Original subtitles

Oh, oh, oh

Woke up today

Feeling the way I always do

Oh, oh, oh

Hungry for something that I can't eat

Then I hear that beat

That rhythm of town Starts calling me down

It's like a message from high above

Oh, oh, oh

Pulling me out to the smiles And the streets that I love

- Good morning, Baltimore! - Good morning, Baltimore

Every day's like an open door

Every night is a fantasy

Every sound's like a symphony

Good morning, Baltimore

And someday when I take to the floor

The world's gonna wake up and see

Baltimore and me

Oh, oh, oh

Look at my hair

What 'do can compare with mine today?

Oh, oh, oh

I've got my hairspray and radio

I'm ready to go

The rats on the street

All dance around my feet

They seem to say, "Tracy, it's up to you"

So, oh, oh, don't hold me back

'Cause today all my dreams Will come true

Good morning, Baltimore

There's the flasher Who lives next door

There's the bum on his barroom stool

They wish me luck on my way to school

Good morning, Baltimore

And someday when I take to the floor

The world's gonna wake up and see

Baltimore and me

I know every step

I know every song

I know there's a place where I belong

I see all those party lights Shining ahead

So someone invite me before I drop dead

Before she drops dead

So, oh, oh, give me a chance

'Cause when I start to dance I'm a movie star

Oh, oh, oh

Something inside of me makes me move

When I hear that groove

My ma tells me "no"

But my feet tell me "go"

It's like a drummer inside my heart

So, oh, oh, don't make me wait

One more moment for my life to start

I love you, Baltimore

Every day's like an open door

Every night is a fantasy

Every sound's like a symphony

And I promise, Baltimore

That someday when I take to the floor

The world's gonna wake up and see

Gonna wake up and see

- Baltimore and me - Yes, more or less, we all agree

- Baltimore and me - Someday the world is gonna see

Baltimore and me

Mount Everest is the most famous

but not the highest geographical point on this Earth.

Now, who can tell me what that is?

Um, excuse me, Miss Whimsy?

I can't see the board again.

Tracy Turnblad.

If I have to write you up

for inappropriate hair height one more time,

you will be removed to detention.

Miss Wimsey, what am I supposed to do?

Hair can't just hang there like a dead thing on your cheeks.

I mean, Well,

You know what I mean. I,

As I said, it is not Mount Everest.

Now, next week, we will be talking about earthquakes and volcanoes.

And as exciting as that might sound,

we have to look back approximately 60 million years.

Now, if you turn your pages,

we are going to start with the Ring of Fire.

I want you to contemplate what causes the separation of the two components.

Penny, come on, hurry!

Outta my way!

Push! We're late.

- One minute to air. - Okay.

Don't change that channel.

Coming up next, The Corny Collins Show.

Thirty seconds.

- Hiya, Dad! - Goodbye!

Hi.

It's my daughter.

10 seconds. Places, everyone.

Hurry up, Penny, we're missing it!

My mom says I'm not allowed to perspire!

Hey there, teenage Baltimore!

Don't change that channel

'cause it's time for The Corny Collins Show!

Brought to you by Ultra Clutch hairspray.

Oh, every afternoon When the clock strikes four

Bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba

Well, a crazy bunch of kids Crash through that door, yeah

Bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba

Well, they throw off their coats And leave the squares behind

And then they shake it, Shake it, shake it

Like they're losing their mind

You'll never see them frown

'Cause they're the nicest kids In town

Ooh, ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh

Oh, every afternoon You turn your TV on, huh

Na, na, na

Yeah, we know you turn the sound up When your parents are gone, yeah

Na, na, na

Then you twist and shout For your favourite star

And when you've practiced every step That's in your repertoire

You better come on down And meet the nicest kids in town

Nice white kids Who like to lead the way

And once a month We have our Negro Day

And I'm the man Who keeps it spinning round

Mr Corny Collins With the latest, greatest

Baltimore sound

So, every afternoon, drop everything

Bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba

Who needs to read and write When you can dance and sing, yeah!

Bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba

Forget about your algebra And calculus

You can always do your homework On the morning bus

Can't tell a verb from a noun

They're the nicest kids in town

Ooh, ooh, ooh

Roll call!

I'm Amber.

Brad.

- Tammy. - Fender.

- Brenda. - Sketch.

- Shelley. - IQ.

Lou Ann.

- Joey. Mikey. - Vicki. Becky.

- Bix. - Jesse.

- Darla. - Paulie.

- Noreen. - Doreen.

And I'm... Link.

So, if every night you're shaking As you lie in bed

- Mony, mony - Shake it, baby

And the bass and drums Are pounding in your head

Mony, mony, ooh, mony, mony

Who cares about sleep When you can snooze in school

You'll never get to college But you'll sure look cool

Don't need a cap or a gown

When you're the nicest kids in town

They must think my ears are garbage cans.

Would you turn that racket down?

I'm trying to iron here.

Nicest kids in...

Kids in town

- Whoo! - Whoo!

Ma, it's not racket. It's The Corny Collins Show.

Well, it's turning your brains into mud.

Mrs Turnblad, it's a new dance!

The Stricken Chicken.

Well, I can't hear myself think.

How am I supposed to negotiate pleats?

- Edna? - I'm in here, Prudy.

What's that racket?

Oh, Tracy.

Edna, is my laundry ready?

Yep.

That'll be three dollars, hon.

That's pretty pricey for a pair of petty pants.

Well, I'm sorry, Prudy,

but some of your personal stains required pounding with a rock.

I'm sure I don't know what you mean.

You're letting her listen to that race music again?

My daughter spends every afternoon at the Stamp and Coin Club.

Oh, really? Well, your daughter hap...

Oh, what is that? The Waving Raven?

It's a little twitchy.

Oh, you wanna play Charades now. All right.

Okay, go ahead.

You.

Penny.

No.

Tracy Turnblad.

Are you trying to tell me

that Penny didn't get permission from her mother to be here?

What?

Penny.

You are banned from this house!

You will never watch that show again!

Without that show, I have nothing!

Having nothing builds character!

Toodle-oo, Edna!

Give them a hand, folks.

All right, all right.

And, once again, that's the Stricken Chicken.

We will be right back

for some more of that hot Detroit sound.

And we're off!

Corny.

"Detroit sound"?

What's that, the cries of people being mugged?

Aw, Velma. The kids dig the rhythm and blues.

Yeah, they're kids, Corny.

That's why we have to steer them in the white direction.

Right direction?

Didn't I say that?

I'll do it.

You try that again

and there'll be stumps where your feet should be.

You got that? You little who...

- Amber. - Holy moly.

Baby.

Good job dancing today.

It's time.

- Link. - Amber.

Amber. Amber, Amber, Amber.

Save your personal life for the cameras, sweetie.

Shiny.

Tammy, Lou Ann, you're gonna die.

Speaking of cameras, did you have a nice nap?

If you'd do your job,

my daughter wouldn't have to fight to be visible.

I gotta show some of the other kids once in a while.

You know, this is a small city.

There aren't that many stations.

This time next year,

you could be wearing an ill-fitting tux,

snapping bar mitzvah photos.

I don't know.

Show Link.

This is nuts. She can't even dance.

Plastic little spastic.

Oh, Link. I can dance so much better than her.

- Why don't you notice me at school? - Mm-hmm.

Ooh

Hey.

That was our very own Link Larkin singing It Takes Two.

And I'm Motormouth Maybelle reminding,

the last Tuesday of this month's your rhythm and blues day.

That's right! Negro Day will be coming your way.

So don't... Uh...

Over here.

Thank you.

So, catch all the crooning when you're all set and tune in.

Thank you, Motormouth. And now...

Owner's coming. He'll call my mother again. Let's go!

- ...very own fun-loving... - Hey!

Come on up here, Brenda. Brenda will be taking...

What?

...a leave of absence from the show. How long you gonna be gone, Brenda?

Just nine months.

Seems like we'll have an opening here on the show for a girl

just as fun-loving, but maybe not quite as freewheeling.

Wanna be one of the nicest kids in town?

Cut school tomorrow and come down to station WYZT to audition.

- No. - But, Ma.

Don't test me, Tracy Turnblad. My diet pill's wearing off.

But come on!

No one is auditioning for anything in this household.

But why not? Why not?

Because dancing is not your future.

One day, you're gonna own Edna's Occidental Laundry.

I don't wanna be a laundress.

I wanna be famous!

Look, if you wanna be famous,

learn how to take blood outta car upholstery.

That's a skill you can take right to the bank.

- Hey. What's all the ruckus in here? - Not a word.

Daddy, tomorrow I'm auditioning to dance on a TV show.

- No, she is not! - You are?

First the hair, now this?

