Original subtitles

http://subscene.com/u/659433 Improved by: @Ivandrofly

(J. GEILS BAND'S "WHAMMER JAMMER" PLAYING)

MAN OVER RADIO: All units, all units. Code 3 pursuit of 2-11.

White SUV heading east on Alameda service road.

SUSPECTS: Three Asian males. Request backup immediately.

Be advised. Shots fired, shots fired.

(WHOOPING AND LAUGHING)

(SIRENS WAILING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(SNORING)

(MUSIC)

(SPEAKING IN VIETNAMESE)

(MUSIC)

(MUSIC)

ANCHOR 1 ON TV: Cheryl, can you see how many suspects are in this car?

REPORTER: As far as I can see at this point, there are three sus-

Oh, this is just coming in.

Hancock!

What, boy?

Bad guys.

REPORTER: ... trying to cut them off. You can see them there.

They have their hands outside the white SUV,

shooting randomly on the freeway.

What, you want a cookie? Get out of my face.

Asshole.

What? You heard me.

ANCHOR 2: Please, stay off the freeway.

ANCHOR 1: I understand that there are three suspects in the white SUV...

Asshole.

(NECK CRACKING)

(GRUNTS)

(LUDACRIS' "MOVE BITCH" PLAYING)

Watch out!

Damn!

Damn it!

(CHATTERING IN VIETNAMESE)

(IN VIETNAMESE) Hancock!?!

Beat it, 'Soulja Boy!'

REPORTER: Hancock is in the car

and he appears to be negotiating with the gunmen.

(IN VIETNAMESE) He smells like a bar!

You pay for new roof!

Fellas, hey. I don't give a shit what you did. I don't care.

Three guys in the car,

no girls, rave music.

Hey, I'm not gonna judge.

But if you don't pull over and give yourselves up quietly,

I swear to Christ, your head is going up the driver's ass.

His head is going up your ass. And you drew the short stick,

because your head is going up my ass.

(IN VIETNAMESE) Shoot this asshole!

Stop!

♪ What the F%@ K? ♪

♪ (MARK "THE 45 KING" JAMES' "THE 900 " PLAYING) ♪

(ALL GRUNT)

REPORTER: The department is on their way. There's just chaos here on the 105.

(ALL SCREAMING)

(SPEAKS IN JAPANESE)

MAN IN ENGLISH: What? I'm not Japanese, man!

Put us down!

Oh, now you "speaky Engly," huh? "Speaky Engly" now?

(SCREAMING)

(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

You broke my glasses.

I'm sorry! Take my Ray-Bans!

Put us down! Huh? You want down?

- MAN 1: Yes, please! Please! - MAN 2: Help me!

I'm real good at down. I'm real good at down.

All right? All right.

REPORTER ON TV: This, Hancock's latest act of so-called heroics,

took a hefty financial toll.

Initial damage estimates are said to top $9 million, which, if accurate,

represents a personal record

for the notoriously publicity-shy Hancock,

who, as usual, can't be reached for comment.

MAN 1: With all the cracks to the concrete, with all the bullets, the water damage, fires,

L.A. would be a lot better off if this guy

would just leave and let us get on with our jobs.

(MAN 1 SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV)

(JOHN LEE HOOKER'S "I'M IN THE MOOD" PLAYING ON RADIO)

(WOMEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

Hi.

All right, don't think I'm crazy, okay?

But we've been looking everywhere for you.

Going to the Roxy and the Viper Room and Jumbo's,

anywhere we thought you would be at. I found you.

I got you.

So, what's it like when you fly?

No, what? I ain't gonna fly you.

I got a cousin, Narelle. She's my best friend in the entire world,

and I swear to God she would not be here today if it wasn't for you.

She crashed her car up in Malibu when you flew her to the hospital.

Remember?

I will break my foot off in your ass, woman.

You got a car?

Mm-hm.

(JOHN LEE HOOKER'S "I'M IN THE MOOD" PLAYING)

(CAR DOORS OPEN)

HANCOCK: Hey, uh, want a drink?

So this is where you live. Yep.

This is your hideout.

Your Batcave.

Your Fortress of Solitude.

Uh, it's a couple trailers I stuck together.

What's all this?

Jiffy Pop. Jiffy Pop.

What do you do with it? Pop it.

Jiffy Pop, pop. Hey, hey.

I like that. Yeah. Um, hold on.

Want me to give you something else to pop?

I didn't catch your name. Pop this, Superman.

HANCOCK: Not much for the chitchat, huh? Let me set this over here.

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

All right. Now, there are some rules. Hello?

No, I know, I haven't seen it yet. Excuse me.

WOMAN: I know, probably. All right, all right, all right. Let me call you back.

Listen. Um...

You're gonna need to focus. All right, I need you... Whoa.

Hey, that's... That's not focusing. What's in there?

Okay, all right, hold on. Stop. Stop it. All right, now,

when I get to the moment... The moment?

You know, the... Start climbing the mountaintop, you know?

You know... All right? Yes. Yeah.

You're gonna need to be as far away from that as possible.

Far. That's hot. No, that's not hot. It's not hot.

- WOMAN: Oh, yeah. - HANCOCK: Whoa. Okay.

(WOMAN MOANING)

- HANCOCK: Oh, wow. - WOMAN: Hancock. Oh, yeah.

(THE STAPLES SINGERS' "POP'S INSTRUMENTAL (T-RAY REMIX)" PLAYING)

HANCOCK: Now you're doing too much.

- WOMAN: Ooh, Hancock. - HANCOCK: Oh!

Oh, mountaintop! Mountaintop!

Mountaintop! Watch out!

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

(HANCOCK YELLING)

Whoo. Whoo.

Whoo.

Whoo.

(WOMAN PANTING)

Sorry. Ahem.

Um...

That's not fair to anybody.

Thank you for being okay with that.

I know it's, uh... Ahem.

Can I use the bathroom, please?

Yeah. Hey, you, uh...? You want some Jiffy Pop?

No, thanks.

It's straight back. Ahem.

You all right? Yeah.

Yeah, I was trying to tell you.

Hey, uh...

Uh...

Listen, uh... You know, if you want I could fly you.

It's really beautiful, you know? Earth.

You could see the...

(CLEARS THROAT)

Might have to get you a helmet,

so your face doesn't tear off.

