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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,695 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:37,287 FRANK: This is Willowbrook, 3 00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:39,456 the littlest town with the biggest heart 4 00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:41,541 right here in the center of Kansas. 5 00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:43,710 You know, I know everybody in this town, 6 00:00:43,793 --> 00:00:45,295 and I know all their stories. 7 00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:47,714 But no story is crazier 8 00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:51,926 than the story of Gail Daughtry and the Celebrity Sex Pass. 9 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,678 [UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES] 10 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:53,738 Hey, Ollie. 11 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:55,323 FRANK: And that's Gail right there. 12 00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:58,076 She's a shining light around these parts. [CHUCKLES] 13 00:01:58,159 --> 00:01:59,369 You know, I don't like playing favorites 14 00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:00,620 with people in the town 15 00:02:00,703 --> 00:02:01,788 but fuck it, I don't give a shit. 16 00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:03,039 Gail's my favorite. 17 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,124 And in just a couple of weeks, 18 00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:05,625 we're all gonna be gathering 19 00:02:05,708 --> 00:02:06,960 to go to her wedding to Tom, 20 00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,378 her high school sweetheart. 21 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,130 -Hi, Frank. -Morning! 22 00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:12,340 And as for me, 23 00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:14,050 -well, my name is Frank. -[MAN] Hey, Frank! 24 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,635 And if you haven't figured it out from context, 25 00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:17,220 what I do for a living, 26 00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:19,139 maybe this big bag of mail will help clue you in. 27 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,266 Still stumped? 28 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,685 Well, let me give you another little hint. 29 00:02:23,768 --> 00:02:25,854 I'm a mailman. 30 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:28,398 Think you got it now? But enough about me. 31 00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,233 This story's really about Gail. 32 00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:32,610 There's a tornado brewing on the horizon, 33 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:34,988 and it all starts with an innocent conversation 34 00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:36,573 at the hair salon where she works 35 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,241 -with her best friend, Otto. -GAIL: Hi. 36 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,285 -Good morning! -Hello! Hi, honey! 37 00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:42,495 [SHOUTING] Hi, Ronald! Sorry I'm late! 38 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,247 [CHUCKLES] Gail, sweetie, we're just talking about 39 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,499 the celebrity free pass. Who's yours? 40 00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:47,792 -Celebrity free pass? -Yeah. 41 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:49,169 -What's that? -Oh, you know, 42 00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:50,503 it's like, uh, each member of a couple 43 00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:52,005 gets one celebrity that, 44 00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:53,840 given the chance, they could have sex with. 45 00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,550 -Ah! -Right? 46 00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:56,676 And the other one gives them a free pass to do so. 47 00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:58,469 -Mine is Liam Neeson. -Oh. 48 00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,430 Because I suspect in the bedroom, 49 00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,390 [IN IRISH ACCENT] he has a particular set of skills. 50 00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:04,893 [LAUGHING] Oh, you're bad! 51 00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:07,770 Tom is obviously my celebrity pass. 52 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,565 After all, he was the starting quarterback on the Wildcats. 53 00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:11,816 Okay, but if you had to pick someone 54 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,818 who was not your boyfriend? 55 00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:16,196 -He's my fiance, Otto. -Oh. 56 00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:17,697 I finally got him to buy the cow 57 00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:19,282 after giving him all my milk for free. 58 00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:21,659 -Take that, Mom! -Honey, don't I know it? 59 00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:23,620 I mean, I am gonna be standing right by your side, 60 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,914 absolutely sobbing like I'm watching 61 00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,498 Schindler's List for the 12th time. 62 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:28,958 I thought you only watched it 11 times. 63 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,668 I watched it again last night. 64 00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:32,420 Anyway, I gotta get myself a fancy suit for the big day 65 00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,255 -when I'm in LA this weekend. -[GASPS] 66 00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:36,007 -That's right! -Mm-hmm. 67 00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:38,009 You're going to the West Coast Hairstyling Expo. [GROANS] 68 00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:39,636 I'm really jealous of you. 69 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,554 Oh, well, get ready to be mucho jealous. 70 00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:44,432 "Mucho jealous"? [CHUCKLES] Look at you. 71 00:03:44,515 --> 00:03:45,683 Sprinkling a little 72 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:46,976 -Spanish in there? -Mm. 73 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,229 Who knew that you were bilingual? 74 00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:50,688 Uh, honey, I'm bi-everything. 75 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:51,856 Biweekly? 76 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,191 -Okay, you got me. -Got you. 77 00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:54,442 Anyway, my point is, 78 00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:56,486 guess who's gonna be at the expo? 79 00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:58,363 -Who? -Hairstyling guru... 80 00:03:58,446 --> 00:03:59,697 Wait for it. 81 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,242 -Remy Fontaine. -[GASPS] 82 00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,910 Remy Fontaine is gonna be there? 83 00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:05,453 -That's right! [LAUGHING] -Remy Fontaine! 84 00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:07,914 King of the whip curl Remy Fontaine? 85 00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:09,666 His Royal Highness himself. 86 00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:12,919 -I'm even more jealous. [GROANS] -Mm-hmm. [CHUCKLES] 87 00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:14,295 I've never been to California. 88 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:15,672 I've never even been out of the state. 89 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:16,965 [HAIR DRYER WHIRS] 90 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:17,966 Honey, why don't you come with me? 91 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,467 Quick three-day trip. 92 00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:22,136 We'll hobnob with all the Hollywood stars 93 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,680 -at the Universal CityWalk. -[CHUCKLES] 94 00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,682 Ugh. I can't, there's so much going on here. 95 00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:27,267 I'm forcing Tom to drive me into the city 96 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,810 to go to a book signing later 97 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,979 and the wedding's in two weeks, so... [GROANS] 98 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:32,313 Los Angeles sounds amazing. 99 00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:33,940 [SHOUTING] Doesn't it, Ronald? 100 00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:36,442 TOM: Los Angeles? Ugh. Too many people there. 101 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,236 GAIL: Yeah, that's what Ronald said. 102 00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:39,904 TOM: And as for the free pass thing, 103 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:42,031 the only celebrity I've ever had a crush on 104 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,908 is a certain Wildcats head cheerleader. 105 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,243 Oh, that's sweet. 106 00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:46,577 You've always been the bagel 107 00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:48,496 under and on top of my cream cheese. 108 00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:50,873 Aw. But if you did have to pick a celebrity... 109 00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,542 Tilda Swinton. She'd be my pass. 110 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:53,751 Oh. 111 00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:55,336 -What about you? -I don't know. 112 00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,921 Honestly, I never thought about it. 113 00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,339 Well, what about Jon Hamm? 114 00:04:58,423 --> 00:04:59,882 Didn't you think about him 115 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,592 when you used to use the handheld shower head? 116 00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,386 When I was like 16... 117 00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:04,762 through 19. 118 00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:07,390 Now I really regret telling you that. 119 00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:08,725 We're never getting stoned again. 120 00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:11,060 Oof. Fine by me. It's too expensive. 121 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,353 Anyway, that's perfect. 122 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,105 Jon Hamm's your celebrity pass. 123 00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:15,857 Okay. Can we move on now? 124 00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:19,027 -Anything for my bagel. -Thank you, my cream cheese! 125 00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:21,321 "Chop one medium-sized onion. 126 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:22,488 "Fine. 127 00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,657 "Chop one stalk of celery. 128 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:27,410 "Fine. Chop two cloves of garlic. 129 00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:29,454 "Add one pound of ground beef..." 130 00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:30,997 -She's incredible. -[JENNIFER CONTINUES READING] 131 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:34,042 No, you're not wrong. Color me impressed. 132 00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:36,669 "Salt and pepper to taste. 133 00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:40,423 "Enjoy with one to two glasses of tap water." 134 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,217 -Wow. -[CROWD CLAPPING] 135 00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:46,179 -Aw, thank you. -Whoo-hoo! 136 00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:47,597 WOMAN: Yeah. Just... 137 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,223 -Thank you so much. -WOMAN 2: Hi. 138 00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:51,893 Thank you so much for coming. 139 00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:53,436 Appreciate it so much. 140 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,855 Oh, hi. I'm Gail. I'm such a big fan of yours. 141 00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:57,940 And not just of the cookbook. I've seen your acting on TV, 142 00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,275 -and the movies... -Thank you. 143 00:05:59,359 --> 00:05:59,942 ...even before The Morning Show. 144 00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,694 That's so sweet. 145 00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:04,030 Sorry, where are my manners? This is my fiance, Tom. 146 00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:05,490 I've never seen any of your stuff. 147 00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:07,033 We're getting married on the 27th. 148 00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:08,493 Oh, you're so cute. 149 00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:09,786 I'm gonna do something special for you. 150 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:11,871 -You are? [CHUCKLES] -Yes. Yes, I am. 151 00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:14,207 [PEN SCRATCHING] 152 00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:16,042 Oh, I won't cheat. [CHUCKLES] 153 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:18,294 Mm-hmm. 154 00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:20,463 Yep. 155 00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:21,756 [WHISPERING] She smells so good. 156 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:22,632 Okay. 157 00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:27,303 -[SIGHS] Enjoy that. -Thank you so much. 158 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,513 You're so welcome. 159 00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:31,099 Oh, my gosh! 160 00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:34,060 She's even nicer in person than she is in the cookbook. 161 00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:37,313 I have to admit, I never felt one way or the other about her. 162 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,232 But you were right. She's fantastic. 163 00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:40,983 -She's got a new fan. -Yeah? 164 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,402 Oh, you gonna change 165 00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:43,486 your celebrity pass to Jennifer Aniston? 166 00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:44,487 -You know what? -[LAUGHING] 167 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:46,155 Yeah, sure. Why not? 168 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,698 Okay, Jennifer Aniston, it is. 169 00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:50,326 But that means if you meet Tilda Swinton somewhere, 170 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,620 you have to keep your hands to yourself. 171 00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:54,539 Got it. If Tilda Swinton knocks on the door 172 00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:55,957 and wants to hop in the sack, 173 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:57,041 I'm gonna tell her, "Not today, Tilda." 174 00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,418 BOTH: Not today! 175 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:00,878 Do you remember 176 00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,171 -where we parked the car? -Yeah, it's that way. 177 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,381 Your fiance remembers everything. 178 00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:04,632 -[LAUGHS] -Ah! Except my keys. 179 00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:06,050 Oh. 180 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,718 Which are in my jacket, which I left inside. 181 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:09,178 -Okay. -I'm sorry. 182 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,513 -That's fine! Okay. -Give me two minutes. 183 00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:15,601 Okay. Scrambled eggs, butter toast, pancakes. 184 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,353 Just add water. That sounds so good. 185 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,021 Instant oatmeal with honey. 186 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,566 Bagel with cream cheese. "Bagel with cream cheese." 187 00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:22,692 Where is he? 188 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,652 GAIL: Sir! Sir? 189 00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:26,195 Hi. Excuse me, sir. 190 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,448 My fiance came back here over an hour ago. 191 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:32,285 Tom? Hello? 192 00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:34,370 -Try here. -Thank you so much. 193 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,746 -[TOM MOANING] -GAIL: Hello? 194 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,498 JENNIFER: Oh, yeah. Yeah, right there. 195 00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:38,374 TOM: So, what do you think? We start with season one, or... 196 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,876 JENNIFER: Yeah, sure. 197 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:40,751 I'll have my assistant get you the DVDs. [MOANS] 198 00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:42,670 -Tom? -[GASPS] 199 00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:45,923 Gail! I was just about to text you. 200 00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:48,676 I thought you were looking for your coat. But you're... 201 00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:50,470 You're... 202 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:52,096 Gail, this was my one free pass. 203 00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:53,222 Remember earlier? 204 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,766 GAIL: You took it literally? 205 00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,518 Hold on. I'm getting a little worried here. 206 00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,604 Just a second. Uh, you know, um... 207 00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:01,397 Tom said that you were okay with this. 208 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:04,025 I mean, otherwise, I would have never done it, you know? 209 00:08:04,108 --> 00:08:06,152 I mean, I respect your commitment way too much. 210 00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:07,570 Tom, you said she was okay with this. 211 00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,197 Yes, we talked about this before. 212 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,907 So, what's happening? I don't understand. 213 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,742 Gail, please tell Jennifer Aniston about the free pass. 214 00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:14,577 -Please call me Jen. -This is not happening. 215 00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:16,913 I just came in to get my jacket and I couldn't find it. 216 00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:18,623 Yeah. And then I saw him really distraught, 217 00:08:18,706 --> 00:08:20,416 so I thought, "Okay, let me help him." 218 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,168 And then I thought, "This is a really special guy." 219 00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:23,753 -Aw. -And, well, you would know. 220 00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:25,338 -I mean, you're marrying him. -[EXHALES] 221 00:08:25,421 --> 00:08:27,423 And then he told me about the celebrity pass, 222 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,133 and I thought, "Well, what the hell?" 223 00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:31,052 We're right here. Why not? 224 00:08:31,135 --> 00:08:33,137 Be a great story for you guys to tell at your wedding. 225 00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,931 -[CHUCKLES] -Fun half hour for me. 226 00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:37,934 But you know what? I'm a very instinctual person, 227 00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:39,727 and I'm kind of really getting the idea 228 00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,395 that you're super not into this. 229 00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:47,818 OTTO: I am so glad you changed your mind. 230 00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:50,905 I thought it was like a silly little exercise. 231 00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:54,492 Not literal license to have sex with Rachel from Friends. 232 00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:56,077 Forget about him, Gail. 233 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,620 We're gonna have so much fun in LA this weekend. 234 00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:59,372 -GAIL: Yeah. -[MACHINE BEEPS] 235 00:08:59,455 --> 00:09:01,749 -TSA AGENT: What's in here? -Those are all just hairbrushes. 236 00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:04,210 I'm a... [CHUCKLES] I'm a hairstylist. 