But all the kids are batting up their hair now, hon.

- You're no help. - It's "ratting," Daddy.

And our first lady, Jacqueline Kennedy, does it.

I don't believe that.

What do you mean you don't believe that?

- I don't. - How else would it look that way?

I believe that it is naturally stiff.

She doesn't understand anything.

- Dancing on that show is my dream. - I know.

Just because she wouldn't know a dream

if it bit her on the nose!

Well, I have information for you, missy.

I once had a dream that I owned a coin-operated laundromat,

and I came down from that cloud real quickly, I'll tell you that.

No!

- Oh, Wilbur. - Fine! I'm going to my room!

She thinks I'm being mean, but I'm not.

Those TV people,

they don't pick people like Tracy or... girls like us.

They're gonna hurt her, Wilbur.

I'll talk to her.

Okay. Talk to her.

I'll talk to her. Don't you worry.

Okay.

What?

Tracy, this TV thing. You really want it?

With all my heart.

Then you go for it!

This is America, babe.

You gotta think big to be big.

Big ain't the problem in this family, Wilbur.

You follow your dream.

Mine came true,

and now, I have the most precious thing in the world.

The Taj Mahal of joke shops.

Back step, cha-cha-cha.

Side step, front step.

Back and turn.

Front step, cha-cha-cha.

Tammy, sharper.

Side step, front step.

Back, again. Front step.

Oh, my god, Penny. There's Link. Link!

Penny, pinch me!

You told me to.

I can't believe I'm really here auditioning.

- Side step, front step. - I can't believe I'm really here

watching you audition.

Front step, cha-cha-cha.

Back step, cha-cha-cha.

Side step, front step, back and...

Oh, Amber, look at this motley crew.

This town sure has gone downhill

since I was crowned Miss Baltimore Crabs.

Oh, my god, how times have changed

These girls must be blind Or completely deranged

But time seemed to halt

When I was Miss Baltimore Crabs

Amber, that move is far too dirty.

Mother, wake up from that dream of yours.

This isn't 1930.

You can laugh but life's a test

Don't do this, don't do that

Remember, Mother knows best

For the crown's in the vault

From when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs

These steps are perfect ammunition

Let me show you how your mommy dear Took out the competition

Girls, go get them.

Boys, let's rumba.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

Those poor runner-ups Might still hold some grudges

They padded their cups But I screwed the judges

Those broads thought they'd win

If a plate They would spin in their dance

Not a chance

Boys, put me down

Good morning, ladies. Let's see what you got.

Twist, twist, twist, twist Mashed potato, mambo

Ready, begin

On my show you'll never find A thrusting hip or bump and grind

What's that A dance for fleas and ticks?

Oh, you should have seen My bag of tricks

Oh, I hit the stage batons ablaze

While belting Aida And preparing soufflés

But that triple somersault

Is how I clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs

Proceed.

Are you scared we're on live?

No, I'm sure I can cope

Well, this show isn't broadcast in...

- Cinemascope - Cinemascope

I never drank one chocolate malt

No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs

This one will never get a date In those hand-me-down clothes

Ha! Kid, she'll never get a date Till Daddy buys her a new nose

I would say, "Oy gevalt"

If I wasn't Miss Baltimore Crabs

Do you dance like you dress?

Amber, there's no need to be cruel

Would you swim in an integrated pool?

I sure would. I'm all for integration.

It's the new frontier!

Not in Baltimore, it isn't.

And may I be frank?

First impressions can be tough

And when I saw you, I knew it

If your size weren't enough Your last answer just blew it

And so, my dear, so short and stout

You'll never be in

- So we're kicking you out - So we're kicking you out

With your form and your face

Aw, well, it isn't your fault

You're just down with a case

Of Miss Baltimore Crabs

You may go.

Um, thank you?

I think they secretly liked you.

Cutting my class, Tracy Turnblad?

I trust it was something really important.

It should've been.

There's a party grooving Let's get down

- What you looking at? - Nothing. Not you.

Can I help you?

That move's swift.

You got that right.

The man can dine me on a diet of detention,

so long as he don't starve me of my tunes, baby.

- Does that dance have a name? - Oh, this?

Call it the "Peyton Place After Midnight."

I use it to attract, uh, the opposite sex.

Wow.

That is so groovy.

You're really good.

Why, thank you.

So, would it be kinda like this?

You can't do that dance.

Hello, now.

Not bad for a white chick.

Hey, I know where I've seen you before.

- Where? - On Corny's show on Negro Day.

Negro Day's the best. I wish every day were Negro Day.

At our house, it is.

Hey.

Show me another one?

You wanna see another one.

Well, here's a little something signified to say,

"Hello, my name is Seaweed...

J,

Stubbs."

What's yours, baby?

I'm Tracy Turnblad!

You're gonna get it, white girl!

Well, Tracy,

you got it going on, girl. You one of us.

You're joining this program already in progress!

Well, let's go.

No, I get who Caesar is.

But what's the "Ideas of March"?

I mean, how can a month have an idea?

Hold on.

Come on.

How you liking detention now?

I'm a bad, bad girl who needs to be punished.

Hey.

You know, Corny's hosting the hop tomorrow.

If he saw you dancing like that, he'd put you on the show.

See you.

Sorry, little darling.

Hope I didn't dent your 'do.

- Hey! - See you all later.

Hey, Trace. I was looking for you.

What?

I can hear the bells

What? What are you talking about?

Well, don't you hear them chime?

"Chime" is not exactly how I'd put it.

Can't you feel my heartbeat Keeping perfect time?

And all because he touched me

He looked at me and stared

Yes, he bumped me

My heart was unprepared

When he tapped me

And knocked me off my feet

One little touch Now my life's complete

- 'Cause when he nudged me - Oh!

Love put me in a fix

Yes, it hit me

Just like a ton of bricks

Yes, my heart burst

Now I know what life's about

One little touch And love's knocked me out

And I can hear the bells

My head is spinning

I can hear the bells

Something's beginning

Everybody says That a girl who looks like me

Can't win his love

Well, just wait and see

'Cause I can hear the bells

Just hear them chiming

I can hear the bells

My temperature's climbing

I can't contain my joy

'Cause I finally found the boy I've been missing

Listen, I can hear the bells

Round one

He'll ask me on a date, and then

Round two

I'll primp but won't be late because

Round three Is when we kiss inside his car

Won't go all the way but I'll go pretty far

Round four

He'll ask me for my hand and then

Round five

We'll book the wedding band so by

Round six

Amber, much to your surprise

This heavyweight champion Takes the prize

And I can hear the bells

My ears are ringing

I can hear the bells

The bridesmaids are singing

Everybody says That a guy who's such a gem

Won't look my way

Well, the laugh's on them

'Cause I can hear the bells

My father will smile

I can hear the bells

As he walks me down the aisle

My mother starts to cry

But I can't see 'cause Link and I Are French kissing

Listen, I can hear the bells

Yeah.

I can hear the bells

My head is reeling

I can hear the bells

I can't stop the pealing

Everybody warns That he won't like what he'll see

But I know that he'll look Inside of me

Yeah, I can hear the bells

Today's just the start 'cause

I can hear the bells

Until death do us part and

Even when we die We'll look down from up above

Remembering the night That we two fell in love

We both will shed a tear

And he'll whisper As we're reminiscing

- Listen, I can hear the bells - She can hear the bells

- I can hear the bells - She can hear the bells

- I can hear the bells - Bum, bum, bum

Hey, little girl With the cash to burn

Well, I'm selling something You won't return

Hey, little girl Take me off the shelf

'Cause it's hard having fun Playing with yourself

Once you bounce Through the whole selection

Shake those hips in my direction

Prettier package you never did see

Take me home and then unwrap me

Shop around but, little darling I've got to be

The ladies' choice

Ladies' choice

The ladies' choice

Go on. Get out there and show them.

It's packed pretty tight.

Okay, I'll go in front of you and I'll push.

Test drive this American male

Wait.

It's gonna take cash to fill my tank

It's gonna take cash to fill my tank

So let's crack open your piggy bank

Hey, Seaweed! Wanna do Peyton Place for Corny?

Are you crazy? You gotta dance with your crowd,

- I gotta dance with mine. - Why?

It's just the way it is, Tracy.

But it's your dance.

Well, how 'bout you go borrow it for a second.

- Really? - Go get it, girl.

I'm the ladies' choice

Ladies' choice

Ladies' choice

What is she doing?

All right! Yeah!

Hey, little girl on a spending spree

I don't come cheap But the kisses come free

On closer inspection I'm sure that you'll agree

Oh, hey, little girl, Listen to my plea

I come with a lifetime guarantee

One day maybe we'll find That baby makes three

- It's the ladies' choice - Link!

