Original subtitles

Is that you, honey? Hand me a towel, dear.

- All right, wise guy. Get out of there. - Who are you?

The last person you expected to meet. What're you doing in my wife's bathtub?

- Your wife's? Are you nuts? - All right.

Step out here where I can get a sock at you.

Now look what you've done. You woke up the baby.

The baby? Isn't... Doesn't...

- Doesn't Mrs. Scott live here? - No. She moved downstairs.

What's the big idea, anyway, barging in like you own the place?

I'm sorry. Here. You better dry yourself. You might catch cold.

- Jim! - Connie!

- Oh! - What's the matter?

This isn't what I planned. I was going to be all dressed up, and just look at me.

Oh, darling, I'm such a mess.

You're the prettiest-looking mess I've ever seen.

Why didn't you let me know you were coming home?

- If you want me to go away and try it again, I'll... - Oh, no! No.

- From now on, I'm not letting you out of my sight. - What's down here?

- Our apartment. It's a mess too. - I don't understand.

- I thought you said you bought a house. - I did. All this is ours.

I couldn't find a place to rent. I've been looking since VE-day.

- And now we own this whole building. - But how can we afford it?

Oh, it's mortgaged to the hilt, but we'll have an income from the other tenants...

It's been a long time.

I can't believe you're really here. When did you leave Paris?

I hitched a plane ride yesterday. Thought I'd surprise you.

Oh, I was gonna surprise you too and have the place all fixed up. Painted and everything.

That can wait. First...

we're going to get reacquainted.

- If you knew how much I've wanted this... - Did you miss me?

Only 24 hours a day, every day, for two and a half years.

- Do you really like the place, honey? - It's wonderful.

I had all this furniture Mother left me. It was just standing around in storage...

so I thought I'd move some of it to the apartments.

Oh, we can do so much with this place, Jim.

Living down here, we'll have privacy.

That's what I used to dream about nights, sleeping with 200 other guys.

At least you weren't lonely.

There is nothing lonelier than being with 200 other guys.

- Oh, you want to see the bedroom? - Naturally.

Honey, this place was such a bargain. Mrs. Webb, the owner, was 85 years old...

and she needed the money to get to Reno.

She'd worked out a roulette system. Do you like it?

- Mm-hmm. Cozy. - Originally, this was all storage space.

I had to have a wall knocked out.

From now on you don't have to do anything except look beautiful.

We had an awful time putting these beds together. The frames were warped.

Nothing serious, I hope.

Her name is Suds. At least, I think it's a she.

- Drain pipes. - You mean every time somebody uses the water...

Every time.

Now that I'm home, you've got somebody to fix things like that.

It hasn't been much fun without you.

I'll fix that too.

- You've gained a little weight. - Oh, you.

Mm, there goes the doorbell.

- Make it go away. - I'd better see who it is.

- We're not home. - You're a landlord now, and the landlord is always home.

- I found this on your front steps. - Oh, it belongs to my husband.

Thank you, Mrs. Quigg. Darling...

- My water's backin' up again. - I'll call the plumber.

- Mrs. Quigg found this on the front steps. - Oh. How-How do you do?

Thanks.

I guess you two wanna be alone, huh?

You know, that's a pretty good guess.

Good-bye.

I brought you lots of stuff from Paris. Some perfumes, nightgowns...

- and that silk you wanted. - Oh, well, let me see.

Everything in its own time.

- What's that? - There's a firehouse right down the street.

Isn't that convenient?

- Put them both in the taxi, will you, please? - Yes, sir.

Mr. Cummings, this place won't be the same without you.

You're the best tenant I ever had.

- Are you sure, Mrs. Mackey? - Can't you tell?

Thank you. And may I add that you are a jewel among landladies.

Thank you. It's a shame you have to leave for Colorado so suddenly.

- Just when you're getting settled. - Yes.

That's the curse of my profession.

But a mining engineer must be always on the move, looking for new fields to conquer.

Of course. Oh, where do you want me to forward your mail?

Dear lady, I haven't read my mail in 20 years.

- Letter writing has become a lost art. - Oh.

- Thank you. - Oh, I didn't give you the refund on your rent.

That's quite all right. You keep it and buy something for yourself.

- Oh, but I couldn't do that... - Please.

In memory of the many happy hours...

I spent under your roof.

Well, I... I guess I best be going.

I wouldn't want to miss my train.

- Uh, Grand Central Station. - Yes, sir.

Hurry.

- Good-bye, my dear. - Good-bye, Mr. Cummings.

- Hurry. - Good-bye, Mr. Cummings.

- Slow down. - But you said you had to catch a train.

Did I? Well, that's life, I guess.

Take me someplace where I can check my bags.

Okay.

And then you can drive me to, um...

337 Gramercy Place.

- Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Look, I'm not trying to start a flirtation, but do you live here?

- Have I the pleasure of addressing Mrs. Scott? - Yes.

Your cat seems to have gotten itself locked out.

No, my husband threw her out.

My name is Patterson. Charles Kenneth Patterson.

Excelsior Rental Agency said that if I mentioned their name, an apartment might be available.

Oh, yes. This is my husband, Mr. Patterson.

- How do you do? - You're a very lucky man.

I'll be glad to show you the apartment.

- Thank you. - But somebody's already living up there.

I know. The McNabs. They moved up to 3-B because they needed more room for the baby...

- so now there's an empty apartment on the first floor. - Good.

I'm not through furnishing it yet. These are just odds and ends.

You've done handsomely. Two Hitchcock chairs...

a fine old Connecticut chest.

And that mirror. I'd say circa 1820.

- Very rare. - Well, these things have been in my family for years.

Your ancestors had excellent taste. But one would only have to look at you to know that.

Do you collect furniture, Mr. Patterson?

Not really. I admire it. You see, I'm an estate appraiser.

- A what? - When an estate is being sold or divided...

I'm called in to evaluate the furnishings and the objects of art.

- Must be interesting work. - Yes, it is, but it keeps me traveling quite a bit.

That's why I'd like a small place of my own... some place I could call home.

One gets so tired living in hotels.

Oh, well, the apartment is yours, if you want it.

I was told the rent is $56 a month.

- But what're you really asking? - Oh, well...

- $56 a month. - Yes.

- Mr. Scott, you have restored my faith in humanity.

People are so greedy nowadays. Everybody's trying to get rich at once.

- I think that's correct. - Thank you.

- Never mind the receipt. - Uh, speaking professionally...

- what's your opinion of this house? - Pretty good shape for its age.

Foundation has hardly settled at all. That proves it was built well.

Oh, may I have one of your personal cards? For your mailbox.

Oh, yes, of course.

Let me see now. Just a second.

- There you are. - That's fine.

- Well, I'll be moving in tomorrow. - Good.

- Bye. - Bye. - Bye.

- He's charming, isn't he? - If he were 20 years younger...

I wouldn't trust him in the same room with you unless he were in a straitjacket.

- Thank you, darling. - You know, I'm beginning to like this setup.

If the money keeps on rolling in like this, I can sit home and write as I please.

That's what I figured when I bought the house.

No more magazine stories for women to read under the hair drier.

I got an idea for a book. Worked it out while I was on Yank. I can write it in six months.

I always wanted to be married to a novelist.

Hello? Just a minute.

The feature goes on at 5:36, and then again at 8:13.

- The break is at 7:54. You're welcome. - What was that?