237 00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:05,628 [DEVICE BEEPING RAPIDLY] 238 00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:07,255 OTTO: Don't worry. I'm... I'm cool. 239 00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,799 I have a steel plate in my head, 240 00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:12,927 and I have the paperwork from my doctor right here. 241 00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:15,012 Yeah, I had an accident with a pinata. 242 00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:17,473 You think I look bad? You should see the pinata. 243 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,268 All right, Universal CityWalk. Bubba Gump Shrimp. Whoo! 244 00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:21,352 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 245 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,744 -Welcome to Los Angeles. -[PLANE ENGINE WHIRRING] 246 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,246 WOMAN: [OVER PA] For your safety, 247 00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:41,872 please be aware of mudslides... 248 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:43,499 Hi. My name is Gail. 249 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,084 WOMAN: [OVER PA] ...and earthquakes. 250 00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:47,211 Uh, listen, there's no flowery way to say this. 251 00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:50,172 I have to take a mondo shit, so I'll be back in a sec. 252 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,757 -Mm. [CHUCKLES] -[CELL PHONE DINGS] 253 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,384 [INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT OVER PA] 254 00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:59,682 SERGIO: Come on, there's no chance that's him. 255 00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:01,100 -Oh, my God. -It is him. 256 00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:02,226 [EXHALES] 257 00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:03,686 MARCO: Oh, my God. 258 00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:05,521 Mr. Henry Winkler. We are huge fans. 259 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,231 -Thank you so much. -Oh, my... Otto! 260 00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:09,108 Mr. Winkler, hey, look, look, look. 261 00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:11,277 -I have a tattoo of your face! -HENRY: Looks just like me. 262 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,696 Yeah, I got this when I was stupid drunk in Key West. 263 00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:14,822 SERGIO: No regrets, Mr. Winkler. 264 00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:16,532 -No regrets. -[GASPS] Otto! 265 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:17,575 -MARCO: Can we get a photo? -It would be my pleasure. 266 00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:19,035 -Really? -Come on, come on. 267 00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:20,369 SERGIO: Yeah? HENRY: Let's do it quickly. 268 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,787 I got a plane to catch. 269 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:23,289 Do you want me to take the picture? 270 00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:25,166 MARCO: Oh, yeah. HENRY: Just step over here. 271 00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:27,251 Lighting is everything. Here we go. 272 00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:29,462 Happy Days. Night Shift. Arrested Development. 273 00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:31,464 -Barry. -Hey, those are my credits. 274 00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:32,757 SERGIO: Henry frickin' Winkler! 275 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,091 -I have a plane. -[LAUGHS] 276 00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:35,509 -Thank you, thank you. -Okay. 277 00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:36,802 -Thank you, young lady. -Thank you so much. 278 00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,012 -GAIL: I'm a big fan. -Thank you. 279 00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:39,930 -Hey! -Hey! 280 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,641 -Yeah, I used to say that. -[SERGIO AND MARCO LAUGH] 281 00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:43,851 Thank you. Take care, guys. 282 00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,686 Wow! And they say never meet your heroes. 283 00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:48,314 -What a mensch. -Oh! Unbelievable. 284 00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:50,524 Hey, what are you... Don't put the case down. 285 00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:52,568 We lose this, we're dead men. 286 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,028 Well, sometimes we make exceptions to even 287 00:10:54,111 --> 00:10:55,321 -the most important rules... -[GAIL LAUGHS] 288 00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:57,782 ...when celebrities are involved. 289 00:10:57,865 --> 00:11:00,076 Sorry. I spaced for a second. Can you repeat that, please? 290 00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,578 I said, sometimes we make exceptions 291 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,373 to even the most important rules when celebrities are involved. 292 00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:07,541 OTTO: [SIGHS] Hey. 293 00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:09,293 GAIL: I just saw my first Hollywood celebrity. 294 00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,212 No way. Who? Give me a hint. 295 00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:12,505 -Jewish. -Henry Winkler. 296 00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:13,923 -Yes! -Yes! [WHOOPS] 297 00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:15,966 -Oh, my God! Wow! -[LAUGHING] 298 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,761 Okay. We are definitely in Hollywood now, huh? Wow. 299 00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,348 MAN: [OVER PA] Welcome to LAX... 300 00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:23,849 [OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 301 00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:26,102 Get in. 302 00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:30,189 [SERGIO CLEARS THROAT] 303 00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:31,107 [IN ITALIAN] 304 00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:36,362 [IN ENGLISH] Um... Pardon me. 305 00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:38,197 We don't speak Italian. 306 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,117 Okay, so I ask again. 307 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,662 Has the briefcase left your person at any time? 308 00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:48,124 Sorry, you said, "I ask again," but to be fair, 309 00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,376 this is the first time we're hearing the question 310 00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:51,627 in a language we understand. 311 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,504 And, no, I assure you, 312 00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:56,465 I've had the case by my side the entire trip. 313 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,008 SERGIO: Mm. 314 00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,886 You know, as a teenager, 315 00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:03,264 I dreamed of only two things. 316 00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:07,017 The first was to rid myself of what was, at that time, 317 00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:09,520 a truly horrible case of acne. 318 00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:10,730 BOTH: Oh. 319 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:13,899 The second dream was to dismantle 320 00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:17,027 the corrupt global financial system, 321 00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:22,491 leaving in its place a storm of chaos and anarchy. 322 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,618 I mean, go big or go home, right? 323 00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:26,829 Dream number one was realized 324 00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:29,165 by the time I was 19. 325 00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:32,835 -See? See? Look. -Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 326 00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:34,420 -SERGIO: Beautiful. -All clear. 327 00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:36,088 -Like a porcelain doll. -Like a freshly peeled egg. 328 00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:38,048 LUDOVICA: But dream number two... 329 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:41,177 Well, technically, it might be dream number three 330 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:44,597 because there was a short time when dream number two 331 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:48,392 was to sing an aria from La Boheme at La Scala. 332 00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:49,685 -Wow. -Oh, holy shmoly. 333 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,021 But that was a lot of, you know... 334 00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:54,774 When push came to shove, I wanted a social life. 335 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,567 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Mm. Yeah. 336 00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:58,194 So dream... 337 00:12:58,277 --> 00:13:00,488 Let's call it dream number three 338 00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:03,199 had remained just that, a dream. 339 00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:04,909 The one about dismantling the financial system. 340 00:13:04,992 --> 00:13:06,535 -That's the one. -[SUITCASE LOCK CLICKS] 341 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:10,039 A lifetime of sacrifice, 342 00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:12,208 pain and sorrow 343 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:15,211 has led me to what's inside this case. 344 00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:19,381 My dream, number three. 345 00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:20,883 -What a journey. -Amazing. 346 00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:21,842 [SUITCASE UNLOCKS] 347 00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:33,437 -That's you. -You want me to... 348 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:34,897 Yep. 349 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,732 LUDOVICA: Are you quite sure... 350 00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:40,236 you never let go of my case? 351 00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:42,029 Quite sure. 352 00:13:43,113 --> 00:13:44,824 I would bet my life on it. 353 00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:49,328 -[MARCO GROANS] -Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 354 00:13:49,411 --> 00:13:51,330 Oh, my Lord! 355 00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:53,249 Sergio, can you explain this? 356 00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:55,751 [PANTING] Thinking... Thinking more carefully... 357 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:59,129 Yes, there was a moment at the airport 358 00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:00,840 where he put down the case. 359 00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:02,550 I was very mad. 360 00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:05,845 But, yes, he put it down. I was very mad at you. Uh... 361 00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,848 -"Gail Daughtry, hairdresser." -SERGIO: God. 362 00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:11,100 [IN ITALIAN] 363 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,104 [IN ENGLISH] Again, I... 364 00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:16,480 You know what? 365 00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:19,191 I think... I think I get the sentiment. 366 00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,151 You want... You want me to find the... 367 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,445 You want me to find the girl and then get... 368 00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:24,864 -Then get the case back? -Now! 369 00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,198 Yes! Yes! Yes! 370 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,783 [INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT OVER PA] 371 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,869 [LUDOVICA SHOUTING IN ITALIAN] 372 00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,498 GAIL: We're not in Kansas anymore. 373 00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:36,250 -OTTO: Yeah. Right? -[GAIL SIGHS] 374 00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:38,085 DRIVER: Welcome to the City of Angels, folks... 375 00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:39,295 -Whoo! -...where the streets 376 00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,588 are paved with gold. 377 00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:42,381 Oh, thank you. My name is Gail. 378 00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:43,549 -This is... -No, no. 379 00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:44,842 Names are not necessary. 380 00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:46,760 All I need is a destination. 381 00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:50,180 Yeah. The Sunset Grandeur Hotel. 382 00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,432 -3225... -3225 383 00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:52,808 Hollywood Boulevard. I know it well. 384 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,935 -OTTO: Hmm. -[HORN HONKING] 385 00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:56,604 DRIVER: Now, I'll give you a little piece of advice 386 00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:58,272 I give everyone when they arrive. 387 00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:00,232 A lot of people come into town thinking overnight 388 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:02,192 they're gonna be the next Elizabeth Perkins. 389 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:03,694 -[OTTO CHUCKLES] -But let me tell you something. 390 00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:05,029 Liz Perkins did not become 391 00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:06,989 Tom Hanks' love interest in Big 392 00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:08,824 -right off the bat. -OTTO: Hmm. 393 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,535 And you can't do what Liz Perkins does. 394 00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:12,995 You gotta be you! 395 00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:14,413 There's only one Liz Perkins, 396 00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:18,083 and her name happens to be Elizabeth Perkins. 397 00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:19,752 You know what? I'm very tired. 398 00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:22,421 Do you mind if I pull over, take a quick power nap? 399 00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:24,632 Can you not make it? 400 00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:26,175 You know what? I can power through. 401 00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:27,927 I'll power... I can do it. I can power through. 402 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,803 Everyone is such a character 403 00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,180 -in this town, huh? -Yeah. 404 00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:33,098 NICCOLO: Did you deliver the case? 405 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:34,642 SERGIO: There was a problem. 406 00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:37,853 The boss was not happy, so she, uh... 407 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,439 She killed Marco right in front of my face. 408 00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:43,984 NICCOLO: Oh. God. I'm so sorry, Sergio. 409 00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:46,570 I need to find this Gail Daughtry, 410 00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:48,072 or Ludovica's gonna kill me, too. 411 00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:51,408 Yeah, we'll find this "Gail." 412 00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:56,246 And as much as we mourn the loss of Marco... 413 00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:58,123 we'll celebrate the life he led, huh? 414 00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,583 SERGIO: Yeah, his life was cut short 415 00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:02,211 but he was lucky to be one of the very few 416 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:04,254 to count Mr. Henry Winkler as one of his good friends. 417 00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:05,381 -Huh? -Oh! 418 00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:07,466 I buried the lede. 419 00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:09,468 We met Henry friggin' Winkler at LAX! 420 00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:10,844 -No shit? -Yeah. 421 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,429 -Vinnie Barbarino. -One and the same. 422 00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:13,764 [BEEPING] 423 00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:16,058 Here we go. Gail Daughtry. 424 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,935 Arrived at LAX this morning. 425 00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:19,186 -Leaving Sunday. -[KEYBOARD CLACKING] 426 00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:21,563 No hotel reservations. [GRUNTS] 427 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:24,274 -We have to find that case. -Let me tell you something. 428 00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:26,568 We are gonna find the case, 429 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:29,488 and Gail Daughtry is gonna get a bullet 430 00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:31,240 in the back of the brain. 431 00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:33,158 [BOTH LAUGHING] 432 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:38,414 [BOTH CONTINUE LAUGHING] 433 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:42,084 DRIVER: Here we are. Right by 434 00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,836 -the Hollywood Walk of Fame. -[BRAKES SCREECH] 435 00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:45,921 Now keep your eyes peeled, because Liz Perkins 436 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,464 -could be anywhere. -Oh. 437 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,884 This place is incredible. 438 00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:52,302 It really is. 439 00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:54,471 -[BOTH GASP] -There's Remy Fontaine! 440 00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:56,515 Okay, you do know he created the whip curl, right? 441 00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:58,017 Yes. What? Of course. 442 00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,852 I'm as much of a Fontaine junkie as you are. 443 00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:01,687 OTTO: I'm just making sure. 444 00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:03,272 Okay, we have you for two nights. 445 00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:05,065 I can put you in a room on the top floor. 446 00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:07,901 Hey, hey, hey. Top floor. Fancy. 447 00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,319 Just tell me that you have an elevator? 448 00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:10,738 Honey, this is Hollywood. 449 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:13,240 Almost every hotel has an elevator. 450 00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:14,742 -Unbelievable. -Wow. 451 00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:16,535 Now, your room won't be ready for an hour. 452 00:17:16,618 --> 00:17:17,870 We can hold your bags, 453 00:17:17,953 --> 00:17:19,121 and you can take a walk down 454 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:21,498 the one and only Hollywood Boulevard. 455 00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:23,167 -[OTTO LAUGHING] -Oh, my goodness. 456 00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:25,544 I can't wait. Where do we even start? 457 00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:28,714 Oh! I'll show you my list of must-see destinations. 458 00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:31,592 -GAIL: Okay. -Here is a killer burger joint. 459 00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:33,761 -GAIL: Mm! -And the best coffee shop 460 00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:35,471 this side of the Mason-Dixon Line, 461 00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:37,181 right here. 462 00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:39,183 Now, if you wanna do some shopping, 463 00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:40,768 cosmetics, stuff for around the house, 464 00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:43,020 head here and ask them 465 00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:44,938 to show you all their different gums. 466 00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,690 -GAIL: Ah. -[GASPS] Or if... 467 00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,692 [WHISPERS] ...getting your dick sucked... 