All language subtitles for arrested.development.s04e01.internal.bdrip.x264-archivist

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NARRATOR (gravelly):
It was May...

(clears throat)

It was May 4,

and in the bayside town
of Newport Beach,

the annual celebration

known as Cinco de Cuatro
was underway.

The holiday started as
a particularly vicious response

by a young Lucille Bluth
to the Mexican holiday...

- This still isn't made?
- ...of Cinco de Mayo.

- No, no, it's not.
- Rosa, why is this still a mess?!

She said it's, uh,
it's Cinco de Mayo.

She's taking, uh, the day off.

- She said that?
- Yeah.

- She called it Cinco de Mayo?
- She did, yeah.

Oh, why can't they
just call it May 5?

This is what
I was talking about.

It's all part
of the Mexican war on May 5.

- War on May 5, I know, yeah. It is.
- It is.

NARRATOR:
But even a skeptical George Sr.

soon found himself feeling
similarly embattled.

Where the (bleep) are my socks?!

Now it's not so funny, is it?

No, not funny.

We should start our own holiday.

NARRATOR: You see, the Hispanics
of Newport liked Cinco a lot,

but high up on Coast Highway,
Lucille Bluth did not.

Doesn't look like they'll be
done any time soon.

NARRATOR: And then Lucille had
a horrible thought,

a thought that was thoughtless
and better to not.

"What if," she thought
with a sneering grin...

Next year what if the party
didn't even begin?

NARRATOR: And so began
a holiday on the eve

- of the fifth of May...
- ♪ The cockroach... ♪

...originally intended
to deplete the party supplies

the Cinco de Mayo celebrants
were relying upon.

Fill the bay with chorizo.

- Chorizo dump!
- NARRATOR: Over 30 years, however, it grew

and was soon embraced
by the Hispanic community...

You buy it, you break it!

...for financial reasons...

and as the celebrations peaked

with a boat parade
called the Festival of Lights--

another phrase
they wanted back--

one man was about
to hit his lowest point.

♪ On the sixth of May... ♪

LUCILLE 2:
Happy Cuatro, happy Cuatro!

Let's throw
some more taco shells.

Olé!

Sally, can I...?

I need to speak
to Lucille 2, please.

It's okay, Sally,
I'll talk to Michael.

NARRATOR:
This is Lucille 2,

a longtime patron
of the Bluth family.

I'll be downstairs
kicking myself

for not marrying you
so many years ago.

Michael, do you have
something for me?

Does bad news count?

There's that Bluth wit.

Oh, I love your family.

NARRATOR: She certainly
had demonstrated that

with many of the men
in the family...

Oh, stop it,
you're making me dizzy.

...even having fallen
for a few,

although some of that was
the vertigo she suffered from.

But not all of it.

- Dad?
- No, no.

But seriously, she had gotten
intimate with Buster and Gob.

I need that money I lent you.

I am in the middle of a campaign

and I am desperate
for the ad money.

You're going to get it.

I just need an extension.

Why don't you go to your family?

I don't need them.

What I need is you.

What are you suggesting?

- (thud)
- No.

Okay, that was nasty.

- Aren't you sweet?
- (chuckles)

- Thank you.
- Okay.

Don't tilt your head, okay?

NARRATOR: And that's
when Michael debased himself.

What are you doing?

I'm gonna have sex
with you for money.

NARRATOR:
Later that night,

after Michael did
something unthinkable,

he was looking
for a place to hide

and he returned
to a long neglected model home

he believed to be empty.

GOB:
Thanks for coming

so late, Maria, I know
that you won't be cleaning up

tomorrow, and we did make
quite a mess of that bedroom.

Michael.

NARRATOR:
This is Michael's brother Gob.

Neither had expected
to see each other

after some recent
unpleasantness.

I didn't expect
to be seeing you again

after all the unpleasantness.

I-I've, I've,
I've been out of control.

Sorry.

In fact, I-I just did something
that I-I don't,

I don't, I don't know
why I did it.

Do you want to talk about it?

No, I do not,
I've said too much already.

You cannot help me.

Well, I wasn't hoping to help.

I was hoping to rub it in

because of all
the unpleasantness.

- Got it. - Oh, damn it, I meant
to throw these in the chipper.

