1
00:00:02,045 --> 00:00:04,526
[tense music]

2
00:00:14,188 --> 00:00:16,842
[dramatic music]

3
00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:34,686
[dramatic music]

4
00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:49,049
[mysterious music]

5
00:00:57,622 --> 00:01:00,060
[dramatic music]

6
00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:06,805
[energetic music]

7
00:01:16,772 --> 00:01:18,991
[dramatic music]

8
00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:28,653
[gentle music]

9
00:01:40,796 --> 00:01:43,407
[soft rumbling]

10
00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:03,123
[water bubbling]

11
00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:13,481
[water splashing]

12
00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:10,059
[Lidia VO] <i>I thought about</i>
<i>starting at the beginning.</i>

13
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,193
[gasp]

14
00:03:14,455 --> 00:03:15,325
<i>But that's not</i>
<i>how I remember it.</i>

15
00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:16,718
[gasp]

16
00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:24,726
<i>It's all a series of</i>

17
00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:25,683
[gasp]

18
00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:26,728
<i>fragments.</i>

19
00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:30,906
<i>Repetitions.</i>

20
00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:35,563
<i>Pattern formations.</i>

21
00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:40,742
[soft orchestral music]

22
00:03:52,754 --> 00:03:54,408
[distant wailing}

23
00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:59,935
<i>When there are no</i>
<i>words for the pain...</i>

24
00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:07,769
<i>let your imagination</i>
<i>change what you know.</i>

25
00:04:10,075 --> 00:04:11,425
[whispers] <i>Conglomerates.</i>

26
00:04:11,947 --> 00:04:13,601
<i>Movement of land</i>
<i>in the freedom of water.</i>

27
00:04:16,778 --> 00:04:18,432
<i>A ring around a rock is luck.</i>

28
00:04:19,955 --> 00:04:21,478
[whispers] <i>Smoothed</i>
<i>into a small thing.</i>

29
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,395
<i>Sandstone is soothing and lucid.</i>

30
00:04:25,613 --> 00:04:27,310
<i>Shale, of course, is rational.</i>

31
00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:29,312
<i>Red rock is earth blood.</i>

32
00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:33,447
<i>You believe in blue.</i>

33
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,758
[distant wailing]

34
00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:42,804
[water running]

35
00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:54,294
[rock clatters]

36
00:04:57,993 --> 00:05:02,345
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

37
00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:04,782
[Lidia VO] <i>Memories...</i>

38
00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:08,525
<i>are stories.</i>

39
00:05:11,354 --> 00:05:13,487
<i>So you better come up</i>
<i>with one you can live with.</i>

40
00:05:13,748 --> 00:05:14,705
[knock]

41
00:05:20,015 --> 00:05:21,016
[slap]

42
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:34,551
[Claudia] Smiley face.

43
00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:43,038
Flower.

44
00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:49,871
[knocking]

45
00:05:50,611 --> 00:05:51,568
[knocking]

46
00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:56,530
Christmas tree.

47
00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:06,191
[banging]

48
00:06:06,496 --> 00:06:09,673
[Lidia crying]

49
00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:13,285
[tense screeching sound]

50
00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:16,550
[banging]

51
00:06:16,724 --> 00:06:17,725
[slap]

52
00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:21,206
Stop.

53
00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:23,948
[Mike] Claudia, go upstairs.

54
00:06:24,253 --> 00:06:25,254
Go!

55
00:06:28,257 --> 00:06:29,258
Move!

56
00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:33,001
[banging]

57
00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:34,045
[slap]

58
00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:38,049
You just let me know
when you're finished.

59
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:40,400
We can do this all night.

60
00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:45,927
[Lidia crying]

61
00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:52,324
[Mike] Fuck it!

62
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:00,420
[slap]

63
00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:35,150
[Dorothy] I think it'll feel
nice, Claudia.

64
00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:37,979
I really think it
will. Fix you right up.

65
00:07:40,503 --> 00:07:41,939
Fix you right up.

66
00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:53,342
Sing with me, Belle.

67
00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:56,127
♪ Oh, my darlin'

68
00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:57,694
♪ Oh, my darlin'

69
00:07:58,173 --> 00:08:01,306
♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine

70
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:03,439
Come on, Lidia
Belle. Sing with me.

71
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,006
You know all the lyrics.

72
00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:10,011
♪ You're lost
and gone forever ♪

73
00:08:10,054 --> 00:08:11,839
♪ Dreadful sorrow

74
00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:15,320
[Lidia VO] <i>It was my</i>
<i>voice that left.</i>

75
00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:17,366
[pencil scribbling]

76
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:21,022
<i>Sometimes I think</i>
<i>it arrived on paper.</i>

77
00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:24,286
<i>I wrote pictures</i>
<i>and true things.</i>

78
00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:26,331
<i>Lies interchangeably.</i>

79
00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:29,770
<i>Made me feel like,</i>
<i>like someone else.</i>

80
00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:32,250
- [Mike] Oh, for Christ's sake!
- [water splashing]

81
00:08:32,294 --> 00:08:33,817
[Lidia VO] <i>I wrote</i>
<i>words to belong to.</i>

82
00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:35,210
[Mike] That is our daughter!

83
00:08:35,253 --> 00:08:36,733
[Lidia VO] <i>Not daughter.</i>

84
00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:39,388
<i>To swimmer.</i>

85
00:08:40,868 --> 00:08:42,347
<i>To safety.</i>

86
00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:43,827
<i>To girls.</i>

87
00:08:43,871 --> 00:08:45,350
[whispers] <i>Make my</i>
<i>skin hot.</i>

88
00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:46,700
<i>My head hurt.</i>

89
00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:48,658
<i>My mother. Her hair.</i>

90
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:50,747
<i>Her scar.</i>

91
00:08:51,095 --> 00:08:52,706
<i>Her stories.</i>

92
00:08:53,271 --> 00:08:56,100
[Dorothy] I won a prize
for that story, Belle.

93
00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:58,538
And your daddy

94
00:09:00,409 --> 00:09:03,760
won an art prize
for this drawing.

95
00:09:05,283 --> 00:09:07,895
[Lidia VO] <i>How gone she was.</i>

96
00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:09,897
[pencil scribbling]

97
00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:15,293
<i>And my sister. My adoration.</i>

98
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:18,166
<i>My sister. My awe.</i>

99
00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:21,343
You look like a bum in that
dumpy sack shirt.

100
00:09:21,386 --> 00:09:22,779
It does nothing for you.

101
00:09:23,911 --> 00:09:24,912
Look at me.

102
00:09:26,696 --> 00:09:28,132
You trying to look like a man?

103
00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:31,875
[Lidia VO] <i>My sister.</i>
<i>Taking everything.</i>

104
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:35,792
[pencil scribbling]

105
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:39,013
[snap]

106
00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:40,928
<i>Before you were even born.</i>

107
00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:02,123
[door closes]

108
00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:06,518
- [book slams]
- [footsteps]

109
00:10:06,823 --> 00:10:08,608
[pencil scribbling]

110
00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:10,000
<i>In the house.</i>

111
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,265
<i>Alone in my room.</i>

112
00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:16,616
<i>My arms ache.</i>

113
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:18,835
<i>My sister is gone.</i>

114
00:10:21,098 --> 00:10:23,231
<i>My mother is...</i>

115
00:10:23,274 --> 00:10:24,275
<i>gone.</i>

116
00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:29,237
<i>My father designs houses in</i>
<i>the room next to mine.</i>

117
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:30,455
[whispers] <i>He's smoking.</i>

118
00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:31,500
[pencil slams]

119
00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:39,464
[Mike sighs]

120
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:41,815
[knocking]

121
00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:43,947
[door opens]

122
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:46,341
[Mike] Hey, honey.

123
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:47,951
[pencil snaps]

124
00:10:48,822 --> 00:10:49,866
[door shuts]

125
00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:53,870
[Mike grunts]

126
00:10:56,351 --> 00:10:57,787
Hey.

127
00:11:07,797 --> 00:11:09,625
[Lidia VO] <i>I wait for five a.m.</i>

128
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,409
[pencil scribbling]

129
00:11:11,845 --> 00:11:13,194
<i>I pray</i>

130
00:11:13,237 --> 00:11:14,369
[pencil drops]

131
00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:16,240
<i>to swim.</i>

132
00:11:23,378 --> 00:11:26,686
[tense orchestral music]

133
00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:32,866
[Mike VO] <i>My baby girl.</i>

134
00:11:36,521 --> 00:11:37,871
<i>Growing up so fast.</i>

135
00:11:40,351 --> 00:11:41,352
[stomping]

136
00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:45,443
<i>A teenager.</i>

137
00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:47,881
[Lidia grunts]

138
00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:49,099
<i>In high school.</i>

139
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:51,275
<i>I can't believe it.</i>

140
00:11:51,319 --> 00:11:53,016
[Coach] All right. Line up.

141
00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:55,715
Ladies, weigh in.
You know the drill.

142
00:11:55,758 --> 00:11:57,717
One lick for every
pound you're over.

143
00:11:58,369 --> 00:11:59,414
Torres.

144
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,198
[slap]

145
00:12:01,242 --> 00:12:02,199
[Mike VO] <i>Atta girl.</i>

146
00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:03,897
[Mike pants]

147
00:12:05,899 --> 00:12:07,248
[Lidia screams in pillow]

148
00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:09,859
[pencil scratching on paper]

149
00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:10,991
[Lidia grunts]

150
00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:14,037
<i>That's right, there you go.</i>

151
00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:16,823
[Coach] <i>Reimer. Three pounds.</i>

152
00:12:16,866 --> 00:12:17,954
[slap]

153
00:12:18,476 --> 00:12:19,477
[slap]

154
00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:21,131
[slap]

155
00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:22,393
- [Mike VO] <i>Faster.</i>
- [slap]

156
00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:24,613
[thread tearing]

157
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:26,746
<i>Come on, baby.</i>

158
00:12:27,398 --> 00:12:28,878
- [slap]
<i>- Harder!</i>

159
00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:30,619
[slap]

160
00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:33,970
[slap]

161
00:12:40,281 --> 00:12:43,240
[Coach] Yuknavitch.
One for you, freshman.

162
00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:45,112
So we'll make it count.

163
00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:47,288
[slap echoes]

164
00:12:47,331 --> 00:12:49,943
[crowd clapping and cheering]

165
00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:03,957
[Lidia gasps]

166
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,480
[silence]

167
00:13:05,523 --> 00:13:06,786
[Coach] Go!

168
00:13:07,569 --> 00:13:09,310
[underwater rumbling]

169
00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:13,967
[water splashing]

170
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:20,321
[Lidia VO]
<i>How many miles does it take</i>

171
00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:22,976
[low rumbling]

172
00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:25,500
<i>to swim</i>

173
00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:29,199
[low rumbling]

174
00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:31,332
<i>to a self?</i>

175
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,987
[rumbling]

176
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,032
<i>How</i>

177
00:13:36,685 --> 00:13:37,817
<i>many</i>

178
00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:39,731
<i>fucking</i>

179
00:13:40,210 --> 00:13:41,951
- [rumbling crescendos]
<i>- miles?</i>

180
00:13:41,995 --> 00:13:43,300
[slap]

181
00:13:43,344 --> 00:13:45,694
[crowd cheering, whooping]

182
00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:48,915
[Swimmer] We set a record!

183
00:13:48,958 --> 00:13:51,482
- [Lidia squeals]
- We set a fucking record!

184
00:13:51,526 --> 00:13:53,136
[Announcer] <i>We are</i>
<i>proud to announce</i>

185
00:13:53,180 --> 00:13:55,138
<i>that our 200-yard medley</i>
<i>relay gold-medal winners</i>

186
00:13:55,182 --> 00:13:56,966
<i>from the Florida</i>
<i>Aquatic Swim Team</i>

187
00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:59,273
<i>have achieved the best</i>
<i>time in the entire nation.</i>

188
00:13:59,316 --> 00:14:00,665
<i>Congratulations.</i>

189
00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:02,232
<i>Scouts are watching, seniors.</i>

190
00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:04,365
♪ "The National Anthem" plays

191
00:14:08,891 --> 00:14:10,675
[music fades]

192
00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:12,025
[low rumble]

193
00:14:18,161 --> 00:14:19,206
[tapping]

194
00:14:22,687 --> 00:14:23,688
[teacup clinks]

195
00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:27,736
[Mike gulps, exhales]

196
00:14:28,780 --> 00:14:30,391
[Mike] So you
really want this, huh?

197
00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:37,615
Okay.

198
00:14:37,659 --> 00:14:38,703
[paper tearing]

199
00:14:38,747 --> 00:14:39,922
[paper rustles]

200
00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:49,889
[paper rustles]

201
00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:56,373
[Mike sighs]

202
00:14:57,244 --> 00:14:59,246
You only got a
three-quarter ride.

203
00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:01,901
[Mike sighs]

204
00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:05,600
Hey, if they wanted you,

205
00:15:05,643 --> 00:15:08,777
they would have offered the
whole nine yards, huh?

206
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:10,779
[paper rustles]

207
00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:23,618
[Mike sighs]

208
00:15:25,054 --> 00:15:27,970
"We are delighted to offer a
partial scholarship."

209
00:15:29,624 --> 00:15:30,538
Half.

210
00:15:31,104 --> 00:15:32,496
You're better than that.

211
00:15:32,801 --> 00:15:33,976
[paper slams on table]

212
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:37,327
- Last one.
- [paper rips]

213
00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:53,648
[Lidia VO] <i>In my head,</i>
<i>I swam laps.</i>

214
00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:54,736
[paper rustles]

215
00:15:55,867 --> 00:15:57,478
[Mike] Didn't even
get one full ride.

216
00:15:58,870 --> 00:16:00,002
[low rumble]

217
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:01,003
[paper rustles]

218
00:16:02,831 --> 00:16:03,963
Hey. Don't blame me.

219
00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:07,488
If they don't want you,
then you don't belong there.

220
00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:09,403
[Lidia VO] <i>I could taste blood.</i>

221
00:16:09,446 --> 00:16:11,709
- [Mike] The answer is no.
- [slams paper]

222
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:13,668
[Lidia VO] <i>Why?</i>

223
00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:16,888
[clock ticks]

224
00:16:19,674 --> 00:16:20,762
[Lidia pants]

225
00:16:20,805 --> 00:16:21,763
[lighter flicks]

226
00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:22,807
<i>Because he could.</i>

227
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:26,986
What?

228
00:16:27,812 --> 00:16:29,162
[Lidia VO] <i>And I was his.</i>

229
00:16:29,684 --> 00:16:31,686
[dramatic music]

230
00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:44,003
[Mike] <i>Hey. Look at me.</i>

231
00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:57,581
<i>Look at me.</i>

232
00:17:07,156 --> 00:17:08,897
<i>I only want the best for you.</i>

233
00:17:10,899 --> 00:17:11,943
<i>You know that.</i>

234
00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:17,210
[Lidia VO] <i>I knew</i>
<i>he could feel it.</i>

235
00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:19,864
<i>That pink muscle.</i>

236
00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:21,736
<i>Pushing</i>

237
00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:25,044
<i>and pushing.</i>

238
00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:26,654
- [slap]
- [locker slams]

239
00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:28,003
[Coach] You should all
be out there warming up.

240
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,526
[Lidia VO] <i>For all</i>
<i>that it's worth.</i>

241
00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:30,788
- [underwater rumble]
- [splash]

242
00:17:31,876 --> 00:17:32,921
[Lidia panting]

243
00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:35,967
[Texas Tech Coach] Hey, Lidia.

244
00:17:38,013 --> 00:17:39,101
Do you need a hand?

245
00:17:39,841 --> 00:17:41,538
I'm a coach from Texas Tech.

246
00:17:42,713 --> 00:17:44,106
I'm excited to meet you.

247
00:17:44,585 --> 00:17:45,586
Let's talk.

248
00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:48,067
Like to have
you on our team.

249
00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:50,156
[clock ticking]

250
00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:51,200
[gulping]

251
00:17:56,771 --> 00:17:58,120
[ice clinks]

252
00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:08,304
Yes.

253
00:18:14,876 --> 00:18:16,617
[Lidia VO] <i>I almost loved her.</i>

254
00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:24,973
[Dorothy] Let's go, Belle.

255
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:26,975
[briefcase thuds]

256
00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:31,110
[water runs]

257
00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:43,296
- [tense music rises]
- [footsteps]

258
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,393
[Mike] 'Cause I know you,
Lidia. I know what you do.

259
00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:56,265
And it is disgusting.
Disgusting! You hear me?

260
00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:58,354
It's fucking disgusting, Lidia.

261
00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:00,835
You should be
ashamed of your--

262
00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:04,273
[footsteps]

263
00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:05,448
Lidia!

264
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,190
[stomping]

265
00:19:09,322 --> 00:19:10,497
This is control.

266
00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:14,065
I am controlling myself.

