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1
00:00:01,523 --> 00:00:06,919
[RADIO TUNING IN AND OUT]
2
00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:11,402
♪ I'm just where
you need to be
3
00:00:11,446 --> 00:00:15,711
♪ So grab your things
You're coming home with me
4
00:00:15,754 --> 00:00:19,976
♪ On top and moaning
while you're boning me
5
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:24,328
♪ I'll curl your toes
And then you're off to sleep
6
00:00:24,372 --> 00:00:25,460
♪ Sleep
7
00:00:25,503 --> 00:00:26,678
♪ What you want,
What you need
8
00:00:26,722 --> 00:00:28,680
♪ What you want,
What you need
9
00:00:28,724 --> 00:00:30,856
♪ Sleep ♪ What you want,
What you need
10
00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:33,076
♪ What you want
What you need
11
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,078
♪ Sleep ♪ What you want,
What you need
12
00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:37,298
♪ What you want
What you need
13
00:00:37,341 --> 00:00:40,301
♪ Sleep ♪ What you want,
What you need, what you want
14
00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:42,868
♪ A little bit of dollar
is good for me
15
00:00:42,912 --> 00:00:46,872
[VOCALIZING]
16
00:00:48,787 --> 00:00:50,963
♪ A little bit of dollar
is good for me
17
00:00:51,007 --> 00:00:54,315
[VOCALIZING]
18
00:00:56,795 --> 00:00:59,450
♪ Yeah ♪ A little bit of dollar
is good for me
19
00:00:59,494 --> 00:01:03,324
♪ Make a pit stop
Hit your hot spot
20
00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:07,197
♪ It's a drop top
Till your drawers drop
21
00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:10,157
♪ The trouble with cops
on the rooftop ♪
22
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,550
RJ: Power 98 WPEG with blazing hot jams.
23
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:13,769
Fat and flamin'for the new millennium.
24
00:01:13,812 --> 00:01:15,597
Also getting readyfor the 5:00 traffic jam.
25
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,120
What, what.
26
00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:19,688
Man, I'm living here
along with
the Kings of Comedy.
27
00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:20,950
WOMAN: [OVER PHONE]
How are you doing?
28
00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:23,039
Hey, yo. Hey, baby.
29
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,520
WOMAN: [OVER PHONE]
I just wanted to call to
welcome y'all to Charlotte.
30
00:01:25,563 --> 00:01:28,131
RJ: Well, I'm gonna tell you, I had some tickets for you,
31
00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:29,567
but unfortunately you gottacome up here to get them.
32
00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:31,352
WOMAN: [OVER PHONE] Well, I can... I can do that.
33
00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:32,614
I got tickets.
34
00:01:32,657 --> 00:01:34,572
STEVE: You must not know
where this station is.
35
00:01:34,616 --> 00:01:35,704
[ALL LAUGH]
36
00:01:35,747 --> 00:01:36,922
If you leave now,
37
00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:38,881
you'll make the Sunday show.
38
00:01:38,924 --> 00:01:40,535
[ALL LAUGH]
39
00:01:40,578 --> 00:01:43,146
Everybody wanna know
if we sittin' up here
bein' sincere.
40
00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:45,148
Do we get along?HUGHLEY: Yeah.
41
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:46,497
Do we like each other?HUGHLEY: Yeah.
42
00:01:46,541 --> 00:01:48,847
We glad we finally
made it out to this mo.
43
00:01:48,891 --> 00:01:50,110
We had to fill up twice.
44
00:01:50,153 --> 00:01:51,676
Yo, hold on...[ALL LAUGH]
45
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:54,418
You talk about me?
You talk about me
behind my back?
46
00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:56,899
Huh? [LAUGHS]Hell, no.
Hell, no, man.
47
00:01:56,942 --> 00:01:59,510
You know, today isthe last day you canpurchase tickets
48
00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:02,034
for only $9.99,baby. Right?
49
00:02:02,078 --> 00:02:03,862
Nine... $9.99?
50
00:02:03,906 --> 00:02:05,951
What the hell is we,
a chicken dinner
or something?
51
00:02:05,995 --> 00:02:09,172
STEVE: You can't
see us for no $9.99.Actually, it's $9.98.
52
00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:10,520
Yeah, them pennies is killingthem at the ticket office.
53
00:02:10,565 --> 00:02:12,523
[ALL LAUGH]
54
00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:14,656
STEVE: We ain't got
no more pennies!
55
00:02:14,699 --> 00:02:16,614
MAN: 'Cause you know us,
we really coming up there
56
00:02:16,658 --> 00:02:18,703
with Crown Royal bags
full of change.
57
00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:19,835
[LAUGHING]
58
00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:22,664
Hold on. I got a nickel.
Run to the car.
59
00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:26,276
Nathaniel! Nathaniel![LAUGHING]
60
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:29,323
Open the ashtray
and bring them
two dimes.
61
00:02:29,366 --> 00:02:30,411
[LAUGHING]
62
00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:32,021
You know whatI wanna know about?
63
00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:33,283
While you guys on tour,
64
00:02:33,327 --> 00:02:34,850
I know a lot of ladiescome to the comedy show.
65
00:02:34,893 --> 00:02:36,634
What you doing?
What you doing?
Get up out of here.
66
00:02:36,678 --> 00:02:38,201
We got wives.All y'all married?
67
00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:39,942
So, you wanna know,
out of all the married men,
68
00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:43,772
the four married men
on this tour,
who get the most juice?
69
00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:45,469
Is that what
you want to know?Yeah, yeah.
70
00:02:45,513 --> 00:02:47,079
I ain't gonna
lie to you.
71
00:02:47,123 --> 00:02:49,473
Uh-oh.You know, I'm juicy fruit,
you know what I mean?
72
00:02:49,517 --> 00:02:52,172
[ALL LAUGHING]
73
00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:55,175
[CHATTERING CONTINUES]
74
00:02:56,828 --> 00:02:58,700
MAN: There it is, baby.
75
00:02:58,743 --> 00:03:02,356
ANNOUNCER: Your host,
it's the one and only
76
00:03:02,399 --> 00:03:05,881
Steve Harvey![CHEERING]
77
00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:07,665
[FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]
78
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:15,673
♪ Money, money, money,
money, money!
79
00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:19,547
♪ Money, money, money,
money, money!
80
00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:23,942
Charlotte, North Carolina,show your love.
81
00:03:23,986 --> 00:03:27,294
♪ Money, money, money,
money, money!
82
00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:28,773
[CHEERING]
83
00:03:28,817 --> 00:03:30,079
♪ Money!
84
00:03:30,122 --> 00:03:32,255
STEVE: Before I get started,
85
00:03:32,299 --> 00:03:36,607
as always, I'd like to saythat God is everything.
86
00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:40,263
Without God,I wouldn't be nothin'.
87
00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:41,699
[APPLAUDING]
88
00:03:41,743 --> 00:03:45,877
Well, now that we donegot that out the way,
89
00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:48,053
how y'all doin'
with y'all country ass?
90
00:03:48,097 --> 00:03:51,318
Yeah! [HOOTS][LAUGHING]
91
00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:53,885
[LAUGHS] You know
your ass is country.
92
00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:55,626
Don't be looking around.
93
00:03:55,670 --> 00:03:57,454
I'm country my damn self.
94
00:03:57,498 --> 00:04:00,022
That's how I know
country-ass people
when I see you.
95
00:04:00,065 --> 00:04:01,197
In the house.
96
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,200
Country-ass people
'preciate shit.
97
00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:07,986
That's why I know.
I'm country, I know.
98
00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:11,555
'Cause I know, I know,
oh, I know y'all been
talkin' about it.
99
00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:13,905
Hey, now, mister,we gonna be on TV?
100
00:04:13,949 --> 00:04:17,822
STEVE: Boy, y'all been
at the barber shops
and beauty salons.
101
00:04:17,866 --> 00:04:20,738
Girl, I'm going to see
the "Kangs."
102
00:04:22,218 --> 00:04:23,611
Get all my shit done.
103
00:04:23,654 --> 00:04:25,656
I'm going to
see the "Kangs."
104
00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:28,050
Not the kings.
The "Kangs."
105
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:31,749
Well, goddamn it, Charlotte,
I got news for you.
106
00:04:31,793 --> 00:04:33,316
The "Kangs" is here.
107
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:34,752
[CHEERING]
108
00:04:37,059 --> 00:04:39,757
Y'all had a lot of
good stuff happening
in Charlotte.
109
00:04:39,801 --> 00:04:42,891
Your football team
had a pretty
decent season.
110
00:04:42,934 --> 00:04:45,589
That's, that's all right.
Give, give 'em a hand.
111
00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:47,939
[APPLAUDING, CHEERING]
112
00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:51,073
You know, you know, you know,
113
00:04:51,116 --> 00:04:54,250
y'all just got
the football team
a few years ago.
114
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:58,254
Now, you sitting there like
it's been a part of the city
for 30 damn years.
115
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,517
I say,
"football team,"
y'all...
116
00:05:00,561 --> 00:05:02,606
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
117
00:05:02,650 --> 00:05:06,306
Your country-ass
ought to be glad
you got a football team.
118
00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:08,612
[CHEERING]
119
00:05:08,656 --> 00:05:11,398
Ain't no need to boo at me,
y'all need some laughs
120
00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:13,225
'cause I'll tell you
right now,
121
00:05:13,269 --> 00:05:16,881
all the news
'bout your football team
ain't been good news.
122
00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:20,842
[LAUGHING, APPLAUDING]
123
00:05:23,018 --> 00:05:24,454
Rae Carruth!
124
00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:27,936
[CHEERING]
125
00:05:27,979 --> 00:05:31,287
What the hell
was on Ray-Ray mind?
126
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,158
And little... First of all,
just let me just say this,
127
00:05:33,202 --> 00:05:36,466
I ain't here to talk
about guilt or innocence
128
00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:38,381
'cause that ain't my job.
129
00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:41,950
I don't know what
he did or whether
he did or whatever.
130
00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:44,735
All I wanna know is
131
00:05:45,823 --> 00:05:48,957
who helped plan
the goddamn escape?
132
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,351
[LAUGHING]
133
00:05:51,394 --> 00:05:55,877
Was this not
the ignorant-est shit
you ever seen?
134
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,662
What was his little
punk ass thinking?
135
00:05:58,706 --> 00:05:59,837
Goddamn it, normally,
136
00:05:59,881 --> 00:06:02,623
when you running
from the law,
137
00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:05,321
you wanna
get a passport.
138
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,933
Go to Canada,
Brazil, Mexico.
139
00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:11,458
No, no. Not Ray-Ray.
140
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:14,156
Ray-Ray took his ass
to Nashville.
141
00:06:14,199 --> 00:06:16,376
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
142
00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:19,988
[LAUGHS]
143
00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:23,905
What Nashville,
about 200 miles?
144
00:06:23,948 --> 00:06:25,950
In a damn car.
145
00:06:25,994 --> 00:06:29,127
What is your ignorant ass
thinking 'bout?
146
00:06:29,171 --> 00:06:31,652
Do you know who
lookin' for you, Ray-Ray?
147
00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:33,871
The FBI!
148
00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:37,440
Go to no goddamn Nashville.
149
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:41,183
Like they ain't
gonna spot your
black ass in Nashville.
150
00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:47,450
And where did this
little retarded
son of a bitch try to hide?
151
00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:49,757
In the goddamn trunk.
152
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,237
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
153
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,288
But I know y'all
couldn't even
believe that shit.
154
00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:01,116
Y'all had to be back
in Charlotte going,
155
00:07:01,159 --> 00:07:03,858
"I know good and well
this motherfucker
ain't in this trunk.
156
00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:06,034
"I bet when they open it,
157
00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:08,993
"I bet the son of a bitch
better not be in that trunk.
158
00:07:09,037 --> 00:07:12,432
"That little motherfucker
is in the goddamn trunk.
159
00:07:13,607 --> 00:07:15,870
"Get your black ass
out that trunk!"
160
00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:18,046
[LAUGHS]
161
00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:19,830
I see some of y'all
ain't laughing.
162
00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:21,658
You kiss my ass,
that's funny.
163
00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,312
[CHEERING, LAUGHING]
164
00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:25,227
Ain't no need
to get mad at me,
goddamn it.
165
00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:26,533
I ain't shot nobody.
166
00:07:28,056 --> 00:07:30,711
You know, I'm all for
upliftin' black people,
167
00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:32,147
but, goddamn it,
there's some shit
168
00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:34,497
you ain't got
no business doing.
169
00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:37,718
Now somebody gone
'cause your ass done trip.
170
00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:41,069
Ray-Ray little
retarded ass.
171
00:07:41,112 --> 00:07:44,072
As a little boy,he had to be thestupidest son of a bitch
172
00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:47,597
to ever playhide-and-go-seek.
173
00:07:47,641 --> 00:07:51,296
This motherfucker
just gonna stand on
the other side of the tree.
174
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:52,776
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
175
00:08:01,437 --> 00:08:03,134
"Ray-Ray, ain't you
gonna hide?"
176
00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:04,658
"I'm already hidin'."
177
00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:07,748
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
178
00:08:20,412 --> 00:08:22,153
But I ain't mad
at y'all, though,
179
00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:24,982
'cause y'all ain't
the only ones
goin' through somethin'.
180
00:08:25,026 --> 00:08:27,550
It's like that big movie
that came out, the Titanic.
181
00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:32,511
White people always runnin'
to jump on some bullshit.
182
00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:37,647
Did you go see that
long-ass dry movie?
183
00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:38,909
I did.STEVE: I kept saying,
184
00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:40,041
"Everybody know
what's gonna happen,
185
00:08:40,083 --> 00:08:42,086
"goddamn it,
bring on the water.
186
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,611
"Let's drown
these motherfuckers.
187
00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:46,656
"You know
what it's about.
188
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:49,398
"What are we
sittin' in here
three hours for,
189
00:08:49,441 --> 00:08:52,140
"worrying about
this little punk-ass
boy in jail?
190
00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:54,534
"Drown his punk ass!"
191
00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:58,668
It's a damn shame
the whole movie was
the Titanicall that long.
192
00:08:58,712 --> 00:09:01,584
That movie had have been
about black people,
193
00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:03,325
wouldn't even been no movie.
194
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:06,763
You ain't never
in your life
195
00:09:08,286 --> 00:09:10,767
heard of
3,000 black people
196
00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:13,378
dyin' at the same
damn time.
197
00:09:14,945 --> 00:09:17,905
I don't give a damn
if it was on a ship.
198
00:09:17,948 --> 00:09:21,125
And I know
half of us can't swim.
199
00:09:21,169 --> 00:09:23,824
But black people would have
came up with some shit.
200
00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:25,695
Ain't no way in
the world you would've
drowned black people.
201
00:09:25,739 --> 00:09:27,392
And you saw the movie,
202
00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:30,657
the band was playin'
as the ship went down.
203
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:32,789
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
204
00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:37,185
What black band you know
205
00:09:37,228 --> 00:09:41,668
gonna keep playing
with the damn ship
goin' down?
206
00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:45,280
Kool & The Gang
would have been
unpluggin' shit.
207
00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:47,543
"Man, let's get
the fuck out of here.
208
00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:51,503
"Wrap that shit up.
Goddamn it, come on!
209
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,723
"Wrap this shit up.
Let's go!
210
00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:55,464
"Goddamn it, let's go!
211
00:09:57,988 --> 00:10:01,252
"Get that amplifier off'fore somebody fuck aroundand get shocked!"
212
00:10:03,298 --> 00:10:06,475
You can't drown 'em.
You know how creative
black people...
213
00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:09,304
All them black people
on that boat,
214
00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:13,177
they'd have been
turning over them
goddamn dining room tables.
215
00:10:13,221 --> 00:10:15,179
They'd have been
out there in the water.
216
00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:19,880
[LAUGHING, APPLAUDING]
217
00:10:26,495 --> 00:10:29,367
They'd have opened up
one of them dinner napkins,
218
00:10:29,411 --> 00:10:31,065
let some air get in it.
219
00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:36,548
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
220
00:10:49,692 --> 00:10:52,390
[LAUGHING]
221
00:10:52,434 --> 00:10:54,697
Poker, y'all.
Three card
maximum draw.
222
00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:56,568
Don't get silly.
223
00:10:56,612 --> 00:11:00,094
I got problems
and situations goin' on.MAN: Concerns.
224
00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:04,489
I got concerns
that don't concern
the rest of y'all.
225
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:06,361
Mmm, I'm gonna take one.
226
00:11:06,404 --> 00:11:08,232
Man, I don't know
if that was right.
227
00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:09,712
This ain't lookin' good.
228
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:11,453
MAN: Let me see
how I'ma try
and approach this.
229
00:11:13,629 --> 00:11:14,978
That's seven,
230
00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:17,546
eight!
231
00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,243
I'm gonna bet eight, too.
I got eight.
232
00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:22,420
[LAUGHS] Hold on.
One, two, three, four...
233
00:11:22,464 --> 00:11:25,336
HUGHLEY: You gotta go
in your Crown Royal bag.
234
00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:27,817
Seven, six, seven, eight.
235
00:11:27,861 --> 00:11:29,471
Eight. That's it.
236
00:11:30,298 --> 00:11:31,603
I'm in.
237
00:11:31,647 --> 00:11:34,302
I raise you five. Come on.
Join in or join out.
238
00:11:34,345 --> 00:11:37,522
Oh, man. Uh-oh.
239
00:11:37,566 --> 00:11:40,003
It's on me?It's on you.Come on with that pair.
240
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:43,833
I ain't got nothin'.
241
00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:46,009
[ALL LAUGHING]
242
00:11:49,839 --> 00:11:51,449
I ain't got
a motherfuckin' thing.
243
00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:53,147
This nigga's
Thelma and Louise.
244
00:11:53,190 --> 00:11:55,758
He's gonna go
flyin' off a cliff.
245
00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:57,847
STEVE: But let meask you something.
246
00:11:57,891 --> 00:11:59,936
Really, do Ibring you out?
247
00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:01,068
Do I bring you out?
248
00:12:01,111 --> 00:12:02,156
HUGHLEY: Yes, indeed.
249
00:12:02,199 --> 00:12:03,418
But does I bring you out?
250
00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:04,985
Dawg, I ain't know
what to do.
251
00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:06,943
I gonna have to bring
Marvin Gaye with me.
252
00:12:06,987 --> 00:12:09,119
I need somebody.
An expert.
253
00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:11,295
I started looking around
for another motherfucker, too.
254
00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:13,428
CEDRIC: This nigga
bring you out...HUGHLEY: This ain't me.