God, I'm just not
into Cuatro this year.

I was the one that was wrong,
not you,

and besides, you could not
make me feel worse right now.

Well, I'd be willing

to let you have
your apology back

if you give me
the chance to try.

I mean, I'm gonna need
some specifics

about the thing
that you're ashamed of.

Otherwise I'll just be
taking general potshots.

Bad example: if you were ashamed
of being in love with a man,

suddenly discovered
these new feelings,

then I might say something like,
"Homo much?"

- It's not that.
- I said "Bad example."

I went to go see Lucille 2

and I just, I just--
I lost control.

I did something
that I wish I could forget.

You have got no idea how I feel.

Well, if you're talking about
doing something embarrassing

with a woman, then no, I don't.

NARRATOR:
But he should have.

It's almost
as if he found a way

to simulate amnesia.

Hey, I'm down
to my last Forget-Me-Now.

NARRATOR: In fact,
that is what he had done.

Hey, remember me?

NARRATOR:
Gob had always taken a pill

he called a Forget-Me-Now
for that...

- No más.
- ¿No más?

...but was commonly known
as a roofie.

GOB:
There's only one left.

How could that possibly be?

Unless... John Beard Jr.

I don't need to get into it.

I came here because I thought
the house was empty,

but I can go
somewhere else, okay?

- Hey, listen, Michael, if you
want, we can split this. - No,

I feel like this is something
that I shouldn't forget,

okay, and believe me,
this is the last time

I ever judge you for anything

that you ever do.

Oh, (bleep).

(door closes)

Is that who you were with?

I knew it, I always knew it.

- Take this, Michael, forget, forget.
- No, no, no, no, no.

Put the mask back on.
Forget this, Michael.

- Forget, forget, Michael.
- Gob.

Forget, now is the time
to forget.

- (coughing)
- Now you're forgetting.

- Now you're forgetting.
- God.

♪ It's so easy to forget... ♪

(Michael sighs)

♪ It's so easy to forget. ♪

Stupid, forgetful Michael.

NARRATOR:
Now, the story of a family

whose future was abruptly
canceled and the one son

who had no choice
but to keep himself together.

It's Michael's...

Six months
before the Forget-Me-Now,

Michael had made good
on a long-standing threat

to go to Phoenix,

and even though the Phoenix
he went to was online,

he still enjoyed
the full college experience

by living in a dorm room
while doing so.

George Michael, what is
my log-on password again?

NARRATOR: Unfortunately
it was his son's dorm room

at the University of California
at Irvine.

Dad, come on, what have we said
is the most important thing?

I have tried "family."

- It does not work for me.
- No, privacy.

NARRATOR:
This is Michael's son

George Michael-- a nice kid.

Uh, no one should have
your password but you.

I shouldn't even know it.

- You've made that point.
- Have I?

MICHAEL: My point is, we have
no secrets from each other.

We know everything there is
to know about each other.

We're like twins.

I don't see us as twins.

Yeah? You name me one way
in which we're different.

GEORGE MICHAEL:
I think you tend to be better

at feeling
like you belong places.

MICHAEL:
Do I?

I want you to start feeling
like you belong places.

Look at that guy.

He thinks he's a musician.

You know, like,
you've got to start having

a little bit better sense
of humor about yourself.

Look at me.

People say I don't age.

You know, like,
"Hey, look at that guy.

He's got the hair
of a teenager."

And I say, "Take your best shot"

because I think
that that's a good thing

because I'm self-effacing.

Hmm?

I want you to be able
to do that.

Well, it's hard
to be self-effacing

when you're a perfect specimen
of rugged manlessness.

(chuckles)

Well, you can't hear this, but,

but we're gonna work on it.

That's why I'm living
in your dorm.

Well, I thought
you were living here

because you had
nowhere else to go.

Yeah, and because of the fact
you had this big double room

all to yourself
because of your name.

NARRATOR:
The name George Michael

did create confusion
in the campus housing office.

This guy's name is actually
George Michael.

No, it's two different guys.

- They're twins, ugly.
- (gasps)

BOTH: We should sign them up
for Twin Club.

And let's give them
the big handicap room.

Yeah, you see,
that's the other thing, is that

I kind of wanted to use
this time to almost kind of,

you know, wean off
of the name George Michael.

What?

