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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:41,479 --> 00:02:42,401 Be right back. 2 00:03:46,794 --> 00:03:48,421 The angels... 3 00:03:48,546 --> 00:03:50,640 ...not half so happy in heaven, 4 00:03:50,756 --> 00:03:52,508 went envying her and me. 5 00:03:53,426 --> 00:03:57,556 That was the reason as all men know in this kingdom by the sea. 6 00:03:57,763 --> 00:04:01,688 That the wind came out of the cloud by night, 7 00:04:01,976 --> 00:04:03,273 chilling... 8 00:04:04,103 --> 00:04:05,650 and killing... 9 00:04:06,105 --> 00:04:07,698 ...my Annabel Lee. 10 00:04:08,357 --> 00:04:09,779 What? 11 00:04:11,152 --> 00:04:12,529 Wrong answer! 12 00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:26,670 The White Man versus the Indians. 13 00:06:26,829 --> 00:06:28,547 That's what we all learned in school. 14 00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,712 But that's not entirely accurate. 15 00:06:34,128 --> 00:06:36,722 It was actually the White Man versus the Indians... 16 00:06:36,922 --> 00:06:38,344 versus the Indians. 17 00:06:38,674 --> 00:06:41,268 You see, when the Europeans first came to the New World, 18 00:06:41,427 --> 00:06:43,395 the Indians viewed them as just another tribe. 19 00:06:43,721 --> 00:06:45,974 One to trade with, fight with, 20 00:06:46,348 --> 00:06:47,474 or ally with 21 00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:49,484 ...against other Indians. 22 00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:51,441 But the Europeans brought with them something 23 00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,363 that the Indians had never seen before... 24 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:55,524 ...and had no defense against. 25 00:06:55,733 --> 00:06:59,363 And I'm not talking about guns and disease and facial hair... 26 00:06:59,945 --> 00:07:01,447 though that was true, too. 27 00:07:01,614 --> 00:07:04,993 No, I'm talking about GREED. 28 00:07:05,576 --> 00:07:08,955 And soon, the Indian tribes were being backstabbed 29 00:07:09,038 --> 00:07:10,915 and treaties were being broken, 30 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:12,883 and whole peoples were being slaughtered 31 00:07:13,083 --> 00:07:14,926 and moved onto reservations... 32 00:07:15,169 --> 00:07:17,217 ...and that was completely barren 33 00:07:17,421 --> 00:07:19,014 and worthless. 34 00:07:19,215 --> 00:07:22,219 And that was supposed to be the end of the story. 35 00:07:22,343 --> 00:07:24,391 Except for the fact that the Europeans forgot that 36 00:07:24,553 --> 00:07:26,351 greed is contagious. 37 00:07:26,639 --> 00:07:29,188 And the Indian tribes, along with Smallpox 38 00:07:29,350 --> 00:07:31,398 and Whooping Cough, had caught it... 39 00:07:31,477 --> 00:07:34,230 and learned to wield it against their conquerors. 40 00:07:34,813 --> 00:07:36,030 Wichch is where I come in 41 00:07:36,232 --> 00:07:38,781 Victim number 299 million 42 00:07:39,276 --> 00:07:40,869 458 thousand, 43 00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:42,701 327 44 00:07:47,409 --> 00:07:48,535 There I am now. 45 00:07:48,827 --> 00:07:50,420 Not a bad looking guy. 46 00:07:50,955 --> 00:07:52,081 Ohhh! 47 00:07:52,206 --> 00:07:54,334 Maybe that's not the best place to start. 48 00:08:03,509 --> 00:08:05,182 There we go. Much better. 49 00:08:07,263 --> 00:08:08,310 So there I was. 50 00:08:08,514 --> 00:08:11,313 At an Indian Gaming Casino. Just passing through. 51 00:08:11,475 --> 00:08:14,274 I was like an old West gun fighter coming into town, 52 00:08:14,436 --> 00:08:17,610 looking to right past wrongs and make a fortune. 53 00:08:20,526 --> 00:08:22,073 Except, of course.. 54 00:08:22,194 --> 00:08:25,744 I didn't have a gun or know the first thing about fighting. 55 00:08:30,995 --> 00:08:32,918 So I played the slots instead... 56 00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:38,010 before realising I needed to try my luck elsewhere. 57 00:08:38,210 --> 00:08:41,180 Name, address, phone number. 58 00:08:41,964 --> 00:08:43,466 What do you want my social too? 59 00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:44,967 Sign here. 60 00:08:47,553 --> 00:08:48,725 Good luck sir. 61 00:08:50,472 --> 00:08:52,895 There Was an Elvis impersonation contest... 62 00:08:53,058 --> 00:08:54,685 ...usually only a Vegas thing. 63 00:08:54,852 --> 00:08:55,774 So on a whim, 64 00:08:55,894 --> 00:08:56,986 I joined. 65 00:08:57,438 --> 00:08:59,566 Talk like an angel, 66 00:08:59,690 --> 00:09:03,285 but I got wise. 67 00:09:03,402 --> 00:09:06,155 Your the Devil in Disguise. 68 00:09:06,530 --> 00:09:08,123 Oh yes you are 69 00:09:08,574 --> 00:09:09,496 Did okay. 70 00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:11,209 Not enough to win or anything, but 71 00:09:11,493 --> 00:09:12,995 okay enough to grab the attention of 72 00:09:13,078 --> 00:09:15,046 a beautiful lady at the bar. 73 00:09:15,289 --> 00:09:17,166 With your kisses 74 00:09:17,708 --> 00:09:20,177 You cheated and you schemed. 75 00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,880 John Smith lied to Chief Powhatan 76 00:09:23,005 --> 00:09:24,757 about why he had come to the New World in the first place... 77 00:09:24,882 --> 00:09:26,384 that's why Pocahontas had to save him. 78 00:09:26,508 --> 00:09:28,385 Ah ah, she was in love. 79 00:09:28,552 --> 00:09:29,428 She was eleven. 80 00:09:29,595 --> 00:09:30,812 I'm not eleven. 81 00:09:31,347 --> 00:09:32,815 No, your ah... 82 00:09:33,474 --> 00:09:34,646 ...you're not. 83 00:09:34,767 --> 00:09:36,565 Mmm. Buy me another drink? 84 00:09:36,685 --> 00:09:38,153 Mmm! 85 00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:40,147 She seemed reelly interested in me 86 00:09:40,397 --> 00:09:42,741 and I was pretty sure I knew where this was going. 87 00:09:50,699 --> 00:09:51,871 Unfortunately... 88 00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:54,666 ...life doesn't always go the way you think it will. 89 00:09:56,789 --> 00:09:57,961 As it turns out, 90 00:09:58,123 --> 00:10:00,046 she was more interested in what was in my wallet... 91 00:10:00,376 --> 00:10:01,969 It was nice meeting you. 92 00:10:02,211 --> 00:10:04,305 Than what was in my pants 93 00:10:08,801 --> 00:10:09,893 Which is so ironic, 94 00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:12,229 considering I don't keep my money in my wallet. 95 00:10:18,811 --> 00:10:21,155 Thank you! 96 00:10:21,355 --> 00:10:24,154 So instead of a night of crazy wild sex, 97 00:10:24,316 --> 00:10:25,568 I ended up playing poker 98 00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:27,444 With a bunch of the Elvises from the contest. 99 00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:29,241 And not that Texas Hold Em bullshit 100 00:10:29,405 --> 00:10:31,954 you see on TV where everyone now thinks they're an expert. 101 00:10:32,074 --> 00:10:33,246 No no, I'm talking about 102 00:10:33,492 --> 00:10:34,493 good old fashioned 103 00:10:34,743 --> 00:10:38,748 backroom, cigar smokin' five card draw. 104 00:10:39,790 --> 00:10:41,667 Oh, you're going down this time. 105 00:10:44,545 --> 00:10:45,637 I like to go down. 106 00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:49,762 I bet you do. 107 00:10:53,762 --> 00:10:55,230 But I' m more worried about the Midget. 108 00:10:57,850 --> 00:10:59,727 It's not Midget, asshole. 109 00:10:59,852 --> 00:11:01,320 It's "Little Person". 110 00:11:04,773 --> 00:11:05,865 Oh, that's much better. 111 00:11:06,358 --> 00:11:08,406 Midget is offensive... but little person is okay? 112 00:11:08,652 --> 00:11:10,245 Who decides these things? 113 00:11:10,362 --> 00:11:11,204 Screw you, bitch. 114 00:11:11,363 --> 00:11:12,706 Are you in or not huh? 115 00:11:12,865 --> 00:11:14,117 Well... 116 00:11:14,366 --> 00:11:15,834 Last week my girlfriend of three years 117 00:11:15,993 --> 00:11:17,870 decided playing doctor with her doctor, 118 00:11:18,036 --> 00:11:19,754 kicked me out of the house and stole my dog. 119 00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,256 Oh, that is just rude. 120 00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:24,384 She said, "history would be written without me. " 121 00:11:24,626 --> 00:11:25,593 What's that mean? 122 00:11:25,711 --> 00:11:27,213 Have no idea, so I just got in my car, 123 00:11:27,421 --> 00:11:28,468 came down here, 124 00:11:28,714 --> 00:11:30,887 got dissed by a girl at the bar, lost at slots, 125 00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,468 and had my wallet stolen. 126 00:11:32,634 --> 00:11:34,853 So hell yes boys, I am in. 127 00:11:35,179 --> 00:11:37,557 Read 'em and weep. Aces and sixes. 128 00:11:37,681 --> 00:11:39,729 Ha! Unlucky in love, 129 00:11:39,850 --> 00:11:41,852 unlucky in cards, bitch. 130 00:11:42,019 --> 00:11:42,895 Three deuces. 131 00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:45,397 Little person, little hand. 132 00:11:45,731 --> 00:11:48,575 Read 'em and weep boys. Straight to the ten. 133 00:11:48,692 --> 00:11:49,989 Yeah. 134 00:11:50,736 --> 00:11:52,204 I don't think so. 135 00:11:52,988 --> 00:11:56,117 Hail to the Queen! Baby. 136 00:11:57,743 --> 00:12:00,121 Hell, well this is a game of Elvises. 137 00:12:01,163 --> 00:12:03,006 We're going to hail to the King! 138 00:12:05,083 --> 00:12:06,585 First you win the contest, 139 00:12:06,710 --> 00:12:08,007 now you're taking all our money. 140 00:12:08,253 --> 00:12:09,596 You know something we don't? 141 00:12:09,838 --> 00:12:11,966 Yeah. How to pay cards. 142 00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:15,223 I thought was strictly a Vegas thing, what's the deal here? 143 00:12:15,385 --> 00:12:17,808 Yeah well the Chief, he has a thing for Mr. Presley. 144 00:12:18,347 --> 00:12:19,348 The Chief? Who is the Chief? 145 00:12:23,393 --> 00:12:26,488 The Chief, head of the tribe, owner of the casino. 146 00:12:26,730 --> 00:12:28,824 He worships the King almost as much as he does 147 00:12:28,941 --> 00:12:31,035 his ancient Apache Warrior Mask. 148 00:12:34,196 --> 00:12:35,664 This is our hotel! 149 00:12:35,906 --> 00:12:37,078 We're all kings here. 150 00:12:37,366 --> 00:12:38,743 We're VIP's. 151 00:12:39,117 --> 00:12:41,119 Access to everything. 152 00:12:41,411 --> 00:12:43,004 You didn't stand a chance in that contest. 153 00:12:43,789 --> 00:12:45,382 Thanks very much. 154 00:12:45,958 --> 00:12:47,084 So are we gonna play some more cards, 155 00:12:47,209 --> 00:12:49,086 or is Mr. Miyagi still mad? 156 00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:50,303 He might... 157 00:12:50,462 --> 00:12:52,931 ...chop, chop our heads. Hoi! 158 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:57,056 Oh, I get it I get it. 'Cause I'm Asian, 159 00:12:57,261 --> 00:12:58,353 I must be Japanese, 160 00:12:58,595 --> 00:12:59,562 I must do karate. 161 00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:01,227 You know, that's really clever. You got another one. 162 00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,692 Yeah, your driving, it sucks. 163 00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:07,230 You know, even though flying monkeys scare the hell out of me, 164 00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:09,482 I don' t give you a hard time about the Wizard of Oz, do I? 165 00:13:09,815 --> 00:13:10,441 Woo. 166 00:13:10,566 --> 00:13:12,739 And if Whitey the Clan Member here wants to bomb abortion clinics, 167 00:13:12,901 --> 00:13:13,823 I don't try to stop him. 168 00:13:13,986 --> 00:13:16,580 I mean, getting molested by a priest can really screw a kid up. 169 00:13:17,114 --> 00:13:18,161 Oh, what about you? 170 00:13:18,490 --> 00:13:20,709 If I bend over, are you gonna fantasize about my ass? 171 00:13:20,826 --> 00:13:22,248 You going to "Queer Eye" my apartment? 