All language subtitles for Bad.Ass.2012.DVDRip.XviD-BeStDivX.english

The story begins
right here on this bus.

Line 144.
The same route I took every day.

- Yee-ha!
- But this day was different.

Something was about to happen
that would change my life forever.

First, let me tell you how things
were... before all this.

Didn't have all that much
growing up.

Just me...

...my mom...

...my dad...

...and 60 acres of farmland.

I lived a simple life.

But sometimes, the simplest things
are the best things.

Like going undefeated my senior year

and winning the state championship
off my corner route in the end zone.

Or falling in love with Lindsay,
the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.

Can't you just tell them
that you changed your mind?

I can't do that, baby.
I already enlisted.

Hey... I promise it'll be real quick.

I'm gonna go in there, I'm gonna take
care of business and I'll be right back.

You have my word.

Promise?

I promise.

Then suddenly,
things weren't so simple any more.

I headed off to Vietnam
to fight for my country.

I spent seven years there,
six of them in the jungle...

- ...and one year in a POW camp.

Is that all you got, pendejos?

Probably would have
stayed longer, too...

Man down!

...if I hadn't gotten shot.

But throughout it all,
the only thing that kept me going

was knowing that was
gonna see Lindsay again

Mommy, I'm hungry.

Mommy, can you make us lunch?

I figured I'd apply
to the police academy.

It made sense
with my military experience.

I felt lost.
Didn't know where I fit in any more.

So what type of business
experience do you have?

Well... not much experience,
really, to be honest.

Since I graduated high school,

I've been in active combat duty
sewing my country.

That really took up most of my time.

We're really in the market
for a college graduate.

You didn't happen to take
advantage of the GI Bill?

Actually, I have just been informed
the position was filled.

I soon realized that no one
was willing to give me a chance.

I had to create
an opportunity for myself.

Thank you, sir, I appreciate
your business. God bless.

- How are you, sir?
- Good, good.

What can I get for you? One?
All right. Ketchup? Mustard?

Beautiful day, huh?

All right. There we go.

Here's your change, sir.

Here's your change, sir.

God bless you. Have a nice day.

While I was creating
that opportunity...

...life somehow slipped away from me.

One, two, three, go!

But life has a way of kicking you
in the ass every once in a while.

And on this day,
it kicked me pretty hard.

Yee-ha!

Hey, old man, you mind moving?
We gotta sit together.

Hey! Old fucker!

You deaf? I'm talking to you.

Move that geriatric ass
before I kick it.

How about you
just leave me alone?

Ooh!

- You believe this guy?

You got balls, old man.
That's respectable.

But now you're wasting my time,

so why don't you get
the fuck out of my seat?

You crazy fucking spear chucker.

There's two seats in back.
Take 'em. But leave him alone.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Stand up, asshole.

I don't want any trouble.
Leave me alone.

I can kick your ass while you're sitting
down or while you're standing up.

It's your call.

- Fuck his shit up, Raymond!
- Yeah.

I told you I didn't wanna fight.
I fucking told you!

Since that day,
nothing's been the same.

Holy shit.

That's awesome!

Man, this old guy's bad ass.

Miller, Steve-O, come over here.
Come take a look at this.

He's a senior citizen,
he's been given the name "Bad Ass"

and he's a huge hit on the Web
right now. He gives people hope.

There's even a T-shirt
with his face on it.

All of a sudden,
people started caring about me.

I started fitting in again.
People wanted to be with me.

Cops were even taking me
on drive-alongs.

It's like I'm this famous guy
or something.

That's been the weird part.
It's taken some getting used to.

Now you've been
deemed a hero, Mr. Vega.

How does that make you feel,
especially at your age?

Well, I don't think I'm a hero.
I'm just a guy...

...making $500 a month on disability,
trying to fit in.

You must be very proud
of your son, Mrs. Vega.

Oh, you'd better believe it.
I am always proud of my boy.

If this world had more people
like my son...

I love you...

Mom!

This boy.

She's not biased or nothing.

My son.

And none has mastery
over the day of death.

For the Lord of all shows no partiality

nor does he fear greatness,

for He Himself made
the great as well as the small.

He provides for all equally...

...and the dust shall return to the
earth from whence it came...

...and the life breath return
to the Lord who gaveth it.

All right. It's gonna be all right, man.
It's gonna be all right, Biscuit.

It's your mama, I know.

From the last will and testament,
dated February 15, 2010:

"I, Juanita Lupe Vega,
bequeath my china pattern,

stainless steel cutlery, and Ginsu
knives to my favorite charity,

the Church of Latter Day Angel.

And to my boy, Frank, whom I loved
with all my heart till the day I died,

I leave you my house, my jewelry,
my wardrobe... "

- Hey.

"...and of course,

- my beloved dog, Baxter."
- What are you doing?