What do you think?

(MUSIC)

(CAR DOOR CHIMING)

(CAR ENGINE STARTS)

(MUSIC)

MAN: Sir? Ray Embrey.

Ray. Pleasure.

So... Ray's like the Bono of P.R.

Well, actually I think Bono is the Bono of P.R. but I do try.

Well, let's see it.

Okay. I'll get right into it. Good morning, everyone.

I'm, um, here to talk to you about charitable giving.

Okay? And we all know the way that works.

You give one, maybe two percent of your net cash,

and you get an armband, or a wristband, or a ribbon

or whatever it is. It's nowhere near enough.

And that's why we at Embrey Publicity would like to offer you

the AllHeart symbol.

Now, you would be among a very select group of corporate giants

to bear this logo on your product.

And what this would say to the public

is that your company, Pharmatopsis,

has made a radical contribution to helping our world.

And here's all you need to do to qualify.

Your new TB drug, Mycodin?

We would like for you to give that product away for free.

(MUSIC)

- Did you say "free"? - RAY: I did.

Only to those who really need it.

Only to those who without it would otherwise die.

As a concept, free is kind of up there with, you know, lethal side effects.

Mandatory product recall.

MAN 1: Get indicted, go to jail.

Get out, work at IHOP for the rest of your career.

Understandable reaction. It's a radical concept.

But it is the brand that represents a fairer and better world.

The brand

that everyone is talking about.

Who is "everyone"?

We do already have a sports franchise.

MAN 2: NFL? NBA? MLB?

Soccer. MLS? Which team?

Well, it's a local team. Encino Hurricanes.

It's my son's team.

Anyway, we can save the world.

All right? Someone's just gotta go first.

What do you say?

Are you a crackpot?

(MUSIC)

Hey, hon. You're probably at the store. I am on my way.

I think I made a connection.

(CAR HORNS HONKING)

Not really.

Listen, tell Aaron that I'm coming and I... Damn it.

And I want some meatballs, okay? I need some Spaghetti.

Madness. I'll see you in about 20 minutes.

(BELL RINGING) (CAR HORNS HONKING)

Hey! What is it, National Horn Day?

Idiot.

(TRAIN HORN BLARING)

RAY: Hey.

Hey. Hey!

Move it. There's a train coming.

Do you not hear that horn?

Let's go! I got a train!

Move it!

Back your car up! There's a train! I can't go anywhere. Get out!

Son of a bitch!

Fix the handle, Ray. Fix the handle.

MAN 1: Get out!

ENGINEER: Get off the track! Move!

MAN 2: Whoa!

RAY: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

(CROWD CLAMORING)

- MAN 3: Let's get him out. - MAN 4: Get him out of there.

MAN 5: Somebody help him. You all right?

WOMAN: Please, that guy's still in there.

You sure?

WOMAN: Get him out of there!

(MUSIC)

MAN 6: Will you look at that?

(BRAKES SQUEALING)

(TRAIN CARS CRASHING)

Ah, Shit.

I'm all right. I'm okay.

All of you people blocking the intersection,

you're all idiots.

You're the one that threw the dude's car at her. And what's with the train?

Why didn't you just go straight up in the air with the car?

(CROWD CHATTERING)

WOMAN 1: You've obviously injured that poor woman.

She's right. She should sue you.

WOMAN 2: Yeah, she should sue you.

Okay. Well, you should sue McDonald's because they fucked you up.

You're an asshole.

And I can smell that liquor on your breath.

- Because I've been drinking, bitch. - MAN 1: You're a drunk asshole!

WOMAN 3: You think you're such a hero.

WOMAN 4: Asshole!

WOMAN 5: You're nothing but an asshole.

MAN 2: We don't need you in this city.

Some superhero you are! Fly off!

(RAY WHISTLES)

Shut up!

Don't you people understand? I'm alive.

I get to go home and see my family. I should be dead right now, right here.

Yeah, he could've gone straight up. Obviously, you should've gone straight up.

You know, and I was upside down for the train, but, uh...

No. Thank you.

Thank you very much, Hancock. Thank you.

Thank you, Hancock.

(MUSIC)

You're not flying by the Valley, are you?

MAN: Throw the ball!

Monte, one guy'll line up here, all right? Hike the ball.

This guy'll be right here and he says, "Hut!"

This guy'll drop back. Hut! Drop back. Chuck it.

Great. Thank you.

Nice aim. The driveway would've been better, but...

What's going on, Dad? Hey, buddy.

Daddy's had a little bit of a day. Look at you, huh?

I want you to meet somebody.

This guy here, dragging Daddy's car into the driveway.

Who's this? Hancock.

That's right. Hancock, this is my boy, Aaron.

Ray, what happened to the car?

RAY: Oh, boy. You would not have believed it.

I came this close to getting hit by a train. If it wasn't for that guy...

He saved my life. I mean... Hancock, this is my wife, Mary.

You believe that, pal? I almost kissed a train today.

Saw my whole life flash before my eyes.

He saved your life? He sure did. Thank you.

- Hey, you good? - RAY: I am good, yeah.

All right. Ahem. Keep it off the tracks.

I will, definitely.

(MUSIC)

RAY: Um, hang on a... One second.

Hancock, you eat, yes?

Human food? Yeah.

- You like meatballs? - MARY: No.

Aaron, sweetheart, he has to go and do other...

I love meatballs. Yeah.

Who's so busy they can't have a meal, huh? And it's on us. Please.

I'm not even gonna take no for an answer. Get inside the house.

Why do you have an eagle on your hat?

HANCOCK: Uh...

Do you like eagles?

This guy's like a little talking machine, huh?

RAY: We don't have a lot of guests over here.

Look at that, huh? Hon, is the heat on?

- Heh-heh. - RAY: No? All right.

We started Spaghetti Madness about two years ago.

We do it every Thursday, and we have not missed a Thursday in...

Ever. Yeah.

Whoa. Ever? That's a long time. Yes, sir.

RAY: A very long time. That's some good meatballs, boy.

Aaron.

- Your mama's calling you. - AARON: Yes, Mom?

No. His name is Aaron.

Hey, Aaron, pal, how was school today, huh?

- AARON: Fine. - RAY: Yeah?

No more problems with that bully, Michael?

