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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,045 --> 00:00:04,526 [tense music] 2 00:00:14,188 --> 00:00:16,842 [dramatic music] 3 00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:34,686 [dramatic music] 4 00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:49,049 [mysterious music] 5 00:00:57,622 --> 00:01:00,060 [dramatic music] 6 00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:06,805 [energetic music] 7 00:01:16,772 --> 00:01:18,991 [dramatic music] 8 00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:28,653 [gentle music] 9 00:01:40,796 --> 00:01:43,407 [soft rumbling] 10 00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:03,123 [water bubbling] 11 00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:13,481 [water splashing] 12 00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:10,059 [Lidia VO] I thought about starting at the beginning. 13 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,193 [gasp] 14 00:03:14,455 --> 00:03:15,325 But that's not how I remember it. 15 00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:16,718 [gasp] 16 00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:24,726 It's all a series of 17 00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:25,683 [gasp] 18 00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:26,728 fragments. 19 00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:30,906 Repetitions. 20 00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:35,563 Pattern formations. 21 00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:40,742 [soft orchestral music] 22 00:03:52,754 --> 00:03:54,408 [distant wailing} 23 00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:59,935 When there are no words for the pain... 24 00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:07,769 let your imagination change what you know. 25 00:04:10,075 --> 00:04:11,425 [whispers] Conglomerates. 26 00:04:11,947 --> 00:04:13,601 Movement of land in the freedom of water. 27 00:04:16,778 --> 00:04:18,432 A ring around a rock is luck. 28 00:04:19,955 --> 00:04:21,478 [whispers] Smoothed into a small thing. 29 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,395 Sandstone is soothing and lucid. 30 00:04:25,613 --> 00:04:27,310 Shale, of course, is rational. 31 00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:29,312 Red rock is earth blood. 32 00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:33,447 You believe in blue. 33 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,758 [distant wailing] 34 00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:42,804 [water running] 35 00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:54,294 [rock clatters] 36 00:04:57,993 --> 00:05:02,345 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 37 00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:04,782 [Lidia VO] Memories... 38 00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:08,525 are stories. 39 00:05:11,354 --> 00:05:13,487 So you better come up with one you can live with. 40 00:05:13,748 --> 00:05:14,705 [knock] 41 00:05:20,015 --> 00:05:21,016 [slap] 42 00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:34,551 [Claudia] Smiley face. 43 00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:43,038 Flower. 44 00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:49,871 [knocking] 45 00:05:50,611 --> 00:05:51,568 [knocking] 46 00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:56,530 Christmas tree. 47 00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:06,191 [banging] 48 00:06:06,496 --> 00:06:09,673 [Lidia crying] 49 00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:13,285 [tense screeching sound] 50 00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:16,550 [banging] 51 00:06:16,724 --> 00:06:17,725 [slap] 52 00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:21,206 Stop. 53 00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:23,948 [Mike] Claudia, go upstairs. 54 00:06:24,253 --> 00:06:25,254 Go! 55 00:06:28,257 --> 00:06:29,258 Move! 56 00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:33,001 [banging] 57 00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:34,045 [slap] 58 00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:38,049 You just let me know when you're finished. 59 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:40,400 We can do this all night. 60 00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:45,927 [Lidia crying] 61 00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:52,324 [Mike] Fuck it! 62 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:00,420 [slap] 63 00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:35,150 [Dorothy] I think it'll feel nice, Claudia. 64 00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:37,979 I really think it will. Fix you right up. 65 00:07:40,503 --> 00:07:41,939 Fix you right up. 66 00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:53,342 Sing with me, Belle. 67 00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:56,127 ♪ Oh, my darlin' 68 00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:57,694 ♪ Oh, my darlin' 69 00:07:58,173 --> 00:08:01,306 ♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine 70 00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:03,439 Come on, Lidia Belle. Sing with me. 71 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,006 You know all the lyrics. 72 00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:10,011 ♪ You're lost and gone forever ♪ 73 00:08:10,054 --> 00:08:11,839 ♪ Dreadful sorrow 74 00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:15,320 [Lidia VO] It was my voice that left. 75 00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:17,366 [pencil scribbling] 76 00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:21,022 Sometimes I think it arrived on paper. 77 00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:24,286 I wrote pictures and true things. 78 00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:26,331 Lies interchangeably. 79 00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:29,770 Made me feel like, like someone else. 80 00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:32,250 - [Mike] Oh, for Christ's sake! - [water splashing] 81 00:08:32,294 --> 00:08:33,817 [Lidia VO] I wrote words to belong to. 82 00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:35,210 [Mike] That is our daughter! 83 00:08:35,253 --> 00:08:36,733 [Lidia VO] Not daughter. 84 00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:39,388 To swimmer. 85 00:08:40,868 --> 00:08:42,347 To safety. 86 00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:43,827 To girls. 87 00:08:43,871 --> 00:08:45,350 [whispers] Make my skin hot. 88 00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:46,700 My head hurt. 89 00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:48,658 My mother. Her hair. 90 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:50,747 Her scar. 91 00:08:51,095 --> 00:08:52,706 Her stories. 92 00:08:53,271 --> 00:08:56,100 [Dorothy] I won a prize for that story, Belle. 93 00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:58,538 And your daddy 94 00:09:00,409 --> 00:09:03,760 won an art prize for this drawing. 95 00:09:05,283 --> 00:09:07,895 [Lidia VO] How gone she was. 96 00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:09,897 [pencil scribbling] 97 00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:15,293 And my sister. My adoration. 98 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:18,166 My sister. My awe. 99 00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:21,343 You look like a bum in that dumpy sack shirt. 100 00:09:21,386 --> 00:09:22,779 It does nothing for you. 101 00:09:23,911 --> 00:09:24,912 Look at me. 102 00:09:26,696 --> 00:09:28,132 You trying to look like a man? 103 00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:31,875 [Lidia VO] My sister. Taking everything. 104 00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:35,792 [pencil scribbling] 105 00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:39,013 [snap] 106 00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:40,928 Before you were even born. 107 00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:02,123 [door closes] 108 00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:06,518 - [book slams] - [footsteps] 109 00:10:06,823 --> 00:10:08,608 [pencil scribbling] 110 00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:10,000 In the house. 111 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,265 Alone in my room. 112 00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:16,616 My arms ache. 113 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:18,835 My sister is gone. 114 00:10:21,098 --> 00:10:23,231 My mother is... 115 00:10:23,274 --> 00:10:24,275 gone. 116 00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:29,237 My father designs houses in the room next to mine. 117 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:30,455 [whispers] He's smoking. 118 00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:31,500 [pencil slams] 119 00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:39,464 [Mike sighs] 120 00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:41,815 [knocking] 121 00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:43,947 [door opens] 122 00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:46,341 [Mike] Hey, honey. 123 00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:47,951 [pencil snaps] 124 00:10:48,822 --> 00:10:49,866 [door shuts] 125 00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:53,870 [Mike grunts] 126 00:10:56,351 --> 00:10:57,787 Hey. 127 00:11:07,797 --> 00:11:09,625 [Lidia VO] I wait for five a.m. 128 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,409 [pencil scribbling] 129 00:11:11,845 --> 00:11:13,194 I pray 130 00:11:13,237 --> 00:11:14,369 [pencil drops] 131 00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:16,240 to swim. 132 00:11:23,378 --> 00:11:26,686 [tense orchestral music] 133 00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:32,866 [Mike VO] My baby girl. 134 00:11:36,521 --> 00:11:37,871 Growing up so fast. 135 00:11:40,351 --> 00:11:41,352 [stomping] 136 00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:45,443 A teenager. 137 00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:47,881 [Lidia grunts] 138 00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:49,099 In high school. 139 00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:51,275 I can't believe it. 140 00:11:51,319 --> 00:11:53,016 [Coach] All right. Line up. 141 00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:55,715 Ladies, weigh in. You know the drill. 142 00:11:55,758 --> 00:11:57,717 One lick for every pound you're over. 143 00:11:58,369 --> 00:11:59,414 Torres. 144 00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,198 [slap] 145 00:12:01,242 --> 00:12:02,199 [Mike VO] Atta girl. 146 00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:03,897 [Mike pants] 147 00:12:05,899 --> 00:12:07,248 [Lidia screams in pillow] 148 00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:09,859 [pencil scratching on paper] 149 00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:10,991 [Lidia grunts] 150 00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:14,037 That's right, there you go. 151 00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:16,823 [Coach] Reimer. Three pounds. 152 00:12:16,866 --> 00:12:17,954 [slap] 153 00:12:18,476 --> 00:12:19,477 [slap] 154 00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:21,131 [slap] 155 00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:22,393 - [Mike VO] Faster. - [slap] 156 00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:24,613 [thread tearing] 157 00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:26,746 Come on, baby. 158 00:12:27,398 --> 00:12:28,878 - [slap] - Harder! 159 00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:30,619 [slap] 160 00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:33,970 [slap] 161 00:12:40,281 --> 00:12:43,240 [Coach] Yuknavitch. One for you, freshman. 162 00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:45,112 So we'll make it count. 163 00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:47,288 [slap echoes] 164 00:12:47,331 --> 00:12:49,943 [crowd clapping and cheering] 165 00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:03,957 [Lidia gasps] 166 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,480 [silence] 167 00:13:05,523 --> 00:13:06,786 [Coach] Go! 168 00:13:07,569 --> 00:13:09,310 [underwater rumbling] 169 00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:13,967 [water splashing] 170 00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:20,321 [Lidia VO] How many miles does it take 171 00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:22,976 [low rumbling] 172 00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:25,500 to swim 173 00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:29,199 [low rumbling] 174 00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:31,332 to a self? 175 00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,987 [rumbling] 176 00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,032 How 177 00:13:36,685 --> 00:13:37,817 many 178 00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:39,731 fucking 179 00:13:40,210 --> 00:13:41,951 - [rumbling crescendos] - miles? 