People are always dialing this number instead of the neighborhood movie theater.

It's less trouble to keep a copy of their schedule.

Why don't you just have the telephone company change our number?

If we complain, they'll take our phone out. It isn't listed in our name.

Oh. Well, it's those little touches that make a house a home I always say.

- How much money we got in the bank? - Oh, about $300, I think.

- Is that all? - Well, the down payment was 4,000.

At least we're not living on our savings. We've got our money working for us.

- What's our monthly income? - Now that all the apartments are rented...

- we'll net about $190. - Hey, that's not bad.

- I knew you'd be pleased. - What do you say we take a vacation before I get to work?

We can go on a camping trip, make a second honeymoon out of it.

Oh. We never really had a first one.

Well, this one will be a double-header.

Oh, I got to call the plumber. Mrs. Quigg's water's backing up, and she can't use her sink.

Oh, her sink.

What do you say I take a look at it?

You? You don't know anything about plumbing.

You'd be surprised at the things I picked up in the army.

I probably would. But I thought you wanted to rest on your first day home.

That 190 a month isn't going to go very far if we start calling in outside talent.

- You got tools in this joint? - Sure. Come on.

Why did you turn off that valve in the cellar?

- That's the first thing any smart plumber does. - What's happened to the water?

We just shut it off a minute, Mrs. Thompson. By the way, this is Jim, my husband.

- How do you do? - We could certainly use a man around here.

But I'm broad-minded. Next time, I wish you'd warn me.

- If I don't get my dishes done, I'll have ants. - I'm sorry.

- Hey. - Oh, the water will be right on, Mr. Hansen.

- I'd like to have you meet my husband. - Hello.

Mm-hmm.

I have a feeling the natives are not friendly.

They're all right when you get to know them.

- Oh. Ed Forbes. - What about him?

He's back from Washington. I'm supposed to have dinner with him tonight...

but I'll call and tell him not to come.

I'd kind of like to see the old joker but not tonight.

Come right in.

Mr. Scott's gonna fix the drain himself. He knows all about plumbing.

Oh, really? I admire a man who's clever with his hands.

- Well, where's the patient? - Patient?

Oh, in here.

Here's what happened. Every time I turn the faucet on...

Well, that's funny.

- Well... - The water's turned off downstairs.

Oh, you didn't have to do that. There's a cutoff right under here.

Oh... Oh, it doesn't matter. I'll have it fixed in no time at all.

Everybody's a plumber.

You'd better hurry, Mr. Fain. It's flooding into the hallway.

I could have fixed it myself if I would've had the right tools.

That's all right, dear. He only charges $3.50 an hour.

And this is the first time he's been here all week.

What do our operating expenses come to?

Well, the first month, we only spent about $60 more than we took in, but...

Only? Do you mean we're losing money?

You always lose money at the beginning.

The roof had to be repaired, furnace, water heater...

But I thought you said...

I guess I'd better forget about that novel...

and start knocking out a few stories for the hair drier trade.

Oh, but the house will start paying for itself any day now.

I'm gonna make sure it does. Have you been keeping any accounts?

Mm-hmm. Now let me see. I-I packed them away when I was moving.

Well, anyway, when you owe people money, they always remind you about it.

- Doesn't anybody owe us money? - Just Eadie Gaynor. Her rent's only three days overdue.

- Well, why haven't you collected it? - Well...

Eadie's been so friendly to me, I kind of hate to ask her for it.

- She's a widow, and doesn't have very much. - Now, listen.

We're not here to make friends. Every cent that we have is sunk in this place...

and if we're gonna put it on a paying basis, we've got to be firm with the tenants.

- All right. - All right.

- You do it. - Me?

You're the landlord, darling.

Mrs. Gaynor? I-I'm Jim Scott.

Oh, yes. We heard you were back.

- This is my daughter, Florence. - How do...

- Glad to have you aboard. - you do?

- Uh, won't you come in, Mr. Scott? - Well, I... I...

- Oh, have a cup of tea. - Thank you.

- Thank you for the tea. - Drop in again.

Oh, just a minute, Mr. Scott.

- I keep forgetting to bring this down. - What is it?

- Our rent check. - Oh, is your rent due now?

I-I didn't know. I'm-I'm new here.

I'll bet he didn't know.

- How's it goin'? - Oh, don't worry, pal. We'll cut corners.

Try to hold it down. Yeah, the whole thing shouldn't run you more than...

Well, let's see. Well.

Don't worry.

It certainly took you long enough.

- Did you get the rent? - That? Oh, sure. I just said...

"By the way, old girl, the monthly gouge is a trifle overdue...

so if you'll kick in..."

- This check is dated three days ago. - It is?

- That's what a man wants from his wife... encouragement.

Oh! George is waiting to help you move the rest of Mr. Patterson's furniture.

Oh, no. Now look, I've had a hard war and I... Who's George?

Mrs. Thompson's son. He's been a great help to me.

This is not the way I planned on spending my first evening home.

- Hiya. Did you have a nice time in the army? - I'm beginning to think so.

- You can start with the davenport. - Better grab that end.

Ready?

Your end is dragging.

I could've handled this stuff alone, but since my dropped kidney...

the doctor says I gotta baby myself.

All right. All right. I can do without the small talk.

Keep... movin'.

Pardon me, lady. Can you help an unemployed dollar-a-year man?

- Ed. - How are you, honey?

I got your message so I decided to come anyway. Where's Jim?

Oh, don't bother him. He's busy.

You must give me the name of your decorator. I'm trying to break my lease.

- I know the place isn't very elegant, but it... - Oh, I think it's charming.

Put a small beer on the corner, a guy with a derby on the stool...

and you're in business as a dive.

- Look, Ed, about dinner... - Thanks, I'd love to stay.

- What's Jim doing? - He'll be right down.

- Oh! - Welcome home. What else is new?

- Hey! - Sorry, Mac. We picked up two hours ago.

- But I overslept. - Try again next week.

Take my bags up to apartment 1-A.

Uh-uh. I'll take this. Good morning, Mr. Scott.

- Good morning. - May I trouble you for my key?

- No trouble at all. - You're a born landlord.

That's just a pose. Strictly between us, I come from a long line of tenants.

- Good morning, Mr. Patterson. - Ah, good morning, Mrs. Scott.

Ah, you look like the veritable breath of spring.

Well, thank you. Did you hear that?

- Mm-hmm. - My husband is a writer, but he never talks to me like that.

I should squander my dialogue on an audience of one?

Well, if you run short, Mr. Scott, I'd be glad to lend you some of mine.

You see, I've been everywhere, seen everything, heard everything...

and I don't believe I've forgotten a thing.

Thank you. Good day.

Well, what're you all dressed up for?

If you're settling down to work, I think I'll go shopping.

I have to get material for curtains, and throw rugs, and...

Hey, whoa. Wait a minute. I haven't sold anything yet.

Oh, this is the first chance I've had to get away from the house.

Let me see now. What did I do with my wallet?

Last time I wore my brown shantungs, so it should be in my brown suede bag.

Unless it's in my green one.

- Good morning, Eadie. - Oh, good morning, Connie.

Allow me.

Thank you. Oh, one more, please. See.

Oh.

- You're very kind. - Oh, it's nothing.

On second thought, you can skip the cigarettes.

I think we have enough at home. My husband smokes too much, anyway.

- Make up your mind, will ya? - Oh, Mr. Patterson. I see you two have met.

