had already decided that I will not waste my life by falling in love

So are you trying to say that...

...every boy wants just one thing from every girl? - Right

Every love story, has the exact same story

The hero first runs away from love... And then...

I love you Simran

I love you and only you

I love you Riya

God I hate love stories!

But I love, love stories

Infact, I love everything

These flowers, this season, rains!

These colours, Pink

Romance, romantic films

I make sets for these films, I am an art director

I love my job,

This filmy world, dramatic stories and...

...The thing I love the most - love stories

In which the heroine Turns around in slow motion,

When the hero sings and calls out to her

Cut!

Emotions! I want emotions!

Stupid! These love stories are stupid

Even more stupid than that are those people who make these love stories

Today, I top the list of these stupid people

I am a stupid directors assistant

Who is enacting something stupid so that he can...

Feel, I want to feel... I want to get the feel?

How do they make such stupid films

Do love stories really exist?

Of course, love stories exists

We have a perfect love story

That's Raj, My Mr. Right!

When I saw, I realized my love

Love means going crazy, Simran

Raj was just perfect

So perfect, that everyone loved him - Perfect! Perfect!

My mom was a Gujrati

And dad, Punjabi

After her experience mom had decided...

...That her son-in-law would be a Gujrati

Enter Raj!

Perfect

Perfect

Just Perfect

My mom had just one dream

That amongst these cards, One day, would be my wedding card

She was obsessed with marriage

My marriage!

Marriage - none of this crap for me!

I was just not that types of a guy

Infact I haven't seen a happy couple till today

Umm, may be my grandparents

Actually no, I just loved one thing!

Dating! I date every kind of girl... Who loves me,

Who doesn't love me

Who does everything else besides loving me

Or even makes me do things!

I had just one dream

To work with a director who made the best love stories

And that day...

My life was perfect

And I was so happy

Stop yeah! Now leave her and listen to me

Veer was a very big filmmaker

Big hits, big stars, big budgets

Whatever, whatever

But these were not my kind of films... Not my scene

Infact for me it was like the Taliban

I was here for just two reasons

First, my resume and

Second, Peter's bills

There was another character in my life... Kunal

My senior in office and My best friend

Kunal was like a villain for every girl

The perfect villain!

Phew! I hate it when girls don't listen to me

Why you still sitting, you want to get me beaten up? Lets go

Oh Shit!

Speaking of villains Veer, the villain of my life

Sent me to watch this romantic film

Wanted me to see some aunty's performance Casting issues

Actually, he knew how I felt about these films

Sadist!

But I did not know that my life would change that day

Just like an old film,

She turned and looked at me

And me...

Sirji, my family is a little small

You are alone, can you please Adjust on that seat there

What is happening?

Hi... J

What's your name?

Name?

Simran

How can you be so beautiful?

Your name is Simran? Seriously?

Shut up Jay, keep quiet don't say anything, keep quiet

Quite a filmy name, don't you think?

No offence

Listen you don't have a boyfriend by the name Raj right?

No right, Thank God, If you did I would have fallen down laughing

My fianc�s name is Raj

But seriously, have you ever thought what will happen to your children

In school their teachers will ask them

Child, what are your parents' names?

Raj and Simran

Child, do they also sing songs in fields?

Will you please be quiet

Change the mood, say something sweet Jay

Come on, you can do it

I bet your those filmy types

You love these love stories right

Look, your spoiling my film

If you are not interested in this film

Then just leave

I cannot go

Have you hear of Veer Kapoor?

Of course, he is my favorite director

Of course, he is your Favorite director!

I work for him

He has sent me here

He is mad

He had fallen down somewhere in his childhood...

...and hurt his head and since then he has been making love stories

Which people love

People are mad

God!

This! Childhood romance, childhood Sweethearts, does this even happen?

It happened with us

Us? - Raj and I

Oh God, I thought she was really making fun of me

That is why I decided that I will keep quiet

Seriously you need help

You are really really ill

You believe in such love stories? - Just shut up

Oh, so you must be believing in ghosts too right?

