Original subtitles

[the lion roars]

[the lion roars again]

[funky intriguing music]

[pulsing dance music]

[indistinct chatter]

[suspenseful music]

[in Italian] Hey, gorgeous...

-[electronic buzz] -[notification pings]

[suspenseful music intensifies]

[music stops]

[in Italian] Cheers.

[badass music]

Oh shit...

[mellow dramatic music]

[cool up-tempo music]

[button dings]

[beep]

PRESIDENTIAL SUITE

[regular electronic chirps]

[muffled chirps]

[funky suspenseful music]

[pleased laugh]

[cool suspenseful music]

[beep]

[scanner beeps]

[electronic whirring]

[man] What is this shit?

No dip?

[sighs] Motherfucker...

[keypad clicking]

[gasps]

[male voice] Hello? Is someone in here?

There's someone in here.

[male voice] Hello, security? Someone's broken into my room.

[loud knocking]

[in French] Open the door or we'll break it open!

[text message beeps]

[chuckles]

[chuckling continues]

[loud knocking]

[swaggering rock music]

[beeps]

[electric car engine revs]

[electric motorcycle engine revs]

-[bell tolling] -[birds chirping]

[relaxed playful music]

[alert dings]

[beep]

[music intensifies]

[cool soaring music]

[music fades]

[branches crack]

"60_sekondz_in_out"?

[in Italian] You're late.

"Ghost_95"?

[phones vibrate and beep]

-[in French] Hi. -Ciao.

Speak English?

If I have to.

OK. Let's do it then.

You are ready?

[flirty jazz music]

Hmm. Lots of light.

A party?

No. Deterrent.

-How can you be sure? -The three "No's."

No noise, no cars, nobody around.

Maybe you just can't see them from here.

We'll find out soon enough.

-[man] OK, watch me. -Wait.

-Intrusion's my thing. -You'll love this.

Little boom. 60 seconds in and out. What do you say?

Don't you use that name on Tinder?

On Tinder, I'm just Jay. Paris.

-You? -Chiara. Napoli.

They'll have backup.

-I doubt it. -They will.

They will not.

Big property like this?

-Hundred percent. -Wanna bet?

Depends on the stakes.

Strip poker.

You in?

You'll be the one freezing his ass.

[beeps]

[beeping accelerates]

[muffled bang]

[fizzing and burning]

[distant boom]

[in French] Here you go.

[gasps] Look!

A backup.

OK, then.

[zipper unzipping]

[wires crackling]

[cool low-key music]

[Jay] So... What's our plan now?

What?

[dramatic whoosh]

[cool low-key music]

[suctioning]

Told you. No one.

[cool low-key music continues]

[Jay] Door jammers, suction pads, semtex?

This is all burglar shit.

What does this guy do for a living?

Whatever he does, he makes money out of it.

[Chiara] Target.

[Jay chuckles] Gotlib 1920. Old school.

-[Chiara] What's that? -My new toy!

-You sure it works? -Wanna bet?

[she laughs] You're going to end up butt-naked.

[chuckles] Here is my butt.

Take a good look.

-[laughs] -[Jay] And showtime.

[impressed] Hooo...

-Uhh... -[Chiara] What?

-It's empty. -[English man] Look more closely.

You passed the test. Bravo.

[menacing music]

And bare-chested.

-Interesting. -Why do you care?

Why is that?

-Heat control? Avoiding static? -He won't say a thing without a lawyer.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Shall we put our shirts on and, um,

repair to the parlor?

As you've no doubt surmised by now,

this is my safe. And I'm the one who hired you.

You hired us? To rob you.

Fast learner. Cheers.

-You a cop? -What?

-A spook? -No!

Just... Roger.

Cavendish.

If this is a scam, you better still pay us.

No! I apologize for the subterfuge.

I needed to know the two of you could work together.

And it appears you can.

And does it have anything to do with the gear downstairs?

I would like to offer you the job of a lifetime.

One that is more than worthy of your talents.

[intriguing music]

Chiara:

a hacking wizard.

No qualms about getting close to her target.

And Jay:

the most creative explosives expert of his generation.

Separately, you are formidable.

Together...

You're perfect.

What do you think?

No. Nice meeting you.

But no.

Yeah. Thanks for the drink, but no.

Your compensation will be 100,000 euros.

Plus one third of the proceeds.

Each.

[tantalizing music]

Good champagne, actually.

What's the job?

To purloin an object of immense value from...

a secure location.

-Great. That narrows it down. -Should you succeed,

your children's children will never need to work.

Truth. Now. Or I walk.

Same.

You may have noticed that recently your toothbrushes went missing.

If you call that a toothbrush.

-Woah. -You better have a good explanation.

I do. I do.

Here we go. Chiara,

Jay.

The real reason I brought you here is that I'm a businessman.

And a bachelor. And a long-retired thief.

But in both of your separate cases,

[music swells dramatically]

I am also your father.

[funky cool music]

Woah.

PATERNITY TEST

-[in French] Mom? -Yes, darling.

I have something important to ask you.

Ah.

What?

Roger?

Wait, you knew about him?

He reached out to me last month.

I'm sorry, I should've known.

What do you mean? Known what?

Listen...

I should've told you earlier. It's my fault.

[Chiara] So...

We are your children.

And both of us are thieves.

Just like you.

Just like that?

Genetics.

I was skeptical at first.

You can test again if you like.

Truth is,

we are family.

[laughs]

[Jay's mother] We met in 1995 while I was traveling in India.

-India? -Yes.

We spent a few nights together in Mumbai.

Then I lost his phone number, so I was never able to contact him again.

[Chiara] I was abandoned at birth.

My foster parents couldn't be trusted with a goldfish.

So if you truly are my father, I'm curious to hear your excuse.

Chiara...

I cannot begin to express

how sorry I am for what happened.

But may I say...

[tender sigh] You look so much like your mother.

Say what you like. I wouldn't know.

Of course.

[in French] What about that guy? The Greek captain?

One day when you were five, you asked me why you didn't have a dad like the others.

I panicked.

And I came up with that story, the Greek sailor who died at sea.

I'm sorry you found out this way, honey.

But Roger... is your dad.

[Roger] We met in a hotel in Capri.

I was on a job nearby

and she was staying in the room across the hall.

As it turns out,

she was a private detective who was trailing me on behalf of a client

who thought I had stolen his Picasso.