- You robbing houses now, Vega?
- A man's gotta make a living some way.

My condolences about your mom.

The boys at the station,
they send their best.

- I appreciate that.
- We got you this.

- I didn't know how good-looking I was.
- Yeah, me neither.

Hey, if you need anything,
give me a call.

- Thanks, bro.
- All right, brother. Call me.

"Bad Ass."

Come on, Baxter.

My administration has
organized a new initiative,

which we are calling
"Operation Street Cleaning. "

We've also enhanced and increased
local law enforcement,

in order to rid our neighborhoods
of crime and gang-related activity.

It is the top priority of this
administration to return our city

back to the safety it once knew.

Boy, what you carrying in this box?
A dead body and a watermelon?

- No, that's my entertainment library.
- Entertainment?

Behind the Green Horse.
Is that new?

- You haven't seen that?
- No.

- Check that out tonight.
- Oh, I just might do that.

You know what? All this moving is
making me thirsty. We bring any beer?

You're in charge of beer.
I'm in charge of entertainment.

Man, I know there's
something around here somewhere.

We, ladies and gentlemen,
are going to unite,

and make this the strongest
and the safest community in this county.

I know my mama wouldn't
leave a dry house.

You have my word.

Hoo-ah!

Holy shit.

Biscuit and Klondike
gonna have booze tonight.

Yeah. Thank you, Mama.

I was running fast as I could, man.

I mean, that woman kept
catching up to me.

I mean, I run the 100-yard dash,
for Christ sakes,

trying to get away from this woman.

I've never seen you
run so fast in your life.

She looked like a hooker to me, man.
She came on to me, too.

You know, them Vietnamese
are tricky motherfuckers,

making their soldiers
look like whores and shit.

Klondike, she weighed 200 pounds and
had a machine gun strapped on her neck.

It was dark, motherfucker.

I couldn't see shit.
I just followed my nose.

My nose led me to pussy
and my nose don't discriminate pussy.

Where's Baxter, man?

I thought he would've
licked that plate clean by now.

Baxter probably locked himself
in the closet again.

What the hell's he doing in there?
Ah...

- Rubbing one out, ain't he?

No.

He's probably... He just likes
his quiet time like his daddy.

Yeah. His daddy.
His daddy's a good guy.

Thank you, man.

- For what?
- For letting me move in with you.

You've been there for me the whole time,
man. You're a damn good friend.

- I mean that.
- Klondike.

You and Baxter
are the only family I got.

You saved my life. I owe you.

You know what?

I see...

...really good changes
for you and me, Biscuit.

- Take my word for it.
- It's a long time coming.

You know, people talk about
having the best days of their lives.

I'm still waiting for mine.

The past 40 years,
I've felt like a bouncing ball.

No stability in my life.

But... I think
the bouncing's slowing down.

I'm turning over a new leaf.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna find
the best day of my life.

Here's to finding the best days
of our lives, Biscuit.

Do me a solid, will you?

Put this in your mother's
safe deposit box, will you please?

- What the fuck is this?
- It's a flash drive.

- A flash drive?
- That's right.

I got a lot of important stuff on there.

What, you know all about
that computer shit?

My ass is trying to learn.
And when I learn, I'm gonna teach you.

Nah, not me. I'm not interested.

One of these damn days, you're gonna
have to step out of the '70s.

No. Uh-uh.

Those were beautiful times.

You didn't have
to deal with all this shit.

Suicide bombings and taking
your shoes off at the airport.

No, you gotta watch it.
There's a lot of crazy shit out there.

Well, that's what's going on now.
We gotta get your ass into this century.

I'm gonna make that my mission
while we're living together.

Now put that in your mama's
safe deposit box, please.

Got it.

OK. All right.

Oh, shit. I'm out of smokes, man.
I'm gonna go out.

You know, my mom left a brand-new canon
of Newports right there in the kitchen.

I don't wanna smoke that menthol shit.
I'm gonna go get me my Camels.

Yeah.

Oh, son of a...

- OK?
- Don't go stepping on no landmine, huh?

You watch out
for the machine guns.

To Baxter and Klondike.

Ooh... OK, gonna call her back.

Hey!

What's happening, Sebastian?
Terence?

You're a hard man to find, Klondike.

What, you don't answer
your cell phone any more?

Ah, sh... What can I tell ya, man?
Look here, the ringer's turned off.

What can I tell ya?

See what I'm saying?

My man here got jokes.
You doing some stand-up now?

You know what we want, gramps.

Give it up.

I'm drawing a blank,
you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah.

You still having a tough time
remembering now, motherfucker?

Whoa, whoa!

I got the goddamn thing right here, man.

You had to do it the hard way.

- Motherfucker.

Sebastian, leave him!
The cops are coming, we gotta go!

- Where is that shit?
- Let's get the fuck out of here, c'mon!