Michel. But not like a girl's name. Michel. That's right. No, no, I know.

- AARON: It's French. - RAY: Yeah. Michel, Hancock, is this...

Hancock? Michel is this neighborhood bully.

We've been trying to teach Aaron a little bit

about conflict resolution. You know what I mean?

- Yeah. Turn the other cheek, all that? - RAY: That's exactly right. Mm-hm.

Well, just, uh, never turn that one, all right?

Never let them punk you.

AARON: Got it, Mr. Hancock. Aaron, eat your food.

The way you deal with bullies, you take your right foot,

bring it right up and catch him in his little piss pump.

You don't have to do that, honey, okay? Seriously.

It's a good idea.

You aim straight and make sure he can't use that thing

for nothing but a flap to keep the dust out of his butt crack.

Okay, please, just stop.

Michel is not a man, okay?

He's a little boy. And his parents happen to be going through

a really, really bad divorce, and that's why he's acting up.

And maybe you don't know this, but not everything

in this world gets resolved with brute force.

I got plenty. Not everything has to be bang,

- scream, blood, more blood. - RAY: I'm all set.

Baby, I got plenty. Angel! We're okay.

She watches so much news

that sometimes it gets to be a little too much.

- You got a toilet? - RAY: Yep. Yeah, just past the fridge.

Are...?

Did he just take the whiskey bottle to the bathroom?

Do you want him to kill us all?

RAY: Thanks for coming on in. Good, right? Huh?

Very, yeah. Wanna say goodbye to him?

Bye, Hancock. Hey, all right, little buddy.

HANCOCK: Aah!

MARY: Are you okay?

It was a joke. Come on, Aaron.

HANCOCK: Hey, sorry. I was just trying to...

He got it. She didn't get it.

I owe you more than I can say. You gave me my life back today.

Just hear me out for one second. I'd like to return the favor.

Do you know what I do for a living? I'm in public relations.

You know what that is? Of course you do. We're image consultants.

We change the way people see products, companies, people, all that stuff.

Listen, I see you on the news and I see you out there today,

and it can't feel good that people, you know, hate you.

It's, uh, good to meet you, Ray. No, I'm sorry.

But hear me out.

People... Don't get me wrong, they should love you.

They really should, okay? And I wanna deliver

that for you. It's the least that I can do.

You know, you're a superhero.

Kids should be running up to you asking you for your autograph.

People should be cheering you on the streets, you know?

What the hell are you pricks looking at?

Oh, no, no, shh, shh, they're not... It's all right.

They're not pricks, you know, they're just... They're people.

But I want you to give me one short pitch, you know?

That's all I ask. Okay?

You use...

Put it under here?

Put it right there. Perfect.

E-mail me or whatever. You just fly on over, I don't know.

You know, I want you to think about it.

Okay, just be careful when you go. You sleep on it, all right?

You get back to me?

I'll be right here. All right.

Please don't stare, you guys. He's kind of one of us.

What about AllHeart?

RAY: It's a nonstarter, babe, you know? I'm chasing windmills with that.

Maybe I can't change the world but I can change this guy's life.

Think about all the good he can do.

I think you're wasting your time with this guy.

You really hate him.

Hate? I don't hate him, Ray. I don't even know the guy.

Just look at the news. You can see what he does.

I think he just needs people to care, you know?

MARY: You see the good in everybody, Ray.

Even sometimes when it's not there.

I have a feeling about this. Don't work with this guy.

(MUSIC)

I know this kind of guy. He breaks things.

(DOCTOR ALIMANTADO'S "BEST DRESSED CHICKEN IN TOWN" PLAYING)

(KIDS SCREAMING)

My bad. Everybody all right?

BOY: I'll go and get my mommy.

He is an asshole.

(MUSIC)

What's your name, boy? Michel.

Oh.

You know who I am? My papa says you are an asshole.

Well, that's not really a nice word to call a person, is it?

Asshole? Yeah.

Because that could make someone very angry,

and, you know, maybe hurt their feelings.

You behave like an asshole.

All right, uh...

Do you know Aaron?

(SPEAKS IN FRENCH)

Well, uh, seems to be a pretty good kid.

Uh, just wanna ask you to lay off of him a little bit.

Why, asshole?

You're gonna stop calling me that. Asshole.

That's not my name. Asshole.

Call me a-asshole

one more time.

Asshole.

(MICHEL SCREAMS)

How about you, thickness?

Goggles?

RAY: Hancock! You son of a gun, I knew you'd come.

Ask Mary. I had a feeling.

I said, he heard me and he's ready for a change.

This is great. Did you do this? You come in a little hot?

Yeah, yeah. I'll meet you in the house.

I know you don't drive, but... Oh, damn it, Ray.

All right. You're all right. You're all right. You're all right.

(SOBBING)

Oh, stop crying, punk-ass. Go ahead.

Not okay. Okay? He all right.

Really not okay. This is some of the stuff we're gonna work on.

How do you think that conversation's gonna go down with his mom?

Landing like that in the street's also on the uncool side.

No, that was already like that when I got here, Ray.

I live here. I know what the street's like.

We're just gonna make those problems of the past.

All right? I'm gonna teach you how to interface with the public.

Where's the wife?

Uh, Mary took Aaron to his soccer game.

Hancock, pulled some stuff up on YouTube.

Surprisingly large amount of not-great stuff on you that's gonna be helpful.

What is this?

That's me trying to change the world.

Unfortunately, not doing real well.

Come on. Let's get to you.

This stuff was on YouTube.

Now, everybody loves a Nutty Buddy, I get it, but this doesn't work, sir.

Hey, give me a Nutty Buddy. Back up, back up.

(KIDS SHOUTING)

Mom! Mom! Mom!

Those are children.

BOY: We've been waiting for a long time...

Get that camera out of my face.

You ever, uh, put out an apartment fire, Ray?

No, I haven't done that. I'm in P.R.

No. My ass was hot.

All right. How about this?

This is Walter, the gray whale.

Everybody remembers him stuck on the beach north of Zuma.

Along comes Hancock.

MAN: Hancock!

Whoa!

(WHALE GROANING)

(CROWD SHOUTING)

I don't even remember that. Yeah.

Greenpeace does. Walter does.

This all kind of gets redundant after a while,

but my basic diagnosis of your fundamental problem is...