I'm the ladies' choice

The ladies' choice

I'm the ladies' choice Choice, choice

I'm the ladies' choice

Mr And Mrs Turnblad!

Hey, look out!

Mrs Turnblad!

Mr Turnblad, come quick!

- Me? - Come on!

Mrs Turnblad! Come quick!

You gotta see this!

Oh, I read all about it.

- It's a big fake Hollywood set. - No, Mrs...

You think I'm gonna think that he's really up there?

It's not John Glenn, Mrs Turnblad!

- Well, why are we watching this? - Just watch.

- Lou Ann! - Joey!

- Mikey! Vicki! - Becky! Bix!

- Jesse! - Darla!

- Paulie! - Noreen!

- Doreen! - Link!

And I'm Tracy!

- Oh! Oh, my! - She...

Oh, yeah!

And the bass and drums Are pounding in your head

Go, Tracy!

- Go, go, Tracy! - Go, go, Tracy!

Who cares about sleep When you can snooze in school

You'll never get to college But you sure look cool

Don't need a cap and a gown

When you're the nicest kids in town

Kids in town

- Whoo! - Whoo!

Yeah! That was the dance of the week.

I don't know what happened, Mr Spritzer.

Corny had some sort of aneurysm or something, and...

picked her.

...brand-new Council Member, Miss Tracy Turnblad.

So, Trace,

come on, cosy up to old Corny and tell us about yourself.

Well, I watch The Corny Collins Show,

and I do absolutely nothing else!

Oh, Wilbur, to think that I almost stopped her,

from reaching for the stars.

And now, here she is on local daytime TV.

She's gonna be a regular!

Imagine, my little girl, regular at last.

I also hope to be the first woman president

or a Rockette!

And if you were president, Tracy,

what would your first official act be?

I'd make every day Negro Day.

I read you like tomorrow's headlines, Tracy.

What do you think, kids?

You think we might have a hot new candidate

for Miss Teenage Hairspray?

That's only the dream of my life.

But Miss Hairspray is mine.

Uh, we're on the air.

And your dream will be coming to you, sweetheart,

Saturday, June 2nd, right here on WYZT.

You have to vote for a person, Corny, not one of the Himalayas.

Hi, Penny.

Always the charmer, Amber.

I want that chubby communist girl off the show!

Well, let me be the first to toss the harpoon.

She's a corrupting influence!

I agree. We don't want our dancers thrusting like savages!

Hey, speak for yourself.

Don't get flip with me.

I'm not.

Look, now I got some new ideas for the show.

First, we get rid of Negro Day.

Finally, some sense outta you.

And we mix those kids in with the rest of the Council.

Mix those kids?

That's right, I said it.

This is not a black-and-tan cocktail!

Well, why couldn't it be?

Velma, isn't this where it's all heading anyway?

Now, you can fight it or you can rock out to it.

Maybe it is time for some fresh ideas,

like, like a nice, fresh new host!

Gee, Velma, how do you fire Corny Collins,

from The Corny Collins Show?

They do it all the time on Lassie!

Velma, you've let this go too far!

- Me? - Fix it!

- What? - Fix it!

Hey, look out for that moving van Driving down our streets

You better lock up your man

Before he meets the new girl in town

Who just came on the scene,

TracyFace whoopee cushion. Good choice.

We got your Tracy souvenirs for days.

Here, your signed photos.

Tracy wigs.

Whoa, whoa, whoa

We don't know what to do 'Bout the new girl in town

The new girl in town Seems to dance on air

The new girl in town

She's got the coolest hair

You better tell the homecoming queen To hold onto her crown

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa

Or she's gonna lose it to The new girl in town

That big little girl is sending my sales through the roof.

More people are breathing aerosol than oxygen!

Do you think you could show us some of those new dance moves?

- Yeah, sure. - Ooh, pretty flowers.

Tracy, wait up!

She's hip

So cool

I'm gonna get her after school

And yet we'd like to be like her

'Cause she's the kitten That the cats prefer

The new girl in town Has my guy on a string

- The new girl in town - Hey, look, she's wearing his ring

I can't stop crying

And so in my own tears I'm gonna drown

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

'Cause he wants to rendezvous With the new girl

We're kinda sad and blue

Yes, it's true, girl

We'd like to say

To the new girl in town

The new girl in town

Hi, I'm here to see Tracy Turnblad.

Where's her write-up?

She doesn't need a detention slip. She's with me.

Penny, this is Seaweed. Seaweed, this is Penny.

Whoa, whoa, whoa

To the new girl in town

The new girl in town

Whoa, whoa, whoa

From out of the blue, girl

This town's in a stew, girl

What a hullabaloo, girl

She ain't just passing through, girl

She's sticking like glue, girl

To the man I thought I knew, girl

Whoa, whoa, whoa

Hey, look out for that moving van

Look out, look out, look out

She was the new girl in

Town

And that's the way you do it.

And I'm your fabled Miss Motormouth Maybelle,

your DJ du jour, pitching rhythm your way.

So, hey, better stay and shimmy and sway.

We'll be right back with more Negro Day.

"Brought to you by...

Nap-a-Way, for stubborn hair.

Every kink will be gone in a blink."

We're off.

Girls, that was great.

How dare you pick the same song?

They wrote it.

You watch yourself.

You are one inch from being cancelled.

You know what your demographic is?

Cleaning ladies and lawn jockeys.

A foot in the door, that's all it is.

One toe at a time.

Hello?

Is this the Turnblad residence?

- Yes. - Mr Pinky speaking.

Mr Pinky from... from the dress shop?

Uh-huh.

I'd like Tracy for our spokesgirl.

You want Tracy to do what?

- Be our spokesgirl. - Be a spokesgirl?

I think she'd be perfect.

I'd like to meet her and discuss the details.

As soon as possible.

Okay, um...

Well, we'll have to send someone down to meet you.

- Tonight, if you can. - So, um...

- Oh, okay. Bye-bye, Mr Pinky. - Bye-bye.

The Mr Pinky?

From Mr Pinky's hefty hideaway!

A spokesgirl?

Oh, tell me I get a free caftan. Tell me!

Oh, Tracy!

I think perks like caftans have to be negotiated.

Maybe we should get you an agent.

Okay. You be my agent!

What? Tracy Turnblad!

Has fame gone to your head and made you wacky?

Well, why not?

Who's going to look out for me better than my mom?

Me, an agent?

You see me hobnobbing and drinking rum and cokes

with all those hoi pollois?

And out-negotiating them.

Oh, you're crazy!

Oh, Tracy, I haven't left this house in years.

Then isn't it time you did?

Oh, no, Tracy.

We'll have your father meet with him.

I don't wanna be seen like this.

Why not?

I'll do it after my next diet. That's when I'll do it.

You see, the neighbours haven't seen me

since I was a size 10.

Don't make me do it, Tracy.

Ma, it's changing out there.

You'll like it.

People who are different...

Their time is coming.

Hey, Mama, hey, Mama, look around

Everybody's grooving To a brand-new sound

Hey, Mama, hey, Mama follow me

I know something's in you That you wanna set free

So let go, go, go of the past now

Say hello to the love in your heart

Yes, I know That the world's spinning fast now

You gotta get yourself A brand-new start

Hey, Mama, welcome to the '60s

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, Mama, welcome to the '60s

Oh, oh, oh

Go, Mama, go, go, go

Welcome to the '60s

Oh, oh, oh

Hey, Mama

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Hey, Mama, hey, Mama, have some fun

I haven't left this house since 1951

Hey, Mama, hey, Mama, take a chance

Oh, Tracy, it's been years Since someone asked me to dance

So let go, go, go of the past now

Say hello to the light in your eyes

Yes, I know That the world's spinning fast now

But you gotta run the race To win the prize

Hey, Mama, welcome to the '60s

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, Mama, welcome to the '60s

Oh, oh, oh

Go, Mama, go, go, go

Welcome to the '60s

Ma, you did it!

Oh, Tracy, I'm a little lightheaded.

There's so much air out here!

Can't we go someplace that's stuffy?

No, Ma, you're on your way.

Hey, Mama, welcome to the '60s

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, Mama, welcome to the '60s

Oh, oh, oh

Go, Mama, go, go, go

They're so glamorous.

Wow.

- It kicked! - Swell.

Let's toast to that. To your boy!

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Welcome to the rhythm Of a brand-new day

Take your old-fashioned fears

And just throw them away

You should add some colour And a fresh new 'do

'Cause it's time for a star Who looks just like you

I thought we marked these down.

What?

Thank you, Nadine.

There's my shining star!

Fantastic to meet you!

I'm Mr Pinky.

It's so nice to meet you.