Shit!

Just get in the fucking car.

- Let's go, come on!

Hello?

Yeah, this is Frank Vega.

Frank Vega?
Can I get you to sign these releases?

You're that guy from the bus, huh?

Yeah, I guess so.

Haven't been beating up
on anyone else, have you?

I'm really not a violent guy.

Sony about your friend.

You're gonna get those scumbags,
aren't you?

We're gonna do our best.

That's $12.59.

You know what? I'm a little short.

Can you spot me a couple bucks
until tomorrow?

Did you see a Salvation Army
sign in front of my store?

You know, I just moved
into the neighborhood.

I'll be by tomorrow
and pay you the rest.

Look, buddy,
I can barely pay the rent as it is.

I mean, I got no cash.
I'm a hard-working man.

- Besides, I can't be giving stuff away.

Nobody move!
Give me what's in that register!

Now! Let's go!

- Hey, he don't got no money, man.
- Did you say something, old man?

Hey, Why don't you guys just leave?

I ain't going anywhere, old man.

Oh, Mr. Vega.

We're so sorry about
the passing of your friend.

Thank you.

My brother was murdered two blocks away
from where your friend was killed.

I'm really sorry to hear that.

See, we are never gonna be safe
in our own neighborhood.

And no one's doing
a damn thing about it.

You know, police are
doing everything they can.

Fuck, no! We need real help.

Those motherfuckers
are as crooked as all hell.

I'm sorry, baby.

God bless you, Mr. Vega.

Thank you. Good night, ladies.

Why you Mexicans drink that crap?
Is that the official drink of the cholo?

Well, what should I be drinking?

Malt Liquor, ripple,
grape soda or Kool-Aid?

Why you have to get all racist and shit?

Oh, shit! You're that Bad Ass dude
from the bus, right?

Yeah.

You a tough ass geezer. You knocked
the hell out that Nazi motherfucker.

Give you props for that.

You know, kid, you got
the mouth of a truck driver.

- What the fuck you talking about?
- What the fuck you talking about?

- Is it not cold out here? Huh?
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Then get your ass in the house.

Damn. Love thy neighbor.

Hey, brother. You should have seen
the action out there tonight.

- You up for a ride-along?
- Not tonight.

You're turning down a ride-along?

- I got some shit I gotta do.
- Oh, yeah, I can see that.

- That bottle?
- No, that's a priority.

Oh.

I just came from the liquor store.

Looked like you wiped your ass
with those guys.

- Fucking scumbags.
- Yeah, I know, Frank.

But you have a penchant for getting
involved in these altercations.

I think it's time
for you to chill out.

Violence just seems to follow me.

Yeah, Charles Bronson, I get it.

Just, um...

...scale it back for me.

They find the guys
that killed Klondike yet?

They're working on it.

Come on, you know how these things work.

There's more homicides than there are
investigators. You gotta have patience.

Now that sounds like a crock of shit.

I'll check on it.

Meanwhile, I will be swinging by
tomorrow and you will ride with me.

No excuses, Vega.

Car 245 responding to possible 415.

Additional units requested.

Stevens dumps it in.
Norris goes after it.

Gets checked at the blue line...

- ...the window. And you set it...
- And forget it!

And that'll be done
in about 40 min...

Within a 24 hour period,
local investigators have arrested

what seems to be the prime suspect
in the Justin Wheely murder case.

Justin was violently beaten and then
stabbed to death late last night

after he wouldn't give up his wallet.

The police chief congratulated
the 20 investigators

who worked around the clock
to solve this crime.

We're doing the best we can, Mr. Vega.

- That's not good enough.
- I'm afraid it is.

Yeah, I guess it would be
if Klondike was a different shade.

You'd already probably
caught the bastards.

- You inferring I'm a racist, Mr. Vega?
- Yeah, I am.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm Indian.

You're a wolf in sheep's clothing.
You're just pan of the system, man.

Look, Vega, I understand
Mr. Washington was a friend of yours,

but you can't let your emotions get in
the way of what we're trying to do here.

Let us do our job, OK?

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have work to get back to.

Ahh!

Double or nothing,
double or nothing.

Ready?

- Get it! Get some!

Best out of five, best out of five.

- Come on.

It's from an M9 Beretta.

Probably from a 15-round
staggered magazine.

- Sell any of those lately?
- No, man.

This is government-issued
Armed Forces shit.

I rarely see this stuff.

Any other store around here that does?

I'm pretty much
the only game in town, you know?

I'd like to keep it that way.

Nice piece of jewelly.

If you're interested in selling that...

...I'd give you $50 for it.

- That your daughter?
- No.

I was gonna say it kind of looks like
this girl who goes to our church.

- You know her?
- She's friendly with the wife.

- You think this is hers?
- Eh, probably her husband's.

He's a... He's a black guy.
Good-looking fella.

