Original subtitles

QUENTIN: Previously on The Magicians...

Hey, can you help me find some information?

What are you looking for?

Well, say you have a being with an enormous amount of power.

I'm looking for how someone might, you know, defeat them?

The Ars Deicidium? The art of killing gods.

Any word on the Poison Room?

Believe me, I wanna get in there. It's above my pay grade.

Penny, Sylvia.

You really don't need my help. With what?

Trying to break into the Poison Room.

I am telling you the truth because you are the one I trust.

And I really just need your support right now.

REYNARD: I controlled their minds.

Of course, honey.

Just like you have many, many times.

SENATOR GAINES: They said they were just trying to summon

a little help from some kind of goddess.

They were summoning an evil bitch.

The benevolent Our Lady Underground?

It is all about her.

Grinding men and gods into the fucking dirt, and then she leaves.

That's Ms. Persephone.

JULIA: That's Our Lady Underground.

Julia. Why do you look like a 12-year-old?

Because I'm her Shade.

Shades go to the Underworld.

Alice?

Quentin.

I missed you so much.

Is there any way we can take her with us?

(ALARM BLARING)

Jules, what the hell? I know.

This is my one shot, and this is what I want to do with it.

No one has ever brought Niff in back to life.

Many try, but all...

(IMITATES CHOKING)

We have something that no one else has ever had.

We have Alice's Shade.

The meta-math has never added up before, but with this...

Still tremendously bad idea.

Fine. Fuck him. He won't help us, we'll take it to Dean Fogg.

With one morning fart, I release more magic

than Henry Fogg has in his whole life.

But you can't get it up for this?

No, you can't. I won't.

The energy we would need would take 100 Master Magicians.

That's a battery.

That holds magical current.

That is the biggest one that I've ever seen. How many of those do you have?

Not enough to spare. Took years to make. And I need it. No.

What's more important than a life?

You talk like life means something.

If it doesn't, then what's the point? This is what magic is for.

Boldly spoken, for student who lacked the balls to control a flea.

Look, I survived your abuse, and I got off my ass

and I went into the goddamn world. What've you done?

You've sat around and drank. Fuck you.

No, fuck you. Do you know why Alice went to Brakebills?

To find out what happened to her brother.

What happened was his friend Emily

had the bad sense to fall in love with you and it destroyed her.

And when he tried to help it turned him into a Niff in.

Now tell me that you hold zero responsibility for that.

You can't erase any of that. But you can help Alice.

You can help Alice now.

JULIA: You look worried.

Just thinking about Alice. She's gonna be really pissed at me.

Yeah, but when she has her Shade back, she'll get it.

Trust me.

Um...

Speaking of Shades, since this is probably

the last time I'm going to have one...

Look, you do not have to do this.

Yes, I do.

You're a good friend.

Better one than I deserve.

Not true.

Blah, blah, feelings bullshit.

Let's begin. First we separate Shade, which will pull Niff in here.

You memorized? Yeah.

You can handle it? Yes.

(MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)

(DEEP BREATHING) (SQUELCHING)

(EXHALES)

We're going to fix you. But we just have to

lock you in here for a minute, okay?

Thank you.

(CAGE OPENS)

MAYAKOVSKY: Julia, lock the cage.

(CRACKLING)

(CHANTING IN OTHER LANGUAGE)

She's coming.

(CONTINUES CHANTING)

(GRUNTING)

Quentin ! I will burn you alive for this.

When you're ready, Cold water.

It's gonna be okay.

(CHANTING IN OTHER LANGUAGE)

Please. Please, Quentin, don't.

(PANTING)

(PANTING)

QUENTIN: Hey.

I brought you some clothes, if you, um...

Okay, um.

(QUENTIN SIGHS)

Why don't I go get you some food. You haven't eaten in, um...

Mayakovsky said to...

Uh, start with really bland food, so I thought...

Oatmeal?

Why?

Why bland food? Or why did I bring you back?

Hmm.

I couldn't leave you like that.

(SOFTLY) Alice...

Fuck you.