[chortles]

I had not!

Sadly to say.

Anyway, one night I booked a table for two

and told her the seat was hers, since she was following me anyway,

she might as well have dinner with me.

One thing led to another and, um...

Then a lawyer contacted me and told me

that she had passed away and that you existed.

I tried to find her for a while, but then I was like,

what the fuck would I say? "Thanks for abandoning me?"

I understand.

[footsteps]

So.

What do I call you?

Well,

just Roger is fine.

I guess.

Nice to meet you, Roger.

[intriguing funky music]

Nice to meet you, young man.

Hey, bro.

Hey there, sis.

[Roger chuckles]

So, what do you want to steal?

[dramatic music]

[stammering] Wait...

This is the job? Stealing her?

Yes.

You're insane. It's absurd.

Peruggia did it 100 years ago.

-A smash and grab. -Impossible now.

Every heist is impossible until someone proves otherwise.

Look, Mr. Roger,

I don't care if you're Santa Claus or my loser father,

but if you're crazy enough

to try stealing the most famous painting, you've lost your mind.

-It cannot be done. -I believe it can.

-And... -How do you fence it?

-Do you even have a buyer? -Not yet. But...

Once we hold this painting in our hands, we won't have just one buyer.

We'll have a bidding war!

One where millions become billions.

But to get there, I need a team I can trust.

You two. Think of it.

A family heist.

The most glorious of the century!

[uncomfortable silence]

[mumbling] Right. Um...

Follow me.

Synthetic aperture radar view of Paris during the 2019 drought.

Open source analysts. Bless them, it's like Christmas every day!

Now. For centuries, a rumor has circulated of a tunnel

built to enable escape from the Louvre in times of peril.

It was bricked up during the Revolution, so the rumor went,

its endpoint long forgotten.

But do you see this line here?

This.

That is proof that the rumor is true.

The tunnel is real.

Now I know it.

And you know it too.

It runs 42 feet under street level,

directly into the basement of this building.

The Académie Française?

-It would appear so, yes. -So...

Break into the Académie Française

-and steal the Mona Lisa? -Oui.

And then what? We blow up the Eiffel Tower?

Me, you, her? That's it?

Yes. No mercenaries.

You two are all I've ever needed.

[sigh]

Two towering talents.

My own flesh and blood.

So you were a real thief, huh?

Back in the day.

Anything we might have heard of?

Um, well.

It's very rare

that anyone brags about being robbed, but...

Let's see.

Uhh...

Shall we say,

the Mumbai Taj Mahal in '95, perhaps?

[soft dramatic music]

The Romanov necklace?

You mean... You are the Snow Leopard?

Tabloids' invention.

That always sounded like a shitty heavy metal band to me.

But, yes, I am he.

I thought the Snow Leopard died in prison in Mogadishu.

He did. But I didn't.

Anyway.

Would you do me the honor of being my guests for the night?

I can explain the plan in the morning and you can decide

whether it's your cup of tea.

[tender piano music]

[keyboard tapping]

Father of FERRARO CHIARA.

[tender music swells]

CAVENDISH ROGER is the father of FERRARO CHIARA.

Cup of tea...

[soft laugh]

[playful funky music]

[low whirring]

If we do this job, and I mean if, we need some ground rules.

-I know, I shook my ass... -I wasn't looking.

[dubious] OK. Sure.

No, I really wasn't.

It didn't feel like that.

At the time we didn't know, bro.

-So you were looking. -No!

I wasn't looking, no!

-Nice room. -Big brother.

-How old are you? -30.

-So am I. -I meant 31. Loser.

-Good night, little ghost. -Good night, 30 seconds.

[sweeping dramatic music]

-OK. This had better be... -An amazing plan.

An amazing plan.

Shall we begin?

Seven days from today, the 18th of October,

the Louvre closes at 6 p.m.

Maintenance works till 9, leaving it pristine for the morning.

2,000 guards, brigade of police, and the French military.

By that time, Jay, you enter the Académie through the bricked-up passage.

Meanwhile, Chiara, on the church terrace overlooking the museum,

you access the security network.

Meanwhile, you guide Jay to cut the power.

Backup generator, 12 seconds to kick in.

And I believe that more or less covers everything.

-Seven days. -Yes.

-Not a lot of time to prep. -But more than enough

for you to find a way into the Louvre's security network

thanks to your VR intrusion technique

and for Jay to find a way to breach that tunnel.

And 12 seconds for the lift itself.

It's tight. But doable.

A young man of your talents?

[Roger] Come on.

Still. Seven days.

I know. Normally we'd have to wait till Christmas.

But it was kind enough of the personnel to announce

they're going on strike next week. [chuckles]

Vive la France!

Zero visitors.

Minimal guards. The opportunity of a lifetime.

So I ask you:

Shall we do this together?

As a family.

[up-tempo rock music]

Yeah.

Marvelous!

Right. Now, here are the technical details.

Read it. Study it. Commit it to memory.

Then do it again.

Actually, you can do it on the road.

["Smile Mona Lisa" by will.i.am playing]

♪ Let me tell you 'bout my girlfriend ♪

♪ My girlfriend Mona Lisa... ♪

Can we stop? I need to pee.

-But you went at lunch. -That was two hours ago.

Well, all those energy drinks may have something to do with it.

It's right here. What's the problem?

-I want to hit Paris before 6. -That's in 3 hours!

Yes, and if we're caught in rush hour, we won't get there until 8!

OK, fine. Eyes on the road.

Oh my God!

Christ on a fucking bike!

-The can or out the window. Your choice. -No pissing in the Jag!

-[Chiara] Disgusting. -Relax.

Ugh!

-What's the problem? -We have an appointment.

Can't you just call the guy?

It's a lady, and she doesn't have a phone!

[camera shutters clicking]

[Roger] Sorry, so sorry.

Sorry, we're with the museum, darling.

All right, here we are.

There we are.

Show some respect.

♪ ...Let me tell you 'bout my baby ♪

♪ My baby Mona Lisa ♪

♪ She told me that I'm acting crazy ♪

-♪ She said I need to free her ♪ -[deep breath]

[tour guide speaking Korean]

[Roger] Here we are, kids. Right across from our target.

That didn't help me figure out where to plug in the pineapple.

Plug what?

It's a hacking device. So I can grab the signal from the outside.

-Where would you put that? -That's the whole point.