255
00:12:13,471 --> 00:12:15,952
STEVE: The first brother
that I'm bringing
to the stage,
256
00:12:15,996 --> 00:12:18,999
I have known
for over 13 years.
257
00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:22,480
You may remember him
as the original host
258
00:12:22,524 --> 00:12:24,918
of BET's ComicView.
259
00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:26,746
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
260
00:12:28,443 --> 00:12:32,490
He later became
one of the stars
of Def Jam.
261
00:12:32,534 --> 00:12:36,364
He's the star
of the number one
new show
262
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:41,282
on ABC entitled
The Hughleys.
263
00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:43,371
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
264
00:12:43,414 --> 00:12:47,201
Charlotte, North Carolina,
put your hands together
265
00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:52,336
and show your love
for D.L. Hughley!
266
00:12:55,122 --> 00:12:58,342
♪ Oh, Sookie, Sookie now
267
00:12:58,386 --> 00:13:02,607
♪ Hey, ow, mm, come on
268
00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:05,654
Hey y'all Charlotte,
how y'all doing?
269
00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:09,397
[CHEERING]
270
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,574
Oh, sit down now.
Go on and have a seat.
271
00:13:12,617 --> 00:13:13,923
Turn that music off.
272
00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:19,015
I love my goddamn job, shit!
273
00:13:19,059 --> 00:13:21,409
Some people don't like
their fuckin' job, boy.
274
00:13:21,452 --> 00:13:23,454
Some of y'all gotta
get up and go to work
in the morning,
275
00:13:23,498 --> 00:13:25,108
"Goddamn, how many...
276
00:13:25,152 --> 00:13:26,588
"How many sick days
I got left?
277
00:13:26,631 --> 00:13:29,199
"This is some
bullshit here."
278
00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:32,333
We stay out real late
knowing we got to get up
early morning to go to work.
279
00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:34,814
We try to estimate
how much sleep
we gonna get, don't we?
280
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:38,208
"Damn, it's 2:00,
3:00, 4:00...
281
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:42,256
"Shit, I better
go to sleep. God!"
282
00:13:42,299 --> 00:13:43,605
We don't just
call out sick.
283
00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:45,215
We go to the bathroom
and practice, don't we?
284
00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:47,261
[IMITATES COUGHING]
"Hello?"
285
00:13:48,131 --> 00:13:50,177
[GROANS] "Yeah."
286
00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:53,876
Bad thing about working is,
287
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:55,747
everybody got a job,
288
00:13:55,791 --> 00:13:57,706
and everybody got somebody
working at they job
289
00:13:57,749 --> 00:14:00,404
that's this close
to you whoopin'
they ass, ain't they?
290
00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:02,102
[APPLAUDING]
291
00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:03,712
They don't know yet,
292
00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:06,149
but they this closeto gettin' they asswhooped, ain't they?
293
00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:08,412
You be, "If thismotherfucker saysomething to me today,
294
00:14:08,456 --> 00:14:11,851
"I swear to God,
I'm gonna fuck him up,
I ain't bullshitting."
295
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,810
And if you ain't clappin',
296
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,768
it's probably your ass
that's close to
the ass-whoopin'.
297
00:14:16,812 --> 00:14:19,597
[LAUGHING]
298
00:14:19,641 --> 00:14:21,295
We do shit different,
like, white folk,
299
00:14:21,338 --> 00:14:22,774
they quit a job and
give a two-week notice.
300
00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:24,515
"I'm quitting in
exactly two weeks."
301
00:14:24,559 --> 00:14:28,476
Black folk,
we get to quit a job,
it's gonna be a surprise.
302
00:14:28,519 --> 00:14:31,218
We walk in four hours late,
"Let me holler at y'all.
303
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:35,352
"Fuck each and every
last one of y'all."
304
00:14:36,179 --> 00:14:37,267
"You must have a new job."
305
00:14:37,311 --> 00:14:39,704
"You goddamn right I do.
306
00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:42,969
"Tell you what it is,
you gonna fuck up
my resume." [LAUGHS]
307
00:14:43,012 --> 00:14:44,100
You can't fire
white folk.
308
00:14:44,144 --> 00:14:45,406
You fire white folk
you best believe
309
00:14:45,449 --> 00:14:47,451
somebody getting
shot that day.
310
00:14:47,495 --> 00:14:51,760
"I'm fired?
I'll be right back,
you sons of bitches."
311
00:14:51,803 --> 00:14:53,675
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
312
00:14:53,718 --> 00:14:55,503
You fire a brother,
we be mad for
a different reason.
313
00:14:55,546 --> 00:14:57,635
"How come you didn't
call me at home,
motherfucker?
314
00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:02,118
"You knew I was
fired yesterday.
315
00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:04,904
"Making me burn up
all my goddamn gas."
316
00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:06,557
Black folk care
about their gas,
317
00:15:06,601 --> 00:15:09,560
'cause we don't
fill up our gas tank
all the way, do we?
318
00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:12,607
Just enough gas
for the trip
we goin' on.
319
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,089
"Give me two dollarson pump one, please.
320
00:15:17,394 --> 00:15:20,223
"I ain't going thatgoddamn far, shit."
321
00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:23,618
You ever been so broke,you gotta use that changeyou keep in the ashtray?
322
00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:26,708
Don't act like
it's just me.
Fuck y'all. [LAUGHS]
323
00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:29,929
Some y'all paying,
"Give me 52 cents
on pump one, please."
324
00:15:31,191 --> 00:15:33,671
"What are you driving,a lawn mower?"
325
00:15:33,715 --> 00:15:34,890
"Stay out ofmy goddamn business.
326
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,892
"Put my gasin the fuckin' car."
327
00:15:38,589 --> 00:15:40,330
White folkand money they...
328
00:15:40,374 --> 00:15:41,984
It's good thing
they have it 'cause
they can't handle it, man.
329
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,855
White folk get nervous
when a bill collector calls,
don't they?
330
00:15:43,899 --> 00:15:45,988
"Jesus, a bill collector's
on the phone.
331
00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:48,425
"What're we gonna say?"
332
00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:51,515
They done fucked up
and gave black folk
caller ID now.
333
00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:53,430
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
334
00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:56,216
First thing we do
is run over
and check the display.
335
00:15:56,259 --> 00:15:59,959
"Wait a minute.
Let that motherfucker
ring now.
336
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:02,570
"I ain't got no friends
with no 800 numbers.
Fuck that."
337
00:16:04,659 --> 00:16:06,182
You ever had
a bill collector
on your phone
338
00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:07,749
talking shit to you
on your phone?
339
00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:09,794
"Look, goddamn it,
we have been as patient
340
00:16:10,578 --> 00:16:11,753
"as we're gonna be.
341
00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:14,495
"Now when can we
expect payment?"
342
00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:17,672
"Motherfucker, you canexpect paymentanytime you want.
343
00:16:17,715 --> 00:16:20,501
"Look here,
why don't you
pick a date?
344
00:16:20,544 --> 00:16:24,026
"That way, we'd be
surprised together.
345
00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:27,160
"'Cause I ain't had the money
when you called last week,
346
00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:29,727
"I ain't gonna
have the money
when you call next week.
347
00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:33,644
"I'm telling you this
'cause I'm tired of
disguising my goddamn voice.
348
00:16:33,688 --> 00:16:36,299
"Ain't no
Chinese people
live here.
349
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:38,823
"That was me going,
'He no here, he no here.
350
00:16:40,216 --> 00:16:42,784
"'He move away.
He no here no more.'"
351
00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:44,655
"If you don't pay,
we gonna fuck up
your credit report."
352
00:16:44,699 --> 00:16:48,355
"Motherfuckin' ain't
no more room on
my credit report.
353
00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:51,445
"What, you gonna
staple some shit
to my credit report?"
354
00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:54,578
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
355
00:16:54,622 --> 00:16:56,537
We don't give a goddamn.
356
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:59,061
I'm serious, white folk
get broke, you best believe
somebody dying that day.
357
00:16:59,105 --> 00:17:00,802
Black folk don't kill nobodyjust 'cause we broke.
358
00:17:00,845 --> 00:17:03,022
'Cause that ain'tno new condition for us.
359
00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:04,675
"You broke,
you gonna
kill somebody?"
360
00:17:04,719 --> 00:17:08,896
"No, I'm gonna get
my phone cut back on
to my mama name and..."
361
00:17:08,940 --> 00:17:11,987
Oh, we'll put some
credit in a little
kid's name, won't we?
362
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:15,643
I know six-year-old
kids got apartments
in their names.
363
00:17:15,685 --> 00:17:19,690
"Latrell, scribble
your name on the lease
and come on now, will you?"
364
00:17:19,733 --> 00:17:22,084
Don't nobody do shit like us.
We know how to be broke.
365
00:17:22,127 --> 00:17:23,867
Halloween was
a fucked-up
holiday for us
366
00:17:23,912 --> 00:17:26,175
'cause you never
got the whole costume.
367
00:17:26,219 --> 00:17:28,308
Just the mask.
368
00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:31,572
You walk around with a mask
and street clothes on.
369
00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:34,966
Wonder why the whole
neighborhood
recognize your ass.
370
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:36,272
Everybody wanted
to be a superhero,
371
00:17:36,316 --> 00:17:37,621
but your mother wouldn't
even buy you no cape.
372
00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:39,406
"I ain't got no money
for no goddamn cape.
373
00:17:40,233 --> 00:17:42,365
"Shit, I can
make you a cape!
374
00:17:42,409 --> 00:17:45,629
"Go get me a towel
and a clothespin."
375
00:17:45,673 --> 00:17:48,458
"I can't fly
with this heavy
motherfucker on, shit.
376
00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:51,157
"I got to
walk everywhere."
377
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,899
And we all had one of themcountry-ass grandmamasyou could never understand,
378
00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:57,685
but they steady tryin'
to talk to your ass.
379
00:17:57,728 --> 00:18:00,079
"Sit down and now
retch around
and turn that...
380
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:01,167
"Retch around...
381
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,606
"You done dropped it.
Now rinse it off!"
382
00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:07,738
[LAUGHING]
383
00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:10,828
"What the fuckare you talkin' about?I don't...
384
00:18:10,872 --> 00:18:12,743
"I don't know how torinse shit off."
385
00:18:14,571 --> 00:18:17,139
"You heard what I said.
Retch around
and rinse it off!"
386
00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:19,837
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
387
00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:21,883
Then they got shit like
Viagra for grandparents.
388
00:18:21,926 --> 00:18:23,972
I don't know about y'all,
but I don't want
my grandparents fucking.
389
00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:25,669
I don't wanna
call the house.No.
390
00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:27,976
You don't knowwhat the fuckyou'll hear now.
391
00:18:28,019 --> 00:18:29,151
"What you doin',Big Mama?"
392
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:30,370
"Ooh, child!
393
00:18:32,023 --> 00:18:33,764
"I'ma need to
call you back.
394
00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:37,246
"Papa done got some
of his 'Niagara.'"
395
00:18:37,290 --> 00:18:39,335
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
396
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:42,208
"Cecil, did
the 'Niagara'
take hold yet?
397
00:18:43,948 --> 00:18:45,820
"Cecil?
398
00:18:45,863 --> 00:18:48,823
"I'ma put these
beans on till your
'Niagara' take hold."
399
00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:51,826
When we was growin' up,
everybody mama wore
400
00:18:51,869 --> 00:18:53,523
that fucked-up housecoat,remember that?
401
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:55,830
Lost the string,
had to hold it together.
402
00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:59,181
"Get your black ass
in this house."
403
00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:02,619
"Mama, why don't you
get in the house,
looking like that? Shit.
404
00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:04,143
"Everybody know
you're my mama.
405
00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:07,146
"That's why I'm fighting
in school every goddamn day."
406
00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:10,061
You ever had your mama
come pick you up in school
lookin' so fucked-up,
407
00:19:10,105 --> 00:19:12,629
you had to pretend
like that wasn't your mama?
408
00:19:12,673 --> 00:19:14,762
Kids be out front,
"Goddamn!"
409
00:19:14,805 --> 00:19:16,546
[CHEERING]
410
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:17,634
"Who mama is
that right there?"
411
00:19:17,678 --> 00:19:19,506
"That's my mama.
That's my..."
412
00:19:19,549 --> 00:19:21,203
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
413
00:19:22,639 --> 00:19:24,728
Plastic all over all
the goddamn furniture.
414
00:19:24,772 --> 00:19:26,252
You fall asleep
on that couch,
415
00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:28,602
you damn near dehydrate.
Remember that?
416
00:19:28,645 --> 00:19:30,212
"Mama, I'm stuck!
417
00:19:31,518 --> 00:19:34,085
"Get a spatula
and some Kool-Aid."
418
00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:36,479
We was growin' up,we always had to staywith your mean grandma.
419
00:19:36,523 --> 00:19:38,742
"I'm going out of town,
you gotta stay
with Big Mama."
420
00:19:38,786 --> 00:19:43,225
"Goddamn!
I hate that bitch,
and she hate me!"
421
00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:45,923
Everything you did over
at your mean grandmama house
gonna run up her light bill.
422
00:19:45,967 --> 00:19:48,230
"Don't you come in
my house talkin' loud,
423
00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:49,971
"you will fuck around
and run up my light bill.
424
00:19:51,668 --> 00:19:55,281
"My light bill be
sky high 'cause of
your little black ass."
425
00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:56,804
Got them silly ass
superstitions.
426
00:19:56,847 --> 00:19:59,502
"Don't use the phone,
it's a rainstorm!
427
00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:01,765
"Lightning be gonna
struck my house.
428
00:20:01,809 --> 00:20:04,115
"Then my light bill
be sky high."
429
00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:07,815
"It's bad luck to openan umbrella in the house."
430
00:20:07,858 --> 00:20:09,991
No, it's bad luck
havin' a hole
in your fuckin' roof.
431
00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:11,253
That's what bad luck. Shit.
432
00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:12,646
All this shit getting wet,
433
00:20:12,689 --> 00:20:14,952
we'll fuck around
and kill ourselves
in here.
434
00:20:14,996 --> 00:20:16,693
And I don't give a damn
how bad you hurt yourself,
435
00:20:16,737 --> 00:20:18,608
your grandmama won't never
take you to the doctor.
436
00:20:18,652 --> 00:20:19,783
You could break
your neck. You don't...
437
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,655
"Broke your
goddamn neck, huh?
438
00:20:21,698 --> 00:20:23,961
"Lay down and take a nap,
you simple bastard!
439
00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:25,224
[CHEERING]
440
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:26,964
"I know it hurt.I know it hurt!"
441
00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:32,970
We do shit different, man.
442
00:20:33,014 --> 00:20:35,408
And I talk a lot about
race 'cause a lot of
people don't, man.
443
00:20:35,451 --> 00:20:36,496
Racism exists.
444
00:20:36,539 --> 00:20:37,584
People act like
they ain't racist
445
00:20:37,627 --> 00:20:38,672
and they talk
all this shit.
446
00:20:38,715 --> 00:20:40,369
Let me tell you somethin'.
447
00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:43,067
People know exactly
what not to say
to not appear racist.
448
00:20:43,111 --> 00:20:45,374
They say all
the right shit
in front of people.
449
00:20:45,418 --> 00:20:47,289
They get home
and say some
fucked-up shit.
450
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:48,508
[APPLAUDING]
451
00:20:48,551 --> 00:20:50,510
I think everybody
should be able to say
452
00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:52,207
what the fuck
is on their mind.
453
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,210
I was not mad at
John Rocker ignorant ass
from the Atlanta Braves.
454
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,299
I was just mad
when he made that
bullshit apology.
455
00:20:57,343 --> 00:20:58,779
Fuck that.
456
00:20:58,822 --> 00:21:00,520
Apologizing.
Every...
457
00:21:00,563 --> 00:21:02,609
White folk
apologize for shit
and do the same shit.
458
00:21:02,652 --> 00:21:04,393
"Oh, I'm not racist. I...
459
00:21:04,437 --> 00:21:07,440
"I've had
three black people
over my house."
460
00:21:07,483 --> 00:21:10,356
If you know how many niggas
been over your house,
461
00:21:10,399 --> 00:21:11,879
you racist
like a motherfucker.
462
00:21:11,922 --> 00:21:13,359
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
463
00:21:13,402 --> 00:21:14,708
What the fuck you doing?
You're up for counting 'em?
464
00:21:14,751 --> 00:21:17,667
"One, two, three.
That's enough! Shit!
465
00:21:17,711 --> 00:21:20,844
"This is not Harlem.
What the fuck
is wrong with y'all?"
466
00:21:20,888 --> 00:21:22,193
Then he said,
"I don't like 'em
467
00:21:22,237 --> 00:21:23,760
"'cause they threw
beer at me
at Yankee Stadium."
468
00:21:23,804 --> 00:21:26,197
Black folk ain't
throwin' no goddamn
beer at nobody.
469
00:21:26,241 --> 00:21:27,764
Expensive as
them beers is.
470
00:21:27,808 --> 00:21:29,940
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
471
00:21:29,984 --> 00:21:32,465
Now, if he'd have got hit
with an empty beer can,
that might've been one of us.
472
00:21:33,335 --> 00:21:34,423
"They threw batteries at me."
473
00:21:34,467 --> 00:21:36,512
Black folk don't throw
no batteries away.
474
00:21:36,556 --> 00:21:38,862
Not till they've been
in the freezer
three or four times...
475
00:21:38,906 --> 00:21:41,082
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
476
00:21:41,125 --> 00:21:43,737
...tryin' to charge
they ass up.
477
00:21:43,780 --> 00:21:46,043
We are different.
Ain't nothin' wrong
with bein' different.
478
00:21:46,087 --> 00:21:47,131
Like white folk
do shit we don't do.
479
00:21:47,175 --> 00:21:49,569
Like white folk
get anorexia.
480
00:21:49,612 --> 00:21:53,312
"I'm too fat. I...
I won't eat anything.
I wanna lose weight."
481
00:21:53,355 --> 00:21:55,923
Black folk,
when we get anorexia,
it's on accident.
482
00:21:55,966 --> 00:21:57,403
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
483
00:21:57,446 --> 00:22:00,928
Somebody done
fucked around
and lost they job.
484
00:22:00,971 --> 00:22:02,190
"Daddy, we ain't eating.
We got anorexia?"
485
00:22:02,233 --> 00:22:04,235
"No, daddy got laid off."
486
00:22:04,279 --> 00:22:05,585
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
487
00:22:06,890 --> 00:22:08,718
White folk do shit forexcitement we don't do.
488
00:22:08,762 --> 00:22:11,852
Always got to ski
and bungee jump
and sky dive.
489
00:22:11,895 --> 00:22:13,070
Black folk'll never
bungee jump.