You know where I could find him?

Well, they just live a few blocks
over there on Seventh.

There's a yellow pick-up
on the front lawn there.

- Can't miss it.
- Thanks, partner.

Hey, man.

Be careful. There's a lot
of fucking idiots out there.

- Yes, can I help you?

Is your husband available?

- And who are you?
- Uh, I'm a friend of his.

He left this over at my place
a couple days ago.

You know what?

You go tell that son of a B-I-T-C-H
that he's got three kids and a wife

wondering when the hell
he's coming home.

I don't mean to be nosy, but when's
the last time you saw him?

I probably saw Terence over a week ago.

My girlfriends tell me they see him
playing basketball at 22nd Street Park.

He's got kids crying for his daddy,

- and he's playing basketball.

Yeah, mi amor, yeah, I know you're
hungry. I'll get you something.

You know what, man? I gotta go, OK?

But if you happen to find that
C-O-C-K-S-U-C-K-E-R,

tell him to go fuck himself.

- Backdoor, backdoor, backdoor!

Backdoor, backdoor! Hey!

- Ball, ball, ball!
- Take him backdoor. Backdoor, backdoor!

- God damn it.
- Damn!

Anybody know where I can find Terence?

Why don't you ask your mama?

He probably cock slammed
her this morning.

Damn!

- Hey, give me the ball, bitch.
- I'm gonna ask you one more time.

Anybody know where I can find Terence?

Who the fuck do you think you are,
you old motherfucker?

Either give me the ball
or I'm gonna kill your ass.

You know, I don't hear too good.

I messed up my hearing
at a Santana concert in '74.

Step in here so I can hear you.
I can't...

You believe this crazy son of a bitch?

Ooh...

OK, whoa, wait a minute, man. Calm down,
all right? He ain't here, man.

- Where is he?
- I don't know.

He private with his shit. He run
with some boys across town, that's it.

Where across town?

Ask for Renaldo,
85th Street Apartments.

He knows where Terence is.

Thank you, fellas.
Appreciate your cooperation. All of you.

- Shit.

That was luck.

Oh, Father, I'm sorry.
I didn't know you were a priest!

You picked the wrong apartment
to rob, asshole!

Wait, wait, stop, stop!

- I don't wanna rob anybody.

- Where's Renaldo?
I can't breathe!

I have no idea.
I have no idea where he is.

Jesus! Look, he's my roommate,
he's never here.

What, are you trying to fucking kill me?

- What kind of priest are you?
- I'm not a priest, you idiot.

I'm playing one at the
Jewish community center musical.

And thanks to you, I'm gonna be late
for my fucking rehearsal.

OK, then. Where's Renaldo?

All right! All right! All right!

He hangs out at the Velvet Scorpion.

He's there every morning.
I swear, he's gonna be there tomorrow.

You know, man,
you make a terrible priest.

I have on my staff 11 aides,

all of whom perform their tasks
in glorious concert.

There's not a moment of my day

where I don't feel completely secure
about my political future.

And then there's you, Panther...

...who is single-handedly trying to
destroy what took me 33 years to build.

Oh, come on, Mayor.
There's nothing being destroyed.

This ain't no WikiLeaks.
It's like a leak in your mama's sink.

You know, we'll plumb the shit up.

That supposed to make me feel better?

I'm running for reelection in 90 days

and I've got accessible
confidential information of mine

out there on the streets?

I can assure you, there's no problem.

- Shit, I own the streets.
- There's a problem, asshole.

There's a fucking problem,
'cause your bros fucked up.

How do you take a guy out
before you get my drives back first?

There was some internal
incompetent shit on our pan.

But I can assure you we're all tee'd up.
It won't happen again.

No, it won't happen again
because if it does,

your services are terminated.

That's just the beginning of what we're
gonna start terminating around here.

And now we got this freaking
geriatric going around,

- kicking everybody's fucking asses.
- Bad Ass.

- Excuse me?
- Bad Ass.

That's what they're calling him.

Who gives a fuck
what they're calling him?

- He's a pain in my fucking ass.
- There's nothing to worry about.

He's just an old motherfucker looking
for some revenge. We got him dialed in.

I don't wanna have to worry
about this shit any more

because let me tell you something,

there's hundreds of bottom-drain feeders
out there would love to be on my payroll

doing the freaking job
you're supposed to be doing.

You clean your shit up, Panther.

And I mean now.

We're done here.

And enough with the long text messages.

And what's up with those fucking
happy faces? I hate that shit.

Here, dear, let me give you
a hand with that.

- Oh... Very sweet of you.
- OK.

Are those your keys? Give me your keys.

- Thank you.
- You want that in the trunk?

- Yes.
- OK.

- Bad Ass! Hey!
- Bad Ass!

What's up, homies? How you doing?

- Down!