Why don't we discuss this inside. Shall we?

[sigh of relief] Welcome to our Parisian pied-à-terre.

Where is my room?

Upstairs.

Shoes off, please. The deposit is obscene.

You two kids don't mind sharing a room, do you?

I thought it might give you the opportunity to bond.

Do we have to?

Oh, I'm sorry. The Ritz was all booked up.

Dinner at 7?

You know, my place isn't far.

-Maybe I'll just crash there. -Out of the question.

We are family. This is Cavendish HQ.

We stick together, just the three of us, until the job is done.

-Understood? -Mm-hmm.

Why do you get the big bed?

-Hmm? -Why do you get the big bed?

Um, because I'm sitting on it.

OK.

-Problem? -Yeah, you are the fucking problem.

[beep]

-[in Italian] What? -What?

Nothing you can understand.

[upbeat funk music]

[Jay] For the explosives, I need to know how much to use.

Too little, the wall stays.

Too much, the whole building blows up.

So my first stop is the basement of the Académie Française.

Stones, bricks, or concrete.

I just need to see what I'm working with.

How do you plan on getting in?

Planning is for losers.

But we are literally planning.

-Ever heard the word "talent"? -Not around you.

I'll get in, hit the basement,

straight through the tunnel wall, in and out in 60 seconds.

-Like a rock star. -Ooh.

Full English.

And what about you, my dear?

The infamous pineapple.

Did you find a place to plant it?

Yeah, I'm on it today.

Last night, I attempted a VR intrusion into their security system.

It's old, but it's a proper minefield.

[effortful grunt]

I was looking for the perfect spot to plug it in,

but the only access I found is above the VIP lounge,

and I'm not a VIP.

That's just one problem,

'cause the second I'm inside the system, I'll trigger a red flag.

[alert beeping]

[frustrated sigh]

To get around that, I'll need a permission token.

What's a permission token?

High-end tech security.

A sort of physical digital key. Impossible to duplicate.

But don't worry. I've got that covered.

See? Daddy's in charge.

[Roger chuckles]

Reunion regression. I've read about this.

When orphans are reunited with their biological parents...

-Never mind. -Usually, it's younger children.

I said, never mind!

-[shocked laugh] -It's all right.

[cool up-tempo music]

[in French] Counterintelligence Security Service.

I need to access the basement immediately.

-Of course. -Which way?

-This door? -Yes. Wait, let me call my supervisor.

Absolutely not. Don't play hero. You're doing just fine.

The key, please.

["Paris (Ooh La La)" [by Grace Potter & the Nocturnals playing]

[timer beeps]

♪ You got me down on the floor ♪

[beep]

♪ So what'd you bring me down here for? ♪

♪ You got me down on the floor... ♪

OK.

[counter beeping]

ARCHIVES ROOM

-[in French] Hello? -Mourad, is that you?

-What's going on? -You should get down here.

OK.

[in French] What the hell is this?

[dramatic music]

[in French] What?

[in English] Planning is for losers.

[chime]

Fuck! Fuck!

[frustrated growl]

OK.

[men talking loudly]

[in French] ...an explosion!

Stay here.

[in French] Fuck.

♪ ...I'd break the law ♪

♪ And if I was from Paris ♪

♪ If I was from Paris ♪

♪ I would say, "Ooh la la, la, la-la, la-la" ♪

[song fades]

-How'd it go? -Fantastic.

-Dropped your phone? -Kind of.

-Hmm. -Hmm.

-You get what you needed? -Yeah.

The tunnel is limestone and mortar.

I'll go with the slime gun.

-[Roger] What's that? -Personal creation.

Well, I look forward to hearing all about it.

Lunch in five minutes. I kept it light.

Lay the table, please.

[playful music]

So, planning is for losers, huh?

Especially when you work with a back-stabber.

Hmm.

This is yours, right?

Kind of small.

[laughs]

You have no idea what you're talking about, sister.

You want to dance, huh?

Is that it, daddy's girl?

If you don't plan properly, we all get fucking caught.

And I'm not spending my life in prison because you're a lazy dick.

What about the mango shit, daddy's busy girl?

It's pineapple, mommy's lover boy.

Still looking for an excuse to fail?

[Roger] Enough!

You brainless little shits! I cannot believe this.

You think the men who pulled off the great train robbery

or the Amherst diamond heist

wasted their time squabbling with each other?

No! I don't think so!

This unseemly fighting

is putting the job at risk and I will not permit it.

It took me ten years to come up with this plan.

And we've got six days to pull it off.

And you have just wasted one, you brainless little shits!

Not wasted.

In fact, I did well today for a brainless little shit.

And I'm sure my brainless sister

is going to crack her kiwi fruit problem.

-[Chiara] Pineapple! -All right.

What about that permission token?

I told you, that's taken care of.

The Louvre outsources their security to the Tyrannus Corporation.

The Tyrannus Corporation is headed up by one Monsieur Bartoli.

Monsieur Bartoli keeps the token on his person at all times.

He is also

a member of the Guild of Truffle Enthusiasts,

THE BLACK DIAMOND - INVITATION

and like any good foodie, he cannot resist an invitation.

-OK. Not bad. -Not bad?

Darling, I'm English. Not bad is what I say when I orgasm.

Nope, no thanks.

[dramatic mysterious music]

[old, quavering voice] So, our friend Cavendish has been seen in town.

Yes, sir. He has.

That was yesterday and I only find out now.

Well, sir, we thought...

Shut the fuck up.

You are merely a status symbol.

[rasping breath] Just go bring Cavendish.

And if he doesn't comply, shoot him in the face.

[telephone rings]

[Roger] Hello?

This is he.

-[man] Mr. van Klum wants to see you. -Oh he does?

[Roger] Same hotel? Penthouse?

[man] The car is waiting for you downstairs.

Right.

I'll be right down.

[tense music]

[tense music continues]

[elevator dings]

[beeps]

[doors shut]

-Have you been? -Hmm?

We just had a private tour!

Of the Louvre! You know, that big museum down by the river.

-Oh. -Just the two of us.

In a world of art.

All to yourselves? Le Louvre?

VIP tour. Probably walked miles in there.

VIP lounge and everything?

Yeah. Everyone's a VIP as long as they're paying, am I right?

-Hmm. -Bye now.

Bye.

-[man] Could have used a golf cart. -[woman] Best anniversary ever.