490
00:22:13,114 --> 00:22:16,160
That too much
like lynching for us.
491
00:22:16,204 --> 00:22:19,294
"So I'ma let you tie
a rope around me
and push me off a bridge?
492
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:22,210
"You must be out
your goddamn mind.
493
00:22:22,253 --> 00:22:25,866
"Let me do you.
I'll do you.
Fuck that, huh?"
494
00:22:25,909 --> 00:22:27,389
We don't have to
do shit for excitement.
495
00:22:27,433 --> 00:22:30,174
It's hard enough
just to be black.
Fuck all that.
496
00:22:30,218 --> 00:22:33,482
We have enough
excitement in our lives
tryin' to do regular shit.
497
00:22:33,526 --> 00:22:35,571
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
498
00:22:35,615 --> 00:22:36,877
They talk to you at work,
499
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,661
"What are you gonna do
for excitement today?"
500
00:22:38,705 --> 00:22:42,186
"I'ma drive past
the police and try not to
get my ass whooped."
501
00:22:42,230 --> 00:22:43,884
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
502
00:22:43,927 --> 00:22:46,843
"I'ma fill out
this loan application
that's been denied 50 times.
503
00:22:46,887 --> 00:22:50,064
"Then I'ma pull
my wallet out and hope
I don't get shot 41 times.
504
00:22:50,107 --> 00:22:51,935
"That's what the fuck
I'm gonna do."
505
00:22:51,979 --> 00:22:54,851
[APPLAUDING, CHEERING]
506
00:22:59,856 --> 00:23:02,381
If I drop my wallet
in front of the police,
I know the rules now.
507
00:23:02,424 --> 00:23:03,817
I will not pick
that motherfucker up.
508
00:23:03,860 --> 00:23:05,427
I'll kick it
all the way home.
Fuck that!
509
00:23:06,733 --> 00:23:09,170
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
510
00:23:10,563 --> 00:23:12,216
We do shit different, man.
511
00:23:12,260 --> 00:23:14,436
God never put a morebeautiful thing on Earththan a black woman,
512
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:15,742
I swear to God, boy.
513
00:23:16,830 --> 00:23:18,222
I've been
married 14 years.
514
00:23:18,266 --> 00:23:19,398
Before you get married,
515
00:23:19,441 --> 00:23:21,138
you get all the
fucking sex you want.
516
00:23:21,182 --> 00:23:23,750
After you get married,
you're on some
kind of goddamn ration.
517
00:23:23,793 --> 00:23:26,448
"I don't feel like it.
I got a headache!"
518
00:23:26,492 --> 00:23:28,232
"Girl, I don't even
wanna fuck with your head.
519
00:23:28,276 --> 00:23:29,625
"Shit, you...
520
00:23:29,669 --> 00:23:32,454
"You could stay asleep
for all I give a goddamn."
521
00:23:32,498 --> 00:23:34,282
Every woman in here
done woke up before,
522
00:23:34,325 --> 00:23:36,632
"What you doin'
back there?"
523
00:23:36,676 --> 00:23:39,461
"Nothin',
but I'll be finished
in a minute now."
524
00:23:39,505 --> 00:23:41,594
Turn around.
You done fucked
my concentration up."
525
00:23:41,637 --> 00:23:43,291
[LAUGHING]
526
00:23:43,334 --> 00:23:45,336
You ever noticethe freakier the shityou done the night before,
527
00:23:45,380 --> 00:23:48,122
the harder it isto find your drawersthe next morning?
528
00:23:48,165 --> 00:23:49,602
You had donesome freaky shit,
529
00:23:49,645 --> 00:23:51,691
they ain't neverby the side of the bedwhere you left.
530
00:23:51,734 --> 00:23:53,736
They rolled upin the cupboardsome goddamn way.
531
00:23:54,824 --> 00:23:57,610
"What they doin'
in the ceiling fan?"
532
00:23:57,653 --> 00:24:00,569
"You the one who wanted
to play helicopter man.
533
00:24:00,613 --> 00:24:03,137
"Now get my panties down
before them kids
come up in here."
534
00:24:05,139 --> 00:24:06,314
And I know
we hard on y'all,
535
00:24:06,357 --> 00:24:07,489
but y'all don't make it
easy on yourself
536
00:24:07,533 --> 00:24:08,838
asking dumb-ass questions.
You're like,
537
00:24:08,882 --> 00:24:11,058
"Why don't you like to
take a shower with me?"
538
00:24:11,101 --> 00:24:12,451
"'Cause I hate to be
in the back of
the fucking shower
539
00:24:12,494 --> 00:24:14,627
"freezing to death,
that's why.
540
00:24:14,670 --> 00:24:17,891
"It ain't your job to block
all the hot water, shit."
541
00:24:17,934 --> 00:24:19,719
"How come you don't
hold me when
we finish makin' love?"
542
00:24:19,762 --> 00:24:22,722
"'Cause it's hot! Move!
543
00:24:23,984 --> 00:24:27,204
"Get off me.
Get off me!"
544
00:24:27,248 --> 00:24:28,902
"Why you always
make me sleep
in the wet spot?"
545
00:24:28,945 --> 00:24:30,556
"'Cause that's your side."
546
00:24:30,599 --> 00:24:31,948
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
547
00:24:31,992 --> 00:24:33,254
"How come
I always got to
get the wash rag?"
548
00:24:33,297 --> 00:24:35,256
"Girl, I don't need
no wash rag.
549
00:24:35,299 --> 00:24:36,823
"My nuts can air dry."
550
00:24:39,042 --> 00:24:41,915
Did you ever leave
that wash rag
on the nightstand?
551
00:24:41,958 --> 00:24:44,483
Your kids come in.
"Your wash rag
on the nightstand."
552
00:24:45,571 --> 00:24:46,572
"Give me that
goddamn wash rag.
553
00:24:46,615 --> 00:24:48,269
"Get the fuck
out of my room."
554
00:24:48,312 --> 00:24:50,532
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
555
00:24:50,576 --> 00:24:53,317
You ever fuck around
and have an orgasm
too quick?
556
00:24:53,361 --> 00:24:56,451
Women act like
you done broke the law.
"You ain't shit!"
557
00:24:56,495 --> 00:24:58,366
[LAUGHING]
558
00:24:59,889 --> 00:25:01,369
[CHUCKLES]
559
00:25:01,412 --> 00:25:04,894
"Yeah, but I ain't horny
no more either, am I?
560
00:25:04,938 --> 00:25:07,375
You could've came
just like I did.
561
00:25:07,418 --> 00:25:09,377
You fuck around with
that foreplay bullshit.
562
00:25:10,204 --> 00:25:12,206
I got right to the point.
563
00:25:12,249 --> 00:25:14,556
Besides, girl, I just
wanted to knock that
first one out of the way.
564
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,340
Now I'm gonna
tear that ass up.
565
00:25:16,384 --> 00:25:18,560
"You don't know who
you fuckin' with, girl.
566
00:25:18,604 --> 00:25:20,736
"I'll work you
like a part-time job."
567
00:25:21,258 --> 00:25:22,738
[SNORING]
568
00:25:22,782 --> 00:25:25,088
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
569
00:25:27,351 --> 00:25:29,179
"Is it morning already?"
570
00:25:29,223 --> 00:25:31,268
"Yes, you selfish
motherfucker."
571
00:25:37,579 --> 00:25:39,407
Kids mess up
the fucking too.
572
00:25:39,450 --> 00:25:41,540
You got kids,you ain't getting nonetill the kids go to sleep.
573
00:25:41,583 --> 00:25:42,932
"Wait till the kids sleep.
574
00:25:42,976 --> 00:25:45,674
"Is the door locked?
Them kids asleep?"
575
00:25:45,718 --> 00:25:46,806
Kids know you
wanna get some,
576
00:25:46,849 --> 00:25:48,285
they never take theyblack ass to sleep.
577
00:25:48,329 --> 00:25:51,680
They stay up late
drinking coffee,
taking NoDoz.
578
00:25:51,724 --> 00:25:54,988
A woman's biggest fear
is that they gonna catch 'em
fucking, aren't they?
579
00:25:55,031 --> 00:25:57,904
Hard to explain to
your child how come
mama ass was in the air.
580
00:25:58,948 --> 00:26:00,036
You know they gonna catch you.
581
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:01,472
One day that door
gonna creak open.
582
00:26:01,516 --> 00:26:03,257
[IMITATES DOOR CREAKING]
583
00:26:05,781 --> 00:26:07,478
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
584
00:26:07,522 --> 00:26:09,524
"Get off my mama!
585
00:26:11,047 --> 00:26:13,702
"You get off my mama!"
586
00:26:16,270 --> 00:26:18,272
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
587
00:26:21,188 --> 00:26:22,798
I got three kids.
588
00:26:22,842 --> 00:26:24,365
Two girls and one little boy.
What is it about little boys?
589
00:26:24,408 --> 00:26:25,627
They don't even
try to wipe they ass,
590
00:26:25,671 --> 00:26:27,498
they just shit
and get up.
591
00:26:28,761 --> 00:26:31,024
"Daddy, I'm finished."
592
00:26:31,067 --> 00:26:33,461
"Son, you ain't even gonna
attempt to wipe your ass?"
593
00:26:35,115 --> 00:26:38,074
"You gonna be
an itchy ass
motherfucker."
594
00:26:38,118 --> 00:26:41,077
Always walking around,
"my booty itch!"
595
00:26:41,121 --> 00:26:44,646
"'Cause it's chock-full
of shit, son."
596
00:26:44,690 --> 00:26:47,997
Won't wipe their ass.Only want drawerswith superheroes on them.
597
00:26:48,041 --> 00:26:51,174
Pokemon be shittier
than a motherfucker.
598
00:26:51,218 --> 00:26:53,916
"Which one is that?"
"I guess that's
shitty man, little nasty."
599
00:26:54,961 --> 00:26:56,658
Shouldn't talk
about little boys
600
00:26:56,702 --> 00:26:58,399
'cause they grow up
to become men
who don't wipe their ass.
601
00:26:58,442 --> 00:27:00,488
They're goddamn good.
I don't give a fuck
how cool you are,
602
00:27:00,531 --> 00:27:03,491
every man in here
done had a shitty day.
603
00:27:03,534 --> 00:27:06,712
You know that day
when you ain't wipe your ass
as good as you thought did.
604
00:27:06,755 --> 00:27:09,018
You take them
drawers off, whoo-hoo!
605
00:27:09,062 --> 00:27:10,629
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
606
00:27:10,672 --> 00:27:12,413
She ain't about to see
these motherfuckers.
607
00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:17,592
You try to put it waydown at the bottomof the dirty clothes.
608
00:27:19,115 --> 00:27:20,726
You can tell when shefind them on wash day.
609
00:27:20,769 --> 00:27:23,380
"What the fuck is this?
610
00:27:23,424 --> 00:27:26,514
"You such a man,
learn to wipe your ass!"
611
00:27:26,557 --> 00:27:27,863
I don't know what
women laughin' at,
612
00:27:27,907 --> 00:27:30,823
like y'all don't never
do no nasty shit.
613
00:27:30,866 --> 00:27:32,738
Y'all don't never
leave no panties
soakin' in the sink.
614
00:27:32,781 --> 00:27:35,392
That's the nastiest
shit in the world.
615
00:27:35,436 --> 00:27:36,785
"Would you move
these motherfuckers?
616
00:27:36,829 --> 00:27:38,613
"I'd like to brush
my goddamn teeth."
617
00:27:39,658 --> 00:27:41,268
They don't soak
the sexy panties,
618
00:27:41,311 --> 00:27:42,922
just the big-ass
period panties.
619
00:27:42,965 --> 00:27:44,010
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
620
00:27:44,053 --> 00:27:46,403
Panties go fromhere to here.
621
00:27:46,447 --> 00:27:49,537
You think it's a goddamnpillow case in the sinkor some shit.
622
00:27:56,762 --> 00:27:58,502
Maybe that's just
in my house.
623
00:28:00,766 --> 00:28:02,811
No, I believe in God.
624
00:28:02,855 --> 00:28:05,858
Don't nobody love Godlike black folk.Black folk love us some God.
625
00:28:05,901 --> 00:28:07,120
We do, boy.
626
00:28:07,163 --> 00:28:08,599
[APPLAUDING]
627
00:28:08,643 --> 00:28:10,340
Jesus was blackand you can...
628
00:28:10,384 --> 00:28:11,646
If Jesus was black,the apostles were black.
629
00:28:11,690 --> 00:28:14,127
There were no 12 white menfollowing no brother.
630
00:28:14,170 --> 00:28:16,782
Unless they was
the police and Jesus
had a warrant, huh?
631
00:28:16,825 --> 00:28:19,741
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
632
00:28:19,785 --> 00:28:22,439
They didn't have to describeJesus to me for meto know he was black.
633
00:28:22,483 --> 00:28:25,486
Jesus' first miracle
was turning water
to wine at a wedding.
634
00:28:25,529 --> 00:28:28,576
Now if that ain't
black folk shit,
I don't know what is.
635
00:28:28,619 --> 00:28:30,926
"Lord, we done
ran out of wine."
636
00:28:30,970 --> 00:28:34,277
"Well, y'all know, normally
I don't do this, but, uh,
637
00:28:34,321 --> 00:28:35,757
"go ahead,
keep the party going."
638
00:28:40,893 --> 00:28:43,634
How you doin', man?
Look like a broke-ass
rapper right there.
639
00:28:43,678 --> 00:28:47,638
MC Such-and-Such.
Ain't that a bitch?
640
00:28:48,814 --> 00:28:50,685
With that Charlie Brown
sweater on.
641
00:28:50,729 --> 00:28:52,600
[LAUGHING]
642
00:28:54,645 --> 00:28:57,997
I'm sorry. I meant,"Wah, wah, wah,wah, wah, wah."
643
00:29:00,086 --> 00:29:03,045
This motherfucker,grown-ass mangot Garanimals on.
644
00:29:03,089 --> 00:29:05,091
Ain't that a bitch?
645
00:29:05,134 --> 00:29:08,137
That sweater's so tight,
got a little snap
between the legs.
646
00:29:08,181 --> 00:29:09,878
[LAUGHING]
647
00:29:12,838 --> 00:29:15,144
And what youlaughin' at with themthick-ass glasses on?
648
00:29:15,188 --> 00:29:18,757
You could've watchedthe show fromFayetteville, huh?
649
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:20,802
[LAUGHING]
650
00:29:20,846 --> 00:29:24,501
Glasses that thick,
I hope you ain't got no job
where you supposed to see.
651
00:29:24,545 --> 00:29:27,809
Lord, please don't beno school bus driver.
652
00:29:27,853 --> 00:29:31,073
You'd be runningover the kids.Boom, boom, boom.
653
00:29:31,117 --> 00:29:34,555
You probably have to haveprescription windshieldsin your bus.
654
00:29:34,598 --> 00:29:37,688
Kids going, "My head hurtwhen I ride with him."
655
00:29:37,732 --> 00:29:39,038
How you doin', man?HUGHLEY: How you doin'?
656
00:29:39,081 --> 00:29:40,474
Look at that girl.You got some big-ass eyes.
657
00:29:40,517 --> 00:29:43,390
I keep thinkin'somebody behind me, shit.
658
00:29:43,433 --> 00:29:45,871
How the hell you sleepwith eyes that big?
659
00:29:45,914 --> 00:29:48,525
"I... I can't closemy eyes all the way.
660
00:29:49,483 --> 00:29:52,355
"I'm so tired.
So, so tired."
661
00:29:52,399 --> 00:29:55,968
You shouldn't have eyelids.
You have mini-blinds, huh?
662
00:29:56,011 --> 00:29:57,665
Look at the girlnext to her, all that red.
663
00:29:57,708 --> 00:29:59,362
Girl look like
a pack of Kool-Aid,
don't she?
664
00:29:59,406 --> 00:30:00,494
[LAUGHING]
665
00:30:01,190 --> 00:30:02,626
Hey, Kool-Aid!
666
00:30:06,543 --> 00:30:08,023
And how you doing, Pebbles?
667
00:30:08,067 --> 00:30:10,809
[BABBLING]
668
00:30:10,852 --> 00:30:13,637
Thought she was
in Thundercat
or some shit like that.
669
00:30:13,681 --> 00:30:16,989
How are you doing, bro?The Members Only coat on.
670
00:30:17,032 --> 00:30:18,947
[LAUGHING]
671
00:30:18,991 --> 00:30:21,950
Goddamn![LAUGHING]
672
00:30:21,994 --> 00:30:26,085
Goddamn!
673
00:30:26,128 --> 00:30:29,697
You got to dig way inthe back of your closetfor a coat that old.
674
00:30:29,740 --> 00:30:33,396
It probably came with
an eight-track tape, huh?
675
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:35,659
And look at the girl
next to him.
All that goddamn hair.
676
00:30:35,703 --> 00:30:38,532
Got a finger weave,a press-n-curl and a perm.
677
00:30:38,575 --> 00:30:40,839
[LAUGHING]
678
00:30:40,882 --> 00:30:43,145
I ain't gonna
fuck with you, man.
How long you been out?
679
00:30:45,365 --> 00:30:48,672
You don't getno muscles like thatin no health club.
680
00:30:48,716 --> 00:30:51,893
You get muscleslike that trying to keepa motherfucker off you.
681
00:30:51,937 --> 00:30:53,329
"I ain't gonnabe no bitch!"
682
00:30:54,853 --> 00:30:57,246
Oh, shit, who isthe brother withthe blonde hair?
683
00:30:57,290 --> 00:30:59,683
Ain't that a bitch?
684
00:30:59,727 --> 00:31:02,817
Like somebody whoopedyour ass with a bottleof peroxide, huh?
685
00:31:05,124 --> 00:31:07,778
Goddamn.
686
00:31:07,822 --> 00:31:10,912
You got some
big-ass teeth,
goddamn!
687
00:31:10,956 --> 00:31:13,132
Teeth that big,
your birthday got to
be on Easter, huh?
688
00:31:15,221 --> 00:31:19,573
You go to the dentistfor braces, he put a gatearound your mouth, huh?
689
00:31:19,616 --> 00:31:22,619
You better not evergo down on no womanwith teeth that big.
690
00:31:22,663 --> 00:31:25,057
Fuck around and givesome girl a hysterectomy.
691
00:31:25,100 --> 00:31:26,536
[LAUGHING]
692
00:31:27,276 --> 00:31:30,453
"I can't have no kids!
693
00:31:30,497 --> 00:31:33,456
"You done scratched
my uterus,
you son of a bitch!"
694
00:31:34,849 --> 00:31:37,243
Charlotte, y'all been great.I'ma holler at ya later.