180 00:13:41,995 --> 00:13:43,300 [slap] 181 00:13:43,344 --> 00:13:45,694 [crowd cheering, whooping] 182 00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:48,915 [Swimmer] We set a record! 183 00:13:48,958 --> 00:13:51,482 - [Lidia squeals] - We set a fucking record! 184 00:13:51,526 --> 00:13:53,136 [Announcer] We are proud to announce 185 00:13:53,180 --> 00:13:55,138 that our 200-yard medley relay gold-medal winners 186 00:13:55,182 --> 00:13:56,966 from the Florida Aquatic Swim Team 187 00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:59,273 have achieved the best time in the entire nation. 188 00:13:59,316 --> 00:14:00,665 Congratulations. 189 00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:02,232 Scouts are watching, seniors. 190 00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:04,365 ♪ "The National Anthem" plays 191 00:14:08,891 --> 00:14:10,675 [music fades] 192 00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:12,025 [low rumble] 193 00:14:18,161 --> 00:14:19,206 [tapping] 194 00:14:22,687 --> 00:14:23,688 [teacup clinks] 195 00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:27,736 [Mike gulps, exhales] 196 00:14:28,780 --> 00:14:30,391 [Mike] So you really want this, huh? 197 00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:37,615 Okay. 198 00:14:37,659 --> 00:14:38,703 [paper tearing] 199 00:14:38,747 --> 00:14:39,922 [paper rustles] 200 00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:49,889 [paper rustles] 201 00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:56,373 [Mike sighs] 202 00:14:57,244 --> 00:14:59,246 You only got a three-quarter ride. 203 00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:01,901 [Mike sighs] 204 00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:05,600 Hey, if they wanted you, 205 00:15:05,643 --> 00:15:08,777 they would have offered the whole nine yards, huh? 206 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:10,779 [paper rustles] 207 00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:23,618 [Mike sighs] 208 00:15:25,054 --> 00:15:27,970 "We are delighted to offer a partial scholarship." 209 00:15:29,624 --> 00:15:30,538 Half. 210 00:15:31,104 --> 00:15:32,496 You're better than that. 211 00:15:32,801 --> 00:15:33,976 [paper slams on table] 212 00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:37,327 - Last one. - [paper rips] 213 00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:53,648 [Lidia VO] In my head, I swam laps. 214 00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:54,736 [paper rustles] 215 00:15:55,867 --> 00:15:57,478 [Mike] Didn't even get one full ride. 216 00:15:58,870 --> 00:16:00,002 [low rumble] 217 00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:01,003 [paper rustles] 218 00:16:02,831 --> 00:16:03,963 Hey. Don't blame me. 219 00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:07,488 If they don't want you, then you don't belong there. 220 00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:09,403 [Lidia VO] I could taste blood. 221 00:16:09,446 --> 00:16:11,709 - [Mike] The answer is no. - [slams paper] 222 00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:13,668 [Lidia VO] Why? 223 00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:16,888 [clock ticks] 224 00:16:19,674 --> 00:16:20,762 [Lidia pants] 225 00:16:20,805 --> 00:16:21,763 [lighter flicks] 226 00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:22,807 Because he could. 227 00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:26,986 What? 228 00:16:27,812 --> 00:16:29,162 [Lidia VO] And I was his. 229 00:16:29,684 --> 00:16:31,686 [dramatic music] 230 00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:44,003 [Mike] Hey. Look at me. 231 00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:57,581 Look at me. 232 00:17:07,156 --> 00:17:08,897 I only want the best for you. 233 00:17:10,899 --> 00:17:11,943 You know that. 234 00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:17,210 [Lidia VO] I knew he could feel it. 235 00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:19,864 That pink muscle. 236 00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:21,736 Pushing 237 00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:25,044 and pushing. 238 00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:26,654 - [slap] - [locker slams] 239 00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:28,003 [Coach] You should all be out there warming up. 240 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,526 [Lidia VO] For all that it's worth. 241 00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:30,788 - [underwater rumble] - [splash] 242 00:17:31,876 --> 00:17:32,921 [Lidia panting] 243 00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:35,967 [Texas Tech Coach] Hey, Lidia. 244 00:17:38,013 --> 00:17:39,101 Do you need a hand? 245 00:17:39,841 --> 00:17:41,538 I'm a coach from Texas Tech. 246 00:17:42,713 --> 00:17:44,106 I'm excited to meet you. 247 00:17:44,585 --> 00:17:45,586 Let's talk. 248 00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:48,067 Like to have you on our team. 249 00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:50,156 [clock ticking] 250 00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:51,200 [gulping] 251 00:17:56,771 --> 00:17:58,120 [ice clinks] 252 00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:08,304 Yes. 253 00:18:14,876 --> 00:18:16,617 [Lidia VO] I almost loved her. 254 00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:24,973 [Dorothy] Let's go, Belle. 255 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:26,975 [briefcase thuds] 256 00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:31,110 [water runs] 257 00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:43,296 - [tense music rises] - [footsteps] 258 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,393 [Mike] 'Cause I know you, Lidia. I know what you do. 259 00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:56,265 And it is disgusting. Disgusting! You hear me? 260 00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:58,354 It's fucking disgusting, Lidia. 261 00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:00,835 You should be ashamed of your-- 262 00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:04,273 [footsteps] 263 00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:05,448 Lidia! 264 00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,190 [stomping] 265 00:19:09,322 --> 00:19:10,497 This is control. 266 00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:14,065 I am controlling myself. 267 00:19:15,066 --> 00:19:16,067 [door slams] 268 00:19:17,068 --> 00:19:19,158 You don't know how far I can go. 269 00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:23,031 [tense music continues] 270 00:19:29,907 --> 00:19:31,561 [door opens] 271 00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:34,347 [crash] 272 00:19:37,698 --> 00:19:41,223 [Lidia VO] My bedroom holds the wet and the dark of my body. 273 00:19:45,053 --> 00:19:46,533 It smells like my sweat... 274 00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:49,231 and chlorine. 275 00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:03,506 Hey. 276 00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:04,768 Can't sleep, huh? 277 00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:06,727 Yeah. Me neither. 278 00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:08,511 [Mike clears throat] 279 00:20:14,909 --> 00:20:15,910 [Mike chuckles] 280 00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:18,695 Come here. 281 00:20:19,130 --> 00:20:20,131 I want to talk to you. 282 00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:28,618 Listen. I'm sorry I've been so hard on you lately. 283 00:20:30,751 --> 00:20:31,752 I guess I just 284 00:20:33,754 --> 00:20:35,625 really worry about you out there. 285 00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:40,630 Things are gonna be different when you go to college. 286 00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:43,416 I want you to listen to me. 287 00:20:43,938 --> 00:20:46,767 [Lidia VO] He narrated what boys would do to me. 288 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,900 How they would put their dirty hands 289 00:20:49,944 --> 00:20:52,251 up my skirt and finger-fuck me. 290 00:20:53,382 --> 00:20:54,383 Fondle my tits. 291 00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:57,908 [pants unzipping] 292 00:20:58,344 --> 00:20:59,301 Suck them. 293 00:21:01,564 --> 00:21:03,914 How disgusting boys would be. 294 00:21:05,786 --> 00:21:06,917 Their hands, 295 00:21:07,614 --> 00:21:09,572 their hips wanting in and up. 296 00:21:10,443 --> 00:21:11,574 And their dicks. 297 00:21:12,793 --> 00:21:13,924 And his. 298 00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:16,275 Me sitting next to him, 299 00:21:17,798 --> 00:21:19,278 feeling the heat of him 300 00:21:20,757 --> 00:21:22,063 without even looking. 301 00:21:22,106 --> 00:21:23,804 [rhythmic rustling] 302 00:21:25,414 --> 00:21:26,937 [Lidia breathes heavily] 303 00:21:30,985 --> 00:21:33,292 [rain pattering] 304 00:21:42,649 --> 00:21:45,129 [soft music] 305 00:21:48,002 --> 00:21:49,482 [Lidia breathes in deeply] 306 00:21:56,010 --> 00:21:57,228 [soft footsteps] 307 00:21:58,621 --> 00:21:59,622 [door creaks] 308 00:22:02,973 --> 00:22:04,018 [doorknob squeaks] 309 00:22:14,376 --> 00:22:16,291 [music intensifies] 310 00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:17,379 [lighter flicks] 311 00:22:21,818 --> 00:22:23,254 What you doing out here? 312 00:22:30,436 --> 00:22:32,351 What's the matter with you, huh? 313 00:22:36,964 --> 00:22:38,531 I want you to know that, um, 314 00:22:43,057 --> 00:22:44,058 I love you. 315 00:22:49,063 --> 00:22:50,064 [Lidia exhales] 316 00:22:52,022 --> 00:22:53,023 Huh. 317 00:23:01,554 --> 00:23:02,946 You're a fucking whore. 318 00:23:06,646 --> 00:23:09,039 [music intensifies] 319 00:23:11,477 --> 00:23:13,392 You have something to say to me? 320 00:23:14,131 --> 00:23:15,132 Huh? 321 00:23:22,226 --> 00:23:24,098 [quietly] Fuck you, motherfucker. 322 00:23:24,577 --> 00:23:25,708 [Mike] What did you-- 323 00:23:25,752 --> 00:23:27,231 what did you just say? 324 00:23:30,104 --> 00:23:31,148 Fuck you, 325 00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:33,542 motherfucker. 326 00:23:35,588 --> 00:23:37,067 Get the fuck 327 00:23:37,633 --> 00:23:39,635 [yelling] out of my way! 328 00:23:58,132 --> 00:23:59,786 [Lidia breathes in deeply] 329 00:24:05,182 --> 00:24:06,314 [Lidia exhales] 330 00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:14,453 [crash] 331 00:24:16,019 --> 00:24:17,107 [gasps] 332 00:24:17,151 --> 00:24:18,326 [Lidia VO] All I thought 333 00:24:22,461 --> 00:24:23,462 [gasps] 334 00:24:24,375 --> 00:24:26,813 was my own wide-open cunt 335 00:24:29,163 --> 00:24:30,164 [gasps] 336 00:24:30,773 --> 00:24:31,774 [gasps] 337 00:24:31,992 --> 00:24:33,167 as open as a mouth 338 00:24:34,690 --> 00:24:35,604 screaming 339 00:24:35,648 --> 00:24:36,779 Mother. Mother! 340 00:24:36,823 --> 00:24:37,954 Motherfucker. 341 00:24:39,129 --> 00:24:40,130 [groans] 342 00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:41,436 [gasp] 343 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,394 [Lidia VO] Motherfucker. 344 00:24:44,004 --> 00:24:45,005 [gasp] 345 00:24:45,309 --> 00:24:46,789 [Lidia breathes heavily] 346 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,190 [dramatic music] 347 00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:04,938 I didn't know a girl body could do that. 348 00:25:04,981 --> 00:25:07,506 ♪ "Mine" by Paris Hurley 349 00:25:08,071 --> 00:25:09,682 Shoot cum. 350 00:25:25,262 --> 00:25:27,830 [music continues] 351 00:25:31,834 --> 00:25:34,054 [music continues] 352 00:25:38,754 --> 00:25:40,060 [Swimmer laughs] 353 00:25:41,235 --> 00:25:42,845 My own thoughts. Mine. 354 00:25:42,889 --> 00:25:44,020 My own space. 355 00:25:44,064 --> 00:25:45,326 My own booze. My own tits. 356 00:25:45,369 --> 00:25:47,197 My own days. My own nights. Mine. 357 00:25:47,415 --> 00:25:49,373 My own sex. My own booze. 358 00:25:49,417 --> 00:25:51,724 My own food. My own thoughts. My own friends. My own space. 359 00:25:51,767 --> 00:25:52,768 Mine. 360 00:25:55,031 --> 00:25:56,380 Mine. 361 00:25:56,424 --> 00:25:58,121 [music continues] 362 00:25:59,383 --> 00:26:00,384 Mine. 363 00:26:01,734 --> 00:26:04,824 Mine, mine, mine, mine. My own freedom. 