PENNY: So, the Poison Room,

the code to the door changes

every couple hours. The door itself is warded, alarmed.

And don't forget booby-trapped.

So instead of going through the magical dismemberment door,

let's go through the back way.

That door isn't just a door.

It's a portal to another world.

That's where the Poison Room is.

So, if we find the right fountain...

We can walk right in. I heard a couple Librarians whispering about it.

The Poison Room fountain has a stack of books for a statue.

If we split up, we could probably find it within a matter of weeks.

Weeks? No, no. I got this. Think hours.

What makes you so cocky?

'Cause I'm a Traveler.

And for once, it's not totally fucking me.

(CLEARS THROAT)

It is customary to bow in the presence of your High King.

I... We... How are you here?

I think, and by that I mean I'm absolutely certain,

that I was banished. Had to be.

So, in the books, Ember and Umber,

before Martin offed him, they did this

to the Chatwins all the time, right?

Mmm-hmm. Um...

Yeah. Uh, when the adventure was done, or...

Or what, Q? My pregnant wife is locked up in Fairy Gitmo,

I'm betrothed to a rat,

my Pinot noir grapes are nearly ripe.

My adventure's just begun. So why else would Ember banish me?

Because I'm a fuck-up.

Yeah, so... So, the button. Give me.

Uh, about that. Um...

We kind of bargained it away to a dragon,

in exchange for tickets to the Underworld.

You gave our only means of traveling to Fillory to fucking Trogdor?

Oh.

Both the High King and Queen have vanished,

leaving you the only Child of Earth in Fillory.

Oh, my God. They were my ride home.

Um, yes.

Also, it makes you High King.

(RAT SQUEAKING)

You can go to the Rainbow Bridge to be crowned.

(SIGHS)

Meh. Let's skip the ceremony. (CHUCKLES)

On to business, then. Half the court are still rats.

The Talking Beavers are in revolt,

they're demanding dental coverage.

And the Measly Mountains, they've disappeared. Completely, just...

Stop! The thrones are cursed!

Okay, is anything not fucked?

Your High Kingliness, perhaps this is all too much for you.

There was a great king on Earth who had a philosophy.

Hakuna matata. Roughly translated, it means, "No worries."

That's my philosophy, too.

Who gives a shit about a few Measly Mountains?

But... Erase them.

Bring in the talking rats to translate for the rat-people.

And we are giving all those beavers braces, because they deserve it.

Say it, Tick.

Hakuna matata.

That's what I'm talking about.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

I'm sorry.

I got my Shade back. And then I lost it again.

For good. But I also discovered

that I don't have to be like The Beast.

With the right help, I can do good. I just have a chip missing.

What do you want from me, Julia?

To be the missing chip. Tell me when to tap on the brakes.

"Tap"?

Slam on them.

I trust you.

I need you.

(SIGHS)

Shit.

Okay. We can try it.

Thing is, I think I kind of need you too right now.

Something you need to know.

Does Reynard know that you're here? No.

Okay. It's good. It's important that we keep up appearances.

I know. I've seen what he can do when he's angry.

John, tell her what you told me.

About Our Lady Underground. (SIGHS)

Reynard's obsessed with her.

I think they were lovers, but she left him.

Everything that he has done to her followers, to you...

It's not random. It's to get back at her.

Yeah.

Holy shit.

Persephone is Our Lady Underground?

I saw her icons when I was down there.

Maybe we can use her to lure Reynard.

Didn't you just say that she disappeared?

Well, we just need to make Reynard believe that it's her.

If he thinks that she's here, he'll come.

Well, okay, and then? We still don't have a weapon.

We have him. What do you...

No! No! No! We're not killing you

for your power, John, that's insane.

Agreed. Off the table. What we are gonna do is teach you magic.

I'm not a Magician.

No. You're more.

Which is why it should be easy for you to learn.

I mean, we don't have the juice to take Reynard on.

But you do.

Can you tell me again what the dragon said?

You know Mayakovsky banned me from seeing Alice for 48 hours?

He said that I am upsetting her.

Well, he's not exactly wrong.

I'm trying to help.

