Original subtitles

The scorching sun, the scalding sands.

In their pursuit of Death Adder, our heroes seek permission

to cross this wasteland from the elusive desert sage.

Oh, wait, shut up, shut up, shut up! There she is.

The desert holds many dangers.

They really need the sage's blessing.

But don't worry. This should be an easy yes,

based on Gilius' reputation.

And...

What? It's a freaking no?

I did not see that coming.

I'm really trying to be professional here,

but oh, boy!

This is Gilius freaking Thunderhead we're talking about.

Alice has gone crazy.

Uh, the sage's name is Alice, by the way.

Well, that was disappointing.

I didn't even get to have one of those desert hallucinations

where you're so hungry that you look at your friend

and they turn into a big cooked turkey.

You don't have to be starving

to picture someone as a turkey,

you can do that whenever you want.

I can?

-He likes soup. -Oi!

Would you two stop picturing old men as turkeys?

We need to figure out a way to cross the desert

so we can get to Death Adder.

What is that sage's problem?

She thinks she's better than me just because she's got a camel?

Oh! It's a great camel. I'd love to pet it.

What do you have to do to get a blessing out of her?

I defeated Death Adder, you're the chosen one, and Druda...

Wha... Drud... What-what do you do, Druda?

I don't really know since I left Death Adder,

but here's the beautiful thing:

that's what I'm trying to figure out.

We could brainstorm.

Perhaps you could invent a new type of pantaloons.

Ones that are tight enough to flatter your key areas...

But not so tight that they get...

Wedged up in those very same areas!

Aren't you supposed to be Hampton's bully?

Ew, Gilius! I'm not a bully anymore.

I'm mature now.

"Eh, aren't you supposed to be a bully?

Drink, drink, my breath stinks."

-Oh, my Gods! -Thaxton!

I can't believe it!

Aw, thank you, Kesterton.

The best fans in all of Yuria. Best looking, too.

Well, don't want to hear this. We should get out of here.

What are you talking about? I love bards.

Singing songs and spreading tales across the land

like a tale-spreading machine.

Ugh, I hate music.

Never trusted anything that stirs the soul.

I'll stir my own soul, thank you very much.

♪ Well, things are bad in Yuria ♪

♪ It feels like our lives are cursed ♪

♪ Death Adder was dead ♪

♪ Oh, no, that's been reversed ♪

♪ But, of course, there's still hope ♪

♪ As this has ♪

♪ Happened once before ♪

♪ This tale, I'll repeat ♪

♪ Is of Death Adder's defeat, yeah ♪

♪ By three heroes ♪

♪ We now adore ♪

Three heroes? That's you, Ax, and Tyris.

He's singing about you!

Ow!

♪ It was a spooky, cold night with a moon so bright ♪

♪ And Death Adder thought he'd kick back and relax ♪

♪ Someone kicked down his door ♪

♪ And raised their sword ♪

♪ It was the battler known as Ax ♪

♪ It was the battler known as Ax ♪

♪ But Ax was no match for Death Adder's wrath ♪

♪ It seemed like he didn't have a prayer ♪

♪ But just right then he was joined by a friend ♪

♪ Mighty amazon Tyris Flare ♪

♪ Mighty amazon Tyris Flare, ah ♪

♪ But in the 11th hour ♪

♪ They succumbed ♪

♪ To Death Adder's power ♪

♪ And they thought ♪

♪ "Certainly, he will be killing us" ♪

Killing us? That rhymes with Gilius!

He's good.

♪ But then they remembered ♪

♪ Their party had a third member ♪

♪ A little guy named... ♪

♪ Courage ♪

-♪ Ax, Tyris and courage... ♪ -He left you out of the song!

Meh. I've been left out of lots of songs.

You ever heard "The Ballad of the Duck and the Rat"?

I'm not in that one at all.

♪ There was no one else ♪

♪ They did it by themselves ♪

-♪ Ax ♪ -♪ Ax ♪

-♪ Tyris ♪ -♪ Tyris ♪

♪ And courage, yeah! ♪

Thank you! Thank you!

Aw, thank you.

I know what I want to do with my life

or death or w... undeath or whatever.

I'm gonna be a bard.

