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1
00:00:22,647 --> 00:00:25,190
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
2
00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:37,369
(NEVER BEEN TO ME PLAYING)
3
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:09,730
(ALL CHEERING)
4
00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:12,107
I want more!
5
00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:13,692
MAN: Oh, God.
6
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,869
(ALL LAUGHING)
7
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:26,288
Are you okay?
8
00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:33,295
That was fucking charming,
you gutless pack of dickheads.
9
00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:35,797
- MAN 1: Fuck off, you talent-less dog!
- What was that?
10
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:38,217
- MAN 2: Show us your pink bits.
- No, I don't think I will.
11
00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:40,177
Now, do you know why
this microphone has such a long cord?
12
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:41,303
MAN 3: Why?
13
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:44,139
So it's easily retrieved
after I've shoved it up your ass.
14
00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:54,900
FELICIA: Christ Almighty!
15
00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:58,487
What the fuck's going on
out there tonight?
16
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,615
Are you hurt?
17
00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:06,203
All right, which one of you bitches
sat on my dress?
18
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:07,996
MAN: Tick, darling, it's for you.
19
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:10,999
- Hello.
- MARION: Ding-dong.
20
00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:14,127
Avon calling. Howdy, sunshine.
21
00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:16,088
Long time no hear.
22
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:19,424
- Where?
- Emergency Ward A.
23
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,429
Mr. Belrose?
24
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:26,932
Yes?
25
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:32,062
So how about it?
26
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:38,402
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
27
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:41,029
(CAR ALARM SOUNDING)
28
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:53,250
(PHONE RINGING)
29
00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:58,463
BERNADETTE: Yeah.
30
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:03,385
Bernadette? It's Tick.
Sorry to call you so late, but...
31
00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:06,763
Hey, are you okay?
32
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:10,434
- No, I'm not.
- MITZl: Well, what's the matter?
33
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,312
Trumpet just died.
34
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:20,360
(PRIEST SPEAKING)
35
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:27,409
PRIEST: "The Lord is my shepherd.
I shall not want.
36
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:30,537
"He maketh me to lie down
in green pastures.
37
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:33,373
"He leadeth me beside the still waters.
38
00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:35,167
"He restoreth my soul.
39
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:39,212
"He leadeth me in the paths
of righteousness for his name's sake.
40
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:42,257
"Yea, though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death,
41
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:45,302
"I will fear no evil,
for thou art with me.
42
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,763
"Thy rod and thy staff,
they comfort me.
43
00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:52,267
"Thou preparest a table before me
in the presence of mine enemies.
44
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,102
"Thou anointest my head with oil.
45
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,396
"My cup runneth over.
46
00:05:56,564 --> 00:06:00,901
"Surely, goodness and mercy
shall follow me all the days of my life,
47
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:03,737
"and I will dwell
in the house of the Lord forever."
48
00:06:05,656 --> 00:06:07,115
It's not fair.
49
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,659
I've spent half my life
and all my savings
50
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:12,412
trying to snag a sympathetic husband.
51
00:06:12,580 --> 00:06:15,248
Selfish little shit goes and dies on me.
52
00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:21,004
Twenty-five years old, and he goes
and slips over in a bathroom.
53
00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:22,756
He didn't slip.
54
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:27,469
He was peroxiding his hair at home again
and he asphyxiated on the fumes.
55
00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:31,306
I've gotta get some space.
56
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,851
I've been asked to do
a show out of town.
57
00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:37,646
- That's nice.
- Why don't you come with me?
58
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:41,191
I'll need some help,
and I think we can both use the break.
59
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,652
You're not wrong. Where is it?
60
00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:45,779
Alice Springs.
61
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:49,032
You've got to be fucking joking!
62
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:54,704
Wo-Man is a
unique range of...
63
00:06:54,872 --> 00:06:58,750
...specialty facial products
designed for the more...
64
00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:02,295
...heavy-duty woman in us all.
65
00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:04,840
Now, this week...
66
00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:06,258
(PHONE RINGING)
67
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,968
Excuse me.
68
00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:10,470
MITZl: Hello.
69
00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:12,597
How long is the run?
70
00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:16,768
Four weeks.
Equity minimum, two shows a night,
71
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:18,687
accommodation included.
72
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,522
(SIGHING)
73
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:23,358
I can't just sit around here
crying all the time.
74
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:27,571
Jesus! My mascara keeps running.
I look like a raccoon.
75
00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:30,532
(LAUGHING) Good girl. That's the spirit.
76
00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:33,952
Here's hoping the desert's big enough
for the two of us.
77
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:37,706
Three of us.
78
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:39,374
(SINGING)
79
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:58,393
- Why?
- Why not?
80
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:02,230
Look, he's turned into
a bloody good little performer.
81
00:08:02,398 --> 00:08:03,482
That's right.
82
00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:07,569
A bloody good little performer,
24 hours a day, seven days a week.
83
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,821
I thought we were getting away
from all this shit.
84
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:12,574
Two's company, three's a party,
Bernadette, my sweet.
85
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:17,913
We're unplugging our curling wands
and going bush for this show.
86
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,123
Why would you possibly
want to leave all this glamour
87
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,083
for a hike into the middle of nowhere?
88
00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:24,920
- Do you really want to know?
- Desperately.
89
00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:30,425
Well, ever since I was a lad,
I've had this dream,
90
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:34,012
a dream that
I now finally have a chance to fulfill.
91
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,764
And that is?
92
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:40,936
To travel to the center of Australia,
climb Kings Canyon as a queen
93
00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:44,773
in a full-length Gaultier sequin,
heels, and a tiara.
94
00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:50,445
Great. That's just
what this country needs,
95
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,906
a cock in a frock on a rock.
96
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:55,408
Get back in your kennels, both of you.
97
00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:58,703
The first thing we have to work out
98
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:01,873
is how the hell we're gonna get there.
99
00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:09,548
(SCREECHING)
100
00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:17,931
Ta-da!
101
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,558
What do you think?
102
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:22,394
BERNADETTE: When do we have to
return it to the school?
103
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,437
We don't. We own it.
104
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:26,606
What?
105
00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:27,983
MAN: Hi, darling, how are you?
106
00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:32,529
I met some nice, Swedish tourists
called Lars, Lars, and Lars,
107
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:35,156
and I coaxed it out of them
for 10,000 bucks.
108
00:09:35,324 --> 00:09:38,034
- We can't afford it.
- That's right.
109
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,871
Mummy, maybe a trip to the Outback
would help me get over
110
00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:44,666
this little phase I'm going through.
111
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:48,503
And you never know.
I might meet some lovely country girl.
112
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:52,799
I hereby christen
this budget Barbie camper,
113
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,844
Priscilla, queen of the desert.
114
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,766
Seems to be the
understatement of the century.
115
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,861
(GO WEST PLAYING)
116
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,204
Mum.
117
00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:29,544
MAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
118
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:32,881
we're here today to see off
a very brave woman
119
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:36,051
who will attempt
to cross a continent alone.
120
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:38,470
On behalf of all our sponsors...
121
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:41,389
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
122
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,905
Ladies, start your engines.
123
00:10:57,073 --> 00:11:00,533
(ENGINES REVVING)
124
00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:30,605
(BOTH SINGING)
125
00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:37,946
Oh, please! Oh, give me a break!
126
00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:52,711
(HUMMING)
127
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:54,295
(SIGHING)
128
00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:57,132
How long have we been on the road?
129
00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,676
Four and a half hours.
130
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:02,095
(GROANS)
131
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:04,139
I've got a splitting headache already.
132
00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:08,017
Happy hour!
133
00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:09,519
Mother's Ruin pour moi.
134
00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:13,565
- Long Island Tea.
- And a Stoli and tonic for me.
135
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,237
- Stupid cow!
- Yeah, well, listen to this one.
136
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,239
After we did the ABBA show,
137
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,033
Kevin had one of those
liposuction penis enlargements.
138
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:25,452
- He didn't?
- Yep.
139
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,162
Do you know what they do?
140
00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:29,706
They siphon all the fat
out of your love handles
141
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,708
and actually inject it
into your wing-wang.
142
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,084
Yucky!
143
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:36,504
I suppose it gives a whole new meaning
to cracking a fat, though, doesn't it?
144
00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:38,840
(BOTH LAUGHING)
145
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,384
Oh, listen to yourselves.
146
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:44,512
You sound like two fat slags
at a pie bake-off.
147
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:49,350
Your contribution to the conversation
hasn't exactly made headlines, Bernice.
148
00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:52,228
Gee, poor Kevin's dick.
149
00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:54,105
There can't be much room down there
150
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,691
with his brain taking up
so much space already.
151
00:12:58,652 --> 00:13:01,488
No, I'll join this conversation
on the proviso
152
00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:03,531
that we stop bitching about people,
153
00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:06,826
talking about wigs, dresses, bust sizes,
154
00:13:06,994 --> 00:13:10,497
penises, drugs, nightclubs,
and bloody ABBA.
155
00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:13,917
Doesn't give us much
to talk about then, does it?
156
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:20,298
Hey, can you confirm a rumor for me?
Is it true that her real name's Ralph?
157
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:28,431
How do you like your little boys, girls?
158
00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:34,896
You don't have to answer that
if you don't want to.
159
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,564
BERNADETTE: Oh, my God.
160
00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:38,983
What is this, Outback with Benny Hill?
161
00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:41,945
Just leave mine outside the door
at about 8:00 a.m.,
162
00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:44,739
along with an orange juice
and toast, please.
163
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:47,033
Oh, why, certainly, madam.
164
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:49,744
And would you like
Vegemite orjam with that?
165
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,084
Knock, knock, room service.
166
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,253
MITZl: Can't you read the sign?
Do Not Disturb.
167
00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:01,714
- Please come back in the morning.
- Ha ha, girls! Open the door.
168
00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:04,259
Good night, Bernice.
169
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,845
Good night, Mitzi.
170
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:08,930
Open the fucking door!
171
00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:12,267
(CLANKING)
172
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:16,437
Okay, if you don't open the door,
I'm gonna sing.
173
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,817
Fine. You asked for it.
174
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:23,903
(SINGING)
175
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,385
BERNADETTE: Good night, John Boy.
176
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:48,553
(YELLING)
177
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,393
FELICIA: I'm seriously falling asleep.
178
00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:58,354
It's your shift,
and you're gonna stick to it.
179
00:14:58,522 --> 00:15:01,232
Serves you right
for staying out all night, slut.
180
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,400
I'm not gonna make it.
181
00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:04,569
(SINGING)
182
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,488
FELICIA: Fuck off, Grandma.
183
00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:09,490
You all right?
184
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,493
Me? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just thinking.
185
00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:15,580
(BILLY DON'T BE A HERO PLAYING)
186
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:41,856
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
187
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:48,905
Sorry. Shit!
188
00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:51,366
What is it?
189
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,716
Perhaps we should've flown.
190
00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:29,821
FELICIA: (BUZZING) Wrong,
but thanks for playing. Anyone else?
191
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,782
- BERNADETTE: No.
- Witchetty grub. Your turn.
192
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:36,494
I spy with my little eye
something beginning with "R".
193
00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:39,372
- Rectum.
- No.
194
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,541
- Ring pirate?
- No.
195
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:42,959
Road.
196
00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:45,294
All right, that's it.
What's the matter with you?
197
00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:48,297
- Nothing, darling.
- Don't "darling" me, darling.
198
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:50,383
Look at you.
You got a face like a cat's ass.
199
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:51,759
Now, come on, 'fess up.
200
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:54,303
Just worried about the show, that's all.
201
00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:56,305
We haven't done any rehearsals yet.
202
00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:59,225
We got two weeks, for Christ's sake.
There's plenty of time to rehearse.
203
00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:01,936
- Now what is your problem?
- It's not a problem.
204
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,731
I just want the show
to be good, that's all.
205
00:17:04,898 --> 00:17:05,773
Gotta be good.
206
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:08,192
How the fuck did you get this job,
Mitzi, my darling?
207
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:09,485
I mean, who is the fish that runs
208
00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:11,738
this bloody hotel in the
middle of nowhere, anyway?
209
00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:14,574
- Your mother?
- No, my wife.
210
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,619
Don't tell me you've got an
ex-boyfriend tucked away
211
00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:21,080
- out here somewhere.
- No, my wife.