You did. Now maybe you can help by letting it run its course.

What if she... Q.

The greatest Magician on Earth is watching her.

I know Mayakovsky can be a massive asshole,

but he's not gonna actually let anything happen to her.

Not after what it cost him to bring her back.

All right, let's do that.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I know it's hard right now. But it's gonna be okay.

I think.

Now will you please tell me what Puff the Magic Dragon said to you?

"The first portal is still open."

I thought that might mean Stonehenge.

The kids go there in book three...

How many times was that portal opened?

Once. There's always some new, unexpected...

Except for the first one that they used.

Um, they went back and forth

through that clock all summer, right? Mmm-hmm.

Until their mother died, and their uncle sold all their stuff.

Um...

I think I saw it.

At my Yale interview. (TICKING)

Uh, it was the same one as the one on the cover.

I mean, the guy died.

They probably sold it off. But what if, um...

What if the clock I saw was "the" clock?

Why the fuck are you taking a nap instead of looking for me?

Margo?

(GRUNTS) I thought you were banished.

No, dumb-ass, I'm stuck in the Fairy Realm. How can I see you?

Oh, shit. She must've mixed in the wrong strain.

We wanted "bang like happy pandas," not "see other worlds."

Never let an amateur pack your bong, okay?

Listen, dipshit.

You have to find Rafe, the squirrelly little prick

who works for the sloth.

He got me here, he can get me back.

You could say "please." No, I literally could not.

I'm gonna go find Fen, you find a goddamn way to get me back.

Okay. (CHUCKLES)

Pretty sure this is it.

SYLVIA: Book statue. Not the most imaginative, those Librarians.

Yeah, but not stupid. Look, it's covered.

And locked. Never seen anything like this.

Six-stage Vermel anti-tampering enchantment.

I can crack it.

(METAL RATTLING)

That's pretty varsity... (GRUNTS) ...for a kid.

My dad's a good teacher.

All right, so who pissed him off?

You're going to a lot of trouble

to get at some of the most powerful battle magic in the universe.

Somebody's about to have a bad day.

I know it's hard for men to imagine women

having their own reasons for doing anything,

but I'm looking for my own book.

I've been hidden away in a library for the last year.

No TV, no Wi-Fi. Had to find some way to entertain myself,

so I started reading Kanye's book.

By the way, he's really misunderstood.

Anyway, right in the middle of a sex scene, the book just stopped.

Kan ye dies during sex?

That's the weird part. There were 20 more pages, all blank.

It's a glitch, right?

But then every other book I checked for somebody alive right now,

ends in 20 blank pages.

The Order's known about it for years.

They call it the Great Blank Spot.

Some kind of cataclysmic badness.

Well, what causes it?

They don't know. Just that it happens soon, like, weeks.

(GRUNTS) How's reading your book gonna help?

Something happens that affects the Library,

it'll be in a Librarian's book.

But right now, they're moving

all the Librarians' books to the Poison Room.

Including mine.

The Order thinks that once your book is written,

your fate is sealed.

Well, I've never seen a book be wrong. You?

No. But I saw them reshelf your book 39 times.

If time loops exist, then I'm Team Sarah Connor,

"No fate but what we make."

Fine. I'll grab your book for you.

I'll get it myself.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're not coming.

How are you gonna get back? I can't travel anyone with me.

You think this is my first time fountain spelunking?

Well, the fountain didn't drop us in a lava pit,

so we've got that going for us.

(FLOORBOARD CREAKING)

(SYLVIA COUGHING)

PENNY: When they named it the Poison Room,

how literal do you think they were being?

Let's just do this fast.

Yeah.

Coming in on the weekend ! Now, that is work ethic.

I was hoping to run into you, actually.

I, uh, have questions,

and I would appreciate some fatherly guidance.

I'd like that, too.

Here.

Struck me that I've missed a lot of birthdays. Open it.

(GROANS)

What is...

You went back to the witches.

(PANTING)

Where is she? Where is my wife?

Oh.

Here and there.

I saved you the biggest piece.