[man] Oh yes.

[up-tempo funky music]

[electronic whirring]

[beep]

[Van Klum] Mr. Cavendish...

Congratulations.

[Roger] On what?

[Van Klum] Your plan.

-I guess you have a plan. -[Roger] It's a family secret.

[Van Klum laughs derisively] Family...

I'm surprised you even know the word.

You made a promise to me, remember?

-Yes, of course I remember. -Don't disappoint me.

This is your last chance.

I expect you to deliver on October 20th.

-[Roger] I will. -OK.

Fuck off.

[music fades]

[sighs]

[soft climactic music]

Nighttime stroll?

Yes, I'm not sleeping well these days.

You told us you didn't have a buyer.

I hope you understand that I'm doing everything I can to protect you.

So to protect us, you lie to us?

The man I met tonight is indeed our buyer.

He's very rich and very powerful.

He's also profoundly cruel and vindictive.

Who is it?

A man one would never hope to know.

Because knowing him

means he'd know you too.

Where did the bidding war go?

There never was one.

You agreed on a price?

-From the outset. -Which is?

Postcode.

In the Azores. Middle of the Atlantic.

J-7-Q-H Cascalho.

That code relates to a transit facility

for the largest oceanic cable in the world.

Billions of financial transactions pass through it every day.

And for each one,

the beneficial owners receive a percentage of that transaction's value.

Which comes to what?

Five dollars.

[both laugh]

Per second.

[intriguing music]

That's 157 million dollars per year.

Until the end of time.

It's the fortune of the century.

It also saves us the trouble of handling billions in cash,

which is about as safe as

drying your pubic hair over an active volcano.

Ah.

OK.

Good.

Get some rest. 'Cause very soon,

it's going to be you, you, me

and...

Mama Lisa.

[door opens]

[door shuts]

You still trust him?

[sighs] I don't know.

I mean, we could do it without him.

Cut him out, you know?

Now that we know his plan.

We kind of need him.

To get the permission token from that guy, Bartoli.

I have a guy in Napoli. He can steal your socks without taking your shoes off.

But how would we fence the painting? I mean...

We don't have the right contacts. We can't just sell it on eBay.

Sure there is a risk.

But it's still better than going back to stealing sneakers, no?

[chuckles] Yup.

Let's finish prep.

Keep a close eye.

If he does anything weird, we make a decision.

Together.

Got your back, little ghost.

Me too, 30 seconds.

Oh, I found the solution for the pineapple.

[exciting funky music]

[woman] It will be my pleasure to give you

a VIP tour of our world-famous art collection.

[in French] Great. Fantastic.

-[in French] Are you French? -Yes, but my wife's Italian.

My stepfather offered us this tour as a wedding gift.

Art, culture, and whatnot.

-[in English] Did you ask her? -Oh yeah, you're right.

[in French] My wife would like to go to the restroom.

Do you have a VIP area where she can avoid the crowd?

[in French] We have a VIP room. Would that be okay?

It's right here.

Wonderful.

RESTROOM

[in French] Please.

[awkward filler words] Hmm.

[in French] She's just reconnected with her dad after a few years apart,

and she's going through a phase of regression.

Ah. Sorry to hear that.

[in French] Urinary issues.

I hope it'll pass.

[footsteps echoing]

[in French] Is something wrong?

That noise up there. Did you hear it?

No, I didn't.

[in Italian] Fuck!

[in French] And now?

No, still nothing.

Have you ever had auditory hallucinations?

No.

-Do you ever get migraines? -Sometimes.

[beep]

Have you ever heard of that syndrome...

Cavendish syndrome?

What?

Not to worry you, but you should see a neurologist.

[in English] And here you are. Are we done, my love?

-I was wondering, what's your name? -Camille.

Camilla, why don't we take a selfie together?

Awesome!

You don't mind, do you? It's for my father.

[Jay] Smile!

Smile!

-[Jay] Yes. -[Chiara] All good.

Pineapple and magnetic key.

Well done, sis. We are good to go.

I hope Papino doesn't have another surprise for us.

[tense sigh]

[muffled Italian techno music]

[shower running]

["Bando" by Anna playing]

[music continues]

[music stops abruptly]

[soft suspenseful music]

ATTORNEY HUBERT BOYER

Uhh, a lawyer, it seems.

A lawyer?

Yeah.

What for?

Maybe he's getting ready to throw us under the bus.

You still got his feed?

I got his feed, your feed, everybody's feed.

Uh, OK.

[Roger] Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.

I thought I'd have more time to put my affairs in order,

but things have taken an unexpectedly urgent turn.

I want everything left to them. Without fail.

[French man] Mademoiselle Chiara Ferraro and Monsieur Jérémie Mercier?

[Roger] Yes. The villa, all my assets.

Paperwork to be completed by tomorrow.

-[French man] This leaves little time. -I know.

But I've done nothing for them my entire life

and I'll be damned if I let that happen again.

Should anything happen to me.

[French man] Certainly, sir. I'll make the necessary arrangements.

[emotional music]

[Jay sighs]

-OK, so... -We are terrible people.

We are terrible people.

Hm.

[gentle sweet music]

-[Italian oldies playing on the radio] -[silverware clinking]

[Roger] Hello?

-Hi. -Ciao.

-Cooking, I see. -[Chiara] Yes.

-Dinner. -Our turn.

Ah.

Let me check my schedule.

Turns out I'm free. [chuckles]

What's the occasion?

Uh, team-building.

Trust, actually.

[Roger] Right.

What do children cook for their father these days?

Pasta alla ladra.

-[speaking Italian] -[speaking French]

To the lonely ones.

[Roger, with relish] I love a good pasta.

[all] Mmm.

[Jay] Very, very good.

Mmm.

[pained gasp]

Ooh la la.

Oh my.

I've been robbed of all feeling here. [chortles]

Anyway. Um, I'd like to just say something, if that's all right.

I'm old,

and, um, I'd rather have a dozen root canals

than explain how I feel in my heart,

but when I met you both,

I thought that I would, um...

I thought that you would resent

me for my absence

and I thought that you would have missed my presence.

[emotional music]

And as it turns out, I am the one

who resents me for my absence

and who missed your presence all those years.

And so...

[emotional sigh]

Anyway.

Come with me. Come.

Come!

There she is.

She's waiting for us, my dears.