212
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:23,624
I'm married.
213
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:26,544
(TIRES SCREECHING)
214
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:39,515
And when the joint bank account ran dry
after a couple of years,
215
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:44,729
I guess I preferred her wedding ring
to mine, so no drama.
216
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,315
We swapped and called it a day.
217
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,568
This is getting too weird.
218
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,863
You and a woman.
219
00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:57,325
I mean, what did she
used to do for kicks?
220
00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:59,452
Put a bucket on your head
and swing off the handle?
221
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:00,995
(SIZZLING)
222
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:05,041
There are two things I don't like
about you, Felicia. Your face.
223
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:07,752
So how about shutting both of them?
224
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,963
At least this explains
your abysmal batting average, Mitz.
225
00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:13,966
I often wondered
why your dance card was so empty.
226
00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:15,802
I take it you never got a divorce, then?
227
00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:23,559
Well, girls, what can I say?
Here's to a secret very well-kept.
228
00:18:23,727 --> 00:18:26,562
Shame it's not gonna
stay that way, isn't it?
229
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,858
Got any more little surprises
you'd like to share with us?
230
00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:34,028
Haven't got any kids stashed away
out there as well, have you?
231
00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:42,829
Look, I haven't lied about anything.
232
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:48,459
After six years, I get a phone call
out of nowhere, screaming for help.
233
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:51,254
Christ knows I owe her
a couple of favors.
234
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:57,927
I'm sorry that I never told you.
235
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:01,556
I'm not sorry that you're here.
236
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:11,482
BERNADETTE: Don't worry about it, dolls.
237
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,693
I'm as jealous as all hell.
238
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,080
What?
239
00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:31,460
So was it a big wedding?
Get lots of prezzies, did you?
240
00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,880
I just wish I was old enough
to have been there.
241
00:19:34,047 --> 00:19:35,506
Oh, ha-ha.
242
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:37,800
I would've bought you
a lovely matching set
243
00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:40,011
of hers and hers bathmats or something.
244
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:43,139
- Oh, give it a rest.
- Not on your life.
245
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:47,768
Oh, imagine! Mitzi the Magnificent
and her blushing bride.
246
00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:51,522
Mowing those lawns must've been
murder on your heels, though.
247
00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:53,774
All right, Felicia, that's enough.
248
00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:56,944
Let's put some money in that seething,
cesspool mouth of yours.
249
00:19:57,112 --> 00:20:00,114
If I win this game,
you will never mention my wife
250
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,450
ever in my presence again, okay?
251
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:06,245
- And if I win?
- Name your price.
252
00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:09,540
Well, now, what would I like
more than anything else
253
00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:12,293
in the whole, wide world?
254
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,629
Snap. Better be quick.
255
00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:19,467
(I LOVE THE NIGHT LIFE
(DISCO 'ROUND) PLAYING)
256
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:34,190
What the fuck am I doing?
257
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:38,444
Take that bloody frock off, Felicia.
Don't make it any worse than it is.
258
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:41,072
You think I'm gonna let you walk away
with all the attention?
259
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:44,909
No chance. Come on, girls.
Let's go shopping.
260
00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:48,037
Oh, for Christ's sake.
261
00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:08,182
I just adore these hats.
262
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:10,518
Come on, come on!
263
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:13,980
(WHINING)
264
00:21:29,746 --> 00:21:32,206
You've got to be kidding.
265
00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:36,294
Welcome to Mario's Palace.
Come in, come in.
266
00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:42,633
Come in. What can I do for you?
Would you like a room, madam?
267
00:21:44,052 --> 00:21:48,597
(OPERA MUSIC PLAYING
ON SPEAKERS)
268
00:21:57,316 --> 00:22:00,651
- Subtle.
- Oh, tack-o-rama.
269
00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:02,570
Who the hell does
all the painting around here?
270
00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:06,115
Someone with no arms or right foot,
by the look of things.
271
00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:10,036
For goodness sakes,
get down off that crucifix.
272
00:22:10,203 --> 00:22:11,662
Someone needs the wood.
273
00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:14,582
What have we here?
274
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,754
What fun. Baby bottles of booze.
275
00:22:20,255 --> 00:22:24,759
Oh. Gather round, girls.
Let me show you a trick.
276
00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:26,802
You drink the gin,
277
00:22:33,101 --> 00:22:36,228
fill the bottle up with water,
and put it back in the fridge.
278
00:22:36,396 --> 00:22:38,230
Va t'en vous.
What about the Scotch?
279
00:22:38,398 --> 00:22:42,276
That's where the complimentary teabags
come in handy.
280
00:22:42,444 --> 00:22:44,820
- Very clever.
- Cheers, girls.
281
00:22:44,988 --> 00:22:47,198
And congratulations, Mitzi, darling.
You did it.
282
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:50,868
One lap of the Broken Hill
main drag in drag.
283
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:53,913
That'll teach you to take on
the Fairmont Boys School Snap champion.
284
00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:57,208
Here's to being off that fucking bus.
285
00:22:57,376 --> 00:22:58,459
(SIGHING)
286
00:22:58,627 --> 00:23:00,503
- Chookers.
- Chookers.
287
00:23:03,799 --> 00:23:07,218
So, all dolled up and nowhere to go.
288
00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:10,471
I sure as shit am not gonna sit
in here all evening.
289
00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:11,639
I'm in.
290
00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:20,064
Oh, all right. Here's hoping
they have a decent cocktail bar.
291
00:23:21,066 --> 00:23:22,066
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
292
00:23:41,002 --> 00:23:45,756
Hello. Could I please have
a Stoli and tonic,
293
00:23:45,924 --> 00:23:48,884
a Bloody Mary,
and a lime daiquiri, please?
294
00:23:49,803 --> 00:23:55,266
WOMAN: Well, look what
the cat dragged in.
295
00:23:57,352 --> 00:23:59,353
What have we got here, eh?
296
00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:03,023
A couple of showgirls, have we?
297
00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:08,028
Where did you ladies
come in from? Uranus?
298
00:24:10,031 --> 00:24:13,868
- Could I please have a Stoli...
- No! You can't have.
299
00:24:14,035 --> 00:24:15,703
You can't have nothing.
300
00:24:15,871 --> 00:24:18,205
We've got nothing here
for people like you.
301
00:24:18,373 --> 00:24:19,665
Nothing!
302
00:24:30,051 --> 00:24:32,136
Now listen here, you mullet.
303
00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:36,140
Why don't you just light your tampon
and blow your box apart,
304
00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:39,977
because it's the only bang
you're ever gonna get, sweetheart.
305
00:24:41,771 --> 00:24:45,357
(ALL LAUGHING)
306
00:24:55,535 --> 00:24:58,412
(PIANO PLAYING)
307
00:25:00,248 --> 00:25:03,083
(SINGING DRUNKENLY)
308
00:25:07,422 --> 00:25:10,591
Now, what could be more soothing
309
00:25:11,259 --> 00:25:16,764
than coming home after a
hard day's work down the mine
310
00:25:17,390 --> 00:25:20,518
to the Wo-Man in us all?
311
00:25:20,685 --> 00:25:24,104
Now, don't send any money, okay?
312
00:25:31,071 --> 00:25:32,947
(MEN EXCLAIMING)
313
00:26:04,104 --> 00:26:05,437
ALL: Ooh.
314
00:26:11,528 --> 00:26:13,571
Shit!
315
00:26:14,573 --> 00:26:18,576
All I can see is female impersonators.
316
00:26:25,292 --> 00:26:26,750
This has gotta be a first.
317
00:26:26,918 --> 00:26:30,004
Nobody has ever out-drunk
old Shirl before.
318
00:26:30,171 --> 00:26:32,298
Where'd you learn
to throw them back like that?
319
00:26:32,465 --> 00:26:34,216
That's our girl, Bernadette.
320
00:26:34,384 --> 00:26:37,595
I just knew that stumbling around
the pub circuit with Les Girls
321
00:26:37,762 --> 00:26:39,972
for 200 years
must've taught her something.
322
00:26:40,390 --> 00:26:44,018
- You're a bloody marvel, Bernie.
- Bernadette, please.
323
00:26:44,185 --> 00:26:46,687
- What's that?
- My name isn't Bernie.
324
00:26:46,855 --> 00:26:48,522
She said her name isn't Bernie.
325
00:26:50,358 --> 00:26:51,692
It's Ralph!
326
00:26:56,364 --> 00:26:57,615
Come on.
327
00:27:03,413 --> 00:27:06,707
- What did you call me?
- "What did you call me," what?
328
00:27:07,208 --> 00:27:10,044
What did you call me
back there in the bar?
329
00:27:10,211 --> 00:27:11,629
FELICIA: Sorry, Ralph.
330
00:27:14,549 --> 00:27:15,924
You fucking idiot!
331
00:27:18,386 --> 00:27:19,553
Fuck!
332
00:27:21,181 --> 00:27:23,057
Fuck! Get off me, you fucking...
333
00:27:23,642 --> 00:27:24,350
Fuck!
334
00:27:25,185 --> 00:27:27,811
FELICIA: Don't worry about a fucking
thing. It's only my fucking head.
335
00:27:27,979 --> 00:27:30,439
BERNADETTE: At least the bump on
your head's bigger than your prick.
336
00:27:30,607 --> 00:27:33,067
Why don't you just get fucked,
you stupid old bitch?
337
00:27:33,234 --> 00:27:34,693
Oh, piss off, you little faggot.
338
00:27:34,861 --> 00:27:36,153
You're so bloody boring...
339
00:27:36,321 --> 00:27:38,280
If your mouth was as big as your dick...
340
00:27:59,135 --> 00:28:01,053
- Good morning.
- Morning.
341
00:28:03,431 --> 00:28:05,140
It's funny, you know.
342
00:28:06,476 --> 00:28:09,353
No matter how tough I think I'm getting,
343
00:28:12,107 --> 00:28:13,691
it still hurts.
344
00:28:17,404 --> 00:28:20,698
Hope it still works.
Don't have much call for it out here.
345
00:28:20,865 --> 00:28:23,784
- Where you blokes from?
- Uranus.
346
00:28:23,952 --> 00:28:25,285
Oh, good.
347
00:28:28,581 --> 00:28:30,082
(CAN'T HELP LOVIN'
THAT MAN PLAYING)
348
00:28:35,922 --> 00:28:37,131
There. Left.
349
00:28:37,298 --> 00:28:39,383
I hope you know what you're doing.
350
00:28:39,884 --> 00:28:41,635
If we stick to the sealed road,
351
00:28:41,803 --> 00:28:43,887
we'll be at it for
at least another two days.
352
00:28:48,017 --> 00:28:49,351
Take the shortcut.
353
00:28:58,486 --> 00:29:01,822
(OPERA MUSIC PLAYING)
354
00:29:03,283 --> 00:29:06,326
(LIP-SYNCHING)
355
00:29:43,698 --> 00:29:46,533
One more push,
I'm gonna smack his face so hard,
356
00:29:46,701 --> 00:29:49,369
he'll have to stick his toothbrush
up his ass to clean his teeth.
357
00:29:53,208 --> 00:29:54,875
MITZl: Just lay off.
358
00:29:55,043 --> 00:29:57,252
I told you not to use the "R" word.
359
00:29:57,420 --> 00:30:00,339
- What did you go and do?
- I was only having a bit of fun.
360
00:30:00,507 --> 00:30:03,717
Fun? What else do you do for amusement,
slam your fingers in car doors?
361
00:30:04,010 --> 00:30:05,260
What's the point?
362
00:30:05,428 --> 00:30:08,388
I like seeing people get hotheaded,
okay? It gives me a kick.
363
00:30:08,556 --> 00:30:09,723
Is it true when you were born,
364
00:30:09,891 --> 00:30:11,850
the doctor turned around
and slapped your mother?
365
00:30:13,645 --> 00:30:16,939
What sort of bent childhood did
you have, Adam Whitely?
366
00:30:17,232 --> 00:30:20,150
MAN: Adam? Adam?
367
00:30:23,238 --> 00:30:24,613
Come in here, boy.
368
00:30:26,616 --> 00:30:28,450
Come sit over here.
369
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,580
Would you like to have some fun
with Uncle Barry?
370
00:30:35,083 --> 00:30:37,376
We're gonna play a special game,
371
00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:43,507
but you can't tell anybody
ever, ever, ever, okay?