- Well, not exactly. - Mrs. Gaynor is your next-door neighbor.

Making it a very desirable neighborhood.

- She's also the best cook in the house. - Oh, now, really.

Please, Mrs. Gaynor, don't be modest. That's an accomplishment to be proud of.

You know, I often think that half the troubles in this world are caused by bad cooking.

Well, I really haven't bothered much since my husband died.

No fun cooking unless you have someone to cook for.

How true. How definitely true.

I guess I'd better get back and fix Jim's lunch. He's been alone in the house all morning.

Working on a story.

- Hey, kid. - Yeah?

- You collect scrap? - Nah.

Why don't you start now? Make yourself some dough, huh?

- Maybe you got somethin' there. - There you are. That-a-boy.

Well, see you around, Mac.

Nobody could tell this wasn't a professional job.

It feels good to be doing something constructive around here for a change.

First chance I get, I'm gonna paint that fence and all the woodwork.

- Oh, how nice. - Hi, Eadie.

Oh, Connie, have you seen Mr. Patterson around?

No. Not since yesterday.

Oh. I passed his door a couple times, and I thought I heard him sneezing.

There's a lot of pollen in the air.

Sounds more like pneumonia to me.

I hate to think of the poor man in there all alone with no one to take care of him.

Well, why don't you knock on his door?

Oh, no, that wouldn't look right.

But I thought if the landlord called on him...

All right.

Come in.

Are you all right, Mr. Patterson?

Do I look all right? I feel miserable.

Why, Patterson, what happened to you?

Nothing. Just this invigorating spring...

- weather. - Oh, that's a shame.

- Can I get you a cup of tea? - Oh, don't bother, Connie.

I've already got the kettle on. How about some toast? And maybe a bowl of soup? Huh?

Thank you, Mrs. Gaynor. I knew the moment I met you you were an angel of mercy.

- Let me straighten your pillows. - Uh-uh-uh-uh.

Oh? Would you like a mustard plaster?

- Mrs. Gaynor, you mustn't coddle me. - There goes the mailman.

Men are such babies when they're sick.

I remember how my husband always made me rub his back with alcohol.

You wouldn't take advantage of me in my condition, would you, Mrs. Gaynor?

- I wish you'd call me Eadie. - I shall.

And I shall call you Cynara, Lilith...

Cleopatra, Helen of Troy.

I take four lumps of sugar in my tea.

Our first letter.

Goody, goody. What is it?

A bill from the plumber.

Doesn't that mailman ever bring anything except bills?

This tax assessment just about cleans us out.

Well, I think it's unfair the way the city charges us all those taxes.

What did they ever do for us?

Well, they do provide us with a fire station.

Come in!

- Hiya, Charley. - Hi.

I just dropped in to return these.

Oh, did you enjoy the opera, Mr. Patterson?

I know Eadie did. That's why I took her.

- Oh, you aren't a fan yourself? - Well, I'm at a peculiar disadvantage at the opera.

I understand every word they're singing.

That's just the touch this room needed... Dutch curtains.

Well, I have a very talented wife.

Do you mind my asking, what are you writing, Mr. Scott?

It's a story about a landlord who goes berserk and murders all of his tenants.

Oh, he's kidding. It's really a story about Paris.

You know, I've often thought that maybe my experiences might make a good book.

That is, if I could find a real professional writer to whip it into shape.

Well, when you do, I'd... I'd like to read it.

So would a lot of people. But I doubt if any publisher would even touch it.

I guess you have led a pretty full life.

Please don't make it past tense. I'm not through yet.

Do you happen to know the brand of perfume Miss Gaynor uses?

- Florence? - Mm-hmm. I'm leaving tomorrow on a business trip...

and I'd like to bring something back for Florence.

I know what to bring Eadie, but the younger set...

- Oh, I can find out for you. - Would you do that?

- Thank you so much. Good night, Jim. - Good night.

- Good night. - Good night.

Wow.

When a man starts buying presents for a woman's daughter it looks a little serious.

It's a romance, all right. Eadie's had him to dinner three nights this week...

- and he took her out twice. - How do you know all these things?

- Everybody confides in the landlady. - Hm.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

Got any 50-cent haircuts for a dollar and a quarter?

- The specialty of the house. - Hi there, James boy.

- Hello, Charley. - You're next up.

Thank you. Getting overhauled for your trip?

Yeah, kind of slack there around the edges.

- Oh, Jim. - What?

- Did your wife get a chance to talk to Florence? - Oh, yeah.

She uses "Flaming Passion." But what she'd really like is something called...

"You Can't Take It With You," only she hasn't courage enough to buy it herself.

I'm beginning to believe that girl has hidden depths.

Do you want a high polish or a dull finish?

My dear, I don't think anything you'd start could possibly have a dull finish.

What do you want done with your mail while you're gone?

Oh, Jim, I never write letters, and I don't encourage anyone to write me.

You know, I heard you can get in trouble using the mail.

Would you like a facial massage?

Well, it won't do any good, but it may give me confidence. Go ahead!

McNabs just bought a house of their own. Suckers.

Ah, Mrs. McNab. We were just saying how we hate to see you leave.

- We're gonna miss you too. - Say good-bye to the nice man, Jeffrey.

Go ahead.

- Oh, he's sleepy. - Oh, he never talks when you want him to.

Well, I've got to get on with my packing. Good-bye.

- Good-bye. - Good-bye.

Good-bye.

- Good morning, ladies. - Good morning, Mr. Patterson.

How's your rheumatism today, Mrs. Thompson?

Well, if some young fellow was to ask me to go dancing, I wouldn't say no.

Oh, Mrs. Quigg. That's a perfectly delightful outfit you have on.

- I hoped you'd notice it. - I have.

He's sure got all the women around here acting like schoolgirls.

They love it. What did the army want from you?

- They're trying to make me pay for a blanket I lost. - Oh.

By the way, I think I have a tenant for the empty apartment.

While I was there, I met somebody I knew who's desperate for a place.

I'm sorry, but I just phoned the agency, and they're sending a woman over.

- Tell her it's rented. - No. That wouldn't be fair.

I know we oughta give preference to veterans, but since I promised to show it, I...

This is someone I owe a favor. I don't remember if I wrote about Corporal Stevens...

- Mrs. Scott? - Yes?

- I'm Mrs. Arnold. - Oh, you're here about the apartment.

- This is my husband. - Hello.

Well, right this way.

Let me do all the talking.

Now take good care of yourself, Charley. And don't catch any more cold.

All right, Eadie. But with you nursing me, it's a pleasure to be ill.

Will you write to me and let me know how things are going?

I'll do better than that. I'll phone you every day.

Oh, Charley.

- Good-bye, my dear. - Good-bye.

It's just what I've been looking for.

- Don't you think the rent's a little high? - Oh, no, it's very reasonable.

- Of course, if you don't mind climbing two flights of stairs. - The place I live now has four.

I'm sure you can do better somewhere else. This place is cold in the winter...

- and the neighbors... - No, I think I'm going to be very happy here.

- Who's that man who just went out? - Patterson. One of our tenants.

- Are you sure his name is Patterson? - Uh-huh.

- Why shouldn't it be? - He looks like someone I used to know in Cincinnati.

Excuse me.

I could have sworn that was Paul Chapman.

Do you know if he was in Cincinnati about 12 years ago?

Oh, we don't even know where he was last week.