172 00:13:22,327 --> 00:13:23,294 I wouldn't have a problem if you did 173 00:13:23,579 --> 00:13:25,172 'cause that' s the kinda guy I am. 174 00:13:25,956 --> 00:13:26,832 What are you looking at? 175 00:13:26,915 --> 00:13:29,464 What are you some kind of generic European hybrid? 176 00:13:30,252 --> 00:13:31,754 Look man my ah... 177 00:13:31,837 --> 00:13:33,180 My wallet and ID got stolen. 178 00:13:33,297 --> 00:13:34,514 That's my story. 179 00:13:34,756 --> 00:13:36,099 And now we took your money. 180 00:13:36,592 --> 00:13:37,684 That's just terrible. 181 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:40,103 I now had no girl 182 00:13:40,262 --> 00:13:42,310 No ID and no money. 183 00:13:42,431 --> 00:13:43,057 But overall, 184 00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:46,318 The Elvises seemed to be a pretty good bunch of guys. 185 00:14:05,203 --> 00:14:08,548 But, of course, looks can be deceiving. 186 00:14:12,586 --> 00:14:13,587 Ah, crap. 187 00:14:16,757 --> 00:14:19,260 Guys! Guys! Take it easy! 188 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:21,888 Come on guys! I know I do a really bad Elvis but 189 00:14:22,012 --> 00:14:23,434 this is a little extreme huh? 190 00:14:25,724 --> 00:14:27,772 And here we are again. 191 00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:30,396 Well, no use stalling anymore. 192 00:14:34,232 --> 00:14:36,155 Hey wait! Wait I though... 193 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:39,450 Native Americans are supposed to be peace-loving, philosophy spouting, 194 00:14:39,571 --> 00:14:40,993 protectors of nature? 195 00:14:44,576 --> 00:14:47,705 That's a blatant stereotype. 196 00:14:49,039 --> 00:14:50,507 The Apaches... 197 00:14:50,666 --> 00:14:53,135 ...are the most fearsome warriors... 198 00:14:53,627 --> 00:14:55,800 ...the world has ever seen. 199 00:14:56,046 --> 00:14:59,471 Wait! Ash! Wait! 200 00:14:59,841 --> 00:15:01,013 Where's the mask? 201 00:15:01,718 --> 00:15:02,435 What mask? 202 00:15:06,181 --> 00:15:08,149 The ancient Apache Warrior Mask that you stole. 203 00:15:15,691 --> 00:15:17,989 I didn't steal anything. 204 00:15:21,196 --> 00:15:22,493 Who is he? 205 00:15:24,074 --> 00:15:26,168 He doesn't have any ID on him. 206 00:15:26,368 --> 00:15:28,211 My ID was stolen last night. My wallet... 207 00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:30,001 my ID everything. You should really do something 208 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:31,957 about the security in this place. You got these two...Allright! Allright! 209 00:15:32,374 --> 00:15:34,672 Smith. John Smith. Don't hit me again! 210 00:15:34,876 --> 00:15:36,128 John Smith. 211 00:15:36,253 --> 00:15:37,505 Well Mr. Smith, 212 00:15:37,629 --> 00:15:41,475 an Elvis impersonator just stole the Chief's sacred warrior mask. 213 00:15:42,926 --> 00:15:44,018 You guys saw my performance 214 00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:46,020 I'm the worst Elvis impersonator that ever lived. 215 00:15:46,430 --> 00:15:47,898 Where would I be hiding it? In my pants? 216 00:15:51,643 --> 00:15:54,943 The White Man has stolen this mask before. 217 00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:56,356 And the Tribe... 218 00:15:56,565 --> 00:15:59,068 ...has suffered many hardships because of it. 219 00:16:11,621 --> 00:16:13,965 It took almost a century to recover it. 220 00:16:17,419 --> 00:16:20,514 Before it was learned that the white man had once again 221 00:16:20,630 --> 00:16:23,554 broken his word and invaded sacred ground. 222 00:16:32,476 --> 00:16:33,352 But this time 223 00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,821 ...the Chief and his men were victorious. 224 00:16:47,908 --> 00:16:49,455 And only then... 225 00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:52,625 ...did glory and prosperity return to our people. 226 00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:57,091 That's a really great story and ahh... 227 00:16:57,501 --> 00:17:00,721 ...I know how it feels to loose something valuable. 228 00:17:01,630 --> 00:17:02,882 I sympathize there, 229 00:17:03,006 --> 00:17:05,304 I give you guys all my support in the world in finding it now 230 00:17:05,550 --> 00:17:06,676 if you just uncuff me 231 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:07,852 and get me out of here 232 00:17:07,969 --> 00:17:09,221 you can go look for it! 233 00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:12,816 One million dollars. 234 00:17:14,351 --> 00:17:16,024 That's the price. 235 00:17:16,728 --> 00:17:18,901 I want that mask back here... 236 00:17:19,147 --> 00:17:20,740 ...by tomorrow night. 237 00:17:20,899 --> 00:17:21,991 Words going to get out. 238 00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:25,078 Call the Indian. 239 00:17:25,779 --> 00:17:27,076 Who's the Indian? 240 00:17:28,782 --> 00:17:29,999 You hear that? Agh 241 00:17:30,534 --> 00:17:33,788 Your friends are in for it now. 242 00:17:35,413 --> 00:17:37,289 Looks like we're hunting Elvises. 243 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,258 It seem as though the contest winner... 244 00:17:39,376 --> 00:17:41,470 ...wrote down his address on his entry form. 245 00:17:41,586 --> 00:17:43,509 Who would be that stupid? 246 00:17:43,755 --> 00:17:46,759 Name, address, phone number. 247 00:17:47,509 --> 00:17:48,761 Sign here. 248 00:17:50,554 --> 00:17:52,272 All right, I'll stop talking. 249 00:17:52,430 --> 00:17:53,602 What about him? 250 00:17:54,349 --> 00:17:56,852 Well, he's an Elvis impersonator. 251 00:17:58,019 --> 00:18:00,021 There's only one way to be safe. 252 00:18:01,439 --> 00:18:02,315 Kill him. 253 00:18:02,732 --> 00:18:03,449 Hey! 254 00:18:03,567 --> 00:18:04,568 And besides. 255 00:18:04,693 --> 00:18:07,196 Native Americans can do without another John Smith. 256 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,288 Come on, no! No! No! Take it easy! 257 00:18:09,406 --> 00:18:10,498 Guys! Guys! Come on! 258 00:18:10,615 --> 00:18:11,992 Really, you don't have to do this! 259 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,749 I'm nothing, I'm nobody! Ask my exgirlfriend. 260 00:18:14,911 --> 00:18:15,833 That's why we can do this. 261 00:18:15,954 --> 00:18:17,672 You think the Rancher is responsible? 262 00:18:17,789 --> 00:18:19,086 He's always responsible. 263 00:18:19,207 --> 00:18:20,675 Who's the Rancher? 264 00:18:24,087 --> 00:18:26,055 The guy that hired you to steal the mask. 265 00:18:26,464 --> 00:18:28,512 Hey, nobody hired me remember? 266 00:18:28,842 --> 00:18:31,345 The guy who hired the guy... 267 00:18:31,469 --> 00:18:33,062 who stole the mask. 268 00:18:33,221 --> 00:18:35,269 In the past when the Government wanted to screw the Tribe. 269 00:18:35,390 --> 00:18:37,063 It was always over money! 270 00:18:37,267 --> 00:18:38,564 And almost always 271 00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:41,234 that money went into the Ranchers pocket. 272 00:18:41,938 --> 00:18:43,815 And he hates Native Americans. 273 00:18:44,316 --> 00:18:45,989 But you guys are so friendly! 274 00:18:46,443 --> 00:18:47,911 Oh oh, God! 275 00:18:48,445 --> 00:18:50,163 Hey, hey look I could scream. 276 00:18:53,116 --> 00:18:54,789 What's college boy going to do? 277 00:18:54,910 --> 00:18:57,004 Crush beer cans on our heads? 278 00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:01,920 Which one's yours? 279 00:19:02,083 --> 00:19:03,005 Agh... 280 00:19:04,127 --> 00:19:05,049 Duh... 281 00:19:09,841 --> 00:19:11,013 That one. 282 00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,304 That piece of crap? 283 00:19:14,596 --> 00:19:16,644 Buy American. Come on, you guys are Native American, 284 00:19:16,765 --> 00:19:17,687 I thought you'd be proud. 285 00:19:24,147 --> 00:19:25,569 What are you doing? 286 00:19:26,274 --> 00:19:29,619 I'm copying down this Elvis address just in case. 287 00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:31,613 Oh come on, you think the guy who stole the mask put his 288 00:19:31,780 --> 00:19:33,532 real address down on an entry form? 289 00:19:33,698 --> 00:19:34,915 Get in! 290 00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:36,288 Where? 291 00:19:36,868 --> 00:19:37,994 The tunk! 292 00:19:46,002 --> 00:19:47,219 You're in tune... 293 00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:49,840 ...with K.Z.R.E... 294 00:19:49,965 --> 00:19:52,468 where we play you the best of yesterday... 295 00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:54,310 ...and today. 296 00:19:58,890 --> 00:20:01,814 I awoke not knowing where I was 297 00:20:02,310 --> 00:20:04,233 Which is probably a good thing. 298 00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:13,530 Yeah! 299 00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:24,211 Agh! 300 00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:27,544 Come on! 301 00:20:28,211 --> 00:20:29,303 Okay! 302 00:20:40,223 --> 00:20:41,566 Oh Shit! 303 00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:53,236 Oh...What?! 304 00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:54,912 Jesus! 305 00:21:44,579 --> 00:21:47,128 Well looks like Elvis gets to live another day. 306 00:21:54,255 --> 00:21:56,553 You really think the guy who stole the mask wrote his... 307 00:21:57,092 --> 00:21:59,720 ...real address down on an entry form. 308 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:05,233 Let's hope. 309 00:22:19,155 --> 00:22:20,702 Your attention please. 310 00:22:20,865 --> 00:22:23,493 This is an announcement for Train 735... 311 00:22:23,660 --> 00:22:27,335 ...to San Antonio, Baton Rouge and Tacoma 312 00:22:27,789 --> 00:22:30,668 This train has been delayed for approximately one hour. 313 00:22:30,834 --> 00:22:32,757 Please remain in the station. 314 00:22:32,836 --> 00:22:36,431 for further notices. All passengers will board... 315 00:23:13,418 --> 00:23:15,591 Once upon a midnight dreary... 316 00:23:15,795 --> 00:23:18,594 while I pondered weak and weary. 317 00:23:19,841 --> 00:23:21,514 There came a tapping, 318 00:23:21,634 --> 00:23:24,888 gently rapping on my chamber door. 319 00:23:25,221 --> 00:23:26,518 Little lady... 320 00:23:26,931 --> 00:23:28,478 you better get the hell outta here... 321 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,900 before I pull out the big gun on you. 322 00:23:33,938 --> 00:23:36,066 Baby, your gun doesn't work on me. 323 00:23:36,316 --> 00:23:37,909 Now, where... 324 00:23:38,318 --> 00:23:39,695 ...is the mask? 325 00:23:42,447 --> 00:23:43,744 I don't have it. 326 00:23:45,575 --> 00:23:47,043 Wrong answer! 327 00:24:02,759 --> 00:24:03,931 Hmm. 328 00:24:04,636 --> 00:24:06,479 He is telling the truth. 329 00:24:08,431 --> 00:24:10,104 Oh well. 330 00:24:46,636 --> 00:24:48,183 All right Elvis. 331 00:24:48,554 --> 00:24:50,602 Let's see if this is where you really live. 332 00:24:52,976 --> 00:24:54,273 I'm ready for you. 333 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:05,867 Hello? 334 00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:13,588 Oh. 335 00:25:33,808 --> 00:25:36,527 You really did put your address down on the entry form. 336 00:25:38,187 --> 00:25:40,861 You certainly Won't be winning any thieving contests. 337 00:25:53,745 --> 00:25:55,713 None of you will be. 338 00:25:57,415 --> 00:25:59,167 If I were an ancient Apache Warrior mask, 339 00:25:59,292 --> 00:26:00,965 where would I be hiding? 340 00:26:03,671 --> 00:26:05,594 I know... 341 00:26:06,007 --> 00:26:07,099 ...the couch! 342 00:26:11,554 --> 00:26:13,056 Uh! 343 00:26:23,107 --> 00:26:24,108 Hello ? 