372
00:30:44,175 --> 00:30:47,469
Now, what I want you to do
is put your hand down here
373
00:30:47,637 --> 00:30:50,264
and pull very gently, okay?
374
00:30:51,599 --> 00:30:53,350
Very gently.
375
00:30:57,188 --> 00:30:59,606
That's good. That's good.
376
00:31:01,109 --> 00:31:02,526
(EXCLAIMING)
377
00:31:02,944 --> 00:31:04,945
Jesus Christ, Adam! Get help!
378
00:31:06,030 --> 00:31:09,533
Adam, Uncle Barry's ping-pongs
are caught in the drain.
379
00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:10,617
Get mummy.
380
00:31:10,785 --> 00:31:12,619
- Get mummy.
- No!
381
00:31:12,787 --> 00:31:14,955
What do you mean, no?
382
00:31:15,123 --> 00:31:17,541
Never, ever, ever, ever!
383
00:31:18,418 --> 00:31:20,294
(BOTH LAUGHING)
384
00:31:20,461 --> 00:31:22,087
You know the best part?
385
00:31:22,255 --> 00:31:23,964
The best part, mum was out playing golf,
386
00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:26,884
and the dirty old fuck was stuck there
for about seven hours.
387
00:31:28,303 --> 00:31:30,137
Oh, and I thought
they were small and wrinkled
388
00:31:30,305 --> 00:31:31,555
before they got in the water.
389
00:31:41,816 --> 00:31:44,902
Hey, I've got a joke.
Who wants to hear a joke?
390
00:31:46,654 --> 00:31:48,405
Come on, Bernice, it's so funny.
391
00:31:48,573 --> 00:31:51,450
You'll laugh so hard,
your lashes will curl all by themselves.
392
00:31:51,618 --> 00:31:54,828
- Do tell us your hilarious joke.
- Okay.
393
00:31:55,663 --> 00:31:58,999
Well, once upon a time, many moons ago,
394
00:31:59,167 --> 00:32:02,586
there was a famous bunch of Indians
called the Fukawi tribe.
395
00:32:02,754 --> 00:32:05,589
And one day,
the son of the great Indian chief
396
00:32:05,757 --> 00:32:07,049
says to his father,
397
00:32:07,216 --> 00:32:10,928
"Dad, why is my friend, Little Hawk,
called Little Hawk?"
398
00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:14,681
- And his father says...
- "Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"
399
00:32:15,516 --> 00:32:19,353
That's not the end of the joke.
So, anyway, back to me.
400
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:21,271
(RATTLING)
401
00:32:22,315 --> 00:32:24,274
- Jesus!
- What's happening?
402
00:32:25,068 --> 00:32:26,485
I don't know.
403
00:32:41,417 --> 00:32:43,377
BERNADETTE: Oh, my God.
404
00:33:01,729 --> 00:33:05,816
Oh, Felicia, where the fuck are we?
405
00:33:12,323 --> 00:33:14,866
(BIRD CAWING)
406
00:33:15,743 --> 00:33:19,037
FELICIA: Shit! Shit! Shit!
407
00:33:34,929 --> 00:33:35,929
Oh, shit.
408
00:33:41,144 --> 00:33:43,020
Well, I've had a look around,
409
00:33:43,187 --> 00:33:45,981
and I think we can safely assume
that I now know less about motors
410
00:33:46,149 --> 00:33:50,110
than I did when I first
lifted up that bonnety thing.
411
00:33:50,528 --> 00:33:51,945
Now what?
412
00:33:52,864 --> 00:33:54,448
Let's just not think about it
for the moment
413
00:33:54,615 --> 00:33:55,949
and eat brekkie, shall we?
414
00:33:56,117 --> 00:34:00,120
Oh, that's a novel idea.
Let's stuff ourselves to death.
415
00:34:00,371 --> 00:34:01,872
Imagine the headlines.
416
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:05,167
"Whales beach themselves in the Outback.
417
00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:08,378
"Mystery bumsticks dead in drag."
418
00:34:08,546 --> 00:34:10,130
Well, there's no point in walking back.
419
00:34:10,298 --> 00:34:11,798
The only life I saw
for the last million miles
420
00:34:11,966 --> 00:34:13,216
were the hypnotized bunnies.
421
00:34:13,384 --> 00:34:15,343
Most of them are now
wedged in the tires.
422
00:34:15,511 --> 00:34:18,847
Well, somebody'll drive past for sure.
We'll keep the fire burning.
423
00:34:19,015 --> 00:34:22,392
Yes, and toast marshmallows and
chill champagne for when they arrive.
424
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:24,436
What if they don't drive past?
425
00:34:24,604 --> 00:34:27,481
Look, you're not helping here.
Just eat your hormones.
426
00:34:27,648 --> 00:34:30,442
Hell! Why didn't we stick
to the main road?
427
00:34:30,610 --> 00:34:34,321
- What difference does it make now?
- You got us into this, Anthony Belrose,
428
00:34:34,489 --> 00:34:37,115
and I suggest you start thinking
about how to get us back,
429
00:34:37,283 --> 00:34:40,744
or I don't fancy your chances
of ever trying to be a husband again.
430
00:34:44,999 --> 00:34:47,501
Jesus. What are we gonna do?
431
00:34:47,668 --> 00:34:49,669
We're gonna start off
with a little facelift.
432
00:34:49,837 --> 00:34:52,339
Nothing like a new frock
to brighten up your day.
433
00:34:56,552 --> 00:35:01,139
- Purple?
- It's not purple, it's lavender.
434
00:35:01,307 --> 00:35:05,519
- What do you think?
- It's nice in a hideous sort of a way.
435
00:35:07,396 --> 00:35:08,897
Where are you going?
436
00:35:09,065 --> 00:35:10,690
If you think I'm going to sit around
437
00:35:10,858 --> 00:35:13,652
watching Picasso take on
the public transport system,
438
00:35:13,820 --> 00:35:15,821
you've got another thing coming.
439
00:35:15,988 --> 00:35:19,157
I'll be back with the cavalry
in a couple of hours.
440
00:35:19,325 --> 00:35:22,702
There goes a transsexual,
last seen heading south.
441
00:35:22,870 --> 00:35:25,205
We call her Bernie,
but her real name was...
442
00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:26,706
Adam.
443
00:36:16,716 --> 00:36:20,427
(BERNADETTE COOING)
444
00:36:31,189 --> 00:36:32,689
(SINGING I WILL SURVIVE)
445
00:36:43,117 --> 00:36:46,077
(HUMMING)
446
00:37:36,504 --> 00:37:38,672
(SCREAMING)
447
00:37:45,888 --> 00:37:50,225
(MITZI HUMMING I WILL SURVIVE)
448
00:38:22,758 --> 00:38:24,759
Help! Help!
449
00:38:26,762 --> 00:38:27,846
- What's that, Pa?
- What?
450
00:38:28,014 --> 00:38:31,766
Out there, you nong.
Looks like a woman.
451
00:38:32,268 --> 00:38:34,602
Help!
452
00:38:37,231 --> 00:38:38,606
Thank God.
453
00:38:44,572 --> 00:38:49,117
Thank you.
I can't tell you how grateful I am.
454
00:38:50,911 --> 00:38:52,495
(SINGING)
455
00:39:07,678 --> 00:39:08,762
You fucking beauty!
456
00:39:19,106 --> 00:39:19,981
Shit!
457
00:39:20,149 --> 00:39:22,859
(SCREAMS) Bernie, I never thought
I'd be so glad to see you!
458
00:39:23,027 --> 00:39:24,819
I wish I could say the same.
459
00:39:25,946 --> 00:39:27,113
I was just drawing up the will.
460
00:39:27,281 --> 00:39:29,657
Come and meet our saviors.
461
00:39:31,369 --> 00:39:34,120
Tony, Adam, this is
Mr. And Mrs. Spencer.
462
00:39:34,288 --> 00:39:35,580
- Hello.
- Hello.
463
00:39:37,792 --> 00:39:39,542
Wait! Stop!
464
00:39:43,464 --> 00:39:44,714
Shit!
465
00:39:47,593 --> 00:39:50,053
Oh, for goodness sakes,
look at yourself, Mitz.
466
00:39:50,805 --> 00:39:53,556
How many times do I have to tell you
green is not your color?
467
00:39:53,724 --> 00:39:56,684
(LAUGHING)
468
00:39:59,522 --> 00:40:01,189
- MITZl: Do you think about Trumpet
much?
469
00:40:01,357 --> 00:40:03,191
- No.
470
00:40:04,985 --> 00:40:07,987
Trumpet was just a nice kid
who had a thing about transsexuals.
471
00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:10,532
Lots of people do.
472
00:40:10,699 --> 00:40:13,326
Sort of bent status symbol, you know?
473
00:40:13,494 --> 00:40:15,787
"Did you know my girlfriend
used to be a boyfriend?"
474
00:40:15,955 --> 00:40:18,748
That sort of thing.
Always good for a supper invite.
475
00:40:19,542 --> 00:40:22,377
Still, it was better than nothing.
476
00:40:25,005 --> 00:40:27,799
Nothing. Nothing for miles.
477
00:40:27,967 --> 00:40:30,677
(FERNANDO PLAYING ON STEREO)
478
00:40:32,430 --> 00:40:34,389
(SINGING)
479
00:40:35,641 --> 00:40:38,059
I've said it before,
and I'll say it again.
480
00:40:38,227 --> 00:40:42,063
- No more fucking ABBA!
- Okay, if we have the time,
481
00:40:42,231 --> 00:40:43,898
we may as well put it to good use.
482
00:40:44,066 --> 00:40:47,694
Come on, girls. Off your snatches.
Rehearsal time.
483
00:40:47,862 --> 00:40:48,903
(HUMMING I WILL SURVIVE)
484
00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:53,867
Okay, two bobs to start with, all right?
485
00:40:54,034 --> 00:40:55,535
Boring.
486
00:40:56,370 --> 00:40:57,996
- Ready?
- (MITZI HUMMING)
487
00:41:04,128 --> 00:41:08,173
- I did this years ago.
- You did it so beautifully,
488
00:41:08,340 --> 00:41:10,175
and, darling, you do it so well.
489
00:41:10,342 --> 00:41:12,260
Come on. Right, from the top.
490
00:41:13,637 --> 00:41:14,554
One, two.
491
00:41:14,722 --> 00:41:16,389
(SINGING)
492
00:41:27,359 --> 00:41:28,443
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
493
00:41:31,906 --> 00:41:32,906
Hello.
494
00:41:34,158 --> 00:41:35,283
Nice night for it.
495
00:41:36,494 --> 00:41:38,369
(GUITAR PLAYING)
496
00:41:39,663 --> 00:41:41,998
(MAN SINGING)
497
00:42:15,699 --> 00:42:17,992
I think we just crashed a party.
498
00:42:19,453 --> 00:42:21,204
No, come on. You'll be all right.
499
00:42:21,372 --> 00:42:23,957
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
500
00:42:34,385 --> 00:42:36,052
Welcome to my office. Have a seat.
501
00:42:48,983 --> 00:42:50,984
Bernice, I don't know what
could've possibly possessed you
502
00:42:51,151 --> 00:42:53,820
- to wear that to a corroboree.
- Shut your face.
503
00:43:10,796 --> 00:43:11,754
Bravo!
504
00:43:11,922 --> 00:43:13,464
Fabulous!
505
00:43:17,970 --> 00:43:21,681
Well, girls, I guess it's our turn.
506
00:43:23,434 --> 00:43:26,019
(I WILL SURVIVE PLAYING)
507
00:43:29,523 --> 00:43:31,190
(LIP-SYNCHING)
508
00:44:39,593 --> 00:44:41,928
(PLAYING ALONG WITH SONG)
509
00:44:43,347 --> 00:44:44,722
Hey, take a look at that.
510
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:51,104
I've got an idea.
511
00:45:08,539 --> 00:45:11,791
(PEOPLE CHANTING IN BACKGROUND)
512
00:45:38,068 --> 00:45:41,070
ALAN: So you actually make money
by dressing up like a woman?
513
00:45:41,613 --> 00:45:45,283
Oh, sure. You can make a
fine living in a pair of heels.
514
00:45:46,034 --> 00:45:47,744
Why, Alan, you want a job?