This could be why the sage turned us down...

she hasn't heard of you. Let's talk to the bard.

He'll put you back in the song,

start playing it all across the land,

eventually, the sage will hear it...

who knows how long that'll take, she does live in the desert...

but when she does, she'll have heard of you

and then she'll let us cross the desert

and then we'll go straight to Death Adder!

Actually, um,

I was thinking we could go around the desert.

Right past this terrifying demon.

Gilius, why don't you want to talk to the bard?

Oh, now that I look closer, it kind of looks like he's smiling.

Gilius, what is going on?

We're not talking to the bard, just drop it.

Okay, I'll drop it.

Drop it right in my bag of things I won't drop.

-What's that? -Hm? Hmm?

As Hampton says "hmm,"

let's see what our other heroes are up to.

Hmm.

He's sayin' it too? That's nuts.

These are Chicken Leg's tracks.

-I'm mostly sure of it. -Then they'll lead to Gilius.

I'm low on magic. We should restock.

What we need is one of those little blue guys

that drop magic potions when we hit 'em.

Oh, do you think, Chronos?

Should we find the little blue guys?

-Tyris, go easy. -Do you hear this, Ax?

He's acting like there's some other way to acquire magic

-in Yuria... -Anybody need some magic?

-Janzu! Right on time. -Whee!

Oh, no!

You got me right in my little heinie.

-I sure did, Janzu. -Ooh!

You know, every time we do that, I'm left wondering...

Hup! Does it seem like he kinda likes it?

It's a tough gig. I think it's cool

he takes pride in it.

Papa! You're home!

Did you battle

any huge monsters today?

Papa fought an ice troll.

Wow!

Oh, hm. Glad you're okay.

I saw a new log on my way home.

Oh, that's nice.

The children found your armor in the bushes today.

I covered for you.

But they're asking questions. Frizmo, especially.

He's getting too old to keep believing

you're some kind of warrior.

You need to tell him

before he figures it out for himself.

Hey, kids? Papa has something to tell you.

What is it, Dad?

I... I...

I just wanted to say that...

I love you both.

Gilius. Gilius, wake up.

Something terrible is happening!

In the orphanage,

terrorizing those children.

-Help me. -Oh, save me.

-I'm scared. -It's a dragon!

-I'm a dragon! -And...

-Aah... -look who's over there.

If Thaxton sees you being heroic,

he'll have to write a song about you.

All right, could... I could use a little room.

-I told you to drop it, Hampton. -And I did.

Into my bag of things I won't drop.

-Now go. -I eat orphans!

-This is a dumb idea! -Not as dumb

as going around the desert and fighting the demon.

Fire! Fire!

Hello, Gilius. Been a long time.

Hello, Thaxton.

Whoa! You two know each other?

That is crazy.

I'm Druda, by the way.

I'm-I'm not always on fire.

But I could be if you like it.

Come on Gilius, tell us

how you know Thaxton.

It was the day after Ax, Tyris, and I

defeated Death Adder.

Yurians came from far and wide

to celebrate our triumph over evil.

There was much adulation and light refreshments.

Yuria's finest bards

came to serenade us.

Tyris' praises were sung by the great Jimble,

and Ax's by the esteemed Jonble.

-Who? -You know, the Ooshi brothers.

Jimble and Jonble. No?

Am I really that old? They were a huge deal.

Anyway,

Ax and Tyris got these legends of music

and who did they send me?

A little child.

So, apparently, this Thaxton kid had won

some junior barding championship

and singing to me was his grand prize.

Well, I wasn't too happy about it, but I gave him a shot.

♪ Well, the... ♪

Give me that!

Oh, look at me, everyone.

I'm a wee little bard.

My voice cracks and I have a pimply face

and I wet the bed.

And my mom cuts my hair with an axe.

Ah, that was a fun day.

Gilius, this is great.

All you have to do is apologize to Thaxton.

And then he'll put you back in the song.

Bartender, have a bowl

of dried cranberries sent up to my room.

Ah, ah, ah, ah... freshly dried.

Come on, now's our chance.

Who says you can't play lute in bed?

Oh, hello, Gilius. You know,

I heard a rumor

that the desert sage turned you down.