468 00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:51,487 [IN NORMAL VOICE] ...is more your speed, head here, 469 00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,906 go around back behind the dumpster. 470 00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:56,617 Ask for Glenn Stein. He's the best. 471 00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,119 Okay! Well, what the heck are we waiting for? 472 00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,079 -Yeah! -[LAUGHING] 473 00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:05,834 [OTTO SIGHS] 474 00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:09,088 -OTTO: Mm. -Mm! 475 00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:11,173 [BOTH MOAN] 476 00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:12,925 GAIL: Can you show us your gums? 477 00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:14,593 -[GASPS] -OTTO: Wow. 478 00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:17,096 -GAIL: Good luck. -Okay. 479 00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:23,936 -Ah! -[CELL PHONE RINGING] 480 00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:26,146 It's Tom. Should I pick up? 481 00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:27,773 -Ew. Don't. -I'll just say... 482 00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:29,108 No, take your space. There's really nothing to say. 483 00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:30,359 GAIL: Hey, what do you want? 484 00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:31,610 Hey, we need to tell the caterers 485 00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:33,195 by Monday if we're canceling. 486 00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:35,280 Otherwise, we lose our entire deposit. 487 00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:36,907 It's a lot of money, Gail. 488 00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:38,200 Well, maybe you should ask 489 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:39,827 your good friend Jennifer Aniston. 490 00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,578 She could afford to cover the cost, I would think. 491 00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,455 Yeah. Maybe she can cater it with her pussy, Tom. 492 00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:45,165 -You could just eat that. -Yeah, eat that! 493 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:46,542 -Okay? Goodbye. -No, don't... 494 00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:47,584 -[LINE DISCONNECTS] -I hung up on him. 495 00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:49,169 Okay. That's my Gail. 496 00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:51,296 -Gal. Girl. Good for you, doll. -[LAUGHING] 497 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,714 -Yeah, good for me. -[LAUGHS] 498 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,134 GAIL: Oh. This could be fun. 499 00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:56,218 Do you wanna get 500 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:57,719 -a psychic reading? -Mm... 501 00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:59,012 -Why? -I mean, I'm all for fun, 502 00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:00,222 but it looks a little nasty, 503 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:01,598 -doesn't it? -[SCOFFS] 504 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:04,184 Coming from a guy who just got a blow job, 505 00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:06,353 behind a dumpster in a puddle of I don't know what. 506 00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:07,855 For the record, Glenn said that the puddle 507 00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:08,981 was actually filtered water. 508 00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:10,399 -Okay. -But you know, 509 00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:12,943 this psychic stuff, it's all BS, right? 510 00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:14,903 Yeah, if BS stands for "Best Psychic." Come on. 511 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,363 -That would actually be "BP." -[DOOR CHIME DINGS] 512 00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:18,615 GAIL: Okay, Mr. Harvard Law School. 513 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:20,659 OTTO: Hey, I wasn't gonna play that card. 514 00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:22,786 -[FIRE SIZZLING] -[LAPTOP CHIMES] 515 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,454 [KNIFE THUDS] 516 00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:26,248 Bingo-bango. There she is. 517 00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,417 NICCOLO: Yeah, now we just gotta study this photo 518 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,085 for clues as to where it was taken. 519 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,212 Okay, all right, it's outside. 520 00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:34,089 NICCOLO: Yeah, it looks like Asia. 521 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,465 -SERGIO: Maybe Japan? -Like the Far East. 522 00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:37,384 Colorful. Spider-Man's there. 523 00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:38,802 -Is that Superman? -Yeah. 524 00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:43,015 Okay, let's be real. This is gonna take a while. 525 00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:44,683 I better put on a pot of coffee. 526 00:19:44,766 --> 00:19:46,059 Hi, I'm Gail... 527 00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,853 -It's $20 in advance. -Okay. 528 00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:49,605 [BAG UNZIPS] 529 00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:52,274 Uh, all I have is a ten and two fives. Is that okay? 530 00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,651 Yeah. That's a perfectly legitimate way to make $20. 531 00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:56,445 -Okay. -Hmm. 532 00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:03,285 -Now, I am looking at you... -[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] 533 00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:04,870 ...and I am listening to your spirit. 534 00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:08,457 And I am sensing that something is on your mind. 535 00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:09,583 Am I correct? 536 00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:10,918 -[MUSIC STOPS] -Oh, my God. 537 00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,044 How did you know that? 538 00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:14,421 It is my business to know. 539 00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:16,131 -Hence the ten and two fives. -[GASPS] 540 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,132 But I'd really appreciate it if we could 541 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,759 put the money part of it aside. 542 00:20:18,842 --> 00:20:20,969 Okay, well, I've been trying to forget about this, 543 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,472 but you obviously keyed into something. 544 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:25,015 I'm engaged to be married, 545 00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:27,476 and I really, really love my fiance, Tom. 546 00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:30,520 But... something happened, and I don't know what to do. 547 00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:32,231 Let me connect with this. 548 00:20:34,691 --> 00:20:35,859 Hmm. 549 00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:39,947 I am sensing you really do love this Tom. 550 00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:41,823 Mm. And he loves you. 551 00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:43,533 -How'd she figure that out? -Shh. 552 00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:44,910 -Otto! -Sorry. 553 00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:48,330 But... you each had an agreement, yes? 554 00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:50,958 To be able to have sex with a certain celebrity, 555 00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:52,709 given the opportunity. 556 00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:54,211 Yes, exactly! 557 00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:57,297 And Tom went too far with Jennifer Aniston 558 00:20:57,381 --> 00:20:58,548 in the back of a bookstore. 559 00:20:58,632 --> 00:21:00,509 Yes. Wow. So what do I do? 560 00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:01,927 You need to even the score. 561 00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:03,845 Level the playing field. 562 00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:06,723 If you are going to continue your relationship with Tom, 563 00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:10,352 you must have sex with your celebrity crush. 564 00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:12,312 Oh. [CHUCKLING] 565 00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:14,856 Well, that's not gonna happen. 566 00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:16,775 You don't think Jon Hamm would find you attractive? 567 00:21:16,858 --> 00:21:18,277 -I don't... -[LAUGHING] 568 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,529 Damn! I mean, 20 bucks is a bargain, right? 569 00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:22,197 GAIL: No, I don't... I don't... I don't know. 570 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,408 It's just that sounds like a pretty strange way to... 571 00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:26,743 No. Even if I wanted to, how would I find him? 572 00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:29,955 You're in Hollywood. Jon Hamm lives in Hollywood. 573 00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:31,415 This sounds crazy. 574 00:21:31,498 --> 00:21:33,125 Well, sometimes the craziest problems 575 00:21:33,208 --> 00:21:34,793 require the craziest solutions. 576 00:21:34,876 --> 00:21:37,796 And sometimes, sister, the craziest solutions... 577 00:21:39,006 --> 00:21:41,717 are the most sane. 578 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,344 So, if I wanna repair my relationship with Tom... 579 00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:47,889 You must have sex with Jon Hamm. 580 00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:51,101 [ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING] 581 00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:52,561 GAIL: I don't know, Otto. 582 00:21:52,644 --> 00:21:54,021 Do you really think that we should do this? 583 00:21:54,104 --> 00:21:55,522 Why not? 584 00:21:55,605 --> 00:21:57,065 Remember, Tom gave you a free pass, too. 585 00:21:57,149 --> 00:21:58,942 That's true. 586 00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:00,444 But what about the hair convention? 587 00:22:00,527 --> 00:22:02,112 Oh, honestly, I'm fine. I'm fine. 588 00:22:02,195 --> 00:22:03,530 As long as we get back in time 589 00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:05,032 for Remy Fontaine's Blow out Blow out. 590 00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:06,658 I mean, conventions come and go. 591 00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:08,327 How many times do you get to fuck Jon Hamm? 592 00:22:08,410 --> 00:22:09,661 -[BUDDY SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] -That's a good point. 593 00:22:09,745 --> 00:22:11,455 But where would we even start? 594 00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:14,708 Twenty dollars, you will get a map with the home addresses 595 00:22:14,791 --> 00:22:16,626 of all the biggest stars 596 00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:18,628 -in HollyWeird. -OTTO: Yeah. 597 00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:21,214 The only town in America where if you want a cup of coffee, 598 00:22:21,298 --> 00:22:22,883 you've got to make an appointment 599 00:22:22,966 --> 00:22:25,093 at the Creative Artists Agency. 600 00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:28,013 -Hi. Excuse me, sir. I'm Gail. -Hi, Gail. 601 00:22:28,096 --> 00:22:30,057 We would like a map with Jon Hamm's home address. 602 00:22:30,140 --> 00:22:33,185 Are you kidding me, lady? I got stars up the wazoo. 603 00:22:33,268 --> 00:22:35,145 -Perfect. -I got Johnny Carson. 604 00:22:35,228 --> 00:22:37,606 I got Ed McMahon. I got Doc Severinsen. 605 00:22:37,689 --> 00:22:39,149 -You name it. -Okay, how about Jon Hamm? 606 00:22:39,232 --> 00:22:40,484 Ooh. 607 00:22:40,567 --> 00:22:42,778 No. No, I don't have Jon Hamm. 608 00:22:42,861 --> 00:22:45,113 In any other town, I'd say check the phone book. 609 00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:46,490 But in this town, 610 00:22:46,573 --> 00:22:48,200 I'd say get yourself an appointment 611 00:22:48,283 --> 00:22:50,118 at the Creative Artists Agency. 612 00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:51,411 OTTO: Hmm. 613 00:22:52,996 --> 00:22:57,876 CHORUS: ♪ C-A-A ♪ 614 00:22:57,959 --> 00:22:59,336 Hello, I'm Gail. 615 00:22:59,419 --> 00:23:01,088 -Hi. -GAIL: Hi. 616 00:23:01,171 --> 00:23:02,839 We're here to see Jon Hamm. Is he here? 617 00:23:02,923 --> 00:23:04,633 -Oh. Well, no. -[PA SYSTEM CHIMES] 618 00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:05,842 -[TELEPHONE RINGING] -But Jon Hamm's agent is 619 00:23:05,926 --> 00:23:07,219 Mr. Leo Martin. 620 00:23:07,302 --> 00:23:08,512 He's actually a good bud of mine. 621 00:23:08,595 --> 00:23:10,430 No, he's not. 622 00:23:10,514 --> 00:23:12,099 You recharged his car once, dipshit. 623 00:23:12,182 --> 00:23:14,101 Ignore him. I can take a message for Leo Martin. 624 00:23:14,184 --> 00:23:16,061 -Who are you guys with? -I'm with my friend Otto. 625 00:23:16,144 --> 00:23:17,312 Aw. And I'm with my friend Gail. 626 00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:18,230 -[CHUCKLES] -[KEYBOARD CLACKING] 627 00:23:18,313 --> 00:23:19,815 Okay, great. 628 00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:23,068 I should be able to get this to Leo's desk by Monday. 629 00:23:23,151 --> 00:23:25,237 Oh. No, no, no. That's... That's way too late. 630 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,448 -We'll be gone by then. -Sorry. 631 00:23:28,532 --> 00:23:29,950 That's... Thank you. Appreciate it. 632 00:23:30,033 --> 00:23:31,785 [GAIL SOBBING] 633 00:23:31,868 --> 00:23:33,245 OTTO: Hey, we tried. 634 00:23:33,328 --> 00:23:34,704 -But we were so close. -I know. 635 00:23:34,788 --> 00:23:35,956 GAIL: What are we supposed to do? 636 00:23:36,039 --> 00:23:36,873 OTTO: I don't wanna see you cry. 637 00:23:36,957 --> 00:23:39,084 Hey, guys. 638 00:23:39,167 --> 00:23:40,669 As an agent-in-training, 639 00:23:40,752 --> 00:23:42,671 I'm really good at assessing situations. 640 00:23:42,754 --> 00:23:44,256 And I can tell that you guys 641 00:23:44,339 --> 00:23:45,966 really need to see Jon Hamm before Monday. 642 00:23:46,049 --> 00:23:48,009 -Yes. -Yes. Yes, we have to. 643 00:23:48,093 --> 00:23:49,636 We're only here for the weekend. 644 00:23:49,719 --> 00:23:51,721 I had a celebrity free pass thing with my fiance, 645 00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:53,014 but he took it literally. 646 00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:54,766 So now I need to have sex with Jon Hamm 647 00:23:54,850 --> 00:23:56,601 to even out the score and save my relationship. 648 00:23:56,685 --> 00:23:59,062 Gotcha. He did the deed. Now you gotta do the do. 649 00:23:59,146 --> 00:24:00,272 -Yes. -Exactly. 650 00:24:00,355 --> 00:24:01,898 GAIL: Can you please help us? 651 00:24:01,982 --> 00:24:03,024 [SNAPS FINGERS] I'll tell you what. 652 00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:04,651 You guys, come with me. 653 00:24:04,734 --> 00:24:06,319 SERGIO: Excuse me. 654 00:24:06,403 --> 00:24:07,863 -Let me ask you something. -Can I ask you something? 655 00:24:07,946 --> 00:24:09,906 -Have you seen this person? -WOMAN: Not today. 656 00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:11,575 Have you seen these two people? Have you seen this person? 657 00:24:11,658 --> 00:24:13,201 -Either of these two? -No, I haven't. 658 00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:15,328 -Sorry. No, I didn't see them. -Charles Boyle. 659 00:24:15,412 --> 00:24:17,164 I get that a lot. Haven't seen them? 660 00:24:17,247 --> 00:24:18,665 -Either one? -Nope. I'm positive. 661 00:24:18,748 --> 00:24:20,125 BUDDY: Oh, yeah, I've seen those two. 662 00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:21,376 -You have? -Yeah. 663 00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:23,170 -Where are they? -Hell if I know. 664 00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:24,671 I got a lot of people coming through here all day long. 665 00:24:24,754 --> 00:24:25,922 I can't keep a record of where 666 00:24:26,006 --> 00:24:27,424 everybody's heading next, you know? 667 00:24:27,507 --> 00:24:28,717 It's all I can do to keep track 668 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:30,135 of how many maps I got in my pile here. 669 00:24:30,218 --> 00:24:31,261 [CHUCKLES] I mean, how... how many is it? 670 00:24:31,344 --> 00:24:33,138 Two? Four? Ten? 671 00:24:33,221 --> 00:24:37,726 I mean, it could even be nine. But that's Hollywood for you. 672 00:24:37,809 --> 00:24:40,187 That's what the, uh, studio bean counters 673 00:24:40,270 --> 00:24:43,356 over at Paramount Pictures call "creative accounting." 674 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,650 Well, this is a waste of time. Why don't we get some coffee? 675 00:24:45,734 --> 00:24:48,069 Coffee? You wanna get coffee in this town, 676 00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:50,739 you're gonna need an appointment at the Creative Artists Agency. 677 00:24:50,822 --> 00:24:52,699 -SERGIO: Okay. -Which, now that I think of it, 678 00:24:52,782 --> 00:24:55,285 is exactly where I told your friends to go. 679 00:24:55,368 --> 00:24:57,412 CHORUS: ♪ C-A-A ♪ 680 00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:59,748 Feast your eyes. Welcome to the backrooms 681 00:24:59,831 --> 00:25:01,124 of the entertainment industry, friends, 682 00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:02,667 where the real decisions are made, 683 00:25:02,751 --> 00:25:04,503 where entire careers are hatched and destroyed 684 00:25:04,586 --> 00:25:06,505 with a control-shift-delete from this room. 685 00:25:06,588 --> 00:25:07,923 -Wow. -Hey, check this out. 686 00:25:08,006 --> 00:25:09,549 CALEB: Robert from Shark Tank. 687 00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:10,759 There's blood in the water. How the hell are you? 688 00:25:10,842 --> 00:25:12,552 When are we gonna play golf, huh? 689 00:25:12,636 --> 00:25:14,054 -Uh, please don't speak to me. -You got it, Bobby Business. 690 00:25:14,137 --> 00:25:15,847 Hey, check this out. 691 00:25:15,931 --> 00:25:17,432 My mommy made them up for me. I think they're pretty cool. 692 00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:18,767 Gotta dream big 693 00:25:18,850 --> 00:25:20,393 -in a place like this. -I like that. 694 00:25:20,477 --> 00:25:22,187 And someday, maybe it's not gonna be CAA anymore. 695 00:25:22,270 --> 00:25:24,147 It's gonna be CA and CA: 696 00:25:24,231 --> 00:25:26,233 Creative Artists and Caleb Agency. 697 00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:28,026 I love that! [CHUCKLES] But I'm just checking. 698 00:25:28,109 --> 00:25:29,736 It's okay for us to be back here? 699 00:25:29,819 --> 00:25:31,571 Technically, no, but in this business, 700 00:25:31,655 --> 00:25:33,031 it's all about exuding confidence. 701 00:25:33,114 --> 00:25:34,658 You just fake it till you make it. Watch this. 702 00:25:34,741 --> 00:25:36,243 Hey, Megan. Whazzup? What are you working on here? 703 00:25:36,326 --> 00:25:37,536 -You got a lot of deals? -No. Stop. 704 00:25:37,619 --> 00:25:38,995 Don't touch anything on my desk. 705 00:25:39,079 --> 00:25:41,122 Big old deals? Look, we need the 411 on one 706 00:25:41,206 --> 00:25:42,457 -Mr. Jonathan Daniel Hamm. -[DOOR OPENS] 707 00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:45,961 Oh! Leo Martin! There's my guy. 708 00:25:46,044 --> 00:25:48,630 Fellas, this is Mr. Leo Martin, agent to the stars. 709 00:25:48,713 --> 00:25:50,340 You want guaranteed backend points, 710 00:25:50,423 --> 00:25:51,841 you talk to this guy. 711 00:25:51,925 --> 00:25:53,552 Hi. Caleb. I charged your car on the 29th. 712 00:25:54,594 --> 00:25:55,971 Nothing? No? 713 00:25:56,054 --> 00:25:57,806 Well, this beautiful bag of bones is Gail, 714 00:25:57,889 --> 00:25:59,683 and this knucklehead is Otto. 715 00:25:59,766 --> 00:26:02,227 Now, Gail over here needs to do the nasty 716 00:26:02,310 --> 00:26:04,396 with Mr. Jon Hamm ASAP. 717 00:26:04,479 --> 00:26:07,065 Believe me, it is all on the up and up, Mr. Martin, sir. 718 00:26:07,148 --> 00:26:08,650 Yeah, don't worry. We're not like 719 00:26:08,733 --> 00:26:10,569 crazy-stalker fans or anything like that. 720 00:26:10,652 --> 00:26:12,904 [ALL LAUGHING] 721 00:26:13,905 --> 00:26:15,699 So, what do you say? 722 00:26:15,782 --> 00:26:18,618 I am so, so sorry that we got you fired. 723 00:26:18,702 --> 00:26:19,911 [SIGHS] I am literally so stupid. 724 00:26:19,995 --> 00:26:21,288 I'm literally so stupid 725 00:26:21,371 --> 00:26:22,831 for thinking that I could be an agent. 726 00:26:22,914 --> 00:26:24,624 I just don't have the mentality for it! 727 00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:27,836 And what am I gonna tell my mommy? [SOBBING] 728 00:26:27,919 --> 00:26:29,421 -Um... -Ask him. 729 00:26:29,504 --> 00:26:30,964 -[SNIFFLING, SOBBING] -Caleb, is there any way 730 00:26:31,047 --> 00:26:33,258 that you could just drop us off at the hotel? 731 00:26:33,341 --> 00:26:35,677 -[GROANS] Yeah. -Thank you. 732 00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:36,886 -Thanks. -CALEB: I could do that. 733 00:26:36,970 --> 00:26:39,306 Or I could give you a lift 734 00:26:39,389 --> 00:26:41,975 straight to Mr. Jon Hamm's house 735 00:26:42,058 --> 00:26:46,104 because I swiped the address from Megan's desk. 736 00:26:46,187 --> 00:26:48,398 Caleb, you beautiful son of a bitch. 