- I only wish I'd brought my glasses with me. - About the apartment...

- Oh, I... I think we'd better forget it. - Oh, you do?

I couldn't bear to live under the same roof with someone who reminded me so much of Paul.

- Thanks for all your trouble. - That's perfectly all right.

You know, I have a funny feeling about Mr. Patterson, kind of a premonition.

I'm glad I'm not married to a woman with a suspicious nature.

- I guess you can call your friend about the apartment. - All right.

You oughta know something about our new tenant. Bobby was my colonel's driver...

I'm sure anybody who was in the army with you is all right.

- But, Connie... - I wonder if his name really is Patterson?

- Do you know where that goes? - Don't worry, lady.

- We've been delivering coal to this place for 10 years. - But I was just...

Now, don't you dare touch this fence. My husband just painted it.

Big deal.

Pardon me.

Are you the janitor's wife?

No. I'm the landlord's wife.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Scott. I had no idea.

My name is Roberta Stevens. Jim just called me about the apartment.

Well, there must be some mistake. My husband's renting it to somebody he knew in the army.

That's me. I was a WAC. Jim and I were stationed in Paris together.

Just a minute.

So, you were saving that apartment for an old war buddy, huh?

- Oh, is Bobby here? - Why didn't you tell me it was a girl?

- I tried to, but you wouldn't give me a chance. - You didn't try very hard.

Oh, now look, Bobby...

Uh, Roberta did an awful lot for me, and this is the least I can do to repay her.

- For what? - Well, if it weren't for her, I might still be overseas.

She got the colonel to dig up a replacement for me and pulled strings...

so I got on a plane instead of a transport.

Well, couldn't we show our gratitude from a distance?

Well, you wouldn't discriminate against a veteran just because of sex, would you?

- Say, remember the night I drove you to the airport? - Uh-huh.

Well, on the way back to Paris, I hit a hay wagon. You never saw such a mess.

Took me days to get the straw out of my hair.

None of the girls would believe me when I told them how it happened.

Stop it! Stop. You've got the wrong window.

- Don't you want it in the storage bin? - No, that's not the storage bin.

- It's the bedroom. I made it over. - Yeah? How does it look?

Oh, you've just ruined my bedspread and my rugs...

- You should've confided in us, lady. - Oh!

Well, that about does it. Those eggheads.

Say, have you seen my toolbox? Bobby's window is jammed.

You're certainly going out of your way to make the new tenant feel at home.

Well, that's part of my job as the landlord.

I thought we were going to run this house on a business-like basis...

- and not get too friendly with the tenants. - Mrs. Scott, you're jealous.

You bet I am. When I think of all the people you've known in the last couple of years...

who've spent more time with you than your own wife...

We have a whole lifetime to make up for that.

Hey, don't we have an anniversary long about now?

- I don't like to point, but it's tomorrow. - Well, that's perfect timing.

I'll have my story finished by then, and we can go out and celebrate...

I wonder where I put that toolbox.

- Mr. Scott? - Yes.

My name is Gray, Federal Bureau of Investigation.

- Oh. Uh, come in. This is Mrs. Scott. - How do you do?

- How do you do? Won't you sit down? - Thank you.

Look, if it's about that army blanket I checked out and didn't return...

I'm afraid that's a little out of my line.

I just want to ask you a few routine questions about one of your tenants...

a Mr. Charles K. Patterson.

- Is there something wrong? - No. No. This is just a routine inquiry.

- How long has he been living here? - Oh, about 10 days.

- Do you know where he is at the moment? - No, he's on a business trip.

- What's Mr. Patterson supposed to have done? - To tell you the truth...

we don't know that he's done anything, and we don't like to arouse your suspicions.

You see, we get dozens of tips like this every day.

Many of them prove worthless but we've got to run them all down.

Now, when do you expect Mr. Patterson back?

He didn't say.

Does he seem to be... prosperous?

Well, he carries quite a roll. Income tax?

Sorry, I'm not at liberty to discuss the reason for our investigation.

Oh, Mr. Gray, this is very important. Is he dangerous?

Don't alarm yourself. If Mr. Patterson is the man we're looking for...

and I'm not saying he is, you're in absolutely no danger, Mrs. Scott.

Look, you can tell me. What have you got on this guy?

Well, if we had anything on him, I wouldn't be asking you these questions.

- Is there something we can do to help? - Yes, yes, there is.

- Just forget I was here. Good-bye. - Good-bye.

You see? My hunch about Mr. Patterson was right.

Oh, it's probably back taxes or maybe they got a crank call from that woman...

who mistook him for somebody she knew in Cincinnati.

- What makes you think Mrs. Arnold was mistaken? - You heard what she said.

She hadn't even seen this guy in 12 years and didn't have her glasses with her.

No, I still think there's something peculiar about him.

I wish I knew what he carries around in that briefcase.

What suddenly turned you against Charley? I thought you liked him.

I never trust men who are too charming. That's why I married you.

Hmm.

T-H-E E-N-D.

- Can I read it? - Well, there's a couple of facts I want to check, but...

So do I. I'm just curious to know what you did while you were in Paris.

The best man cometh. Happy anniversary.

You're a day early, Ed.

- I didn't want to crowd you tomorrow night. - Oh, champagne!

Don't just stand there, boy. Get out those hollow-stemmed glasses. I got it.

- You got what? - A present for you from your wife which you can pay me for later.

You can open it now if you want, honey.

I'll never forget how you looked on your wedding day.

I've always wanted to do my living room in that shade of green.

Oh, this is absolutely beautiful! What is it?

- Tropical hammock. Certified 100% war surplus. - I thought it would make up...

- for that camping trip we couldn't take. - Thank you, dear.

You can put it in the backyard and imagine we're in the Maine woods.

Won't take much imagination. That grass hasn't been cut out there in months.

Anyone for champagne?

It doesn't seem like we've been married for three years, does it?

That's because you haven't been working at it, or at least not in the same place.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- Cheers. - And cheers, Ed.

- Mm... - That's good.

I wanted to ask you something...

What's the name of that caf� in Paris where the existentialists don't hang out?

I haven't been to Paris since I was nine...

- and my mother never let me out of her sight for a moment. - Maybe Roberta would know.

Why so formal? You mean Bobby, don't you?

Say, what is this? Do I detect a note of dissension? A family rift?

- Guess who came to stay at our house? An old flame of Jim�s. - She is not an old flame.

- Just because we were on the same side during the war... - A WAC?

- Yeah, it was a big army. - And you moved her into the house? Shocking!

Did you collect the first month's rent from her?

Uh, no, no. It slipped my mind.

You'll probably have to wrestle her for it.

Sounds like a thoroughly disreputable young lady. How soon can I meet her?

If you wanna come over some afternoon...

- and help me clean up the yard, why... - Pardon me.

- Oh, hello, Mrs. Scott. I brought you the rent. - Thank you.

- It seems strange giving money to a man you know. - I'll bet it does.

In case you didn't catch my name, I'm Ed Forbes.

Oh, yes. I've heard a lot about you from Jim. You're a lawyer, aren't you?

I, uh, practice before the bar, also behind it. Can I offer you some wine of the country?

I'd love it. If there's one thing I have a weakness for, it's champagne.

If there's one thing I've a weakness for, it's girls who have a weakness.

- What're you celebrating? - Our wedding anniversary.

- Oh, really? - Mm-hmm.

You know, all the time we were overseas, Jim talked of nothing but you.

