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1
00:02:41,479 --> 00:02:42,401
Be right back.
2
00:03:46,794 --> 00:03:48,421
The angels...
3
00:03:48,546 --> 00:03:50,640
...not half so happy in heaven,
4
00:03:50,756 --> 00:03:52,508
went envying her and me.
5
00:03:53,426 --> 00:03:57,556
That was the reason as all men
know in this kingdom by the sea.
6
00:03:57,763 --> 00:04:01,688
That the wind came out of
the cloud by night,
7
00:04:01,976 --> 00:04:03,273
chilling...
8
00:04:04,103 --> 00:04:05,650
and killing...
9
00:04:06,105 --> 00:04:07,698
...my Annabel Lee.
10
00:04:08,357 --> 00:04:09,779
What?
11
00:04:11,152 --> 00:04:12,529
Wrong answer!
12
00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:26,670
The White Man versus the Indians.
13
00:06:26,829 --> 00:06:28,547
That's what we all learned in school.
14
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,712
But that's not entirely
accurate.
15
00:06:34,128 --> 00:06:36,722
It was actually the
White Man versus the Indians...
16
00:06:36,922 --> 00:06:38,344
versus the Indians.
17
00:06:38,674 --> 00:06:41,268
You see, when the Europeans
first came to the New World,
18
00:06:41,427 --> 00:06:43,395
the Indians viewed them
as just another tribe.
19
00:06:43,721 --> 00:06:45,974
One to trade with, fight with,
20
00:06:46,348 --> 00:06:47,474
or ally with
21
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:49,484
...against other Indians.
22
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:51,441
But the Europeans brought
with them something
23
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,363
that the Indians had
never seen before...
24
00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:55,524
...and had no defense against.
25
00:06:55,733 --> 00:06:59,363
And I'm not talking about guns and
disease and facial hair...
26
00:06:59,945 --> 00:07:01,447
though that was true, too.
27
00:07:01,614 --> 00:07:04,993
No,
I'm talking about GREED.
28
00:07:05,576 --> 00:07:08,955
And soon, the Indian tribes
were being backstabbed
29
00:07:09,038 --> 00:07:10,915
and treaties were being broken,
30
00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:12,883
and whole peoples were being slaughtered
31
00:07:13,083 --> 00:07:14,926
and moved onto reservations...
32
00:07:15,169 --> 00:07:17,217
...and that was completely barren
33
00:07:17,421 --> 00:07:19,014
and worthless.
34
00:07:19,215 --> 00:07:22,219
And that was supposed to be the
end of the story.
35
00:07:22,343 --> 00:07:24,391
Except for the fact
that the Europeans forgot that
36
00:07:24,553 --> 00:07:26,351
greed is contagious.
37
00:07:26,639 --> 00:07:29,188
And the Indian tribes,
along with Smallpox
38
00:07:29,350 --> 00:07:31,398
and Whooping Cough,
had caught it...
39
00:07:31,477 --> 00:07:34,230
and learned to wield it against
their conquerors.
40
00:07:34,813 --> 00:07:36,030
Wichch is where I come in
41
00:07:36,232 --> 00:07:38,781
Victim number 299 million
42
00:07:39,276 --> 00:07:40,869
458 thousand,
43
00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:42,701
327
44
00:07:47,409 --> 00:07:48,535
There I am now.
45
00:07:48,827 --> 00:07:50,420
Not a bad looking guy.
46
00:07:50,955 --> 00:07:52,081
Ohhh!
47
00:07:52,206 --> 00:07:54,334
Maybe that's not the best
place to start.
48
00:08:03,509 --> 00:08:05,182
There we go. Much better.
49
00:08:07,263 --> 00:08:08,310
So there I was.
50
00:08:08,514 --> 00:08:11,313
At an Indian Gaming Casino.
Just passing through.
51
00:08:11,475 --> 00:08:14,274
I was like an old West gun fighter
coming into town,
52
00:08:14,436 --> 00:08:17,610
looking to right
past wrongs and make a fortune.
53
00:08:20,526 --> 00:08:22,073
Except, of course..
54
00:08:22,194 --> 00:08:25,744
I didn't have a gun or know
the first thing about fighting.
55
00:08:30,995 --> 00:08:32,918
So I played the slots instead...
56
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:38,010
before realising I needed to
try my luck elsewhere.
57
00:08:38,210 --> 00:08:41,180
Name, address, phone number.
58
00:08:41,964 --> 00:08:43,466
What do you want my social too?
59
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:44,967
Sign here.
60
00:08:47,553 --> 00:08:48,725
Good luck sir.
61
00:08:50,472 --> 00:08:52,895
There Was
an Elvis impersonation contest...
62
00:08:53,058 --> 00:08:54,685
...usually only a Vegas thing.
63
00:08:54,852 --> 00:08:55,774
So on a whim,
64
00:08:55,894 --> 00:08:56,986
I joined.
65
00:08:57,438 --> 00:08:59,566
Talk like an angel,
66
00:08:59,690 --> 00:09:03,285
but I got wise.
67
00:09:03,402 --> 00:09:06,155
Your the Devil in Disguise.
68
00:09:06,530 --> 00:09:08,123
Oh yes you are
69
00:09:08,574 --> 00:09:09,496
Did okay.
70
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:11,209
Not enough to win or anything, but
71
00:09:11,493 --> 00:09:12,995
okay enough to grab the attention of
72
00:09:13,078 --> 00:09:15,046
a beautiful lady at the bar.
73
00:09:15,289 --> 00:09:17,166
With your kisses
74
00:09:17,708 --> 00:09:20,177
You cheated and you schemed.
75
00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,880
John Smith lied to Chief Powhatan
76
00:09:23,005 --> 00:09:24,757
about why he had come to the
New World in the first place...
77
00:09:24,882 --> 00:09:26,384
that's why Pocahontas had to save him.
78
00:09:26,508 --> 00:09:28,385
Ah ah, she was in love.
79
00:09:28,552 --> 00:09:29,428
She was eleven.
80
00:09:29,595 --> 00:09:30,812
I'm not eleven.
81
00:09:31,347 --> 00:09:32,815
No, your ah...
82
00:09:33,474 --> 00:09:34,646
...you're not.
83
00:09:34,767 --> 00:09:36,565
Mmm.
Buy me another drink?
84
00:09:36,685 --> 00:09:38,153
Mmm!
85
00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:40,147
She seemed reelly interested in me
86
00:09:40,397 --> 00:09:42,741
and I was pretty sure I knew
where this was going.
87
00:09:50,699 --> 00:09:51,871
Unfortunately...
88
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:54,666
...life doesn't always
go the way you think it will.
89
00:09:56,789 --> 00:09:57,961
As it turns out,
90
00:09:58,123 --> 00:10:00,046
she was more
interested in what was in my wallet...
91
00:10:00,376 --> 00:10:01,969
It was nice meeting you.
92
00:10:02,211 --> 00:10:04,305
Than what was in my pants
93
00:10:08,801 --> 00:10:09,893
Which is so ironic,
94
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:12,229
considering I don't keep
my money in my wallet.
95
00:10:18,811 --> 00:10:21,155
Thank you!
96
00:10:21,355 --> 00:10:24,154
So instead of a night of crazy wild sex,
97
00:10:24,316 --> 00:10:25,568
I ended up playing poker
98
00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:27,444
With a bunch of the Elvises
from the contest.
99
00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:29,241
And not that Texas Hold Em bullshit
100
00:10:29,405 --> 00:10:31,954
you see on TV where everyone
now thinks they're an expert.
101
00:10:32,074 --> 00:10:33,246
No no, I'm talking about
102
00:10:33,492 --> 00:10:34,493
good old fashioned
103
00:10:34,743 --> 00:10:38,748
backroom, cigar smokin'
five card draw.
104
00:10:39,790 --> 00:10:41,667
Oh, you're going down this time.
105
00:10:44,545 --> 00:10:45,637
I like to go down.
106
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:49,762
I bet you do.
107
00:10:53,762 --> 00:10:55,230
But I' m more worried about the Midget.
108
00:10:57,850 --> 00:10:59,727
It's not Midget, asshole.
109
00:10:59,852 --> 00:11:01,320
It's "Little Person".
110
00:11:04,773 --> 00:11:05,865
Oh, that's much better.
111
00:11:06,358 --> 00:11:08,406
Midget is offensive...
but little person is okay?
112
00:11:08,652 --> 00:11:10,245
Who decides these things?
113
00:11:10,362 --> 00:11:11,204
Screw you, bitch.
114
00:11:11,363 --> 00:11:12,706
Are you in or not huh?
115
00:11:12,865 --> 00:11:14,117
Well...
116
00:11:14,366 --> 00:11:15,834
Last week my girlfriend of three years
117
00:11:15,993 --> 00:11:17,870
decided playing doctor with her doctor,
118
00:11:18,036 --> 00:11:19,754
kicked me out of the house and stole my dog.
119
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,256
Oh, that is just rude.
120
00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:24,384
She said, "history would be
written without me. "
121
00:11:24,626 --> 00:11:25,593
What's that mean?
122
00:11:25,711 --> 00:11:27,213
Have no idea, so I just got in my car,
123
00:11:27,421 --> 00:11:28,468
came down here,
124
00:11:28,714 --> 00:11:30,887
got dissed by a girl at the bar, lost at slots,
125
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,468
and had my wallet stolen.
126
00:11:32,634 --> 00:11:34,853
So hell yes boys, I am in.
127
00:11:35,179 --> 00:11:37,557
Read 'em and weep.
Aces and sixes.
128
00:11:37,681 --> 00:11:39,729
Ha! Unlucky in love,
129
00:11:39,850 --> 00:11:41,852
unlucky in cards, bitch.
130
00:11:42,019 --> 00:11:42,895
Three deuces.
131
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:45,397
Little person, little hand.
132
00:11:45,731 --> 00:11:48,575
Read 'em and weep boys.
Straight to the ten.
133
00:11:48,692 --> 00:11:49,989
Yeah.
134
00:11:50,736 --> 00:11:52,204
I don't think so.
135
00:11:52,988 --> 00:11:56,117
Hail to the Queen! Baby.
136
00:11:57,743 --> 00:12:00,121
Hell, well this is a game of Elvises.
137
00:12:01,163 --> 00:12:03,006
We're going to hail to the King!
138
00:12:05,083 --> 00:12:06,585
First you win the contest,
139
00:12:06,710 --> 00:12:08,007
now you're taking all our money.
140
00:12:08,253 --> 00:12:09,596
You know something we don't?
141
00:12:09,838 --> 00:12:11,966
Yeah. How to pay cards.
142
00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:15,223
I thought was strictly a Vegas thing,
what's the deal here?
143
00:12:15,385 --> 00:12:17,808
Yeah well the Chief,
he has a thing for Mr. Presley.
144
00:12:18,347 --> 00:12:19,348
The Chief? Who is the Chief?
145
00:12:23,393 --> 00:12:26,488
The Chief, head of the tribe,
owner of the casino.
146
00:12:26,730 --> 00:12:28,824
He worships the King almost as much as he does
147
00:12:28,941 --> 00:12:31,035
his ancient Apache Warrior Mask.
148
00:12:34,196 --> 00:12:35,664
This is our hotel!
149
00:12:35,906 --> 00:12:37,078
We're all kings here.
150
00:12:37,366 --> 00:12:38,743
We're VIP's.
151
00:12:39,117 --> 00:12:41,119
Access to everything.
152
00:12:41,411 --> 00:12:43,004
You didn't stand a chance in that contest.
153
00:12:43,789 --> 00:12:45,382
Thanks very much.
154
00:12:45,958 --> 00:12:47,084
So are we gonna play some more cards,
155
00:12:47,209 --> 00:12:49,086
or is Mr. Miyagi still mad?
156
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:50,303
He might...
157
00:12:50,462 --> 00:12:52,931
...chop, chop our heads. Hoi!
158
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:57,056
Oh, I get it I get it.
'Cause I'm Asian,
159
00:12:57,261 --> 00:12:58,353
I must be Japanese,
160
00:12:58,595 --> 00:12:59,562
I must do karate.
161
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:01,227
You know, that's really clever.
You got another one.
162
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,692
Yeah, your driving, it sucks.
163
00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:07,230
You know, even though flying monkeys
scare the hell out of me,
164
00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:09,482
I don' t give you a hard time
about the Wizard of Oz, do I?
165
00:13:09,815 --> 00:13:10,441
Woo.
166
00:13:10,566 --> 00:13:12,739
And if Whitey the Clan Member here
wants to bomb abortion clinics,
167
00:13:12,901 --> 00:13:13,823
I don't try to stop him.
168
00:13:13,986 --> 00:13:16,580
I mean, getting molested by a priest
can really screw a kid up.
169
00:13:17,114 --> 00:13:18,161
Oh, what about you?
170
00:13:18,490 --> 00:13:20,709
If I bend over, are you gonna fantasize
about my ass?
171
00:13:20,826 --> 00:13:22,248
You going to "Queer Eye"
my apartment?
172
00:13:22,327 --> 00:13:23,294
I wouldn't have a problem if you did
173
00:13:23,579 --> 00:13:25,172
'cause that' s the kinda guy I am.
174
00:13:25,956 --> 00:13:26,832
What are you looking at?
175
00:13:26,915 --> 00:13:29,464
What are you some kind of
generic European hybrid?
176
00:13:30,252 --> 00:13:31,754
Look man my ah...
177
00:13:31,837 --> 00:13:33,180
My wallet and ID got stolen.
178
00:13:33,297 --> 00:13:34,514
That's my story.
179
00:13:34,756 --> 00:13:36,099
And now we took your money.
180
00:13:36,592 --> 00:13:37,684
That's just terrible.
181
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:40,103
I now had no girl
182
00:13:40,262 --> 00:13:42,310
No ID and no money.
183
00:13:42,431 --> 00:13:43,057
But overall,
184
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:46,318
The Elvises seemed to be a pretty
good bunch of guys.
185
00:14:05,203 --> 00:14:08,548
But, of course, looks can be
deceiving.
186
00:14:12,586 --> 00:14:13,587
Ah, crap.
187
00:14:16,757 --> 00:14:19,260
Guys! Guys! Take it easy!
188
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:21,888
Come on guys!
I know I do a really bad Elvis but
189
00:14:22,012 --> 00:14:23,434
this is a little extreme huh?
