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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,044 --> 00:00:03,438 ♪ Hooray for Hollywood 2 00:00:03,481 --> 00:00:07,268 ♪ That screwy ballyhooly Hollywood ♪ 3 00:00:07,311 --> 00:00:11,272 ♪ Where any office boy or young mechanic can be... ♪ 4 00:00:11,315 --> 00:00:12,751 Where am I taking you? 5 00:00:12,795 --> 00:00:14,797 Oh, right, yeah-- I got it here someplace. 6 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,842 It's my sister's place. 7 00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:18,714 She was supposed to pick me up, 8 00:00:18,757 --> 00:00:21,630 but she's kind of not all there, you know? 9 00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:23,023 [ sighs] 10 00:00:25,721 --> 00:00:28,158 The address? 11 00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:29,681 Right, right, right. 12 00:00:29,725 --> 00:00:30,943 So, you're visiting family? 13 00:00:30,987 --> 00:00:32,423 No, I'm an actor. 14 00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:35,774 I've been in New York, but I got offered work in L.A. 15 00:00:35,818 --> 00:00:38,081 Think it's time for me to take my shot. 16 00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:41,128 It's kind of scary. I mean, I left my whole life behind, 17 00:00:41,171 --> 00:00:42,955 but I-I think it's the smart move. 18 00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:45,001 If you wanna make it as an actor, 19 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,047 you gotta move to L.A., to Hollywood. 20 00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:49,049 So, what are you doing here in Dallas? 21 00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:56,360 I did have a layover in Dallas. 22 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,281 ♪ Come on 23 00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,457 ♪ Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah 24 00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:08,242 ♪ Everything's gonna be alright ♪ 25 00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:10,418 ♪ I'm alright y'all, alright y'all ♪ 26 00:01:10,461 --> 00:01:13,943 ♪ You wanna be alright, you gotta walk tall ♪ 27 00:01:13,986 --> 00:01:16,119 ♪ Everything's gonna be alright now ♪ 28 00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:18,121 ♪ Everything's gonna be alright now ♪ 29 00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:20,689 ♪ I'm alright y'all, alright y'all ♪ 30 00:01:20,732 --> 00:01:23,257 ♪ You wanna be alright, you gotta walk tall ♪ 31 00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,737 ♪ I'm alright y'all, alright y'all ♪ 32 00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:28,262 ♪ You wanna be alright, you gotta walk tall ♪ 33 00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:29,089 ♪ Come on 34 00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:31,917 ♪ Hooray for Hollywood 35 00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:35,617 ♪ That screwy ballyhooly Hollywood ♪ 36 00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:40,143 ♪ Where any office boy or young mechanic can be... ♪ 37 00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:42,450 Oh, thank God. 38 00:01:42,493 --> 00:01:44,016 Oh my God, Joey! 39 00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:46,367 Hi, Gina! Oh! 40 00:01:46,410 --> 00:01:47,890 My brother, the star! 41 00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:49,413 Days of Our Lives. 42 00:01:49,457 --> 00:01:50,501 Not anymore... 43 00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:52,155 Formerly! 44 00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:53,548 It's good to see you! 45 00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,593 Oh, I know. I missed you so much! 46 00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:56,768 Oh. 47 00:01:56,812 --> 00:01:58,292 Wait a second, wait a second. 48 00:01:58,335 --> 00:01:59,771 You look different. 49 00:01:59,815 --> 00:02:02,165 Oh, I forgot-- you haven't seen 'em! 50 00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:03,166 Huh? 51 00:02:04,994 --> 00:02:06,604 What do ya think? They're new. 52 00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:10,042 I went up three cup sizes. The doctor was reluctant. 53 00:02:10,086 --> 00:02:11,479 Come on, touch 'em. 54 00:02:11,522 --> 00:02:13,698 [ stammering]: Uh-h-h. L-Let's get my bag. 55 00:02:13,742 --> 00:02:17,093 I'll feel you up in the car, I promise. 56 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,182 So, tell me about the big, new job. 57 00:02:19,226 --> 00:02:22,011 Oh, well, it all started when I got this new agent. 58 00:02:22,054 --> 00:02:24,100 This lady is a shark. 59 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,102 And that means she's a good agent, 60 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,757 not an actual shark. 61 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,324 I know that. 62 00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:32,761 Yeah, I did, too. 63 00:02:32,804 --> 00:02:35,677 Anyway, she got me offers from two new shows! 64 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,200 Wow. What are they? 65 00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:39,724 Well, the first one's about a bunch of male nurses, 66 00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:41,770 and I wasn't really crazy about that one. 67 00:02:41,813 --> 00:02:43,815 I mean, I've already been a brain surgeon. 68 00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:46,601 I don't think my fans will buy me as a nurse. 69 00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:48,646 Well, they bought you as a brain surgeon. 