267
00:19:15,066 --> 00:19:16,067
[door slams]

268
00:19:17,068 --> 00:19:19,158
You don't know how far I can go.

269
00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:23,031
[tense music continues]

270
00:19:29,907 --> 00:19:31,561
[door opens]

271
00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:34,347
[crash]

272
00:19:37,698 --> 00:19:41,223
[Lidia VO] <i>My bedroom holds </i>
<i>the wet and the dark of my body.</i>

273
00:19:45,053 --> 00:19:46,533
<i>It smells like my sweat...</i>

274
00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:49,231
<i>and chlorine.</i>

275
00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:03,506
Hey.

276
00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:04,768
Can't sleep, huh?

277
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:06,727
Yeah. Me neither.

278
00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:08,511
[Mike clears throat]

279
00:20:14,909 --> 00:20:15,910
[Mike chuckles]

280
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:18,695
Come here.

281
00:20:19,130 --> 00:20:20,131
I want to talk to you.

282
00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:28,618
Listen. I'm sorry I've
been so hard on you lately.

283
00:20:30,751 --> 00:20:31,752
I guess I just

284
00:20:33,754 --> 00:20:35,625
really worry about
you out there.

285
00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:40,630
Things are gonna be different
when you go to college.

286
00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:43,416
I want you to listen to me.

287
00:20:43,938 --> 00:20:46,767
[Lidia VO] <i>He narrated</i>
<i>what boys would do to me.</i>

288
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,900
<i>How they would put</i>
<i>their dirty hands</i>

289
00:20:49,944 --> 00:20:52,251
<i>up my skirt and finger-fuck me.</i>

290
00:20:53,382 --> 00:20:54,383
<i>Fondle my tits.</i>

291
00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:57,908
[pants unzipping]

292
00:20:58,344 --> 00:20:59,301
<i>Suck them.</i>

293
00:21:01,564 --> 00:21:03,914
<i>How disgusting boys would be.</i>

294
00:21:05,786 --> 00:21:06,917
<i>Their hands,</i>

295
00:21:07,614 --> 00:21:09,572
<i>their hips wanting in and up.</i>

296
00:21:10,443 --> 00:21:11,574
<i>And their dicks.</i>

297
00:21:12,793 --> 00:21:13,924
<i>And his.</i>

298
00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:16,275
<i>Me sitting next to him,</i>

299
00:21:17,798 --> 00:21:19,278
<i>feeling the heat of him</i>

300
00:21:20,757 --> 00:21:22,063
<i>without even looking.</i>

301
00:21:22,106 --> 00:21:23,804
[rhythmic rustling]

302
00:21:25,414 --> 00:21:26,937
[Lidia breathes heavily]

303
00:21:30,985 --> 00:21:33,292
[rain pattering]

304
00:21:42,649 --> 00:21:45,129
[soft music]

305
00:21:48,002 --> 00:21:49,482
[Lidia breathes in deeply]

306
00:21:56,010 --> 00:21:57,228
[soft footsteps]

307
00:21:58,621 --> 00:21:59,622
[door creaks]

308
00:22:02,973 --> 00:22:04,018
[doorknob squeaks]

309
00:22:14,376 --> 00:22:16,291
[music intensifies]

310
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:17,379
[lighter flicks]

311
00:22:21,818 --> 00:22:23,254
What you doing out here?

312
00:22:30,436 --> 00:22:32,351
What's the matter with you, huh?

313
00:22:36,964 --> 00:22:38,531
I want you to know that, um,

314
00:22:43,057 --> 00:22:44,058
I love you.

315
00:22:49,063 --> 00:22:50,064
[Lidia exhales]

316
00:22:52,022 --> 00:22:53,023
Huh.

317
00:23:01,554 --> 00:23:02,946
You're a fucking whore.

318
00:23:06,646 --> 00:23:09,039
[music intensifies]

319
00:23:11,477 --> 00:23:13,392
You have something to say to me?

320
00:23:14,131 --> 00:23:15,132
Huh?

321
00:23:22,226 --> 00:23:24,098
[quietly] Fuck you,
motherfucker.

322
00:23:24,577 --> 00:23:25,708
[Mike] What did you--

323
00:23:25,752 --> 00:23:27,231
what did you just say?

324
00:23:30,104 --> 00:23:31,148
Fuck you,

325
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:33,542
motherfucker.

326
00:23:35,588 --> 00:23:37,067
Get the fuck

327
00:23:37,633 --> 00:23:39,635
[yelling] out of my way!

328
00:23:58,132 --> 00:23:59,786
[Lidia breathes in deeply]

329
00:24:05,182 --> 00:24:06,314
[Lidia exhales]

330
00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:14,453
[crash]

331
00:24:16,019 --> 00:24:17,107
[gasps]

332
00:24:17,151 --> 00:24:18,326
[Lidia VO] <i>All I thought</i>

333
00:24:22,461 --> 00:24:23,462
[gasps]

334
00:24:24,375 --> 00:24:26,813
<i>was my own wide-open cunt</i>

335
00:24:29,163 --> 00:24:30,164
[gasps]

336
00:24:30,773 --> 00:24:31,774
[gasps]

337
00:24:31,992 --> 00:24:33,167
<i>as open as a mouth</i>

338
00:24:34,690 --> 00:24:35,604
<i>screaming</i>

339
00:24:35,648 --> 00:24:36,779
Mother. Mother!

340
00:24:36,823 --> 00:24:37,954
Motherfucker.

341
00:24:39,129 --> 00:24:40,130
[groans]

342
00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:41,436
[gasp]

343
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,394
[Lidia VO] <i>Motherfucker.</i>

344
00:24:44,004 --> 00:24:45,005
[gasp]

345
00:24:45,309 --> 00:24:46,789
[Lidia breathes heavily]

346
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,190
[dramatic music]

347
00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:04,938
<i>I didn't know a girl</i>
<i>body could do that.</i>

348
00:25:04,981 --> 00:25:07,506
♪ "Mine" by Paris Hurley

349
00:25:08,071 --> 00:25:09,682
<i>Shoot cum.</i>

350
00:25:25,262 --> 00:25:27,830
[music continues]

351
00:25:31,834 --> 00:25:34,054
[music continues]

352
00:25:38,754 --> 00:25:40,060
[Swimmer laughs]

353
00:25:41,235 --> 00:25:42,845
<i>My own thoughts. Mine.</i>

354
00:25:42,889 --> 00:25:44,020
<i>My own space.</i>

355
00:25:44,064 --> 00:25:45,326
<i>My own booze.</i>
<i>My own tits.</i>

356
00:25:45,369 --> 00:25:47,197
<i>My own days.</i>
<i>My own nights. Mine.</i>

357
00:25:47,415 --> 00:25:49,373
<i>My own sex. My own booze.</i>

358
00:25:49,417 --> 00:25:51,724
<i>My own food. My own thoughts.</i>
<i>My own friends. My own space.</i>

359
00:25:51,767 --> 00:25:52,768
<i>Mine.</i>

360
00:25:55,031 --> 00:25:56,380
<i>Mine.</i>

361
00:25:56,424 --> 00:25:58,121
[music continues]

362
00:25:59,383 --> 00:26:00,384
<i>Mine.</i>

363
00:26:01,734 --> 00:26:04,824
<i>Mine, mine, mine, mine.</i>
<i>My own freedom.</i>

364
00:26:04,867 --> 00:26:07,261
[music continues]

365
00:26:07,914 --> 00:26:11,091
[singer vocalizing]

366
00:26:21,101 --> 00:26:22,102
<i>Mine.</i>

367
00:26:22,798 --> 00:26:23,799
<i>Mine, mine, mine.</i>

368
00:26:29,457 --> 00:26:31,415
<i>Like something</i>
<i>pressed so far down</i>

369
00:26:31,459 --> 00:26:32,460
<i>in a body,</i>

370
00:26:34,418 --> 00:26:35,594
<i>it had to explode.</i>

371
00:26:40,468 --> 00:26:41,904
[Texas Tech Coach] Yuk!

372
00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:48,955
[Mike VO] <i>Where do you</i>
<i>think you're going?</i>

373
00:26:49,956 --> 00:26:50,957
<i>I know you.</i>

374
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:55,788
<i>You're going nowhere.</i>

375
00:27:13,588 --> 00:27:15,677
[acoustic guitar playing]

376
00:27:15,721 --> 00:27:19,463
[Phillip] ♪ A miner, 49-er,
and his daughter, ♪

377
00:27:19,507 --> 00:27:21,204
♪ Clementine

378
00:27:25,818 --> 00:27:28,821
♪ Oh, my darlin',
oh, my darlin' ♪

379
00:27:29,473 --> 00:27:32,781
[Dorothy VO]
<i>♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine </i>

380
00:27:33,042 --> 00:27:35,566
<i>♪ You were lost </i>

381
00:27:35,610 --> 00:27:37,917
[Phillip] ♪ And gone forever

382
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,658
♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine

383
00:27:46,708 --> 00:27:48,797
[Lidia VO] <i>So far</i>
<i>from my father.</i>

384
00:27:48,841 --> 00:27:51,191
<i>So far from my father.</i>

385
00:27:51,365 --> 00:27:53,672
<i>So far from my father.</i>

386
00:27:53,715 --> 00:27:55,021
<i>So far from my father.</i>

387
00:27:56,544 --> 00:27:58,633
[Lidia and Phillip
panting heavily]

388
00:27:58,677 --> 00:28:01,201
[rock music playing
in background]

389
00:28:06,728 --> 00:28:07,860
[Lidia] I just want.

390
00:28:17,434 --> 00:28:18,566
I love your hands.

391
00:28:20,742 --> 00:28:21,917
I love your voice.

392
00:28:24,746 --> 00:28:27,880
It's my father and my brother
who have the real voices.

393
00:28:29,577 --> 00:28:31,753
I always hear them in my head.

394
00:28:32,928 --> 00:28:33,929
Really?

395
00:28:35,888 --> 00:28:37,193
What are they saying?

396
00:28:41,458 --> 00:28:43,286
They're singin'
"Amazing Grace."

397
00:28:47,813 --> 00:28:49,249
Voices of God.

398
00:28:50,598 --> 00:28:51,599
[Lidia] Fuck me.

399
00:28:53,209 --> 00:28:54,210
[Phillip] Yeah.

400
00:28:56,256 --> 00:28:58,040
No. Really.

401
00:28:59,476 --> 00:29:00,477
Fuck me.

402
00:29:03,306 --> 00:29:05,874
[scratchy music with
singer vocalizing]

403
00:29:11,314 --> 00:29:12,751
[Lidia VO] <i>Poor Phillip.</i>

404
00:29:13,534 --> 00:29:14,491
[Lidia moans]

405
00:29:15,928 --> 00:29:17,756
<i>I wish I could go</i>
<i>back and apologize.</i>

406
00:29:17,930 --> 00:29:18,931
[Lidia cries out]

407
00:29:28,114 --> 00:29:29,768
[Phillip playing his guitar]

408
00:29:31,944 --> 00:29:34,990
[Phillip] ♪ The way
it's been going ♪

409
00:29:38,820 --> 00:29:40,909
♪ And I know that
peace will come ♪

410
00:29:42,606 --> 00:29:45,435
Fuck all y'all!

411
00:29:45,479 --> 00:29:47,263
Eat me!

412
00:29:47,307 --> 00:29:49,309
[Phillip] ♪ I've been
a-searchin' ♪

413
00:29:50,832 --> 00:29:53,269
♪ For the dolphins

414
00:29:53,313 --> 00:29:55,968
Just a regular James Taylor,

415
00:29:56,664 --> 00:29:59,928
singin' his heart
out here in Texas!

416
00:30:01,669 --> 00:30:04,498
[Phillip] ♪ And
sometimes I wonder ♪

417
00:30:05,673 --> 00:30:10,025
♪ Do you ever think of me?

418
00:30:14,290 --> 00:30:16,989
♪ This world may never change

419
00:30:20,688 --> 00:30:24,170
♪ The way it's been going

420
00:30:27,434 --> 00:30:29,697
♪ And I know that
peace will come ♪

421
00:30:32,004 --> 00:30:33,832
[Lidia laughing]

422
00:30:36,225 --> 00:30:38,749
[Philip] Lidia. Why do
you always do that?

423
00:30:38,793 --> 00:30:41,013
[Lidia cackles]

424
00:30:42,144 --> 00:30:44,364
[Lidia snorts with laughter]

425
00:30:45,539 --> 00:30:47,367
[Lidia laughing] It's funny.
Come on. It's...

426
00:30:47,758 --> 00:30:49,195
Funny! You know it.

427
00:30:53,199 --> 00:30:55,244
Such a pussy!

428
00:30:56,071 --> 00:30:58,204
Come on. Learn how to take a--

429
00:30:58,247 --> 00:31:01,033
Joke. You're so
fucking sensitive.

430
00:31:05,037 --> 00:31:06,690
This is probably

431
00:31:06,734 --> 00:31:08,388
one of the most pathetic
things I've ever seen.

432
00:31:12,305 --> 00:31:13,393
This is what I'm--

433
00:31:14,568 --> 00:31:16,178
This is what I'm talking about.

434
00:31:16,396 --> 00:31:20,052
It's like-- It's like talking
to a fucking doorknob.

435
00:31:20,574 --> 00:31:22,881
Why don't you say something?

436
00:31:23,838 --> 00:31:25,274
Please say anything.

437
00:31:25,318 --> 00:31:27,015
I'm being a fucking bitch,

438
00:31:27,233 --> 00:31:29,496
so why don't you do
something about it?

439
00:31:33,282 --> 00:31:35,023
[Phillip] You're not a bitch.

440
00:31:37,939 --> 00:31:39,114
Fuck you, Phillip!

441
00:31:41,638 --> 00:31:43,945
You don't even fucking
know me, Phillip.

442
00:32:08,883 --> 00:32:09,971
[Lidia VO] <i>"Phillip"</i>

443
00:32:11,407 --> 00:32:13,148
<i>means "lover of horses."</i>

444
00:32:15,977 --> 00:32:16,935
God damn.

445
00:32:17,979 --> 00:32:19,589
[Lidia VO] <i>Or "brotherhood."</i>

446
00:32:23,637 --> 00:32:26,814
[soft dramatic music]

447
00:32:31,123 --> 00:32:33,125
Wake up, motherfucker!

448
00:32:33,473 --> 00:32:35,954
<i>[Lidia whispering indistinctly]</i>

449
00:32:37,651 --> 00:32:38,652
[Lidia sniffs]

450
00:32:39,653 --> 00:32:40,697
[car door slams]

451
00:32:40,741 --> 00:32:44,875
<i>[Lidia whispering indistinctly]</i>

452
00:32:50,185 --> 00:32:52,622
[Amy] Hey, Lids.
Want to get out of here?

453
00:32:53,145 --> 00:32:55,712
[Monty] She's good, man.
I'll take her back.

454
00:33:01,153 --> 00:33:03,024
Hey, man. Shut that door.

455
00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:05,984
[Mike] <i>Just shut</i>
<i>the goddamn door!</i>

456
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:09,988
Haven't seen you at practice.

457
00:33:11,076 --> 00:33:12,381
Yeah. I flunked out.

458
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:16,168
That's cool.

459
00:33:25,829 --> 00:33:26,830
[Lidia groans]

460
00:33:29,137 --> 00:33:32,010
[Lidia VO] <i>I can</i>
<i>still feel my face.</i>

461
00:33:32,053 --> 00:33:33,620
[groaning]

462
00:33:33,663 --> 00:33:35,143
[silence]

463
00:33:43,151 --> 00:33:44,892
<i>Addiction is in me for sure.</i>

464
00:33:47,373 --> 00:33:50,028
<i>But I want to describe</i>
<i>something else to you.</i>

465
00:33:51,072 --> 00:33:52,073
<i>Something smaller.</i>

466
00:33:54,510 --> 00:33:55,685
<i>It's a smaller word.</i>

467
00:33:58,036 --> 00:33:59,037
Mama?

468
00:34:01,952 --> 00:34:04,390
So small, it could
travel a bloodstream.

469
00:34:09,917 --> 00:34:11,571
[Dorothy VO] <i>Go away, Belle.</i>

470
00:34:22,625 --> 00:34:23,931
[Lidia groans]

471
00:34:24,410 --> 00:34:25,933
[footsteps]

472
00:34:27,195 --> 00:34:28,762
[Dorothy] Go away, Belle.

473
00:34:34,420 --> 00:34:35,551
[Lidia] Nice.

474
00:34:39,251 --> 00:34:40,556
[Dorothy] Stay away.

475
00:34:42,167 --> 00:34:43,907
This isn't anything for you.

476
00:34:46,258 --> 00:34:48,129
I'm not talking about anything.

477
00:34:50,523 --> 00:34:52,394
I'm not talking about anything.

478
00:34:55,702 --> 00:34:58,400
[urgent violin music]

479
00:35:02,143 --> 00:35:04,102
I'm not talking about anything.