737 00:26:48,481 --> 00:26:50,442 -GAIL: What? -Yeah! 738 00:26:50,525 --> 00:26:53,028 -Are you kidding me? -[ALL LAUGHING] 739 00:26:53,111 --> 00:26:54,279 You tired? 740 00:26:54,362 --> 00:26:55,822 Yeah. I'm always tired. 741 00:26:55,905 --> 00:26:57,991 Always tired, yeah. 742 00:26:58,074 --> 00:27:01,578 This is it, Creative Artists Agency. 743 00:27:01,661 --> 00:27:03,288 I thought it would be a little, uh... 744 00:27:03,371 --> 00:27:04,289 -[GAIL WHOOPING] -...fancier or something. 745 00:27:04,372 --> 00:27:05,665 It's the parking garage. 746 00:27:05,749 --> 00:27:07,125 GAIL: Yay! NICCOLO: Wait a minute. 747 00:27:07,208 --> 00:27:09,127 -That's her. That's her! -[ENGINE ACCELERATING] 748 00:27:09,210 --> 00:27:10,629 SERGIO: That's her? Hey! Hey! 749 00:27:12,756 --> 00:27:14,341 -Wait... -I'm not gonna run after a car. 750 00:27:14,424 --> 00:27:16,926 What the... You nuts? There's a stop sign up there. 751 00:27:17,010 --> 00:27:19,512 -Then you run after the car. -Fine! 752 00:27:19,596 --> 00:27:21,348 Okay. No. Screw it. I'm not gonna run after the car. 753 00:27:21,431 --> 00:27:22,515 No, you're not gonna run after the car. 754 00:27:22,599 --> 00:27:23,892 -We're parked this way. -Okay. 755 00:27:23,975 --> 00:27:25,644 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 756 00:27:30,315 --> 00:27:32,442 -OTTO: Oh, wow! Okay. -[CALEB CHUCKLES] 757 00:27:34,944 --> 00:27:36,112 -[CALEB CHUCKLES] -We should be quiet. 758 00:27:40,116 --> 00:27:41,534 Well, what are you waiting for, Gail? Buzz him. 759 00:27:41,618 --> 00:27:43,286 Buzz him? I hardly know him. 760 00:27:46,998 --> 00:27:49,584 [ALL LAUGHING] 761 00:27:49,668 --> 00:27:51,544 "Buzz him. I hardly know him." 762 00:27:51,628 --> 00:27:53,004 -[LAUGHING] -We're too funny. 763 00:27:53,088 --> 00:27:55,757 Hilarious jokes aside, 764 00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:57,717 do you think celebrities normally 765 00:27:57,801 --> 00:27:59,302 let in strangers with sex requests? 766 00:27:59,386 --> 00:28:00,470 OTTO: Mm. 767 00:28:00,553 --> 00:28:02,263 That's a good point. 768 00:28:02,347 --> 00:28:04,140 I think we need to get you on the other side of that gate 769 00:28:04,224 --> 00:28:05,934 so that Hamm Dog can see you face-to-face. 770 00:28:06,017 --> 00:28:07,977 Mm-hmm. Then he'll have to fuck you. 771 00:28:09,604 --> 00:28:10,855 [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] 772 00:28:14,776 --> 00:28:15,694 I have an idea. 773 00:28:16,945 --> 00:28:18,029 Take your clothes off. 774 00:28:19,114 --> 00:28:20,824 -I got your butt! -[GROANS] 775 00:28:20,907 --> 00:28:22,784 GAIL: Oh, shoot. OTTO: Whoa! 776 00:28:22,867 --> 00:28:23,952 -GAIL: Nice and slow. -[GROANS] 777 00:28:24,035 --> 00:28:25,328 -CALEB: I got a foothold. -Okay. 778 00:28:25,412 --> 00:28:26,746 OTTO: Just climb over and we'll slowly 779 00:28:26,830 --> 00:28:27,580 -lower you down. -GAIL: We got you. 780 00:28:27,664 --> 00:28:28,707 OTTO: Wait, wait, wait! 781 00:28:28,790 --> 00:28:30,083 [GROANING] 782 00:28:31,793 --> 00:28:32,669 -[CALEB GROANING WEAKLY] -OTTO: Whoops. 783 00:28:33,878 --> 00:28:35,338 -You good? -Ow! 784 00:28:35,422 --> 00:28:37,590 -But yes, I am good. -GAIL: Okay! 785 00:28:39,092 --> 00:28:41,261 See? Nothing a little clothes rope won't fix. 786 00:28:41,344 --> 00:28:42,595 Turns out it was unlocked. 787 00:28:42,679 --> 00:28:44,931 OTTO: Look at this place. Wow. 788 00:28:45,014 --> 00:28:46,433 CALEB: Jon Hamm's done well for himself. 789 00:28:46,516 --> 00:28:49,644 -Wait. How do I look? -Oh, fabulous. 790 00:28:49,728 --> 00:28:51,730 And that is my professional opinion. 791 00:28:51,813 --> 00:28:53,440 [CALEB CHUCKLES] 792 00:28:53,523 --> 00:28:54,733 -WEIRD AL: Excuse me! -[GOLF CART WHIRRING] 793 00:28:57,277 --> 00:28:58,194 [BRAKES SCREECH] 794 00:29:01,322 --> 00:29:02,407 WEIRD AL: Excuse me. Who are you? 795 00:29:02,490 --> 00:29:03,533 You're "Weird Al" Yankovic. 796 00:29:03,616 --> 00:29:05,577 -[CALEB GASPS] -Maybe. 797 00:29:05,660 --> 00:29:07,162 Uh, you live with Jon Hamm? 798 00:29:07,245 --> 00:29:10,206 No. I bought this house from him, like, a year ago. 799 00:29:10,290 --> 00:29:12,459 -You guys know Jon? -Not exactly. 800 00:29:12,542 --> 00:29:14,419 Well, how exactly did you get in here? 801 00:29:14,502 --> 00:29:16,254 We made a clothes rope. 802 00:29:16,337 --> 00:29:18,715 -[LAUGHING] Of course! -Out of our clothes. 803 00:29:18,798 --> 00:29:20,008 [GAIL LAUGHING] 804 00:29:20,091 --> 00:29:21,342 Told you guys it was a good idea. 805 00:29:22,510 --> 00:29:24,179 You know... [SIGHS] 806 00:29:24,262 --> 00:29:25,388 funny thing about Hollywood. 807 00:29:26,681 --> 00:29:27,932 -What's he doing? -What is he gonna... 808 00:29:29,142 --> 00:29:30,685 People think it's a parody. 809 00:29:30,769 --> 00:29:33,605 Like we're all just playing pretend. 810 00:29:33,688 --> 00:29:36,483 Except when it comes to defending our property. 811 00:29:36,566 --> 00:29:37,859 What are we gonna do? 812 00:29:41,529 --> 00:29:43,281 Well, well, well. 813 00:29:43,364 --> 00:29:45,867 Gail and her friends are in a real pickle now. 814 00:29:45,950 --> 00:29:47,786 How are they gonna get out of this one? 815 00:29:47,869 --> 00:29:48,870 [MUFFLED] They need a clever solution, 816 00:29:48,953 --> 00:29:50,747 and they need it fast. 817 00:29:50,830 --> 00:29:53,082 Well, sometimes the best idea 818 00:29:53,166 --> 00:29:55,794 is the same idea you had a few minutes ago. 819 00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:58,296 I have an idea. 820 00:29:58,379 --> 00:30:00,590 -Quick, take off your clothes. -Okay! 821 00:30:00,673 --> 00:30:02,217 WEIRD AL: You people think 822 00:30:02,300 --> 00:30:04,886 just because you bought a ticket to one of my concerts, 823 00:30:04,969 --> 00:30:07,680 you have the right to invade my sanctuary? 824 00:30:09,182 --> 00:30:11,100 Now! Suck it! 825 00:30:11,184 --> 00:30:13,269 CALEB: My pants! OTTO: Sweater! 826 00:30:13,353 --> 00:30:14,604 GAIL: Shirt! CALEB: More pants! 827 00:30:15,605 --> 00:30:17,857 -[GRUNTING] -Run! 828 00:30:20,151 --> 00:30:21,361 [GROANS] 829 00:30:21,444 --> 00:30:22,987 [SCREAMING] 830 00:30:24,239 --> 00:30:26,699 WEIRD AL: I'm coming for you! 831 00:30:26,783 --> 00:30:28,243 [SCREAMING] 832 00:30:29,828 --> 00:30:31,913 [CALEB PANTING] 833 00:30:31,996 --> 00:30:33,373 [GAIL PANTING] 834 00:30:33,456 --> 00:30:35,333 [ALL PANTING] 835 00:30:35,416 --> 00:30:36,543 GAIL: You okay? 836 00:30:36,626 --> 00:30:38,336 -VINCENT: Hey! -[ALL SCREAM] 837 00:30:38,419 --> 00:30:40,338 This is my goddamn tree! Find your own goddamn tree! 838 00:30:40,421 --> 00:30:41,881 Who are you? 839 00:30:41,965 --> 00:30:43,591 Who am I? Eat me out. That's who I am. 840 00:30:43,675 --> 00:30:45,093 I've been camped out here for two days 841 00:30:45,176 --> 00:30:47,053 trying to get a picture of "Weird Al" Yankovic, 842 00:30:47,136 --> 00:30:48,263 and you guys are blowing my cover! 843 00:30:48,346 --> 00:30:50,098 So sorry. We really didn't mean... 844 00:30:50,181 --> 00:30:51,766 Aha! There you are! 845 00:30:51,850 --> 00:30:53,017 -[GUN COCKING] -Run! Run! 846 00:30:53,101 --> 00:30:54,102 -WEIRD AL: Eat it! -Run! Run! 847 00:30:54,185 --> 00:30:55,603 -[GUNSHOTS] -Eat it! 848 00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:57,522 WEIRD AL: Get yourself an egg and beat it! 849 00:30:57,605 --> 00:30:59,148 -[GUNFIRE] -[ALL PANTING] 850 00:31:03,820 --> 00:31:05,905 -Goddamn it! -Hey! Hey! 851 00:31:05,989 --> 00:31:08,032 Sorry! We did not mean to horn in on your project. 852 00:31:08,116 --> 00:31:09,492 Really, really sorry. 853 00:31:09,576 --> 00:31:13,538 Oh, no, no, no. I'm... I'm... I'm sorry, I... 854 00:31:13,621 --> 00:31:16,416 I didn't mean to be so hostile. I... I... I'm not mad at you. 855 00:31:16,499 --> 00:31:18,001 -GAIL: Huh? -I'm mad at me. 856 00:31:18,084 --> 00:31:19,752 -I'm mad at this guy right here. -GAIL: Oh. 857 00:31:19,836 --> 00:31:20,879 Well, you know what? We played a part 858 00:31:20,962 --> 00:31:22,255 in creating that situation, 859 00:31:22,338 --> 00:31:23,673 and for that we apologize, 860 00:31:23,756 --> 00:31:24,507 -right, guys? -GAIL: We do. We were all 861 00:31:24,591 --> 00:31:25,592 very, very stressed 862 00:31:25,675 --> 00:31:26,676 -out back there. -Yeah. 863 00:31:26,759 --> 00:31:28,052 Please don't patronize me. 864 00:31:28,136 --> 00:31:29,387 I know what people think of paparazzi. 865 00:31:29,470 --> 00:31:30,680 You know, that they're these heartless, 866 00:31:30,763 --> 00:31:31,931 bottom-feeding scumbags 867 00:31:32,015 --> 00:31:34,058 who don't take a shower. And, um... 868 00:31:34,142 --> 00:31:35,685 that's why I try so hard 869 00:31:35,768 --> 00:31:37,145 -to be a nice guy, you know? -[DOG BARKS DISTANTLY] 870 00:31:37,228 --> 00:31:39,522 And then I just blow my gasket one time, 871 00:31:39,606 --> 00:31:42,191 and all that hard work is shot to shit. 872 00:31:42,275 --> 00:31:43,693 Goddamn it! 873 00:31:43,776 --> 00:31:45,612 -[CALEB SQUIRMS] -Please don't beat yourself up. 874 00:31:45,695 --> 00:31:47,196 -Ah. Oh. -[ENGINE REVVING] 875 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,449 My car! No! 876 00:31:49,532 --> 00:31:51,951 I'm so stupid! 877 00:31:52,035 --> 00:31:54,120 This is just great. This is just great. 878 00:31:54,203 --> 00:31:55,914 It's like, you know, "Oh. Oh, hi, Mommy. 879 00:31:55,997 --> 00:31:57,957 "I'm just calling to let you know that my car got towed, 880 00:31:58,041 --> 00:31:59,125 "and I got fired today. 881 00:31:59,208 --> 00:32:00,627 "How was your day? Was it good? 882 00:32:00,710 --> 00:32:02,295 "Did you go to the hip-hop class? Was it fun? 883 00:32:02,378 --> 00:32:03,379 "Or did you feel too old and leave halfway through?" 884 00:32:03,463 --> 00:32:04,964 Come here. 885 00:32:05,048 --> 00:32:06,841 Come here. It's okay. 886 00:32:06,925 --> 00:32:08,801 But hey, look on the bright side. 887 00:32:08,885 --> 00:32:10,428 We got to meet "Weird Al" Yankovic. 888 00:32:10,511 --> 00:32:13,181 -Yeah! That's pretty cool, huh? -Right? [CHUCKLING] 889 00:32:13,264 --> 00:32:14,807 And who was that other man? 890 00:32:14,891 --> 00:32:16,392 I... I think that was Penn Jillette. 891 00:32:16,476 --> 00:32:18,144 VINCENT: No shit. OTTO: Not sure why, but yeah. 892 00:32:18,227 --> 00:32:20,313 -GAIL: See? -But hey, Gail, I mean, 893 00:32:20,396 --> 00:32:22,398 with no car, how are we supposed to find Jon Hamm? 894 00:32:22,482 --> 00:32:24,150 Wait. 895 00:32:24,233 --> 00:32:25,777 Did you say Jon Hamm? 896 00:32:25,860 --> 00:32:27,570 Yes. I need to find him and sleep with him by Sunday. 897 00:32:27,654 --> 00:32:29,364 -Why? -Hamm... 898 00:32:30,657 --> 00:32:31,950 is my Holy Grail. 899 00:32:33,701 --> 00:32:35,411 VINCENT: 2007, 900 00:32:35,495 --> 00:32:37,246 I was a wet-behind-the-ears beat photographer 901 00:32:37,330 --> 00:32:39,415 at People magazine. I was 902 00:32:39,499 --> 00:32:41,376 -the new kid on the block. - [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] 903 00:32:41,459 --> 00:32:42,710 -But I was good. Real good. - [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] 904 00:32:42,794 --> 00:32:44,587 Any celeb you name, 905 00:32:44,671 --> 00:32:47,048 I tracked them down and I got the perfect candid shot. 906 00:32:47,131 --> 00:32:48,257 EDITOR: What do you got for me? 907 00:32:48,341 --> 00:32:49,676 I got Banks beaching in Baja. 908 00:32:49,759 --> 00:32:51,094 EDITOR: Banks in Baja? 909 00:32:51,177 --> 00:32:52,387 VINCENT: I got Paris pounding a pastrami. 910 00:32:52,470 --> 00:32:54,305 Spears spelunking in Spain. 911 00:32:54,389 --> 00:32:56,182 Lohan lounging in Lisbon. Cruise caroling at Christmas. 912 00:32:56,265 --> 00:32:57,642 Tara tanning topless in Tulum. Beyonce basking in Barbados. 913 00:32:57,725 --> 00:32:58,893 Mary-Kate meditating in Marrakesh. 914 00:32:58,977 --> 00:33:00,812 I got Schreiber walking his dog. 915 00:33:00,895 --> 00:33:02,355 Yes! [CHUCKLING] 916 00:33:02,438 --> 00:33:04,857 VINCENT: I was on fire. I never once failed. 917 00:33:04,941 --> 00:33:06,109 Around the office they called me 918 00:33:06,192 --> 00:33:07,860 "Mr. Always Gets His Shot, 919 00:33:07,944 --> 00:33:09,696 "Even When It's a Hard Shot to Get." 920 00:33:09,779 --> 00:33:12,782 It was a mouthful, but it was an accurate description. 921 00:33:12,865 --> 00:33:14,659 -Take a look at this. -VINCENT: And then one day, 922 00:33:14,742 --> 00:33:16,869 my editor gave me a no-brainer assignment. 923 00:33:16,953 --> 00:33:20,331 Get a candid shot of the star of the new hot show Mad Men. 924 00:33:20,415 --> 00:33:23,501 An actor I hadn't heard of by the name of Jon Hamm. 925 00:33:23,584 --> 00:33:27,922 Little did I know he would become my white whale. 926 00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:29,215 -He eluded me. -SECURITY GUARD: Hey, hey. 927 00:33:29,298 --> 00:33:30,425 -No paparazzi. Move. -Hey, come on! 928 00:33:30,508 --> 00:33:31,592 VINCENT: Time after time... 929 00:33:31,676 --> 00:33:32,719 Fuck! 930 00:33:32,802 --> 00:33:34,512 ...day after day, 931 00:33:34,595 --> 00:33:35,847 -night after night. - [GRUNTS] 932 00:33:36,973 --> 00:33:38,433 The deadline had come, 933 00:33:38,516 --> 00:33:40,018 and I had no clue what I was gonna do. 934 00:33:40,101 --> 00:33:41,269 But then... 935 00:33:41,352 --> 00:33:43,271 -Hmm? -[CELL PHONE RINGING] 936 00:33:43,354 --> 00:33:44,522 Talk to me. 937 00:33:44,605 --> 00:33:45,898 He's there right now? 938 00:33:45,982 --> 00:33:47,483 ...a hot tip. 939 00:33:47,567 --> 00:33:50,611 And this time, I wasn't gonna let him get away. 940 00:33:52,572 --> 00:33:53,781 And there he was, 941 00:33:53,865 --> 00:33:56,034 my white male whale. 942 00:33:56,117 --> 00:33:57,618 I got you, you son of a bitch! 943 00:33:57,702 --> 00:33:59,954 This was my moment to lock in my identity 944 00:34:00,038 --> 00:34:01,998 as Mr. Always Gets His Shot, 945 00:34:02,081 --> 00:34:03,791 Even Though it's... It was a Hard... 946 00:34:03,875 --> 00:34:05,376 Or something like that. 947 00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:06,294 -I hit the button. - [BUTTON CLICKS] 948 00:34:06,377 --> 00:34:08,046 But then... nothing. 949 00:34:09,630 --> 00:34:10,882 No film! 950 00:34:10,965 --> 00:34:12,050 [BREATH TREMBLING] 951 00:34:15,136 --> 00:34:16,262 And he was gone. 952 00:34:18,056 --> 00:34:20,975 Things spiraled after that. Drugs, alcohol, gambling. 953 00:34:21,059 --> 00:34:23,269 Lost my job. Started living out of my car. 954 00:34:24,145 --> 00:34:25,730 Sold my hair for wigs. 955 00:34:25,813 --> 00:34:27,440 [CHUCKLES] It wasn't long after that I started... 956 00:34:28,566 --> 00:34:31,319 selling my wigs for hair. 957 00:34:31,402 --> 00:34:33,863 But the truth is, I lost more than my job that day. 958 00:34:33,946 --> 00:34:35,948 I lost something in here. 959 00:34:36,032 --> 00:34:38,117 Yeah, I still freelance for a few bucks these days, 960 00:34:38,201 --> 00:34:39,911 but it's been a long time 961 00:34:39,994 --> 00:34:42,622 since the days of Mr. Always Gets His Shot Even When He... 962 00:34:42,705 --> 00:34:44,707 [STAMMERING] 963 00:34:44,791 --> 00:34:46,042 Uh, fuck. What was it again? 964 00:34:46,125 --> 00:34:47,543 Even When It Was a Hard Shot to Get. 965 00:34:47,627 --> 00:34:49,921 Yeah. Something like that. 966 00:34:51,047 --> 00:34:52,090 But now, these days... 967 00:34:53,091 --> 00:34:54,383 I always carry a spare roll 968 00:34:54,467 --> 00:34:56,010 -of film with me. [CHUCKLES] -GAIL: Mm. 969 00:34:56,094 --> 00:34:57,386 But everything's digital now. 970 00:34:57,470 --> 00:34:58,971 It's a reminder, Jacko! 971 00:35:00,306 --> 00:35:01,974 To never leave what's important behind. 972 00:35:02,058 --> 00:35:04,227 -GAIL: Mm-hmm. -Ah. 973 00:35:04,310 --> 00:35:05,645 Anyway, that's my long story short. 974 00:35:05,728 --> 00:35:06,979 [GASPING] 975 00:35:07,063 --> 00:35:08,314 Wasn't that short of a story. 976 00:35:08,397 --> 00:35:10,566 I thought it was a great story, uh... 977 00:35:10,650 --> 00:35:12,276 -Vincent. -Nice to meet you, Vincent. 978 00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:13,945 My name is Gail. This is Otto and Caleb. 979 00:35:14,028 --> 00:35:15,488 [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 980 00:35:15,571 --> 00:35:17,240 GAIL: [IN ENGLISH] Hey, this might sound crazy, 981 00:35:17,323 --> 00:35:19,659 but we could really, really use your know-how 982 00:35:19,742 --> 00:35:22,120 in terms of tracking down celebrities. Would you... 983 00:35:23,371 --> 00:35:25,665 wanna come with us to find Jon Hamm? 984 00:35:25,748 --> 00:35:28,751 [BREATHES DEEPLY] 985 00:35:28,835 --> 00:35:30,128 Well, well, well. 986 00:35:31,420 --> 00:35:34,132 The white whale "weturns." 987 00:35:35,466 --> 00:35:37,051 -What? -[SNAPS FINGERS] "Wet's woll." 988 00:35:37,135 --> 00:35:39,929 -[ALL LAUGHING] -OTTO: hey. Yes! 989 00:35:40,012 --> 00:35:41,722 -Let's go. -GAIL: This is exciting. 990 00:35:41,806 --> 00:35:42,723 VINCENT: Hey, we're skipping. Look at us. We're skipping. 991 00:35:42,807 --> 00:35:45,143 [OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 992 00:35:48,771 --> 00:35:50,648 [PIANO PLAYING] 993 00:35:50,731 --> 00:35:51,941 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 994 00:35:52,984 --> 00:35:54,944 -My case? -Oh, um... 995 00:35:55,027 --> 00:35:56,070 -Not much luck. -Yet. 996 00:35:56,154 --> 00:35:59,991 But we have some very good leads. 997 00:36:00,074 --> 00:36:01,742 [PIANO CONTINUES PLAYING] 998 00:36:01,826 --> 00:36:04,579 So, you came here to tell me that you don't have my case? 999 00:36:04,662 --> 00:36:06,664 Uh, yeah... Yes, that we did. 1000 00:36:06,747 --> 00:36:09,458 And also that we're a little bit hungry, 1001 00:36:09,542 --> 00:36:12,086 so we thought when in Rome... 1002 00:36:12,170 --> 00:36:13,796 -themed restaurant. -LUDOVICA: Oh. 1003 00:36:15,047 --> 00:36:16,132 Sit. 1004 00:36:17,300 --> 00:36:19,177 I'm good. I had a snack earlier. 1005 00:36:23,598 --> 00:36:25,433 Sergio. 1006 00:36:25,516 --> 00:36:29,020 -Sergio, Sergio, Sergio. -[CHUCKLING] Thank you. 1007 00:36:29,103 --> 00:36:30,188 That's silly. 1008 00:36:30,271 --> 00:36:31,856 Oh! Look at this. 1009 00:36:31,939 --> 00:36:33,065 -Thank you. -LUDOVICA: You're hungry. 1010 00:36:33,149 --> 00:36:34,859 So maybe you just need to eat! 1011 00:36:34,942 --> 00:36:35,985 [MUFFLED SCREAMING] 1012 00:36:37,737 --> 00:36:39,238 [PIANO TEMPO INCREASES] 1013 00:36:40,948 --> 00:36:42,408 [SERGIO STRAINING, SCREAMING] 1014 00:36:43,492 --> 00:36:44,785 LUDOVICA: Come on, everybody. 1015 00:36:44,869 --> 00:36:46,078 [MUFFLED SCREAMING CONTINUES] 1016 00:36:51,042 --> 00:36:53,002 [PIANO PLAYING OFF-KEY] 1017 00:36:54,712 --> 00:36:56,088 [MUFFLED SCREAMING, CHOKING] 1018 00:36:59,467 --> 00:37:01,761 No, I love Baja. Don't you remember? 1019 00:37:01,844 --> 00:37:05,139 People magazine had those photos of me in 2007. 1020 00:37:05,223 --> 00:37:08,684 [INHALES SHARPLY] I'm not really feeling Italian all of a sudden. 1021 00:37:08,768 --> 00:37:10,228 Let's go to that Thai place near you. 1022 00:37:11,270 --> 00:37:12,438 Okay. 1023 00:37:12,521 --> 00:37:14,440 [GASPING] 1024 00:37:14,523 --> 00:37:15,358 [SERGIO EXHALES SHARPLY] 1025 00:37:16,567 --> 00:37:17,693 Anyone else is hungry? 1026 00:37:17,777 --> 00:37:19,320 -No! -We gotta go get the case. 1027 00:37:19,403 --> 00:37:21,072 -We'll get the case. -Bravi. 1028 00:37:21,155 --> 00:37:23,866 Bravi, little monkeys, bravi. 1029 00:37:23,950 --> 00:37:25,910 -Find that fucking case! -[OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 1030 00:37:25,993 --> 00:37:27,828 [WHEELS RATTLING] 1031 00:37:30,957 --> 00:37:32,291 [KNOCKING AT DOOR] 1032 00:37:32,375 --> 00:37:33,251 CALEB: Our luggage. Come in! 1033 00:37:33,918 --> 00:37:35,127 Bobby Snaps. 1034 00:37:35,211 --> 00:37:38,172 Hey, man, it's Vincent. [LAUGHING] 1035 00:37:38,256 --> 00:37:39,632 I'm gonna cut to the CliffsNotes. 1036 00:37:39,715 --> 00:37:41,926 I'm in the market for a Mr. Jonathan Hamm. 1037 00:37:42,009 --> 00:37:43,427 Uh, excuse me, sir, 1038 00:37:43,511 --> 00:37:44,845 we were actually supposed to have two beds. 1039 00:37:44,929 --> 00:37:46,264 I can bring a rollaway, if that would work. 1040 00:37:46,347 --> 00:37:49,016 Thank you! [LAUGHS] Wait. 1041 00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:50,977 Let me give you a tip. 1042 00:37:51,060 --> 00:37:53,062 I don't wanna be on the wrong side of history. 1043 00:37:53,145 --> 00:37:55,231 [GASPS] Oh, no. I used all my cash earlier. 1044 00:37:55,314 --> 00:37:56,857 Can I use my credit card? 1045 00:37:56,941 --> 00:37:57,984 You can use a credit card for anything these days. 1046 00:37:58,943 --> 00:38:00,278 Only in LA. 1047 00:38:01,237 --> 00:38:02,530 -Otto? -OTTO: Yeah? 1048 00:38:02,613 --> 00:38:05,116 How much should I tip him? Like 75 cents? 1049 00:38:05,199 --> 00:38:06,742 -These guys live on their tips. -Okay. 1050 00:38:08,077 --> 00:38:09,203 [CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY] 1051 00:38:12,206 --> 00:38:13,416 -Thanks. -GAIL: Anytime. 1052 00:38:14,750 --> 00:38:16,502 [SIGHS] Anything? 1053 00:38:16,585 --> 00:38:17,753 NICCOLO: Nothing. 1054 00:38:17,837 --> 00:38:19,338 [EXHALES] She's a goddamn ghost. 1055 00:38:19,422 --> 00:38:20,298 [BEEPING] 1056 00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:22,133 Oh, wait. 1057 00:38:22,216 --> 00:38:24,176 -[SERGIO GASPS] -Sometimes even a ghost 1058 00:38:24,260 --> 00:38:25,553 has to come up for air. 1059 00:38:25,636 --> 00:38:28,389 Bingo-bango! We got you, Gail Daughtry! 1060 00:38:28,472 --> 00:38:29,557 Got you! 1061 00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:31,767 [BOTH LAUGHING MANIACALLY] 1062 00:38:39,275 --> 00:38:41,193 Got you! We got you! 1063 00:38:41,277 --> 00:38:42,570 VINCENT: Are you sure he's there? You sure? 1064 00:38:42,653 --> 00:38:44,238 All right, he's there right now? 1065 00:38:44,322 --> 00:38:45,740 -GAIL: What? -Okay. Thanks, man! 1066 00:38:45,823 --> 00:38:48,159 Thank you, man! [SCREAMS] 1067 00:38:48,242 --> 00:38:49,410 Uh, who's ready to meet 1068 00:38:49,493 --> 00:38:51,912 a Mr. Jonathan Daniel Hamm? [LAUGHING] 1069 00:38:51,996 --> 00:38:53,539 No way! No way! 1070 00:38:53,622 --> 00:38:56,625 I'm ready to do a lot more than meet him! 1071 00:38:56,709 --> 00:38:58,127 [WHOOPING] 1072 00:38:58,711 --> 00:39:00,379 Oh! Ew! 1073 00:39:00,463 --> 00:39:02,506 -Wait, wait, do you get it? -Yeah. 1074 00:39:02,590 --> 00:39:04,175 Okay, I gotta get dressed. I gotta do my hair. 1075 00:39:04,258 --> 00:39:05,843 What? Okay. 1076 00:39:05,926 --> 00:39:07,428 Hey, what are we doing here? 1077 00:39:07,511 --> 00:39:09,180 We have to hit the road now. We don't wanna miss him. 1078 00:39:09,263 --> 00:39:10,181 Okay, bring your hair stuff with you. 1079 00:39:10,264 --> 00:39:11,223 We'll get you all dolled up 1080 00:39:11,307 --> 00:39:13,017 -on the way. -Okay. 1081 00:39:13,100 --> 00:39:14,226 Yep. I think this is it. 1082 00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:17,688 -Yeah. Over here. -[GAIL GASPS] 1083 00:39:17,772 --> 00:39:19,065 GAIL: Oh, I forgot to do my hair! 1084 00:39:19,148 --> 00:39:20,358 Oh, don't worry about it. You look great. 