That must have been pretty dull.

Oh, no. Jim can make anything interesting.

I'm sure Miss Stevens is just the person to refresh your memory about Paris.

Oh, yeah. Say, Bobby... Uh, Roberta...

do you remember the name of that caf� just down the street from the, uh, Deux Magots?

Not offhand, but I could look it up in my diary.

Could I peer over your shoulder? It's been so long since I've read a good book.

Tell me, Miss Stevens, what did you do before the war?

The same thing I'm doing now. Modeling.

Oh. Then you're not a professional soldier.

- Your wife has a great sense of humor. - Yes.

Your humorous wife needs another drink.

It's always been my ambition to get hold of a surplus WAC.

By the way, I'm having some people in for a housewarming tomorrow night.

I'd like you all to come.

- Sure thing. - Have you forgotten, dear?

- We're going out to dinner tomorrow night. - I'm available.

Well, I think I'd better be going. I've hardly unpacked yet.

Do you mind if I come along and help? Three hands are better than two.

Thanks for the drink.

He's walking right into a trap.

Yeah, but look at the bait.

- This place is awfully expensive. - Oh, well, you only live once.

At these prices, you couldn't afford to live more than once.

- That story of mine ought to be worth at least 750 bucks. - Is that what your agent said?

No. Barney hasn't read it yet, but he said he'd call me as soon as he does.

Look!

- Look at what? - I just saw Mr. Patterson dancing by with a blonde.

Oh, this thing is beginning to affect your mind.

Here he comes again.

I thought he was supposed to be out of town on business.

- He probably came in to have dinner with his client. - Some client.

She looks like the type that just inherited a fat estate.

- Let's dance. - Aw, I'm hungry.

This is more important. Come on.

You know, it's amazing what a clever girl can do with an old parachute.

You have a very romantic voice.

Untrained, of course. Like the thrush warbling his native woodnotes wild.

You better let me lead.

Are you through playing private eye?

That makes at least three women in his life, including Mrs. Arnold and Eadie.

He must be some kind of a bluebeard.

There's only one thing wrong with your theory. All those women are alive and healthy.

It's Eadie I'm worried about. Suppose he's already married? Excuse me, darling.

Where are you going?

Please, sir.

Oh, now that we've worked up an appetite, what would you like, my dear?

You order for both of us.

- I'd be delighted. We'll have, uh, prosciutto with melon. - With melon.

Lobster bisque.

Chateaubriand with sauce b�arnaise.

Pomme souffl�. And braised endive.

- Am I going too fast for you? - Oh, not at all, sir.

Would you care for some champagne with that?

- Anything you say. - Champagne is for peasants.

- I prefer the, uh, Chambertin. - Excellent choice, sir.

May I suggest the 1934, sir?

You may indeed.

I do admire a man who knows how to order in a restaurant.

I was a headwaiter myself one time. That was the summer my dad and I had a fight...

- and he cut off my allowance. - Oh, really?

And from there, you went on to make your first million in the oil business.

Please. Tonight, I want to forget all about the drab world of commerce.

And in the words of an old Persian tent maker...

"All I ask of life are a jug of wine, a loaf of bread and thou."

And I've already ordered the first two.

You must've met a lot of beautiful women in your career.

I may say that I have known all the great beauties of our time.

But the calendar never really started...

until the day I met you.

Did you overhear anything?

I couldn't catch any words, but he's really giving her the old candy.

I don't know what Charley's got, but I wish I could bottle it. We'd make a fortune.

There's just one thing I can't figure out. What does he want from Eadie?

He can't be after her money. She hasn't got any.

- Aha! - Oh, you ordered. Looks good.

It should be. All the retired truck drivers eat here.

We really ought to tell Eadie what we saw.

Now don't start mixing in the affairs of our tenants. It's none of our business.

Do you want to go up to Roberta's for a minute?

She has the place warm enough without us.

That sounds like our phone.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Barney. How'd you like the story?

What do you mean it won't sell? It's as good as anything I've ever written.

Well, aren't you even gonna submit it? Maybe I'd better get myself a new agent.

All right. All right. I'll drop up to your office tomorrow morning.

- What makes him a critic? - Oh, he's right. The story's no good.

Then you'll write another one that's better.

In this madhouse? How can I concentrate when there's a new crisis every five minutes?

I can't even sit down to write my name without...

What's the matter with those lights?

I wonder if I paid the light bill last month.

- This is a fine time to think about that. - I'm sure I did.

I'll check the fuse box.

Oh, be careful!

She can see in the dark. I can't.

I guess I'd better go and calm the tenants down.

Hey, what's with the lights?

It's all right, Mrs. Thompson. My husband's fixing them.

Well, tell him to hurry up. I'm missing the best part of Gabriel Heatter.

That's quite a party they're having up there.

They've been running all over the house, borrowing ice cubes.

Oh. Eadie, have you heard anything from Mr. Patterson?

- Mm-hmm. He called me this afternoon from Baltimore. - Baltimore?

Mm-hmm. He said his business was going much better than he expected...

and he hopes to be home in a couple of days.

Well, do you know if he's ever been married?

Oh, yes, but his wife died a long time ago.

Well, good night.

I can't understand it. I only had three or four.

It was terrible. All of a sudden everything went black right in front of my eyes.

- I must be going blind. - Probably a vitamin deficiency.

- Can you find your way home alone, old pal? - Point me in the right direction.

No. No. This way. This way. There we are.

- That kid needs radar. - How are you making out with Roberta?

- Just coasting. Wait till the next round. - That isn't a fuse box.

It's a slot machine. I took out four pennies and a nickel.

Oh, Jim, guess what Eadie just told...

- Good morning. - Mm-hmm.

- We expected you yesterday. - We don't make this type of glass anymore, lady.

- We had to order it special for you. - Oh.

- Good morning. - Good morning, Eadie.

My, you're certainly brightening the place up. House hasn't looked this good in 20 years.

Jim doesn't like to admit it, but he's getting a big kick out of this.

Oh, excuse me.

- Hello, my dear. - How was the trip?

Oh, wonderful. Just wonderful.

- Did everything work out all right for you? - Yes. I was quite successful.

- Hello, Mrs. Scott. - Welcome back.

Thank you. Thank you. Just a second.

Mm! It's lovely out here. Just lovely.

Always wanted to own a piece of land.

There must've been a hot time here the night Coolidge was elected.

Jim, your friend Charley is back from his business trip.

Do you think we oughta notify the F.B. I?

- What for? Mr. Gray said to forget it. - Who's Charley?

He's one of our tenants, and Connie is convinced he's a master criminal...

- or at least a polygamist. - Well, Ed, you're a lawyer.

Let me put the evidence to you. Suppose somebody moved into the house...

- and a few days later... - Where's the owner of this place?

- I'm Mr. Scott. - Department of Housing and Building.

I'd like to inspect the premises.

Yeah. Sure. Right through here.

Why don't you slip into something comfortable and join us?

Well, I wouldn't wanna give the boys too much inspiration. Excuse me.

- What do you say we have dinner together? - Wonderful. Where?

Oh, someplace where we don't have to dress... like your apartment.

- When did you buy this place? - Last month.

I see the violation still hasn't been corrected.

- What violation? - This violation.

You not only got exposed wiring... which is illegal...

but the wires are defective too.

This house is a fire hazard.

- You've been here before? - We took the previous owner to court twice.

