Original subtitles

All right, let's go clean you off.

Sorry someone's a grouchy mess.

Oh, that's okay, it's like their father's still here.

So, how's school?

Can we please talk about anything else?

Any boys on the horizon?

Maybe you should ask her.

What's that mean?

Nothing.

Oh, Mom,

you know every time you lie, an angel dies.

Tell me.

My mother is trying to set me up

with a widower from her bowling league.

Way to bury the lede.

I am not doing it.

Why? It'd be so good for you

to get out of the house on a Friday night,

maybe between 6:00 and 10:00.

Hmm.

It might be fun.

What might be fun?

Connie is trying to set up

your mom with a guy.

What?

Dad just died.

Over a year ago.

Well, it's too soon, she's not ready.

Please don't tell me when I'm ready.

I'm ready for you to be ready.

Can we please talk about anything else?

See, you're making her uncomfortable.

She can say when she's uncomfortable.

I'm uncomfortable.

-She deserves to have a life. -Agreed.

Well, so go have a life.

Read a book, get a cat,

get a monkey, open a petting zoo.

Maybe she would like some male companionship.

She's got Jesus, her dance card's full.

I can't believe you.

What?

I'm okay if she dates,

you know, after enough time.

Well, what's enough time?

I think the rule of thumb is half the length of the marriage.

The rule of thumb?

Hey, pick whatever finger you want, it's the rule.

So if you died, I'd have to wait, what, one year?

Oh, way longer. You'll be devastated.

Yeah, like you'd wait that long.

Longer.

You've ruined me for all other women.

Oh, shut up.

I'm serious.

You older gals are great teachers.

Okay, now you really need to shut up.

I just think she deserves to be happy.

She's plenty happy.

What's going on?

If Mr. McAllister died,

would you start dating someone?

I don't know,

maybe if he looked like Tom Selleck.

She's got a type.

You think you look like Tom Selleck?

We both have a mustache.

Fine, my mom can date Tom Selleck.

Like his mother could get Tom Selleck.

-I'm going to Sarah's. -Oh,

well, I thought maybe we'd do something together.

Why?

Because I enjoy spending time with you.

Why?

It wouldn't kill you to hang out with your mother.

We don't know that.

Never mind.

If you're lonely, why not call Meemaw's guy?

I don't want to call Meemaw's guy.

So, what, you're just gonna grow old and die alone?

I'm sure California will send Sheldon back at some point.

I just want you to know that if you do decide to date again,

I really am okay with it.

Thank you.

Just to be safe, should we have the talk?

Get out of here.

When a boy and a girl care about each other,

there's a special hug.

Go!

And that boy and girl better be married!

I was thinking about us dying.

Oh.

Talk dirty to me, Daddy.

I'm serious.

What if both of us suddenly drop dead?

We made all that money selling the store,

we don't even have a will.

Probably time to make one.

What are you thinking?

Oh, it's not complicated,

just give it to the kids 50-50.

Oh, come on, be smart.

What?

You think Connor's capable of handling that kind of money?

Same kid that bought an antique foghorn?

So we give it to Amanda and make her responsible for Connor.

So Mandy buys a thousand pairs of shoes

and Connor gets nothing?

Maybe we just revisit this in a year or two.

Yeah, that sounds right.

You're gonna hate this, but the most responsible

of all of 'em is Georgie.

You're right, I hate it.

Sorry.

You must be Mary.

You must be Joseph.

All we need's a manger, huh?

Well, there you go.

And your mom said you had no sense of humor.

Oh.

Hello.

Oh, hi. Come on in.

Just brought by some more of CeeCee's old clothes.

Oh, thank you.

I know I've said it before...

I'm good with babies right now.

Well, I said that, and then I had twins.

Twins.

Ooh, nice flowers.

Uh, y-yes.

Um, thank you.

What's the card?

Oh, uh, no, nothing.

Nothing.

Oh, my God, you went on that date.

Do not take the Lord's name in vain.

Holy moly, you went on that date.

It was not a date, it was a cup of coffee.

Oh, then he sent you flowers?

He's a gentleman.

So, when's the second date?

