1
00:00:01,044 --> 00:00:03,438
♪ Hooray for Hollywood

2
00:00:03,481 --> 00:00:07,268
♪ That screwy
ballyhooly Hollywood ♪

3
00:00:07,311 --> 00:00:11,272
♪ Where any office boy
or young mechanic can be... ♪

4
00:00:11,315 --> 00:00:12,751
Where am I taking you?

5
00:00:12,795 --> 00:00:14,797
Oh, right, yeah--
I got it here someplace.

6
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,842
It's my sister's place.

7
00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:18,714
She was supposed to pick me up,

8
00:00:18,757 --> 00:00:21,630
but she's kind of
not all there, you know?

9
00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:23,023
[ sighs]

10
00:00:25,721 --> 00:00:28,158
The address?

11
00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:29,681
Right, right, right.

12
00:00:29,725 --> 00:00:30,943
So, you're visiting family?

13
00:00:30,987 --> 00:00:32,423
No, I'm an actor.

14
00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:35,774
I've been in New York,
but I got offered work in L.A.

15
00:00:35,818 --> 00:00:38,081
Think it's time
for me to take my shot.

16
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:41,128
It's kind of scary. I mean,
I left my whole life behind,

17
00:00:41,171 --> 00:00:42,955
but I-I think
it's the smart move.

18
00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:45,001
If you wanna
make it as an actor,

19
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,047
you gotta move to L.A.,
to Hollywood.

20
00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:49,049
So, what are you doing here
in Dallas?

21
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:56,360
I did have a layover in Dallas.

22
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,281
♪ Come on

23
00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,457
♪ Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah

24
00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:08,242
♪ Everything's
gonna be alright ♪

25
00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:10,418
♪ I'm alright y'all,
alright y'all ♪

26
00:01:10,461 --> 00:01:13,943
♪ You wanna be alright,
you gotta walk tall ♪

27
00:01:13,986 --> 00:01:16,119
♪ Everything's
gonna be alright now ♪

28
00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:18,121
♪ Everything's
gonna be alright now ♪

29
00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:20,689
♪ I'm alright y'all,
alright y'all ♪

30
00:01:20,732 --> 00:01:23,257
♪ You wanna be alright,
you gotta walk tall ♪

31
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,737
♪ I'm alright y'all,
alright y'all ♪

32
00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:28,262
♪ You wanna be alright,
you gotta walk tall ♪

33
00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:29,089
♪ Come on

34
00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:31,917
♪ Hooray for Hollywood

35
00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:35,617
♪ That screwy
ballyhooly Hollywood ♪

36
00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:40,143
♪ Where any office boy
or young mechanic can be... ♪

37
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:42,450
Oh, thank God.

38
00:01:42,493 --> 00:01:44,016
Oh my God, Joey!

39
00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:46,367
Hi, Gina!
Oh!

40
00:01:46,410 --> 00:01:47,890
My brother, the star!

41
00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:49,413
Days of Our Lives.

42
00:01:49,457 --> 00:01:50,501
Not anymore...

43
00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:52,155
Formerly!

44
00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:53,548
It's good to see you!

45
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,593
Oh, I know.
I missed you so much!

46
00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:56,768
Oh.

47
00:01:56,812 --> 00:01:58,292
Wait a second,
wait a second.

48
00:01:58,335 --> 00:01:59,771
You look different.

49
00:01:59,815 --> 00:02:02,165
Oh, I forgot--
you haven't seen 'em!

50
00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:03,166
Huh?

51
00:02:04,994 --> 00:02:06,604
What do ya think?
They're new.

52
00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:10,042
I went up three cup sizes.
The doctor was reluctant.

53
00:02:10,086 --> 00:02:11,479
Come on, touch 'em.

54
00:02:11,522 --> 00:02:13,698
[ stammering]:
Uh-h-h. L-Let's get my bag.

55
00:02:13,742 --> 00:02:17,093
I'll feel you up
in the car, I promise.

56
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,182
So, tell me about
the big, new job.

57
00:02:19,226 --> 00:02:22,011
Oh, well, it all started
when I got this new agent.

58
00:02:22,054 --> 00:02:24,100
This lady is a shark.

59
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,102
And that means
she's a good agent,

60
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,757
not an actual shark.

61
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,324
I know that.

62
00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:32,761
Yeah, I did, too.

63
00:02:32,804 --> 00:02:35,677
Anyway, she got me offers
from two new shows!

64
00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,200
Wow. What are they?

65
00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:39,724
Well, the first one's
about a bunch of male nurses,

66
00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:41,770
and I wasn't really crazy
about that one.

67
00:02:41,813 --> 00:02:43,815
I mean, I've already been
a brain surgeon.

68
00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:46,601
I don't think my fans
will buy me as a nurse.

69
00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:48,646
Well, they bought you
as a brain surgeon.

70
00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:50,648
They're pretty
understanding, Joey.

71
00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:52,650
Okay, well,
it doesn't matter, alright,

72
00:02:52,694 --> 00:02:54,696
'cause the other show--
it's about a cop,

73
00:02:54,739 --> 00:02:56,176
and I'm the star!

