Original subtitles

- Inside.

All right.

Make it good.

Let's do that again.

Okay, Coach, why aren't you watchin' now?

Watch out Pelé.

Let's top that ball, top it.

Yeah, let's do it again.

All right.

Smith, the Mighty Foot moves downfield with amazing agility,

intense concentration.

Ah, you've been reading too much Smith.

Ah!

♪ I was a child ♪

♪ Who ran full of laughter ♪

♪ I was a child who lived for today ♪

♪ My eyes full of sunshine ♪

♪ A heart full of smiles ♪

♪ I was a child for a day ♪

♪ We were the children ♪

♪ Who sang in the morning ♪

♪ We were the children ♪

♪ Who laughed at the sun ♪

♪ Who listened to those ♪

♪ Who spoke with their wisdom ♪

♪ We are the ones who we would say ♪

♪ But we're getting older ♪

♪ As time goes by ♪

♪ A little older every day ♪

♪ We were the children of yesterday ♪

♪ I was a child ♪

♪ Who ran full of laughter ♪

♪ I was a child ♪

♪ Who lived for today ♪

♪ My eyes full of sunshine ♪

♪ A heart full of smiles ♪

♪ I was a child for a day ♪

♪ But we're getting older ♪

♪ As time goes by ♪

♪ I'm a little older with everyday ♪

♪ 'Cause we were the children of yesterday ♪

- Oh, oh, oh!

- What? - David?

- Huh? What?

- Let me in.

Who's in there?

- Uh, just a minute.

Just a minute. Hold it.

Yeah, okay.

Oh, hi, hi.

- What have you been doing in here?

- Nothing.

I was just-

- Don't tell me what I heard.

I heard noises.

- Well, I was sleeping.

I may have been tossing

and turning in my sleep. - Oh, come on.

I mean, who are you trying to fool?

- What do you mean?

I was lying in bed.

I was asleep.

I had an incredible dream. - Don't kid me-

- Oh, hi, you're Elgin, right?

Look, I just wanted to make sure I came in

through the right window.

Do you have a sweater or something I could put on?

- Would you like pants or shoes?

- No, I won't be here very long.

I could have plummeted to my death.

I could've just got double pneumonia out there.

It's high, it's cold, it's freezing.

- Well, make yourself at home.

- You wouldn't believe what just happened.

- Yes, I would.

- Well, see, he has to get rid of her

and then I can go back, so it’ll just be...

David said you'd understand.

- Right.

Listen, I would love to talk to you,

but I have a test tomorrow.

- Oo.

You know, some women are so jealous.

I'm not.

Are you?

- Well, I don't think I'd like it

if my girlfriend was messing around, no.

- That's sweet.

That's old fashioned.

I like that in a man .

- Now listen, could we discuss this another time?

Because I have a test tomorrow

and it's very important to me.

- I'll find something to read.

"Five Stages of Greek Religion,"

"The Unconscious God,"

"Dialogues of Plato," "The Divine Comedy ."

Don't you have something more substantial?

- I wasn't expecting company.

- Well, don't let me interrupt you.

Hey, what did you think

when you saw me out there on the window?

Like, what did you say to yourself?

You know, I'm not gonna be here very long.

Well, I guess I'll be a little bit longer than we thought.

- Hey, Elg, I wanted to thank you.

Hey, Elg?

Elgin?

Hey, I really appreciate what you did

for me last night, man.

Shelley likes you.

- Heck yes.

- No, I mean, she really likes you.

Would you slow down for a minute?

- Nope.

- How'd you like to go out with her?

- Pass.

- Elgin, are you blind?

Did you see what jumped through your window last night?

- God damn it, dude, this is my workout.

- Sorry.

You don't find her attractive?

- Yeah, she's very attractive.

- Well, then why not?

- Because she's not my type.

- Not your type?

Who the hell are you lookin' for?

- What I'm not looking for is something casual.

I've had that.

- Oh, I see. - Yeah.

- You're looking to fall deeply

and romantically and spiritually in love.

Like Romeo, Yates, Keats.

How 'bout Shelley?

Come on, the four of us dinner Friday night.

You and Shelley, me and Felicia.

- Now, Felicia doesn't know about Shelley?

- No, I love Felicia.

Come on. - David,

I don't think you know what love is.

- Love is what feels good.

Are we gonna go out or not?

- I'll think about, huh?

- Okay, Romeo.

Just remember Romeo wound up dead, Romeo.

- The guy looks at the man with potatoes in his ears

and he says, "Hey, buddy, got potatoes and ears."

And the guy says, "I know, I couldn't find any bananas."

Ha ha.

- Elgin- - I know exactly

what I'm going to have.

I'll have a clams casino to start with,

and then the veal piccata.

And may I also have a small salad with no tomatoes.

- Shelley? - I just have no idea.

What are you going to have, Elgin?

- A hamburger.

