Original subtitles

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski, Buttowski

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick Buttowski! ♪

(MAN SINGING)

(EXCLAIMS)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(GASPS) What're you doing here, Kendall?

Collecting a rare cave sap for Ronaldo's birthday present, Clarence.

Well, don't just stand there!

Be a gentleman and help me up.

You can let go now.

So can you!

Oh, no! The sap!

Who, Ronaldo?

No, the cave sap.

It's a highly potent adhesive compound!

In English? It's sticky stuff.

Kick! What's taking you so long to... (EXCLAIMS)

No! No... (SCREAMS)

No, no, no, no!

He thinks we're boyfriend and girlfriend.

And that means...

(GASPS) Everyone will think we're boyfriend and girlfriend!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(GROANING)

Tonight is Ronaldo's birthday dinner.

We have got to get unstuck by 7:00,

and we cannot let him see us together.

No one can see us together!

And I know just how to get us unstuck.

Oh, no.

You're making that daredevil face again.

And nothing good ever comes from making that face!

(SCREAMS) Trust me!

People will see us!

Nobody ever goes this way!

I wonder why!

(KENDALL SCREAMING)

(GROWLS) Gator!

Later.

(SCREAMING)

(CHAINSAW REVVING)

KENDALL: Hold it!

Now, you listen to me, Buttowski!

I have 25 minutes till Ronaldo's birthday dinner,

and I will be rid of you by then.

We are going to do this my way!

We're going to Ronaldo's lab,

we're getting his anti-sticky solvent.

Do you get me?

(PANTING)

Trust me.

All we have to do is make it to Ronaldo's house

at the end of this quiet street,

and then we're home free.

MAN: What a crowded street!

Looks like all of Mellowbrook is here for the annual street fair!

About your way... I hate it.

If somebody sees us, they're gonna think you're my...

(GROANS)

Not half as bad as someone thinking you're my...

(GROANS)

Let's just take the sewer.

No! I already smell bad enough from being near you.

(GASPS)

It's Mouth! He'll blab to everyone!

Why are you rooting through the garbage?

Why am I rooting through the garbage?

Well, clearly you know nothing about me,

as I always root through the garbage.

And why would you possibly do that?

Because I'm a...

Freegan.

I only eat what I find in the garbage. Like this sandwich.

But it's half-eaten and covered with mold.

Which I cannot wait to eat.

Unless there's something else in there?

Anything at all?

Mmm.

So free.

Freegans are weird.

That was close.

That was close, too.

By the way, I owe you for that.

Look at it this way, it can't get much worse from here.

(EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS)

Now what?

We make up.

Let me get this straight.

You're going to disguise yourself as a princess?

Not as a princess. An heiress.

The sole benefactor to the Perkins estate.

Whatever. As long as no one recognizes you.

(GASPS) It's Gordie and his goons!

He can't see us! He'll... Kendall?

(GASPING)

Buttowski!

You're buying makeup?

Since when do daredevils wear makeup?

Since always.

Never know when you'll be on camera.

Here we have a cheek brush.

For the cheeks.

And the tongue.

And this is... Some eye junk.

Oh, no... Not that.

(CATCALL)

Lipstick. Ooh. My favorite.

Kick Buttowski in makeup!

Can't wait to post this one on my blog,

GibbleGabber.

Oh! You look precious.

We need to find a hose.

So you can wash that off?

So I can drown myself.

Come on!

I'll take whatever he bought.

And some lash volumizer, too.

Come on! The coast is clear.

I smell Kick Buttowski!

Kendall! You've been near Kick! I can smell it!

You mean I reek?

(STRAINING)

Well, I guess Kick isn't here.

Phew!

But I know I smell the musky aroma of awesome.

Are you wooing my Kick?

You think you can take me, dollface?

I've coughed up hair balls bigger than you...

Phew. Huh?

Hey, look! It's Kick doing something amazing!

"Amazing," huh? I didn't mean it.

Obviously. I was just avoiding a close call.

Well, here comes a closer call.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't the Dillweed and his little...

Wait a second.

There's something different about you, Gunther.

(GRUFFLY) I don't know about this, Kick.

Did you gain weight? What?

(GRUFFLY) I mean... Yes?

And how come you two are holding hands?

Don't judge us.

You seem less disgusting than usual.

There's something not right.

(FARTING)

(GROANS) Nope. That's Gunther, all right.