Do you wanna hear it? No.

You're an asshole.

I know. I call it like I see it though.

It's not a crime to be an asshole but it's very counterproductive.

Not a crime, but you are an asshole, don't you think?

Be careful.

All right, how about this? I've been thinking about something.

This kind of goes to how you present yourself.

Come on. Really? It's the middle of the day.

What springs to mind

when you see this?

Homo.

What about that? Homo in red.

(MUSIC)

Norwegian homo. I'll give you that.

Let's move past the comics. Let's get into something a little deeper.

I think that deep down you behave badly because you're lonely.

I think deep down, you want people's acceptance.

Come on, now. You save people's lives,

and they reject you, and so you reject them back.

And it's a... Whoa. And we're gonna switch that cycle.

We're gonna start fresh, start anew.

This is outstanding. If you turn some of this power into willpower...

Almost. And then he kicked it in.

Hey, Hancock! We almost won.

Yeah, we did. Okay, upstairs. I'm making lunch. Go change.

Hey, sweetheart.

Have you been watching the news?

No, we've been working on... Interfacing with the public.

MARY: This has been on all day. That's very good.

The law is the law, Mr. Hancock, and you are not above it.

Felony destruction of property

amounting to tens of millions of dollars, theft, and now this.

From where I sit, I see a selfish, self-absorbed man

with a lot of muscle, but no regard for anyone but yourself.

Mr. Hancock, let me remind you.

You are not above the law.

You have failed to show at over 600 subpoenas in civil suits.

Anybody else would be held in contempt. But, oh, no. Not you.

You may be a superhero, but let me tell you this:

You're not nearly as strong as the U.S. Constitution.

Bank on it, buddy.

We do not condone the t...

Genius. Things just got real.

This is exactly what we need. This is perfect.

Right now, there's a DA trying to figure

out how to come up here and put you in jail.

Bitch can try. I say you go.

Hm?

(MUSIC)

People take you for granted, you know? We gotta make people miss you.

- People don't like you, Hancock. - AARON: I do.

Two weeks, you know? The public will be clamoring for you.

When they do, we'll be ready.

And the worst-case scenario is I'm wrong and you

just... You know, you fly out of there.

What do you got to lose?

(CROWD CLAMORING)

(HANCOCK CLEARS THROAT)

"I apologize to the people of Los Angeles."

My behavior has been improper and I accept the consequences.

"I ask my fellow Angelenos for their patience and understanding."

MAN 1: You're an asshole, Hancock!

MAN 2: Asshole!

(MUSIC)

"Life here can be difficult for me."

After all, I'm the only one of my kind.

During my incarceration, I will be participating

"in alcohol- and anger-management treatment."

(CROWD LAUGHING)

MAN 3: You're a drunk bum!

"You deserve better from me. I can be better. I will be better."

RAY: All right.

(CROWD SHOUTING)

(JOHN LEE HOOKER'S "SERVES YOU RIGHT TO SUFFER" PLAYING)

MAN OVER SPEAKER: Good morning, ladies. Welcome to your new home...

It is the duty of each of you

to remember your inmate serial number.

WOMAN: Turn to your right.

Turn to your left.

GUARD: Okay, scumbags. Let's go.

WOMAN: Give me the hand, playboy.

(ICE-T'S "COLORS" PLAYING)

CONVICT 1: I see you, punk!

(CONVICTS CHATTERING)

(MUSIC)

Oh, I get it.

I put some, uh... Most of you in here.

CONVICT 2: Yes, you did.

(CONVICTS CHATTERING)

I can understand you feeling some kind of way about that.

CONVICT 3: What?

Uh, so I'm gonna do me and I'm gonna let you do you.

I don't want no trouble.

All right?

I just wanna go to my cell.

- That ain't gonna happen. - CONVICT 4: Nope.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, please.

(CONVICTS LAUGHING)

Deadly.

If you don't move, your head is going up his ass.

Y'all fellas sure you wanna ride this train?

Choo, choo, asshole.

(FABRIC TEARS AND CONVICT YELLS)

(CONVICTS SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(QUINCY JONES' "SANFORD AND SON THEME" PLAYING)

Get him out! Get him out!

Did you shove a man's head up another man's ass?

We're gonna... We're gonna circle back to that.

The DA's office wants your sentence to run eight years.

It's a big number, but not something we didn't anticipate.

You know, our plan is... What are you doing?

Hey, hey, hey!

(MUSIC)

It sounded like you said they want me to spend eight years in this shithole.

Eight is really more like four and a half with good behavior.

But it's irrelevant

because with you out of the picture,

and with the crime rate going up through the roof,

the DA and the cops, they're all gonna

call for your immediate release.

They're gonna demand it. They're gonna ask for you. Where are you going? Sit down.

Hey. Hey. Stop right there.

Stop it. Hancock. Move.

- Hancock! - GUARD: Get back!

You're being a coward!

Who you talking to, Ray'? I'm talking to you.

Who are you talking to, Ray? Stop pretending that you do not care.

You have a calling. You're a hero, Hancock.

You're gonna be miserable the rest of your life until you accept that.

Trust me. Trust this plan, this process. Just stay in here.

When they call, a hero's what we're gonna give them.

How we gonna do that, Ray'?

All right, guys, let's start sharing.

Don? You had something? Yeah.

Yeah, I think I might've had a little bit of a breakthrough.

CONVICT 1: Good for you.

Yeah, I mean, I realized that breaking necks is... It's easy.

But I'm sitting there and I'm staring at myself in the mirror,

and I thought, "This is tough."

CONVICT 2: Yeah, it sounds tough.

(CONVICT CHUCKLES)

Why do you always laugh?

Picturing you looking at the mirror. It would scare the shit out of me too.

Every time I'm talking, he completely ruins the cycle.

Now, let's watch the crosstalk, okay?

I'm not gonna share anymore if he keeps doing that.

No, no, no.

- CONVICT 3: Keep sharing. - CONVICT 1: Let's move on.

Mr. Hancock, do you wanna share today?

Pass.

RAY: Your landing is your first impression.

It's your superhero handshake.

Don't come in too hot, okay? Don't come in too boozy.

And don't land on a $100,000 Mercedes. All right?

People have to be happy that you've arrived.

Mr. Hancock, your share.

