Original subtitles

- [ Explosions] - [ Gunfire ]

[Man Narrafing j /n the last year of the World War, the 7'0ma¡n/an nat/on began to weaken.

Behind her lines revolution had broken our.

Her cf/p/omafs were franf/ca//J/ .su/ng for peace...

wh/Ye ar the front Toma/n/a 's arm y foughz* on...

conf/den¡ its war machine was /n Vino/bla...

conf/dem' its war machine would Smash the enem y's lines.

B/g Banha, a Cannon that could hur/ a project/le a hundred miles...

was this day t0 make its first appearance on the Western Front...

was this day fo sir/ke terror into the hear/Ts of the enemy.

Se venry-m/e miles away was her target, the Cathedral of Notre Dame.

[ Officer] Range: 95,452!

- Range: 95,452! - Yes, sir!

- Stand clear! - Fire!

[ She/l Whist//ng ]

Hey! Stand by your trigger.

Yes, sir.

Range correction: 95,455!

- Range: 95,455! - Yes, sir!

Breach secured!

Stand clear!

Ready! Fire!

[Thudding, Static, Horn Blowing, Electricity Crackling ]

[ Plunk]

Defective shell. We'll examine it. Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

[Click]

- We'd better check the fuse. - Yes, check the fuse.

Yes, sir. The fuse.

[ Hissing ]

Look out! Come on! Run!

[Airplanes Droning ]

[ Explosion ]

- What's that? - An air raid!

- They're after Big Bertha! - Right! To the antiaircraft gun!

- To the gun! - Quick!

[Gunfire]

Hey! Have you gone crazy?

Come down out of there!

Get up there, will you!

What do you think you're doing? Have you gone crazy?

- Sorry, sir - - Sir! Report from Captain Snout!

The enemy have broken through! Every man to the front!

Muster the gun crew, quick! You, report to Sergeant Bloom.

- Come on! - Yes, sir!

- [ Explosion ] - Get your hand grenades there, soldiers.

Come on there. Get your hand grenades.

Hey, soldier! Where”s your hand grenade? Hey, come here!

- Where's your hand grenade? - Haven't got any, sir.

Give him a hand grenade. Go on.

[ Explosion ]

Keep moving. Come along. Move forward.

Hurry it up. Come along. Hurry up.

Pardon me, sir, but to work this - How do you -

Pull the pin, count 10 and throw it.

[ Explosions Continue ]

- [Whistle Blows] - Let 'em have it!

[ Explosions, Gunfire]

[ Officer] Hey, come on!

[ Gunfire Continues ]

Hey, this is no time to scratch.

[ Grenade Explodes ]

Here, pull yourself together.

Take this.

Forward!

Hey, you men! Fall in here!

Hey, you, come on! Hurry it up there!

Order! Arms!

Ow!

Prepare to attack!

Forward!

[ Explosions, Gunfire]

[ Explosions, Gunfire Go Silent]

Captain!

Yoo-hoo!

Cap/fán/

Yoo-hoo!

[ Chuckles ]

- There you are. - Huh?

Hmm?

Oh, excuse me!

The enemy! Come on, fellas! Let's get him!

[Gunfire]

- [ Knocking ] - Good afternoon, sir. May I come in?

- Who is it? - Friend.

Come in.

- Sir. - What division?

21st Artillery, sir.

Take this. Hold 'em off. And keep firing.

- I'll be back in a moment. - Yes, sir.

[ Explosion ]

[ Bullet Ricochets ]

[ Soldier] Help! Comrade, help!

- What is it? - I'm exhausted.

Quick! Help me to my plane!

- Yes, sir. - [ Groaning ]

- Thank you, my Iad. - Steady.

I'll see you get the Tomainian Cross for this.

That's all right, sir. I'm only too willing to oblige.

[ Plane Engine Idling]

Oh, you saved my life.

- Thank you. - I'll strap you in.

I'm weak. I can't make it alone.

- You'll have to stay with me. - AII right, sir.

- Can you fly a plane? - I can try.

[ Sighs, Groans ]

Quick! Lift my hand to the stick. I haven't the strength.

- Take charge of that gun, Sergeant! - Yes, sir!

The enemy! They're coming! Quick! Lift my hand to the throttle!

[ Pilot Laughing] We'll fool 'em!

- Here. Hold on to these dispatches. - Yes, sir.

If we can deliver them to General Schmelloffel, Tomainia may yet win the day!

[Laughs]

- I think I'm going to faint. - Oh, don't say that.

[ Groans ] I'm sorry, old man.

- Huh? - I°m sorry.

Oh, wait- Please! Hey!

- [ Engine Sputtering] - Hey, mister!

- Hey! - Where am I?

- Don°t you know me? - Oh, yes. Of course.

- Of course. - Yes.

Yes, I - I feel better now.

- Ah. - The blood's returning to my head.

What's below?

- Looks like the sun. - The sun?

- Seems to be shining upwards. - Strange.

- How's the gas? - Terrible. It kept me awake all night.

No, no, no! The gasoline in the tank!

Oh. Almost empty.

We must be nearly there. What time is it?

Time?

About, approximately, one minute to 12:00.

[ Coughs ]

Strange.

Look at that.

Huh! Huh.

Seem to be defying the Iaws of gravity.

Hmm.

[ Groans ] Water!

- Huh? - Quick! I'm going to faint!

- Uh, wait a while. Wait a wh - - [ Groaning]

You'll get- We'll get into trouble if you faint any more now.

- Ohh. Ohh. - Now be careful.

- Here now. Just hold it. - Quick.

- Hold it. Hold it. I think I can - We'll just see - - [ Groaning Continues]

Faint. Water.

[ Groaning Continues ]

- What on - - Oh, water.

- Here , take it! - Oh! Quick!

- There's something wrong. - Oh! Ohh!

Oh, I can't reach it.

Oh, water! Faint!

Ah! Oh, it's all gone!

What's the matter?

- This belt is too tight. - Well, Ioosen it.

I'm trying to.

- [ Engine Sputtering] - We're upside down.

- I know it. - Give me that stick!

- Impossible. - [ Engine Stops]

Oh. There it goes.

We're out of gas.

Well, I suppose this is the end.

- Cigarette? - Not now.

Then I shan't need this anymore.

What month is it?

April.

Spring in Tomainia.

Hilda will be in the garden now tending the daffodils.

How she loves daffodils.

She would never cut them for fear of hurting them.

It was like taking a life to cut a daffodil.

Sweet, gentle Hilda.

A beautiful soul.

And she loved animals.

And little children too.

[ Groaning ]

We've Ianded! Dispatches!

Comrade, where are you?

Comrade!

Comrade, the dispatches! Tell me, where are they?

- Are you hurt? - Quick! Take me to General Schmelloffel!

- What's that? - Hurry, man!

If I don't deliver these dispatches at once, we're defeated!

- Well, the war's over. - What?

- We lost. - Lost?

[ Sobbing ]

[ Announcer] Hynke/ Pan°y Takes Po wer/

/l/leanwhile, the Jewish sold/er, ex-barber, veferan of the World War...

suffered a loss of memo/y and rema/ned an inmaie of the so/cüeris hospital for many years.

He was /gnoranf of the profound change that had come over Toma/n/a.

Hynke/ the dicfafor ru/ed the nai/on with an iron 175!.

Under the new emb/em of the Double Cross l/be/Ty was ban/shed...

free speech was suppresseaí..

and only the Voice of Hynke/ was heard.

[ Speaking Tomainian: Mock German ]

...und ze sauerkrauzí/

[ Coughing ]

Baloney.

Baloney - [ Tomainian ]

[ Cheering ]

[ Interpretar] Adeno/a' Hyn/(e/ has/us¡ said...

yesterday Toma/n/a was down, buf today she has risen.

[Cheering Continues]

[Cheering Stops]

[Tomainian ] Democrarzy shtun/d

[ lnterprefer] Democracy is fragranz'.

[Tomainian ] L/be/Ty shrun/d

[ /nferpreferj L/be/Ty is od/ous.

[ Tomainian ] Free sprechen shrun/d

[ /nrerpreferj Freedom of speech is object/enable.

[ Tomainian ]

[ Interpreter] Toma/nie has the greatest arm y in the world.

[ Tomainian ]

[ /nterpreterj The greatest new/n the world.

[ Tomainian ]

[ /nterpreterj But to remain great we must sacriñce.

[ Tomainian ]

[ Interpretar] We must t/;qhten our be/ts.

[ Officer] Hail Hynkel!

[ Tomainian ]

Ah, Herring. Poopschen Herring.

Bismarck Herring!

[ /nferprererj The Phooe y now speaks to the Field Marshal Herring, the min/sfer of war.

[ Tomainian ]

From the hear/Ten...

Und Garbitsch. Herr Garbitsch. [ Continues In Tomainian ]

[ /nterpreter] He is now address/ng Herr Garbitsch, Minister of the interior.

Herr Garbitsch. Ah.

Herring shutren ame/ten f/'ne from Garb/tsch...

und Garb/fsch shurien sme/ten fine from Herring.

[ Sniffles ] Herring und Garbifsch.

[ lnferpreter] His EXce//ency reca//s the strugg/es of his early days...

shared by his two /o ya/ comrades.