Are you still trying to be a good person, as if there is such a thing?

Left alone, you would fight and fight against your nature,

and you would waste so much of what you really are.

If you think doing this is going to turn me into you,

you don't understand people at all.

I've been at it a long time.

Oh, look at Julia.

I put a tiny black spot on her soul,

and she scrubbed at it so much,

she put a hole in it.

She can never go back to who she is.

And now,

neither can you.

This

is an investment in our future, son.

Someday, when you've embraced what you really are,

you'll come find me.

(BREATHING SHAKILY)

(SHIP HORN BLARING)

(KNOCKING)

Can I help you?

Hi.

We're looking for a clock.

It belonged to my grandfather.

The auction website, it listed this address.

Auction websites don't do that.

(SIGHS) Fine. We bribed the webmaster.

The clock's got a lot of sentimental value. So...

Sorry. There's no clock here.

The clock was an unremarkable thing, on its surface.

To keep his mind off the troubles of war and family,

Martin set out to repair its inner workings,

and in place of a mechanical heart...

He found a new world.

That's my favorite chapter in the book.

Holy shit, there are two of you.

Oh, don't touch that. Oh.

Please, put that down.

Sorry. Okay.

Is that...

Screenplay for the failed 1983 feature film adaptation.

There is a Fillory movie?

No, the studio wouldn't pay for the talking bears,

so the director, he quit in protest.

Can I?

Yeah.

Q. Uh, I found Grampy's clock.

QUENTIN: Wait, they changed the Chatwins...

To skateboarding Americans. I know, a travesty.

And they got Jane completely wrong.

A girl that timid could never grow up to be a Watcher Woman.

Okay, real talk.

I'll give you $1,000 for the clock.

It's a collector's item.

$20,000. It's not for sale.

Wait. The books never had said who the Watcher Woman is.

(STAMMERS)

Well, it's not hard to deduce.

Anyone who's always wearing a hood

is clearly a character you've met before.

You know, don't you?

That it's all real. You...

You've been to Fillory.

(SNORTS)

"Been to Fillory."

Even in Fillory, the Watcher Woman's identity is a secret.

Who are you? Oh, my God.

Q, he has horns.

Like Ember, like... Just like Ember. What?

(SIGHS)

Holy shit.

Umber? In the flesh.

Are they in the eye of... What even is that?

JULIA: Lightning storm, huge.

Happened every time Persephone ascended from the Underworld.

She used to come every spring. Now, decades, no pattern, no trace.

Except, these modern accounts show four storms

stretched across the entire swath of southern Europe.

And smack in the center, Murs, France.

So, we just need to kick up a light storm, a few twisters.

And Reynard will think Our Lady is on Earth. He'll come running.

(DOOR OPENING)

Are you okay? I, uh...

I need a drink.

(SNIFFLES)

How was spell practice?

(SIGHS) I can barely make a spark.

I thought you said it'd be easy.

You know, no pressure, or anything...

Do you ever think about where you'd be, if he hadn't...

Raped me?

No. I try to focus on who I was.

It's getting harder, though.

Reynard thinks he broke you.

That there's no coming back from what he did.

You think that's true?

I hope not.

Well, whatever happens...

Don't let him be right.

I think you should go get some pizza.

Okay.

Food run. Listen...

I wish we had time to talk this through,

but ultimately, I know you'd agree with me.

What are you talking about?

(GROANING)

Oh, my wards.

I'm sorry. Why?

Why are you doing this to me?

After everything Julia's been through, I can't make her do this.

Do what?

This is very good.

Tea? I don't have time.

Ah ! Brilliant, the shortcut. There!

I don't have time.

I understood everything.

And now it's fading like a dream that you woke me from.

Why can't I do magic?

You are newborn again. You must crawl, then walk.

How long?

What's the rush?

I'm stuck in this... This oily, disgusting cage,

and I can't even fucking see. I can't do anything.

On the contrary, you are finally in a position

to do something interesting.

Fuck you. What do you know?

I know, as Niff in, you care about nothing but your own mind.

So, congratulations. A perfect life with zero meaning.