You messed with
the wrong white boys, you fuck!

- Yeah! Shended that asshole!
- Yeah!

- Woo!
- Woo! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

- Are you OK?
- Oh, wonderful.

I haven't had a man handle me
like that in 45 years.

Yo, yo, yo, I got the TV!

That's some good chicken.
You want a piece?

You're all I got now, boy.
It's just me and you now, fella.

Just me and you.

- What's up, bitch?

If it's not my favorite black midget.

Tell me something. How hard was it
living in a world without phones?

We had Western Union.

How hard was it when your career
tanked after Diff'rent Strokes?

- What you talkin' about?
- Willis.

- What?
- From the show.

- "What you talkin' about, Willis?"

I'm so goddamned tired of carrying
the burden of this family.

- And all you do is complain!
- Well, you're the lazy motherfucker

who can't keep...
What, you're gonna hit me out here?

- How's your nose?
- Go! You need to leave.

- Why don't you keep a fucking job?!

And you better not
come back here, either.

I live here. I own the house, bitch!

Mama.

You're leaking.

Are you OK?

- Yeah, I'm fine. I'm OK.
- No, you're not.

- Yeah, I think I am. Thank you.
- Actually, you're not.

I got a first aid kit inside.
Let's get you cleaned up.

You don't want him to see you like that.

OK, here, now you gotta keep this on
at least 20 minutes.

OK, so what,
now you're a doctor?

No, my mom was nurse.

She taught me how to
take care of the small stuff.

I filled in for a medic in Vietnam
when he got his arm blown off.

Do you want something
to eat or drink?

No, no. Actually, I'm good.

You know, I got a couple of Hungry-Man
dinners in there that are delicious.

Wow, that's real sweet, Frank,

but we actually ate dinner
already, so, we're good.

I mean, they're no Julia Child,
but they're really good.

Wow. Look at you.
What do you know about Julia Child?

I love the Food Channel,
but I can't cook worth spit.

I can cook pretty good. Maybe one day
I'll make you something to eat.

I'd love that.

Oh, you know what? I got something.

Here. These are the bomb.

Oh, no, I'm sorry.
Ice cream is my enemy.

No, no, these are low fat.
Not that you need it.

Did you say "the bomb"?

What, you living in the '90s, fool?

Martin. Stop being rude.

Damn, that's good. Is this the good shit
they gave you during the last supper?

Boy!

Damn, Mama, you still got skills.

I sure do,
and you better not forget it.

Excuse me. Could any of you gentlemen
tell me where I could find Renaldo?

I know what you must be thinking, man.

"Who is this guy, coming in here
demanding shit?"

It's just important.
I gotta find Renaldo.

- So you're that Bad Ass dude.
- No, not really.

Let's see what type of bad ass you are.

- It don't have to be this way.
- Oh, yeah, it does.

Get out of the way!

All right, amigo, calm down!

Renaldo, he's upstairs.
Just stop fucking up my bar.

Thanks for the help.
I appreciate that.

Yo, what the fuck, man?

I just need to ask you some questions
about your friend Terence.

- I don't think you're gonna have time.

- Where the fuck is Terence?

- What the fuck, man?!
- The problem, Renaldo,

is that I have a bad case of bursitis.

- Cocksucker!
- What's bursitis, you ask?

It's an inflammation of the joints
that doesn't allow me

- to hold onto anything too long.
- Fuck you, man!

- Holy shit!
- See? That was my good hand.

OK, OK, OK, OK!

Terence hangs outwith
this bitch named Tatiana

down at the massage parlor
on 10th Street, all right?

That's all the fuck I know!
Now help me up!

Yeah, that wasn't hard, was it?

You asshole! Don't fuckin'
leave me out here!

- Come on!
- Sony for the interruption, ladies.

Oh. Tell Renaldo
to put this on my tab.

Hey.

Are you stalking me or something?

What, a friend can't stop by
and say hello?

Come on, ride shotgun with me.

You're not gonna
hit on me again, are you?

Jesus Christ, get in the car.

So, what've you been up to?

Ah, same old, you know.

Really?
That's not what I've been hearing.

Don't know what you're talking about.

They say you've been leaving
a bloody trail all across the city.

Doesn't sound familiar to me.

Frank, the police chief was this close
to issuing a warrant for your arrest.

- I had to talk him off the ledge.
- Arrest? Arrest me for what?

- For doing his job?
- OK, see, that's the thing, Frank.

You're not supposed to do their job.
You're supposed to stay the fuck away.

You know what? Pull over.

- What?
- Pull the fuck over.

You know, I know you're
trying to do the best for me,

but I can't stand around and
watch a bunch of assholes do nothing

- about my best friend being killed.

Frank, you're getting in over
your head here, all right?

You're to the point now
where even I can't help you.

I don't want your help.

- You've got something of ours!
What?!