364 00:26:04,867 --> 00:26:07,261 [music continues] 365 00:26:07,914 --> 00:26:11,091 [singer vocalizing] 366 00:26:21,101 --> 00:26:22,102 Mine. 367 00:26:22,798 --> 00:26:23,799 Mine, mine, mine. 368 00:26:29,457 --> 00:26:31,415 Like something pressed so far down 369 00:26:31,459 --> 00:26:32,460 in a body, 370 00:26:34,418 --> 00:26:35,594 it had to explode. 371 00:26:40,468 --> 00:26:41,904 [Texas Tech Coach] Yuk! 372 00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:48,955 [Mike VO] Where do you think you're going? 373 00:26:49,956 --> 00:26:50,957 I know you. 374 00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:55,788 You're going nowhere. 375 00:27:13,588 --> 00:27:15,677 [acoustic guitar playing] 376 00:27:15,721 --> 00:27:19,463 [Phillip] ♪ A miner, 49-er, and his daughter, ♪ 377 00:27:19,507 --> 00:27:21,204 ♪ Clementine 378 00:27:25,818 --> 00:27:28,821 ♪ Oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin' ♪ 379 00:27:29,473 --> 00:27:32,781 [Dorothy VO] ♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine 380 00:27:33,042 --> 00:27:35,566 ♪ You were lost 381 00:27:35,610 --> 00:27:37,917 [Phillip] ♪ And gone forever 382 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,658 ♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine 383 00:27:46,708 --> 00:27:48,797 [Lidia VO] So far from my father. 384 00:27:48,841 --> 00:27:51,191 So far from my father. 385 00:27:51,365 --> 00:27:53,672 So far from my father. 386 00:27:53,715 --> 00:27:55,021 So far from my father. 387 00:27:56,544 --> 00:27:58,633 [Lidia and Phillip panting heavily] 388 00:27:58,677 --> 00:28:01,201 [rock music playing in background] 389 00:28:06,728 --> 00:28:07,860 [Lidia] I just want. 390 00:28:17,434 --> 00:28:18,566 I love your hands. 391 00:28:20,742 --> 00:28:21,917 I love your voice. 392 00:28:24,746 --> 00:28:27,880 It's my father and my brother who have the real voices. 393 00:28:29,577 --> 00:28:31,753 I always hear them in my head. 394 00:28:32,928 --> 00:28:33,929 Really? 395 00:28:35,888 --> 00:28:37,193 What are they saying? 396 00:28:41,458 --> 00:28:43,286 They're singin' "Amazing Grace." 397 00:28:47,813 --> 00:28:49,249 Voices of God. 398 00:28:50,598 --> 00:28:51,599 [Lidia] Fuck me. 399 00:28:53,209 --> 00:28:54,210 [Phillip] Yeah. 400 00:28:56,256 --> 00:28:58,040 No. Really. 401 00:28:59,476 --> 00:29:00,477 Fuck me. 402 00:29:03,306 --> 00:29:05,874 [scratchy music with singer vocalizing] 403 00:29:11,314 --> 00:29:12,751 [Lidia VO] Poor Phillip. 404 00:29:13,534 --> 00:29:14,491 [Lidia moans] 405 00:29:15,928 --> 00:29:17,756 I wish I could go back and apologize. 406 00:29:17,930 --> 00:29:18,931 [Lidia cries out] 407 00:29:28,114 --> 00:29:29,768 [Phillip playing his guitar] 408 00:29:31,944 --> 00:29:34,990 [Phillip] ♪ The way it's been going ♪ 409 00:29:38,820 --> 00:29:40,909 ♪ And I know that peace will come ♪ 410 00:29:42,606 --> 00:29:45,435 Fuck all y'all! 411 00:29:45,479 --> 00:29:47,263 Eat me! 412 00:29:47,307 --> 00:29:49,309 [Phillip] ♪ I've been a-searchin' ♪ 413 00:29:50,832 --> 00:29:53,269 ♪ For the dolphins 414 00:29:53,313 --> 00:29:55,968 Just a regular James Taylor, 415 00:29:56,664 --> 00:29:59,928 singin' his heart out here in Texas! 416 00:30:01,669 --> 00:30:04,498 [Phillip] ♪ And sometimes I wonder ♪ 417 00:30:05,673 --> 00:30:10,025 ♪ Do you ever think of me? 418 00:30:14,290 --> 00:30:16,989 ♪ This world may never change 419 00:30:20,688 --> 00:30:24,170 ♪ The way it's been going 420 00:30:27,434 --> 00:30:29,697 ♪ And I know that peace will come ♪ 421 00:30:32,004 --> 00:30:33,832 [Lidia laughing] 422 00:30:36,225 --> 00:30:38,749 [Philip] Lidia. Why do you always do that? 423 00:30:38,793 --> 00:30:41,013 [Lidia cackles] 424 00:30:42,144 --> 00:30:44,364 [Lidia snorts with laughter] 425 00:30:45,539 --> 00:30:47,367 [Lidia laughing] It's funny. Come on. It's... 426 00:30:47,758 --> 00:30:49,195 Funny! You know it. 427 00:30:53,199 --> 00:30:55,244 Such a pussy! 428 00:30:56,071 --> 00:30:58,204 Come on. Learn how to take a-- 429 00:30:58,247 --> 00:31:01,033 Joke. You're so fucking sensitive. 430 00:31:05,037 --> 00:31:06,690 This is probably 431 00:31:06,734 --> 00:31:08,388 one of the most pathetic things I've ever seen. 432 00:31:12,305 --> 00:31:13,393 This is what I'm-- 433 00:31:14,568 --> 00:31:16,178 This is what I'm talking about. 434 00:31:16,396 --> 00:31:20,052 It's like-- It's like talking to a fucking doorknob. 435 00:31:20,574 --> 00:31:22,881 Why don't you say something? 436 00:31:23,838 --> 00:31:25,274 Please say anything. 437 00:31:25,318 --> 00:31:27,015 I'm being a fucking bitch, 438 00:31:27,233 --> 00:31:29,496 so why don't you do something about it? 439 00:31:33,282 --> 00:31:35,023 [Phillip] You're not a bitch. 440 00:31:37,939 --> 00:31:39,114 Fuck you, Phillip! 441 00:31:41,638 --> 00:31:43,945 You don't even fucking know me, Phillip. 442 00:32:08,883 --> 00:32:09,971 [Lidia VO] "Phillip" 443 00:32:11,407 --> 00:32:13,148 means "lover of horses." 444 00:32:15,977 --> 00:32:16,935 God damn. 445 00:32:17,979 --> 00:32:19,589 [Lidia VO] Or "brotherhood." 446 00:32:23,637 --> 00:32:26,814 [soft dramatic music] 447 00:32:31,123 --> 00:32:33,125 Wake up, motherfucker! 448 00:32:33,473 --> 00:32:35,954 [Lidia whispering indistinctly] 449 00:32:37,651 --> 00:32:38,652 [Lidia sniffs] 450 00:32:39,653 --> 00:32:40,697 [car door slams] 451 00:32:40,741 --> 00:32:44,875 [Lidia whispering indistinctly] 452 00:32:50,185 --> 00:32:52,622 [Amy] Hey, Lids. Want to get out of here? 453 00:32:53,145 --> 00:32:55,712 [Monty] She's good, man. I'll take her back. 454 00:33:01,153 --> 00:33:03,024 Hey, man. Shut that door. 455 00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:05,984 [Mike] Just shut the goddamn door! 456 00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:09,988 Haven't seen you at practice. 457 00:33:11,076 --> 00:33:12,381 Yeah. I flunked out. 458 00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:16,168 That's cool. 459 00:33:25,829 --> 00:33:26,830 [Lidia groans] 460 00:33:29,137 --> 00:33:32,010 [Lidia VO] I can still feel my face. 461 00:33:32,053 --> 00:33:33,620 [groaning] 462 00:33:33,663 --> 00:33:35,143 [silence] 463 00:33:43,151 --> 00:33:44,892 Addiction is in me for sure. 464 00:33:47,373 --> 00:33:50,028 But I want to describe something else to you. 465 00:33:51,072 --> 00:33:52,073 Something smaller. 466 00:33:54,510 --> 00:33:55,685 It's a smaller word. 467 00:33:58,036 --> 00:33:59,037 Mama? 468 00:34:01,952 --> 00:34:04,390 So small, it could travel a bloodstream. 469 00:34:09,917 --> 00:34:11,571 [Dorothy VO] Go away, Belle. 470 00:34:22,625 --> 00:34:23,931 [Lidia groans] 471 00:34:24,410 --> 00:34:25,933 [footsteps] 472 00:34:27,195 --> 00:34:28,762 [Dorothy] Go away, Belle. 473 00:34:34,420 --> 00:34:35,551 [Lidia] Nice. 474 00:34:39,251 --> 00:34:40,556 [Dorothy] Stay away. 475 00:34:42,167 --> 00:34:43,907 This isn't anything for you. 476 00:34:46,258 --> 00:34:48,129 I'm not talking about anything. 477 00:34:50,523 --> 00:34:52,394 I'm not talking about anything. 478 00:34:55,702 --> 00:34:58,400 [urgent violin music] 479 00:35:02,143 --> 00:35:04,102 I'm not talking about anything. 480 00:35:06,756 --> 00:35:08,454 - [violin music intensifies] - [Dorothy groans] 481 00:35:08,628 --> 00:35:09,977 [urgent footsteps] 482 00:35:10,151 --> 00:35:11,283 [door shuts] 483 00:35:11,631 --> 00:35:12,675 [Paramedic] Dorothy? 484 00:35:12,936 --> 00:35:13,937 [Dorothy groans] 485 00:35:15,287 --> 00:35:16,984 [Paramedic] Get up. Get up. 486 00:35:32,869 --> 00:35:34,654 [Lidia gasps] 487 00:35:41,313 --> 00:35:42,314 [coughing] 488 00:35:44,533 --> 00:35:45,534 I'm sorry! 489 00:35:52,454 --> 00:35:53,455 I'm sorry. 490 00:35:53,803 --> 00:35:54,848 [Lidia gasps] 491 00:35:55,501 --> 00:35:56,502 [Pastor] Yeah. 492 00:35:57,503 --> 00:35:58,504 Lidia, 493 00:36:00,070 --> 00:36:01,333 you can talk to us. 494 00:36:02,551 --> 00:36:03,552 It helps. 495 00:36:04,858 --> 00:36:05,859 Trust me. 496 00:36:21,527 --> 00:36:23,398 I'm not talking about anything. 497 00:36:25,487 --> 00:36:28,186 [Pastor VO] You know, I always like to say, uh... 498 00:36:30,318 --> 00:36:33,191 find meaning in life's traffic 499 00:36:34,540 --> 00:36:37,717 through clearing spiritual barriers. 500 00:36:38,544 --> 00:36:39,545 [door slams shut] 501 00:36:54,037 --> 00:36:55,038 [Lidia sighs] 502 00:36:59,042 --> 00:37:00,043 [Phillip] Uh, 503 00:37:02,916 --> 00:37:04,222 I'm proud of you. 504 00:37:06,876 --> 00:37:07,877 You know? 505 00:37:11,577 --> 00:37:12,578 Yeah. 506 00:37:14,275 --> 00:37:15,233 [Philip] Yeah. 507 00:37:25,721 --> 00:37:26,722 Hey. 508 00:37:30,422 --> 00:37:31,553 Would you marry me? 509 00:37:32,424 --> 00:37:34,077 [Phillip laughs nervously] 510 00:37:49,092 --> 00:37:50,529 [acoustic guitar strums] 511 00:37:50,572 --> 00:37:52,400 - [stops playing] - [Phillip] Mm. 512 00:37:52,444 --> 00:37:53,619 [Phillip strums again] 513 00:37:53,662 --> 00:37:54,924 [Lidia laughs] 514 00:37:58,972 --> 00:38:00,016 [Phillip] Okay. 515 00:38:03,455 --> 00:38:06,762 ♪ And children have their dreams ♪ 516 00:38:07,197 --> 00:38:09,852 ♪ To hold on to 517 00:38:12,725 --> 00:38:14,422 ♪ And how they fly 518 00:38:15,205 --> 00:38:17,686 ♪ Take us to the moon 519 00:38:19,819 --> 00:38:23,301 ♪ Yes, they flow from you 520 00:38:25,128 --> 00:38:28,044 ♪ They flow from you 521 00:38:29,829 --> 00:38:33,441 ♪ And they flow from you 522 00:38:36,183 --> 00:38:39,186 ♪ And women have themselves 523 00:38:39,534 --> 00:38:41,536 ♪ To hold on to 524 00:38:44,887 --> 00:38:46,846 ♪ And how they fly 525 00:38:47,368 --> 00:38:50,023 ♪♪ Take me by surprise 526 00:38:52,025 --> 00:38:55,637 ♪ They float from me 527 00:38:56,203 --> 00:39:00,033 ♪ They float from me 528 00:39:01,643 --> 00:39:05,517 ♪ And they float from me 529 00:39:06,909 --> 00:39:09,477 [Lidia laughs] 530 00:39:11,218 --> 00:39:12,393 Aah! 531 00:39:17,529 --> 00:39:18,704 [Dorothy] Aw! 532 00:39:21,054 --> 00:39:22,360 [clapping] 533 00:39:24,753 --> 00:39:26,364 Oh! 534 00:39:26,886 --> 00:39:27,887 [Lidia gasps] 535 00:39:32,892 --> 00:39:33,893 Oh! 536 00:39:36,461 --> 00:39:37,418 [Dorothy laughs] 537 00:39:37,679 --> 00:39:39,072 Sweetheart. 538 00:39:39,333 --> 00:39:40,247 You did so good. 539 00:39:40,682 --> 00:39:42,554 You did so good! 540 00:39:42,858 --> 00:39:45,339 [Lidia retches, groans] 541 00:39:45,383 --> 00:39:47,210 [low, ominous sounds] 542 00:39:47,428 --> 00:39:48,690 [Lidia coughing] 543 00:39:50,692 --> 00:39:52,694 [Lidia retching, coughing] 544 00:39:58,744 --> 00:40:00,223 [Lidia panting] 545 00:40:06,752 --> 00:40:08,231 [Lidia breathes shakily] 546 00:40:09,450 --> 00:40:11,409 [Phillip] I made you some tea. 547 00:40:11,452 --> 00:40:14,150 I don't want any tea. What are we gonna do? 548 00:40:14,194 --> 00:40:15,587 [Lidia breathes heavily] 549 00:40:17,676 --> 00:40:18,938 [Phillip VO] Lidia, 550 00:40:19,460 --> 00:40:20,766 I love you. 551 00:40:22,594 --> 00:40:25,640 And whatever you want to do, I'll support it. 552 00:40:27,250 --> 00:40:29,992 [tense violin music] 553 00:40:30,732 --> 00:40:31,777 That's it? 554 00:40:36,956 --> 00:40:39,437 I need more than nothing 555 00:40:39,611 --> 00:40:42,527 from the most passive man on the fucking planet! 556 00:40:42,570 --> 00:40:45,312 [tense violin music continues] 557 00:40:55,148 --> 00:40:56,366 [Lidia pants] 558 00:40:58,499 --> 00:41:00,327 Sorry. I've been kind of sick. 559 00:41:03,025 --> 00:41:04,026 [approaching footsteps] 560 00:41:05,463 --> 00:41:06,986 You don't want anything. 561 00:41:07,334 --> 00:41:10,337 And you are killing me with your not wanting anything! 562 00:41:11,469 --> 00:41:13,949 - What were you thinking? - [Lidia] I don't know. 563 00:41:14,167 --> 00:41:17,344 I don't know. I don't know. It's fucking impossible! 564 00:41:18,084 --> 00:41:20,739 I can't stand how nice he-- 565 00:41:20,782 --> 00:41:22,915 I can't stand how nice he is! 566 00:41:22,958 --> 00:41:26,484 But...I couldn't have killed it either. 567 00:41:28,877 --> 00:41:30,009 I was thinking of-- 568 00:41:32,228 --> 00:41:34,317 maybe there's a world in which I-- 569 00:41:36,015 --> 00:41:37,146 I come and 570 00:41:38,365 --> 00:41:39,322 live with you 571 00:41:39,366 --> 00:41:40,498 in Eugene 572 00:41:40,541 --> 00:41:41,629 and take some classes 573 00:41:41,673 --> 00:41:43,370 where you're teaching and... 574 00:41:43,675 --> 00:41:46,852 I don't know. Maybe we could start, like, a little 575 00:41:49,594 --> 00:41:50,856 family. 576 00:41:56,165 --> 00:41:58,820 - Yes. - 'Cause I think my life with him 577 00:41:58,864 --> 00:42:02,520 is gonna be like some sad, sad fucking country song. 578 00:42:02,563 --> 00:42:05,044 - And this is the only thing - Lidia, Lidia, I-- 579 00:42:05,261 --> 00:42:06,262 I said yes. 580 00:42:07,568 --> 00:42:08,830 [Claudia] Come home. 581 00:42:13,879 --> 00:42:14,880 Okay. 582 00:42:18,057 --> 00:42:19,058 Cool. 583 00:42:21,582 --> 00:42:23,584 [Lidia VO] Because she left me once 584 00:42:24,759 --> 00:42:26,065 to save her own life. 585 00:42:35,204 --> 00:42:36,815 [Mike] What are you two doing back there, huh? 586 00:42:36,858 --> 00:42:38,425 Playing with yourselves? 