- Hamburger, that's a great choice

for an Italian restaurant.

- I think it sounds delicious.

I'll have one too.

- Hm, maybe I'll have a hamburger.

- Jesus.

I'm gonna have the fettuccine

to start and then the Saltimbocca alla Romana.

- Wait, that sounds perfect.

- Sure.

- What's the specialty of the house?

- Chicken cacciatore's pretty good.

- Chicken cacciatore.

Now, that's what I actually want.

- One chicken cacciatore, two hamburgers,

one fettuccine and a Saltimbocca?

- Right.

- Oh wait, I've changed my mind.

- No, no, no, no, no.

She hasn't changed her mind.

Thank you.

- Do you know her?

Oh, I hate that when you think you recognize someone.

You'll probably wake up in the middle

of the night and then think of it.

- Maybe he won't be asleep

in the middle of the night.

- Do you have insomnia?

- Elgin, are you all right?

You're sitting there like a stoned asshole.

- I hate that language.

- Food wasn't bad.

Wasn't great.

It was expensive.

Well, I guess I'm goin' over to Felicia's for awhile.

- Yeah, like approximately all night.

- Night, everyone.

- Would you like to go out for a drink or something?

- I don't have any dope.

- I bet I could find your room.

Once I'm in someplace once I'm just like a homing pigeon.

- My room?

- Yeah.

Third floor?

Is the second one on the left.

Hey, you make your bed.

- I beg your pardon?

- I said you make your bed.

Most men around here don't, you know?

I don't make mine very often.

Hey, I like you better than David, you know?

You wanna know why?

- Why?

- Well, 'cause David's so sure of himself.

He's always positive he's gonna get a girl to bed.

There's nothing shy about him at all.

But you are kind of...

Well, I think shyness is a wonderful quality.

Strong, silent.

You know, still waters run deep and all that.

You wanna make love?

- Just like that?

Have you been reading a lot of "Cosmopolitan" or something?

- You may not believe this,

but I've never said that to a guy before.

But you're kind of different.

You feel sort of maternal.

Oh, it's not in a bad way.

It's in a sexy way.

You know, I think of you as kind

of the good Lord of the manor, you know what I mean?

Well, there are good lords of the manor,

and there are bad tenant farmers.

David's like a bad tenant farm.

He's sort of crude and rough and sexy.

But the good lords of the man are pure

and quiet and strong way.

- Shelley, what are you doing?

- They wouldn't just...

I'm taking my clothes off.

They wouldn't just make love to a girl

because they, you know,

well, I mean they, they wouldn't make love to a girl

unless they really felt something, you know?

It feels nice.

- Shelley-

- Now why don't you get undressed?

- I can't just do this.

- Oh yeah, you can.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, I can't.

All right?

- You think I'm not good enough for ya?

- No.

- You probably want Felicia.

- No, I don't want Felicia.

- It's because I threw myself at you.

- No, you're a very

beautiful girl, Shelley. - You think I threw

myself at you.

- Listen- - You can't handle

a real woman.

You want us all to be shy violets.

You know, I don't come on like this to just anybody.

- Shelley, I believe you.

Listen now, I don't want you to leave here angry.

- You don't know what you want.

- Yes, I do.

- See ya round.

- Hey, El, busy day?

- What do you say, Michael?

- Young man?

A refill on the coffee, please.

- Yes, Sir.

Refill on the coffee.

- Having fun.

- Oh, am I having fun ?

What are you doing here?

- I'm trying to have a cup of tea.

What are you doing here?

- I work here.

- I see.

- What are you drinking?

Can I...

Oh .

Can I get you some hot water?

- That'd be terrific. - All right.

- Here we are.

- No rest for the weary.

- Yeah.

- Are you okay?

- It's very hot.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

- You're staring at me.

- No, I'm staring at your book.

- Why? - It looks familiar.

- "Madame Bovary."

- Bovary. - Right.

- Are you studying him?

I mean, are you in a course that-

- No, no, no.

It's just something I always wanted to read.

- That's such a coincidence, you have no idea.

Flaubert writes with such great precision, doesn't he?

He's one of the great masters.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I don't believe I just did that.

- It's okay.

Do you have some napkins or something?

- Oh, God.

I ruined your book.

I'm really sorry.

- Oh, don't worry.

It'll dry.

- It's really not the best edition anyway,

if you don't mind my saying so.

Translation is much too colloquial.

It's not nearly as elegant as Flaubert's real style.

I have a wonderful edition

if you'd let me lend it to you, please.

- Young man?

- Wait.

Would...

Wait, don't go away.

I'll be right back in one second, okay?

- Yes, Sir?

- Giving a class.

- I'm sorry, Sir, what was it you had?

- Coffee.

- Coffee.

- That's for the coffee.

Keep the change.

- There is no change.

- There was no coffee.

- Hi.

Is Caroline Hedges here?