344 00:26:24,233 --> 00:26:25,280 Is anybody home ? 345 00:26:25,281 --> 00:26:26,448 Who are you? 346 00:26:27,153 --> 00:26:28,325 I'm the girl next door. 347 00:26:30,698 --> 00:26:31,870 Of course you are. 348 00:26:32,533 --> 00:26:33,500 Can I come in? 349 00:26:33,659 --> 00:26:35,410 No. No. Go away. 350 00:26:35,411 --> 00:26:36,913 That's not very neighbourly of you. 351 00:26:36,996 --> 00:26:38,339 That's because I'm not your neighbour. 352 00:26:38,539 --> 00:26:40,837 You know, I've never been in here before. 353 00:26:42,794 --> 00:26:44,171 Oh, neat lamp. 354 00:26:44,587 --> 00:26:45,429 Ha. 355 00:26:45,713 --> 00:26:47,636 Come on, cute girl comes in here and wants to make 356 00:26:47,799 --> 00:26:49,676 small talk with you and you tell her to leave? 357 00:26:49,842 --> 00:26:50,889 What are you gay or something? 358 00:26:51,052 --> 00:26:52,474 No, I'm not gay. 359 00:26:52,970 --> 00:26:55,314 It's okay if you are. It's cool. 360 00:26:55,431 --> 00:26:56,978 I'm old enough to be your fath... 361 00:26:57,392 --> 00:26:58,735 ...your really cool uncle. 362 00:26:58,851 --> 00:26:59,898 No, you're right. 363 00:27:00,144 --> 00:27:00,986 You could be my father. 364 00:27:01,104 --> 00:27:02,356 Could have been an accident, you know. 365 00:27:02,814 --> 00:27:05,533 Unplanned, high school, maybe after prom. 366 00:27:06,275 --> 00:27:07,117 What? 367 00:27:07,360 --> 00:27:09,112 What are you even doing here anyway? 368 00:27:09,195 --> 00:27:10,196 Oh, sugar. 369 00:27:10,321 --> 00:27:11,368 I need a cup. Do you have any? 370 00:27:11,531 --> 00:27:12,202 Seriously? 371 00:27:12,323 --> 00:27:14,451 No... it's not the 50's. 372 00:27:14,575 --> 00:27:16,794 Hell, maybe you are too old for me. 373 00:27:16,911 --> 00:27:17,878 See you around Uncle. 374 00:27:17,995 --> 00:27:19,872 Hey if you need anything, I'm right next door. 375 00:27:50,403 --> 00:27:52,155 Give me the mask. 376 00:27:53,406 --> 00:27:54,407 I don't have it! 377 00:27:57,785 --> 00:27:58,957 Give me the mask... 378 00:27:59,036 --> 00:28:00,788 ...or I kill your next door neighbour. 379 00:28:00,955 --> 00:28:03,049 She's not my neighbour, I don't even live here. 380 00:28:03,291 --> 00:28:04,213 Agh!! 381 00:28:04,542 --> 00:28:05,509 That hurt! 382 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:07,428 Ugh! 383 00:28:08,254 --> 00:28:09,551 So that's how it feels. 384 00:28:10,423 --> 00:28:11,515 Nice punch. 385 00:28:11,841 --> 00:28:12,888 Nice bite. 386 00:28:23,394 --> 00:28:25,613 I'm only going to ask you once. 387 00:28:26,981 --> 00:28:28,699 Where is the mask? 388 00:28:29,025 --> 00:28:30,151 Who are you? 389 00:28:31,694 --> 00:28:33,037 I'm the Cowboy. 390 00:28:34,906 --> 00:28:36,374 That was obvious. 391 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:40,582 And I can shoot the whiskers 392 00:28:40,703 --> 00:28:42,671 off your chin from 50 yards. 393 00:28:43,539 --> 00:28:44,916 That'd be pretty weird. 394 00:28:45,958 --> 00:28:47,426 Well don't you think the cop behind you 395 00:28:47,543 --> 00:28:48,886 might have something to say about that? 396 00:28:53,007 --> 00:28:54,008 Look behind you? 397 00:28:54,133 --> 00:28:55,259 I can't believe he actually fell for it! 398 00:28:55,384 --> 00:28:56,385 Which one is your car? 399 00:28:56,552 --> 00:28:57,428 I don't have a car! 400 00:28:57,553 --> 00:28:58,270 What do you mean you don't have a car? 401 00:28:58,346 --> 00:28:59,142 I don't know. How do you get around? 402 00:28:59,263 --> 00:29:00,606 Thankfully I have a cool Uncle. 403 00:29:00,765 --> 00:29:02,187 How did you get here? I walked! 404 00:29:02,308 --> 00:29:03,309 You walked? Yeah. 405 00:29:03,476 --> 00:29:04,773 From where? Somewhere between here... 406 00:29:05,061 --> 00:29:06,608 What? ...and the Indian Reservation. 407 00:29:06,854 --> 00:29:08,197 Even the settlers used horses! 408 00:29:08,356 --> 00:29:09,778 Trust me, if I had a horse, 409 00:29:09,941 --> 00:29:10,658 I would have used it. 410 00:29:10,775 --> 00:29:12,152 Hey, I've seen that guy before. 411 00:29:12,235 --> 00:29:13,361 Outside the casino. 412 00:29:15,571 --> 00:29:16,447 Agh! 413 00:29:26,624 --> 00:29:27,341 Wait! 414 00:29:27,500 --> 00:29:28,797 What the hell's going on? 415 00:29:28,876 --> 00:29:30,173 We're running for our lives. 416 00:29:30,294 --> 00:29:31,045 Is there any particular reason 417 00:29:31,170 --> 00:29:32,922 why Cowboys are trying to kill you? 418 00:29:33,047 --> 00:29:33,889 And Indians! 419 00:29:34,048 --> 00:29:35,971 Cowboys and Indians are trying to kill you? 420 00:29:36,342 --> 00:29:37,844 What's the deal with this mask? 421 00:29:38,219 --> 00:29:40,597 It's an ancient Apache warrior mask. 422 00:29:40,721 --> 00:29:41,347 A what? 423 00:29:41,472 --> 00:29:42,394 It's a long story. 424 00:29:42,598 --> 00:29:44,441 Well, give me the abridged version. 425 00:29:47,103 --> 00:29:49,822 Ulucky in love... Unlucky in cards, bitch. 426 00:29:50,064 --> 00:29:51,065 Straight to the 10! 427 00:29:51,190 --> 00:29:52,237 Hail to the Queen! 428 00:29:52,358 --> 00:29:53,530 We're going to hail to the King. 429 00:29:53,651 --> 00:29:54,698 Where's the mask? 430 00:29:56,946 --> 00:29:57,788 Uh! 431 00:30:05,204 --> 00:30:06,547 It's a long story. 432 00:30:06,831 --> 00:30:08,208 Well give me the abridged version. 433 00:30:08,499 --> 00:30:09,751 And here we are! 434 00:30:10,001 --> 00:30:10,923 Wow! 435 00:30:11,085 --> 00:30:12,712 You know you should probably call the Sheriff, 436 00:30:12,795 --> 00:30:13,967 tell him what the hell is going on. 437 00:30:14,255 --> 00:30:15,598 Sheriffs. 438 00:30:15,715 --> 00:30:17,012 Sheriff's as in plural. 439 00:30:17,133 --> 00:30:19,761 Yup, and they're both corrupt. 440 00:30:21,012 --> 00:30:22,559 The Chief owns one. 441 00:30:24,849 --> 00:30:26,817 And the Rancher owns the other one. 442 00:30:29,770 --> 00:30:31,238 Lovely. 443 00:30:31,355 --> 00:30:33,949 So it looks like I'm stuck with you until I find this mask 444 00:30:34,275 --> 00:30:36,027 I am the Girl Next Door. 445 00:30:36,152 --> 00:30:37,654 My name is Cindy, by the way. 446 00:30:37,820 --> 00:30:39,072 I don't live... 447 00:30:39,155 --> 00:30:40,532 ...never mind, I'm John. 448 00:30:40,823 --> 00:30:41,574 Cool! 449 00:30:41,907 --> 00:30:43,700 I always wanted an Uncle John. 450 00:30:56,714 --> 00:30:58,557 You have the right to remain silent. 451 00:31:01,761 --> 00:31:03,638 Two perfect kill shots through the windshield. 452 00:31:04,555 --> 00:31:06,102 Theories? 453 00:31:06,515 --> 00:31:07,858 Don't know. 454 00:31:08,934 --> 00:31:11,813 These Indians are a little far from the reservation. 455 00:31:17,151 --> 00:31:18,573 Native Americans. 456 00:31:18,778 --> 00:31:19,620 What? 457 00:31:19,779 --> 00:31:21,907 They like to be called, Native Americans now. 458 00:31:22,365 --> 00:31:23,457 Whatever. 459 00:31:24,075 --> 00:31:26,749 So what are two... ...Native Americans... 460 00:31:27,453 --> 00:31:29,751 ...doing away from the casino? 461 00:31:30,122 --> 00:31:31,715 In such a crappy car? 462 00:31:32,333 --> 00:31:33,380 Besides getting killed? 463 00:31:34,085 --> 00:31:35,758 Car's got out-of-state plates, too. 464 00:31:40,049 --> 00:31:41,096 Hmm. 465 00:31:43,094 --> 00:31:44,095 What you got? 466 00:31:53,688 --> 00:31:54,985 The car... 467 00:31:56,315 --> 00:31:58,488 Belongs to a John Smith. 468 00:32:02,321 --> 00:32:04,619 Two Native Americans stole the car... 469 00:32:04,782 --> 00:32:06,659 ...of a guy named John Smith? 470 00:32:09,161 --> 00:32:11,004 Well, that's some irony for you. 471 00:32:14,375 --> 00:32:15,547 I already told you... 472 00:32:15,710 --> 00:32:16,927 ...we can't call the Sheriffs. 473 00:32:17,044 --> 00:32:18,387 I'm not calling the Sheriff. 474 00:32:18,504 --> 00:32:19,756 Sheriff's! 475 00:32:21,340 --> 00:32:22,182 Who you calling then? 476 00:32:22,341 --> 00:32:23,092 Nobody. 477 00:32:23,259 --> 00:32:23,976 Oh I get it... 478 00:32:24,093 --> 00:32:25,561 ...you're going to be like my crazy Uncle. 479 00:32:25,678 --> 00:32:26,930 You'll be Crazy Uncle John. 480 00:32:27,054 --> 00:32:28,306 When I was in the apartment next to yours... 481 00:32:28,431 --> 00:32:29,478 See, I told you we were neighbours. 482 00:32:29,724 --> 00:32:30,941 We're not...Never mind. 483 00:32:31,183 --> 00:32:32,560 When I was in that apartment, I noticed 484 00:32:32,685 --> 00:32:34,904 there were some headshots on the Wall of the other Elvises. 485 00:32:35,396 --> 00:32:36,864 Now I'm willing to gamble 486 00:32:37,022 --> 00:32:38,444 that in this small town, that there's not too many 487 00:32:38,566 --> 00:32:39,658 Takashi Toshiros. 488 00:32:39,775 --> 00:32:41,698 I thought you said you were a terrible gambler. 489 00:32:42,445 --> 00:32:44,664 Nope, I've only lost in slots, poker... 490 00:32:44,822 --> 00:32:46,540 ...and love. 491 00:32:47,074 --> 00:32:48,826 You'd think in a day and age of cell phones... 492 00:32:48,951 --> 00:32:50,828 ...the payphone would've died a horrible death and yet... 493 00:32:51,829 --> 00:32:52,955 ...some remain, 494 00:32:53,164 --> 00:32:54,381 fighting destiny... 495 00:32:54,582 --> 00:32:55,879 ...marking a... 496 00:32:56,208 --> 00:32:57,505 simpler time. 497 00:32:57,626 --> 00:32:58,878 That's beautiful. 498 00:32:59,253 --> 00:33:00,971 Now give me the mask! 499 00:33:02,339 --> 00:33:03,306 Midget Elvis! 500 00:33:03,466 --> 00:33:04,718 Little person, bitch! 501 00:33:05,176 --> 00:33:06,803 Oh you said he was a little touchy about that. 502 00:33:08,304 --> 00:33:09,430 Very touchy. 503 00:33:09,555 --> 00:33:11,683 Now give me the mask or I'll blow your balls off! 504 00:33:11,849 --> 00:33:14,193 She doesn't have balls... you don't have balls... she doesn't have balls. 505 00:33:14,435 --> 00:33:16,028 I'm not screwing around! 506 00:33:16,145 --> 00:33:17,192 Look man, I don't have it! 507 00:33:17,354 --> 00:33:18,776 He doesn't! I would know, he's my neighbour. 508 00:33:18,981 --> 00:33:19,903 I'm not... 509 00:33:20,024 --> 00:33:21,742 Why does everybody think I have it? 510 00:33:21,901 --> 00:33:23,323 Because you stole it. 511 00:33:23,444 --> 00:33:24,240 I didn't! 512 00:33:26,030 --> 00:33:27,498 Last chance. 513 00:33:28,699 --> 00:33:29,871 Well what do you think the cop behind you 514 00:33:29,992 --> 00:33:30,868 is going to say about it? 515 00:33:30,993 --> 00:33:32,415 Do you think I'm stupid? 516 00:33:32,578 --> 00:33:33,830 I'm not falling for that! 517 00:33:33,954 --> 00:33:35,046 Everything all right? 518 00:33:37,166 --> 00:33:38,964 Yes, everything's fine. 519 00:33:39,293 --> 00:33:40,795 Because I just hate it... 520 00:33:41,420 --> 00:33:43,172 ...when people make fun of a little person. 521 00:33:43,714 --> 00:33:46,467 No, listen officer we weren't making fun of a little person 522 00:33:46,592 --> 00:33:48,594 we're just asking for some directions. Really. 523 00:33:48,761 --> 00:33:49,603 Right? Yup 524 00:33:49,678 --> 00:33:50,930 Yeah. Have a nice day. 525 00:33:51,138 --> 00:33:52,856 Right. Thank you Deputy. 526 00:34:02,191 --> 00:34:04,740 Looks like Elvis died on the toilet. 527 00:34:04,985 --> 00:34:06,453 Yep. Again. 528 00:34:07,404 --> 00:34:08,906 I don't think he's dead. 529 00:34:11,534 --> 00:34:12,410 Which one? 530 00:34:12,535 --> 00:34:13,502 Which one what? 531 00:34:14,453 --> 00:34:15,625 Which Elvis do you think is still alive? 532 00:34:15,788 --> 00:34:17,085 The real one, or that guy? 533 00:34:18,165 --> 00:34:18,916 Both. 534 00:34:19,041 --> 00:34:19,963 Both'? 535 00:34:20,459 --> 00:34:21,506 Really? 536 00:34:21,627 --> 00:34:22,970 Everybody knows that the King 537 00:34:23,087 --> 00:34:24,760 faked his death to get away from the Colonel... 538 00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:27,258 ...lead a normal life, live happily ever after. 