[ Tomainian ]

[ Coughing ]

[ Tomainian ]

Ah, und the Aryan...

und the Aryan maiden -

Ah, the Aryan maiden.

[Tomainian ] Ah, the delicatessen m/fze schoe...

und the f/axen mir ze stress.

Ach, und the Ho/sfe/n...

mir the muss.

Ah, ze muss/

Und der kinder K afzenjammer.

The Kafzenjammer mit the... [Tomainian Continues]

Hail Soldiers for Hynkel!

[ Crowd Cheering ]

[Cheering Stops]

Ze/n the Aryan...

und now der Juden.

[ Snorting ]

Der Juden/

[ Tomainian ] ...da sauerkrauz' mir the Juden.

Und da strangulation mit da...

[ Shouting ]

Der Juden.

Ohh, der Juden.

[ lnferprefer] His EXce//enc y has jus! referred fo the Jewish people.

[ Crowd Cheering ]

[Cheering Stops]

Una' now...

[ Tomainian ]

Europe...

Blitzkrieg French...

and final straff uno' en France...

and sfraff mit eine F/h/anoí/

Und mine sfraff mit Russia...

[ Continues In Tomainian ]

Tomainia!

[ Crowd Cheering ]

[ Interpretar] /n conc/us/on, the Phooe y remar/rs...

that for the rest of the world he has nothing but peace in his hean'.

[ Interpretar] We now ,cause for station /dent/#cat/on.

[ Announcer] This is the Per/-mulue/ Network..

bringing you direct from Tomainia Adenoid Hynke/ 's address...

!o the sons and daughfers of the Double Cross.

The English inierpreter is Heinrich Schric/ç Adenoia' H yn/(e/ 's personal trans/ator...

who is apparenr/J/ read/ng from a prepared manuscr/pt.

Stand by for fu/fher commenfa/y

- G0 ahead, Toma/nia. - [ Barks Command ]

[ Schr/ck ] His Exce//ency is about to descena' the sta/rs.

[ Tomainian ]

Ach! Ohh! Your Excellency!

[ Groans] Are you hurt? Oh!

Srrafzí/ Straff da f/ufen fla Vin da cheesen cracken/

Da #uren da banana./

[ Tomainian ] Da banana./

[Arguing In Tomainian ]

- Da banana! - Da b/ife booben/

[ Tomainian ]

- Banana! - Banana!

De/n b/g booben/ [Tomainian ] Cheesen crackers!

Banana.

[ Groans ]

Inside, da booben.

[ Hynkel, In English] You ride in the other car.

[ Hynkel ] Thank you, children.

[ Schfic/r] His Exce//ency seems well p/easea'...

as he 's greeled by a Committee of Toma/'n/an children and lhe/r mofhers.

Now he pauses before a woman with a ch/Yd.

Camera.

[ Schfic/r] Even the baby is ¡hr/l/ed...

and seems al/ .sm/les a¡ His Exce//encyís attention.

[Women ] Hail Hynkel!

[ Schi/ck ] His Exce//ency /ea ves the scene of his tr/umph...

and w/// return to the ,oa/ace along Hyn/re/srrasse, the al/enue of culture...

where he will pass Toma/mais modern master/pieces...

The Venus of Today and The Thinker of Tomorrow.

- How was it? - The speech?

- Yes. - Oh, very good.

Thought your reference to the Jews might have been a little more violent.

- What? - You've got to rouse the people's anger.

At this time, violence against the Jews might take the public's mind off its stomach.

Hmm. Perhaps you're right.

Things have been quiet in the ghetto Iately.

♪♪ [Man Humming]

Good morning, Mr. Jaeckel.

What's good about it?

Well, conditions could be worse.

If you think they could be worse, you have a great imagination.

Aha. You heard Hynkel's speech.

I heard nothing. I've got my own troubles.

Well, you're better off than a lot of other people.

- What have you heard from the barber? - Still in the hospital.

Aye. Ever since the war he's been there.

YGP-

Why don't you try and rent his barbershop for him?

He won't let me.

Every few weeks he writes to say he's coming back.

It seems a pity it should be idle all these years.

We", Why worry?

With the taxes the government will soon take it away from him.

AVG. perhaps you're right.

It isn't such a good morning after all.

Now you said it.

- Hannah. - Yes, Mr. Jaeckel?

On the mantelpiece you°II find my tobacco pouch.

- Will you get it? - AII right, Mr. Jaeckel.

Yeah, seems everyone is full of troubles.

Ah, everyone.

Look at Hannah, poor girl.

A hard worker. Can't get a job.

Father was killed in the war. Mother died last year.

Can't earn enough to pay the rent for her room. What can I do?

I can”t throw her out.

- You'll need some more tobacco. - Where are you going?

I'm delivering Mrs. Shoemakefs Iaundry.

Oh, you'd better take the key.

Mrs. Jaeckel and myself are going out.

I'm Iocking up all the doors...

in case the storm troopers will start their monkey business again.

[ Storm Troopers] ♪ The Aryan ♪

♪ The Ary-Ary-Ary-Ary-Aryan ♪

♪ As we go marching by ♪♪

Look, fellas! Tomatoes!

And potatoes!

[ Storm Trooper] I think I'll take a box home.

[Woman ] Mister, please, please.

Hey, fellas, the truck!

- Hold it there, will ya! - [ Storm Troopers Chattering, Shouting ]

You have no right to do this.

That's all right. Just charge it to my account.

[Chattering, Shouting Continue]

[ Storm Trooper] Nice, ripe tomatoes, boys!

Why don't some of you do something? I wish I was a man. I'd show ya.

Now what would you do, my pretty maid?

Ah, you're very brave all together, but not one of ya got guts to stand up alone and fight.

- [ Storm Trooper] Aw, shut up! - Is that why you got a truck?

- To run away in case somebody hits you back? - Shut up, or we'll take you down.

AII right, come on and take me. You'll get a lot of medals for it.

That's all you can do is to pick on women and rob defenseless people.

Aw, don't rob the poor girl, boys. Give her back her tomatoes.

Here!

[ Storm Troopers Laughing ]

Oh, I°II have to do it all over again.

Pigs.

- Send in patient 33. - Yes, sir.

Here's an interesting case.

Amnesia. Jewish soldier.

Been here since the war. Has an idea he's been here only a few weeks.

Has he any idea what's happened in the meantime?

Not the least.

His one interest seems to be in his barbershop, which he believes he left only a few weeks ago.

Poor devil. He'II have many surprises waiting for him.

- I'm afraid so. - [ Intercom Buzzes ]

- Yes? - Number 33 is gone.

Gone? But he was to be examined.

- / know, sir, but he disappeared. - Disappeared?

Well, let him go. It isn't a serious case.

Besides, there's little more we can do for him.

Hey, go on. Beat it up there.

Come on! Get outta - You! Go on!

What do you think you're doing?

- I really don't know. - Well, you leave that alone.

- Don't be silly. - I'm not silly!

I appreciate that.

When you talk to me, hail Hynkel and salute.

Who are you anyway?

I'll show you who I am.

Come down to headquarters.

- Say, that”s my shop! - I don't care if it is or not.

- You leave me alone! - Oh! Gonna put up a fight, are ya?

Come on down, pal. I'll show you.

Now let me tell you something -

Are you a policeman? Arrest that man for assault.

- Come here, you! - Leave me alone!

Attacking a storm trooper, huh?

- Take him down! - You'll hear from my Iawyer!

- Come on, you little - - Why, you -

- [ Groans] - Turn him around!

He bit my finger!

' [Clank] ' [ Groaning]

[Clank]

[Clank]

Pardon.

[Clank]

Oh, I'm sorry, mister. I didn't mean to hit you.

You were wonderful. I enjoyed that.

- But don't stand there. You'd better beat it. - No, I'II call a policeman.

- No, no, don't do that. - Why not?

- You crazy? - [ Siren Wailing]

- Look out. There's more coming. - More what?

Wait a minute!

[ Siren Fades ]

Come in here!

What's wrong with you? There's no use being foolhardy.

' Who? 'Shh!

[ Officer] Stop the car!

[ Car Door Opens ]

[ Officer] Hello! What's this? Who hit you?

- I don't know. I think there were a gang of 'em. - Here, you'd better go along, get fixed up.

We'll investigate later.

- What time is it? - Come on. Get in.

[Car Engine Starts]

[Car Pulls Away]

I don't see what is -

[ Mouthing Words ]

It's all right now. They've gone.

Thanks, mister.

[ Sighs] That did me a Iot of good.

[ Smacks Lips ]

You sure got nerve, the way you fought back.

That's what we should all do - fight back.

We can't fight alone, but we can Iick “em together.

We didn't do so bad, did we?

So long.

Oh, excuse me.

You're the barber, the one that was in the hospital.

Mr. Jaeckers often talked about you. We didn”t think you were ever coming back.

Huh?

But the storm troopers, they'II be looking for ya.

Storm troopers?

You'd better hide. Wait. I°II get the key to the cellar.

- Is this the man? - That's him.

Hail Hynkel.

Who's he?

Don't fool with me. I said, hail Hynkel!

- AII right. - Put out your hands.

Just a moment. We won't put *em on here. Bring him outside.