Pass.

So you've used the door and the building's still intact.

People are happy that you've arrived. They feel safe now.

There's an officer there and he's done a good job,

so you might wanna tell him he's done a good job.

What the hell did I have to come for, Ray, if he's done a good job?

(THE METERS' "TIPPL-TOES" PLAYING)

CONVICT: Oh, man!

HOST ON RADIO: KBLA radio, AM 850.

Today's big story, no surprise here: Hancock. What's your take?

MAN: I, for one, have had enough of this guy.

I'm glad he's doing time around bars and I hope they don't let him off easy.

Let my cousin Pookie out.

You know, "I see that you don't wear a bulletproof vest, security officer."

And I respect your courage,

"because bullets don't bounce off you, they bounce off me."

WOMAN: This city is being run by gangs and drug dealers.

Hancock is the only guy who makes them shake in their boots.

He doesn't always tie a pretty ribbon around it, but he gets the job done.

Besides, he's hot.

Let me hear you say it. Let me hear you say, "Good job."

G...

Goo...

CONVICT 1: Mr. Hancock, would you like to share?

Pass. Good.

Good.

Good j...

Good j...

Good job.

Good job.

Jail watch, day five, and true to his word, Hancock remains incarcerated.

Meanwhile, crime is still on the rise.

The L.A.P.D. is reporting increases of up to 30 percent

in the last five days that Hancock has been behind bars.

Hancock! Hey, Hancock! Hey, little buddy.

AARON: Hancock. We brought you something!

HANCOCK: Hey, hey.

Hey, what's up, Hancock? Whoa.

Where's, uh...? Where's Ray?

No, it's just us. Ray's working.

Aaron really wanted to come and see you,

so we just dropped by with some Spaghetti Madness.

I should probably let the guard check for keys...

No, no. Here. Okay. Here you go.

Oh, you brought me meatballs, huh?

Just dig in. Oh, man, look at that. Look at that.

That's a good meatball.

Thanks, Hancock.

(MUSIC)

Ray is a good man.

Whatever this is you're doing, don't let him down.

Okay?

Okay. Well, we should probably go, buddy.

- Already? I wanna stay with Hancock. - MARY: Yeah.

Sweetheart, we have to go. Come on, say goodbye to Hancock.

Here, Hancock. It's my favorite one, and I want you to have it.

- MARY: That was very sweet. - AARON: Thanks, Mom.

Come here.

CONVICT 1: Mr. Hancock, would you like to share?

Pass.

All right. Phillip?

I love you guys, man.

- CONVICT 2: We love you. - CONVICT 3: We love you too, Phillip.

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

For when they call.

I ain't wearing that, Ray. Yes, you are.

Oh, no, I'm not. No, you are.

Actually, I'm not, Ray.

You think you're not, but you are.

I will fight crime butt-ass naked before I fight it in that, Ray.

You know, you have fought naked. We've got that. That's on YouTube.

Hancock, this is a uniform. A uniform represents purpose.

Doctors, policemen, firemen, right?

It represents a calling. It's been two weeks.

Yeah? Nobody out there is missing me, Ray.

Just be patient. You gotta trust me on this. All right?

(MUSIC)

Perimeter breach, perimeter breach.

CONVICT 1: Asshole!

(CONVICTS SHOUTING)

(ALARM WAILING)

CONVICT 2: You're still a fake-ass punk.

CONVICT 3: Damn!

CONVICT 1: Mr. Hancock?

It's your share.

Pass.

- Come on, man, try it. Let it out. - CONVICT 2: Come on, John.

I don't have nothing.

CONVICT 1: There's nothing on your mind? Come on, John.

- CONVICT 3: It's cool, man. - CONVICT 4: Come on.

CONVICT 5: Come on. Do it.

CONVICT 6: First time for everything.

Feels good to release, now.

CONVICT 7: Let it heal. Come on, man, try it.

CONVICT 1: Come in here all these days, you don't have anything to share?

I'm Hancock, and I drink and stuff.

All right. Thanks for sharing.

Okay. Thank you.

- CONVICT 2: All right. - CONVICT 3: That's awesome.

CONVICT 4: That's a clap. Yeah.

CONVICT 5: There you go. Good share.

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(MUSIC)

(LOCK CLICKS)

GUARD: Hey, Hancock.

(GROANS)

Come on, get up.

You got a phone call. Take a message.

It's the chief of police.

He says he needs your help.

(MUSIC)

REPORTER: The trapped officer's husband is Corporal Joseph Blake

who was killed last year in Iraq,

leaving her two small children. We are waiting for the latest news,

but apparently there are three suspects and...

What's going on?

I'm out!

Stay down! Stay down!

Stay down!

Get out! Get down!

Get it down!

Let's go! Everybody's gotta get back! Let's go!

Back! Move!

We got perimeters set up on the north, east and south sides.

The west side is open.

(MUSIC)

Don't break the building, don't break the building, don't break the building.

What?

It's a little tight. What you got?

Bank job. I got at least eight hostages. Four bad guys.

I got an officer pinned down and we can't get to her.

They been spraying the hell out of us all morning. And...

They got some kind of heavy artillery. Fifty caliber or bigger.

I don't know if that matters to you. No, I'm good.

Oh, um...

Good job.

Good job.

Really, good job.

COP 1: Get down!

It's Hancock!

Take him out!

Good job!

Do I have permission to touch your body?

Yes!

It's not sexual.

Not that you're not an attractive woman.

You're actually a very attractive woman...

♪ Get me the f%Q k out of here! ♪

He's on the move!

(MUSIC)

He's moving, he's moving!

Good job.

- PARAMEDIC: Are you hit anywhere? - COP 2: My leg!

Hancock! Good job.

You said that. I need you to end this now.

Check the flanks.

Secure the perimeter.

(WHOOSHING)

Spread out!

They're gonna come around the back.

(MUSIC)

(WHOOSHING)

(MAN SCREAMS)

RED: What happened to him?

Where'd he go? Where'd he go?

(MEN SCREAM)

What is happening?

I heard you was in the slammer. Out early.

Why's that? Good behavior.

Do you know what this is?

Um, I'm guessing it's some kind of detonator-type deal.

There's 8 pounds of C-4 strapped to each and every one of them.

This is a spring-loaded dead man's switch.

