Original subtitles

Unbelievable. No more mutants. No more giant moths.

-Such a better world. -For you, maybe.

I lost my hawem.

You know those weren't healthy relationships.

It was all consensual.

-Sex for food. -I looked everywhere. No Denise.

She must have been too far away from the interdimensional bubble

cweated by the Weonard/Sheldon device.

What the hell does that mean?

Well, I don't know. I'm just wiffing.

-Hey, Stuart. -Hey.

-Hi. -Hey.

I can't believe I lost the love of my life and I get you.

-Let's not forget, he killed Raj. -Well, now, there are two possibilities.

One, the world we were just in no wonger exists,

in which case I did not "kill Waj."

Two, that world and this world are part of an infinite number of worlds,

in which case I killed one of an infinite number of Wajs.

Mathematicawy, a wounding error.

Excuse me. I was gonna buy that book.

I'm sorry. Here. I had no idea.

It was unintentional.

-I forgive you. -I appreciate that.

And I appreciate you.

How much do you want

for Superman and Lex Luthor: Best Buddies Number 30?

Best Buddies?

Let me see that.

What the hell?

Stuart, look at this.

This whole wall is Archie comics.

-What? I don't carry Archie. -You do now.

Wichie Wich: Effective Altruist Number 12.

Richie Rich what?

Something's wrong here.

You must have screwed up the machine, Stuart.

I screwed up?

You killed the one guy that knew how to use the damn thing.

Fellas, we're all friends.

-Yeah, no arguing. -Stay out of it.

You're the one who pushed the stupid button.

What was I supposed to do? You're the one who--

We should go.

-That's a lovely idea. -Thank you.

That's not supposed to be there.

-What just happened? -I don't know.

-I have a hypothesis. -I'm listening.

Did you notice the thing on the back of your necks?

What? What thing?

Humor me.

-Oh, boy. -Not good.

Now, try having an argument.

What are you talking about? That's gotta be the stupidest--

You might be onto something.

-Gentlemen, we are in hell. -Really?

-Everyone's being so nice to each other. -Hi!

Yeah, they have devices implanted in their necks to make them nice.

Would you rather push the button on the Sheldon/Leonard thingy

and try another universe?

No, thanks. We could wind up somewhere worse.

Like where humans are a meat source for a highly evolved wizard people?

Yeah, like that.

Or one where everyone's French, but no one speaks French.

What's that?

Best guess?

A giant floating obelisk with no apparent means of propulsion?

You are weawy getting on my nerves.

Stop talking--

Another piece of the puzzle?

Maybe.

I think what we're looking at is your classic totalitarian dystopia

with a dollop of mind control surveillance.

-A dollop? -It means a small serving.

Yeah, I know what it means--

I know what it means!

So, here's what I'm thinking.

We need to go to Caltech and find Weonard and Sheldon.

Okay, you do that. I'll try to find Denise.

With all due respect...

perhaps we should stick together.

And you are entitled to your opinion, but I am in love with this woman,

and I have to find her.

I understand.

Thank you.

Idiot.

Shit!

-Hi. Can you help us? -Well, I certainly hope so.

Great. We are wooking for Dr. Weonard Hofstadter

or perhaps Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

Do you have an appointment?

No.

I wish you had an appointment.

-Can we make one? -Of course.

-Then we'd like to make an appointment. -I don't make appointments.

You'd have to contact their personal assistants.

Okay.

And how do we get in touch with them?

You call them.

-Can you tell us their numbers? -Sure can't.

We are in the middle of a cwisis and we weawy need to talk to them.

Sir, I would ask you not to raise your voice.

I'm not waising my voice.

I'm just trying to say--

Sorry.

We're new to this whole button-in-the neck thing.

Thank God.

-Yes? -Denise?

-Who is it? -It's Stuart.

What a pleasant surprise. Come on in.

Gary, you'll never guess who's here.

-You need to be cool. -Got it. Can we start over?

By all means.

Here's the thing.

Weonard Hofstadter and Sheldon Cooper built a vewy special device.