74
00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:57,742
Oh, also, it's for cable,

75
00:02:57,786 --> 00:03:00,267
so there's a combination
of nudity and swearing

76
00:03:00,310 --> 00:03:02,878
that I find intriguing.

77
00:03:02,921 --> 00:03:04,880
I am so proud of you.
Aw...

78
00:03:04,923 --> 00:03:06,403
[ buzzer sounds]

79
00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:08,449
So, how many bags
are we looking for?

80
00:03:08,492 --> 00:03:11,234
Just one. The rest of my stuff's
on a moving truck.

81
00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:12,540
I gave 'em your number.

82
00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:14,106
The company's called
Movers and Shakers.

83
00:03:14,150 --> 00:03:16,805
They cost a little more,
but man,

84
00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:19,721
that name cracked me up.

85
00:03:19,764 --> 00:03:21,244
Oh, wait,
that was my bag.

86
00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,246
That's okay.
Hold on.

87
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,422
Sir, could you grab
that bag?

88
00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:29,078
Thank you.

89
00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:32,995
Well, they do
get things done.

90
00:03:43,397 --> 00:03:45,094
Huh?

91
00:03:45,137 --> 00:03:48,402
Wow! I think I like L.A.

92
00:03:48,445 --> 00:03:50,969
You and Chandler should've
moved out a long time ago.

93
00:03:51,013 --> 00:03:54,495
It's a very vibrant
gay scene.

94
00:03:54,538 --> 00:03:56,540
Chandler and I are not
a gay couple!

95
00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:00,501
Hi.

96
00:04:01,676 --> 00:04:03,112
Okay, this is it.

97
00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:04,940
Your new home.

98
00:04:08,378 --> 00:04:10,250
Oh, my God!

99
00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:11,425
Yeah?
Yeah!

100
00:04:11,468 --> 00:04:14,123
Oh, Gina, thank you
for finding this.

101
00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:15,559
Oh, I love it!

102
00:04:15,603 --> 00:04:17,866
Good, 'cause if you didn't,
I was gonna lie

103
00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:19,911
and say Tom Cruise used to live
here.

104
00:04:19,955 --> 00:04:21,957
Tom Cruise lived here?!

105
00:04:24,089 --> 00:04:26,135
Sure he did, honey.
Oh.

106
00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:28,180
Oh, let me show
you the best part.

107
00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:32,054
Check this out.

108
00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:35,144
Now, sit up here
and lean back.

109
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:40,192
Now look over there.

110
00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:44,240
Is that the middle
of the Hollywood sign?

111
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:48,200
That is the
"Ollywoo" sign.

112
00:04:48,244 --> 00:04:52,204
I can see
the Ollywoo sign!

113
00:04:52,248 --> 00:04:54,816
And into
that woman's bathroom.

114
00:04:54,859 --> 00:04:56,383
And now
she sees me looking.

115
00:04:56,426 --> 00:04:57,949
Hi, neighbor!

116
00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:03,477
Oh... whoa, man.

117
00:05:06,262 --> 00:05:07,785
What's the matter?

118
00:05:07,829 --> 00:05:09,657
I just...

119
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:11,441
I can't believe
I'm here, you know.

120
00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:15,532
It doesn't...
doesn't feel real.

121
00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:17,969
[ laughing]

122
00:05:18,013 --> 00:05:21,190
And neither do those.

123
00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:23,584
[ phone ringing]

124
00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:25,586
Gina Tribbiani,
Hairdresser to the Stars.

125
00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:27,239
Stars?

126
00:05:27,283 --> 00:05:29,459
Sounds better than Hairdresser
to mostly Dominicans...

127
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:34,595
Yeah, honey.
Come on up.

128
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:36,336
It's my Michael.
He's parking.

129
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:37,554
Oh, great.

130
00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:39,295
Say, what is
Michael now, 20?

131
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:42,385
Yeah. Don't I look incredible
for the mother of an adult son?

132
00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:44,996
That's the good thing
about having a kid so young.

133
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:48,086
Yeah, you rarely hear
the argument for
teen pregnancy.

134
00:05:50,828 --> 00:05:52,264
[ nasal, mocking laughter]

135
00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,878
Michael is so excited
to see you again.

136
00:05:56,921 --> 00:06:00,708
Oh, and by the way,
I told him I had him
when I was 22.

137
00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:03,275
I don't want him to think
his mother's a tramp.

138
00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:04,276
Uh...

139
00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:09,020
Uncle Joey!

140
00:06:09,064 --> 00:06:10,892
Hey, wow!

141
00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:13,155
Man, oh.

142
00:06:13,198 --> 00:06:16,854
Whoa. I still think of you
as a little kid.

143
00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:19,770
So much for these wings
I picked up on the airplane.

144
00:06:19,814 --> 00:06:21,511
Oh, no.
I'll still take 'em.

145
00:06:21,555 --> 00:06:24,079
I was... just gonna
show 'em to you.

146
00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:30,825
Tell your Uncle Joey
what you've been
up to lately.

147
00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:32,827
Well, uh, now that college
is done,

148
00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:35,612
I'm just doing some grad work
over at Cal Tech's Center

149
00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:37,919
for Simulation
of Dynamic Response Materials.

150
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,402
Can you believe
he came out of me?