Waiting to break free.

Shall we run it once more?

[both agree]

9:30, Monsieur Bartoli arrives at the restaurant.

He obliges me with his token.

9:40, enter Académie.

Token received. Begin infiltration.

9:50, Mona Lisa has a hot flash.

-Enter tunnel. -9:55.

-Into storeroom. -10:03, lights off.

-10:05, up the stairs. -Power off.

-Enter. Lift. -Power back on.

-10:10, staff exit. -Transport ready.

-10:12, rue de Rivoli. -10:13, en viaggio.

-Boom! -Boom.

Boom.

[Roger chuckles]

[deep breath]

We didn't miss anything, right?

Yeah, I know. It totally feels like we missed something.

No.

Nothing. You missed nothing.

Trust me.

They'll never see it coming.

Monsieur Bartoli will have no idea I've stolen the security token from him.

Thanks to which, Chiara,

security will have no idea

you're virtually neutralizing their network.

And you, Jay, thanks to your sister,

the police will have no idea you're coming through the tunnel into the museum.

By the time they realize what's happening,

we'll have pulled off our magic trick.

[up-tempo dramatic music]

[suspenseful music]

THE BLACK DIAMOND

-[in French] Good evening. -Welcome, sir.

I believe you have a table reserved under my name.

[in French] I trust this table will suit you.

Great.

Thank you.

Allow me to present the menu our chef has curated for this exceptional occasion.

Great. Thank you very much.

[laughing politely] Sir.

[in French] You're about to see God. I promise you.

[Roger chuckles]

[in English] Their opening salvo is a textbook melanosporum

from clay-rich, first blush Périgord.

It almost ruins other restaurants.

[both chuckle]

[in English] I imagine we have to take the risk.

Ah, yes. [laughs] Very well put.

Well said. Yes, yes.

Well. Bon appétit, then.

[in French] Thank you.

-Oh! -Oh?

[pained groan]

[in English] Something not OK?

No, my old shrapnel friend seems to want to join the party.

-Your shrapnel... -Yes.

[sighs] Bosnia.

-The war... -Oh.

My tank hit a mine.

[deep sigh] Damn Chetniks.

[groans in pain] The medics couldn't get it out.

It's terrible when you go through an airport.

Should I call a doctor?

No, no, no. It's very simple, really.

I just need someone to, sort of, hold me

[stammering] and stretch out the spine a bit.

-Would you? -Oh! Well...

No, of course. I'm so sorry. That was rude.

Would you be so kind?

[intriguing music]

-Of course. -Thank you. It's very quick.

Show me what to do.

Put your arms around me.

Gently, now. Gently but firmly.

-OK. -Stretch me.

Stretch me. Firmly, gently! [pained yelp]

Gently but firmly!

Jiggle, jiggle.

Jiggle, jiggle.

[Roger moans]

[ecstatic cry]

[both gasping]

-[Roger sighs] -That's fine?

Yes. That's it.

-It's OK? -Oh, thank you so much.

I won't be in a wheelchair now, thanks to you.

[fake laughter]

Thank you.

Thank you. I'm so sorry. So sorry.

Lovely. Ooh, much better!

I feel like an eight year old again.

[cool funky music]

[triumphant music]

[music fades]

[beep]

Dragonfly on its way.

Onward, Cavendishes.

Cavendish ready.

Cavendish ready.

[badass music]

[beep]

[whirring]

[whirring]

[French TV playing in background]

[sizzling]

[alarm wailing]

[guard, in French] Shit.

[multiple alarms ringing]

[badass music continues]

[dragonfly whirring]

[beep]

[digital humming and pulsing]

[soaring dramatic music]

[exhilarated sigh]

[electronic whirring and beeping]

[music fades]

[Chiara] OK. I'm inside the system.

I'm gonna take care of the Mona Lisa.

[Jay] OK. I'm working on the wall now.

[wet thudding]

HUMIDITY

-[in French] Yesterday's report? -Yeah, I'm looking at the footage.

[beep]

-Can you send it to me? -Yes, boss.

[beeping continues]

[beeping stops]

[angry beeps]

Uh, Mo? Come see.

What's wrong?

I don't know, it's the humidity sensor.

What's wrong with it?

It's acting up.

-It's the Mona Lisa. -Let me have a look.

-[mouse clicks] -[angry beeps]

Nothing's working.

[funky upbeat music]

[rock crumbling]

[rocks fissuring and crumbling]

[crumbling stops]

[panting]

[Jay] I got through the wall.

[Chiara] Well done. Who said planning was for losers?

[Jay] Yeah.

[suspenseful music]

[shouts]

What was that?

[groans] I'd like a word or two with the maintenance guy.

[grunts]

All good?

Yeah. I mean,

I'm in.

But I hope there's really an exit on the other side.

You know, there's always a reason to seal a tunnel.

-Usually zombies. -Zombies. Can't wait.

Thanks.

ENVIRONMENTAL CONDITIONS ALERT

[in French] Shit.

Come with me.

[suspenseful funky music]

[in French] We're there.

There should be condensation or something like that.

[sighs]

It looks fine.

With 99% humidity, are you just waiting for her to drown in there?

We need your permission to move it.

-You have it. Take it to the lab. -Very well.

[alarm beeping]

-Mo to Benjy. Do you copy? -Yeah.

Check the backbone of the security network to make sure there's no bug.

I was about to call you. Something's wrong with the B122 relay.

The environmental sensors?

Exactly.

Where is it?

[hesitating] Richelieu wing, on the second floor.

The access is above the VIP room.

Can you go have a look?

Yeah.

Let's move it.

[grand orchestral music]

[trolley beeping]

[panting] Fuck.

[music stops abruptly]

[in French] Fuck.

What's wrong?

There's always this security guy who says, "Why don't we put one more door?"

Well, fuck that guy!

-Can't you blow it up? -No, I can't.

I can hear the river right above my head.

-Maybe there's another way. -There's no other way!

I don't want to drown in the dark in a tunnel.

OK, you're right. Let's talk.

It's impossible. That's it.

OK, that's what I said. Go back!

I can't, I can't, I can't!

Can't you hear me? The ladder broke.

I can't go back up the fucking well.

-I can't go back up! -[Roger] It's OK, son.

-Dad? -It's OK. A young man of your talent?

I'm sure you can control

this blast perfectly, I know you can.

I'm not so sure.