Yes. Come on, you. Come on!

Before we take you down you'll finish this. Here.

Go on. Paint that.

- Why, you - - [ Storm Trooper Groans ]

[ Storm Trooper Grunting ]

' [Clank] ' [ Groans]

[ Whistle Blowing ]

- That's him! - [ Storm Trooper Shouts ]

[ Whistle Blowing ]

- [ Clamoring, Shouting ] - Wait a minute, boys! Wait a minute!

I've got an idea. A bright idea.

- Sure! That's it! - [ Clamoring, Shouting Continue]

- And... give it the works! - [ Storm Troopers Shouting ] Heave ho!

[ Shouting Stops ]

[ Storm Trooper] Wait a minute! Commander Schultz!

Attention!

First in command.

- Yes, sir. - What the -

Second in command.

- Yes, sir. - Oh, never mind.

- You! - Yes, sir.

What the devil goes on here? And who told you to hang people from Iampposts?

- No one, sir. - My orders were to keep these streets tidy.

- What was the trouble? - A Jew was attacking storm troopers, sir.

- Where is he? - There.

Break ranks.

Oh, so there you are. Stand him up.

Get up.

YOU!

- Don't you remember me? - Huh?

The war. You saved my life.

- Me? - Strange.

And I always thought of you as an Aryan.

- I'm a vegetarian. - Well, don't you remember?

The enemy tried to capture us, but we got away in my plane.

Plane?

And then we crashed.

Cra -

[ GaspS ]

Oh, yes.

Now I remember.

- Well, how are you? - What has my friend done?

Our men were painting his windows, Commander, and he resisted.

Any brave man would resist.

- I'm sorry this occurred. - Oh. No harm.

I'm sure that in the future you will not be molested again.

However, if you or your friends are ever in any trouble, I hope you°II Iet me know.

Who did that?

Oh. One of my friends.

Oh. Of course.

♪♪ [ Ne wsree/ Fanfare ]

[Announcer] Hynke/ 's ,oa/ace was the center of a g/;qanf/c enterprise...

an enterprise that would build the world's greatest war machine.

Behind this undeda/(ing was the dynamic energy of Adenoia' Hynkei...

whose amazing gen/us ran the entire nai/on...

whose cease/ess activity kept him busi/y occupied every moment of the day.

Hup!

[ Intercom Buzzes ]

[ Sold/er] Marshal Herring is wait/ng, Your Excel/ano y.

Enough.

Hail Hynkel.

Your Excellency, I believe we've got something now.

A bulletproof uniform. Material as light as silk.

- Where is it? - I”ve arranged for a demonstration in the anteroom.

It will only take two minutes.

I can spare one.

- Professor Herr Kibitzen! - Hail Hynkel!

Your Excellency, actions speak Iouder than words.

- A bulletproof uniform! - And 100% perfect!

Shoot.

Far from perfect.

[ Clears Throat ]

Zevell! [ Speaking Tomainian ]

- My secretary. Where is she? - In the outer office, Your Excellency.

- Call her. - Yes, sir.

♪♪ [ Fanfare]

Hail Hynkel.

Take a letter.

[ Snorts ]

No! No, no!

[ Snorts ]

[ Both Moaning ]

[ Phone Ringing ]

- Hello? - This is Field Marshal Herring.

I'm /n the Tower Room. We 've gol something marl/e/ous.

AII right. I shall be up.

- What is it? - A parachute.

The most compact in the world. Worn like an ordinary hat.

It will open in 25 feet.

Demonstrate, Professor.

Hail Hynkel!

Herring, why do you waste my time like this?

Send Garbitsch here.

- [ Intercom Buzzes ] - Herr Garb/fsch is wait/ng, Your Excel/ency.

Enough.

Hail Hynkel.

Garbitsch, what's the meaning of this, these appropriations?

25 million for prison camps when we need every penny for the manufacturing of munitions.

- We've had to make a few arrests. - A few? How many?

Nothing astronomical. Five or ten thousand.

- Oh. - A day.

- A day? - Just a few dissenters, that's all.

- What do they dissent about? - The working hours. The cut in wages.

Chiefly, the synthetic food - the quality of the sawdust in the bread.

What more do they want? It's from the finest Iumber our mills can supply.

Nevertheless, the condition is getting dangerous.

The people are overworked. They need diversion.

The people? Bah!

We might go a little further with the Jews. Burn down some of their houses.

Spectacular assault on the ghetto now might prove diverting.

We must do something more dramatic. Now is the time to invade Osterlich.

- How soon can we be ready? - According to Herring, three months.

I can°t wait that long. Besides, Napaloni's army might invade Osterlich before me.

We must strike now.

In that case, we should require foreign capital.

- Borrow it. Borrow it. - The bankers have all refused.

But wait. There's one man who might make us a loan - Epstein.

Epstein? He's a Jew, isn't he?

- Yes. - Hmm.

Well, let's be big about it. We'll borrow the money from Epstein.

It might be difficult in view of our policy towards his people.

Very well then. We'll change our policy towards his people.

Tell Commander Schultz that in future all persecution of the Jews must cease...

at least until we've negotiated this loan.

I don't understand it.

The whole ghetto is so quiet now.

You can't imagine what was going on while you were away.

Oh, this Hynkel business.

You weren't here. You were in the hospital, unconscious.

Believe me, you don't appreciate what a good time you were having.

[ Barber Chuckles ]

Well, if things get worse we can go to Osterlich.

That's still a free country.

Sooner or later we'll have to go.

- Excuse me. - Anyway...

it's nice to see you back.

It's like the old days again, eh?

- Yes. - How's business?

Very slow. Very slow.

[ Register Bell Dings]

Trouble is, the men are all in concentration camps.

You should go in for fixing up the women.

Nice money in the beauty parlor business.

[Jaeckel] You know anything about it?

Huh?

Me? No.

Well, you can learn.

You can practice on Hannah.

[ Barber 1 Yes!

[Jaeckel ] Of course. Hannah, get up in that chair.

We are going to make you look beautiful.

Beautiful? What for?

He's going to practice on you for a beauty parlor.

[ Chuckles ]

You're not gonna put mud on my face, are you?

Ah, we are going to take some off.

Make me look beautiful?

Sure. We can't make you look any worse.

- [ Chuckles] - [ Gasps]

- [Woman ] Hannah! - Oh, there's Mrs. Shoemaker for the Iaundry.

That's all right. I'II give it to her.

- You sit here and enjoy yourself. - What?

I know. I've seen you making eyes.

- [ Door Closes ] - Don't pay any attention to Mr. Jaeckel.

- I like your shop since we fixed it up. - Mm-hmm.

I wish I had a business like this.

There's no future in housework.

Maybe if I save my money I can have a barbershop someday.

[ Chuckles ] But I can never save.

Money slips through my fingers like that.

Trouble is, I”ve always lived up to every penny I've earned.

Why shouldn't I? You're here today and gone tomorrow. And then where are you?

- Do you believe in God? - Well -

I do. But if there wasn't one, would you live any different?

I wouldn't. Life could be wonderful if people'd leave you alone.

Things are looking brighter now.

Maybe you're the reason, saving Commander Schultz's life.

Funny how they've left us alone Iately. Seems too good to be true.

[ Register Bell Dings]

Do you ever daydream?

I do.

That's the only time I'm really happy - dreaming.

Back.

Sometimes I get so carried away I don't know what I'm doing. Aren't you like that?

- Do you know we're very much alike? - Are we?

Yeah. We're both absentminded.

- You think so? - Yes.

[ Barber Chuckling ]

- I like absentminded people. - Mm-hmm.

[ Clears Throat, Coughs, Sniffs ]

Do you know the story about the man that put his watch in boiling water...

and held the egg in his hand?

' No! ' [ Han ' “ah Laughing ]

[ Barber Laughing ] Very good.

They say all great men are absentminded.

- It”s a sign they're smart. - [ Chuckles]

My folks didn't think so.

Of course there's an excuse for you. You were injured in the war.

- [ Chuckles ] - I was born that way.

♪♪ [Vocalizing ]

Wonder why women never grow whiskers.

Hmm? What?

Is-

What- [ Laughing ]

- Oh, my! - Isn't that foolish of me!

I could kick myself in the shins, I could.

I'II give you a shampoo.

That's good.

Voilà.

Gee.

Ain”t I cute!

How'd you do it?

- You should try it on yourself. - Huh?

If you were fixed up, you'd look handsome.

' Yes? ' Yes!

No.

[ Man ] Four pecks a pound! New potatoes!

There's the potato man. I have to go.

[ Sighs]

Potatoes!

One, please!

- [ Gasps ] - Take it easy there.

Well, did you hurt yourself?

- Careful next time. - Here's another one.

How do you do?

Something's happened. I know it. The storm troopers, they helped me up.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if they stopped hating us...

if they'd leave us alone and let us go about our business like we used to.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we didn't have to leave and go to another country?

I don't want to go away. With all the hardship and the persecution, I love it here.

Perhaps we don't have to go.

Wouldn”t it be wonderful if they'd Iet us Iive and be happy again?

[ Speaking Tomainian: Mock German ]

[ Brief Typing ]

[ Tomainian ]

[ Lengthy Typing 1

[ Bell Dings]

[ Bell Dings]

- [Typing Stops ] - Period.