151
00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:46,057
Actually, right now,
we're designing a mock-up

152
00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:48,712
for an escape module
for the International
Space Station.

153
00:06:48,756 --> 00:06:52,586
[ chuckling]:
What are you,
a rocket scientist?

154
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:54,979
Yes.

155
00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:56,372
Oh, oh...

156
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,418
So how do you like
living at school?

157
00:06:58,461 --> 00:06:59,723
I still live with Mom.

158
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:01,769
[ chuckling]:
Oh, man.

159
00:07:02,987 --> 00:07:05,555
That is nice.

160
00:07:05,599 --> 00:07:08,123
Shut up. We have fun.
Tell him we have fun.

161
00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:11,213
We do. We have more in common
than most moms and sons,

162
00:07:11,256 --> 00:07:13,737
'cause she had me
when she was just 22, so...

163
00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:15,304
Right, yeah, 22, yeah.

164
00:07:15,347 --> 00:07:18,089
That's why we had
to change churches.

165
00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:24,226
Michael,
where's the lasagna?

166
00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:26,010
Oh, I left it in the car.

167
00:07:26,054 --> 00:07:28,491
GINA:
Oh, I'll get it.
Look at that.

168
00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:31,276
So much going on
up here, he can't
remember lasagna.

169
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:35,019
Boy, we are different,
you and me.

170
00:07:35,063 --> 00:07:38,153
So, come on,
what else is going on?

171
00:07:38,196 --> 00:07:40,460
Well, actually,
um, I'm thinking
about moving out.

172
00:07:40,503 --> 00:07:42,462
Oh, yeah?
Where?
Here with you.

173
00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:46,944
W-What?
I'm 20 years old, man.

174
00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:49,077
I shouldn't be
living with my mom.

175
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,861
Everyone at school
makes fun of me.

176
00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:52,428
And these aren't
the cool kids.

177
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,865
They're not quarterbacks--
engineers!

178
00:07:57,433 --> 00:07:59,522
But w-why do you wanna
live with me?

179
00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:02,482
Well, uh, this may not be
a big selling point,

180
00:08:02,525 --> 00:08:05,746
but I have no money for rent.

181
00:08:05,789 --> 00:08:08,270
And-and also,
you're my cool Uncle Joey,
you know.

182
00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:10,794
Living with you,
that would just...
you know...

183
00:08:10,838 --> 00:08:13,536
Yeah, yeah, break
your mother's heart?

184
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:16,278
I know, I know...
[ groans]

185
00:08:16,321 --> 00:08:18,323
But, I mean, it's gonna
happen some time.

186
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:21,109
I just have to get out.
Have you seen the breasts?!

187
00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:22,893
See 'em?
She made me touch 'em!

188
00:08:22,937 --> 00:08:24,329
She...

189
00:08:31,685 --> 00:08:32,686
Hi.

190
00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:34,122
[ screams]

191
00:08:36,646 --> 00:08:39,867
It's actually not
that big of a drop.

192
00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:40,911
Hi.

193
00:08:40,955 --> 00:08:42,652
Uh, some first impression, huh?

194
00:08:42,696 --> 00:08:44,959
Oh, actually, I got
my first impression last night.

195
00:08:45,002 --> 00:08:47,701
I saw you out here
practicing your... judo?

196
00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:49,311
Oh, that wasn't judo.

197
00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:51,748
I had a bee on me.

198
00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:56,666
[ laughs]

199
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:59,495
I'm Alex.
Uh, I live next door.

200
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,584
Really? I'm Joey.
Oh.

201
00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:02,672
Hi.
Hi.

202
00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:04,369
So, you just moved out here?

203
00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:06,110
Yeah, yeah, yeah;
from New York.

204
00:09:06,154 --> 00:09:07,155
I'm an actor.

205
00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:08,548
Oh, that's cute.

206
00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:10,724
You think being an actor's
a big deal.

207
00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:13,944
Everybody out here is an actor.

208
00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:14,989
What?
Yeah.

209
00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:16,860
Guy in that apartment-- actor.

210
00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:18,775
Actor. Actor.

211
00:09:18,819 --> 00:09:20,516
Porn actor.

212
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:21,561
Really!

213
00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:23,606
Yeah. He lives above me.

214
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,869
It's not the best.
Ah.

215
00:09:25,913 --> 00:09:28,132
So, I guess, if everyone
here's an actor,

216
00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:29,656
does it mean
you're one, too?

217
00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:32,049
Oh, no. Actually,
I'm a corporate lawyer.

218
00:09:32,093 --> 00:09:33,964
Wow.

219
00:09:34,008 --> 00:09:35,749
What is that?

220
00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:38,142
I represent greedy businesses.

221
00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:40,449
I make the world
just a little bit worse.

222
00:09:40,492 --> 00:09:42,669
Oh.
So...

223
00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:44,496
Were you on Days of Our Lives?

224
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:49,850
Ah. It took you a minute,
but you recognized me, huh?

225
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:52,766
I'm wearing my Days of Our Lives
shirt, aren't I?

226
00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,332
Yeah, I did
the soap thing,

227
00:09:54,376 --> 00:09:56,378
but I'm out here
to move beyond that.