- Yeah, I think she's upstairs.

You want me to get her?

- Yeah, please.

Would you tell her that Elgin Smith is here?

Oh no, tell her it's the Flaubert person.

- Monsieur Flaubert.

- I hate French.

- How you doin'?

- Okay.

I wasn't expecting you this evening.

- Oh, well, I had some time

and I thought that your copy might still be wet, so...

Sounded ridiculous, didn't it?

- It looks brand new.

You shouldn't have done that.

- Well, I wanted to.

"Elgin Smith."

Elgin.

Thank you very much, Elgin.

I appreciate it.

What does it mean?

- Don't you read French?

- Should I?

- Well, you were reading Flaubert.

- Yeah, but in English.

- And I think I spent all that time on the verbs.

- They look very nice.

- Are you ail right?

- Yeah, I'm fine, really.

- Well, would you like to come out

and have a cup of coffee with me?

- No, but thank you.

- Okay.

I hope you enjoy the book.

- Bye.

Hi, want some coffee?

- Well, I'm here at school on a partial scholarship,

and I keep having these dumb jobs

and my parents own a hardware store in Wilton.

- Did you wear a little apron and sell nails?

- Yes.

And I made a mess of everything, but I was very cute.

The one time I want to find out about a person

and I do all the talking.

- You wanna find out about me?

- Mm hm.

What does your father do?

- He died.

- Oh. - It was a long time ago.

- I saw you last night at Gino's.

- Oh.

- Who were you with?

- A friend.

- A friend friend or a friend?

- You're a very direct person.

- Well, you didn't answer my question.

- I know.

Well, I really have to go.

I have a test tomorrow.

Religious philosophies.

- Oxtan's class?

- Yes.

- I'm in that class.

- You are?

I've never seen you there.

- Well, I haven't been able to make it

'cause of this job situation.

- It's nice to know you will be there.

- Aw, cut the crap, Smith.

Who's the girl?

- Dr. Oxtan, I need religious philosophies.

- We're already three weeks into the course.

- Yeah, well, my freshman thesis, though-

- Spinoza, I know.

It's a campus phenomenon.

Every year around this time when students have sized up

the quarry in the courses they didn't take,

somebody arrives proclaiming that he cannot live

without Advanced Calculus 3

or the Scottish Choicarians,

or Religious Philosophies.

- Well, Dr. Oxtan, I can assure you-

- That in your case, it's Spinoza and not sex.

Unfortunately, I can spot you all a mile off,

but I don't feel I should deprive you of the opportunity

to at least try on the outside chance

you might soak up some knowledge inadvertently.

All right, you're in.

- Thank you, Sir.

You won't regret it. - Smith?

- I hope she's worth it.

- We have in the poet Dante Alighieri,

probably the greatest interpreter of the doctrine

of the late Middle Ages.

As we have seen, it was an age of great architecture,

of great theology, and of the greatest

and most profound faith.

It produced St. Francis, St. Dominic, St. Bernard.

The divine comedy, or the comedia, as we shall refer to it,

traces the progression of a soul

from a state of sin to a state of ecstasy.

This is accomplished through great self-denial,

through penitence and through contemplation.

Now, who leads Dante on his journey?

First, Virgil leads, then Beatrice,

the Divine .

She represents love, but not love as we might think of it.

Mr. Smith, in as much as you requested permission

to enroll in this class only three days ago,

I would hope for your fullest attention.

- I'm sorry.

- Perhaps your inattention is due to the fact

that you already are familiar with the work.

- No, Sir.

- Why don't you tell us about Dante's conception of love?

- Well, I think ...

I mean, as I understand it,

Dante's conception of love is always,

well, been sort of my own conception of it.

- Indeed.

- I don't think that I could hope

to state it any better

than Professor Charles Hall Grandgent,

who said quote, according to Dante's doctrine,

"Love is an attribute of the gentle heart alone.

There it slumbers until aroused by a worthy subject,

the woman who awakens this gentle love must be a symbol

of angelic nature or heavenly intelligence

and devotion to her is worship."

Unquote.

- Excellent.

Hm.

The fourth condo for Thursday,

please prepare a three page paper on some element

of the symbolism.

Don't make it too brilliant.

I'm not up to it this week.

Dismissed.

- You were wonderful.

- You were wonderful. - Oh yeah, thank you.

Dante's kind of a favorite of mine, you know?

I lucked out.

- Is that really your idea of love?

- I don't think so.

Say, I'm real sorry that I lied

to you about the whole classroom situation, and...

- I'm very flattered.

- Oh? - Mm hm.

- Well, in that case, are you sure you won't change

your mind and have dinner with me?

- Oh, I can't.

But I have tickets for the Philharmonic

for tonight if you wanna join me?

- Oh, yes.

- "Oh, yes?" - That's fantastic.

- Okay. - Great.

- Oh, what time?