515
00:45:58,172 --> 00:46:01,799
Oh, if only this dress could talk.
516
00:46:02,384 --> 00:46:04,677
You know, sometimes I wonder
where I get my taste from.
517
00:46:04,845 --> 00:46:06,095
Definitely not my mother.
518
00:46:06,263 --> 00:46:09,599
Oh, well, serves me right for letting
her buy me all those awful clothes.
519
00:46:12,019 --> 00:46:13,227
What's this?
520
00:46:15,189 --> 00:46:18,608
That, my darling, is my most treasured
possession in the whole, wide world.
521
00:46:19,276 --> 00:46:20,485
But what is it?
522
00:46:21,487 --> 00:46:22,528
Well, a few years ago,
523
00:46:22,696 --> 00:46:25,072
I went on a pilgrimage
backstage to an ABBA concert
524
00:46:25,240 --> 00:46:28,201
hoping to grab an audience
with Her Royal Highness Agnetha.
525
00:46:28,368 --> 00:46:31,037
Well, when I saw her
ducking into the ladies loo,
526
00:46:31,205 --> 00:46:32,872
naturally I followed her in.
527
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:36,375
And after she'd finished her business,
I ducked into the cubicle,
528
00:46:36,543 --> 00:46:39,378
only to find she'd left me a little gift
sitting in the toilet bowl.
529
00:46:40,798 --> 00:46:45,510
What are you telling me?
This is an ABBA turd?
530
00:46:48,889 --> 00:46:50,389
I know what we can do with this.
531
00:46:52,059 --> 00:46:55,144
- Are you right?
- Hang on.
532
00:46:56,146 --> 00:46:57,730
Okay, go!
533
00:46:59,900 --> 00:47:01,943
(WHOOPING)
534
00:47:19,753 --> 00:47:20,753
There!
535
00:47:21,421 --> 00:47:22,964
(WHOOPING)
536
00:47:51,493 --> 00:47:54,328
Afternoon. What seems
to be the problem?
537
00:47:55,205 --> 00:47:57,081
(DOG BARKING)
538
00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:03,170
What a nice dog. What's its name?
539
00:48:03,630 --> 00:48:04,672
Herpes.
540
00:48:06,508 --> 00:48:08,801
If she's good, she'll heel.
541
00:48:11,388 --> 00:48:14,974
Things get pretty quiet around here.
We're a bit starved for entertainment.
542
00:48:15,142 --> 00:48:18,311
Glad we could oblige. How does it look?
543
00:48:20,647 --> 00:48:23,149
Your gas tank's
chockablock full of crud.
544
00:48:23,317 --> 00:48:27,278
Traveling on a rough road on a low tank
chucked it all up into the motor.
545
00:48:27,446 --> 00:48:29,906
Your fuel line's blocked,
injectors are stuffed.
546
00:48:30,073 --> 00:48:33,451
- So does that mean you can fix it?
- In the short term.
547
00:48:34,453 --> 00:48:37,079
What you blokes need is a new gas tank.
548
00:48:37,748 --> 00:48:39,123
Don't suppose you have one lying around?
549
00:48:39,291 --> 00:48:41,208
(CHUCKLING) No, sorry.
550
00:48:41,376 --> 00:48:43,461
You could pick one up
in Coober Pedy in about a week.
551
00:48:43,629 --> 00:48:44,837
When do you have to be in Alice?
552
00:48:45,714 --> 00:48:47,423
Six days.
553
00:48:48,467 --> 00:48:50,885
Well, we can clear it out
and hope for the best.
554
00:48:51,553 --> 00:48:55,097
You might make it.
Won't know unless you give it a try.
555
00:48:56,183 --> 00:48:58,267
WOMAN: Refreshments!
556
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:00,478
Lemonade, here I make.
557
00:49:01,021 --> 00:49:03,606
That's very nice, darling.
Please, go back inside.
558
00:49:03,774 --> 00:49:06,609
Lemonade, here I make.
Lemonade for guests.
559
00:49:06,777 --> 00:49:09,695
- No, darling, please.
- (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
560
00:49:09,863 --> 00:49:11,864
I made chocolate cracker.
561
00:49:15,369 --> 00:49:16,661
Thank you.
562
00:49:17,913 --> 00:49:20,122
- We put cream on?
- No, no.
563
00:49:20,290 --> 00:49:22,458
It's a face cream. For face.
564
00:49:24,044 --> 00:49:27,254
Bob, Cynthia, thank you.
565
00:49:28,423 --> 00:49:30,383
I love lamb with meringue.
566
00:49:30,550 --> 00:49:31,884
BOB: Thank you for the company.
567
00:49:32,052 --> 00:49:35,554
Like I said earlier, new faces
are pretty hard to come by out here.
568
00:49:35,722 --> 00:49:37,807
If you don't mind me asking,
what are you doing off the highway?
569
00:49:37,975 --> 00:49:39,600
Well, now, that's a
bloody good question.
570
00:49:40,978 --> 00:49:43,729
Glad you bothered.
Don't get your type out here very often.
571
00:49:45,857 --> 00:49:50,194
- Me like to sing, too. Me like...
- Yeah, pretty damn quiet.
572
00:49:50,362 --> 00:49:52,363
Thought of opening
a video business for a while.
573
00:49:52,531 --> 00:49:54,740
But I suppose we gotta wait
to get television first.
574
00:49:54,908 --> 00:49:57,201
Me perform for you. Me dance, too.
575
00:49:57,369 --> 00:50:00,496
My wife used to be
in the entertainment business.
576
00:50:00,664 --> 00:50:05,084
- Yeah. You perform here?
- You're thinking of performing here?
577
00:50:05,252 --> 00:50:07,253
I mean, you've got to be here
at least another night.
578
00:50:07,421 --> 00:50:11,257
Um... the thought hadn't really
crossed my mind.
579
00:50:11,425 --> 00:50:13,634
Well, why not? I could have a word
with Wally at the pub.
580
00:50:13,802 --> 00:50:15,428
Everybody would love it.
581
00:50:16,513 --> 00:50:19,682
I'm not sure our show
would go down too well out here.
582
00:50:21,685 --> 00:50:24,103
If you don't mind me asking,
what kind of cabaret do you do?
583
00:50:24,271 --> 00:50:26,439
We dress up in women's clothes
and parade around
584
00:50:26,606 --> 00:50:28,983
mouthing the words
to other people's songs.
585
00:50:29,735 --> 00:50:32,695
You mean sort of like those...
What do they call them...
586
00:50:32,863 --> 00:50:34,030
Les Girls.
587
00:50:34,948 --> 00:50:35,865
Oh, yeah, I've seen them,
588
00:50:36,033 --> 00:50:37,867
way back in Sydney
when I was a young bloke.
589
00:50:38,035 --> 00:50:41,746
- Fantastic. Just terrific.
- Bob, you are looking
590
00:50:41,913 --> 00:50:44,290
at probably the most famous Le Girl
591
00:50:44,458 --> 00:50:45,833
ever produced.
592
00:50:46,001 --> 00:50:48,669
- BOB: You're kidding me.
- Give me a break.
593
00:50:48,837 --> 00:50:51,797
- I was never that famous.
- I am not joking.
594
00:50:51,965 --> 00:50:54,967
What? I mean, I wouldn't really
have seen you, but...
595
00:50:55,135 --> 00:50:58,095
- That must've been 30 years back.
- Oh, you'd be surprised.
596
00:50:58,638 --> 00:51:00,306
Me perform for you. Me sing.
597
00:51:00,474 --> 00:51:03,267
No, Cynthia, you no perform.
They perform, not you.
598
00:51:03,435 --> 00:51:05,144
(SCOLDING IN
FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
599
00:51:10,317 --> 00:51:15,154
Well, a real, live Les Girls show.
Right. This calls for a celebration.
600
00:51:16,740 --> 00:51:18,199
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
601
00:51:19,242 --> 00:51:22,495
- Maybe this isn't such a good idea.
- Oh, shut your twat.
602
00:51:22,662 --> 00:51:25,331
Our frocks were the sensation
of Broken Hill, remember?
603
00:51:25,832 --> 00:51:29,752
There was a Kmart in Broken Hill.
At least they knew what a frock was.
604
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:32,171
Christ, you should see
what this woman's wearing.
605
00:51:32,339 --> 00:51:34,548
It's not a frock,
it's a piece of corrugated iron.
606
00:51:37,677 --> 00:51:38,677
(KNOCKING)
607
00:51:39,554 --> 00:51:41,889
- Can I come in?
- FELICIA: Only if you're single.
608
00:51:48,271 --> 00:51:50,564
Oh, you look incredible.
609
00:51:51,691 --> 00:51:52,942
Where did we find this guy?
610
00:51:53,110 --> 00:51:54,819
You just keep dishing out
the compliments, Bob.
611
00:51:54,986 --> 00:51:58,364
Flattery will get you everywhere.
And where's that lovely wife of yours?
612
00:51:58,532 --> 00:51:59,782
She's at home.
613
00:51:59,950 --> 00:52:01,951
She's not allowed in the pub anymore.
614
00:52:02,119 --> 00:52:03,869
Really? Why?
615
00:52:05,038 --> 00:52:06,539
She had a problem with alcohol.
616
00:52:06,706 --> 00:52:09,375
Every time she gets in the pub,
she makes a complete fool of herself.
617
00:52:09,543 --> 00:52:11,418
I know how she feels.
618
00:52:13,672 --> 00:52:15,881
Well, we're all waiting. You ready?
619
00:52:16,883 --> 00:52:20,719
Bob, we're having second thoughts.
620
00:52:22,139 --> 00:52:25,057
You can't back out now.
Every man and his dog's out there.
621
00:52:25,225 --> 00:52:27,101
They're not chained up, by any chance?
622
00:52:27,269 --> 00:52:30,146
You blokes. Sorry. You girls.
623
00:52:30,313 --> 00:52:32,857
Look, you'll be fine.
Take my word for it.
624
00:52:34,568 --> 00:52:37,153
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
625
00:52:40,031 --> 00:52:42,533
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
626
00:52:49,916 --> 00:52:51,458
(SCREAMING)
627
00:53:09,102 --> 00:53:12,146
(SHAKE YOUR GROOVE THING
PLAYING)
628
00:53:28,163 --> 00:53:29,288
(LIP-SYNCHING)
629
00:53:48,225 --> 00:53:49,350
Yeah!
630
00:53:52,145 --> 00:53:53,479
MAN: Yeah, right.
631
00:53:56,816 --> 00:53:59,944
(ALL CHEERING)
632
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:40,442
What the hell is going on?
633
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:07,136
Oh, she's not...
634
00:55:07,512 --> 00:55:08,679
Is she?
635
00:55:10,932 --> 00:55:13,434
Oh, you can't do that
with a ping-pong ball.
636
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:17,313
You wanna bet?
637
00:55:27,991 --> 00:55:29,950
(GASPING)
638
00:55:47,677 --> 00:55:49,636
(SCREAMING)
639
00:55:59,564 --> 00:56:00,481
I'm going!
640
00:56:00,648 --> 00:56:02,775
Darling, don't go.
There's nothing we can't work out.
641
00:56:02,942 --> 00:56:05,235
- You no good man.
- Don't be silly.
642
00:56:05,695 --> 00:56:08,739
You want good wife?
You be good husband.
643
00:56:08,907 --> 00:56:09,990
Darling, don't go.
644
00:56:11,284 --> 00:56:14,661
I no like you anyway.
You got little ding-a-ling.
645
00:56:29,594 --> 00:56:31,720
Some days you just
shouldn't get out of bed.
646
00:56:32,806 --> 00:56:34,556
In my opinion, you should wait here
647
00:56:34,724 --> 00:56:37,476
until I get back from Coober Pedy
with a new gas tank.
648
00:56:37,644 --> 00:56:40,813
Then again, you listened
to my last opinion.
649
00:56:41,189 --> 00:56:44,566
Forget it, Bob.
It's time we made a move.
650
00:56:44,734 --> 00:56:47,194
I'm just a gifted amateur round here.
651
00:56:47,362 --> 00:56:49,405
There's no way a nice frock
and a catchy tune
652
00:56:49,572 --> 00:56:51,240
can compete with three ping-pong balls,
653
00:56:51,408 --> 00:56:52,699
two cigarettes, and a pint of beer.