228
00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:58,423
I'm actually a very serious
actor, yeah.

229
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:01,557
[ booming]:
Romeo, oh, Romeo,

230
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,646
wherefore art
thou, Romeo?

231
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:06,736
That was Romeo.

232
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:07,955
[ chuckling]

233
00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:09,913
Actually, that was Juliet.

234
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,176
What?

235
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,178
Yeah, well,
Romeo doesn't start a speech

236
00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:16,137
saying "Oh, Romeo, Romeo."

237
00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:20,532
I've done that for,
like, a million auditions!

238
00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:29,150
Blue Wall,
scene "C," take two.

239
00:10:29,193 --> 00:10:31,326
DIRECTOR:
And... action!

240
00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:34,198
[ grunting
and heavy punching sounds]

241
00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:41,684
And... cut!

242
00:10:41,728 --> 00:10:43,643
[ buzzer sounding]

243
00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:45,035
Huh?

244
00:10:47,124 --> 00:10:48,952
I can't believe
I'm on a set!

245
00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:51,738
I should be networking.
Let me go talk
to the director.

246
00:10:51,781 --> 00:10:53,391
So, must be pretty cool

247
00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,480
seeing your uncle
star in his own show?

248
00:10:55,524 --> 00:10:58,570
It'd be more cool
seeing my roommate
star in his own show.

249
00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:01,008
Uh, yeah, Michael, about us
living together-- come here.

250
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,708
I don't think
it's a good idea.

251
00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:07,797
Why not?

252
00:11:07,841 --> 00:11:10,365
I don't wanna get between
you and your mom, alright?

253
00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:13,455
I can't have her mad at me.
As kids, she tortured me.

254
00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:14,978
She hit me all the time.

255
00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:17,285
She'd hold me down
and force me to say:

256
00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:19,853
"I am gay for David Cassidy."

257
00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:21,376
Who's that?

258
00:11:21,419 --> 00:11:23,944
David Cassidy?
From The Partridge Family?

259
00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:26,816
Reallygood-looking...
The point is...

260
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:29,645
I don't want her mad at me,
okay? I'm sorry.

261
00:11:32,169 --> 00:11:33,997
It's okay.
I understand.

262
00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:35,912
Alright, good.

263
00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:37,479
You're not going
to believe this.

264
00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:39,524
The director thought
I was an actress.

265
00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:41,570
Sure, that's 'cause
you got big, fake boobs

266
00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:43,224
and you're crazy.

267
00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:54,670
I love it out here. It's sunny
and 72 degrees every day.

268
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,759
I wonder what it's like
in New York.

269
00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:59,066
It's 71.
Poor bastards.

270
00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:04,593
Hey.
Oh, hey, Alex.

271
00:12:04,636 --> 00:12:07,204
This is my sister, Gina.
Alex lives right next door.

272
00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:09,772
Hey. You have
very beautiful hair.

273
00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:11,426
Oh, thanks.

274
00:12:11,469 --> 00:12:14,211
If you ever want to sell it,
give me a call.

275
00:12:19,477 --> 00:12:21,436
Hey, I like that girl.

276
00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:24,395
Don't be trying
to buy her hair!

277
00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:27,050
She could be the future
Mrs. Joey Tribbiani.

278
00:12:27,094 --> 00:12:28,922
Or at the very least,
the future...

279
00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,751
awkward situation.

280
00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:33,840
[ phone ringing]

281
00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:36,668
Ooh, it's my agent, the shark.

282
00:12:36,712 --> 00:12:38,540
Hello.

283
00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:40,455
Hi, Bobbie.

284
00:12:40,498 --> 00:12:42,500
Right. And?

285
00:12:45,025 --> 00:12:46,896
What?!

286
00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:48,811
Why?!

287
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,291
Yeah.

288
00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:54,034
Oh. Okay. Bye.

289
00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:56,776
My show is dead.
It's not even going to air.

290
00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:58,212
Oh, my God.

291
00:12:58,255 --> 00:13:00,649
Did they say why?

292
00:13:00,692 --> 00:13:03,913
People thought
it was disgusting.

293
00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:07,264
Geez, you defecate
on one corpse...!

294
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:12,008
Oh, honey, I am so sorry.

295
00:13:12,052 --> 00:13:14,010
I can't believe this.

296
00:13:14,054 --> 00:13:16,534
How could I go
from having two shows to...

297
00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:17,971
having nothing?

298
00:13:19,624 --> 00:13:22,105
Do you think you should
have done the other show?

299
00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:23,846
The Nursesthing?
Oh, no way.

300
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,196
I mean, my thing didn't go,
but, believe me,

301
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,764
no one is going to watch
a show about nurses.

302
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,158
I'm with Sam Baxter,
one of the hunky stars

303
00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:33,160
of the smash hit Nurses.

304
00:13:33,203 --> 00:13:34,988
Now, Sam, is it true

305
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:37,381
that you weren't
the first choice
for the role?

306
00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:39,731
That's right. The producers
had originally offered the role

307
00:13:39,775 --> 00:13:45,128
to someone else-- an actor
named Joey... Tribaney.

308
00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:46,738
Well, wherever he is,

309
00:13:46,782 --> 00:13:49,480
I'm sure that Joey Tribaney
is kicking himself.