Tracy, is this your older sister?

Oh, my.

Perhaps she'd like some complimentary couture.

Couture?

Now, if you'll just sign here.

Flattery will not distract Miss Turnblad's agent

from reading the fine print.

Her agent?

Tracy, eat your donuts.

Let's talk.

All right, let's see here.

All right. Now...

No!

I want a non-exclusive contract.

Extensions by mutual option.

And I want you to absorb my 15 percent commission.

Not a dime over ten!

Throw in a bustier?

Fifty-four double D?

Triple E.

I hit the mother lode!

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Care for a Baby Ruth? I got one right here.

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, Mama, welcome to the '60s

Oh, oh, oh

Go, Mama, go, go, go

Don't-cha let nobody try To steal your fun

'Cause a little touch of lipstick Never hurt no one

The future's got a million roads For you to choose

But you'll walk a little taller In some high-heeled shoes

And once you find the style That makes you feel like you

Something fresh, something new

Step on out, hear us shout

Mama, that's your cue

Ba da ba da ba da

Step on out, hear us shout

Mama, that's your cue

Hey, Tracy, hey, baby, look at me

I'm the cutest chickie That you ever did see

Hey, Tracy, hey, baby, look at us

Where is there a team That's half as fabulous

I let go, go, go of the past now

Said hello to this red-carpet ride

Yes, I know That the world's spinning fast now

Tell Lollobrigida to step aside

Your Mama's welcoming the '60s

Oh, oh, oh

Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-baby

Oh, oh, oh

Go, Mama, go, go, go

Welcome to the '60s

Open the door to the girl Who has more

She's a star, Tracy, go, go, go

Hey, Mama, welcome to the '60s

- Your mama's hip, your mama's in - Hey, Mama

Your mama's looking at herself And wondering, "Where you been?"

Where you been?

- Your mama's lit - Lit

- She's all aglow - Go, Mama

Your mama once was holding back

But Mama's gotta let go, go, go

Welcome to the "six," to the "O"

To the apostrophe "S"

Hey-yay, baby, yeah

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, yeah

Go, Mama, go, go, go

Oh, oh, oh

Go, Mama, go, go, go

Wait until Dad sees you.

Sees me?

He never notices what I wear.

In 20 years, he's never even said to me,

"Nice muumuu" or nothing.

Now he will.

Well, maybe if he leaves that shop for five minutes.

I swear, I don't know what goes on down there.

Well.

Mrs Turnblad.

I'd know whose mother you were anywhere.

Really?

Hello, Amber.

Hello, Tracy.

Ma, this is Amber and Mrs Von Tussle.

Mrs Von Tussle is the station's manager.

Oh, the station manager.

Oh, it was so nice of you let her on that show.

Well, Tracy certainly has... redefined our standards.

That's for sure.

Let me guess...

brand-new dress?

Oh, yes.

Well, you'll stop traffic.

It was nice meeting you. Tracy.

Bye, Tracy.

Ma, don't listen to a word she says!

I'm taking this back.

- Don't you dare. - I am.

Don't you dare!

Don't you know why she hates us?

She's afraid I'll beat Amber for Miss Teenage Hairspray.

Really?

They can't put Tracy in special ed.

I won't have it.

I mean, even if I have to tutor her myself,

they cannot hold my friend back.

You're a saint.

Oh, and it's totally not true

about her and the entire football team.

I mean, please.

Anybody can get grass stains all over their back.

Amber, stop it.

I'm sick of you doing that.

Just because she's a good dancer.

I'm sorry, you think that she can dance?

Well, maybe you'd rather have her as your partner.

You could get sponsored by Goodyear.

Excuse me.

What is going on back there?

Tracy, that's horrible. Mr Flak does not have breasts.

What? No!

I would... I would never.

Oh, and Mr Larkin,

perhaps you'd like to share with the rest of the class

Patrick Henry's immortal last words.

"Kiss my ass"?

You didn't have to do that, Link.

Hey, no prob.

Besides, it looks like a cool scene down here.

Right.

Hey, cool.

Hey, Tracy!

Not quite, huh?

Aw, damn. Just when I was getting it.

Listen, man, you ain't gotta stop now.

My mom's having a platter party tonight.

- Y'all wanna come check it out? - Now?

Would you mind if I, too, checked it out?

I've never been to North Avenue before.

Uh, well, would it be safe?

You know, for us?

Calm down, cracker boy!

It's cool.

Wow, being invited places by coloured people!

It feels so hip!

I'm glad y'all feel that way 'cause, uh, not many people do.

- Y'all know what I'm saying? - Yeah, that's right.

Hey!

I can't see why people look at me

And only see the colour of my face Ah, yeah

Then there's those that try to help God knows

But always have to put me in my place

But I won't ask you To be colour-blind

'Cause if you pick the fruit Then, girl, you're sure to find

The blacker the berry The sweeter the juice

I could say it ain't so But, darling, what's the use?

The darker the chocolate, the richer the taste

And that's where it's at

Now, baby, run and tell that

- Now run and tell that - Aw, sugar

- Run and tell that - Run and tell that

Hey, yeah!

I can't see why people disagree

Each time I tell them What I know is true, oh, no

- And if you come - And see the world I'm from

I bet your heart Is gonna feel it, too, yeah

I could lie but, baby, let's be bold

Vanilla can be nice

But if the truth be told

Blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice

I could say it ain't so But, darling, what's the use?

The darker the chocolate, the richer the taste

And that's where it's at

Oh, baby, baby, run and tell that

- Run and tell that - Aw, sugar

Go run and tell that

- Run and tell that - Go on and run and tell that

- Run and tell that - Hey, run and tell

Go tell

Keep moving, people Run and tell that

Link!

Link Larkin!

Hey, yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Hey! Whoo!

Whoo!

Come here, girl. This is my sister, Little Inez.

Oh, I know Tracy Turnblad.

Good for you, girl! You got on the show.

- Well, you better be next. - You got that right.

Oh, you know she is. You better show them, girl.

Go, girl!

I'm tired of covering up all my pride

So give me five On the black hand side

I got a new way of moving And I got my own voice

So how can I help But to shout and rejoice

Oh, the people 'round here Can barely pay their rent

They try to make a dollar Outta fifteen cent

But we got a spirit Money just can't buy

It's deep as a river And soars to the sky

- To the sky! - Hey!

I can't see the reason it can't be

The kinda world Where we all get our chance

- Oh, yeah - The time is now

So we can show them how

Just turn the music up And let's all dance, yeah, yeah

'Cause all things are equal When it comes to love

Well, that ain't quite true 'Cause when push comes to shove

The blacker the berry The sweeter the juice

They say it ain't so But, darling, what's the use?

The darker the chocolate The richer the taste

And that's where it's at

Now, baby, baby, baby Run and tell that

Run and tell that

- Run and tell that - Oh, baby

Go run and tell that

Go home and run and tell that

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Whoo!

- Go, baby! - Yeah!

It was horrible.

Mom, he just danced on that bus

with that great white whale and those negroes.

No, honey.

Reeling him back in is the easiest thing in the world.

Remember, I control his career.

Now, don't worry. Mommy will take care of everything.

Are you all hungry for some good fun?

Yeah

Bring on that pecan pie

Pour some sugar on it Sugar, don't be shy

Scoop me up a mess Of that chocolate swirl

Don't be stingy, I'm a growing girl

I offer big love with no apology

How can I deny the world The most of me?

I am not afraid To throw my weight around

Pound by pound by pound

Because I'm big, blonde And beautiful

Face the fact It's simply irrefutable

No one wants a meal That only offers the least

When, girl, we're serving up The whole damn feast

Well, looks like y'all took a step outta bounds.

Now who we got here?

Mom, I want you to meet my new friends.

This here is Link. Tracy Turnblad.

This is just so Afro-tastic!

And this young lady right here...

is Penny Pingleton.

I'm very pleased and scared to be here.

Oh, now, honey.

We got more reason to be scared on your street.

Latoya, put that record down. You gonna scratch it.

Can't you keep your little girl...

Shall we dance? Come on.

My name is Mike.

Mike?

Yes, Mike.

- Mike who? - It's Mike!

Anyway...

I'm calling because I have some information

about your daughter's whereabouts.

- What? - Right now, as we speak,

your daughter has entered a hotbed of moral...

turpentine.

Baby don't sleep

Baby don't eat

Baby just like another boink-boink

Link, aren't you gonna get in awful trouble for this?

I'm not planning on telling my dad.

No, I mean in trouble with someone else.

Maybe.

Maybe it's worth it.

I think knowing you's the start of a pretty big adventure.

Tracy Edna Turnblad!

Oh, we get any more white people in here.

This gonna be a suburb.