587 00:42:40,253 --> 00:42:41,254 What? 588 00:42:42,734 --> 00:42:43,909 I bring them to the most beautiful scenery in the world, 589 00:42:43,952 --> 00:42:45,214 and--and they just 590 00:42:45,258 --> 00:42:46,389 playing grab-ass? 591 00:42:49,044 --> 00:42:51,264 [yelling] Look out the goddamn window! 592 00:43:04,103 --> 00:43:05,452 [car turns off] 593 00:43:09,412 --> 00:43:10,413 Claudia, 594 00:43:11,806 --> 00:43:14,330 grab the hacksaw from under your mother's seat. 595 00:43:14,592 --> 00:43:16,158 Come on! Let's go. 596 00:43:18,944 --> 00:43:19,988 [door slams] 597 00:43:41,444 --> 00:43:43,316 [Dorothy] Here you go, sweetheart. 598 00:43:43,490 --> 00:43:44,491 For sustenance. 599 00:43:46,058 --> 00:43:47,320 For sustenance. 600 00:43:49,583 --> 00:43:50,628 You don't want it? 601 00:43:57,286 --> 00:43:58,287 [seat creaks] 602 00:43:59,462 --> 00:44:00,638 Come on, honey. Just have a little sip. 603 00:44:00,681 --> 00:44:02,814 - [liquid pouring] - It'll warm you up. Mmm! 604 00:44:10,125 --> 00:44:12,562 [Dorothy hums "Oh! My Darling Clementine"] 605 00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:14,782 [Claudia cries] 606 00:44:16,175 --> 00:44:18,525 - [Dorothy hums] - [Claudia cries] 607 00:44:19,047 --> 00:44:22,050 [Dorothy] ♪ Blowin' bubbles soft and fine... ♪ 608 00:44:23,835 --> 00:44:26,011 [silence] 609 00:44:30,319 --> 00:44:32,670 [door opens] 610 00:44:33,453 --> 00:44:35,237 - [Dorothy] Well, thank God. - [Mike sighs] 611 00:44:36,717 --> 00:44:38,850 - [door closes] - [Mike exhales heavily] 612 00:44:38,893 --> 00:44:40,678 - [Mike pants] - [hands rubbing] 613 00:44:42,767 --> 00:44:44,072 Where's the tree? 614 00:44:44,986 --> 00:44:46,031 [door creaks open] 615 00:44:47,162 --> 00:44:48,163 [Mike] Just-- 616 00:44:49,251 --> 00:44:50,383 [engine starts] 617 00:44:52,690 --> 00:44:53,691 [Lidia VO] Mm. 618 00:44:56,171 --> 00:44:57,172 There. 619 00:44:58,217 --> 00:44:59,566 That's the picture. 620 00:45:00,393 --> 00:45:02,830 [soft music] 621 00:45:05,224 --> 00:45:06,747 [door opens] 622 00:45:09,576 --> 00:45:11,317 - Welcome home. - [Lidia laughs] 623 00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:12,361 Oh! 624 00:45:16,801 --> 00:45:17,758 Come on in. 625 00:45:18,454 --> 00:45:19,673 I'll get that. 626 00:45:19,717 --> 00:45:21,196 [Lidia] Why? 'Cause I'm pregnant? 627 00:45:21,240 --> 00:45:22,241 Yeah. 628 00:45:27,420 --> 00:45:28,421 [Lidia] Oh. 629 00:45:33,121 --> 00:45:34,122 [Lidia sighs] 630 00:45:36,777 --> 00:45:38,213 [Lidia exhales deeply] 631 00:45:40,433 --> 00:45:43,088 [soft music continues] 632 00:45:48,006 --> 00:45:48,963 [Claudia] Here. 633 00:45:49,572 --> 00:45:50,748 Thanks. 634 00:45:52,575 --> 00:45:53,576 Mmm. 635 00:45:55,100 --> 00:45:56,275 Fuck. 636 00:45:59,931 --> 00:46:01,454 [Lidia makes baby crying noises] 637 00:46:01,671 --> 00:46:02,934 [Claudia laughs] 638 00:46:04,109 --> 00:46:05,327 Thank you, Claudia. 639 00:46:10,289 --> 00:46:11,290 Oof. 640 00:46:14,772 --> 00:46:17,687 Do you remember when you used to make me do things? 641 00:46:20,081 --> 00:46:21,474 Like... 642 00:46:22,083 --> 00:46:24,694 - "Here. Bite this apple." - [Lidia laughs] 643 00:46:24,912 --> 00:46:26,784 Sock it in my mouth. 644 00:46:27,001 --> 00:46:28,350 [both giggle] 645 00:46:29,482 --> 00:46:31,310 "Here. Smell this ashtray." 646 00:46:31,571 --> 00:46:34,139 "Just blow it. One, two..." 647 00:46:34,182 --> 00:46:36,663 Ashes all over my fucking face. 648 00:46:41,146 --> 00:46:42,800 I would have done anything. 649 00:46:47,674 --> 00:46:48,980 You were mythic to me. 650 00:46:53,288 --> 00:46:54,637 I remember when I went downstairs 651 00:46:54,681 --> 00:46:56,117 after you moved into the basement. 652 00:46:57,292 --> 00:47:02,341 And, um, realize how smart that was then but 653 00:47:04,865 --> 00:47:06,824 I used to look at all of your stuff 654 00:47:06,867 --> 00:47:08,738 and used to touch it. 655 00:47:09,870 --> 00:47:11,480 - [Claudia sighs] - One time I found 656 00:47:11,524 --> 00:47:13,134 a razor blade in your purse. 657 00:47:13,178 --> 00:47:15,484 - Cut myself on it. - [Young Lidia gasps] 658 00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:18,052 Made the fact that I had to pee hurt. 659 00:47:31,849 --> 00:47:33,024 I, um, 660 00:47:35,940 --> 00:47:36,897 I know that 661 00:47:37,202 --> 00:47:38,203 this is a... 662 00:47:39,204 --> 00:47:40,683 sacrifice. 663 00:47:41,728 --> 00:47:42,642 [Claudia sighs] 664 00:47:42,685 --> 00:47:43,861 No, uh, 665 00:47:45,863 --> 00:47:47,038 It's just, you-- 666 00:47:49,562 --> 00:47:51,085 you were so little. Uh, 667 00:47:53,087 --> 00:47:54,088 uh-- 668 00:47:59,093 --> 00:48:00,094 yeah. 669 00:48:04,751 --> 00:48:05,752 Well, 670 00:48:08,407 --> 00:48:11,192 this is one way to Frankenstein your life. 671 00:48:11,410 --> 00:48:12,890 [Claudia laughs] 672 00:48:20,419 --> 00:48:21,420 Maybe... 673 00:48:21,942 --> 00:48:24,118 I've been waiting for this. 674 00:48:27,078 --> 00:48:29,819 - [machines beeping] - [Lidia breathing heavily] 675 00:48:31,343 --> 00:48:32,300 [Lidia exhales] 676 00:48:34,824 --> 00:48:35,913 Mmm. 677 00:48:39,046 --> 00:48:40,134 [labored breathing] 678 00:48:45,487 --> 00:48:48,621 - [machines beeping] - [Lidia grunting] 679 00:48:49,056 --> 00:48:51,276 Yes. Breathe. 680 00:48:53,060 --> 00:48:54,801 - [Lidia grunting] - I know. 681 00:48:57,673 --> 00:48:59,284 Come on. Come on. 682 00:48:59,458 --> 00:49:00,459 [Lidia cries out] 683 00:49:01,286 --> 00:49:02,287 You... 684 00:49:02,461 --> 00:49:03,462 can... 685 00:49:03,853 --> 00:49:04,942 do it. 686 00:49:05,638 --> 00:49:06,769 [Lidia gasps] 687 00:49:08,771 --> 00:49:09,947 [Lidia cries out] 688 00:49:12,471 --> 00:49:13,776 [wet, visceral sounds] 689 00:49:14,255 --> 00:49:15,300 [Lidia cries out] 690 00:49:17,476 --> 00:49:19,304 [Lidia gasps] 691 00:49:23,003 --> 00:49:24,962 [curtain sliding] 692 00:49:31,490 --> 00:49:33,622 [Lidia whimpers, pants] 693 00:49:47,288 --> 00:49:48,289 Where is she? 694 00:49:51,031 --> 00:49:51,989 Can I hold her? 695 00:49:53,686 --> 00:49:54,687 Uh, yeah. 696 00:49:59,213 --> 00:50:02,738 [Nurse, softly] Just one second. We're just cleaning her up. 697 00:50:20,756 --> 00:50:21,757 [Lidia sighs] 698 00:50:26,153 --> 00:50:27,241 Her lips are pink. 699 00:50:30,549 --> 00:50:31,550 They're pink. 700 00:50:55,965 --> 00:50:58,620 [somber music] 701 00:51:08,065 --> 00:51:09,936 - [shower running] - [distant wailing] 702 00:51:13,722 --> 00:51:15,072 [wind blows] 703 00:51:47,930 --> 00:51:48,844 Just th-- 704 00:51:50,933 --> 00:51:52,500 throw it as far as you can. 705 00:52:02,815 --> 00:52:03,816 [Phillip grunts] 706 00:52:15,436 --> 00:52:17,656 [Phillip whimpers] 707 00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:19,962 - [Lidia chuckles] - It's not funny. 708 00:52:23,531 --> 00:52:24,532 Get it. 709 00:52:30,625 --> 00:52:31,626 [Phillip sighs] 710 00:52:44,291 --> 00:52:45,292 God! 711 00:53:12,928 --> 00:53:14,060 [Lidia gasps] 712 00:53:18,064 --> 00:53:19,196 Sorry. 713 00:53:26,377 --> 00:53:27,726 [water splashes] 714 00:53:32,383 --> 00:53:35,212 [somber music] 715 00:53:47,789 --> 00:53:48,790 [Phillip cries] 716 00:53:53,142 --> 00:53:54,535 [Phillip cries, laughs] 717 00:53:58,060 --> 00:54:00,585 Look. She's all over you. 718 00:54:02,935 --> 00:54:05,067 You're fucking laughing. 719 00:54:06,243 --> 00:54:08,593 [Lidia laughing] 720 00:54:17,297 --> 00:54:18,646 [Phillip cries] 721 00:54:31,442 --> 00:54:32,921 [Lidia and Phillip laugh] 722 00:54:38,449 --> 00:54:40,625 [Lidia VO] What lived and died between us 723 00:54:43,105 --> 00:54:44,106 haunts me 724 00:54:45,499 --> 00:54:46,500 still. 725 00:54:47,022 --> 00:54:48,285 [water splashes] 726 00:54:49,024 --> 00:54:50,025 [Lidia gasps] 727 00:54:50,330 --> 00:54:51,766 [Kesey] God damn, girl. 728 00:54:52,158 --> 00:54:54,160 What are you, some kind of mermaid? 729 00:54:55,814 --> 00:54:56,815 [Lidia] Yep. 730 00:55:02,342 --> 00:55:03,691 [Kesey VO] You got something to say? 731 00:55:04,866 --> 00:55:05,780 [splash] 732 00:55:05,824 --> 00:55:06,825 No way. 733 00:55:09,175 --> 00:55:10,219 [Claire] Come on. 734 00:55:11,960 --> 00:55:14,789 You deserve this. You don't want to come with me? 735 00:55:15,834 --> 00:55:18,576 This is crazy. I'm not even a grad student. 736 00:55:18,619 --> 00:55:20,055 I'm basically just trolling the English department. 737 00:55:20,099 --> 00:55:21,927 You think Kesey gives a rat's ass 738 00:55:21,970 --> 00:55:23,407 about U of O rules? 739 00:55:23,450 --> 00:55:25,409 You will regret not doing this. 740 00:55:25,452 --> 00:55:26,584 They won't even let me enroll. 741 00:55:27,541 --> 00:55:29,891 Bullshit. I already told him about you. 742 00:55:30,501 --> 00:55:31,502 The-- 743 00:55:32,677 --> 00:55:33,678 These-- 744 00:55:35,810 --> 00:55:36,768 [sighs] 745 00:55:36,811 --> 00:55:37,856 He's gonna love you. 746 00:55:38,509 --> 00:55:41,033 [upbeat music in background] 747 00:55:43,340 --> 00:55:46,038 You don't want to write a novel with Ken Kesey? 748 00:55:54,829 --> 00:55:56,701 [Lidia gulps] 749 00:56:06,885 --> 00:56:07,799 Hey, everyone. 750 00:56:08,408 --> 00:56:10,323 Um, hey, everybody. Hey. 751 00:56:10,367 --> 00:56:12,934 [papers rustling] 752 00:56:14,283 --> 00:56:15,284 You're an idiot. 753 00:56:15,937 --> 00:56:18,070 Hi. Um, this is Lidia. 754 00:56:20,464 --> 00:56:21,769 - Say hi. - Hi. 755 00:56:25,033 --> 00:56:26,208 [Kesey] Well, hello. 756 00:56:26,992 --> 00:56:28,472 What do we have here? 757 00:56:28,515 --> 00:56:30,648 - [chair scrapes] - A triple-A tootsie? 758 00:56:30,691 --> 00:56:31,779 [class chuckles] 759 00:56:34,086 --> 00:56:35,783 I know what happened to you. 760 00:56:39,439 --> 00:56:40,919 Death is a motherfucker. 761 00:56:46,228 --> 00:56:48,100 [rustling] 762 00:56:50,624 --> 00:56:51,625 Ah! 763 00:56:53,453 --> 00:56:54,411 Shit. 764 00:56:55,237 --> 00:56:56,325 - [Kesey] Jeff? - [Jeff] Yes. 765 00:56:56,369 --> 00:56:57,718 [Kesey] You think you can roll one? 766 00:56:57,762 --> 00:57:00,460 I always hate sitting in a room full of writers. 767 00:57:00,504 --> 00:57:01,548 [Jeff] Sure. 768 00:57:05,987 --> 00:57:06,988 [Kesey coughs] 769 00:57:08,468 --> 00:57:10,078 [chair scoots] 770 00:57:10,122 --> 00:57:11,079 [Lidia laughs] 771 00:57:11,123 --> 00:57:12,429 [Kesey] The chair will be fine. 772 00:57:13,952 --> 00:57:15,736 I want you all 773 00:57:21,612 --> 00:57:23,440 I want you all to be winners. 774 00:57:24,310 --> 00:57:25,442 I want 775 00:57:26,007 --> 00:57:27,574 you to be warriors. 776 00:57:28,967 --> 00:57:29,968 Warriors. 777 00:57:30,795 --> 00:57:32,623 I'll give you the warrior test. 778 00:57:33,145 --> 00:57:34,451 Shit floats. 779 00:57:35,234 --> 00:57:36,365 Cream rises. 780 00:57:36,670 --> 00:57:39,456 Shit floats. Jerry Rubin. 781 00:57:41,762 --> 00:57:43,024 Cream rises. 782 00:57:50,945 --> 00:57:51,946 Ferlinghetti. 783 00:57:53,165 --> 00:57:54,906 [class laughs] 784 00:57:54,949 --> 00:57:55,950 Lord Buckley. 785 00:57:56,995 --> 00:57:58,344 Lenny Bruce. 786 00:57:59,519 --> 00:58:00,520 The greats. 787 00:58:02,653 --> 00:58:04,132 I want you to be great. 788 00:58:06,700 --> 00:58:08,006 Shit, somebody 789 00:58:09,486 --> 00:58:12,358 has got to create our culture for the next 50 years. 790 00:58:12,401 --> 00:58:13,881 And I want it to be you. 791 00:58:13,925 --> 00:58:15,535 [Kesey] All right. There are only two rules. 792 00:58:15,579 --> 00:58:17,058 - One, - [jazzy drums beating] 793 00:58:17,102 --> 00:58:19,060 do not talk the plot of our novel 794 00:58:19,104 --> 00:58:21,498 to anyone outside this class. 795 00:58:22,499 --> 00:58:25,502 Two, I comprise 50% of the class 796 00:58:26,198 --> 00:58:28,679 so we only write together 797 00:58:29,854 --> 00:58:31,812 because we will publish 798 00:58:31,856 --> 00:58:33,510 or perish together. 799 00:58:35,468 --> 00:58:36,513 [chair creeks] 800 00:58:36,556 --> 00:58:38,036 [crash] 801 00:58:40,517 --> 00:58:41,996 Nelson Algren said 802 00:58:43,694 --> 00:58:45,217 "The job of the writer 803 00:58:46,435 --> 00:58:49,047 is to pull the judge down onto the dock, 804 00:58:50,701 --> 00:58:51,832 to make 805 00:58:53,225 --> 00:58:56,054 the Almighty feel what it's like to be down low." 806 00:58:57,316 --> 00:58:58,404 He'll be all right. 807 00:59:00,493 --> 00:59:02,060 Grass never killed anybody. 808 00:59:03,452 --> 00:59:05,237 So, go. 809 00:59:06,847 --> 00:59:08,022 Right now. 810 00:59:09,023 --> 00:59:10,808 Write some bizarre sentences. 811 00:59:10,851 --> 00:59:12,853 Hey! Where are you? 812 00:59:13,898 --> 00:59:16,857 You can't take Quaaludes before the class. 813 00:59:17,597 --> 00:59:19,686 Now disappear into your imagination. 814 00:59:19,730 --> 00:59:20,731 Come on! 815 00:59:21,253 --> 00:59:22,733 Disappear into your imagination. 816 00:59:22,907 --> 00:59:24,909 Nobody's in the room but you and that pen. 817 00:59:26,258 --> 00:59:27,912 [harmonica playing] 818 00:59:30,088 --> 00:59:31,263 [Kesey] Better. 819 00:59:33,744 --> 00:59:34,919 Here you are. 820 00:59:35,136 --> 00:59:36,573 This is the shit. 821 00:59:41,447 --> 00:59:43,101 I wrote "Demon Box" in here. 822 00:59:44,450 --> 00:59:46,583 This room here is a creative room here. 823 00:59:46,757 --> 00:59:47,932 It's a creative space. 