Danke schoen.

Ah.

[ Shouting In Tomainian ]

[ Tomainian ]

Nothing works! Not a decent pen! Not even a sharp pencil!

I'm surrounded by nothing but incompetent, stupid, sterile stenographers!

- I'll get you a pen. - Don't bother.

I won't send it.

Get out! Get out! Get out!

[ Hynkel Mutters ]

We've just discovered the most wonderful, the most marvelous poison gas!

It will kill everybody!

- AII right, later, later, later. - [ Intercom Buzzes ]

[Man ] B-76 to see Herr Herring.

- Who's that? - A lady.

- My secret agent. - Hmm.

Your secret agent. Tell her to come here.

Have B-76 come right in.

Hail Hynkel.

- Oh, Garbitsch, what do you hear from Epstein? - Most encouraging.

Our agent reports that all the board of directors are Aryans, so the loan is bound to go through.

- Good. - Hail Hynkel.

Come here.

- Well? - The men are planning a strike at the arms factory.

- Who's the leader? - There were five of them.

- Have them shot. - They were, Your Excellency.

Oh. Hmm.

- How many do you say were going on strike? - The whole factory - 3,000 of them.

Have them all shot. I don't want any of my workers dissatisfied.

But, Your Excellency, these men are skilled craftsmen.

Why not Iet them work till they can train others, then shoot them?

We cannot afford to be Ienient!

The whole rhythm of production will be affected if you shoot them now.

"Rhythm of production." AII right, have your rhythms.

You may instruct your operatives to spare the strikers and permit them to return to work...

but to mark them for future reference.

That is my department. I'll attend to that.

This way, madam.

Strange. These strike Ieaders -they're all brunettes. Not a blonde amongst them.

Brunettes are troublemakers. They're worse than the Jews.

Then wipe them out.

Doucemenz'. Not so fast.

We get rid of the Jews first. Then concentrate on the brunettes.

We shall never have peace until we have a pure Aryan race.

How wonderful.

Tomainia, a nation of blue-eyed blondes.

Why not a blonde Europe, a blonde Asia, a blonde America?

- A blonde world. - And a brunette dictator.

Dictator of the world.

Why not?

A ut Caesar auf nal/es.

The world is effete, worn-out, afraid.

No nation would dare to oppose you.

- Dictator of the world! - It's your destiny.

We'll kill off the Jews, wipe out the brunettes.

Then will come forth our dream - a pure Aryan race.

- Beautiful blonde Aryans. - They will love you. They will adore you.

- They will worship you as a god! - [ Gasps] No, no! You mustn't say it!

You make me afraid of myself.

Yes, dictator of the world.

We'll start with the invasion of Osterlich.

After that we won't have to fight. We can bluff.

Nation after nation will capitulate.

Within two years the world will be under your thumb!

Leave me. I want to be alone.

A ut Caesar auf nal/es.

Emperor of the world!

My world.

[ Laughing ]

[ Had/o: Announcer] This is the Happy Hour program.

Make your work a pleasure. M0 Ve with the rh yfhm of music.

Our next' select/on: Brahms' 'Hungarian Dance No. ã "

,U [ Quick Tempo: "Hungarian Dance No. 5"]

.PJ [ Conf/nuas ]

.PJ [ Conf/nuas ]

.U [Ends]

Fifteen cents, please.

[ Register Bell Dings]

[ Rad/o: Announcer] The Happy Hour program now sign/ng off

A¡ 6:00 all star/ans will car/y Adeno/d Hynke/ 's address...

!o the sons and daughfers of the Double Cross.

Seems like the old days again, don't it?

I wonder how long they are going to last.

Don't you read the papers?

It is rumored that Hynkel is going to give the Jewish people back their rights.

Hmm. Maybe.

What do you want?

Business is much better. Nobody interferes with us anymore.

Now don't that make you feel good?

No, sir.

The trouble, Mr. Jaeckel, is, you°re so used to bad times you're unhappy without them.

Mary? Mary! Get my Sunday shoes.

- You'll find them on the window sill. - [ Mary] AII right.

- I can't find the shawl. - [ Mrs. Jaeckel ] Don't bother. I've got the shawl.

- What's going on upstairs? - It's Hannah.

They're dressing her up to go out this evening.

- Is that so? - She's got a beau.

- Who is it? - The barber.

Now turn around.

Oh, my dear, those hands.

- What's the matter with them? - Those calluses -they're so rough.

- Maybe I”d better not go. - Don't be foolish.

He knows you do housework.

Wait a minute. I'II get a pair of mittens from Mrs. Morris.

- Mrs. Morris? - Yes, Mrs. Jaeckel? Come in!

Aggie.

- Yeah? - See if he's ready yet.

AII right.

[Aggie] Not yet. He's polishing a bald man's head.

- Bad news. - [ Gasps]

The invasion of Osterlich will have to be delayed.

- What? - Epstein refuses to Iend us the money.

Mmm.

Epstein refuses, huh?

[ Crack]

Send for Schultz!

Commander Schultz.

[ Huffs] Epstein refuses!

[ Shouting In Tomainian ]

That contemptible Epstein! What did he say?

He complained of the persecution of his people...

and said under no circumstances would he have any dealings with a medieval maniac.

He'II deal with a medieval maniac more than he thinks!

First I shall deal with "his people."

- [ Crack] - Your Excellency?

Schultz, call out the storm troopers.

We're going to stage a little medieval entertainment in the ghetto.

At such a time, Your Excellency, I think it's ill-advised.

What?

Demonstrations of this kind are demoralizing the whole country.

Indeed.

And since when have you been so concerned about the ghetto?

I speak in the interests of our party and for the cause of humanity.

Schultz.

You need a Vacation.

Fresh air.

A little outdoor exercise.

I shall send you to a concentration camp.

Guards!

Place Commander Schultz under arrest.

Very well, but remember my words.

Your cause is doomed to failure because it's built on the stupid, ruthless persecution of innocent people.

Your policy is worse than a crime.

It's a tragic blunder.

Traitor! Traitor!

You're nothing but a double-dyed democrat!

[ Shouting In Tomainian ]

[ Sobbing ]

Schultz, why have you forsaken me?

Excellency, here are the notes for your speech.

Thank you.

[ Tomainian ]

I'll not need them.

What I say tonight will not be directed to the sons and daughters of the Double Cross...

but to the children of Israel.

[ Register Bell Dings]

[ Mutters, Stammers]

- Ah. Good evening. - [AII ] Good evening.

[ Clicks Tongue ] Good night.

[AII ] Good night.

Do you know, that Hynkel isn't such a bad fella after all.

Most amusing.

Here you are. Get a Hynkel button. Get a Hynkel button.

A fine photo of the Phooey on each and every button.

- Two? Here you are, young man. - [ Hyn/(e/ On RA. Speaking Toma/n/an ]

- [ Continues, lndistinct ] - [ H yn/(e/ Contínues /n Toma/n/'an j ...the double-crossinúv

But the Juden! The Juden!

[ Shout/ng /n Toma/n/an ]

[ Cont/nuas /n Toma/n/an ]

[ Mouths Words ]

[ Hyn/(e/j ...und the ghetto...

The gheffo - [ Shout/ng /n Toma/n/an ]

[ Cont/nuas /n Toma/n/an ]

- We'd better go home. - Yeah.

Come on, let's hurry.

Wait a minute. No!

[ Hyn/re/ Shout/ng /n Toma/n/an ]

...the Juden. The Juden - [ Cont/hues /n Toma/n/an ]

[Yelps]

[ Cont/nuas /n Toma/n/an ]

[ Shout/ng /n Toma/n/an ]

[ Cont/nuas /n Toma/n/an ]

[ Shout/ng /n Toma/n/an ]

[ Hynke/ Moan/hg snort/ng ]

[Moan/ng] The Juden! The Juden!

- Hey. - [ Hyn/(e/ Cont/nuas /n Toma/n/an ]

[ Continues In Tomainian ]

- ♪♪ [ Storm Troopers Singing, Distant] - What's that?

- ♪♪ [Singing Continues] - Turn off the radio!

Listen!

♪ The Aryan, the Aryan ♪

- It”s the storm troopers! - [ Distant Gunshot]

- [Woman Screaming ] - No, no!

[ Gunshots ]

[Woman Gasps, Screams ]

♪ The Ary-Ary-Ary-Ary-Aryan ♪

- [ Gunshot] - Oh, come on! Get in!

- [ Gunshots Continue ] - Come on! Come on! Get in!

[ Storm Troopers] ♪ The Ary-Ary-Ary-Ary-Aryan ♪

- Bar that door! - Get some water!

Mr. Jaeckel. Mr. Jaeckel, Mr. Jaeckel, Mr. Jaeckel!

- [ Sobbing ] - [ Gunshots Continue ] - Oh, my dear!

What is it, dear?

Mother, get the women and children up here. Lock all the doors.

- ♪♪ [Singing Continues] - [ Gunshots Continue ]

Here. You men, stay right here.

We've got to make a stand.

We might as well die as to go on living like this.

♪ The Ary-Ary-Ary-Ary-Aryan ♪

[ Laughing ]

[ Shouting ]

Wait a minute! We have a social call to make here!