310
00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:52,222
Tribbiani!!!

311
00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:55,312
Joey Tribbiani
is kicking himself!

312
00:14:06,454 --> 00:14:08,282
Hey, what are
you doing here?

313
00:14:08,325 --> 00:14:11,067
Mom told me you'd be clearing
out your dressing room today,

314
00:14:11,111 --> 00:14:13,461
so I figured I'd come by,
cheer you up.

315
00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:14,897
Aw...
What are you cooking?

316
00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:16,899
Uh, spaghetti and meatballs.
It's Grandma's recipe.

317
00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:18,988
It always
makes me feel better.

318
00:14:19,032 --> 00:14:22,339
Mom made it for me
this one time I got a "B."

319
00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:23,993
I got a "B" once.

320
00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:25,952
Cheated my ass off.

321
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,261
So, was today hard?

322
00:14:31,305 --> 00:14:32,523
Yeah.

323
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:33,960
I can't believe it.

324
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:36,527
A week ago,
I was the star of a show,

325
00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:39,617
and now I'm the guy
who turned down Nurses.

326
00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:41,793
Which is strange,
because in real life,

327
00:14:41,837 --> 00:14:45,232
I would never turn down a nurse.

328
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:46,798
So, what do you do now?

329
00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:48,844
I got a meeting
with my agent later

330
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:52,587
to try and figure out
some kind of game plan.

331
00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:55,720
Hey, they're making
a new Indiana Jones movie.

332
00:14:55,764 --> 00:14:59,202
Maybe you can... turn that down.

333
00:15:03,685 --> 00:15:05,078
Feeling
a little more comfortable

334
00:15:05,121 --> 00:15:06,906
around your Uncle Joe,
are you?

335
00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:13,129
Hey, this is really nice.
Thanks for doing this.

336
00:15:13,173 --> 00:15:15,436
You know, if you let me
be your roommate,

337
00:15:15,479 --> 00:15:18,569
you could have this,
like, every day.

338
00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:20,354
Michael, look,
you're a great kid,

339
00:15:20,397 --> 00:15:22,660
and I'd love to have you
as my roommate.

340
00:15:22,704 --> 00:15:24,662
But your mother will flip out.

341
00:15:24,706 --> 00:15:26,316
I mean...

342
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:27,839
Uh...

343
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,756
You're in!

344
00:15:34,237 --> 00:15:36,239
No, no, no, no, no!

345
00:15:41,505 --> 00:15:42,942
[ knocking on door ]

346
00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:45,857
Oh, hey, Joey,
have a seat, doll.

347
00:15:45,901 --> 00:15:48,034
Thanks for seeing me,
Bobbie.

348
00:15:48,077 --> 00:15:51,124
Look, I know we blew it by
turning down that Nursesthing.

349
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:52,952
But I gotta believe
there's something bigger

350
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:54,692
right around the corner.

351
00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:59,132
Listen, you are living
in a dream world.

352
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:01,482
Excuse me?

353
00:16:01,525 --> 00:16:03,875
That Nursesshow is huge.

354
00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:06,966
Everyone involved with it
is gonna become insanely rich,

355
00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:10,752
and it's gonna haunt you
for the rest of your life.

356
00:16:10,795 --> 00:16:15,017
But my job
is to keep up your morale.

357
00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:17,280
I do feel better.

358
00:16:17,324 --> 00:16:20,892
Look, I'm a
straight shooter.

359
00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:23,025
But I'll tell you
something else about me--

360
00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:26,507
I am the best.

361
00:16:26,550 --> 00:16:29,510
There is nothing
that I wouldn't do for you.

362
00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:34,819
I would... throw on a meat skirt
and wrestle a lion.

363
00:16:34,863 --> 00:16:40,303
I would pull off my own ears
and eat them.

364
00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:44,046
That's... gross.

365
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,527
I am gonna get
you through this.

366
00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:48,007
I tell you, next year,

367
00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:50,052
I am gonna
find you a show

368
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:53,621
that'll blow this Nurses
thing right out of the...

369
00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:55,840
Ah, what the hell am I saying?

370
00:16:55,884 --> 00:16:58,713
Nothing's gonna top that.

371
00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:03,413
Uh, wha... h-hold on--
"next year"?

372
00:17:03,457 --> 00:17:05,850
No, no, no.
I need to get something now.

373
00:17:05,894 --> 00:17:09,332
Well, I got nothing.

374
00:17:09,376 --> 00:17:13,510
Zilch. Zero. "Nay-da."

375
00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:15,338
There's gotta be something.

376
00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:19,299
Well... they do need
a host for this new
entertainment news show.

377
00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:22,780
It's not really acting,
but it may work

378
00:17:22,824 --> 00:17:25,783
since you have
such a tremendous head.

379
00:17:29,135 --> 00:17:30,571
I do?

380
00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:34,662
Oh, come on.
We don't have time for this.

381
00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:37,491
Thanks, Bobbie, thank you.

382
00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:39,058
[ wheezing laugh]

383
00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:41,843
Looks like you got a big barrel
on your shoulders.

384
00:17:50,504 --> 00:17:54,029
Gina, where have you been?
My audition's in half an hour.