824 00:59:48,149 --> 00:59:49,150 Hey, Bennett. 825 00:59:50,412 --> 00:59:51,892 You didn't bring any ludes with you, did you? 826 00:59:51,936 --> 00:59:54,939 You know, those kind of drugs put you into your body, 827 00:59:55,156 --> 00:59:56,331 not into your mind. 828 00:59:57,550 --> 01:00:00,597 Stick with the acid, psilocybin, San Pedro -- 829 01:00:01,685 --> 01:00:04,078 something that'll disintegrate your ego 830 01:00:04,296 --> 01:00:06,298 so you can hear your inner voice. 831 01:00:07,604 --> 01:00:09,475 And you write from that voice. 832 01:00:12,086 --> 01:00:14,132 You want your voice to come through. 833 01:00:18,963 --> 01:00:20,529 Oh, Jesus. 834 01:00:20,573 --> 01:00:21,748 [Kesey grunts] 835 01:00:23,358 --> 01:00:25,273 That's not supposed to happen. 836 01:00:26,144 --> 01:00:27,928 I got wrestler's knees. 837 01:00:30,148 --> 01:00:31,323 All right. 838 01:00:31,802 --> 01:00:33,978 Let's get outside before the sun sets. 839 01:00:34,805 --> 01:00:35,806 I want you 840 01:00:37,503 --> 01:00:39,287 to meet someone. 841 01:00:40,767 --> 01:00:41,768 [Kesey groans] 842 01:00:42,769 --> 01:00:43,640 Come on! 843 01:00:44,162 --> 01:00:45,163 Fuck you, God! 844 01:00:47,121 --> 01:00:48,862 God got the commandments wrong. 845 01:00:48,906 --> 01:00:50,429 I think there's 11 commandments. 846 01:00:50,472 --> 01:00:52,866 And it should be the first commandment, have mercy. 847 01:00:53,127 --> 01:00:55,477 - [Claire] Hey. - [Kesey] Lord, have mercy! 848 01:00:56,261 --> 01:00:58,611 Just think if everybody had mercy for each other, 849 01:00:58,655 --> 01:01:00,091 where we'd be today. 850 01:01:00,134 --> 01:01:02,180 You see a man in the street who needs a few dollars. 851 01:01:02,441 --> 01:01:05,400 Give it to him. Give it to him. Have mercy. He needs it. 852 01:01:06,532 --> 01:01:08,360 He wouldn't ask for it if he didn't need it. 853 01:01:10,710 --> 01:01:11,668 Mercy. 854 01:01:13,147 --> 01:01:14,801 Hire me to rewrite the... 855 01:01:16,020 --> 01:01:17,021 Bible. 856 01:01:21,808 --> 01:01:23,680 [owl hoots] 857 01:01:27,988 --> 01:01:29,555 [rocks clank] 858 01:01:39,173 --> 01:01:41,219 What are you, some kind of mermaid? 859 01:01:50,576 --> 01:01:51,577 Yep. 860 01:01:54,885 --> 01:01:56,843 [Kesey coughs] 861 01:02:00,847 --> 01:02:01,848 [Kesey spits] 862 01:02:04,155 --> 01:02:06,461 [Kesey] You know, when Jed died, my boy, 863 01:02:07,593 --> 01:02:09,638 I wanted to cease to exist. 864 01:02:18,082 --> 01:02:21,912 And everybody that talked to me said something asinine. 865 01:02:25,611 --> 01:02:27,265 Or didn't say anything at all. 866 01:02:39,277 --> 01:02:40,278 [Kesey sighs] 867 01:02:41,845 --> 01:02:43,890 Nobody understands death anymore. 868 01:02:48,852 --> 01:02:49,983 [Kesey] It used to be sacred. 869 01:02:50,810 --> 01:02:51,768 So sacred. 870 01:02:52,856 --> 01:02:55,336 [gentle music] 871 01:02:56,990 --> 01:02:57,991 Shit. 872 01:03:00,167 --> 01:03:02,996 No one's big enough to hold what happens to us. 873 01:03:06,826 --> 01:03:08,088 No one is big enough 874 01:03:09,829 --> 01:03:11,352 to hold what happens to us. 875 01:03:17,837 --> 01:03:19,317 You got something to say? 876 01:03:28,152 --> 01:03:29,327 It's in your hands. 877 01:03:30,850 --> 01:03:33,331 - [fire crackles] - [gentle music] 878 01:03:40,991 --> 01:03:42,122 [Kesey groans] 879 01:03:46,126 --> 01:03:47,388 [scribbling on paper] 880 01:03:50,522 --> 01:03:52,567 [gentle music continues] 881 01:03:53,699 --> 01:03:56,833 [Lidia VO] Everything about my father was in his hands. 882 01:04:02,012 --> 01:04:04,188 [Mike VO] It's all about coordination. 883 01:04:06,886 --> 01:04:09,933 A perfectly balanced dance of 884 01:04:09,976 --> 01:04:11,195 shadow and light. 885 01:04:12,849 --> 01:04:15,329 [Lidia VO] Before my father was my father, 886 01:04:16,330 --> 01:04:17,810 he was an artist. 887 01:04:17,854 --> 01:04:21,031 [Dorothy VO] Your daddy won a prize 888 01:04:21,422 --> 01:04:22,684 for this drawing. 889 01:04:25,557 --> 01:04:28,038 [Lidia VO] Before my father was an artist, 890 01:04:28,865 --> 01:04:29,866 he was an athlete. 891 01:04:30,214 --> 01:04:31,737 [pencil scribbling] 892 01:04:32,216 --> 01:04:34,044 Before my father was my father, 893 01:04:37,569 --> 01:04:38,570 he was beautiful. 894 01:04:39,745 --> 01:04:40,746 And she was. 895 01:04:41,965 --> 01:04:43,531 Before my father was my father, 896 01:04:45,055 --> 01:04:46,056 he was a boy. 897 01:04:46,795 --> 01:04:47,884 Just a boy 898 01:04:48,797 --> 01:04:50,016 whose own mother 899 01:04:50,756 --> 01:04:52,540 cut his tongue. 900 01:04:58,764 --> 01:05:00,374 Before I hated him, 901 01:05:02,420 --> 01:05:03,421 I loved him. 902 01:05:09,601 --> 01:05:11,037 [Mike] Look up. 903 01:05:11,081 --> 01:05:12,169 Now, if you don't look where you're going, 904 01:05:12,212 --> 01:05:13,648 you're gonna crash, you hear me? 905 01:05:13,692 --> 01:05:14,780 When you get to the bottom of the hill, 906 01:05:14,823 --> 01:05:16,738 you just brake enough to make a turn. 907 01:05:16,782 --> 01:05:17,783 Okay? 908 01:05:20,133 --> 01:05:21,352 [low rumble] 909 01:05:21,656 --> 01:05:23,049 Go. 910 01:05:23,267 --> 01:05:24,746 - Keep your eyes on the road! - [Bike pedaling] 911 01:05:24,790 --> 01:05:25,922 Keep going. 912 01:05:26,574 --> 01:05:27,662 Keep your head up! 913 01:05:27,924 --> 01:05:29,316 [distant pedaling] 914 01:05:32,798 --> 01:05:34,147 Keep those eyes on the road. 915 01:05:34,191 --> 01:05:35,932 - You gotta brake! - [crash] 916 01:05:35,975 --> 01:05:38,282 - [pencil scribbling] - [breathing heavily] 917 01:05:40,501 --> 01:05:41,459 [Dorothy VO] Mike? 918 01:05:41,807 --> 01:05:42,808 Mike. 919 01:05:43,461 --> 01:05:44,462 Mike! 920 01:05:44,810 --> 01:05:46,768 - Get a flashlight. - What for? 921 01:05:46,812 --> 01:05:48,074 [Mike] I think she's hurt down there. 922 01:05:48,118 --> 01:05:50,859 - [Dorothy] What?! What happened?! 923 01:05:50,903 --> 01:05:52,035 [Mike] Just shut the goddamn door. 924 01:05:52,078 --> 01:05:52,992 [door slams] 925 01:05:53,036 --> 01:05:54,124 [Lidia] Mm, yeah. 926 01:05:54,167 --> 01:05:55,516 [Bocnher] You done with that chapter? 927 01:05:56,082 --> 01:05:58,432 [soft music playing in background] 928 01:05:59,999 --> 01:06:00,957 [books rustling] 929 01:06:01,696 --> 01:06:02,697 Yep. 930 01:06:21,325 --> 01:06:22,326 Hey. 931 01:06:23,501 --> 01:06:25,938 Hi. Hello. 932 01:06:25,982 --> 01:06:27,896 [Lidia laughs] 933 01:06:31,161 --> 01:06:33,815 I'm a writer [laughs]. 934 01:06:33,859 --> 01:06:37,515 [applause] 935 01:06:47,829 --> 01:06:48,917 [Kesey] Thank you. 936 01:06:49,179 --> 01:06:50,093 [Kesey coughs] 937 01:06:50,136 --> 01:06:51,659 Thank you. 938 01:06:51,703 --> 01:06:55,620 We are gathered because, uh, we want to see the results. 939 01:06:55,663 --> 01:07:00,407 We want to witness the results of this experiment, 940 01:07:00,712 --> 01:07:04,977 a collaborative novel written by us. 941 01:07:05,021 --> 01:07:06,022 [audience laughter] 942 01:07:06,065 --> 01:07:07,893 Please, let's welcome 943 01:07:08,111 --> 01:07:10,722 the first of the not-so-merry pranksters 944 01:07:10,983 --> 01:07:13,551 to the stage to present 945 01:07:14,900 --> 01:07:15,901 "Caverns." 946 01:07:16,902 --> 01:07:18,556 Lidia, come on up. 947 01:07:18,947 --> 01:07:20,862 [applause] 948 01:07:22,212 --> 01:07:23,604 You're gonna kill it. 949 01:07:41,796 --> 01:07:43,059 [Kesey] Whoo! 950 01:07:44,582 --> 01:07:45,583 Hello. 951 01:07:45,931 --> 01:07:47,802 My thigh, behind my knee. 952 01:07:48,064 --> 01:07:49,456 - [Kesey] There you go. - You, too? 953 01:07:49,500 --> 01:07:51,067 - [Kesey] Thank you for coming. - [Claire] My ass crack. 954 01:07:51,110 --> 01:07:52,894 Back of my knees, and they're just like... 955 01:07:52,938 --> 01:07:54,157 [Mike] Lidia's father. 956 01:07:55,419 --> 01:07:57,943 What can I say? I'm a great admirer of yours. 957 01:07:58,422 --> 01:07:59,988 [Kesey] Mike. Is that right? 958 01:08:00,772 --> 01:08:01,990 [Mike] That's right. 959 01:08:02,600 --> 01:08:04,471 [Kesey] Glad you could make it. 960 01:08:05,385 --> 01:08:08,345 [Mike] Lidia and I, we saw "Cuckoo's Nest" and, uh, 961 01:08:08,388 --> 01:08:11,087 "Sometimes a Great Notion" together, and it's just great. 962 01:08:11,130 --> 01:08:12,958 I mean, great books. 963 01:08:15,743 --> 01:08:17,093 You know, Mike 964 01:08:18,572 --> 01:08:19,617 Lidia here 965 01:08:21,445 --> 01:08:23,751 she can knock it out of the park. 966 01:08:27,973 --> 01:08:29,627 Do you want me to sign that? 967 01:08:34,197 --> 01:08:35,589 Thanks for coming, Dad. 968 01:08:41,291 --> 01:08:42,292 Okay. 969 01:08:43,031 --> 01:08:44,032 To... 970 01:08:44,685 --> 01:08:45,686 Mike? 971 01:08:46,687 --> 01:08:47,688 [Mike] Please. 972 01:08:49,516 --> 01:08:50,517 "To Mike. 973 01:08:51,518 --> 01:08:52,519 Be 974 01:08:54,826 --> 01:08:55,827 brave." 975 01:09:05,706 --> 01:09:06,838 There you go, Mike. 976 01:09:11,625 --> 01:09:12,713 There you go, baby. 977 01:09:13,627 --> 01:09:14,628 Yep. 978 01:09:14,846 --> 01:09:17,153 [Kesey and Lidia laughing] 979 01:09:26,205 --> 01:09:28,076 [Kesey clears his throat, groans] 980 01:09:35,388 --> 01:09:37,695 I've seen a lot of writers come and go. 981 01:09:41,829 --> 01:09:43,004 You got the stuff. 982 01:09:47,095 --> 01:09:48,749 [hand thumps] 983 01:09:49,707 --> 01:09:51,056 Got something for you. 984 01:09:51,535 --> 01:09:52,536 Here. 985 01:09:54,712 --> 01:09:55,713 Here. 986 01:09:58,672 --> 01:10:01,719 It comes from the most spiritual beach on Earth. 987 01:10:03,721 --> 01:10:04,722 Hold that. 988 01:10:06,898 --> 01:10:08,116 You can hold it all. 989 01:10:11,555 --> 01:10:13,383 You're gonna hold it all, girl. 990 01:10:15,907 --> 01:10:16,908 [Kesey slurps] 991 01:10:20,259 --> 01:10:21,217 So, 992 01:10:22,827 --> 01:10:23,958 so, what's next? 993 01:10:27,310 --> 01:10:30,226 - Next? - Next. What is next? Next. 994 01:10:36,275 --> 01:10:37,233 [Lidia sighs] 995 01:10:38,973 --> 01:10:41,367 I want to write "The Sound and the Fury." 996 01:10:42,150 --> 01:10:44,283 [Kesey laughs] 997 01:10:44,762 --> 01:10:45,763 [cup clinks] 998 01:10:49,070 --> 01:10:50,594 [Kesey coughs] 999 01:10:52,857 --> 01:10:54,250 Of course you do, honey. 1000 01:10:56,121 --> 01:10:57,253 Oh, boy. 1001 01:10:58,341 --> 01:11:00,038 - [rock clatters] - [Kesey gasps] 1002 01:11:00,081 --> 01:11:01,213 [cup clatters] 1003 01:11:02,693 --> 01:11:04,651 Here. Throw it and see if I can catch it. 1004 01:11:04,912 --> 01:11:05,913 - Ready? - Yeah. 1005 01:11:07,175 --> 01:11:08,568 - Ah! - Shit! 1006 01:11:10,570 --> 01:11:11,571 Ah. 1007 01:11:12,877 --> 01:11:15,445 - [Kesey sighs] - A lot riding on that going in. 1008 01:11:18,970 --> 01:11:20,798 [Kesey] It has no metaphor. 1009 01:11:21,929 --> 01:11:24,105 - Okay. - [Kesey] Fuck metaphors. 1010 01:11:24,628 --> 01:11:25,716 Okay. 1011 01:11:25,759 --> 01:11:27,457 [Kesey] It's just a rock that fell. 1012 01:11:33,332 --> 01:11:34,986 [Kesey mumbles] 1013 01:11:36,640 --> 01:11:38,946 I'm gonna get the rock and I'm gonna go pee. 1014 01:11:38,990 --> 01:11:40,818 - All right. - Ugh! 1015 01:11:40,861 --> 01:11:42,863 Oh, yeah. There we go. You got it. 1016 01:11:45,170 --> 01:11:46,171 [cup clatters] 1017 01:11:47,651 --> 01:11:49,305 [Lidia VO] That was the last time I saw him. 1018 01:11:50,001 --> 01:11:51,698 [Kesey] You can write, girl! 1019 01:11:52,003 --> 01:11:54,310 [Lidia VO] I'm of the opinion, that he drowned. 1020 01:11:54,353 --> 01:11:58,836 [ocean sounds] 1021 01:12:01,882 --> 01:12:04,189 Caddy wants to fuck. 1022 01:12:04,407 --> 01:12:05,886 She's insatiable. 1023 01:12:06,365 --> 01:12:10,021 And because her neighbor boy man has a giant pants bulge 1024 01:12:10,064 --> 01:12:11,979 and a sound that comes out of him 1025 01:12:12,023 --> 01:12:13,154 instead of language, 1026 01:12:13,198 --> 01:12:14,808 she goes over to his house 1027 01:12:14,852 --> 01:12:16,636 and she removes all of her clothes, 1028 01:12:16,680 --> 01:12:18,377 so he finally fucks her 1029 01:12:19,509 --> 01:12:21,032 and crushes her. 1030 01:12:23,208 --> 01:12:25,471 He fucks her to death, 1031 01:12:25,515 --> 01:12:27,517 and she loves it! 1032 01:12:28,169 --> 01:12:31,390 And she laughs until she cries, and an ambulance has to come. 1033 01:12:31,434 --> 01:12:32,522 But it's too late. 1034 01:12:34,175 --> 01:12:36,047 That is "The Sound and the Fury." 1035 01:12:37,570 --> 01:12:38,571 [Chad] Trite. 1036 01:12:40,181 --> 01:12:43,141 Look, I've already read "The Sound and the Fury." 1037 01:12:43,184 --> 01:12:45,535 Reworking Faulkner is some college shit. 1038 01:12:47,406 --> 01:12:48,364 [Lidia sighs] 1039 01:12:50,714 --> 01:12:52,498 Maybe try something original. 1040 01:12:52,890 --> 01:12:54,021 [Lidia exhales] 1041 01:12:55,414 --> 01:12:56,372 God, 1042 01:12:56,894 --> 01:12:57,895 I hate them. 1043 01:12:58,548 --> 01:12:59,549 Hey. 1044 01:13:00,288 --> 01:13:01,855 What the hell does he know? 1045 01:13:02,508 --> 01:13:03,466 It is original. 1046 01:13:04,075 --> 01:13:05,772 It's a fucking pastiche. 