Do you know what I had to pay a cab just to consider coming down here?

Oh, uh, Mom...

No call! You just disappear.

And all mashed up against a crooner?

Um, Edna Turnblad, this is Link.

Come on, we're going.

And, Penny, go home before your mother shoots you.

Miss Edna, is it?

Hi, I mean, you don't have to rush off, you know.

Well, I do. I left my iron on.

Oh, your iron.

Well, before you go,

you sure you wouldn't like to have a little something to eat?

Is that braised?

Whoa, oh, oh

Whoa, oh, oh

Slice me off a piece Of that hogshead cheese

And take a look inside My book of recipes

Now, don't you sniff around For something fluffy and light

We need a man Who brings a man-size appetite

We'll use a pinch of sugar And a dash of spice

I'll let you lick the spoon Because it tastes so nice

We keep it in the oven Till it's good and hot

Keep on stirring Till it hits the spot

Because I'm big, blonde And beautiful

There is nothing 'bout us That's unsuitable

Why sit in the bleachers Timid and afraid

When, Edna, You look like the whole parade?

They say that white Has might and thin is in

Well, that's just bull

'Cause, ladies, big is back

And as for black, it's beautiful

All shapes and sizes follow me

Who wants a twig When you can climb a whole tree

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Groovy, baby. Groovy!

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, my god!

Oh, you got me.

Welcome... to the Hardy-Har Hut.

If we can't put a smile on your face, your skin's too tight.

- Oh! - Bop, bop.

- Oh. - I got something for you. Yeah.

It's just in.

You're gonna love it.

Cigarette?

Tempting but, uh...

No, thanks!

Well, eh, okay.

What can I do you for?

Something for the mister?

Sadly, there is no mister at the moment.

Beautiful woman like yourself?

My husband...

accidentally suffocated.

- You need a fella. - I do.

I do need a fella.

And the way to a man's heart is through his funny bone.

Now here's an icebreaker for you.

Oh, Miss Maybelle, you do throw a lovely party.

But what are you celebrating?

Well, it's kind of an ending.

But it deserved to go out with a bang.

What ended?

- Negro Day. - What?

All right. Time y'all knew.

Velma Von Tussle just told me we have had our last show.

- No. - What?

Yeah, it seems our little show was a nice little placeholder,

but it was time to get some ratings.

I didn't wanna tell y'all up front.

I just wanted to have a little fun tonight.

But I practiced so hard.

Now I'll never get a chance to be on the show.

Oh, you will be seen, baby. I promise.

You can't have your own show? Fine, you'll come dance with us.

Honey, you been dozing off during history?

Yes, always.

Trace, black and whites ain't never danced on TV together.

Well, if we can't dance...

maybe we should just march.

Ooh, that'd get some big ol' ratings.

Better time slot, too.

Like on the 11:00 news.

What y'all say?

Should we give this fine woman all the ratings she deserves?

- Yeah! - Yeah!

Hey, hey!

Well, it is a school night...

and I think we ought to call it a night.

Tell you what. We meet up at the church

Friday, 4:00, and we will march on WYZT.

- Yeah! - Yeah!

Yeah!

Tracy, you can't protest, hon.

I mean, these are lovely people,

but if you protest, you'll be on lists.

You'll be on files.

J. Edgar Hoover'll be still wiretapping

your cold, dead body in the grave.

Oh, Mother.

Link, we're going with them, right?

Walk with me.

You want your Belgian chocolate animal droppings.

Dot, dot. This store's for you.

- Oh! What a treasure trove. - Huh?

Come here, baby.

Don't be sad.

We gonna make it happen, okay?

- Can I go? - Now, come on, now.

I can't be worried about you out there.

Trace...

I been smiling and dancing on this show for 3 years.

Mrs Von Tussle just promised I could sing

at the Miss Hairspray pageant.

She's... she invited agents.

That's my shot, Trace.

I can't jeopardize that.

But it's what's right.

I'm sorry, Trace.

I just think this adventure's...

a little...

too big for me.

Oh, God. No, no, no. That's not what I...

I get it, Link. It's your shot.

No, Trace, that's not what I...

It's fine.

Oh, hon.

I should go.

Give him time.

He'll figure out he's crazy 'bout you.

You have to say that. You're my mother.

Well, I know a little something about men.

And, my personal favourite, X-ray specs.

You can see through anything.

Skin, clothes, you name it.

Now, take your father.

And he's always downstairs in that shop working late.

Do I take it personal? No.

Men always put their career first.

- Remember that. - Okay.

I'm really tired. I'm gonna go to bed.

All right, hon. Night.

- I love you. - I love you, too.

I think I'm gonna go to bed, too.

Oh, I'm so tired.

You don't need those...

to see what's under these clothes.

There's a product that really works

'cause these are phony as a three-dollar bill.

Incredible!

I could do a fan dance with a lettuce leaf

and you would remain completely obtuse!

Obtuse.

Yes, obtuse!

I flunked geometry.

Yeah, well... And biology too, no doubt!

Yeah.

Wait! How about this?

Okay.

Those lips, those eyes

That food

Well, there ain't nothing Like a spread

To get you in the mood

Wilbur, can't you feel The burning flame of hot desire

You're gonna need More than some seltzer

To put out this fire

I'm wailing, "Look out, old Balti...

"...More!" I'm selling something You can't purchase

At a ten-cent store

Oh, Wilbur, I feel like a princess

Come on and take me to the ball

I bet you're tired of heavy lifting

Get your hands on something small

Because I'm a-big...

...blonde...

- ...and beautiful - ...and beautiful

It's time to face the facts

It's irrefutable

Why waste one more minute

Now I feel brand spanking new

Hey, Wilbur, take a look

It's all for

You

You?

- Edna. - Your wife!

You said she was out! Wait a minute!

Hi, hon.

Ma, you don't really believe that he would do that.

You are never setting foot on that show again.

You hear me?

I heard you the first 400 times, Ma.

Hey.

Daddy!

It wasn't me.

I had to improvise a bed out of something.

Whoopee cushions?

That will play heck with my sciatica.

That one was me.

Daddy, are you okay?

Tracy, you know...

These peepers have never looked at another woman.

This heart only beats for size 60.

Daddy, you know what Velma wanted.

She wanted me off the show.

And I knew that, but how could she go that far?

Come here. Come here, little girl.

Little girl.

And then, to just cancel Negro Day like that.

Just to make sure that nobody who's different,

or who's black, or Chinese,

or maybe who needs to lose a few pounds.

What are you talking? Stop it.

What are you talking?

I think I've been in a bubble or something.

Thinking that fairness was just going to happen.

It's not.

I think people like me

are gonna have to get up off their father's laps

and go out there and fight for it.

Your mother and I,

we don't see too far past our front door.

But you... see all the way to Schenectady.

So, if there's something you need to stand up for,

don't you listen to old dogs like us.

We need to learn some new tricks...

from you.

You don't need new tricks, Dad.

You need Mom.

She changed the locks.

Good night, Daddy.

Aw, love.

Come on, baby.

Honey, took me five years to figure out you were flirting.

How could I ever?

Well, she is very glamorous.

Edna.

She just makes me feel old.

Nonsense.

Doll!

You're spry as a Slinky.

I'm not talking to you.

Styles keep a-changing The world's rearranging

But, Edna, you're timeless to me

Hemlines are shorter A beer costs a quarter

But time cannot take what comes free

You're like a stinky old cheese, babe

Just getting riper with age

- You're like a fatal disease, babe - What?

But there's no cure So let this fever rage

Some folks can't stand it Say time is a bandit

But I take the opposite view

'Cause when I need a lift

Time brings a gift

Another day with you

A twist or a waltz

It's all the same schmaltz

With just a change in the scenery

You'll never be old hat

That's that

You're timeless to me

Fads keep a-fading

Castro's invading

But, Wilbur, you're timeless to me

Hairdos are higher

Mine feels like barbed wire

But you say I'm chic as can be

- You're like a rare vintage ripple - Thank you.

A vintage they'll never forget

- So pour me a teeny-weeny triple - Any time!

And we can toast the fact We ain't dead yet

- What? - I can't stop eating

- Your hairline's receding - Hey!

And soon, you'll have nothing at all

Never.

So you'll wear a wig

While I roast a pig

Hey! Pass that Geritol

I love pig.