480
00:35:06,756 --> 00:35:08,454
- [violin music intensifies]
- [Dorothy groans]

481
00:35:08,628 --> 00:35:09,977
[urgent footsteps]

482
00:35:10,151 --> 00:35:11,283
[door shuts]

483
00:35:11,631 --> 00:35:12,675
[Paramedic] Dorothy?

484
00:35:12,936 --> 00:35:13,937
[Dorothy groans]

485
00:35:15,287 --> 00:35:16,984
[Paramedic] Get up. Get up.

486
00:35:32,869 --> 00:35:34,654
[Lidia gasps]

487
00:35:41,313 --> 00:35:42,314
[coughing]

488
00:35:44,533 --> 00:35:45,534
I'm sorry!

489
00:35:52,454 --> 00:35:53,455
I'm sorry.

490
00:35:53,803 --> 00:35:54,848
[Lidia gasps]

491
00:35:55,501 --> 00:35:56,502
[Pastor] Yeah.

492
00:35:57,503 --> 00:35:58,504
Lidia,

493
00:36:00,070 --> 00:36:01,333
you can talk to us.

494
00:36:02,551 --> 00:36:03,552
It helps.

495
00:36:04,858 --> 00:36:05,859
Trust me.

496
00:36:21,527 --> 00:36:23,398
I'm not talking about anything.

497
00:36:25,487 --> 00:36:28,186
[Pastor VO] You know,
I always like to say, uh...

498
00:36:30,318 --> 00:36:33,191
find meaning in life's traffic

499
00:36:34,540 --> 00:36:37,717
through clearing
spiritual barriers.

500
00:36:38,544 --> 00:36:39,545
[door slams shut]

501
00:36:54,037 --> 00:36:55,038
[Lidia sighs]

502
00:36:59,042 --> 00:37:00,043
[Phillip] Uh,

503
00:37:02,916 --> 00:37:04,222
I'm proud of you.

504
00:37:06,876 --> 00:37:07,877
You know?

505
00:37:11,577 --> 00:37:12,578
Yeah.

506
00:37:14,275 --> 00:37:15,233
[Philip] Yeah.

507
00:37:25,721 --> 00:37:26,722
Hey.

508
00:37:30,422 --> 00:37:31,553
Would you marry me?

509
00:37:32,424 --> 00:37:34,077
[Phillip laughs nervously]

510
00:37:49,092 --> 00:37:50,529
[acoustic guitar strums]

511
00:37:50,572 --> 00:37:52,400
- [stops playing]
- [Phillip] Mm.

512
00:37:52,444 --> 00:37:53,619
[Phillip strums again]

513
00:37:53,662 --> 00:37:54,924
[Lidia laughs]

514
00:37:58,972 --> 00:38:00,016
[Phillip] Okay.

515
00:38:03,455 --> 00:38:06,762
♪ And children
have their dreams ♪

516
00:38:07,197 --> 00:38:09,852
♪ To hold on to

517
00:38:12,725 --> 00:38:14,422
♪ And how they fly

518
00:38:15,205 --> 00:38:17,686
♪ Take us to the moon

519
00:38:19,819 --> 00:38:23,301
♪ Yes, they flow from you

520
00:38:25,128 --> 00:38:28,044
♪ They flow from you

521
00:38:29,829 --> 00:38:33,441
♪ And they flow from you

522
00:38:36,183 --> 00:38:39,186
♪ And women have themselves

523
00:38:39,534 --> 00:38:41,536
♪ To hold on to

524
00:38:44,887 --> 00:38:46,846
♪ And how they fly

525
00:38:47,368 --> 00:38:50,023
♪♪ Take me by surprise

526
00:38:52,025 --> 00:38:55,637
<i>♪ They float from me </i>

527
00:38:56,203 --> 00:39:00,033
<i>♪ They float from me </i>

528
00:39:01,643 --> 00:39:05,517
<i>♪ And they float from me </i>

529
00:39:06,909 --> 00:39:09,477
[Lidia laughs]

530
00:39:11,218 --> 00:39:12,393
Aah!

531
00:39:17,529 --> 00:39:18,704
[Dorothy] Aw!

532
00:39:21,054 --> 00:39:22,360
[clapping]

533
00:39:24,753 --> 00:39:26,364
Oh!

534
00:39:26,886 --> 00:39:27,887
[Lidia gasps]

535
00:39:32,892 --> 00:39:33,893
Oh!

536
00:39:36,461 --> 00:39:37,418
[Dorothy laughs]

537
00:39:37,679 --> 00:39:39,072
Sweetheart.

538
00:39:39,333 --> 00:39:40,247
You did so good.

539
00:39:40,682 --> 00:39:42,554
You did so good!

540
00:39:42,858 --> 00:39:45,339
[Lidia retches, groans]

541
00:39:45,383 --> 00:39:47,210
[low, ominous sounds]

542
00:39:47,428 --> 00:39:48,690
[Lidia coughing]

543
00:39:50,692 --> 00:39:52,694
[Lidia retching, coughing]

544
00:39:58,744 --> 00:40:00,223
[Lidia panting]

545
00:40:06,752 --> 00:40:08,231
[Lidia breathes shakily]

546
00:40:09,450 --> 00:40:11,409
[Phillip] I made you some tea.

547
00:40:11,452 --> 00:40:14,150
I don't want any
tea. What are we gonna do?

548
00:40:14,194 --> 00:40:15,587
[Lidia breathes heavily]

549
00:40:17,676 --> 00:40:18,938
[Phillip VO] <i>Lidia,</i>

550
00:40:19,460 --> 00:40:20,766
I love you.

551
00:40:22,594 --> 00:40:25,640
And whatever you want
to do, I'll support it.

552
00:40:27,250 --> 00:40:29,992
[tense violin music]

553
00:40:30,732 --> 00:40:31,777
That's it?

554
00:40:36,956 --> 00:40:39,437
I need more than nothing

555
00:40:39,611 --> 00:40:42,527
from the most passive
man on the fucking planet!

556
00:40:42,570 --> 00:40:45,312
[tense violin music continues]

557
00:40:55,148 --> 00:40:56,366
[Lidia pants]

558
00:40:58,499 --> 00:41:00,327
Sorry. I've been kind of sick.

559
00:41:03,025 --> 00:41:04,026
[approaching footsteps]

560
00:41:05,463 --> 00:41:06,986
You don't want anything.

561
00:41:07,334 --> 00:41:10,337
And you are killing me with
your not wanting anything!

562
00:41:11,469 --> 00:41:13,949
- What were you thinking?
- [Lidia] <i>I don't know.</i>

563
00:41:14,167 --> 00:41:17,344
I don't know. I don't
know. It's fucking impossible!

564
00:41:18,084 --> 00:41:20,739
I can't stand how nice he--

565
00:41:20,782 --> 00:41:22,915
<i>I can't stand how nice he is!</i>

566
00:41:22,958 --> 00:41:26,484
<i>But...I couldn't have</i>
<i>killed it either.</i>

567
00:41:28,877 --> 00:41:30,009
I was thinking of--

568
00:41:32,228 --> 00:41:34,317
maybe there's
a world in which I--

569
00:41:36,015 --> 00:41:37,146
I come and

570
00:41:38,365 --> 00:41:39,322
live with you

571
00:41:39,366 --> 00:41:40,498
<i>in Eugene</i>

572
00:41:40,541 --> 00:41:41,629
<i>and take some classes</i>

573
00:41:41,673 --> 00:41:43,370
<i>where you're teaching and...</i>

574
00:41:43,675 --> 00:41:46,852
I don't know. Maybe we could
start, like, a little

575
00:41:49,594 --> 00:41:50,856
family.

576
00:41:56,165 --> 00:41:58,820
- Yes.
- 'Cause I think my life with him

577
00:41:58,864 --> 00:42:02,520
is gonna be like some
sad, sad fucking country song.

578
00:42:02,563 --> 00:42:05,044
- <i>And this is the only thing</i>
- Lidia, Lidia, I--

579
00:42:05,261 --> 00:42:06,262
I said yes.

580
00:42:07,568 --> 00:42:08,830
[Claudia] <i>Come home.</i>

581
00:42:13,879 --> 00:42:14,880
Okay.

582
00:42:18,057 --> 00:42:19,058
Cool.

583
00:42:21,582 --> 00:42:23,584
[Lidia VO] <i>Because she</i>
<i>left me once</i>

584
00:42:24,759 --> 00:42:26,065
<i>to save her own life.</i>

585
00:42:35,204 --> 00:42:36,815
[Mike] What are you two
doing back there, huh?

586
00:42:36,858 --> 00:42:38,425
Playing with yourselves?

587
00:42:40,253 --> 00:42:41,254
What?

588
00:42:42,734 --> 00:42:43,909
I bring them to the most
beautiful scenery in the world,

589
00:42:43,952 --> 00:42:45,214
and--and they just

590
00:42:45,258 --> 00:42:46,389
playing grab-ass?

591
00:42:49,044 --> 00:42:51,264
[yelling] Look out
the goddamn window!

592
00:43:04,103 --> 00:43:05,452
[car turns off]

593
00:43:09,412 --> 00:43:10,413
Claudia,

594
00:43:11,806 --> 00:43:14,330
grab the hacksaw from
under your mother's seat.

595
00:43:14,592 --> 00:43:16,158
Come on! Let's go.

596
00:43:18,944 --> 00:43:19,988
[door slams]

597
00:43:41,444 --> 00:43:43,316
[Dorothy] Here you go,
sweetheart.

598
00:43:43,490 --> 00:43:44,491
For sustenance.

599
00:43:46,058 --> 00:43:47,320
For sustenance.

600
00:43:49,583 --> 00:43:50,628
You don't want it?

601
00:43:57,286 --> 00:43:58,287
[seat creaks]

602
00:43:59,462 --> 00:44:00,638
Come on, honey. Just
have a little sip.

603
00:44:00,681 --> 00:44:02,814
- [liquid pouring]
- It'll warm you up. Mmm!

604
00:44:10,125 --> 00:44:12,562
[Dorothy hums
"Oh! My Darling Clementine"]

605
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:14,782
[Claudia cries]

606
00:44:16,175 --> 00:44:18,525
- [Dorothy hums]
- [Claudia cries]

607
00:44:19,047 --> 00:44:22,050
[Dorothy] ♪ Blowin' bubbles
soft and fine... ♪

608
00:44:23,835 --> 00:44:26,011
[silence]

609
00:44:30,319 --> 00:44:32,670
[door opens]

610
00:44:33,453 --> 00:44:35,237
- [Dorothy] Well, thank God.
- [Mike sighs]

611
00:44:36,717 --> 00:44:38,850
- [door closes]
- [Mike exhales heavily]

612
00:44:38,893 --> 00:44:40,678
- [Mike pants]
- [hands rubbing]

613
00:44:42,767 --> 00:44:44,072
Where's the tree?

614
00:44:44,986 --> 00:44:46,031
[door creaks open]

615
00:44:47,162 --> 00:44:48,163
[Mike] Just--

616
00:44:49,251 --> 00:44:50,383
[engine starts]

617
00:44:52,690 --> 00:44:53,691
[Lidia VO] <i>Mm.</i>

618
00:44:56,171 --> 00:44:57,172
<i>There.</i>

619
00:44:58,217 --> 00:44:59,566
<i>That's the picture.</i>

620
00:45:00,393 --> 00:45:02,830
[soft music]

621
00:45:05,224 --> 00:45:06,747
[door opens]

622
00:45:09,576 --> 00:45:11,317
- Welcome home.
- [Lidia laughs]

623
00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:12,361
Oh!

624
00:45:16,801 --> 00:45:17,758
Come on in.

625
00:45:18,454 --> 00:45:19,673
I'll get that.

626
00:45:19,717 --> 00:45:21,196
[Lidia] Why?
'Cause I'm pregnant?

627
00:45:21,240 --> 00:45:22,241
Yeah.

628
00:45:27,420 --> 00:45:28,421
[Lidia] Oh.

629
00:45:33,121 --> 00:45:34,122
[Lidia sighs]

630
00:45:36,777 --> 00:45:38,213
[Lidia exhales deeply]

631
00:45:40,433 --> 00:45:43,088
[soft music continues]

632
00:45:48,006 --> 00:45:48,963
[Claudia] Here.

633
00:45:49,572 --> 00:45:50,748
Thanks.

634
00:45:52,575 --> 00:45:53,576
Mmm.

635
00:45:55,100 --> 00:45:56,275
Fuck.

636
00:45:59,931 --> 00:46:01,454
[Lidia makes baby crying noises]

637
00:46:01,671 --> 00:46:02,934
[Claudia laughs]

638
00:46:04,109 --> 00:46:05,327
Thank you, Claudia.

639
00:46:10,289 --> 00:46:11,290
Oof.

640
00:46:14,772 --> 00:46:17,687
Do you remember when you
used to make me do things?

641
00:46:20,081 --> 00:46:21,474
Like...

642
00:46:22,083 --> 00:46:24,694
- "Here. Bite this apple."
- [Lidia laughs]

643
00:46:24,912 --> 00:46:26,784
Sock it in my mouth.

644
00:46:27,001 --> 00:46:28,350
[both giggle]

645
00:46:29,482 --> 00:46:31,310
"Here. Smell this ashtray."

646
00:46:31,571 --> 00:46:34,139
"Just blow it. One, two..."

647
00:46:34,182 --> 00:46:36,663
Ashes all over my fucking face.

648
00:46:41,146 --> 00:46:42,800
I would have done anything.

649
00:46:47,674 --> 00:46:48,980
You were mythic to me.

650
00:46:53,288 --> 00:46:54,637
I remember when
I went downstairs

651
00:46:54,681 --> 00:46:56,117
after you moved
into the basement.

652
00:46:57,292 --> 00:47:02,341
And, um, realize how
smart that was then but

653
00:47:04,865 --> 00:47:06,824
I used to look at
all of your stuff

654
00:47:06,867 --> 00:47:08,738
and used to touch it.

655
00:47:09,870 --> 00:47:11,480
- [Claudia sighs]
- One time I found

656
00:47:11,524 --> 00:47:13,134
a razor blade in your purse.

657
00:47:13,178 --> 00:47:15,484
- Cut myself on it.
- [Young Lidia gasps]

658
00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:18,052
Made the fact that
I had to pee hurt.

659
00:47:31,849 --> 00:47:33,024
I, um,

660
00:47:35,940 --> 00:47:36,897
I know that

661
00:47:37,202 --> 00:47:38,203
this is a...

662
00:47:39,204 --> 00:47:40,683
sacrifice.

663
00:47:41,728 --> 00:47:42,642
[Claudia sighs]

664
00:47:42,685 --> 00:47:43,861
No, uh,

665
00:47:45,863 --> 00:47:47,038
It's just, you--

666
00:47:49,562 --> 00:47:51,085
you were so little. Uh,

667
00:47:53,087 --> 00:47:54,088
uh--

668
00:47:59,093 --> 00:48:00,094
yeah.

669
00:48:04,751 --> 00:48:05,752
Well,

670
00:48:08,407 --> 00:48:11,192
this is one way to
Frankenstein your life.

671
00:48:11,410 --> 00:48:12,890
[Claudia laughs]

672
00:48:20,419 --> 00:48:21,420
Maybe...

673
00:48:21,942 --> 00:48:24,118
I've been waiting for this.

674
00:48:27,078 --> 00:48:29,819
- [machines beeping]
- [Lidia breathing heavily]

675
00:48:31,343 --> 00:48:32,300
[Lidia exhales]

676
00:48:34,824 --> 00:48:35,913
Mmm.

677
00:48:39,046 --> 00:48:40,134
[labored breathing]

678
00:48:45,487 --> 00:48:48,621
- [machines beeping]
- [Lidia grunting]

679
00:48:49,056 --> 00:48:51,276
Yes. Breathe.

680
00:48:53,060 --> 00:48:54,801
- [Lidia grunting]
- I know.

681
00:48:57,673 --> 00:48:59,284
Come on. Come on.

682
00:48:59,458 --> 00:49:00,459
[Lidia cries out]

683
00:49:01,286 --> 00:49:02,287
You...

684
00:49:02,461 --> 00:49:03,462
can...

685
00:49:03,853 --> 00:49:04,942
do it.

686
00:49:05,638 --> 00:49:06,769
[Lidia gasps]

687
00:49:08,771 --> 00:49:09,947
[Lidia cries out]

688
00:49:12,471 --> 00:49:13,776
[wet, visceral sounds]

689
00:49:14,255 --> 00:49:15,300
[Lidia cries out]

690
00:49:17,476 --> 00:49:19,304
[Lidia gasps]

691
00:49:23,003 --> 00:49:24,962
[curtain sliding]

692
00:49:31,490 --> 00:49:33,622
[Lidia whimpers, pants]

693
00:49:47,288 --> 00:49:48,289
Where is she?

694
00:49:51,031 --> 00:49:51,989
Can I hold her?