190
00:14:25,724 --> 00:14:27,772
And here we are again.
191
00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:30,396
Well, no use stalling anymore.
192
00:14:34,232 --> 00:14:36,155
Hey wait! Wait I though...
193
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:39,450
Native Americans are supposed
to be peace-loving, philosophy spouting,
194
00:14:39,571 --> 00:14:40,993
protectors of nature?
195
00:14:44,576 --> 00:14:47,705
That's a blatant stereotype.
196
00:14:49,039 --> 00:14:50,507
The Apaches...
197
00:14:50,666 --> 00:14:53,135
...are the most fearsome
warriors...
198
00:14:53,627 --> 00:14:55,800
...the world has ever seen.
199
00:14:56,046 --> 00:14:59,471
Wait! Ash! Wait!
200
00:14:59,841 --> 00:15:01,013
Where's the mask?
201
00:15:01,718 --> 00:15:02,435
What mask?
202
00:15:06,181 --> 00:15:08,149
The ancient Apache Warrior Mask that you stole.
203
00:15:15,691 --> 00:15:17,989
I didn't steal anything.
204
00:15:21,196 --> 00:15:22,493
Who is he?
205
00:15:24,074 --> 00:15:26,168
He doesn't have any ID on him.
206
00:15:26,368 --> 00:15:28,211
My ID was stolen last night.
My wallet...
207
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:30,001
my ID everything.
You should really do something
208
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:31,957
about the security in this place.
You got these two...Allright! Allright!
209
00:15:32,374 --> 00:15:34,672
Smith. John Smith.
Don't hit me again!
210
00:15:34,876 --> 00:15:36,128
John Smith.
211
00:15:36,253 --> 00:15:37,505
Well Mr. Smith,
212
00:15:37,629 --> 00:15:41,475
an Elvis impersonator just stole the
Chief's sacred warrior mask.
213
00:15:42,926 --> 00:15:44,018
You guys saw my performance
214
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:46,020
I'm the worst Elvis impersonator
that ever lived.
215
00:15:46,430 --> 00:15:47,898
Where would I be hiding it?
In my pants?
216
00:15:51,643 --> 00:15:54,943
The White Man has stolen this mask before.
217
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:56,356
And the Tribe...
218
00:15:56,565 --> 00:15:59,068
...has suffered many hardships because of it.
219
00:16:11,621 --> 00:16:13,965
It took almost a century to recover it.
220
00:16:17,419 --> 00:16:20,514
Before it was learned that the
white man had once again
221
00:16:20,630 --> 00:16:23,554
broken his word and
invaded sacred ground.
222
00:16:32,476 --> 00:16:33,352
But this time
223
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,821
...the Chief and his men
were victorious.
224
00:16:47,908 --> 00:16:49,455
And only then...
225
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:52,625
...did glory and prosperity return
to our people.
226
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:57,091
That's a really great story and ahh...
227
00:16:57,501 --> 00:17:00,721
...I know how it feels to
loose something valuable.
228
00:17:01,630 --> 00:17:02,882
I sympathize there,
229
00:17:03,006 --> 00:17:05,304
I give you guys all my support
in the world in finding it now
230
00:17:05,550 --> 00:17:06,676
if you just uncuff me
231
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:07,852
and get me out of here
232
00:17:07,969 --> 00:17:09,221
you can go look for it!
233
00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:12,816
One million dollars.
234
00:17:14,351 --> 00:17:16,024
That's the price.
235
00:17:16,728 --> 00:17:18,901
I want that mask back here...
236
00:17:19,147 --> 00:17:20,740
...by tomorrow night.
237
00:17:20,899 --> 00:17:21,991
Words going to get out.
238
00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:25,078
Call the Indian.
239
00:17:25,779 --> 00:17:27,076
Who's the Indian?
240
00:17:28,782 --> 00:17:29,999
You hear that?
Agh
241
00:17:30,534 --> 00:17:33,788
Your friends are in for it now.
242
00:17:35,413 --> 00:17:37,289
Looks like we're hunting Elvises.
243
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,258
It seem as though the contest winner...
244
00:17:39,376 --> 00:17:41,470
...wrote down his
address on his entry form.
245
00:17:41,586 --> 00:17:43,509
Who would be that stupid?
246
00:17:43,755 --> 00:17:46,759
Name, address, phone number.
247
00:17:47,509 --> 00:17:48,761
Sign here.
248
00:17:50,554 --> 00:17:52,272
All right, I'll stop talking.
249
00:17:52,430 --> 00:17:53,602
What about him?
250
00:17:54,349 --> 00:17:56,852
Well, he's an Elvis impersonator.
251
00:17:58,019 --> 00:18:00,021
There's only one way to be safe.
252
00:18:01,439 --> 00:18:02,315
Kill him.
253
00:18:02,732 --> 00:18:03,449
Hey!
254
00:18:03,567 --> 00:18:04,568
And besides.
255
00:18:04,693 --> 00:18:07,196
Native Americans can do without
another John Smith.
256
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,288
Come on, no! No! No!
Take it easy!
257
00:18:09,406 --> 00:18:10,498
Guys! Guys! Come on!
258
00:18:10,615 --> 00:18:11,992
Really, you don't have to do this!
259
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,749
I'm nothing, I'm nobody!
Ask my exgirlfriend.
260
00:18:14,911 --> 00:18:15,833
That's why we can do this.
261
00:18:15,954 --> 00:18:17,672
You think the Rancher is responsible?
262
00:18:17,789 --> 00:18:19,086
He's always responsible.
263
00:18:19,207 --> 00:18:20,675
Who's the Rancher?
264
00:18:24,087 --> 00:18:26,055
The guy that hired you to steal the mask.
265
00:18:26,464 --> 00:18:28,512
Hey, nobody hired me remember?
266
00:18:28,842 --> 00:18:31,345
The guy who hired the guy...
267
00:18:31,469 --> 00:18:33,062
who stole the mask.
268
00:18:33,221 --> 00:18:35,269
In the past when the Government
wanted to screw the Tribe.
269
00:18:35,390 --> 00:18:37,063
It was always over money!
270
00:18:37,267 --> 00:18:38,564
And almost always
271
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:41,234
that money went into the Ranchers pocket.
272
00:18:41,938 --> 00:18:43,815
And he hates Native Americans.
273
00:18:44,316 --> 00:18:45,989
But you guys are so friendly!
274
00:18:46,443 --> 00:18:47,911
Oh oh, God!
275
00:18:48,445 --> 00:18:50,163
Hey, hey look I could scream.
276
00:18:53,116 --> 00:18:54,789
What's college boy going to do?
277
00:18:54,910 --> 00:18:57,004
Crush beer cans on our heads?
278
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:01,920
Which one's yours?
279
00:19:02,083 --> 00:19:03,005
Agh...
280
00:19:04,127 --> 00:19:05,049
Duh...
281
00:19:09,841 --> 00:19:11,013
That one.
282
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,304
That piece of crap?
283
00:19:14,596 --> 00:19:16,644
Buy American. Come on,
you guys are Native American,
284
00:19:16,765 --> 00:19:17,687
I thought you'd be proud.
285
00:19:24,147 --> 00:19:25,569
What are you doing?
286
00:19:26,274 --> 00:19:29,619
I'm copying down this Elvis
address just in case.
287
00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:31,613
Oh come on, you think the guy
who stole the mask put his
288
00:19:31,780 --> 00:19:33,532
real address down on an entry form?
289
00:19:33,698 --> 00:19:34,915
Get in!
290
00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:36,288
Where?
291
00:19:36,868 --> 00:19:37,994
The tunk!
292
00:19:46,002 --> 00:19:47,219
You're in tune...
293
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:49,840
...with K.Z.R.E...
294
00:19:49,965 --> 00:19:52,468
where we play you
the best of yesterday...
295
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:54,310
...and today.
296
00:19:58,890 --> 00:20:01,814
I awoke not knowing where I was
297
00:20:02,310 --> 00:20:04,233
Which is probably
a good thing.
298
00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:13,530
Yeah!
299
00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:24,211
Agh!
300
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:27,544
Come on!
301
00:20:28,211 --> 00:20:29,303
Okay!
302
00:20:40,223 --> 00:20:41,566
Oh Shit!
303
00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:53,236
Oh...What?!
304
00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:54,912
Jesus!
305
00:21:44,579 --> 00:21:47,128
Well looks like Elvis gets to live another day.
306
00:21:54,255 --> 00:21:56,553
You really think the guy who
stole the mask wrote his...
307
00:21:57,092 --> 00:21:59,720
...real address down
on an entry form.
308
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:05,233
Let's hope.
309
00:22:19,155 --> 00:22:20,702
Your attention please.
310
00:22:20,865 --> 00:22:23,493
This is an announcement
for Train 735...
311
00:22:23,660 --> 00:22:27,335
...to San Antonio,
Baton Rouge and Tacoma
312
00:22:27,789 --> 00:22:30,668
This train has been delayed for
approximately one hour.
313
00:22:30,834 --> 00:22:32,757
Please remain in the station.
314
00:22:32,836 --> 00:22:36,431
for further notices.
All passengers will board...
315
00:23:13,418 --> 00:23:15,591
Once upon a midnight dreary...
316
00:23:15,795 --> 00:23:18,594
while I pondered weak and weary.
317
00:23:19,841 --> 00:23:21,514
There came a tapping,
318
00:23:21,634 --> 00:23:24,888
gently rapping on my chamber door.
319
00:23:25,221 --> 00:23:26,518
Little lady...
320
00:23:26,931 --> 00:23:28,478
you better get the hell outta here...
321
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,900
before I pull out the big gun on you.
322
00:23:33,938 --> 00:23:36,066
Baby, your gun doesn't work on me.
323
00:23:36,316 --> 00:23:37,909
Now, where...
324
00:23:38,318 --> 00:23:39,695
...is the mask?
325
00:23:42,447 --> 00:23:43,744
I don't have it.
326
00:23:45,575 --> 00:23:47,043
Wrong answer!
327
00:24:02,759 --> 00:24:03,931
Hmm.
328
00:24:04,636 --> 00:24:06,479
He is telling the truth.
329
00:24:08,431 --> 00:24:10,104
Oh well.
330
00:24:46,636 --> 00:24:48,183
All right Elvis.
331
00:24:48,554 --> 00:24:50,602
Let's see if this is where you really live.
332
00:24:52,976 --> 00:24:54,273
I'm ready for you.
333
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:05,867
Hello?
334
00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:13,588
Oh.
335
00:25:33,808 --> 00:25:36,527
You really did put your address
down on the entry form.
336
00:25:38,187 --> 00:25:40,861
You certainly Won't be winning
any thieving contests.
337
00:25:53,745 --> 00:25:55,713
None of you will be.
338
00:25:57,415 --> 00:25:59,167
If I were an ancient Apache Warrior mask,
339
00:25:59,292 --> 00:26:00,965
where would I be hiding?
340
00:26:03,671 --> 00:26:05,594
I know...
341
00:26:06,007 --> 00:26:07,099
...the couch!
342
00:26:11,554 --> 00:26:13,056
Uh!
343
00:26:23,107 --> 00:26:24,108
Hello ?
344
00:26:24,233 --> 00:26:25,280
Is anybody home ?
345
00:26:25,281 --> 00:26:26,448
Who are you?
346
00:26:27,153 --> 00:26:28,325
I'm the girl next door.
347
00:26:30,698 --> 00:26:31,870
Of course you are.
348
00:26:32,533 --> 00:26:33,500
Can I come in?
349
00:26:33,659 --> 00:26:35,410
No. No. Go away.
350
00:26:35,411 --> 00:26:36,913
That's not very neighbourly of you.
351
00:26:36,996 --> 00:26:38,339
That's because I'm not your neighbour.
352
00:26:38,539 --> 00:26:40,837
You know, I've never been in here before.
353
00:26:42,794 --> 00:26:44,171
Oh, neat lamp.
354
00:26:44,587 --> 00:26:45,429
Ha.
355
00:26:45,713 --> 00:26:47,636
Come on, cute girl comes
in here and wants to make
356
00:26:47,799 --> 00:26:49,676
small talk with you and you tell her to leave?
357
00:26:49,842 --> 00:26:50,889
What are you gay or something?
358
00:26:51,052 --> 00:26:52,474
No, I'm not gay.
359
00:26:52,970 --> 00:26:55,314
It's okay if you are.
It's cool.
360
00:26:55,431 --> 00:26:56,978
I'm old enough to be your fath...
361
00:26:57,392 --> 00:26:58,735
...your really cool uncle.
362
00:26:58,851 --> 00:26:59,898
No, you're right.
363
00:27:00,144 --> 00:27:00,986
You could be my father.
364
00:27:01,104 --> 00:27:02,356
Could have been an accident, you know.
365
00:27:02,814 --> 00:27:05,533
Unplanned, high school, maybe after prom.
366
00:27:06,275 --> 00:27:07,117
What?
367
00:27:07,360 --> 00:27:09,112
What are you even doing here anyway?
368
00:27:09,195 --> 00:27:10,196
Oh, sugar.
369
00:27:10,321 --> 00:27:11,368
I need a cup.
Do you have any?
370
00:27:11,531 --> 00:27:12,202
Seriously?
371
00:27:12,323 --> 00:27:14,451
No... it's not the 50's.
372
00:27:14,575 --> 00:27:16,794
Hell, maybe you are too old for me.
373
00:27:16,911 --> 00:27:17,878
See you around Uncle.
374
00:27:17,995 --> 00:27:19,872
Hey if you need anything, I'm right next door.
375
00:27:50,403 --> 00:27:52,155
Give me the mask.
376
00:27:53,406 --> 00:27:54,407
I don't have it!
377
00:27:57,785 --> 00:27:58,957
Give me the mask...
378
00:27:59,036 --> 00:28:00,788
...or I kill your
next door neighbour.
379
00:28:00,955 --> 00:28:03,049
She's not my neighbour, I don't even live here.
380
00:28:03,291 --> 00:28:04,213
Agh!!
381
00:28:04,542 --> 00:28:05,509
That hurt!
382
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:07,428
Ugh!
383
00:28:08,254 --> 00:28:09,551
So that's how it feels.
384
00:28:10,423 --> 00:28:11,515
Nice punch.
385
00:28:11,841 --> 00:28:12,888
Nice bite.
386
00:28:23,394 --> 00:28:25,613
I'm only going to ask you once.