None of your beeswax.

Come on, I think it's great. I'm happy for you.

You cannot tell Georgie.

I will take it to the grave.

Or the wedding, if things go well.

There is no wedding.

He is just a nice man who's a... nice man.

Hmm. How nice we talking?

Are we done here?

Hey, maybe you'll need those baby clothes.

Okay, we're done.

You've become the $100,000 champion.

Congratulations to you.

Wow.

Let's bring all of our contestants out...

That's a big chunk of change, huh?

I would buy a giant Wurlitzer organ

and open my own silent movie theater.

What about you, Georgie?

What would you do with that kind of money?

No brainer.

Put half away for CeeCee's college tuition

and the other half in stocks and bonds.

Boring!

Hey.

Hey, where were you?

Dropped some of CeeCee's old clothes off at the church.

-Oh, did you see my mom? -Yep.

-How's she doing? -Good.

Really good.

"Really good"?

Well, normal good. Good enough.

What's going on here?

Oh, we were just talking about what a person might do

with a giant windfall of cash.

Oh, three words: Rodeo Drive, baby.

Shut up.

Who you calling?

-My mom. -Why?

Just checking in.

I told you she's good.

Hey, Missy.

What do you want?

-Is Mom there? -Uh, no.

-Where is she? -Hang on.

Quiet!

Are you having a party?

Just a couple friends.

So where's Mom?

She's on a date.

What? No, she said she wasn't ready.

No, you said she wasn't ready.

I got to go. Something's on fire.

Missy! Missy!

You are not gonna believe this.

My mom's out on a date.

No.

What kind of person takes out a dead man's wife?

You should try being happy for her.

This could be really good.

Oh, really good?

Is this why she was "really good"

when you saw her at the church?

Look, she was adamant about not telling you,

and you know how she gets when she's adamant.

It's scary stuff.

What do we even know about this guy?

Just that he's nice and he sent her flowers.

What, so this ain't even their first date?

Maybe, I, I don't know.

You know, it's really none of my beeswax.

Why do I even bother talking to you?

I agree.

Oh, hi.

Don't "hi" me.

Excuse me?

I thought we agreed

you weren't ready.

Mandy told you?

No, Missy told me,

but Mandy told me you told her not to tell me.

Get out of my chair.

Not that it is any of your business, but...

I enjoy spending time with him.

What about Dad?

Your dad would want me to be happy.

Oh, no, he wouldn't.

Georgie, I love you dearly,

but I'm about to lose my temper.

Oh, pretty cranky. You stay out late?

On the count of three.

Missy had a party while you were out gallivanting.

I know.

One.

What are you gonna do, spank me?

Two.

I'm a grown man.

Three!

This ain't over!

Just the man I want to see.

Oh, hello.

Is there anything in the Bible

that says how long a wife should wait to move on

after her husband dies?

Oh, my goodness, Georgie, is your health okay?

This ain't about me.

I mean, I am constipated here and there,

but nothing fatal.

Okay, and actually the Bible does speak to this.

Here we go.

First Corinthians, uh, 7:39.

"A wife is bound to her husband for as long as he lives."

Love it.

"But if her husband dies, she is free

to be married to whom she wishes."

What else you got?

Well, uh, let's see.

Ooh.

Let's try this one.

First Timothy 5:14.

"So I would have younger widows marry, bear children..."

Children? Next.

I get the sense you're looking for some alternate guidance.

No fooling you. Keep going.

Okay. Well, uh... how's this?

"To the widows and the unmarried, I say

that it is good for them to stay unmarried as I do."

-Mm-hmm. -"But if they cannot control themselves,

"they should marry, for it is better to marry

than to burn with passion."

Oh, you're killing me.

What about other religions?

Well, in the Jewish tradition,

excessive mourning of a spouse is considered critical of God.

Thanks for nothing.

My door is always open.

Yeah.

It shouldn't be, but it is.

Lord, I don't know what to do.

Maybe it is too soon.

It certainly is for Georgie.

He's real upset,

and I don't want to make things harder for him.

But why should I feel guilty for having a little fun?

I can't stay in this house and be sad all the time.