The flash drive, asshole.
Your boy took it from us.

What the fuck's a flash drive?

It's an inch-long storage device
that uses solid-state memory

to store persistent data from
your computer. Where is it?

Oh, that.

That's in... your ass.

What the fuck?!

Motherfucker.

Next time call before you drop by.

What's up, cracker?

Hey, kid, do you know
anything about flash drives?

Crestview? That's our hood.

City permits?

"Panther"?

What the hell was Klondike involved in?

I'd like to set up
a massage with Tatiana.

OK, right.

I want you to know this
is my first massage ever.

A virgin? I'm honored.

Wow. You've got great hands.

- So do we know each other?
- Excuse me?

- You asked for me. You must know me.
- I'm kind of looking for someone.

- Who?
- Terence.

We broke up.

You know where I could
get a hold of him?

Nope.

I... I just realized I'm double booked.

Diane will be here in a few minutes
to finish you off.

Lost your keys?

Uh... I'm visiting my girlfriend.

- Do you mind killing that?
- Tatiana's your girl?

- Yeah, yeah. For about six months.
- Really?

'Cause it kind of looked like
you were trying to break in there.

Trying to surprise her.
It's her birthday.

Romantic. You mind
stepping up a little closer?

I wanna see who it is I'm shooting.

Hey...

...aren't you that Bad Ass dude?

Holy shit. I'm a huge fan.

The way you kicked the shit
out of those a-holes, ah,

that was priceless, man.

You're a tough son of a bitch.
Good for you.

I appreciate that.
I'm gonna head on inside.

Cool. You keep on kicking ass,
my friend.

The world needs people like you.

All right.

Uh...

You know Tatiana keeps
the back door open, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Thanks.

Oh, Terence...

That's what I'm saying. Come on!

- What's this? Make-up sex?

- Oh, shit!

Fuck!

You killed my best friend,
Klondike Washington.

How do you wanna die,
motherfucker?

Fuck you.
- OK.

What the fuck
you think you're doing, asshole?

- This might sting a little.

- No! No...

Stop! Stop!

I didn't kill your friend, man!

- Who did?

It was Sebastian!

We were just doing
what we were fucking told!

- By who?
- I can't say!

- Are you sure?
I can't say!

I respect that.

It was Panther! It was Panther!

- Where is he?

I don't know!

That's too bad, because we're
really fucking up this kitchen.

No! OK! OK, OK.

He and Sebastian...

...they'll be at the Bergamont Loft.

- He'll be where?
- The Bergamont Loft!

- Fucking tomorrow night, man!

I wanna thank you for giving me a hand.

By the way,

your wife's got a message for you.
She said, "Go fuck yourself!"

I hope you're a righty.

- Thanks, Ronnie.
- You got it, Frank.

Get off of me!

Do what I fucking
tell you to do, bitch.

You know what? Fuck you, OK?
I'm done. Get the fuck out of my...

- Show me some fucking respect.
- Fuck you!

- Fuck me?
- Yeah.

I wouldn't if I were you.

What the fuck you doing in my house?

What the fuck you doing in my house?

Look, I don't want to get into it
with you. Just leave her alone.

What did you...?

Are you fucking this old man?

Get the fuck...

Ah! OK!

You don't deserve this family.

- You don't deserve any family
- OK.

Either you straighten your shit up,
or get the fuck out of here.

OK! OK!

You want that bitch?

You can fucking have her.

You all right?

Thank you.

It's gonna be OK.

- It's all gonna be OK.

- I'm sorry.
- Don't be sorry.

Where's Martin?

He spent the night over
at his friend's house.

Are you gonna be OK?

Are you gonna be OK?

- I mean, you look exhausted.
- I didn't get any sleep.

A little tired.
Low on blood sugar, I think.

Why don't you go and take a nap,
and when you wake up,

maybe I can make you
something nice to eat.

Best offer I've had in 20 years.

Wow.

- I clean up good, don't I?

And you brought me flowers.

Thank you.

That is the perfect color on you, Frank.

You know, it's my passion.

Whenever I garden,
I always feel like I'm at peace.

It's really where I feel the happiest.

You kind of remind me of my mom.
She practically lived in the garden.

She always kept like, a beautiful bush.

Wait, I'm sorry,
that didn't come out right.

No, no, no.
Hey, hygiene is very important.

That's for sure.

Can I keep these?

Of course.

I know it sounds kind of corny,
but I'm a big fan of mementos.

Now...

...every time I look at this, I'll think
of this moment. Kind of corny, isn't it?

Well, no, actually I think
it's kind of sweet.

Wow, a home cooked meal.
This is delicious.

This rates up there with Mom's.

Thank you so much.

No, thank you.

I can't tell you how nice it is

to actually cook
for someone who appreciates it.

Why did you many him?

Wait, that's none
of my business. I'm sorry.