1085 00:39:20,441 --> 00:39:22,234 That's my professional opinion. 1086 00:39:22,318 --> 00:39:24,445 Oh, Otto, what would I do without you? 1087 00:39:24,528 --> 00:39:26,197 -My guess is you'd be dead. -[CHUCKLES] 1088 00:39:28,908 --> 00:39:29,909 GAIL: Huh. 1089 00:39:29,992 --> 00:39:31,118 MAN: Fuck you! 1090 00:39:31,202 --> 00:39:32,828 GAIL: This is not where I thought 1091 00:39:32,912 --> 00:39:34,705 a big-time movie star would live. 1092 00:39:34,789 --> 00:39:36,999 I think he should fire his business manager. 1093 00:39:37,083 --> 00:39:39,418 -[INDISTINCT SHOUTING] -[SIREN WAILING] 1094 00:39:42,171 --> 00:39:44,090 Wait, that's Jon Hamm? 1095 00:39:44,173 --> 00:39:45,966 No, that's John Slattery. 1096 00:39:46,050 --> 00:39:48,177 He co-starred with Jon Hamm on Mad Men, remember? 1097 00:39:48,260 --> 00:39:50,679 Right! He played Roger Sterling. Cool! 1098 00:39:50,763 --> 00:39:52,390 But I thought we were going to Jon Hamm's house. 1099 00:39:54,058 --> 00:39:56,560 Hey, this guy is a hell of a lot closer 1100 00:39:56,644 --> 00:39:58,771 to Jon Hamm than any of us are, okay? 1101 00:39:58,854 --> 00:40:00,439 I don't see anybody here 1102 00:40:00,523 --> 00:40:02,900 with Hamm's number on their phone computers, do you? 1103 00:40:02,983 --> 00:40:04,652 -No one's saying that... -Who says "phone computer"? 1104 00:40:04,735 --> 00:40:07,446 Otto, are you good friends with Jon Hamm? No, you're not. 1105 00:40:07,530 --> 00:40:09,907 Caleb, are you Jon Hamm's personal fuck buddy? 1106 00:40:09,990 --> 00:40:11,867 -What? No. -No, I don't think so, okay? 1107 00:40:11,951 --> 00:40:13,285 This is a lead! 1108 00:40:13,369 --> 00:40:15,246 What I do every day is to find celebrities, 1109 00:40:15,329 --> 00:40:17,081 and this is how I do it! 1110 00:40:17,164 --> 00:40:19,083 Okay, fine. You're right. We're sorry. Just calm down. 1111 00:40:19,166 --> 00:40:21,669 If it's a dead end, it's a dead end, okay? 1112 00:40:21,752 --> 00:40:24,296 Sure, John Slattery hasn't had an acting job in over a decade, 1113 00:40:24,380 --> 00:40:26,507 but he worked with Jon Hamm for years, okay? 1114 00:40:26,590 --> 00:40:28,426 So what are we gonna do? Not try? 1115 00:40:28,509 --> 00:40:30,136 I'm just saying, like, maybe we could take it down a notch. 1116 00:40:30,219 --> 00:40:31,512 How about you take it down a notch? 1117 00:40:31,595 --> 00:40:32,763 Vincent. Vincent, look at me! Look at me! 1118 00:40:32,847 --> 00:40:33,764 How about you stop? You think... 1119 00:40:33,848 --> 00:40:35,099 We're all on the same team! 1120 00:40:35,182 --> 00:40:36,267 Now, I need you to keep it together. 1121 00:40:36,350 --> 00:40:37,852 Okay. I'm sorry, it's just that 1122 00:40:37,935 --> 00:40:39,520 these two do-do-do's are pushing my buttons. 1123 00:40:39,603 --> 00:40:41,981 -What did you just call me? -It's okay. 1124 00:40:42,064 --> 00:40:45,359 [VOICE SHAKING] I'm sorry. I've just been through so much. 1125 00:40:45,443 --> 00:40:46,902 GAIL: I totally get it. 1126 00:40:46,986 --> 00:40:49,071 But we gotta keep our eyes on the prize. 1127 00:40:49,155 --> 00:40:51,824 Which is slippin' Hamm's D into Gail's V. 1128 00:40:51,907 --> 00:40:53,242 Right. 1129 00:40:53,325 --> 00:40:55,161 -[SLATTERY GRUNTING] -[PUNCHING BAG THUDDING] 1130 00:40:55,244 --> 00:40:57,955 -Uh, hello? Hi. -[SCREAMS] 1131 00:40:58,038 --> 00:40:59,707 -Stop! -Whoa. 1132 00:40:59,790 --> 00:41:01,917 I have the legal right to defend myself against trespassers. 1133 00:41:02,001 --> 00:41:03,794 No, no, no, we're not trespassers. We just want... 1134 00:41:03,878 --> 00:41:05,546 California Penal Code section 602 would disagree. 1135 00:41:05,629 --> 00:41:07,131 Entry onto the property of another 1136 00:41:07,214 --> 00:41:08,716 without permission is trespassing. 1137 00:41:08,799 --> 00:41:10,885 I therefore have the legal right to kick your ass 1138 00:41:10,968 --> 00:41:12,178 and take names never. 1139 00:41:12,261 --> 00:41:14,138 -[YELLING INDISTINCTLY] -[YELLING] 1140 00:41:14,221 --> 00:41:15,347 -[GROANS] -Oh! 1141 00:41:15,431 --> 00:41:17,641 [FARTING] Ow, ow, ow. 1142 00:41:17,725 --> 00:41:19,393 -GAIL: Oops. -Just take it. Take everything. 1143 00:41:19,477 --> 00:41:21,854 The key to the safe is in the pantry in a fake soup can. 1144 00:41:21,937 --> 00:41:23,147 [FARTING] Ow! 1145 00:41:23,230 --> 00:41:24,482 I... I think it's the beef barley. 1146 00:41:24,565 --> 00:41:25,983 [CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY] 1147 00:41:26,066 --> 00:41:27,485 [SOBBING] Please, just please don't hurt me. 1148 00:41:27,568 --> 00:41:28,944 No, no, we're... we're not here to hurt you. 1149 00:41:29,028 --> 00:41:30,905 What are you talking about? You just did! 1150 00:41:30,988 --> 00:41:32,781 What'd you do that for? I wasn't doing anything to you. 1151 00:41:32,865 --> 00:41:34,575 I was just trying to scare you. 1152 00:41:34,658 --> 00:41:37,244 I'm so sorry. It was just self-defense. 1153 00:41:37,328 --> 00:41:38,412 Well, what are you doing sneaking up on me 1154 00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:39,914 when I'm in a meeting? 1155 00:41:39,997 --> 00:41:41,749 With who? 1156 00:41:41,832 --> 00:41:43,792 A commitment to one's self is as important a meeting as any. 1157 00:41:43,876 --> 00:41:45,419 GAIL: Okay, the truth is, 1158 00:41:45,503 --> 00:41:47,171 we're here because my fiance's celebrity free pass 1159 00:41:47,254 --> 00:41:48,839 was Jennifer Aniston, and he did it. 1160 00:41:48,923 --> 00:41:51,342 So now I need to find my celebrity pass, Jon Hamm. 1161 00:41:51,425 --> 00:41:53,093 [GROANS] 1162 00:41:53,177 --> 00:41:55,346 -Should have guessed. -Can you help us find him? 1163 00:41:55,429 --> 00:41:57,097 Yeah, I could. But I won't. 1164 00:41:57,181 --> 00:41:59,558 Okay. I understand. 1165 00:41:59,642 --> 00:42:00,935 [CHUCKLING] You're not the first person 1166 00:42:01,018 --> 00:42:02,394 to come to me with this kind of a request. 1167 00:42:02,478 --> 00:42:04,855 Everybody wants a dicking from J.D.H. 1168 00:42:04,939 --> 00:42:07,191 Back in the day, we used to split up the spoils. 1169 00:42:07,274 --> 00:42:09,860 Sure. Golden Globes after-party, 2007? 1170 00:42:09,944 --> 00:42:11,862 -Forget it. [CHUCKLING] -Uh-huh. 1171 00:42:11,946 --> 00:42:14,031 These days... [SNIFFLES] 1172 00:42:16,033 --> 00:42:17,785 Tell you what I will do. 1173 00:42:17,868 --> 00:42:19,745 Have your friends walk around the block and I'll doink you. 1174 00:42:19,828 --> 00:42:21,372 That's got to still be worth something, right? 1175 00:42:21,455 --> 00:42:22,748 For God's sake, I was in 1176 00:42:22,831 --> 00:42:24,458 the seventh greatest show of all time, 1177 00:42:24,542 --> 00:42:26,252 according to Rolling Stone magazine. 1178 00:42:26,335 --> 00:42:27,670 And it would have been number one 1179 00:42:27,753 --> 00:42:29,588 if it weren't for Seinfeld, Fleabag, 1180 00:42:29,672 --> 00:42:32,007 Breaking Bad, The Wire, The Simpsons, and The Sopranos. 1181 00:42:32,091 --> 00:42:33,259 But I don't see Homer Simpson 1182 00:42:33,342 --> 00:42:34,301 standing here ready to whip it out, 1183 00:42:34,385 --> 00:42:36,011 so, uh, what do you say? 1184 00:42:36,095 --> 00:42:37,429 You wanna finalize this freak-fest? 1185 00:42:37,513 --> 00:42:38,973 That's a very sweet offer, Mr. Slattery. 1186 00:42:39,056 --> 00:42:40,641 You're goddamn right it is. 1187 00:42:40,724 --> 00:42:41,850 But it's not what I'm looking for. 1188 00:42:41,934 --> 00:42:43,686 Okay. 1189 00:42:43,769 --> 00:42:45,104 If your friends wanna stay and watch, that's fine, 1190 00:42:45,187 --> 00:42:46,814 but they have to hide in the closet, 1191 00:42:46,897 --> 00:42:48,190 and they can't make a lot of noise. It throws me off. 1192 00:42:48,274 --> 00:42:49,567 Uh, this is a dead end. Let's get out of here. 1193 00:42:49,650 --> 00:42:51,235 -Thank you. -I'm sorry to bother you. 1194 00:42:51,318 --> 00:42:52,695 Yeah, fine. I wasn't into you either. 1195 00:42:52,778 --> 00:42:54,321 I'll tell you something, sweet cheeks, 1196 00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:57,825 I like my women like I like my men, chunky as fuck. 1197 00:42:57,908 --> 00:42:59,994 -CALEB: What? -I said good day! 1198 00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:02,246 [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] 1199 00:43:02,329 --> 00:43:03,455 [GRUNTS] Knock your face right off. 1200 00:43:03,539 --> 00:43:05,165 See? There it is on the floor. 1201 00:43:05,249 --> 00:43:06,417 What are you gonna do now? You got your face on the floor. 1202 00:43:06,500 --> 00:43:07,751 CALEB: Wait, guys. 1203 00:43:09,128 --> 00:43:10,588 Let me take a swing at this one. 1204 00:43:11,255 --> 00:43:12,590 [BLOWS THUDDING] 1205 00:43:13,340 --> 00:43:14,300 [SLATTERY GRUNTING] 1206 00:43:15,050 --> 00:43:16,176 [SNIFFS] 1207 00:43:17,678 --> 00:43:19,096 Mr. Slattery. 1208 00:43:19,179 --> 00:43:21,640 California Penal Code section 602. Go away. 1209 00:43:21,724 --> 00:43:23,017 Orville and Wilbur. 1210 00:43:23,100 --> 00:43:24,435 -What? -The Wright brothers. 1211 00:43:24,518 --> 00:43:25,811 They invented the airplane. 1212 00:43:25,894 --> 00:43:27,271 Yeah. No duh. What about it? 1213 00:43:27,354 --> 00:43:29,815 What about it? They were brothers, John. 1214 00:43:29,898 --> 00:43:32,651 They were partners. They were equals. 1215 00:43:32,735 --> 00:43:34,111 They made something great together, 1216 00:43:34,194 --> 00:43:35,571 and it was a massive hit. 1217 00:43:35,654 --> 00:43:38,198 The airplane was a blockbuster. 1218 00:43:38,282 --> 00:43:40,159 But what happened to the brothers? 1219 00:43:40,242 --> 00:43:42,411 Orville, well, he's a hero, isn't he? 1220 00:43:42,494 --> 00:43:43,704 He's in the history books. 1221 00:43:44,747 --> 00:43:47,666 But as for Wilbur... [SCOFFS] 1222 00:43:47,750 --> 00:43:49,752 ...he just couldn't handle the heat, could he? 1223 00:43:49,835 --> 00:43:51,003 He didn't have the courage. 1224 00:43:51,962 --> 00:43:53,088 So, what did he do? 1225 00:43:54,590 --> 00:43:56,592 He resigned himself to being a footnote, 1226 00:43:56,675 --> 00:43:58,260 a trivia question, 1227 00:43:58,344 --> 00:44:01,013 wasting away the final precious years of his life 1228 00:44:01,096 --> 00:44:02,014 punching a bag in a garage. 1229 00:44:03,557 --> 00:44:04,600 You see the connection that I'm making, John? 1230 00:44:04,683 --> 00:44:06,060 -I'm Orville? -You're Wilbur. 1231 00:44:06,143 --> 00:44:08,646 Okay, then yes, I see the connection clearly. 1232 00:44:10,064 --> 00:44:12,358 John... 1233 00:44:12,441 --> 00:44:14,276 watching you give that there bag a "what for," 1234 00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:16,862 I can see that the fire still burns in your belly. 1235 00:44:18,238 --> 00:44:19,948 So, I just have one question for you. 1236 00:44:20,032 --> 00:44:22,576 Are you gonna spend the rest of your life 1237 00:44:22,660 --> 00:44:24,662 believing that you're the wrong Wright brother? 1238 00:44:27,247 --> 00:44:28,916 Or are you gonna start to believe 1239 00:44:29,917 --> 00:44:32,002 that deep down inside, 1240 00:44:33,212 --> 00:44:36,298 there can be two right Wright brothers? 1241 00:44:36,382 --> 00:44:37,424 [CALEB CHUCKLES SOFTLY] 1242 00:44:38,425 --> 00:44:40,052 Am I right, brother? 1243 00:44:40,135 --> 00:44:41,470 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 1244 00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:45,683 [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] 1245 00:45:00,948 --> 00:45:02,074 VINCENT: So, long story short, 1246 00:45:02,157 --> 00:45:03,367 I keep the roll of film as a reminder. 1247 00:45:03,450 --> 00:45:04,660 SLATTERY: Wasn't that short a story. 1248 00:45:04,743 --> 00:45:06,412 Now, how do we find Hamm? 1249 00:45:06,495 --> 00:45:08,706 First thing we should do is call his agent at CAA. 1250 00:45:08,789 --> 00:45:10,541 Uh, we tried that. Yeah, that ship has sailed. 1251 00:45:10,624 --> 00:45:12,710 Oh! Uh, I... I know he's got a house in Bel-Air. 1252 00:45:12,793 --> 00:45:14,002 Sold it a year ago. 1253 00:45:14,086 --> 00:45:15,170 I thought you were still friends. 1254 00:45:15,254 --> 00:45:16,422 Yeah, we're still friends. 1255 00:45:16,505 --> 00:45:18,090 We're just both busy. 1256 00:45:18,173 --> 00:45:19,800 So, we text mostly nowadays. Wait, let me see. 1257 00:45:22,636 --> 00:45:24,722 [QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING] 1258 00:45:33,063 --> 00:45:34,606 [QUIRKY MUSIC CONTINUES] 1259 00:45:42,197 --> 00:45:44,032 -[CHUCKLES] -What is it? 1260 00:45:44,116 --> 00:45:45,325 It doesn't... You won't get it. 1261 00:46:14,146 --> 00:46:16,482 Okay, you know, go up here to Sunset. 1262 00:46:16,565 --> 00:46:17,649 OTTO: Are you sure he still lives here? 1263 00:46:17,733 --> 00:46:19,234 How long ago was that text? 1264 00:46:19,318 --> 00:46:20,819 -Six months ago. -[SCOFFING] Okay. 1265 00:46:20,903 --> 00:46:22,863 Super helpful. 1266 00:46:22,946 --> 00:46:25,657 Hey, perhaps, Otto, you can come up with a better idea 1267 00:46:25,741 --> 00:46:27,284 before you choke the life out of this one, 1268 00:46:27,367 --> 00:46:29,620 like your dick on a lonely Saturday night! 1269 00:46:29,703 --> 00:46:31,205 -GAIL: Hey, hey! -You wanna go? Let's go! 1270 00:46:31,288 --> 00:46:32,998 -I'm not afraid of you! -Come on! Come on, come on! 1271 00:46:33,081 --> 00:46:34,875 Hey, look. Look, look, look. 1272 00:46:34,958 --> 00:46:37,044 There it is. The Chateau Marmont. 1273 00:46:37,127 --> 00:46:40,172 Wow. It's more beautiful than I even imagined 1274 00:46:40,255 --> 00:46:42,841 when I first heard about this place 30 minutes ago. 1275 00:46:42,925 --> 00:46:43,801 Come on! 1276 00:46:46,804 --> 00:46:48,263 Hello, I'm Gail. 1277 00:46:48,347 --> 00:46:50,140 -RECEPTIONIST: Hi. -Is Jon Hamm here? 1278 00:46:50,224 --> 00:46:51,975 We don't give out that kind of information. 1279 00:46:52,059 --> 00:46:54,728 Okay, I think it's time to drop the neutron bomb. 1280 00:46:54,812 --> 00:46:56,271 -Here we go. Hello. -Hello. 1281 00:46:56,355 --> 00:46:58,357 -I'm John Slattery. -I know who you are. 1282 00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:00,442 -Oh, well, okay. -[ALL CHUCKLING] 1283 00:47:00,526 --> 00:47:01,860 Now we're cooking. 1284 00:47:01,944 --> 00:47:03,487 So, give us the 411. 1285 00:47:03,570 --> 00:47:05,697 What's the deal with my boy Jonny Hammer Sticks? 1286 00:47:05,781 --> 00:47:07,199 Can't help you. Hotel policy. 1287 00:47:08,367 --> 00:47:10,118 Wow. She's tough. I'm out of moves. 1288 00:47:10,202 --> 00:47:11,537 -CALEB: Yeah, she's good. -It's all right. 1289 00:47:11,620 --> 00:47:13,330 You did literally everything that you could. 1290 00:47:13,413 --> 00:47:15,499 Front desk. How may I help you? 1291 00:47:15,582 --> 00:47:17,918 One order of pineapple coconut pancakes to Room 203. 1292 00:47:18,001 --> 00:47:19,294 -Right away, sir. -Stop. 1293 00:47:20,420 --> 00:47:22,130 Hammer time. 1294 00:47:22,214 --> 00:47:24,341 GAIL: Well, that's 203, okay. 1295 00:47:24,424 --> 00:47:25,592 Do you wanna knock? 1296 00:47:25,676 --> 00:47:26,426 SLATTERY: No, you knock. GAIL: Okay. 1297 00:47:29,179 --> 00:47:31,890 -Can I help you? -Hi. We're here to see Jon Hamm. 1298 00:47:31,974 --> 00:47:33,517 Do you have an appointment? 1299 00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:36,353 -No, but I'm, uh, John... -Slattery! Yeah, I know. 1300 00:47:36,436 --> 00:47:38,105 [ALL EXCLAIMING] 1301 00:47:39,565 --> 00:47:41,233 -Hey. What's up, man? -SLATTERY: Hey, hi. 1302 00:47:41,316 --> 00:47:43,193 Respect to the work, bro. I really appreciate it. 1303 00:47:43,277 --> 00:47:44,862 -Oh, thank you, man. Thank you. -Nice to meet you. Yeah. 1304 00:47:44,945 --> 00:47:46,280 All right, y'all have a good day. 1305 00:47:46,363 --> 00:47:47,364 -GAIL: Wait, no. No, come back. -Wait. Wait. 1306 00:47:47,447 --> 00:47:48,532 SLATTERY: Wait. Ow! 1307 00:47:48,615 --> 00:47:51,201 -Ow! Ow! Ow! -GAIL: Oh! Ow! 1308 00:47:51,285 --> 00:47:53,203 -Move. Move out the way. -Ow! Ow! 1309 00:47:53,287 --> 00:47:55,080 -Ow! Ow! -[GAIL CONTINUES EXCLAIMING] 1310 00:47:55,163 --> 00:47:56,540 Slat-man! 1311 00:47:56,623 --> 00:47:58,625 -Ow! Ow! Ow! -Move! 1312 00:47:58,709 --> 00:47:59,501 -VINCENT: Stop! Stop it! -Ow! Ow! 1313 00:47:59,585 --> 00:48:00,794 [GAIL EXCLAIMING] 1314 00:48:00,878 --> 00:48:02,004 -What are you doing? -Ow! 1315 00:48:02,087 --> 00:48:03,463 -Stop doing that! No! -Ow! Ow! 1316 00:48:03,547 --> 00:48:04,923 Stop it! 1317 00:48:05,007 --> 00:48:07,509 -SLATTERY: Ow! Ow! -[ALL CLAMORING] 1318 00:48:08,927 --> 00:48:10,971 -Please stop. Just stop. -[CONTINUES YELLING] 1319 00:48:11,054 --> 00:48:14,182 Ow! Ow! Hey, Jon Hamm! 1320 00:48:14,266 --> 00:48:15,434 -[GRUNTS] -[ALL EXCLAIM] 1321 00:48:15,517 --> 00:48:16,977 What the heck? 1322 00:48:17,060 --> 00:48:18,395 Why did you have to hit him like that, mister? 1323 00:48:18,478 --> 00:48:19,980 I'm gonna do a hell of a lot worse than that 1324 00:48:20,063 --> 00:48:21,565 if you don't march y'all asses out of here. 1325 00:48:21,648 --> 00:48:23,400 Worse than hitting him in the face? 1326 00:48:23,483 --> 00:48:25,611 -What are you gonna do to him? -I'm gonna make him very sick. 1327 00:48:26,820 --> 00:48:28,572 -What? How? -Enough questions. 1328 00:48:28,655 --> 00:48:32,326 Unless you want me to make you all very, very sick. 1329 00:48:32,409 --> 00:48:34,995 Just hear us out, okay? I can explain very quickly. 1330 00:48:35,078 --> 00:48:36,997 The bullet points are celebrity free pass. 1331 00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:38,707 My fiance's was Aniston. Mine is Hamm. 1332 00:48:38,790 --> 00:48:40,792 He did it. I didn't, and I need to. 1333 00:48:43,045 --> 00:48:44,338 I understand completely. 1334 00:48:44,421 --> 00:48:46,173 And I sympathize with your situation. 1335 00:48:46,256 --> 00:48:47,966 So, I'm not gonna make you all sick. 1336 00:48:49,217 --> 00:48:51,470 But I can't let you in. 1337 00:48:51,553 --> 00:48:52,846 Now get out of here before I change my mind 1338 00:48:52,930 --> 00:48:54,389 and make you all real sick. 1339 00:48:54,473 --> 00:48:55,891 [SNIFFLES] 1340 00:48:55,974 --> 00:48:58,143 Well, nobody wants to get sick, right, fellas? 1341 00:48:58,226 --> 00:48:59,436 No, I definitely don't wanna get sick. 1342 00:48:59,519 --> 00:49:01,021 I just got over something. 1343 00:49:01,104 --> 00:49:02,773 -Okay. Let's get out of here. -SLATTERY: Jesus. 1344 00:49:06,860 --> 00:49:09,363 GAIL: I don't know, maybe this whole idea, 1345 00:49:09,446 --> 00:49:11,740 me thinking that having sex with Jon Hamm 1346 00:49:11,823 --> 00:49:14,993 would solve my relationship, is just ridiculous. It's stupid. 1347 00:49:15,077 --> 00:49:16,995 Just an utterly pointless premise. 1348 00:49:17,079 --> 00:49:18,455 It's like, why? 1349 00:49:18,538 --> 00:49:19,957 No, Gail, no. 1350 00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:21,291 We're too far into this thing to give up now. 1351 00:49:21,375 --> 00:49:23,377 Yeah, Gail. John Slattery is right. 1352 00:49:23,460 --> 00:49:24,836 If we work together as a team, 1353 00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:26,672 we can accomplish literally anything. 1354 00:49:26,755 --> 00:49:29,633 Don't worry, Gail, somehow we'll get you in there. 1355 00:49:29,716 --> 00:49:31,093 He's right. 1356 00:49:31,176 --> 00:49:33,178 And then we're gonna get him in there. 1357 00:49:33,261 --> 00:49:36,640 Aw! Guys. I know we all just met today, 1358 00:49:36,723 --> 00:49:38,141 but it really feels like 1359 00:49:38,225 --> 00:49:39,810 we've known each other for over a week. 1360 00:49:39,893 --> 00:49:41,478 [OVERLAPPING CONVERSATIONS] 1361 00:49:41,561 --> 00:49:42,854 -Hey. -Oh! 1362 00:49:42,938 --> 00:49:44,356 I wanted to catch you before you left. 1363 00:49:44,439 --> 00:49:46,108 When I said I sympathized with you, 1364 00:49:46,191 --> 00:49:48,193 I didn't tell you the exact truth. 1365 00:49:48,276 --> 00:49:51,279 The truth is, I more than sympathize with you. 1366 00:49:51,363 --> 00:49:52,739 I empathize with you. 1367 00:49:52,823 --> 00:49:54,199 Which is very different. Look it up. 1368 00:49:54,282 --> 00:49:55,450 Okay. 1369 00:49:55,534 --> 00:49:56,493 TERRENCE: On your phone. Look it up. 1370 00:49:56,576 --> 00:49:57,786 GAIL: Uh... 1371 00:50:02,666 --> 00:50:04,126 Oh! 1372 00:50:04,209 --> 00:50:05,711 -So you're saying that... -That's right. 1373 00:50:05,794 --> 00:50:06,920 [SOFT ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING] 1374 00:50:07,004 --> 00:50:08,255 Her name was Rebecca. 1375 00:50:09,047 --> 00:50:11,008 We were in Mexico. 1376 00:50:11,091 --> 00:50:12,467 Rebecca loved bullfights. 1377 00:50:12,551 --> 00:50:14,594 I hated them, but I loved her. 1378 00:50:15,470 --> 00:50:17,514 Then, chaos. 1379 00:50:17,597 --> 00:50:20,517 Bull jumps the fence, heads right for Rebecca. 1380 00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:22,436 I pull her away, but she's wearing red. 1381 00:50:22,519 --> 00:50:24,312 It's over in seconds. I slip on something. 1382 00:50:24,396 --> 00:50:25,564 It's Rebecca's liver. 1383 00:50:25,647 --> 00:50:27,315 -[GAIL GASPS] -Jesus Christ! 1384 00:50:27,399 --> 00:50:29,818 Yeah. So, yeah, I empathize with what you're going through. 1385 00:50:31,778 --> 00:50:35,115 That's actually quite different from Gail's situation. 1386 00:50:35,198 --> 00:50:36,700 Okay, maybe it is that I sympathize 1387 00:50:36,783 --> 00:50:38,577 more than empathize. 1388 00:50:38,660 --> 00:50:41,538 Bottom line, whether it's a free celebrity pass taken too far 1389 00:50:41,621 --> 00:50:44,041 or an out-of-control bull disemboweling my Rebecca, 1390 00:50:44,124 --> 00:50:45,459 I know what it's like when someone 1391 00:50:45,542 --> 00:50:47,335 comes between you and the one you love. 1392 00:50:47,419 --> 00:50:49,671 So, I went ahead and I talked to 1393 00:50:49,755 --> 00:50:50,839 -Mr. Hamm on your behalf. -GAIL: What? 1394 00:50:50,922 --> 00:50:53,175 You did? What did he say? 1395 00:50:53,258 --> 00:50:55,135 He's on the lookout for his next film project. 