695
00:49:53,686 --> 00:49:54,687
Uh, yeah.

696
00:49:59,213 --> 00:50:02,738
[Nurse, softly] Just one second.
We're just cleaning her up.

697
00:50:20,756 --> 00:50:21,757
[Lidia sighs]

698
00:50:26,153 --> 00:50:27,241
Her lips are pink.

699
00:50:30,549 --> 00:50:31,550
They're pink.

700
00:50:55,965 --> 00:50:58,620
[somber music]

701
00:51:08,065 --> 00:51:09,936
- [shower running]
- [distant wailing]

702
00:51:13,722 --> 00:51:15,072
[wind blows]

703
00:51:47,930 --> 00:51:48,844
Just th--

704
00:51:50,933 --> 00:51:52,500
throw it as far as you can.

705
00:52:02,815 --> 00:52:03,816
[Phillip grunts]

706
00:52:15,436 --> 00:52:17,656
[Phillip whimpers]

707
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:19,962
- [Lidia chuckles]
- It's not funny.

708
00:52:23,531 --> 00:52:24,532
Get it.

709
00:52:30,625 --> 00:52:31,626
[Phillip sighs]

710
00:52:44,291 --> 00:52:45,292
God!

711
00:53:12,928 --> 00:53:14,060
[Lidia gasps]

712
00:53:18,064 --> 00:53:19,196
Sorry.

713
00:53:26,377 --> 00:53:27,726
[water splashes]

714
00:53:32,383 --> 00:53:35,212
[somber music]

715
00:53:47,789 --> 00:53:48,790
[Phillip cries]

716
00:53:53,142 --> 00:53:54,535
[Phillip cries, laughs]

717
00:53:58,060 --> 00:54:00,585
Look. She's all over you.

718
00:54:02,935 --> 00:54:05,067
You're fucking laughing.

719
00:54:06,243 --> 00:54:08,593
[Lidia laughing]

720
00:54:17,297 --> 00:54:18,646
[Phillip cries]

721
00:54:31,442 --> 00:54:32,921
[Lidia and Phillip laugh]

722
00:54:38,449 --> 00:54:40,625
[Lidia VO] <i>What lived</i>
<i>and died between us</i>

723
00:54:43,105 --> 00:54:44,106
<i>haunts me</i>

724
00:54:45,499 --> 00:54:46,500
<i>still.</i>

725
00:54:47,022 --> 00:54:48,285
[water splashes]

726
00:54:49,024 --> 00:54:50,025
[Lidia gasps]

727
00:54:50,330 --> 00:54:51,766
[Kesey] God damn, girl.

728
00:54:52,158 --> 00:54:54,160
What are you,
some kind of mermaid?

729
00:54:55,814 --> 00:54:56,815
[Lidia] Yep.

730
00:55:02,342 --> 00:55:03,691
[Kesey VO] <i>You got</i>
<i>something to say?</i>

731
00:55:04,866 --> 00:55:05,780
[splash]

732
00:55:05,824 --> 00:55:06,825
No way.

733
00:55:09,175 --> 00:55:10,219
[Claire] Come on.

734
00:55:11,960 --> 00:55:14,789
You deserve this. You
don't want to come with me?

735
00:55:15,834 --> 00:55:18,576
This is crazy. I'm not
even a grad student.

736
00:55:18,619 --> 00:55:20,055
I'm basically just trolling the
English department.

737
00:55:20,099 --> 00:55:21,927
You think Kesey
gives a rat's ass

738
00:55:21,970 --> 00:55:23,407
about U of O rules?

739
00:55:23,450 --> 00:55:25,409
You will regret not doing this.

740
00:55:25,452 --> 00:55:26,584
They won't even let me enroll.

741
00:55:27,541 --> 00:55:29,891
Bullshit. I already
told him about you.

742
00:55:30,501 --> 00:55:31,502
The--

743
00:55:32,677 --> 00:55:33,678
These--

744
00:55:35,810 --> 00:55:36,768
[sighs]

745
00:55:36,811 --> 00:55:37,856
He's gonna love you.

746
00:55:38,509 --> 00:55:41,033
[upbeat music in background]

747
00:55:43,340 --> 00:55:46,038
You don't want to write
a novel with Ken Kesey?

748
00:55:54,829 --> 00:55:56,701
[Lidia gulps]

749
00:56:06,885 --> 00:56:07,799
Hey, everyone.

750
00:56:08,408 --> 00:56:10,323
Um, hey, everybody. Hey.

751
00:56:10,367 --> 00:56:12,934
[papers rustling]

752
00:56:14,283 --> 00:56:15,284
You're an idiot.

753
00:56:15,937 --> 00:56:18,070
Hi. Um, this is Lidia.

754
00:56:20,464 --> 00:56:21,769
- Say hi.
- Hi.

755
00:56:25,033 --> 00:56:26,208
[Kesey] Well, hello.

756
00:56:26,992 --> 00:56:28,472
What do we have here?

757
00:56:28,515 --> 00:56:30,648
- [chair scrapes]
- A triple-A tootsie?

758
00:56:30,691 --> 00:56:31,779
[class chuckles]

759
00:56:34,086 --> 00:56:35,783
I know what happened to you.

760
00:56:39,439 --> 00:56:40,919
Death is a motherfucker.

761
00:56:46,228 --> 00:56:48,100
[rustling]

762
00:56:50,624 --> 00:56:51,625
Ah!

763
00:56:53,453 --> 00:56:54,411
Shit.

764
00:56:55,237 --> 00:56:56,325
- [Kesey] Jeff?
- [Jeff] Yes.

765
00:56:56,369 --> 00:56:57,718
[Kesey] You think
you can roll one?

766
00:56:57,762 --> 00:57:00,460
I always hate sitting in
a room full of writers.

767
00:57:00,504 --> 00:57:01,548
[Jeff] Sure.

768
00:57:05,987 --> 00:57:06,988
[Kesey coughs]

769
00:57:08,468 --> 00:57:10,078
[chair scoots]

770
00:57:10,122 --> 00:57:11,079
[Lidia laughs]

771
00:57:11,123 --> 00:57:12,429
[Kesey] The chair will be fine.

772
00:57:13,952 --> 00:57:15,736
I want you all

773
00:57:21,612 --> 00:57:23,440
I want you all to be winners.

774
00:57:24,310 --> 00:57:25,442
I want

775
00:57:26,007 --> 00:57:27,574
you to be warriors.

776
00:57:28,967 --> 00:57:29,968
Warriors.

777
00:57:30,795 --> 00:57:32,623
I'll give you the warrior test.

778
00:57:33,145 --> 00:57:34,451
Shit floats.

779
00:57:35,234 --> 00:57:36,365
Cream rises.

780
00:57:36,670 --> 00:57:39,456
Shit floats. Jerry Rubin.

781
00:57:41,762 --> 00:57:43,024
Cream rises.

782
00:57:50,945 --> 00:57:51,946
Ferlinghetti.

783
00:57:53,165 --> 00:57:54,906
[class laughs]

784
00:57:54,949 --> 00:57:55,950
Lord Buckley.

785
00:57:56,995 --> 00:57:58,344
Lenny Bruce.

786
00:57:59,519 --> 00:58:00,520
The greats.

787
00:58:02,653 --> 00:58:04,132
I want you to be great.

788
00:58:06,700 --> 00:58:08,006
Shit, somebody

789
00:58:09,486 --> 00:58:12,358
has got to create our
culture for the next 50 years.

790
00:58:12,401 --> 00:58:13,881
And I want it to be you.

791
00:58:13,925 --> 00:58:15,535
[Kesey] All right.
There are only two rules.

792
00:58:15,579 --> 00:58:17,058
- One,
- [jazzy drums beating]

793
00:58:17,102 --> 00:58:19,060
do not talk the plot
of our novel

794
00:58:19,104 --> 00:58:21,498
to anyone outside this class.

795
00:58:22,499 --> 00:58:25,502
Two, I comprise 50% of the class

796
00:58:26,198 --> 00:58:28,679
so we only write together

797
00:58:29,854 --> 00:58:31,812
because we will publish

798
00:58:31,856 --> 00:58:33,510
or perish together.

799
00:58:35,468 --> 00:58:36,513
[chair creeks]

800
00:58:36,556 --> 00:58:38,036
[crash]

801
00:58:40,517 --> 00:58:41,996
Nelson Algren said

802
00:58:43,694 --> 00:58:45,217
"The job of the writer

803
00:58:46,435 --> 00:58:49,047
is to pull the judge
down onto the dock,

804
00:58:50,701 --> 00:58:51,832
to make

805
00:58:53,225 --> 00:58:56,054
the Almighty feel
what it's like to be down low."

806
00:58:57,316 --> 00:58:58,404
He'll be all right.

807
00:59:00,493 --> 00:59:02,060
Grass never killed anybody.

808
00:59:03,452 --> 00:59:05,237
So, go.

809
00:59:06,847 --> 00:59:08,022
Right now.

810
00:59:09,023 --> 00:59:10,808
Write some bizarre sentences.

811
00:59:10,851 --> 00:59:12,853
Hey! Where are you?

812
00:59:13,898 --> 00:59:16,857
You can't take Quaaludes
before the class.

813
00:59:17,597 --> 00:59:19,686
Now disappear into
your imagination.

814
00:59:19,730 --> 00:59:20,731
Come on!

815
00:59:21,253 --> 00:59:22,733
Disappear into your imagination.

816
00:59:22,907 --> 00:59:24,909
Nobody's in the room
but you and that pen.

817
00:59:26,258 --> 00:59:27,912
[harmonica playing]

818
00:59:30,088 --> 00:59:31,263
[Kesey] Better.

819
00:59:33,744 --> 00:59:34,919
Here you are.

820
00:59:35,136 --> 00:59:36,573
This is the shit.

821
00:59:41,447 --> 00:59:43,101
I wrote "Demon Box" in here.

822
00:59:44,450 --> 00:59:46,583
This room here is a
creative room here.

823
00:59:46,757 --> 00:59:47,932
It's a creative space.

824
00:59:48,149 --> 00:59:49,150
Hey, Bennett.

825
00:59:50,412 --> 00:59:51,892
You didn't bring any
ludes with you, did you?

826
00:59:51,936 --> 00:59:54,939
You know, those kind of
drugs put you into your body,

827
00:59:55,156 --> 00:59:56,331
not into your mind.

828
00:59:57,550 --> 01:00:00,597
Stick with the acid,
psilocybin, San Pedro --

829
01:00:01,685 --> 01:00:04,078
something that'll
disintegrate your ego

830
01:00:04,296 --> 01:00:06,298
so you can hear
your inner voice.

831
01:00:07,604 --> 01:00:09,475
And you write from that voice.

832
01:00:12,086 --> 01:00:14,132
You want your voice
to come through.

833
01:00:18,963 --> 01:00:20,529
Oh, Jesus.

834
01:00:20,573 --> 01:00:21,748
[Kesey grunts]

835
01:00:23,358 --> 01:00:25,273
That's not supposed to happen.

836
01:00:26,144 --> 01:00:27,928
I got wrestler's knees.

837
01:00:30,148 --> 01:00:31,323
All right.

838
01:00:31,802 --> 01:00:33,978
Let's get outside
before the sun sets.

839
01:00:34,805 --> 01:00:35,806
I want you

840
01:00:37,503 --> 01:00:39,287
to meet someone.

841
01:00:40,767 --> 01:00:41,768
[Kesey groans]

842
01:00:42,769 --> 01:00:43,640
Come on!

843
01:00:44,162 --> 01:00:45,163
Fuck you, God!

844
01:00:47,121 --> 01:00:48,862
God got the
commandments wrong.

845
01:00:48,906 --> 01:00:50,429
I think there's 11 commandments.

846
01:00:50,472 --> 01:00:52,866
And it should be the
first commandment, have mercy.

847
01:00:53,127 --> 01:00:55,477
- [Claire] Hey.
- [Kesey] Lord, have mercy!

848
01:00:56,261 --> 01:00:58,611
Just think if everybody
had mercy for each other,

849
01:00:58,655 --> 01:01:00,091
where we'd be today.

850
01:01:00,134 --> 01:01:02,180
You see a man in the
street who needs a few dollars.

851
01:01:02,441 --> 01:01:05,400
Give it to him. Give it to him.
Have mercy. He needs it.

852
01:01:06,532 --> 01:01:08,360
He wouldn't ask for
it if he didn't need it.

853
01:01:10,710 --> 01:01:11,668
Mercy.

854
01:01:13,147 --> 01:01:14,801
Hire me to rewrite the...

855
01:01:16,020 --> 01:01:17,021
Bible.

856
01:01:21,808 --> 01:01:23,680
[owl hoots]

857
01:01:27,988 --> 01:01:29,555
[rocks clank]

858
01:01:39,173 --> 01:01:41,219
What are you, some
kind of mermaid?

859
01:01:50,576 --> 01:01:51,577
Yep.

860
01:01:54,885 --> 01:01:56,843
[Kesey coughs]

861
01:02:00,847 --> 01:02:01,848
[Kesey spits]

862
01:02:04,155 --> 01:02:06,461
[Kesey] You know,
when Jed died, my boy,

863
01:02:07,593 --> 01:02:09,638
I wanted to cease to exist.

864
01:02:18,082 --> 01:02:21,912
And everybody that talked to
me said something asinine.

865
01:02:25,611 --> 01:02:27,265
Or didn't say anything at all.

866
01:02:39,277 --> 01:02:40,278
[Kesey sighs]

867
01:02:41,845 --> 01:02:43,890
Nobody understands
death anymore.

868
01:02:48,852 --> 01:02:49,983
[Kesey] It used to be sacred.

869
01:02:50,810 --> 01:02:51,768
So sacred.

870
01:02:52,856 --> 01:02:55,336
[gentle music]

871
01:02:56,990 --> 01:02:57,991
Shit.

872
01:03:00,167 --> 01:03:02,996
No one's big enough to
hold what happens to us.

873
01:03:06,826 --> 01:03:08,088
No one is big enough

874
01:03:09,829 --> 01:03:11,352
to hold what happens to us.

875
01:03:17,837 --> 01:03:19,317
You got something to say?

876
01:03:28,152 --> 01:03:29,327
It's in your hands.

877
01:03:30,850 --> 01:03:33,331
- [fire crackles]
- [gentle music]

878
01:03:40,991 --> 01:03:42,122
[Kesey groans]

879
01:03:46,126 --> 01:03:47,388
[scribbling on paper]

880
01:03:50,522 --> 01:03:52,567
[gentle music continues]

881
01:03:53,699 --> 01:03:56,833
[Lidia VO] <i>Everything about</i>
<i>my father was in his hands.</i>

882
01:04:02,012 --> 01:04:04,188
[Mike VO] <i>It's all</i>
<i>about coordination.</i>

883
01:04:06,886 --> 01:04:09,933
A perfectly balanced dance of

884
01:04:09,976 --> 01:04:11,195
shadow and light.

885
01:04:12,849 --> 01:04:15,329
[Lidia VO] <i>Before</i>
<i>my father was my father,</i>

886
01:04:16,330 --> 01:04:17,810
<i>he was an artist.</i>

887
01:04:17,854 --> 01:04:21,031
[Dorothy VO]
<i>Your daddy won a prize</i>

888
01:04:21,422 --> 01:04:22,684
<i>for this drawing.</i>

889
01:04:25,557 --> 01:04:28,038
[Lidia VO] <i>Before</i>
<i>my father was an artist,</i>

890
01:04:28,865 --> 01:04:29,866
<i>he was an athlete.</i>

891
01:04:30,214 --> 01:04:31,737
[pencil scribbling]

892
01:04:32,216 --> 01:04:34,044
<i>Before my father</i>
<i>was my father,</i>

893
01:04:37,569 --> 01:04:38,570
<i>he was beautiful.</i>

894
01:04:39,745 --> 01:04:40,746
<i>And she was.</i>

895
01:04:41,965 --> 01:04:43,531
<i>Before my father</i>
<i>was my father,</i>

896
01:04:45,055 --> 01:04:46,056
<i>he was a boy.</i>

897
01:04:46,795 --> 01:04:47,884
<i>Just a boy</i>

898
01:04:48,797 --> 01:04:50,016
<i>whose own mother</i>

899
01:04:50,756 --> 01:04:52,540
<i>cut his tongue.</i>

900
01:04:58,764 --> 01:05:00,374
<i>Before I hated him,</i>

901
01:05:02,420 --> 01:05:03,421
<i>I loved him.</i>

902
01:05:09,601 --> 01:05:11,037
[Mike] Look up.

903
01:05:11,081 --> 01:05:12,169
<i>Now, if you don't look</i>
<i>where you're going,</i>

904
01:05:12,212 --> 01:05:13,648
<i>you're gonna crash, you hear me?</i>

905
01:05:13,692 --> 01:05:14,780
<i>When you get to the</i>
<i>bottom of the hill,</i>

906
01:05:14,823 --> 01:05:16,738
you just brake enough
to make a turn.