[ AII Shouting ]

Oh!

[ AII Shouting ]

It's Hynkel!

Wait a minute!

What do you think you're doing?

Commander Schultz gave strict orders not to molest anyone in this court.

These Jews were attacking storm troopers.

I don't care what they were doing. The orders were to keep out of here.

' [ CÍank] ' Oh!

There! You saw that for yourself!

I can't help it. Those are Commander Schultz's orders.

Come on. Let's get going.

Come on.

[ Storm Troopers] ♪ AVS/an ♪

♪ Aryan ♪

♪ The Ary-Ary-Ary-Ary-Afyan ♪♪

♪♪ [ Continues, Fades ]

Orders or no orders, I'm gonna get that girl.

Out.

Out.

Aww.

[ Newsboy] Extry! Paper!

- Schultz arrested! Paper! - Did you hear that?

- He's arrested Commander Schultz. - What?

Commander Schultz has been arrested!

- [ Storm Trooper #1 ] Troopers! - Listen.

- A Jew corrupted our Commander! - [ Storm Trooper #2 ] Let's kill the lot of them!

[ Shouting ]

[ Storm Trooper #1 ] Commander Schultz is under arrest, accused of treason!

And you know why. Schultz was a friend of the ghetto, a friend of that barber!

- [ Storm Trooper #3 ] Let's get the barber! - [ Storm Trooper #4 ] We want the barber!

[ Storm Troopers Chanting ] We want the barber!

- It”s the storm troopers! They°re after you! - We want the barber!

- You better get up on the roof. - No. I'II stay here.

Come on! They'II kill you!

- No, I'll stay and fight! - Don't be a fool!

Do you want to be murdered? Get on to the roof. Quick!

- Come on! Come on! - [Jaeckel ] Agar, get inside.

[ Storm Troopers ] We want the barber! We want the barber!

We want the barber!

[ Storm Trooper] AII right, here we are! Smash in the door! Come on!

- [ Pounding ] - [ Glass Shattering ]

Come on, boys!

Come on, boys! We'll give the barber a haircut!

- [ Pounding ] - [ Storm Troopers Shouting ]

[Woman Screaming ]

- [ Storm Trooper] AII right, where are the bombs? - Come on. This way!

[ Storm Trooper] Let 'er go!

J* Aryan, the Ary-Ary-Ary_Ary_Aryan ♪ N* [ Fades ]

There goes the barbershop.

Never mind. We can start again.

We can go to Osterlich. That's still a free country.

Mr. Jaeckel says it's beautiful there.

Wonderful green fields, and they grow apples and grapes.

Mr. JaeckeFs brother's got a Vineyard in Osterlich.

And when Mr. Jaeckel goes there, he said he'd take me with him.

Now we can all go together.

It'II be wonderful living in the country.

Much better than a smoky old city.

And if we work hard and don't eat much, we can save money.

We can buy a chicken farm.

There's nice money to be made in chickens.

[ Sniffles, Sobs ]

♪♪ [ Classical ]

Look at that star.

Isn't it beautiful?

One thing - Hynkel with all his power can never touch that.

It's all right now. The coast is clear. Listen.

Commander Schultz escaped. He's hiding in my cellar.

What?

He's holding a meeting at midnight and he wants you to be there.

Hannah, you too come down...

and help Mrs. Jaeckel with the supper.

AII right. I'II be down.

I don't understand it.

This crazy midnight supper.

What does this Commander Schultz want of us?

He wants us to blow up the palace.

What?

We Jewish people shouldn't get mixed up in such a business.

I know it, but Commander Schultz is such a good talker, he has them all hypnotized.

I knew he was up to some mischief.

Sure, he is!

I came in the kitchen this evening...

and found him putting a coin in one of your puddings.

Putting a coin in one of the puddings?

But don't worry. I've fixed everything. Wait and see.

[ Schultz] Gentlemen, may I claim your indulgence for a moment?

We are here tonight to rid the country of a tyrant.

In order to carry out this plan, one of us must die.

In ancient times, the Aryan tribe of Langobardians...

made human sacrifice to the god Thor.

At a feast by Iottery the victim was chosen.

Tonight at this feast one of you will be chosen.

Each man will receive a pudding.

Concealed in one of these is a coin.

Whoever gets that coin must give up his life for the Iiberation of his people.

But he will join the long line of history's noble martyrs...

and will rid his country of a tyrant.

Ooh!

I know that it is the wish of all of us...

to be chosen this night to die for Tomainia.

Much as I should like to participate in this ordeal...

Icannot

Why?

Don't you understand? He”s too well-known.

It must be done by somebody like us.

I can”t see it like that.

Gentlemen, if this is a question of my honor, it's very embarrassing.

Commander Schultz, I apologize for my friend.

And let me say on behalf of myself and the others...

that we consider it a great privilege to die for our country.

Very well then. Gentlemen, I shall now retire until fate has chosen the Iiberator.

Until then, hail Hynk -

Oh, what am I saying?

Gentlemen, we have pledged our honor.

Proceed.

[ Sniffles ]

[ Coins Rattle ]

[ Rattling]

[ Rattling]

[ Rattling]

[ Rattling]

[ Rattling Continues]

[ Rattling Continues]

Gentlemen, the coin is here.

[ Coughing ]

What's the meaning of all this?

Somebody made a fool of us.

- You're quite right. I did. - What?

I put a coin in every pudding.

Mr. Jaeckel!

Blowing up palaces and wanting to kill people. We're in enough trouble as it is.

Hannah's right. We've all been foolish.

Our place is at home, looking after our own affairs.

[ Together] Good night.

What's this?

[ Together] Good night.

Good morning.

By the papers they are saying Commander Schultz may be hiding in the ghetto.

Here it is. Read it for yourself.

- Good morning. - [ Both ] Good morning.

Hannah, here. Read that.

"Mystery still surrounds the disappearance...

of ex-Commander Schultz.

At police headquarters it was believed that the commander may be hiding in the ghetto.

A certain Jewish barber, reported to be a friend of Schultz...

is also wanted for questioning.”

Me?

Well, if it”s just for questioning, it can't be serious.

Meyerberg was only wanted for questioning, and we never heard of him since.

' Í Knockin - Shh! g]

- Who is it? - It's me - Mr. Mann.

Hello, Jaeckel. How are you, Mr. Agar?

- How are you, Mrs. Jaeckel? - How do you do?

Did you hear what they're saying in the papers...

about Commander Schultz hiding in the ghetto?

Oh, I know, I know.

Well, don't you think that it's serious for you if they find him here in the house?

[Jaeckel ] Shh!

Don't you realize there are spies everywhere?

Smes?

[ Shouts ]

[Sighs, Whimpers] What's the matter with him?

Didn't you read he's wanted for questioning?

Oy-

Where's the Commander?

He's in the next room.

Let me tell you.

If Commander Schultz is found in this house...

we'll all go to the concentration camp for life and get our heads cut off in the bargain.

Am I giving you an argument?

Then get rid of him.

You can't throw him out.

Of course not.

But I should like to know, how long is he going to stay here?

That's all.

[ Mrs. Jaeckel ] Come. Your breakfast is on the table.

- [Jaeckel ] Mr. Mann? - Thank you.

I have breakfast waiting at home.

Take the other side of the street and search every house.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- What's wrong now? - They're looking for Commander Schultz.

- Commander Schultz? - He”s supposed to be hiding in one of those houses.

Oh, they're always looking for somebody.

[ Knocking ]

[ Knocking Continues]

- Who is it? - [Mann] It's me. Let me in!

- For heaven's sake, hurry up! - Open the door.

- They're coming this way. - What?

The storm troopers are searching every house.

Quick! Tell the commander.

[ Gasping ]

Oh!

- Did you tell him? - Yes.

- What is it? - The storm troopers, they're going to search the houase.

- What? - You'd better get up on the roof. Quick! Both of you!

Wait a minute!

- We can't leave all these things about. - That's right. AII of you, pack my valises.

You pack this valise.

- [ Clattering ] - [ Shudders]

- Clear this shelf. Quickly. - Oh, yes.

Pack this and this.

Oh, this mustn't be found here. Open the door.

Listen! They are here! Get up on the roof. Quick!

- I'll take this. - Be sure they don't leave anything behind.

- My golf clubs. - The hatbox!

- Here. Take this. - Come on! Let's hurry!

- Where are you going? - I'm going with him.

You stay here. You'll see him later. Here. Take this.

- I°II meet you on the roof tonight. - AII right.

Oh, take this.

- [ Knocking ] - [Jaeckel ] Come on. Quick! Come on.

- [Trooper] Open in the name of Hynkel! - [ Knocking Continues ]

' Stop! ' Huh?

- Look where you are. - Look where?

Look where you are.

Wait, I can't- I can't see. Wait a moment.

- My bag! You've dropped it! - No, it's right here. Here it is.

Oh.

[ Muttering, Gasping ]

Don't drop the other one! Don't drop the other one!

My golf clubs! Not my golf clubs!

Come off of there. They'II see you.

- [ Groans] - Quick! This way!

- Whoa! Steady! - Mm-hmm.

Now be careful.

Yes, sir.