387
00:28:26,981 --> 00:28:28,699
Where is the mask?
388
00:28:29,025 --> 00:28:30,151
Who are you?
389
00:28:31,694 --> 00:28:33,037
I'm the Cowboy.
390
00:28:34,906 --> 00:28:36,374
That was obvious.
391
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:40,582
And I can shoot the whiskers
392
00:28:40,703 --> 00:28:42,671
off your chin from 50 yards.
393
00:28:43,539 --> 00:28:44,916
That'd be pretty weird.
394
00:28:45,958 --> 00:28:47,426
Well don't you think the cop behind you
395
00:28:47,543 --> 00:28:48,886
might have something to say about that?
396
00:28:53,007 --> 00:28:54,008
Look behind you?
397
00:28:54,133 --> 00:28:55,259
I can't believe he actually fell for it!
398
00:28:55,384 --> 00:28:56,385
Which one is your car?
399
00:28:56,552 --> 00:28:57,428
I don't have a car!
400
00:28:57,553 --> 00:28:58,270
What do you mean you don't have a car?
401
00:28:58,346 --> 00:28:59,142
I don't know.
How do you get around?
402
00:28:59,263 --> 00:29:00,606
Thankfully I have a cool Uncle.
403
00:29:00,765 --> 00:29:02,187
How did you get here?
I walked!
404
00:29:02,308 --> 00:29:03,309
You walked?
Yeah.
405
00:29:03,476 --> 00:29:04,773
From where?
Somewhere between here...
406
00:29:05,061 --> 00:29:06,608
What?
...and the Indian Reservation.
407
00:29:06,854 --> 00:29:08,197
Even the settlers used horses!
408
00:29:08,356 --> 00:29:09,778
Trust me, if I had a horse,
409
00:29:09,941 --> 00:29:10,658
I would have used it.
410
00:29:10,775 --> 00:29:12,152
Hey, I've seen that guy before.
411
00:29:12,235 --> 00:29:13,361
Outside the casino.
412
00:29:15,571 --> 00:29:16,447
Agh!
413
00:29:26,624 --> 00:29:27,341
Wait!
414
00:29:27,500 --> 00:29:28,797
What the hell's going on?
415
00:29:28,876 --> 00:29:30,173
We're running for our lives.
416
00:29:30,294 --> 00:29:31,045
Is there any particular reason
417
00:29:31,170 --> 00:29:32,922
why Cowboys are trying to kill you?
418
00:29:33,047 --> 00:29:33,889
And Indians!
419
00:29:34,048 --> 00:29:35,971
Cowboys and Indians are trying to kill you?
420
00:29:36,342 --> 00:29:37,844
What's the deal with this mask?
421
00:29:38,219 --> 00:29:40,597
It's an ancient Apache warrior mask.
422
00:29:40,721 --> 00:29:41,347
A what?
423
00:29:41,472 --> 00:29:42,394
It's a long story.
424
00:29:42,598 --> 00:29:44,441
Well, give me the abridged version.
425
00:29:47,103 --> 00:29:49,822
Ulucky in love...
Unlucky in cards, bitch.
426
00:29:50,064 --> 00:29:51,065
Straight to the 10!
427
00:29:51,190 --> 00:29:52,237
Hail to the Queen!
428
00:29:52,358 --> 00:29:53,530
We're going to hail to the King.
429
00:29:53,651 --> 00:29:54,698
Where's the mask?
430
00:29:56,946 --> 00:29:57,788
Uh!
431
00:30:05,204 --> 00:30:06,547
It's a long story.
432
00:30:06,831 --> 00:30:08,208
Well give me the abridged version.
433
00:30:08,499 --> 00:30:09,751
And here we are!
434
00:30:10,001 --> 00:30:10,923
Wow!
435
00:30:11,085 --> 00:30:12,712
You know you should probably call the Sheriff,
436
00:30:12,795 --> 00:30:13,967
tell him what the hell is going on.
437
00:30:14,255 --> 00:30:15,598
Sheriffs.
438
00:30:15,715 --> 00:30:17,012
Sheriff's as in plural.
439
00:30:17,133 --> 00:30:19,761
Yup, and they're both corrupt.
440
00:30:21,012 --> 00:30:22,559
The Chief owns one.
441
00:30:24,849 --> 00:30:26,817
And the Rancher owns the other one.
442
00:30:29,770 --> 00:30:31,238
Lovely.
443
00:30:31,355 --> 00:30:33,949
So it looks like I'm stuck with you
until I find this mask
444
00:30:34,275 --> 00:30:36,027
I am the Girl Next Door.
445
00:30:36,152 --> 00:30:37,654
My name is Cindy, by the way.
446
00:30:37,820 --> 00:30:39,072
I don't live...
447
00:30:39,155 --> 00:30:40,532
...never mind, I'm John.
448
00:30:40,823 --> 00:30:41,574
Cool!
449
00:30:41,907 --> 00:30:43,700
I always wanted an Uncle John.
450
00:30:56,714 --> 00:30:58,557
You have the right to remain silent.
451
00:31:01,761 --> 00:31:03,638
Two perfect kill shots through the windshield.
452
00:31:04,555 --> 00:31:06,102
Theories?
453
00:31:06,515 --> 00:31:07,858
Don't know.
454
00:31:08,934 --> 00:31:11,813
These Indians are a little
far from the reservation.
455
00:31:17,151 --> 00:31:18,573
Native Americans.
456
00:31:18,778 --> 00:31:19,620
What?
457
00:31:19,779 --> 00:31:21,907
They like to be called, Native Americans now.
458
00:31:22,365 --> 00:31:23,457
Whatever.
459
00:31:24,075 --> 00:31:26,749
So what are two...
...Native Americans...
460
00:31:27,453 --> 00:31:29,751
...doing away from the
casino?
461
00:31:30,122 --> 00:31:31,715
In such a crappy car?
462
00:31:32,333 --> 00:31:33,380
Besides getting killed?
463
00:31:34,085 --> 00:31:35,758
Car's got out-of-state
plates, too.
464
00:31:40,049 --> 00:31:41,096
Hmm.
465
00:31:43,094 --> 00:31:44,095
What you got?
466
00:31:53,688 --> 00:31:54,985
The car...
467
00:31:56,315 --> 00:31:58,488
Belongs to a John Smith.
468
00:32:02,321 --> 00:32:04,619
Two Native Americans stole the car...
469
00:32:04,782 --> 00:32:06,659
...of a guy named
John Smith?
470
00:32:09,161 --> 00:32:11,004
Well, that's some irony for you.
471
00:32:14,375 --> 00:32:15,547
I already told you...
472
00:32:15,710 --> 00:32:16,927
...we can't call the Sheriffs.
473
00:32:17,044 --> 00:32:18,387
I'm not calling the Sheriff.
474
00:32:18,504 --> 00:32:19,756
Sheriff's!
475
00:32:21,340 --> 00:32:22,182
Who you calling then?
476
00:32:22,341 --> 00:32:23,092
Nobody.
477
00:32:23,259 --> 00:32:23,976
Oh I get it...
478
00:32:24,093 --> 00:32:25,561
...you're going to be like my
crazy Uncle.
479
00:32:25,678 --> 00:32:26,930
You'll be Crazy Uncle John.
480
00:32:27,054 --> 00:32:28,306
When I was in the apartment next to yours...
481
00:32:28,431 --> 00:32:29,478
See, I told you we were neighbours.
482
00:32:29,724 --> 00:32:30,941
We're not...Never mind.
483
00:32:31,183 --> 00:32:32,560
When I was in that apartment, I noticed
484
00:32:32,685 --> 00:32:34,904
there were some headshots on
the Wall of the other Elvises.
485
00:32:35,396 --> 00:32:36,864
Now I'm willing to gamble
486
00:32:37,022 --> 00:32:38,444
that in this small town,
that there's not too many
487
00:32:38,566 --> 00:32:39,658
Takashi Toshiros.
488
00:32:39,775 --> 00:32:41,698
I thought you said you were a terrible gambler.
489
00:32:42,445 --> 00:32:44,664
Nope, I've only lost in slots, poker...
490
00:32:44,822 --> 00:32:46,540
...and love.
491
00:32:47,074 --> 00:32:48,826
You'd think in a day and age of cell phones...
492
00:32:48,951 --> 00:32:50,828
...the payphone would've died
a horrible death and yet...
493
00:32:51,829 --> 00:32:52,955
...some remain,
494
00:32:53,164 --> 00:32:54,381
fighting destiny...
495
00:32:54,582 --> 00:32:55,879
...marking a...
496
00:32:56,208 --> 00:32:57,505
simpler time.
497
00:32:57,626 --> 00:32:58,878
That's beautiful.
498
00:32:59,253 --> 00:33:00,971
Now give me the mask!
499
00:33:02,339 --> 00:33:03,306
Midget Elvis!
500
00:33:03,466 --> 00:33:04,718
Little person, bitch!
501
00:33:05,176 --> 00:33:06,803
Oh you said he was a little touchy about that.
502
00:33:08,304 --> 00:33:09,430
Very touchy.
503
00:33:09,555 --> 00:33:11,683
Now give me the mask
or I'll blow your balls off!
504
00:33:11,849 --> 00:33:14,193
She doesn't have balls... you don't have
balls... she doesn't have balls.
505
00:33:14,435 --> 00:33:16,028
I'm not screwing around!
506
00:33:16,145 --> 00:33:17,192
Look man, I don't have it!
507
00:33:17,354 --> 00:33:18,776
He doesn't! I would
know, he's my neighbour.
508
00:33:18,981 --> 00:33:19,903
I'm not...
509
00:33:20,024 --> 00:33:21,742
Why does everybody think I have it?
510
00:33:21,901 --> 00:33:23,323
Because you stole it.
511
00:33:23,444 --> 00:33:24,240
I didn't!
512
00:33:26,030 --> 00:33:27,498
Last chance.
513
00:33:28,699 --> 00:33:29,871
Well what do you think the cop behind you
514
00:33:29,992 --> 00:33:30,868
is going to say about it?
515
00:33:30,993 --> 00:33:32,415
Do you think I'm stupid?
516
00:33:32,578 --> 00:33:33,830
I'm not falling for that!
517
00:33:33,954 --> 00:33:35,046
Everything all right?
518
00:33:37,166 --> 00:33:38,964
Yes, everything's fine.
519
00:33:39,293 --> 00:33:40,795
Because I just hate it...
520
00:33:41,420 --> 00:33:43,172
...when people make fun of a little person.
521
00:33:43,714 --> 00:33:46,467
No, listen officer we weren't
making fun of a little person
522
00:33:46,592 --> 00:33:48,594
we're just asking for some
directions. Really.
523
00:33:48,761 --> 00:33:49,603
Right? Yup
524
00:33:49,678 --> 00:33:50,930
Yeah. Have a nice day.
525
00:33:51,138 --> 00:33:52,856
Right.
Thank you Deputy.
526
00:34:02,191 --> 00:34:04,740
Looks like Elvis died on the toilet.
527
00:34:04,985 --> 00:34:06,453
Yep.
Again.
528
00:34:07,404 --> 00:34:08,906
I don't think he's dead.
529
00:34:11,534 --> 00:34:12,410
Which one?
530
00:34:12,535 --> 00:34:13,502
Which one what?
531
00:34:14,453 --> 00:34:15,625
Which Elvis do you think is still alive?
532
00:34:15,788 --> 00:34:17,085
The real one, or that guy?
533
00:34:18,165 --> 00:34:18,916
Both.
534
00:34:19,041 --> 00:34:19,963
Both'?
535
00:34:20,459 --> 00:34:21,506
Really?
536
00:34:21,627 --> 00:34:22,970
Everybody knows that the King
537
00:34:23,087 --> 00:34:24,760
faked his death to get away from the Colonel...
538
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:27,258
...lead a normal life,
live happily ever after.
539
00:34:27,383 --> 00:34:28,885
That guy however,
540
00:34:29,051 --> 00:34:30,803
is an impersonator.
541
00:34:31,428 --> 00:34:33,522
No shit.
542
00:34:34,265 --> 00:34:36,063
No actually I'm afraid there is.
543
00:34:36,183 --> 00:34:37,059
H g
544
00:34:37,309 --> 00:34:39,107
Don't start with the
toilet humor. All right.
545
00:34:39,228 --> 00:34:40,275
Too late.
546
00:34:41,021 --> 00:34:42,193
So Sheriff...
547
00:34:42,439 --> 00:34:45,488
...you've determined in
your expertise...
548
00:34:45,943 --> 00:34:48,116
...that the dead guy here
is not the real Elvis...
549
00:34:48,195 --> 00:34:50,163
...but rather an
Elvis impersonator.
550
00:34:50,281 --> 00:34:51,703
No, Sheriff,
551
00:34:51,824 --> 00:34:53,417
I've determined in my expertise
552
00:34:53,534 --> 00:34:55,912
that the dead guy is not a
real Elvis impersonator,
553
00:34:55,995 --> 00:34:57,872
you can tell by the boots.
554
00:34:59,540 --> 00:35:01,668
Any true Elvis lover would know that the King
555
00:35:01,792 --> 00:35:03,260
would never be caught dead in those.
556
00:35:03,419 --> 00:35:04,090
No pun intended.
557
00:35:04,211 --> 00:35:06,634
Hmm. Elvis impersonator...
558
00:35:06,714 --> 00:35:08,341
impersonator.
559
00:35:12,678 --> 00:35:14,396
John Smith.
560
00:35:14,805 --> 00:35:17,308
The owner of the car with the dead Indians.
561
00:35:17,433 --> 00:35:18,559
Native Americans.
562
00:35:19,351 --> 00:35:21,024
So what do two dead "Native Americans๏ฟฝ
563
00:35:21,145 --> 00:35:24,194
and a dead Elvis impersonator
impersonator have in common?
564
00:35:26,233 --> 00:35:27,359
John Smith.
John Smith.
565
00:35:30,237 --> 00:35:33,411
So this is luxurious estate of Asian Elvis, huh?
566
00:35:33,741 --> 00:35:36,369
I guess Elvis impersonating
doesn't pay all that well.
567
00:35:36,660 --> 00:35:38,003
So what's your plan?
568
00:35:38,162 --> 00:35:39,084
My Plan?