907
01:05:16,782 --> 01:05:17,783
Okay?

908
01:05:20,133 --> 01:05:21,352
[low rumble]

909
01:05:21,656 --> 01:05:23,049
Go.

910
01:05:23,267 --> 01:05:24,746
- Keep your eyes on the road!
- [Bike pedaling]

911
01:05:24,790 --> 01:05:25,922
Keep going.

912
01:05:26,574 --> 01:05:27,662
Keep your head up!

913
01:05:27,924 --> 01:05:29,316
[distant pedaling]

914
01:05:32,798 --> 01:05:34,147
Keep those eyes on the road.

915
01:05:34,191 --> 01:05:35,932
- You gotta brake!
- [crash]

916
01:05:35,975 --> 01:05:38,282
- [pencil scribbling]
- [breathing heavily]

917
01:05:40,501 --> 01:05:41,459
[Dorothy VO] <i>Mike?</i>

918
01:05:41,807 --> 01:05:42,808
Mike.

919
01:05:43,461 --> 01:05:44,462
Mike!

920
01:05:44,810 --> 01:05:46,768
- Get a flashlight.
- What for?

921
01:05:46,812 --> 01:05:48,074
[Mike] I think
she's hurt down there.

922
01:05:48,118 --> 01:05:50,859
- [Dorothy] What?!
What happened?!

923
01:05:50,903 --> 01:05:52,035
[Mike] Just shut
the goddamn door.

924
01:05:52,078 --> 01:05:52,992
[door slams]

925
01:05:53,036 --> 01:05:54,124
[Lidia] Mm, yeah.

926
01:05:54,167 --> 01:05:55,516
[Bocnher] You done
with that chapter?

927
01:05:56,082 --> 01:05:58,432
[soft music playing
in background]

928
01:05:59,999 --> 01:06:00,957
[books rustling]

929
01:06:01,696 --> 01:06:02,697
Yep.

930
01:06:21,325 --> 01:06:22,326
Hey.

931
01:06:23,501 --> 01:06:25,938
Hi. Hello.

932
01:06:25,982 --> 01:06:27,896
[Lidia laughs]

933
01:06:31,161 --> 01:06:33,815
I'm a writer [laughs].

934
01:06:33,859 --> 01:06:37,515
[applause]

935
01:06:47,829 --> 01:06:48,917
[Kesey] Thank you.

936
01:06:49,179 --> 01:06:50,093
[Kesey coughs]

937
01:06:50,136 --> 01:06:51,659
Thank you.

938
01:06:51,703 --> 01:06:55,620
We are gathered because, uh,
we want to see the results.

939
01:06:55,663 --> 01:07:00,407
We want to witness the
results of this experiment,

940
01:07:00,712 --> 01:07:04,977
a collaborative
novel written by us.

941
01:07:05,021 --> 01:07:06,022
[audience laughter]

942
01:07:06,065 --> 01:07:07,893
Please, let's welcome

943
01:07:08,111 --> 01:07:10,722
the first of the
not-so-merry pranksters

944
01:07:10,983 --> 01:07:13,551
to the stage to present

945
01:07:14,900 --> 01:07:15,901
"Caverns."

946
01:07:16,902 --> 01:07:18,556
Lidia, come on up.

947
01:07:18,947 --> 01:07:20,862
[applause]

948
01:07:22,212 --> 01:07:23,604
You're gonna kill it.

949
01:07:41,796 --> 01:07:43,059
[Kesey] Whoo!

950
01:07:44,582 --> 01:07:45,583
Hello.

951
01:07:45,931 --> 01:07:47,802
My thigh, behind my knee.

952
01:07:48,064 --> 01:07:49,456
- [Kesey] There you go.
- You, too?

953
01:07:49,500 --> 01:07:51,067
- [Kesey] Thank you for coming.
- [Claire] My ass crack.

954
01:07:51,110 --> 01:07:52,894
Back of my knees, and
they're just like...

955
01:07:52,938 --> 01:07:54,157
[Mike] Lidia's father.

956
01:07:55,419 --> 01:07:57,943
What can I say? I'm a
great admirer of yours.

957
01:07:58,422 --> 01:07:59,988
[Kesey] Mike.
Is that right?

958
01:08:00,772 --> 01:08:01,990
[Mike] That's right.

959
01:08:02,600 --> 01:08:04,471
[Kesey] Glad you could make it.

960
01:08:05,385 --> 01:08:08,345
[Mike] Lidia and I, we saw
"Cuckoo's Nest" and, uh,

961
01:08:08,388 --> 01:08:11,087
"Sometimes a Great Notion"
together, and it's just great.

962
01:08:11,130 --> 01:08:12,958
I mean, great books.

963
01:08:15,743 --> 01:08:17,093
You know, Mike

964
01:08:18,572 --> 01:08:19,617
Lidia here

965
01:08:21,445 --> 01:08:23,751
she can knock it
out of the park.

966
01:08:27,973 --> 01:08:29,627
Do you want me to sign that?

967
01:08:34,197 --> 01:08:35,589
Thanks for coming, Dad.

968
01:08:41,291 --> 01:08:42,292
Okay.

969
01:08:43,031 --> 01:08:44,032
To...

970
01:08:44,685 --> 01:08:45,686
Mike?

971
01:08:46,687 --> 01:08:47,688
[Mike] Please.

972
01:08:49,516 --> 01:08:50,517
"To Mike.

973
01:08:51,518 --> 01:08:52,519
Be

974
01:08:54,826 --> 01:08:55,827
brave."

975
01:09:05,706 --> 01:09:06,838
There you go, Mike.

976
01:09:11,625 --> 01:09:12,713
There you go, baby.

977
01:09:13,627 --> 01:09:14,628
Yep.

978
01:09:14,846 --> 01:09:17,153
[Kesey and Lidia laughing]

979
01:09:26,205 --> 01:09:28,076
[Kesey clears
his throat, groans]

980
01:09:35,388 --> 01:09:37,695
I've seen a lot of
writers come and go.

981
01:09:41,829 --> 01:09:43,004
You got the stuff.

982
01:09:47,095 --> 01:09:48,749
[hand thumps]

983
01:09:49,707 --> 01:09:51,056
Got something for you.

984
01:09:51,535 --> 01:09:52,536
Here.

985
01:09:54,712 --> 01:09:55,713
Here.

986
01:09:58,672 --> 01:10:01,719
It comes from the most
spiritual beach on Earth.

987
01:10:03,721 --> 01:10:04,722
Hold that.

988
01:10:06,898 --> 01:10:08,116
You can hold it all.

989
01:10:11,555 --> 01:10:13,383
You're gonna hold it all, girl.

990
01:10:15,907 --> 01:10:16,908
[Kesey slurps]

991
01:10:20,259 --> 01:10:21,217
So,

992
01:10:22,827 --> 01:10:23,958
so, what's next?

993
01:10:27,310 --> 01:10:30,226
- Next?
- Next. What is next? Next.

994
01:10:36,275 --> 01:10:37,233
[Lidia sighs]

995
01:10:38,973 --> 01:10:41,367
I want to write
"The Sound and the Fury."

996
01:10:42,150 --> 01:10:44,283
[Kesey laughs]

997
01:10:44,762 --> 01:10:45,763
[cup clinks]

998
01:10:49,070 --> 01:10:50,594
[Kesey coughs]

999
01:10:52,857 --> 01:10:54,250
Of course you do, honey.

1000
01:10:56,121 --> 01:10:57,253
Oh, boy.

1001
01:10:58,341 --> 01:11:00,038
- [rock clatters]
- [Kesey gasps]

1002
01:11:00,081 --> 01:11:01,213
[cup clatters]

1003
01:11:02,693 --> 01:11:04,651
Here. Throw it and
see if I can catch it.

1004
01:11:04,912 --> 01:11:05,913
- Ready?
- Yeah.

1005
01:11:07,175 --> 01:11:08,568
- Ah!
- Shit!

1006
01:11:10,570 --> 01:11:11,571
Ah.

1007
01:11:12,877 --> 01:11:15,445
- [Kesey sighs]
- A lot riding on that going in.

1008
01:11:18,970 --> 01:11:20,798
[Kesey] It has no metaphor.

1009
01:11:21,929 --> 01:11:24,105
- Okay.
- [Kesey] Fuck metaphors.

1010
01:11:24,628 --> 01:11:25,716
Okay.

1011
01:11:25,759 --> 01:11:27,457
[Kesey] It's just
a rock that fell.

1012
01:11:33,332 --> 01:11:34,986
[Kesey mumbles]

1013
01:11:36,640 --> 01:11:38,946
I'm gonna get the
rock and I'm gonna go pee.

1014
01:11:38,990 --> 01:11:40,818
- All right.
- Ugh!

1015
01:11:40,861 --> 01:11:42,863
Oh, yeah. There
we go. You got it.

1016
01:11:45,170 --> 01:11:46,171
[cup clatters]

1017
01:11:47,651 --> 01:11:49,305
[Lidia VO] <i>That was</i>
<i>the last time I saw him.</i>

1018
01:11:50,001 --> 01:11:51,698
[Kesey] You can write, girl!

1019
01:11:52,003 --> 01:11:54,310
<i>[Lidia VO] I'm of the opinion,</i>
<i>that he drowned.</i>

1020
01:11:54,353 --> 01:11:58,836
[ocean sounds]

1021
01:12:01,882 --> 01:12:04,189
Caddy wants to fuck.

1022
01:12:04,407 --> 01:12:05,886
She's insatiable.

1023
01:12:06,365 --> 01:12:10,021
And because her neighbor boy
man has a giant pants bulge

1024
01:12:10,064 --> 01:12:11,979
and a sound that
comes out of him

1025
01:12:12,023 --> 01:12:13,154
instead of language,

1026
01:12:13,198 --> 01:12:14,808
she goes over to his house

1027
01:12:14,852 --> 01:12:16,636
and she removes
all of her clothes,

1028
01:12:16,680 --> 01:12:18,377
so he finally fucks her

1029
01:12:19,509 --> 01:12:21,032
and crushes her.

1030
01:12:23,208 --> 01:12:25,471
He fucks her to death,

1031
01:12:25,515 --> 01:12:27,517
and she loves it!

1032
01:12:28,169 --> 01:12:31,390
And she laughs until she cries,
and an ambulance has to come.

1033
01:12:31,434 --> 01:12:32,522
But it's too late.

1034
01:12:34,175 --> 01:12:36,047
That is "The Sound
and the Fury."

1035
01:12:37,570 --> 01:12:38,571
[Chad] Trite.

1036
01:12:40,181 --> 01:12:43,141
Look, I've already read
"The Sound and the Fury."

1037
01:12:43,184 --> 01:12:45,535
Reworking Faulkner
is some college shit.

1038
01:12:47,406 --> 01:12:48,364
[Lidia sighs]

1039
01:12:50,714 --> 01:12:52,498
Maybe try something original.

1040
01:12:52,890 --> 01:12:54,021
[Lidia exhales]

1041
01:12:55,414 --> 01:12:56,372
God,

1042
01:12:56,894 --> 01:12:57,895
I hate them.

1043
01:12:58,548 --> 01:12:59,549
Hey.

1044
01:13:00,288 --> 01:13:01,855
What the hell does he know?

1045
01:13:02,508 --> 01:13:03,466
It is original.

1046
01:13:04,075 --> 01:13:05,772
It's a fucking pastiche.

1047
01:13:07,078 --> 01:13:09,036
- [Claire] Hey!
- [Hannah] Ha! Hey.

1048
01:13:09,297 --> 01:13:11,909
You want to go to the
coast? I got us a room.

1049
01:13:12,431 --> 01:13:13,693
Hi, Hannah.

1050
01:13:13,911 --> 01:13:15,521
We're actually gonna work
on these this weekend.

1051
01:13:15,565 --> 01:13:16,653
- [Lidia] Right.
- [Hannah] Come on.

1052
01:13:16,696 --> 01:13:17,915
Is your fly undone?

1053
01:13:18,916 --> 01:13:19,873
Lids.

1054
01:13:19,917 --> 01:13:20,918
[smack]

1055
01:13:21,571 --> 01:13:23,529
- [Hannah] What is that?
- Oh!

1056
01:13:27,228 --> 01:13:28,404
I fucking dare you.

1057
01:13:28,708 --> 01:13:30,449
[Lidia whispering]

1058
01:13:31,276 --> 01:13:32,277
Come on.

1059
01:13:33,278 --> 01:13:34,279
[Lidia VO] <i>Anything.</i>

1060
01:13:34,497 --> 01:13:35,498
[Lidia screams]

1061
01:13:35,541 --> 01:13:36,716
<i>Anytime.</i>

1062
01:13:36,760 --> 01:13:38,326
Whoa!

1063
01:13:38,370 --> 01:13:39,806
[Lidia VO] <i>Anywhere.</i>
<i>Anything. Anytime. Anywhere.</i>

1064
01:13:39,850 --> 01:13:41,155
Please be careful!

1065
01:13:41,199 --> 01:13:42,896
- [Lidia VO] <i>To feel absolutely</i>
- [loud thud]

1066
01:13:42,940 --> 01:13:44,420
- [Lidia cries out]
<i>- nothing.</i>

1067
01:13:47,945 --> 01:13:50,121
[Hannah] I'm gonna go
grab some firewood.

1068
01:13:50,164 --> 01:13:52,123
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

1069
01:13:53,603 --> 01:13:54,604
[door shuts]

1070
01:14:14,798 --> 01:14:16,103
Is this like a--

1071
01:14:18,062 --> 01:14:19,150
a fuck trip?

1072
01:14:21,326 --> 01:14:22,327
[Lidia laughs]

1073
01:14:24,503 --> 01:14:25,461
[Hannah] What?

1074
01:14:28,072 --> 01:14:30,291
I've never -- I've
never licked pussy.

1075
01:14:31,336 --> 01:14:32,946
- [Lidia] Oh!
- [laughing]

1076
01:14:33,991 --> 01:14:36,646
[dramatic music]

1077
01:14:57,057 --> 01:15:00,365
[dramatic music continues]

1078
01:15:15,075 --> 01:15:17,034
[seabirds squawking]

1079
01:15:39,709 --> 01:15:41,885
[Lidia VO] <i>I wanted</i>
<i>to stay like that.</i>

1080
01:15:51,068 --> 01:15:52,896
<i>Outside of any word.</i>

1081
01:15:58,945 --> 01:16:00,860
[whispering] <i>Inside</i>
<i>the unnamed wet.</i>

1082
01:16:01,600 --> 01:16:02,558
[Lidia gasps]

1083
01:16:09,390 --> 01:16:10,391
[gasps]

1084
01:16:11,915 --> 01:16:14,265
[panting]

1085
01:16:15,309 --> 01:16:17,616
[dramatic music continues]

1086
01:16:29,323 --> 01:16:30,586
[Claire ] You okay?

1087
01:16:33,676 --> 01:16:34,633
[Lidia groans]

1088
01:16:40,508 --> 01:16:41,640
[Lidia squeals]

1089
01:16:42,467 --> 01:16:44,164
[laughter]

1090
01:16:50,518 --> 01:16:51,607
[gasps]

1091
01:16:52,651 --> 01:16:55,001
[dramatic music continues]

1092
01:17:00,354 --> 01:17:03,096
[Lidia laughing]

1093
01:17:17,328 --> 01:17:18,808
[Claire] I love you, Lids.

1094
01:17:22,159 --> 01:17:24,509
[music grows darker]

1095
01:17:29,775 --> 01:17:30,950
I really love you.

1096
01:17:34,693 --> 01:17:35,999
[distant shriek]

1097
01:17:52,319 --> 01:17:53,320
Yeah.

1098
01:17:54,365 --> 01:17:55,540
I'll see you later.

1099
01:18:04,157 --> 01:18:05,985
- [water flowing]
- [birds calling]

1100
01:18:09,989 --> 01:18:11,208
[Lidia VO] <i>In water,</i>

1101
01:18:12,557 --> 01:18:13,558
<i>like in books</i>

1102
01:18:16,909 --> 01:18:18,389
<i>you can leave your life.</i>

1103
01:18:18,432 --> 01:18:19,433
[water splashes]

1104
01:18:34,405 --> 01:18:36,059
[pencil scribbling]

1105
01:18:37,887 --> 01:18:38,888
[splash]

1106
01:18:39,192 --> 01:18:41,542
- [splash]
- [jazzy drums beating]

1107
01:18:41,586 --> 01:18:42,674
[Claudia] I got it.

1108
01:18:42,718 --> 01:18:44,110
- [Lidia] No!
- [Claudia] I got it!

1109
01:18:44,154 --> 01:18:45,851
[Lidia VO] <i>I remember</i>
<i>a happy childhood.</i>

1110
01:18:45,895 --> 01:18:47,766
- [Claudia squeals]
- [Lidia] Come on, come on.