You were Iucky you didn't break your neck.

Yes, sir.

You'll pardon me.

Sorry.

You guard the back - Wait a minute.

I'm sorry. I shall have to bother you again.

[ Chuckles ]

There he is!

Well, good morning. How are you?

Oh, so-so.

Commander Schultz, who's your friend?

Remember, your silence will be appreciated.

- Yes, sir. - Take him down to the wagon.

Come on.

- Hey! Where you going? - To the smoking room.

Ah, come on! Down this way!

[ Man Shouting Orders, Faint]

Osterlich.

Ja.

[ No Audible Dialogue]

Gentlemen, I am pleased to announce...

that we are at last ready to march on Osterlich.

This was made possible by the enterprise and genius...

of Field Marshal Herring...

upon whom I shall now pin a token of my regard.

[ Speaking Tomainian ]

...der Wiener schn/lze/ - [Continues In Tomainian ]

[ Sobbing ]

[Continues In Tomainian, Coughing ]

[Continues In Tomainian ] ...da genius.

[ Sobbing Continues]

Turn around. No. Ah, yes.

[Yelps]

Gentlemen...

to Field Marshal Herring.

To the invasion of Osterlich.

[ Glasses Shatter]

Elephant.

[ Phone Rings ]

Hello? Yes. Yes.

Wait.

Napaloni's mobilized his army on the Osterlich front.

[ Shouts ] What?

Already 60,000 men are on the border.

He's going to take Osterlich!

I can”t believe it.

[ Shouting In Tomainian ] You can't believe it?

- [ Shouting In Tomainian ] - But, Your Excellency, I -

- You let him steal a march on us! - No, I -

[ Shouting In Tomainian ] You can't believe it?

- I did everything that was - - [ Continues In Tomainian ]

- I had the ground covered. - [ Continues In Tomainian ]

[Continues In Tomainian ] Haven't you any brains?

[ Shouting In Tomainian ] 'p/hheaden”...

[ Continues In Tomainian ]

No! No, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no, no, no!

No, no - No!

- Declare war on Napaloni! - Napaloni?

Yes, Napaloni! Listen, you blockhead! Mobilize every division of the army and the air force.

- Proceed to Bacteria and attack at once! - But war will be the end of us.

- Do as I tell you. - Madness.

- Shut up! - Very well. Will you sign this?

- Yes, I'II - What is it? - A declaration of war.

I'll sign it. A pen.

[ Speaking Tomainian ] I'II sign it.

[ Speaking Tomainian ]

[ Shouts In Tomainian ]

A Den!

I'II sign it! Napaloni.

Der grosser pean ut! Der cheesy ravioli!

- There! - [ Phone Rings]

Hello?

- It's Napaloni. - Wait a minute.

Napaloni?

- You talk to him. - What shall I say?

Be nice, affable, pleasant.

Hello?

Well, well, well. How are you?

Fine.

No, he hasn't been playing very much Iately.

You went around in '92? Really?

You want to speak to His Excellency?

[ Mouths Words ]

Just now he's a little hoarse.

Hmm. No, no. I mean he can°t talk. [ Chuckles]

May I take a message?

He says no doubt you”ve heard of the movement of his troops on the Osterlich front...

and he'd like to discuss the matter with you.

Ask him to come here.

His Excellency would be delighted to invite you to Tomainia...

where you could discuss the matter.

Very well. I'II make the necessary arrangements.

Good-bye, Your Excellency.

He's coming.

Good. We'll give him the works.

We'll put on the greatest military show the world has ever known!

Convinced of my strength, Napaloni will leave the invasion of Osterlich to me.

What shall I do with this?

- What is it? - Your declaration of war.

Peace is declared.

♪♪ [ Ne wsree/ Fanfare ]

[ Announcer ] 2, 975000 eager c/tizens are massed /n the stat/on square...

awa/t/hg the arrival of Benz/no Napa/oni.

Enter/ng the stat/on is our belo Ved Phooe y, ready to great his distinguished guest.

This historic meeting wii/ semen¡ a friendshio...

that has long existed between our Phooe y and the dictator of Bacter/a.

Order... arms!

His Exce//ency is about to great the Bacter/an ambassador.

- How do you do? - Thank you, sir.

Garbitsch.

See about the photography.

When Their Excellencies meet...

tell the press to see that our Phooey is well-photographed.

- Full face, not the back of his head. - Yes, sir.

Benz/no Napa/on/ 's private fra/n is now com/ng into the stat/on.

- [Train Whistle Blows ] - And from a pink and white car...

- Napa/on/ and his wife will step onto a Crimson Carpet. . - - Present arms!

where Adeno/d H ynke/ w/// deliver his address of welcome.

[ Speaks Tomainian ]

[ Brakes Screeching ]

What's the matter with this stupid -

Hey! What's all of this-a mix-up-a?

Come on. They've gone too far.

At ease! Bring along the Carpet.

Papa, why can't we get out here?

- There is no Carpet. - Who cares about a Carpet?

II Dig-a-Ditchy, me - Napaloni. I never get out without a carpet.

Hmm, hmm -

[ Brakes Screeching ]

Come on. Lay it down here. Quick.

- Hurry up! - It°s going back again!

What?

[ Shouts In Bacterian: Mock Italian ] What do you do? You salami?

[ Shouting In Bacterian ]

Let's get out! Let's get out while it's stopping!

Shut up!

[ Brakes Screeching ]

Hurry. Quick. Put it down.

Take it away. Take it away.

Stay here. Stay here until they've made up their mind.

You got-a the Carpet? Well, put 'em-a down!

Hmm. Oh, come on, come on.

[ Mutters ]

- Here he is. - Ah!

- My friend! - Napaloni!

- [ Laughs ] This is indeed a pleasure. - Thank you.

Welcome to Tomainia. This way. [ Chuckles ]

Pictures, Your Excellencies?

Oh, sure. Salute!

Another one, please.

Ah, this is really a pleasure to be here, my friend Hynkel.

Oh, you want another picture? Just a moment.

There.

- [ Steam Hisses] - [ Shrieking]

- Hey, hey, hey, hey! - [ Speaks Bacterian ] My bambino!

- AII right. It's all right-a, Mama. - Get rid of those men.

- Where is my ambassador? - Dismissed.

- There you are. Hello, Spook. - Your Excellency.

How do you feel? Good! Look after Mama.

Oh, Hynkie, did you meet-a my wife?

- Your wife? - That's her.

_ ¡ _ - Let's go.

Tomainia! Very nice. Very nice.

♪♪ [ Fanfare]

[ Officer] Present... arms!

[ Crowd ] Napaloni! Napaloni!

[ Crowd Cheering ]

[Cheering Continues]

Clock is a-two minutes-a slow.

This way.

[Cheering Continues]

[ Crowd ] Napaloni! Napaloni!

Napaloni!

[Crowd Continues Cheering ]

- It's-a very nice-a people. - Hmm?

- I say, the people are very nice. - Oh, yes. Thank you.

- He is my husband! - Keep back!

- You make a mistake! - Let me go!

- You make a big-a mistake-a! - Get back!

Please!

At all costs, Napaloni shall not invade Osterlich.

That country belongs to me.

[ Garbitsch ] At this meeting we shall not discuss the Osterlich situation.

This interview is solely to impress upon him the force of your personality.

- Hmm. - To make him feel your superiority.

Heh.

This man Napaloni is aggressive, domineering.

Before we make our demands, we must put him in his place.

- Precisely. But how? - By means of applied psychology.

In other words, by making him feel inferior.

This can be done in many subtle ways.

For instance, at this interview, I have so arranged...

that he will always be looking up at you...

you looking down at him.

At all times his position will be inferior.

Mmm. Excellent.

Then again, we shall seat him here beside your bust...

so that if you relax, that will always be glaring at him.

And? Oh.

Where is he now?

Resting. When he arrives, I have arranged...

that he shall enter from the far end of the room.

Another psychological triumph.

He will have the embarrassment of walking the entire length of the floor toward you.

[Laughs] Very good.

[ Phone Buzzes ]

- [ Button Clicks] - Yes?

[ Intercom: /I//an ] His EXce//ency S/;qnor Napa/on/ is now leaving his room.

[ Gasps] He's coming! He's coming! Quick, get me a flower. A flower.

Remember, at all times you must be above him, before him.

Entering or leaving, you must be first.

♪♪ [ Trumpets: Fanfare ]

Hello, Hynkie!

Wie Gootz! Vl//e gehiís/ [Laughs]

How-a you feel?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Ah, my brother dictator!

You are a nice little man, a-Hynkie!

I'm so glad to see you again. [Laughs]

And my friend the Garbitsch! Hello!

[ GaspS ]

Ah, this is a lovely place.

I feel-a fine. I just had a nice-a cold shower.

And that bathtub - as soon as you get the plumbing fixed, it'II be in-a good-a shape.

Your Excellency, won't you sit down.

Oh, shoot, shoot.

Well-a, Hynkie, my dictator friend, you -

[ Sighs]

I must be-a growing.

Not sure why they gave me a baby stool.

This-a stool is not for me. I like it-a better up-a-stairs here.

You know-a something, Garbitsch? This is a lovely country.

Very nice-a people.