- Seven ish.

- Hey, Elg.

- Don't you ever knock?

- Nope.

- Which one of these do you like?

- I like the blue one,

but then again, the blue one is nice.

- How 'bout the blue one? - Blue one.

- Do me a favor and tie this, would ya?

- You don't know how to tie a tie?

- Come on, I'm real nervous.

What are you nervous about?

- Leave.

- You got a hot date?

Look, you like you're getting married.

- I'm going to the symphony.

- To the symphony?

- Yeah.

What do you think is a nice place to go eat afterwards?

- My room.

- Come on, this is a real question, David.

Gimme a real answer, huh?

- Mulligans.

Take her to Mulligans.

It's quiet, it's cozy, it doesn't cost a whole lot.

It's very romantic.

You should say,

"Hey, let's go to Mulligans for a bite to eat."

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

The symphony, huh?

♪ The symphony ♪

- Bye, dude.

♪ To the symphony, to the symphony ♪

- Caroline?

- John, look who's here.

- How are you, Caroline?

- I'm fine.

And this is Elgin Smith, Aunt Marsha.

- How do you do?

- Caroline, dear.

- John.

- How do you do?

I'm John March.

- Hi, I'm Elgin Smith.

- I thought that Mozart went well.

- You too must let us take

you out for a drink, please?

- Thank you very much, but we already have plans.

- Well, another time then.

- Yes, of course.

- It's nice to see you, Caroline.

Elgin.

- I didn't think you wanted to go.

- Could you take me home, please?

- Don't you want to go over to Mulligan's for a bite to eat?

- No.

- I was hoping he was a relative.

- Well, he's not.

- I really don't care what he is.

- I really don't feel like going home tonight.

Would you mind if I spend the night with you?

I don't mean it the way it sounds.

I just don't wanna be alone.

- All right.

- Thank you.

Is that my hair?

- I certainly hope so.

- Hm.

Good morning.

- Ah!

No .

Don't move.

- Was I on your arm all night?

- Ah, what arm?

- Oh, how did you sleep?

Shh.

- Thousands of pins.

- Is it still- - Oh!

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Just relax .

Does it still hurt?

- You are so beautiful.

I can't get these pants off.

- Maybe you'd better stand up.

- Don't go away.

I'm shaking.

You think I'm nervous?

- Who cares?

- I love you.

- You don't even know me.

- I do.

♪ If I can make you cry ♪

♪ if I can feel your eyes with pleasure ♪

♪ Just by holding you ♪

♪ In the early hours of mornin' ♪

♪ When the day that lies ahead's not quite begun ♪

♪ Well, that's enough for me, yeah ♪

♪ That's all the hero I need be ♪

♪ That smile to think of you and me ♪

- Oh!

Oh!

Oh, yes!

Oh!

Yes!

Yes!

Elgin!

Yes.

Oh, yes, Elgin!

♪ If I can't make you smile ♪

♪ if I can't move you close to after ♪

♪ Well, a word'll do ♪

♪ When your day's been filled with strangers ♪

♪ And the casserole's Don't tumble down ♪

♪ Well, that's enough for me ♪

♪ That's all the hero I need be ♪

That was so good.

♪ 'Cause you and me be ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ And how our pleasure makes you cry ♪

You're crazy.

- Do you think you could ever love me?

- Mm, I want to.

Very much, I want to.

- Then you will, 'cause I'm gonna make ya.

- Mm.

Mm.

Oh, oh.

No fair .

- Caroline?

- Hm?

What?

- I just wanted to say your name.

No, I wanna tell you something.

That was the first time-

- First time?

The first time?

What do you mean?

- No. - What do you mean?

- It was the first time that it's ever felt right.

You know?

Like it should feel when you make love to somebody?

- Elgin, you're a very special person.

One time I went for a walk in the zoo when it was snowing.

I saw the Bactrian Camel.

He was holding his head straight up in the air

with his mouth open and his tongue out.

Snowflakes were falling on his tongue.

I don't know if he'd ever seen snow before.

I don't even know where Bactria is, or if it snows there.

Maybe he was remembering the snow.

Or maybe it was a new feeling

and an old one for him at the same time.

- That's how I feel right now.

- Hey, El...

Whoa.

Hey Elgin, I think your fly's unzipped.

- Bonner, would you get outta here?

- So, this is what you've been hiding from me.

Hi, I'm David Bonner.

Elgin's lonely next door neighbor.

And you are?

- Get outta here.

- Okay, okay.

- Get outta here.

- But when you get fired for being late,

don't say I didn't try.

- God!

- Oh, Elgin !

- I'll take you in my arms.

I will love you forever.

No, I'll leave, I'll leave.

Just tell me your name.

I'll get a marriage badge for this.

I'll take my badge in whatever form-

- Get outta here.

Don't mind him, he's insane.