539 00:34:27,383 --> 00:34:28,885 That guy however, 540 00:34:29,051 --> 00:34:30,803 is an impersonator. 541 00:34:31,428 --> 00:34:33,522 No shit. 542 00:34:34,265 --> 00:34:36,063 No actually I'm afraid there is. 543 00:34:36,183 --> 00:34:37,059 H g 544 00:34:37,309 --> 00:34:39,107 Don't start with the toilet humor. All right. 545 00:34:39,228 --> 00:34:40,275 Too late. 546 00:34:41,021 --> 00:34:42,193 So Sheriff... 547 00:34:42,439 --> 00:34:45,488 ...you've determined in your expertise... 548 00:34:45,943 --> 00:34:48,116 ...that the dead guy here is not the real Elvis... 549 00:34:48,195 --> 00:34:50,163 ...but rather an Elvis impersonator. 550 00:34:50,281 --> 00:34:51,703 No, Sheriff, 551 00:34:51,824 --> 00:34:53,417 I've determined in my expertise 552 00:34:53,534 --> 00:34:55,912 that the dead guy is not a real Elvis impersonator, 553 00:34:55,995 --> 00:34:57,872 you can tell by the boots. 554 00:34:59,540 --> 00:35:01,668 Any true Elvis lover would know that the King 555 00:35:01,792 --> 00:35:03,260 would never be caught dead in those. 556 00:35:03,419 --> 00:35:04,090 No pun intended. 557 00:35:04,211 --> 00:35:06,634 Hmm. Elvis impersonator... 558 00:35:06,714 --> 00:35:08,341 impersonator. 559 00:35:12,678 --> 00:35:14,396 John Smith. 560 00:35:14,805 --> 00:35:17,308 The owner of the car with the dead Indians. 561 00:35:17,433 --> 00:35:18,559 Native Americans. 562 00:35:19,351 --> 00:35:21,024 So what do two dead "Native Americans๏ฟฝ 563 00:35:21,145 --> 00:35:24,194 and a dead Elvis impersonator impersonator have in common? 564 00:35:26,233 --> 00:35:27,359 John Smith. John Smith. 565 00:35:30,237 --> 00:35:33,411 So this is luxurious estate of Asian Elvis, huh? 566 00:35:33,741 --> 00:35:36,369 I guess Elvis impersonating doesn't pay all that well. 567 00:35:36,660 --> 00:35:38,003 So what's your plan? 568 00:35:38,162 --> 00:35:39,084 My Plan? 569 00:35:39,204 --> 00:35:40,171 I was going to go in there and demand 570 00:35:40,289 --> 00:35:41,381 that he give me the mask. 571 00:35:41,540 --> 00:35:43,008 That's a popular plan these days. 572 00:35:43,584 --> 00:35:44,836 Simple and sweet. 573 00:35:45,169 --> 00:35:46,216 I like it. 574 00:35:49,214 --> 00:35:50,966 Very popular plan. 575 00:35:58,349 --> 00:35:59,851 Maybe its the maid's day off? 576 00:36:01,769 --> 00:36:03,487 Sure hate to be the owner of this place. 577 00:36:03,771 --> 00:36:05,444 That's why I rent! 578 00:36:05,606 --> 00:36:06,402 Hey! 579 00:36:06,523 --> 00:36:08,446 And here I thought I'd have to come after you. 580 00:36:08,651 --> 00:36:10,119 We ahh, we didn't see you there. 581 00:36:10,194 --> 00:36:12,037 Because Asians are sneaky, right'? 582 00:36:12,154 --> 00:36:14,407 Starting right off with the stereotypes. 583 00:36:14,531 --> 00:36:15,282 What? 584 00:36:15,407 --> 00:36:16,829 Give me the mask! 585 00:36:17,159 --> 00:36:18,285 Hey that was your line. 586 00:36:18,535 --> 00:36:19,957 Look, like I'm telling everybody else, 587 00:36:20,037 --> 00:36:21,289 I don't have it! 588 00:36:21,455 --> 00:36:23,128 First you steal the mask, 589 00:36:23,290 --> 00:36:24,633 then you kill Alan. 590 00:36:24,750 --> 00:36:25,467 Alan? 591 00:36:25,584 --> 00:36:26,585 Gay Elvis. 592 00:36:26,710 --> 00:36:27,506 Gay Elvis? 593 00:36:27,628 --> 00:36:30,006 Murdered in a train station bathroom. 594 00:36:31,298 --> 00:36:32,675 They're hunting down all the Elvis' 595 00:36:32,758 --> 00:36:33,634 trying to find the mask. 596 00:36:33,759 --> 00:36:36,558 Heard on my Police scanner that he was shot on the toilet multiple times. 597 00:36:36,887 --> 00:36:37,934 You have a police scanner? 598 00:36:38,055 --> 00:36:39,022 Of course I do. 599 00:36:39,139 --> 00:36:41,187 Because I'm Asian, I must be good with technology, right? 600 00:36:41,266 --> 00:36:41,812 What? 601 00:36:42,017 --> 00:36:44,190 Let me guess, you think every Asian knows karate 602 00:36:44,311 --> 00:36:45,483 I bet computers too. 603 00:36:45,604 --> 00:36:47,151 And I suppose I must've gotten really good grades in school, 604 00:36:47,398 --> 00:36:48,320 studied every night, 605 00:36:48,399 --> 00:36:49,992 all while working at my parents dry cleaners store 606 00:36:50,109 --> 00:36:51,201 on the weekend. 607 00:36:51,527 --> 00:36:53,825 Well in my case, that's just not true. 608 00:36:54,822 --> 00:36:55,948 Except for the Karate part. 609 00:36:56,156 --> 00:36:57,078 Hey ah! 610 00:36:58,784 --> 00:37:00,878 No one's hunting this Elvis down 611 00:37:00,995 --> 00:37:02,872 you generic European hybrid. 612 00:37:04,915 --> 00:37:06,337 And who are you supposed to be? 613 00:37:07,001 --> 00:37:08,423 The Girl Next Door? 614 00:37:08,877 --> 00:37:09,924 Exactly. 615 00:37:10,129 --> 00:37:11,221 Well little girl. 616 00:37:11,630 --> 00:37:12,631 Tell me where the mask is 617 00:37:12,715 --> 00:37:13,762 or I'm going to open up a can of 618 00:37:13,882 --> 00:37:14,849 whoop-ass on you too. 619 00:37:14,967 --> 00:37:16,810 I don't know where the mask is, I've never even seen the mask. 620 00:37:17,344 --> 00:37:19,312 I suppose you think I wouldn't hit a girl. 621 00:37:19,388 --> 00:37:20,605 Hey ah! 622 00:37:20,764 --> 00:37:22,186 Wrong again! 623 00:37:22,391 --> 00:37:23,563 Ah, Oh. 624 00:37:23,809 --> 00:37:25,402 I can't believe you just did that. 625 00:37:26,562 --> 00:37:27,484 I know... 626 00:37:27,604 --> 00:37:29,606 I'm just breaking every stereotype today! 627 00:37:29,732 --> 00:37:32,076 Your little White Man's brain must be ready to explode. 628 00:37:32,192 --> 00:37:33,694 You really are an asshole, aren't you! 629 00:37:33,861 --> 00:37:35,158 Takes one to know one. 630 00:37:35,529 --> 00:37:37,122 Did you really just say that? 631 00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:38,489 Yes I did. 632 00:37:38,490 --> 00:37:39,833 Now give 633 00:37:39,950 --> 00:37:40,826 me 634 00:37:40,951 --> 00:37:41,918 the 635 00:37:42,161 --> 00:37:43,583 mask! Agh! 636 00:37:45,873 --> 00:37:46,965 Yes! 637 00:37:55,674 --> 00:37:56,800 Look behind you. 638 00:37:56,925 --> 00:37:58,142 Look behind me? 639 00:37:58,510 --> 00:38:00,262 Remember the stereotype little girl, 640 00:38:00,387 --> 00:38:02,014 Asian's are smart. 641 00:38:02,347 --> 00:38:03,690 Not dumb! 642 00:38:18,530 --> 00:38:19,907 I'm here for the mask. 643 00:38:22,326 --> 00:38:23,578 Shocker. 644 00:38:23,702 --> 00:38:24,874 You better pray you're not Elvis. 645 00:38:25,287 --> 00:38:27,289 No no, I'm a Smith. 646 00:38:29,291 --> 00:38:30,508 John Smith? 647 00:38:30,667 --> 00:38:31,589 Yeah! 648 00:38:32,044 --> 00:38:33,136 Aren't you dead? 649 00:38:33,253 --> 00:38:35,005 I don't think so. 650 00:38:36,507 --> 00:38:37,929 Wait, wait. You're a... 651 00:38:38,425 --> 00:38:39,551 you're the Indian. 652 00:38:42,471 --> 00:38:43,723 Do I look like I'm from India? 653 00:38:43,889 --> 00:38:45,482 I meant uhh... Native American. 654 00:38:45,557 --> 00:38:46,934 Do I look like I work... 655 00:38:47,184 --> 00:38:48,231 ...at Seven Eleven? 656 00:38:48,393 --> 00:38:50,441 Wait, wait! That's a little racist too, isn't it! 657 00:38:51,188 --> 00:38:52,280 Suppose you think... 658 00:38:53,023 --> 00:38:54,491 this a tomahawk? 659 00:38:54,608 --> 00:38:57,327 I was going to say hatchet, but now that you mention it. 660 00:38:57,694 --> 00:39:00,072 And what? I'm going to scalp you, is that it? 661 00:39:00,155 --> 00:39:02,374 No, that would be racially insensitive of me to think that! 662 00:39:02,491 --> 00:39:03,663 That's good. 663 00:39:04,243 --> 00:39:05,790 You're not stupid as you look. 664 00:39:05,953 --> 00:39:06,920 Thank you. 665 00:39:09,331 --> 00:39:11,083 But unfortunately for you... 666 00:39:11,583 --> 00:39:13,051 ...it is a tomahawk. 667 00:39:13,627 --> 00:39:14,970 And this Indian... 668 00:39:15,337 --> 00:39:16,088 Help! 669 00:39:18,048 --> 00:39:19,470 ...is going to scalp you! 670 00:39:23,554 --> 00:39:24,771 Should have looked behind you. 671 00:39:25,722 --> 00:39:26,939 Come on, let's go. 672 00:39:26,940 --> 00:39:28,400 Never argue with a woman. 673 00:39:29,935 --> 00:39:32,233 Look behind you! What are you three for three with that? 674 00:39:32,354 --> 00:39:33,230 Four for four. 675 00:39:33,313 --> 00:39:34,530 But to be fair, three of the four times, 676 00:39:34,648 --> 00:39:35,865 there was actually someone behind them. 677 00:39:35,983 --> 00:39:37,360 Okay, come on, come on. 678 00:39:43,073 --> 00:39:44,370 That was my first tomahawking 679 00:39:44,491 --> 00:39:45,663 what about you? 680 00:39:46,201 --> 00:39:47,077 I changed my mind. 681 00:39:47,494 --> 00:39:48,746 I think we need to call the Sheriff's. 682 00:39:49,121 --> 00:39:51,249 The mask is worth one million dollars. 683 00:39:52,332 --> 00:39:54,209 Maybe the sheriff's can wait a little bit longer. 684 00:39:54,626 --> 00:39:55,843 Not even the girl next door 685 00:39:55,961 --> 00:39:57,053 is immune to greed. 686 00:39:57,462 --> 00:39:58,964 Well, I caught it from my Uncle. 687 00:39:59,715 --> 00:40:00,386 Hey... 688 00:40:00,716 --> 00:40:01,763 ...there's that guy again. 689 00:40:01,967 --> 00:40:02,684 What guy? 690 00:40:03,218 --> 00:40:04,470 That guy from the casino! 691 00:40:04,678 --> 00:40:05,474 Hey you! 692 00:40:05,679 --> 00:40:06,555 John, wait! 693 00:40:06,805 --> 00:40:07,897 I want to talk to you for a minute. 694 00:40:08,015 --> 00:40:08,982 What? 695 00:40:09,141 --> 00:40:10,063 Who are you? 696 00:40:10,517 --> 00:40:11,734 Dude what happened to your face? 697 00:40:11,894 --> 00:40:13,612 I just got beat up by an Asian Elvis, 698 00:40:13,729 --> 00:40:15,322 but that is not important right now. 699 00:40:15,522 --> 00:40:17,775 Really I saw you outside the casino 700 00:40:17,941 --> 00:40:19,193 what's you deal? 701 00:40:19,276 --> 00:40:21,199 Dude, unless you want to also get beat up by a college kid, 702 00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:22,492 I'd walk away right now. 703 00:40:22,613 --> 00:40:23,865 No, I'm not going anywhere man, 704 00:40:23,989 --> 00:40:26,083 until you tell me why you are following us. 705 00:40:26,408 --> 00:40:27,455 Okay. 706 00:40:29,328 --> 00:40:30,250 Agh! 707 00:40:34,208 --> 00:40:35,926 Agh!! Uh! 708 00:40:36,043 --> 00:40:37,761 Stick to fighting Elvises, moron. 709 00:40:37,961 --> 00:40:38,837 Huh! 710 00:40:39,338 --> 00:40:41,011 Stop it! Get away from him! 711 00:40:41,423 --> 00:40:42,720 What! He was asking for it! 712 00:40:43,508 --> 00:40:44,680 I can't believe it! 713 00:40:44,968 --> 00:40:46,436 The Chief's men were right! 714 00:40:46,553 --> 00:40:48,681 He actually just crushed a beer can on my head. 715 00:40:49,014 --> 00:40:50,140 Just get out of here! 716 00:40:53,769 --> 00:40:56,022 I'd listen to the lady if I was you, boy. 717 00:40:56,230 --> 00:40:57,322 Yes sir! 718 00:41:00,734 --> 00:41:02,111 You look good. 719 00:41:02,444 --> 00:41:03,536 Thanks. 720 00:41:03,904 --> 00:41:05,906 You broke my nose, asshole. 721 00:41:06,281 --> 00:41:07,908 I know how you feel. 722 00:41:07,991 --> 00:41:09,493 Are there any Hispanics in this town 723 00:41:09,660 --> 00:41:10,957 'cause right now that's the only ethnicity that 724 00:41:11,036 --> 00:41:12,709 hasn't kicked my ass yet. 725 00:41:14,122 --> 00:41:15,374 Somebody wants to talk to you. 726 00:41:15,540 --> 00:41:16,587 Ah! 727 00:41:16,708 --> 00:41:18,551 I can't imagine what that's about. 728 00:41:18,794 --> 00:41:20,796 I already killed me two Injun's today. 729 00:41:27,886 --> 00:41:29,604 Don't make me kill you too. 730 00:41:52,035 --> 00:41:54,003 I want the mask. 731 00:41:54,329 --> 00:41:56,331 Well that's refreshing, usually people say 732 00:41:56,498 --> 00:41:57,750 "give me the mask", you went with 733 00:41:57,874 --> 00:41:59,217 "I want" the mask. 734 00:42:01,420 --> 00:42:02,922 Do you know who I am? 735 00:42:03,505 --> 00:42:04,631 You're the Rancher. 