The last time, she was fined and given 30 days to correct the violation.

- The deadline was a week ago. - We didn't know anything about it.

Mrs. Webb never mentioned it to me.

Well, the law is very clear on that point. Caveat emptor... let the buyer beware.

You mean we're responsible now?

Well, unless the wiring is replaced immediately, hm...

we'll have to condemn the building.

No wonder she was so anxious to unload this place on you.

I'm sorry, darling. I had no idea.

Well, under those circumstances, I feel sure we can give you a 15-day extension.

I'll take it up with the department.

What if we can't pay for the job?

Our problem is to keep you safe, not solvent. You'll hear from me later.

I've heard enough from you already.

- Can they really condemn the place? - If it doesn't burn down first.

I think I'll ask Ed's advice on it.

Oh, Mr. Scott. Mother would like you and Connie to have dinner with us tonight.

- Thanks, but I'm not hungry. - It's a sort of welcome-home party for Mr. Patterson.

Thank you. Tell her we'll be there.

- Wait till you see the present he bought Mother. - Oh.

- Isn't it beautiful? - May you wear it in good health, Eadie.

- Ain't that something? - And it's a watch too.

It don't look very practical to me.

I make it a rule never to be practical where women are concerned.

It's much too expensive, Charley.

When they start tryin' to save your money for you, look out.

- George! - I'm satisfied. I've been around a little longer than you have.

- More coffee? - No, thank you.

Say, Charley, have you ever had dinner at a place called Pierrot's?

In my time, I think I've eaten at every good restaurant in every major city in the world.

Including Cincinnati?

I don't particularly recall Cincinnati for its food...

What's the matter, Jim? You're so quiet tonight.

- I've, uh, got a lot of things to be quiet about. - Really?

Why don't you try some of this? This is guaranteed to make you jump right out of yourself.

That's one thing I'll say for my old man... he never touched a drop.

You must have had a very dull life, Mrs. Thompson.

Well, shall we tell them?

Ladies and gentlemen, course, I realize that...

you've all known Eadie much longer than I...

and there's no need in telling you what...

a dear, sweet and considerate person she is.

And having just concluded a profitable business transaction...

I've finally summoned up enough courage to ask Eadie...

to give me her hand in marriage.

And I'm proud and happy to say that she has accepted me.

- Well, congratulations. George. - Give me a kiss, honey.

I don't know what you could be thinking of, Eadie, at your age.

It's only after 40 that two people can offer each other...

- the devotion of a lifetime and mean it. - Connie...

- don't you have anything to say? - I just hope you're not going to rush into this.

Don't forget, you're only old once.

But after all, what do you really know about each other?

Oh, as much as we need to know.

We plan to leave tomorrow and get married in a lovely little spot that I found in Maryland.

And after our honeymoon, we're coming back here and live in my apartment.

You mean I can have this place to myself?

- Yes. - Well, that should help.

I think a toast is apropos.

This is by John Webster.

"Is not old wine the wholesomest...

"old pippins the toothsomest...

"old wood burns the brightest...

"old linen wash the whitest?

"Old soldiers, sweetheart, surest?

Old lovers are soundest."

Now, this is just an estimate, mind you.

- But I figure the job will cost about 800 bucks. - 800?

Well, we have to rip out all the old wiring and put in new conduits.

That means breaking into the walls and replastering.

Then we have to replace the light fixtures, switches and wall sockets.

- Hey, maybe 800 isn't enough. - Thanks. We'll let you know what we decide.

In the meantime, don't miss any payments on your fire insurance.

Hey, Mac, did you call for a cab?

No, I didn't, Mac!

Weddings always make me cry!

They ain't married yet.

- I'll see you in about a week. - Take all the time you need.

Come on, darling. We're late. Now come, dear.

Good-bye. Bye! Bye!

I wish I could be going on a honeymoon when I'm his age.

- Why wait that long? - Huh?

Poor Eadie. Now we may never see her again.

- What are you talking about? - Running off like that with a perfect stranger...

who's been carrying on behind her back.

He's probably wanted by the police. How do we know if he even intends to marry her?

We have other things to worry about.

- What did the electrician say? - His estimate is 800 bucks...

which is 800 bucks more than we've got.

- What are we gonna do? - We can always convert to candlelight.

- It's more romantic that way. - No. I mean seriously.

Seriously? There's only one thing to do... sell the house.

Sell it? Oh, no. We couldn't.

It's better than having it condemned.

But after all the trouble I went through getting it.

We've had nothing but trouble ever since.

Oh, we can raise the money somehow.

Honey, I just told you. We're broke.

Or to use a fine, old Latin phrase, caveat emptor...

the cupboard is bare.

I'll sell the furniture. Some of these pieces are valuable.

You'll do nothing of the kind. We're not going to sleep on the floor...

just so we can have a roof over our heads.

If you don't care enough about the house to hang on to it...

if you're gonna give up the first time we have a problem...

Next month something else'll go wrong, and we'll wind up hawking our clothes and the typewriter.

We might as well get our money out of it while we still can.

Oh, just when I was getting this place fixed up to look like a real home.

I know. I know. I appreciate what you were trying to do with it.

But this is "Operation Rathole."

For three years I saved my pay and sent it home to you so we could build up a nest egg.

And what have we got to show for it?

Well, I like that. What did I do with the money?

Buy mink coats? Go to nightclubs?

I put every cent into this house so you could have a place to write in peace and quiet.

Now, now...

Hello.

No, we do not have a midnight show!

- Well, if it isn't the newlyweds. - Oh, hello, Mabel.

Hello, Eadie. How was your honeymoon?

Mrs. Quigg, we have both been married before.

Nice to see you. Come on, dear.

Oh, Charley, look.

Oh, no.

Do you want to look at some more apartments tomorrow?

What's the use, honey? We can't afford any of those deals...

pay for redecorating, buy the furniture...

slip 'em a thousand bucks for the key.

Now maybe you're beginning to see what I was up against.

It's people like that that give the profession a bad name.

If you're gonna sell the house out from under me, we have to find someplace to move to.

- Hello, Charley. You all married and everything? - And everything.

- Good evening, Mrs. Scott. - Good evening. Did you bring Eadie back with you?

Naturally.

I hear you're selling the place.

If we can find somebody to buy it.

I'd feel terribly sorry to see you leave.

- We may not go very far... just out to the sidewalk.

How much money would it take to get you out of your present difficulty?

We got to rewire the place, and that's gonna cost 800 bucks.

Is that all?

Well, you can say good-bye to your worries.

Oh... Oh, no. W-We couldn't take money from you.

Now, I'll have no arguments.

We'll just call this my advanced rent.

But that's gonna pay you up for more than a year...

and we don't expect to be here that long.

But you can't sell the place without replacing the wiring.

- That wouldn't be honest. - But I still don't think that we should...

Please don't deny me the pleasure of helping you.

I know how tough it is to be young. I can remember.

Besides, Eadie and I have a... well, a sentimental attachment for this place.

It's the first real home I've had of my own in years.

I wouldn't care to be evicted.

I can sign a note for the money.

My boy, have we come to the point where we have to put it on paper?

Just a shake of your hand is enough for me.

Thanks, Charley.

And I'll be getting back to the bride.

Why did you let him force it on you like that?

Well, we're... We're obviously not gonna unload this place before the deadline.

But I don't like it. How do we know where Charley gets his money?