A lot of films are made on ghosts

Simran, come on ya, don't go like that

Look, why you getting so angry

I was just doing time pass

Come on, Listen Simran please seriously...

...I cannot watch such a boring film alone

I need your company

Best of luck!

Ya right, I won't watch a film without you

Anyways this was the world's smallest love story

This time veer was making a very different film

Sanjana was leaving forever

She was walking towards the aircraft

Cut to, In the frame we see Rahul's feet

Rahul does not want Sanjana to leave

Rahul runs behind Sanjana

He fights with the security guard and screams "Sanjana"

But Sanjana's father does not leave her hand

And then, then, Rahul sings a song

Hearing the song, Sanjana's fathers heart melts

Sanjana leaves her fathers hand and runs and hugs Rahul

Every love story has the same costumes, same sets, same dialogues

Everything is the same...

...just the themes have been changed a little and they say

Our film is different!

It will not be shot in New York or London,

But will be shot in New Zealand

Bollywood's king will shoot in Queenstown

Wow! - This is not just a love story

It's a saga!

Wow!

Veer

Sir. - Jay, I'm sorry your name is J right, not Jay

Ya - Why? It's cool?

So tell me J, you did not like my film right?

No Veer, I thought it was... - Shut up

I'm sure you think I am dumb, mad

And make the same old films over and over again

But you know what? I know that

Just one thing, there's one thing that you don't know

That my films have magic...

...that magic which the audience connects...

...with which you will understand one day

Understand? - It's really

Shut up!

Veer, Nidhi is incharge of costumes...

...and we need another girl for properties, can I ask...

Jay, from today jay will be in charge of properties

Veer... I - You don't understand my world right Jay?

That is why from today, you will work with my art director

Understand?

So remember I had told you not to listen to Simran

You will have to listen to her now

Because in front of me was fate again!

What the F...?

Ah Simran!

Hi Veer

Simran meet... This is - J!

He was watching a film yesterday

Oh that reminds me, did you actually watch that film?

Yes. - And he praised it a lot too

Really? You liked it so much?

I wasn't talking about the film, I was talking about you!

It was Veer only who hurt himself in his childhood right?

No! That was me!

Oh really?

Long story Veer!

Dude, its' a graph! However insolent a girl is...

...she is that hot as well, directly proportional

Simran is only so hot, but she is jacking...

...your case quite badly, its a total loss!

But I think she is a little hotter than that!

How does it matter my friend? In any case you have to pack up soon

Do one thing, on your way out throw an egg on her

A Simran, this is Jay, Jay Dhingra...

...Oh ya he doesn't like his last name...

...its not cool, anyways ill see you in a bit - Ok

So you complained about me right?

Fine, but this was a very cheap shot

Jay Dhingra, you spoke a lot of rubbish yesterday...

...and I did not say anything

But don't forget I am your senior here

In this office there will be only professional talks, no rubbish

You will not argue with anyone and will do only whatever...

...you are told to do

I want the production plans now

NOW!!

And Jay Dhingra, Best of Luck again!

What just happened?

This Simran chic is so...

Stupid! He is so stupid

It's such a good job, such a good set up, but he doesn't care about it

Jaan!

Leave that Jay in office only

Why are you spoiling your mood?

Hi

I tried leaving him in office

Here, Veer has sent this... welcome gift

How sweet! - Hey

Hey Hey, I'm J

Hi Jay, Raj Dholakia

Uh Raj Dholakia it's J

You should try the wine, it's really good, I packed it myself

Sorry friend, but I don't drink on weekdays

And today Simran has made lobsters, I'm saving place for that

Simran, you try the wine

Even I don't drink on weekdays

Wow, a match made in heaven!

Yeah... So tell me, what do you do?

I'm an investment banker from London

Wow! Stocks, number crunching, trading and all of that

Your dam smart!

Thanks - Yeah

Uh, why don't you join us? Dinner?

Uh no thanks

By the way, I drink on weekdays!

And even we want some privacy

Oh, oh Sorry

Uh no...