654
00:56:52,867 --> 00:56:54,785
If we break down, we break down.
I'll play it safe
655
00:56:54,953 --> 00:56:56,328
and stick to the main drag.
656
00:56:56,496 --> 00:56:59,081
Pardon the pun. Well, good-bye, Bob.
657
00:56:59,249 --> 00:57:01,500
Thanks for a very educational stay.
658
00:57:01,668 --> 00:57:04,002
Yes, I'd do anything to be able
to open a bottle like that.
659
00:57:05,296 --> 00:57:09,174
Bernadette, it's certainly been an honor
meeting a member of Les Girls.
660
00:57:09,342 --> 00:57:12,344
And may I say it's been an honor
to meet a gentleman.
661
00:57:12,512 --> 00:57:16,849
Believe me, Bob, these days
gentlemen are an endangered species.
662
00:57:19,853 --> 00:57:23,647
Unlike bloody drag queens,
who just keep breeding like rabbits.
663
00:57:23,815 --> 00:57:25,691
(LAUGHING)
664
00:57:30,196 --> 00:57:31,196
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
665
00:57:31,364 --> 00:57:32,698
FELICIA: Oh, fuck it!
666
00:57:34,409 --> 00:57:38,162
Bob, fancy a free ride to Coober Pedy?
667
00:57:44,043 --> 00:57:46,378
FELICIA: Now listen, Bob,
let's get one thing straight.
668
00:57:46,546 --> 00:57:48,005
We may wear the frocks around here,
669
00:57:48,173 --> 00:57:50,674
but that doesn't mean that
you wear the pants.
670
00:57:50,842 --> 00:57:52,801
Right. Where will I sleep?
671
00:57:52,969 --> 00:57:54,761
Oh, anywhere that takes your fancy.
672
00:57:55,472 --> 00:57:56,972
The roof will do me fine.
673
00:57:58,475 --> 00:58:01,894
Thank you, Bob.
I don't know what to say.
674
00:58:02,061 --> 00:58:05,981
That's all right. Might as well get
there a few days earlier. Bit of R&R.
675
00:58:07,484 --> 00:58:09,568
God knows I need it.
676
00:58:33,051 --> 00:58:36,553
Can I ask you a personal question?
I mean, if you don't mind.
677
00:58:36,721 --> 00:58:37,930
Sure.
678
00:58:38,848 --> 00:58:42,851
Why? Why do you, you know...
679
00:58:44,938 --> 00:58:47,773
You mean, the $64,000 question?
680
00:58:47,941 --> 00:58:51,568
That's a girl.
Now, don't tear the wrapping paper.
681
00:58:51,736 --> 00:58:55,280
Just slide the ribbon off, and we can
see what Santa's brought you.
682
00:58:55,448 --> 00:58:59,618
Here it comes now. What is it?
683
00:58:59,786 --> 00:59:02,204
Oh, it's a... It's a...
684
00:59:04,707 --> 00:59:06,542
Cement mixer.
685
00:59:08,586 --> 00:59:12,381
Have you been changing
the cards around again, Ralph?
686
00:59:16,553 --> 00:59:19,054
So, I guess I had
no choice in the matter.
687
00:59:19,222 --> 00:59:22,516
FELICIA: Oh, for fuck's sake! Watch
where you're driving, you stupid bitch!
688
00:59:22,684 --> 00:59:24,518
What are you trying to do?
Fucking kill me or something?
689
00:59:24,686 --> 00:59:25,644
My fault.
690
00:59:25,812 --> 00:59:28,939
I'm sorry, Bob.
I thought it was Bernadette.
691
00:59:31,943 --> 00:59:35,696
One, two, three.
692
00:59:35,863 --> 00:59:37,489
Now, you're getting it.
693
00:59:37,657 --> 00:59:39,992
- Who taught you to waltz?
- My wife.
694
00:59:40,159 --> 00:59:41,201
Oh, how sweet.
695
00:59:41,369 --> 00:59:43,996
You and the missus, down at
Arthur Murray's every Tuesday night,
696
00:59:44,163 --> 00:59:45,622
practicing your little hearts out.
697
00:59:45,790 --> 00:59:47,958
- Makes me wanna sick up.
- She's a better dancer than you...
698
00:59:48,126 --> 00:59:51,712
- Married?
- Yes, married.
699
00:59:51,879 --> 00:59:55,465
We've only recently discovered young
Anthony here bats for both teams.
700
00:59:55,633 --> 00:59:58,677
- I do not.
- Oh, so we're straight.
701
00:59:58,845 --> 01:00:00,262
- No.
- Oh, we're not?
702
01:00:00,430 --> 01:00:01,847
So, we're a donut puncher after all?
703
01:00:02,015 --> 01:00:03,682
- No.
- Then what the hell are we?
704
01:00:03,850 --> 01:00:05,601
I don't fucking know!
705
01:00:08,438 --> 01:00:09,521
What the fuck's that?
706
01:00:15,194 --> 01:00:16,653
Good evening.
707
01:00:17,655 --> 01:00:19,031
Nice night for it.
708
01:00:20,575 --> 01:00:22,492
Oh, okay. Good night then.
709
01:00:23,703 --> 01:00:25,203
BERNADETTE: What a rude woman.
710
01:00:26,289 --> 01:00:29,541
(WIND WHISTLING)
711
01:00:35,798 --> 01:00:39,134
And that's the power steering pump,
that's the radiator fan.
712
01:00:39,302 --> 01:00:41,136
- How interesting.
- Simple.
713
01:00:42,138 --> 01:00:45,015
BOB: That's the rubber band
that ties the whole thing together.
714
01:00:45,183 --> 01:00:46,725
(EXCLAIMING)
715
01:00:49,103 --> 01:00:51,271
Hey, who wants first bath?
716
01:00:51,564 --> 01:00:53,023
(WHOOPING)
717
01:01:07,705 --> 01:01:10,207
- I won!
- (CHIRPING)
718
01:01:19,425 --> 01:01:20,717
Can I help you, ma'am?
719
01:01:30,937 --> 01:01:32,771
Okay, turn her over.
720
01:01:37,777 --> 01:01:40,153
(RATTLING)
721
01:01:49,956 --> 01:01:51,748
(I DON'T CARE IF
THE SUN DON'T SHINE PLAYING)
722
01:01:51,916 --> 01:01:52,916
(LIP-SYNCHING)
723
01:02:39,130 --> 01:02:40,589
(GIGGLING)
724
01:02:55,271 --> 01:02:56,646
BOB: That's it over there.
725
01:02:57,231 --> 01:02:58,982
It's an okay room with a shower.
726
01:02:59,150 --> 01:03:00,025
- FELICIA: I'm first!
- MITZl: I'm first!
727
01:03:00,193 --> 01:03:02,152
MITZl: Is hot water all
you can ever think about?
728
01:03:02,320 --> 01:03:05,655
BERNICE: No. A shower, a comfortable
bed, and a nice meal will do me fine.
729
01:03:05,823 --> 01:03:08,200
FELICIA: You think I'm gonna crawl
into the sack and watch television,
730
01:03:08,367 --> 01:03:11,495
- you got another thing coming.
- Now, look, you blokes watch your back.
731
01:03:11,662 --> 01:03:13,330
This is a pretty tough little town.
732
01:03:13,498 --> 01:03:14,706
They get up in the morning,
they go down a hole,
733
01:03:14,874 --> 01:03:16,458
they blow things up,
and they come up again.
734
01:03:16,626 --> 01:03:18,710
- That about sums things up.
- Fabulous!
735
01:03:18,878 --> 01:03:22,088
You're welcome to hang out with us, Bob,
if you've got nothing better to do.
736
01:03:22,256 --> 01:03:26,384
Yeah, I'm meeting some of the boys
at the old drive-in for a booze-up,
737
01:03:26,552 --> 01:03:28,553
- like the old days.
- I wanna go with Bob.
738
01:03:28,721 --> 01:03:30,347
I wanna go to the boys club!
I wanna go with Bob!
739
01:03:30,515 --> 01:03:32,307
You come and have supper
with us, Adam Whitely,
740
01:03:32,475 --> 01:03:35,018
or you'll stay in your room
by yourself and watch TV.
741
01:04:02,588 --> 01:04:06,341
- He's a good man, our Bob.
- Yeah.
742
01:04:07,635 --> 01:04:09,219
Not my type, though.
743
01:04:09,387 --> 01:04:12,639
Oh, don't come the raw prawn with me.
744
01:04:12,807 --> 01:04:15,684
I can spot the fluttering of a
beaded lash from 300 paces.
745
01:04:15,852 --> 01:04:19,437
Oh, get out. He's far too old.
746
01:04:20,606 --> 01:04:22,440
Mind you, so am I.
747
01:04:23,818 --> 01:04:25,735
Did you catch that mail-order bride?
748
01:04:27,989 --> 01:04:30,490
Why'd he marry? I'm dying to ask.
749
01:04:32,869 --> 01:04:34,786
- Sorry.
- That's all right.
750
01:04:34,954 --> 01:04:39,624
Don't worry about it.
You're the world's best husband.
751
01:04:39,792 --> 01:04:43,044
Given the chance,
a perfectly good father, too.
752
01:04:44,505 --> 01:04:46,131
Do you really think so?
753
01:04:46,299 --> 01:04:49,134
Why? Thinking about children?
754
01:04:50,261 --> 01:04:51,803
Yes, as a matter of fact.
755
01:05:09,822 --> 01:05:12,490
Do you have
The Texas Chainsaw Mascara?
756
01:05:16,329 --> 01:05:17,829
You ever wanted kids?
757
01:05:17,997 --> 01:05:21,958
Sure. But I've learnt not
to think about it.
758
01:05:25,338 --> 01:05:28,381
Do you think an old queen's
capable of raising a child?
759
01:05:28,549 --> 01:05:32,093
Well, Elizabeth did a pretty good job.
760
01:05:32,261 --> 01:05:34,179
Prince Charles is a wonderful boy.
761
01:05:34,805 --> 01:05:37,140
Edward's still a bit of a worry.
762
01:05:39,560 --> 01:05:41,603
What happens if they turn out like Adam?
763
01:05:42,730 --> 01:05:45,065
You stuff them back in
and ask for a refund.
764
01:05:48,736 --> 01:05:50,695
Stupid little shit.
765
01:05:51,739 --> 01:05:53,865
I dread to think what he's up to.
766
01:05:54,033 --> 01:05:56,826
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
767
01:06:02,083 --> 01:06:03,375
(BOTH LAUGHING)
768
01:06:22,269 --> 01:06:26,064
Hello. I'm new in town.
769
01:06:27,066 --> 01:06:28,400
No kidding.
770
01:06:29,568 --> 01:06:32,570
Could I have a Bloody Mary, please?
771
01:06:32,738 --> 01:06:35,991
It's a beer or nothing, sweetheart.
772
01:06:37,410 --> 01:06:39,077
Well, I better have a beer then.
773
01:06:40,913 --> 01:06:41,913
Cheers.
774
01:06:46,293 --> 01:06:48,086
What are you all looking at?
775
01:06:51,257 --> 01:06:52,590
I'm sorry.
776
01:06:54,135 --> 01:06:57,971
We didn't mean to stare.
We don't usually get women down here.
777
01:06:58,931 --> 01:07:00,098
Oh.
778
01:07:01,267 --> 01:07:05,687
So what do women do around here
besides watching videos?
779
01:07:07,732 --> 01:07:10,650
Well, well, well. Look who we have here.
780
01:07:12,903 --> 01:07:14,279
You know that bloke, do you?
781
01:07:19,160 --> 01:07:20,243
No.
782
01:07:22,121 --> 01:07:25,790
So, who's gonna show me the sights?
783
01:07:27,835 --> 01:07:31,296
- Be my pleasure.
- Oh.
784
01:07:34,216 --> 01:07:35,717
So how about it?
785
01:07:39,138 --> 01:07:41,598
Well, I suppose a fuck's
now out of the question.
786
01:07:46,979 --> 01:07:48,480
MAN: Get her, Frank!
787
01:07:51,525 --> 01:07:55,278
FELICIA: Come on, boys.
Who wants to see my map of Tasmania?
788
01:07:56,155 --> 01:07:58,448
So I never got a chance
to tell my parents
789
01:07:58,616 --> 01:08:00,325
what a wonderful childhood I'd had.