569
00:35:39,204 --> 00:35:40,171
I was going to go in there and demand
570
00:35:40,289 --> 00:35:41,381
that he give me the mask.
571
00:35:41,540 --> 00:35:43,008
That's a popular plan these days.
572
00:35:43,584 --> 00:35:44,836
Simple and sweet.
573
00:35:45,169 --> 00:35:46,216
I like it.
574
00:35:49,214 --> 00:35:50,966
Very popular plan.
575
00:35:58,349 --> 00:35:59,851
Maybe its the maid's day off?
576
00:36:01,769 --> 00:36:03,487
Sure hate to be the owner of this place.
577
00:36:03,771 --> 00:36:05,444
That's why I rent!
578
00:36:05,606 --> 00:36:06,402
Hey!
579
00:36:06,523 --> 00:36:08,446
And here I thought I'd have to come after you.
580
00:36:08,651 --> 00:36:10,119
We ahh, we didn't see you there.
581
00:36:10,194 --> 00:36:12,037
Because Asians are sneaky, right'?
582
00:36:12,154 --> 00:36:14,407
Starting right off with the stereotypes.
583
00:36:14,531 --> 00:36:15,282
What?
584
00:36:15,407 --> 00:36:16,829
Give me the mask!
585
00:36:17,159 --> 00:36:18,285
Hey that was your line.
586
00:36:18,535 --> 00:36:19,957
Look, like I'm telling everybody else,
587
00:36:20,037 --> 00:36:21,289
I don't have it!
588
00:36:21,455 --> 00:36:23,128
First you steal the mask,
589
00:36:23,290 --> 00:36:24,633
then you kill Alan.
590
00:36:24,750 --> 00:36:25,467
Alan?
591
00:36:25,584 --> 00:36:26,585
Gay Elvis.
592
00:36:26,710 --> 00:36:27,506
Gay Elvis?
593
00:36:27,628 --> 00:36:30,006
Murdered in a train station bathroom.
594
00:36:31,298 --> 00:36:32,675
They're hunting down all the Elvis'
595
00:36:32,758 --> 00:36:33,634
trying to find the mask.
596
00:36:33,759 --> 00:36:36,558
Heard on my Police scanner that
he was shot on the toilet multiple times.
597
00:36:36,887 --> 00:36:37,934
You have a police scanner?
598
00:36:38,055 --> 00:36:39,022
Of course I do.
599
00:36:39,139 --> 00:36:41,187
Because I'm Asian, I must be
good with technology, right?
600
00:36:41,266 --> 00:36:41,812
What?
601
00:36:42,017 --> 00:36:44,190
Let me guess, you think every Asian knows karate
602
00:36:44,311 --> 00:36:45,483
I bet computers too.
603
00:36:45,604 --> 00:36:47,151
And I suppose I must've
gotten really good grades in school,
604
00:36:47,398 --> 00:36:48,320
studied every night,
605
00:36:48,399 --> 00:36:49,992
all while working at my
parents dry cleaners store
606
00:36:50,109 --> 00:36:51,201
on the weekend.
607
00:36:51,527 --> 00:36:53,825
Well in my case, that's just not true.
608
00:36:54,822 --> 00:36:55,948
Except for the Karate part.
609
00:36:56,156 --> 00:36:57,078
Hey ah!
610
00:36:58,784 --> 00:37:00,878
No one's hunting this Elvis down
611
00:37:00,995 --> 00:37:02,872
you generic European hybrid.
612
00:37:04,915 --> 00:37:06,337
And who are you supposed to be?
613
00:37:07,001 --> 00:37:08,423
The Girl Next Door?
614
00:37:08,877 --> 00:37:09,924
Exactly.
615
00:37:10,129 --> 00:37:11,221
Well little girl.
616
00:37:11,630 --> 00:37:12,631
Tell me where the mask is
617
00:37:12,715 --> 00:37:13,762
or I'm going to open up a can of
618
00:37:13,882 --> 00:37:14,849
whoop-ass on you too.
619
00:37:14,967 --> 00:37:16,810
I don't know where the mask is,
I've never even seen the mask.
620
00:37:17,344 --> 00:37:19,312
I suppose you think I wouldn't hit a girl.
621
00:37:19,388 --> 00:37:20,605
Hey ah!
622
00:37:20,764 --> 00:37:22,186
Wrong again!
623
00:37:22,391 --> 00:37:23,563
Ah, Oh.
624
00:37:23,809 --> 00:37:25,402
I can't believe you just did that.
625
00:37:26,562 --> 00:37:27,484
I know...
626
00:37:27,604 --> 00:37:29,606
I'm just breaking every stereotype today!
627
00:37:29,732 --> 00:37:32,076
Your little White Man's brain
must be ready to explode.
628
00:37:32,192 --> 00:37:33,694
You really are an asshole, aren't you!
629
00:37:33,861 --> 00:37:35,158
Takes one to know one.
630
00:37:35,529 --> 00:37:37,122
Did you really just say that?
631
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:38,489
Yes I did.
632
00:37:38,490 --> 00:37:39,833
Now give
633
00:37:39,950 --> 00:37:40,826
me
634
00:37:40,951 --> 00:37:41,918
the
635
00:37:42,161 --> 00:37:43,583
mask!
Agh!
636
00:37:45,873 --> 00:37:46,965
Yes!
637
00:37:55,674 --> 00:37:56,800
Look behind you.
638
00:37:56,925 --> 00:37:58,142
Look behind me?
639
00:37:58,510 --> 00:38:00,262
Remember the stereotype little girl,
640
00:38:00,387 --> 00:38:02,014
Asian's are smart.
641
00:38:02,347 --> 00:38:03,690
Not dumb!
642
00:38:18,530 --> 00:38:19,907
I'm here for the mask.
643
00:38:22,326 --> 00:38:23,578
Shocker.
644
00:38:23,702 --> 00:38:24,874
You better pray you're not Elvis.
645
00:38:25,287 --> 00:38:27,289
No no, I'm a Smith.
646
00:38:29,291 --> 00:38:30,508
John Smith?
647
00:38:30,667 --> 00:38:31,589
Yeah!
648
00:38:32,044 --> 00:38:33,136
Aren't you dead?
649
00:38:33,253 --> 00:38:35,005
I don't think so.
650
00:38:36,507 --> 00:38:37,929
Wait, wait. You're a...
651
00:38:38,425 --> 00:38:39,551
you're the Indian.
652
00:38:42,471 --> 00:38:43,723
Do I look like I'm from India?
653
00:38:43,889 --> 00:38:45,482
I meant uhh... Native
American.
654
00:38:45,557 --> 00:38:46,934
Do I look like I work...
655
00:38:47,184 --> 00:38:48,231
...at Seven Eleven?
656
00:38:48,393 --> 00:38:50,441
Wait, wait! That's a little
racist too, isn't it!
657
00:38:51,188 --> 00:38:52,280
Suppose you think...
658
00:38:53,023 --> 00:38:54,491
this a tomahawk?
659
00:38:54,608 --> 00:38:57,327
I was going to say hatchet,
but now that you mention it.
660
00:38:57,694 --> 00:39:00,072
And what? I'm going to
scalp you, is that it?
661
00:39:00,155 --> 00:39:02,374
No, that would be racially
insensitive of me to think that!
662
00:39:02,491 --> 00:39:03,663
That's good.
663
00:39:04,243 --> 00:39:05,790
You're not stupid as you look.
664
00:39:05,953 --> 00:39:06,920
Thank you.
665
00:39:09,331 --> 00:39:11,083
But unfortunately for you...
666
00:39:11,583 --> 00:39:13,051
...it is a tomahawk.
667
00:39:13,627 --> 00:39:14,970
And this Indian...
668
00:39:15,337 --> 00:39:16,088
Help!
669
00:39:18,048 --> 00:39:19,470
...is going to scalp you!
670
00:39:23,554 --> 00:39:24,771
Should have looked behind you.
671
00:39:25,722 --> 00:39:26,939
Come on, let's go.
672
00:39:26,940 --> 00:39:28,400
Never argue with a woman.
673
00:39:29,935 --> 00:39:32,233
Look behind you! What are you
three for three with that?
674
00:39:32,354 --> 00:39:33,230
Four for four.
675
00:39:33,313 --> 00:39:34,530
But to be fair, three of the four times,
676
00:39:34,648 --> 00:39:35,865
there was actually someone behind them.
677
00:39:35,983 --> 00:39:37,360
Okay, come on, come on.
678
00:39:43,073 --> 00:39:44,370
That was my first tomahawking
679
00:39:44,491 --> 00:39:45,663
what about you?
680
00:39:46,201 --> 00:39:47,077
I changed my mind.
681
00:39:47,494 --> 00:39:48,746
I think we need to call the Sheriff's.
682
00:39:49,121 --> 00:39:51,249
The mask is worth one million dollars.
683
00:39:52,332 --> 00:39:54,209
Maybe the sheriff's can
wait a little bit longer.
684
00:39:54,626 --> 00:39:55,843
Not even the girl next door
685
00:39:55,961 --> 00:39:57,053
is immune to greed.
686
00:39:57,462 --> 00:39:58,964
Well, I caught it from my Uncle.
687
00:39:59,715 --> 00:40:00,386
Hey...
688
00:40:00,716 --> 00:40:01,763
...there's that guy again.
689
00:40:01,967 --> 00:40:02,684
What guy?
690
00:40:03,218 --> 00:40:04,470
That guy from the casino!
691
00:40:04,678 --> 00:40:05,474
Hey you!
692
00:40:05,679 --> 00:40:06,555
John, wait!
693
00:40:06,805 --> 00:40:07,897
I want to talk to you for a minute.
694
00:40:08,015 --> 00:40:08,982
What?
695
00:40:09,141 --> 00:40:10,063
Who are you?
696
00:40:10,517 --> 00:40:11,734
Dude what happened to your face?
697
00:40:11,894 --> 00:40:13,612
I just got beat up by an Asian Elvis,
698
00:40:13,729 --> 00:40:15,322
but that is not important right now.
699
00:40:15,522 --> 00:40:17,775
Really I saw you outside the casino
700
00:40:17,941 --> 00:40:19,193
what's you deal?
701
00:40:19,276 --> 00:40:21,199
Dude, unless you want to also
get beat up by a college kid,
702
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:22,492
I'd walk away right now.
703
00:40:22,613 --> 00:40:23,865
No, I'm not going anywhere man,
704
00:40:23,989 --> 00:40:26,083
until you tell me why you are following us.
705
00:40:26,408 --> 00:40:27,455
Okay.
706
00:40:29,328 --> 00:40:30,250
Agh!
707
00:40:34,208 --> 00:40:35,926
Agh!! Uh!
708
00:40:36,043 --> 00:40:37,761
Stick to fighting Elvises, moron.
709
00:40:37,961 --> 00:40:38,837
Huh!
710
00:40:39,338 --> 00:40:41,011
Stop it! Get away from him!
711
00:40:41,423 --> 00:40:42,720
What! He was
asking for it!
712
00:40:43,508 --> 00:40:44,680
I can't believe it!
713
00:40:44,968 --> 00:40:46,436
The Chief's men were right!
714
00:40:46,553 --> 00:40:48,681
He actually just crushed a beer can on my head.
715
00:40:49,014 --> 00:40:50,140
Just get out of here!
716
00:40:53,769 --> 00:40:56,022
I'd listen to the lady if I was you, boy.
717
00:40:56,230 --> 00:40:57,322
Yes sir!
718
00:41:00,734 --> 00:41:02,111
You look good.
719
00:41:02,444 --> 00:41:03,536
Thanks.
720
00:41:03,904 --> 00:41:05,906
You broke my nose, asshole.
721
00:41:06,281 --> 00:41:07,908
I know how you feel.
722
00:41:07,991 --> 00:41:09,493
Are there any Hispanics in this town
723
00:41:09,660 --> 00:41:10,957
'cause right now that's the only ethnicity that
724
00:41:11,036 --> 00:41:12,709
hasn't kicked my ass yet.
725
00:41:14,122 --> 00:41:15,374
Somebody wants to talk to you.
726
00:41:15,540 --> 00:41:16,587
Ah!
727
00:41:16,708 --> 00:41:18,551
I can't imagine what that's about.
728
00:41:18,794 --> 00:41:20,796
I already killed me two Injun's today.
729
00:41:27,886 --> 00:41:29,604
Don't make me kill you too.
730
00:41:52,035 --> 00:41:54,003
I want the mask.
731
00:41:54,329 --> 00:41:56,331
Well that's refreshing, usually people say
732
00:41:56,498 --> 00:41:57,750
"give me the mask", you went with
733
00:41:57,874 --> 00:41:59,217
"I want" the mask.
734
00:42:01,420 --> 00:42:02,922
Do you know who I am?
735
00:42:03,505 --> 00:42:04,631
You're the Rancher.
736
00:42:05,007 --> 00:42:07,635
Yeah I was ah, going to guess the Rancher too.
737
00:42:09,511 --> 00:42:11,229
I own this town.
738
00:42:11,972 --> 00:42:14,851
Several others just like it,
most of the land in-between.
739
00:42:16,059 --> 00:42:18,187
Goverment says I can't own
the Indian Reservation,
740
00:42:18,312 --> 00:42:20,280
but that doesn't matter, that's
worthless anyway until the...
741
00:42:20,814 --> 00:42:23,567
...Chief's built his Casino.
742
00:42:24,276 --> 00:42:25,619
See that, whether you're rich or poor
743
00:42:25,777 --> 00:42:26,699
we all have problems.
744
00:42:27,029 --> 00:42:29,031
It's been very nice meeting you.
Very enlightening.
745
00:42:29,114 --> 00:42:30,707
Uncle John, I think it's time to shut up now.
746
00:42:30,991 --> 00:42:32,868
That's a smart girl.
747
00:42:33,910 --> 00:42:36,083
I'd listen to her If I was you.
748
00:42:38,206 --> 00:42:39,628
Continue.
749
00:42:41,460 --> 00:42:42,302
This...
750
00:42:42,461 --> 00:42:46,307
Warrior Mask is where the Apache
gain all their power.
751
00:42:47,674 --> 00:42:49,096
When it was lost in...
752
00:42:49,301 --> 00:42:51,224
battle with U.S. Calvalry
they were dfeated
753
00:42:51,386 --> 00:42:54,105
and forced to live as drunks in the reservation.
754
00:42:54,514 --> 00:42:55,936
When it was found...