I don't know, you know,
you get older, you do

a something search
of your own name...

NARRATOR: In George Michael's
case, you find this.

It was in this men's room in--
get this-- Beverly Hills

that singer George Michael
was arrested

for soliciting sex
from an undercover cop.

Well, it was your mother's idea
to call you George Michael,

you know, and I think
it was just

so that we didn't confuse you

with your Uncle George or
your Grandfather George.

- Right.
- I got it, let's call you Boy George.

WOMAN:
Singer Boy George

in the news again today,

this time for sexual assault

in a men's public bathroom.

Beatrix Hebberly-Sneed,
Wee BBC 2.

GEORGE MICHAEL:
You know, I think

I'll, I'll just--
I'll stick with George Michael.

I mean, at least
it was consensual.

But I guess the, uh,
the bigger point

I'm making is just that,
uh, it's hard to have

any privacy
now that they've stuck me

- with an actual roommate.
- Well, you know, listen,

I'm all for kicking P-Hound out,
you know that.

Well, you know, I didn't
really mean privacy from him.

I know, I know, I know.

You want your space from me?

Um, look,

listen, hey, hey,
look, look, listen.

Listen, look it.

Are you listening?
You want your space.

I get it.

I did not mean
to crowd you, pal.

Listen, I thought that this was,
that this was fun, and,

- and it is okay if you didn't
see it that way. - Oh, Dad.

Buddy, it's not like
I don't have someplace to go.

You know, I'll just go
right back to the model home.

They don't have Internet there,
so I'll just put

the law school on, on, on pause.

It's not like the first time
that I've done that.

You know, last time I did that,
you were born. You know what?

Screw it, maybe I'll just go
to the real Phoenix

and finish school.

They got one in Costa Mesa.

Plus they want me
for an article.

Media wants to talk
to Daddy about the real

estate business,
and once they do that,

- I'm gonna be right back on top.
- (groans)

You know what?
This is your school rally shirt.

You know, same size--medium.

Do you know where mine is? We
wear the same size like twi...

We're just like twin--
couple of identical...

Dad, Dad, no, I...

Look, I was not talking
about privacy from you per se.

I was talking about my software.

What's that?

It's privacy software.

That's why the word came up.

It's not why the word came up.

But George Michael
was writing code

for a block software

with his roommate
that was proving challenging.

...you're leaving a hole

just right in the middle
of the block.

Both because of online threats
to his privacy...

Otherwise, people will be
able to hack in through

a mobile platform portal, and
it won't be a block anything 3G.

...and some in-room threats
to his privacy, as well.

Buddy, is that schoolwork?

No, we're just right
in the middle of this software.

Great, good.
Give me the lappy.

I'll hit save for you.
I got to Skype with my advisor

in Phoenix, and if I don't
get on right now,

he's gonna have to Skype me
from a T.G.I. Friday's.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Whew.

'Cause that hurt for a second.

I was like, he wants me to go.

- No, no, no, no, no.
- But no. Yeah? No.

- Software.
- No.

I mean, yeah, I may need

some privacy, you know,
to work on it,

and that might mean...
you going.

Oh, you mean here.

Yeah, clearing out.

An hour, here, there. Yes?

Got it. Not a problem.
You give me a little

fair warning,
I clear right out of here.

Let's schedule it now.
We can do it.

I need help with
the calendar though.

It's, like, stuck on 2003.

- Help me just break into...
- You just hit "today."

- The "today" button.
- Sorry. It's stuck in 2003,

so I don't have "today."

I need to jump forward...

No, I know, there's a button

- that says "today."
- Yeah, this has no button.

Anyway, you know,
I'm just gonna run downstairs

and, uh, grab a bite.

Wait, I want to go.

(chuckles)

Let me go. I'll go. I'm hungry.

Come on.

NARRATOR: Michael Bluth
was fitting right in

with his son's
college experience.

Be good for you, huh?

Gettable, right?

Hey, tell me about
the software thing.

This is the Faceblock thing
you were working on?

Is it like Facebook?

Uh, well, no.

It's kind of the opposite
of Facebook, you know.

Facebook connects you
with everyone,

this blocks you from everyone.

Oh, okay. Kind of like
the antisocial network, right?

- That's very good.
- You can use it.