- Forget...
- No, look, it's fine.

Hey, I'm a big girl, right?

You know, he was different back then.

And it was fun
and it was exciting and...

...I got pregnant with Martin and
then we just decided to get married.

To Martin.

To Martin.

No, I just thought you were
this crazy, hulking angry man

who went around town beating up people.

Well, I have done some things
I'm not proud of.

No, what I mean is that I would've
never known that underneath

is this sweet and kind and gentle man
with a heart of gold.

Well, now you're making me sound like
some kind of nice guy or something.

You are.

What's up, shorties?

- Hey.
- Hi.

Kevin's grounded so his
mama sent me home early.

Oh, shit! Pie!

Scoot over! Whatcha...?
Move.

- OK.

Oh, I get it. It's like a party line
with computers.

What the hell's a party line?

It's where a group of people
can call in all at the same time

and talk to each other.

It's kind of amazing.
Where have you been, kid?

Man, that's called a conference call.
What's wrong with you?

I think you're the only human being
on the planet that's not on Facebook.

I hooked you up with an email address,

so if anyone offers a friend request,
it'll come straight to your mailbox.

Do you mean like people can call up
and ask to be my friend?

Maybe. Especially if you get
yourself some new clothes.

You look like a goodwill
ambassador for Goodwill.

Are you kidding?
These clothes are fresh.

I got a very distinctive style
that spans many generations.

Yeah, that's another way of saying
you got hand-me-downs, bitch.

That shit you got on look like
it came from your dad

when he fought in the Civil War.

So...

...how long you think I'm gonna
be living here without a door?

Well, I gotta get some brand-new hinges
and I'll fix it in the morning,

but in the meantime,
you stay at my house.

- No, Frank, we can't do that.
- Oh, yeah, you can.

You bet your ass I ain't sleeping
in a house without a door.

What the...? I can't believe this shit.

You already have 50 friend requests
and the shit just keeps going.

Guess I won't be needing
those new threads, huh?

- Jesus, Frank.
- Thought I'd find you here.

- What is this?
- Open it up.

- It's called a flash drive.
- Yeah, I know what it's called.

- What's on it?
- Some pretty classified stuff.

So classified
they killed Klondike for it.

Why don't you and I
go get a cup of coffee?

- I got some stuff I gotta take care of.
- Frank, what's going on?

- Nothing I can't handle.
- Look, you've already done enough.

- Let us handle it from here.
- Don't let nobody see that.

And if anything should happen to me,
take care of Baxter.

Frank.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

Uh, I haven't been to confession
since my daddy died, so...

- ...cut me a little slack.

Go ahead. Tell me your sins, my son.

I haven't lived the greatest life.

There's, uh, plenty that
I'm not proud of.

But I'm about to do something tonight...

...that will not sit right in
the eyes of the Heavenly Father.

What is it, my son?

I'm seeking revenge
in the name of my brother.

Looking for somebody, OG?

I'm looking for Panther.

He's unavailable.

Tell him Frank Vega wants to see him.

Frank Vega,

aka Bad Ass.

The one who sliced off my man's hand

by using a garbage disposal?

I've been waiting for you, ese.

You're very popular
these days, Mr. Vega.

It's very impressive.

But it looks like you've bitten off
a little bit more than you can chew.

You murdered my best friend.

Oh, you make it sound like
I was at fault here.

Your boy stole from me.

I repay for loyalty
and I dispose for disloyalty.

Now, I think you have
something of mine.

Hand over the drive.

The what?

The flash drive, Vega, hand it over.

What the fuck's a flash drive?

It's an inch-long storage device

that uses solid-state memory to store
persistent data from your computer.

Oh, flash drive. Where did...?

Oh, yeah, you know,
I stuck that up your ass...

Cock-a-doodle-doo!

Rise and shine, big fella.

You feeling a little better now?

Oh, oh...

Flashbacks of Ho Chi Minh City,
huh, Vega?

We wanted you to relive
the salad days of your youth.

Let's give him a taster.

Oh, man! Oh, it's refreshing!

What a nice way to end the day,
don't you think?

Let me explain something to you.

That drive has information regarding
a deal I have with the city

to bring in a tremendous
amount of revenue.

It's gonna do wonders
for this community.

I'm bringing in big change
over here, my man.

You'd be doing
a public service to return it.

If you call raising crime
to chase people out,

so you can build oil wells in their
backyards, a public service,

count me out.

All right.

Let's get down to the brass tacks.

Where... is...

...the motherfucking drive?

It's in... your asshole.

Is that all you've got, bitch?

Damn, you old fucks are hard to crack.

Your boy Klondike was the same way.
Stubborn motherfuckers.

Well then, let's try turning it up
to the maximum level,

reserved only for the likes
of the African bush elephant

and the Siberian moose. Shall we?

All right!