Now, as human...

Humans are weak pieces of shit.

Do you know what magic is?

Energy capable of making this shithole world

one fractional speck less unbearable.

Because we shits try so fucking hard.

And that is not weakness, believe me.

You don't like this world? Good.

You see its faults,

it gives you focus and solitude to actually fix it.

Adderall. To fortify you. Makes you write like Tolstoy.

Don't make face.

Drugs are fun.

Hey, I wasn't sure what kind you wanted so...

I know, I...

Oh, my God.

I...

(PANTING)

He made me.

What?

He made me do the ritual.

Collect his power.

(SOBBING)

Hey.

You get yourself cleaned up, and I'll handle the rest, okay?

(CHUCKLES)

There you are, you son of a bitch.

Ah.

(SIZZLING)

Sylvia, where are you? Sylvia!

Sylvia, read it when we get back. We gotta go.

You betrayed Ember?

I wouldn't call it that. I just had no choice.

It was a matter of survival.

A condition of the agreement I made with Martin Chatwin.

He had Fillory booby trapped to the gills. He was about to fillet me.

So, you faked your own death and you moved to Vancouver?

Well, if I had to leave Fillory,

Canada was the obvious second choice.

What is it that you enjoy about Fillory?

(STAMMERS)

It reminds me of a time before I realized how shitty being an adult is.

And there's opium in the air.

And how do you feel about turtles?

Indifferent, I guess.

Not a fan.

Would you sleep easier knowing that your entire world

rested on the back of one?

Or several?

What? Why are you asking?

Because as visitors to my previous work,

you make for an excellent focus group for my new world.

Something I've been building.

Testing a few things out.

It's more of a pocket world, really.

I call it Cuba.

That's already a place.

Is it? Yes.

You're sure? Absolutely sure.

Oh.

Damn it.

Look, this is all very interesting-ish.

But I have a kingdom to fix.

(LAUGHING)

You were never meant to fix Fillory. Of course I was.

No, you were meant to entertain like some reality TV star.

Oh ! Ember must've found you so boring.

Boring?

Fillory was created out of the unification of opposites.

Ember is a creature of entropy and chaos.

And you have every season of Law & Order on DVD.

The most perfect show in creation.

When Ember and I were together, there was balance.

Without me, chaos reigns.

Give up, Children of Earth. Fillory cannot be ruled.

(SYLVIA PANTING, COUGHING)

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Get up! Come on!

Just stop worrying about me and fucking travel out already.

Look, I will carry your ass back if I have...

You don't get it.

(GRUNTS)

I don't make it back to the rope.

My book didn't have a blank spot. So what?

What happened to "there's no fate but what we make"?

If you carry me back, you die too, Penny.

I read it.

Leaving me is the only way you have a chance.

Penny! I got your book.

What the hell? Penny? Oh, my...

Help!

Give me good news, Rafe.

Unfortunately, returning from the Fairy Realm is problematic.

All I have is this tincture that takes you there.

Why would I drink this?

Then I'm stuck there with Margo

and you can't get either of us out.

Prince Ess of Loria, Your Majesty. Where is my father?

Hey, I don't think we've formally met.

Cut the shit. I will tear this place apart if I have to.

So, uh, funny story.

Your dad is actually a rat-person now.

Do it. (CHUCKLING) He's...

(ALL CHOKING)

(PANTING) Oh.

Break it down.

Hakuna matata has failed me.

It pains me, but I simply cannot go back to Fillory.

So, you're just gonna let Ember turn Fillory into a telenovela?

Well, you don't understand how he is.

He pitted animals against each other

by offering only the sexiest the ability to speak.

Centaurs? Drunk off his chair, obviously.

When he gets snacky, he talks about turning humans into rats.

Holy shit.

Ember turned everybody into rats.

Oh, he finally did it.

That's been on his bucket list for centuries.

Ember cock-blocked me.

You're a god of Fillory.

Why are you just sitting here and letting your brother shit all over it?

You let The Beast happen.

You shut out a child who needed shelter,

and when he became a monster, you ran.

You hate chaos?