70 00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:50,648 They're pretty understanding, Joey. 71 00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:52,650 Okay, well, it doesn't matter, alright, 72 00:02:52,694 --> 00:02:54,696 'cause the other show-- it's about a cop, 73 00:02:54,739 --> 00:02:56,176 and I'm the star! 74 00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:57,742 Oh, also, it's for cable, 75 00:02:57,786 --> 00:03:00,267 so there's a combination of nudity and swearing 76 00:03:00,310 --> 00:03:02,878 that I find intriguing. 77 00:03:02,921 --> 00:03:04,880 I am so proud of you. Aw... 78 00:03:04,923 --> 00:03:06,403 [ buzzer sounds] 79 00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:08,449 So, how many bags are we looking for? 80 00:03:08,492 --> 00:03:11,234 Just one. The rest of my stuff's on a moving truck. 81 00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:12,540 I gave 'em your number. 82 00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:14,106 The company's called Movers and Shakers. 83 00:03:14,150 --> 00:03:16,805 They cost a little more, but man, 84 00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:19,721 that name cracked me up. 85 00:03:19,764 --> 00:03:21,244 Oh, wait, that was my bag. 86 00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,246 That's okay. Hold on. 87 00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,422 Sir, could you grab that bag? 88 00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:29,078 Thank you. 89 00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:32,995 Well, they do get things done. 90 00:03:43,397 --> 00:03:45,094 Huh? 91 00:03:45,137 --> 00:03:48,402 Wow! I think I like L.A. 92 00:03:48,445 --> 00:03:50,969 You and Chandler should've moved out a long time ago. 93 00:03:51,013 --> 00:03:54,495 It's a very vibrant gay scene. 94 00:03:54,538 --> 00:03:56,540 Chandler and I are not a gay couple! 95 00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:00,501 Hi. 96 00:04:01,676 --> 00:04:03,112 Okay, this is it. 97 00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:04,940 Your new home. 98 00:04:08,378 --> 00:04:10,250 Oh, my God! 99 00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:11,425 Yeah? Yeah! 100 00:04:11,468 --> 00:04:14,123 Oh, Gina, thank you for finding this. 101 00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:15,559 Oh, I love it! 102 00:04:15,603 --> 00:04:17,866 Good, 'cause if you didn't, I was gonna lie 103 00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:19,911 and say Tom Cruise used to live here. 104 00:04:19,955 --> 00:04:21,957 Tom Cruise lived here?! 105 00:04:24,089 --> 00:04:26,135 Sure he did, honey. Oh. 106 00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:28,180 Oh, let me show you the best part. 107 00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:32,054 Check this out. 108 00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:35,144 Now, sit up here and lean back. 109 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:40,192 Now look over there. 110 00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:44,240 Is that the middle of the Hollywood sign? 111 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:48,200 That is the "Ollywoo" sign. 112 00:04:48,244 --> 00:04:52,204 I can see the Ollywoo sign! 113 00:04:52,248 --> 00:04:54,816 And into that woman's bathroom. 114 00:04:54,859 --> 00:04:56,383 And now she sees me looking. 115 00:04:56,426 --> 00:04:57,949 Hi, neighbor! 116 00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:03,477 Oh... whoa, man. 117 00:05:06,262 --> 00:05:07,785 What's the matter? 118 00:05:07,829 --> 00:05:09,657 I just... 119 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:11,441 I can't believe I'm here, you know. 120 00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:15,532 It doesn't... doesn't feel real. 121 00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:17,969 [ laughing] 122 00:05:18,013 --> 00:05:21,190 And neither do those. 123 00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:23,584 [ phone ringing] 124 00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:25,586 Gina Tribbiani, Hairdresser to the Stars. 125 00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:27,239 Stars? 126 00:05:27,283 --> 00:05:29,459 Sounds better than Hairdresser to mostly Dominicans... 127 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:34,595 Yeah, honey. Come on up. 128 00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:36,336 It's my Michael. He's parking. 129 00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:37,554 Oh, great. 130 00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:39,295 Say, what is Michael now, 20? 131 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:42,385 Yeah. Don't I look incredible for the mother of an adult son? 132 00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:44,996 That's the good thing about having a kid so young. 133 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:48,086 Yeah, you rarely hear the argument for teen pregnancy. 134 00:05:50,828 --> 00:05:52,264 [ nasal, mocking laughter] 135 00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,878 Michael is so excited to see you again. 136 00:05:56,921 --> 00:06:00,708 Oh, and by the way, I told him I had him when I was 22. 137 00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:03,275 I don't want him to think his mother's a tramp. 138 00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:04,276 Uh... 139 00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:09,020 Uncle Joey! 140 00:06:09,064 --> 00:06:10,892 Hey, wow! 141 00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:13,155 Man, oh. 142 00:06:13,198 --> 00:06:16,854 Whoa. I still think of you as a little kid. 143 00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:19,770 So much for these wings I picked up on the airplane. 