I don't understand
the Internet stuff.

You give me all the parts
and you tell me to build

a television set, I can
bang that out, but I, you know,

I can't get the right day
to display on my calendar.

- Just press "today."
- Yeah, just tried that.

Doesn't work on mine, pal.

This is very, very, very
exciting, you know,

because once they come out
with that article on me

in that in-flight magazine,

now, the family's gonna be
right back on top.

- The guy's doing a whole spread on me.
- In-flight magazine?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
It's called Altitude.

It's for OutWest Airlines.

Next to SkyMall, it's, like,

the number two most read
in all of coach.

Well, three with
the safety card,

but get a lot of attention
for Sudden Valley.

And then with your Internet
company, it's gonna be like--

we're gonna have two businesses,
you know?

And yours sounds like
such a natural.

I mean, no one likes
to share their identity.

- Right?
- Well...

Okay, give me
your meal plan card.

I'm gonna run in there,

I'm gonna grab a tray,
you run around back,

make sure you get there in time,

before my hand stamp dries.

Okay?

Here we go.

Michael had a right
to be excited.

It had been many years
since the Bluth family

had had any business success.

Not since Michael's mother
Lucille had sold off a quarter

of the company just before the
onset of the great dark period.

But after examining
the company's prospects...

Are those police boats?

Lucille 2.

...Stan Sitwell
quickly divested himself.

How'd you like to be bumped up
to Lucille 1?

So the Bluth family
had a new stakeholder,

while the old one,
who knew she'd be implicated

in some of
the family's misdeeds...

You boys know
how to shovel coal?

...headed out on whatever the
opposite of a maiden voyage is.

(ship horn blows)

Michael, however, made a pledge

not to get pulled
into the drama

and to let the family
keep themselves all together,

- for a while.
- ...for a while.

And he set off to sea, even as

his mother mysteriously
turned back.

Why the alleged ship-jacker
changed direction

is still unexplained.

But what is known
is that many of the charges

against this seaward matriarch
will fall under

the dominion of the little
understood maritime law.

And soon,
the hearing drew near...

Well, I missed the hearing.

...and then passed.

Oh, it just snuck up on me,
and then they called,

and they wanted me there
at eight bells.

You know, I thought
that was their 5:00 p.m.

By the time I got back,
the courtroom was

reverted back
to the crab restaurant.

"Eight bells" refers
to a watch length.

It's maritime law.

Yes, Michael returned
after all.

You know, one bell is struck
after 30 minutes, two bells...

It seems Michael
had been interested

in maritime law
since playing a lawyer

in an original school play

titled The Trial
of Captain Hook.

♪ You're a crook,
Captain Hook... ♪

Prior to this,
his only dream had been

to possess the power of flight.

But that one turned out to be

not as much fun as he thought.

Watch out for the seal!

(crowd gasps)

Loose seal! Loose seal!

I'm watching!

(crowd gasps)

You're out of the play!

That's why, at sea, a watch with
no incidents is described as

"eight bells and all is well."

Wow, maybe you should be
the maritime lawyer.

This is what I've been saying.

Because I did go to law school

with an emphasis
on maritime law.

Oh, your one year of law school

is going to beat Barry's three?

It's ridiculous.

We'll hire the best.

And who's gonna pay

for the best, Mom?

We have money from
selling some shares.

Plus, we got
that stimulus package.

What are you talking about?

That money is spent.

I just bought 4,000 acres
of California desert.

Time-out.

Hang on.

- What's this?
- Yeah. (clears throat)

I'm gonna be moving there
for a little while.

Old big bear's not gonna be
around much anymore.

- I don't care about that.
- He's in denial.

- We're getting divorced!
- Your mother and I

are getting a divorce.

(screams, gasps)

I want to know...

(whimpering)

I want to know about
the stimulus package.

You couldn't use any of that
money to finish Sudden Valley?

You don't consider
that finished?

So the family got
a little stimmy.

Don't make a federal case
out of it.

That is exactly what they're
going to make out of it.

And when you say "family,"
you mean our family?

They've already got
their hooks in it?

Buster, no offense.

None taken.

Oh, I keep losing my jewels.

Michael, you never
accept help from anyone.

That's why we didn't cut you in.

We didn't want to demean you.

It's like tipping
an African-American.