Glenn Miller had brass

That Chubby Checker's a gas

But they all pass eventually

You'll never be passé, hip-hooray

You're timeless to me

You're like a broken-down Chevy

All I need is a fresh coat of paint

And, Edna You got me going hot and heavy

You're fat and old

- What? - But, baby, boring you ain't

Some folks don't get it

But we never fret it

'Cause we know That time is our friend

Yeah, it's plain to see

That you're stuck with me

Until the bitter end

And we got a kid Who's blowing the lid

Off the Turnblad family tree

You'll always hit the spot

Big shot

You're timeless to me

You'll always be du jour, mon amour

You're timeless to me

You'll always be first string

Ring-a-ding-ding

- You're timeless to me - You're timeless to me

You're timeless to me

You're timeless to me

- You're timeless - You're timeless

- To me - To me

Oh, Wilbur.

Tracy.

Wake up, hon.

Wake up. Everything's good again.

Wilbur?

Wilbur!

Seaweed, help pass those signs out.

Give her one.

Hey, Jackie, we're over here.

Aw, you looking good, Gertrude.

Come on, y'all. Here we go now.

Tracy!

You're gonna pay a heavy price.

I know.

You'll never dance on TV again.

If I can't dance with Seaweed and Little Inez,

then I don't wanna dance on TV at all.

I just want tomorrow to be better.

There's a light

In the darkness

Though the night is black as my skin

There's a light burning bright

Showing me the way

But I know where I've been

There's a cry

In the distance

It's a voice that comes From deep within

Hey, yeah

There's a cry asking why

I pray the answer's up ahead

'Cause I know where I've been

There's a road we been traveling

Lost so many on the way

But the riches will be plenty

Worth the price

The price we had to pay

There's a dream

In the future

There's a struggle

That we have yet to win

And there's pride in my heart

'Cause I know where I'm going

Yes, I do

And I know where I've been

Yeah

- There's a road - There's a road

- We must travel - We must travel

- There's a promise - There's a promise

- We must make - That we must make

- But the riches - Oh, but the riches

- Will be plenty - The riches will be plenty, yeah

- Worth the risk - Worth the risk

- And the chances that we take - And the chances we take

There's a dream

Yeah, yeah, yeah, in the future

- There's a struggle - Struggle

- That we have yet to win - We have yet to win

- Use that pride - Pride

- In our hearts - In our hearts

- To lift us up - Lift us up

Until tomorrow

'Cause just to sit still Would be a sin

I know it, I know it I know where I'm going

Lord knows I know

- Where I've been - Oh, when we win

Yeah, I'll give thanks to my God

'Cause I know where I've been, yeah

Oh, yeah, amen!

- Amen, amen! - That's right.

Tracy, hon, you don't know what you're doing.

Yes, I do, Ma.

Hello, Miss Maybelle.

Well, good evening, Miss Edna. Nice of you to join us.

She's got a lovely turnout.

Now, I really think they don't need you anymore.

You come home with me.

No, we are not sending a camera crew.

They're protesting our own station, dimwit.

Why is Channel Five there?

Well, of course they're all Negroes.

And why would...

I know who would. I know exactly who would.

- Two, four, six, eight! - Two, four, six, eight!

- TV's got to integrate! - TV's got to integrate!

Two, four, six, eight! TV's got to integrate!

- Two, four, six, eight! - Oh, my god, no!

- TV's got to integrate! - TV's got to integrate!

- No! - Ma, come on.

The sound's not working.

You knew there'd be police.

But I didn't know there'd be cameras.

So?

Oh, I cannot be seen on television at this present weight.

Two, four, six, eight! TV's got to integrate!

Two, four, six, eight! TV's got to integrate!

Two, four, six, eight! TV's got to integrate!

Excuse me.

Is there some reason we can't pass by peacefully?

I strongly suggest you and your little friends

head back to where you come from.

Hey, you don't have to be so rude.

Tracy!

It's all right, Tracy. I can handle this.

- Excuse me. She was talking to you. - Tracy!

Tracy, no.

You just assaulted a police officer, miss.

- No! - I what?

Assaulted?

Enough! Hey!

All right, boys.

Let's take the whole lot in.

- No! - Run, Tracy! Run!

Two, four, six, eight! TV's got to integrate!

Two, four, six, eight! TV's got to integrate!

Two, four, six, eight! TV's got to integrate!

Two, four, six, eight! TV's got to integrate!

And our cameras also caught Tracy Turnblad,

the teenage TV personality and rabble-rouser.

Miss Turnblad brutally attacked a sergeant

- with a blunt instrument... - You see?

You see?

If I let you leave the house right now,

you'd be in prison fighting whores for cigarettes.

That Tracy Turnblad always was a bad influence.

Well, you are never, ever gonna see that beehived harlot again.

Okay, Mother. Excuse me.

Penny?

Pray for her.

She's gonna need it.

- Wait! Wait! - Tracy! Tracy!

She's not here, I told you.

Hon, she knows...

If the cops are looking for her, this is the first place they'll come.

What this must have put you through, Wilbur.

I'm so sorry.

- I'm not. - You're not?

I'm proud of you.

You are?

Baby, somebody had to do something.

'Course, we may be eating beans for the next ten years.

Bail for 20's kind of pricey.

You bailed all those people out?

You upset with me?

I'm sorry.

Hon, it just seemed like the right thing.

Oh, Wilbur, it was the right thing.

Knights in armour don't come any shinier than you.

But where's our little girl?

Are you okay, Trace?

Oh, you have no idea.

- Come on. - Thank you so much.

You're such a great friend.

Thanks.

Penny, the cops are looking for me everywhere.

You could go to jail for helping me.

Tracy, I'm already in jail. Come on.

- Oh, no. - What?

Your hair deflated.

Oh, let it.

It was just a symbol of my conformity to the man.

You are so tough.

So, what do you think?

Maybe you could live down here.

I don't even know why we have this room down here,

but there's food, water, first aid kit,

gas mask, Russian-language books.

It's very well-insulated.

It won't be where you're going. The police are on their way.

Mom, please don't send my best friend to the big house.

Penny, hush.

You haven't heard the last of me, Mrs Pingleton.

Things need to change

and I won't stop trying to change them.

I don't care how long it takes.

Good, you'll be waiting 20 to life.

Get the jump rope, Penny.

- Mom, not the jump rope! - Don't you touch my canned tuna.

You wait till your father gets out of prison.

You'll see more than a jump rope, missy!

A massive manhunt is underway for Miss Turnblad...

who bludgeoned sergeant and decorated Korean war veteran,

Mike Morris, with a crowbar,

- shattering his jaw... - That is a lie!

They're talking about our baby, Wilbur.

They're telling lies.

Sergeant Morris is in critical condition.

This is such a Midol moment.

Wilbur, that... Oh!

Maybe that's her. Oh, that's her.

Is that you, Tracy?

Oh, Link. I thought you'd be Tracy.

Uh, no. I was just at home, uh, practicing my new twist on the twist

and I overheard it on the news.

I can't believe Tracy savagely bludgeoned an Eagle Scout.

- That's just not like her. - Well, it's not true. I was there.

He didn't even bleed.

I should have been there...

beside her.

I can't sleep, I can't eat.

You can't eat?

Well, come on in and worry with us.

I'll make you some pork.

Penny Lou Pingleton,

you are absolutely, positively, permanently punished.

You will live on a diet of saltines and Tang,

and you will never leave this room again.

Devil child! Devil child!

Seaweed. Don't let her hear you.

Penny, what happened to you?

She's punishing me for harbouring a fugitive

without her permission.

What are you doing?

I'm here to rescue the fair maiden, baby.

Oh, Seaweed, you do care.

I was afraid the colours of our skin would keep us apart.

No.

These knots might. Was your mom in the navy?

Once I was a selfish fool Who never understood

Never looked inside myself

Though on the outside, I looked good

Then we met and you made me The man I am today

Tracy, I'm in love with you No matter what you weigh

- 'Cause without love - Without love

Life is like the seasons with no summer

- Without love - Without love

Life is rock 'n' roll Without a drummer

Tracy, I'll be yours forever

'Cause I never wanna be

- Without love - Without love

Tracy, never set me free

- No, I ain't lying - I ain't lying

- Never set me free - Never set me free

Tracy, no, no, no

Living in the ghetto Black is everywhere you go

Who'd have thought I'd love a girl

Whose skin was white as winter snow?

In my ivory tower

Life was just a hostess snack

But now I've tasted chocolate

And I'm never going back

'Cause without love

Life is like a beat That you can't follow

Without love

Life is Doris Day at the Apollo

Darling, I'll be yours forever

'Cause I never wanna be

Without love

So, darling, never set me free, no

- I'm yours forever - I'm yours forever

- Never set me free - Never set me free

No, no, no

If I'm left without my baby doll

I don't know what I'll do

Link, I've got to break out

So that I can get my hands on you

Girl, if I can't touch you Then I'm gonna lose control

Seaweed, you're my black white knight

I've found my blue-eyed soul

Sweet freedom is our goal

Trace, I wanna kiss you!