385
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:57,163
Sorry-- I'll give you a little
trim. It'll take two minutes.

386
00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:59,904
Hey, any sign of my stuff?
Have the movers called?

387
00:17:59,948 --> 00:18:01,210
No.

388
00:18:01,254 --> 00:18:04,039
Stupid Movers and Shakers.

389
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,127
[ chuckling]

390
00:18:05,171 --> 00:18:07,608
I can't be mad at those guys.

391
00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:11,133
Hey, do me a favor.

392
00:18:11,177 --> 00:18:14,005
See if you can make my head
look a little smaller.

393
00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:18,575
You know,
I can't do this.

394
00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:20,055
I'm too upset.

395
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:23,232
What's the matter?

396
00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:25,539
Michael said
he was moving out.

397
00:18:25,582 --> 00:18:28,107
Uh, did he say who
he was moving in with?

398
00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:29,151
No, why?

399
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:30,326
Uh, no reason.

400
00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:32,459
Uh, but you know,

401
00:18:32,502 --> 00:18:35,549
if you think about it, Gina,
this could be a good thing.

402
00:18:35,592 --> 00:18:38,160
You, uh... you could have
more time for
your hairdressing.

403
00:18:38,204 --> 00:18:39,466
Oh, please.

404
00:18:39,509 --> 00:18:41,250
I'm not much
of a hairdresser, anyway.

405
00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:43,296
I only started cutting hair
because Channel 5

406
00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:44,819
exposed me as the Southland's

407
00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:46,864
most dangerous
dental technician.

408
00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:52,087
Yeah... that was
some damning footage.

409
00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:58,224
I just don't know what
I'm gonna do without him.

410
00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:00,791
He's my baby.

411
00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:03,054
Hey, come on...
No, really.

412
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:08,625
I don't have much to be proud
of... but him, I did right.

413
00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:12,020
[ phone rings]

414
00:19:12,063 --> 00:19:14,065
I got to take this.

415
00:19:14,109 --> 00:19:15,502
What?

416
00:19:15,545 --> 00:19:18,287
Yeah. Well, I got a lead
on some blonde's hair.

417
00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:25,076
I need some
good straight stuff.

418
00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:31,518
Okay, we've got a big problem.
I told Mom I was moving out.

419
00:19:31,561 --> 00:19:33,824
She went crazy-- I-I-I don't
know what she'll do

420
00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:35,609
when she hears
I'm living with you.

421
00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:37,176
Well, let's find out.

422
00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:41,267
Why didn't you tell me
she was here?

423
00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:44,139
You couldn't tell
I was getting a haircut?

424
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,011
You think I just walk
around my apartment in a cape?!

425
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:52,278
He's gonna live here?!
Are you kidding me?

426
00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:53,844
Mom, look,
this was my idea.

427
00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:55,498
That's true.
Sure.

428
00:19:55,542 --> 00:19:57,805
I bet you landed,
and right away, he begged,

429
00:19:57,848 --> 00:20:00,068
"Please, get me
away from my mother!"

430
00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:01,809
Uh...
Uh...

431
00:20:03,767 --> 00:20:06,030
I cannot believe
you would do this to me.

432
00:20:06,074 --> 00:20:08,468
[ sighing]:
Hey, Gina...

433
00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:09,947
Gina, Gina, wait up!
Mom...

434
00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:12,776
Ma...
Gina!

435
00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:13,995
Oh, my God.

436
00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:16,040
I know. I know.

437
00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:21,916
I could eat
a really big lobster in this.

438
00:20:29,489 --> 00:20:31,578
Okay, Joey,
the audition's very simple.

439
00:20:31,621 --> 00:20:33,580
Uh... three cameras;

440
00:20:33,623 --> 00:20:35,625
each one has a TelePrompTer
beneath the lens

441
00:20:35,669 --> 00:20:37,279
and a red light on top.

442
00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:39,803
Whichever red light is lit,
that's the camera you address.

443
00:20:39,847 --> 00:20:41,892
The producer'll watch you
from that monitor.

444
00:20:41,936 --> 00:20:44,286
Geez.
Is that a man or a woman?

445
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,810
And you're miked.

446
00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:49,160
Okay. Let's do this.

447
00:20:49,204 --> 00:20:50,205
We on a roll?

448
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,641
Joey Tribbiani audition

449
00:20:51,685 --> 00:20:53,861
in five, four, three...

450
00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:55,732
Welcome to Hollywood Minute.

451
00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:57,168
I'm name.

452
00:21:00,694 --> 00:21:02,739
Can I start again?
Whenever
you're ready.

453
00:21:02,783 --> 00:21:04,175
Okay.

454
00:21:06,090 --> 00:21:07,614
Welcome to Hollywood Minute.

455
00:21:07,657 --> 00:21:11,574
I'm Joey Tribbiani, and here are
today's top stories.

456
00:21:11,618 --> 00:21:13,837
Well, even though
she's on vacation...

457
00:21:13,881 --> 00:21:16,144
Uh, Joey, you didn't
switch cameras.

458
00:21:16,187 --> 00:21:18,320
Oh, did the light change?