144 00:06:19,814 --> 00:06:21,511 Oh, no. I'll still take 'em. 145 00:06:21,555 --> 00:06:24,079 I was... just gonna show 'em to you. 146 00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:30,825 Tell your Uncle Joey what you've been up to lately. 147 00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:32,827 Well, uh, now that college is done, 148 00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:35,612 I'm just doing some grad work over at Cal Tech's Center 149 00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:37,919 for Simulation of Dynamic Response Materials. 150 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,402 Can you believe he came out of me? 151 00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:46,057 Actually, right now, we're designing a mock-up 152 00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:48,712 for an escape module for the International Space Station. 153 00:06:48,756 --> 00:06:52,586 [ chuckling]: What are you, a rocket scientist? 154 00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:54,979 Yes. 155 00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:56,372 Oh, oh... 156 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,418 So how do you like living at school? 157 00:06:58,461 --> 00:06:59,723 I still live with Mom. 158 00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:01,769 [ chuckling]: Oh, man. 159 00:07:02,987 --> 00:07:05,555 That is nice. 160 00:07:05,599 --> 00:07:08,123 Shut up. We have fun. Tell him we have fun. 161 00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:11,213 We do. We have more in common than most moms and sons, 162 00:07:11,256 --> 00:07:13,737 'cause she had me when she was just 22, so... 163 00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:15,304 Right, yeah, 22, yeah. 164 00:07:15,347 --> 00:07:18,089 That's why we had to change churches. 165 00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:24,226 Michael, where's the lasagna? 166 00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:26,010 Oh, I left it in the car. 167 00:07:26,054 --> 00:07:28,491 GINA: Oh, I'll get it. Look at that. 168 00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:31,276 So much going on up here, he can't remember lasagna. 169 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:35,019 Boy, we are different, you and me. 170 00:07:35,063 --> 00:07:38,153 So, come on, what else is going on? 171 00:07:38,196 --> 00:07:40,460 Well, actually, um, I'm thinking about moving out. 172 00:07:40,503 --> 00:07:42,462 Oh, yeah? Where? Here with you. 173 00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:46,944 W-What? I'm 20 years old, man. 174 00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:49,077 I shouldn't be living with my mom. 175 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,861 Everyone at school makes fun of me. 176 00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:52,428 And these aren't the cool kids. 177 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,865 They're not quarterbacks-- engineers! 178 00:07:57,433 --> 00:07:59,522 But w-why do you wanna live with me? 179 00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:02,482 Well, uh, this may not be a big selling point, 180 00:08:02,525 --> 00:08:05,746 but I have no money for rent. 181 00:08:05,789 --> 00:08:08,270 And-and also, you're my cool Uncle Joey, you know. 182 00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:10,794 Living with you, that would just... you know... 183 00:08:10,838 --> 00:08:13,536 Yeah, yeah, break your mother's heart? 184 00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:16,278 I know, I know... [ groans] 185 00:08:16,321 --> 00:08:18,323 But, I mean, it's gonna happen some time. 186 00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:21,109 I just have to get out. Have you seen the breasts?! 187 00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:22,893 See 'em? She made me touch 'em! 188 00:08:22,937 --> 00:08:24,329 She... 189 00:08:31,685 --> 00:08:32,686 Hi. 190 00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:34,122 [ screams] 191 00:08:36,646 --> 00:08:39,867 It's actually not that big of a drop. 192 00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:40,911 Hi. 193 00:08:40,955 --> 00:08:42,652 Uh, some first impression, huh? 194 00:08:42,696 --> 00:08:44,959 Oh, actually, I got my first impression last night. 195 00:08:45,002 --> 00:08:47,701 I saw you out here practicing your... judo? 196 00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:49,311 Oh, that wasn't judo. 197 00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:51,748 I had a bee on me. 198 00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:56,666 [ laughs] 199 00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:59,495 I'm Alex. Uh, I live next door. 200 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,584 Really? I'm Joey. Oh. 201 00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:02,672 Hi. Hi. 202 00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:04,369 So, you just moved out here? 203 00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:06,110 Yeah, yeah, yeah; from New York. 204 00:09:06,154 --> 00:09:07,155 I'm an actor. 205 00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:08,548 Oh, that's cute. 206 00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:10,724 You think being an actor's a big deal. 207 00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:13,944 Everybody out here is an actor. 208 00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:14,989 What? Yeah. 209 00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:16,860 Guy in that apartment-- actor. 210 00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:18,775 Actor. Actor. 211 00:09:18,819 --> 00:09:20,516 Porn actor. 212 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:21,561 Really! 