695
00:31:37,286 --> 00:31:40,637
[CHEERING, APPLAUDING]
696
00:31:44,076 --> 00:31:45,904
That's the gangster
of love, right there.
697
00:31:45,947 --> 00:31:47,949
That the one gonna
be onstage tonight.
698
00:31:47,993 --> 00:31:50,299
Cover that up.
It's like the Hope diamond.
699
00:31:50,343 --> 00:31:53,302
The rest of the gear
has gone down
to the pressing.
700
00:31:53,346 --> 00:31:55,478
We'll put it,
it'll come back in.
701
00:31:55,522 --> 00:31:58,960
We'll coordinate
the whole thing.
Shoes, chocolate brown hat.
702
00:31:59,004 --> 00:32:01,267
Hit the stage tonight clean.
703
00:32:01,310 --> 00:32:02,746
[ATTEMPTS WHISTLING]
704
00:32:02,790 --> 00:32:04,966
I can't whistle,
but that's how
clean I'll be.
705
00:32:05,010 --> 00:32:08,361
Maybe next time.
Maybe next movie for you.
706
00:32:08,404 --> 00:32:09,710
Who knows?
707
00:32:09,753 --> 00:32:12,191
This the suit
that didn't make it.
Sorry, buddy.
708
00:32:12,234 --> 00:32:15,890
As the show's going on,
and you know, I'm preparing,
709
00:32:15,934 --> 00:32:19,111
you know,
getting into my zone,
trying to do things.
710
00:32:19,154 --> 00:32:21,809
You know, I go through
a lot of different things.
711
00:32:21,852 --> 00:32:23,637
And it's a...
712
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:25,334
Just... You know,
it's a metamorphosis.
713
00:32:25,378 --> 00:32:27,902
This is a nice
sanctuary for me.
714
00:32:27,946 --> 00:32:30,687
Kinda get in here
and you work out
and loosen up.
715
00:32:30,731 --> 00:32:34,213
[SINGING IN LATIN]
716
00:32:47,487 --> 00:32:50,490
[CLEARS THROAT]
That was another life.
717
00:32:50,533 --> 00:32:54,015
Backstage is usually
an overrated experience.
718
00:32:55,364 --> 00:32:58,237
♪ We're gonna have
a funky good time
719
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:02,589
♪ We're gonna have
a funky good time
720
00:33:04,069 --> 00:33:06,723
♪ We're gonna have
a funky good time
721
00:33:06,767 --> 00:33:08,290
♪ Take it, my friends
722
00:33:08,334 --> 00:33:13,339
♪ We gotta take you higher
723
00:33:15,428 --> 00:33:17,604
♪ Uh, ow!
724
00:33:17,647 --> 00:33:18,909
♪ All right
725
00:33:21,390 --> 00:33:27,309
♪ We gotta take you higher
726
00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:30,921
♪ Uh! Yeah!
727
00:33:30,965 --> 00:33:32,140
♪ Yeah, brother
728
00:33:32,184 --> 00:33:33,794
Uh-huh.
729
00:33:33,837 --> 00:33:37,189
Boy, y'all act like
y'all don't know
nothin' 'bout that.
730
00:33:37,232 --> 00:33:39,278
Charlotte, that's old school.
731
00:33:39,321 --> 00:33:40,453
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
732
00:33:40,496 --> 00:33:42,542
If you ain't old school,
733
00:33:42,585 --> 00:33:45,153
you don't really know
what's happening.
734
00:33:45,197 --> 00:33:48,287
That ain't sayin' nothin'
against hip-hop.
735
00:33:48,330 --> 00:33:51,246
It's just I'm old school
to my heart.
736
00:33:51,290 --> 00:33:53,379
I ain't convertin' over.
737
00:33:53,422 --> 00:33:55,294
See, you know,
hip-hop don't do...
738
00:33:55,337 --> 00:33:57,513
Hip-hop don't sing
about love no more.
739
00:33:57,557 --> 00:33:59,689
Nope.STEVE: Without love
740
00:33:59,733 --> 00:34:04,390
your ass is lacking
major shit in your life.
741
00:34:04,433 --> 00:34:06,392
Your punk ass
running around
742
00:34:06,435 --> 00:34:07,741
talking about all
the women you got.
743
00:34:07,784 --> 00:34:09,482
If your ass
ain't in love,
744
00:34:09,525 --> 00:34:11,831
your ass done
missed the whole ship.
745
00:34:11,875 --> 00:34:14,181
That's what I love
about old school.
746
00:34:14,226 --> 00:34:16,097
They sang about love.
747
00:34:16,141 --> 00:34:17,315
[APPLAUDING]
748
00:34:17,359 --> 00:34:18,969
Shit, right there.
749
00:34:19,013 --> 00:34:21,536
Hip-hop done lost
they damn mind sometimes.
You know it.
750
00:34:21,581 --> 00:34:24,409
"I'll shoot you
in your chest.
I'll wet ya."
751
00:34:24,453 --> 00:34:26,237
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
752
00:34:26,281 --> 00:34:28,762
I don't wanna hear
no shit about me
gettin' shot in the chest,
753
00:34:28,804 --> 00:34:30,719
my goddamn T-shirt wet.
754
00:34:32,373 --> 00:34:35,985
I'd rather have
my T-shirt wet
from making love.
755
00:34:36,030 --> 00:34:38,685
I don't wanna get
shot to get wet.
756
00:34:40,947 --> 00:34:44,212
That's the problem.
They done gave up on love.
757
00:34:44,255 --> 00:34:45,996
The thing about old school,
758
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:47,563
old school players
759
00:34:47,607 --> 00:34:49,870
work with one mic.
760
00:34:49,913 --> 00:34:53,264
I don't care
how many of them it was,
wasn't but one mic.
761
00:34:54,309 --> 00:34:58,096
Five Temptations, one mic.
762
00:34:58,139 --> 00:35:00,054
I don't give a damn
what they did,
763
00:35:00,098 --> 00:35:02,143
they came back to the mic.
764
00:35:04,406 --> 00:35:06,104
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
765
00:35:11,413 --> 00:35:12,980
♪ Shoo-doo
766
00:35:13,850 --> 00:35:15,504
[APPLAUDING]
767
00:35:22,859 --> 00:35:24,252
♪ Shoo-doo
768
00:35:28,474 --> 00:35:30,258
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
769
00:35:36,177 --> 00:35:37,570
♪ Shoo-doo
770
00:35:38,919 --> 00:35:41,704
Shit ain't like
that no more.
771
00:35:41,748 --> 00:35:44,185
Stinkin'-ass rappers
make me sick.
772
00:35:44,229 --> 00:35:46,448
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
773
00:35:46,492 --> 00:35:50,017
Everybody on the goddamn
stage got a mic.
774
00:35:50,844 --> 00:35:53,716
Forty motherfuckin' people.
775
00:35:55,153 --> 00:35:59,374
All of 'em got a mic.
Motherfucker, why?
776
00:35:59,418 --> 00:36:02,595
We can't even
understand what one
of your ass is sayin'.
777
00:36:03,900 --> 00:36:06,729
How you done gave
everybody a goddamn mic?
778
00:36:06,773 --> 00:36:08,253
You ever been to
a rap concert?
779
00:36:08,905 --> 00:36:11,299
[SHOUTING GIBBERISH]
780
00:36:11,343 --> 00:36:13,823
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Motherfuckers!
781
00:36:15,042 --> 00:36:16,565
[GIBBERISH CONTINUES]
782
00:36:16,609 --> 00:36:18,132
[CHEERING]
783
00:36:18,176 --> 00:36:19,699
Yeah, boy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
784
00:36:19,742 --> 00:36:23,572
[GIBBERISH CONTINUES]
785
00:36:25,835 --> 00:36:28,490
[APPLAUDING]
786
00:36:29,709 --> 00:36:31,537
The hell is you
talkin' about?
787
00:36:33,495 --> 00:36:35,758
What are you talkin' about?
788
00:36:35,802 --> 00:36:38,413
And you know what I really
don't like about a rap show?
789
00:36:38,457 --> 00:36:40,415
You ever been to
a rap concert?
790
00:36:40,459 --> 00:36:42,330
Too many
goddamn instructions.
791
00:36:43,244 --> 00:36:45,028
Everybody got
to do something.
792
00:36:45,072 --> 00:36:47,335
"Everybody pump it up,
pump it up!
793
00:36:47,379 --> 00:36:48,771
"Pump it up, pump it up!
794
00:36:48,815 --> 00:36:50,556
"Everybody stand up,
stand up!
795
00:36:50,599 --> 00:36:53,254
"Put your hands in the air,
wave 'em like you
just don't care!
796
00:36:53,298 --> 00:36:55,300
"Everybody say 'ho'!"
797
00:36:55,343 --> 00:36:56,779
AUDIENCE: Ho!
798
00:36:56,823 --> 00:37:01,480
"Pump it up, pump it up!Ho! Somebody scream!"
799
00:37:01,523 --> 00:37:05,701
[AUDIENCE SCREAMS]
800
00:37:10,228 --> 00:37:11,751
Motherfucker, for what?
801
00:37:11,794 --> 00:37:13,361
[LAUGHING]
802
00:37:13,405 --> 00:37:15,842
I paid $38.50.
803
00:37:15,885 --> 00:37:17,496
Goddamn it, you scream.
804
00:37:17,539 --> 00:37:19,541
[LAUGHING, APPLAUDING]
805
00:37:19,585 --> 00:37:22,109
You ain't gonna work
my ass half to death.
806
00:37:22,152 --> 00:37:24,242
I came here to enjoy the show.
807
00:37:24,285 --> 00:37:26,592
I don't wanna help out.
808
00:37:26,635 --> 00:37:27,767
That's what I don't
like about that shit.
809
00:37:27,810 --> 00:37:29,203
Rap, man.
810
00:37:29,247 --> 00:37:31,292
They done quit
singing about love.
811
00:37:31,336 --> 00:37:33,251
I'm telling you something.
812
00:37:33,294 --> 00:37:37,385
If you don't get
into old school,
you done missed it.
813
00:37:37,429 --> 00:37:39,735
See, I'm a '74 brother...[APPLAUDING]
814
00:37:39,779 --> 00:37:42,172
...to the bottomof my heart.
815
00:37:42,216 --> 00:37:47,134
Glenville High School,Cleveland, Ohio, 1974.
816
00:37:47,177 --> 00:37:49,223
When music was music.
817
00:37:49,267 --> 00:37:51,094
We had songs back then,
818
00:37:51,138 --> 00:37:54,446
as soon as you hear 'em,
your ass just lit up.
819
00:37:54,489 --> 00:37:56,883
See, me, I'm an
Earth Wind & Fire man.
820
00:37:56,926 --> 00:37:57,971
[MUSIC BEGINS]
821
00:37:58,014 --> 00:37:59,712
[CHEERING]
822
00:38:06,284 --> 00:38:07,807
Come on, y'all.
823
00:38:08,416 --> 00:38:09,852
Oh...
824
00:38:09,896 --> 00:38:12,594
You can't tell me
that don't feel good.
825
00:38:17,817 --> 00:38:20,733
♪ Would you mind
826
00:38:20,776 --> 00:38:24,693
♪ If I touched,
if I kissed
If I held you tight
827
00:38:25,868 --> 00:38:29,524
♪ In the morning light, ah
828
00:38:29,568 --> 00:38:30,917
Everybody!
829
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:32,832
♪ Would you mind
830
00:38:32,875 --> 00:38:35,269
These is lyrics.
Goddamn it, sing it!
831
00:38:35,313 --> 00:38:37,793
♪ If I say how I feel
till you leave tonight
832
00:38:39,665 --> 00:38:44,670
♪ Again 'cause I
833
00:38:44,713 --> 00:38:47,325
♪ Never ever
834
00:38:48,413 --> 00:38:50,458
♪ Felt this way
835
00:38:51,416 --> 00:38:53,722
♪ In my heart before
836
00:38:54,462 --> 00:38:57,465
♪ Whoa, whoa, love
837
00:38:58,553 --> 00:39:01,861
♪ Has found a way
838
00:39:01,904 --> 00:39:04,254
♪ In my heart tonight
839
00:39:04,298 --> 00:39:08,346
STEVE: That's music, y'all.
That's real music right there.
840
00:39:08,389 --> 00:39:09,869
[CHEERING]
841
00:39:09,912 --> 00:39:12,045
See, if your assain't feelin' this,
842
00:39:12,088 --> 00:39:13,568
I really don't
give a damn.
843
00:39:16,876 --> 00:39:20,140
If you ain't feelin' it,
then, damn it,
this ain't for you.
844
00:39:20,183 --> 00:39:21,924
We had songs back then,
845
00:39:21,968 --> 00:39:23,970
when you heardthe very beginning,
846
00:39:24,013 --> 00:39:25,885
your ass damn
near blew up.
847
00:39:26,581 --> 00:39:27,713
[DRUMROLL]
848
00:39:27,756 --> 00:39:30,890
[CHEERING, LAUGHING]
849
00:39:35,416 --> 00:39:36,504
Whoa!
850
00:39:37,505 --> 00:39:39,507
♪ One day, child
851
00:39:39,551 --> 00:39:42,945
♪ I won't have to
listen to your lies
852
00:39:42,989 --> 00:39:45,513
♪ Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo
853
00:39:45,557 --> 00:39:48,386
♪ One day I'm gonna
make up my own mind
854
00:39:50,605 --> 00:39:52,868
♪ Shoo, shoo, shoo
855
00:39:53,608 --> 00:39:56,219
STEVE: Come on, y'all.
856
00:39:56,263 --> 00:39:59,440
You ever been with
somebody your ass
wanted to get away from?
857
00:39:59,484 --> 00:40:00,833
[LAUGHING]
858
00:40:01,616 --> 00:40:04,402
This song is for you!
859
00:40:04,445 --> 00:40:07,405
Goddamn it,
I wanna be free!
860
00:40:07,448 --> 00:40:11,060
♪ I'm gonna be free again
Yes, I am ♪
861
00:40:12,410 --> 00:40:14,324
If your loving
wasn't so good,
862
00:40:14,368 --> 00:40:17,589
if your smile
wasn't holding my ass,
863
00:40:17,632 --> 00:40:19,504
I swear to God
I'd leave your ass!
864
00:40:19,547 --> 00:40:23,333
But goddamn it,
right now
I got to stay.
865
00:40:23,377 --> 00:40:25,118
But goddamn it,
I wanna be free.
866
00:40:26,467 --> 00:40:29,209
The one I'm gonna
give you now
867
00:40:29,252 --> 00:40:34,780
is one of the strongest
love songs ever sung
to a woman before.
868
00:40:34,823 --> 00:40:37,565
This, this motherfucker...
869
00:40:38,218 --> 00:40:41,569
[CHEERING]
870
00:40:41,613 --> 00:40:45,660
...has some feelings
so deep for this woman,
871
00:40:45,704 --> 00:40:49,272
this motherfucker cried
through the whole
goddamn record.
872
00:40:49,316 --> 00:40:50,796
[MUSIC STARTS]This one here
873
00:40:50,839 --> 00:40:52,754
is the greatestlove song ever.
874
00:40:53,538 --> 00:40:55,191
[CHEERING]
875
00:40:55,235 --> 00:40:58,368
♪ Girl, you know
I, I, I love you
876
00:41:00,588 --> 00:41:03,896
♪ No matter what you do
877
00:41:03,939 --> 00:41:06,376
You ought to
stand the fuck up!
878
00:41:06,420 --> 00:41:08,161
Everybody stand up!
879
00:41:08,204 --> 00:41:10,772
If you don't stand,I swear to God, I'll walk...
880
00:41:10,816 --> 00:41:14,863
♪ Every word I say is true
881
00:41:14,907 --> 00:41:17,736
♪ 'Cause I love you
882
00:41:17,779 --> 00:41:19,085
Sing it!
883
00:41:19,128 --> 00:41:21,566
Oh, shit! Sing it!
884
00:41:21,609 --> 00:41:25,874
♪ Baby, I'm thinking of you
885
00:41:27,615 --> 00:41:31,401
♪ Trying to be more
of a man for you
886
00:41:33,316 --> 00:41:37,669
♪ And I don't have much
in return
887
00:41:37,712 --> 00:41:40,236
Boy, this motherfucker's
singing this song.
888
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,804
See, that's what songs
used to be about.
889
00:41:42,848 --> 00:41:45,807
You used to tell a woman
how you felt about her.
890
00:41:45,851 --> 00:41:47,722
But the problem now is,
891
00:41:47,766 --> 00:41:50,595
you don't ever tell
your woman how
you feel about her,
892
00:41:50,638 --> 00:41:53,423
but you want her ass
to stay around with you
893
00:41:53,467 --> 00:41:56,992
and hang on to
your sorry,
stinking ass.
894
00:41:58,037 --> 00:42:00,039
But you need to
tell your woman,
895
00:42:00,082 --> 00:42:02,084
"Goddamn it, I love you."
896
00:42:02,128 --> 00:42:05,218
[CHEERING]
897
00:42:05,261 --> 00:42:07,437
My God!
Come on, Lenny!
Come on!
898
00:42:08,700 --> 00:42:13,008
♪ I need you
899
00:42:14,967 --> 00:42:18,187
♪ I love you
900
00:42:18,231 --> 00:42:21,103
I didn't heard them,
but did somebody...
901
00:42:21,147 --> 00:42:22,670
[CHUCKLES]
902
00:42:22,714 --> 00:42:25,412
Did somebody throw
they drawers up?
903
00:42:25,455 --> 00:42:28,763
♪ My love
904
00:42:28,807 --> 00:42:31,897
♪ Makes me go strong, girl
905
00:42:31,940 --> 00:42:35,248
♪ It keeps me going on
906
00:42:35,291 --> 00:42:36,684
♪ Oh, baby
907
00:42:37,642 --> 00:42:42,124
♪ I'm wild about you
908
00:42:43,125 --> 00:42:47,608
♪ I'm just so happy about you
909
00:42:47,652 --> 00:42:50,829
You can't tell me
Lenny Williams
didn't mean that shit.
910
00:42:52,439 --> 00:42:54,049
♪ Oh, baby
911
00:42:55,007 --> 00:42:58,140
♪ Oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh
912
00:42:58,184 --> 00:43:01,056
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
913
00:43:01,100 --> 00:43:02,884
♪ Oh
914
00:43:03,842 --> 00:43:05,583
Yeah!
915
00:43:07,193 --> 00:43:08,586
That's it, y'all.
916
00:43:08,629 --> 00:43:10,370
So let's get it on, y'all.
917
00:43:10,413 --> 00:43:14,243
He hails from
St. Louis, Missouri.