- Listen, I gotta go to work,

but you come over as soon as you can

and I'll serve you some breakfast on the house, all right?

- I'll have to go home and change first.

- All right.

Mm.

I love you.

Bye.

- Hello again.

- Hello again and again.

You gonna walk across campus dressed like that?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I guess so.

- Yeah?

Oh, thank you.

I could give you a ride.

- No, no, I don't mind walking.

- Who are you?

I mean, what's your name?

- Caroline.

Caroline Hedges.

- Any relationship to Sam Shrub?

Why don't you let me drive you back to your house?

- All right.

But don't take it as any form of encouragement.

- Your car, my lady.

- Thanks!

- Hey, Elgin!

- You son of a bitch! - Wait a minute.

Elgin, I was trying to do ya a favor.

- Oh, some favor.

- Elgin, no!

Stop it! Both of you!

Stop it right now!

Stop it!

- Oh, shit!

- Elgin, you all right?

- No, I don't think so.

- What about me?

- You'll live.

- Don't cross her.

She's mean.

- Did he try and make a date with you?

- No.

- What?

- What makes you think I'd go out with him anyway?

- You wouldn't? - No.

- Is my nose bleeding?

- Oh.

- Come on, Elgin.

Get on.

You're gonna be fired for sure.

- Oh, shit.

- Hi, Marge.

- Smith?

You're fired.

- Hold it! - Hold it, hold!

- Stop him, stop him.

- They put him in at the end last time.

Made a great save.

Bounced right off his head.

- Got him. - Who got that?

- Is he okay?

- Is he all right?

- Hang in there.

- All right, let's go.

- Come on.

- Hang in there.

- Go, Elgin!

Go, Elgin!

- Wow! - Turn it out!

- Isn't it wonderful?

- It's a fuckin' miracle.

- I'm glad you lost your job.

- This is my job from now on. - Mm.

What could you be so good at?

- What's that supposed to mean?

- Let's go.

- Let me ask you something. - Hm?

- See, I don't know for you, but for me-

- I just said that it was wonderful,

that you were wonderful.

- Yeah, and I don't see how it could

be any better than it is with us, and I was wondering-

- if I felt the same way.

- Yeah, that's part of it.

- And the answer's yes.

I do.

Where are you going?

- Do I satisfy you?

- Yes, in a lotta ways.

- Wait a minute.

No. - Where are you going?

- Do you cum?

Do you have orgasms?

- You don't read orgasms, do you?

What do you think I've been doing?

- When?

- When?

Elgin and I was cumming all over the place.

- But when exactly?

- How could you miss it?

- Be more specific.

- Where were you?

I could hardly breathe

and my body was having convulsions.

- Oh, that was it, huh?

- Yeah, that was it.

I'm sorry.

Next time I'll send up flowers.

- No, it was beautiful.

- Mm, thank very much.

- Do you cum with everybody?

I mean, all the guys you sleep with?

- Only with you.

- Ha.

- Well, don't ask such stupid leading questions.

- Well, it's just that all I ever hear

about or read about in the world is female orgasms

and I've never seen one.

I just wanted to know for sure.

- Well, now you've seen many.

You can be sure.

- It's just that with a guy,

there's a obvious progression of events, you know?

First uh...

- You're hard.

- Yeah.

And then you know...

- White sticky stuff.

- Yeah.

And then you know.

- Then you're soft and no good to me anymore.

- And why couldn't I say that?

- That guy John March, did you sleep with him?

- Yes.

- I guess it's 'cause I've actually seen

the guy that makes him more real.

What does he do?

- He's a lawyer.

- Huh.

Figures.

How'd you meet him?

- He's in my father's firm.

He and his wife, the lady we met at the concert

are very good friends of my mother.

I've known him since I was little,

when Daddy died he was very nice to me,

and I don't wanna talk about it anymore.

- Was he nice to your mother, too?

- Elgin, can we just shut up and make love?

- How old is this guy?

- 46.

- 46?

You and I together aren't 46.

- I believe I made a request.

- Did you cum with him?

Did you?

- I don't remember.

- He's real experienced, isn't he?

- He's very experienced.

Elgin, do you have any idea

how much this is turning me off?

- Important red light means you have to get on the line.

White light just plug in an outside line.

And if you have any trouble, phone me.

If you know how.

- Caroline Hedges, please.

No, I tried her private line.

When do you expect her?

The whole weekend?

Did she say where?

Did she leave a number?

Is there a message for Elgin Smith?

Are you sure?

Oh, no.

No, thank you very much.

Huh.

- "Ms. Caroline Hedges announces

she's going AWOL for religious philosophies

and anything to do with a college education for the weekend.

She very much requests the pleasure

of Mr. Elgin Smith's company at her family's house,

empty I might point out,

for a celebration of us.

Dress is formal, which in the case

of Mr. Smith means soccer shoes are permissible,

but no sweatsuits.