790
01:08:03,537 --> 01:08:07,665
They never spoke to me again
after I'd had the chop.
791
01:08:12,797 --> 01:08:15,507
I think I have something to tell you.
792
01:08:15,674 --> 01:08:17,801
(FELICIA GIGGLING)
793
01:08:17,968 --> 01:08:19,427
Oh, shit.
794
01:08:33,234 --> 01:08:35,985
Okay, fellows.
Let's not forget how to treat a lady.
795
01:08:36,153 --> 01:08:37,362
You fucking freak!
796
01:08:42,034 --> 01:08:43,326
Hold him down.
797
01:08:43,494 --> 01:08:45,995
- Spread his legs.
- No, please.
798
01:08:48,415 --> 01:08:50,416
Frank, stop!
799
01:08:50,584 --> 01:08:53,711
Stop! What the fuck
do you think you're doing?
800
01:08:53,879 --> 01:08:55,588
You mean you do know this cocksucker?
801
01:08:55,756 --> 01:08:57,590
Get off him, you mongrel.
802
01:08:58,425 --> 01:09:01,928
He was joking, okay?
Now you leave the little bugger alone.
803
01:09:02,096 --> 01:09:05,056
- Get out of here, Bob.
- Cut it out, Frank.
804
01:09:05,224 --> 01:09:07,767
Put the faggot down
and get the fuck out of there, Bob,
805
01:09:07,935 --> 01:09:09,352
- or you'll be next.
- Frank.
806
01:09:09,520 --> 01:09:10,728
Get out of there!
807
01:09:10,896 --> 01:09:14,983
Stop flexing your muscles,
you big pile of budgie turd.
808
01:09:15,151 --> 01:09:17,193
I'm sure your mates
will be much more impressed
809
01:09:17,361 --> 01:09:21,197
if you just go back to the pub
and fuck a couple of pigs on the bar.
810
01:09:21,365 --> 01:09:22,866
Bernadette, please.
811
01:09:23,033 --> 01:09:25,326
Bernadette?
812
01:09:25,494 --> 01:09:29,247
Well, I'll be darned.
The whole circus is in town.
813
01:09:29,415 --> 01:09:31,749
I suppose you wanna fuck, too, do you?
814
01:09:31,917 --> 01:09:35,545
Come on, Bernadette.
Come and fuck me. That's it.
815
01:09:37,339 --> 01:09:40,633
Come on. Come and fuck me. Come on.
816
01:09:42,887 --> 01:09:44,053
Fuck me.
817
01:09:50,060 --> 01:09:52,896
There. Now you're fucked.
818
01:09:53,856 --> 01:09:56,691
MITZl: You stupid, bloody idiot.
Drugs, for Christ's sake!
819
01:09:56,859 --> 01:10:00,361
Well, three cheers for you!
I hope you're bloody well happy now.
820
01:10:01,697 --> 01:10:02,697
Stupid, bloody fuckwit.
821
01:10:04,617 --> 01:10:06,492
(SOBBING)
822
01:10:07,912 --> 01:10:09,120
It's funny.
823
01:10:10,456 --> 01:10:11,456
We all sit around
824
01:10:11,624 --> 01:10:15,543
mindlessly slagging off
that vile stinkhole of a city.
825
01:10:17,254 --> 01:10:19,797
But in some strange way,
it takes care of us.
826
01:10:21,634 --> 01:10:23,551
I don't know if that
ugly wall of suburbia
827
01:10:23,719 --> 01:10:29,307
has been put there to
stop them getting in or us getting out.
828
01:10:32,811 --> 01:10:33,895
Come on.
829
01:10:35,689 --> 01:10:37,398
Don't let it drag you down.
830
01:10:38,525 --> 01:10:39,984
Let it toughen you up.
831
01:10:41,570 --> 01:10:43,905
I can only fight
because I've learned to.
832
01:10:45,449 --> 01:10:47,158
Being a man one day
and a woman the next
833
01:10:47,326 --> 01:10:49,410
is not an easy thing to do.
834
01:10:52,498 --> 01:10:55,250
- Sorry. Can't help you.
- No worries, mate.
835
01:10:59,004 --> 01:11:01,506
Well, are we bunny-hopping
all the way to Alice?
836
01:11:01,674 --> 01:11:04,801
No good. He says the man to help us
is a fair way out of town.
837
01:11:04,969 --> 01:11:06,344
Like how fair?
838
01:11:06,512 --> 01:11:08,388
Couple of hundred klicks fair.
839
01:11:08,555 --> 01:11:10,974
No matter. Got nothing else to do today.
840
01:11:11,141 --> 01:11:12,809
Let's get out of here.
841
01:11:12,977 --> 01:11:14,769
Come on, Adam, we're not here.
842
01:11:21,360 --> 01:11:24,195
(A FINE ROMANCE PLAYING)
843
01:11:43,757 --> 01:11:46,009
Some things are said
in the heat of the moment.
844
01:11:50,222 --> 01:11:52,307
I'm sorry I got angry
with you last night,
845
01:11:53,559 --> 01:11:55,393
although I daresay you deserved it.
846
01:11:56,395 --> 01:11:58,271
Anyway, that's enough of that.
847
01:12:00,149 --> 01:12:03,484
This is quite an experience,
sitting here with you now.
848
01:12:03,652 --> 01:12:08,156
I quite safely say that
I think your taste in clothing
849
01:12:08,324 --> 01:12:11,784
is absolutely terrible,
because you can't say a word, can you?
850
01:12:13,370 --> 01:12:15,413
Oh, this is great fun!
851
01:12:19,752 --> 01:12:20,835
We're going to have a problem
852
01:12:21,003 --> 01:12:22,670
finding this guy
with the tank, aren't we?
853
01:12:22,838 --> 01:12:25,381
- Why do you say that?
- Because he's not out here.
854
01:12:25,549 --> 01:12:27,759
He's out here. He's in Alice.
855
01:12:29,261 --> 01:12:31,888
Well, I can't go back
to Coober Pedy for a while.
856
01:12:32,056 --> 01:12:34,932
Not the most popular bloke
in the world back there anymore.
857
01:12:37,478 --> 01:12:38,895
(GASPING)
858
01:12:48,113 --> 01:12:49,447
Hello.
859
01:12:49,615 --> 01:12:53,201
- Hello.
- Who are you?
860
01:12:53,369 --> 01:12:55,286
I your wife.
861
01:12:57,915 --> 01:13:01,918
- Guess I'll be going home then.
- No, you no going. I coming, too.
862
01:13:02,086 --> 01:13:03,961
I your wife, see?
863
01:13:04,129 --> 01:13:05,630
I your wife!
864
01:13:05,798 --> 01:13:07,048
Silly girl.
865
01:13:08,801 --> 01:13:10,134
Should have done her homework better.
866
01:13:10,302 --> 01:13:11,469
(LAUGHING)
867
01:13:11,637 --> 01:13:13,721
She thought I was from Sydney.
868
01:13:13,972 --> 01:13:16,099
Why in God's name
did you bring her home?
869
01:13:16,975 --> 01:13:20,311
- She was me wife.
- Couldn't you sell her off?
870
01:13:20,479 --> 01:13:22,480
Oh, the party's over, everyone.
871
01:13:22,648 --> 01:13:25,983
It talks. Can't keep a good bitch down.
872
01:13:26,985 --> 01:13:28,653
What time do you reckon
we'll be in Alice Springs?
873
01:13:29,655 --> 01:13:31,572
Late tomorrow arvo.
874
01:13:31,740 --> 01:13:33,783
How long do you think you'll be staying?
875
01:13:33,992 --> 01:13:37,495
I don't know. Couple of days, maybe.
876
01:13:37,663 --> 01:13:41,165
Hey, big day for you tomorrow, eh?
We all get to meet the missus.
877
01:13:41,333 --> 01:13:45,878
I saw that smile, Felicia.
One word, one derogatory word,
878
01:13:46,046 --> 01:13:48,589
and I'm gonna take you back
to your mate in Coober Pedy.
879
01:13:50,426 --> 01:13:52,176
Look, please, everyone.
Tomorrow's gonna be a little tough.
880
01:13:52,344 --> 01:13:54,178
Please don't make it any harder
than it has to be.
881
01:13:54,346 --> 01:13:55,304
We're only teasing.
882
01:13:55,472 --> 01:13:57,974
We won't open our mouths
until you give the word.
883
01:13:59,101 --> 01:14:00,268
Then it's open season.
884
01:14:14,825 --> 01:14:16,951
Oh, well, time for bed.
885
01:14:17,119 --> 01:14:18,870
I've got to look good for the wife
in the morning.
886
01:14:19,037 --> 01:14:20,621
Come along, Adam.
Time for your beauty sleep.
887
01:14:20,789 --> 01:14:22,874
- (GROANS)
- Come on.
888
01:14:24,251 --> 01:14:25,793
Will you two be joining us?
889
01:14:28,046 --> 01:14:29,839
I just thought I'd have one
for the road.
890
01:14:30,007 --> 01:14:33,092
- How about you, Bob?
- Sounds good to me.
891
01:14:33,260 --> 01:14:35,636
All right, then. See you in the morning.
892
01:14:36,096 --> 01:14:37,221
Good night.
893
01:14:39,850 --> 01:14:42,894
- Another piece of cake, Bob?
- No.
894
01:14:48,233 --> 01:14:52,320
So, tell me about you.
895
01:14:53,864 --> 01:14:57,366
BOB: Can't complain.
Life's a lot simpler now.
896
01:14:57,534 --> 01:15:00,578
I spent 30 years
wandering around the world
897
01:15:00,746 --> 01:15:04,415
only to find that I was better off
where I started.
898
01:15:05,918 --> 01:15:07,502
Not much, but it's my turf.
899
01:15:08,170 --> 01:15:09,253
(GRUNTING) Shit!
900
01:15:24,269 --> 01:15:28,648
Adam.
901
01:15:29,900 --> 01:15:33,027
- What?
- Guess who didn't come home last night.
902
01:15:39,952 --> 01:15:42,954
I've waited all my life for this.
903
01:15:43,121 --> 01:15:46,624
Bernice has left her cake
out in the rain.
904
01:15:47,793 --> 01:15:50,962
(BOTH LAUGHING)
905
01:15:52,464 --> 01:15:54,840
(BOTH SINGING HAVA NAGILA)
906
01:16:07,312 --> 01:16:10,606
(HAVA NAGILA PLAYING)
907
01:16:28,792 --> 01:16:30,334
My fucking back's killing me.
908
01:16:30,836 --> 01:16:32,378
I need a crap.
909
01:16:32,546 --> 01:16:34,964
- Look, do you want me to go in?
- No, no, I'll go.
910
01:16:37,634 --> 01:16:39,635
Excuse me, sir.
You can't park your bus here.
911
01:16:39,803 --> 01:16:41,637
Are you planning on
staying at the hotel?
912
01:16:41,805 --> 01:16:44,807
Sorry. Could you direct me
to Marion Barber, please?
913
01:16:45,309 --> 01:16:47,852
- We're the cabaret act from Sydney.
- Oh, right. Right, yeah.
914
01:16:48,020 --> 01:16:49,812
Just go through to Reception,
and they'll take you right through.
915
01:16:49,980 --> 01:16:51,147
- Thanks.
- No worries.
916
01:16:51,315 --> 01:16:53,190
It's all right, Lenny,
it's the drag queens.
917
01:16:56,278 --> 01:16:58,571
Come on, Bob.
Let's go try on your new frock.
918
01:16:59,656 --> 01:17:00,823
G'day.
919
01:17:03,201 --> 01:17:06,120
- Just over there by the back bar.
- Thanks.
920
01:17:12,252 --> 01:17:14,837
MARION: No, those
three kegs didn't arrive.
921
01:17:15,005 --> 01:17:17,757
I need them today,
not tomorrow, but today.
922
01:17:17,924 --> 01:17:20,259
You're a doll. What an asshole.
923
01:17:23,430 --> 01:17:24,889
(SCREAMING)
924
01:17:25,057 --> 01:17:27,099
My God! Husband, husband!
925
01:17:27,267 --> 01:17:29,560
- It's so good to see you.
- Hiya, wife.
926
01:17:29,728 --> 01:17:31,604
You're a day late.