You wouldn't tip
an African-American, would you?

Of course I would.

On a train?

What...

Did you know about all this?

No, I've been tipping them.

Even a waiter?

Okay, the treadmill's
up and running.

We got the door on,
and we were able

to match the faux on the paint.

Thank you so much
for your hard work.

So long.

Michael, we can't
give you that money.

We got to keep you clean.

You're the key witness
in your mother's trial.

Let me get this straight.

I still have to do all the work

as the president of the company,
but I can't use any of the money

for the company, and you won't
let me help with your case,

but you'd still like for me
to testify at your trial.

Is that right?

I just want you to say
I was a loving mother.

And now perjury.

Hey, it wasn't easy to get

Lucille 2 to keep you on
as president.

- I'll be sure to thank her.
- Don't thank her.

She doesn't have
enough shares to stop us.

Hmm.

And that's how Michael
found a way

to finish
Sudden Valley himself.

- Hello.
- Hello.

He simply traded his shares of
the Bluth company to Lucille 2.

I hold on to Sudden Valley;
it's like a pet project...

- Getting himself out,
- Thank you so much.

and giving the balance of power

to a woman who had
no power of balance.

- (gasps)
- Oh.

(grunts)

And for the first time,
he didn't feel he needed

to tell his family
he was done with them.

But he did anyway.

You know what,
I am done with this family.

I hope you've saved some money,

'cause you're gonna need
every dime now.

What's this?

And with his newfound wealth,

Michael was not only able
to send his son off

- Get out of here!
- to a bright future

in college,
with the family car...

...he was also able to finish

the long-delayed housing
development Sudden Valley,

but this time,
under his own company name.

Maybe I can give you a tip.

Might want to put a road
up to this place.

Well, we paved the neighborhood.

Just waiting for the city
to build a road to it.

And although his mother's
day in court was something

both he and his college-bound
son would miss,

Michael truly felt
that nothing could go wrong.

And then something did.

(rumbling)

Not that.
That happens all the time.

This.

The collapse of the California
housing market

is taking a personal toll with
cutbacks here at the station.

And since the main Internet
and information cable

had been severed when the
community pool was installed,

Michael suddenly found himself
living in a ghost town

he himself built.

Well, that's not a great sign.

(vulture squawks)

(plane passing overhead)

This is why you don't
confide in a competitor.

(vulture squawks)

NARRATOR:
Michael was desperate to cover

his copious building costs...

Just till I get on my feet.

...so he returned to a woman

he could count on
to put off his downfall.

- I got you!
- Just as he could count on

her putting him off
and falling down.

You did. Bye-bye.

Oop.

That's a hot mess.

But weeks
stretched into months,

and the situation got bleaker.

(wind whistling)

And it was either this
that made him lose hope...

(weakly):
Love each other.

Pete! Pete!

...or possibly it was
the death of that mailman...

Wait here.

Hang on, Pete!

...but Michael finally gave up.

I got one bar!

And having alienated

everyone else in the family,

turned to the one person
he had left.

I thought we'd have Thanksgiving
here for your senior year.

I don't have a kitchen.

Oh, these are my clothes.

Pete died.

God.

And so Michael moved into
his son's college dorm room.

You are kidding me.

They're gonna be
in seat backs today?

That is great news.

Which, in the new economy,

wasn't as unusual a phenomenon
as you might think.

Don't go through my stuff,
Granddad.

Hey, who do you think
paid for your stuff?

Excuse me. Sorry. Do you know
where George Michael is?

Um, he's in the computer lab.

Great.

- There's a computer lab?
- There's a computer lab?

Huh.

I'm putting up a wall.

We need to rework
our whole system here.

Sounds like you guys are working
on your privacy software, huh?

Hey. How'd you find me?

Uh, Trang's grandfather.

Boy, shoot me if I'm 86, living
in my grandson's dorm, huh?

Pal, good news.

The article that they did on me
in Altitude magazine

comes out today.

You're in Attitude?

That magazine is gay.

Oh, he wasn't being flip
with the word "gay."

Attitude is a British magazine
for homosexuals.

Altitude.

It is OutWest Airlines'
in-flight magazine.

Can I see it?

Probably doesn't have it.

Try finding a flight at this
time of the year. (laughs)

You ever even been on a plane,
you piece of (bleep)?