BOTH: Phew!

Wow. I didn't know you had it in you.

You kidding?

One time, I ripped one that knocked a lamp...

I mean... I didn't know, either.

(EXCLAIMS) No! No, no, no, no!

(SCREAMING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING) Hello?

RONALDO: Darling! I'm on my way back home!

Ronaldo! Well, um, take your time!

(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)

Not a chance! I'm going to rush

to begin a magnificent evening with my angelic parabolic blossom.

(GROANS)

I'll be there soon. Just finishing up in the hardware store.

Getting my change now...

Walking to the door...

Reaching for the handle...

What are you doing? Trust me.

And exiting the store.

(KISSING)

Ugh. Just a second, hon.

You know, there is such a thing as too much affection!

See you soonsies.

That was close. Yeah, really close.

I mean, it was totally gross, too.

Yeah, just awful.

Ew. You smell like a library.

I'd so rather kiss a tire.

(SCOOTER STARTS)

We've gotta move fast. (SCOFFS)

I'm not worried. There's no way he could possibly...

He added turbo boosters, didn't he?

(YELPING)

RONALDO: (SCREAMS) Cat on my face!

My poor Ronaldo!

At least it bought us some time. Look out!

BOTH: Ronaldo's!

RONALDO: Get off my face!

We've gotta hurry! He'll be here any minute!

Kick, don't touch that!

Just trust me.

(SCREAMS)

Okay, this one's all you.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Password? Sweetyface.

Access granted.

Okay, so where's the solvent?

Somewhere in here.

(ECHOING)

Up there!

All right, I can get it but I can't do it alone.

You ready? I've never been more ready.

Follow my lead!

Hang on!

Got it!

Kick, look out!

Gotcha!

Awesome reflexes. Awesome stunt skills.

Nah, it was all you.

No way! It was all you!

You did better. No, you did better!

(BOTH GASP)

Kick!

I've... almost... got it.

Got it!

We're free!

Well, Kendall, it's been an experience.

Yeah, it's been very...

Ahem! And what is going on here?

Ronaldo! It got dark and Kick walked me here.

Buttowski?

Didn't think you were capable of such gentlemanly behavior.

I'm much obliged. Wait, Ronaldo, don't...

And how was your birthday dinner, honey bug?

Uh... Well, it's...

Not exactly how I pictured it.

Cheetah Chug, please!

No! No. No, no, no, no!

(GUNTHER SCREAMS)

Better make that a double Chug.

I got him, boss!

Hands off, Horace! We're keeping this between brothers.

Here's your corn dog, sir!

You forgot the mustard!

Sorry, sir!

What the...

Here's your corn dog, sir! With mustard.

That's better. Now get lost.

Yes, sir! Very good, sir.

I notice you're having more than your fair share of trouble with Brad.

Nothing I can't handle.

And swish!

Listen, if you change your mind about handling Brad yourself,

then go see

Luigi Vendetta.

I think I can handle Brad on my own.

BRAD: For the extra point!

Luigi Vendetta, huh?

(BOWLING PINS CLATTERING) (BLOWING WHISTLE)

"East Mellowbrook's finest Italian-Canadian cafe.

"Fugetabootit."

Welcome to Fugetabootit.

I'm here for Luigi Vendetta.

Ooh. Follow me, eh?

Mr. Vendetta?

I came requesting a favor.

Bottled water or maple syrup, eh?

Bottle, Vinnie. With a splash of maple syrup.

You come requesting a favor?

You're Luigi Vendetta?

Yes. Sit, please.

So, I understand we have a situation with a big brother.

It's just that Brad's... Say no more. I understand.

And I can deal with this for you.

All I ask in return is a favor

to be called for at a later date.

Hmm. If I accept, what will you do to Brad?

What will I do? (LAUGHING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

So, what are you going to do?

I'll take care of it.

And by the time I'm finished,

you'll have Brad doing whatever you want him to.

That's all you need to know.

Brad doing whatever I want him to...

Here, brother, I'll be your ramp.

That's all I need to know.

That's right, my friend.

Because once Luigi starts something,

he finishes it.

Can I get a doggy bag for this?

Oh, this is gonna be good.

I can't wait to see what Luigi's going to do to Brad.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

It's time.

Once I start something,

I finish it.

(MAN ON SCREEN SCREAMING)

No, no!