459
00:21:18,364 --> 00:21:20,322
Yeah. Even though
you're reading,

460
00:21:20,366 --> 00:21:23,456
you need to be
aware of when
the light changes.

461
00:21:23,499 --> 00:21:26,676
That's really the best way
to do this?

462
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:30,245
Okay, let's try it again
in five, four, three...

463
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,726
Welcome to Hollywood Minute.

464
00:21:32,769 --> 00:21:36,338
I'm Joey Tribbiani, and here are
today's top stories:

465
00:21:36,382 --> 00:21:39,472
Well, even though
she's on vacation,

466
00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:41,909
Jennifer Lopez
is in the news today.

467
00:21:41,952 --> 00:21:44,128
More-more on that story later.

468
00:21:44,172 --> 00:21:45,565
But first, let's check out

469
00:21:45,608 --> 00:21:47,610
the box office returns
for this weekend.

470
00:21:47,654 --> 00:21:50,047
Topping the list
for the third week in a...

471
00:21:50,091 --> 00:21:52,049
Man, that is one fast red light.

472
00:21:52,093 --> 00:21:55,749
Topping the list...
Topping the list...

473
00:21:55,792 --> 00:21:58,012
No, I know it's not that one.

474
00:21:58,055 --> 00:21:59,492
Where the hell is it?!

475
00:21:59,535 --> 00:22:01,624
Okay, Joey,
thanks for coming in.

476
00:22:01,668 --> 00:22:03,931
No, no, no,
I'm getting the hang of it.

477
00:22:03,974 --> 00:22:06,412
Please, Mister or Miss Producer.

478
00:22:06,455 --> 00:22:09,110
Um, I need this job.
I can do this.

479
00:22:09,153 --> 00:22:10,633
You're looking
at the wrong camera.

480
00:22:10,677 --> 00:22:12,374
Damn it!

481
00:22:12,418 --> 00:22:16,073
Romeo, oh, Romeo...

482
00:22:26,562 --> 00:22:28,564
Hey.
Hey.

483
00:22:28,608 --> 00:22:30,044
What's wrong?

484
00:22:30,087 --> 00:22:32,438
Oh, I just... blew an audition

485
00:22:32,481 --> 00:22:35,092
to host this stupid
entertainment show.

486
00:22:35,136 --> 00:22:37,094
Oh. Well, is that even acting?

487
00:22:37,138 --> 00:22:42,056
No. It's just following
a really fast red light.

488
00:22:42,099 --> 00:22:45,755
I'm sorry. If it helps, I had
a really rough day at work, too.

489
00:22:45,799 --> 00:22:48,976
The company I represent
can't drill for oil in Yosemite.

490
00:22:51,282 --> 00:22:54,068
Well, if we're both bummed,
you wanna go be bummed together?

491
00:22:54,111 --> 00:22:56,070
Maybe we could get
something to eat.

492
00:22:56,113 --> 00:22:57,680
Oh, I wish I could.

493
00:22:57,724 --> 00:23:01,423
I have to go to the airport
to pick up my husband.

494
00:23:01,467 --> 00:23:04,644
Oh...
You're married?

495
00:23:04,687 --> 00:23:06,994
You didn't know?
Didn't you see the ring?

496
00:23:07,037 --> 00:23:08,517
Yeah, yeah, I saw a ring,

497
00:23:08,561 --> 00:23:10,650
but it's not
on your left hand, so...

498
00:23:10,693 --> 00:23:12,782
Yeah, it is.

499
00:23:14,915 --> 00:23:17,700
If you say so.

500
00:23:17,744 --> 00:23:20,137
See you, Joey.
Okay.

501
00:23:25,795 --> 00:23:27,493
Hey.

502
00:23:27,536 --> 00:23:30,278
Hey, did you know
that girl next
door is married?

503
00:23:30,321 --> 00:23:32,149
Oh. I can't talk to that girl.

504
00:23:32,193 --> 00:23:34,195
S-S-She makes my stutter
come back.

505
00:23:36,719 --> 00:23:38,286
Uh, can I talk to you?

506
00:23:38,329 --> 00:23:40,636
Michael, you should know
there'll be times

507
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,638
when I'm not gonna
want to talk.

508
00:23:42,682 --> 00:23:45,946
I'm just gonna want to eat
the spaghetti you made for me.

509
00:23:45,989 --> 00:23:48,775
Um, actually...

510
00:23:48,818 --> 00:23:52,735
Well, I'm not gonna be
your roommate.

511
00:23:52,779 --> 00:23:55,303
What? Why?

512
00:23:55,346 --> 00:23:57,827
I talked it over with my mom,
and she was...

513
00:23:57,871 --> 00:23:59,220
Michael, don't listen to her!

514
00:23:59,263 --> 00:24:01,222
She's a selfish, crazy...

515
00:24:01,265 --> 00:24:04,443
Okay, we need a signal
for when she's here!

516
00:24:04,486 --> 00:24:06,009
Come on, Michael,
we're leaving.

517
00:24:06,053 --> 00:24:08,011
Look, Gina,
this is nuts!

518
00:24:08,055 --> 00:24:09,883
He's a man, okay?

519
00:24:09,926 --> 00:24:11,885
He's graduated college.