Hey dude listen, nice shirt,

Red, Nice red

Thanks

What? He's sweet, poor thing, he was ok... Simran!

Even Raj thought that jerk was sweet

Was I over reacting?

Simran! Simran! Simran!

Hi

You know I was thinking Of you all night

You look really pretty at night

Oh... I, I'm joking!

Look, I know we didn't start off on the right note...

...it was my fault, I'm sorry

Let it go

Hey, will you be my friend?

Ah Great, so now that we are friends, can I ask you something?

Sure

Why do you roam around with this flower? Does Raj give it to you?

Yes

Everyday? One white flower? Is it in mourning?

What?

Listen, do you seriously love Raj?

I mean, come on, you look So good at night...

...I would give you 7 out of 10 points

Easily

But I wouldn't give him more than a 4

What are you trying to say?

Raj... Dholakia

Have you forgotten your name? Jay "Dhingra"?

I am different and his shirt was ugly

Infact it was fugly, you understand fugly right?

How dare you? You said his shirt was nice!

Listen I'm seriously telling you, he is very boring...

...he doesn't have wine on weekdays, why?

Because he might have a hangover the next morning but...

...that Gujju boy was eating lobster...

...what if his stomach got upset then?

Just shut up, I had asked you to behave

But that was in office! And now we are friends!

Why you getting so angry?

I was just doing some time pass.

You girls really overact, seriously!

I thought I could give you another chance but I don't think so

I want these properties, now

Why do you want everything right that moment?

It's for a girls room, you won't have any problem

All this girls stuff and me? Come on yeah... I...

What's happening guys?

I was just sending Jay to get some properties for Priya's room

And we wanted to know if you had any special requirements

Hmm, Scene number 18 right?

Sanjana's introduction shot, Sanjana is sleeping on her bed

The first ray of light wakes her up

Romantic music is playing

I need everything, stuffed toys...

...heart shaped pillows, balloons...

...colourful bedspreads with flowers on them, colours, colours

I want a lot of colours, but mostly pink

Confused?

Don't think like a boy Jay, think like a girl

Think like a girl, my boy!

I hated it when she smiled like that

We meet tomorrow at the office at 9:00 am... meeting with Veer

Hell and... heaven

I was clear, a person works so that he can enjoy life

If I cannot enjoy my life, what is the point in working?

Now step 2, looking for single girls

The rules were simple

Singles don't sit like boring couples

Single girls don't talk to their boyfriends on the phone

And couples never drink so much

Hey... - Hey

I can solve your problem - Sorry?

You are drinking here alone, there has to be some problem

There is no problem

But I have a big problem

I cannot party alone...

I'm J - Giselle

What do you do?

Investment banker, Mery lynch

Oh - Filmy kind of boys don't look cool

Nice - That's why...

I hate the crowd on the dance floor

There is not even one nice couple

You think we should change that?

If you say no, then I will kill myself

Really

And like always, fate!

J?

What are you doing in the ladies toilet?

I'm waiting for my cousin, she is inside

J, have you met my friend? She really helped me inside

Really? How nice!

Do you know even Simran's boyfriend works at Mery Lynch...

...just like my boyfriend!

Boyfriend? He's your boyfriend?

Oh Simran! You are Raj's girlfriend right?

Raj who wears really fugly shirts, how nice to meet you!

Jaan, I don't want to meet Raj here, this is not a corporate party

Don't feel bad...

You know... - Uh you work in bollywood right?

Right yeah. I have hear your quite insolent, and abuse a lot

You should speak nicely to people, they will feel nice

Bye

These love stories are so stupid, but since I have seen you

Raj! - Jay!

Raj Dholakia, my man

What a shirt! Look, Look

Blue, how nice right?

Thanks, what are you doing here?

What does a person do in the toilet Raj?

Yea but...

What is this?

It's our anniversary today, small gift

When did you get married?

No no, not that one, the other one

Oh, naughty boy, naughty boy!

No no its not like that, we started dating on this date

Awe, how sweet! Yeah

You know, next year it will also be our anniversary, same day!

We can celebrate together! I love bankers!