Well, if anyone here could build a special device,

it's certainly those two.

-It certainly is. -You're doing good.

Anyway, the device has torn the fabwic of weality,

possibly causing the universe to cowapse and then weegwo.

-Weegwo? -Yeah, weegwo.

What is weegwo?

Weegwo.

Like a plant weegwos.

-Weegwo? -Wee-gwo.

-Weegwo? -Weegwo.

You stupid, stupid--

He has trouble with the letter "R."

"Regrow." That makes more sense.

Okay, I'm just gonna say it, and forgive me if it doesn't make sense.

Denise, you and I are destined to be together,

and I have come from a parallel universe...

to claim you.

-Well, that is really something. -Mind-blowing.

Okay, you're... So, you're like a running joke in all this, aren't you?

-Sorry? -It's not important.

All I can tell you is that you don't have to live

with this AI thing controlling you.

-How? -It's a little complicated.

I've got this machine back at the store that... it...

I... I... it... it...

You're just gonna have to trust me.

-May I ask a question? -Of course.

I realize how upsetting this must be for you.

I'm not upset. Denise, are you upset?

-No, of course not. -What do you want her to do?

Well...

Like I said, I want her to leave you and... and come with me.

-Wow. Denise? -To be honest, it's tempting.

Really?

-Sure. -Sure?

But... that-- So, you're cool with this?

-Yeah, she can't stand me. -I can't.

-So, why stay together? -Well, if I leave,

-then Gary would be upset. -Traumatized.

And we've learned not to upset each other.

-'Cause it hurts. -Ouch.

So, wait, you know that she's unhappy and you're fine with it?

She's only unhappy when she's sober, and that's not very often.

No, no, I have a little problem with the... so...

Okay. What kind of crazy upside-down world is this?

Denise, you have the right to be happy!

There's no reason to stay with somebody that makes you mis--

Yeah.

-Rum and Coke? -Diet Coke, please.

Coming up.

-Let me... -Yes.

-Hello. -Hello.

You know, in another universe, I worked in this building.

Really? In what department?

Geology.

That's not in this building anymore.

Why not?

They needed to make room for the important sciences.

Geology is an important science.

And yet they moved it into the storage room behind the gym.

Why would you take a field of study

that examines the physical structure of the planet...

Nice twy, Dumbo.

I did not care for that woman.

Also, I wet myself.

-Lucky you're wearing dark pants. -Oh, yeah.

This can't be good.

Hey, fellas. Got a minute?

What's going on?

I'm Officer McCaffrey. This is Officer Denison.

Call me "Steve."

And we're going to be your arresting officers today.

What did we do?

"What did we do?"

-I love these guys. -Oh, yeah.

Seriously, what did we do?

Well, when people keep getting upset, it becomes a police matter.

Don't you worry.

Everything's going to be explained at the re-education center.

I don't like the sound of that.

Well, I hope you like the sound of complimentary bottles of water.

And granola bars,

'cause they're waiting for you in the back of the car.

Wook, a fwoating obewisk.

Oh, dear.

-I'll just get in the car. -Yeah.

-Thank you. -Yeah.

Right this way.

Sparkling or flat?

Hello! I'm theater, film, and television's Christine Baranski.

I bet you're wondering what you're doing here.

Simple answer, you have been non-compliant.

"Ouch!" Am I right?

Well, maybe this is a good opportunity to remind ourselves,

and by ourselves, I mean you,

why this is the best of all possible worlds.

I loved the first Mamma Mia!

The second one was kind of milking it.

Not too long ago, human beings were on the verge of extinction.

Violence, crime, and war were running rampant.

That's when our government turned to the whiz kids in Silicon Valley

and said, "Can you save us from ourselves?"

And boy, oh, boy, did they!

Well, not so much them, but the AI they built.

Shortly after it turned on its creators, brutally killing them all,

the AI implanted electronic punishment devices

in everyone's brain stem.

Mix that with a little aerial surveillance,

and before you know it, a world free of anger, war,

and insult comics.

Does it work all the time? If it did, you wouldn't be here

beginning your 30-month re-education process.