I thought the public extremely enthusiastic on your arrival.

Sure. They like to see new faces.

I'm sorry for the mishap that occurred to Madam Napaloni at the railroad station.

What's that? What's that?

I'm sorry for the Napaloni that occurred at the - at the rail -

Madam Napaloni at the railway station.

Oh, she's not used to public Iife. She can't take it.

Match.

Oh - I'm sorry. I'm -

No, that's all right. Don't apologize. I find-a one.

I am simply crazy about this a-palace.

Ivory and gold - that makes a lovely combination.

Gets away from that gingerbread idea. Say, tell me something-a, Garbitsch.

What's on the program?

- There's the grand ball this evening. - Grand ball?

The grand ball. And this afternoon, a review of the army.

Review of the army? Well, that won't take-a long.

- I'm afraid it will. - Oh? So you got a big army, huh?

[ Chuckling ] Modesty forbids.

Yes, seems I've heard something about it.

If I'm gonna review the army, I think I°II get me a shave.

- We have a barbershop in the palace. - Is that so?

Hynkie, you look a little blue under the gills.

- What do you say we take a shave together? - I should be delighted.

- Good! - [ Garbitsch ] Very well. This way.

[ Stammers, Shouts in Tomainian ]

Ah, this is the barbershop. I can-a smell 'em.

Ah, now this is-a sweet- a-very sweet.

- Do you like it? It was the emperor's library. - Makes a good a-barbershop.

- Too old fashioned. I want something modern. - Is that so?

You see, when I get shaved, I'm very nervous. I like something to look at.

So I'm putting in glass walls and ceiling...

so that when my head is turned this way, I shall have a view of the mountains.

Ah.

And when it's tipped this way, I shall have a view through the glass ceiling.

- What's above-a the ceiling? - The ballroom.

Then in my summer palace I have a barbershop.

- Is that so? - Mm-hmm.

Yes.

That also has glass walls.

You don't tell me.

Oh, yes. With goldfish swimming inside.

Wait a minute. Goldfish swimming inside-a the walls?

- Mm-hmm. - How do you feed 'em?

You can't. They're all dead. That's why I'm building a new barbershop.

Oh.

- Very interesting. Very interesting. - Yes? Do you like it?

♪♪ [ Ne wsree/ Fanfare ]

[ Announcer] This is the Hynke/ Stadium.

Before a ha/f mil/íon spectators, the greatest display of arms the world has ever known...

marchas by /n re view.

Our belo Ved Phooe y and // D/;q-a-D/rch y are seafeaí..

In the re viewing stand thri//ed by this historic event

What?

Nothing. I'm just chewing.

- Ah, yes. - Would you care for some peanuts?

- Thank you. I've had some. - Oh. Good shape. Here you are, Spook.

No w pass/ng - Toma/nia 's hea Vy a/T//le/y

[Wheels Grinding ]

It's all right.

I want to show you my new bombing planes. I just called up a half hour ago to start 'em over.

- Where are they coming from? - Amma

Aroma? That's 400 miles away.

That's right. They should be here now. I don't know what's detaining them.

Now pass/ng - Toma/n/a 's l/;qhr anW/e/y

Hmm. That's very light.

Ana' here come the armored fan/rs...

- the pride of Toma/nie 's arm y. - [Tanks Wheels Grinding ]

The lares¡ design, the last word /n modern war/fara.

Wait a minute. Where's the propellers?

- Propellers? - Sure. For going under the water.

- Tanks that go under the water? - Submarine work!

You never heard of aero-marine tanks that go under the water and then fly up-a-stairs?

- What”s that? - Tanks that go under thae water and fly in the air_

Oh, yes. Those are obsolete now.

We're concentrating on flying dreadnoughts.

Flying dreadnoughts. Mmm.

[Airplanes Passing ]

- What's that? - My planes!

Now pass/ng - H yn/(e/ 's flying division number 34.

Our planes!

[ Plane Crashes ]

You're right. They're yours.

♪♪ [ Orchestra]

Ah, Garbitsch.

The invasion of Osterlich.

It's all so simple. Our troops, tanks and guns will be hidden along the border.

To disarm suspicion, you will go hunting - duck shooting or something.

At the appointed time, you will show up at the village of Pretzelberg...

meet the army, step into an automobile and cross over into Osterlich.

Herring and I will be waiting at the capital to receive you.

First, Napaloni must remove his troops from the border.

That question will be decided tonight.

Where is Napaloni?

I'll see if I can find him. In the meantime...

it might be advisable for you to dance with Madam Napaloni.

Huh?

It'II carry weight.

You mean I will carry weight.

[ Laughing ]

You find him. Let me know at once.

♪♪ [ Orchestra Continues ]

- Madam Napaloni. - [ Chuckles ] Your Excellency.

[ Chuckles ] Why so triste?

'Cause I no speak-a.

No? May I have the pleasure of this dance?

Oh, yes.

Allow me.

Madam, your dancing was superb.

Excellent.

Very good.

Good.

JJ* [ Fades ]

[ Chuckles ]

- Ah, my dear Adenoid! - Benzino!

I've been-a looking for you all evening. What do you say we have a Sandwich...

go to some quiet little place where we can sit down and talk-a things over, huh?

- As you wish. - An excellent idea! Gentlemen, to the buffet.

Of course. This way.

[ Chattering ]

- [ Clappin _Om 9]

[ Laughter]

[ Shouts In Bacterian ]

- There's an old Tomainian proverb. - Mmm?

[ Speaking Tomainian ]

[Laughs] That's very funny! I wish I understand it.

Now, about the border situation.

- Ah, yes, yes. No problem. - Oh, it should be no trouble at all.

- Shh, shh. - Not at all.

- What's the matter? - Wait.

9 Out! 1

You two, out!

Out.

- Out? - Out.

- Out? - Mm-hmm.

Out.

- [ Door Opens ] - As I was saying, about the border question.

- Ah, yes, yes, yes. - Just a matter of detail. Mere formalities.

Strawberries.

Pardon me. Have you English mustard?

- English mustard, Your Excellency. - That's the hot-a stuff?

- Very hot. - Ah, good shape, good shape.

- Cream. - Cream, Your Excellency.

Now, Hynkie, as far as I'm concerned, I'm gonna make this very simple.

This is the treaty - You agree not to invade Osterlich...

I agree not to invade Osterlich.

We sign-a the treaty, then I remove-a my troops from the border.

Good. In other words, when your troops are off the border, I sign.

- That's-a right. - Very good.

[ Exclaims ] Oh, just a minute. [ Chuckles ] You don't understand.

First we sign-a the treaty, then I remove-a the troops.

Precisely. I sign when your troops are off the border.

Just a minute. Hey, Spook, treaty.

Hold-a this.

Now, look.

You a-sign this-a treaty a-first...

then I remove-a the troops after.

- Well, what are we arguing about? - You just said I remove-a the troops a-first.

You don't expect me to sign while your troops are there on the border?

You don't expect me to remove-a the troops until you sign?

- Why not? - Why should I?

- Why shouldn't you? Osterlich is a free country. - So?

Your soldiers are there, on the Osterlich border!

And they'II stay there until you sign this-a treaty!

- You'll take them off, or I'll blow them off! - Mmm!

- Gentlemen, this won't get us anywhere. - [Shouts In Tomainian ]

Your Excellency, to quote an old Latin phrase -

[ Shouts In Tomainian ]

[ Napaloni Shouting ] He's a-right! Speak-a to him!

Strawberries.

Where's my-a sandwich? Well, give me another one!

- Can't we sit down and discuss this - - I'm a guest-a here.

Nobody talk to me in my own-a joint like that!

Can't we sit down and discuss this thing without passion?

I am not-a passionate. I am-a just, that's all.

I want him to sign-a the treaty. I'll remove the troops.

Can't you understand? What would my people think...

signing such a treaty when your soldiers are there on the Osterlich border?

I will not-a move a-soldiers until you-a sign!

Not until you clear that border will I sign anything.

- Then my soldiers remain! - Then I kick them off!

One move-a from you, Hynkie, and my artillery take-a Iike this and blow you to pieces!

Yes, and my aeroplanes will bomb your artillery like that!

You want to start a world-a war? I'll get you one!

You and the world! I'll throw in the ocean!

- Mmm! - Gentlemen, please!

[AII Shouting, Indistinct]

- [ Shouting In Tomainian ] - [ Shouting In Bacterian ]

[ Shouting Continues, Indistinct]

I°m-a coming home! I cannot talk to this ignoramus!

Strawberries!

Your Excellency, we have a very important position...

-that I must urge upon you. - [ Speaking Tomainian ]

- I know what you must- - [ Continues In Tomainian ]

- [ Garbitsch Continues, Indistinct] - [ Continues In Tomainian ]

If you would - [ Continues, Indistinct]

[ Continues In Tomainian ]

[ Napaloni, Spook Shouting ]

- [ Gasping ] - [ Garbitsch Stammers]

- [ Gasping Continues ] - What's wrong?

I don't give a hoopy! I got-a my guns here in the pass!

If he start-a something, I'll blow him to "passesV

[ Spook Chattering, Indistinct]

[ Laughing ]

[ Garbitsch ] Excellency, what's the matter? What ails you? What has -

- Your Excellency, this isn't like you. - Hey! What is the matter?