Did I ever tell you about my escape from the Mogadishu jail?

The tunnel I dug came out in a sewer

and some tit had blocked up the manhole

with one extra grate.

I thought I was going to drown in an ocean of Mogadishu effluent.

But I refused to surrender.

So I scraped the cement away with my spoon,

and when my spoon gave out,

I went at it with my bare fingers.

And then my teeth.

And that is why I'm still here today.

What I'm saying is, believe in yourself, son.

I do.

OK.

Kingery-Bulmash equation.

Peak over pressure,

impulse,

shockwave duration.

[deep breath]

[Chiara] Jay, you there?

[Roger] Jay? Are you all right?

[relieved laugh]

[jubilant shout]

-[Jay] I'm still alive! -[she laughs]

[music continues]

-[scanner beeps] -[door hisses]

[in French] Watch out on the right.

PRESERVATION LABORATORY

Easy.

What's next?

-We wait for the curator. -OK.

It's now or never, isn't it?

[dramatic music]

[awed gasp]

Holy shit.

[tense music]

[rocks clattering]

[rocks crumbling and shifting]

[breathing heavily]

[tired sigh]

-I'm in the storeroom. -Halfway there, bro.

-Ready. -[Chiara] Copy that.

On my count.

[electronic whoosh]

Three... Two... One...

Clear.

[Chiara] Keep going. They can't see you.

[wet footsteps squelching]

[in French] What a mess. We lost visual in staircase D3.

-We're leaking everywhere here. -You bet.

Benjy, do you copy?

-Yeah. -Where are you?

Almost there.

[laughing] It's like we're the VIPs tonight.

[upbeat tense music]

[deep breath]

In position. Your call.

OK.

On my way.

[soaring music]

Ah.

[low-key suspenseful music]

[Chiara] Almost there. Get ready.

-[Jay] Sure there's no backup? -Wanna bet? Strip poker?

[Jay] Is that a yes or a no?

Going dark, Cavendish.

Three... Two... One...

[long deep breath]

[soaring dramatic music]

Go!

[playful tense music]

[music intensifies]

[music stops]

[generator begins humming]

[in French] What was that?

What the hell?

Well, looks like we're not the only ones on strike.

[intriguing music]

[door opens]

[in French] Who's that guy?

He's from maintenance, isn't he?

What is he carrying?

Should we go check?

[in French] Ostrich egg sabayon with shaved melanosporum truffle.

[tense funky music]

[man, in French] Hey!

Let me see what you're taking out.

This?

Yeah.

Of course.

I had class before my shift.

What do you think?

Be honest.

You can go.

Clear.

Thanks.

[dramatic music]

-[beep] -[music stops]

[distorted footsteps]

[music intensifies]

-[music stops] -[Chiara] Go!

[cool funky music]

[in French] What's going on?

Don't worry. It should be back soon.

[soft suspenseful music]

[music fades]

[peaceful orchestral music]

[giddy cackling]

[tracker pinging]

[giddy cackling]

[music fades]

[cool up-tempo music]

[in French] Flambéed venison roast, truffled celeriac,

and Périgourdine sauce.

[cool suspenseful music]

[Roger, distorted] Jiggle.

[distorted] Jiggle, jiggle.

[music stops]

[in French] Mo?

I'm listening.

I just found a weird device. It's not ours.

What?

[cool suspenseful music]

I don't know. It's like we're being hacked.

The Mona Lisa is here. It's fine.

[phone vibrating]

Yes?

Benamar. Is everything okay?

We had to move the Mona Lisa. Something was off with the sensors.

But is there something wrong?

I... I'm not sure. Why?

I think someone stole my access key.

[dramatic music]

[cool suspenseful music]

Fuck. All units, lockdown.

Lockdown now.

[alarm blaring]

[loud beeping]

-[music stops] -[alarms wailing]

[bicycle bell rings]

[police sirens wailing]

Go, ragazzo.

[deep sigh]

["You Don't Own Me" by Lesley Gore playing]

♪ You don't own me ♪

♪ I'm not just one of your many toys ♪

♪ You don't own me ♪

♪ Don't say I can't go with other boys ♪

♪ And don't tell me what to do ♪

♪ Don't tell me what to say ♪

♪ And please, when I go out with you... ♪

How is the wind?

Steady from the west.

We didn't miss anything, right?

No. No, I don't think we did. You're right.

We didn't miss a fucking...

[siren fades into distance]

Fuck.

-[more sirens wailing] -Fuck...

[sigh of relief]

[both laughing]

♪ ...I don't tell you what to do ♪

♪ So just let me be myself ♪

♪ That's all I ask of you ♪

♪ I'm young and I love to be young ♪

♪ I'm free and I love to be free ♪

♪ To live my life the way I want ♪

♪ To say and do whatever I please... ♪

She's right above us.

[Chiara] Come to mama.

[air hissing]

-There! -Yeah.

♪ ...And don't tell me what to do ♪

♪ Don't tell me what to say ♪

[Chiara laughs]

♪ And please, when I go out with you ♪

♪ Don't put me on display ♪

♪ I don't tell you what to say ♪

♪ I don't tell you what to do ♪

♪ So just let me be myself... ♪

[joyful laugh]

[she laughs]

[song fades]

[birds chirping]

[touching music]

[shouts happily] I knew you could do it!

I knew it, I knew it! Come here!

I knew you could do it, I knew it!

Show me.

[awed sigh] My God.

-Police? -Chasing their tails in Paris.

-In the wind. -Yes.

That doesn't mean they can't trace your vehicle. We still do the swap.

-It's too dangerous. -They'll put you in jail!

No! I won't hear of it.

This is your masterpiece. I want you to take it in the Jag.

Meet me at the safehouse.

If I'm not there in 48 hours,

I want you to hide it away safely

and then go to Zurich.

This way.

Understand? And live off this.

And then disappear.

And do not try to find me. I will find you.

-Why don't we all go in the Jag? -Yes, come with us.

No, because the terriers need something to chase after.

But I don't want to lose you now.

I know. We'll see each other again soon.

-I promise. -We only just got to know each other.

Now go.

Go. Now!

[soaring melancholy music]

I think we're good.

Let's get her inside.

[dramatic whoosh]

[mysterious Western music]

We never left the car.

When I went to the toilet?

I stayed.

No one touched the trunk. Impossible.

[gear mechanism clicking]

A modified trunk?