Love,

Caroline."

- Never seen anything like this.

- We don't use it much anymore.

I love this room.

When you know this room, then you'll know me.

- Is this your yearbook?

- Yes.

Put it down.

- Do you have a picture in here?

- Put it down, you can't look at it.

- I found you.

Ugh, what a homely child.

- That's cute.

- What's this?

Have you been practicing behind my back?

- Yes, the chip pass.

Have you met Helen?

Helen,

this is Elgin.

- Hi, Helen.

- Helen wants a kiss.

- Yeah?

Mwah.

- Dry cleaner.

- What? - I need these clothes.

- I need these clothes.

Get them off.

- Get them off! - Quickly, quickly!

- Get your pants off. - Quick before

the truck leaves.

Quick, quick!

- What do you say we run away and get married?

Elope?

- Don't be silly.

- I'm not being silly.

I love you.

We can live right here.

- On what?

- We can eat the curtains.

Come on, your mother wouldn't mind.

She'd like me, wouldn't she?

So would your father if he were alive.

- Daddy only liked me.

- How long ago did he die?

- Seven years.

Pow.

I want to show you something.

There used to be a path here.

Come on.

- Oh, that's just incredible.

God, are there miniature people in here?

- it was my playhouse.

- Your family really knew how to live.

- Yeah, my father built it piece by piece.

It took them four years.

My father told me that I was a little princess

and as long as I stayed here, he'd keep the dragons away.

- The detail is just incredible.

- There used to be little furniture and the balcony,

he let me put that in.

The rest of it...

The rest of it he did himself.

- He actually made his own world.

- Yeah, just didn't wanna live in it.

- Elgin, it's too clammy in here.

We just did this.

- And we're gonna keep doing it until we get it right.

- Not here!

- Come on, take advantage of my youth.

- No, Elgin, please, I don't feel like playing around.

Elgin, stop it.

- I don't know why he did it .

I don't know why.

- This is where your father killed himself.

- I thought I was all cried out on this one.

- It's okay.

Aren't you gonna answer it?

- Do you want me to?

- It's your house.

What are you thinkin' about?

- About us.

- That's nice.

- Elgin, I can't see you anymore.

- What?

- No, keep driving.

- What the hell are you talking about?

- That was John on the phone.

I'm still in love with him

and there's no way of getting around it.

He wants me back and I've gotta give it another try.

- You love me.

- I've been with him for three years.

There wasn't anybody before John.

I just can't walk away from him now.

No matter how I feel about you.

I need to see him.

I can't change my feelings.

I love him.

I wish I didn't, but I do.

- And not me.

- Elgin?

- I love you so much.

I couldn't love you like this unless you love me too.

- Can we drive back together?

- Look, if you go see this guy, sleep with him.

No, don't sleep with him.

- Hey, Elgin.

Hi. - Hi, Shelley.

- How are ya?

Was that bad, huh?

Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?

- Sure.

- Third floor, second on the left?

Well, here we are, home of my greatest triumph.

- Sit down.

Have a seat.

I sound like a receptionist .

Have a seat.

Doctor will be right with you.

- Oh, Doc, it's an emergency. I have a broken life.

Maybe we should x-ray it.

Hey, Elgin, you know, I know I made a fool

outta myself the last time I was here.

I'm sorry, I think I made it worse than it had to be.

- Don't worry about it.

- Yeah, well, I'm just sorry.

- It's ancient history.

- You really are a sweet person.

- Shelley, if one more person tells me I'm sweet,

I'm gonna throw up.

- Okay.

You're a mean rotten, cruel son of a bitch.

- Thank you.

And while we're on the subject,

do you know where David is?

- No.

- Does he ever talk to you about me?

- He says you have a pretty free relationship,

whatever that means.

- I mean, does he ever say he likes me?

- I'm sure he likes you, Shelley.

- Do you think he loves me?

- God, I don't know.

Do you love him, Shelley?

- I don't know.

We've just always had this casual relationship

and I've got a lot of interests, you know?

I didn't really think I could fall in love,

but well , we have a lot of fun together.

You know, he's the only one I really have a lot of fun with.

- How do you know you don't love him then?

- 'Cause I don't.

Maybe I do.

I don't know.

See, I don't know how I feel about people.

What do you think?

You think everything's just a mess?

I mean, do you think that everybody's looking

for something that they can't find?

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Come on.

- I love him.

You know I love him.

- I know. - I really do.

- I know.

- Yeah, pretty...

Oh, excuse me, folks.

- Hey, wait a minute, David?

David, wait a second.

Listen, I was waiting.

You know, I thought we were gonna go out or something.

- I got somethin' to do.

I'm late for it.

I gotta go. - Well,

what are you doin' now?

Maybe- - nothin', I just...

I'll talk to you about it.

I'll talk to you. - Bye.

We're gonna go out tomorrow night.

Do you wanna make love?