If my thumb comes off it:

Boom.

And now, since we've had a little change of plan

between the police showing up and you sucking out all of my associates,

I want you to break into the vault.

You'll find three quarter-ton pallets of small bills inside.

Thirty million dollars.

Wow. And you're gonna carry it for me.

You are gonna get me safely away from here with the money,

or else they'll be cleaning up these hostages with a mop.

I'm gonna have to say no to that.

Uh...

I'm really trying to turn over a new leaf.

I will blow up this entire building, you asshole.

I really don't like that word.

I will blow them sky-high

and their blood will be on your hands.

Do you hear me, asshole?

Call me a-asshole

one more time.

Ass... Aaaggh!

- COP 1: Go, go, go. Move in! - COP 2: Go on, you're safe!

- COP 3: Let's go. Let's go. - COP 4: Take it right in. Let's go.

COP 5: Bring it around now.

Keep your hand on that trigger.

Good job. No. You, good job.

Thank you. Good job.

WOMAN: Hancock!

(CHEERING)

Wow.

(RAY CHEERING)

(MUSIC)

Say hi to your fans. Look what you got.

Here we go. This way.

- Hancock. At the bank today, intense. - RAY: Thank you.

Smile.

WOMAN: Good job, Hancock!

RAY: Hey. Boy, they'll let anybody in here, huh?

Hancock, meet these guys. This is Mike Kilbourne and Jeremy Himmel.

Huge fan. Huge. Gigantic fans. Insane!

These guys are partners at the biggest ad firm on the West Coast.

You never called, man.

Yeah, actually, I have called. A couple of times.

Water under the bridge, man. Water under the bridge.

Could you guys get used to this or what?

How'd you two meet?

Um, I was married once before.

First wife...

uh, she died giving birth to Aaron.

It's another dinner. But, um... But, um...

So there I am, I'm with this beautiful little baby.

I don't know what the hell to do.

And I was in the supermarket,

and I'm in the baby aisle,

and I've got a brand of diapers in each hand.

I'm staring at them, but, you know, I don't know how I'm gonna get through the day.

An angel...

(CHUCKLES)

Sees me.

She knew. She was... She gave me this look.

And even in the trance I was in, I knew that somebody somewhere

was throwing me a little rope.

You know?

Starting that day, you really put my life back together. Right?

You're drunk. So? Come here.

What about you, buddy?

You're from another planet, aren't you?

No, man, I'm from Miami.

You didn't come in on, like, a meteor or...?

Nope. Woke up in a hospital, first thing I remember.

Government hospital, yes? Experimenting on you and...

No, Ray. Regular old Miami emergency room.

Come on. Yeah, my skull was fractured.

They told me I tried to stop a mugging.

Somebody knocked you out. I guess I was a regular guy before,

and when I woke up, I was changed.

The hospital nurse tried to put a needle

in my arm and it just broke against my skin.

And then my skull healed in like an hour.

The doctors were astounded,

and they wanted to know my story.

Just like you. But I couldn't tell them. I don't know who I am.

Amnesia.

You know, the blow to the head.

Yeah, well, that's what they figured.

You don't remember anything? No.

Only thing I had in my pocket was

bubble-gum, two movie tickets.

Boris Karloff, Frankenstein.

But no ID, nothing.

I went to sign out, the nurse asked me for my John Hancock.

I actually thought that's who I was.

How come I didn't hear any of this, I didn't read about it in any newspapers?

It was probably in the papers, uh, 80 years ago.

Eighty years ago?

Oh, I don't age. This is it.

- That's nice. - Gotta wonder, though:

What kind of bastard must I have been...

that nobody was there to claim me?

(MUSIC)

I mean, I'm not the most charming guy in the world,

so I've been told, but...

nobody?

Whoever it was they'd be dead by now, anyway.

Hey.

Hey, Mary. You all right, baby?

Yeah. Too much wine.

I am a lightweight.

I'm sorry.

You ain't do nothing.

This was a nice dinner, Ray.

It was a good one. Almost call this fun.

RAY: That didn't tire you out at all, coming up the stairs?

- HANCOCK: Not really. - RAY: I'm real spinny.

Could've just flown me upstairs.

I could've done without that. Get your shoes off here.

All right, that's all you're getting off of me though.

(RAY CHUCKLES)

You believe in me, don't you, Hancock?

Of course, Ray. I believe in you. Help me up here.

I got something to say to you.

Listen to me. This is important.

You are like a Dodger Dog.

It's something that people don't think that they're gonna like,

and then they try it and they love it, right? It hits the spot.

It's good for the soul. You're like the world's Dodger Dog.

I don't know. But you know what I mean, right?

You're gonna do great.

You're gonna fix everything.

(MUSIC)

You get some sleep, Ray. You sleep tight too.

Hancock tucking me in.

(SIGHS)

All right, he's asleep.

Oh. Ahem.

Okay, thanks. Good night. Uh, good night.

Hm?

I... Um...

Look, I just don't want you to think that...

That Ray, you know, drinks like that, because...

Oh, no. No. This was just kind of

a celebratory night. No, I understand.

Yeah, yeah, I know that. Okay.

The damn babysitter never cleans up after herself.

(MUSIC)

You have a bruise on your hand.

Yeah, I don't... I don't know what that is.

I've been feeling kind of funny.

You...

You should go.

Getting late.

(GRUNTING)

(WHOOSHING)

If Ray finds out about me...

you're dead.

(WHISTLING)

(MUSIC)

MARY: Joan, we're gonna take care of that, okay? Don't you worry.

Hi, honey.

Breakfast?

Hancock sneezed, huh?

Can you believe it? Achoo! It's amazing that you slept through that.

You're a good sleeper. Holy shit.

I'm not gonna say I told you so, but...

You told me he was gonna sneeze a hole through the front of the house?

I just said him being around...

Oh, sweetheart, can you get that? Thanks.

Oh, God, you strong man. I got it.

But you don't worry about anything.

I already apologized to the neighbors. Called State Farm.

Everything is taken care of.

You just...

enjoy that breakfast.

What's this? Are we going on vacation?

Mm-hm. Are we?

Just the three of us.

End of the summer? Tonight.

Tonight? Spur of the moment.

Tonight might be a little tough. Come on. The three of us?