So can I see it?

It-it is not in the terrestrial
newsstands just yet.

Guess what though. You,
my friend, are in the article.

- I'm in it?
- You're in it, you're in it.

I mentioned you; I mentioned
that I'm living in your dorm.

I thought that it might help
with your popularity problem.

Well, I'm gonna get going

- while the room is empty, so...
- Okay. Great.

See you later.

Boy, that's got to
drive you crazy, right?

The whole reason you had to come

to the computer lab
was for privacy.

It's no wonder you can't
get a real girl up there.

Michael was referring
to something he'd walked in on

a few days earlier.

There's a girl in there.

There is?

Where the hell is
George Michael?

- Excuse me. Hello. Oh.
- Dad.

- Hi.
- Yeah.

There's nobody in here.

Buddy, bad news.

P-Hound is yanking
our chain again.

- Uncle Michael.
- Oh, my God.

- Hi.
- Hello there.

There is a kind of girl here.

Didn't say it was your cousin.

Well, he doesn't know.

Now, that's smart.

Let him think
there's a girl in here.

Actually, we've been talking
about how crowded that room is,

and P-Hound was suggesting that
maybe we, maybe we do a vote

to see who stays
in the dorm room.

He suggested that?
Are you serious?

Well, the thing is that the room
is only sanctioned for two.

Right, and we have a vote.

He's gone in two seconds.

Ah.

Two against one, right?

- Well, actually...
- We got to do it.

The thing is that it kind of
puts me in an awkward position.

- Hi.
- Hey.

Because since there's only
three people voting,

everyone's gonna know
who voted against who.

Well, what about if your
"girlfriend" wants to move in.

That way, she gets a vote.

(laughs)

I'm just here for tutoring.

She's not my girlfriend,
she's my cousin.

I'm not attracted to him.

Well, why's that even an issue?

P-Hound doesn't know
any of that stuff. Okay?

He'll just think that her vote's
the vote that got him out.

Well, wouldn't my girlfriend
want to get rid of my father?

- I'm not your girlfriend.
- Not your girlfriend.

No, but he doesn't know that.

No, well, someone's got to vote
for me, that's right.

Otherwise, it's suspicious.

We don't want
a palace coup, right?

- Well, I'll vote you out.
- Yeah, I will.

- Happy to do it.
- I wouldn't make you do that.

You know, then I fall down
a flight of stairs,

I crack my head open,
you feel bad

about yourself your whole life.

And perhaps it was the chair

that fooled Michael
into thinking

his next idea was a good one.

What if I vote myself out?

You'd do that?

How would that help?

It's simple algebra.

You two vote against P-Hound,
nobody knows who did what,

because there's a vote
against me in there,

and it's adios, brothiero.

It cannot fail.

Michael was pleased
with his plan.

Won't that make it a tie?

Briefly.

Hmm?

I mean, if the two of us
vote against P-Hound,

and you and P-Hound
vote against you,

then it's two against two,
right?

Wow, you think, you think
that'd he'd vote against me?

I mean...

Um...

All right, new plan.

The details of the plan

continued to develop
through lunch.

MICHAEL:
So we got two scenarios.

It's either two votes
against P-Hound,

one vote against Maeby,
one against me,

with that vote being my own;
or if it's two votes against me,

then clearly
P-Hound is being nasty,

that triggers a recount,
and then it's a P-Hound blitz.

We all vote against P-Hound,
he's gone.

Mm-hmm.

What if whoever loses...

Yeah?

...refuses to go?

You think P-Hound would do that?

Okay, new plan.

And so the planning
continued through

what should have been
organic chemistry.

MICHAEL:
We all pack ahead of time,

really pack a bag, so it doesn't
look rigged, you know?

And then the loser,
straight out the door.

I mean, that's-that's the deal.

You know, that's the cost
of having a vote,

that's the price of freedom.

You know, maybe it's...

maybe it's better
if we're all just

direct with each other,
you know?

Just-just say
what's on our minds.

Yeah, I think it's gonna
come out anyway.

Um, Dad, you know, I-I've really
loved living with you...

No talking.

No talking
once the votes come in.

You're just right out the door.
That's the missing piece.

That's it.

This plan is foolproof.