736 00:42:05,007 --> 00:42:07,635 Yeah I was ah, going to guess the Rancher too. 737 00:42:09,511 --> 00:42:11,229 I own this town. 738 00:42:11,972 --> 00:42:14,851 Several others just like it, most of the land in-between. 739 00:42:16,059 --> 00:42:18,187 Goverment says I can't own the Indian Reservation, 740 00:42:18,312 --> 00:42:20,280 but that doesn't matter, that's worthless anyway until the... 741 00:42:20,814 --> 00:42:23,567 ...Chief's built his Casino. 742 00:42:24,276 --> 00:42:25,619 See that, whether you're rich or poor 743 00:42:25,777 --> 00:42:26,699 we all have problems. 744 00:42:27,029 --> 00:42:29,031 It's been very nice meeting you. Very enlightening. 745 00:42:29,114 --> 00:42:30,707 Uncle John, I think it's time to shut up now. 746 00:42:30,991 --> 00:42:32,868 That's a smart girl. 747 00:42:33,910 --> 00:42:36,083 I'd listen to her If I was you. 748 00:42:38,206 --> 00:42:39,628 Continue. 749 00:42:41,460 --> 00:42:42,302 This... 750 00:42:42,461 --> 00:42:46,307 Warrior Mask is where the Apache gain all their power. 751 00:42:47,674 --> 00:42:49,096 When it was lost in... 752 00:42:49,301 --> 00:42:51,224 battle with U.S. Calvalry they were dfeated 753 00:42:51,386 --> 00:42:54,105 and forced to live as drunks in the reservation. 754 00:42:54,514 --> 00:42:55,936 When it was found... 755 00:42:56,183 --> 00:42:58,151 they became powerful again 756 00:42:58,268 --> 00:43:00,066 and built their casino. 757 00:43:00,645 --> 00:43:03,444 Interestingly, I've heard this story before. 758 00:43:03,940 --> 00:43:04,862 From the Indians... 759 00:43:05,067 --> 00:43:07,411 Not with your colorful descriptions added. 760 00:43:07,611 --> 00:43:09,909 But I bet you don't know the best part. 761 00:43:11,823 --> 00:43:14,121 The Apache don't make warrior masks. 762 00:43:14,618 --> 00:43:15,915 Hopi do. 763 00:43:15,994 --> 00:43:16,961 Hopi? 764 00:43:17,162 --> 00:43:19,005 Hopi. It's another tribe. 765 00:43:19,122 --> 00:43:20,123 There's not many of them left. 766 00:43:20,290 --> 00:43:21,212 Wich means 767 00:43:21,333 --> 00:43:23,836 that Chief's tribe originally stole the mask 768 00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:25,212 from some other tribe. 769 00:43:25,545 --> 00:43:27,843 And now, like all good European white man, 770 00:43:28,131 --> 00:43:29,804 we're gonna take it from them. 771 00:43:30,050 --> 00:43:31,051 Greed. 772 00:43:31,385 --> 00:43:32,432 What? 773 00:43:32,844 --> 00:43:33,595 Nothing. 774 00:43:33,762 --> 00:43:35,935 Now don't feel too bad for the savages. 775 00:43:36,098 --> 00:43:38,271 They'll kill to get that mask. 776 00:43:38,892 --> 00:43:40,109 When they lost it the firs time 777 00:43:40,227 --> 00:43:42,321 they killed whole family just to get it back. 778 00:43:52,364 --> 00:43:53,957 Careful, it's very old. 779 00:43:55,492 --> 00:43:57,039 Just like that. 780 00:43:57,202 --> 00:43:58,536 How did you find it'? 781 00:43:58,537 --> 00:44:01,290 His new boss sent him out there looking for old war artifacts and 782 00:44:01,415 --> 00:44:02,667 he finds this. 783 00:44:05,127 --> 00:44:07,255 All right. Let's wrap it up. 784 00:44:53,758 --> 00:44:55,431 That family worked for me. 785 00:44:56,178 --> 00:44:58,522 Mother, Father, Little boy, all killed. 786 00:44:58,847 --> 00:45:01,600 Except for some old Indian woman, some sort of... 787 00:45:01,892 --> 00:45:03,690 code of the savages. 788 00:45:04,478 --> 00:45:05,354 : She lives. 789 00:45:05,645 --> 00:45:07,647 : Only the white man dies today. 790 00:45:07,898 --> 00:45:09,275 That's horrible. 791 00:45:10,066 --> 00:45:13,536 Um, so where again did you say the Father found the mask? 792 00:45:13,987 --> 00:45:14,954 What's it matter? 793 00:45:15,864 --> 00:45:18,242 He found it, they killed him, the Chief got it! 794 00:45:18,408 --> 00:45:19,534 Without that mask the whole tribe 795 00:45:19,701 --> 00:45:22,124 would still be forced to sork for me If they weren't too drunk. 796 00:45:22,245 --> 00:45:23,997 to get off that casspool of a reservation.. 797 00:45:24,122 --> 00:45:25,669 But Instead... 798 00:45:25,790 --> 00:45:27,042 they built a casino 799 00:45:27,167 --> 00:45:29,465 now make even more money than I do. 800 00:45:29,586 --> 00:45:33,056 So you hired the Elvises to steal the mask for yourself. 801 00:45:33,173 --> 00:45:36,097 You exploit whatever weaknesses our enemy has.. 802 00:45:36,426 --> 00:45:38,178 That casino is a fortress. 803 00:45:38,512 --> 00:45:41,106 Only Apache warriors and Elvis impersonators 804 00:45:41,223 --> 00:45:43,726 are allowed into the Chief's Inner sanctum. 805 00:45:44,351 --> 00:45:45,728 So what happened? 806 00:45:46,478 --> 00:45:47,980 I don't know. 807 00:45:48,730 --> 00:45:51,404 But that's why I have your Uncle John here. 808 00:45:52,359 --> 00:45:54,578 So, Captain Smith, you and... 809 00:45:54,694 --> 00:45:57,288 Pocahontas have 'till tomorrow to brig me the mask. 810 00:45:57,405 --> 00:45:58,873 or I'm going to cut off your head and hang it. 811 00:45:59,032 --> 00:46:01,126 next to all the other animals on my wall. 812 00:46:03,954 --> 00:46:05,831 Do we understand each other? 813 00:46:06,831 --> 00:46:07,957 Yes sir. 814 00:46:10,377 --> 00:46:11,799 Agh! 815 00:46:22,764 --> 00:46:24,141 We're right back Where we started. 816 00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:28,233 He just threatened to cut off our heads 817 00:46:28,353 --> 00:46:30,230 Well technically he only threatened to cut off my head. 818 00:46:30,313 --> 00:46:31,656 Well greet, / feel so much better. 819 00:46:31,773 --> 00:46:33,616 I won't get killed because of a technicality. 820 00:46:33,733 --> 00:46:34,825 Well if it makes you feel any better 821 00:46:34,943 --> 00:46:36,035 there's plenty of other people out there 822 00:46:36,152 --> 00:46:37,495 who are willing to kill you today. 823 00:46:37,737 --> 00:46:39,284 So how are we going to find this mask? 824 00:46:39,573 --> 00:46:41,701 All we know is that an Elvis has it. 825 00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:43,622 That's all we need to know. 826 00:46:44,578 --> 00:46:46,125 There were five Elvises. 827 00:46:46,871 --> 00:46:49,340 One of them stole the meek and betrayed the others- 828 00:46:50,875 --> 00:46:54,049 If you take me outta the equation, that leaves only four. 829 00:46:55,005 --> 00:46:55,972 Midget Elvis... 830 00:46:56,089 --> 00:46:57,557 I mean little person Elvis... 831 00:46:57,674 --> 00:46:59,221 ...came ater me looking for the mask. 832 00:46:59,342 --> 00:47:00,639 So we know it wasn't him. 833 00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:02,854 Takashi aka Asian Elvis, 834 00:47:02,971 --> 00:47:05,224 also demanded the mask the moment he saw us. 835 00:47:05,348 --> 00:47:06,816 So it couldn't have been him either 836 00:47:07,434 --> 00:47:09,357 And before he got a tomahawk in the back 837 00:47:09,436 --> 00:47:10,813 Takashi told us that Alan... 838 00:47:10,979 --> 00:47:12,356 aka, Gay Elvis... 839 00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:13,982 had been killed at the train station. 840 00:47:14,524 --> 00:47:17,778 Which leaves only the contest winner himself 841 00:47:18,028 --> 00:47:19,871 Elvis... Elvis. 842 00:47:19,988 --> 00:47:21,240 Your neighbour. 843 00:47:21,406 --> 00:47:22,658 But I thought you were my neighbour. 844 00:47:23,325 --> 00:47:24,622 I'm your uncle. 845 00:47:24,909 --> 00:47:27,332 I'm talking about your real next door neighbour. 846 00:47:27,746 --> 00:47:29,293 So where is this Elvis-Elvis? 847 00:48:09,371 --> 00:48:12,545 So, if I where an Elvis impersonator... 848 00:48:12,707 --> 00:48:16,086 contest winner who just stole an ancient Apache warrior mask 849 00:48:16,211 --> 00:48:18,213 Worth one million dollars, where would I be? 850 00:48:18,421 --> 00:48:19,297 Hopi. 851 00:48:19,422 --> 00:48:20,423 What? 852 00:48:20,548 --> 00:48:22,050 Ancient Hopi warrior mask. 853 00:48:22,217 --> 00:48:23,389 Right. 854 00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:24,886 I do have an idea. 855 00:48:25,053 --> 00:48:26,726 You still think we shouldn't call the sheriff's'? 856 00:48:26,846 --> 00:48:28,644 No, we need to find the mask, save our heads, 857 00:48:28,807 --> 00:48:30,275 get rich and live and live happily ever after. 858 00:48:30,433 --> 00:48:31,480 Hmm. 859 00:48:33,561 --> 00:48:35,063 I couldn't agree more. 860 00:48:35,271 --> 00:48:36,318 Midget Elvis! 861 00:48:36,398 --> 00:48:37,991 Little person, asshole! 862 00:48:38,066 --> 00:48:38,908 Sorry. 863 00:48:39,025 --> 00:48:41,448 I knew you bitches would return to the scene of the crime. 864 00:48:41,569 --> 00:48:42,536 Which crime is he talking about? 865 00:48:42,654 --> 00:48:44,622 I don't know. There's been so many, I've lost track. 866 00:48:44,739 --> 00:48:47,083 It's just a figure of speech, dickwad! 867 00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:49,373 I meant you finally camo back home. 868 00:48:49,494 --> 00:48:52,122 I don't live here. She lives next door. 869 00:48:52,247 --> 00:48:53,294 Thanks. 870 00:48:54,999 --> 00:48:58,219 You're a sick twisted bastard, you know that. 871 00:48:58,628 --> 00:49:00,801 Having all our pictures taped to your wall... 872 00:49:01,047 --> 00:49:02,469 ...jerking off to them at night! 873 00:49:02,632 --> 00:49:04,054 What? That is pretty sick. 874 00:49:04,217 --> 00:49:06,640 It wasn't good enough for you just to steal the mask. 875 00:49:06,803 --> 00:49:10,478 No you had to live out your perverted fantasies and kill all of us. 876 00:49:11,433 --> 00:49:12,901 You get off on that, don't you? 877 00:49:13,059 --> 00:49:14,811 What the hell are you talking about? 878 00:49:15,145 --> 00:49:16,738 First you kill Gay Elvis... 879 00:49:16,855 --> 00:49:19,199 in a bathroom stall no less! 880 00:49:19,357 --> 00:49:20,904 Then you kill Asina Elvis... 881 00:49:21,067 --> 00:49:22,819 by thrusting a hatchet into his back! 882 00:49:22,944 --> 00:49:25,743 Hey wait. It wasn't a hatchet, it was a tomahawk. 883 00:49:25,864 --> 00:49:27,161 Apparently there is a difference. 884 00:49:27,282 --> 00:49:29,705 And now you want to try and kill me. 885 00:49:29,826 --> 00:49:31,169 Well ass wipe... 886 00:49:31,286 --> 00:49:32,913 it's not going to happen! 887 00:49:32,996 --> 00:49:34,669 Excuse me, in Uncle John's defense 888 00:49:34,789 --> 00:49:36,382 he didn't kill any of those people. 889 00:49:37,167 --> 00:49:39,261 The Indian did...l think. 890 00:49:39,461 --> 00:49:40,963 Uncle John? 891 00:49:41,087 --> 00:49:43,010 So now you're screwing your niece? 892 00:49:43,381 --> 00:49:46,305 Damn! You are one perverted bastard! 893 00:49:46,426 --> 00:49:48,849 No, no. It's not like that. She's my neighbour. 894 00:49:48,970 --> 00:49:51,143 Not actually my neighbour... 895 00:49:51,264 --> 00:49:52,641 Now tell me where the mask is 896 00:49:52,766 --> 00:49:54,814 before I cut you both down to my size! 897 00:49:59,689 --> 00:50:01,783 Yes, tell us where the mask is. 898 00:50:03,067 --> 00:50:04,284 Nice outfit. 899 00:50:04,402 --> 00:50:05,494 Thank you. 900 00:50:05,612 --> 00:50:07,239 Who the hell are you? 901 00:50:08,948 --> 00:50:10,791 It's some visitor, I murdered, 902 00:50:11,034 --> 00:50:12,661 tapping at my chamber door. 903 00:50:12,786 --> 00:50:14,959 This it is, and nothing more. 904 00:50:15,038 --> 00:50:16,210 Edgar Allen Poe? 905 00:50:16,331 --> 00:50:17,332 An educated man. 906 00:50:17,874 --> 00:50:19,251 Then you're smart enough to know 907 00:50:19,417 --> 00:50:21,761 who will be walking out of here with that duffle bag. 908 00:50:22,170 --> 00:50:23,638 Did you jurt threaten me? 909 00:50:25,924 --> 00:50:28,643 Because bitch, this midget will fuck you up! 910 00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:29,556 Ahh, little person. 