918
00:43:14,287 --> 00:43:16,855
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
919
00:43:16,898 --> 00:43:21,773
He is the second host
of BET's ComicView.
920
00:43:23,078 --> 00:43:26,865
He made his national
television debut
921
00:43:26,908 --> 00:43:29,650
on Showtime at the Apollo.
922
00:43:29,694 --> 00:43:34,786
He is the costar
of The Steve Harvey Show.
923
00:43:34,829 --> 00:43:38,790
[WHOOPING]STEVE: He is the 1999
924
00:43:38,833 --> 00:43:42,750
and the year 2000
Image Award winner
925
00:43:42,794 --> 00:43:46,754
for Best Supporting Actor
in a Comedy Series.
926
00:43:46,798 --> 00:43:50,105
He's in the house tonight.
927
00:43:50,149 --> 00:43:53,065
Charlotte, put your
hands together
928
00:43:53,108 --> 00:43:56,155
for my motherfuckin' friend,
929
00:43:56,198 --> 00:44:00,594
Cedric the Entertainer!
930
00:44:00,638 --> 00:44:03,118
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
931
00:44:03,162 --> 00:44:05,164
[FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]
932
00:44:10,517 --> 00:44:12,562
[CHEERING]
933
00:44:19,569 --> 00:44:21,093
CEDRIC: What's up?
934
00:44:25,140 --> 00:44:26,794
Somebody, uh,
935
00:44:26,838 --> 00:44:29,188
somebody said
y'all was
lookin' for me!
936
00:44:29,231 --> 00:44:30,624
Here I come!
937
00:44:33,235 --> 00:44:35,760
♪ Here I come, here I come
938
00:44:35,803 --> 00:44:37,500
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh!
939
00:44:37,544 --> 00:44:39,894
What? Say "baby"!
940
00:44:39,938 --> 00:44:41,243
AUDIENCE: Baby!
941
00:44:41,287 --> 00:44:43,028
Say "baby"!
942
00:44:43,071 --> 00:44:44,682
AUDIENCE: Baby!
943
00:44:48,163 --> 00:44:51,819
♪ Dance, here I come
The man right here
944
00:44:51,863 --> 00:44:54,648
♪ The man right here ♪ The man, the man right here
945
00:44:54,692 --> 00:44:57,085
♪ The man, here I come
946
00:44:57,825 --> 00:44:59,087
What's up?
947
00:44:59,131 --> 00:45:00,828
[CHEERING]
948
00:45:02,395 --> 00:45:04,397
I see a lot of
white people
in the house.
949
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:07,052
They got theirseats all up front.How y'all doin'?
950
00:45:07,095 --> 00:45:09,184
Nice and early.
Y'all charged y'all shit,
didn't you?
951
00:45:11,186 --> 00:45:12,710
White people
can charge tickets.
952
00:45:12,753 --> 00:45:15,495
We got to wait on
our check to get ours.
953
00:45:17,584 --> 00:45:19,499
We ain't putting tickets
on no credit card.
954
00:45:19,542 --> 00:45:22,241
Now that's for big shit.
The credit card for big shit.
955
00:45:24,025 --> 00:45:25,592
You know, they all
up front, too.
956
00:45:25,635 --> 00:45:28,464
They got in
they seats early, too.
They came in early.
957
00:45:28,508 --> 00:45:30,771
They know us.
958
00:45:30,815 --> 00:45:32,642
They know we'll sit
in they damn seats.
959
00:45:32,686 --> 00:45:33,948
That's why they came...
960
00:45:33,992 --> 00:45:35,384
[LAUGHING]
961
00:45:35,428 --> 00:45:36,777
White people get the usher.
962
00:45:36,821 --> 00:45:39,780
They'll tell when somebodyin they damn seats.
963
00:45:39,824 --> 00:45:43,610
That's because they liveby a different creedthan we do in life.
964
00:45:43,653 --> 00:45:46,744
White people hope
things don't go wrong.
965
00:45:48,180 --> 00:45:51,183
They will get the usher,
because they hope
966
00:45:51,226 --> 00:45:52,750
things don't happen.
967
00:45:53,446 --> 00:45:54,882
They have high hopes
968
00:45:56,318 --> 00:45:58,059
and if they were runnin'
a little late tonight,
969
00:45:58,103 --> 00:46:01,933
they were probably thinking,
"Oh, my God.
We're runnin' a little late.
970
00:46:01,976 --> 00:46:04,805
"Oh, my goodness.
I hope no one's
in our chairs."
971
00:46:04,849 --> 00:46:06,589
[LAUGHING]
972
00:46:06,633 --> 00:46:08,722
"Man, I hope
no one's in our seats.
973
00:46:08,766 --> 00:46:11,159
"I don't want any problems."
974
00:46:11,203 --> 00:46:12,944
Brothers, we don't
never get the usher.
975
00:46:12,987 --> 00:46:14,380
We don't need the usher
976
00:46:14,423 --> 00:46:17,731
'cause we don't liveby the hope creed.
977
00:46:17,775 --> 00:46:20,386
Black people got a totallydifferent creed we live by.
978
00:46:20,429 --> 00:46:21,866
It's more confrontational.
979
00:46:22,867 --> 00:46:24,390
It's the wish factor.
980
00:46:25,478 --> 00:46:28,655
Black people don't hope,
we wish.
981
00:46:28,698 --> 00:46:31,789
We wish a motherfucker
would be in our chair.
982
00:46:31,832 --> 00:46:34,922
[LAUGHING, CHEERING]
983
00:46:34,966 --> 00:46:36,532
I ain't lyin', my dawg.
984
00:46:36,576 --> 00:46:38,099
Brother come
in here late like,
985
00:46:38,143 --> 00:46:40,972
"Nigga, I wish a motherfucker
would be in my damn chair.
986
00:46:41,015 --> 00:46:42,843
"As much I had to
pay for these seats,
987
00:46:42,887 --> 00:46:45,280
"I wish a motherfucker
would be in my damn chair.
988
00:46:45,324 --> 00:46:46,847
"No, that's us,
right there, partner.
989
00:46:46,891 --> 00:46:50,590
"Four and five.
Four and five.
Come on out."
990
00:46:52,026 --> 00:46:53,506
[LAUGHING]
991
00:46:53,549 --> 00:46:55,160
CEDRIC:
We confrontational
like that, man.
992
00:46:55,203 --> 00:46:57,945
That's why it ain't
time for a lot of
stuff we ask for.
993
00:46:57,989 --> 00:46:59,686
Talk about we want
a black president.
994
00:47:00,818 --> 00:47:01,949
Come on, now.
995
00:47:02,602 --> 00:47:04,169
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
996
00:47:04,212 --> 00:47:06,258
A black president.
Come on, y'all, now.
997
00:47:06,301 --> 00:47:09,217
I mean, you know,
we got Clinton.
That's close.
998
00:47:09,261 --> 00:47:11,306
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
999
00:47:11,350 --> 00:47:14,048
He got negro tendencies.
What up?
1000
00:47:16,007 --> 00:47:18,313
He on his way out.
We can't handle
no black president.
1001
00:47:18,357 --> 00:47:20,576
I mean...'Cause you know,what's the deficit,
1002
00:47:20,620 --> 00:47:23,841
like six trillion dollarsor something, you know.
1003
00:47:23,884 --> 00:47:26,495
You know black people,
we don't deal
with debt like that.
1004
00:47:27,932 --> 00:47:30,282
That'd be too much pressure
for a black president.
1005
00:47:31,109 --> 00:47:33,111
Six trillion dollars, man.
1006
00:47:33,154 --> 00:47:34,764
He'd be sitting at
The White House, man,
1007
00:47:34,808 --> 00:47:36,723
talking about, "Hey.
1008
00:47:36,766 --> 00:47:38,072
"Hey, dawg.
1009
00:47:40,596 --> 00:47:42,468
"Hey, man.
1010
00:47:42,511 --> 00:47:45,123
"Hey, tell 'em
I ain't got it, man.
1011
00:47:45,166 --> 00:47:47,821
"Shit, tell them niggas.Tell 'em.
1012
00:47:47,865 --> 00:47:50,693
"Shit, man. Tell 'emI can put something on it.
1013
00:47:51,999 --> 00:47:54,654
"I can puta little bit on it.
1014
00:47:54,697 --> 00:47:56,917
"Ask them if they'lltake a postdated checkor something.
1015
00:47:56,961 --> 00:47:58,005
"See if they'll do that."
1016
00:48:00,921 --> 00:48:03,663
Black president, man.We can't handleall that insane stuff.
1017
00:48:03,706 --> 00:48:08,015
We couldn't deal withthat Monica Lewinsky.The black people,
1018
00:48:08,059 --> 00:48:10,496
we can't be under the eye
of being a president.
1019
00:48:10,539 --> 00:48:13,803
We don't have
nobody all in
our business like that.
1020
00:48:13,847 --> 00:48:15,109
We couldn't have
been the president
1021
00:48:15,153 --> 00:48:17,416
with that Monica Lewinsky
nonsense going on.
1022
00:48:17,459 --> 00:48:18,939
Black president won't,
1023
00:48:18,983 --> 00:48:21,246
won't do all that
getting fronted on.
1024
00:48:21,289 --> 00:48:24,031
You just jump up
and yell our business
all out.
1025
00:48:24,075 --> 00:48:26,033
We don't play like that.
1026
00:48:26,077 --> 00:48:29,254
Black president would havebeen at a press conferenceyou know, doing his thing.
1027
00:48:29,297 --> 00:48:30,516
Reporter wouldhave jumped up.
1028
00:48:30,559 --> 00:48:32,953
"Tell us about
Monica Lewinsky."
1029
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:37,958
[LAUGHING, APPLAUDING]
1030
00:48:38,002 --> 00:48:39,090
"What?
1031
00:48:41,222 --> 00:48:43,746
"Hold on, dawg.
1032
00:48:43,790 --> 00:48:48,055
"Nigga, what, you gonna
ask me in front of my wife
and everything, nigga?
1033
00:48:48,099 --> 00:48:50,449
"Nigga, hold my jacket,
dawg. This..."
1034
00:48:53,756 --> 00:48:55,193
That's when everybody
start leaving.
1035
00:48:55,236 --> 00:48:58,109
"The president
fight too much, eh?
1036
00:48:58,152 --> 00:49:01,373
"He always fighting.
That's why I don't
go nowhere with him.
1037
00:49:01,416 --> 00:49:04,158
"He just like Anthony Mason.
He always..."
1038
00:49:04,202 --> 00:49:06,117
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1039
00:49:11,078 --> 00:49:12,950
[LAUGHS]
1040
00:49:15,039 --> 00:49:16,954
Oh, man.
1041
00:49:16,997 --> 00:49:17,998
Now, I've been
having a good year.
1042
00:49:18,042 --> 00:49:19,347
I was going through
some things.
1043
00:49:19,391 --> 00:49:21,001
I done realized too
this year, dawg.
1044
00:49:21,045 --> 00:49:24,483
I got a little year older.
Now I'm a grown-ass man.
1045
00:49:26,093 --> 00:49:27,573
You ever
realize that, player?
1046
00:49:27,616 --> 00:49:30,010
When you realize
you're a grown-ass man,
1047
00:49:30,054 --> 00:49:32,621
just can't do
little things no more.
1048
00:49:32,665 --> 00:49:34,275
Dawg, you're a grown-ass man.
1049
00:49:34,319 --> 00:49:37,539
Dawg, you don't play games
with people, dawg.
1050
00:49:37,583 --> 00:49:39,498
You don't play...
You know black people
1051
00:49:39,541 --> 00:49:41,108
got all these little
nicknames and stuff.
1052
00:49:41,152 --> 00:49:42,980
Y'all hear 'em
on the shout out.
1053
00:49:43,023 --> 00:49:44,285
You hear people
calling on the radio,
1054
00:49:44,329 --> 00:49:45,895
doing the shout out,talking about,
1055
00:49:45,939 --> 00:49:49,421
"I wanna give it up tomy little homie,Little Pistol Starter,
1056
00:49:49,464 --> 00:49:53,338
"uh, my little dawgStomachache."
1057
00:49:53,381 --> 00:49:56,428
I met this brother
the other day,
brother named Daryl.
1058
00:49:56,471 --> 00:50:00,127
He gonna tell me
everybody call him
"Delicious."
1059
00:50:01,737 --> 00:50:04,610
Talking about,
"Ced, you can just
call me 'Delicious.'"
1060
00:50:05,263 --> 00:50:07,134
[CHUCKLES]
1061
00:50:07,178 --> 00:50:08,918
I'm a grown-ass man, dawg.
1062
00:50:08,962 --> 00:50:10,877
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1063
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:14,707
Ain't nobody callingno other dude "Delicious."
1064
00:50:14,750 --> 00:50:17,275
What if that nigga
way down the street
or something?
1065
00:50:17,318 --> 00:50:18,537
"Delicious!
1066
00:50:19,755 --> 00:50:21,540
"Yo, yo, D, hold up."
1067
00:50:23,933 --> 00:50:26,936
Ain't doing it, man.
It's a trip, dawg.
1068
00:50:26,980 --> 00:50:29,765
That's why I don't likelistening to the radio.All these little songs.
1069
00:50:29,809 --> 00:50:31,985
Nobody be singingabout nothin' no more, man.
1070
00:50:32,029 --> 00:50:35,249
Little dudes just bewhining all day.I like grown people stuff.
1071
00:50:36,381 --> 00:50:37,860
I don't like all that,
1072
00:50:37,904 --> 00:50:39,601
"Thong, tha-thong,
thong, thong.
Thong, tha-thong."
1073
00:50:39,645 --> 00:50:41,864
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1074
00:50:44,084 --> 00:50:47,218
It's all good.
I like old school
singers, dawg.
1075
00:50:47,261 --> 00:50:49,829
You know what I'm saying?
Jeffrey Osborne.
1076
00:50:49,872 --> 00:50:51,309
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
1077
00:50:51,352 --> 00:50:54,268
You know what I'm saying?
Frankie Beverly and Maze.
1078
00:50:54,312 --> 00:50:55,835
MAN: Yeah!
1079
00:50:55,878 --> 00:50:57,924
You know what
I'm saying? Luther.
1080
00:50:57,967 --> 00:51:01,754
Big Luther, though.
Big Luther.
Not Little Luther.
1081
00:51:01,797 --> 00:51:05,627
I don't do Little Luther.
I don't do Little Luther.
1082
00:51:05,671 --> 00:51:08,935
I like big, "curl ain't
quite right" Luther.
1083
00:51:08,978 --> 00:51:11,111
That's the one I like.
1084
00:51:11,155 --> 00:51:14,419
That boy made all that money,
and his curl'll never...
1085
00:51:15,463 --> 00:51:16,725
[SIGHS]
1086
00:51:16,769 --> 00:51:18,771
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1087
00:51:18,814 --> 00:51:22,122
His curl never really...
1088
00:51:22,166 --> 00:51:25,082
Never curled
all the way over,
you know?
1089
00:51:25,125 --> 00:51:28,215
That was just something
that always concerned me.
1090
00:51:28,259 --> 00:51:30,783
That was just something
that always concerned me.
1091
00:51:31,305 --> 00:51:33,655
I like Teddy P.
1092
00:51:33,699 --> 00:51:35,440
Teddy tell you
what he want in a song.
1093
00:51:35,483 --> 00:51:38,182
Teddy, they used to
tell you in a song. Teddy...
1094
00:51:38,225 --> 00:51:40,227
♪ Turn off the lights
1095
00:51:41,141 --> 00:51:44,013
♪ Light a candle
1096
00:51:44,057 --> 00:51:46,929
If Teddy think you
ain't listening,
Teddy holler at you.
1097
00:51:46,973 --> 00:51:48,148
Turn 'em off!
1098
00:51:48,192 --> 00:51:50,368
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1099
00:52:03,294 --> 00:52:05,078
You know, you make sure
that damn light out.
1100
00:52:05,122 --> 00:52:06,340
I know that, dawg.
1101
00:52:07,559 --> 00:52:09,038
I like that.
1102
00:52:09,082 --> 00:52:10,388
I like reggae
music too, though.
1103
00:52:10,431 --> 00:52:12,781
I like to listen to
reggae music though, man.
1104
00:52:12,825 --> 00:52:14,783
I like reggae music
'cause they,
1105
00:52:14,827 --> 00:52:17,308
they songs be
having a cause.
1106
00:52:17,351 --> 00:52:19,832
Be an issue going on
in reggae songs.
1107
00:52:19,875 --> 00:52:21,834
It don't be no
lightweight stuff.
1108
00:52:21,877 --> 00:52:24,010
Come on too, dawg.
They just be rockin'.
1109
00:52:24,053 --> 00:52:25,229
[REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING]
1110
00:52:25,272 --> 00:52:26,447
Watch out!
1111
00:52:29,233 --> 00:52:31,191
Watch me!
1112
00:52:31,235 --> 00:52:33,367
You gotta look at 'em.
Look out now.
1113
00:52:33,411 --> 00:52:34,455
[LAUGHING]
1114
00:52:34,499 --> 00:52:35,717
CEDRIC: Hunger!
1115
00:52:38,546 --> 00:52:39,852
Look.
1116
00:52:41,288 --> 00:52:45,379
♪ Woke up this morning
I was hungry
1117
00:52:46,902 --> 00:52:49,514
Pooh, pah, pooh, pah, pah!
1118
00:52:49,557 --> 00:52:54,301
♪ Looked in the cupboard
It was bare
1119
00:52:54,345 --> 00:52:57,739
♪ Oh, no, my lord, oh, no
1120
00:52:57,783 --> 00:53:01,961
♪ Thought I'd fix myself
A sandwich
1121
00:53:05,834 --> 00:53:10,056
♪ Had peanut butter but no jam
1122
00:53:10,839 --> 00:53:14,191
♪ No jam, help me now
1123
00:53:14,234 --> 00:53:18,195
♪ Peanut butter, no jam
1124
00:53:19,283 --> 00:53:20,806
♪ No jam
1125
00:53:22,242 --> 00:53:23,548
[APPLAUDING]
1126
00:53:24,418 --> 00:53:25,680
Come now!
1127
00:53:27,378 --> 00:53:29,554
There's a lot of
little stuff happening
in the news now, man.
1128
00:53:29,597 --> 00:53:31,860
People going crazy
out there, man
1129
00:53:31,904 --> 00:53:33,906
You know, there was
large groups of white folk
1130
00:53:33,949 --> 00:53:35,342
getting killed at one time.
1131
00:53:36,517 --> 00:53:38,258
Be nine of 'em.