Jaan, we should go

Jaan, we should go, come on

Uh Simran, you should talk to your staff nicely, even outside office!

Shit!

You practice yoga a lot right?

Yeah power yoga, how do you know?

What's for breakfast? You promised me I would get whatever I want

That line was not for breakfast

And then she went on saying the same thing Just louder and louder

What? - Look, if my landlord gets to know that you are here...

...he will throw me out and have you arrested

What? - Yeah, you will have to hide and go out

What? If I had known that, I would have never come here

I know - What?

I can't find one shoe

Go with one shoe then, you will look like Cinderella

What?

Bye - What?

And this way I got rid of problem number one

And now problem number two

I want curtains flying

Jay!

Every morning I wake up and pray to God for just one thing...

...that oh God please give me the honour of meeting Jay today!

Voila! Here you are!

Veer, actually...

Get Out! A man who cannot come to office on time...

Veer last night my cousin died!

What?

Yeah, Because of a drug overdose!

These kids these days, no family values you know

Uh, I'm sorry Jay,

Jay, why don't you go wash your face and come, freshen up

Even his eyes were red, poor guy

Yes Sir, he must not have slept also, he was on set till late last night

Uh Jay, do one thing, just take the day off

Go home and rest

Rest well and come tomorrow, its ok

No, Veer actually she is not in India so...

Oh, Oh ok come come come join us, keep your bag

Simran has made this new set

It's beautiful! Look, look

There is a staircase inside the house

And the staircase has a moulding too

Absolutely new!

These people are not rich...

...but they shouldn't be too poor also, just right

Beautiful, good job Simran!

But Veer, J had not liked this model

What?

No, I loved it

To match Rajiv and Priya's scale...

...we have to have a house like that only right?

These windows are so beautiful! French windows

How real! Surreal!

My uncles house is just the same!

And the temple, we will have a aarti song here right?

How... different!

Amazing! How one tragedy has changed you so much Jay

I am so proud of you

Look at you, good idea, the aarti should be here under the staircase

That smile again, something was going to happen for sure

It's not a joke Jay!

I had asked you to bring a simple vase right?

I don't know what your problem is - I'm sorry... I

No Jay, this is not about just one vase

Everything you do is wrong

Look Jay, this is my set and...

...I will make it according to my sensibilities

I do not need your expert opinion

And if you cannot do things right, then just get out of here!

Kunal! Come on, lets go

Jay, Veer has given you a lot of chances

lts time you pull up your socks, otherwise...

What kind of a graph is this? She has just got after me

You ok?

Coffee?

But I knew coffee wouldn't do anything

Check her out! 7 on 10... There 10.30... 11

What the F...

What is she doing here?

Lets' get out of here

And then something amazing happened...

Fate

Ah Sorry man!

J?

Shit! Sorry

No, I'm sorry

For that!

And for this morning, I should not have spoken to you that way

No, It's ok

No, even Veer got to know

Simran, I know you did not mean it

I know why you were so off mood

Mr. Perfect is troubling you right?

Listen, he is a nice guy

Just explain to him simply that he should not do...

...time pass during work hours

He will understand

Everything will be fine

And listen if that does not work, run away from home like me shhh

Ok opening shot

The heroine is standing in the balcony right?

There is a strong breeze blowing

Jay!

Wow! You are late again today

Come on boys! Give him a hand

Give him a hand

You know what in such a situation I would scream at you

But you know what, I will not scream at you

And you know why? Because you don't get affect by being screamed at

Today, you will stand in that corner...

...like a school child with your hands up the entire day.

Ok?

Looks silly right?

Jay! Go!

I am serious!

Go!

Actually Veer

I had sent Jay to get some properties

Last warning

Well then we start with an O. S shot

Here is looking at the heroine ok?

Zoom in on the heroine, pan in and...

Simran!

Uh Sorry - Ok, we can do this.

Nidhi, dialogue!

Thank you

Thanks

Veer cant be trusted, he'll make me a chicken next time

Thank you for last night's speech

I said a lot right? It's the beer man, sorry

It was the first time you said something that dint make me feel bad

So, what are your problems other than me?