Oh, I've cherished this,
too, pal.

Yeah. I mean, how many,
how many fathers

get to go to college
with their kid, huh?

So obviously
this is what happened.

Michael read
his own vote first.

First vote to remove...

Michael.

Huh, what are you gonna do?

Second vote to remove...

...Michael.

Michael expected this,
but didn't expect the sting.

Wow.

Obviously, if there's a tie,
there's an immediate runoff.

Third vote to remove...

...Michael.

(quietly): Did you mean
to write "George Michael"?

Obviously, the verdict was in.

And it's hard to know exactly

why Michael opened
the fourth ballot.

Was it out of hope
or confusion?

Either way, it couldn't be
what he wanted to read.

Michael did the only thing
he could think of

that would save face.

(jet engine roars)

NARRATOR: Michael had just been
stunned by some bad news.

And with nowhere to go,
he decided

to pick up a copy of Altitude
to lift his spirits.

- Hi. Hello.
- Hey.

Where you heading today, sir?

Well, actually,
I just wanted a copy

of your in-flight magazine
Altitude.

Ah, this is ticketing.

You can get the magazine
on the flight.

I get it. But I'm actually--
I'm in the magazine.

How many bags?

Oh, I'm not checking these.

Ah, sorry, you actually

can't carry those on board.

Let me start over.

Uh, I-I am the star of
Altitude magazine this month--

or quarter, actually.

It's an April-September issue,
and I just wanted to get a copy.

I'm not flying anywhere.

Why do you have suitcases?

Those are irrelevant.

Not to me.

Okay.

I was mistakenly voted out of
a four-person housing situation,

uh, in a pack-first,
no-talking-after scenario.

Does that clear it up for you?

What do you mean
by "mistakenly"?

I voted against myself to spare
my son the embarrassment

of, of having to vote
his own father out of his dorm.

That's all.

But that leaves
three other votes.

Yeah.

Can I get a copy
of the magazine, please?

No, I'm sorry,
they're actually for passengers.

We don't even give out
honey nuts, so we're not gonna

- give you a magazine.
- Who wants honey nuts?

I don't want the honey nuts.

I want to just jump
onto the plane,

- grab a magazine.
- Oh, okay,

yeah, sure, we just, uh,
let people walk

onto the plane all the time.

- Do you want a box cutter also?
- (laughter)

- Oh.
- Nice.

These guys are jerks.

Take that, take that.

Enjoy.

Tell you what--
give me a one- way ticket

to your cheapest destination,
please.

Oh, you lucked out.

Today it's Pittsburgh.

He's good.

What's the second cheapest?

NARRATOR: So Michael ended up
spending a little more

to fly a little less,

and after some confusion
at security...

But you've got nothing
in your luggage.

I wasn't supposed to be
traveling today.

I told you, it was

a voting situation, there was a
miscalculation.

Well, I mean, obviously

P-Hound's gonna vote
against you.

- I've never seen nothing...
- These three people with burkas

just walked right by you.

...he found his seat.

Unfortunately the seat
he was assigned didn't have

a seat back pocket.

Hello, hi,
does each ticket entitle

the passenger
to an in-flight magazine?

No, it only guarantees you
a seat.

Perhaps I can ask
another passenger for one,

or if I'd rather, you can.

NARRATOR: Michael had
to go back four seats

before someone would.

And Michael kicked himself
for a pose

he thought would express
humility to Sanjiv,

the Altitude photographer.

And so Michael--

a man who'd for years
threatened to leave

his family but had always
stayed for his son,

a man who no longer had that
excuse nor anywhere to live--

found himself
with nothing to lose

in a town
that he'd always imagined

would be his destiny,

and for the first time
in many years,

Michael had hope.

Michael steps out
of the air-conditioned airport.

Hope you know a good place
to live because I'm...

Ooh, dear Lord.

(chuckles)
'Cause I'm looking

- to make a new start.
- Don't touch that handle.

Whoa, Mother of God!

Dear Lord!

Whoo!

NARRATOR:
And Michael returns

to the only viable place
he can think of to live...

Gentlemen, start your engines.

...where he begins his new life
cleaning up

after his family's old one.

Buster.

No... no, Gob.

- (ostrich screeches)
- Oh!

NARRATOR:
It was Lindsay.

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