Me in a bikini?

Sounds good. Let's go somewhere.

HANCOCK: Knock, knock.

- Gesundheit. - HANCOCK: Huh?

I was just telling Ray here, I hope you're done sneezing,

because I don't think our house could take much more of your sneezing.

(MUSIC)

Yeah, sometimes, uh, I sneeze when there's dust...

or if I get really surprised.

That's unfortunate.

(PHONE RINGS)

This is Kilbourne. Mike? How you doing?

It was great to see you too.

Yep. Well, um...

Right. Go ahead, shoot.

Okay. I got a pen right here.

Right. No, I know.

RAY: It's right here in my hand.

Mm-hm.

I am warning you.

RAY: All right, go ahead.

Okay, good.

Now, um... And that's still in 310, right?

Hang on one second.

Do me a favor...?

I'm sorry, Mike. Yeah.

We're gonna talk.

Go away.

RAY: Well, it is something that I'm really excited about.

I'm gonna do this all day.

Bong, bong, bong! Shut... Shut up.

Bong! Um...

I... I suppose...

Fine. We'll talk, okay? We will.

And when we're done talking, you go away and you leave my family alone.

My place at 4:00. Whatever.

RAY: It means, uh...

Well, I'd rather not talk numbers now.

I'd like to save them for the pitch. So let's just set a time.

That's good with me. I will see you then. All right.

Yeah, 3:30. Great.

Hon, is it hot in here?

(FREDDY FENDER'S "WASTED DAYS AND WASTED NIGHTS" PLAYING)

He hurt you, didn't he?

Come on, use your words.

How did it make you feel?

Sore.

Bad.

Bad.

It's because he took your power.

And you have to get your power back.

And no one will give you your power back. You have to go out and take it.

You understand me?

We're gonna go find Hancock...

and get your power back.

(MUSIC)

(MUSIC)

Well, I'm here.

Yup.

You wanna do it? Do what?

I don't have time for this, okay? You ask the questions,

I answer them honestly, and then you leave L.A.

I ain't leaving L.A.

All right, all right. Jeez.

Don't.

Ask.

You and I. "You and I" what?

We're the same. No.

I'm stronger.

HANCOCK: Really?

Oh, yeah.

HANCOCK: Who are we?

Gods, angels. Different cultures call us by different names.

Now all of a sudden, it's "superhero."

Are there more of us? There were.

They all died.

It's just the two of us.

What is this?

Who are we to each other?

We're brother and sister. That's a lie.

No, I'm your sister. That is a lie.

I'm your sister. That is a lie.

Sisters don't kiss brothers the way you kissed me last night.

You're lying, deal's off.

Let's go see how Ray feels about this.

MARY: Get your ass back here!

HANCOCK: I'm telling!

The AllHeart symbol will be known globally

as a symbol

that represents companies that are committed to changing the world.

They can give away their sustenance goods, okay?

Food, drugs, power, clothing, for free.

I thought we were talking about Hancock...

Number two.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

MARY: You stay away from me and my family.

You are not gonna do this to me again.

What? I don't know what you're talking about.

- Hey! - WOMAN: I love you, Hancock!

MARY: It can't work. It always ends the same way.

Persia. Greece. Brooklyn.

Brooklyn? I've never been to Brooklyn.

I have put up with your bullshit for the last 3000 years

and I am done! Done, you listening?

I don't know what you're talking about!

I am happy, Okay? Finally, I am happy!

Look at me! You are not gonna mess with that!

I don't know what you're talking about!

I hate to burst your little crazy-lady bubble,

but it must not have been all that great because I don't remember you.

Call me crazy...

one more time.

Cuckoo.

All right, hold it. All right.

You better not hit me with that truck.

For companies to qualify for the AllHeart symbol, they need

to prove that they are a leader in the global...

We wanna talk about Mr. Hancock.

RAY: That they are committed to bettering the world.

And they can do this in four different ways. This is how they...

(MUSIC)

(CROWD SCREAMING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

The most important thing with AllHeart is brand recognition.

That's why I've mocked up these examples here

in Tokyo, London, Dubai, Paris.

(BOTH YELLING)

HANCOCK: Oh, no.

So we need maximum exposure, we need extreme market penetra...

Is it snowing?

HANCOCK: Stop. Stop it.

Stop. Stop. Stop! All right, let's just...

MARY: Get off me!

(MUSIC)

MARY: Get off me!

HANCOCK: Stop. Stop!

MARY: Get off!

Get off me! Listen to me!

I hate you! I am sorry!

Whoever I am, whatever I did... Look at me.

...I'm sorry.

I don't remember.

You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

MARY: Oh, my God.

(CRYING)

(WHOOSHING)

Why were you flying? You were flying, Mary.

(WHOOSHING)

Yeah, she was definitely flying, Ray.

Okay, I was flying.

And I'm very strong as well.

"We"? It's just the way we are.

Me and him, it's just us now. The others paired up and died.

You didn't say anything about the others pairing up at the trailer.

You were at his trailer. This is very hard to explain.

Great, I'm all ears, Mary. Me too.

Do me a favor, just give me and my wife one moment.

Don't bring it here, Ray. The adults are talking for one second.

MARY: Technically speaking...

he's my husband.

Holy shit.

- What? - MARY: We broke up decades ago.

Long before you were born. He just can't remember.

But you can, right? You knew?

That's something you might wanna bring up on a first date, Mary.

"I don't like to travel. I'm allergic to cats. I'm immortal."

Okay, those are, like, some of the things you give a heads-up on.

Whatever we are, we were built in twos, okay? We're drawn to each other.

No matter how far I run, he's always there.

He finds me. It's physics.

What are you saying? Are you saying that you two are fated to be together?

I've lived for a very long time, Ray.

And the one thing I learned,

fate doesn't decide everything.

People get to choose.

And you chose

to let me think I was here alone.

(MUSIC)

I didn't think you'd miss what you didn't remember.

Great. Now what?

I didn't plan for this.

(MUSIC)

ANCHOR ON TV: Prison authorities confirmed

that the prisoner uprising was led by Kenneth "Red" Parker, Jr.

Who was also the leader of last week's Spring Street bank robbery.

At least eight prisoners are not accounted for.

More information on the prison riot in Norvvalk.

Construction workers at the prison were attacked and knocked unconscious.