1111
01:18:47,810 --> 01:18:49,855
[Lidia VO] <i>We dive,</i>
<i>we swim, we race.</i>

1112
01:18:49,899 --> 01:18:51,770
Lidia went
fast that time.

1113
01:18:51,814 --> 01:18:54,730
[Lidia VO] <i>We laugh like</i>
<i>other people's children.</i>

1114
01:19:00,213 --> 01:19:01,475
[hair dryers whirring]

1115
01:19:03,869 --> 01:19:07,568
<i>I remember first and last</i>
<i>names like Evie Kosenkranius</i>

1116
01:19:07,612 --> 01:19:09,179
<i>and Lynn Collella Belle.</i>

1117
01:19:09,222 --> 01:19:12,443
<i>Lynn Collella Belle.</i>
<i>Lynn Collella Belle.</i>

1118
01:19:12,486 --> 01:19:13,574
<i>Lynn Collella Belle.</i>

1119
01:19:16,229 --> 01:19:18,188
<i>Making song loops in my skull.</i>

1120
01:19:18,231 --> 01:19:19,711
<i>♪ Lynn Collella </i>

1121
01:19:19,755 --> 01:19:21,408
<i>♪ Lynn Collella Belle </i>

1122
01:19:21,452 --> 01:19:22,409
<i>Belle.</i>

1123
01:19:22,453 --> 01:19:23,410
[smack]

1124
01:19:23,454 --> 01:19:24,368
[smack]

1125
01:19:24,934 --> 01:19:25,935
[hairbrush clatters]

1126
01:19:26,152 --> 01:19:27,588
[cymbals clang]

1127
01:19:28,111 --> 01:19:29,199
[locker slams]

1128
01:19:29,242 --> 01:19:31,592
- [cymbals clang]
- [girls laughing]

1129
01:19:31,810 --> 01:19:33,725
<i>- Lynn Collella Belle.</i>
- [hands slapping]

1130
01:19:33,769 --> 01:19:35,945
[Lidia whispering]

1131
01:19:42,299 --> 01:19:43,561
[Dorothy humming]

1132
01:19:43,604 --> 01:19:44,605
[Mike] Mono?

1133
01:19:45,998 --> 01:19:47,783
Isn't that
the kissing disease?

1134
01:19:51,482 --> 01:19:53,353
No. Don't be silly.

1135
01:19:56,748 --> 01:19:58,271
Everything's gonna
be okay, Belle.

1136
01:19:58,315 --> 01:19:59,403
You'll see.

1137
01:19:59,446 --> 01:20:00,491
You're gonna feel better.

1138
01:20:04,321 --> 01:20:07,280
And your daddy's gonna
take real good care of you.

1139
01:20:08,891 --> 01:20:10,631
- Aren't you?
- [Mike] We'll be all right.

1140
01:20:10,675 --> 01:20:13,504
[Dorothy] Okay. Mama's
gonna go sell some houses.

1141
01:20:15,288 --> 01:20:16,812
[Mike] Hey, honey.

1142
01:20:17,638 --> 01:20:18,944
[sighs]

1143
01:20:22,948 --> 01:20:24,080
My baby girl.

1144
01:20:24,123 --> 01:20:25,472
[car engine cranks]

1145
01:20:25,516 --> 01:20:27,518
You just give it
a couple of days.

1146
01:20:31,304 --> 01:20:32,828
Shh.

1147
01:20:34,133 --> 01:20:36,179
[Lidia VO] <i>It is language</i>
<i>letting me say...</i>

1148
01:20:36,222 --> 01:20:37,702
[Mike] There you go.

1149
01:20:37,745 --> 01:20:39,356
[Lidia VO] <i>...how four</i>
<i>weeks can be years.</i>

1150
01:20:39,573 --> 01:20:41,184
[pencil scribbling]

1151
01:20:42,533 --> 01:20:44,752
<i>It is the yielding expanse</i>

1152
01:20:45,188 --> 01:20:46,189
<i>of a white</i>

1153
01:20:46,754 --> 01:20:47,755
<i>page.</i>

1154
01:20:48,017 --> 01:20:50,671
[tense music]

1155
01:20:56,503 --> 01:20:57,983
[tense music rising]

1156
01:20:58,201 --> 01:20:59,767
[crash]

1157
01:21:26,272 --> 01:21:29,014
[Photographer] Have you
shown these to anyone?

1158
01:21:30,929 --> 01:21:31,887
No.

1159
01:21:35,716 --> 01:21:37,762
[ambient music rising]

1160
01:21:38,023 --> 01:21:39,720
Like, body,

1161
01:21:40,112 --> 01:21:41,113
skin

1162
01:21:41,548 --> 01:21:42,549
scars.

1163
01:21:45,248 --> 01:21:47,728
People always ask me why

1164
01:21:47,772 --> 01:21:49,600
my work is so dark.

1165
01:21:52,081 --> 01:21:54,910
<i>What do you know</i>
<i>about pain, Lidia?</i>

1166
01:21:56,215 --> 01:21:57,216
[Lidia] <i>Um,</i>

1167
01:22:00,437 --> 01:22:01,438
<i>I know that</i>

1168
01:22:03,962 --> 01:22:05,485
<i>it matters to me.</i>

1169
01:22:08,358 --> 01:22:10,316
[Photographer]
<i>I'm gonna take care of you.</i>

1170
01:22:14,451 --> 01:22:15,582
Do you understand?

1171
01:22:18,411 --> 01:22:19,412
[Lidia cries]

1172
01:22:21,588 --> 01:22:23,286
Now ask me for what you want.

1173
01:22:28,117 --> 01:22:29,161
[Lidia] Um.

1174
01:22:31,424 --> 01:22:33,731
[Photographer]
That's not right, angel.

1175
01:22:33,774 --> 01:22:34,775
[Lidia] Um,

1176
01:22:36,125 --> 01:22:37,126
um,

1177
01:22:38,649 --> 01:22:39,650
I

1178
01:22:40,956 --> 01:22:41,913
want

1179
01:22:42,174 --> 01:22:43,088
you

1180
01:22:43,132 --> 01:22:44,133
to

1181
01:22:45,482 --> 01:22:46,657
[Photographer]
Mm?

1182
01:22:48,137 --> 01:22:49,877
[Lidia VO] <i>Knock it out of me.</i>

1183
01:22:51,662 --> 01:22:52,663
[Lidia gasps]

1184
01:22:56,145 --> 01:22:57,363
[Lidia] To whip me.

1185
01:22:59,104 --> 01:23:01,150
[Photographer] Where would
you like to be whipped,

1186
01:23:02,151 --> 01:23:03,152
angel?

1187
01:23:07,373 --> 01:23:08,505
- Everywhere.
- [slap]

1188
01:23:08,548 --> 01:23:09,680
[slap]

1189
01:23:14,293 --> 01:23:16,165
[Photographer]
Take it somewhere.

1190
01:23:17,035 --> 01:23:18,036
[slap]

1191
01:23:18,080 --> 01:23:19,037
- [slap]
- [gasp]

1192
01:23:19,342 --> 01:23:20,865
Take the pain somewhere.

1193
01:23:21,170 --> 01:23:23,172
[gentle music]

1194
01:23:23,824 --> 01:23:24,825
[slap]

1195
01:23:27,828 --> 01:23:29,004
- [slap]
- [Lidia VO] <i>Mama.</i>

1196
01:23:31,354 --> 01:23:32,355
[slap]

1197
01:23:32,529 --> 01:23:33,878
- [slap]
- [Lidia gasps]

1198
01:23:33,921 --> 01:23:34,922
[slap]

1199
01:23:37,664 --> 01:23:38,665
[slap]

1200
01:23:39,536 --> 01:23:40,928
I am proud of you.

1201
01:23:42,060 --> 01:23:43,018
[slap]

1202
01:23:44,497 --> 01:23:45,498
[slap]

1203
01:23:47,065 --> 01:23:48,023
[slap]

1204
01:23:48,066 --> 01:23:49,372
[Lidia exhales]

1205
01:23:52,897 --> 01:23:55,552
[Lidia VO] <i>I'm not trying</i>
<i>to creep you out.</i>

1206
01:24:03,255 --> 01:24:04,865
<i>I am trying to be precise.</i>

1207
01:24:14,701 --> 01:24:16,051
[Lidia] "At the moment my
mother was whining,

1208
01:24:16,094 --> 01:24:17,617
Daddy was smelling my cunt.

1209
01:24:17,661 --> 01:24:19,532
I've reached my best
moment now, he explained.

1210
01:24:19,576 --> 01:24:21,404
Now I was sure what
he was referring to.

1211
01:24:21,447 --> 01:24:23,058
This is the moment of truth.

1212
01:24:23,101 --> 01:24:25,147
I'm going off, off,
off, jacking it off.

1213
01:24:25,190 --> 01:24:27,018
My hands are gonna be
broken from this one.

1214
01:24:27,062 --> 01:24:28,541
I don't even
recognize my own body.

1215
01:24:28,585 --> 01:24:30,065
It doesn't matter.
I know you're mine.

1216
01:24:30,108 --> 01:24:31,675
I made you, I'm making you.

1217
01:24:31,718 --> 01:24:33,068
I swore I'd live for pleasure.

1218
01:24:33,111 --> 01:24:34,721
My tongue is fucking enormous.

1219
01:24:34,765 --> 01:24:36,245
Feel it. It's reaching
down to my waist.

1220
01:24:36,288 --> 01:24:39,074
You're seeing your actual
father in his moment of truth.

1221
01:24:39,117 --> 01:24:40,640
God Almighty, nothing matters.

1222
01:24:40,684 --> 01:24:43,121
You're my God, my
daughter, I worship you.

1223
01:24:43,165 --> 01:24:45,080
I beg you to do it
show I can please you.

1224
01:24:45,123 --> 01:24:47,517
Now look at it. It's big in
my corkscrewing hand.

1225
01:24:47,560 --> 01:24:49,562
Kiss it. My father
explained again,

1226
01:24:49,606 --> 01:24:52,435
I am fucking God and
I made God. Holy shit.

1227
01:24:52,478 --> 01:24:53,914
All I have to do
is look at God,

1228
01:24:53,958 --> 01:24:55,742
and God is happy 'cause
I've made God cum.

1229
01:24:55,786 --> 01:24:57,831
God is in heaven. I'm
in heaven and I've died.

1230
01:24:57,875 --> 01:25:00,399
The whole world in heaven. I'm
cumming all over your face.

1231
01:25:00,443 --> 01:25:01,705
I licked up his sperm."

1232
01:25:01,748 --> 01:25:02,967
[Student] This is
making me sick.

1233
01:25:11,149 --> 01:25:13,978
[typing]

1234
01:25:22,726 --> 01:25:25,468
[Mike VO] <i>Who in the hell</i>
<i>do you think you are?</i>

1235
01:25:27,078 --> 01:25:28,514
My father's daughter.

1236
01:25:31,648 --> 01:25:32,866
[chair creaks]

1237
01:25:40,047 --> 01:25:41,048
[bottle opens]

1238
01:25:51,537 --> 01:25:52,669
[can cracks open]

1239
01:26:10,469 --> 01:26:11,514
Goddamn.

1240
01:26:12,819 --> 01:26:13,907
[Lidia VO] <i>Year one.</i>

1241
01:26:14,212 --> 01:26:16,345
- [Lidia] Vodka!
- [intense bass booming]

1242
01:26:17,868 --> 01:26:20,523
[Lidia VO] <i>I drink vodka,</i>
<i>mostly all the time.</i>

1243
01:26:20,871 --> 01:26:23,308
[Devin] One shot in the eye,
shot in the eye.

1244
01:26:23,352 --> 01:26:25,049
[Lidia VO] <i>And felt</i>
<i>nothing about myself.</i>

1245
01:26:25,092 --> 01:26:26,833
- [laughing]
- [moaning]

1246
01:26:28,705 --> 01:26:30,533
<i>We drink, we laugh, we fuck.</i>

1247
01:26:31,664 --> 01:26:33,536
<i>We make fuck-body paint shadows.</i>

1248
01:26:35,277 --> 01:26:37,888
<i>We make performance</i>
<i>art. We perform ourselves.</i>

1249
01:26:37,931 --> 01:26:40,195
[Devin] Fuck you, God!

1250
01:26:47,724 --> 01:26:49,726
- [banging]
- [Devin] Open the door!

1251
01:26:51,162 --> 01:26:53,208
[Lidia VO] <i>We carved each</i>
<i>other's names into our arms.</i>

1252
01:26:53,382 --> 01:26:55,253
[Lidia] I did it for you!

1253
01:26:55,297 --> 01:26:56,907
[crashing]

1254
01:26:57,777 --> 01:26:58,778
[Devin] Fuck!

1255
01:27:01,564 --> 01:27:02,913
- [moaning]
- [grunting]

1256
01:27:03,740 --> 01:27:05,045
[Lidia VO] <i>We fuck septic.</i>

1257
01:27:05,089 --> 01:27:06,308
It was right in
front of me, Devin.

1258
01:27:06,351 --> 01:27:08,179
I could see exactly
what was happening.

1259
01:27:08,223 --> 01:27:10,312
- You don't even realize.
- I don't even realize what?!

1260
01:27:10,355 --> 01:27:12,357
You don't even realize I'm gonna
fucking marry you.

1261
01:27:12,401 --> 01:27:14,620
- Whoa! Oh!
- [Lidia laughs]

1262
01:27:16,753 --> 01:27:18,537
[Devin] To Mike and Dorothy.

1263
01:27:18,581 --> 01:27:20,626
I'm so happy they fucked.

1264
01:27:24,413 --> 01:27:27,242
- [Lidia VO] To skip to year six,
- [Devin] Hey!

1265
01:27:27,285 --> 01:27:28,504
[Lidia VO] <i>when</i>
<i>underwater stories</i>

1266
01:27:28,547 --> 01:27:30,201
<i>- start itching</i>
- [Devin] Come on!

1267
01:27:30,245 --> 01:27:31,594
[Lidia VO] <i>and yelling</i>
<i>begins a rhythm</i>

1268
01:27:31,637 --> 01:27:33,248
<i>where drinking gets</i>
<i>louder and him--</i>

1269
01:27:33,291 --> 01:27:35,815
Go back to kissing women I know
and kissing women I don't know!

1270
01:27:35,859 --> 01:27:38,296
[Lidia VO] <i>And what is a</i>
<i>couple over time but a line?</i>

1271
01:27:38,340 --> 01:27:39,558
[Devin] I'll show you
a fucking line.

1272
01:27:39,602 --> 01:27:42,257
Your fucking bullshit is
taking over the house!

1273
01:27:42,300 --> 01:27:44,563
[Lidia VO] <i>It was</i>
<i>taking over the house.</i>

1274
01:27:49,960 --> 01:27:50,961
Oh, no.

1275
01:27:52,397 --> 01:27:53,398
Oh, no.

1276
01:27:55,182 --> 01:27:56,183
Oh, no.

1277
01:28:05,192 --> 01:28:06,281
Fuck.

1278
01:28:11,938 --> 01:28:13,113
I don't wanna fuck.

1279
01:28:15,377 --> 01:28:16,682
I want to read.

1280
01:28:19,032 --> 01:28:20,033
Fuck you.

1281
01:28:25,822 --> 01:28:27,824
[Lidia VO] <i>I didn't</i>
<i>want to drink.</i>

1282
01:28:30,130 --> 01:28:31,218
<i>I wanted to write.</i>

1283
01:28:35,788 --> 01:28:38,313
[indiscernible whispers]

1284
01:28:40,576 --> 01:28:42,665
What is a couple
over time but a line?

1285
01:28:42,882 --> 01:28:44,493
[crickets chirping]

1286
01:28:47,452 --> 01:28:49,324
[Lidia VO] <i>Year seven,</i>
<i>I finish my dissertation.</i>

1287
01:28:53,893 --> 01:28:54,894
[bang]

1288
01:28:56,374 --> 01:28:57,810
<i>Year eight, I get a PhD.</i>

1289
01:28:58,507 --> 01:28:59,856
[trickling on the floor]

1290
01:29:03,686 --> 01:29:05,862
[train passing]

1291
01:29:14,697 --> 01:29:15,698
<i>Year ten.</i>

1292
01:29:17,003 --> 01:29:18,004
<i>We pretend.</i>

1293
01:29:21,704 --> 01:29:23,009
[birds chirping]

1294
01:29:23,053 --> 01:29:24,271
[Lidia] You said then

1295
01:29:26,535 --> 01:29:29,276
- [Devin snores]
- you would love me until I die.

1296
01:29:34,238 --> 01:29:36,849
You said we would
die together in love.

1297
01:29:41,550 --> 01:29:42,681
[Lidia laughs]

1298
01:29:50,820 --> 01:29:52,561
[whispers] You said it to me.