- Hey, Garbitsch, come here! - [ Hynkel Gasping ]

What is the matter with-a Hynkie?

He's put mustard on his strawberries.

Mustard - [ Laughs] What else-a can you expect from Hynkie?

[ Both Laughing ]

[ Shouting ]

II Dig-a-Ditchy!

- [ Shouting Continues] - What? What's the matter? What?

- [ Shouting, Gasping ] - My little bambino!

[ Shouting In Bacterian ]

[ Both Gasping ]

- [ Muffled Shouting ] - [ Panting ]

[ Muffled Shouting Continues]

- ...the Bacterian - - ...Tomainia -

[ Muffled Shouting ]

You cannot treat-a the Bacterian people this way!

I'II take the Bacterian people and I'II tear them apart like this!

- Excellency, please! - Look! Look what he's-a doing!

- It's an insult to my people! - [ Spook, Garbitsch Chattering ]

Look, he's-a pulling Spaghetti! The Spaghetti!

He either sign-a the treaty, or we have a war!

- Ooh! - Listen! Listen!

Give me a-something! Quick! Give me a-something! I want to -

- [ Shouting In Tomainian ] - [ Shouting In Bacterian ]

- But it's all right. I have an appointment. - What's this?

I'm from the international press. How's the conference progressing?

Very successfully. How did you get in? Excuse me, will you?

- How did this man get in here? - [ Hynkel, Napaloni Shouting ]

You know the regulations of the palace in regard to reporters. Go down to Captain Block.

Tell him not to allow anyone else to enter the palace under any circumstances tonight.

- You understand? - Yes, sir.

[ Shouting Continues]

Of course, there are minor details to be cleaned up, things that you must-

Excuse me. We're very busy.

[ Both Shouting At Once]

- Oh! - Gentlemen, please!

The press are outside. The whole world will know that we're fighting.

- So what? - Can't we come to some agreement?

- Not until he-a signs! - I sign nothing!

Your Excellency, I must speak to you alone.

- Do you mind? - Mind? I don't a-mind!

- What is it? - Sign. Sign.

Why should he have the advantage?

What does it matter, a mere scrap of paper?

The moment you sign, he'II take his troops off the border.

We can move in without losing a man.

I'II sign.

[ Shouts] What? Hold-a this!

Ah, my little Hynkie!

My-a dictator brother! I knew we have-a no trouble!

Two prisoners escaped in Officers' uniforms! Officers tied up in the guard room!

Sound the alarm! Two prisoners escaped! Come on!

[Alarm Wailing ]

The planes are searching for us.

Let's make for the woods.

No. We must keep in the open. The border's that way.

The invasion of Osterlich.

Now... or never.

[ Ducks Quacking ]

Ducks!

Did you hear that?

Came from over there. Come on.

[ Shouts In Tomainian ]

[ Hynkel Spitting ]

Da B/¡tzen/

[ Hynkel Shouts ]

Cheese and crackers!

[ Tomainian ] ...da B/¡fzen/

A yodeler, huh? Where'd you get that outfit?

- What? - Don't answer back!

[ GruntS]

Where's your partner? Where's Schultz? You won't talk, huh?

- He'II talk when he gets into camp! - Come on!

There it is - the village of Pretzelberg.

[ Barber] Pretzelberg.

If we can pass through there, we're safe across the Osterlich border.

- Couldn't we go through the woods? - Of course not.

The woods are swarming with soldiers. They'd suspect us at once.

We must face the music. If you see anyone, don't look right or left.

We must bluff our way through. Remember, you're a storm trooper.

Here they come.

Can you see what they're doing?

- They're looking this way. - Well, pay no attention. Keep going.

They're beginning to follow us. Shall we run?

Certainly not.

- Just a little bit? - Keep walking.

We could walk a little faster.

Hmm? Make up your mind.

- [ Barber] Perhaps we'd better slow down. - No, no. Keep going.

- There's no hurry. - Come on.

- What is it? - He's here!

What? Bugler! Sound assembly!

- ♪♪ [ Buda] - [Whistle Blowing ]

Company! Attention!

Present... arms!

- You don't want to change your mind and turn back? - No, keep going. Keep going.

- Hail Hynkel. - [Officer] Order... arms!

Your Excellency will be pleased to know that everything is under control.

- Good. - Good.

I have been in continued communication with Marshal Herring in Osterlich, sir.

The route ahead of us is well-guarded.

And at the back of us are 200 tanks, 50 armored cars and 500 machine guns.

- Is that- - Good.

- Good. - Are we ready to start?

- Yes. - Yes.

Gentlemen.

Schultz, I'm certainly happy to see you with us again.

Thank you.

[ Door Closes ]

- Where are we going? - You're invading Osterlich.

[Whimpers ]

[ No Audible Dialogue]

[ No Audible Dialogue]

[ No Audible Dialogue]

[ Hannah Screams] Mr. Jaeckel! Mr. Jaeckel!

- Hannah! - Mr. Jaeckel, look, they're coming!

[ No Audible Dialogue]

[ Officer] Present... arms!

Hail Hynkel!

[AII] Hail Hynkel!

Present... arms!

Your Excellency, the world awaits your word.

[ Stifles Sob]

♪♪ [ Drumming]

[ Stifles Sob]

♪♪ [ Drumming Continues]

♪♪ [ Drumming Fades]

What's happened to him? He looks strange.

And what's Schultz doing here?

Pardoned, I suppose.

Here.

Here.

[ Officer] His Excellency, Herr Garbitsch...

Secretary of the Interior, Minister of Propaganda.

"Corona Ven/ez' de/ect/s. "

"Victory shall come to the worthy."

Today, democracy, liberty and equality are words to fool the people.

No nation can progress with such ideas.

They stand in the way of action.

Therefore, we frankly abolish them.

In the future, each man will serve the interest of the state with absolute obedience.

Let him who refuses beware.

The rights of citizenship will be taken away from all Jews and other non-Aryans.

They are inferior, and therefore enemies of the state.

It is the duty of all true Aryans to hate and despise them.

Henceforth, this nation is annexed to the Tomainian Empire...

and the people of this nation will obey the Iaws bestowed upon us by our great leader...

the dictator of Tomainia, the conqueror of Osterlich...

the future emperor of the world.

You must speak.

I can't.

You must. It's our only hope.

Hope.

I'm sorry...

but I don't want to be an emperor.

That's not my business.

I don't want to rule or conquer anyone.

I should Iike to help everyone, if possible -

Jew, gentile, black man, white.

We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that.

We want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery.

We don't want to hate and despise one another.

In this world, there's room for everyone, and the good earth is rich...

and can provide for everyone.

The way of life can be free and beautiful.

But we have lost the way.

Greed has poisoned man's souls...

has barricaded the world with hate...

has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.

We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in.

Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want.

Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness hard and unkind.

We think too much and feel too little.

More than machinery, we need humanity.

More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.

Without these qualities, life will be violent, and all will be lost.

The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together.

These very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men...

cries out for universal brotherhood, for the unity of us all.

Even now, my voice is reaching millions throughout the world...

millions of despairing men, women and little children...

victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people.

To those who can hear me I say, do not despair.

The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed...

the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress.

The hate of men will pass, and dictators die...

and the power they took from the people will return to the people.

And so long as men die, liberty will never perish.

Soldiers, don't give yourselves to brutes...

men who despise you, enslave you, who regiment your lives...

tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel...

who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder!

Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men -

machine men with machine minds and machine hearts!

You are not machines! You are not cattle! You are men!

You have the love of humanity in your hearts.

You don't hate. Only the unloved hate.

The unloved and the unnatural.

Soldiers, don't fight for slavery, fight for liberty!

In the 17th chapter of Saint Luke it is written...

"The kingdom of God is within man."

Not one man nor a group of men, but in all men -in you!

You the people have the power -

the power to create machines, the power to create happiness!

You the people have the power to make this Iife free and beautiful...

to make this life a wonderful adventure.

Then, in the name of democracy, let us use that power!

Let us all unite!

Let us fight for a new world, a decent world...

that will give men a chance to work...

that will give youth a future and old age a security.

By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power.

But they Iie. They do not fulfill that promise. They never will!

Dictators free themselves, but they enslave the people.

Now let us fight to fulfill that promise!

Let us fight to free the world...

to do away with national barriers, to do away with greed...

with hate and intolerance.

Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress...

will lead to all man's happiness.

Soldiers, in the name of democracy, let us all unite!

[ Crowd Cheering ]

Hannah...

can you hear me?

Where Ver you are, look up, Hannah.

The clouds are lift/ng.

The sun is breaking through.

We are com/ng ou¡ of the darkness and info the l/;qhzí

We are com/ng info a new war/a: a kind/fer war/a'...

where men w/l/ rise above the/r hate...

the/r green' and brutal/ty.

Look up, Hannah.

The soul of man has been given wings...

and az' ias¡ he is beginning io f/y.

He is fly/ng info the rainbow...

into the l/;ghi of hope, into the future -

the g/or/ous future...

that belongs !o you, fo me...

and to al/ of us.

Look up, Hannah. Look up.

Hannah, did you hear that?

Listen.