Huh? - Love? Raj? Dholakia?

I love Raj

I told you, you are ill, you need help

He is very nice, if I fight with him even a little...

...my entire day gets spoilt!

But, fights happen, you know how it is!

Yeah That is why I don't have a girlfriend

Really?

Hmm, in my film there are just one or two meetings and then...

End titles

Listen if you have any hot friends then... - No

I do not want to show any girl such a bad film

Fine!

Why did you leave home? - Oh God!

It's not that dramatic!

My parents live in long island...

...and my dad wanted me to join the family business

I wanted to be a director

There were fights at home, I left home

That's it!

And you? You live with Raj?

Raj and me have known each other from childhood

Family friends son! Perfect match! That's it!

No, no, no, no

So which film have you jumped out of?

Guys! It's a wrap, we finished long time back!

So, you don't believe in love stories?

It's a practical world yeah

There is nothing like love It's like...

it's like we have been conditioned...

...from childhood to believe in something

Like... God

Now what is your problem with God?

How can I have a problem with Something that does not exist!

What nonsense!

Have you seen God? Is he your neighbours?

Look Jay, - I'm sorry, it's my fault, of course you believe in God

You consider Raj your God

You see you God in him! - Shut up!

Love Guru, I see Meena everyday at a grocery store

See? I mean did you hear?

Perfect!

Everyone's love is perfect at first

And then you need to go to such cartoons

I think this is a sexual problem, you should excite Meena

Raj and me have known each other from childhood

But our love has not changed

Really?

We like the smallest of Things about each other

Just like it happens in films

Oh God! Come out of your Filmy world, Simran!

Do you know there are a lot of things other...

...than this love of yours!

Sex!

Sex! See!

Hatred, Jealousy

Ok if Raj sees me drop you home he will...

Nonsense, Raj is not like that

Thank you - See, I'm a very innocent boy!

Which film's set is this?

Shut up

Simran! Gabbar Singh!

Simran. - Raj! What are you doing here?

You hardly meet me so I came to tell your parents goodnight

You are so sweet!

See J, this is what I call love

Hey Jay, what are you doing here?

I have come to say goodnight to you!

Take care - Bye Guys

See You - Raj! Nice shirt

Thanks

Why does he talk to you this way?

Wassup Gabbar? Are You in a bad mood?

Did Basanti Bhabhi, your wife run away?

What was happening?

Was J right?

Was my perfect life actually not perfect?

Thank you - Anytime

But something was happening... J was changing

J! Do you want to join us for dinner?

With your parents?

I promise, you will not get bored

Why haven't you got married yet?

Mom!!

No aunty, I haven't found anyone special that is why

Can I help?

Mumma!

What Mumma Mumma?

You don't get married yourself, why don't you let him get married?

Will a Gujrati girl do?

Mumma, you know what I'm leaving ok?

Hey, hey, hey calm down!

Actually aunty, there was this girl

Oh

I really really loved her

Ok

But my mom did not like her

Why dint she like her?

Because she was bisexual

I mean, she batted for both teams

But I like girls that like girls, I'm ok

Mom, J is joking, he is not interested in marriage...

...and he does not have any serious girlfriend

Oh

Wow! Your a Casanova type?

In my time, even I was like you, like a tiger

Really?

But nowadays, I stay at home like a housecat

I think I need another drink

Cheers!

Don't worry, it happens, it happens with everyone

Son, I thought you were going to kill him

No Uncle, when someone behaves badly with...

...their staff I don't like it

Now means?

Nikhil, he wants me to go back to the office.

Problem?

Hope not

Suddenly I felt like I was standing there alone

Why?

Mozart, Beethoven... right!

Hi Veer

You just disappeared? Have you joined Simran's team?

Veer you only asked me to join Simran's team

Don't argue

Go get ready, the actors are coming to read their dialogues

Rajiv and Priya? - Yes

Guys now this was an epic, we are making a saga...

Guys meet Jay, new AD

Uh Jay, so Jay

J

Jay

J - Jay

Yeah

Jay who takes the auditions here?