1299
01:29:56,913 --> 01:29:58,393
[Lidia VO] <i>Where are you?</i>

1300
01:30:00,046 --> 01:30:01,047
[Devin snores]

1301
01:30:05,269 --> 01:30:06,401
<i>Where is the man?</i>

1302
01:30:06,923 --> 01:30:07,924
[Devin snores]

1303
01:30:14,060 --> 01:30:16,933
[dramatic music]

1304
01:30:22,982 --> 01:30:24,941
<i>Who would love a woman like me?</i>

1305
01:30:29,815 --> 01:30:31,991
[train rumbles]

1306
01:30:40,609 --> 01:30:42,959
[heavy typing]

1307
01:30:50,096 --> 01:30:51,097
[slap]

1308
01:31:08,811 --> 01:31:10,334
[Mike VO] <i>Don't you dare.</i>

1309
01:31:10,769 --> 01:31:11,770
[crying]

1310
01:31:21,345 --> 01:31:23,478
[low rumble]

1311
01:31:26,568 --> 01:31:27,525
[heavy keystroke]

1312
01:31:45,543 --> 01:31:46,501
[Lidia exhales]

1313
01:31:48,198 --> 01:31:49,199
Ha.

1314
01:31:51,854 --> 01:31:52,855
[chair creaks]

1315
01:31:56,380 --> 01:31:58,513
[printer humming]

1316
01:32:10,046 --> 01:32:12,831
[soft music playing
in background]

1317
01:32:28,760 --> 01:32:30,240
[papers shifting]

1318
01:32:34,766 --> 01:32:36,246
[sighs, clears her throat]

1319
01:33:02,707 --> 01:33:04,317
[Lidia laughs]

1320
01:33:12,064 --> 01:33:13,936
"The date of your reading."

1321
01:33:16,939 --> 01:33:17,940
[Lidia laughs]

1322
01:33:18,810 --> 01:33:19,811
[envelope tears]

1323
01:33:24,033 --> 01:33:24,990
[paper rustling]

1324
01:33:26,165 --> 01:33:27,166
[envelope tears]

1325
01:33:32,476 --> 01:33:33,782
[paper slams on table]

1326
01:33:35,610 --> 01:33:36,611
[lighter flicks]

1327
01:33:37,437 --> 01:33:38,613
[Mike] What?

1328
01:33:40,789 --> 01:33:42,617
[low rumble]

1329
01:33:52,975 --> 01:33:54,803
[distant, distorted applause]

1330
01:34:02,506 --> 01:34:04,116
[Moderator] <i>Please welcome</i>

1331
01:34:09,644 --> 01:34:12,124
<i>reading an excerpt from</i>
<i>her first collection</i>

1332
01:34:12,168 --> 01:34:14,083
<i>of short stories,</i>
<i>"Her Other Mouths,"</i>

1333
01:34:14,126 --> 01:34:15,867
- <i>Lidia Yuknavitch.</i>
- [applause]

1334
01:34:18,827 --> 01:34:21,046
Lidia, please. Welcome.

1335
01:34:29,359 --> 01:34:30,708
[audience chatter]

1336
01:34:35,931 --> 01:34:38,368
[Lidia VO] "The day
my daughter was born.

1337
01:34:40,326 --> 01:34:41,806
After I held the future.

1338
01:34:46,376 --> 01:34:47,377
Stillborn.

1339
01:34:51,163 --> 01:34:52,164
And pink.

1340
01:34:57,387 --> 01:34:58,431
And rose-lipped.

1341
01:35:01,739 --> 01:35:04,046
And rose-lipped in
my shivering arms.

1342
01:35:05,438 --> 01:35:06,744
Little tragedies are

1343
01:35:07,049 --> 01:35:08,703
difficult to keep straight.

1344
01:35:14,360 --> 01:35:17,712
Chronology convinces us we are
moving toward a real place.

1345
01:35:17,973 --> 01:35:19,931
[Lidia VO] Swimmers,
to your marks.

1346
01:35:21,541 --> 01:35:22,499
A gunshot.

1347
01:35:23,282 --> 01:35:25,720
A gunshot released
our tense flesh.

1348
01:35:27,286 --> 01:35:29,419
Fathers were often uncontainable

1349
01:35:29,680 --> 01:35:32,161
while the little women
swam for their lives.

1350
01:35:32,204 --> 01:35:33,292
Swim.

1351
01:35:34,816 --> 01:35:36,078
Swim!

1352
01:35:36,731 --> 01:35:38,080
Hurry!

1353
01:35:39,255 --> 01:35:40,735
Come on, baby.

1354
01:35:42,214 --> 01:35:43,215
Harder.

1355
01:35:43,781 --> 01:35:44,739
Harder!

1356
01:35:45,609 --> 01:35:46,741
Faster!

1357
01:35:46,784 --> 01:35:50,005
A cacophony of men swelling

1358
01:35:50,048 --> 01:35:53,617
and pressing down
on the wet motion.

1359
01:35:55,662 --> 01:35:59,492
How many times did I slip
into the chlorinated depths,

1360
01:36:00,624 --> 01:36:04,802
secretly hoping to
shed this useless skin

1361
01:36:04,846 --> 01:36:07,936
and emerge something

1362
01:36:12,288 --> 01:36:13,463
amphibious

1363
01:36:15,944 --> 01:36:17,119
and without gender?

1364
01:36:19,556 --> 01:36:20,775
[underwater rumbling]

1365
01:36:22,472 --> 01:36:23,473
[Lidia sighs]

1366
01:36:26,084 --> 01:36:27,085
The thing is,

1367
01:36:31,350 --> 01:36:34,484
this letting everything in

1368
01:36:36,268 --> 01:36:38,531
and waiting to
see what comes out

1369
01:36:42,318 --> 01:36:43,319
is creepy

1370
01:36:45,016 --> 01:36:46,017
and idiotic.

1371
01:36:48,280 --> 01:36:51,806
And it's starting
to piss me off

1372
01:36:51,980 --> 01:36:55,853
that I have to even
think about that hole.

1373
01:36:56,811 --> 01:36:57,942
What I am saying is

1374
01:37:03,121 --> 01:37:07,560
there is a woman in a room who
is tired of looking down

1375
01:37:10,825 --> 01:37:11,956
and bleeding

1376
01:37:13,175 --> 01:37:14,306
and--

1377
01:37:14,350 --> 01:37:17,527
bearing and itching and aching.

1378
01:37:19,181 --> 01:37:22,314
And tired of remaining open

1379
01:37:23,185 --> 01:37:26,710
with no hope of
suturing herself up.

1380
01:37:37,373 --> 01:37:39,157
It isn't that I want it gone.

1381
01:37:43,335 --> 01:37:44,336
It's that

1382
01:37:45,381 --> 01:37:46,382
I want

1383
01:37:47,339 --> 01:37:48,340
wanting

1384
01:37:50,342 --> 01:37:53,563
to come from somewhere else.

1385
01:37:59,395 --> 01:38:03,703
There are moments between years
that surface with great force."

1386
01:38:05,531 --> 01:38:07,490
[Lidia] Remind me
why we're here.

1387
01:38:07,533 --> 01:38:09,709
[Claudia] I thought
this was your idea.

1388
01:38:09,753 --> 01:38:11,059
I came here with you.

1389
01:38:15,759 --> 01:38:16,760
Delusion.

1390
01:38:19,415 --> 01:38:20,764
Grown women are idiots.

1391
01:38:22,897 --> 01:38:23,898
I don't know.

1392
01:38:25,116 --> 01:38:26,117
She begged.

1393
01:38:32,950 --> 01:38:34,082
I changed my name.

1394
01:38:40,610 --> 01:38:41,611
[Dorothy] Mike!

1395
01:38:42,917 --> 01:38:45,136
Lidia! Lidia!

1396
01:38:46,007 --> 01:38:48,052
Lidia! Lidia!

1397
01:38:48,792 --> 01:38:50,489
Mike! Lidia!

1398
01:38:50,837 --> 01:38:52,143
Lidia!

1399
01:38:52,578 --> 01:38:54,406
[Lidia] Turn him over.
Help me!

1400
01:38:55,668 --> 01:38:56,669
[Lidia grunting]

1401
01:39:03,459 --> 01:39:04,808
[child screams]

1402
01:39:14,122 --> 01:39:15,123
[Lidia VO] "Kill.

1403
01:39:16,820 --> 01:39:18,865
Or suck the killing back.

1404
01:39:23,696 --> 01:39:24,959
And pump it

1405
01:39:26,221 --> 01:39:29,615
into the story of someone else.

1406
01:39:29,833 --> 01:39:31,443
[Lidia panting]

1407
01:39:32,749 --> 01:39:36,622
[Lidia VO] My father lost his
memory from hypoxia that day.

1408
01:39:37,493 --> 01:39:39,147
[water splashes]

1409
01:39:39,190 --> 01:39:40,191
[pounding]

1410
01:39:41,497 --> 01:39:42,977
I did not kill him.

1411
01:39:45,153 --> 01:39:46,458
I did not save him.

1412
01:39:48,678 --> 01:39:52,508
- [birds calling]
- I am learning to live on land."

1413
01:39:55,685 --> 01:39:56,686
Um,

1414
01:39:57,687 --> 01:39:58,688
[Lidia inhales]

1415
01:39:59,689 --> 01:40:01,386
[applause]

1416
01:40:01,430 --> 01:40:03,475
Thanks. Oh, that -- that's...

1417
01:40:03,519 --> 01:40:05,651
[applause]

1418
01:40:18,142 --> 01:40:19,796
[Female 1] But have your
parents read this story?

1419
01:40:19,839 --> 01:40:21,798
- What do they think of it?
- [Lidia clears throat]

1420
01:40:21,841 --> 01:40:22,973
Enjoy New York. Really.

1421
01:40:23,017 --> 01:40:24,496
You're gonna get an
agent outta this.

1422
01:40:27,891 --> 01:40:29,458
[Female 2] Lidia,
it's so nice to meet you.

1423
01:40:29,501 --> 01:40:30,894
Thank you for being here.

1424
01:40:31,373 --> 01:40:32,374
Excuse me.

1425
01:40:33,766 --> 01:40:35,203
Do you have anything, um,

1426
01:40:36,682 --> 01:40:38,032
a little stronger?

1427
01:40:39,511 --> 01:40:40,512
Thanks.

1428
01:40:45,561 --> 01:40:47,606
Carol Houck Smith,
Norton Publishing.

1429
01:40:50,000 --> 01:40:52,089
It's pretty impressive
what you did up there.

1430
01:40:53,612 --> 01:40:54,613
Thank you.

1431
01:40:54,874 --> 01:40:58,791
No, really. It didn't look easy.

1432
01:41:00,184 --> 01:41:02,795
Tell me, is there any
more where that came from?

1433
01:41:03,057 --> 01:41:05,320
Something, a little longer?

1434
01:41:06,321 --> 01:41:08,105
- [airplane rumble]
- [cocktail party fades]

1435
01:41:09,411 --> 01:41:11,195
You should send me something.

1436
01:41:16,113 --> 01:41:17,419
[Lidia VO] <i>It's just that</i>

1437
01:41:20,465 --> 01:41:24,252
<i>something in me had been born</i>

1438
01:41:25,992 --> 01:41:26,993
<i>still.</i>

1439
01:41:34,871 --> 01:41:36,351
- [music playing]
- ♪ And there you got me

1440
01:41:36,394 --> 01:41:37,830
♪ That's how you got me

1441
01:41:37,874 --> 01:41:39,963
♪ You taught me to be mean

1442
01:41:44,794 --> 01:41:45,969
♪ But I

1443
01:41:46,230 --> 01:41:47,797
♪ Ran out

1444
01:41:47,971 --> 01:41:53,455
♪ Of white dove's feathers

1445
01:41:53,846 --> 01:41:56,371
♪ To soak up the hot

1446
01:41:56,414 --> 01:41:58,982
♪ Piss that comes
through your mouth ♪

1447
01:41:59,025 --> 01:42:01,289
<i>It's a small stone I carry.</i>

1448
01:42:03,204 --> 01:42:04,161
♪ Ohh

1449
01:42:05,510 --> 01:42:07,469
<i>Shame of wanting</i>
<i>something good.</i>

1450
01:42:08,296 --> 01:42:12,648
♪ Of white dove's feathers...

1451
01:42:14,171 --> 01:42:16,130
[sirens wailing]

1452
01:42:34,278 --> 01:42:36,846
[dramatic music]

1453
01:42:39,849 --> 01:42:41,155
[Lidia gulps]

1454
01:42:56,692 --> 01:42:58,476
[Lidia indiscernible]

1455
01:42:58,998 --> 01:43:02,350
[dramatic music continues]

1456
01:43:12,273 --> 01:43:14,188
- [tires screeching]
- [crash]

1457
01:43:17,974 --> 01:43:18,931
[door slams]

1458
01:43:29,725 --> 01:43:31,248
[door twisting open]

1459
01:43:37,385 --> 01:43:39,256
- [woman crying]
- [broken glass clinking]

1460
01:43:42,520 --> 01:43:44,087
[woman whimpering]

1461
01:43:49,527 --> 01:43:51,573
[woman crying]

1462
01:43:52,574 --> 01:43:55,098
[dramatic music continues]

1463
01:43:59,407 --> 01:44:01,409
[sirens wailing]

1464
01:44:05,587 --> 01:44:06,805
[police radio chatter]

1465
01:44:07,719 --> 01:44:08,720
[door slams]

1466
01:44:10,156 --> 01:44:11,419
[Lidia exhales]

1467
01:44:27,304 --> 01:44:28,262
[Lidia grunts]

1468
01:44:37,009 --> 01:44:38,794
[sploshing]

1469
01:44:52,938 --> 01:44:55,376
[Woman] I told you
not to fuck with me, bitch!

1470
01:44:55,419 --> 01:44:58,683
I told you.
And you [indiscernible].

1471
01:45:01,338 --> 01:45:03,122
[service vehicle backing up]

1472
01:45:07,344 --> 01:45:09,041
I'm fucking trash.

1473
01:45:11,479 --> 01:45:14,656
[Officer Kyle] Hey, what are you
doing? Keep it moving.

1474
01:45:15,352 --> 01:45:18,137
[jazzy drums beating]

1475
01:45:28,104 --> 01:45:29,061
[Lidia pants]

1476
01:45:32,848 --> 01:45:33,849
Hi.

1477
01:45:37,853 --> 01:45:40,334
Chopping block. Peer review.

1478
01:45:41,204 --> 01:45:42,510
Who wants to go first?

1479
01:45:42,858 --> 01:45:43,989
[classroom chatter]

1480
01:45:44,033 --> 01:45:45,077
Really helpful.

1481
01:45:46,296 --> 01:45:48,385
You know, you can't
live the wrong life.

1482
01:45:48,429 --> 01:45:49,908
You really can't. It's
a story you were told.

1483
01:45:50,169 --> 01:45:52,128
Your one is just as
important, it's your own.

1484
01:45:52,171 --> 01:45:55,349
You have to -- It has to
hurt. But I'm excited for you.

1485
01:46:08,449 --> 01:46:09,406
[Lidia sighs]

1486
01:46:14,368 --> 01:46:16,587
[low rumble]

1487
01:46:19,851 --> 01:46:21,549
[Woman crying]

1488
01:46:24,073 --> 01:46:25,683
[screeching tires, crash]

1489
01:46:31,472 --> 01:46:35,432
[indistinct arguing]

1490
01:46:43,701 --> 01:46:46,095
[arguing continues]

1491
01:46:47,139 --> 01:46:48,706
[Man] I don't give a shit!

1492
01:46:48,750 --> 01:46:50,099
[Woman] Now what?

1493
01:46:52,231 --> 01:46:53,711
[Lidia] Something small

1494
01:46:53,755 --> 01:46:55,452
and specific caught my eye,

1495
01:46:55,757 --> 01:46:57,280
an important detail --

1496
01:46:57,759 --> 01:47:00,936
a bruise on the bridge of
her nose letting me know that

1497
01:47:00,979 --> 01:47:02,546
her eyes were blue
like mine.

1498
01:47:02,590 --> 01:47:03,591
Hey!

1499
01:47:05,941 --> 01:47:06,942
How much?

1500
01:47:09,727 --> 01:47:13,122
I pay her pimp
$100. I ask her in.

1501
01:47:13,949 --> 01:47:15,298
I tell her to sit down.