213 00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:23,606 Yeah. He lives above me. 214 00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,869 It's not the best. Ah. 215 00:09:25,913 --> 00:09:28,132 So, I guess, if everyone here's an actor, 216 00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:29,656 does it mean you're one, too? 217 00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:32,049 Oh, no. Actually, I'm a corporate lawyer. 218 00:09:32,093 --> 00:09:33,964 Wow. 219 00:09:34,008 --> 00:09:35,749 What is that? 220 00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:38,142 I represent greedy businesses. 221 00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:40,449 I make the world just a little bit worse. 222 00:09:40,492 --> 00:09:42,669 Oh. So... 223 00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:44,496 Were you on Days of Our Lives? 224 00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:49,850 Ah. It took you a minute, but you recognized me, huh? 225 00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:52,766 I'm wearing my Days of Our Lives shirt, aren't I? 226 00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,332 Yeah, I did the soap thing, 227 00:09:54,376 --> 00:09:56,378 but I'm out here to move beyond that. 228 00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:58,423 I'm actually a very serious actor, yeah. 229 00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:01,557 [ booming]: Romeo, oh, Romeo, 230 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,646 wherefore art thou, Romeo? 231 00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:06,736 That was Romeo. 232 00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:07,955 [ chuckling] 233 00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:09,913 Actually, that was Juliet. 234 00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,176 What? 235 00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,178 Yeah, well, Romeo doesn't start a speech 236 00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:16,137 saying "Oh, Romeo, Romeo." 237 00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:20,532 I've done that for, like, a million auditions! 238 00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:29,150 Blue Wall, scene "C," take two. 239 00:10:29,193 --> 00:10:31,326 DIRECTOR: And... action! 240 00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:34,198 [ grunting and heavy punching sounds] 241 00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:41,684 And... cut! 242 00:10:41,728 --> 00:10:43,643 [ buzzer sounding] 243 00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:45,035 Huh? 244 00:10:47,124 --> 00:10:48,952 I can't believe I'm on a set! 245 00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:51,738 I should be networking. Let me go talk to the director. 246 00:10:51,781 --> 00:10:53,391 So, must be pretty cool 247 00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,480 seeing your uncle star in his own show? 248 00:10:55,524 --> 00:10:58,570 It'd be more cool seeing my roommate star in his own show. 249 00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:01,008 Uh, yeah, Michael, about us living together-- come here. 250 00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,708 I don't think it's a good idea. 251 00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:07,797 Why not? 252 00:11:07,841 --> 00:11:10,365 I don't wanna get between you and your mom, alright? 253 00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:13,455 I can't have her mad at me. As kids, she tortured me. 254 00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:14,978 She hit me all the time. 255 00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:17,285 She'd hold me down and force me to say: 256 00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:19,853 "I am gay for David Cassidy." 257 00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:21,376 Who's that? 258 00:11:21,419 --> 00:11:23,944 David Cassidy? From The Partridge Family? 259 00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:26,816 Reallygood-looking... The point is... 260 00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:29,645 I don't want her mad at me, okay? I'm sorry. 261 00:11:32,169 --> 00:11:33,997 It's okay. I understand. 262 00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:35,912 Alright, good. 263 00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:37,479 You're not going to believe this. 264 00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:39,524 The director thought I was an actress. 265 00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:41,570 Sure, that's 'cause you got big, fake boobs 266 00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:43,224 and you're crazy. 267 00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:54,670 I love it out here. It's sunny and 72 degrees every day. 268 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,759 I wonder what it's like in New York. 269 00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:59,066 It's 71. Poor bastards. 270 00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:04,593 Hey. Oh, hey, Alex. 271 00:12:04,636 --> 00:12:07,204 This is my sister, Gina. Alex lives right next door. 272 00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:09,772 Hey. You have very beautiful hair. 273 00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:11,426 Oh, thanks. 274 00:12:11,469 --> 00:12:14,211 If you ever want to sell it, give me a call. 275 00:12:19,477 --> 00:12:21,436 Hey, I like that girl. 276 00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:24,395 Don't be trying to buy her hair! 277 00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:27,050 She could be the future Mrs. Joey Tribbiani. 278 00:12:27,094 --> 00:12:28,922 Or at the very least, the future... 