755
00:42:56,183 --> 00:42:58,151
they became powerful again
756
00:42:58,268 --> 00:43:00,066
and built their casino.
757
00:43:00,645 --> 00:43:03,444
Interestingly, I've heard this story before.
758
00:43:03,940 --> 00:43:04,862
From the Indians...
759
00:43:05,067 --> 00:43:07,411
Not with your colorful descriptions added.
760
00:43:07,611 --> 00:43:09,909
But I bet you don't know the best part.
761
00:43:11,823 --> 00:43:14,121
The Apache don't make warrior masks.
762
00:43:14,618 --> 00:43:15,915
Hopi do.
763
00:43:15,994 --> 00:43:16,961
Hopi?
764
00:43:17,162 --> 00:43:19,005
Hopi. It's another tribe.
765
00:43:19,122 --> 00:43:20,123
There's not many of them left.
766
00:43:20,290 --> 00:43:21,212
Wich means
767
00:43:21,333 --> 00:43:23,836
that Chief's tribe originally stole the mask
768
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:25,212
from some other tribe.
769
00:43:25,545 --> 00:43:27,843
And now, like all good European white man,
770
00:43:28,131 --> 00:43:29,804
we're gonna take it from them.
771
00:43:30,050 --> 00:43:31,051
Greed.
772
00:43:31,385 --> 00:43:32,432
What?
773
00:43:32,844 --> 00:43:33,595
Nothing.
774
00:43:33,762 --> 00:43:35,935
Now don't feel too bad for the savages.
775
00:43:36,098 --> 00:43:38,271
They'll kill to get that mask.
776
00:43:38,892 --> 00:43:40,109
When they lost it the firs time
777
00:43:40,227 --> 00:43:42,321
they killed whole family just to get it back.
778
00:43:52,364 --> 00:43:53,957
Careful, it's very old.
779
00:43:55,492 --> 00:43:57,039
Just like that.
780
00:43:57,202 --> 00:43:58,536
How did you find it'?
781
00:43:58,537 --> 00:44:01,290
His new boss sent him out there
looking for old war artifacts and
782
00:44:01,415 --> 00:44:02,667
he finds this.
783
00:44:05,127 --> 00:44:07,255
All right. Let's wrap it up.
784
00:44:53,758 --> 00:44:55,431
That family worked for me.
785
00:44:56,178 --> 00:44:58,522
Mother, Father, Little boy, all killed.
786
00:44:58,847 --> 00:45:01,600
Except for some old Indian woman,
some sort of...
787
00:45:01,892 --> 00:45:03,690
code of the savages.
788
00:45:04,478 --> 00:45:05,354
: She lives.
789
00:45:05,645 --> 00:45:07,647
: Only the white man
dies today.
790
00:45:07,898 --> 00:45:09,275
That's horrible.
791
00:45:10,066 --> 00:45:13,536
Um, so where again did you
say the Father found the mask?
792
00:45:13,987 --> 00:45:14,954
What's it matter?
793
00:45:15,864 --> 00:45:18,242
He found it, they killed him, the Chief got it!
794
00:45:18,408 --> 00:45:19,534
Without that mask the whole tribe
795
00:45:19,701 --> 00:45:22,124
would still be forced to sork
for me If they weren't too drunk.
796
00:45:22,245 --> 00:45:23,997
to get off that casspool of a reservation..
797
00:45:24,122 --> 00:45:25,669
But Instead...
798
00:45:25,790 --> 00:45:27,042
they built a casino
799
00:45:27,167 --> 00:45:29,465
now make even more money than I do.
800
00:45:29,586 --> 00:45:33,056
So you hired the Elvises
to steal the mask for yourself.
801
00:45:33,173 --> 00:45:36,097
You exploit whatever weaknesses our enemy has..
802
00:45:36,426 --> 00:45:38,178
That casino is a fortress.
803
00:45:38,512 --> 00:45:41,106
Only Apache warriors and Elvis impersonators
804
00:45:41,223 --> 00:45:43,726
are allowed into the Chief's Inner sanctum.
805
00:45:44,351 --> 00:45:45,728
So what happened?
806
00:45:46,478 --> 00:45:47,980
I don't know.
807
00:45:48,730 --> 00:45:51,404
But that's why I have your Uncle John here.
808
00:45:52,359 --> 00:45:54,578
So, Captain Smith, you and...
809
00:45:54,694 --> 00:45:57,288
Pocahontas have 'till tomorrow
to brig me the mask.
810
00:45:57,405 --> 00:45:58,873
or I'm going to cut off your head and hang it.
811
00:45:59,032 --> 00:46:01,126
next to all the other animals on my wall.
812
00:46:03,954 --> 00:46:05,831
Do we understand each other?
813
00:46:06,831 --> 00:46:07,957
Yes sir.
814
00:46:10,377 --> 00:46:11,799
Agh!
815
00:46:22,764 --> 00:46:24,141
We're right back Where we started.
816
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:28,233
He just threatened to cut off our heads
817
00:46:28,353 --> 00:46:30,230
Well technically he only threatened
to cut off my head.
818
00:46:30,313 --> 00:46:31,656
Well greet, / feel so
much better.
819
00:46:31,773 --> 00:46:33,616
I won't get killed because of a technicality.
820
00:46:33,733 --> 00:46:34,825
Well if it makes you feel any better
821
00:46:34,943 --> 00:46:36,035
there's plenty of other people out there
822
00:46:36,152 --> 00:46:37,495
who are willing to kill you today.
823
00:46:37,737 --> 00:46:39,284
So how are we going to find this mask?
824
00:46:39,573 --> 00:46:41,701
All we know is that an Elvis has it.
825
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:43,622
That's all we need to know.
826
00:46:44,578 --> 00:46:46,125
There were five Elvises.
827
00:46:46,871 --> 00:46:49,340
One of them stole the meek
and betrayed the others-
828
00:46:50,875 --> 00:46:54,049
If you take me outta the equation,
that leaves only four.
829
00:46:55,005 --> 00:46:55,972
Midget Elvis...
830
00:46:56,089 --> 00:46:57,557
I mean little person Elvis...
831
00:46:57,674 --> 00:46:59,221
...came ater me
looking for the mask.
832
00:46:59,342 --> 00:47:00,639
So we know it wasn't him.
833
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:02,854
Takashi aka Asian Elvis,
834
00:47:02,971 --> 00:47:05,224
also demanded the mask
the moment he saw us.
835
00:47:05,348 --> 00:47:06,816
So it couldn't have been him either
836
00:47:07,434 --> 00:47:09,357
And before he got a tomahawk in the back
837
00:47:09,436 --> 00:47:10,813
Takashi told us that Alan...
838
00:47:10,979 --> 00:47:12,356
aka, Gay Elvis...
839
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:13,982
had been killed
at the train station.
840
00:47:14,524 --> 00:47:17,778
Which leaves only the
contest winner himself
841
00:47:18,028 --> 00:47:19,871
Elvis... Elvis.
842
00:47:19,988 --> 00:47:21,240
Your neighbour.
843
00:47:21,406 --> 00:47:22,658
But I thought you were my neighbour.
844
00:47:23,325 --> 00:47:24,622
I'm your uncle.
845
00:47:24,909 --> 00:47:27,332
I'm talking about your real next door neighbour.
846
00:47:27,746 --> 00:47:29,293
So where is this
Elvis-Elvis?
847
00:48:09,371 --> 00:48:12,545
So, if I where an Elvis
impersonator...
848
00:48:12,707 --> 00:48:16,086
contest winner who just stole an
ancient Apache warrior mask
849
00:48:16,211 --> 00:48:18,213
Worth one million dollars, where would I be?
850
00:48:18,421 --> 00:48:19,297
Hopi.
851
00:48:19,422 --> 00:48:20,423
What?
852
00:48:20,548 --> 00:48:22,050
Ancient Hopi warrior mask.
853
00:48:22,217 --> 00:48:23,389
Right.
854
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:24,886
I do have an idea.
855
00:48:25,053 --> 00:48:26,726
You still think we shouldn't
call the sheriff's'?
856
00:48:26,846 --> 00:48:28,644
No, we need to find the mask, save our heads,
857
00:48:28,807 --> 00:48:30,275
get rich and live and live happily ever after.
858
00:48:30,433 --> 00:48:31,480
Hmm.
859
00:48:33,561 --> 00:48:35,063
I couldn't agree more.
860
00:48:35,271 --> 00:48:36,318
Midget Elvis!
861
00:48:36,398 --> 00:48:37,991
Little person, asshole!
862
00:48:38,066 --> 00:48:38,908
Sorry.
863
00:48:39,025 --> 00:48:41,448
I knew you bitches would
return to the scene of the crime.
864
00:48:41,569 --> 00:48:42,536
Which crime is he talking about?
865
00:48:42,654 --> 00:48:44,622
I don't know. There's been
so many, I've lost track.
866
00:48:44,739 --> 00:48:47,083
It's just a figure of speech, dickwad!
867
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:49,373
I meant you finally camo back home.
868
00:48:49,494 --> 00:48:52,122
I don't live here.
She lives next door.
869
00:48:52,247 --> 00:48:53,294
Thanks.
870
00:48:54,999 --> 00:48:58,219
You're a sick twisted bastard, you know that.
871
00:48:58,628 --> 00:49:00,801
Having all our pictures taped to your wall...
872
00:49:01,047 --> 00:49:02,469
...jerking off to them at night!
873
00:49:02,632 --> 00:49:04,054
What?
That is pretty sick.
874
00:49:04,217 --> 00:49:06,640
It wasn't good enough for you
just to steal the mask.
875
00:49:06,803 --> 00:49:10,478
No you had to live out your perverted
fantasies and kill all of us.
876
00:49:11,433 --> 00:49:12,901
You get off on that, don't you?
877
00:49:13,059 --> 00:49:14,811
What the hell are you talking about?
878
00:49:15,145 --> 00:49:16,738
First you kill Gay Elvis...
879
00:49:16,855 --> 00:49:19,199
in a bathroom stall no less!
880
00:49:19,357 --> 00:49:20,904
Then you kill Asina Elvis...
881
00:49:21,067 --> 00:49:22,819
by thrusting a hatchet into his back!
882
00:49:22,944 --> 00:49:25,743
Hey wait. It wasn't a hatchet,
it was a tomahawk.
883
00:49:25,864 --> 00:49:27,161
Apparently there is a difference.
884
00:49:27,282 --> 00:49:29,705
And now you want to try and kill me.
885
00:49:29,826 --> 00:49:31,169
Well ass wipe...
886
00:49:31,286 --> 00:49:32,913
it's not going to happen!
887
00:49:32,996 --> 00:49:34,669
Excuse me, in Uncle John's defense
888
00:49:34,789 --> 00:49:36,382
he didn't kill any of those people.
889
00:49:37,167 --> 00:49:39,261
The Indian did...l think.
890
00:49:39,461 --> 00:49:40,963
Uncle John?
891
00:49:41,087 --> 00:49:43,010
So now you're screwing your niece?
892
00:49:43,381 --> 00:49:46,305
Damn! You are one
perverted bastard!
893
00:49:46,426 --> 00:49:48,849
No, no. It's not like that.
She's my neighbour.
894
00:49:48,970 --> 00:49:51,143
Not actually my neighbour...
895
00:49:51,264 --> 00:49:52,641
Now tell me where the mask is
896
00:49:52,766 --> 00:49:54,814
before I cut you both down to my size!
897
00:49:59,689 --> 00:50:01,783
Yes, tell us where the mask is.
898
00:50:03,067 --> 00:50:04,284
Nice outfit.
899
00:50:04,402 --> 00:50:05,494
Thank you.
900
00:50:05,612 --> 00:50:07,239
Who the hell are you?
901
00:50:08,948 --> 00:50:10,791
It's some visitor, I murdered,
902
00:50:11,034 --> 00:50:12,661
tapping at my chamber door.
903
00:50:12,786 --> 00:50:14,959
This it is, and nothing more.
904
00:50:15,038 --> 00:50:16,210
Edgar Allen Poe?
905
00:50:16,331 --> 00:50:17,332
An educated man.
906
00:50:17,874 --> 00:50:19,251
Then you're smart enough to know
907
00:50:19,417 --> 00:50:21,761
who will be walking out of here
with that duffle bag.
908
00:50:22,170 --> 00:50:23,638
Did you jurt threaten me?
909
00:50:25,924 --> 00:50:28,643
Because bitch, this midget will fuck you up!
910
00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:29,556
Ahh, little person.
911
00:50:29,636 --> 00:50:30,262
Whatever!
912
00:50:30,512 --> 00:50:32,389
Oh I've had about enough of this.
913
00:50:38,102 --> 00:50:38,944
Aghh!
914
00:50:45,485 --> 00:50:46,327
Uh!
915
00:51:04,754 --> 00:51:06,677
Hmm.
916
00:51:10,635 --> 00:51:12,182
How many assassins do they have in this town!
917
00:51:12,303 --> 00:51:13,225
Oh!
918
00:51:13,388 --> 00:51:14,640
Ouch!
919
00:51:14,764 --> 00:51:15,856
That looks like it hurt.
920
00:51:18,434 --> 00:51:20,937
John Smith, I presume.
921
00:51:22,146 --> 00:51:23,739
Yeah.
922
00:51:24,357 --> 00:51:25,825
Well we just heard gunshots.
923
00:51:26,401 --> 00:51:27,653
We going to find another...
924
00:51:27,819 --> 00:51:29,241
dead body up there?
925
00:51:29,529 --> 00:51:30,781
Probably.
926
00:51:30,905 --> 00:51:31,997
Imagine that.
927
00:51:32,240 --> 00:51:34,493
We follow the address written
on the hand of a dead Indian...
928
00:51:34,659 --> 00:51:35,626
Native American.
929
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:39,130
Native American, lying in a pool
of blood next to another dead...
930
00:51:39,247 --> 00:51:41,249
Native American in a car...
931
00:51:41,374 --> 00:51:42,466
registered to you.
932
00:51:42,584 --> 00:51:44,382
And we find your credit card lying on the body
933
00:51:44,502 --> 00:51:46,925
of a dead Elvis
impersonator-impersonator
934
00:51:47,046 --> 00:51:48,548
in the bathroom of a train station.
935
00:51:48,673 --> 00:51:49,925
And now here you are.