520
00:24:11,928 --> 00:24:12,973
He shaves.

521
00:24:13,016 --> 00:24:14,888
He sleeps with women.

522
00:24:14,931 --> 00:24:17,325
[ stuttering]:
Yeah, I-I do shave.

523
00:24:17,368 --> 00:24:19,980
Come on!
You have to let him go!

524
00:24:20,023 --> 00:24:21,111
Oh, yeah?

525
00:24:21,155 --> 00:24:22,809
[ shrieking]

526
00:24:22,852 --> 00:24:24,593
You can hurt me
all you want.

527
00:24:24,637 --> 00:24:26,203
He's gonna move out sometime.

528
00:24:26,247 --> 00:24:27,770
Not if I can help it.

529
00:24:27,814 --> 00:24:29,555
Look, Gina, I know
he's your baby,

530
00:24:29,598 --> 00:24:31,295
but it's time
to move on!

531
00:24:31,339 --> 00:24:32,862
Change can be good.

532
00:24:32,906 --> 00:24:34,734
Oh, it's easy
for you to say.

533
00:24:34,777 --> 00:24:36,910
No, it's not! No.

534
00:24:36,953 --> 00:24:40,261
Look... nobody understands

535
00:24:40,304 --> 00:24:42,568
wanting things to stay the same
like I do.

536
00:24:42,611 --> 00:24:44,570
I was happy in New York,

537
00:24:44,613 --> 00:24:47,442
okay, and I tried really hard
to keep things from changing,

538
00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:49,444
but everyone else
got-got married

539
00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:51,664
and had kids and moved on.

540
00:24:51,707 --> 00:24:54,536
They all changed.

541
00:24:54,580 --> 00:24:55,842
So...

542
00:24:55,885 --> 00:24:57,713
I'm giving change a shot.

543
00:24:57,757 --> 00:25:01,456
And it has been hard...

544
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:06,505
but... okay, just hoping things
stay the same--

545
00:25:06,548 --> 00:25:08,507
it doesn't work.

546
00:25:11,727 --> 00:25:14,513
What, are you smarter
than you used to be?

547
00:25:16,732 --> 00:25:19,169
Nah, I don't know
where that came from.

548
00:25:26,089 --> 00:25:28,135
You know he's a slob,
right?

549
00:25:28,178 --> 00:25:30,441
You know how you like
everything nice and clean

550
00:25:30,485 --> 00:25:32,748
in its own little place?

551
00:25:32,792 --> 00:25:36,535
There's gonna be sauce
on everything you own.

552
00:25:36,578 --> 00:25:38,972
I don't know how it happens.

553
00:25:41,191 --> 00:25:44,238
Ma... Ma, that's okay.

554
00:25:48,764 --> 00:25:52,028
Well, if this is
really what you want...

555
00:25:52,072 --> 00:25:56,424
Thank you, Mom.
Thank you.

556
00:25:56,467 --> 00:25:59,122
I'm just gonna miss you,
that's all.

557
00:25:59,166 --> 00:26:01,951
It's been the two of us
for such a long time.

558
00:26:01,995 --> 00:26:04,563
Yeah, well,
now it's the three of us.

559
00:26:04,606 --> 00:26:06,521
You gave your speech.
Enough.

560
00:26:09,655 --> 00:26:11,613
You sure you're gonna be okay?

561
00:26:11,657 --> 00:26:14,964
Gina, he's gonna be fine.
He's old enough to move out.

562
00:26:15,008 --> 00:26:17,445
You were raising a kid
when you were 16.

563
00:26:23,669 --> 00:26:27,847
How did I not
figure that out?

564
00:26:27,890 --> 00:26:29,326
I mean, I...

565
00:26:29,370 --> 00:26:32,895
I took calculus
when I was eight.

566
00:26:32,939 --> 00:26:34,288
You're dead.

567
00:26:34,331 --> 00:26:36,507
Gina, back off--
I don't wanna hurt you.

568
00:26:36,551 --> 00:26:37,552
Oh, yeah?

569
00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:39,902
[ screaming]

570
00:26:39,946 --> 00:26:42,688
I'm gay for David Cassidy!

571
00:26:52,436 --> 00:26:53,612
♪ Come on

572
00:26:53,655 --> 00:26:55,831
♪ Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah

573
00:26:55,875 --> 00:26:57,920
♪ Everything's
gonna be alright ♪

574
00:26:57,964 --> 00:27:00,270
♪ I'm alright y'all,
alright y'all ♪

575
00:27:00,314 --> 00:27:03,317
♪ You wanna be alright,
you gotta walk tall ♪

576
00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:05,841
♪ Everything's
gonna be alright now ♪

577
00:27:05,885 --> 00:27:07,800
♪ Everything's
gonna be alright now ♪

578
00:27:07,843 --> 00:27:09,671
♪ I'm alright y'all,
alright y'all ♪

579
00:27:09,715 --> 00:27:12,543
♪ You wanna be alright,
you gotta walk tall ♪

580
00:27:12,587 --> 00:27:15,068
♪ I'm alright y'all,
alright y'all ♪

581
00:27:15,111 --> 00:27:18,027
♪ You wanna be alright,
you gotta walk tall ♪