Maybe Dad knew about this.

He would have told us.

[music echoes dramatically]

[Jay] It's motorized.

Fucking painting-stealing machine.

Yeah.

We did miss something after all.

Family heist.

No problem if you're the Borgias.

[tense Western music]

-Unless your mother... -No, no, no, no, no.

The DNA tests could have been fakes, but my mom confirmed it.

-Did she? -Don't-Don't say it!

-Think. -Nothing to think about.

-Do you trust her? -Of course, she's my mother!

No mother would do that. How would you know?

I don't know much about mothers, but I do know a scam.

-You could have said something! -You convinced me, mommy's boy!

-You're just jealous, I get it. -Of what?

I have a mother, I have a father. That's a fact.

But then who are you? Huh?

An employee?

[in Italian] You pretentious piece of shit.

-You're an asshole. -[in French] I know that word.

-"Mom, Dad, look at me!" -You know what?

-You bitch. -You're insignificant!

You can type on a keyboard.

When it's time to act, you're a no-show.

The robbery, the Mona Lisa, I did it!

Yes, you did it, so what?

What? You done?

-That's it? -Wait, please. Wait.

It's too late to be sorry.

No matter who that guy is, he scammed us.

-Right? -Yes, he scammed us.

It's pretty clear.

So, imagine.

We are him. We just pulled off a big one.

What comes next?

[ominous music]

C-4. Old school. One thing in life you can count on.

And... Boom.

[phone beeping]

-[in French] Hi, darling. -I need to talk to you, Mom.

How's your dad? Are you two getting along?

He paid you, right?

-Paid me? -Yeah, paid you.

That's what I said. Did he pay you?

[stammering] Of course not. Not at all.

-Cut the bullshit. -Hey, Jérémie. Please.

[woman] Room service.

Where are you? Are you kidding me?

Where are you? Tell me.

-I'll explain. -Go ahead. Are you in Tahiti?

Come on, of course I'm not.

-Where are you then? -I can't hear you.

Don't, Mom.

You're cutting out. Hello?

Hello? Mom?

Fuck!

Mona Lisa: Still missing

[Jay, in English] How we did not see this coming?

[Chiara] Everything was part of the plan.

The DNA lab, the house...

The Jag...

He manipulated us.

And when he felt we had doubts, he pulled the lawyer trick.

Affairs in order, but things have taken an unexpectedly urgent turn.

[recording] Mademoiselle Chiara Ferraro

and Monsieur Jérémie Mercier...

[Roger] Paperwork to be completed by tomorrow.

[recording] This leaves little time.

[Roger] I know.

[frustrated sigh]

So you're not even my sister.

I was never anybody's sister or daughter.

Um...

I never imagined

what having a sister would feel like, and...

I will miss you.

A lot.

I'll always be your sister.

If you want to be my brother.

OK! Now.

-[heavy thud] -We're gonna get him.

Right now he's in Mexico or Jakarta.

Not yet. First,

he has to make a delivery.

-He just crossed into Italy. -What's that?

He's got a pacemaker. It works on Bluetooth.

-So his doctor can monitor him remotely. -How do you know that?

Because I'm fucking good at what I do.

[quiet intriguing music]

[woman] It's been just over a day since the Louvre confirmed

that Leonardo Da Vinci's Mona Lisa,

one of the most famous paintings in the world,

was stolen from the museum in the middle of the night.

The details remain unclear, but the theft...

-[clicks button] -[man speaking Italian]

[loud beeping]

[dramatic music sting]

[uneasy sigh]

[loud beeping]

[sighs again]

And you can bugger off as well.

[tense music]

He hasn't been moving for hours.

Maybe it's just a decoy signal.

Or he's still asleep.

Why wait?

I say we stick him up now. In and out, 60 seconds.

Then what? We cannot fence it.

He wasn't lying about that.

Oh, look! He's on the move.

OK. So, now he makes the sale,

he gets his pay-off.

Cash, Bitcoin, property title, whatever. And we rob him.

Roadside stick-up. Old school!

60 seconds.

[together] Yes!

[dramatic music sting]

[in Italian] Old bastard.

[in French] Old bastard.

[suspenseful funk music]

He's taking a left. One kilometer ahead.

OK.

[nervous percussive music]

[Western stand-off music]

[brake squeaks]

Don't.

[tense music]

[heavy clunk]

[nervous sigh]

-[suspenseful music] -[walkie-talkies crackling]

Drone.

[Jay] OK.

OK.

[dragonfly whirrs]

Watch out!

Mr. Cavendish.

It's so nice of you to be on time.

Well, you know me.

I aim to please.

[mirthless chuckle]

[feeble groan] And you didn't come empty-handed.

Oh, I did not.

Shall we?

My team set up everything we need in there.

Come on.

Let's go.

We're ready for you, professor.

There we are.

I see that you've got everything prepared. I brought these.

But, uh,

I think your kit is a cut above.

I'm surprised you're surprised.

[whirring]

-Behind the tree. -Yeah, I know. I can see it.

-[Van Klum] OK. -Right.

I'm ready.

[moans]

There she is.

In the flesh.

[quirky playful music]

Dr. Ludovico says, no more...

Shut the fuck up.

[lighter clicks]

[slow rasping inhale]

[slow sinister exhale]

So... [raspy cough]

Da Vinci painted

a draft sketch underneath the painting, I believe.

Yes. The pentimenti of the hands and the beginnings of another portrait.

I do hope you're not planning on passing off another

fake like the last time,

are you?

Alternative authenticity, if you don't mind.

No, no, no.

Certainly not.

OK.

I don't just pay for the painting.

The story is part of the deal.

Wait, what was it,

that family secret you told me about?

Secrets are like mushrooms, old boy.

Mushrooms?

Better kept in the dark?

Hmm. I don't know what they're talking about.

-How do you do that? -Oh, my foster sister was deaf.

She taught me.

Well, I needed to find professionals who were pliant and wouldn't pry.

And given that there are so many

fractured families in the criminal underworld,

I thought, what better role to play

than that of a long-lost father?

The difficult thing was finding the perfect dummies.

Dummies?

[in Italian] Idiots?

[Roger] Two stupid,

gullible young kids.

[Van Klum] Oh my God.

You old bastard.

Well done.

Professor.

-Happy? -Well, yes.

-The substratum imaging seems correct. -[Van Klum] OK.