279 00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,751 awkward situation. 280 00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:33,840 [ phone ringing] 281 00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:36,668 Ooh, it's my agent, the shark. 282 00:12:36,712 --> 00:12:38,540 Hello. 283 00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:40,455 Hi, Bobbie. 284 00:12:40,498 --> 00:12:42,500 Right. And? 285 00:12:45,025 --> 00:12:46,896 What?! 286 00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:48,811 Why?! 287 00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,291 Yeah. 288 00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:54,034 Oh. Okay. Bye. 289 00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:56,776 My show is dead. It's not even going to air. 290 00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:58,212 Oh, my God. 291 00:12:58,255 --> 00:13:00,649 Did they say why? 292 00:13:00,692 --> 00:13:03,913 People thought it was disgusting. 293 00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:07,264 Geez, you defecate on one corpse...! 294 00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:12,008 Oh, honey, I am so sorry. 295 00:13:12,052 --> 00:13:14,010 I can't believe this. 296 00:13:14,054 --> 00:13:16,534 How could I go from having two shows to... 297 00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:17,971 having nothing? 298 00:13:19,624 --> 00:13:22,105 Do you think you should have done the other show? 299 00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:23,846 The Nursesthing? Oh, no way. 300 00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,196 I mean, my thing didn't go, but, believe me, 301 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,764 no one is going to watch a show about nurses. 302 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,158 I'm with Sam Baxter, one of the hunky stars 303 00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:33,160 of the smash hit Nurses. 304 00:13:33,203 --> 00:13:34,988 Now, Sam, is it true 305 00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:37,381 that you weren't the first choice for the role? 306 00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:39,731 That's right. The producers had originally offered the role 307 00:13:39,775 --> 00:13:45,128 to someone else-- an actor named Joey... Tribaney. 308 00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:46,738 Well, wherever he is, 309 00:13:46,782 --> 00:13:49,480 I'm sure that Joey Tribaney is kicking himself. 310 00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:52,222 Tribbiani!!! 311 00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:55,312 Joey Tribbiani is kicking himself! 312 00:14:06,454 --> 00:14:08,282 Hey, what are you doing here? 313 00:14:08,325 --> 00:14:11,067 Mom told me you'd be clearing out your dressing room today, 314 00:14:11,111 --> 00:14:13,461 so I figured I'd come by, cheer you up. 315 00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:14,897 Aw... What are you cooking? 316 00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:16,899 Uh, spaghetti and meatballs. It's Grandma's recipe. 317 00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:18,988 It always makes me feel better. 318 00:14:19,032 --> 00:14:22,339 Mom made it for me this one time I got a "B." 319 00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:23,993 I got a "B" once. 320 00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:25,952 Cheated my ass off. 321 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,261 So, was today hard? 322 00:14:31,305 --> 00:14:32,523 Yeah. 323 00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:33,960 I can't believe it. 324 00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:36,527 A week ago, I was the star of a show, 325 00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:39,617 and now I'm the guy who turned down Nurses. 326 00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:41,793 Which is strange, because in real life, 327 00:14:41,837 --> 00:14:45,232 I would never turn down a nurse. 328 00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:46,798 So, what do you do now? 329 00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:48,844 I got a meeting with my agent later 330 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:52,587 to try and figure out some kind of game plan. 331 00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:55,720 Hey, they're making a new Indiana Jones movie. 332 00:14:55,764 --> 00:14:59,202 Maybe you can... turn that down. 333 00:15:03,685 --> 00:15:05,078 Feeling a little more comfortable 334 00:15:05,121 --> 00:15:06,906 around your Uncle Joe, are you? 335 00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:13,129 Hey, this is really nice. Thanks for doing this. 336 00:15:13,173 --> 00:15:15,436 You know, if you let me be your roommate, 337 00:15:15,479 --> 00:15:18,569 you could have this, like, every day. 338 00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:20,354 Michael, look, you're a great kid, 339 00:15:20,397 --> 00:15:22,660 and I'd love to have you as my roommate. 340 00:15:22,704 --> 00:15:24,662 But your mother will flip out. 341 00:15:24,706 --> 00:15:26,316 I mean... 342 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:27,839 Uh... 343 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,756 You're in! 344 00:15:34,237 --> 00:15:36,239 No, no, no, no, no! 345 00:15:41,505 --> 00:15:42,942 [ knocking on door ] 346 00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:45,857 Oh, hey, Joey, have a seat, doll. 347 00:15:45,901 --> 00:15:48,034 Thanks for seeing me, Bobbie. 348 00:15:48,077 --> 00:15:51,124 Look, I know we blew it by turning down that Nursesthing. 349 00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:52,952 But I gotta believe there's something bigger 350 00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:54,692 right around the corner. 