911 00:50:29,636 --> 00:50:30,262 Whatever! 912 00:50:30,512 --> 00:50:32,389 Oh I've had about enough of this. 913 00:50:38,102 --> 00:50:38,944 Aghh! 914 00:50:45,485 --> 00:50:46,327 Uh! 915 00:51:04,754 --> 00:51:06,677 Hmm. 916 00:51:10,635 --> 00:51:12,182 How many assassins do they have in this town! 917 00:51:12,303 --> 00:51:13,225 Oh! 918 00:51:13,388 --> 00:51:14,640 Ouch! 919 00:51:14,764 --> 00:51:15,856 That looks like it hurt. 920 00:51:18,434 --> 00:51:20,937 John Smith, I presume. 921 00:51:22,146 --> 00:51:23,739 Yeah. 922 00:51:24,357 --> 00:51:25,825 Well we just heard gunshots. 923 00:51:26,401 --> 00:51:27,653 We going to find another... 924 00:51:27,819 --> 00:51:29,241 dead body up there? 925 00:51:29,529 --> 00:51:30,781 Probably. 926 00:51:30,905 --> 00:51:31,997 Imagine that. 927 00:51:32,240 --> 00:51:34,493 We follow the address written on the hand of a dead Indian... 928 00:51:34,659 --> 00:51:35,626 Native American. 929 00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:39,130 Native American, lying in a pool of blood next to another dead... 930 00:51:39,247 --> 00:51:41,249 Native American in a car... 931 00:51:41,374 --> 00:51:42,466 registered to you. 932 00:51:42,584 --> 00:51:44,382 And we find your credit card lying on the body 933 00:51:44,502 --> 00:51:46,925 of a dead Elvis impersonator-impersonator 934 00:51:47,046 --> 00:51:48,548 in the bathroom of a train station. 935 00:51:48,673 --> 00:51:49,925 And now here you are. 936 00:51:50,174 --> 00:51:51,517 I haven't killed anybody. 937 00:51:51,634 --> 00:51:52,351 Who said you did? 938 00:51:52,468 --> 00:51:53,720 So, ahh, upstairs... 939 00:51:54,178 --> 00:51:56,146 are we going to find a dead Elvis... 940 00:51:56,306 --> 00:51:57,182 or dead Indian. 941 00:51:57,307 --> 00:51:58,354 Native American. 942 00:51:58,474 --> 00:51:59,396 Whatever. 943 00:52:01,394 --> 00:52:02,737 Probably an Elvis. 944 00:52:03,438 --> 00:52:06,533 Agh! I'm tellin' ya, you got the wrong guy. 945 00:52:08,318 --> 00:52:09,365 Somebody else. 946 00:52:09,861 --> 00:52:12,114 I like that, somebody else. 947 00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:14,282 What about the girl you were with? 948 00:52:14,407 --> 00:52:16,830 No, you don't want her either, she doesn't know anything, 949 00:52:16,951 --> 00:52:18,373 she's just the girl next door. 950 00:52:18,494 --> 00:52:20,838 Next door to the apartment that you say you don't live in. 951 00:52:20,914 --> 00:52:21,881 Right. 952 00:52:21,998 --> 00:52:26,128 Okay Mr. Smith we're going to hold you in this car for 12... 953 00:52:26,252 --> 00:52:27,674 Make it 24. 954 00:52:27,879 --> 00:52:29,506 24 hours! 955 00:52:29,714 --> 00:52:31,967 We'll see if anymore dead people show up. 956 00:52:32,091 --> 00:52:34,185 That's not going to work for me. Okay! 957 00:52:34,302 --> 00:52:37,272 A lot of stuff is going to happen in the next 12 to 24 hours. 958 00:52:37,430 --> 00:52:39,853 Sorry jail's cutting into your busy schedule. 959 00:52:40,433 --> 00:52:41,810 You could always tell us what's relly going on 960 00:52:41,935 --> 00:52:43,278 and speed up the process. 961 00:52:46,314 --> 00:52:50,319 Native Americans, Cowboys, Elvis Impersonators, and Blonde Women 962 00:52:50,443 --> 00:52:51,945 they are all trying to kill me. 963 00:52:52,070 --> 00:52:53,743 Any particular reason? 964 00:52:53,863 --> 00:52:54,830 They don't like me? 965 00:52:54,948 --> 00:52:56,996 We're going to let you in on a little secret here, John. 966 00:52:57,659 --> 00:52:59,127 We don't like you either. 967 00:52:59,327 --> 00:53:00,749 See you in the morning. 968 00:53:02,997 --> 00:53:06,592 None of the settlerd liked the real John Smith either. 969 00:53:07,251 --> 00:53:09,049 Neither did the Indians. 970 00:53:09,170 --> 00:53:11,764 But they all needed him to survive. 971 00:53:12,006 --> 00:53:13,383 They tried to kill him too. 972 00:53:13,925 --> 00:53:15,097 You stole my wallet. 973 00:53:15,259 --> 00:53:17,432 Yeah. But it had no money in it. 974 00:53:17,553 --> 00:53:18,770 What are you doing in here anyway? 975 00:53:18,888 --> 00:53:20,140 Solicitation. 976 00:53:20,264 --> 00:53:21,390 You're a prostitute? 977 00:53:21,474 --> 00:53:23,897 Yes, John. I'm a prostitute. 978 00:53:25,395 --> 00:53:26,863 So what's the deal with the mask? 979 00:53:27,021 --> 00:53:27,897 You know where it is? 980 00:53:28,022 --> 00:53:29,740 You too? How do you know about it? 981 00:53:29,899 --> 00:53:31,572 John like to talk during sex. 982 00:53:31,818 --> 00:53:33,115 We didn't have sex. 983 00:53:33,528 --> 00:53:34,495 Not you... 984 00:53:35,029 --> 00:53:36,121 Heeyah, heeyah! 985 00:53:36,364 --> 00:53:38,037 I was doing this guy named the Cowboy. 986 00:53:38,157 --> 00:53:39,409 Giddyup, giddyup! 987 00:53:39,951 --> 00:53:41,953 The Elvises stole the Chief's mask. 988 00:53:42,954 --> 00:53:45,082 Gaw dang it Mo, I'm a little busy, can't you see! 989 00:53:45,206 --> 00:53:46,583 They haven't reported in. 990 00:53:46,708 --> 00:53:48,585 The Rancher is asking for ya'. 991 00:53:49,002 --> 00:53:50,800 Oh hell, why didn't you say so. 992 00:53:51,421 --> 00:53:52,343 Uh. 993 00:53:53,589 --> 00:53:54,761 That's it? 994 00:53:54,966 --> 00:53:56,843 I got to go find me some Elvises. 995 00:53:58,761 --> 00:53:59,933 Pay the gal. 996 00:54:00,054 --> 00:54:02,477 Few minutes later the Sheriff's came and arrested me. 997 00:54:02,557 --> 00:54:03,774 At least somebody came. 998 00:54:03,933 --> 00:54:05,526 You would have had a better time with me. 999 00:54:05,685 --> 00:54:08,108 I like girls, John. 1000 00:54:09,063 --> 00:54:10,440 So what happened to your face? 1001 00:54:10,565 --> 00:54:12,488 You weren't this ugly the last time I saw you. 1002 00:54:12,608 --> 00:54:14,201 There's a lot of bad people out there. 1003 00:54:14,318 --> 00:54:15,945 There's some in here too. 1004 00:54:16,154 --> 00:54:17,451 Aren't you a murderer? 1005 00:54:17,613 --> 00:54:18,580 That's funny. 1006 00:54:18,948 --> 00:54:19,949 You know they found my credit card 1007 00:54:20,033 --> 00:54:21,956 that you stole at one of the crime scenes. 1008 00:54:22,035 --> 00:54:23,412 I'll make you a deal. 1009 00:54:23,828 --> 00:54:25,830 I'll talk to the Sheriff's and get you off... 1010 00:54:25,913 --> 00:54:27,039 no pun intended... 1011 00:54:27,331 --> 00:54:29,550 If you tell me where the mask is. 1012 00:54:29,876 --> 00:54:32,425 Looks like you and I will be spending the night together after all 1013 00:54:32,545 --> 00:54:35,469 because right now I have no idea where that mask is. 1014 00:54:35,590 --> 00:54:37,388 You where in that Elvis contest. 1015 00:54:37,508 --> 00:54:39,010 You played poker with those guys, 1016 00:54:39,177 --> 00:54:40,474 I know you know something. 1017 00:54:40,553 --> 00:54:42,055 Goodnight my sweet love. 1018 00:54:42,221 --> 00:54:43,222 Men! 1019 00:55:06,454 --> 00:55:08,582 I woke feeling not too bad. 1020 00:55:08,873 --> 00:55:10,466 True, I was in jail. 1021 00:55:10,583 --> 00:55:12,802 A whole bunch of people were trying to kill me. 1022 00:55:13,377 --> 00:55:17,302 But somehow I felt today was going to be better than yesterday. 1023 00:55:17,632 --> 00:55:19,726 Rise and shine, Mr. Smith! 1024 00:55:19,842 --> 00:55:21,059 Or maybe not. 1025 00:55:21,469 --> 00:55:23,892 The girl next door, posted your bail. 1026 00:55:24,597 --> 00:55:26,395 Don't I need to be charged with something first? 1027 00:55:26,557 --> 00:55:28,685 I'd stop talking if I were you, we're letting you out. 1028 00:55:28,810 --> 00:55:30,062 It's called a bribe. 1029 00:55:30,186 --> 00:55:32,484 Anything new you want to tell us this morning, John'? 1030 00:55:34,398 --> 00:55:35,900 I couldn't get laid by a prostitute, 1031 00:55:36,025 --> 00:55:37,493 you know what that does to a man's ego? 1032 00:55:37,610 --> 00:55:40,159 I can tell you something new this morning, Sheriff's. 1033 00:55:40,279 --> 00:55:41,371 I'm listening. 1034 00:55:42,031 --> 00:55:44,705 Will it get me out of here? 1035 00:55:45,910 --> 00:55:48,129 Depends on what you tell us, sugar. 1036 00:55:48,913 --> 00:55:51,257 The Chief's ancient Apache warrior mask 1037 00:55:51,374 --> 00:55:54,002 was stolen by bunch of Elvis impersonators. 1038 00:55:54,168 --> 00:55:55,761 And he knows where it is. 1039 00:55:56,712 --> 00:55:58,680 I do not! Really? 1040 00:55:58,798 --> 00:56:00,015 Sheriff's come in. 1041 00:56:00,883 --> 00:56:03,102 Sheriff Hutchins. What is it Deputy. 1042 00:56:06,806 --> 00:56:09,559 There is broken down car off Highway 18. 1043 00:56:09,684 --> 00:56:10,856 Uregistered. 1044 00:56:11,269 --> 00:56:12,612 No sign of the driver. 1045 00:56:15,773 --> 00:56:17,400 There's a cut water hose and a 1046 00:56:17,525 --> 00:56:18,822 bone dry radiator. 1047 00:56:18,943 --> 00:56:21,822 Who goes out into the desert without checking their water level? 1048 00:56:22,196 --> 00:56:23,994 Anything inside the vehicle honey. 1049 00:56:26,325 --> 00:56:27,702 The only thing is a Elvis trophy. 1050 00:56:27,994 --> 00:56:28,961 Say again. 1051 00:56:29,328 --> 00:56:33,299 A first place Elvis Impersonation contest trophy. 1052 00:56:33,457 --> 00:56:34,629 Pretty cool. 1053 00:56:36,002 --> 00:56:37,970 Keep me posted. Hutchin's out. 1054 00:56:38,129 --> 00:56:39,221 Told you. 1055 00:56:39,505 --> 00:56:40,757 Let's go Mr. Smith. 1056 00:56:41,382 --> 00:56:42,804 Hey, what about me? 1057 00:56:42,967 --> 00:56:44,435 When I get back I'll let you blow me, 1058 00:56:44,594 --> 00:56:45,720 then we'll talk about it. 1059 00:56:45,845 --> 00:56:46,687 Wow... 1060 00:56:46,846 --> 00:56:49,565 you sure know how to make a girl feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 1061 00:56:49,682 --> 00:56:51,104 Bye bye my love. 1062 00:57:26,761 --> 00:57:28,513 Thank you for getting me the hell out of there. 1063 00:57:28,638 --> 00:57:29,855 Wasn't cheap. 1064 00:57:29,972 --> 00:57:32,191 But I didn't want to have a jailbird for an uncle. 1065 00:57:32,308 --> 00:57:33,434 What would the other kids say. 1066 00:57:33,559 --> 00:57:35,687 Mmm, thank you, 1067 00:57:35,811 --> 00:57:36,858 I owe you. 1068 00:57:37,146 --> 00:57:38,238 So what's the plan? 1069 00:57:38,314 --> 00:57:40,408 There's a plan? 1070 00:57:40,566 --> 00:57:41,818 I hope so. 1071 00:57:42,193 --> 00:57:44,161 I mean the Rancher hired the Elvises to steal the mask. 1072 00:57:44,237 --> 00:57:46,239 And the head Elvis screwed over the other Elvises. 1073 00:57:46,405 --> 00:57:48,078 Framed you and then took the mask for himself. 1074 00:57:48,157 --> 00:57:50,159 He's probably going to try and sell it to the highest bidder. 1075 00:57:50,743 --> 00:57:52,211 So where do you think he is? 1076 00:57:52,212 --> 00:57:53,876 That is the million dollar question isn't it? 1077 00:57:53,996 --> 00:57:54,838 Literally. 1078 00:57:54,914 --> 00:57:56,257 You said you had an idea, though. 1079 00:57:56,374 --> 00:57:58,172 I do have an idea. Did I? 1080 00:57:58,292 --> 00:57:59,464 Yeah, that was the last think you said to me 1081 00:57:59,585 --> 00:58:01,838 before blonde assassins started killing midget Elvises. 1082 00:58:01,963 --> 00:58:03,215 Little person Elvises. 1083 00:58:03,381 --> 00:58:04,348 Whatever. 1084 00:58:05,466 --> 00:58:06,513 Him again. 1085 00:58:09,679 --> 00:58:12,228 Stop. Remember what happened last time. 1086 00:58:12,348 --> 00:58:13,315 I'll take care of it. 1087 00:58:17,270 --> 00:58:18,442 Women. 1088 00:58:20,356 --> 00:58:21,949 Wise men say... 1089 00:58:22,233 --> 00:58:24,702 only fools fall in love. 1090 00:58:25,403 --> 00:58:27,701 It's not fools fall in love, it's fools rush in. 1091 00:58:28,114 --> 00:58:30,162 Oh you're going to correct me on my Elvis lyrics now. 1092 00:58:30,283 --> 00:58:31,876 Yep Didn't she just pay you guys off? 1093 00:58:31,993 --> 00:58:32,915 Ow Hey! 1094 00:58:32,994 --> 00:58:35,122 Bribery is against the law, Mr. Smith. 