- I always end up saying no to you, don't I?

Shelley, you don't have to take it, you know?

- Yes, you do.

Just wait till it happens to you.

- Good morning.

I'd like to talk to you.

- Elgin, I told you my situation.

I'd hoped you'd understand.

- What the hell are you doing, Caroline?

I mean, what are you doing with your life?

What are you doing with my life?

- I don't wanna do anything with your life,

and I just wanna live mine.

- You're acting like I'm a stranger.

I'm not a stranger.

- I just don't wanna have a scene with you.

- You already have a scene with me.

- It's over, Elgin.

It's over.

I've been very honest with you.

- You just can't do this to people!

I love you.

I'm good for you.

I know I am.

- I think you're very sweet.

- I'm not sweet.

Jesus Christ, Caroline, you can't do this to us.

You just can't.

- Please, I'm drained.

I'm sorry.

I'm really very sorry.

I can't stand hurting you.

I think you're a lovely person.

- You're a cunt.

- Is there something I can help you with, David?

- Yeah, where's your other cuff link?

- I seem to recall you losing it last time.

- Well, it's very inconsiderate

of you not to buy another pair, Elg.

- Yeah.

Well, I have to remember that next time.

- You okay? I was kidding.

I mean, if I looked as bad as you feel,

we'd both be in big trouble.

- Do you have any dope?

- No, you should have felt bad yesterday.

The whole lot of it's gone.

I got some sleeping pills.

- I don't wanna go to sleep, dude.

I just wanna go numb.

- Why don't you go out and have a good time?

Live it up a little bit.

Take somebody out.

Take Shelley out.

She's a good time.

- I'm not interested in Shelley.

Do you know she's in love with you?

- Yeah, I know.

I mean, but who could take that seriously?

I mean, all we do is have a good time.

- David, you're crazed.

- Look Elg, you can't take the woman thing too seriously.

You gotta remember that.

- More from David Bonner

and the Great Ideas of Western Man series.

- Look, why wouldn't you just go out and get into

a drunken bar fight or something, okay?

- Sounds like a big effort.

- Well, it's better than sittin' around here and mopin'.

Why sit here and mope when you can sit in a bar and mope?

- I mean, it's not such a big deal going to college.

Look how many people do it.

I'm Bonnie.

- So am I.

- Are you drunk?

- I am trying awfully hard, Bonnie.

- I hate unfunny drunks.

- Oh, oh!

Hi.

- Hi.

John, you remember Elgin Smith?

- Yes, I remember him.

Hello.

How are you, Elgin?

- Hi, I'm John March.

Psst.

Hi.

Wrong ones here.

- Hi.

- You're sitting in a draft.

- I am a draft.

- What time was he supposed to be here?

- 9:30.

- Well, it's past 11.

Come on.

I'll make you a cup of hemlock.

I hope I'm not in this body tomorrow.

- What's your problem?

- Shelley? - Yes?

- Let me ask you something.

- Yes.

- How does anybody manage to get anything done

when they're in love?

- Are you in love? - Yes.

- Well, it helps if you're loved back.

Not that I'd know.

Tonight, all...

Oh !

You know, he should have been here tonight.

- Why?

Oh, Shelley, is it your birthday?

- No, it's his birthday.

- Ah.

- Ah.

- If I ask you a third time, you have to.

- You don't have to ask.

- Okay.

Have you ever tried any positions from the Kama Sutra?

- Doubt it.

I'll tell you about Krishna and Radha.

- Oh, okay.

Oh, wait.

Krishna was the god of all the heavens.

And Radha was this young Indian maiden

that he wanted to make love to,

but because he was a God and she was just a maiden,

he couldn't do it.

So, he invented a position called the deifying position.

- The deifying position?

- The deifying position.

You hold my leg up like that and I move over like this.

- You've gotta be kidding.

- No, it's great.

You'll love it, I think.

Wait, hold on.

Oh, oo.

Now, see?

Wait, wait.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, oo, oo, that feels good.

- Shelley, you won't believe this,

but there is an easier way.

- Oh wait, it feels really nice.

Oh.

Oh, thank you, Elgin.

Oh, Elgin.

- Oh, Caroline .

What's the matter?

- I'm Shelley.

- I know that.

Shelley, I don't believe I did that.

I'm really sorry.

- You know, I'd stay all night.

I do whatever you wanna do,

but you have to know that it's me.

That's all I want.

- I know, I know.

- You just have to know it's me.

- I know.

- No, you don't.

Nobody does.

- Shelley, I'm really sorry.

- Oh, come on, we're always apologizing to each other.

I have to go.

- Shelley, lemme walk you home, all right?

- Nope.

It's okay. I'd really...

I wanna be alone, you know?

- Yeah?

- This kind of thing can't keep happening to me

and not have something to do with me.

- Good morning.