351 00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:59,132 Listen, you are living in a dream world. 352 00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:01,482 Excuse me? 353 00:16:01,525 --> 00:16:03,875 That Nursesshow is huge. 354 00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:06,966 Everyone involved with it is gonna become insanely rich, 355 00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:10,752 and it's gonna haunt you for the rest of your life. 356 00:16:10,795 --> 00:16:15,017 But my job is to keep up your morale. 357 00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:17,280 I do feel better. 358 00:16:17,324 --> 00:16:20,892 Look, I'm a straight shooter. 359 00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:23,025 But I'll tell you something else about me-- 360 00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:26,507 I am the best. 361 00:16:26,550 --> 00:16:29,510 There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you. 362 00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:34,819 I would... throw on a meat skirt and wrestle a lion. 363 00:16:34,863 --> 00:16:40,303 I would pull off my own ears and eat them. 364 00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:44,046 That's... gross. 365 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,527 I am gonna get you through this. 366 00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:48,007 I tell you, next year, 367 00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:50,052 I am gonna find you a show 368 00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:53,621 that'll blow this Nurses thing right out of the... 369 00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:55,840 Ah, what the hell am I saying? 370 00:16:55,884 --> 00:16:58,713 Nothing's gonna top that. 371 00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:03,413 Uh, wha... h-hold on-- "next year"? 372 00:17:03,457 --> 00:17:05,850 No, no, no. I need to get something now. 373 00:17:05,894 --> 00:17:09,332 Well, I got nothing. 374 00:17:09,376 --> 00:17:13,510 Zilch. Zero. "Nay-da." 375 00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:15,338 There's gotta be something. 376 00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:19,299 Well... they do need a host for this new entertainment news show. 377 00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:22,780 It's not really acting, but it may work 378 00:17:22,824 --> 00:17:25,783 since you have such a tremendous head. 379 00:17:29,135 --> 00:17:30,571 I do? 380 00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:34,662 Oh, come on. We don't have time for this. 381 00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:37,491 Thanks, Bobbie, thank you. 382 00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:39,058 [ wheezing laugh] 383 00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:41,843 Looks like you got a big barrel on your shoulders. 384 00:17:50,504 --> 00:17:54,029 Gina, where have you been? My audition's in half an hour. 385 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:57,163 Sorry-- I'll give you a little trim. It'll take two minutes. 386 00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:59,904 Hey, any sign of my stuff? Have the movers called? 387 00:17:59,948 --> 00:18:01,210 No. 388 00:18:01,254 --> 00:18:04,039 Stupid Movers and Shakers. 389 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,127 [ chuckling] 390 00:18:05,171 --> 00:18:07,608 I can't be mad at those guys. 391 00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:11,133 Hey, do me a favor. 392 00:18:11,177 --> 00:18:14,005 See if you can make my head look a little smaller. 393 00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:18,575 You know, I can't do this. 394 00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:20,055 I'm too upset. 395 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:23,232 What's the matter? 396 00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:25,539 Michael said he was moving out. 397 00:18:25,582 --> 00:18:28,107 Uh, did he say who he was moving in with? 398 00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:29,151 No, why? 399 00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:30,326 Uh, no reason. 400 00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:32,459 Uh, but you know, 401 00:18:32,502 --> 00:18:35,549 if you think about it, Gina, this could be a good thing. 402 00:18:35,592 --> 00:18:38,160 You, uh... you could have more time for your hairdressing. 403 00:18:38,204 --> 00:18:39,466 Oh, please. 404 00:18:39,509 --> 00:18:41,250 I'm not much of a hairdresser, anyway. 405 00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:43,296 I only started cutting hair because Channel 5 406 00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:44,819 exposed me as the Southland's 407 00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:46,864 most dangerous dental technician. 408 00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:52,087 Yeah... that was some damning footage. 409 00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:58,224 I just don't know what I'm gonna do without him. 410 00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:00,791 He's my baby. 411 00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:03,054 Hey, come on... No, really. 412 00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:08,625 I don't have much to be proud of... but him, I did right. 413 00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:12,020 [ phone rings] 414 00:19:12,063 --> 00:19:14,065 I got to take this. 415 00:19:14,109 --> 00:19:15,502 What? 416 00:19:15,545 --> 00:19:18,287 Yeah. Well, I got a lead on some blonde's hair. 417 00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:25,076 I need some good straight stuff. 