1095 00:58:35,246 --> 00:58:37,169 We call it consulting fees. 1096 00:58:37,915 --> 00:58:39,838 You know that's her boyfriend, don't you'? 1097 00:58:40,042 --> 00:58:41,089 That's her boyfriend? 1098 00:58:41,210 --> 00:58:43,463 Ex-boyfriend, thank you very much. 1099 00:58:43,587 --> 00:58:44,839 Are we ready? 1100 00:58:46,966 --> 00:58:48,513 Where we going? 1101 00:58:48,592 --> 00:58:50,469 You're going to help us find that mask... 1102 00:58:50,803 --> 00:58:52,555 ...cause I hear it's worth a lot of money. 1103 00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:53,897 That wasn't part of the deal. 1104 00:58:54,056 --> 00:58:55,478 We're changing the deal. 1105 00:58:55,808 --> 00:58:57,355 I'm assuming you don't mind sitting in the back. 1106 00:58:57,476 --> 00:58:58,648 Do I have a choice? 1107 00:58:58,769 --> 00:59:01,488 I could get you two in a lot of trouble. 1108 00:59:01,605 --> 00:59:03,903 Ooh... Tell it to the Sheriffs. 1109 00:59:04,984 --> 00:59:06,076 You coming? 1110 00:59:10,990 --> 00:59:12,412 Sorry Oh don't worry about it. 1111 00:59:12,533 --> 00:59:14,001 Why's your ex-boyfriend following me? 1112 00:59:14,076 --> 00:59:15,498 He's not following you. He's following me. 1113 00:59:15,661 --> 00:59:17,789 But the Sheriffs won't do anything about it! 1114 00:59:17,913 --> 00:59:19,756 What was he doing at the casino? 1115 00:59:19,832 --> 00:59:20,924 That was before I even met you. 1116 00:59:21,125 --> 00:59:22,422 He's got a gambling problem. 1117 00:59:22,543 --> 00:59:23,635 That's why we broke up. 1118 00:59:23,794 --> 00:59:25,717 She said she was high-classed 1119 00:59:25,838 --> 00:59:27,681 but that was just a lie. 1120 00:59:28,382 --> 00:59:29,554 See, I got that lyric correct. 1121 00:59:29,717 --> 00:59:30,934 You're a genius. 1122 00:59:32,094 --> 00:59:34,847 Where we headin' Mr. Smith. 1123 00:59:36,140 --> 00:59:37,733 We're looking for the driver of the car 1124 00:59:37,850 --> 00:59:39,898 that your Deputy found on Highway 18. 1125 00:59:40,061 --> 00:59:41,483 If he didn't die of heat stroke, 1126 00:59:41,854 --> 00:59:43,231 there's only one place he could be. 1127 01:00:14,178 --> 01:00:15,430 Be right back. 1128 01:00:37,410 --> 01:00:39,458 I think you guys better get here pretty fast. 1129 01:00:40,162 --> 01:00:41,630 There's a new player in town. 1130 01:00:51,632 --> 01:00:52,929 The angels... 1131 01:00:53,300 --> 01:00:55,519 ...not half so happy in heaven, 1132 01:00:55,594 --> 01:00:57,517 went envying her and me. 1133 01:00:58,389 --> 01:01:01,108 That was the reason as all men know... 1134 01:01:01,225 --> 01:01:02,977 ...in this kingdom by the sea... 1135 01:01:03,477 --> 01:01:06,572 ...that the wind came out of the cloud by night. 1136 01:01:07,314 --> 01:01:08,782 Chilling... . 1137 01:01:08,983 --> 01:01:10,656 And killing... 1138 01:01:11,193 --> 01:01:12,945 ...my Annabel Lee. 1139 01:01:13,362 --> 01:01:14,454 What? 1140 01:01:15,114 --> 01:01:16,286 Wrong answer. 1141 01:01:21,036 --> 01:01:22,208 Agh! 1142 01:01:36,177 --> 01:01:37,770 What's so funny? 1143 01:02:00,117 --> 01:02:01,994 Elvis has left the building. 1144 01:02:08,792 --> 01:02:12,467 For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams 1145 01:02:12,588 --> 01:02:13,965 of the beautiful Annabel Lee. 1146 01:02:14,089 --> 01:02:15,090 What? 1147 01:02:15,257 --> 01:02:16,759 Nice satellite phone. 1148 01:02:17,343 --> 01:02:18,811 Cells don't work out here. 1149 01:02:18,969 --> 01:02:20,061 Interesting. 1150 01:02:20,221 --> 01:02:22,019 Did you just call the Rancher... 1151 01:02:22,181 --> 01:02:23,649 ...or the Chief? 1152 01:02:24,141 --> 01:02:25,267 Both. 1153 01:02:25,518 --> 01:02:26,644 Really? 1154 01:02:26,769 --> 01:02:29,943 I work for the Rancher, but I owe money to the Chief. 1155 01:02:30,064 --> 01:02:31,987 Playing both sides. 1156 01:02:32,399 --> 01:02:34,026 I like that. 1157 01:02:34,527 --> 01:02:37,155 Well, give them a message for me. 1158 01:02:41,033 --> 01:02:42,080 See we made it. 1159 01:02:42,201 --> 01:02:44,329 After how many hours of wrong turns'? 1160 01:02:44,537 --> 01:02:45,834 Next time I'm driving. 1161 01:02:45,913 --> 01:02:46,789 Like you could find a bus stop 1162 01:02:46,872 --> 01:02:48,874 in the middle of the desert any faster. 1163 01:02:49,792 --> 01:02:51,419 Don't I take you to all the best places? 1164 01:02:51,544 --> 01:02:53,012 Whatever happened to dinner and a movie? 1165 01:02:53,170 --> 01:02:54,262 Shut up. 1166 01:02:54,755 --> 01:02:57,429 Looks like the cowboy is already here. 1167 01:02:57,591 --> 01:03:00,094 Cowboy, he's the one that took a shot at us. 1168 01:03:00,261 --> 01:03:01,478 Did he hit you'? 1169 01:03:01,554 --> 01:03:02,225 No. 1170 01:03:02,346 --> 01:03:03,222 Too bad. 1171 01:03:08,477 --> 01:03:10,229 It's the Sheriffs! 1172 01:03:11,021 --> 01:03:12,989 Come on outta there boys. 1173 01:03:18,070 --> 01:03:19,413 Sheriffs. 1174 01:03:20,614 --> 01:03:22,161 What can we do for you? 1175 01:03:24,994 --> 01:03:27,543 We're here for the mask. Mo... 1176 01:03:33,919 --> 01:03:35,796 Well ain't we all. 1177 01:03:36,171 --> 01:03:37,218 Elvis in there? 1178 01:03:37,381 --> 01:03:38,507 Elvis is dead. 1179 01:03:39,508 --> 01:03:41,931 Put down your guns and step away from the bus! 1180 01:03:43,929 --> 01:03:45,397 I told you we didn't kill the Elvises. 1181 01:03:45,472 --> 01:03:46,268 Shut up! 1182 01:03:46,557 --> 01:03:49,310 Sheriff Covley, I understand the Rancher pays you real good. 1183 01:03:50,144 --> 01:03:51,817 So I'm going to give you a little advice. 1184 01:03:53,272 --> 01:03:54,319 You take that other sheriff there, 1185 01:03:54,440 --> 01:03:55,191 and you get in your vehicle 1186 01:03:55,357 --> 01:03:56,859 and you ride on outta here. 1187 01:03:56,984 --> 01:03:58,531 'Till I tell you It's okay to come back. 1188 01:03:58,652 --> 01:03:59,824 Yeah, about that. 1189 01:03:59,945 --> 01:04:01,037 See ahh... 1190 01:04:01,113 --> 01:04:03,081 ...this mask seems to be... 1191 01:04:03,324 --> 01:04:04,701 ...pretty valuable. 1192 01:04:05,409 --> 01:04:07,958 We're going to be renegotiating my contract. 1193 01:04:09,163 --> 01:04:10,585 He works for the Chief. 1194 01:04:10,706 --> 01:04:12,504 We work for whoever is willing to pay us 1195 01:04:12,625 --> 01:04:14,423 the most for that mask. 1196 01:04:14,543 --> 01:04:16,716 Think of it like there's two new Sheriffs in town. 1197 01:04:17,713 --> 01:04:19,431 And they're even greedier than the last ones. 1198 01:04:20,341 --> 01:04:21,342 So ah... 1199 01:04:21,759 --> 01:04:24,433 ...like that other Sheriff said... 1200 01:04:25,721 --> 01:04:27,223 ...drop your guns... 1201 01:04:27,389 --> 01:04:29,062 ...and step away from the bus! 1202 01:04:29,183 --> 01:04:30,400 Careful Sheriff. 1203 01:04:30,601 --> 01:04:33,730 I hear he's a pretty good shot. 1204 01:04:38,609 --> 01:04:39,906 I'm also a quick draw. 1205 01:04:45,407 --> 01:04:47,785 This town wasn't big enough for the both of them. 1206 01:04:48,702 --> 01:04:49,999 Either of them. 1207 01:04:50,788 --> 01:04:52,335 Hell any of them. 1208 01:04:55,751 --> 01:04:57,594 John Smith! 1209 01:04:57,711 --> 01:05:00,180 The Rancher gave you 24 hourd to get us the 1210 01:05:42,297 --> 01:05:45,597 Cowboys and Indians, just like the old days. 1211 01:05:48,971 --> 01:05:50,939 We both know how that turned out. 1212 01:05:51,223 --> 01:05:52,600 We need to see who's in that bus. 1213 01:05:52,725 --> 01:05:55,353 Situation's a little volatile right now don't you think? 1214 01:05:55,436 --> 01:05:56,483 Exactly. 1215 01:06:06,113 --> 01:06:07,205 Agh! 1216 01:06:13,162 --> 01:06:14,880 Talk is cheap white man. 1217 01:06:15,706 --> 01:06:17,504 Just like the old days. 1218 01:06:18,834 --> 01:06:19,835 Agh! 1219 01:06:39,313 --> 01:06:41,361 Agh! Agh! 1220 01:06:41,565 --> 01:06:44,034 You seem to be difficult to kill as your namesake. 1221 01:06:44,193 --> 01:06:46,195 John Smith was sentenced to death three times, 1222 01:06:46,320 --> 01:06:47,663 twice by his own people! 1223 01:06:49,198 --> 01:06:51,041 He was spared each time! 1224 01:06:52,451 --> 01:06:54,419 You think you ought to be spared? 1225 01:06:58,999 --> 01:07:01,127 Kill 'em. Let's get the mask. 1226 01:07:05,631 --> 01:07:07,975 Wait! Wait! No! No! Wait! 1227 01:07:08,091 --> 01:07:08,808 You can't kill him! 1228 01:07:09,009 --> 01:07:09,885 Why not? 1229 01:07:10,052 --> 01:07:12,020 Just like Pocahontas, you're not eleven, are you? 1230 01:07:12,179 --> 01:07:14,648 Because if you want your mask, you have to bring him... 1231 01:07:15,140 --> 01:07:16,437 ...and the money. 1232 01:07:16,767 --> 01:07:18,610 Slight twist on Pocahontas. 1233 01:07:18,727 --> 01:07:19,853 She's right. 1234 01:07:20,521 --> 01:07:22,194 That's what it says on the bus. 1235 01:07:25,192 --> 01:07:27,069 You're making the right choice, Chief. 1236 01:07:27,152 --> 01:07:28,153 Thank you. 1237 01:07:29,905 --> 01:07:31,327 Where do we go then? 1238 01:07:32,324 --> 01:07:33,200 Station 12. 1239 01:07:37,329 --> 01:07:39,548 Station 72 was an old west outpost... 1240 01:07:39,665 --> 01:07:41,633 on the border of the Chief's reservation. 1241 01:07:42,167 --> 01:07:44,044 It was once Native American land, 1242 01:07:44,253 --> 01:07:46,426 the site of a long forgotten skirmish... 1243 01:07:46,547 --> 01:07:48,641 ...between the tribe and the U. S. Cavalry. 1244 01:07:48,799 --> 01:07:50,551 To keep the peace... 1245 01:07:50,634 --> 01:07:52,807 no-one was supposed to go the-re. 1246 01:07:53,136 --> 01:07:56,265 Thanks for not killing me earlier, by the way. 1247 01:07:57,140 --> 01:07:59,188 You can thank your girl next door for that. 1248 01:07:59,977 --> 01:08:01,103 Thanks for that. 1249 01:08:01,520 --> 01:08:03,443 The Rancher also wants him dead. 1250 01:08:03,730 --> 01:08:06,404 Maybe the Rancher isn't so bad after all. 1251 01:08:06,900 --> 01:08:09,494 Being Native American, doesn't it tug at your soul, 1252 01:08:09,611 --> 01:08:11,033 knowing everyone wants me dead? 1253 01:08:11,113 --> 01:08:11,909 Indian. 1254 01:08:12,030 --> 01:08:13,202 Excuse me? 1255 01:08:13,365 --> 01:08:14,332 I'm Indian. 1256 01:08:14,449 --> 01:08:16,042 I thought all you guys wanted to be called Native American. 1257 01:08:16,159 --> 01:08:18,787 No, no moron. I'm from India. 1258 01:08:19,371 --> 01:08:20,714 The Chief and his casino 1259 01:08:20,831 --> 01:08:22,504 are equal opportunity employers. 1260 01:08:22,749 --> 01:08:25,719 Not everyone is a racist white man like you. 1261 01:08:26,461 --> 01:08:28,088 I did not see that one coming. 1262 01:08:28,797 --> 01:08:31,141 Well, we're here. 1263 01:08:47,900 --> 01:08:50,073 Glad you boys could all make it. 1264 01:08:52,362 --> 01:08:54,831 Bet you never thought you'd be back here, Chief. 1265 01:08:56,950 --> 01:08:58,952 I could kill him right now. 1266 01:08:59,077 --> 01:09:00,920 And end this war once and for all. 1267 01:09:01,288 --> 01:09:02,665 I wouldn't advise that If I were you. 1268 01:09:02,789 --> 01:09:04,382 I'm a pretty good shot. 1269 01:09:05,417 --> 01:09:06,794 So was the Cowboy. 1270 01:09:11,006 --> 01:09:12,633 You're outnumbered Rancher. 1271 01:09:14,217 --> 01:09:15,935 Not exactly. 1272 01:09:17,804 --> 01:09:18,896 Where'd that come from? 1273 01:09:19,014 --> 01:09:19,810 Took it from the Sheriff. 1274 01:09:21,892 --> 01:09:23,018 Just like the Indian did. 1275 01:09:23,143 --> 01:09:24,190 Which Indian? 1276 01:09:25,312 --> 01:09:26,529 The one from India. 