Nikhil - So where is my best friend Nikhil?

Taking auditions

Of girls?

No kids

Jay Jay Jay, are the kids' moms hot?

Rajiv come on lets do this now

Yeah yeah... - Positions now come...

Sanjana is getting married to someone else

Everyone is celebrating karvachaut

And at that time, Sanjana's house catches fire

Sanjana's dupatta gets burnt

And now Sanjana is in a coma

She is fighting for her life

And at that time Rahul comes and...

Get up Sanju, Get up

I know you can hear everything...

...your just acting to fight with me and trouble me

Get up Sanju, say something please

I love you Rahul

What can I say Simran? Look we do have problems

But why, I don't know

Nowadays I...

Anyway... I'm going to Delhi tomorrow

When I come back, please give me my Simran back

Please

This was not fate!

I've got into the habit of going home together

Raj and you have fought again right?

How do you know?

The glasses, you are the filmy type

Whenever I am sad...

I don't know Jay, everything was normal up till now

But now I feel like something is missing

The magic?

Yeah J, the magic, the love...

I don't know where it has disappeared

The magic has disappeared! How tragic!

There is nothing like magic Simran, its in your head

You need to keep the spice fresh in every relationship

So all these people need your help

Yeah and you too

This must be a joke for you, but I know what this magic is

You know even PC Sarkar must not believe so much in magic

I don't want to argue with you

All I am saying is that I was happy first

And you are not now, obviously

What does that mean?

Ok, to be happy you need to be a little carefree but you...

So many tantrums, so many boundaries,

Like there is some big wall and you are stuck in it like Anarkali

Break that wall Simran, Break free

Sex, Every problem has just one solution - How? - Have Sex

Do you have this everyday?

No, No, Normally we have beer,

But today for the first time - shots

Why?

Guaranteed drunkenness!!

Don't you think only one of us should rink?

See, this is exactly what I'm talking about

Come on, Let go!

Come on. - Ok

Next one next one

I love shots

Peter! I love shots

From today, I'll have shots everyday

So tell me, what's the problem?

I forgot

Shots!

Ok look, I'm not saying that you... everyday

You will become Devdas

But sometimes it's good to loose control

Will you dance? - No You should dance

Excuse me, my friend has a huge crush on you

No he is lying, he has a crush on you

No no what was that

Ok will you dance with me? - No - Come on

No way - Come on - No No No

Guys, excuse me

I just found out that my wife is pregnant

Ask her to dance with me, come on

I told you, I am an innocent boy

That's it?

What else do you want to do?

Hey gabbar

Gabbar Singh! Your mood is not good today also?

Basanti ran away right?

Why don't you make do with Dhanno?

Look, Look, Look my first girlfriend was from your village

We were neighbours

Is your mustache real?

For the first time I woke up in the morning and thought

What has happened to my perfect life.

I love the rains

I'm shocked

Shut up

Hey that's a nice one yeah, can I keep that?

I will never give this to you

Have a look at this sir, the Water is falling really well

Looks ok, we will have to make someone stand in for reference

Why don't you break your wall?

Wow, you look... fugly!

Raj will just not recognize you

I thought about you everyday, Simran

But you are going away from me... why?

Am I doing something wrong?

Please give me one more chance

Please, let's try and make this work

But the problem was mine,

Sometimes, colours also look good

Red is my favourite colour

Raj always gives me white flowers

He loves white

Do you know, I hated your smile

And now?

Jay!

What's happening? Just concentrate on your work

No, Veer this is for the scene

Shh, Anyway the rainfall is too heavy

I want just 4 drops of water...

...to fall on Priya's face

1,2,3,4 drops

And concentrate

God!

The world's worst dialogues

They are not that bad

Everything was fine till yesterday, how did this love happen?

I Had never imagined that this would ever happen

How did this happen?

Wow! Not bad

Any one will launch you.

So now do you believe in love stories?

I want to say something to you

Please don't misunderstand me

I have fallen in love with you

I cannot live without you

Even I am just yours Sanjana just yours

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