1132
00:53:38,302 --> 00:53:41,261
Get shot at work
all together.
1133
00:53:41,305 --> 00:53:43,307
You know, when you hear
somebody go on a rampage,
1134
00:53:43,350 --> 00:53:44,917
you don't never
really hear no...
1135
00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:46,440
You don't never really
hear no news, do you?
1136
00:53:46,484 --> 00:53:49,269
No ten, 11 black people
getting killed all together,
1137
00:53:49,878 --> 00:53:51,184
'cause we run.
1138
00:53:51,228 --> 00:53:53,186
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1139
00:53:53,230 --> 00:53:55,188
Nigga, we run when
somebody else run.
1140
00:53:55,232 --> 00:53:58,322
We don't be asking
no questions
why we running.
1141
00:53:58,365 --> 00:53:59,975
We don't know
why we running.
1142
00:54:00,019 --> 00:54:01,542
We don't need to know.
1143
00:54:01,586 --> 00:54:04,284
We don't need
no run coordinator
1144
00:54:04,328 --> 00:54:06,591
to get all the
running organized.
1145
00:54:08,506 --> 00:54:10,464
If I'm with you
and you start running,
1146
00:54:10,508 --> 00:54:13,989
damn it, I'm gonna
start running.
That's just how it goes.
1147
00:54:14,033 --> 00:54:19,256
Once we start running,I'll find out what it waswe was running about.
1148
00:54:19,299 --> 00:54:21,867
You know I ain't lyin', dawg.
We be in a group, dawg.
1149
00:54:21,910 --> 00:54:25,000
You don't even have
to be paying attention
to take off running.
1150
00:54:25,044 --> 00:54:26,654
You be in the middle
of a conversation.
1151
00:54:26,698 --> 00:54:29,178
"Yeah, nigga,
so Keith and them..."
1152
00:54:30,179 --> 00:54:32,399
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1153
00:54:41,016 --> 00:54:43,497
"Damn, dawg,
you scared me, man.
What the
1154
00:54:44,759 --> 00:54:46,413
"hell was we runnin' for?"
1155
00:54:48,197 --> 00:54:50,461
Y'all know I ain't lyin'.
1156
00:54:50,504 --> 00:54:53,377
Let about three
or four people get up
1157
00:54:53,420 --> 00:54:55,727
and start running
right now.
1158
00:54:55,770 --> 00:54:57,990
I'll be gone.CEDRIC:
You know I ain't lyin'.
1159
00:54:58,033 --> 00:55:01,080
If somebody started
runnin' right now,
1160
00:55:01,123 --> 00:55:03,387
it'd be a good seven,
eight of y'all like,
"What the...
1161
00:55:05,389 --> 00:55:06,781
"Well, what they runnin'...
1162
00:55:07,608 --> 00:55:08,696
"What they...
1163
00:55:08,740 --> 00:55:10,742
"Get Lisa and them!
Get Lisa!"
1164
00:55:10,785 --> 00:55:11,830
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1165
00:55:12,918 --> 00:55:17,096
"Ooh. Ooh, girl.
They almost got us."
1166
00:55:20,708 --> 00:55:23,494
Meanwhile, white people
walk right to the trouble.
1167
00:55:23,537 --> 00:55:25,800
"What the heck is going on?
1168
00:55:28,325 --> 00:55:31,632
[GRUNTS]
"Oh! Shit! Holy crap!
1169
00:55:31,676 --> 00:55:33,417
"Why didn't
anybody tell me?"
1170
00:55:33,460 --> 00:55:35,810
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1171
00:55:37,290 --> 00:55:38,509
"Oh, my God."
1172
00:55:38,552 --> 00:55:41,729
[LAUGHING]CEDRIC: It's a trip, dawg.
1173
00:55:41,773 --> 00:55:44,906
People there, though,
we used to have gangs.
1174
00:55:44,950 --> 00:55:47,605
They acted like gangs.
They didn't do no drive-by,
1175
00:55:47,648 --> 00:55:49,911
shooting each other and all.
There's no killing.
1176
00:55:49,955 --> 00:55:51,783
It was a gang, though.
1177
00:55:51,826 --> 00:55:53,437
Used to come in the club,
look like a gang,
1178
00:55:53,480 --> 00:55:54,916
act like a gang,
1179
00:55:54,960 --> 00:55:57,092
dress like a gang,
be a gang.
1180
00:55:57,136 --> 00:55:59,617
I mean, and they'll comein a club and generally
1181
00:55:59,660 --> 00:56:01,662
see somebodythey don't like.
1182
00:56:01,706 --> 00:56:03,403
And it'll be on.
1183
00:56:03,447 --> 00:56:05,362
Ain't nobody
gonna get hurt
1184
00:56:05,405 --> 00:56:07,407
'cause they were
break-dancers.
1185
00:56:07,451 --> 00:56:08,495
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1186
00:56:08,539 --> 00:56:09,714
Do y'all remember
break-dancing?
1187
00:56:09,757 --> 00:56:11,106
Break-dancerscome in the club,
1188
00:56:11,150 --> 00:56:13,195
see somebodythey don't like,nigga, it'd be on.
1189
00:56:13,239 --> 00:56:15,459
They'd come in a club.
Nigga, they be like...
1190
00:56:15,502 --> 00:56:17,591
[UPBEAT DANCE
MUSIC PLAYING]
1191
00:56:21,900 --> 00:56:24,511
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
1192
00:56:30,082 --> 00:56:32,389
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
1193
00:56:58,153 --> 00:56:59,633
[LAUGHS]
1194
00:56:59,677 --> 00:57:01,635
World's gone crazy,
though, dawg, man.
1195
00:57:01,679 --> 00:57:03,115
A lot of homeless people.
1196
00:57:03,158 --> 00:57:05,465
Everybody begging.
I'm so sick
of people begging.
1197
00:57:05,509 --> 00:57:08,207
Including my damn
relatives, man.
1198
00:57:08,250 --> 00:57:10,514
I've been working
on a new form
of martial arts
1199
00:57:10,557 --> 00:57:11,950
for people that beg,
dawg, man.
1200
00:57:11,993 --> 00:57:14,169
Just, you know,to get 'em off of you.
1201
00:57:14,213 --> 00:57:15,997
You know what I'm saying?This ain't no stuff...
1202
00:57:16,041 --> 00:57:18,217
Anybody can do this.
This ain't hard.
1203
00:57:18,260 --> 00:57:19,958
This ain't, like, Chinese.
1204
00:57:21,046 --> 00:57:22,787
This ain't "Taekwanese."
1205
00:57:24,092 --> 00:57:26,312
This straight up,
"Niggaplease."
1206
00:57:26,355 --> 00:57:27,531
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1207
00:57:27,574 --> 00:57:28,619
[GRUNTS]
1208
00:57:31,883 --> 00:57:33,754
When the rose man
come up to you
in the club,
1209
00:57:33,798 --> 00:57:35,452
"Niggaplease"!
[GRUNTS]
1210
00:57:36,583 --> 00:57:38,367
I get so deep
into it sometimes,
1211
00:57:38,411 --> 00:57:41,414
I get into the Matrix
on they ass. Nigga, I be...
1212
00:57:42,110 --> 00:57:44,243
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
1213
00:57:50,292 --> 00:57:52,469
[LAUGHING]
1214
00:57:54,993 --> 00:57:56,821
Look, I been tryin'
to play a little golf.
1215
00:57:58,779 --> 00:58:00,128
You know,
we stretchin' out,
black people...
1216
00:58:00,172 --> 00:58:01,869
We ain't playin'just basketball no more.
1217
00:58:01,913 --> 00:58:04,176
We all over the place.
1218
00:58:04,219 --> 00:58:06,613
Ever since Tiger Woods
won a couple of years ago,
1219
00:58:06,657 --> 00:58:08,267
we out there tryin'
to play, boy.
1220
00:58:08,310 --> 00:58:11,009
[APPLAUDING]
1221
00:58:11,052 --> 00:58:13,707
I'm out there. There be a lot
of black people
at the golf course now.
1222
00:58:13,751 --> 00:58:16,797
I call it
"The post-Tiger Renaissance."
1223
00:58:18,364 --> 00:58:20,279
We at the golf course
strong, boy.
1224
00:58:20,322 --> 00:58:23,021
We even makin' white people
nervous, 'cause...
1225
00:58:23,064 --> 00:58:26,154
we be at the golf
course wrong.
1226
00:58:26,198 --> 00:58:29,897
Ah, you know us. We out there
with wave caps on and shit.
1227
00:58:30,985 --> 00:58:33,161
Niggas is wearin'
Timberlands,
1228
00:58:34,336 --> 00:58:38,079
out there barbecuin',
1229
00:58:38,123 --> 00:58:41,909
tryin' to borrow people
golf cart to run to the store.
1230
00:58:43,041 --> 00:58:44,651
"Come on, nigga. I'll be back.
1231
00:58:46,174 --> 00:58:47,436
"Ain't like it's your cart.
1232
00:58:47,480 --> 00:58:49,569
"Damn, nigga, let me just
run to the store."
1233
00:58:51,789 --> 00:58:54,052
I like golf, though, man.
That mean, but, when,
you know,
1234
00:58:54,095 --> 00:58:57,316
we play golf, that means
more things gonna open up
for black people in golf.
1235
00:58:57,359 --> 00:58:59,405
You gonna have black players,
1236
00:58:59,448 --> 00:59:02,234
then you got to have
black golf announcers.
1237
00:59:02,277 --> 00:59:05,063
See, that's gonnachange things. You geta black golf announcer,
1238
00:59:05,106 --> 00:59:08,327
because we a little moreexcitable about stuff.
1239
00:59:08,370 --> 00:59:11,243
We don't really do golf,'cause you gotta be too quiet.
1240
00:59:11,286 --> 00:59:15,116
They out there
shushing you...
[SHUSHES]
1241
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:19,033
"Shushing me?
I'm a grown-ass man, dog.
I got to say somethin'.
1242
00:59:19,077 --> 00:59:21,732
"Tiger my cousin.
I can say somethin'.
I can say somethin'."
1243
00:59:23,777 --> 00:59:26,998
They out there shushin' you.
Golf quiet, but we get
too excited.
1244
00:59:27,041 --> 00:59:29,174
Black golf announcers
start out right.
1245
00:59:29,217 --> 00:59:30,523
He'll call it
regular at first.
1246
00:59:30,567 --> 00:59:33,570
He'll be, "Tiger Woods
is about to win it all.
1247
00:59:34,788 --> 00:59:36,007
"The 18th hole...
1248
00:59:37,399 --> 00:59:38,792
"If he hits this putt,
it'll take him
1249
00:59:38,836 --> 00:59:41,839
"to nine under par
and the win.
1250
00:59:43,362 --> 00:59:45,407
"This very short putt
1251
00:59:46,495 --> 00:59:49,629
"should break
a little to the left."
1252
00:59:50,543 --> 00:59:51,762
[MAKES PUTTING SOUND]
1253
00:59:58,551 --> 01:00:01,902
"Goddamn, dog![LAUGHING]
1254
01:00:01,946 --> 01:00:04,035
"You almost had
that motherfucker, man!
1255
01:00:05,514 --> 01:00:06,820
"I don't know
what to tell you."
1256
01:00:09,344 --> 01:00:11,390
We takin' over, dog.
We doin' all kinds
of sports.
1257
01:00:11,433 --> 01:00:14,480
You just seen Serena Williams.
She won the U.S. Open.
1258
01:00:15,307 --> 01:00:16,613
Takin' it all, man.
1259
01:00:16,656 --> 01:00:17,875
[APPLAUDING]
1260
01:00:19,616 --> 01:00:21,922
We gonna be doin'
all their little sports.
We got 'em nervous, boy.
1261
01:00:21,966 --> 01:00:25,012
You'll see black people,
next thing you know,
we gonna be downhill skiing.
1262
01:00:26,797 --> 01:00:28,320
And we ain't even
gonna need skis.
1263
01:00:28,363 --> 01:00:31,410
You know us. We'll be
out there in church shoes.
1264
01:00:31,453 --> 01:00:32,672
Nigga just...
1265
01:00:32,716 --> 01:00:34,631
[LAUGHING]
1266
01:00:36,981 --> 01:00:38,939
[CHEERING]
1267
01:00:43,552 --> 01:00:45,337
CEDRIC: Next thing you know,
we gonna be doin' equestrian.
1268
01:00:47,078 --> 01:00:48,470
Synchronized swimming.
1269
01:00:49,689 --> 01:00:50,908
Water polo.
1270
01:00:52,213 --> 01:00:53,214
Hockey.
1271
01:00:54,955 --> 01:00:56,087
I don't know about hockey.
1272
01:00:57,523 --> 01:00:59,307
I mean, there's a couple
of brothers play hockey.
1273
01:00:59,351 --> 01:01:02,136
But I don't know if they
gonna let some real
brothers play hockey.
1274
01:01:02,180 --> 01:01:06,140
Like Nuck-Nuck and Pojo, them.
I don't know if they gonna...
1275
01:01:07,925 --> 01:01:10,405
Hockey, 'cause
you get to fight.
1276
01:01:11,580 --> 01:01:13,670
You know, hockey,
they just let you fight.
1277
01:01:14,322 --> 01:01:16,237
Come on, now.
1278
01:01:16,281 --> 01:01:18,065
Y'all know there'd bea brother out there skatin'
1279
01:01:18,109 --> 01:01:19,240
without a stick,nigga. Just...
1280
01:01:19,763 --> 01:01:22,026
[LAUGHING]
1281
01:01:24,768 --> 01:01:27,292
You know what he thinking,
"I wish a motherfucker would!"
1282
01:01:30,338 --> 01:01:32,036
Whoa, whoa...
1283
01:01:32,079 --> 01:01:33,733
[CHEERING, LAUGHING]
1284
01:01:37,737 --> 01:01:40,305
You know we can't ice-skate
too damn good, so, you know...
1285
01:01:41,393 --> 01:01:43,351
I almost hurt
my whole left side.
1286
01:01:43,395 --> 01:01:45,049
[LAUGHING]
1287
01:01:45,092 --> 01:01:46,659
[APPLAUDING]
1288
01:01:46,703 --> 01:01:48,269
Somebody get mea damn paramedic.
1289
01:01:48,313 --> 01:01:50,837
What the hell?
1290
01:01:50,881 --> 01:01:53,622
Summertime comin' up.
Last year, I went
to my lil' cousin wedding.
1291
01:01:53,666 --> 01:01:55,320
Y'all have beento a ghetto wedding?
1292
01:01:57,626 --> 01:02:00,151
You ever seen two ghetto-ass
people that love one another
1293
01:02:00,194 --> 01:02:01,805
get together in
holy matrimony?
1294
01:02:03,154 --> 01:02:04,546
Scary-ass sight,
ain't it?
1295
01:02:06,026 --> 01:02:07,985
Boy, she was comin' down
the aisle, man,
1296
01:02:08,028 --> 01:02:12,119
and bridesmaids,
everybody got on, you know,
body suits and shit.
1297
01:02:16,907 --> 01:02:20,258
Flower girls comin' down,
ain't got no damn flowers.
1298
01:02:20,301 --> 01:02:24,305
Nigga, they... Basket full
of sunflower seeds and shit.
1299
01:02:24,349 --> 01:02:25,698
They throwin' them.
1300
01:02:25,742 --> 01:02:27,439
People pickin' them up
and eatin' them and shit.
1301
01:02:28,005 --> 01:02:29,833
[LAUGHING]
1302
01:02:37,188 --> 01:02:38,667
"Cold-ass weddin'
right here, nigga.
1303
01:02:38,711 --> 01:02:40,017
"This a cold-ass weddin'."
1304
01:02:45,370 --> 01:02:46,763
[LAUGHING]
1305
01:02:48,199 --> 01:02:51,506
She done snuck some Luke Bassmusic up in the wedding.
1306
01:02:51,550 --> 01:02:53,465
Oh, she was comin' downthe aisle normally at first,
1307
01:02:53,508 --> 01:02:55,293
and they just broke outin the middle of the wedding.
1308
01:02:55,336 --> 01:02:58,339
She was comin' down normal.She had a little gown on.She...
1309
01:02:58,383 --> 01:03:01,734
[HUMMING HERE
COMES THE BRIDE]
1310
01:03:04,911 --> 01:03:06,565
"Hey, girl."[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1311
01:03:07,261 --> 01:03:08,306
And all of a sudden...
1312
01:03:08,349 --> 01:03:09,655
♪ Get on up
And shake the booty
1313
01:03:09,698 --> 01:03:11,091
♪ Come on up,
Shake the booty ♪
1314
01:03:11,613 --> 01:03:13,267
[BEATBOXES]
1315
01:03:15,182 --> 01:03:17,228
All of a sudden
all the bridesmaids
was like,
1316
01:03:17,271 --> 01:03:20,361
"Oh, shit! We about to make
a little change up in here."
1317
01:03:20,405 --> 01:03:22,233
[LAUGHING]
1318
01:03:33,200 --> 01:03:35,028
How many y'all still
smoke cigarettes, man?
1319
01:03:35,072 --> 01:03:36,290
Anybody still smoke?
1320
01:03:37,814 --> 01:03:40,033
It's hard on you, ain't it?
1321
01:03:40,077 --> 01:03:43,036
Hard. You can't even smoke
cigarettes on Earth no more,
can you?
1322
01:03:43,080 --> 01:03:45,125
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1323
01:03:45,169 --> 01:03:47,824
Nigga, you got to leave Earth
to have a square now, nigga.
1324
01:03:49,260 --> 01:03:51,349
[LAUGHS]
1325
01:03:54,178 --> 01:03:56,006
I feel sorry for people
can't smoke,
1326
01:03:56,049 --> 01:03:58,269
where, you know,
like where they work.
1327
01:03:58,312 --> 01:04:01,141
You gotta go outside
to have a cigarette.
1328
01:04:01,185 --> 01:04:03,317
It ain't bad when it's been
kinda nice like it is,
1329
01:04:03,361 --> 01:04:05,406
but y'all had a little
winter come through here.
1330
01:04:06,843 --> 01:04:10,281
That shit ain't cute
when it cold outside, is it?
1331
01:04:10,324 --> 01:04:12,936
You see 'em too. It be like,four or five of 'em together.
1332
01:04:12,979 --> 01:04:14,851
Nigga be tryin' to stay warm.
1333
01:04:14,894 --> 01:04:17,549
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1334
01:04:24,643 --> 01:04:27,254
Be so cold, they only get
like two puffs in, then...
1335
01:04:38,265 --> 01:04:40,964
How come people who smoke
can't never find
their damn lighter?