Today I'd like to talk about empiricism

and the profoundly disappointing specter

of the Pepsi generation.

Empiricism.

Look it up.

I had to.

- I'm here to see John March.

Mr. March.

- Hello.

Would you sit down?

Well?

Would you like some coffee?

- No.

- Do you mind if I have some?

- Yes?

- May I have some coffee, please?

- Certainly.

Would Mr. Smith like some?

- Just one, thank you.

You were saying?

- Let me come right to the point, Sir.

I've been seeing a great deal of Caroline Hedges recently

and I'm very much in love with her.

The other day we were at her family's home in the country

when she received a telephone call from you.

After that call, she told me that she didn't

want to see me anymore,

that she was in love with you

and that you were planning on getting

a divorce in order to marry her, be with her.

She didn't actually say marry.

My object in coming here today-

- Thank you.

- Sure.

- My object in coming here today

is to find out if you intend to go

through with your promise to her.

I love Caroline very much,

and she's very fragile,

and I don't wanna see her get hurt.

- Caroline is a very lucky girl to have

so devoted a friend as yourself.

But let me say first that my wife and I are still married,

although we've been separated

on and off for the past five years.

By the way, I trust that everything we say

in this office will remain between us?

- Absolutely.

- But you are asking me in effect,

are my intentions honorable?

My answer to you is that I'm very involved with Caroline,

but my wife and I have been married for 14 years.

We have two children.

And whether or not we get a divorce

is a question I cannot answer.

Caroline is free to do what she pleases.

- Morning.

I know this is a big breakfast,

but I want you to eat every bite of it

because you deserve it.

French fries are kind of cold.

You're not eating.

- I'm not hungry.

- You wanna go to the bookstore today?

- Gee, that sounds swell.

And maybe go over to Mulligan's for a bite

to eat and take in a movie.

- Fine.

What do you wanna see?

- How about a new movie called,

"What the Fuck Do You Think You're Doing Here?"

It's about a girl who says she doesn't wanna see me anymore,

then fucks me in the middle of the night

and acts like a goodie two-shoes in the morning.

- Doesn't sound bad.

- He's not getting divorced, is he?

- No.

- I went to see him, you know that?

- Of course I know.

- Oh, he told you?

- It accomplished what you wanted.

- I went to see him because I love you.

Not some cheap lawyer trick.

- What difference does it make?

It worked.

- What'd he you say about me?

- That you're very bright and that you care about me.

- What else?

- Oh, please don't.

- And I'm good old second choice, huh?

- Look, I'm back.

That's all I know how to do.

If you don't want me here, just say so.

- Of course I want you back, God damn it.

But just no more games.

- Okay.

Okay, okay. - Okay.

- Hey, Elgin. - Hey David, how you doin'?

- You wanna hear some good news?

- Shelley and I are engaged.

- What? - We're engaged.

- I don't believe that!

- Well, I'd show you the ring,

but it's her turn to wear it.

- How did all this happen?

- Oh, I don't know.

We just always have a real good time together, you know?

Congratulate me, man.

I'm getting married.

- Felicia called twice.

- So I'll call her back once.

- Hey.

- Hey!

- Good.

Congratulations, man.

- Thanks.

- For real.

Good luck.

- I'll need it.

That's good.

- Are you happy with me?

- Yes.

Are you with me?

- Can't you tell?

- Can't you tell?

- I don't know.

I thought I was happy before.

Look at what happened.

How do I know you won't do it again?

- How do I know you won't?

- Ah ha.

- You know I won't.

But I'll never be assured of you, will I?

I'm not going on vacation with you, Caroline.

- Why not?

- Because it's not going to work.

This isn't my first love anymore.

And if I'm going to have a second, it has to mean more.

- Aren't you glad we're together?

- Yeah, but it's just not the same.

See, I'm on edge now.

I'm always on edge.

- Can't we just take each day at a time?

- No, I loved you Caroline.

I really did.

I wanted to marry you, but no more.

It's over, Caroline.

It's over.

- Take good care of yourself.

Elgin, I think I'm gonna cry.

Bye, Elgin.

- Goodbye, Caroline.

♪ If I can make you cry ♪

♪ if I can fill your eyes with pleasure ♪

♪ Just by holding you in the early hours of morning ♪

♪ When the day that lies ahead's not quite begun ♪

♪ Well, that's enough for me ♪

♪ That's all the hero I need be ♪

♪ I smile and think of you and me ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ And how our pleasure makes you cry ♪

- Sure get your money's worth.

- Oh yeah.

I guess I am.

Do you happen to know where Bactria is?

- Asia, I think.

- Asia? - Uh huh.

- Does it snow there?

- Maybe.

Sure it snows here.

- Yeah.

- They seem to adapt.

- Yeah, I guess they do.

♪ We're getting older as time goes by ♪

♪ I'm a little older with every day ♪

♪ 'Cause we were the children of yesterday ♪