936
00:51:50,174 --> 00:51:51,517
I haven't killed anybody.
937
00:51:51,634 --> 00:51:52,351
Who said you did?
938
00:51:52,468 --> 00:51:53,720
So, ahh, upstairs...
939
00:51:54,178 --> 00:51:56,146
are we going to find a dead Elvis...
940
00:51:56,306 --> 00:51:57,182
or dead Indian.
941
00:51:57,307 --> 00:51:58,354
Native American.
942
00:51:58,474 --> 00:51:59,396
Whatever.
943
00:52:01,394 --> 00:52:02,737
Probably an Elvis.
944
00:52:03,438 --> 00:52:06,533
Agh! I'm tellin' ya,
you got the wrong guy.
945
00:52:08,318 --> 00:52:09,365
Somebody else.
946
00:52:09,861 --> 00:52:12,114
I like that, somebody else.
947
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:14,282
What about the girl you were with?
948
00:52:14,407 --> 00:52:16,830
No, you don't want her either,
she doesn't know anything,
949
00:52:16,951 --> 00:52:18,373
she's just the girl next door.
950
00:52:18,494 --> 00:52:20,838
Next door to the apartment
that you say you don't live in.
951
00:52:20,914 --> 00:52:21,881
Right.
952
00:52:21,998 --> 00:52:26,128
Okay Mr. Smith we're going to
hold you in this car for 12...
953
00:52:26,252 --> 00:52:27,674
Make it 24.
954
00:52:27,879 --> 00:52:29,506
24 hours!
955
00:52:29,714 --> 00:52:31,967
We'll see if anymore dead people show up.
956
00:52:32,091 --> 00:52:34,185
That's not going to
work for me. Okay!
957
00:52:34,302 --> 00:52:37,272
A lot of stuff is going to happen
in the next 12 to 24 hours.
958
00:52:37,430 --> 00:52:39,853
Sorry jail's cutting into your busy schedule.
959
00:52:40,433 --> 00:52:41,810
You could always tell us what's relly going on
960
00:52:41,935 --> 00:52:43,278
and speed up the process.
961
00:52:46,314 --> 00:52:50,319
Native Americans, Cowboys,
Elvis Impersonators, and Blonde Women
962
00:52:50,443 --> 00:52:51,945
they are all trying to kill me.
963
00:52:52,070 --> 00:52:53,743
Any particular reason?
964
00:52:53,863 --> 00:52:54,830
They don't like me?
965
00:52:54,948 --> 00:52:56,996
We're going to let you in on
a little secret here, John.
966
00:52:57,659 --> 00:52:59,127
We don't like you either.
967
00:52:59,327 --> 00:53:00,749
See you in the morning.
968
00:53:02,997 --> 00:53:06,592
None of the settlerd liked
the real John Smith either.
969
00:53:07,251 --> 00:53:09,049
Neither did the Indians.
970
00:53:09,170 --> 00:53:11,764
But they all needed him to survive.
971
00:53:12,006 --> 00:53:13,383
They tried to kill him too.
972
00:53:13,925 --> 00:53:15,097
You stole my wallet.
973
00:53:15,259 --> 00:53:17,432
Yeah. But it had no money in it.
974
00:53:17,553 --> 00:53:18,770
What are you doing in here anyway?
975
00:53:18,888 --> 00:53:20,140
Solicitation.
976
00:53:20,264 --> 00:53:21,390
You're a prostitute?
977
00:53:21,474 --> 00:53:23,897
Yes, John. I'm a prostitute.
978
00:53:25,395 --> 00:53:26,863
So what's the deal with the mask?
979
00:53:27,021 --> 00:53:27,897
You know where it is?
980
00:53:28,022 --> 00:53:29,740
You too? How do you
know about it?
981
00:53:29,899 --> 00:53:31,572
John like to talk during sex.
982
00:53:31,818 --> 00:53:33,115
We didn't have sex.
983
00:53:33,528 --> 00:53:34,495
Not you...
984
00:53:35,029 --> 00:53:36,121
Heeyah, heeyah!
985
00:53:36,364 --> 00:53:38,037
I was doing this guy named the Cowboy.
986
00:53:38,157 --> 00:53:39,409
Giddyup, giddyup!
987
00:53:39,951 --> 00:53:41,953
The Elvises stole the Chief's mask.
988
00:53:42,954 --> 00:53:45,082
Gaw dang it Mo, I'm a little busy,
can't you see!
989
00:53:45,206 --> 00:53:46,583
They haven't reported in.
990
00:53:46,708 --> 00:53:48,585
The Rancher is asking for ya'.
991
00:53:49,002 --> 00:53:50,800
Oh hell, why didn't you say so.
992
00:53:51,421 --> 00:53:52,343
Uh.
993
00:53:53,589 --> 00:53:54,761
That's it?
994
00:53:54,966 --> 00:53:56,843
I got to go find me some Elvises.
995
00:53:58,761 --> 00:53:59,933
Pay the gal.
996
00:54:00,054 --> 00:54:02,477
Few minutes later the Sheriff's
came and arrested me.
997
00:54:02,557 --> 00:54:03,774
At least somebody came.
998
00:54:03,933 --> 00:54:05,526
You would have had a better time with me.
999
00:54:05,685 --> 00:54:08,108
I like girls, John.
1000
00:54:09,063 --> 00:54:10,440
So what happened to your face?
1001
00:54:10,565 --> 00:54:12,488
You weren't this ugly the last time I saw you.
1002
00:54:12,608 --> 00:54:14,201
There's a lot of bad people out there.
1003
00:54:14,318 --> 00:54:15,945
There's some in here too.
1004
00:54:16,154 --> 00:54:17,451
Aren't you a murderer?
1005
00:54:17,613 --> 00:54:18,580
That's funny.
1006
00:54:18,948 --> 00:54:19,949
You know they found my credit card
1007
00:54:20,033 --> 00:54:21,956
that you stole at one of the crime scenes.
1008
00:54:22,035 --> 00:54:23,412
I'll make you a deal.
1009
00:54:23,828 --> 00:54:25,830
I'll talk to the Sheriff's and get you off...
1010
00:54:25,913 --> 00:54:27,039
no pun intended...
1011
00:54:27,331 --> 00:54:29,550
If you tell me where the mask is.
1012
00:54:29,876 --> 00:54:32,425
Looks like you and I will be spending
the night together after all
1013
00:54:32,545 --> 00:54:35,469
because right now I have
no idea where that mask is.
1014
00:54:35,590 --> 00:54:37,388
You where in that Elvis contest.
1015
00:54:37,508 --> 00:54:39,010
You played poker with those guys,
1016
00:54:39,177 --> 00:54:40,474
I know you know something.
1017
00:54:40,553 --> 00:54:42,055
Goodnight my sweet love.
1018
00:54:42,221 --> 00:54:43,222
Men!
1019
00:55:06,454 --> 00:55:08,582
I woke feeling not too bad.
1020
00:55:08,873 --> 00:55:10,466
True, I was in jail.
1021
00:55:10,583 --> 00:55:12,802
A whole bunch of people
were trying to kill me.
1022
00:55:13,377 --> 00:55:17,302
But somehow I felt today was
going to be better than yesterday.
1023
00:55:17,632 --> 00:55:19,726
Rise and shine, Mr. Smith!
1024
00:55:19,842 --> 00:55:21,059
Or maybe not.
1025
00:55:21,469 --> 00:55:23,892
The girl next door, posted your bail.
1026
00:55:24,597 --> 00:55:26,395
Don't I need to be charged with something first?
1027
00:55:26,557 --> 00:55:28,685
I'd stop talking if I were you,
we're letting you out.
1028
00:55:28,810 --> 00:55:30,062
It's called a bribe.
1029
00:55:30,186 --> 00:55:32,484
Anything new you want to
tell us this morning, John'?
1030
00:55:34,398 --> 00:55:35,900
I couldn't get laid by a prostitute,
1031
00:55:36,025 --> 00:55:37,493
you know what that does to a man's ego?
1032
00:55:37,610 --> 00:55:40,159
I can tell you something new this
morning, Sheriff's.
1033
00:55:40,279 --> 00:55:41,371
I'm listening.
1034
00:55:42,031 --> 00:55:44,705
Will it get me out of here?
1035
00:55:45,910 --> 00:55:48,129
Depends on what you tell us, sugar.
1036
00:55:48,913 --> 00:55:51,257
The Chief's ancient Apache warrior mask
1037
00:55:51,374 --> 00:55:54,002
was stolen by bunch of Elvis impersonators.
1038
00:55:54,168 --> 00:55:55,761
And he knows where it is.
1039
00:55:56,712 --> 00:55:58,680
I do not!
Really?
1040
00:55:58,798 --> 00:56:00,015
Sheriff's come in.
1041
00:56:00,883 --> 00:56:03,102
Sheriff Hutchins. What
is it Deputy.
1042
00:56:06,806 --> 00:56:09,559
There is broken down car off Highway 18.
1043
00:56:09,684 --> 00:56:10,856
Uregistered.
1044
00:56:11,269 --> 00:56:12,612
No sign of the driver.
1045
00:56:15,773 --> 00:56:17,400
There's a cut water hose and a
1046
00:56:17,525 --> 00:56:18,822
bone dry radiator.
1047
00:56:18,943 --> 00:56:21,822
Who goes out into the desert without
checking their water level?
1048
00:56:22,196 --> 00:56:23,994
Anything inside the vehicle honey.
1049
00:56:26,325 --> 00:56:27,702
The only thing is a Elvis trophy.
1050
00:56:27,994 --> 00:56:28,961
Say again.
1051
00:56:29,328 --> 00:56:33,299
A first place Elvis Impersonation
contest trophy.
1052
00:56:33,457 --> 00:56:34,629
Pretty cool.
1053
00:56:36,002 --> 00:56:37,970
Keep me posted.
Hutchin's out.
1054
00:56:38,129 --> 00:56:39,221
Told you.
1055
00:56:39,505 --> 00:56:40,757
Let's go Mr. Smith.
1056
00:56:41,382 --> 00:56:42,804
Hey, what about me?
1057
00:56:42,967 --> 00:56:44,435
When I get back I'll let you blow me,
1058
00:56:44,594 --> 00:56:45,720
then we'll talk about it.
1059
00:56:45,845 --> 00:56:46,687
Wow...
1060
00:56:46,846 --> 00:56:49,565
you sure know how to make a
girl feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
1061
00:56:49,682 --> 00:56:51,104
Bye bye my love.
1062
00:57:26,761 --> 00:57:28,513
Thank you for getting me the hell out of there.
1063
00:57:28,638 --> 00:57:29,855
Wasn't cheap.
1064
00:57:29,972 --> 00:57:32,191
But I didn't want to have a
jailbird for an uncle.
1065
00:57:32,308 --> 00:57:33,434
What would the other kids say.
1066
00:57:33,559 --> 00:57:35,687
Mmm, thank you,
1067
00:57:35,811 --> 00:57:36,858
I owe you.
1068
00:57:37,146 --> 00:57:38,238
So what's the plan?
1069
00:57:38,314 --> 00:57:40,408
There's a plan?
1070
00:57:40,566 --> 00:57:41,818
I hope so.
1071
00:57:42,193 --> 00:57:44,161
I mean the Rancher hired the
Elvises to steal the mask.
1072
00:57:44,237 --> 00:57:46,239
And the head Elvis screwed
over the other Elvises.
1073
00:57:46,405 --> 00:57:48,078
Framed you and then took the mask for himself.
1074
00:57:48,157 --> 00:57:50,159
He's probably going to try and
sell it to the highest bidder.
1075
00:57:50,743 --> 00:57:52,211
So where do you think he is?
1076
00:57:52,212 --> 00:57:53,876
That is the million dollar question isn't it?
1077
00:57:53,996 --> 00:57:54,838
Literally.
1078
00:57:54,914 --> 00:57:56,257
You said you had an idea, though.
1079
00:57:56,374 --> 00:57:58,172
I do have an idea.
Did I?
1080
00:57:58,292 --> 00:57:59,464
Yeah, that was the last think you said to me
1081
00:57:59,585 --> 00:58:01,838
before blonde assassins
started killing midget Elvises.
1082
00:58:01,963 --> 00:58:03,215
Little person Elvises.
1083
00:58:03,381 --> 00:58:04,348
Whatever.
1084
00:58:05,466 --> 00:58:06,513
Him again.
1085
00:58:09,679 --> 00:58:12,228
Stop. Remember what
happened last time.
1086
00:58:12,348 --> 00:58:13,315
I'll take care of it.
1087
00:58:17,270 --> 00:58:18,442
Women.
1088
00:58:20,356 --> 00:58:21,949
Wise men say...
1089
00:58:22,233 --> 00:58:24,702
only fools fall in love.
1090
00:58:25,403 --> 00:58:27,701
It's not fools fall in love, it's fools rush in.
1091
00:58:28,114 --> 00:58:30,162
Oh you're going to correct me
on my Elvis lyrics now.
1092
00:58:30,283 --> 00:58:31,876
Yep Didn't she just pay you guys off?
1093
00:58:31,993 --> 00:58:32,915
Ow Hey!
1094
00:58:32,994 --> 00:58:35,122
Bribery is against the
law, Mr. Smith.
1095
00:58:35,246 --> 00:58:37,169
We call it consulting fees.
1096
00:58:37,915 --> 00:58:39,838
You know that's her boyfriend, don't you'?
1097
00:58:40,042 --> 00:58:41,089
That's her boyfriend?
1098
00:58:41,210 --> 00:58:43,463
Ex-boyfriend, thank you
very much.
1099
00:58:43,587 --> 00:58:44,839
Are we ready?
1100
00:58:46,966 --> 00:58:48,513
Where we going?
1101
00:58:48,592 --> 00:58:50,469
You're going to help us find that mask...
1102
00:58:50,803 --> 00:58:52,555
...cause I hear it's worth
a lot of money.
1103
00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:53,897
That wasn't part of the deal.
1104
00:58:54,056 --> 00:58:55,478
We're changing the deal.
1105
00:58:55,808 --> 00:58:57,355
I'm assuming you don't mind sitting in the back.
1106
00:58:57,476 --> 00:58:58,648
Do I have a choice?
1107
00:58:58,769 --> 00:59:01,488
I could get you two in a lot of trouble.
1108
00:59:01,605 --> 00:59:03,903
Ooh... Tell it to the
Sheriffs.