418 00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:31,518 Okay, we've got a big problem. I told Mom I was moving out. 419 00:19:31,561 --> 00:19:33,824 She went crazy-- I-I-I don't know what she'll do 420 00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:35,609 when she hears I'm living with you. 421 00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:37,176 Well, let's find out. 422 00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:41,267 Why didn't you tell me she was here? 423 00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:44,139 You couldn't tell I was getting a haircut? 424 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,011 You think I just walk around my apartment in a cape?! 425 00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:52,278 He's gonna live here?! Are you kidding me? 426 00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:53,844 Mom, look, this was my idea. 427 00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:55,498 That's true. Sure. 428 00:19:55,542 --> 00:19:57,805 I bet you landed, and right away, he begged, 429 00:19:57,848 --> 00:20:00,068 "Please, get me away from my mother!" 430 00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:01,809 Uh... Uh... 431 00:20:03,767 --> 00:20:06,030 I cannot believe you would do this to me. 432 00:20:06,074 --> 00:20:08,468 [ sighing]: Hey, Gina... 433 00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:09,947 Gina, Gina, wait up! Mom... 434 00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:12,776 Ma... Gina! 435 00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:13,995 Oh, my God. 436 00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:16,040 I know. I know. 437 00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:21,916 I could eat a really big lobster in this. 438 00:20:29,489 --> 00:20:31,578 Okay, Joey, the audition's very simple. 439 00:20:31,621 --> 00:20:33,580 Uh... three cameras; 440 00:20:33,623 --> 00:20:35,625 each one has a TelePrompTer beneath the lens 441 00:20:35,669 --> 00:20:37,279 and a red light on top. 442 00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:39,803 Whichever red light is lit, that's the camera you address. 443 00:20:39,847 --> 00:20:41,892 The producer'll watch you from that monitor. 444 00:20:41,936 --> 00:20:44,286 Geez. Is that a man or a woman? 445 00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,810 And you're miked. 446 00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:49,160 Okay. Let's do this. 447 00:20:49,204 --> 00:20:50,205 We on a roll? 448 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,641 Joey Tribbiani audition 449 00:20:51,685 --> 00:20:53,861 in five, four, three... 450 00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:55,732 Welcome to Hollywood Minute. 451 00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:57,168 I'm name. 452 00:21:00,694 --> 00:21:02,739 Can I start again? Whenever you're ready. 453 00:21:02,783 --> 00:21:04,175 Okay. 454 00:21:06,090 --> 00:21:07,614 Welcome to Hollywood Minute. 455 00:21:07,657 --> 00:21:11,574 I'm Joey Tribbiani, and here are today's top stories. 456 00:21:11,618 --> 00:21:13,837 Well, even though she's on vacation... 457 00:21:13,881 --> 00:21:16,144 Uh, Joey, you didn't switch cameras. 458 00:21:16,187 --> 00:21:18,320 Oh, did the light change? 459 00:21:18,364 --> 00:21:20,322 Yeah. Even though you're reading, 460 00:21:20,366 --> 00:21:23,456 you need to be aware of when the light changes. 461 00:21:23,499 --> 00:21:26,676 That's really the best way to do this? 462 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:30,245 Okay, let's try it again in five, four, three... 463 00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,726 Welcome to Hollywood Minute. 464 00:21:32,769 --> 00:21:36,338 I'm Joey Tribbiani, and here are today's top stories: 465 00:21:36,382 --> 00:21:39,472 Well, even though she's on vacation, 466 00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:41,909 Jennifer Lopez is in the news today. 467 00:21:41,952 --> 00:21:44,128 More-more on that story later. 468 00:21:44,172 --> 00:21:45,565 But first, let's check out 469 00:21:45,608 --> 00:21:47,610 the box office returns for this weekend. 470 00:21:47,654 --> 00:21:50,047 Topping the list for the third week in a... 471 00:21:50,091 --> 00:21:52,049 Man, that is one fast red light. 472 00:21:52,093 --> 00:21:55,749 Topping the list... Topping the list... 473 00:21:55,792 --> 00:21:58,012 No, I know it's not that one. 474 00:21:58,055 --> 00:21:59,492 Where the hell is it?! 475 00:21:59,535 --> 00:22:01,624 Okay, Joey, thanks for coming in. 476 00:22:01,668 --> 00:22:03,931 No, no, no, I'm getting the hang of it. 477 00:22:03,974 --> 00:22:06,412 Please, Mister or Miss Producer. 478 00:22:06,455 --> 00:22:09,110 Um, I need this job. I can do this. 479 00:22:09,153 --> 00:22:10,633 You're looking at the wrong camera. 480 00:22:10,677 --> 00:22:12,374 Damn it! 481 00:22:12,418 --> 00:22:16,073 Romeo, oh, Romeo... 482 00:22:26,562 --> 00:22:28,564 Hey. Hey. 483 00:22:28,608 --> 00:22:30,044 What's wrong? 484 00:22:30,087 --> 00:22:32,438 Oh, I just... blew an audition 485 00:22:32,481 --> 00:22:35,092 to host this stupid entertainment show. 486 00:22:35,136 --> 00:22:37,094 Oh. Well, is that even acting? 487 00:22:37,138 --> 00:22:42,056 No. It's just following a really fast red light. 488 00:22:42,099 --> 00:22:45,755 I'm sorry. If it helps, I had a really rough day at work, too. 489 00:22:45,799 --> 00:22:48,976 The company I represent can't drill for oil in Yosemite. 490 00:22:51,282 --> 00:22:54,068 Well, if we're both bummed, you wanna go be bummed together? 491 00:22:54,111 --> 00:22:56,070 Maybe we could get something to eat. 492 00:22:56,113 --> 00:22:57,680 Oh, I wish I could. 493 00:22:57,724 --> 00:23:01,423 I have to go to the airport to pick up my husband. 