1047 01:13:07,078 --> 01:13:09,036 - [Claire] Hey! - [Hannah] Ha! Hey. 1048 01:13:09,297 --> 01:13:11,909 You want to go to the coast? I got us a room. 1049 01:13:12,431 --> 01:13:13,693 Hi, Hannah. 1050 01:13:13,911 --> 01:13:15,521 We're actually gonna work on these this weekend. 1051 01:13:15,565 --> 01:13:16,653 - [Lidia] Right. - [Hannah] Come on. 1052 01:13:16,696 --> 01:13:17,915 Is your fly undone? 1053 01:13:18,916 --> 01:13:19,873 Lids. 1054 01:13:19,917 --> 01:13:20,918 [smack] 1055 01:13:21,571 --> 01:13:23,529 - [Hannah] What is that? - Oh! 1056 01:13:27,228 --> 01:13:28,404 I fucking dare you. 1057 01:13:28,708 --> 01:13:30,449 [Lidia whispering] 1058 01:13:31,276 --> 01:13:32,277 Come on. 1059 01:13:33,278 --> 01:13:34,279 [Lidia VO] Anything. 1060 01:13:34,497 --> 01:13:35,498 [Lidia screams] 1061 01:13:35,541 --> 01:13:36,716 Anytime. 1062 01:13:36,760 --> 01:13:38,326 Whoa! 1063 01:13:38,370 --> 01:13:39,806 [Lidia VO] Anywhere. Anything. Anytime. Anywhere. 1064 01:13:39,850 --> 01:13:41,155 Please be careful! 1065 01:13:41,199 --> 01:13:42,896 - [Lidia VO] To feel absolutely - [loud thud] 1066 01:13:42,940 --> 01:13:44,420 - [Lidia cries out] - nothing. 1067 01:13:47,945 --> 01:13:50,121 [Hannah] I'm gonna go grab some firewood. 1068 01:13:50,164 --> 01:13:52,123 Don't do anything I wouldn't do. 1069 01:13:53,603 --> 01:13:54,604 [door shuts] 1070 01:14:14,798 --> 01:14:16,103 Is this like a-- 1071 01:14:18,062 --> 01:14:19,150 a fuck trip? 1072 01:14:21,326 --> 01:14:22,327 [Lidia laughs] 1073 01:14:24,503 --> 01:14:25,461 [Hannah] What? 1074 01:14:28,072 --> 01:14:30,291 I've never -- I've never licked pussy. 1075 01:14:31,336 --> 01:14:32,946 - [Lidia] Oh! - [laughing] 1076 01:14:33,991 --> 01:14:36,646 [dramatic music] 1077 01:14:57,057 --> 01:15:00,365 [dramatic music continues] 1078 01:15:15,075 --> 01:15:17,034 [seabirds squawking] 1079 01:15:39,709 --> 01:15:41,885 [Lidia VO] I wanted to stay like that. 1080 01:15:51,068 --> 01:15:52,896 Outside of any word. 1081 01:15:58,945 --> 01:16:00,860 [whispering] Inside the unnamed wet. 1082 01:16:01,600 --> 01:16:02,558 [Lidia gasps] 1083 01:16:09,390 --> 01:16:10,391 [gasps] 1084 01:16:11,915 --> 01:16:14,265 [panting] 1085 01:16:15,309 --> 01:16:17,616 [dramatic music continues] 1086 01:16:29,323 --> 01:16:30,586 [Claire ] You okay? 1087 01:16:33,676 --> 01:16:34,633 [Lidia groans] 1088 01:16:40,508 --> 01:16:41,640 [Lidia squeals] 1089 01:16:42,467 --> 01:16:44,164 [laughter] 1090 01:16:50,518 --> 01:16:51,607 [gasps] 1091 01:16:52,651 --> 01:16:55,001 [dramatic music continues] 1092 01:17:00,354 --> 01:17:03,096 [Lidia laughing] 1093 01:17:17,328 --> 01:17:18,808 [Claire] I love you, Lids. 1094 01:17:22,159 --> 01:17:24,509 [music grows darker] 1095 01:17:29,775 --> 01:17:30,950 I really love you. 1096 01:17:34,693 --> 01:17:35,999 [distant shriek] 1097 01:17:52,319 --> 01:17:53,320 Yeah. 1098 01:17:54,365 --> 01:17:55,540 I'll see you later. 1099 01:18:04,157 --> 01:18:05,985 - [water flowing] - [birds calling] 1100 01:18:09,989 --> 01:18:11,208 [Lidia VO] In water, 1101 01:18:12,557 --> 01:18:13,558 like in books 1102 01:18:16,909 --> 01:18:18,389 you can leave your life. 1103 01:18:18,432 --> 01:18:19,433 [water splashes] 1104 01:18:34,405 --> 01:18:36,059 [pencil scribbling] 1105 01:18:37,887 --> 01:18:38,888 [splash] 1106 01:18:39,192 --> 01:18:41,542 - [splash] - [jazzy drums beating] 1107 01:18:41,586 --> 01:18:42,674 [Claudia] I got it. 1108 01:18:42,718 --> 01:18:44,110 - [Lidia] No! - [Claudia] I got it! 1109 01:18:44,154 --> 01:18:45,851 [Lidia VO] I remember a happy childhood. 1110 01:18:45,895 --> 01:18:47,766 - [Claudia squeals] - [Lidia] Come on, come on. 1111 01:18:47,810 --> 01:18:49,855 [Lidia VO] We dive, we swim, we race. 1112 01:18:49,899 --> 01:18:51,770 Lidia went fast that time. 1113 01:18:51,814 --> 01:18:54,730 [Lidia VO] We laugh like other people's children. 1114 01:19:00,213 --> 01:19:01,475 [hair dryers whirring] 1115 01:19:03,869 --> 01:19:07,568 I remember first and last names like Evie Kosenkranius 1116 01:19:07,612 --> 01:19:09,179 and Lynn Collella Belle. 1117 01:19:09,222 --> 01:19:12,443 Lynn Collella Belle. Lynn Collella Belle. 1118 01:19:12,486 --> 01:19:13,574 Lynn Collella Belle. 1119 01:19:16,229 --> 01:19:18,188 Making song loops in my skull. 1120 01:19:18,231 --> 01:19:19,711 ♪ Lynn Collella 1121 01:19:19,755 --> 01:19:21,408 ♪ Lynn Collella Belle 1122 01:19:21,452 --> 01:19:22,409 Belle. 1123 01:19:22,453 --> 01:19:23,410 [smack] 1124 01:19:23,454 --> 01:19:24,368 [smack] 1125 01:19:24,934 --> 01:19:25,935 [hairbrush clatters] 1126 01:19:26,152 --> 01:19:27,588 [cymbals clang] 1127 01:19:28,111 --> 01:19:29,199 [locker slams] 1128 01:19:29,242 --> 01:19:31,592 - [cymbals clang] - [girls laughing] 1129 01:19:31,810 --> 01:19:33,725 - Lynn Collella Belle. - [hands slapping] 1130 01:19:33,769 --> 01:19:35,945 [Lidia whispering] 1131 01:19:42,299 --> 01:19:43,561 [Dorothy humming] 1132 01:19:43,604 --> 01:19:44,605 [Mike] Mono? 1133 01:19:45,998 --> 01:19:47,783 Isn't that the kissing disease? 1134 01:19:51,482 --> 01:19:53,353 No. Don't be silly. 1135 01:19:56,748 --> 01:19:58,271 Everything's gonna be okay, Belle. 1136 01:19:58,315 --> 01:19:59,403 You'll see. 1137 01:19:59,446 --> 01:20:00,491 You're gonna feel better. 1138 01:20:04,321 --> 01:20:07,280 And your daddy's gonna take real good care of you. 1139 01:20:08,891 --> 01:20:10,631 - Aren't you? - [Mike] We'll be all right. 1140 01:20:10,675 --> 01:20:13,504 [Dorothy] Okay. Mama's gonna go sell some houses. 1141 01:20:15,288 --> 01:20:16,812 [Mike] Hey, honey. 1142 01:20:17,638 --> 01:20:18,944 [sighs] 1143 01:20:22,948 --> 01:20:24,080 My baby girl. 1144 01:20:24,123 --> 01:20:25,472 [car engine cranks] 1145 01:20:25,516 --> 01:20:27,518 You just give it a couple of days. 1146 01:20:31,304 --> 01:20:32,828 Shh. 1147 01:20:34,133 --> 01:20:36,179 [Lidia VO] It is language letting me say... 1148 01:20:36,222 --> 01:20:37,702 [Mike] There you go. 1149 01:20:37,745 --> 01:20:39,356 [Lidia VO] ...how four weeks can be years. 1150 01:20:39,573 --> 01:20:41,184 [pencil scribbling] 1151 01:20:42,533 --> 01:20:44,752 It is the yielding expanse 1152 01:20:45,188 --> 01:20:46,189 of a white 1153 01:20:46,754 --> 01:20:47,755 page. 1154 01:20:48,017 --> 01:20:50,671 [tense music] 1155 01:20:56,503 --> 01:20:57,983 [tense music rising] 1156 01:20:58,201 --> 01:20:59,767 [crash] 1157 01:21:26,272 --> 01:21:29,014 [Photographer] Have you shown these to anyone? 1158 01:21:30,929 --> 01:21:31,887 No. 1159 01:21:35,716 --> 01:21:37,762 [ambient music rising] 1160 01:21:38,023 --> 01:21:39,720 Like, body, 1161 01:21:40,112 --> 01:21:41,113 skin 1162 01:21:41,548 --> 01:21:42,549 scars. 1163 01:21:45,248 --> 01:21:47,728 People always ask me why 1164 01:21:47,772 --> 01:21:49,600 my work is so dark. 1165 01:21:52,081 --> 01:21:54,910 What do you know about pain, Lidia? 1166 01:21:56,215 --> 01:21:57,216 [Lidia] Um, 1167 01:22:00,437 --> 01:22:01,438 I know that 1168 01:22:03,962 --> 01:22:05,485 it matters to me. 1169 01:22:08,358 --> 01:22:10,316 [Photographer] I'm gonna take care of you. 1170 01:22:14,451 --> 01:22:15,582 Do you understand? 1171 01:22:18,411 --> 01:22:19,412 [Lidia cries] 1172 01:22:21,588 --> 01:22:23,286 Now ask me for what you want. 1173 01:22:28,117 --> 01:22:29,161 [Lidia] Um. 1174 01:22:31,424 --> 01:22:33,731 [Photographer] That's not right, angel. 1175 01:22:33,774 --> 01:22:34,775 [Lidia] Um, 1176 01:22:36,125 --> 01:22:37,126 um, 1177 01:22:38,649 --> 01:22:39,650 I 1178 01:22:40,956 --> 01:22:41,913 want 1179 01:22:42,174 --> 01:22:43,088 you 1180 01:22:43,132 --> 01:22:44,133 to 1181 01:22:45,482 --> 01:22:46,657 [Photographer] Mm? 1182 01:22:48,137 --> 01:22:49,877 [Lidia VO] Knock it out of me. 1183 01:22:51,662 --> 01:22:52,663 [Lidia gasps] 1184 01:22:56,145 --> 01:22:57,363 [Lidia] To whip me. 1185 01:22:59,104 --> 01:23:01,150 [Photographer] Where would you like to be whipped, 1186 01:23:02,151 --> 01:23:03,152 angel? 1187 01:23:07,373 --> 01:23:08,505 - Everywhere. - [slap] 1188 01:23:08,548 --> 01:23:09,680 [slap] 1189 01:23:14,293 --> 01:23:16,165 [Photographer] Take it somewhere. 1190 01:23:17,035 --> 01:23:18,036 [slap] 1191 01:23:18,080 --> 01:23:19,037 - [slap] - [gasp] 1192 01:23:19,342 --> 01:23:20,865 Take the pain somewhere. 1193 01:23:21,170 --> 01:23:23,172 [gentle music] 1194 01:23:23,824 --> 01:23:24,825 [slap] 1195 01:23:27,828 --> 01:23:29,004 - [slap] - [Lidia VO] Mama. 1196 01:23:31,354 --> 01:23:32,355 [slap] 1197 01:23:32,529 --> 01:23:33,878 - [slap] - [Lidia gasps] 1198 01:23:33,921 --> 01:23:34,922 [slap] 1199 01:23:37,664 --> 01:23:38,665 [slap] 1200 01:23:39,536 --> 01:23:40,928 I am proud of you. 1201 01:23:42,060 --> 01:23:43,018 [slap] 1202 01:23:44,497 --> 01:23:45,498 [slap] 1203 01:23:47,065 --> 01:23:48,023 [slap] 1204 01:23:48,066 --> 01:23:49,372 [Lidia exhales] 1205 01:23:52,897 --> 01:23:55,552 [Lidia VO] I'm not trying to creep you out. 1206 01:24:03,255 --> 01:24:04,865 I am trying to be precise. 1207 01:24:14,701 --> 01:24:16,051 [Lidia] "At the moment my mother was whining, 1208 01:24:16,094 --> 01:24:17,617 Daddy was smelling my cunt. 1209 01:24:17,661 --> 01:24:19,532 I've reached my best moment now, he explained. 1210 01:24:19,576 --> 01:24:21,404 Now I was sure what he was referring to. 1211 01:24:21,447 --> 01:24:23,058 This is the moment of truth. 1212 01:24:23,101 --> 01:24:25,147 I'm going off, off, off, jacking it off. 1213 01:24:25,190 --> 01:24:27,018 My hands are gonna be broken from this one. 1214 01:24:27,062 --> 01:24:28,541 I don't even recognize my own body. 1215 01:24:28,585 --> 01:24:30,065 It doesn't matter. I know you're mine. 1216 01:24:30,108 --> 01:24:31,675 I made you, I'm making you. 1217 01:24:31,718 --> 01:24:33,068 I swore I'd live for pleasure. 1218 01:24:33,111 --> 01:24:34,721 My tongue is fucking enormous. 1219 01:24:34,765 --> 01:24:36,245 Feel it. It's reaching down to my waist. 1220 01:24:36,288 --> 01:24:39,074 You're seeing your actual father in his moment of truth. 1221 01:24:39,117 --> 01:24:40,640 God Almighty, nothing matters. 1222 01:24:40,684 --> 01:24:43,121 You're my God, my daughter, I worship you. 1223 01:24:43,165 --> 01:24:45,080 I beg you to do it show I can please you. 1224 01:24:45,123 --> 01:24:47,517 Now look at it. It's big in my corkscrewing hand. 1225 01:24:47,560 --> 01:24:49,562 Kiss it. My father explained again, 1226 01:24:49,606 --> 01:24:52,435 I am fucking God and I made God. Holy shit. 1227 01:24:52,478 --> 01:24:53,914 All I have to do is look at God, 1228 01:24:53,958 --> 01:24:55,742 and God is happy 'cause I've made God cum. 1229 01:24:55,786 --> 01:24:57,831 God is in heaven. I'm in heaven and I've died. 1230 01:24:57,875 --> 01:25:00,399 The whole world in heaven. I'm cumming all over your face. 1231 01:25:00,443 --> 01:25:01,705 I licked up his sperm." 1232 01:25:01,748 --> 01:25:02,967 [Student] This is making me sick. 1233 01:25:11,149 --> 01:25:13,978 [typing] 1234 01:25:22,726 --> 01:25:25,468 [Mike VO] Who in the hell do you think you are? 1235 01:25:27,078 --> 01:25:28,514 My father's daughter. 1236 01:25:31,648 --> 01:25:32,866 [chair creaks] 1237 01:25:40,047 --> 01:25:41,048 [bottle opens] 1238 01:25:51,537 --> 01:25:52,669 [can cracks open] 1239 01:26:10,469 --> 01:26:11,514 Goddamn. 1240 01:26:12,819 --> 01:26:13,907 [Lidia VO] Year one. 1241 01:26:14,212 --> 01:26:16,345 - [Lidia] Vodka! - [intense bass booming] 1242 01:26:17,868 --> 01:26:20,523 [Lidia VO] I drink vodka, mostly all the time. 1243 01:26:20,871 --> 01:26:23,308 [Devin] One shot in the eye, shot in the eye. 1244 01:26:23,352 --> 01:26:25,049 [Lidia VO] And felt nothing about myself. 1245 01:26:25,092 --> 01:26:26,833 - [laughing] - [moaning] 1246 01:26:28,705 --> 01:26:30,533 We drink, we laugh, we fuck. 1247 01:26:31,664 --> 01:26:33,536 We make fuck-body paint shadows. 1248 01:26:35,277 --> 01:26:37,888 We make performance art. We perform ourselves. 1249 01:26:37,931 --> 01:26:40,195 [Devin] Fuck you, God! 1250 01:26:47,724 --> 01:26:49,726 - [banging] - [Devin] Open the door! 1251 01:26:51,162 --> 01:26:53,208 [Lidia VO] We carved each other's names into our arms. 1252 01:26:53,382 --> 01:26:55,253 [Lidia] I did it for you! 1253 01:26:55,297 --> 01:26:56,907 [crashing] 1254 01:26:57,777 --> 01:26:58,778 [Devin] Fuck! 1255 01:27:01,564 --> 01:27:02,913 - [moaning] - [grunting] 1256 01:27:03,740 --> 01:27:05,045 [Lidia VO] We fuck septic. 1257 01:27:05,089 --> 01:27:06,308 It was right in front of me, Devin. 1258 01:27:06,351 --> 01:27:08,179 I could see exactly what was happening. 1259 01:27:08,223 --> 01:27:10,312 - You don't even realize. - I don't even realize what?! 1260 01:27:10,355 --> 01:27:12,357 You don't even realize I'm gonna fucking marry you. 1261 01:27:12,401 --> 01:27:14,620 - Whoa! Oh! - [Lidia laughs] 1262 01:27:16,753 --> 01:27:18,537 [Devin] To Mike and Dorothy. 1263 01:27:18,581 --> 01:27:20,626 I'm so happy they fucked. 