Let me out at the next toll!

Without love

Life is like a prom That won't invite us

Without love

It's like getting my big break And laryngitis

Without love

Life's a 45 when you can't buy it

Without love

Life is like my mother on a diet

Like a week that's only Mondays

Only ice cream, never sundaes

Like a circle with no centre

Like a door marked "Do Not Enter"

Darling, I'll be yours forever

'Cause I never wanna be

Without love

- Yes, now you've captured me - Now you've captured me

Without love

I surrender happily

Without love

Oh, Seaweed, never set me free

No, no, no

I ain't lying

Never set me free

No, no, no

No, I don't wanna live without

Love, love, love

Pretty Penny little

Darling, you had best believe me

Never leave me without love

Link, your pork is ready.

- Uh, Mama, I... - You trying to hide her here?

Why you ain't think of that before?

Everything she done for us. Where your manners at, boy?

Well, I don't know.

And what about this one?

Seaweed's got a girlfriend.

Inez, shut up.

- You. - Oh.

So this is love.

Well, love is a gift.

Lotta people don't remember that.

So you two better brace yourselves for a whole lotta ugly coming at you

from a never-ending parade of stupid.

So you met my mom?

Hello?

- Mom? Yes, I'm safe. - Tracy, are you okay?

- Oh, my god. - Mom, listen.

- Where are you? What? - I need your help.

Tomorrow's the Miss Teenage Hairspray pageant.

I need you to come down to the station.

- Well, Tracy... - Dress nice.

- What? - Penny will meet you out front.

- Tracy... - Now let me talk to Dad.

Turn your face this way. The other way. Go.

Everybody, please take your seats.

The Miss Teenage Hairspray Pageant is about to begin.

Oh, you've come on a very exciting day.

It's our... first live show.

Oh! Bye-bye, Birdie.

My Amber is perfect for that.

She's the pretty little blonde.

And we're live in five, four, three...

And now, broadcast live in front of a live studio audience

for the first time from the certified up-to-code WYZT studio,

it's the Corny Collins Miss Hairspray Spectacular.

- He's Corny. - He's Corny.

Brought to you by Ultra Clutch hairspray.

What gives a girl power and punch

Is it charm, is it poise

No, it's hairspray

What gets a gal asked out to lunch

Is it brains, is it dough

No, it's hairspray

If you take a ride With no can at your side...

"And preserve our family through our father."

"Let us make our father drink wine, and let us lie with him."

You can take off in a rocket

And in outer space Each hair will be in place

Link, the agents are here. Look.

...When you get up and dance?

If you twist, I insist

You use hairspray And tell your mother

Maybe they'll sign us together.

...She should smother With Ultra Clutch faithfully

Well?

There's no sign of her. We're on every door.

She's not inside.

Doesn't mean she won't try.

Velma, I seriously doubt this girl's gonna risk incarceration

to win a pageant.

That's me!

I risked communicable diseases. She'll certainly risk jail.

Better than hairspray

That's me

What makes a man reach out and touch?

Ultra Clutch

So if you're a redhead A blonde, or brunette

Just take my advice And you might just get

The only thing better than hairspray

That's me

- Ah! - He's Corny Collins

The only thing better than hairspray

- Hairspray - Wow!

That's me

Hey, baby, you look like you could use a stiff one.

And we are out.

Link, you sprayed it right in my face!

What'd I tell you about that?

Stop! You guys.

Uh, powder.

And we're back. Five, four...

- Here? - Three.

And now for the talent portion of our competition,

our Councilettes

in their Miss Teenage Hairspray official dance-off.

First off, we have the sunny pride of Highlandtown, Darla.

Hello, Darla.

Miss Teenage Hairspray. Your vote is for?

This little girl could power all of greater downtown Baltimore

with her energy.

Lou Ann.

Who are you voting for? Lou Ann?

Very good, thank you.

All right.

Ladies and gentlemen, the almost too happy Tammy.

And thank you, Tammy.

- Confirmed sighting. - What?

You three. Outside, now.

- We can't go out... - No, no. No buts. Out, out!

Whatever you say, Mrs Von Tussle.

Aw, she's too cute, isn't she?

Hold it right there, Tracy.

Looking for someone?

All right, ladies and gentlemen...

- A what? - It was a diversion.

Oh, please, these people are not capable of a diversion.

It's beyond their mental capacity.

I wouldn't be so sure, Velma.

Oh, my god.

What if she's already in the building?

What if she's been here for hours and you've locked yourselves out?

What?

Check the doors!

- Let's go! - Let's go!

It's locked!

It's all locked!

And now a fast girl who loves to slow dance,

our own smooth-as-silk Shelley.

Keep going. Keep going. That's it.

- Come on. - Put your backs into it, men.

Put your backs into it this time.

Come on, one more time. One more time.

Come on, come on, come on.

Here's our little dynamic duo from Conkling Street.

Double your fun with Noreen and Doreen.

What is with you people?

I mean, how hard is it to beat down a door?

That hairspray battering ram was heavy.

Heavy?

How could they be heavy? They're...

hollow.

Move it.

Let's get them. Let's go.

And of course, our three-time Miss Hairspray champion,

the ever-charming, Amber.

Oh, my god.

You carried her in!

Go!

- It's locked. - Open it!

Let's give a final round of applause

to our Miss Teenage Hairspray contestants.

Hey.

All right, all right.

We are so close to announcing the new Miss Teenage Hairspray.

Look at that board.

What a nail-biter this one is turning into.

Ladies and gentlemen, the final tally.

It is my...

obligation...

to announce that Amber Von Tussle...

Is about to get out-danced.

Tracy Turnblad!

What?

You can't stop an avalanche

As it races down the hill

You can try to stop the seasons, girl

But you know you never will

And you can try to stop My dancing feet

But I just cannot stand still

'Cause the world keeps spinning Round and round

And my heart's keeping time To the speed of sound

I was lost till I heard the drums

- Then I found my way - No.

- 'Cause you can't stop the beat - Link!

Ever since this old world began

A woman found out if she shook it She could shake up a man

This throne is mine!

The best that I can today

- 'Cause you can't stop - Let me down!

The motion of the ocean Or the sun in the sky

You can wonder if you wanna But I never ask why

And if you try to hold me down

I'm gonna spit in your eye and say

That you can't stop the beat

They love you, Link.

Yeah? Not for long.

Inez, come on!

Let's dance.

Little Miss Inez Stubbs, ladies and gentlemen.

Look at my baby go.

- Inez. - Inez?

Come on.

Oh, there you go! Give her a hand, folks!

Little Miss Inez Stubbs, ladies and gentlemen.

You can't stop a river As it rushes to the sea

You can try to stop the hands of time

But you know it just can't be

And if they try to stop us, Seaweed

- We'll call the N-double A-C-P - We'll call the N-double A-C-P

'Cause the world keeps spinning Round and round

And my heart's keeping time To the speed of sound

I was lost till I heard the drums

Then I found my way

'Cause you can't stop the beat

Ever since we first saw the light

A man and woman liked to shake it On a Saturday night

And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it

- With all of my might - Mother!

Today

'Cause you can't stop

The motion of the ocean Or the rain from above

- They can try to stop the paradise - Hello?

We're dreaming of

But you cannot stop the rhythm Of two hearts in love

To stay

'Cause you can't stop the beat

Amen.

I am now a checkerboard chick.

Penny! No!

Live television. There's nothing like it.

Penny!

- And now, it's the moment... - Wait, wait, wait!

We have to wait till they go to commercial.

As you know, we've kept the lines open up to the last minute.

And those lines have been burning up our switchboard.

Never in the history of this pageant

has there been such a surge of late voting.

Baltimore, you've picked a winner.

And the new Miss Hairspray is...

- Inez Stubbs! - What?

Inez, you done it! You did it!

How about that?

Yes!

Come on over here, Little Inez.

Go, babe!

Oh! Inez! Oh, my god!

That's my baby! That's my baby girl!

But... she's...

She's not even a candidate.

She just got a tidal wave of calls, Velma.

But this is invalid. This is impossible.

Well, anyone who dances for it is eligible.

Rule 30, paragraph five, asterisk, down at the bottom. Okay.

Well, this also makes you the lead dancer

on The Corny Collins Show.

Ladies and gentlemen, The Corny Collins Show

is now and forever officially integrated!

All right. Yeah.

Interracial dancing has broken out at the WYZT stage.

Just look at the crowd's reaction.

Back to you, Steve.

...Heard the drums Then I found my way

'Cause you can't stop the beat

Amber, stop it!

I lost, Mom. Let's just deal with it.

No, you did not lose.

You cannot have lost because I switched the damn tallies.