1396 00:50:55,218 --> 00:50:56,720 He said if you guys could bring him 1397 00:50:56,803 --> 00:50:58,388 a great movie idea for him to star in, 1398 00:50:58,472 --> 00:51:00,098 one that electrifies audiences 1399 00:51:00,182 --> 00:51:01,933 but also speaks to Jon personally, 1400 00:51:02,017 --> 00:51:05,145 then he promises he'll help you with whatever you need. 1401 00:51:06,021 --> 00:51:07,606 Whatever we need? 1402 00:51:07,689 --> 00:51:10,776 Wait, so we have to pitch him a film idea? 1403 00:51:10,859 --> 00:51:12,235 No, more than just an idea. 1404 00:51:12,319 --> 00:51:13,987 He needs a fully fleshed-out story. 1405 00:51:14,071 --> 00:51:16,323 And of course, I come on board as a producer. 1406 00:51:16,406 --> 00:51:18,492 I gotta get enough money to help Rebecca with a proper burial. 1407 00:51:18,575 --> 00:51:20,410 -Wait, she's not buried yet? -TERRENCE: Not yet. 1408 00:51:20,494 --> 00:51:22,913 -Where is she now? -Listen, stay in your lane. 1409 00:51:22,996 --> 00:51:25,082 Guys, I think we could come up with something 1410 00:51:25,165 --> 00:51:27,250 really great if we put our heads together. 1411 00:51:27,334 --> 00:51:28,919 I don't know how we're gonna come up 1412 00:51:29,002 --> 00:51:30,545 with a whole movie idea before we go home. 1413 00:51:30,629 --> 00:51:32,089 I didn't say it was gonna be easy. 1414 00:51:34,841 --> 00:51:36,218 Any ideas? 1415 00:51:36,301 --> 00:51:37,594 No. I'm still thinking about the liver. 1416 00:51:37,677 --> 00:51:39,429 Yeah. 1417 00:51:39,513 --> 00:51:43,016 How about something about, um, like a dog or something? 1418 00:51:43,100 --> 00:51:44,935 No, that's already been done. Marley & Me? 1419 00:51:45,018 --> 00:51:47,354 Oh, yeah. Right. 1420 00:51:47,437 --> 00:51:49,481 Damn it. God, it is such a good idea. 1421 00:51:49,564 --> 00:51:52,150 If it wasn't for fucking Marley & Me! 1422 00:51:52,234 --> 00:51:53,652 Okay, okay. How about, uh... 1423 00:51:55,237 --> 00:51:57,364 Ugh, I can't get Otto's dog idea out of my head. 1424 00:51:57,447 --> 00:51:58,865 -I know. -I know we can't 1425 00:51:58,949 --> 00:51:59,950 'cause of Marley & Me, but it was, like, 1426 00:52:00,033 --> 00:52:01,368 -the exact perfect idea. -It was. 1427 00:52:01,451 --> 00:52:02,410 Also, I can't think of anything original 1428 00:52:02,494 --> 00:52:03,954 because I'm starving. 1429 00:52:04,037 --> 00:52:05,622 I have a protein bar in my case in the back seat. 1430 00:52:05,705 --> 00:52:07,415 -Do you want it? -Yes, please. I'm dying. 1431 00:52:07,499 --> 00:52:08,875 VINCENT: Yeah. I'll take a protein bar. 1432 00:52:08,959 --> 00:52:09,835 GAIL: Want one too? SLATTERY: I want two. 1433 00:52:09,918 --> 00:52:11,419 Oh! 1434 00:52:11,503 --> 00:52:13,004 What about a cat? 1435 00:52:13,088 --> 00:52:14,589 -Is the cat's name Marley? -GAIL: Yes, of course. 1436 00:52:14,673 --> 00:52:16,049 Then technically, it's still Marley & Me. 1437 00:52:16,133 --> 00:52:17,717 -GAIL: How? -Is it supposed to be locked? 1438 00:52:17,801 --> 00:52:18,927 No, it's probably just jammed. 1439 00:52:19,010 --> 00:52:20,720 Okay. Hi-ya! 1440 00:52:20,804 --> 00:52:22,347 -OTTO: Garfield. -Still got it. 1441 00:52:22,430 --> 00:52:24,015 GAIL: Ugh, I hate Mondays! 1442 00:52:24,099 --> 00:52:26,184 OTTO: This is tough. SLATTERY: Uh... 1443 00:52:26,268 --> 00:52:28,061 I don't see any protein bars in here. 1444 00:52:28,145 --> 00:52:29,771 -GAIL: What? -Just a bunch of papers. 1445 00:52:32,649 --> 00:52:35,068 -[GASPS] This isn't my case. -VINCENT: What? 1446 00:52:35,152 --> 00:52:37,654 SLATTERY: "Top secret." What the heck is this? 1447 00:52:37,737 --> 00:52:39,656 -United States Patent Office. -What the hell is that? 1448 00:52:39,739 --> 00:52:41,032 OTTO: Whoa! 1449 00:52:42,492 --> 00:52:44,119 GAIL: I don't know. I feel weird about this. 1450 00:52:44,202 --> 00:52:45,579 Are you sure that we should be looking at this stuff? 1451 00:52:45,662 --> 00:52:46,955 It's somebody else's property. It feels weird. 1452 00:52:47,038 --> 00:52:48,832 Guys, I have read a lot of screenplays 1453 00:52:48,915 --> 00:52:50,167 over my many months at CAA. 1454 00:52:51,126 --> 00:52:52,627 This beats them all. 1455 00:52:52,711 --> 00:52:55,338 It's got violence and intrigue 1456 00:52:55,422 --> 00:52:57,174 and espionage and double identities. 1457 00:52:57,257 --> 00:52:58,758 I mean, the fate of the whole damn world's at stake. 1458 00:52:58,842 --> 00:53:00,677 -So, what are you saying? -I'm saying, 1459 00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:02,095 you plop Jon Hamm into this story, 1460 00:53:02,179 --> 00:53:03,597 it writes itself. 1461 00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:05,265 This is our movie pitch. 1462 00:53:05,348 --> 00:53:06,600 Wait, wait, wait. You're saying we're gonna 1463 00:53:06,683 --> 00:53:08,310 turn these files into a movie pitch? 1464 00:53:08,393 --> 00:53:09,853 Caleb's right. These are real-life details 1465 00:53:09,936 --> 00:53:11,313 that you just couldn't make up. 1466 00:53:11,396 --> 00:53:13,023 I mean, all we have to do is just 1467 00:53:13,106 --> 00:53:14,816 shape them just a tiny bit. 1468 00:53:14,900 --> 00:53:16,151 Hey, Vincent, you sound like a professional screenwriter. 1469 00:53:16,234 --> 00:53:17,235 [LAUGHS] Doesn't he? 1470 00:53:17,319 --> 00:53:18,570 -You do. -He does. 1471 00:53:18,653 --> 00:53:20,071 Well, funny you say that, you know, 1472 00:53:20,155 --> 00:53:21,990 because I originally came to Hollywood 1473 00:53:22,073 --> 00:53:23,074 to become a screenwriter. 1474 00:53:23,158 --> 00:53:24,367 -What? -Yeah. 1475 00:53:24,451 --> 00:53:25,702 But then I had five mouths to feed, 1476 00:53:25,785 --> 00:53:27,704 so I had to give that up tout suite. 1477 00:53:27,787 --> 00:53:29,789 -Wait, you have five kids? -VINCENT: Yeah. 1478 00:53:29,873 --> 00:53:31,291 They're all starting college this year. 1479 00:53:31,374 --> 00:53:33,335 Wait, Vincent, you should be the one 1480 00:53:33,418 --> 00:53:34,628 to write our Jon Hamm vehicle. 1481 00:53:35,337 --> 00:53:36,504 You should. 1482 00:53:36,588 --> 00:53:38,340 And Caleb, if you sell it to him 1483 00:53:38,423 --> 00:53:41,343 with the same chutzpah that you are showing us right now, 1484 00:53:41,426 --> 00:53:44,471 I know that he is going to love it. 1485 00:53:44,554 --> 00:53:46,765 I mean, yeah, and... and John Slattery, 1486 00:53:46,848 --> 00:53:48,683 I feel like you'd be perfect to play one of the parts. 1487 00:53:48,767 --> 00:53:50,393 -Oh, my gosh. Yes. -Really? 1488 00:53:50,477 --> 00:53:51,436 -Can you do an Italian accent? -Yes! 1489 00:53:51,519 --> 00:53:53,563 Well, no, but... 1490 00:53:53,647 --> 00:53:55,023 [IN BAD ENGLISH ACCENT] I've got an English accent 1491 00:53:55,106 --> 00:53:56,816 that's not too bad. 1492 00:53:56,900 --> 00:53:58,485 Care for a spot of tea? 1493 00:53:58,568 --> 00:54:01,029 No, thanks. I've got a tummy ache, haven't I? 1494 00:54:01,112 --> 00:54:02,530 [ALL LAUGHING, EXCLAIMING] 1495 00:54:02,614 --> 00:54:04,115 [IN BAD ENGLISH ACCENT] Me Japanese accent's 1496 00:54:04,199 --> 00:54:05,700 not too bad either, don't you know? 1497 00:54:09,246 --> 00:54:11,248 Okay, well, I say we go pitch Jon Hamm right now, huh? 1498 00:54:11,331 --> 00:54:12,958 Hold on a second. 1499 00:54:13,041 --> 00:54:14,918 We still need to tighten and mold and put a spit shine 1500 00:54:15,001 --> 00:54:17,254 on this pitch before it is ready for prime time. 1501 00:54:17,337 --> 00:54:18,797 [VOICES OVERLAPPING] 1502 00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:19,714 SLATTERY: You guys gonna eat the rest of this? 1503 00:54:19,798 --> 00:54:21,258 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 1504 00:54:23,009 --> 00:54:25,971 [CONVERSATIONS OVERLAPPING] 1505 00:54:26,054 --> 00:54:27,555 -Are you kidding me? [LAUGHS] -SLATTERY: Right? 1506 00:54:27,639 --> 00:54:29,683 -Oh, my God. -SLATTERY: Whoa. 1507 00:54:29,766 --> 00:54:31,184 -What happened? -What the heck? 1508 00:54:31,268 --> 00:54:32,269 SLATTERY: You guys didn't leave it like this? 1509 00:54:32,352 --> 00:54:33,311 -GAIL: No. -[OTTO GASPS] 1510 00:54:33,395 --> 00:54:35,230 -Hello, Gail... -Daughtry. 1511 00:54:35,313 --> 00:54:36,606 -[ALL EXCLAIMING] -Oh, my God. 1512 00:54:36,690 --> 00:54:38,233 Do you have any idea 1513 00:54:38,316 --> 00:54:40,110 how much turmoil you've caused in our life? 1514 00:54:40,193 --> 00:54:41,945 NICCOLO: They have no idea. 1515 00:54:42,028 --> 00:54:44,531 [SIGHS] Okay. Give us the case and we'll be out of your hair. 1516 00:54:44,614 --> 00:54:47,242 Okay. Be cool. Give him the case. 1517 00:54:47,325 --> 00:54:48,785 GAIL: [WHISPERS] Wait, then we have no movie pitch. 1518 00:54:48,868 --> 00:54:50,912 Wait, hold on. Slattery... 1519 00:54:50,996 --> 00:54:52,872 I'm gonna distract them, and you attack them. 1520 00:54:52,956 --> 00:54:55,333 No, no, no, I've never actually fought a real person. 1521 00:54:55,417 --> 00:54:57,210 -I will throw up. -Hey! 1522 00:54:57,294 --> 00:55:00,171 I'm gonna start to shoot soon. And you don't want that. 1523 00:55:00,255 --> 00:55:02,549 -[RETCHES] Sorry. -[GAIL GASPS] 1524 00:55:02,632 --> 00:55:04,426 Okay. You got one roller bed coming right... 1525 00:55:04,509 --> 00:55:06,344 -Oh, my God. -SERGIO: Who's this guy? 1526 00:55:06,428 --> 00:55:08,138 -[YELLS] -Hey, smile. 1527 00:55:08,221 --> 00:55:09,973 -[SHUTTER CLICKING RAPIDLY] -[ALL YELLING] 1528 00:55:10,056 --> 00:55:12,142 [YELLS, GRUNTS] 1529 00:55:13,893 --> 00:55:16,438 -[ALL EXCLAIM] -Run. Run! 1530 00:55:16,521 --> 00:55:18,398 [ALL CLAMORING] 1531 00:55:19,607 --> 00:55:21,151 SERGIO: I can't see! 1532 00:55:21,234 --> 00:55:22,402 SERGIO: Come on! NICCOLO: All right! 1533 00:55:22,485 --> 00:55:23,653 [YELLS, GRUNTS] 1534 00:55:23,737 --> 00:55:24,654 Run! 1535 00:55:25,947 --> 00:55:26,990 Down the stairs! 1536 00:55:27,949 --> 00:55:29,534 [ALL PANTING] 1537 00:55:29,617 --> 00:55:31,328 [BOTH PANTING] 1538 00:55:33,288 --> 00:55:34,331 SERGIO: Give me that case. 1539 00:55:34,414 --> 00:55:35,749 [CROWD YELLING] 1540 00:55:35,832 --> 00:55:37,584 EMCEE: Welcome to the Blow out Blow out. 1541 00:55:37,667 --> 00:55:41,546 Here is your whip curl king, Remy Fontaine! 1542 00:55:41,629 --> 00:55:42,630 Do you miss me? 1543 00:55:42,714 --> 00:55:44,090 [CROWD CHEERING] 1544 00:55:44,174 --> 00:55:45,550 EMCEE: Make some noise for Remy! 1545 00:55:47,510 --> 00:55:49,137 Who wants a whip curl? You? You? 1546 00:55:50,513 --> 00:55:52,140 I see 'em! I think I see 'em. 1547 00:55:52,223 --> 00:55:53,683 -[ALL YELLING] -[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING] 1548 00:55:58,897 --> 00:56:02,317 EMCEE: Grip it, flip it and whip it. 1549 00:56:03,443 --> 00:56:04,944 REMY: You just got fingered. 1550 00:56:05,820 --> 00:56:08,114 Remy! 1551 00:56:08,198 --> 00:56:09,991 I took a little bit of ketamine. 1552 00:56:10,075 --> 00:56:12,452 So this is a bit frightening. 1553 00:56:12,535 --> 00:56:15,830 I love you, I love you, give me a kiss. 1554 00:56:15,914 --> 00:56:17,290 GAIL: [GASPS] It's Remy. OTTO: Not right now, honey. 1555 00:56:17,374 --> 00:56:19,417 Oh! There. The exit. Let's go. 1556 00:56:19,501 --> 00:56:21,044 -Okay. -Go, go, go, go! 1557 00:56:21,127 --> 00:56:22,837 OTTO: Wait, hold on. 1558 00:56:22,921 --> 00:56:24,172 GAIL: Otto, what are you doing? 1559 00:56:24,255 --> 00:56:25,965 -Trust me. -EMCEE: Remy loves you. 1560 00:56:26,049 --> 00:56:27,842 Be sure to show your love for Remy 1561 00:56:27,926 --> 00:56:29,260 at the merchandise table. 1562 00:56:29,344 --> 00:56:31,096 Did everyone sign up for the meet and greet? 1563 00:56:31,179 --> 00:56:33,056 I don't know what the fuck this is. Go that way. 1564 00:56:33,139 --> 00:56:34,974 [ALL EXCLAIMING] 1565 00:56:35,058 --> 00:56:37,936 EMCEE: Whip it good. Whip it real good. 1566 00:56:38,019 --> 00:56:41,231 VINCENT: No, no, no. Gail. Otto! SLATTERY: Otto. Gail. 1567 00:56:41,314 --> 00:56:43,274 -EMCEE: It's whip curl madness. -Vincent! 1568 00:56:43,358 --> 00:56:44,401 Caleb! 1569 00:56:44,484 --> 00:56:45,652 -Gail! -Otto! 1570 00:56:45,735 --> 00:56:47,153 John Slattery! 1571 00:56:47,237 --> 00:56:48,530 EMCEE: I want to whip my curls in it. 1572 00:56:48,613 --> 00:56:51,032 OTTO: Gail, we gotta go. 1573 00:56:51,116 --> 00:56:54,035 EMCEE: Give it up for Remy... Oh, my God. He's got a gun. 1574 00:56:54,119 --> 00:56:55,620 [CROWD SCREAMING] 1575 00:56:55,703 --> 00:56:57,747 -Found you. -Go, go. Go, go, go. 1576 00:57:02,252 --> 00:57:04,170 [PANTING] Uh... Okay. 1577 00:57:05,505 --> 00:57:06,631 -NICCOLO: Enough! -[BOTH SCREAM] 1578 00:57:07,465 --> 00:57:09,467 Stop running. 1579 00:57:09,551 --> 00:57:11,678 -I'm tired. Hand it over. -OTTO: Wait, wait, wait. 1580 00:57:11,761 --> 00:57:13,763 Okay, don't shoot. We can work this out. 1581 00:57:13,847 --> 00:57:16,975 No, no, no. There's nothing to work out. 1582 00:57:17,058 --> 00:57:19,436 -Goodbye, Gail Daughtry. -No, no, no. 1583 00:57:19,519 --> 00:57:20,520 [GUNSHOT] 1584 00:57:23,398 --> 00:57:24,441 -[GAIL SCREAMING] -[BULLET CLINKS] 1585 00:57:28,111 --> 00:57:29,446 -[BODY THUDS] -[BOTH YELL] 1586 00:57:29,529 --> 00:57:31,072 -Oh, my God. Oh, my God. -[PANTING] 1587 00:57:32,115 --> 00:57:33,700 -Are you okay? -Yeah, yeah. 1588 00:57:33,783 --> 00:57:37,245 [STAMMERS] The metal plate in my head saved my life. 1589 00:57:37,328 --> 00:57:38,913 -Who are these people? -SERGIO: Get back here. 1590 00:57:41,166 --> 00:57:42,375 Oh! 1591 00:57:42,459 --> 00:57:44,127 Niccolo! 1592 00:57:44,210 --> 00:57:48,298 [GASPS] Niccolo. Oh, no. Niccolo. 1593 00:57:48,381 --> 00:57:49,924 It was an accident, I swear. 1594 00:57:50,008 --> 00:57:51,468 I don't know how it happened. 1595 00:57:51,551 --> 00:57:54,137 -I'm so, so, so sorry. -You. 1596 00:57:54,220 --> 00:57:57,515 You know what? I can cause accidents, too. 1597 00:57:57,599 --> 00:57:59,559 Get ready to burn in... [SCREAMS] 1598 00:57:59,642 --> 00:58:01,019 -[SIZZLING] -Oh! 1599 00:58:01,102 --> 00:58:03,271 You mess with my show, you're gonna get burned. 1600 00:58:03,354 --> 00:58:04,814 -[CONTINUES SCREAMING] -Literally. 1601 00:58:06,649 --> 00:58:07,775 -[BODY THUDS] -[BLOWS] 1602 00:58:07,859 --> 00:58:09,152 [CAT SCREECHES] 1603 00:58:09,235 --> 00:58:11,279 [GASPS] That's the Fontaine 3XL, isn't it? 1604 00:58:11,362 --> 00:58:13,156 Yes. They are. [CHUCKLES] 1605 00:58:13,239 --> 00:58:16,159 You know, they say that dog is a man's best friend? Yeah? 1606 00:58:16,242 --> 00:58:17,869 -GAIL: Yeah. -I say this, too, 1607 00:58:17,952 --> 00:58:20,497 but this curling iron is also a very good friend of... 1608 00:58:20,580 --> 00:58:22,415 -[BOTH EXCLAIM] -REMY: Oh! 1609 00:58:22,499 --> 00:58:24,334 -Oh! -[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING] 1610 00:58:25,668 --> 00:58:27,170 -[GAIL SHRIEKS] -[MAN] Give me that. 1611 00:58:27,253 --> 00:58:30,173 [GAIL AND OTTO GRUNTING] 1612 00:58:30,256 --> 00:58:31,966 -Go, go, go! Let's go! -[TIRES SCREECH] 1613 00:58:33,801 --> 00:58:34,969 Hey, sorry, we got held up a little bit... 1614 00:58:35,053 --> 00:58:36,095 Whoa. Oh. 1615 00:58:38,014 --> 00:58:39,974 This is a classic case of two guys on the ground. 1616 00:58:41,601 --> 00:58:44,103 [WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING] 1617 00:58:45,522 --> 00:58:47,065 [VULTURE SCREECHES] 1618 00:58:47,148 --> 00:58:48,233 [WIND BLOWING] 1619 00:58:50,151 --> 00:58:51,528 [BOTH GASPING] 1620 00:58:53,196 --> 00:58:55,698 Where are we? Who are you? What do you want from us? 1621 00:58:55,782 --> 00:58:56,950 Wait. No, no, no. Please, come back. 1622 00:58:57,033 --> 00:58:57,992 No, no, no, come back. Come back! 1623 00:58:58,076 --> 00:58:59,536 -Come back! -[SHUSHES] 1624 00:59:00,578 --> 00:59:01,955 What, are they gonna kill us? 1625 00:59:02,038 --> 00:59:03,039 I don't know. I don't want to die. 1626 00:59:03,122 --> 00:59:04,374 Me neither. 1627 00:59:05,291 --> 00:59:06,918 Wait. Otto. 1628 00:59:07,001 --> 00:59:08,503 Yeah? 1629 00:59:08,586 --> 00:59:10,505 I just remembered... 1630 00:59:10,588 --> 00:59:13,174 -I can pop my ankle out. -Huh? 1631 00:59:13,258 --> 00:59:15,051 -Okay, do it. Do it. -Okay. 1632 00:59:15,134 --> 00:59:16,427 [STRAINING] 1633 00:59:16,511 --> 00:59:18,221 -[CRACKS] -Did you do it? 1634 00:59:18,304 --> 00:59:19,430 Yeah. 1635 00:59:21,099 --> 00:59:22,225 But it didn't achieve anything, 1636 00:59:22,308 --> 00:59:23,059 so I'm gonna pop it back in, okay? 1637 00:59:23,142 --> 00:59:24,310 Okay. Yeah. 1638 00:59:24,394 --> 00:59:25,436 -Pop it back in. Do it. -It hurts. 1639 00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:26,771 [STRAINING] Ow. 1640 00:59:26,854 --> 00:59:27,981 [BOTH SIGH] 1641 00:59:28,064 --> 00:59:29,440 Oh, Gail. 1642 00:59:29,524 --> 00:59:30,733 I'm so sorry I talked you 1643 00:59:30,817 --> 00:59:31,943 into coming to Los Angeles with me. 1644 00:59:32,026 --> 00:59:33,778 Otto, don't do that. 1645 00:59:33,861 --> 00:59:38,408 You've been my most consistent, my most... loving, loyal friend 1646 00:59:38,491 --> 00:59:41,786 ever since my parents' double suicide. 1647 00:59:41,869 --> 00:59:43,580 And as I've said to you before, you know, 1648 00:59:43,663 --> 00:59:45,206 I could never presume to understand 1649 00:59:45,290 --> 00:59:46,833 what it is you've gone through. 1650 00:59:46,916 --> 00:59:48,293 I mean, to find your mother and father 1651 00:59:48,376 --> 00:59:50,295 in your bed like that. 1652 00:59:50,378 --> 00:59:52,672 -And on your birthday, no less. -Yeah. 1653 00:59:52,755 --> 00:59:56,426 But all I can do is be your friend. 1654 00:59:57,468 --> 00:59:58,511 No matter what. 1655 00:59:59,220 --> 01:00:01,055 Until the end. 1656 01:00:01,139 --> 01:00:02,056 -[GRUNTS] -[OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 1657 01:00:03,182 --> 01:00:04,892 Gail Daughtry. 1658 01:00:04,976 --> 01:00:06,811 Hairdresser. 1659 01:00:06,894 --> 01:00:08,479 Finally, we meet. 1660 01:00:08,563 --> 01:00:13,192 Flawless face to flawless face. 1661 01:00:14,360 --> 01:00:15,445 Who are you? 1662 01:00:16,237 --> 01:00:17,739 Where are we? 1663 01:00:17,822 --> 01:00:20,158 Perhaps you recognize this saloon 1664 01:00:20,241 --> 01:00:23,119 from the movie Blood on the Wagon. 1665 01:00:23,202 --> 01:00:24,704 I'm sorry, I don't. 1666 01:00:24,787 --> 01:00:26,706 I'm more into, like, black-and-white Holocaust shit. 1667 01:00:26,789 --> 01:00:28,124 Abandoned years ago. 1668 01:00:28,207 --> 01:00:30,668 A ghost town movie set. 1669 01:00:30,752 --> 01:00:34,839 The irony of building the New World financial order 1670 01:00:34,922 --> 01:00:39,135 from the ruins of fake American mythology 1671 01:00:39,218 --> 01:00:41,638 makes me so hard. 1672 01:00:41,721 --> 01:00:45,224 At first, I thought you were a hired operative. 1673 01:00:45,308 --> 01:00:47,060 -But no. -Mm-mmm. 1674 01:00:47,143 --> 01:00:50,897 You are just a girl from Kansas that showed up in my city 1675 01:00:50,980 --> 01:00:52,899 trying to do I don't know what. 1676 01:00:52,982 --> 01:00:54,484 Have sex with Jon Hamm. 1677 01:00:54,567 --> 01:00:56,277 Oh, like a celebrity pass thing? 1678 01:00:56,361 --> 01:00:57,987 -GAIL: Exactly. -Good luck with that. 1679 01:00:58,071 --> 01:00:59,405 Oh, thank you. 1680 01:00:59,489 --> 01:01:00,698 -Thank you so much. -[OTTO LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] 1681 01:01:00,782 --> 01:01:01,991 -Kill her. -Mm-hmm. 1682 01:01:02,075 --> 01:01:05,203 Wait, what? What did she just say? 1683 01:01:05,286 --> 01:01:08,498 -And her little friend, too. -No, no, no, no, no, please. 1684 01:01:08,581 --> 01:01:10,041 SERGIO: Let's do this. GAIL: Please, not Otto! 1685 01:01:12,335 --> 01:01:13,920 [STRAINING] 1686 01:01:14,003 --> 01:01:15,046 [CHOKING] 1687 01:01:16,964 --> 01:01:18,341 Stop! 1688 01:01:19,467 --> 01:01:21,511 Who the fuck is Remy Fontaine? 1689 01:01:23,554 --> 01:01:25,723 [COUGHS] 1690 01:01:25,807 --> 01:01:28,976 He's king of the whip curl. [WHEEZES] 1691 01:01:29,060 --> 01:01:30,603 And then, I said to him, 1692 01:01:30,687 --> 01:01:33,523 "Uh, if you mess with my show, you're gonna get burned. 1693 01:01:33,606 --> 01:01:34,899 "Uh, literally." It just... 1694 01:01:34,982 --> 01:01:37,735 It just seemed like something to say. 1695 01:01:37,819 --> 01:01:40,071 -A catchphrase. -[CELL PHONE RINGING] 1696 01:01:40,154 --> 01:01:41,781 Hello? 1697 01:01:41,864 --> 01:01:44,492 Your friends tell me you have something that is mine. 1698 01:01:44,575 --> 01:01:46,202 Who is this? What friends? 1699 01:01:46,285 --> 01:01:49,622 Is this like camp friends? Is this Lieberman? 1700 01:01:49,706 --> 01:01:51,457 Caleb, do whatever she says. She's gonna kill us. 1701 01:01:51,541 --> 01:01:53,793 Lieberman, I swear to God, if this is one of your bits 1702 01:01:53,876 --> 01:01:55,962 it's not even that funny because I actually have some friends 1703 01:01:56,045 --> 01:01:56,838 who are in legitimate danger right now. 1704 01:01:56,921 --> 01:01:59,382 Caleb, it's Gail! 1705 01:01:59,465 --> 01:02:03,177 Bring my reports to 25933 1706 01:02:03,261 --> 01:02:04,804 Sand Canyon Way, 1707 01:02:04,887 --> 01:02:09,684 Santa Clarita, California, 91387. 1708 01:02:09,767 --> 01:02:11,978 And bring them within the hour. 1709 01:02:12,061 --> 01:02:14,731 -If not, your friends will die! -[WHIMPERS] 1710 01:02:16,858 --> 01:02:20,153 Well, either Lieberman's upped his game dramatically, 1711 01:02:20,236 --> 01:02:22,989 or Gail and Otto are in really significant danger. 1712 01:02:23,072 --> 01:02:25,283 -We have to go to that address. -Hey, wait. 1713 01:02:25,366 --> 01:02:26,743 Who are we kidding? 1714 01:02:26,826 --> 01:02:28,828 They're not gonna let us just stroll in there, 1715 01:02:28,911 --> 01:02:30,997 save our friends, and then stroll right back out. 1716 01:02:31,080 --> 01:02:33,875 Come on, let's face it. They're... 1717 01:02:33,958 --> 01:02:35,168 They're dead already. 1718 01:02:37,295 --> 01:02:38,755 SLATTERY: Vincent. VINCENT: Hey, hey, hey. 1719 01:02:39,839 --> 01:02:41,132 Why is this here? 1720 01:02:41,215 --> 01:02:43,760 [SCOFFS] It's just a roll of film, man. 1721 01:02:43,843 --> 01:02:46,262 -Why is this in here? -It's just a roll of film. 1722 01:02:46,345 --> 01:02:48,055 -Why is this in here? -It's a roll of film! 1723 01:02:48,139 --> 01:02:49,974 -Why is it in here? -It is a roll of film! 1724 01:02:50,057 --> 01:02:51,809 -Vincent! -Okay, it's there to remind me 1725 01:02:51,893 --> 01:02:54,061 to never leave what's important behind! 