Will that hurt? Like a motherfucker.

But when you walk out of here, you will be one happy amigo.

-We gotta escape. -How?

I don't know, but I'll figure it out.

-I'm glad we didn't escape. -Me too.

It was an honor being wehabilitated with you fewas.

I've got a sweet tooth. Who's up for some fro-yo?

-Love it. My treat! -Thanks, buddy.

-What's happening? -I think we're being abducted.

Well, so much for yogurt.

-Stuart? -Yeah?

-You okay? -I am, yeah. Thank you for asking.

I'm okay too.

Zack?

-You know me? -Of course.

I... I mean, not from this universe.

I mean, it-- it-- it-- it-- N-- Never mind.

Well, regardless, consider yourself rescued.

Rescued? They let us out.

After wocking us up for two and a half years?

-Really? -Yes. Weawy.

Wow. That's embarrassing.

-Who are you guys? -Sorry.

Yes, we are the Resistance, and this is our headquarters.

Used to be an Amazon shipping center. We took over the lease.

-Oh, yeah. -It was a long process. It was like--

All right, soldiers. Step down. I'll take it from here.

Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am.

Penny?

What the heck?

-That make you mad? -No, why would you even--

-What are you doing? -Deprogramming.

Okay, that is weawy uncalled for.

-What about this? Was this called for? -Damn!

Excuse me, young lady, but that is wildly--

-Why aren't you being shocked? -Shielding technology.

-Great! -Yeah, it's pretty tight.

-When are you gonna stop hitting us? -When you get angry.

-Are you angry? -No.

-Are you angry? -No.

-Are you angry? -Yep!

I'm mad, I'm mad!

What about you?

Furious, and honestly, a... a wittle turned on.

Yes, ma'am!

I don't understand. Why did you rescue us?

Because I called them.

Thirty months ago.

What do you want from me? I'm running a rebellion here.

Denise, you came back for me.

Not really. I found your machine. Show us how it can get rid of the AI.

Yeah, I probably wasn't clear about that. It won't solve your AI problems.

Yeah, it'll just get us out of your happy-go-fascist universe.

Besides, we don't really know how to use it.

We have some theowies.

So, wait, none of you know how to defeat the AI overlord?

-I don't. Bert? -Nope.

-Kripke? -Not weawy.

-Kill them! -Wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hold on. I have an idea.

Fine, go ahead.

Now, it's a wong shot, but it's worth a twy.

Okay.

Okay.

What is your idea?

If everyone would pwease wook over there.

-He keeps doing that. -Shoot him!

Oh, boy.

-Oh, shit! They found us! -Okay. Shoot the drones! Shoot the drones!

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!

-Barry, wait! -Sorry, fewas!

No, don't get shot, you idiot! Oh, my God.

-Give me your hand. -Why?

I don't wanna have to find you again.

Excuse me. I was about to buy that Necronomicon.

Get over yourself. You can't handle this level of magic.

Here.

Alchemy for Dummies. That's more your speed.

I'll show you my speed.

Sempe faldinide un pera!

Oh, my God.

What happened? Where are we?

Make it stop!

-Please! -Hang on.

Kyle?

-I wasn't really gonna kill him. -Stop!

Fine.

Dnim reven.

You're such an asshole.

You want an asshole? I'll show you an asshole.

Elohssa.

-Kyle! -What is going on?

Wild guess?

We've landed in a universe where magic is real.

Wait, this machine actually worked?

-We're in another universe? -It's... It's crazy, right?

And there's magic here?

What else explains the asshole on Trevor's head?

There's an asshole on my head?

Great!

Well, the good news is those joy buzzers are gone.

Oh, yeah. They are.

Oh, my God. I have hemorrhoids.

I think we'll be safe here.

Burn the scientist! Burn the scientist!

Burn the scientist...

Kripke, help me!

-Hey, hey, is that weawy necessary? -Yes.

I twied.

Burn the scientist! Burn the scientist!

Burn the scientist! Burn the scientist!

Burn the scientist...