I was just gathering the search party.
927
01:17:31,772 --> 01:17:33,272
- Where are the others?
- They're outside.
928
01:17:33,440 --> 01:17:35,399
You've lost weight,
you rotten old queer.
929
01:17:35,567 --> 01:17:36,984
It's about fucking time.
930
01:17:37,152 --> 01:17:38,903
I can finally get into
that old one-piece of yours.
931
01:17:39,071 --> 01:17:40,863
- You know, the one with the sunflowers.
- You still got that?
932
01:17:41,031 --> 01:17:42,073
What the hell do you do with it?
933
01:17:42,240 --> 01:17:45,451
The Poseidon Adventure routine,
you know. Shelley Winters.
934
01:17:45,619 --> 01:17:47,078
(SNORTING)
935
01:17:48,413 --> 01:17:50,414
(BOTH LAUGHING)
936
01:17:52,376 --> 01:17:53,959
Where is he?
937
01:17:57,923 --> 01:18:00,216
WOMAN: I'm very, very angry with you.
938
01:18:00,384 --> 01:18:04,679
There's one thing I'd like to do to you,
a good spanking.
939
01:18:04,846 --> 01:18:06,430
You forget it.
940
01:18:06,598 --> 01:18:08,307
Spank, spank, spank.
941
01:18:08,475 --> 01:18:10,476
I've got a good mind
to put you over my knee.
942
01:18:10,644 --> 01:18:14,438
- I'll spank, spank you back.
- Benj.
943
01:18:15,857 --> 01:18:16,941
Do you remember Tick?
944
01:18:25,158 --> 01:18:26,784
Hello, Tick.
945
01:18:31,915 --> 01:18:33,457
Hello.
946
01:18:35,627 --> 01:18:37,211
Where's the bloody bar?
947
01:18:37,462 --> 01:18:38,879
(ALL CHATTERING)
948
01:18:42,175 --> 01:18:44,844
- Mr. Belrose?
- Yes?
949
01:18:46,138 --> 01:18:48,639
Congratulations. It's a boy.
950
01:18:53,812 --> 01:18:55,104
Shit!
951
01:18:55,522 --> 01:18:56,480
- BOB: You okay?
- What's the matter?
952
01:18:56,648 --> 01:18:58,023
- BERNADETTE: Help.
- Oh, my God.
953
01:18:58,859 --> 01:19:00,818
For Christ sake, Mitz,
why didn't you tell us?
954
01:19:00,986 --> 01:19:03,237
Why the hell did you have to
shock me like that?
955
01:19:05,157 --> 01:19:08,284
This lump on my head
is getting bigger by the second.
956
01:19:08,452 --> 01:19:10,995
I'm about to make
my Northern Territories debut
957
01:19:11,163 --> 01:19:13,622
looking like a fucking
Warner Brothers cartoon character
958
01:19:13,790 --> 01:19:15,332
has hit me over the head with an iron.
959
01:19:15,500 --> 01:19:16,959
I think you look more
like a Disney witch, myself.
960
01:19:17,127 --> 01:19:19,754
Oh, shut your face, Felicia.
At least I don't look like
961
01:19:19,921 --> 01:19:21,839
somebody's tried to open
a can of beans with my face.
962
01:19:22,007 --> 01:19:22,923
I'm sorry, girls.
963
01:19:23,091 --> 01:19:25,426
I couldn't stand the thought of you
bagging me on the bus for two weeks.
964
01:19:25,594 --> 01:19:27,344
Anyway, what difference
does it make now?
965
01:19:27,512 --> 01:19:29,513
About two inches to my head, for one.
966
01:19:29,681 --> 01:19:32,183
Did you get a good look at him?
He's got my profile, that's for sure.
967
01:19:32,350 --> 01:19:33,225
I think I'm gonna be sick.
968
01:19:33,393 --> 01:19:36,353
I hate to be practical here,
but does he know who you are?
969
01:19:36,521 --> 01:19:38,189
I mean, does he know
what you do for a living?
970
01:19:38,356 --> 01:19:42,526
He knows he has a father in the
show business, cosmetics industry.
971
01:19:42,694 --> 01:19:44,528
Oh, Lord. I don't understand.
972
01:19:44,696 --> 01:19:46,489
No, you don't understand,
so stop trying to.
973
01:19:46,656 --> 01:19:48,240
- It'll be fine.
- It better be.
974
01:19:48,408 --> 01:19:51,368
Hello! Stop wearing out that mirror.
975
01:19:51,536 --> 01:19:53,871
- Do you always knock before you enter?
- Always. Why?
976
01:19:54,039 --> 01:19:56,040
You haven't got anything to
hide in there, have you?
977
01:19:56,541 --> 01:19:58,626
All right, girls,
you're on in 10 minutes.
978
01:19:58,794 --> 01:20:00,628
Sweetheart, you've been on
ever since you were born.
979
01:20:00,796 --> 01:20:03,255
Hope you're ready to slay them.
The word's out, we've got a big crowd.
980
01:20:03,423 --> 01:20:06,050
- Like how big?
- A full house.
981
01:20:06,843 --> 01:20:07,718
Where's Benj?
982
01:20:07,886 --> 01:20:10,387
Safe and sound, asleep in bed.
Don't you worry about a thing.
983
01:20:10,555 --> 01:20:13,557
- Okay, my little powder puff?
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
984
01:20:13,725 --> 01:20:16,060
- BOB: Can I come in?
- Now there's a gentleman.
985
01:20:16,228 --> 01:20:18,145
Of course you can, Bob.
986
01:20:19,815 --> 01:20:21,315
My Aunt Minnie in here?
987
01:20:21,483 --> 01:20:22,650
(GIGGLES)
988
01:20:23,693 --> 01:20:26,153
Don't mean to barge in.
Just wanted to wish you luck.
989
01:20:26,321 --> 01:20:28,113
- Thank you, Bob.
- Thanks.
990
01:20:29,574 --> 01:20:31,283
To make up for what happened last time.
991
01:20:31,451 --> 01:20:34,745
Thank you. That's so thoughtful.
992
01:20:34,913 --> 01:20:36,372
All right, girls,
let's get this show on the road.
993
01:20:36,540 --> 01:20:38,916
You, out. That's a
10-minute curtain call.
994
01:20:39,084 --> 01:20:40,084
Good luck.
995
01:20:41,962 --> 01:20:42,962
(DOOR CLOSING)
996
01:20:43,922 --> 01:20:45,548
That's quite a wife
you've got there, Mitz.
997
01:20:45,715 --> 01:20:47,049
What does she do in her spare time,
998
01:20:47,217 --> 01:20:49,593
sand back the hulls of oil tankers
with her tongue?
999
01:20:49,761 --> 01:20:51,428
She sure is something.
1000
01:20:52,889 --> 01:20:54,723
- Chookers, girls.
- Watch my jaw.
1001
01:20:54,891 --> 01:20:55,933
Be careful with my head.
1002
01:20:56,101 --> 01:20:58,143
Aren't we fabulous?
1003
01:20:59,187 --> 01:21:02,273
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
Lasseter's Casino of Alice Springs
1004
01:21:02,440 --> 01:21:06,318
presents Miss Mitzi Del Bra,
Miss Felicia Jollygoodfellow,
1005
01:21:06,486 --> 01:21:08,445
and Miss Bernadette Bassenger,
1006
01:21:08,613 --> 01:21:10,865
the Sisters of the Simpson Desert.
1007
01:21:17,080 --> 01:21:18,622
(FINALLY (7" CHOICE MIX) PLAYING)
1008
01:21:18,790 --> 01:21:20,124
(LIP-SYNCHING)
1009
01:24:11,629 --> 01:24:13,964
(HISSING)
1010
01:24:50,210 --> 01:24:54,004
(AUDIENCE CLAPPING)
1011
01:25:06,142 --> 01:25:08,227
BOB: Bravo! Brilliant!
1012
01:25:08,394 --> 01:25:10,854
- BENJl: Come on, everybody!
- More!
1013
01:25:11,022 --> 01:25:13,690
More, more!
1014
01:25:13,858 --> 01:25:15,400
BENJl: More!
1015
01:25:15,860 --> 01:25:18,695
- More!
- We want more!
1016
01:25:18,863 --> 01:25:21,865
- Yes! Magnificent!
- Yeah!
1017
01:25:22,033 --> 01:25:23,534
- Bravo!
- BENJl: More!
1018
01:25:23,701 --> 01:25:26,078
- We want more!
- (ALL GASPING)
1019
01:25:28,289 --> 01:25:31,500
- Come on, snap out of it.
- Come on, mate.
1020
01:25:31,668 --> 01:25:32,918
You'll be fine.
1021
01:25:35,463 --> 01:25:36,505
Come on, love.
1022
01:25:37,882 --> 01:25:39,007
That's it, mate.
1023
01:25:40,301 --> 01:25:41,885
BOB: You scared us all for a minute.
1024
01:25:42,053 --> 01:25:44,763
Just had to have that extra little bit
of attention, didn't you?
1025
01:25:44,931 --> 01:25:46,890
Nice one, lovey. Nice one.
1026
01:25:47,058 --> 01:25:49,852
Shit! What are you doing, Marion?
1027
01:25:50,019 --> 01:25:50,894
You liar!
1028
01:25:51,062 --> 01:25:53,063
- You told me he'd be in bed.
- Oh, shush!
1029
01:25:53,231 --> 01:25:55,899
- Drink your daiquiri.
- I hate bloody daiquiri.
1030
01:25:56,067 --> 01:25:58,318
No, you don't.
You love bloody daiquiris.
1031
01:25:59,320 --> 01:26:02,406
At least now I know why drag queens
drink from such big glasses.
1032
01:26:02,574 --> 01:26:06,410
- To make their hands look smaller!
- Oh, ha-ha, Marion.
1033
01:26:06,578 --> 01:26:09,246
What am I going to say to the boy?
I've never been so embarrassed.
1034
01:26:09,414 --> 01:26:11,081
- I think you're overreacting.
- Really?
1035
01:26:11,249 --> 01:26:13,083
Yes, you're just being a drama queen.
1036
01:26:13,251 --> 01:26:16,253
You're gonna have to drop all that shit
if you're gonna be a good father.
1037
01:26:16,880 --> 01:26:18,547
And don't pretend to be surprised.
1038
01:26:18,715 --> 01:26:20,424
I've kept my end of the bargain,
now it's your turn.
1039
01:26:20,592 --> 01:26:22,342
Not forever,
maybe just for a couple of months.
1040
01:26:22,510 --> 01:26:24,344
Why now?
1041
01:26:24,512 --> 01:26:26,972
Because I haven't had a holiday
in eight years.
1042
01:26:27,140 --> 01:26:29,433
I need a rest, Tick. I need some space.
1043
01:26:31,269 --> 01:26:33,061
Reminds me of something I said
not so long ago.
1044
01:26:33,229 --> 01:26:36,440
Well, I do. And besides, it's time
he knew who his father was anyway.
1045
01:26:36,608 --> 01:26:39,735
Yeah, and that's the problem.
I mean, I don't know what to tell him.
1046
01:26:40,278 --> 01:26:42,279
What do you assume I do, lie?
1047
01:26:42,447 --> 01:26:44,948
Assumption, my dear Mitz,
is the mother of all fuck-ups.
1048
01:26:45,116 --> 01:26:47,367
- Don't bitch to me. Bitch to him.
- Thanks for the...
1049
01:26:47,535 --> 01:26:48,452
You might be in
for a pleasant surprise.
1050
01:26:48,620 --> 01:26:49,786
...free advice.
1051
01:26:58,129 --> 01:27:00,923
- BERNADETTE: Who is it?
- It's me, Bob.
1052
01:27:05,136 --> 01:27:09,640
Your flowers were being mangled.
Thought I'd rescue them for you.
1053
01:27:12,644 --> 01:27:15,103
Good idea. Thanks.
1054
01:27:25,031 --> 01:27:28,033
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
1055
01:27:33,498 --> 01:27:35,499
Do you know what your father
does for a living?
1056
01:27:36,251 --> 01:27:37,417
Yeah.
1057
01:27:41,005 --> 01:27:44,007
So I suppose you know
he doesn't really like girls then.
1058
01:27:44,175 --> 01:27:46,635
Does he have a boyfriend at the moment?