1502
01:47:16,125 --> 01:47:17,343
[desk creaks]

1503
01:47:19,128 --> 01:47:21,086
In the story,
I say,

1504
01:47:21,130 --> 01:47:22,958
[Lidia VO] <i>"This is what it</i>
<i>feels like to be me."</i>

1505
01:47:24,786 --> 01:47:26,744
<i>A woman who teaches English,</i>

1506
01:47:27,484 --> 01:47:30,748
<i>looking down at a woman who</i>
<i>sucks dicks all day</i>

1507
01:47:30,792 --> 01:47:33,621
<i>as she sits on my</i>
<i>couch, smoking.</i>

1508
01:47:36,014 --> 01:47:39,322
<i>When I look at her,</i>
<i>I think she looks like Mary.</i>

1509
01:47:41,324 --> 01:47:44,022
[whispering] <i>Whenever</i>
<i>I see an image of Christ</i>,

1510
01:47:44,545 --> 01:47:47,025
<i>I picture Mary so</i>
<i>drawn and gaunt and tired</i>

1511
01:47:47,069 --> 01:47:48,897
<i>and angry to the</i>
<i>point of emaciation</i>

1512
01:47:48,940 --> 01:47:51,377
<i>that she can barely</i>
<i>wear her own face.</i>

1513
01:48:01,649 --> 01:48:04,129
In the story, I say,

1514
01:48:06,610 --> 01:48:07,829
"What am I gonna do?

1515
01:48:09,352 --> 01:48:10,353
Teach her?"

1516
01:48:13,269 --> 01:48:16,838
This is what me, an
addict, upwardly mobile,

1517
01:48:17,578 --> 01:48:20,319
given something as
infinitesimally small

1518
01:48:20,363 --> 01:48:22,408
as words to believe in, thinks.

1519
01:48:23,453 --> 01:48:26,325
- [Lidia] I'm looking at her.
- [birds chirping]

1520
01:48:29,807 --> 01:48:31,200
Offer words.

1521
01:48:41,515 --> 01:48:43,647
[crickets chirping]

1522
01:48:44,866 --> 01:48:46,911
People say
to me all the time,

1523
01:48:48,217 --> 01:48:51,916
"Did the things in your short
stories actually happen?"

1524
01:48:53,222 --> 01:48:54,223
[door shuts]

1525
01:48:55,050 --> 01:48:56,660
Isn't that the--

1526
01:48:57,400 --> 01:48:58,532
the question

1527
01:48:59,881 --> 01:49:01,404
when it comes to life?

1528
01:49:07,410 --> 01:49:09,107
Did this really happen to me?

1529
01:49:18,073 --> 01:49:19,074
Andy.

1530
01:49:21,076 --> 01:49:22,077
I don't know.

1531
01:49:30,215 --> 01:49:33,088
[Lidia VO] <i>The things that</i>
<i>happen to us are true.</i>

1532
01:49:35,612 --> 01:49:39,268
<i>But writing is a</i>
<i>whole other body.</i>

1533
01:49:40,617 --> 01:49:43,098
I was hoping we could
discuss my manuscript.

1534
01:49:44,621 --> 01:49:47,232
Oh. Of course. Yeah.

1535
01:49:49,931 --> 01:49:51,846
I also want to loan you my car.

1536
01:49:55,676 --> 01:49:57,591
Saw you were taking the bus, and

1537
01:49:58,809 --> 01:50:00,463
I happen to have two cars.

1538
01:50:03,597 --> 01:50:04,598
[keys jingle]

1539
01:50:15,086 --> 01:50:16,087
Hey.

1540
01:50:33,496 --> 01:50:34,845
[Andy gasps]

1541
01:50:38,893 --> 01:50:40,285
You can tell a
lot about a person

1542
01:50:40,329 --> 01:50:41,809
from seeing them in the water.

1543
01:50:43,985 --> 01:50:44,986
[Andy] Thank you.

1544
01:50:48,511 --> 01:50:50,861
- For what?
- For letting me swim with you.

1545
01:50:51,732 --> 01:50:53,385
I read a couple of your stories.

1546
01:50:53,429 --> 01:50:55,387
I know that
swimming's a big deal.

1547
01:50:56,780 --> 01:50:58,652
I always let my students
choose the venue.

1548
01:50:59,870 --> 01:51:01,132
[Andy] You know,
I wanted to say

1549
01:51:01,176 --> 01:51:03,004
I've seen you a couple
of times before.

1550
01:51:03,700 --> 01:51:06,007
Yeah, I read about Ken
Kesey teaching at U of O

1551
01:51:06,050 --> 01:51:08,313
when I was abroad, and I
applied to the program,

1552
01:51:08,357 --> 01:51:09,837
but it already happened.

1553
01:51:10,881 --> 01:51:12,361
No shit. That's funny.

1554
01:51:12,404 --> 01:51:13,536
[Andy] Yeah, I know.

1555
01:51:14,189 --> 01:51:15,843
And then I seen
you stomping around

1556
01:51:15,886 --> 01:51:17,322
the creative writing department.

1557
01:51:19,411 --> 01:51:21,152
I was in the reading
you gave at Gerlinger.

1558
01:51:24,373 --> 01:51:25,548
Wow. That's...

1559
01:51:29,030 --> 01:51:31,032
That's weird. Weird.

1560
01:51:34,905 --> 01:51:36,602
That was a weird day for me.

1561
01:51:39,388 --> 01:51:40,389
Why?

1562
01:51:49,224 --> 01:51:50,225
My father

1563
01:51:53,402 --> 01:51:54,403
was--my--

1564
01:51:55,752 --> 01:51:56,710
my father...

1565
01:52:00,496 --> 01:52:01,758
[Andy] Your father?

1566
01:52:04,065 --> 01:52:05,066
Was abusive.

1567
01:52:08,678 --> 01:52:09,635
Your father.

1568
01:52:12,769 --> 01:52:13,727
How so?

1569
01:52:16,294 --> 01:52:17,295
Sexual.

1570
01:52:18,079 --> 01:52:19,080
[Andy] Oh.

1571
01:52:21,038 --> 01:52:22,039
That sucks.

1572
01:52:31,570 --> 01:52:34,486
I hope something karmically
fucked happened to him.

1573
01:52:35,923 --> 01:52:36,924
Yeah.

1574
01:52:40,362 --> 01:52:41,972
It kind of actually--it did.

1575
01:52:43,539 --> 01:52:44,845
Excellent, then.

1576
01:52:44,888 --> 01:52:45,889
[Lidia laughs]

1577
01:52:50,981 --> 01:52:52,417
Uh, I, um--

1578
01:52:53,244 --> 01:52:54,811
Blah. It was a long time ago.

1579
01:52:54,855 --> 01:52:56,770
I was a totally
different person then.

1580
01:52:58,641 --> 01:52:59,947
So who are you now?

1581
01:53:02,645 --> 01:53:03,646
I'm your teacher.

1582
01:53:04,081 --> 01:53:05,474
[Lidia laughs]

1583
01:53:10,784 --> 01:53:13,003
So, Teach, are you
gonna take my car?

1584
01:53:37,158 --> 01:53:38,637
[Lidia VO] <i>I don't quite</i>
<i>know how to tell you</i>

1585
01:53:38,681 --> 01:53:40,204
<i>what it feels like.</i>

1586
01:53:43,338 --> 01:53:46,297
<i>Watching the little</i>
<i>woman swim for her life.</i>

1587
01:53:47,342 --> 01:53:48,517
[paper tears]

1588
01:53:49,648 --> 01:53:51,520
<i>I mean.</i>

1589
01:54:12,846 --> 01:54:14,717
[Lidia] Are you fucking insane?

1590
01:54:22,203 --> 01:54:23,204
No.

1591
01:54:32,909 --> 01:54:34,563
You think I'm someone else.

1592
01:54:36,260 --> 01:54:37,261
Hm-mm.

1593
01:54:42,701 --> 01:54:44,399
I can see the mother in you.

1594
01:54:54,235 --> 01:54:56,759
There's more to your
story than you think.

1595
01:55:09,424 --> 01:55:10,425
[baby cries]

1596
01:55:10,904 --> 01:55:13,254
[soft dramatic music]

1597
01:55:17,606 --> 01:55:19,042
[baby cries]

1598
01:55:21,871 --> 01:55:23,525
[inaudible whisper]

1599
01:55:23,568 --> 01:55:25,788
[baby cries]

1600
01:55:33,883 --> 01:55:35,798
[baby cries]

1601
01:55:43,937 --> 01:55:44,938
[baby coos]

1602
01:56:07,612 --> 01:56:09,005
[Miles babbles]

1603
01:56:24,455 --> 01:56:25,630
[Miles babbles]

1604
01:56:30,331 --> 01:56:31,810
[Miles babbles]

1605
01:56:34,813 --> 01:56:36,511
[car approaching]

1606
01:56:36,554 --> 01:56:37,991
[Miles babbles]

1607
01:56:49,828 --> 01:56:51,352
[door opens]

1608
01:56:52,005 --> 01:56:55,269
- [Mike] Oh it's, very nice.
- [Andy] This is it.

1609
01:56:55,312 --> 01:56:56,705
[Mike] Very nice.

1610
01:56:58,359 --> 01:56:59,795
[Andy] Well, we're just gonna
go this way, sir, on the left.

1611
01:56:59,838 --> 01:57:01,275
[Mike] Oh.

1612
01:57:01,318 --> 01:57:02,885
[footsteps]

1613
01:57:06,019 --> 01:57:07,020
[Mike sighs]

1614
01:57:21,556 --> 01:57:23,036
What about the room?

1615
01:57:23,862 --> 01:57:25,864
They said it would
be ready tomorrow for sure.

1616
01:57:26,169 --> 01:57:27,170
Okay.

1617
01:57:31,000 --> 01:57:33,437
That must have been
a very weird ride.

1618
01:57:36,440 --> 01:57:37,441
[Lidia laughs]

1619
01:57:39,269 --> 01:57:40,270
Thank you.

1620
01:57:41,750 --> 01:57:43,273
[whispers] You don't ever have
to say thank you to me.

1621
01:57:50,715 --> 01:57:52,065
I'm good. [laughs]

1622
01:57:52,761 --> 01:57:53,762
Yeah?

1623
01:57:54,415 --> 01:57:55,590
Yeah.

1624
01:58:09,734 --> 01:58:10,735
Hi, Dad.

1625
01:58:10,996 --> 01:58:12,215
[Mike] Marilou?

1626
01:58:12,998 --> 01:58:14,609
No. It's me. It's Lidia.

1627
01:58:15,610 --> 01:58:16,828
I know that, kiddo.

1628
01:58:17,090 --> 01:58:19,135
[Miles babbles]

1629
01:58:28,449 --> 01:58:29,624
I read that book.

1630
01:58:30,755 --> 01:58:32,105
- Oh, yeah?
- [Mike] Yeah.

1631
01:58:33,976 --> 01:58:35,456
Do you know who wrote it?

1632
01:58:36,196 --> 01:58:37,153
Oh.

1633
01:58:40,200 --> 01:58:41,157
You.

1634
01:58:42,202 --> 01:58:43,203
That's right.

1635
01:58:47,032 --> 01:58:48,686
Did you read all of the stories?

1636
01:58:48,904 --> 01:58:49,861
[Mike] I, uh,

1637
01:58:51,689 --> 01:58:53,430
There was one about swimming.

1638
01:58:56,303 --> 01:58:57,304
I liked that.

1639
01:58:59,610 --> 01:59:00,611
Thank you.

1640
01:59:03,005 --> 01:59:05,007
Not very flattering
of me, though.

1641
01:59:08,053 --> 01:59:09,664
That's fair enough. [laughs]

1642
01:59:09,707 --> 01:59:10,708
[Mike] Ah.

1643
01:59:18,847 --> 01:59:22,329
You know, I won a
prize for that story.

1644
01:59:23,852 --> 01:59:25,201
I got to go to New York.

1645
01:59:31,686 --> 01:59:32,687
[Mike] Huh.

1646
01:59:35,211 --> 01:59:37,082
Well, isn't that something, huh?

1647
01:59:38,867 --> 01:59:39,868
[Mike sighs]

1648
01:59:41,870 --> 01:59:43,045
It's beautiful here.

1649
01:59:46,570 --> 01:59:48,485
It's a real home you have here.

1650
01:59:53,708 --> 01:59:54,752
Well done.

1651
01:59:56,189 --> 01:59:57,190
Well done, you.

1652
01:59:59,453 --> 02:00:01,803
[Lidia VO] <i>The safest memories</i>
<i>are locked away in the brains</i>

1653
02:00:01,846 --> 02:00:03,326
<i>of people who can't remember.</i>

1654
02:00:03,370 --> 02:00:05,850
[Dorothy] Oh, oh! Get her,
Mike! Get her, Mike!

1655
02:00:05,894 --> 02:00:06,895
[splash]

1656
02:00:08,505 --> 02:00:09,550
[Mike] You know I don't swim.
Claudia, go get your sister.

1657
02:00:11,769 --> 02:00:13,728
[Lidia VO] <i>Underwater forever.</i>

1658
02:00:14,598 --> 02:00:15,556
[water splashes]

1659
02:00:16,209 --> 02:00:17,732
[Andy] There you go, pal.

1660
02:00:17,775 --> 02:00:18,733
[ducks quacking]

1661
02:00:19,386 --> 02:00:21,214
Look, I'm doing 'wimming.

1662
02:00:21,692 --> 02:00:24,739
Wow!

1663
02:00:28,133 --> 02:00:30,266
[Lidia making noises]

1664
02:00:30,875 --> 02:00:32,268
[Miles screams]

1665
02:00:33,530 --> 02:00:34,618
What's wrong?

1666
02:00:34,879 --> 02:00:36,577
[Miles] The water will go in my

1667
02:00:36,620 --> 02:00:40,015
nose and ears and into my brain.

1668
02:00:40,058 --> 02:00:41,059
[Lidia laughs]

1669
02:00:41,973 --> 02:00:43,410
Uh, Miles?

1670
02:00:46,369 --> 02:00:49,067
How many times have you seen

1671
02:00:49,285 --> 02:00:51,766
Mama swimming and swimming laps?

1672
02:00:53,898 --> 02:00:56,074
- Lots of times, right?
- Yeah.

1673
02:00:56,118 --> 02:00:59,252
Have you ever noticed

1674
02:00:59,426 --> 02:01:02,472
that I've never got
water in my brain?

1675
02:01:05,954 --> 02:01:07,782
Water's never gone
into my brain.

1676
02:01:08,478 --> 02:01:09,740
You want to see?

1677
02:01:09,784 --> 02:01:11,089
- Huh.
- Watch this.

1678
02:01:11,438 --> 02:01:12,961
Tell me how much water
goes in my brain.

1679
02:01:13,135 --> 02:01:14,136
- Okay?
- Okay.

1680
02:01:16,138 --> 02:01:17,270
[Lidia breathes deeply]

1681
02:01:24,581 --> 02:01:25,582
See?

1682
02:01:25,800 --> 02:01:26,801
Mm-hmm.

1683
02:01:27,454 --> 02:01:28,498
[Andy] Okay, pull.

1684
02:01:28,977 --> 02:01:31,458
[Miles] I have a very
important game.

1685
02:01:33,634 --> 02:01:36,463
I'm gonna put my
whole head underwater.

1686
02:01:36,506 --> 02:01:37,464
[water splashes]

1687
02:01:37,507 --> 02:01:38,769
Okay.

1688
02:01:38,813 --> 02:01:41,511
[Miles] And we look at
each other underwater.

1689
02:01:43,644 --> 02:01:45,559
- What game is this?
- I made it up.

1690
02:01:46,168 --> 02:01:47,474
[both breathe in deeply]

1691
02:01:49,389 --> 02:01:51,608
- [underwater rumble]
- [ethereal music echoes]

1692
02:01:58,789 --> 02:02:00,138
[Lidia VO] <i>The key is,</i>

1693
02:02:02,140 --> 02:02:03,141
<i>make up shit.</i>

1694
02:02:13,108 --> 02:02:16,024
<i>I'm not speaking out of my</i>
<i>asshole when I say this.</i>

1695
02:02:18,374 --> 02:02:19,332
<i>Come in.</i>

1696
02:02:22,770 --> 02:02:24,206
<i>The water will hold you.</i>

1697
02:02:39,177 --> 02:02:42,093
[dramatic music]

1698
02:02:47,272 --> 02:02:50,537
[singer vocalizing]

1699
02:02:56,717 --> 02:03:00,285
[dramatic music continues]

1700
02:03:56,951 --> 02:03:59,823
[dramatic music continues]

1701
02:04:17,624 --> 02:04:20,801
[singer vocalizing]

1702
02:05:04,366 --> 02:05:06,977
[Lidia whispering] <i>Anything.</i>
<i>Anywhere. Anytime.</i>

1703
02:05:07,021 --> 02:05:10,198
[whispering continues]

1704
02:05:16,726 --> 02:05:19,337
[pencil scribbling]

1705
02:05:21,818 --> 02:05:24,995
[dramatic music]

1706
02:05:33,613 --> 02:05:37,573
[singer vocalizing]

1707
02:06:14,567 --> 02:06:18,571
[singer vocalizing continues]

1708
02:06:23,097 --> 02:06:27,405
[dramatic music continues]

1709
02:06:49,166 --> 02:06:52,343
[singer vocalizing continues]

1710
02:07:15,018 --> 02:07:18,674
[dramatic music continues]

1711
02:07:58,235 --> 02:08:01,021
[dramatic music fades]