494 00:23:01,467 --> 00:23:04,644 Oh... You're married? 495 00:23:04,687 --> 00:23:06,994 You didn't know? Didn't you see the ring? 496 00:23:07,037 --> 00:23:08,517 Yeah, yeah, I saw a ring, 497 00:23:08,561 --> 00:23:10,650 but it's not on your left hand, so... 498 00:23:10,693 --> 00:23:12,782 Yeah, it is. 499 00:23:14,915 --> 00:23:17,700 If you say so. 500 00:23:17,744 --> 00:23:20,137 See you, Joey. Okay. 501 00:23:25,795 --> 00:23:27,493 Hey. 502 00:23:27,536 --> 00:23:30,278 Hey, did you know that girl next door is married? 503 00:23:30,321 --> 00:23:32,149 Oh. I can't talk to that girl. 504 00:23:32,193 --> 00:23:34,195 S-S-She makes my stutter come back. 505 00:23:36,719 --> 00:23:38,286 Uh, can I talk to you? 506 00:23:38,329 --> 00:23:40,636 Michael, you should know there'll be times 507 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,638 when I'm not gonna want to talk. 508 00:23:42,682 --> 00:23:45,946 I'm just gonna want to eat the spaghetti you made for me. 509 00:23:45,989 --> 00:23:48,775 Um, actually... 510 00:23:48,818 --> 00:23:52,735 Well, I'm not gonna be your roommate. 511 00:23:52,779 --> 00:23:55,303 What? Why? 512 00:23:55,346 --> 00:23:57,827 I talked it over with my mom, and she was... 513 00:23:57,871 --> 00:23:59,220 Michael, don't listen to her! 514 00:23:59,263 --> 00:24:01,222 She's a selfish, crazy... 515 00:24:01,265 --> 00:24:04,443 Okay, we need a signal for when she's here! 516 00:24:04,486 --> 00:24:06,009 Come on, Michael, we're leaving. 517 00:24:06,053 --> 00:24:08,011 Look, Gina, this is nuts! 518 00:24:08,055 --> 00:24:09,883 He's a man, okay? 519 00:24:09,926 --> 00:24:11,885 He's graduated college. 520 00:24:11,928 --> 00:24:12,973 He shaves. 521 00:24:13,016 --> 00:24:14,888 He sleeps with women. 522 00:24:14,931 --> 00:24:17,325 [ stuttering]: Yeah, I-I do shave. 523 00:24:17,368 --> 00:24:19,980 Come on! You have to let him go! 524 00:24:20,023 --> 00:24:21,111 Oh, yeah? 525 00:24:21,155 --> 00:24:22,809 [ shrieking] 526 00:24:22,852 --> 00:24:24,593 You can hurt me all you want. 527 00:24:24,637 --> 00:24:26,203 He's gonna move out sometime. 528 00:24:26,247 --> 00:24:27,770 Not if I can help it. 529 00:24:27,814 --> 00:24:29,555 Look, Gina, I know he's your baby, 530 00:24:29,598 --> 00:24:31,295 but it's time to move on! 531 00:24:31,339 --> 00:24:32,862 Change can be good. 532 00:24:32,906 --> 00:24:34,734 Oh, it's easy for you to say. 533 00:24:34,777 --> 00:24:36,910 No, it's not! No. 534 00:24:36,953 --> 00:24:40,261 Look... nobody understands 535 00:24:40,304 --> 00:24:42,568 wanting things to stay the same like I do. 536 00:24:42,611 --> 00:24:44,570 I was happy in New York, 537 00:24:44,613 --> 00:24:47,442 okay, and I tried really hard to keep things from changing, 538 00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:49,444 but everyone else got-got married 539 00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:51,664 and had kids and moved on. 540 00:24:51,707 --> 00:24:54,536 They all changed. 541 00:24:54,580 --> 00:24:55,842 So... 542 00:24:55,885 --> 00:24:57,713 I'm giving change a shot. 543 00:24:57,757 --> 00:25:01,456 And it has been hard... 544 00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:06,505 but... okay, just hoping things stay the same-- 545 00:25:06,548 --> 00:25:08,507 it doesn't work. 546 00:25:11,727 --> 00:25:14,513 What, are you smarter than you used to be? 547 00:25:16,732 --> 00:25:19,169 Nah, I don't know where that came from. 548 00:25:26,089 --> 00:25:28,135 You know he's a slob, right? 549 00:25:28,178 --> 00:25:30,441 You know how you like everything nice and clean 550 00:25:30,485 --> 00:25:32,748 in its own little place? 551 00:25:32,792 --> 00:25:36,535 There's gonna be sauce on everything you own. 552 00:25:36,578 --> 00:25:38,972 I don't know how it happens. 553 00:25:41,191 --> 00:25:44,238 Ma... Ma, that's okay. 554 00:25:48,764 --> 00:25:52,028 Well, if this is really what you want... 555 00:25:52,072 --> 00:25:56,424 Thank you, Mom. Thank you. 556 00:25:56,467 --> 00:25:59,122 I'm just gonna miss you, that's all. 557 00:25:59,166 --> 00:26:01,951 It's been the two of us for such a long time. 558 00:26:01,995 --> 00:26:04,563 Yeah, well, now it's the three of us. 559 00:26:04,606 --> 00:26:06,521 You gave your speech. Enough. 560 00:26:09,655 --> 00:26:11,613 You sure you're gonna be okay? 561 00:26:11,657 --> 00:26:14,964 Gina, he's gonna be fine. He's old enough to move out. 562 00:26:15,008 --> 00:26:17,445 You were raising a kid when you were 16. 563 00:26:23,669 --> 00:26:27,847 How did I not figure that out? 564 00:26:27,890 --> 00:26:29,326 I mean, I... 565 00:26:29,370 --> 00:26:32,895 I took calculus when I was eight. 566 00:26:32,939 --> 00:26:34,288 You're dead. 567 00:26:34,331 --> 00:26:36,507 Gina, back off-- I don't wanna hurt you. 568 00:26:36,551 --> 00:26:37,552 Oh, yeah? 569 00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:39,902 [ screaming] 570 00:26:39,946 --> 00:26:42,688 I'm gay for David Cassidy! 571 00:26:52,436 --> 00:26:53,612 ♪ Come on 572 00:26:53,655 --> 00:26:55,831 ♪ Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah 573 00:26:55,875 --> 00:26:57,920 ♪ Everything's gonna be alright ♪ 574 00:26:57,964 --> 00:27:00,270 ♪ I'm alright y'all, alright y'all ♪ 575 00:27:00,314 --> 00:27:03,317 ♪ You wanna be alright, you gotta walk tall ♪ 576 00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:05,841 ♪ Everything's gonna be alright now ♪ 577 00:27:05,885 --> 00:27:07,800 ♪ Everything's gonna be alright now ♪ 578 00:27:07,843 --> 00:27:09,671 ♪ I'm alright y'all, alright y'all ♪ 579 00:27:09,715 --> 00:27:12,543 ♪ You wanna be alright, you gotta walk tall ♪ 580 00:27:12,587 --> 00:27:15,068 ♪ I'm alright y'all, alright y'all ♪ 581 00:27:15,111 --> 00:27:18,027 ♪ You wanna be alright, you gotta walk tall ♪ 38890

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