Oh, I wonder why?

Be-Because of you, you little prick.

Gilius, remember, we're here to apologize.

And then ask very nicely

if Thaxton will stop leaving you out of his song.

Well, I'm not leaving him out

of the song I'm writing right now.

It's a little ditty

about a dwarf who burned down an orphanage.

Every sage that guards a desert or lake

or even an "archipelawgo"

will know the name Gilius Thunderhead.

In a bad way, just to be clear.

My axe is gonna pelago right up your ass!

Gilius, no! It's illegal

to put your hands on a bard.

But it's not illegal to do this.

Change your song.

Let me have a crack at him.

Listen up!

Do you have any advice for an aspiring bard?

First of all, stop referring to yourself as "aspiring."

You're either a bard or you're not.

Thank you so much for being so generous

-with your time. -Don't mention it.

Ah, an epic battle. If I hadn't been there myself,

I'd have trouble believing how visually scintillating it was.

Do I know that word?

Anybody need some magic?

Janzu! It's like you can read our minds.

Even if I could, I'd never tell.

Oh, yeah.

Oh! I'm gonna give you

the magic.

Frizmo, wait. Frizmo!

Who's Bizbo?

So, who did you fight today, Papa?

Um... Gildra. The...

-swamp hag. -Oh, she sounds scary!

Frizmo, please.

Just let me explain.

What's there to explain?

That you go out there in your little blue pajamas

and let people beat on you?

Why don't you fight back?

Fight back! Fight back!

Fight back.

Thaxton!

I am going to crunch your face in!

You know it's against the law to touch me.

Heavens!

Only if there are witnesses.

Either you

change your little song

or I change that little

dainty face of yours.

Cranberry delivery.

Got a taste for cranberries!

Aah! Freshly dried.

Get back here!

Help! The great bard Thaxton

is being chased by a dwarf most foul!

Ready to sing your last song, Thaxton?

Tell me how it goes!

Oh, "blub, blub, blub"?

Oh, I think we got a hit on our hands here, folks.

Aah!

You're under arrest for assaulting a bard.

A crime punishable by a hefty fine.

What's that?

The punishment got upgraded?

To death, you say?

Oh, he's not gonna like that. Okay, so...

We'll get you out of there, Gilius!

We're gonna say that you're our grandpa and that you went crazy.

People will believe it when they see you.

Who here is ready to witness the most bloody of justice

be served upon this dwarf's head?

Great, great. Uh, this is great.

Uh, little bit of housekeeping up top.

We have some special guests here.

The graduating class of Thaxton's Barding Fellowship.

Take a bow.

Thaxton runs a fellowship for bards?

Maybe I could join that.

I'm gonna go see if they have any pamphlets.

Listen, before we begin, I got some bad news.

I'm talking to the high priestess earlier.

She thinks it's a better idea to do this at night.

I know, I know, I know.

Something about the harvest and the moon.

I'm just the messenger.

I'll tell you what. Let's have some fun.

Who here has been married for five years?

Hands up, let me see. Wow!

Look at you g... That's a lot of people.

-Dear gods, just kill me. -How do you do it?

Frizmo hates me.

He doesn't hate you.

He's just confused.

And frankly, so am I.

You used to be proud of your work.

You used to say it was important.

It is. But how do you explain that to a kid?

Maybe instead of explaining it to them

you can show them.

Can I ask you something?

Why do they have to hit you?

It's... it's to get the potions.

Hey kids, I need to show you something.

Frizmo, please.

Okay, let's try going to married

for 4,265 years?

Wow.

4,265 years...

what anniversary is that?

Rock.

Oh, look at that, folks!

The sun is officially down.

Let's cut off this guy's head!

Aw, rats. I had all this time

to come up with a plan and I did nothing.

Hampton, you need to see this.

-Thaxton's notebook. -Yeah.

I thought it was a pamphlet for his fellowship,

but then I realized it was his songbook.

You got to see what's inside.

Folks, anybody

want to keep the head? But I got to warn you,

he smells terrible.

Just so you know, it's nothing personal.

I've seen you fight, you're a wonderful battle dwarf.

I got nothing but respect for you.