1336
01:04:41,486 --> 01:04:43,053
[LAUGHING]
1337
01:04:54,934 --> 01:04:56,414
[ALL LAUGH]
1338
01:04:56,457 --> 01:04:59,112
I like... I like the differentstyles of smokers too, boy.
1339
01:04:59,156 --> 01:05:01,636
You ever seen somebodyreal cool smoke?
1340
01:05:01,680 --> 01:05:03,725
You know, that player-typebrother be standin' outin front
1341
01:05:03,769 --> 01:05:05,858
of the liquor
store all day.
He be talking.
1342
01:05:05,902 --> 01:05:08,121
He smoke a cigarette,
it's like a dramatization.
1343
01:05:08,905 --> 01:05:10,645
Get the little pack...
1344
01:05:10,689 --> 01:05:14,214
[LAUGHS] "I know, nigga.
I know, nigga."
1345
01:05:16,521 --> 01:05:20,133
"Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm."[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1346
01:05:23,049 --> 01:05:25,965
[LAUGHS] "All right, nigga,
I'm gonna let you go.
1347
01:05:26,009 --> 01:05:28,794
"Nigga got me right at it."
[LAUGHS]
1348
01:05:35,235 --> 01:05:37,150
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1349
01:05:37,846 --> 01:05:39,065
[BLOWS]
1350
01:05:41,850 --> 01:05:43,461
My favorite, though,
is that old black man
1351
01:05:43,504 --> 01:05:46,420
that work on everybody car
in that black neighborhood.
1352
01:05:46,464 --> 01:05:48,248
You know, you need
a carburetor
fixed or somethin',
1353
01:05:48,292 --> 01:05:50,033
you go to him.
He be talkin' to you,
1354
01:05:50,076 --> 01:05:52,992
the whole time with his
just hangin' off his lip.
1355
01:05:53,036 --> 01:05:55,864
"What you got there now?[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1356
01:05:55,908 --> 01:05:57,301
"What you got, a Plymouth?
1357
01:05:57,344 --> 01:05:59,259
"Nigga, bring that fucker
around here about 4:00.
1358
01:05:59,303 --> 01:06:00,957
"I'll put a carburetor
You need a goddamn carburetor.
on there for you.
1359
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:02,741
"Nigga, I used to work down
at the plant 15 goddamn years.
1360
01:06:02,784 --> 01:06:04,438
"Nigga, I'll put the goddamn
carburetor on it for you.
1361
01:06:04,482 --> 01:06:06,919
"Nigga, just bring me
a six-pack of beer
or something like that.
1362
01:06:06,963 --> 01:06:08,877
"Nigga, well, you know what?
You look like your
goddamn daddy.
1363
01:06:08,921 --> 01:06:10,488
"Nigga, you look
like your...
1364
01:06:10,531 --> 01:06:12,229
[IMITATES LOUD LAUGH]
1365
01:06:12,272 --> 01:06:14,144
"Goddamn, boy, you look
just like your..."
[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]
1366
01:06:16,233 --> 01:06:18,496
Right, just like that.
1367
01:06:18,539 --> 01:06:20,019
CEDRIC: You a lot of them
space movies out.
1368
01:06:20,063 --> 01:06:21,412
White people like
space movies.
1369
01:06:21,455 --> 01:06:23,675
Black people don't really
do space like that.
1370
01:06:23,718 --> 01:06:24,937
White people love
space movies.
1371
01:06:24,981 --> 01:06:27,548
They love movies about
the moon and Mars
1372
01:06:27,592 --> 01:06:31,204
where they can be leaving
our ass down here on Earth.
1373
01:06:31,248 --> 01:06:34,642
That's what they think.
They think they're gonna leave
us down here on Earth.
1374
01:06:34,686 --> 01:06:36,166
They're gonna move
to the moon.
1375
01:06:37,515 --> 01:06:39,473
Ain't gonna happen.
1376
01:06:39,517 --> 01:06:43,825
Y'all move to the moon,
damn it, we comin'
to the moon.
1377
01:06:43,869 --> 01:06:46,306
Oh, we'll be right
behind y'all in
space shuttles
1378
01:06:46,350 --> 01:06:49,222
with Cadillac grills,
nigga, just...
1379
01:06:49,266 --> 01:06:52,269
Just... Just rollin'.
One headlight out.
1380
01:06:53,357 --> 01:06:57,143
Tags be all wrong.
All bass.
1381
01:06:57,187 --> 01:07:01,017
[HUMS BASS]
1382
01:07:02,757 --> 01:07:04,411
Y'all know we can drive
a space shuttle too.
1383
01:07:04,455 --> 01:07:06,022
That's right up
our damn alley.
1384
01:07:06,065 --> 01:07:09,242
A space shuttle is long.
Ain't scared of no
black folk.
1385
01:07:09,286 --> 01:07:11,766
We can drive a space shuttle.
We grew up driving long cars.
1386
01:07:11,810 --> 01:07:14,160
We could drive
a space shuttle
like it's
1387
01:07:14,204 --> 01:07:16,510
a '72 Deuce
and a Quarter,
nigga.
1388
01:07:16,554 --> 01:07:18,730
Man, we get us a cigarette.
1389
01:07:18,773 --> 01:07:23,082
We get us, we'd be
in a space shuttle, nigga,
like it's a '72 Deuce.
1390
01:07:23,126 --> 01:07:24,518
[MUTTERS]
1391
01:07:24,562 --> 01:07:27,782
[FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]
1392
01:07:44,973 --> 01:07:47,280
[HORN HONKING]
1393
01:07:48,368 --> 01:07:49,456
"What's up, nigga?"
1394
01:08:08,171 --> 01:08:12,871
♪ Cutie pie
You're the reason why
1395
01:08:12,914 --> 01:08:16,309
♪ I love you so
I don't want you to go
1396
01:08:16,353 --> 01:08:18,964
Y'all know the only time
we turn our music down
1397
01:08:19,006 --> 01:08:21,184
is when wegotta parallel park.
1398
01:08:21,227 --> 01:08:23,447
That's the only timewe gotta concentrate, nigga.
1399
01:08:23,490 --> 01:08:25,057
[VOLUME DECREASES]
1400
01:08:32,846 --> 01:08:35,415
♪ Cutie pie
You brighten up my day
1401
01:08:35,459 --> 01:08:36,808
Damn.
1402
01:08:36,850 --> 01:08:40,420
[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]
1403
01:08:42,335 --> 01:08:44,381
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1404
01:08:44,424 --> 01:08:46,731
Soon as we get in,we turn our shit back up.
1405
01:08:46,774 --> 01:08:49,647
[VOLUME INCREASES]
1406
01:08:49,689 --> 01:08:53,171
Yo, Charlotte,
I'm Cedric the Entertainer.
It's time I get outta here.
1407
01:08:53,216 --> 01:08:55,827
[AUDIENCE CHEERS, APPLAUDS]Uh-huh, all love!
1408
01:08:55,870 --> 01:08:58,395
[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]
1409
01:09:02,268 --> 01:09:06,098
♪ You're the girl
Who makes me feel so good ♪
1410
01:09:08,144 --> 01:09:09,580
I'm tired of y'all
fucking with us.
1411
01:09:09,622 --> 01:09:13,104
[STEVE LAUGHING]I can't drive.
1412
01:09:13,149 --> 01:09:14,845
I can't go
no-fucking-where.
1413
01:09:14,889 --> 01:09:16,412
I go to New York,
I can't get a cab.
1414
01:09:16,456 --> 01:09:19,633
What type of shit is this?
You know, I vote.
1415
01:09:20,243 --> 01:09:21,809
I still get hassled.
1416
01:09:21,853 --> 01:09:23,854
You know,
I been with my wife
for 25 years.
1417
01:09:23,898 --> 01:09:25,857
I ain't got
no outside kid.
1418
01:09:25,899 --> 01:09:29,339
But do I get...
No, no, fuck that.
I'm gonna tell y'all.
1419
01:09:29,381 --> 01:09:32,037
But do I have
a television show? No!
1420
01:09:32,993 --> 01:09:34,038
I'll hold him back.
1421
01:09:34,082 --> 01:09:35,388
I ain't got
no television show.
1422
01:09:35,432 --> 01:09:37,738
Why? 'Cause
you scared of me.
1423
01:09:37,782 --> 01:09:40,219
[HUGHLEY CHUCKLES]Scared I'm gonna
say somethin'.
1424
01:09:40,263 --> 01:09:42,743
Yeah, you motherfuckin' right.
1425
01:09:42,787 --> 01:09:44,484
[HUGHLEY LAUGHING]
1426
01:09:44,528 --> 01:09:48,227
You think I won't
say somethin'? Let me
tell you somethin'.
1427
01:09:48,270 --> 01:09:50,447
Y'all been fucking with me
for a long time,
1428
01:09:50,490 --> 01:09:53,232
you know? But I'm back!
1429
01:09:53,276 --> 01:09:57,018
Shit, me and Jim Brown would
tear this motherfucker up.[ALL LAUGH]
1430
01:09:57,062 --> 01:10:01,022
The comments made by
Bernie Mac belong to him
and him himself.
1431
01:10:01,066 --> 01:10:03,938
Now, you told me to saywhat I wanted to say.
1432
01:10:03,982 --> 01:10:05,810
White folks, I don't mean it.
I'm just playin'.
1433
01:10:05,853 --> 01:10:07,507
[ALL LAUGHING]
1434
01:10:07,551 --> 01:10:11,555
'Cause I could do,
if you'd give me
a chance, I'll take WB.
1435
01:10:11,598 --> 01:10:13,513
I'll take UPN.
I'll take USA.
1436
01:10:13,557 --> 01:10:15,080
[ALL LAUGHING]
1437
01:10:15,123 --> 01:10:17,387
Gimme a chance to show you.You'd take the Food Channel.
1438
01:10:17,430 --> 01:10:20,694
Sure will. TNT. TNT. The Bernie Mac Cooking Show.
1439
01:10:20,738 --> 01:10:22,740
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1440
01:10:22,783 --> 01:10:24,350
Hold on, dog. Hold on.
1441
01:10:25,438 --> 01:10:27,048
Hey, dog, where y'all going?
1442
01:10:28,136 --> 01:10:30,138
This a movie
we're shooting.
1443
01:10:30,182 --> 01:10:32,402
We just can't have
the front row empty.
1444
01:10:32,445 --> 01:10:33,664
Bring your ass back.
1445
01:10:34,186 --> 01:10:35,492
Hey, dog! Hey!
1446
01:10:37,450 --> 01:10:40,801
Okay. Okay.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1447
01:10:43,717 --> 01:10:45,328
[MOUTHS] Bitch!
1448
01:10:45,371 --> 01:10:46,938
MAN: Theykicking them out.
1449
01:10:48,722 --> 01:10:51,899
STEVE: Where y'all goin'?
Who y'all know upstairs?
1450
01:10:54,162 --> 01:10:56,730
Did they leave their coat?
Is that their coat?
1451
01:10:56,774 --> 01:10:59,255
Let me see.
Damn!
1452
01:11:00,473 --> 01:11:01,953
That...
Give me the coat.
1453
01:11:02,910 --> 01:11:04,521
Gimme the coat.
Gimme the...
1454
01:11:05,870 --> 01:11:07,872
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
1455
01:11:07,915 --> 01:11:11,397
Lady, get your ass upand give me that coat.
1456
01:11:12,268 --> 01:11:14,487
[AUDIENCE CHEERS, APPLAUDS]
1457
01:11:18,752 --> 01:11:20,276
Oh!
1458
01:11:22,669 --> 01:11:24,584
Uh-oh, kinda heavy!
1459
01:11:26,064 --> 01:11:28,936
Could be some hardware.
1460
01:11:28,980 --> 01:11:33,941
[CHUCKLES] Bling, bling.[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
1461
01:11:33,985 --> 01:11:37,031
Bet this motherfucker
don't know his coat
on the floor.
1462
01:11:37,075 --> 01:11:38,250
[LAUGHS]
1463
01:11:41,384 --> 01:11:43,864
WOMAN: Steve, you so fine!
1464
01:11:43,908 --> 01:11:48,260
[AUDIENCE CHEERING, WHISTLING]
1465
01:11:49,392 --> 01:11:51,916
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
1466
01:11:51,959 --> 01:11:54,310
So, we gonna take
a real brief intermission.
1467
01:11:54,353 --> 01:11:56,921
And when I tell you brief,
y'all, I do mean brief.
1468
01:11:56,964 --> 01:11:58,357
So, don't stray far,
1469
01:11:58,401 --> 01:12:01,360
because when I come back,
I'm coming right out.
1470
01:12:01,404 --> 01:12:03,580
MAN 1: All right,now or never.STEVE: I'm home free now?
1471
01:12:03,623 --> 01:12:05,364
MAN 1: You home free now.You home free.
1472
01:12:05,408 --> 01:12:07,584
What's the dude's name
that I took his coat from?
1473
01:12:07,627 --> 01:12:10,587
Bebe.STEVE: You a damn liar.
1474
01:12:10,630 --> 01:12:12,066
[MAN 2 LAUGHING]Boochie?
1475
01:12:12,110 --> 01:12:14,939
He wants his jacket back.
So he's ready to go.
1476
01:12:14,982 --> 01:12:17,420
What's the guy's name?MAN 2: He's got a funky name.
1477
01:12:17,463 --> 01:12:19,509
Booby, Baby Boomer
or something.
I don't know.
1478
01:12:19,552 --> 01:12:22,642
So, so, like, you can really
mess with him on that.
1479
01:12:22,686 --> 01:12:24,688
STEVE: Okay, well,
he gonna have come down
and get it.
1480
01:12:24,731 --> 01:12:28,039
ANNOUNCER:
Welcome back, and please
put your hands together,
1481
01:12:28,082 --> 01:12:30,389
ladies and gentlemen,
for your host,
1482
01:12:30,433 --> 01:12:36,743
Mr. Steve Harvey!
1483
01:12:36,787 --> 01:12:39,703
♪ Is you listenin' to me, girl When I'm settin' you straight ♪
1484
01:12:39,746 --> 01:12:43,054
[RAP CONTINUES, INDISTINCT]
1485
01:12:44,882 --> 01:12:49,408
STEVE: Hey, oh.
Hey, player. [LAUGHS]
1486
01:12:49,452 --> 01:12:54,326
I knew you was gonna
come back.
Left somethin', didn't you?
1487
01:12:54,370 --> 01:12:57,634
[LAUGHS]
With your cool ass.
1488
01:12:57,677 --> 01:12:59,418
You know, I said,"Sit back down."
1489
01:12:59,462 --> 01:13:02,856
"No, no."Yeah, I gotyour coat though.
1490
01:13:02,900 --> 01:13:06,382
That's his coat!Oh, the thug's coat. Oh.
1491
01:13:06,425 --> 01:13:09,428
They told me backstage
his name Boogie.
1492
01:13:09,472 --> 01:13:12,431
All right, Boogie. What you do
for a living, Boogie?
1493
01:13:12,475 --> 01:13:15,739
School. Computer school.Computer school.
1494
01:13:16,827 --> 01:13:17,915
Mmm.
1495
01:13:25,009 --> 01:13:26,402
Boogie, come on now.
1496
01:13:27,620 --> 01:13:29,622
Come on.
1497
01:13:29,666 --> 01:13:31,842
I asked you what you do
for a living,
1498
01:13:31,885 --> 01:13:33,409
and the answer that
popped into your head...
1499
01:13:33,452 --> 01:13:35,323
[LAUGHS]
1500
01:13:35,367 --> 01:13:37,282
...was computer school.
1501
01:13:37,630 --> 01:13:39,110
[LAUGHS]
1502
01:13:39,153 --> 01:13:41,329
Let me rephrase
the question.
1503
01:13:43,114 --> 01:13:45,638
How do you earn money?
1504
01:13:45,682 --> 01:13:48,206
[LAUGHS]Computer technology.
1505
01:13:48,249 --> 01:13:51,470
STEVE: Computer
technology. Boogie...
1506
01:13:58,869 --> 01:14:02,742
I know we shouldn't say this
to one another
as black people,
1507
01:14:02,786 --> 01:14:07,138
but you can't spell
motherfucking "technology."
1508
01:14:07,181 --> 01:14:09,662
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1509
01:14:09,706 --> 01:14:15,102
You know, good and hell well
your ass ain't into
nothin' technical.
1510
01:14:15,146 --> 01:14:17,931
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1511
01:14:17,975 --> 01:14:21,108
You shouldn't even judgea book by its cover, but...
1512
01:14:21,979 --> 01:14:23,633
There's nothin' about you
1513
01:14:24,721 --> 01:14:28,551
that says "computer"
or "school."
1514
01:14:28,594 --> 01:14:30,901
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1515
01:14:33,817 --> 01:14:37,647
Now, Boogie,
I got your coat.
1516
01:14:37,690 --> 01:14:39,736
How bad do you
want it back, Boogie?
1517
01:14:41,259 --> 01:14:43,217
Just don'treally matter?
1518
01:14:43,261 --> 01:14:46,786
See, little shit like that,
the coat don't matter,
1519
01:14:46,830 --> 01:14:49,310
lets me further know...
1520
01:14:49,354 --> 01:14:52,052
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1521
01:14:53,140 --> 01:14:55,229
...what it isyou really do.
1522
01:14:57,493 --> 01:15:00,670
Now, Boogie, I'm gonna get off
of you, 'cause it could lead
to trouble.
1523
01:15:00,713 --> 01:15:03,847
'Cause you look like youdone shot four or fivepeople before.
1524
01:15:03,890 --> 01:15:05,588
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
1525
01:15:05,631 --> 01:15:07,633
But you can probably
kick my ass, can't you?
1526
01:15:07,677 --> 01:15:09,200
You the man.
You the man.
1527
01:15:09,243 --> 01:15:11,550
"You the man"?
I hear you, Boogie.
I know that's right.
1528
01:15:12,725 --> 01:15:14,684
'Cause don't think
for one minute,
1529
01:15:14,727 --> 01:15:17,208
you can just whoop
my ass, Boogie.
1530
01:15:17,251 --> 01:15:20,167
You get that shit
off your mind.
1531
01:15:20,211 --> 01:15:25,042
You can forget about the WB
and these goddamn suits.
1532
01:15:25,085 --> 01:15:27,653
My ass is from the projects.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1533
01:15:29,350 --> 01:15:33,224
You fuck with me, Boogie,
and my ass will act
project-ish.
1534
01:15:36,619 --> 01:15:39,970
I was raised in the church.Y'all can't play with me.
1535
01:15:40,013 --> 01:15:43,626
My mama raised me...
How many of y'all had to go
to church all the time?