Smile, Miss Crabmeat.

You're on Candid Camera.

That was a good shot, don't you think?

Not bad.

What are you doing?

Get that away from me!

Go to commercial!

Go!

Velma!

Pack your desk.

You've tainted the name of Ultra Clutch.

How can you taint a cancerous can of chemicals?

You're fired!

I can't be fired.

Oh, yeah?

Last chance to join the dance, folks. Everyone is welcome!

Wilbur...

Do it now or forever wish you had.

Really?

Show them, baby.

Nobody can dance like you.

You can't stop my happiness 'Cause I like the way I am

And you just can't stop My knife and fork

When I see a Christmas ham

So if you don't like the way I look

Well, I just don't give a damn

'Cause the world keeps spinning Round and round

And my heart's keeping time To the speed of sound

I was lost till I heard the drums

Then I found my way

'Cause you can't stop the beat

Ever since this old world began

A woman found out if she shook it She could shake up a man

And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it The best that I can today

'Cause you can't stop

The motion of the ocean Or the sun in the sky

You can wonder if you wanna But I'll never ask why

And if you try to hold me down I'm gonna spit in your eye and say

That you can't stop the beat

I love you!

You did great!

Corny, do something!

The show is turning to gumbo!

Not a chance, Velma.

This is the future.

Maybelle, let's go.

This is your time.

Yeah.

All right, Miss buttercup.

It's time to wrap this mutha up.

Oh, oh, oh

- You can't stop today - No!

As it comes speeding down the tracks

- Ooh, child, yes - Child, yesterday is history

- Be gone! - And it's never coming back

- Look ahead! - 'Cause tomorrow is a brand-new day

- And it don't know white from black - Yeah!

'Cause the world keeps spinning Round and round

And my heart's keeping time To the speed of sound

I was lost till I heard the drums

Then I found my way

'Cause you can't stop the beat

Ever since we first saw the light

A man and woman liked to shake it On a Saturday night

And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it With all of my might today

'Cause you can't stop

The motion of the ocean Or the rain from above

They can try to stop the paradise We're dreaming of

But you cannot stop the rhythm Of two hearts in love to stay

'Cause you can't stop the beat

Ever since we first saw the sun

A man and woman liked to shake it When the day is done

And so we're gonna shake And shimmy it

And have some fun today

'Cause you can't stop

The motion of the ocean Or the rain from above

They can try to stop the paradise We're dreaming of

But you'll never stop the rhythm Of two hearts in love to stay

- 'Cause you can't stop the beat - You can't stop the beat

You can't stop the beat

You can't stop the beat

You can't stop the beat

Hey, old friend, let's look back

On the crazy clothes we wore

Ain't it fun to look back

And to see it's all been done before

All those nights together Are a special memory

And I can't wait for tomorrow

Just as long as you're dancing Next to me

'Cause it's so clear, every year

- We get stronger - Stronger

'Cause what's gone is gone The past is the past

Turn the radio up

And then hit the gas 'cause

I know we've come so far But we've got so far to go

I know the road seems long

But it won't be long Till it's time to go

So, most days, we'll take it fast And some nights, we'll take it slow

I know we've come so far

But, baby, baby We've got so far to go

Oh, yeah, baby

Hey, old friend, together Side by side and year by year

The road was filled With twists and turns

Oh, but that's the road That got us here

Let's move past the bad times

But before those memories fade

Let's forgive but not forget

And learn From all the mistakes we made

'Cause it's so clear, every year

- We get stronger - Stronger

So don't give up and don't say when

And just get back on the road again

'Cause I know we've come so far But we've got so far to go

I know the road seems long

But it won't be long Till it's time to go

So, most days, we'll take it fast And some nights, we'll take it slow

I know we've come so far

But, baby, baby We've got so far to go

Oh, yeah, baby

Oh, oh, oh

Hey, old friend Come along for the ride

There's plenty of room so jump inside

The highway's bumpy Every now and then

But it's so much better Than where I've been

Just keep moving at your own speed

Your heart is all the compass You'll ever need

Let's keep cruising the road we're on

'Cause the rear-view mirror Only shows what's

Gone, gone, gone

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Got so far to go

Yeah

It's so clear

- Every year we get stronger - Stronger

So shine that light

Take my hand

Let's dance into the promised land

'Cause I know we've come so far But we've got so far to go

I know the road seems long

But it won't be long Till it's time to go

So, most days, we'll take it fast But some nights, we'll take it slow

I know we've come so far

But, baby, baby We've got so far to go

Oh, oh, oh

- Yeah, yeah - Welcome to the '60s

- Stop! - Stop telling me what to do

- Don't! - Don't treat me like a child of two

- No! - I know that you want what's best

- Please! - But, Mother, please

Give it a rest!

Stop! Don't! No! Please!

Stop! Don't! No! Please!

Stop! Don't! No! Please!

Mama, I'm a big girl now

Once upon a time When I was just a kid

You never let me do Just what the older kids did

But lose that laundry list Of what you won't allow

'Cause, Mama, I'm a big girl now

Once upon a time I played with childhood toys

But now I'd rather play around With older boys

So, if I get a hickey Please don't have a cow

'Cause, Mama, I'm a big girl now

Ma, I gotta tell you That without a doubt

I get my best dancing lessons From you

You're the one who taught me How to twist and shout

Because you shout non-stop And you're so twisted, too!

Whoa-oh-oh

Once I used to fidget 'Cause I just sat home

But now I'm just like Gidget And I gotta get to Rome!

- So say, "Arrivederci!" - "Toodle-oo!"

And, "Ciao!"

'Cause, Mama, I'm a big girl now

Oh, stop! Don't! No! Please!

Stop! Don't! No! Please!

Stop! Don't! No! Please!

Mama, I'm a big girl now

Hey, Mama, say, Mama

Once upon a time I was a shy young thing

Could barely walk and talk So much as dance and sing

But let me hit that stage I wanna take my bow

'Cause, Mama, I'm a big girl now

Whoa-oh-oh

Once upon a time I used to dress up Ken

But now that I'm a woman I like bigger men

And I don't need a Barbie doll To show me how

'Cause, Mama, I'm a big girl now

Ooh, ooh, ah

Ma, you always taught me What was right from wrong

And now I just wanna give it a try

Mama, I've been in the nest For far too long

So please give a push And, Mama, watch me fly

- Watch me fly - Show off

Someday I will meet A man you won't condemn

And we will have some kids And you can torture them

But let me be a star Before I take that vow

'Cause, Mama, I'm a big girl now

Whoa-oh-oh

Mama, I'm a big girl now

Hey, hey, hey

Mama, I'm a big girl

Oh, such a big, big girl!

I'm a big girl now

Whoa-oh-oh

Whoa-oh-oh

Please, Mama, I'm a big girl now

They came from way far out In outer space

She's hard to miss And so they landed on her face

She's got cooties

They've found a place to nest

- She's got cooties - Cooties

If I were her, I'd be depressed

Long tailed, sharp nailed Fuzzy legs, laying eggs

Oh, no, get them

In science class She's like a walking show-and-tell

Her pet skunk ran away 'Cause it couldn't take the smell

- She's got cooties - Cooties

Nobody wants to sit by her

No, don't need a coat 'Cause she's got fur

Circle, circle, dot, dot, dot

Glad I got my cootie shot

Come on, boys, let's stamp them out

Cootie, cootie

Come on, boys

Cootie, cootie

Cootie, cootie

Come on, boys

- Whoa, no, no, no - She's got cooties

- She's just as friendly as can be - She's got cooties

- She shows them cootie hospitality - She's got cooties

- She's like a living Twilight Zone - She's got cooties

Can you get Rod Sterling on the phone?

Black, white, red, green Every colour in between

Dresses like a circus clown

ought to

Grew up in a cootie zoo

I bet her two-ton Mama's Got them, too!

She... she... she's coming!

- She's got cooties - Somebody ought to hose her down

- She's got cooties - Oh, yeah

- She's got cooties - Somebody ought to hose her down

- She's got cooties - Yeah, yeah

- She's got cooties - She's just as friendly as can be

- She's got cooties - She shows them cootie hospitality

She's got cooties

- This girl is sure to catch your eye - She's got cooties

She surely likes To let her freak flag fly

Come on, boys

- Let's jam - She's got cooties

Let's stamp them out

Come on, boys

- Let's jam - She's got cooties

Let's stamp them out

Come on, boys

- Let's jam - She's got cooties

Let's stamp them out

Come on, boys

- Let's jam - She's got cooties

Let's stamp them out

Black, white, red, green Every colour in between

Dresses like a circus clown

Somebody ought to hose her down

Grew up in a cootie zoo

I bet her two-ton Mama's Got them, too!