1109
00:59:04,984 --> 00:59:06,076
You coming?
1110
00:59:10,990 --> 00:59:12,412
Sorry Oh don't worry about it.
1111
00:59:12,533 --> 00:59:14,001
Why's your ex-boyfriend
following me?
1112
00:59:14,076 --> 00:59:15,498
He's not following you.
He's following me.
1113
00:59:15,661 --> 00:59:17,789
But the Sheriffs won't do anything about it!
1114
00:59:17,913 --> 00:59:19,756
What was he doing at the casino?
1115
00:59:19,832 --> 00:59:20,924
That was before I even met you.
1116
00:59:21,125 --> 00:59:22,422
He's got a gambling problem.
1117
00:59:22,543 --> 00:59:23,635
That's why we broke up.
1118
00:59:23,794 --> 00:59:25,717
She said she was high-classed
1119
00:59:25,838 --> 00:59:27,681
but that was just a lie.
1120
00:59:28,382 --> 00:59:29,554
See, I got that lyric correct.
1121
00:59:29,717 --> 00:59:30,934
You're a genius.
1122
00:59:32,094 --> 00:59:34,847
Where we headin' Mr. Smith.
1123
00:59:36,140 --> 00:59:37,733
We're looking for the driver of the car
1124
00:59:37,850 --> 00:59:39,898
that your Deputy found on Highway 18.
1125
00:59:40,061 --> 00:59:41,483
If he didn't die of heat stroke,
1126
00:59:41,854 --> 00:59:43,231
there's only one place he could be.
1127
01:00:14,178 --> 01:00:15,430
Be right back.
1128
01:00:37,410 --> 01:00:39,458
I think you guys better get here pretty fast.
1129
01:00:40,162 --> 01:00:41,630
There's a new player in town.
1130
01:00:51,632 --> 01:00:52,929
The angels...
1131
01:00:53,300 --> 01:00:55,519
...not half so happy in heaven,
1132
01:00:55,594 --> 01:00:57,517
went envying her and me.
1133
01:00:58,389 --> 01:01:01,108
That was the reason as all men know...
1134
01:01:01,225 --> 01:01:02,977
...in this kingdom by
the sea...
1135
01:01:03,477 --> 01:01:06,572
...that the wind came out
of the cloud by night.
1136
01:01:07,314 --> 01:01:08,782
Chilling... .
1137
01:01:08,983 --> 01:01:10,656
And killing...
1138
01:01:11,193 --> 01:01:12,945
...my Annabel Lee.
1139
01:01:13,362 --> 01:01:14,454
What?
1140
01:01:15,114 --> 01:01:16,286
Wrong answer.
1141
01:01:21,036 --> 01:01:22,208
Agh!
1142
01:01:36,177 --> 01:01:37,770
What's so funny?
1143
01:02:00,117 --> 01:02:01,994
Elvis has left the building.
1144
01:02:08,792 --> 01:02:12,467
For the moon never beams
without bringing me dreams
1145
01:02:12,588 --> 01:02:13,965
of the beautiful Annabel Lee.
1146
01:02:14,089 --> 01:02:15,090
What?
1147
01:02:15,257 --> 01:02:16,759
Nice satellite phone.
1148
01:02:17,343 --> 01:02:18,811
Cells don't work out here.
1149
01:02:18,969 --> 01:02:20,061
Interesting.
1150
01:02:20,221 --> 01:02:22,019
Did you just call the Rancher...
1151
01:02:22,181 --> 01:02:23,649
...or the Chief?
1152
01:02:24,141 --> 01:02:25,267
Both.
1153
01:02:25,518 --> 01:02:26,644
Really?
1154
01:02:26,769 --> 01:02:29,943
I work for the Rancher,
but I owe money to the Chief.
1155
01:02:30,064 --> 01:02:31,987
Playing both sides.
1156
01:02:32,399 --> 01:02:34,026
I like that.
1157
01:02:34,527 --> 01:02:37,155
Well, give them a message for me.
1158
01:02:41,033 --> 01:02:42,080
See we made it.
1159
01:02:42,201 --> 01:02:44,329
After how many hours of wrong turns'?
1160
01:02:44,537 --> 01:02:45,834
Next time I'm driving.
1161
01:02:45,913 --> 01:02:46,789
Like you could find a bus stop
1162
01:02:46,872 --> 01:02:48,874
in the middle of the desert any faster.
1163
01:02:49,792 --> 01:02:51,419
Don't I take you to all the best places?
1164
01:02:51,544 --> 01:02:53,012
Whatever happened to dinner and a movie?
1165
01:02:53,170 --> 01:02:54,262
Shut up.
1166
01:02:54,755 --> 01:02:57,429
Looks like the cowboy is already here.
1167
01:02:57,591 --> 01:03:00,094
Cowboy, he's the one that took a shot at us.
1168
01:03:00,261 --> 01:03:01,478
Did he hit you'?
1169
01:03:01,554 --> 01:03:02,225
No.
1170
01:03:02,346 --> 01:03:03,222
Too bad.
1171
01:03:08,477 --> 01:03:10,229
It's the Sheriffs!
1172
01:03:11,021 --> 01:03:12,989
Come on outta there boys.
1173
01:03:18,070 --> 01:03:19,413
Sheriffs.
1174
01:03:20,614 --> 01:03:22,161
What can we do for you?
1175
01:03:24,994 --> 01:03:27,543
We're here for the
mask. Mo...
1176
01:03:33,919 --> 01:03:35,796
Well ain't we all.
1177
01:03:36,171 --> 01:03:37,218
Elvis in there?
1178
01:03:37,381 --> 01:03:38,507
Elvis is dead.
1179
01:03:39,508 --> 01:03:41,931
Put down your guns and step away from the bus!
1180
01:03:43,929 --> 01:03:45,397
I told you we didn't kill the Elvises.
1181
01:03:45,472 --> 01:03:46,268
Shut up!
1182
01:03:46,557 --> 01:03:49,310
Sheriff Covley, I understand the
Rancher pays you real good.
1183
01:03:50,144 --> 01:03:51,817
So I'm going to give you a little advice.
1184
01:03:53,272 --> 01:03:54,319
You take that other sheriff there,
1185
01:03:54,440 --> 01:03:55,191
and you get in your vehicle
1186
01:03:55,357 --> 01:03:56,859
and you ride on outta here.
1187
01:03:56,984 --> 01:03:58,531
'Till I tell you It's okay to come back.
1188
01:03:58,652 --> 01:03:59,824
Yeah, about that.
1189
01:03:59,945 --> 01:04:01,037
See ahh...
1190
01:04:01,113 --> 01:04:03,081
...this mask seems to be...
1191
01:04:03,324 --> 01:04:04,701
...pretty valuable.
1192
01:04:05,409 --> 01:04:07,958
We're going to be renegotiating my contract.
1193
01:04:09,163 --> 01:04:10,585
He works for the Chief.
1194
01:04:10,706 --> 01:04:12,504
We work for whoever is willing to pay us
1195
01:04:12,625 --> 01:04:14,423
the most for that mask.
1196
01:04:14,543 --> 01:04:16,716
Think of it like there's
two new Sheriffs in town.
1197
01:04:17,713 --> 01:04:19,431
And they're even greedier than the last ones.
1198
01:04:20,341 --> 01:04:21,342
So ah...
1199
01:04:21,759 --> 01:04:24,433
...like that other Sheriff said...
1200
01:04:25,721 --> 01:04:27,223
...drop your guns...
1201
01:04:27,389 --> 01:04:29,062
...and step away from
the bus!
1202
01:04:29,183 --> 01:04:30,400
Careful Sheriff.
1203
01:04:30,601 --> 01:04:33,730
I hear he's a pretty good shot.
1204
01:04:38,609 --> 01:04:39,906
I'm also a quick draw.
1205
01:04:45,407 --> 01:04:47,785
This town wasn't big enough
for the both of them.
1206
01:04:48,702 --> 01:04:49,999
Either of them.
1207
01:04:50,788 --> 01:04:52,335
Hell any of them.
1208
01:04:55,751 --> 01:04:57,594
John Smith!
1209
01:04:57,711 --> 01:05:00,180
The Rancher gave you 24 hourd to get us the
1210
01:05:42,297 --> 01:05:45,597
Cowboys and Indians, just like the old days.
1211
01:05:48,971 --> 01:05:50,939
We both know how that turned out.
1212
01:05:51,223 --> 01:05:52,600
We need to see who's in that bus.
1213
01:05:52,725 --> 01:05:55,353
Situation's a little volatile
right now don't you think?
1214
01:05:55,436 --> 01:05:56,483
Exactly.
1215
01:06:06,113 --> 01:06:07,205
Agh!
1216
01:06:13,162 --> 01:06:14,880
Talk is cheap white man.
1217
01:06:15,706 --> 01:06:17,504
Just like the old days.
1218
01:06:18,834 --> 01:06:19,835
Agh!
1219
01:06:39,313 --> 01:06:41,361
Agh! Agh!
1220
01:06:41,565 --> 01:06:44,034
You seem to be difficult to kill
as your namesake.
1221
01:06:44,193 --> 01:06:46,195
John Smith was sentenced to death three times,
1222
01:06:46,320 --> 01:06:47,663
twice by his own people!
1223
01:06:49,198 --> 01:06:51,041
He was spared each time!
1224
01:06:52,451 --> 01:06:54,419
You think you ought to be spared?
1225
01:06:58,999 --> 01:07:01,127
Kill 'em.
Let's get the mask.
1226
01:07:05,631 --> 01:07:07,975
Wait! Wait!
No! No! Wait!
1227
01:07:08,091 --> 01:07:08,808
You can't kill him!
1228
01:07:09,009 --> 01:07:09,885
Why not?
1229
01:07:10,052 --> 01:07:12,020
Just like Pocahontas, you're
not eleven, are you?
1230
01:07:12,179 --> 01:07:14,648
Because if you want your mask,
you have to bring him...
1231
01:07:15,140 --> 01:07:16,437
...and the money.
1232
01:07:16,767 --> 01:07:18,610
Slight twist on Pocahontas.
1233
01:07:18,727 --> 01:07:19,853
She's right.
1234
01:07:20,521 --> 01:07:22,194
That's what it says on the bus.
1235
01:07:25,192 --> 01:07:27,069
You're making the right choice, Chief.
1236
01:07:27,152 --> 01:07:28,153
Thank you.
1237
01:07:29,905 --> 01:07:31,327
Where do we go then?
1238
01:07:32,324 --> 01:07:33,200
Station 12.
1239
01:07:37,329 --> 01:07:39,548
Station 72 was an old west outpost...
1240
01:07:39,665 --> 01:07:41,633
on the border of the Chief's
reservation.
1241
01:07:42,167 --> 01:07:44,044
It was once Native American land,
1242
01:07:44,253 --> 01:07:46,426
the site of a long
forgotten skirmish...
1243
01:07:46,547 --> 01:07:48,641
...between the tribe
and the U. S. Cavalry.
1244
01:07:48,799 --> 01:07:50,551
To keep the peace...
1245
01:07:50,634 --> 01:07:52,807
no-one was supposed
to go the-re.
1246
01:07:53,136 --> 01:07:56,265
Thanks for not killing me earlier, by the way.
1247
01:07:57,140 --> 01:07:59,188
You can thank your girl next door for that.
1248
01:07:59,977 --> 01:08:01,103
Thanks for that.
1249
01:08:01,520 --> 01:08:03,443
The Rancher also wants him dead.
1250
01:08:03,730 --> 01:08:06,404
Maybe the Rancher isn't so bad after all.
1251
01:08:06,900 --> 01:08:09,494
Being Native American,
doesn't it tug at your soul,
1252
01:08:09,611 --> 01:08:11,033
knowing everyone wants me dead?
1253
01:08:11,113 --> 01:08:11,909
Indian.
1254
01:08:12,030 --> 01:08:13,202
Excuse me?
1255
01:08:13,365 --> 01:08:14,332
I'm Indian.
1256
01:08:14,449 --> 01:08:16,042
I thought all you guys wanted
to be called Native American.
1257
01:08:16,159 --> 01:08:18,787
No, no moron.
I'm from India.
1258
01:08:19,371 --> 01:08:20,714
The Chief and his casino
1259
01:08:20,831 --> 01:08:22,504
are equal opportunity employers.
1260
01:08:22,749 --> 01:08:25,719
Not everyone is a racist white man like you.
1261
01:08:26,461 --> 01:08:28,088
I did not see that one coming.
1262
01:08:28,797 --> 01:08:31,141
Well, we're here.
1263
01:08:47,900 --> 01:08:50,073
Glad you boys could all make it.
1264
01:08:52,362 --> 01:08:54,831
Bet you never thought you'd be back here, Chief.
1265
01:08:56,950 --> 01:08:58,952
I could kill him right now.
1266
01:08:59,077 --> 01:09:00,920
And end this war once and for all.
1267
01:09:01,288 --> 01:09:02,665
I wouldn't advise that If I were you.
1268
01:09:02,789 --> 01:09:04,382
I'm a pretty good shot.
1269
01:09:05,417 --> 01:09:06,794
So was the Cowboy.
1270
01:09:11,006 --> 01:09:12,633
You're outnumbered Rancher.
1271
01:09:14,217 --> 01:09:15,935
Not exactly.
1272
01:09:17,804 --> 01:09:18,896
Where'd that come from?
1273
01:09:19,014 --> 01:09:19,810
Took it from the Sheriff.
1274
01:09:21,892 --> 01:09:23,018
Just like the Indian did.
1275
01:09:23,143 --> 01:09:24,190
Which Indian?
1276
01:09:25,312 --> 01:09:26,529
The one from India.
1277
01:09:28,732 --> 01:09:29,984
You don't have to do this.
1278
01:09:30,108 --> 01:09:31,200
Everything's going to be fine.
1279
01:09:31,443 --> 01:09:32,410
I know it is.
1280
01:09:32,861 --> 01:09:34,829
You just need to choose which
side you're on, Uncle.
1281
01:09:34,947 --> 01:09:37,791
Pocahontas would never shoot
her father, Chief Powhatan.
1282
01:09:37,908 --> 01:09:39,455
The Chief isn't my father.
1283
01:09:40,911 --> 01:09:42,254
The Rancher is.
1284
01:09:43,080 --> 01:09:44,582
That's my girl.