1726 01:02:57,064 --> 01:02:58,399 [BREATHES SHAKILY] 1727 01:02:58,483 --> 01:03:00,443 -Let's go save our friends. -Wet's woll. 1728 01:03:01,277 --> 01:03:02,695 Hey, can I go? 1729 01:03:02,779 --> 01:03:03,905 'Cause if I don't finish my show, 1730 01:03:03,988 --> 01:03:05,823 -I'm out $600. -MALE OFFICER: Sir, 1731 01:03:05,907 --> 01:03:06,699 -you need to calm down. -No, no... 1732 01:03:06,783 --> 01:03:08,910 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 1733 01:03:14,791 --> 01:03:16,209 SLATTERY: I know this place. 1734 01:03:16,292 --> 01:03:17,710 We shot an episode of Love Boat here. 1735 01:03:17,794 --> 01:03:19,003 VINCENT: Really? CALEB: Here? 1736 01:03:19,086 --> 01:03:20,671 SLATTERY: It was a bottle episode. 1737 01:03:20,755 --> 01:03:22,256 CALEB: Wait, how old are you? 1738 01:03:22,340 --> 01:03:23,800 -[MUFFLED YELLING] -SLATTERY: You guys hear that? 1739 01:03:23,883 --> 01:03:24,967 CALEB: You guys hear that? VINCENT: What the heck? 1740 01:03:25,051 --> 01:03:25,635 -Otto! -CALEB: Gail! Oh, my God. 1741 01:03:25,718 --> 01:03:27,053 Oh, my God. 1742 01:03:27,136 --> 01:03:28,346 Thank God you're okay. 1743 01:03:28,429 --> 01:03:29,806 -[GAIL GASPS] -VINCENT: I got it. 1744 01:03:30,431 --> 01:03:31,682 Thank you. 1745 01:03:32,433 --> 01:03:33,559 OTTO: Oh, thank God. 1746 01:03:33,643 --> 01:03:35,228 -Hi. Are you okay? -Yeah, yeah. 1747 01:03:36,395 --> 01:03:37,939 [ALL CLAMORING] 1748 01:03:38,022 --> 01:03:39,816 -MAN: Hey. -Hi. 1749 01:03:46,697 --> 01:03:48,407 My reports, please. 1750 01:03:48,491 --> 01:03:49,951 -The reports are... -[VOICES OVERLAPPING] 1751 01:03:50,034 --> 01:03:51,828 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold your horses, Slattery. 1752 01:03:51,911 --> 01:03:54,539 Everybody hold your horses. 1753 01:03:54,622 --> 01:03:56,249 We got the reports. They're close by. 1754 01:03:56,332 --> 01:03:58,000 But first, we're gonna need some assurance 1755 01:03:58,084 --> 01:03:59,460 that we're getting out of here alive. 1756 01:03:59,544 --> 01:04:01,879 What? You don't trust me? 1757 01:04:01,963 --> 01:04:03,589 Lady, I trust in three things only. 1758 01:04:03,673 --> 01:04:05,675 My mommy, death, and taxes. 1759 01:04:05,758 --> 01:04:07,468 And last I checked, I'm still alive. 1760 01:04:07,552 --> 01:04:09,554 I use TurboTax, and nobody here's breastfeeding me. 1761 01:04:09,637 --> 01:04:13,432 So, yeah, we got a couple of requests on our end. 1762 01:04:13,516 --> 01:04:15,768 You are in no position to bargain. 1763 01:04:15,852 --> 01:04:17,353 CALEB: We see things a little bit differently, 1764 01:04:17,436 --> 01:04:19,522 because it seems to us that without those documents, 1765 01:04:19,605 --> 01:04:21,065 you don't have what you want. 1766 01:04:21,148 --> 01:04:23,109 And it seems to me that the only people 1767 01:04:23,192 --> 01:04:25,069 who know where the documents are is us. 1768 01:04:25,152 --> 01:04:28,865 So it seems like right now you need us alive. 1769 01:04:30,825 --> 01:04:32,076 What do you want? 1770 01:04:32,159 --> 01:04:33,452 You tell your goon boys 1771 01:04:33,536 --> 01:04:34,787 to drop their guns and leave us alone. 1772 01:04:34,871 --> 01:04:36,372 We walk out of here unscathed. 1773 01:04:36,455 --> 01:04:38,040 You get your documents. It's a win-win. 1774 01:04:41,836 --> 01:04:44,422 Okay. 1775 01:04:44,505 --> 01:04:46,883 Everybody, put your guns in the trash and take a break. 1776 01:04:48,634 --> 01:04:49,886 Happy now? 1777 01:04:54,015 --> 01:04:56,142 Well, I feel like they did everything that we asked for. 1778 01:04:56,225 --> 01:04:57,894 OTTO: They put the guns in the trash... 1779 01:04:57,977 --> 01:04:59,645 VINCENT: They gave something, we need to give something. 1780 01:04:59,729 --> 01:05:00,563 -You guys wanna take a vote? -SLATTERY: Yeah. We all in? 1781 01:05:00,646 --> 01:05:02,064 -Vincent? -Okay. 1782 01:05:02,148 --> 01:05:02,899 SLATTERY: Give her the reports. VINCENT: Yeah. 1783 01:05:05,109 --> 01:05:07,778 -[UNZIPS] -Here we go. 1784 01:05:09,488 --> 01:05:10,531 Right there. One more. 1785 01:05:12,617 --> 01:05:14,994 These are... Yeah, right there. There you are. 1786 01:05:15,077 --> 01:05:16,537 -And we have one more. One more. -GAIL: Do you need help? 1787 01:05:16,621 --> 01:05:19,165 -Gail, give me a hand? -Yeah, sure. 1788 01:05:19,248 --> 01:05:22,793 -GAIL: Okay. -Right there. And one more. 1789 01:05:22,877 --> 01:05:24,754 [STRAINING] One more. Come on. 1790 01:05:24,837 --> 01:05:26,964 There it is. And one more, one more. 1791 01:05:34,639 --> 01:05:36,682 Well, that's that. 1792 01:05:36,766 --> 01:05:39,101 -So much for our movie pitch. -At least we're alive. 1793 01:05:39,185 --> 01:05:40,728 Hey, Caleb, you are quite a negotiator. 1794 01:05:40,811 --> 01:05:42,188 -Yeah. -Wow. 1795 01:05:42,271 --> 01:05:43,940 -It's all here. -[OVERLAPPING CONVERSATIONS] 1796 01:05:44,023 --> 01:05:45,191 Hey. [SNAPS FINGERS] 1797 01:05:45,274 --> 01:05:47,777 -Kill them. -GAIL: Wait, what? 1798 01:05:47,860 --> 01:05:49,445 Wait, wait, wait... No, no, no, no, no. 1799 01:05:49,528 --> 01:05:51,030 -Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. -[GAIL GROANS] 1800 01:05:51,113 --> 01:05:52,740 We should have anticipated that they'd come back 1801 01:05:52,823 --> 01:05:54,283 and get their guns again. 1802 01:05:54,367 --> 01:05:56,077 Yeah. Don't blame yourself. I missed it, too. 1803 01:05:56,160 --> 01:05:58,371 These guys are professional killers, right? 1804 01:05:58,454 --> 01:05:59,664 -We both missed it. -SLATTERY: We all missed it. 1805 01:05:59,747 --> 01:06:01,415 -CALEB: Yeah. -I'm kicking myself now. 1806 01:06:01,499 --> 01:06:03,042 VINCENT: It was right in my face. 1807 01:06:03,125 --> 01:06:04,168 [WHISPERS] Hey, Slattery, now would be a good time 1808 01:06:04,251 --> 01:06:05,795 to pull off some of those moves. 1809 01:06:05,878 --> 01:06:07,046 I told you, I can't... I can't do it. 1810 01:06:07,129 --> 01:06:08,631 Real violence makes me throw up. 1811 01:06:08,714 --> 01:06:11,258 John, no flying machine 1812 01:06:11,342 --> 01:06:13,678 will ever fly from New York to Paris. 1813 01:06:13,761 --> 01:06:17,014 -What? -Orville Wright said that. 1814 01:06:17,098 --> 01:06:18,432 Now, do you understand what I'm saying? 1815 01:06:19,100 --> 01:06:20,643 Yeah. 1816 01:06:20,726 --> 01:06:21,936 Yeah, I understand. 1817 01:06:22,937 --> 01:06:24,355 Stand back, everybody. 1818 01:06:24,438 --> 01:06:26,023 -I got this. -GAIL: Okay. 1819 01:06:26,107 --> 01:06:27,817 SLATTERY: Fellas, fellas. [LAUGHS] 1820 01:06:27,900 --> 01:06:30,152 Nobody wants to get hurt, right? 1821 01:06:30,236 --> 01:06:31,821 So why don't we just handle it like this? 1822 01:06:31,904 --> 01:06:34,115 -[GRUNTS] -[GAIL GASPS] 1823 01:06:34,198 --> 01:06:35,658 -[GUN FIRES] -[ALL EXCLAIM] 1824 01:06:35,741 --> 01:06:36,867 -Whoa! -[GRUNTS] 1825 01:06:36,951 --> 01:06:38,494 [UPBEAT COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING] 1826 01:06:38,577 --> 01:06:39,870 -Hi-yah! -[GRUNTS] 1827 01:06:40,871 --> 01:06:42,206 [SLATTERY LAUGHS] 1828 01:06:42,289 --> 01:06:44,000 -Hey, hey, hey. -[LAUGHS] Not bad, right? 1829 01:06:45,751 --> 01:06:47,878 Hey, boys. Come on! 1830 01:06:48,504 --> 01:06:49,588 [GRUNTING] 1831 01:06:50,339 --> 01:06:51,257 Take that. 1832 01:06:52,383 --> 01:06:54,301 -Too slow. -[GRUNTS] 1833 01:06:54,385 --> 01:06:55,886 -Good job. -SLATTERY: Nope. 1834 01:06:55,970 --> 01:06:57,888 [GRUNTING] 1835 01:06:59,348 --> 01:07:02,268 -What the fuck? -[YELLS] 1836 01:07:02,351 --> 01:07:03,561 Consider that a divorce. 1837 01:07:03,644 --> 01:07:04,812 Hey, you're mine! 1838 01:07:04,895 --> 01:07:06,480 SLATTERY: You want some, too, baldy? 1839 01:07:06,564 --> 01:07:08,065 -Take that. -[YELLS] 1840 01:07:08,149 --> 01:07:11,068 This is fun. I can do this all day. 1841 01:07:11,152 --> 01:07:12,862 -Got your eye, motherfucker. -[SQUELCHES] 1842 01:07:12,945 --> 01:07:14,697 -[SCREAMING] -ALL: Ooh! 1843 01:07:14,780 --> 01:07:16,115 Going up, motherfucker. 1844 01:07:16,198 --> 01:07:17,324 I got you, asshole! 1845 01:07:17,408 --> 01:07:18,993 -[GRUNTS] -[SCREAMS] 1846 01:07:19,994 --> 01:07:21,287 [ALL EXCLAIM] 1847 01:07:21,370 --> 01:07:23,122 Down goes Frazier. 1848 01:07:23,205 --> 01:07:24,540 Slattery, you old son of a bitch. 1849 01:07:24,623 --> 01:07:26,667 -[RETCHES] -[ALL GROAN] 1850 01:07:26,751 --> 01:07:28,294 Oh! Still got it. 1851 01:07:28,377 --> 01:07:29,211 [ALL GASP] 1852 01:07:30,212 --> 01:07:32,506 This is for Nico and Marco 1853 01:07:32,590 --> 01:07:34,175 and all the unnecessary agita you caused me 1854 01:07:34,258 --> 01:07:35,801 over the last 11 and a half hours. 1855 01:07:35,885 --> 01:07:37,136 -No, no, no, no. -You kill my friends, 1856 01:07:37,219 --> 01:07:39,346 I kill your friends. Bye-bye. 1857 01:07:39,430 --> 01:07:41,348 GAIL: No, no, no, no. Please, please. 1858 01:07:41,432 --> 01:07:43,851 -Huh? -[BOTH GRUNTING] 1859 01:07:46,228 --> 01:07:48,064 -[YELLS] -Stings. 1860 01:07:49,356 --> 01:07:51,233 -[NOTE PLAYS] -[CLINKS] 1861 01:07:55,404 --> 01:07:57,281 -Whoops. -Let's face it. 1862 01:07:57,364 --> 01:07:59,116 You can pack quite a punch. "Let's face it." 1863 01:07:59,200 --> 01:08:00,785 [ALL CHUCKLING] 1864 01:08:00,868 --> 01:08:02,078 -[VOICES OVERLAPPING] -OTTO: Wow. 1865 01:08:02,161 --> 01:08:03,621 VINCENT: Where did you learn that, man? 1866 01:08:03,704 --> 01:08:06,248 SLATTERY: I'm self-taught. Totally self-taught. 1867 01:08:06,332 --> 01:08:07,708 I have a practice head in my garage. 1868 01:08:07,792 --> 01:08:09,001 GAIL: Did you see that? He saved my life. 1869 01:08:09,085 --> 01:08:10,544 -I gotta tell you... -OTTO: Unreal. 1870 01:08:10,628 --> 01:08:11,921 Oh, shit. 1871 01:08:12,004 --> 01:08:13,589 [OMINOUS WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING] 1872 01:08:17,843 --> 01:08:21,180 Ding-ding. Round two, motherfuckers. 1873 01:08:21,263 --> 01:08:22,681 I'll take 'em one by one. 1874 01:08:24,725 --> 01:08:25,684 [GUNS FIRING] 1875 01:08:30,773 --> 01:08:32,650 -[EXHALES] -[CROWS CAWING] 1876 01:08:32,733 --> 01:08:34,944 Wow, I thought that was gonna take much more time and energy. 1877 01:08:35,027 --> 01:08:36,821 Yeah, you know, we just picked up those dead guys' guns. 1878 01:08:36,904 --> 01:08:38,364 -We just went for it. -Improvised a little. 1879 01:08:38,447 --> 01:08:39,782 VINCENT: The guns make it easier. 1880 01:08:39,865 --> 01:08:41,325 I've never shot a gun before in my life. 1881 01:08:41,408 --> 01:08:42,368 -GAIL: Thank you. -I would have never guessed. 1882 01:08:43,911 --> 01:08:45,412 -LUDOVICA: Damn it. -Get her! 1883 01:08:50,876 --> 01:08:53,504 [CELL PHONE RINGING] 1884 01:08:53,587 --> 01:08:54,964 -Tom? I have to call you back. -TOM: Gail. 1885 01:08:55,047 --> 01:08:56,006 I was able to extend the deposit. 1886 01:08:56,090 --> 01:08:57,299 We'll talk about this later. 1887 01:08:57,383 --> 01:08:58,342 I'm literally in the middle of a thing. 1888 01:08:58,425 --> 01:08:59,593 I have to call you back. 1889 01:08:59,677 --> 01:09:00,970 Are you on a treadmill right now? 1890 01:09:01,053 --> 01:09:03,139 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 1891 01:09:08,894 --> 01:09:10,146 GAIL: Get back here! 1892 01:09:11,021 --> 01:09:12,106 -[GRUNTS] -[YELLS] 1893 01:09:15,734 --> 01:09:17,862 Hey, give us one good reason 1894 01:09:17,945 --> 01:09:20,281 why we shouldn't kill you... right now. 1895 01:09:20,364 --> 01:09:22,992 -I have very powerful friends. -Uh-huh. 1896 01:09:23,075 --> 01:09:24,451 -We can make a deal. -GAIL: Like what? 1897 01:09:24,535 --> 01:09:26,871 Let me explain. 1898 01:09:26,954 --> 01:09:28,205 -What do you guys think? -[ALL] Yeah, yeah. 1899 01:09:28,289 --> 01:09:29,582 -Yeah, give her a shot. -You sure? 1900 01:09:29,665 --> 01:09:30,666 -OTTO: Yeah. -Yeah, let her explain. 1901 01:09:30,749 --> 01:09:32,543 Let her explain. 1902 01:09:32,626 --> 01:09:35,337 -We're listening. -Okay. What if... 1903 01:09:35,421 --> 01:09:37,089 -[GRUNTS] -GAIL: Caleb! 1904 01:09:37,173 --> 01:09:39,300 We just said that we would listen to what she has to say. 1905 01:09:39,383 --> 01:09:41,427 I'm sorry. It's the adrenaline. I just had to do it. 1906 01:09:41,510 --> 01:09:43,888 Okay. Continue, uh... 1907 01:09:43,971 --> 01:09:46,515 -Ludovica. -That is so pretty. 1908 01:09:46,599 --> 01:09:47,725 -Thank you. [GRUNTS] -GAIL: I've never heard that... 1909 01:09:47,808 --> 01:09:49,560 Vincent. What did I just say? 1910 01:09:49,643 --> 01:09:50,895 I know, but you saw what they tried to do to us back there. 1911 01:09:50,978 --> 01:09:52,146 She tried to kill us all. 1912 01:09:52,229 --> 01:09:53,689 We said that we would at least listen 1913 01:09:53,772 --> 01:09:55,566 -to what she has to propose... -[GRUNTS] 1914 01:09:55,649 --> 01:09:58,110 -Guys, what is going on? -Why don't they listen to you? 1915 01:09:58,194 --> 01:09:59,695 Ludovica, just let me... 1916 01:09:59,778 --> 01:10:00,946 You're already on thin ice, 1917 01:10:01,030 --> 01:10:02,448 so just shut up for a second, okay? 1918 01:10:02,531 --> 01:10:03,949 -Otto, don't hit her. -Yeah? Sorry. Yeah. 1919 01:10:04,033 --> 01:10:05,534 -Slattery. -What? 1920 01:10:05,618 --> 01:10:06,827 Do you need to get one in before we can listen 1921 01:10:06,911 --> 01:10:07,870 -to what she has to say? -No. I'm good. 1922 01:10:07,953 --> 01:10:08,913 I got all mine out back there. 1923 01:10:08,996 --> 01:10:10,831 -Okay. Everybody chill? -Yeah. 1924 01:10:10,915 --> 01:10:11,999 Yeah, I'm super chill. Super chill. 1925 01:10:12,082 --> 01:10:13,500 -Ludovica. -Yes? 1926 01:10:13,584 --> 01:10:17,546 -The floor is yours. -Really? Now? 1927 01:10:17,630 --> 01:10:21,258 -Okay? So, if you let me go... -[GRUNTS] Oh! 1928 01:10:21,342 --> 01:10:23,636 Guys, what in the actual fuck? 1929 01:10:24,470 --> 01:10:27,056 [ALL EXCLAIMING] 1930 01:10:27,139 --> 01:10:30,434 -[YELLS] -[GUN CLICKING] 1931 01:10:31,185 --> 01:10:32,228 You're all out. 1932 01:10:34,521 --> 01:10:36,106 Wait. Wait. 1933 01:10:36,190 --> 01:10:37,274 [GRUNTS] 1934 01:10:37,358 --> 01:10:38,901 [YELLS] 1935 01:10:38,984 --> 01:10:41,695 -[GRUNTING] -[ALL EXCLAIMING] 1936 01:10:44,365 --> 01:10:47,868 Huh? You like that? [GRUNTING] 1937 01:10:47,952 --> 01:10:49,662 [SCREAMS, GRUNTS] 1938 01:10:49,745 --> 01:10:53,290 -[ALL CLAMORING] -[GRUNTING] 1939 01:10:53,374 --> 01:10:56,669 -[RETCHES] -[SCREAMING] 1940 01:10:56,752 --> 01:11:00,339 All right, all right. All right, you did it. You're good. 1941 01:11:00,422 --> 01:11:02,299 [PANTING] 1942 01:11:04,260 --> 01:11:06,053 -Oh, my God. -OTTO: Gail. 1943 01:11:07,221 --> 01:11:08,514 She said, "Wait." Why did you... 1944 01:11:08,597 --> 01:11:10,266 I got swept up in it, too. What can I say? 1945 01:11:10,349 --> 01:11:13,519 I'm human. I'm not perfect. 1946 01:11:13,602 --> 01:11:15,646 Of course. Of course. No, we're not judging. 1947 01:11:15,729 --> 01:11:17,064 Jeez. 1948 01:11:19,024 --> 01:11:21,110 Let's finish what we started, huh? 1949 01:11:21,193 --> 01:11:23,696 [UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING] 1950 01:11:23,779 --> 01:11:25,322 -You guys ready? -GAIL: Yes! 1951 01:11:25,406 --> 01:11:26,865 VINCENT: You got all the paperwork? 1952 01:11:26,949 --> 01:11:28,659 Wow, that instant stain remover pen really works. 1953 01:11:28,742 --> 01:11:29,535 -GAIL: Doesn't it? -Yeah. 1954 01:11:31,829 --> 01:11:34,206 You're back. I like you guys, 1955 01:11:34,290 --> 01:11:35,916 but if you keep coming here with nothing to offer, 1956 01:11:36,000 --> 01:11:37,876 I'm professionally obligated to make you sick. 1957 01:11:37,960 --> 01:11:39,753 We have a movie pitch for Jon Hamm. 1958 01:11:39,837 --> 01:11:41,839 What's it about? Lay it down in two minutes or less. 1959 01:11:41,922 --> 01:11:43,966 Well, Terrence, I could give you the old verbal pitch. 1960 01:11:44,049 --> 01:11:45,801 That'd be easy. But I'm gonna do you one better 1961 01:11:45,884 --> 01:11:49,221 because sometimes, a giant stack of loose paperwork 1962 01:11:49,305 --> 01:11:50,723 is worth a thousand pitches. 1963 01:11:52,391 --> 01:11:55,436 -Is this blood on here? -Yeah. 1964 01:11:55,519 --> 01:11:56,562 Do you want to explain where it came from? 1965 01:11:56,645 --> 01:11:57,479 No. 1966 01:11:58,188 --> 01:11:59,231 Okay. 1967 01:12:06,530 --> 01:12:08,574 Wow. 1968 01:12:08,657 --> 01:12:11,410 This is the kind of part Jon Hamm would destroy. 1969 01:12:11,493 --> 01:12:13,829 ALL: [EXCLAIMING] Yes! 1970 01:12:13,912 --> 01:12:16,874 I think it's finally time for you to meet Mr. Hamm. 1971 01:12:16,957 --> 01:12:18,292 [ALL CHEERING] 1972 01:12:18,375 --> 01:12:20,336 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 1973 01:12:34,433 --> 01:12:36,518 Hey. I'm Jon. What's up? 1974 01:12:36,602 --> 01:12:39,646 Wow. It is such an honor to meet you. 1975 01:12:39,730 --> 01:12:42,775 My name is Gail, and these are my friends. 1976 01:12:42,858 --> 01:12:46,570 -Otto, Caleb, Vincent and... -Slat-man! I owe you a text. 1977 01:12:46,653 --> 01:12:48,405 Dude, no worries at all. 1978 01:12:48,489 --> 01:12:50,491 -It's all good. -So, my friend Terrence tells me 1979 01:12:50,574 --> 01:12:52,076 you guys have a movie to pitch me? 1980 01:12:52,159 --> 01:12:54,411 Yes, we do, and it is a home run. 1981 01:12:54,495 --> 01:12:56,413 Well, it better be, 'cause if it is, 1982 01:12:56,497 --> 01:12:58,499 I will literally do anything for you. 1983 01:12:58,582 --> 01:13:00,459 -I'm gonna hold you to that. -JON: Okay, and, Slattery, 1984 01:13:00,542 --> 01:13:01,877 you're gonna be co-starring in this? 1985 01:13:01,960 --> 01:13:03,253 -What? -Don Draper, Roger Sterling, 1986 01:13:03,337 --> 01:13:04,588 back together again? 1987 01:13:04,671 --> 01:13:06,215 -Yeah! -[ALL LAUGHING] 1988 01:13:06,298 --> 01:13:08,050 I'm gonna have to check my schedule, but yeah. 1989 01:13:08,133 --> 01:13:10,260 Oh, and, Vince here is an excellent writer. 1990 01:13:10,344 --> 01:13:11,720 He's gonna do the screenplay. 1991 01:13:11,804 --> 01:13:13,931 Oh, the all-important scribe. Yes, sir. 1992 01:13:14,014 --> 01:13:15,474 -[IMITATES TYPEWRITER] -[ALL LAUGHING] 1993 01:13:15,557 --> 01:13:18,268 And I assume you are the negotiator? 1994 01:13:18,352 --> 01:13:19,895 Oh, yeah. Well, I worked at CAA, 1995 01:13:19,978 --> 01:13:21,271 but I'm between agencies at the moment. 1996 01:13:21,355 --> 01:13:22,981 Well, not for long, 1997 01:13:23,065 --> 01:13:24,400 if this thing does what I think it's gonna do, am I right? 1998 01:13:24,483 --> 01:13:27,403 Yeah, he's right about that. 1999 01:13:27,486 --> 01:13:28,862 Now, what about my hair? 2000 01:13:28,946 --> 01:13:30,948 Who's gonna take care of that? Any ideas there? 2001 01:13:31,031 --> 01:13:34,118 Um, you're looking at it. Three years combined experience. 2002 01:13:34,201 --> 01:13:36,412 Perfect. I am psyched. 2003 01:13:36,495 --> 01:13:38,205 Let's hear this pitch. 2004 01:13:38,288 --> 01:13:40,874 Well, listen, Jonny, I'd give the old verbal pitch. 2005 01:13:40,958 --> 01:13:42,668 That'd be easy. But I'm gonna do you one better 2006 01:13:42,751 --> 01:13:45,254 because sometimes, a binder full of loose paperwork 2007 01:13:45,337 --> 01:13:46,547 is worth a thousand pitches. 2008 01:13:46,630 --> 01:13:48,674 Okay, but I don't want to read it. 2009 01:13:48,757 --> 01:13:50,884 -You... -Just tell me the story. 2010 01:13:50,968 --> 01:13:52,511 Tell you... He wants to hear the story. 2011 01:13:52,594 --> 01:13:54,304 -You want me to go? -CALEB: Oh, yes. 2012 01:13:54,388 --> 01:13:56,974 What do I say? Guys? Guys... It's a story about espionage. 2013 01:13:57,057 --> 01:13:59,059 Of double identities. 2014 01:13:59,143 --> 01:14:00,519 A secret global network... 2015 01:14:00,602 --> 01:14:01,895 Okay, let me stop you right there 2016 01:14:01,979 --> 01:14:03,522 'cause I think I get the world of this. 2017 01:14:03,605 --> 01:14:05,357 But where's the heart? 2018 01:14:05,441 --> 01:14:07,526 -The heart? -The heart, the heart. 2019 01:14:07,609 --> 01:14:09,695 That's where your character comes in. 2020 01:14:09,778 --> 01:14:12,281 He's a guy who's been put to the test... 2021 01:14:12,364 --> 01:14:14,741 -Yeah. -Okay? Until he finally realizes 2022 01:14:14,825 --> 01:14:16,743 what it's all about. The people you love. 2023 01:14:16,827 --> 01:14:18,203 Okay, I like that, 2024 01:14:18,287 --> 01:14:19,955 but I don't want it to be too dumbed down. 2025 01:14:20,038 --> 01:14:22,040 Don't you worry about that. It is the opposite of dumb. 2026 01:14:22,124 --> 01:14:23,792 It blows the lid off the entire genre, 2027 01:14:23,876 --> 01:14:25,794 and it's all centered around a loose pile of paperwork 2028 01:14:25,878 --> 01:14:27,713 that can't fall into the wrong hands or else... 2029 01:14:27,796 --> 01:14:29,298 Get this, Jon. 2030 01:14:29,381 --> 01:14:31,300 -Major clusterfuck. -Clusterfuck. That's smart. 2031 01:14:31,383 --> 01:14:33,594 Okay, so it's smart and it has heart. 2032 01:14:33,677 --> 01:14:35,095 -CALEB: Yes. -But does it have cojones? 2033 01:14:35,179 --> 01:14:38,056 Oh, buddy, big ones. Try this on for size. 2034 01:14:38,140 --> 01:14:42,519 One man, two fists, killing maybe 20, maybe 30 henchmen. 2035 01:14:42,603 --> 01:14:44,354 I don't know, it felt like the same eight guys 2036 01:14:44,438 --> 01:14:45,439 recycled over and over again. 2037 01:14:45,522 --> 01:14:47,983 But real life. Raw. Uncensored. 2038 01:14:48,066 --> 01:14:50,611 -Physical. Visceral. -I'm getting goosebumps. 2039 01:14:50,694 --> 01:14:51,778 [ALL LAUGHING] 2040 01:14:51,862 --> 01:14:53,405 This is crazy. 2041 01:14:53,489 --> 01:14:54,364 -This has got balls! -GAIL: Yes! 2042 01:14:54,448 --> 01:14:55,991 [ALL LAUGHING] 2043 01:14:56,074 --> 01:14:57,159 JON: Yeah. 2044 01:14:57,951 --> 01:14:58,911 Pass. 2045 01:15:00,787 --> 01:15:02,122 -What? -What? 2046 01:15:02,206 --> 01:15:04,458 Yeah. Respectfully, I'm gonna pass on this. 2047 01:15:04,541 --> 01:15:06,418 But thank you guys for coming by. What fun. 2048 01:15:06,502 --> 01:15:08,170 I gotta jump on a Zoom, so... 2049 01:15:08,253 --> 01:15:10,005 Wait, wait, wait. That's it? 2050 01:15:10,088 --> 01:15:12,007 What don't you like? Because we're not married to anything. 2051 01:15:12,090 --> 01:15:14,468 -Yeah, we can change anything. -Literally everything. 2052 01:15:14,551 --> 01:15:16,970 No. Yeah, no, no, I'm just not feeling it at all. 2053 01:15:17,054 --> 01:15:18,764 So, Terrence is gonna show you out. Thanks again. 2054 01:15:19,890 --> 01:15:21,225 -Fun. -Buddy... 2055 01:15:21,308 --> 01:15:22,976 Oh, hey. Y'all heard him. Everybody out. 2056 01:15:23,060 --> 01:15:24,811 Everybody out. Let's get out. 2057 01:15:24,895 --> 01:15:27,481 You lost. It happens sometimes. That's... That's the way it is. 2058 01:15:27,564 --> 01:15:28,732 Where's the girl? 2059 01:15:30,984 --> 01:15:32,194 What? 2060 01:15:33,237 --> 01:15:34,571 This isn't a Zoom. 2061 01:15:34,655 --> 01:15:37,157 Oh, shame on you, Jon Hamm. 2062 01:15:37,241 --> 01:15:40,285 We came all this way. We risked our lives to find you. 2063 01:15:40,369 --> 01:15:41,662 And for what? 2064 01:15:41,745 --> 01:15:43,205 You making promises to each of us 2065 01:15:43,288 --> 01:15:45,958 that you had no intention of keeping. 