Uh-oh. Playin' hunches again.

You're the girl who thought he was gonna bring Eadie back in a trunk, remember?

Well, anyway, I-I still think we'll get an offer.

We haven't so far.

And if the place is condemned, we lose everything.

- How do you do? - Good evening.

My name is Knowland. I have a real estate business in the neighborhood.

- Oh, come in, Mr. Knowland. - Thank you.

I noticed your sign outside. I was wondering if I could list the place.

Oh, yes, yes.

You know, I'm a little surprised to see it offered for sale so soon again.

- What're you asking for it? - Just what we paid... 22,000.

Twenty-two... For this dog?

Why, it was offered to me only a few months ago for 17-5.

My wife knows a real bargain when she sees one.

- But we've made improvements and we... - Now you can't fool me...

just by slapping a coat of paint on the outside.

No, this is a sick house.

If you decide to come down in price, let me know. Good-bye.

Good evening.

All right. Maybe I made a mistake.

Something tells me we're never gonna get rid of this place.

We're just gonna be stuck with it, sinking deeper into debt every year.

Well, it wasn't my idea to go into debt.

How did I ever get into this rat race anyway?

There I was, a happy guy... money in the bank...

planning a second honeymoon.

Now look at me... a hounded creature facing bankruptcy.

And for what? To support a broken-down house in its old age.

Well, you make it sound as though I deliberately set out to ruin you.

Trouble is you didn't deliberate enough.

If you knew all the trouble I went to trying to find us a place to live...

tramping the streets day after day...

while you were running around Paris with Roberta.

I was not running around Paris with Roberta!

You never mentioned her in your letters. That proves you were trying to hide something.

Oh, now you're arguing just like a woman.

I never claimed to be anything else.

If there'd been anything between Roberta and me...

do you think I would have let her move into the house?

Oh, I see. You would have kept her a secret from me.

Oh, how did we ever get started on this subject?

I might have known what to expect after reading all those magazine articles.

What magazine articles?

They said returning servicemen would have a difficult time trying to readjust themselves.

They'd be full of neuroses.

So you think I'm missing a few buttons, do you?

You certainly haven't been acting normally.

All you've done since you came home is criticize.

That's fine. That's just dandy to have your own wife...

tell you you're ready for the booby hatch.

Jim, I've tried to be understanding, even when you were completely unreasonable.

- But I'm not gonna go on humoring you forever. - You won't have to.

- Now where are you going? - Maybe you'll feel safer if I spend the night outside.

- Oh, but you'll freeze to death. - You can't expect me to behave rationally in my condition.

Get out of here. Go away.

Go away. Go away.

Good morning, Suds.

Sleep well?

Yes.

I-I-I mean, no. I was, uh...

I was just...

My hammock broke down.

Roberta's apartment was empty. She was away over the weekend on a modeling job.

Never mind about that now. Look at this.

- So what? - That's the same woman we saw Charley having dinner with.

How can you tell? She's only got half a face.

The description of the man who swindled her sounds exactly like Charley.

- You're jumping to conclusions. - They're jumping at me. Listen.

"Mrs. Frazier met the dignified old gentleman at a swank hotel...

"where he was registered as Peter Chadwick.

"After a whirlwind courtship, during which he showered her with gifts...

"Mr. Chadwick proposed marriage.

"He also offered to invest part of her capital in his alleged enterprises.

"The attractive widow turned over $12,000 to her fianc�...

"and that was the last she saw of him.

After waiting a week, she notified the police."

That's the big business deal that Charley pulled off.

There's probably some simple explanation for the whole thing.

- Let's go downstairs. - And how do you explain this?

"From the man's method of operation, the police have concluded that he is...

"the notorious Charley Price, who is wanted on similar charges in seven states.

"Over the past 15 years he has defrauded scores of gullible women...

of a reputed half million dollars."

- Poor Eadie. - Confidence men don't go around marrying penniless widows...

and lending money to strangers.

- All right. We'll give him a chance to prove himself. - Yeah, let's do it right now.

Oh, I wondered where you disappeared to.

I know what you're thinking, but you could be wrong too.

I don't care where you spent last night or any other.

But Roberta just got back. I was still asleep and I didn't know it.

I'm only talking to you because this is an emergency.

But that doesn't mean I'm speaking to you.

Hmm-mm!

- Very interesting. - Is it true?

Well, they'd hardly print it in a newspaper if it wasn't.

- You swindled all those dames? - I don't like that word "swindled."

Well, what would you call it?

I gave these women something very precious in return...

the kind of attention that they'd always dreamed about.

I brought some romance to their drab existence.

I-I made them feel that they were beautiful, desirable.

- And took everything they had. - Not everything. I left them plenty.

Well, that was very noble of you.

Don't forget these gals were trying to take me.

They thought they were getting some rich old duffer...

that would kick off any moment.

You know, he's got a point there.

That's right. Stick up for him.

Any man who would take advantage of a lot of poor widows...

On the contrary. They were rich widows.

And why were they rich? Because their husbands worked themselves into early graves...

just to leave them well fixed.

I felt that I owed it to all men...

everywhere, to get back a little of that money...

and have some fun.

But, Charley...

- where does Eadie fit into this picture? - Yes.

I love Eadie.

You have a funny way of showing it... running around with Mrs. Frazier.

That was my farewell performance.

I wanted to start my marriage on a sound financial footing.

You mean you're retired?

Well, that's entirely up to both of you, after what you already know.

Well, I have no sympathy for you.

But I don't want to do anything that'll hurt Eadie.

- Oh, thank you. - Yeah.

It might be embarrassing, though, if the cops show up again.

- Again? - Mm-hmm.

There was an F.B.I. man here a couple of weeks ago asking questions about you.

Well, I better be starting on a little trip. Excuse me.

- So you're running out on Eadie. - No.

As soon as things cool off a little, I'll send for her.

You didn't marry any of those other women, did you?

Of course not. If I had, I'd be in the clear now.

People don't object when you marry a woman for money.

But if you try to appropriate her funds on strictly a friendly basis...

Well, if you've really reformed, the least you can do is return the money.

Uh-uh, Connie. It's all back in circulation now.

Remember, what I took from one, I spent on another one.

I have a complete financial report right here.

Isn't that kind of a dangerous thing to keep around?

Uh-uh. This proves that the newspapers exaggerated my income.

I had hardly anything left after I paid my taxes.

- You paid taxes on that money? - My boy, I have my ethics.

I've learned one rule...

never monkey with the Bureau of Internal Revenue.

Well, one thing is sure. We can't keep the $800 you lent us.

No. No, you're right. Spend it right away and I'll take it off the books.

- Hello, Eadie. - Oh, Jimmy. There's a man outside to see you.

Thank you. I'll catch you before you leave.

- Good morning, Eadie. - I'll be right down.

- Where you going, Charley? - Oh, honey, it's necessary that I leave town.

- Leave town? - Yeah, hurriedly. Uh...

- But, why? - It's... It's urgent business, dear. Business.

- Can I help you? - Oh, Mr. Scott?

- Yes. - My name's Clark.

- I understand this property is on the market. - Yes, yes.

- Be glad to show you around. - I've had my eye on it for some time.

If we can agree on terms, you've got yourself a deal.

Well, you won't go wrong buying this place. For example, notice the construction.

- Solid. Foundation's hardly settled at all. - What's your monthly income?

Yes, we've got a great bunch of tenants... quiet, respectable.