I don't think George would want that.

If you see him up there,

please tell him I think about him every day

and I'll miss him forever.

Amen.

Oh, um, let him know the Cowboys are looking real good this year.

Here you go, Jorge. Thanks for supporting

the only Latino-owned tire shop in Medford.

Who's McAllister?

Oh, it's pronounced "Mac-ay-eester."

Goes back to your ancient Aztecs.

Cool.

-Hey, Missy. -Where's Georgie?

Out on a tow. Sh-Shouldn't you be in school?

Yep. When's he gonna be back?

I don't know, you want me to give him a message?

Yeah, tell him he needs to stay out of our mom's love life,

and if he's got a problem with that,

then he's got a problem with me.

I would love to tell him that.

How's it going?

Good. Your sister dropped by.

Really? What'd she want?

Your mother's love life is none of your business,

and if you got a problem with that, you got a problem with me!

And to be clear, "me" is Missy.

I got it.

I'm not done.

What kind of son makes his mother feel bad

for trying to find a little happiness in the world?

A bad son, that's what kind.

How's it going at the garage?

Great.

Cool.

You renew the bus contract with the school board?

Yep.

I tried. I'm out.

Just tell them, Georgie.

-Can we please leave it alone? -Tell them.

My mom's decided to replace my dad.

That's not what's happening.

Well, that's what it feels like.

She went to dinner with a nice man, that's it.

You and me went to dinner once, too.

Boom, pregnant.

You're being ridiculous.

It's only been a year.

A year and a half.

Can I say something?

Really? You want to walk into this minefield?

Your mother will never forget

or stop loving your father.

And I think it's very brave of her

to try and live a full life.

That went better than I thought.

It just hurts.

I get it.

Do you? Your dad's sitting right here.

Well, not for long. Look how much butter's on that potato.

Don't give me more reasons to take you out of the will.

Excuse me.

If Mandy's out of the will,

does that mean I get everything?

It's a yes or no question.

You want to talk about it?

Not really.

Georgie.

What's to talk about?

I'm wrong, I should just move on.

No. I mean, there's no wrong here.

You feel what you feel.

But that also means

your mom gets to feel what she feels.

I'm telling you right now,

I will never call this man "Dad."

Okay, you need to slow down.

I mean it, I ain't walking her down the aisle.

Oh, my God.

Let Sheldon do it.

You're acting crazy, okay?

She just went on a date.

I know my mother. She doesn't date, she commits.

Okay, well, what about this guy?

I mean, how do we know if he's ready for that?

She's beautiful and she can cook.

He ain't going nowhere.

I mean, what do you even know about this guy?

Does he even have a job?

I don't know.

Kids?

No idea.

Well, how long since his wife died?

Okay, okay, I get where you're going.

Do you?

Yeah, I need to hire a private detective

and find out everything I can about this creep.

Oh, that's good.

I'm surprised your mom never got you out there.

Oh, she never asked.

Sorry I brought it up.

You... you have some crumbs in your mustache.

Oh, dang it. Been thinking of shaving it.

Oh, don't.

You look like Tom Selleck.

I was thinking about our will.

I have a new plan I'd like to propose.

I'm listening.

We blow it all on ourselves before we die.

And leave nothing for the kids?

Not a penny.

What would we spend it on?

I don't know.

I've always wanted a monster truck.

A monster truck?

It's a regular truck but monstrous.

What about you? What would you like?

One of those cruises that go around the world.

Ah, the monster truck of the sea.

What else?

I'd like to meet the pope.

You can buy that?

It's the Catholic Church.

Of course you can buy it.

Your turn.

Well, you know, I've always dreamed

of winning the Kentucky Derby.

Oh.

Aren't you a little big to be a jockey?

I'm not gonna ride the horse, I'm gonna own it.

All right.

Ooh, if we're going to the Derby,

I'm gonna have to get me one of those big fancy hats.

Oh, get me one, too. I burn easy.

Are we being selfish,

not leaving anything for the kids?

Feels good, don't it?

It does.

I'll be right back.

Where are you going?

To tell them they're on their own.

I want to come.

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