2066 01:15:46,041 --> 01:15:48,001 You're not the person that I thought you were. 2067 01:15:48,085 --> 01:15:49,336 [SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING] 2068 01:15:50,504 --> 01:15:51,630 You're absolutely right. 2069 01:15:54,716 --> 01:15:55,634 The honest truth is... 2070 01:15:56,468 --> 01:15:57,761 I'm just scared. 2071 01:15:59,680 --> 01:16:01,515 Sorry, Mr. Hamm. She snuck by me... 2072 01:16:01,598 --> 01:16:03,100 Terrence, it's okay. Please, please. 2073 01:16:03,183 --> 01:16:04,935 Don't make her sick. 2074 01:16:05,018 --> 01:16:08,981 -He's gonna make you sick, Gail. -Guys, guys, look. 2075 01:16:09,064 --> 01:16:11,024 I made it seem like I could set up your project 2076 01:16:11,108 --> 01:16:14,486 because that's what I thought you wanted to hear. 2077 01:16:14,570 --> 01:16:16,989 But the truth is, you can't do anything for any of us. 2078 01:16:17,072 --> 01:16:19,992 [SCOFFS] You're just an actor. 2079 01:16:20,075 --> 01:16:21,577 You don't know any more about how to set up 2080 01:16:21,660 --> 01:16:23,745 the nuts and bolts of a movie than any of us do. 2081 01:16:25,706 --> 01:16:28,584 -Isn't that right? -Honestly, yes. 2082 01:16:28,667 --> 01:16:30,711 I'm a grown man, but inside I'm still just a... 2083 01:16:31,503 --> 01:16:33,130 little kid. 2084 01:16:33,213 --> 01:16:36,592 That same awkward wanderer who finally found his place 2085 01:16:36,675 --> 01:16:39,553 when he got cast as Winnie-the-Pooh in first grade. 2086 01:16:39,636 --> 01:16:40,887 -Oh. -My teacher said I was 2087 01:16:40,971 --> 01:16:43,265 one of the best Poohs of the year. 2088 01:16:43,348 --> 01:16:44,850 I bet you were a great Pooh. 2089 01:16:44,933 --> 01:16:46,518 That's when I got bit by the acting bug. 2090 01:16:46,602 --> 01:16:48,103 -Huh. -JON: And I never got cured. 2091 01:16:48,186 --> 01:16:49,855 In high school, I did a wonderful production 2092 01:16:49,938 --> 01:16:51,106 -of Godspell. -Let's get to the part 2093 01:16:51,189 --> 01:16:52,316 about Mad Men. 2094 01:16:54,151 --> 01:16:56,737 Well, Mad Men was a juggernaut beyond my wildest dreams. 2095 01:16:56,820 --> 01:16:58,739 Of all the jobs I did in 2007, 2096 01:16:58,822 --> 01:17:01,241 it was arguably the most high profile. 2097 01:17:01,325 --> 01:17:03,452 Those were the days. Wall-to-wall trim. 2098 01:17:03,535 --> 01:17:04,786 But then I looked around. 2099 01:17:04,870 --> 01:17:06,038 People started seeing me differently. 2100 01:17:06,121 --> 01:17:08,290 They started seeing "Jon Hamm," 2101 01:17:08,373 --> 01:17:11,043 the larger-than-life guy with the great jaw 2102 01:17:11,126 --> 01:17:13,712 and the perfect hairline. You know? 2103 01:17:13,795 --> 01:17:15,672 So I guess I just started reflecting back to the public 2104 01:17:15,756 --> 01:17:17,257 what I thought they wanted to see. 2105 01:17:17,341 --> 01:17:20,969 The Jon Hamm they see on the billboards, it's not me. 2106 01:17:21,053 --> 01:17:22,638 I'm just the guy behind the curtain, 2107 01:17:23,764 --> 01:17:25,098 pulling the levers. 2108 01:17:25,182 --> 01:17:27,476 I guess we all came a long way for nothing. 2109 01:17:29,186 --> 01:17:30,812 -Sorry to waste your time. -[SLATTERY SIGHS] 2110 01:17:32,773 --> 01:17:35,359 -GAIL: Let's go. -Wait, wait. 2111 01:17:35,442 --> 01:17:37,736 I may not be able to help you set up this project, 2112 01:17:37,819 --> 01:17:39,780 but I can do something for you guys. 2113 01:17:41,657 --> 01:17:44,910 Caleb, what if I was to call CAA 2114 01:17:44,993 --> 01:17:48,538 and strongly suggest that they give you your job back? 2115 01:17:48,622 --> 01:17:50,457 -That'd be amazing... -Yes. 2116 01:17:50,540 --> 01:17:52,250 And, Slattery, I got roped into doing 2117 01:17:52,334 --> 01:17:54,002 my lawyer's kid's student film, 2118 01:17:54,086 --> 01:17:56,380 but I bet I could convince them to give you the job instead. 2119 01:17:56,463 --> 01:17:57,506 SLATTERY: Wow. Thanks, man. 2120 01:17:57,589 --> 01:17:58,882 They say that student films 2121 01:17:58,965 --> 01:18:00,217 are the gateway to bigger stuff sometimes. 2122 01:18:00,300 --> 01:18:01,510 -Vincent? -Yes? 2123 01:18:01,593 --> 01:18:02,761 You wanted to be a screenwriter? 2124 01:18:03,595 --> 01:18:04,680 Well... 2125 01:18:06,056 --> 01:18:08,767 I'm more of a photographer these days. 2126 01:18:08,850 --> 01:18:10,394 Would you mind if I get a shot of you? 2127 01:18:10,477 --> 01:18:11,645 -I'd be honored. -Yeah! 2128 01:18:11,728 --> 01:18:12,688 JON: Something candid? Like this? 2129 01:18:15,691 --> 01:18:18,110 -[SHUTTER CLICKS] -Perfect. [LAUGHS] 2130 01:18:21,321 --> 01:18:22,197 Just perfect. 2131 01:18:23,365 --> 01:18:25,325 [SIGHS] 2132 01:18:25,409 --> 01:18:27,577 Oh, and, Otto, I have something for you. 2133 01:18:27,661 --> 01:18:30,580 My swag bag from the Movie and Television awards. 2134 01:18:30,664 --> 01:18:32,749 It's got a whole bunch of stuff I will never use, 2135 01:18:32,833 --> 01:18:35,585 including some VIP passes to Magic Mountain. 2136 01:18:35,669 --> 01:18:37,045 [EXCLAIMS] 2137 01:18:37,129 --> 01:18:38,755 Oh, Magic Mountain. I want to go. [LAUGHS] 2138 01:18:38,839 --> 01:18:40,716 -Thank you. -It's the least I could do. 2139 01:18:40,799 --> 01:18:42,134 You guys... 2140 01:18:42,217 --> 01:18:43,635 Thank you for everything, Jon. I mean... 2141 01:18:43,719 --> 01:18:46,388 Wait, wait. What about Gail? 2142 01:18:46,471 --> 01:18:49,099 She's kind of the whole reason we came here in the first place. 2143 01:18:49,182 --> 01:18:51,685 That's right. What about Gail? 2144 01:18:51,768 --> 01:18:54,104 Yeah. Jon. Do Gail next. 2145 01:18:54,187 --> 01:18:55,355 -[CLICKS TONGUE] Guys. -JON: Oh. 2146 01:18:56,106 --> 01:18:58,859 Gail, what's your dream? 2147 01:18:58,942 --> 01:19:01,737 You wanted to be a hairdresser for the movies, am I right? 2148 01:19:02,529 --> 01:19:03,739 Uh... 2149 01:19:06,658 --> 01:19:08,243 No. [CHUCKLES] 2150 01:19:09,035 --> 01:19:10,245 I actually, um... 2151 01:19:12,080 --> 01:19:13,749 have a different kind of request. 2152 01:19:15,876 --> 01:19:18,253 [ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING] 2153 01:19:33,685 --> 01:19:36,605 [SIGHS, MOANS] 2154 01:19:40,484 --> 01:19:42,569 Hey, we'll let... We'll let you two take it from here. 2155 01:19:42,652 --> 01:19:43,570 SLATTERY: Come on. Let's go. VINCENT: Yeah. 2156 01:19:46,323 --> 01:19:48,158 [SINGER VOCALIZING] 2157 01:19:55,081 --> 01:19:55,999 [GAIL MOANS] 2158 01:20:06,134 --> 01:20:07,969 [MOANS, GRUNTS] 2159 01:20:09,930 --> 01:20:11,807 [CONTINUES MOANING] 2160 01:20:16,603 --> 01:20:19,356 CALEB: There you go, Mommy. I'm back in the game. 2161 01:20:19,439 --> 01:20:20,273 Junior assistant. 2162 01:20:21,566 --> 01:20:23,276 [SIGHS] 2163 01:20:23,360 --> 01:20:24,653 CREWMEMBER 1: Roll sound. CREWMEMBER 2: Rolling sound. 2164 01:20:24,736 --> 01:20:26,780 Speed. Boardroom scene. Take seven. 2165 01:20:26,863 --> 01:20:28,323 CREWMEMBER 2: Marker. DIRECTOR: Action. 2166 01:20:28,406 --> 01:20:30,575 How many times do I have to tell you guys 2167 01:20:30,659 --> 01:20:32,077 what's going on around here? 2168 01:20:32,160 --> 01:20:34,162 Yeah. What are you doing? You can't smile... 2169 01:20:34,246 --> 01:20:36,081 Nobody seems to know... Nobody's on the same page. 2170 01:20:41,002 --> 01:20:42,462 Sorry this is 15 years late. 2171 01:20:42,546 --> 01:20:45,507 -EDITOR: Wait, what? -Oh. And by the way... 2172 01:20:47,300 --> 01:20:48,635 I quit. 2173 01:20:48,718 --> 01:20:50,720 I'm sorry, who are you? What is this? 2174 01:20:50,804 --> 01:20:53,348 Debbie, who the fuck did you just let in my office? 2175 01:20:53,431 --> 01:20:56,518 Wait a minute. Ha! That son of a bitch. 2176 01:20:56,601 --> 01:20:58,311 He got his white whale. 2177 01:20:58,395 --> 01:21:00,564 I'll be damned. 2178 01:21:00,647 --> 01:21:02,482 Vincent, you old son of a bitch. 2179 01:21:02,566 --> 01:21:04,776 DEBBIE: He's gone. Do you want me to go get him? 2180 01:21:04,860 --> 01:21:06,069 Oh, no. That's okay. I can text him. 2181 01:21:06,152 --> 01:21:07,445 Just remind me. Put it on the list. 2182 01:21:07,529 --> 01:21:08,864 DEBBIE: And this would be regarding... 2183 01:21:08,947 --> 01:21:10,574 Just put "son of a bitch." 2184 01:21:10,657 --> 01:21:12,534 I'll know what it means. [CHUCKLES] 2185 01:21:12,617 --> 01:21:14,870 [SIGHS] 2186 01:21:15,745 --> 01:21:17,205 I'll know what it means. 2187 01:21:17,289 --> 01:21:19,124 -[UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES] -[BOTH SCREAMING] 2188 01:21:20,584 --> 01:21:22,586 [ALL SCREAMING] 2189 01:21:22,669 --> 01:21:24,796 [YELPS, SCREAMS SHRILLY] 2190 01:21:26,464 --> 01:21:27,799 [MOANS] 2191 01:21:30,802 --> 01:21:32,178 [SIGHING] 2192 01:21:33,054 --> 01:21:34,139 [GAIL EXHALES DEEPLY] 2193 01:21:34,222 --> 01:21:35,223 GAIL: I feel like... 2194 01:21:36,683 --> 01:21:38,560 "I'm floating above the clouds." 2195 01:21:41,104 --> 01:21:43,899 "Chains of yesterday dissolve like morning mist." 2196 01:21:45,692 --> 01:21:48,695 "As I rise on newfound wings, 2197 01:21:48,778 --> 01:21:50,488 "Towards endless blue..." 2198 01:21:51,698 --> 01:21:52,949 "In cloudscapes pure and bright." 2199 01:21:53,033 --> 01:21:54,284 "In cloudscapes pure and bright." 2200 01:21:54,367 --> 01:21:55,452 -"I am made new." -"I am made new." 2201 01:21:55,535 --> 01:21:57,412 What? 2202 01:21:57,495 --> 01:21:59,205 I've never met anyone that knows that poem. 2203 01:21:59,289 --> 01:22:01,541 Who doesn't love J.M. Stansel? 2204 01:22:01,625 --> 01:22:03,460 Are you kidding me? I'm a Stansel junkie. 2205 01:22:04,628 --> 01:22:05,921 [CHUCKLES] 2206 01:22:06,004 --> 01:22:07,380 I know this sounds crazy, 2207 01:22:07,464 --> 01:22:09,591 but I could imagine you and me rising on wings 2208 01:22:09,674 --> 01:22:11,217 -toward endless blue. -Mm. 2209 01:22:11,301 --> 01:22:12,844 Wouldn't that be something? 2210 01:22:13,845 --> 01:22:15,347 Some other lifetime, maybe. 2211 01:22:16,139 --> 01:22:16,973 Sure. 2212 01:22:17,849 --> 01:22:19,017 Some other lifetime. 2213 01:22:20,810 --> 01:22:23,396 [BOTH SIGH] 2214 01:22:23,480 --> 01:22:25,523 Jon Hamm. 2215 01:22:26,733 --> 01:22:28,985 Who knew? 2216 01:22:29,069 --> 01:22:30,654 It's too bad you're getting married. 2217 01:22:30,737 --> 01:22:32,113 Because I would love to take you 2218 01:22:32,197 --> 01:22:34,199 to this magical spot I know in St. Blarts. 2219 01:22:35,742 --> 01:22:38,161 Soomer in St. Blarts sounds incredible. 2220 01:22:39,663 --> 01:22:41,247 I'm so flattered. 2221 01:22:41,331 --> 01:22:44,960 But, yes, I am getting married 2222 01:22:45,043 --> 01:22:47,712 and so I can't go to St. Blarts with you. 2223 01:22:48,421 --> 01:22:50,465 But... 2224 01:22:50,548 --> 01:22:53,677 sincerely, it was so great to fuck you. 2225 01:22:53,760 --> 01:22:55,929 And thanks for everything. 2226 01:22:58,473 --> 01:22:59,933 -Be well. -You, too. 2227 01:23:03,895 --> 01:23:05,605 [SIGHS] 2228 01:23:07,899 --> 01:23:10,110 What a day. 2229 01:23:10,193 --> 01:23:13,113 GAIL: LAX, please. CAB DRIVER: You got it. 2230 01:23:13,196 --> 01:23:14,656 Probably good you're getting out of the city. 2231 01:23:14,739 --> 01:23:16,658 I'm sure you heard about the mess that happened 2232 01:23:16,741 --> 01:23:18,994 at the abandoned movie lot the other night. 2233 01:23:19,077 --> 01:23:20,120 [HORN BLARING] 2234 01:23:20,203 --> 01:23:21,663 -Go ahead. Go around me. -Uh... 2235 01:23:22,789 --> 01:23:24,082 No, no. I'm... I haven't heard. 2236 01:23:24,165 --> 01:23:25,750 -What happened? -You haven't heard? Oh... 2237 01:23:25,834 --> 01:23:28,420 They found dozens of dead bodies out there. 2238 01:23:28,503 --> 01:23:31,172 It's just impossible to process. 2239 01:23:31,256 --> 01:23:34,092 I mean, nothing like that has ever happened before. 2240 01:23:34,175 --> 01:23:36,636 Hey, sorry, I think I recognize you. 2241 01:23:36,720 --> 01:23:39,014 Are you Elizabeth Perkins, by any chance? 2242 01:23:39,097 --> 01:23:40,390 -Yes. -[GASPS] 2243 01:23:40,473 --> 01:23:41,683 -Hey, there. -[BOTH EXCLAIMING] 2244 01:23:45,020 --> 01:23:46,479 WOMAN: Get over here, Solly. 2245 01:23:46,563 --> 01:23:48,481 The ceremony's gonna start in a few minutes. 2246 01:23:48,565 --> 01:23:49,774 SLATTERY: Do you know what works... 2247 01:23:49,858 --> 01:23:51,192 -VINCENT: What? -...with bridesmaids? 2248 01:23:51,276 --> 01:23:54,029 -A little Slattery flattery. -[CALEB LAUGHS] 2249 01:23:54,112 --> 01:23:56,364 How about some... How about some Caleb... 2250 01:24:00,493 --> 01:24:01,870 Okay. 2251 01:24:01,953 --> 01:24:03,830 So, when I tell you you may kiss the bride, 2252 01:24:03,913 --> 01:24:05,415 that's your cue to, uh... 2253 01:24:05,498 --> 01:24:07,625 Well, I'm gonna keep this PG. 2254 01:24:07,709 --> 01:24:10,295 I'm not sure I understand. 2255 01:24:10,378 --> 01:24:12,505 Mm. Nobody rocks a whip curl like my girl. 2256 01:24:12,589 --> 01:24:14,799 [CHUCKLES] 2257 01:24:14,883 --> 01:24:17,594 Hey, you're still feeling okay about all this, right? 2258 01:24:17,677 --> 01:24:20,597 No. Yeah. Yes, no. No, I am feeling good. 2259 01:24:20,680 --> 01:24:21,848 -You sure? -Yeah. 2260 01:24:21,931 --> 01:24:23,725 I mean, Tom is far from perfect. 2261 01:24:24,976 --> 01:24:26,770 Like, he works too much. 2262 01:24:26,853 --> 01:24:28,730 He drinks a little bit more than I'd like him to. 2263 01:24:28,813 --> 01:24:30,899 -[CHUCKLES] -He snores so loud. [CHUCKLES] 2264 01:24:30,982 --> 01:24:33,985 He'll never say things like, "Thank you" or "I'm sorry." 2265 01:24:34,069 --> 01:24:36,488 And when I had that full hysterectomy, 2266 01:24:36,571 --> 01:24:39,449 and I really, really needed him to be there for me, 2267 01:24:40,825 --> 01:24:42,285 -he essentially checked out. -Yeah. 2268 01:24:42,368 --> 01:24:44,788 I think it's just about picking your poison. 2269 01:24:44,871 --> 01:24:48,333 And I guess Tom is my poison. 2270 01:24:48,416 --> 01:24:50,168 Make sure you say all that in your vows. 2271 01:24:50,251 --> 01:24:51,711 [SOFT MUSIC PLAYING] 2272 01:24:51,795 --> 01:24:56,049 And now, time for the $64,000 question. [CHUCKLES] 2273 01:24:57,842 --> 01:24:59,302 Gail Elizabeth Daughtry, 2274 01:24:59,385 --> 01:25:01,763 do you take Tom Soursap McNoodleman 2275 01:25:01,846 --> 01:25:03,223 to be your husband, 2276 01:25:03,306 --> 01:25:04,766 to have and to hold from this day forward, 2277 01:25:04,849 --> 01:25:06,351 for better or for worse, 2278 01:25:06,434 --> 01:25:09,312 in sickness and in health, till death do you part? 2279 01:25:17,028 --> 01:25:18,113 I... 2280 01:25:19,239 --> 01:25:20,115 Gail? 2281 01:25:21,032 --> 01:25:23,284 [GUESTS MURMURING] 2282 01:25:27,413 --> 01:25:29,415 No, I... I'm... 2283 01:25:29,499 --> 01:25:31,793 Wow. I'm sorry. I don't want to marry you. 2284 01:25:31,876 --> 01:25:34,129 Oh! Thank God. 2285 01:25:35,421 --> 01:25:39,801 Tom, you have been my whole world. 2286 01:25:39,884 --> 01:25:42,428 But there's a whole universe out there 2287 01:25:42,512 --> 01:25:44,764 waiting for me to explore. 2288 01:25:44,848 --> 01:25:47,308 There's celebrities, there's fancy hotels 2289 01:25:47,392 --> 01:25:49,519 and unexpected friendships. 2290 01:25:49,602 --> 01:25:50,395 -Hello. -Hi. 2291 01:25:53,898 --> 01:25:55,150 I don't want to hurt you. 2292 01:25:56,526 --> 01:26:00,238 But I guess I have to, Tom. 2293 01:26:00,321 --> 01:26:03,032 Is this because of the Aniston thing? 2294 01:26:03,116 --> 01:26:05,160 Does it change anything if I told you I only half finished? 2295 01:26:06,703 --> 01:26:09,122 -[LAUGHS] -JON: Gail! 2296 01:26:09,205 --> 01:26:11,374 [GUESTS GASPING, MURMURING] 2297 01:26:12,959 --> 01:26:15,587 -JON: Gail! -[HOT AIR BALLOON HISSING] 2298 01:26:16,546 --> 01:26:17,380 Gail! 2299 01:26:18,631 --> 01:26:19,841 [GASPS] 2300 01:26:19,924 --> 01:26:21,759 -Gail! -Jon. 2301 01:26:21,843 --> 01:26:23,553 Ooh! [LAUGHS] 2302 01:26:24,762 --> 01:26:25,847 Jon. 2303 01:26:28,600 --> 01:26:30,101 What are you doing here? 2304 01:26:30,185 --> 01:26:33,271 Gail, you are the only woman I have ever met 2305 01:26:33,354 --> 01:26:36,900 who has made me feel good about being the real me. 2306 01:26:36,983 --> 01:26:40,653 And so I flew 1,400 miles in this balloon to tell you 2307 01:26:40,737 --> 01:26:42,614 I want to be with you. Forever. 2308 01:26:42,697 --> 01:26:45,867 Wow. Jon Hamm... 2309 01:26:45,950 --> 01:26:48,369 I never dreamed that I would see you again. 2310 01:26:48,453 --> 01:26:49,662 But as you can see, 2311 01:26:49,746 --> 01:26:51,289 I'm just getting out of something. 2312 01:26:51,372 --> 01:26:53,041 SLATTERY: Hey, Jon. 2313 01:26:53,124 --> 01:26:56,211 I'm definitely down to hang. Maybe we can keep it casual? 2314 01:26:56,294 --> 01:26:58,504 Oh, totally. Why don't we just keep it loose and freaky? 2315 01:26:58,588 --> 01:26:59,839 Loose and freaky sounds great. 2316 01:27:00,506 --> 01:27:01,341 Get in here. 2317 01:27:05,094 --> 01:27:06,971 [HOT AIR BALLOON HISSING] 2318 01:27:07,055 --> 01:27:08,223 [GUESTS CHEERING] 2319 01:27:08,306 --> 01:27:10,058 Go, Gail, go. 2320 01:27:10,141 --> 01:27:12,518 [GUESTS APPLAUDING] 2321 01:27:12,602 --> 01:27:13,436 Yes. 2322 01:27:18,149 --> 01:27:20,151 What the fuck is happening? 2323 01:27:20,235 --> 01:27:22,237 [UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING] 2324 01:27:35,375 --> 01:27:36,793 FRANK: And if you're wondering 2325 01:27:36,876 --> 01:27:39,254 what happened to Gail and Mr. Hamm... 2326 01:27:39,337 --> 01:27:40,630 I don't know. 2327 01:27:40,713 --> 01:27:42,423 He just picked her up on that balloon, 2328 01:27:42,507 --> 01:27:44,467 and it's happening right now as we speak. 2329 01:27:44,550 --> 01:27:47,345 I mean, I'm not a fortune teller. 2330 01:27:47,428 --> 01:27:49,889 And if I'm being honest, when did it become my job 2331 01:27:49,973 --> 01:27:52,976 to spoon-feed you every little nuanced point in this story? 2332 01:27:53,059 --> 01:27:54,936 I mean, you're 35 years old, right? 2333 01:27:55,019 --> 01:27:56,854 You can figure out some stuff on your own. 2334 01:27:58,147 --> 01:27:59,274 I mean, to tell you the truth, 2335 01:27:59,357 --> 01:28:00,275 I got a lot of problems of my own. 2336 01:28:00,358 --> 01:28:02,026 You know, not that you care, 2337 01:28:02,110 --> 01:28:03,528 because for you, it's all just, "Whatever happened to Gail?" 2338 01:28:03,611 --> 01:28:05,071 You know, "Gail, Gail, Gail." 2339 01:28:05,154 --> 01:28:06,739 Because not for nothing, 2340 01:28:06,823 --> 01:28:08,741 I've really been going through a lot of shit, you know? 2341 01:28:08,825 --> 01:28:10,076 Do you have any idea what it's like 2342 01:28:10,159 --> 01:28:12,287 to have a blood clot in your leg? 2343 01:28:12,370 --> 01:28:14,539 It's a fucking nightmare, that's what it is. 2344 01:28:14,622 --> 01:28:15,957 And then my daughter, 2345 01:28:16,040 --> 01:28:17,542 I don't want to even get into that shit. 2346 01:28:17,625 --> 01:28:19,168 She hasn't returned my phone calls in eight months. 2347 01:28:19,252 --> 01:28:20,336 Eight months! 2348 01:28:20,420 --> 01:28:21,713 And then on top of that, 2349 01:28:21,796 --> 01:28:23,756 there's this whole mishegoss with my roof. 2350 01:28:23,840 --> 01:28:26,759 The roofer, he said $600. Not a fucking penny more. 2351 01:28:26,843 --> 01:28:28,636 And he gave me a bill for double that. 2352 01:28:28,720 --> 01:28:31,055 This guy's a fucking criminal. He should be in jail. 2353 01:28:31,139 --> 01:28:33,308 Do not ever, ever hire Scott Lindhome 2354 01:28:33,391 --> 01:28:34,767 to do anything in your house. 2355 01:28:34,851 --> 01:28:36,311 [UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 2356 01:32:00,306 --> 01:32:02,350 TERRENCE: Gonna make you all sick. 2357 01:32:04,560 --> 01:32:07,647 I'mma make you all very sick. 2358 01:32:10,441 --> 01:32:12,360 Now get outta here before I change my mind 2359 01:32:12,443 --> 01:32:13,528 and make you all real sick. 2360 01:32:15,696 --> 01:32:17,406 Enough questions. 2361 01:32:17,490 --> 01:32:21,536 Unless you want me to make you all very, very sick. 2362 01:32:21,619 --> 01:32:23,287 GAIL: Nobody wants to get sick, right, fellas? 2363 01:32:23,371 --> 01:32:24,664 SLATTERY: No, I definitely don't wanna get sick. 2364 01:32:24,747 --> 01:32:26,624 VINCENT: I just got over something. 2365 01:32:26,707 --> 01:32:28,834 Hey, I'm Scott Lindhome, Scott Lindhome Roofing. 2366 01:32:28,918 --> 01:32:30,419 Look, let me tell you, 2367 01:32:30,503 --> 01:32:32,463 there are two sides to every story. 2368 01:32:32,547 --> 01:32:35,091 What our friendly neighborhood "mailman" forgets to mention 2369 01:32:35,174 --> 01:32:38,386 is the raccoon infestation living under his shingles. 2370 01:32:38,469 --> 01:32:40,179 God! What? Am I supposed to pay for that? 2371 01:32:40,263 --> 01:32:41,597 Are you out of your mind? 2372 01:32:41,681 --> 01:32:44,767 It's $600 for basic shingle replacement. 2373 01:32:44,850 --> 01:32:47,895 Look. See? "Surprises not included." 2374 01:32:47,979 --> 01:32:49,188 And by the way, 2375 01:32:49,272 --> 01:32:52,108 $600 barely pays for the fucking nails. 2376 01:32:52,191 --> 01:32:53,651 You don't believe me? You head on down 2377 01:32:53,734 --> 01:32:55,152 to Home Depot and check for yourself. 2378 01:32:55,236 --> 01:32:56,279 And don't tell me you don't got enough time. 2379 01:32:56,362 --> 01:32:57,655 'Cause I know for a fact 2380 01:32:57,738 --> 01:32:59,240 you have not had a job since April. 2381 01:32:59,323 --> 01:33:01,033 Maybe I did charge him double, but you know what? 2382 01:33:01,117 --> 01:33:02,868 His fucking roof is gonna be watertight 2383 01:33:02,952 --> 01:33:04,620 for the next 20 years, okay? 2384 01:33:05,162 --> 01:33:05,997 End of story. 2385 01:33:09,292 --> 01:33:11,544 Jeez. What the shit? 2386 01:33:11,627 --> 01:33:15,172 [PHONE RINGING, BEEPS] 2387 01:33:15,256 --> 01:33:17,592 Hey, Scott, it's Gail Daughtry. [CHUCKLES] 2388 01:33:17,675 --> 01:33:19,677 I probably haven't seen you since my mom and dad's funeral. 2389 01:33:19,760 --> 01:33:21,387 Anyway, crazy story. 2390 01:33:21,470 --> 01:33:22,888 I'm actually up in a hot-air balloon right now, 2391 01:33:22,972 --> 01:33:24,599 and I can see the roof of my house. 2392 01:33:24,682 --> 01:33:26,475 It is looking like it might need some maintenance. 2393 01:33:26,559 --> 01:33:28,394 What do you think? Anyway, no rush. 2394 01:33:28,477 --> 01:33:30,229 Just call me when you can. 2395 01:33:30,313 --> 01:33:32,023 This is Gail Daughtry... and the Celebrity Sex Pass. 176769

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