(MAN GRUNTING IN PAIN)

I should have kept it between brothers.

Brad might be a jerk but he doesn't deserve...

(GASPS) I gotta stop Luigi.

(GASPS) It's time.

No!

Keep it down! I'm trying to enjoy the movie!

We weren't sneaking in, I swear!

Yeah, we were just sneaking in!

I mean... Hey, this guy's not the cops!

Ah, forget this!

I have to make sure nothing happens to Brad.

This movie stinks!

Yeah, we want my money back.

Ooh, popcorn.

I'm here for Luigi!

He went out on a job, eh.

What does that mean? It means...

He's gonna take care of it.

Real, good, eh?

I gotta get to Brad before Luigi does!

Wait, stop. Luigi!

Papercut? Where'd you get the new clothes?

Right here! In the costume store!

Phew!

Yeah, Brad.

Luigi, no!

Ah!

(LAUGHING)

This is the best tie sample ever!

Thanks!

Woah! Mad cash!

Arcade! Stop!

Look out! Help!

Whatever. Aw, come on!

(GROANS)

Okay, Brad! I have to tell you.

I hired someone to settle the score between us,

but I realize it was a mistake

and I've been trying to call it off all day!

So, please forgive me

and let me help you hide from this guy!

Because the truth is, Brad,

you're my brother and...

What?

Oh, back for more?

Brad, no.

Wait! (MUFFLED)

Wonder how I'm gonna beat you down today.

Oh, decisions, decisions.

Will it be the Philly Fist,

or the Portland Pounder?

The Walla Walla Wedgie?

Or maybe the Jersey Jab?

(MUFFLED)

(LAUGHING) Begging won't save you.

Nothing will save you!

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Who are you supposed to be, small fry?

My name is Luigi Vendetta.

I am the youngest of seven brothers.

I have acquired skills.

Skills that make it make it tough

for older brothers everywhere.

What the... I have been sent to settle a score,

at the request of your little brother.

Ooh, I'm so scared! I'm terrified!

Please don't hurt me!

I promise I'll stop! Really?

No, not really, shrimp!

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

(PLAYS NOTE)

♪ Big brothers shouldn't bully or degrade

♪ Be sugar sweet not lemonade

♪ Do not partake in sibling rivalry

♪ Cherish your family!

♪ Big brothers ought to be role models so

♪ Be kind to your young bro! ♪

(LAUGHING)

That was the lamest score settling ever!

♪ Big brothers shouldn't bully or degrade

♪ Be sugar sweet not lemonade

This guy's lame. I'm out of here.

♪ Do not partake in sibling rivalry

♪ Cherish your family!

♪ Big brothers ought to be role models so

♪ Be kind to your young bro!

♪ Big brothers shouldn't bully or degrade

♪ Be sugar sweet not lemonade

♪ Do not partake in sibling rivalry

♪ Cherish your family! (BRAD SCREAMS)

♪ Big brothers ought to be role models so

♪ Be kind to your young bro

♪ Big brothers shouldn't bully or degrade

♪ Be sugar sweet not lemonade (SCREAMING)

♪ Do not partake in sibling rivalry

(BRAD SCREAMS) ♪ Cherish your family!

♪ Big brothers ought to be role models so

(SCREAMING)

♪ Be kind to your young bro!

♪ Big brothers shouldn't bully or degrade

♪ Be sugar sweet not lemonade ♪

Okay, fine! I give up!

I'll do whatever you say!

Just stop him! Please! Please!

Okay, Luigi! He's had enough!

I took care of it.

And for that you owe me a favor

which I will call for at a later date.

Thank you, Kick.

From now on, I promise to be the best older brother ever!

I'll make you breakfast in bed and shine your helmet

and you can launch off my back...

Pantsy? Pantsy?

Here's your corn dog, sir, with mustard.

I hate mustard.

Now go get me another one.

Yes, sir. Very sorry, sir.

(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)

I noticed that you're having

more than your share of trouble with your little brother.

If you need some assistance, then go see

Paddy O'Payback.

(SCOFFS) We don't need this.

'Cause we keep it between brothers.

(BRAD AND KICK GRUNTING)

BRAD: Take that and that!

Where's my corn dog?

♪ Big brothers shouldn't bully or degrade

♪ Be sugar sweet not lemonade

♪ Do not partake in sibling rivalry ♪