1285
01:09:46,208 --> 01:09:49,428
No, no, no.
You're just the girl next door.
1286
01:09:49,544 --> 01:09:50,636
You don't even live there.
1287
01:09:50,796 --> 01:09:52,013
I don't live there either.
1288
01:09:52,464 --> 01:09:55,434
So your ex-boyfriend was
really following me around hey?
1289
01:09:55,550 --> 01:09:56,346
Of course he was.
1290
01:10:00,222 --> 01:10:01,724
How do you think I knew
you were in that apartment?
1291
01:10:01,848 --> 01:10:04,067
And neither the angels in heaven above...
1292
01:10:04,184 --> 01:10:06,152
...nor the demons
down under the sea...
1293
01:10:06,353 --> 01:10:08,731
...can ever dissever my
soul from the soul...
1294
01:10:08,939 --> 01:10:11,738
...of the beautiful
Annabel Lee.
1295
01:10:12,317 --> 01:10:14,866
Now everyone drop the guns.
1296
01:10:14,987 --> 01:10:17,160
Or no one gets anything.
1297
01:10:19,241 --> 01:10:20,959
You can all kill each other later.
1298
01:10:42,014 --> 01:10:44,688
Good. Now I assume you
both brought the money.
1299
01:10:48,812 --> 01:10:50,314
One million dollars.
1300
01:10:53,191 --> 01:10:54,613
One million dollars.
1301
01:10:55,027 --> 01:10:57,121
How do we know you have what you say you have?
1302
01:10:57,237 --> 01:10:58,614
I have it.
1303
01:10:58,780 --> 01:11:00,498
So who are you going to sell it to?
1304
01:11:00,657 --> 01:11:03,627
Send John Smith in here with all the money...
1305
01:11:04,327 --> 01:11:06,625
...and then we'll see what
side wants it the most.
1306
01:11:11,877 --> 01:11:13,094
I got a better idea.
1307
01:12:32,457 --> 01:12:34,050
As I was saying...
1308
01:12:34,376 --> 01:12:36,049
Give John Smith the money...
1309
01:12:36,503 --> 01:12:38,301
...and I will give him the mask.
1310
01:12:40,006 --> 01:12:41,474
The rest of you...
1311
01:12:41,591 --> 01:12:43,389
...don't bother getting up.
1312
01:13:07,450 --> 01:13:09,828
Head on my wall.
1313
01:13:10,704 --> 01:13:11,921
I'm sorry, John.
1314
01:13:14,291 --> 01:13:15,588
Me too.
1315
01:13:18,420 --> 01:13:19,922
Why him?
1316
01:13:21,381 --> 01:13:24,851
Captain John Smith was friend
and foe of Native Americans
1317
01:13:24,968 --> 01:13:26,641
and White Men alike.
1318
01:13:27,053 --> 01:13:29,021
Sentenced to death by both.
1319
01:13:29,306 --> 01:13:31,024
Killed by neither.
1320
01:13:31,766 --> 01:13:33,234
I thought would be poetic.
1321
01:13:33,518 --> 01:13:34,861
Are you serious?
1322
01:13:35,854 --> 01:13:36,776
No.
1323
01:14:08,762 --> 01:14:10,890
You never dressed like
this when we were together.
1324
01:14:11,014 --> 01:14:12,732
You never turned me on enough.
1325
01:14:12,849 --> 01:14:14,021
Ouch.
1326
01:14:18,355 --> 01:14:19,607
Hello, Annabel.
1327
01:14:20,232 --> 01:14:21,700
Hello, Lee.
1328
01:14:30,867 --> 01:14:32,460
I thought you weren't
interested in any of this stuff.
1329
01:14:32,619 --> 01:14:34,542
Especially being in love with
your doctor and all.
1330
01:14:34,704 --> 01:14:37,048
Well this is a lot of money.
1331
01:14:37,540 --> 01:14:39,213
And she isn't a doctor.
1332
01:14:39,542 --> 01:14:41,920
She?
1333
01:14:42,963 --> 01:14:45,386
Everything that Elvis has is in that bag.
1334
01:14:54,474 --> 01:14:56,397
You once said that ah...
1335
01:14:57,102 --> 01:14:59,821
...history would be written
without me in it.
1336
01:15:00,188 --> 01:15:01,485
And I was right.
1337
01:15:01,606 --> 01:15:03,734
Still, you could have told me you were coming.
1338
01:15:04,025 --> 01:15:06,073
But what fun would that have been'?
1339
01:15:06,194 --> 01:15:08,413
You know how I feel about guns.
1340
01:15:09,906 --> 01:15:11,203
Suit yourself.
1341
01:15:12,450 --> 01:15:14,077
What are you going to tell them?
1342
01:15:15,036 --> 01:15:16,333
Nevermore...
1343
01:15:38,852 --> 01:15:40,195
What are you waiting for?
1344
01:15:40,312 --> 01:15:41,313
Nothing...
1345
01:15:41,438 --> 01:15:44,112
...just enjoying seeing all
you guys down in the dirt.
1346
01:15:44,232 --> 01:15:46,485
I am going to kill you.
1347
01:15:46,776 --> 01:15:48,153
Not If I kill him first.
1348
01:15:48,320 --> 01:15:49,993
I've been dead before.
1349
01:15:50,322 --> 01:15:52,120
30 years ago, Chief
1350
01:15:52,240 --> 01:15:55,369
Your men killed my entire family, right here.
1351
01:15:55,493 --> 01:15:56,619
The Rancher had sent them
1352
01:15:56,745 --> 01:15:58,918
to a place no one
was supposed to go.
1353
01:15:59,205 --> 01:16:02,129
The burial ground of a battle your
tribe had with the U. S. Cavalry.
1354
01:16:03,043 --> 01:16:04,545
Just like the Rancher guessed ..
1355
01:16:04,919 --> 01:16:07,718
...my family found the warrior mask.
1356
01:16:07,922 --> 01:16:10,425
And also just like the
rancher guessed.
1357
01:16:10,550 --> 01:16:12,598
The Chief ordered them killed
for breaking the peace
1358
01:16:12,719 --> 01:16:14,517
and desecrating the ground.
1359
01:16:14,721 --> 01:16:17,349
My family had no idea where they'd been sent.
1360
01:16:17,557 --> 01:16:20,276
Or that they were pawns
in a centuries old fight.
1361
01:16:20,352 --> 01:16:22,354
You couldn't have been part of that family.
1362
01:16:22,979 --> 01:16:24,481
The Indians killed all of them.
1363
01:16:24,731 --> 01:16:27,154
The Native Americans killed them all.
1364
01:16:28,401 --> 01:16:30,074
Except for a little boy.
1365
01:16:31,196 --> 01:16:33,415
Boy who had been saved
by another Native American.
1366
01:16:33,531 --> 01:16:35,875
My Farher's Hopi guide.
1367
01:16:38,286 --> 01:16:40,789
Go to the highway wait for me there.
1368
01:16:45,251 --> 01:16:49,347
They were just student archaeologists...
1369
01:16:49,464 --> 01:16:53,059
...they had no idea they were
doing your dirty work for you.
1370
01:17:17,617 --> 01:17:18,664
That's my ride.
1371
01:17:19,035 --> 01:17:20,036
I gotta go.
1372
01:17:23,998 --> 01:17:25,170
Who is that?
1373
01:17:28,837 --> 01:17:29,804
Her!
1374
01:17:30,004 --> 01:17:32,427
We'll leave you a present at the car.
1375
01:17:36,136 --> 01:17:37,308
Nice.
1376
01:17:47,564 --> 01:17:48,941
Where's my mask?
1377
01:17:50,567 --> 01:17:51,819
Your mask, Chief?
1378
01:17:51,943 --> 01:17:53,661
Elvis destroyed it.
1379
01:17:57,407 --> 01:17:58,158
What?
1380
01:18:06,249 --> 01:18:08,627
The mask is gone.
1381
01:18:11,713 --> 01:18:14,842
I threw it off a cliff.
1382
01:18:29,481 --> 01:18:30,232
I guess he thought that if he
1383
01:18:30,315 --> 01:18:31,658
wasn't going to
get paid for it.
1384
01:18:31,816 --> 01:18:33,033
No one should.
1385
01:18:33,276 --> 01:18:35,119
But don't feel too bad Chief.
1386
01:18:37,280 --> 01:18:38,782
Then Rancher's covering this one.
1387
01:18:40,742 --> 01:18:42,460
The greedy white man screwed over...
1388
01:18:42,619 --> 01:18:44,872
...your Tribe for a
long time Chief.
1389
01:18:44,954 --> 01:18:45,921
For the last 30 years
1390
01:18:46,039 --> 01:18:48,007
you've been able to do a little screwing back.
1391
01:18:49,250 --> 01:18:50,422
You're just going to have to do it now...
1392
01:18:50,543 --> 01:18:52,545
...without an ancient
Apache Warrior mask.
1393
01:18:54,047 --> 01:18:56,300
And I'm taking the other briefcase,
1394
01:18:57,050 --> 01:18:58,973
...for what happened to
my family.
1395
01:19:01,930 --> 01:19:03,182
This ain't over.
1396
01:19:06,643 --> 01:19:07,565
Be nice.
1397
01:19:07,644 --> 01:19:10,022
I'd hate to have to come back here.
1398
01:19:27,622 --> 01:19:29,090
What's so funny, Chief?
1399
01:19:29,332 --> 01:19:30,458
Greed.
1400
01:19:43,638 --> 01:19:45,390
What about the money?
1401
01:19:45,848 --> 01:19:47,816
And John Smith, Chief?
1402
01:19:49,102 --> 01:19:50,820
There's still a million dollars in that house.
1403
01:20:15,044 --> 01:20:16,717
So really, it was the white man
1404
01:20:16,838 --> 01:20:18,840
versus the white men
versus the Indians.
1405
01:20:18,965 --> 01:20:20,842
versus the Indians.
1406
01:20:22,051 --> 01:20:25,180
The Elvises were there at
the casino to steal the mask.
1407
01:20:25,471 --> 01:20:27,519
Given the Chief's love
for the King...
1408
01:20:27,640 --> 01:20:29,438
...they had even been
given a private room...
1409
01:20:29,559 --> 01:20:31,778
...right down the hall
from the Chief's office.
1410
01:20:31,978 --> 01:20:33,651
That casino is a fortress.
1411
01:20:35,023 --> 01:20:36,275
Only Apache warriors
1412
01:20:36,399 --> 01:20:38,322
and Elvis impersonators are allowed
1413
01:20:38,443 --> 01:20:39,865
in the Chief's Inner sanctum.
1414
01:20:39,986 --> 01:20:41,363
I got to use the little boy's room.
1415
01:20:42,155 --> 01:20:44,249
So after doing some hard core losing.
1416
01:20:44,449 --> 01:20:45,792
I excused myself.
1417
01:20:47,160 --> 01:20:49,583
And took care of
business.
1418
01:21:17,357 --> 01:21:18,654
Where the hell is it?
1419
01:21:22,028 --> 01:21:24,076
Looks like we've been set up boys.
1420
01:21:26,032 --> 01:21:27,659
Every man for himself.
1421
01:21:41,589 --> 01:21:43,637
But only an Elvis
contest winner...
1422
01:21:43,758 --> 01:21:46,853
could walk out of that casino unscathed
1423
01:21:54,560 --> 01:21:55,686
Hi.
1424
01:21:55,812 --> 01:21:57,155
Sorry son.
1425
01:21:57,563 --> 01:22:00,191
There can only be one king.
1426
01:22:05,071 --> 01:22:05,947
And that King...
1427
01:22:06,072 --> 01:22:07,745
put me in my place
1428
01:22:08,825 --> 01:22:09,872
Crap.
1429
01:22:12,829 --> 01:22:15,207
Now if you're going to call in all bet.
1430
01:22:15,331 --> 01:22:18,631
You better make sure you 're
holding all the cards-
1431
01:22:37,437 --> 01:22:41,283
And of course, Elvis-Elvis
didn't destroy the mask.
1432
01:22:50,992 --> 01:22:53,461
I can't believe they
fell for that.
1433
01:22:57,290 --> 01:22:58,917
Well, actually I can.
1434
01:22:59,125 --> 01:23:00,752
My ex, Annabel...
1435
01:23:00,877 --> 01:23:02,379
can be a pretty good liar.
1436
01:23:07,550 --> 01:23:11,054
Elvis has left the building.
1437
01:23:20,271 --> 01:23:21,864
She left me for a doctor?
1438
01:23:22,732 --> 01:23:26,157
Yeah, by doctor you
mean lesbian prostitute.
1439
01:23:32,408 --> 01:23:36,254
And they both always
had my best interests in mind.
1440
01:23:41,042 --> 01:23:42,544
: John Smith.
1441
01:23:44,462 --> 01:23:48,808
But luckily I made sure
and stacked the deck...
1442
01:23:48,925 --> 01:23:51,519
...in my favor, before I ever
walked into that casino.
1443
01:24:16,118 --> 01:24:18,541
But Annabel did leave
me a present.
1444
01:24:22,083 --> 01:24:24,586
The Rancher was right
about one thing.
1445
01:24:24,752 --> 01:24:27,801
It wasn't an ancient Apache
warrior mask that was stoten...
1446
01:24:27,922 --> 01:24:30,801
...It was an ancient Hopi
warrior mask.
1447
01:24:30,925 --> 01:24:32,927
And it was the Hopi that should
get it back.
1448
01:24:38,182 --> 01:24:40,150
But being a greedy
White man...
1449
01:24:41,769 --> 01:24:43,942
...I did take the
Chief's treasure...
1450
01:24:44,355 --> 01:24:45,652
and his money.
1451
01:24:47,108 --> 01:24:49,281
Just like the real John Smith.
1452
01:24:49,402 --> 01:24:52,622
Of course, I wasn't
John Smith at all.
1453
01:24:53,656 --> 01:24:55,658
That random guy was.
1454
01:25:09,213 --> 01:25:12,217
Huh. John Smith.
1455
01:25:12,383 --> 01:25:15,057
Well that's a good name for
an Indian Reservation.
1456
01:25:16,345 --> 01:25:18,723
Yup. I was just an impersonator.
1457
01:25:20,308 --> 01:25:21,810
A really good one.
1458
01:25:24,937 --> 01:25:26,939
Not a bad Elvis either.
101491
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