1277 01:09:28,732 --> 01:09:29,984 You don't have to do this. 1278 01:09:30,108 --> 01:09:31,200 Everything's going to be fine. 1279 01:09:31,443 --> 01:09:32,410 I know it is. 1280 01:09:32,861 --> 01:09:34,829 You just need to choose which side you're on, Uncle. 1281 01:09:34,947 --> 01:09:37,791 Pocahontas would never shoot her father, Chief Powhatan. 1282 01:09:37,908 --> 01:09:39,455 The Chief isn't my father. 1283 01:09:40,911 --> 01:09:42,254 The Rancher is. 1284 01:09:43,080 --> 01:09:44,582 That's my girl. 1285 01:09:46,208 --> 01:09:49,428 No, no, no. You're just the girl next door. 1286 01:09:49,544 --> 01:09:50,636 You don't even live there. 1287 01:09:50,796 --> 01:09:52,013 I don't live there either. 1288 01:09:52,464 --> 01:09:55,434 So your ex-boyfriend was really following me around hey? 1289 01:09:55,550 --> 01:09:56,346 Of course he was. 1290 01:10:00,222 --> 01:10:01,724 How do you think I knew you were in that apartment? 1291 01:10:01,848 --> 01:10:04,067 And neither the angels in heaven above... 1292 01:10:04,184 --> 01:10:06,152 ...nor the demons down under the sea... 1293 01:10:06,353 --> 01:10:08,731 ...can ever dissever my soul from the soul... 1294 01:10:08,939 --> 01:10:11,738 ...of the beautiful Annabel Lee. 1295 01:10:12,317 --> 01:10:14,866 Now everyone drop the guns. 1296 01:10:14,987 --> 01:10:17,160 Or no one gets anything. 1297 01:10:19,241 --> 01:10:20,959 You can all kill each other later. 1298 01:10:42,014 --> 01:10:44,688 Good. Now I assume you both brought the money. 1299 01:10:48,812 --> 01:10:50,314 One million dollars. 1300 01:10:53,191 --> 01:10:54,613 One million dollars. 1301 01:10:55,027 --> 01:10:57,121 How do we know you have what you say you have? 1302 01:10:57,237 --> 01:10:58,614 I have it. 1303 01:10:58,780 --> 01:11:00,498 So who are you going to sell it to? 1304 01:11:00,657 --> 01:11:03,627 Send John Smith in here with all the money... 1305 01:11:04,327 --> 01:11:06,625 ...and then we'll see what side wants it the most. 1306 01:11:11,877 --> 01:11:13,094 I got a better idea. 1307 01:12:32,457 --> 01:12:34,050 As I was saying... 1308 01:12:34,376 --> 01:12:36,049 Give John Smith the money... 1309 01:12:36,503 --> 01:12:38,301 ...and I will give him the mask. 1310 01:12:40,006 --> 01:12:41,474 The rest of you... 1311 01:12:41,591 --> 01:12:43,389 ...don't bother getting up. 1312 01:13:07,450 --> 01:13:09,828 Head on my wall. 1313 01:13:10,704 --> 01:13:11,921 I'm sorry, John. 1314 01:13:14,291 --> 01:13:15,588 Me too. 1315 01:13:18,420 --> 01:13:19,922 Why him? 1316 01:13:21,381 --> 01:13:24,851 Captain John Smith was friend and foe of Native Americans 1317 01:13:24,968 --> 01:13:26,641 and White Men alike. 1318 01:13:27,053 --> 01:13:29,021 Sentenced to death by both. 1319 01:13:29,306 --> 01:13:31,024 Killed by neither. 1320 01:13:31,766 --> 01:13:33,234 I thought would be poetic. 1321 01:13:33,518 --> 01:13:34,861 Are you serious? 1322 01:13:35,854 --> 01:13:36,776 No. 1323 01:14:08,762 --> 01:14:10,890 You never dressed like this when we were together. 1324 01:14:11,014 --> 01:14:12,732 You never turned me on enough. 1325 01:14:12,849 --> 01:14:14,021 Ouch. 1326 01:14:18,355 --> 01:14:19,607 Hello, Annabel. 1327 01:14:20,232 --> 01:14:21,700 Hello, Lee. 1328 01:14:30,867 --> 01:14:32,460 I thought you weren't interested in any of this stuff. 1329 01:14:32,619 --> 01:14:34,542 Especially being in love with your doctor and all. 1330 01:14:34,704 --> 01:14:37,048 Well this is a lot of money. 1331 01:14:37,540 --> 01:14:39,213 And she isn't a doctor. 1332 01:14:39,542 --> 01:14:41,920 She? 1333 01:14:42,963 --> 01:14:45,386 Everything that Elvis has is in that bag. 1334 01:14:54,474 --> 01:14:56,397 You once said that ah... 1335 01:14:57,102 --> 01:14:59,821 ...history would be written without me in it. 1336 01:15:00,188 --> 01:15:01,485 And I was right. 1337 01:15:01,606 --> 01:15:03,734 Still, you could have told me you were coming. 1338 01:15:04,025 --> 01:15:06,073 But what fun would that have been'? 1339 01:15:06,194 --> 01:15:08,413 You know how I feel about guns. 1340 01:15:09,906 --> 01:15:11,203 Suit yourself. 1341 01:15:12,450 --> 01:15:14,077 What are you going to tell them? 1342 01:15:15,036 --> 01:15:16,333 Nevermore... 1343 01:15:38,852 --> 01:15:40,195 What are you waiting for? 1344 01:15:40,312 --> 01:15:41,313 Nothing... 1345 01:15:41,438 --> 01:15:44,112 ...just enjoying seeing all you guys down in the dirt. 1346 01:15:44,232 --> 01:15:46,485 I am going to kill you. 1347 01:15:46,776 --> 01:15:48,153 Not If I kill him first. 1348 01:15:48,320 --> 01:15:49,993 I've been dead before. 1349 01:15:50,322 --> 01:15:52,120 30 years ago, Chief 1350 01:15:52,240 --> 01:15:55,369 Your men killed my entire family, right here. 1351 01:15:55,493 --> 01:15:56,619 The Rancher had sent them 1352 01:15:56,745 --> 01:15:58,918 to a place no one was supposed to go. 1353 01:15:59,205 --> 01:16:02,129 The burial ground of a battle your tribe had with the U. S. Cavalry. 1354 01:16:03,043 --> 01:16:04,545 Just like the Rancher guessed .. 1355 01:16:04,919 --> 01:16:07,718 ...my family found the warrior mask. 1356 01:16:07,922 --> 01:16:10,425 And also just like the rancher guessed. 1357 01:16:10,550 --> 01:16:12,598 The Chief ordered them killed for breaking the peace 1358 01:16:12,719 --> 01:16:14,517 and desecrating the ground. 1359 01:16:14,721 --> 01:16:17,349 My family had no idea where they'd been sent. 1360 01:16:17,557 --> 01:16:20,276 Or that they were pawns in a centuries old fight. 1361 01:16:20,352 --> 01:16:22,354 You couldn't have been part of that family. 1362 01:16:22,979 --> 01:16:24,481 The Indians killed all of them. 1363 01:16:24,731 --> 01:16:27,154 The Native Americans killed them all. 1364 01:16:28,401 --> 01:16:30,074 Except for a little boy. 1365 01:16:31,196 --> 01:16:33,415 Boy who had been saved by another Native American. 1366 01:16:33,531 --> 01:16:35,875 My Farher's Hopi guide. 1367 01:16:38,286 --> 01:16:40,789 Go to the highway wait for me there. 1368 01:16:45,251 --> 01:16:49,347 They were just student archaeologists... 1369 01:16:49,464 --> 01:16:53,059 ...they had no idea they were doing your dirty work for you. 1370 01:17:17,617 --> 01:17:18,664 That's my ride. 1371 01:17:19,035 --> 01:17:20,036 I gotta go. 1372 01:17:23,998 --> 01:17:25,170 Who is that? 1373 01:17:28,837 --> 01:17:29,804 Her! 1374 01:17:30,004 --> 01:17:32,427 We'll leave you a present at the car. 1375 01:17:36,136 --> 01:17:37,308 Nice. 1376 01:17:47,564 --> 01:17:48,941 Where's my mask? 1377 01:17:50,567 --> 01:17:51,819 Your mask, Chief? 1378 01:17:51,943 --> 01:17:53,661 Elvis destroyed it. 1379 01:17:57,407 --> 01:17:58,158 What? 1380 01:18:06,249 --> 01:18:08,627 The mask is gone. 1381 01:18:11,713 --> 01:18:14,842 I threw it off a cliff. 1382 01:18:29,481 --> 01:18:30,232 I guess he thought that if he 1383 01:18:30,315 --> 01:18:31,658 wasn't going to get paid for it. 1384 01:18:31,816 --> 01:18:33,033 No one should. 1385 01:18:33,276 --> 01:18:35,119 But don't feel too bad Chief. 1386 01:18:37,280 --> 01:18:38,782 Then Rancher's covering this one. 1387 01:18:40,742 --> 01:18:42,460 The greedy white man screwed over... 1388 01:18:42,619 --> 01:18:44,872 ...your Tribe for a long time Chief. 1389 01:18:44,954 --> 01:18:45,921 For the last 30 years 1390 01:18:46,039 --> 01:18:48,007 you've been able to do a little screwing back. 1391 01:18:49,250 --> 01:18:50,422 You're just going to have to do it now... 1392 01:18:50,543 --> 01:18:52,545 ...without an ancient Apache Warrior mask. 1393 01:18:54,047 --> 01:18:56,300 And I'm taking the other briefcase, 1394 01:18:57,050 --> 01:18:58,973 ...for what happened to my family. 1395 01:19:01,930 --> 01:19:03,182 This ain't over. 1396 01:19:06,643 --> 01:19:07,565 Be nice. 1397 01:19:07,644 --> 01:19:10,022 I'd hate to have to come back here. 1398 01:19:27,622 --> 01:19:29,090 What's so funny, Chief? 1399 01:19:29,332 --> 01:19:30,458 Greed. 1400 01:19:43,638 --> 01:19:45,390 What about the money? 1401 01:19:45,848 --> 01:19:47,816 And John Smith, Chief? 1402 01:19:49,102 --> 01:19:50,820 There's still a million dollars in that house. 1403 01:20:15,044 --> 01:20:16,717 So really, it was the white man 1404 01:20:16,838 --> 01:20:18,840 versus the white men versus the Indians. 1405 01:20:18,965 --> 01:20:20,842 versus the Indians. 1406 01:20:22,051 --> 01:20:25,180 The Elvises were there at the casino to steal the mask. 1407 01:20:25,471 --> 01:20:27,519 Given the Chief's love for the King... 1408 01:20:27,640 --> 01:20:29,438 ...they had even been given a private room... 1409 01:20:29,559 --> 01:20:31,778 ...right down the hall from the Chief's office. 1410 01:20:31,978 --> 01:20:33,651 That casino is a fortress. 1411 01:20:35,023 --> 01:20:36,275 Only Apache warriors 1412 01:20:36,399 --> 01:20:38,322 and Elvis impersonators are allowed 1413 01:20:38,443 --> 01:20:39,865 in the Chief's Inner sanctum. 1414 01:20:39,986 --> 01:20:41,363 I got to use the little boy's room. 1415 01:20:42,155 --> 01:20:44,249 So after doing some hard core losing. 1416 01:20:44,449 --> 01:20:45,792 I excused myself. 1417 01:20:47,160 --> 01:20:49,583 And took care of business. 1418 01:21:17,357 --> 01:21:18,654 Where the hell is it? 1419 01:21:22,028 --> 01:21:24,076 Looks like we've been set up boys. 1420 01:21:26,032 --> 01:21:27,659 Every man for himself. 1421 01:21:41,589 --> 01:21:43,637 But only an Elvis contest winner... 1422 01:21:43,758 --> 01:21:46,853 could walk out of that casino unscathed 1423 01:21:54,560 --> 01:21:55,686 Hi. 1424 01:21:55,812 --> 01:21:57,155 Sorry son. 1425 01:21:57,563 --> 01:22:00,191 There can only be one king. 1426 01:22:05,071 --> 01:22:05,947 And that King... 1427 01:22:06,072 --> 01:22:07,745 put me in my place 1428 01:22:08,825 --> 01:22:09,872 Crap. 1429 01:22:12,829 --> 01:22:15,207 Now if you're going to call in all bet. 1430 01:22:15,331 --> 01:22:18,631 You better make sure you 're holding all the cards- 1431 01:22:37,437 --> 01:22:41,283 And of course, Elvis-Elvis didn't destroy the mask. 1432 01:22:50,992 --> 01:22:53,461 I can't believe they fell for that. 1433 01:22:57,290 --> 01:22:58,917 Well, actually I can. 1434 01:22:59,125 --> 01:23:00,752 My ex, Annabel... 1435 01:23:00,877 --> 01:23:02,379 can be a pretty good liar. 1436 01:23:07,550 --> 01:23:11,054 Elvis has left the building. 1437 01:23:20,271 --> 01:23:21,864 She left me for a doctor? 1438 01:23:22,732 --> 01:23:26,157 Yeah, by doctor you mean lesbian prostitute. 1439 01:23:32,408 --> 01:23:36,254 And they both always had my best interests in mind. 1440 01:23:41,042 --> 01:23:42,544 : John Smith. 1441 01:23:44,462 --> 01:23:48,808 But luckily I made sure and stacked the deck... 1442 01:23:48,925 --> 01:23:51,519 ...in my favor, before I ever walked into that casino. 1443 01:24:16,118 --> 01:24:18,541 But Annabel did leave me a present. 1444 01:24:22,083 --> 01:24:24,586 The Rancher was right about one thing. 1445 01:24:24,752 --> 01:24:27,801 It wasn't an ancient Apache warrior mask that was stoten... 1446 01:24:27,922 --> 01:24:30,801 ...It was an ancient Hopi warrior mask. 1447 01:24:30,925 --> 01:24:32,927 And it was the Hopi that should get it back. 1448 01:24:38,182 --> 01:24:40,150 But being a greedy White man... 1449 01:24:41,769 --> 01:24:43,942 ...I did take the Chief's treasure... 1450 01:24:44,355 --> 01:24:45,652 and his money. 1451 01:24:47,108 --> 01:24:49,281 Just like the real John Smith. 1452 01:24:49,402 --> 01:24:52,622 Of course, I wasn't John Smith at all. 1453 01:24:53,656 --> 01:24:55,658 That random guy was. 1454 01:25:09,213 --> 01:25:12,217 Huh. John Smith. 1455 01:25:12,383 --> 01:25:15,057 Well that's a good name for an Indian Reservation. 1456 01:25:16,345 --> 01:25:18,723 Yup. I was just an impersonator. 1457 01:25:20,308 --> 01:25:21,810 A really good one. 1458 01:25:24,937 --> 01:25:26,939 Not a bad Elvis either. 101491

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