OK. OK.

Frank, where's the fucking drive?

OK. OK.

All right. It's...

It's really up your ass.

I can't do this any more.

Give me his wallet.

Well, goddamn, bro.

You live right up in the
motherfucking hood and shit.

There's nothing there.
You're wasting your time.

What was that, Vega?
Who do you have over there?

Oh, yeah.

You got some little lady friend
over there, Vega?

Well, in that case, I'm gonna go
over there myself and check it out.

You're at the end of an era, big Frank.

But I gotta give you respect, man.
You're going out like a champ.

Continue on without me.

What the...?!

I was wondering when those two
were gonna leave.

Hey, hey, hey! Hey!

What's up, buddy? What's going on?

Get the fuck out of here!

Hey!

Hey! That's my bus! What are you doing?

Hey! Hey, man! That's my bus!

Hold it, hold it!

I gotta take your bus.
It's a matter of life and death.

You're that Bad Ass dude, right?

Yeah, take it. Take it, it's yours, man.

You're awesome. I love you, man.

You're the best! Enjoy the bus!

Get out of the fucking way!

Oh, shit!

There you are, you son of a bitch.

Creeping up my ass, huh?

- Out of my way, bitches!

Sony! I'm out of change!

Oh, shit!

I'm here on behalf of my best friend,
Klondike Washington.

You killed him.

How do you wanna die, motherfucker?

Let's do it.

How do you like that,
you cocksucking motherfucker?!

- Oh, sh...

No, see, 'cause... What the fuck?

I thought we killed you, fucko.

Son of a bitch,
this motherfucker won't die.

Well, that's about to change about now.

Come on, give me a break, man.

You have any idea how
you've completely messed up our lives?

Because of you we're a joke.
We got kicked out of the brotherhood.

His girlfriend left him.

Yeah, and we're getting bullied
by anybody over the age of 60.

All that viral bullshit?
That's about to change.

Yeah. Let's make a little
fucking movie of our own.

- Yeah.
- Ready? Action!

- Ow! You got my foot!

I can't wait to see
what this footage looks like.

How the hell did Frank score
a sweet piece of ass like you?

Who the fuck are you?

Look, we can make this easy
or we can make it hard.

Tell me where that fucking
flash drive is!

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know anything
about a flash drive.

You wanna make it hard? Then I'm gonna
cut your fucking head off!

Motherfucker, your ass is mine now!

- Are you ready for an ass-whipping?
- Come on with it.

Shit!

Come on! Get your ass up!

Who's the bad ass now,
huh, Frank? It's over!

No, it's over for you, motherfucker!

You know, I should have cut your fucking
head off when I had the goddamn...

- Whoo!

That was for Klondike.

- Bitch.

Oh, my God...

- Are you OK?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

Wow. I've never had
a woman rescue me before.

Well, I always got my man's back.

I'm just glad that you're OK.

I'm all right.

Oh, Frank, look.

- You're leaking everywhere.
- It's OK.

Let's go get that first aid kit and
maybe I'll clean you up this time.

You really fucked him up, huh?

Somebody...

Somebody send... ambulance.

Somebody send an ambulance.

You might remember him as Bad Ass,
the bearded hero

who stood up for an elderly gentleman
on an SC Transit bus

and became an overnight
Internet sensation.

Well, Bad Ass, aka Frank Vega,
is back in the news,

as he uncovered one of the city's
biggest political corruption scandals

involving Mayor Williams and the most
dangerous organized street gang

in the country.

Mayor, can we have a statement?

I've been targeted by special
interest groups who are trying

to destroy my agenda.

I assure you that my name
will be cleared of all wrongdoing.

Well then, how do you explain
your payroll links to organized crime?

I can assure you that once all of
the facts have seen the light of day,

I will be cleared of all charges.
That's all I have to say.

Because of his heroic efforts, Vega,
who is a decorated Vietnam War veteran

and native of Los Angeles, was made
an honorary police officer this morning.

Congratulations, Frank.
It's been a long time coming, my man.

Vega was appointed
head of community outreach

and will begin his new post,
effective immediately.

- Well... I don't know what to say.

I've been waiting for this
for over 40 years.

I'm very, very proud.

I'd like to thank, uh...

- ...Officer Malark...
- So you got a girlfriend, huh?

Yeah, man, I got two.
You know how I be. I'm a player.

- I'm gonna have three next week.
- Oh, really?

How'd you get him to open up
and talk about all his girlfriends?

I tortured him.

Well, why don't you torture him
some more? I need more information.

I can't do that.
I mean, that's man stuff.

Well, I hope you men are hungry.

- Starving.
- Good.

You know...

...I think I actually found
the best day of my life.

I think it'd be better
if you trimmed that damn beard.

- Martin.

- But he does have a point, Frank.
- Hey, I just trimmed it.

- I don't see it.