Hold it. Stop the trial!

This isn't a trial. It's an execution.

Oh, right, you're executing my friend

for attacking your beloved bard, Thaxton.

Well, I have his notebook,

and once you hear the contents,

he won't be beloved, he'll be be hated.

Uh...

Come, now, boy.

He's hard at work on a lot of new music.

I mean, this thing is filled to the brim with songs.

-And guess what? -Hand it back.

They're songs about each and every one of you...

And how much he hates you.

All right, okay,

that's enough.

Give me that.

They're just songs. Who cares?

Music has power.

His ruined Gilius' reputation

and eventually it'll ruin yours.

Unless we stop him.

Oh, what could any of you pathetic simpletons do

to stop me?

I'm the rich and regionally famous Thaxton.

And you're just a bunch of piggies

who are privileged

to slop up my genius.

An unprovoked assault

on a bard?! And by such clichéd means.

Bards,

♪ To me! ♪

Look out, Hampton, they're gonna play music at us!

Hang on. I got a knife in here, just give me a second.

♪ Charge! ♪

Whoa... Oh!

Aah!

Look, kids, the mighty Gilius Thunderhead is in trouble

-and he needs my help. -Whoa!

Are you gonna kill all those bad guys

with your ninja attacks?

Yeah, right.

He's just gonna go out there and get beat up on purpose

like a total weirdo.

Don't make up lies about Papa.

Frizmo isn't lying, Trix.

But I have been.

I brought you both here to tell you the truth:

I'm not a mighty warrior,

but what I do helps the people who are.

I'm not embarrassed of who I am, I'm proud of it.

And hopefully, after you see this,

you will be, too.

Janzu!

Looks like someone needs some potions.

And I've got a juicy rump to kick.

Great, sure, whatever. I'm pretty tied up,

but if you get by my feet I can probably give you a kick.

Ooh, give me a kick! You know you want it.

Who's got the magic?

Janzu's got the magic!

Janzu, you're my hero.

Thunder magic!

-Yes! -Yeah!

All right, now, listen.

I could kill all you fancy bards right now,

but I'm not going to because I'm a hero

and I live by a code.

Now, Thaxton, I know that what I did years ago was wrong,

and for that, uh...

I'm sorry.

Apology...

not accepted.

You see, Hampton? That's what apologies get you.

Plan B.

All you bards get out of town

and leave these poor people alone.

They liked you, Thaxton, they trusted you,

and you treated them like dirt.

So, you know what, maybe I'm not better than you,

but they certainly are.

Fine, I'll leave.

But under one condition.

No conditions. I'll kill you.

Yep, guess I better hit the road, then.

♪ Come, bards! ♪

Ho, there, Gilius.

Boy. Skeleton.

Well, it's a shame we weren't able

to fix things with the sage.

I guess we're going around the desert.

Hold on. Druda and I might have solved that problem.

Gods, what have you two done now?

Last night I wrote my very first song. I'm officially

-♪ a bard. ♪ -We wrote a song.

You're not getting all the credit for this one, Druds.

It's a pretty good song.

And now,

if you'll please address your attention

to the smoky part of town square,

the Kesterton Children's Choir.

♪ This is a song about Gilius Thunderhead ♪

♪ He fights with his brains and his fists and his axe ♪

♪ He taught me, I mean, Hampton ♪

♪ How to quest ♪

♪ He taught Hampton which berries were good ♪

♪ And which berries were bad ♪

♪ He uses magic like lightning ♪

♪ Which is also good ♪

♪ How does it work? ♪

♪ I'm not really sure ♪

♪ In conclusion ♪

♪ Gilius is Hampton's friend ♪

♪ And a hero to all of ♪

♪ Yuria. ♪

Hampton, this song

is ter-terrible, and you-you and Druda

should never write together aga-again.

Ooh, ooh! I'm Papa. Kick me, Gilius.

-It's my turn to be Dad. -You just got to be Dad, stupid.

Don't, don't, don't!

Look at that... you're their hero.

How did I get so lucky?

Hey, tonight, after the kids go to bed,

maybe I could hit you?

Janzu!

Oh!

-Whoa, you know Chronos? -Cool!

Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!

Chirp.