The prisoners stole the workers' clothes

and it is feared that at least some of them have escaped.

Parker is considered a criminal mastermind.

He is very effective at using psychological persuasion

to organize criminals from different backgrounds.

He is a former psychology professor from Stanford University.

While there, he organized a notorious criminal network

comprised of graduate students from diverse...

CLERK: Ninety-one ten.

Ninety-one ten? You gotta be shitting me.

Ninety-one ten.

HANCOCK: Highway robbery.

(SIGHS)

(SCREAMS)

What?

I'm taking the money.

Huh.

(MUSIC)

I can relate to that.

You know? If you want something...

nobody can stop you from taking it...

you just take it, right'?

I like that.

But can you take it?

My Zagnut bar versus your gun.

(ALARM WAILING)

Sorry about your window.

(MUSIC)

(MONITOR BEEPING)

- NURSE 1: I need Room 1020. - NURSE 2: Clear!

NURSE 1: I need Room 1020.

I need IV line, blood quality, CBC, electrolytes, a PT, and...

Where's his IV line?

HANCOCK: That's not gonna work. I'm in.

What's happening?

This just in. John Hancock has been rushed to Los Angeles General Hospital.

Hancock is in serious condition with multiple gunshot wounds.

No story yet as to how this happened to him,

but we will be continuing to cover this story

live as it unfolds. Reporting live from L.A...

- WOMAN 1: Any lead on the assailant? - MAN 1: Mr. Embrey!

MAN 2: Just a couple of questions, sir, please.

WOMAN 2: Can you describe how it happened?

From what I've heard, uh, he was trying to stop a robbery.

Do you know if special ammunition was used in the gun

that shot him? Some new bullet technology?

No. No, not that I'm aware of.

Could this have anything to do with the mysterious superwoman?

WOMAN 3: He was seen battling her. I do not have that answer.

Could this woman be more powerful than Hancock?

(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

Here are the lab results for 209.

You're becoming mortal.

It's us

being close to each other.

It's never happened this fast before.

You have to leave.

The further away you get from me, the better you're gonna feel.

You'll start getting your powers back

and be flying and breaking things

and saving people before you know it.

(MUSIC)

Well, it's like I said, we were built in pairs.

And when we get close to our opposites, we lose our power.

Why? So we can live human lives.

Love, connect...

grow old, die.

What happened to us?

Summer of 4 B.C.

We were becoming mortal, like now.

They came after me with swords.

But you saved me.

1850.

They set our house on fire.

You pulled me out of the flames.

Eighty years ago.

What happened then?

We were living in Miami

and a new movie was playing in town.

Frankenstein.

And after,

we walked down Flagler Street,

and you took my hand, and you held it so tight.

And they attacked us in an alley.

They hit you so hard. There was so much blood.

They wouldn't let me ride in the ambulance with you.

And by the time I got to the hospital, you were awake.

But you didn't know me.

So I left.

Every time we're together,

they come after you through me.

You're built to save people more than the rest of us.

That's who you are. You're a hero.

The insurance policy of the gods.

Keep one alive. You.

To protect this world.

(MUSIC)

(GASPS)

RAY: Mary!

AARON: Mom!

Mary! Stay down!

Okay.

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMS)

RAY: Mary?

(MARY GASPING)

HANCOCK: Stop.

(MAN SCREAMS)

WOMAN: Oh, no! No! Please!

Stay down.

(GROANING)

RAY: Hey! Mary!

Let's go, get her up!

Come on, Chuck. Let's go, let's go.

(MARY SCREAMING)

- Morphine. - DOCTOR 1: Here. Help in here!

DOCTOR 2: Hold her down. Hold her down.

Hold her down.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Hold her down.

DOCTOR 3: You want the monitor now?

DOCTOR 1: Stay calm.

(YELLS)

DOCTOR 1: Hold her, hold her, hold her.

DOCTOR 4: Need EKG leads.

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING)

(HANCOCK GRUNTS)

Upon us all, Hancock.

You're no different.

(MUSIC)

Time to shut her down, Hancock.

It's been a nice run.

Oh, we are all sincerely gonna miss you.

But it is time for you to move on.

(EKG FLATLINING)

And maybe to a happier place.

You can thank me if you want to...

superhero.

(YELLS)

(SCREAMS)

You didn't!

Aaron!

(EKG FLATLINING)

(MUSIC)

(EXHALES)

(MUSIC)

(GRUNTS)

(YELLING)

(MUSIC)

(PEOPLE CHEERING AND SCREAMING)

- RAY: What about Attila the Hun? - MARY: Completely cross-eyed.

Cross-eyed? Yep.

All right, what about Queen Elizabeth?

Needy.

RAY: J.F.K.? What about him?

Oh, yeah. Mm-hm.

"Mm. Oh, yeah"? Anything more?

Not like that. I was in Cuba for the whole missile thing.

Yeah, hang on.

(LINE RINGING)

RAY: Hello? Ray.

Hey, I've been trying to call you.

Yeah, I was out of cell range.

Are you outside? Yeah.

Look up. All right, I'm looking up.

I'm looking up.

Baby? What?

You're gonna change the world.

Good job, Ray. Oh, my God, Ray.

Hey. Look up.

Hancock.

I'm proud of you.

Thanks.

Will I get in trouble for that?

Huh?

(EAGLE CRIES)

(MUSIC)

(CAR HORNS HONKING)

(SIRENS WAILING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

- COP 1: Freeze! - COP 2: Don't move!

- Oh, my God! Sam! No! - COP 3: Drop your weapon, sir!

Get back! Get back! Get back!

COP 3: Drop it! Get back or I'll shoot! Get back!

Get back! I'm not playing.

Get back. Get back!

Damn, Handjob. Where you come from?

All right, relax. Just tell me what you need.

Tell them cops to take their guns off of me.

All right. Tell them to take the guns off me.

Just take them off, guys. Lower your weapons.

You're gonna get us out of here with that tight-ass Wolverine outfit on.

Now let's make it happen, asshole.

(THE ROOTS' "HERE I COME" PLAYING)

(DEVIN EDWARDS' "FEELIN' YOU" PLAYING)

(MUSIC)

(MUSIC)

http://subscene.com/u/659433 Improved by: @Ivandrofly