Never cause any trouble whatsoever.

Would you excuse me a minute?

Charley, police are here.

- But, Charley... - Good-bye, my dear.

The back way. Come on.

Charley, what's happening?

Charley!

- What's the matter? - The house is loaded with cops.

Look after Eadie, will you, please?

- Not that way. Over the fence. - All right.

Oh!

- What's the matter? - I'm caught on a nail.

- Oh, well, uh, hang on. - What a suggestion.

- Hold it! - Oh.

- Get down. - All right. All right.

- Okay. Come on, Dad. - I'm not your dad. Did you have one?

- Here you are, Jim. - I'll take that.

Nice work, Mac. He almost gave us the slip.

- What's going on here? - How should I know?

I don't understand. Why should the police want Charley?

Now, Eadie, you've got to be brave.

What's happened to Mr. Scott? This is no way to do business.

- Oh, Carl. - Bernard.

- That's him, all right. - Why, I'd recognize him anywhere. That's Paul Chapman.

He told me his name was Carl Pearson.

Have you ever seen these women before?

Yes, I... Yes, I have. And they're all charming ladies.

- You beast. - Peter, how could you do this to me?

It isn't true about all these other women, is it?

What're they doing to you, Charley?

Eadie, you're the only woman I love.

And these past few weeks together have been the happiest of my life.

I want you to remember that.

And nothing I've done, and nothing they can do to me will ever change that.

All right. Let's go.

Oh, Bernard, how could you?

You and your jug of wine and your native woodnotes wild!

Did you say all those things to her?

Come on, will you?

So long, Charley. Poor guy.

When I left, they were still questioning him about his career and, uh...

- they're only up to 1941. - You did get in to see him, didn't you?

For a few minutes. He insists on pleading guilty.

He said he's enjoyed his life thoroughly, and now he's willing to pay for it.

Would it help any if I spoke to him?

I-I don't think so. It's for your sake that he wants to avoid a trial.

Couldn't we get him out on bail?

If we do, they'll just arrest him again.

The F.B.I. will pick him up on a fugitive warrant.

And how long can they send him away for?

Well, if the sentences run concurrently, from two to five years.

No matter how long it takes, I'll wait for him.

Thank you very much.

- Good night. - Good night.

Good night, Eadie.

What do you think we ought to do about that 800 bucks?

As a lawyer, I'd say turn it over to the police.

But as your friend, I'd say the same thing.

- He wouldn't listen to me. - There goes the new wiring.

I wish I could help. But you don't get rich working for the government.

We know, Ed. Thank you.

Hello. Hello, Mr. Clark.

How much?

Why, that's a ridiculous price.

All right, all right. I'll talk it over with my wife.

The man who was here this morning is willing to give us 19,000 for the house.

- Gonna take it? - Looks like we don't have much choice, do we?

- It's up to you. - Mm, it means losing most of our investment...

but I guess we're gonna have to.

I, uh, think I'll drop up and see Roberta.

She just got back into town this morning, and I want to see if she missed me.

Yeah, you do that.

- Why don't you marry her? - Maybe I will.

When I see how happy you two are, I'm almost tempted.

Are you asleep?

You know, it's funny... now that we've actually decided to leave this place...

I'm gonna miss it.

I guess we've done a pretty good job around here.

It's certainly the best looking house on the block.

The tenants seem to like us.

Look what Charley tried to do for us.

- What's the matter? - Now you change your mind.

After making my life miserable all these weeks.

You know I didn't mean it.

All you had to do was say one kind word to me...

just one kind word.

I'm sorry, darling.

Mmm. Sometimes I almost wish you'd been married before.

Then you might appreciate me more.

I wouldn't be married to anybody else for anything.

Even though I went and lost all our money?

We have something more important than that...

something nobody can take away from us.

Oh, I wish there was some way we could save the house.

I suppose it would take a miracle now, wouldn't it?

When I was overseas, home meant just one thing... you.

And not a piece of real estate.

Now what?

- Your name Jim Scott? - Yes.

Police Department. We've been going over Mr. Patterson's records.

It seems he turned over 800 bucks to you yesterday.

- That's right. It was a loan. - That's not the way Charley tells it.

He said he paid you the money so you wouldn't give him away.

- That's a lie. - Charley's been very frank with us about everything else.

- Why should he lie about this? - Oh, I don't know.

I-I thought we were friends. I even tried to protect him.

- Then you admit covering up for him. - Uh, I don't admit anything.

My husband was going to return that money in the morning.

If it's all the same to you, we'll go to the station now.

- Is it all right if I change my clothes? - Go ahead.

Thanks.

Your friend Charley. Your benefactor.

I warned you, but you just laughed at my intuition.

I don't need a lecture, I need a lawyer. Now get Ed on the phone.

In here.

- Oh, Jim, boy. Glad to see you. - You're putting me in here with him?

- He asked for you as a special favor. - Thanks.

Anytime, Charley. I sure got to hand it to you... all those women.

If you were 20 years younger or I was 20 years older, I'd knock your block off.

That's a nice way to talk after all the trouble I went to to get you in here.

- You told them a pack of lies about that money. - I had to.

- Why? I don't get it. - Now stop breathing through your mouth and listen. I...

- What's going on in there? - T�te-�-t�te.

All right. All right. I'm listening.

Look. A newspaper syndicate...

offered me $5,000 for a series of articles on my career.

I accepted on one condition... that you be allowed to write them.

- Why me? - Oh, I thought it was the least I could do.

So you keep half of the money and give the other half to Eadie.

That'll help her carry on while I'm gone.

- And you had me tossed into jail to tell me that? - Yes. Yes.

Now come here.

They want to start running my story while it's hot...

and this is the last chance I have to dictate it.

And confidentially, they're handing me over to the federal boys tomorrow.

- They are much stricter than these boys here.

- Hey, but how do I get out of here? - Oh, easy, easy.

All they've got against you is my word.

Tomorrow morning I shall magnanimously admit I made a mistake.

Why don't you pipe down? How's a guy gonna get any sleep?

Oh, yeah. Sorry. Sorry.

Now...

shall we start work?

I shall never forget...

my first conquest.

I was two and a half weeks old.

We had a French nurse.

But I never seriously became involved in any...

romance until I reached the age of four.

My client is willing to give you 35,000 for the house.

That's positively her final offer, and I must have your answer today.

- What do you think? - You decide.

Well, $35,000 is a lot of money, but...

No.

But the house isn't for sale at any price.

Hello. Sure. Sure thing. I'll be right up.

Excuse me. I've got to go help one of our tenants.

You're making a big mistake turning down this offer...

but I know just how you feel about your home.

- Good-bye, Mr. Knowland. - Good-bye, Mrs. Scott.

- I've got it. - You've got it?

- Yep. - Very careful now. Don't wake 'em up.

All right so far.

- Oh, there we go. We made it. - Oh.

- How are the twins today? - Oh, thriving. Thriving.

Oh, my darling little Cynara.

My gorgeous little Lilith. Oh, ho-ho.

- Oh, Jim. - Huh?

- Say it again. - Oh, I have five times today.

Oh, all right. Charley, your twins are beautiful.

Did you hear what the man said?

You know Charley... he's always had a way with girls.

Come on, dear, to the park. And give those other parents a treat.

- Good-bye. - Good-bye.

I still can't get over it. Charley, the father of twins.

Just think what he could have done if he hadn't retired.