Then fix the chaos that you created!

You're right.

But some mistakes cannot be repaired,

and from those we must move forward.

And I shall try to avoid repeating such mistakes in my new world.

Fine.

Then give us the clock.

Why do you care?

Fillory's on its last legs.

Everything you've said tells me Ember is tired of the game.

He's likely to smash the place like a toddler. Trust me.

That'll be it. End of Fillory. And don't get sentimental.

We aren't ready to walk away yet.

We know you still love Fillory.

You literally have every memento to prove it.

If you can't fix it or won't save it then let us try.

Please.

You love Fillory?

It's my home.

Then the clock is yours, Your Majesty.

But heed my warning.

Nothing entertains Ember more than a whimsical death.

(CHANTING IN OTHER LANGUAGE)

Hey. Hey.

How's Penny? Still alive?

I could've worded that better.

Yeah.

Uh, they cleared out the whole Infirmary.

Something about radiation.

That can't be good.

Not much I can do about it right now.

So, you've got time.

Kill it with me, killing Reynard.

Good news. I found a spell in here

that turns metal objects into god-piercing weapons.

And if it can be anything, gun, right?

But it took everything John gave us just to make one bullet.

So, we've got one shot.

Fall back! Don't inhale the smoke.

(COUGHING)

(LAUGHTER OUTSIDE)

Oh, shit.

Luckily I'm a pro. Come on. Come on.

Fen?

Josh, you can see me?

Fen ! Josh, help me! Help me! Please, hurry.

Tick...

Tell my story.

(DEEP BREATHING)

(WIND HOWLING) (THUNDER RUMBLING)

JULIA: Well, this is it.

The sign Reynard has been waiting for.

Come on out, asshole.

Something feels so right about tricking him with goddess omens.

Amen. Let's get scarce. Let's go.

(WIND HOWLING)

REYNARD: I know you're here.

There he is.

The lightning, the wind.

Always were a drama queen.

I can't get a clear shot.

Go around the other side.

I'll get you a clear shot. Kady.

Hey!

Ah.

I should've known. Where's Julia?

Why don't you ask me where John is.

What did you do?

Nothing he wasn't asking for.

Hated you so much, he begged me to kill him.

You bitch. You liar.

(LAUGHING)

Kady, what...

It's you.

You ignored us.

And now you're here?

All of a sudden?

Why?

To ask you to spare his life.

I don't understand. Why do you care?

He's my son.

Did you know what he was doing?

Of course you did.

He raped me. Your son!

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

I'd be sobbing, and telling you every detail,

but I lost my Shade in the abortion,

so you're just gonna have to take my word for it.

Let me deal with him.

Why would I trust you? Come the fuck on, lady.

There are consequences to killing a god, Julia.

I lost my friends, I lost everything. He turned me into a monster.

You're a survivor.

You're still capable of mercy, Julia. Don't let him rob you of that.

It's your choice.

I'm so disappointed with what you've done.

You left me. You left me.

Well, I'm back.

And it's time to go.

(GASPS)

No! No!

How can you do this?

After everything we've been through?

I killed John for this.

It was the right thing.

How the hell would you know that?

I'm sorry, Kady.

Our Lady sent me.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hey, I'm sorry I hurt you.

I tried to do the right thing.

But I'm not sorry that you're alive,

and maybe that makes me selfish, but I... (STAMMERS)

The world's a better place when you're in it.

Say the word and I'll stay.

If you want me to leave you alone

for a while to figure this out on your own...

I mean, let's face it, there's probably nothing you can't figure out.

You are Alice Quinn.

Okay.

So, the plan so far is,

find a way to stay in Fillory and never get banished again.

Find a way to stop Ember. Or drive him out or...

I don't know, anything but letting him get so bored,

he decides to just shake the Etch A Sketch

and end our kingdom, everyone I care about,

and the Wellspring in the process, so...

Thoughts?

You're talking about conquering Fillory.

For its own good.

Your plan is the exact same as The Beast's was.

Shit.

(CLOCK TICKING) (SIGHS)

Do you got a better idea?

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