1264 01:27:24,413 --> 01:27:27,242 - [Lidia VO] To skip to year six, - [Devin] Hey! 1265 01:27:27,285 --> 01:27:28,504 [Lidia VO] when underwater stories 1266 01:27:28,547 --> 01:27:30,201 - start itching - [Devin] Come on! 1267 01:27:30,245 --> 01:27:31,594 [Lidia VO] and yelling begins a rhythm 1268 01:27:31,637 --> 01:27:33,248 where drinking gets louder and him-- 1269 01:27:33,291 --> 01:27:35,815 Go back to kissing women I know and kissing women I don't know! 1270 01:27:35,859 --> 01:27:38,296 [Lidia VO] And what is a couple over time but a line? 1271 01:27:38,340 --> 01:27:39,558 [Devin] I'll show you a fucking line. 1272 01:27:39,602 --> 01:27:42,257 Your fucking bullshit is taking over the house! 1273 01:27:42,300 --> 01:27:44,563 [Lidia VO] It was taking over the house. 1274 01:27:49,960 --> 01:27:50,961 Oh, no. 1275 01:27:52,397 --> 01:27:53,398 Oh, no. 1276 01:27:55,182 --> 01:27:56,183 Oh, no. 1277 01:28:05,192 --> 01:28:06,281 Fuck. 1278 01:28:11,938 --> 01:28:13,113 I don't wanna fuck. 1279 01:28:15,377 --> 01:28:16,682 I want to read. 1280 01:28:19,032 --> 01:28:20,033 Fuck you. 1281 01:28:25,822 --> 01:28:27,824 [Lidia VO] I didn't want to drink. 1282 01:28:30,130 --> 01:28:31,218 I wanted to write. 1283 01:28:35,788 --> 01:28:38,313 [indiscernible whispers] 1284 01:28:40,576 --> 01:28:42,665 What is a couple over time but a line? 1285 01:28:42,882 --> 01:28:44,493 [crickets chirping] 1286 01:28:47,452 --> 01:28:49,324 [Lidia VO] Year seven, I finish my dissertation. 1287 01:28:53,893 --> 01:28:54,894 [bang] 1288 01:28:56,374 --> 01:28:57,810 Year eight, I get a PhD. 1289 01:28:58,507 --> 01:28:59,856 [trickling on the floor] 1290 01:29:03,686 --> 01:29:05,862 [train passing] 1291 01:29:14,697 --> 01:29:15,698 Year ten. 1292 01:29:17,003 --> 01:29:18,004 We pretend. 1293 01:29:21,704 --> 01:29:23,009 [birds chirping] 1294 01:29:23,053 --> 01:29:24,271 [Lidia] You said then 1295 01:29:26,535 --> 01:29:29,276 - [Devin snores] - you would love me until I die. 1296 01:29:34,238 --> 01:29:36,849 You said we would die together in love. 1297 01:29:41,550 --> 01:29:42,681 [Lidia laughs] 1298 01:29:50,820 --> 01:29:52,561 [whispers] You said it to me. 1299 01:29:56,913 --> 01:29:58,393 [Lidia VO] Where are you? 1300 01:30:00,046 --> 01:30:01,047 [Devin snores] 1301 01:30:05,269 --> 01:30:06,401 Where is the man? 1302 01:30:06,923 --> 01:30:07,924 [Devin snores] 1303 01:30:14,060 --> 01:30:16,933 [dramatic music] 1304 01:30:22,982 --> 01:30:24,941 Who would love a woman like me? 1305 01:30:29,815 --> 01:30:31,991 [train rumbles] 1306 01:30:40,609 --> 01:30:42,959 [heavy typing] 1307 01:30:50,096 --> 01:30:51,097 [slap] 1308 01:31:08,811 --> 01:31:10,334 [Mike VO] Don't you dare. 1309 01:31:10,769 --> 01:31:11,770 [crying] 1310 01:31:21,345 --> 01:31:23,478 [low rumble] 1311 01:31:26,568 --> 01:31:27,525 [heavy keystroke] 1312 01:31:45,543 --> 01:31:46,501 [Lidia exhales] 1313 01:31:48,198 --> 01:31:49,199 Ha. 1314 01:31:51,854 --> 01:31:52,855 [chair creaks] 1315 01:31:56,380 --> 01:31:58,513 [printer humming] 1316 01:32:10,046 --> 01:32:12,831 [soft music playing in background] 1317 01:32:28,760 --> 01:32:30,240 [papers shifting] 1318 01:32:34,766 --> 01:32:36,246 [sighs, clears her throat] 1319 01:33:02,707 --> 01:33:04,317 [Lidia laughs] 1320 01:33:12,064 --> 01:33:13,936 "The date of your reading." 1321 01:33:16,939 --> 01:33:17,940 [Lidia laughs] 1322 01:33:18,810 --> 01:33:19,811 [envelope tears] 1323 01:33:24,033 --> 01:33:24,990 [paper rustling] 1324 01:33:26,165 --> 01:33:27,166 [envelope tears] 1325 01:33:32,476 --> 01:33:33,782 [paper slams on table] 1326 01:33:35,610 --> 01:33:36,611 [lighter flicks] 1327 01:33:37,437 --> 01:33:38,613 [Mike] What? 1328 01:33:40,789 --> 01:33:42,617 [low rumble] 1329 01:33:52,975 --> 01:33:54,803 [distant, distorted applause] 1330 01:34:02,506 --> 01:34:04,116 [Moderator] Please welcome 1331 01:34:09,644 --> 01:34:12,124 reading an excerpt from her first collection 1332 01:34:12,168 --> 01:34:14,083 of short stories, "Her Other Mouths," 1333 01:34:14,126 --> 01:34:15,867 - Lidia Yuknavitch. - [applause] 1334 01:34:18,827 --> 01:34:21,046 Lidia, please. Welcome. 1335 01:34:29,359 --> 01:34:30,708 [audience chatter] 1336 01:34:35,931 --> 01:34:38,368 [Lidia VO] "The day my daughter was born. 1337 01:34:40,326 --> 01:34:41,806 After I held the future. 1338 01:34:46,376 --> 01:34:47,377 Stillborn. 1339 01:34:51,163 --> 01:34:52,164 And pink. 1340 01:34:57,387 --> 01:34:58,431 And rose-lipped. 1341 01:35:01,739 --> 01:35:04,046 And rose-lipped in my shivering arms. 1342 01:35:05,438 --> 01:35:06,744 Little tragedies are 1343 01:35:07,049 --> 01:35:08,703 difficult to keep straight. 1344 01:35:14,360 --> 01:35:17,712 Chronology convinces us we are moving toward a real place. 1345 01:35:17,973 --> 01:35:19,931 [Lidia VO] Swimmers, to your marks. 1346 01:35:21,541 --> 01:35:22,499 A gunshot. 1347 01:35:23,282 --> 01:35:25,720 A gunshot released our tense flesh. 1348 01:35:27,286 --> 01:35:29,419 Fathers were often uncontainable 1349 01:35:29,680 --> 01:35:32,161 while the little women swam for their lives. 1350 01:35:32,204 --> 01:35:33,292 Swim. 1351 01:35:34,816 --> 01:35:36,078 Swim! 1352 01:35:36,731 --> 01:35:38,080 Hurry! 1353 01:35:39,255 --> 01:35:40,735 Come on, baby. 1354 01:35:42,214 --> 01:35:43,215 Harder. 1355 01:35:43,781 --> 01:35:44,739 Harder! 1356 01:35:45,609 --> 01:35:46,741 Faster! 1357 01:35:46,784 --> 01:35:50,005 A cacophony of men swelling 1358 01:35:50,048 --> 01:35:53,617 and pressing down on the wet motion. 1359 01:35:55,662 --> 01:35:59,492 How many times did I slip into the chlorinated depths, 1360 01:36:00,624 --> 01:36:04,802 secretly hoping to shed this useless skin 1361 01:36:04,846 --> 01:36:07,936 and emerge something 1362 01:36:12,288 --> 01:36:13,463 amphibious 1363 01:36:15,944 --> 01:36:17,119 and without gender? 1364 01:36:19,556 --> 01:36:20,775 [underwater rumbling] 1365 01:36:22,472 --> 01:36:23,473 [Lidia sighs] 1366 01:36:26,084 --> 01:36:27,085 The thing is, 1367 01:36:31,350 --> 01:36:34,484 this letting everything in 1368 01:36:36,268 --> 01:36:38,531 and waiting to see what comes out 1369 01:36:42,318 --> 01:36:43,319 is creepy 1370 01:36:45,016 --> 01:36:46,017 and idiotic. 1371 01:36:48,280 --> 01:36:51,806 And it's starting to piss me off 1372 01:36:51,980 --> 01:36:55,853 that I have to even think about that hole. 1373 01:36:56,811 --> 01:36:57,942 What I am saying is 1374 01:37:03,121 --> 01:37:07,560 there is a woman in a room who is tired of looking down 1375 01:37:10,825 --> 01:37:11,956 and bleeding 1376 01:37:13,175 --> 01:37:14,306 and-- 1377 01:37:14,350 --> 01:37:17,527 bearing and itching and aching. 1378 01:37:19,181 --> 01:37:22,314 And tired of remaining open 1379 01:37:23,185 --> 01:37:26,710 with no hope of suturing herself up. 1380 01:37:37,373 --> 01:37:39,157 It isn't that I want it gone. 1381 01:37:43,335 --> 01:37:44,336 It's that 1382 01:37:45,381 --> 01:37:46,382 I want 1383 01:37:47,339 --> 01:37:48,340 wanting 1384 01:37:50,342 --> 01:37:53,563 to come from somewhere else. 1385 01:37:59,395 --> 01:38:03,703 There are moments between years that surface with great force." 1386 01:38:05,531 --> 01:38:07,490 [Lidia] Remind me why we're here. 1387 01:38:07,533 --> 01:38:09,709 [Claudia] I thought this was your idea. 1388 01:38:09,753 --> 01:38:11,059 I came here with you. 1389 01:38:15,759 --> 01:38:16,760 Delusion. 1390 01:38:19,415 --> 01:38:20,764 Grown women are idiots. 1391 01:38:22,897 --> 01:38:23,898 I don't know. 1392 01:38:25,116 --> 01:38:26,117 She begged. 1393 01:38:32,950 --> 01:38:34,082 I changed my name. 1394 01:38:40,610 --> 01:38:41,611 [Dorothy] Mike! 1395 01:38:42,917 --> 01:38:45,136 Lidia! Lidia! 1396 01:38:46,007 --> 01:38:48,052 Lidia! Lidia! 1397 01:38:48,792 --> 01:38:50,489 Mike! Lidia! 1398 01:38:50,837 --> 01:38:52,143 Lidia! 1399 01:38:52,578 --> 01:38:54,406 [Lidia] Turn him over. Help me! 1400 01:38:55,668 --> 01:38:56,669 [Lidia grunting] 1401 01:39:03,459 --> 01:39:04,808 [child screams] 1402 01:39:14,122 --> 01:39:15,123 [Lidia VO] "Kill. 1403 01:39:16,820 --> 01:39:18,865 Or suck the killing back. 1404 01:39:23,696 --> 01:39:24,959 And pump it 1405 01:39:26,221 --> 01:39:29,615 into the story of someone else. 1406 01:39:29,833 --> 01:39:31,443 [Lidia panting] 1407 01:39:32,749 --> 01:39:36,622 [Lidia VO] My father lost his memory from hypoxia that day. 1408 01:39:37,493 --> 01:39:39,147 [water splashes] 1409 01:39:39,190 --> 01:39:40,191 [pounding] 1410 01:39:41,497 --> 01:39:42,977 I did not kill him. 1411 01:39:45,153 --> 01:39:46,458 I did not save him. 1412 01:39:48,678 --> 01:39:52,508 - [birds calling] - I am learning to live on land." 1413 01:39:55,685 --> 01:39:56,686 Um, 1414 01:39:57,687 --> 01:39:58,688 [Lidia inhales] 1415 01:39:59,689 --> 01:40:01,386 [applause] 1416 01:40:01,430 --> 01:40:03,475 Thanks. Oh, that -- that's... 1417 01:40:03,519 --> 01:40:05,651 [applause] 1418 01:40:18,142 --> 01:40:19,796 [Female 1] But have your parents read this story? 1419 01:40:19,839 --> 01:40:21,798 - What do they think of it? - [Lidia clears throat] 1420 01:40:21,841 --> 01:40:22,973 Enjoy New York. Really. 1421 01:40:23,017 --> 01:40:24,496 You're gonna get an agent outta this. 1422 01:40:27,891 --> 01:40:29,458 [Female 2] Lidia, it's so nice to meet you. 1423 01:40:29,501 --> 01:40:30,894 Thank you for being here. 1424 01:40:31,373 --> 01:40:32,374 Excuse me. 1425 01:40:33,766 --> 01:40:35,203 Do you have anything, um, 1426 01:40:36,682 --> 01:40:38,032 a little stronger? 1427 01:40:39,511 --> 01:40:40,512 Thanks. 1428 01:40:45,561 --> 01:40:47,606 Carol Houck Smith, Norton Publishing. 1429 01:40:50,000 --> 01:40:52,089 It's pretty impressive what you did up there. 1430 01:40:53,612 --> 01:40:54,613 Thank you. 1431 01:40:54,874 --> 01:40:58,791 No, really. It didn't look easy. 1432 01:41:00,184 --> 01:41:02,795 Tell me, is there any more where that came from? 1433 01:41:03,057 --> 01:41:05,320 Something, a little longer? 1434 01:41:06,321 --> 01:41:08,105 - [airplane rumble] - [cocktail party fades] 1435 01:41:09,411 --> 01:41:11,195 You should send me something. 1436 01:41:16,113 --> 01:41:17,419 [Lidia VO] It's just that 1437 01:41:20,465 --> 01:41:24,252 something in me had been born 1438 01:41:25,992 --> 01:41:26,993 still. 1439 01:41:34,871 --> 01:41:36,351 - [music playing] - ♪ And there you got me 1440 01:41:36,394 --> 01:41:37,830 ♪ That's how you got me 1441 01:41:37,874 --> 01:41:39,963 ♪ You taught me to be mean 1442 01:41:44,794 --> 01:41:45,969 ♪ But I 1443 01:41:46,230 --> 01:41:47,797 ♪ Ran out 1444 01:41:47,971 --> 01:41:53,455 ♪ Of white dove's feathers 1445 01:41:53,846 --> 01:41:56,371 ♪ To soak up the hot 1446 01:41:56,414 --> 01:41:58,982 ♪ Piss that comes through your mouth ♪ 1447 01:41:59,025 --> 01:42:01,289 It's a small stone I carry. 1448 01:42:03,204 --> 01:42:04,161 ♪ Ohh 1449 01:42:05,510 --> 01:42:07,469 Shame of wanting something good. 1450 01:42:08,296 --> 01:42:12,648 ♪ Of white dove's feathers... 1451 01:42:14,171 --> 01:42:16,130 [sirens wailing] 1452 01:42:34,278 --> 01:42:36,846 [dramatic music] 1453 01:42:39,849 --> 01:42:41,155 [Lidia gulps] 1454 01:42:56,692 --> 01:42:58,476 [Lidia indiscernible] 1455 01:42:58,998 --> 01:43:02,350 [dramatic music continues] 1456 01:43:12,273 --> 01:43:14,188 - [tires screeching] - [crash] 1457 01:43:17,974 --> 01:43:18,931 [door slams] 1458 01:43:29,725 --> 01:43:31,248 [door twisting open] 1459 01:43:37,385 --> 01:43:39,256 - [woman crying] - [broken glass clinking] 1460 01:43:42,520 --> 01:43:44,087 [woman whimpering] 1461 01:43:49,527 --> 01:43:51,573 [woman crying] 1462 01:43:52,574 --> 01:43:55,098 [dramatic music continues] 1463 01:43:59,407 --> 01:44:01,409 [sirens wailing] 1464 01:44:05,587 --> 01:44:06,805 [police radio chatter] 1465 01:44:07,719 --> 01:44:08,720 [door slams] 1466 01:44:10,156 --> 01:44:11,419 [Lidia exhales] 1467 01:44:27,304 --> 01:44:28,262 [Lidia grunts] 1468 01:44:37,009 --> 01:44:38,794 [sploshing] 1469 01:44:52,938 --> 01:44:55,376 [Woman] I told you not to fuck with me, bitch! 1470 01:44:55,419 --> 01:44:58,683 I told you. And you [indiscernible]. 1471 01:45:01,338 --> 01:45:03,122 [service vehicle backing up] 1472 01:45:07,344 --> 01:45:09,041 I'm fucking trash. 1473 01:45:11,479 --> 01:45:14,656 [Officer Kyle] Hey, what are you doing? Keep it moving. 1474 01:45:15,352 --> 01:45:18,137 [jazzy drums beating] 1475 01:45:28,104 --> 01:45:29,061 [Lidia pants] 1476 01:45:32,848 --> 01:45:33,849 Hi. 1477 01:45:37,853 --> 01:45:40,334 Chopping block. Peer review. 1478 01:45:41,204 --> 01:45:42,510 Who wants to go first? 1479 01:45:42,858 --> 01:45:43,989 [classroom chatter] 1480 01:45:44,033 --> 01:45:45,077 Really helpful. 