And the craquelure is a match.

Naturally, I would need a full day to confirm...

It appears we have a winner here, Mr. Cavendish.

Congratulations, then, on your new acquisition.

-Yeah. -Which brings me to our arrangement.

Yeah, absolutely. You are absolved of your debt to me.

Having said that,

[gasps]

How can I possibly keep anyone alive

who knows what I now possess?

I'm sure even you understand,

Cavendish.

Thank you, Bruno. Truly.

Thank you?

[grunts] Whatever for?

[dramatic music]

For playing directly into my hands.

[in French] Don't move.

[loud bang]

What?

[panting]

[soft chuckle]

[dramatic action music]

[yelling in French]

[in French] Let me see your hands!

Fuck!

Ladies and gentlemen!

[in French] French Republic.

[in English] On a repatriation mission,

[in French] Élysée?

Lise is coming back home.

[gunshot]

[soldier shouting in Italian]

[shouting in Italian]

[in Italian] Italian armed forces, nobody moves.

[in French] Shit.

[dramatic music]

[in Italian] Palazzo Chigi? The Gioconda is back home.

[in French] The Italians are here. Operation compromised.

Smoke screen requested before evacuation.

[helicopter whirring]

[muffled blasts]

[Jay] Go, go!

[smoke hissing]

[engine turning over]

[French soldier] Let's get out of here!

[French soldier] Come on, let's not stay here!

[Chiara] No?

[in French] Come on.

[engine turning over]

-Soldiers. -Huh?

Stop!

[Jay, in French] Fuck!

[bullets whizz and ricochet]

[maniacal cackling]

[Italian police scanner] I have a car heading for the French border.

Copy that. We're on it.

[haunting operatic music]

[dramatic music]

[music stops]

[muffled shout]

Oh come on, get a grip!

[muffled] Fuck!

[frustrated scream] Fuck!

[exasperated sigh] Shit...

Get in. Now. Come on!

[badass music]

-Great to meet you, you fucking sociopath! -Quite so. How do you do?

You fucking traitor!

I just saved your arses, by the fucking way!

OK. So, where is our money?

Money? There's no money.

[together] What?

But you gave the painting to the guy in the wheelchair.

-Correct. -For free?

Did you really think we'd get away with stealing and fencing

the most valuable painting in the world?

That'd be like trying to sell a nuclear bomb in a farmer's market!

So why did you give it to him?

Brace yourselves!

[Chiara and Jay scream]

[raging in Italian]

The painting was leverage.

-I was in debt to van Klum. -Van who?

The guy in the wheelchair.

-What kind of debt? -Big.

-What did you do to him? -Let's not go there.

-So what went wrong? -[he sighs]

Men like him, they just keep coming.

The only way I could be free was if he was in prison or dead.

So you called the French and the Italians.

And they catch him holding the Mona Lisa,

the one thing his money cannot protect him from.

And you knew the French were gonna use smoke to escape!

-Smarter than I thought. -Fuck you!

-You're not even the Snow Leopard. -I know I'm not! I'm a liar!

I'm an awful, horrible person, a loathsome piece of shit.

But you two are the only family I've ever had.

God, I want to puke.

That happens when you look in the mirror!

-He's just lying again. -No, I'm not. I wasn't lying back there!

Well, hardly. A little bit. Just... For...

Brace yourselves.

[both yelp]

[all panting]

[car turns off]

All right, out. Both of you, now.

Out! Now. Quickly.

[Roger] Dammit.

Fuck.

Right.

The Italians are back that way, the French on the other side, no doubt.

But this is technically a no-man's-land.

Neither of them can enter here.

That door

is an old evacuation route for the workers who built this place.

It was my intention to ditch the car and disappear through that,

but then you two showed up and...

[exasperated sigh]

[incredulous laugh]

[resigned sigh]

[steely sigh]

Here.

Take it.

It's rusty, but I oiled the lock.

Go.

-Why are you doing this? -Why don't you come?

[stammering] Why am I doing it?

Because they don't know about you yet.

No one's after you yet

and I never thought I'd say this,

but if anything bad has to happen to anyone,

I'd rather it happen to me than to you two.

We love you too, crazy prick.

It's what fathers do.

Isn't it?

You are not our father, Roger.

Right, yes. Sorry.

So who are you, really?

Really.

[plaintive harp music]

Who am I?

[American accent] My name is Marcus Dubrovnik.

And I'm from New Jersey.

Summit City, to be exact. I think.

[playful spy music]

That said...

[helpless chuckle]

Anyway.

Yeah...

Sorry.

Look after yourselves.

[touching music]

[emotional sigh]

I'm going that way.

Italian prison food is better than French.

[soft chuckle]

[car door slams]

[engine starts]

[up-tempo emotional music]

[music fades]

[tense music]

[soldier shouting in Italian]

-[Italian soldier barking orders] -[Roger, in Italian] Sì.

-[shouting in Italian] -[Roger] OK!

[tense negotiation in Italian]

[in English] Please!

-[guns cocking] -Don't shoot.

[soldier speaking Italian]

[English accent] Don't shoot.

I have a family.

[cry of pain]

[cell door slams]

[distant voices echo]

[metallic thud]

[thudding continues]

[heavy thud]

[groaning with effort]

[exhausted gasp]

[sodden shoes squelching]

[upbeat funk music]

[alarms blaring]

Shit!

[gate beeping]

Oh shit!

[effortful grunt]

[man, in French] Come on!

-Get in! -[Jay, in French] Come on, get in!

[music fades]

-What kept you? -We're right on time!

Man, you stink!

I'm sorry! I was gonna take a helicopter,

but I'm more of a sewer person. You know, Mogadishu.

Come on. Stop with Mogadishu.

All right, I meant Kathmandu.

-Kathmandu? -Whatever!

-The Mona Lisa's missing. -Course she is.

Took me a long time, let me tell ya.

Layering in that pentimenti and everything.

-You gave van Klum a fake? -Of course! Think I'm an idiot?

-Another fake? -Yeah!

And I have to say, it's probably the best ever made. Really.

So where is she?

Yeah, where is she?

["Monna Lisa" by Ivan Graziani playing]

[upbeat dramatic music]

[low-key cool music]

[soft badass music]

[badass music]

[badass music continues]

[suspenseful music]

Subtitling: Willa Grefe for TRI TRACK