1059
01:27:47,637 --> 01:27:50,222
- No.
- Neither does mum.
1060
01:27:50,390 --> 01:27:53,141
She used to have a girlfriend,
but she got over her.
1061
01:27:58,106 --> 01:28:01,024
Do you want to come play in my room?
I've got Lego.
1062
01:28:02,360 --> 01:28:03,527
Sure.
1063
01:28:09,701 --> 01:28:11,326
Come on, butch, get a move on.
1064
01:28:11,494 --> 01:28:13,829
We can't brand the cattle
all by ourselves.
1065
01:28:14,956 --> 01:28:17,249
Great show last night.
You always end a number like that?
1066
01:28:17,417 --> 01:28:19,334
- Always.
- (WHISTLING)
1067
01:28:21,671 --> 01:28:23,547
How'd you like to pick her up
every night, Sundance?
1068
01:28:23,715 --> 01:28:24,673
Be a pleasure.
1069
01:28:24,841 --> 01:28:26,550
I think that might include
taking the lady home every evening
1070
01:28:26,718 --> 01:28:30,137
- and tucking her into bed, Jeff.
- What's the pay like, Marion?
1071
01:28:30,305 --> 01:28:32,472
That one's gonna get himself
into trouble one day,
1072
01:28:32,640 --> 01:28:35,267
and if you play your cards right,
you might just be the lucky fellow.
1073
01:28:35,435 --> 01:28:36,935
Come on, all aboard.
1074
01:28:37,103 --> 01:28:38,812
(TAKE A LETTER MARIA PLAYING)
1075
01:28:41,399 --> 01:28:43,483
Just watch it with
the innuendos, Marion.
1076
01:28:43,651 --> 01:28:45,652
At least give me a clear shot at this.
1077
01:28:45,820 --> 01:28:49,114
You call dressing up like
a Xanadu production number a clear shot?
1078
01:28:49,282 --> 01:28:52,075
Come on, Tick.
Who's kidding who around here?
1079
01:28:52,243 --> 01:28:54,202
He sure as shit isn't.
1080
01:29:08,426 --> 01:29:09,426
MARION: Swimming, swimming.
1081
01:29:13,931 --> 01:29:15,932
Rock. Little Rock.
1082
01:29:16,100 --> 01:29:17,601
Rock. Rock Hudson.
1083
01:29:18,603 --> 01:29:20,520
You silly old gay.
1084
01:29:21,272 --> 01:29:22,272
My turn, my turn!
1085
01:29:22,774 --> 01:29:25,442
Okay, smarty-pants, you give it a go.
1086
01:29:25,902 --> 01:29:27,069
Come on, then.
1087
01:29:27,236 --> 01:29:29,321
- It's a...
- MARION: Person.
1088
01:29:29,489 --> 01:29:30,781
FELICIA: A sexy woman.
BOB: Cat.
1089
01:29:30,948 --> 01:29:32,199
Famous woman.
1090
01:29:34,535 --> 01:29:35,786
MARION: Baby.
FELICIA: Rocking.
1091
01:29:36,120 --> 01:29:37,621
MARION: I know this one.
1092
01:29:37,789 --> 01:29:40,290
- BOB: Race horse.
- FELICIA: Cat. Scary cat.
1093
01:29:40,458 --> 01:29:41,958
Scary moose.
1094
01:29:42,460 --> 01:29:43,794
- Scary dog.
- BOB: I know, I know.
1095
01:29:43,961 --> 01:29:45,253
FELICIA: No?
1096
01:29:46,005 --> 01:29:47,381
BERNADETTE: Lindy Chamberlain.
1097
01:29:49,175 --> 01:29:51,510
That was appalling, Benji.
Who taught you that?
1098
01:29:51,677 --> 01:29:53,804
- Mum did.
- MARION: Lies, all lies.
1099
01:29:55,765 --> 01:29:59,142
Come on, Adam. Up.
1100
01:30:00,144 --> 01:30:03,814
Time is against us,
and we have things to do.
1101
01:30:06,651 --> 01:30:10,153
- Come on, you butch thing, you.
- No, count me out.
1102
01:30:10,905 --> 01:30:12,531
- All for one.
- FELICIA: Come on, Tick.
1103
01:30:12,698 --> 01:30:13,865
No.
1104
01:30:17,787 --> 01:30:20,122
BERNADETTE: Come on, Adam,
let's get frocked.
1105
01:30:26,671 --> 01:30:28,088
So...
1106
01:30:29,173 --> 01:30:32,300
What's it like to finally have a father?
1107
01:30:32,844 --> 01:30:34,511
It's okay.
1108
01:30:39,517 --> 01:30:41,143
Sorry about last night.
1109
01:30:41,310 --> 01:30:43,645
I don't always dress up
in women's clothes.
1110
01:30:43,813 --> 01:30:46,523
I mean, you know,
don't get the wrong idea.
1111
01:30:49,902 --> 01:30:51,695
I mean, I do a lot of
different stuff, you know,
1112
01:30:51,863 --> 01:30:56,992
like Elvis and Gary Glitter.
1113
01:30:57,160 --> 01:30:58,660
ABBA?
1114
01:31:02,290 --> 01:31:05,125
I'm not supposed to know
about the ABBA show,
1115
01:31:05,293 --> 01:31:07,002
but I'd really like to see it.
1116
01:31:07,962 --> 01:31:10,213
Would you do ABBA for me?
1117
01:31:11,841 --> 01:31:13,049
Sure.
1118
01:31:18,890 --> 01:31:20,599
You know what I am, don't you?
1119
01:31:22,268 --> 01:31:24,144
Mum says you're
the best in the business.
1120
01:31:26,522 --> 01:31:29,191
Well, your mother was always
prone to exaggeration.
1121
01:31:33,237 --> 01:31:36,531
Will you have a boyfriend
when we get back to Sydney?
1122
01:31:40,703 --> 01:31:42,204
Maybe.
1123
01:31:44,123 --> 01:31:45,624
That's good.
1124
01:31:57,678 --> 01:31:59,596
- Come on.
- Where are we going?
1125
01:31:59,764 --> 01:32:02,140
We're gonna unleash
the best in the business.
1126
01:32:10,358 --> 01:32:11,816
I had a dream.
1127
01:33:50,583 --> 01:33:53,543
MITZl: Well, we did it.
1128
01:33:55,588 --> 01:33:57,088
It never ends, does it?
1129
01:33:57,715 --> 01:33:59,382
All that space.
1130
01:34:05,056 --> 01:34:06,264
So what now?
1131
01:34:07,642 --> 01:34:09,643
I think I wanna go home.
1132
01:34:12,021 --> 01:34:13,271
Me, too.
1133
01:34:15,358 --> 01:34:20,236
Well, then, let's finish
the shows and go home.
1134
01:34:35,503 --> 01:34:37,337
Hey, don't go without leaving me
your number, sunshine.
1135
01:34:37,505 --> 01:34:38,797
Already taken care of, Jeff.
1136
01:34:38,964 --> 01:34:40,840
It's at the far end
of the men's cubicle.
1137
01:34:41,008 --> 01:34:42,759
"For a good time, phone Felicia."
1138
01:34:42,927 --> 01:34:45,345
Hey, can we stop at McDonald's
on the way back?
1139
01:34:45,513 --> 01:34:46,429
That's a good idea.
1140
01:34:46,597 --> 01:34:48,098
I've had just about enough of
this shitty food. Fucking crawfish.
1141
01:34:48,265 --> 01:34:49,849
I don't know.
Where the hell do you start?
1142
01:34:50,017 --> 01:34:52,936
Stop it. Lay it on the line, husband.
Don't conceal a thing.
1143
01:34:53,104 --> 01:34:55,522
That's the key. And if he doesn't
like it, stiff bikkies.
1144
01:34:55,690 --> 01:34:56,940
He can always buy his own ticket back.
1145
01:34:57,108 --> 01:34:59,317
What happens when word gets out
that Mitzi's got a minor?
1146
01:34:59,485 --> 01:35:02,112
That's your problem, not his.
He knows when and where to listen.
1147
01:35:02,279 --> 01:35:03,988
Morals are a choice,
and he'll decide his own
1148
01:35:04,156 --> 01:35:05,865
when he's good and bloody well ready.
1149
01:35:06,033 --> 01:35:08,284
Well, that's it. You're all packed.
1150
01:35:08,452 --> 01:35:09,577
Gotta be joking.
1151
01:35:09,745 --> 01:35:12,664
We haven't got Bernadette's shoes
up on board yet.
1152
01:35:12,832 --> 01:35:15,166
I hate to say this.
Wish I was going with you.
1153
01:35:15,334 --> 01:35:19,129
Your gas tank will be fine.
Your axle may be another matter.
1154
01:35:19,296 --> 01:35:21,589
I'm sure the road home
will just be filled with bored mechanics
1155
01:35:21,757 --> 01:35:24,259
waiting for a bus full of drag queens
to spirit them away to a better life.
1156
01:35:24,427 --> 01:35:27,095
I wish. We're not even gonna
spirit gum at this rate.
1157
01:35:27,263 --> 01:35:29,347
- Where the hell's Bernadette?
- Here.
1158
01:35:31,434 --> 01:35:34,894
Come on, Cabanossi tits.
Where are your bags?
1159
01:35:35,062 --> 01:35:36,563
BERNADETTE: In my room.
1160
01:35:38,315 --> 01:35:41,151
I'm not going.
I've decided to stay here for a while.
1161
01:35:42,153 --> 01:35:44,988
Oh, really? And you're choosing
to tell us about this now?
1162
01:35:45,823 --> 01:35:48,533
She told me a few weeks back.
Just when I was looking for somebody
1163
01:35:48,701 --> 01:35:50,702
to handle the guest entertainment
while I'm away.
1164
01:35:50,870 --> 01:35:51,828
Oh, I get it.
1165
01:35:51,996 --> 01:35:54,831
Who's been playing
hide the sausage, then?
1166
01:35:56,208 --> 01:35:58,334
That's it.
Let's get out of here before I throw up.
1167
01:35:58,502 --> 01:35:59,669
Come on, Benj.
1168
01:36:01,172 --> 01:36:03,131
- Hope you can drive.
- Hey, not without a hug.
1169
01:36:03,299 --> 01:36:05,842
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
1170
01:36:09,638 --> 01:36:11,222
You sure?
1171
01:36:12,057 --> 01:36:13,433
No, I'm not sure.
1172
01:36:15,728 --> 01:36:18,062
But I'll never know
unless I give it a shot.
1173
01:36:33,871 --> 01:36:35,663
I'm as jealous as all hell.
1174
01:36:37,958 --> 01:36:41,377
Shit. Raccoon time again.
1175
01:36:45,049 --> 01:36:45,924
MARION: Bye.
BENJl: Bye-bye.
1176
01:36:46,091 --> 01:36:48,259
- Don't forget to write.
- FELICIA: See you. Wish I was staying.
1177
01:36:48,427 --> 01:36:51,221
- Bye. Take care of her now.
- Bye-bye!
1178
01:36:51,388 --> 01:36:52,722
Bye, Mum!
1179
01:36:53,557 --> 01:36:55,391
FELICIA: Yeah. See you, Ralph!
1180
01:36:55,559 --> 01:36:57,894
(MAMMA MIA PLAYING)
1181
01:36:58,062 --> 01:37:00,396
(LIP-SYNCHING)
1182
01:37:33,639 --> 01:37:36,683
(ALL CHEERING)
1183
01:37:39,395 --> 01:37:40,603
(WHISTLING)
1184
01:38:54,303 --> 01:38:57,639
(AUDIENCE SINGING ALONG)
1185
01:39:01,477 --> 01:39:04,687
(ALL CHEERING)
1186
01:39:37,262 --> 01:39:40,431
No, that's enough.
Oh, my tits are falling down.
1187
01:39:41,684 --> 01:39:42,684
(EXPLOSIONS)
1188
01:39:42,851 --> 01:39:44,394
Jesus!
1189
01:39:45,020 --> 01:39:49,023
Thank you! Thank you!
It's good to be home!
1190
01:39:53,237 --> 01:39:55,655
(SAVE THE BEST
FOR LAST PLAYING)
1191
01:40:07,251 --> 01:40:09,252
(LIP-SYNCHING)
1192
01:43:06,138 --> 01:43:07,847
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
85702
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