1481 01:45:46,296 --> 01:45:48,385 You know, you can't live the wrong life. 1482 01:45:48,429 --> 01:45:49,908 You really can't. It's a story you were told. 1483 01:45:50,169 --> 01:45:52,128 Your one is just as important, it's your own. 1484 01:45:52,171 --> 01:45:55,349 You have to -- It has to hurt. But I'm excited for you. 1485 01:46:08,449 --> 01:46:09,406 [Lidia sighs] 1486 01:46:14,368 --> 01:46:16,587 [low rumble] 1487 01:46:19,851 --> 01:46:21,549 [Woman crying] 1488 01:46:24,073 --> 01:46:25,683 [screeching tires, crash] 1489 01:46:31,472 --> 01:46:35,432 [indistinct arguing] 1490 01:46:43,701 --> 01:46:46,095 [arguing continues] 1491 01:46:47,139 --> 01:46:48,706 [Man] I don't give a shit! 1492 01:46:48,750 --> 01:46:50,099 [Woman] Now what? 1493 01:46:52,231 --> 01:46:53,711 [Lidia] Something small 1494 01:46:53,755 --> 01:46:55,452 and specific caught my eye, 1495 01:46:55,757 --> 01:46:57,280 an important detail -- 1496 01:46:57,759 --> 01:47:00,936 a bruise on the bridge of her nose letting me know that 1497 01:47:00,979 --> 01:47:02,546 her eyes were blue like mine. 1498 01:47:02,590 --> 01:47:03,591 Hey! 1499 01:47:05,941 --> 01:47:06,942 How much? 1500 01:47:09,727 --> 01:47:13,122 I pay her pimp $100. I ask her in. 1501 01:47:13,949 --> 01:47:15,298 I tell her to sit down. 1502 01:47:16,125 --> 01:47:17,343 [desk creaks] 1503 01:47:19,128 --> 01:47:21,086 In the story, I say, 1504 01:47:21,130 --> 01:47:22,958 [Lidia VO] "This is what it feels like to be me." 1505 01:47:24,786 --> 01:47:26,744 A woman who teaches English, 1506 01:47:27,484 --> 01:47:30,748 looking down at a woman who sucks dicks all day 1507 01:47:30,792 --> 01:47:33,621 as she sits on my couch, smoking. 1508 01:47:36,014 --> 01:47:39,322 When I look at her, I think she looks like Mary. 1509 01:47:41,324 --> 01:47:44,022 [whispering] Whenever I see an image of Christ, 1510 01:47:44,545 --> 01:47:47,025 I picture Mary so drawn and gaunt and tired 1511 01:47:47,069 --> 01:47:48,897 and angry to the point of emaciation 1512 01:47:48,940 --> 01:47:51,377 that she can barely wear her own face. 1513 01:48:01,649 --> 01:48:04,129 In the story, I say, 1514 01:48:06,610 --> 01:48:07,829 "What am I gonna do? 1515 01:48:09,352 --> 01:48:10,353 Teach her?" 1516 01:48:13,269 --> 01:48:16,838 This is what me, an addict, upwardly mobile, 1517 01:48:17,578 --> 01:48:20,319 given something as infinitesimally small 1518 01:48:20,363 --> 01:48:22,408 as words to believe in, thinks. 1519 01:48:23,453 --> 01:48:26,325 - [Lidia] I'm looking at her. - [birds chirping] 1520 01:48:29,807 --> 01:48:31,200 Offer words. 1521 01:48:41,515 --> 01:48:43,647 [crickets chirping] 1522 01:48:44,866 --> 01:48:46,911 People say to me all the time, 1523 01:48:48,217 --> 01:48:51,916 "Did the things in your short stories actually happen?" 1524 01:48:53,222 --> 01:48:54,223 [door shuts] 1525 01:48:55,050 --> 01:48:56,660 Isn't that the-- 1526 01:48:57,400 --> 01:48:58,532 the question 1527 01:48:59,881 --> 01:49:01,404 when it comes to life? 1528 01:49:07,410 --> 01:49:09,107 Did this really happen to me? 1529 01:49:18,073 --> 01:49:19,074 Andy. 1530 01:49:21,076 --> 01:49:22,077 I don't know. 1531 01:49:30,215 --> 01:49:33,088 [Lidia VO] The things that happen to us are true. 1532 01:49:35,612 --> 01:49:39,268 But writing is a whole other body. 1533 01:49:40,617 --> 01:49:43,098 I was hoping we could discuss my manuscript. 1534 01:49:44,621 --> 01:49:47,232 Oh. Of course. Yeah. 1535 01:49:49,931 --> 01:49:51,846 I also want to loan you my car. 1536 01:49:55,676 --> 01:49:57,591 Saw you were taking the bus, and 1537 01:49:58,809 --> 01:50:00,463 I happen to have two cars. 1538 01:50:03,597 --> 01:50:04,598 [keys jingle] 1539 01:50:15,086 --> 01:50:16,087 Hey. 1540 01:50:33,496 --> 01:50:34,845 [Andy gasps] 1541 01:50:38,893 --> 01:50:40,285 You can tell a lot about a person 1542 01:50:40,329 --> 01:50:41,809 from seeing them in the water. 1543 01:50:43,985 --> 01:50:44,986 [Andy] Thank you. 1544 01:50:48,511 --> 01:50:50,861 - For what? - For letting me swim with you. 1545 01:50:51,732 --> 01:50:53,385 I read a couple of your stories. 1546 01:50:53,429 --> 01:50:55,387 I know that swimming's a big deal. 1547 01:50:56,780 --> 01:50:58,652 I always let my students choose the venue. 1548 01:50:59,870 --> 01:51:01,132 [Andy] You know, I wanted to say 1549 01:51:01,176 --> 01:51:03,004 I've seen you a couple of times before. 1550 01:51:03,700 --> 01:51:06,007 Yeah, I read about Ken Kesey teaching at U of O 1551 01:51:06,050 --> 01:51:08,313 when I was abroad, and I applied to the program, 1552 01:51:08,357 --> 01:51:09,837 but it already happened. 1553 01:51:10,881 --> 01:51:12,361 No shit. That's funny. 1554 01:51:12,404 --> 01:51:13,536 [Andy] Yeah, I know. 1555 01:51:14,189 --> 01:51:15,843 And then I seen you stomping around 1556 01:51:15,886 --> 01:51:17,322 the creative writing department. 1557 01:51:19,411 --> 01:51:21,152 I was in the reading you gave at Gerlinger. 1558 01:51:24,373 --> 01:51:25,548 Wow. That's... 1559 01:51:29,030 --> 01:51:31,032 That's weird. Weird. 1560 01:51:34,905 --> 01:51:36,602 That was a weird day for me. 1561 01:51:39,388 --> 01:51:40,389 Why? 1562 01:51:49,224 --> 01:51:50,225 My father 1563 01:51:53,402 --> 01:51:54,403 was--my-- 1564 01:51:55,752 --> 01:51:56,710 my father... 1565 01:52:00,496 --> 01:52:01,758 [Andy] Your father? 1566 01:52:04,065 --> 01:52:05,066 Was abusive. 1567 01:52:08,678 --> 01:52:09,635 Your father. 1568 01:52:12,769 --> 01:52:13,727 How so? 1569 01:52:16,294 --> 01:52:17,295 Sexual. 1570 01:52:18,079 --> 01:52:19,080 [Andy] Oh. 1571 01:52:21,038 --> 01:52:22,039 That sucks. 1572 01:52:31,570 --> 01:52:34,486 I hope something karmically fucked happened to him. 1573 01:52:35,923 --> 01:52:36,924 Yeah. 1574 01:52:40,362 --> 01:52:41,972 It kind of actually--it did. 1575 01:52:43,539 --> 01:52:44,845 Excellent, then. 1576 01:52:44,888 --> 01:52:45,889 [Lidia laughs] 1577 01:52:50,981 --> 01:52:52,417 Uh, I, um-- 1578 01:52:53,244 --> 01:52:54,811 Blah. It was a long time ago. 1579 01:52:54,855 --> 01:52:56,770 I was a totally different person then. 1580 01:52:58,641 --> 01:52:59,947 So who are you now? 1581 01:53:02,645 --> 01:53:03,646 I'm your teacher. 1582 01:53:04,081 --> 01:53:05,474 [Lidia laughs] 1583 01:53:10,784 --> 01:53:13,003 So, Teach, are you gonna take my car? 1584 01:53:37,158 --> 01:53:38,637 [Lidia VO] I don't quite know how to tell you 1585 01:53:38,681 --> 01:53:40,204 what it feels like. 1586 01:53:43,338 --> 01:53:46,297 Watching the little woman swim for her life. 1587 01:53:47,342 --> 01:53:48,517 [paper tears] 1588 01:53:49,648 --> 01:53:51,520 I mean. 1589 01:54:12,846 --> 01:54:14,717 [Lidia] Are you fucking insane? 1590 01:54:22,203 --> 01:54:23,204 No. 1591 01:54:32,909 --> 01:54:34,563 You think I'm someone else. 1592 01:54:36,260 --> 01:54:37,261 Hm-mm. 1593 01:54:42,701 --> 01:54:44,399 I can see the mother in you. 1594 01:54:54,235 --> 01:54:56,759 There's more to your story than you think. 1595 01:55:09,424 --> 01:55:10,425 [baby cries] 1596 01:55:10,904 --> 01:55:13,254 [soft dramatic music] 1597 01:55:17,606 --> 01:55:19,042 [baby cries] 1598 01:55:21,871 --> 01:55:23,525 [inaudible whisper] 1599 01:55:23,568 --> 01:55:25,788 [baby cries] 1600 01:55:33,883 --> 01:55:35,798 [baby cries] 1601 01:55:43,937 --> 01:55:44,938 [baby coos] 1602 01:56:07,612 --> 01:56:09,005 [Miles babbles] 1603 01:56:24,455 --> 01:56:25,630 [Miles babbles] 1604 01:56:30,331 --> 01:56:31,810 [Miles babbles] 1605 01:56:34,813 --> 01:56:36,511 [car approaching] 1606 01:56:36,554 --> 01:56:37,991 [Miles babbles] 1607 01:56:49,828 --> 01:56:51,352 [door opens] 1608 01:56:52,005 --> 01:56:55,269 - [Mike] Oh it's, very nice. - [Andy] This is it. 1609 01:56:55,312 --> 01:56:56,705 [Mike] Very nice. 1610 01:56:58,359 --> 01:56:59,795 [Andy] Well, we're just gonna go this way, sir, on the left. 1611 01:56:59,838 --> 01:57:01,275 [Mike] Oh. 1612 01:57:01,318 --> 01:57:02,885 [footsteps] 1613 01:57:06,019 --> 01:57:07,020 [Mike sighs] 1614 01:57:21,556 --> 01:57:23,036 What about the room? 1615 01:57:23,862 --> 01:57:25,864 They said it would be ready tomorrow for sure. 1616 01:57:26,169 --> 01:57:27,170 Okay. 1617 01:57:31,000 --> 01:57:33,437 That must have been a very weird ride. 1618 01:57:36,440 --> 01:57:37,441 [Lidia laughs] 1619 01:57:39,269 --> 01:57:40,270 Thank you. 1620 01:57:41,750 --> 01:57:43,273 [whispers] You don't ever have to say thank you to me. 1621 01:57:50,715 --> 01:57:52,065 I'm good. [laughs] 1622 01:57:52,761 --> 01:57:53,762 Yeah? 1623 01:57:54,415 --> 01:57:55,590 Yeah. 1624 01:58:09,734 --> 01:58:10,735 Hi, Dad. 1625 01:58:10,996 --> 01:58:12,215 [Mike] Marilou? 1626 01:58:12,998 --> 01:58:14,609 No. It's me. It's Lidia. 1627 01:58:15,610 --> 01:58:16,828 I know that, kiddo. 1628 01:58:17,090 --> 01:58:19,135 [Miles babbles] 1629 01:58:28,449 --> 01:58:29,624 I read that book. 1630 01:58:30,755 --> 01:58:32,105 - Oh, yeah? - [Mike] Yeah. 1631 01:58:33,976 --> 01:58:35,456 Do you know who wrote it? 1632 01:58:36,196 --> 01:58:37,153 Oh. 1633 01:58:40,200 --> 01:58:41,157 You. 1634 01:58:42,202 --> 01:58:43,203 That's right. 1635 01:58:47,032 --> 01:58:48,686 Did you read all of the stories? 1636 01:58:48,904 --> 01:58:49,861 [Mike] I, uh, 1637 01:58:51,689 --> 01:58:53,430 There was one about swimming. 1638 01:58:56,303 --> 01:58:57,304 I liked that. 1639 01:58:59,610 --> 01:59:00,611 Thank you. 1640 01:59:03,005 --> 01:59:05,007 Not very flattering of me, though. 1641 01:59:08,053 --> 01:59:09,664 That's fair enough. [laughs] 1642 01:59:09,707 --> 01:59:10,708 [Mike] Ah. 1643 01:59:18,847 --> 01:59:22,329 You know, I won a prize for that story. 1644 01:59:23,852 --> 01:59:25,201 I got to go to New York. 1645 01:59:31,686 --> 01:59:32,687 [Mike] Huh. 1646 01:59:35,211 --> 01:59:37,082 Well, isn't that something, huh? 1647 01:59:38,867 --> 01:59:39,868 [Mike sighs] 1648 01:59:41,870 --> 01:59:43,045 It's beautiful here. 1649 01:59:46,570 --> 01:59:48,485 It's a real home you have here. 1650 01:59:53,708 --> 01:59:54,752 Well done. 1651 01:59:56,189 --> 01:59:57,190 Well done, you. 1652 01:59:59,453 --> 02:00:01,803 [Lidia VO] The safest memories are locked away in the brains 1653 02:00:01,846 --> 02:00:03,326 of people who can't remember. 1654 02:00:03,370 --> 02:00:05,850 [Dorothy] Oh, oh! Get her, Mike! Get her, Mike! 1655 02:00:05,894 --> 02:00:06,895 [splash] 1656 02:00:08,505 --> 02:00:09,550 [Mike] You know I don't swim. Claudia, go get your sister. 1657 02:00:11,769 --> 02:00:13,728 [Lidia VO] Underwater forever. 1658 02:00:14,598 --> 02:00:15,556 [water splashes] 1659 02:00:16,209 --> 02:00:17,732 [Andy] There you go, pal. 1660 02:00:17,775 --> 02:00:18,733 [ducks quacking] 1661 02:00:19,386 --> 02:00:21,214 Look, I'm doing 'wimming. 1662 02:00:21,692 --> 02:00:24,739 Wow! 1663 02:00:28,133 --> 02:00:30,266 [Lidia making noises] 1664 02:00:30,875 --> 02:00:32,268 [Miles screams] 1665 02:00:33,530 --> 02:00:34,618 What's wrong? 1666 02:00:34,879 --> 02:00:36,577 [Miles] The water will go in my 1667 02:00:36,620 --> 02:00:40,015 nose and ears and into my brain. 1668 02:00:40,058 --> 02:00:41,059 [Lidia laughs] 1669 02:00:41,973 --> 02:00:43,410 Uh, Miles? 1670 02:00:46,369 --> 02:00:49,067 How many times have you seen 1671 02:00:49,285 --> 02:00:51,766 Mama swimming and swimming laps? 1672 02:00:53,898 --> 02:00:56,074 - Lots of times, right? - Yeah. 1673 02:00:56,118 --> 02:00:59,252 Have you ever noticed 1674 02:00:59,426 --> 02:01:02,472 that I've never got water in my brain? 1675 02:01:05,954 --> 02:01:07,782 Water's never gone into my brain. 1676 02:01:08,478 --> 02:01:09,740 You want to see? 1677 02:01:09,784 --> 02:01:11,089 - Huh. - Watch this. 1678 02:01:11,438 --> 02:01:12,961 Tell me how much water goes in my brain. 1679 02:01:13,135 --> 02:01:14,136 - Okay? - Okay. 1680 02:01:16,138 --> 02:01:17,270 [Lidia breathes deeply] 1681 02:01:24,581 --> 02:01:25,582 See? 1682 02:01:25,800 --> 02:01:26,801 Mm-hmm. 1683 02:01:27,454 --> 02:01:28,498 [Andy] Okay, pull. 1684 02:01:28,977 --> 02:01:31,458 [Miles] I have a very important game. 1685 02:01:33,634 --> 02:01:36,463 I'm gonna put my whole head underwater. 1686 02:01:36,506 --> 02:01:37,464 [water splashes] 1687 02:01:37,507 --> 02:01:38,769 Okay. 1688 02:01:38,813 --> 02:01:41,511 [Miles] And we look at each other underwater. 1689 02:01:43,644 --> 02:01:45,559 - What game is this? - I made it up. 1690 02:01:46,168 --> 02:01:47,474 [both breathe in deeply] 1691 02:01:49,389 --> 02:01:51,608 - [underwater rumble] - [ethereal music echoes] 1692 02:01:58,789 --> 02:02:00,138 [Lidia VO] The key is, 1693 02:02:02,140 --> 02:02:03,141 make up shit. 1694 02:02:13,108 --> 02:02:16,024 I'm not speaking out of my asshole when I say this. 1695 02:02:18,374 --> 02:02:19,332 Come in. 1696 02:02:22,770 --> 02:02:24,206 The water will hold you. 1697 02:02:39,177 --> 02:02:42,093 [dramatic music] 1698 02:02:47,272 --> 02:02:50,537 [singer vocalizing] 1699 02:02:56,717 --> 02:03:00,285 [dramatic music continues] 1700 02:03:56,951 --> 02:03:59,823 [dramatic music continues] 1701 02:04:17,624 --> 02:04:20,801 [singer vocalizing] 1702 02:05:04,366 --> 02:05:06,977 [Lidia whispering] Anything. Anywhere. Anytime. 1703 02:05:07,021 --> 02:05:10,198 [whispering continues] 1704 02:05:16,726 --> 02:05:19,337 [pencil scribbling] 1705 02:05:21,818 --> 02:05:24,995 [dramatic music] 1706 02:05:33,613 --> 02:05:37,573 [singer vocalizing] 1707 02:06:14,567 --> 02:06:18,571 [singer vocalizing continues] 1708 02:06:23,097 --> 02:06:27,405 [dramatic music continues] 1709 02:06:49,166 --> 02:06:52,343 [singer vocalizing continues] 1710 02:07:15,018 --> 02:07:18,674 [dramatic music continues] 1711 02:07:58,235 --> 02:08:01,021 [dramatic music fades] 111138