1536
01:15:43,669 --> 01:15:47,325
Clap. Clap if you had to go
to church all the time.
1537
01:15:49,762 --> 01:15:51,677
Let me say somethin' now.
1538
01:15:51,721 --> 01:15:54,593
Don't clap if you don't
really mean it.
1539
01:15:54,637 --> 01:16:00,120
'Cause when I say
all the time,
I mean all the time.
1540
01:16:00,164 --> 01:16:02,166
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]Monday night, prayer meeting.
1541
01:16:02,209 --> 01:16:06,213
Tuesday, Bible study.Wednesday, missionary meeting.
1542
01:16:06,257 --> 01:16:10,130
Thursday, deacon boardmeeting. Friday,young people meeting.
1543
01:16:10,174 --> 01:16:13,917
Saturday, old people meeting.Sunday, everybody meeting.
1544
01:16:15,832 --> 01:16:17,834
My mama made usgo to church so much.
1545
01:16:17,877 --> 01:16:21,794
I used to look at my mamasometimes and just say,"Mama, I'd rather go to hell.
1546
01:16:21,838 --> 01:16:24,797
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1547
01:16:24,841 --> 01:16:28,148
"'Cause this goin' to heavenjust way too much pressure.
1548
01:16:29,367 --> 01:16:33,414
"Don't you get no credit
for goin' last week?
1549
01:16:33,458 --> 01:16:35,808
"Why we got to go
every night?"
1550
01:16:35,852 --> 01:16:39,116
When you go to church
all the time when you a kid,
1551
01:16:39,159 --> 01:16:41,814
you don't really care
for church that much.
1552
01:16:41,858 --> 01:16:45,122
So what you gotta do is,
you gotta find little things
1553
01:16:45,165 --> 01:16:48,691
to like about church
to make you wanna go.
1554
01:16:48,734 --> 01:16:50,867
And the thing that I had
1555
01:16:50,910 --> 01:16:53,130
to find about church
to make me wanna go,
1556
01:16:53,173 --> 01:16:54,914
it might seem
a little strange to you.
1557
01:16:54,958 --> 01:16:57,656
But the one thing
that happened in church
1558
01:16:57,700 --> 01:17:00,006
that made me wanna
go all the time was
1559
01:17:00,050 --> 01:17:01,486
when I found out
1560
01:17:01,529 --> 01:17:04,881
that there was people
that cussed at the church.
1561
01:17:07,231 --> 01:17:09,276
That might not do it
for y'all, but damn it,
1562
01:17:09,320 --> 01:17:10,669
that done it for me.
1563
01:17:10,713 --> 01:17:13,846
I wanted to go all the time,
but it surprised me
1564
01:17:13,890 --> 01:17:16,240
who I found out cussed.
1565
01:17:16,283 --> 01:17:19,504
The person that I found out
cussed at my church
1566
01:17:19,547 --> 01:17:23,247
was my mama's best friend,
Sister Odelle.
1567
01:17:24,640 --> 01:17:27,947
Sister Odelle was
84 years old.
1568
01:17:27,991 --> 01:17:30,950
Senile, but she cussed,
and I didn't know it.
1569
01:17:30,994 --> 01:17:33,170
And the day I found out
that she cussed,
1570
01:17:33,213 --> 01:17:36,260
we was havin' a bake sale
up at the church.
1571
01:17:36,303 --> 01:17:37,783
You know,
for the building fund.
1572
01:17:42,962 --> 01:17:45,095
Don't sit there and act
like you ain't familiar
1573
01:17:45,138 --> 01:17:48,881
with the building fund
at your church.
1574
01:17:48,925 --> 01:17:53,538
There ain't a black church
in America that ain't got
a building fund.
1575
01:17:53,581 --> 01:17:57,934
We done had a building fund
at my church since
I was four years old.
1576
01:17:57,977 --> 01:18:01,111
Ain't put a doorknob
on the damn church yet!
1577
01:18:04,505 --> 01:18:10,337
And we had this bake sale
and Sister Odelle
was standing back there
1578
01:18:10,381 --> 01:18:13,166
working the cookies
and stuff with my mama.
1579
01:18:13,210 --> 01:18:17,867
And I didn't know that
Sister Odelle didn't like
Deacon Thornton.
1580
01:18:17,910 --> 01:18:22,219
And Deacon Thornton was
about three people behind me.
1581
01:18:22,262 --> 01:18:25,918
I was standin' there,
and I gave her my quarter
for my cupcake
1582
01:18:25,962 --> 01:18:29,530
and Sister Odelle saw DeaconThornton and leaned overto my mama and said...
1583
01:18:31,184 --> 01:18:33,491
"Here come this sorry
motherfucker here."
1584
01:18:33,534 --> 01:18:35,798
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1585
01:18:40,803 --> 01:18:43,936
You know what that do to you
when you nine years old.
1586
01:18:43,980 --> 01:18:46,504
When you hear somebody
say something like that?
1587
01:18:46,547 --> 01:18:50,290
So after that, I wanted
to go to church all the time.
1588
01:18:50,334 --> 01:18:53,206
So I could sit
next to Sister Odelle,
1589
01:18:53,250 --> 01:18:55,992
'cause Sister Odelleain't never let me down.
1590
01:18:56,035 --> 01:18:57,994
They be passin'
the tray around.
1591
01:18:58,037 --> 01:19:02,346
"I don't know how much moneythese motherfuckersthink I got.
1592
01:19:02,389 --> 01:19:06,089
"I'm sick of this shit.I got bills inmy motherfuckin' house.
1593
01:19:06,132 --> 01:19:08,613
"You keep passin'this son of a bitch by me,
1594
01:19:08,656 --> 01:19:10,354
"you gonna fuck around,come up short."
1595
01:19:17,230 --> 01:19:20,233
And the other thing I loveabout Sister Odelle
1596
01:19:20,277 --> 01:19:25,021
was when they had
that portion of the service
that they called devotion.
1597
01:19:25,064 --> 01:19:31,941
Devotion. This is the part
of service, where you can
stand up and testify
1598
01:19:31,984 --> 01:19:35,248
on the goodness of the Lord.
1599
01:19:35,292 --> 01:19:39,296
Now, if you don't wanna
testify, you can sing a song.
1600
01:19:40,601 --> 01:19:42,647
Now, if you're gonna
sing a song,
1601
01:19:43,735 --> 01:19:45,128
the key is
1602
01:19:45,171 --> 01:19:48,131
you're 'posed to sing
a song everybody know.
1603
01:19:50,046 --> 01:19:53,092
You ain't 'posed to do the oneyou wrote on the way in.
1604
01:19:55,312 --> 01:19:59,664
And that was my favorite part,'cause when Sister Odellestood up,
1605
01:19:59,707 --> 01:20:04,451
she ain't never wanna
just testify,
she always had a song.
1606
01:20:04,495 --> 01:20:06,627
And I used to just
sit up in my chair
1607
01:20:06,671 --> 01:20:09,108
'cause I knew Sister Odelle
was gonna give me one.
1608
01:20:10,283 --> 01:20:12,155
'Cause Sister Odelle
was old and senile.
1609
01:20:12,198 --> 01:20:14,766
All she did was watch TV
and go to church.
1610
01:20:14,810 --> 01:20:17,203
She'd get through with church,
she'd go home and watch TV.
1611
01:20:17,247 --> 01:20:19,945
Get through watching TV,
she'd go on and go to church.
1612
01:20:19,989 --> 01:20:22,339
So, when you old and senile,
you gotta be careful,
1613
01:20:22,382 --> 01:20:25,168
you'll know, 'cause all
that'll run together on you.
1614
01:20:25,211 --> 01:20:27,387
Sister Odelle
stand up to testify...
1615
01:20:28,998 --> 01:20:30,303
"Givin' honor to God,
1616
01:20:32,218 --> 01:20:33,263
"pastor,
1617
01:20:35,221 --> 01:20:38,094
"everyones, everyones.
1618
01:20:38,137 --> 01:20:44,274
"I just came to tell you
just how good my God
has been! Hot damn!
1619
01:20:46,842 --> 01:20:51,759
"I wanna tell you just
how good my Lord has been.
1620
01:20:51,803 --> 01:20:54,501
"I got a song.
I'm gonna sing it.
1621
01:20:55,328 --> 01:20:57,243
"If you know it, feel free."
1622
01:21:05,991 --> 01:21:08,907
♪ I'm gonna tell you
1623
01:21:08,951 --> 01:21:12,215
♪ How good God's been
1624
01:21:13,520 --> 01:21:15,348
[CLAPPING IN RHYTHM]
1625
01:21:15,392 --> 01:21:18,699
♪ I'm gonna tell you
1626
01:21:18,743 --> 01:21:22,573
♪ How good God's been
1627
01:21:24,531 --> 01:21:29,885
♪ The weather
started gettin' rough
1628
01:21:29,928 --> 01:21:32,844
♪ The tiny ship was tossed
1629
01:21:32,888 --> 01:21:34,802
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1630
01:21:34,846 --> 01:21:39,329
♪ If it wasn't for
the courage of the crew
1631
01:21:39,372 --> 01:21:42,941
♪ The Minnow would be lost
1632
01:21:42,985 --> 01:21:47,032
♪ I said the Minnow would be lost
1633
01:21:47,076 --> 01:21:50,514
♪ I'm talkin' about the Love Boat
1634
01:21:53,343 --> 01:21:56,955
♪ Exciting and brand-new
1635
01:21:56,999 --> 01:22:00,002
♪ I said the Love Boat
1636
01:22:00,045 --> 01:22:06,660
♪ My lord, a new adventure
waitin' for you
1637
01:22:06,704 --> 01:22:11,927
♪ Hey, now we're up
in the big league
1638
01:22:13,015 --> 01:22:15,756
♪ Got my turn at bat
1639
01:22:17,410 --> 01:22:21,849
♪ As long as you've got
you and sweet Jesus
1640
01:22:21,893 --> 01:22:24,678
♪ It ain't nothin'
wrong with that
1641
01:22:24,722 --> 01:22:27,812
ALL:
♪ I said I'm movin' on up
1642
01:22:33,035 --> 01:22:34,384
STEVE: He hails
1643
01:22:34,427 --> 01:22:39,041
from the South Sideof Chicago, Illinois.
1644
01:22:39,084 --> 01:22:41,043
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING,
CHEERING]
1645
01:22:43,132 --> 01:22:47,963
He was one of the originalstars of HBO's Def Jam.
1646
01:22:50,008 --> 01:22:56,275
He has a reoccurring roleon the hit sitcom,entitled Moesha.
1647
01:22:56,319 --> 01:23:00,323
You've seen him in the hitmovie, The Players Club.Bernie! Bernie! Bernie!
1648
01:23:00,366 --> 01:23:01,715
Whoo!
1649
01:23:01,759 --> 01:23:04,805
STEVE: He is the costar
1650
01:23:04,849 --> 01:23:09,593
of the movie entitled Lifewith Eddie Murphyand Martin Lawrence.
1651
01:23:09,636 --> 01:23:15,599
Charlotte, put your
goddamn hands together
and show your love
1652
01:23:15,642 --> 01:23:20,256
for the one and onlyBernie Mac!
1653
01:23:20,299 --> 01:23:23,041
[MUSIC PLAYING][AUDIENCE CHEERING]
1654
01:23:36,272 --> 01:23:39,144
North Carolina!
1655
01:23:39,188 --> 01:23:40,580
[YELLS]
1656
01:23:44,976 --> 01:23:47,544
Hey! Oh!
1657
01:23:47,587 --> 01:23:50,329
AUDIENCE: [CHANTING]Go, Bernie! Go, Bernie!
1658
01:23:50,373 --> 01:23:54,159
Go, Bernie! Go, Bernie!Hey!
1659
01:23:54,203 --> 01:23:59,164
Go, Bernie! Go, Bernie!BERNIE: Hey!
1660
01:23:59,208 --> 01:24:02,646
Go, Bernie! Go, Bernie!
Go, Bernie!
1661
01:24:02,689 --> 01:24:04,387
Here I am, motherfuckers!
1662
01:24:05,431 --> 01:24:06,476
Here I am!
1663
01:24:07,607 --> 01:24:09,044
Yeah!
1664
01:24:10,088 --> 01:24:11,524
Told you I'd come!
Didn't I tell you?
1665
01:24:13,135 --> 01:24:14,658
Didn't I motherfuckin'
tell you?
1666
01:24:16,529 --> 01:24:17,748
Sick of this shit.
1667
01:24:19,532 --> 01:24:21,012
What type of shit it is.
1668
01:24:22,057 --> 01:24:24,276
White folks in the house,
goddamn.
1669
01:24:24,320 --> 01:24:28,367
I see white folks
in the house, I wanna say
first off, welcome.
1670
01:24:28,411 --> 01:24:30,978
Goddamn it, welcome.[LAUGHING]
1671
01:24:31,022 --> 01:24:33,938
When white folks come see you,boy, you successful.You somebody.
1672
01:24:36,375 --> 01:24:39,596
North Carolina, shit.
1673
01:24:39,639 --> 01:24:42,860
Man, you know, I'm so tired.
I been shakin' hands
all motherfuckin' night.
1674
01:24:44,557 --> 01:24:46,646
No, no, I'm gonna
tell you why I'm...
I'm tired.
1675
01:24:46,690 --> 01:24:49,214
Black folks shaking hands
with white folks different.
1676
01:24:49,258 --> 01:24:50,607
Black folks,
you gotta be in fucking shape.
1677
01:24:50,650 --> 01:24:52,783
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1678
01:24:57,266 --> 01:24:59,311
"Show me some love,
motherfucker.
Show me some love."
1679
01:25:01,444 --> 01:25:04,055
You be tired
than a motherfucker.
1680
01:25:04,099 --> 01:25:08,015
Ain't the world bad?
New Year's Eve 2000.
1681
01:25:08,059 --> 01:25:11,062
White man tell you
end of the world comin'.
1682
01:25:11,106 --> 01:25:13,586
You son of a bitch
went out and bought
water, sardines.
1683
01:25:14,370 --> 01:25:15,849
Potted meat, soup.
1684
01:25:17,634 --> 01:25:19,679
Man, 11:30 you were scared
like a motherfucker,
wasn't you?
1685
01:25:23,727 --> 01:25:26,991
You thought you were gonna die
for sure at 12:00, didn't you?
1686
01:25:27,034 --> 01:25:29,211
Couldn't believe when
the thing goddamn hit, shit.
1687
01:25:29,863 --> 01:25:31,561
Believe in yourself.
1688
01:25:31,604 --> 01:25:33,128
I don't believe in shit
until shit happens.
1689
01:25:34,955 --> 01:25:37,393
No, no, I can't believe
fuckin' kids.
1690
01:25:37,436 --> 01:25:39,221
Everybody talkin' about kids.
1691
01:25:39,264 --> 01:25:41,223
Everybody talkin' about
how bad kids is.
1692
01:25:41,266 --> 01:25:44,356
You know it's bad,
but you can't say kids is bad.
1693
01:25:44,400 --> 01:25:46,706
I say it for you.
These motherfuckers bad.
1694
01:25:46,750 --> 01:25:48,404
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1695
01:25:48,447 --> 01:25:50,754
I will fuck a kid up.
1696
01:25:50,797 --> 01:25:54,845
Don't get mad at me. I'm justsayin' what you can't say.
1697
01:25:54,888 --> 01:25:57,108
You feel the samegoddamn way I feel.
1698
01:25:58,414 --> 01:26:00,938
Son of a bitch kidstoo goddamn smart for me.
1699
01:26:00,981 --> 01:26:03,158
Sassy talkin',
heads shakin' and shit.
1700
01:26:04,724 --> 01:26:06,552
"Talk to the hand.
Talk to the hand."
1701
01:26:06,596 --> 01:26:08,946
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING,
APPLAUDING]
1702
01:26:08,989 --> 01:26:11,427
'Cause I'm from the old
school. I'll kick a kid ass.
1703
01:26:12,428 --> 01:26:14,299
When a kid get one years old,
1704
01:26:14,343 --> 01:26:16,171
I believe you got the right
to hit him in the throat
or the stomach.
1705
01:26:19,261 --> 01:26:22,568
If you grown enough
to talk back, you grown enough
to get fucked-up!
1706
01:26:22,612 --> 01:26:25,049
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
1707
01:26:29,532 --> 01:26:33,231
Don't tell me all this here,
uh...
1708
01:26:33,275 --> 01:26:37,279
See, it ain't the kids.
It's us, see.
We some punk-ass parents, see.
1709
01:26:37,322 --> 01:26:39,237
See, we the puss-ass
parents today.
1710
01:26:39,281 --> 01:26:40,934
We might need to go
back to the old school,
1711
01:26:40,978 --> 01:26:43,502
'cause there ain't no grandmas
no more. Ain't that a bitch?
1712
01:26:43,546 --> 01:26:45,765
See, ain't no grandma.
Remember Big Mama?
1713
01:26:45,809 --> 01:26:47,637
See, Big Mama gone.
1714
01:26:47,680 --> 01:26:49,465
See, you a grandmama now,
what you, 24?
1715
01:26:49,508 --> 01:26:51,467
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1716
01:26:51,510 --> 01:26:53,033
Great grandmama, 36.
1717
01:26:54,731 --> 01:26:56,689
Talkin' about,"I ain't baby-sittin' shit!"
1718
01:26:58,822 --> 01:27:03,870
She got her hair done,nails done.Fucked-up ass hairdo.
1719
01:27:03,914 --> 01:27:06,177
I'm so sick of these
motherfuckin' hairdos
1720
01:27:06,221 --> 01:27:07,918
with the glue on them
that don't move and shit.
1721
01:27:10,094 --> 01:27:14,446
I'm so tired of that shit.
You know I ain't lyin'!
1722
01:27:14,490 --> 01:27:19,451
Man, and you know what?
Black women is different
than white women, see.
1723
01:27:19,495 --> 01:27:23,368
White women go swimming.Black women ain't gettin'in no fuckin' water.
1724
01:27:24,674 --> 01:27:26,066
"This shit gotta last."
1725
01:27:28,634 --> 01:27:32,638
You know, black women,
that shit don't last
one motherfuckin' week.
1726
01:27:32,682 --> 01:27:35,250
A hairdo... When black women
get their hair and nails done,
1727
01:27:35,293 --> 01:27:38,253
you ain't gettin' no pussy.
Don't ask for none.
1728
01:27:38,296 --> 01:27:41,125
They don't even want no sleep.
They'll sleep
just like this here.
1729
01:27:41,168 --> 01:27:43,780
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1730
01:27:46,173 --> 01:27:48,785
And if you do get it, youbetter not fuck with her hair.
1731
01:27:48,828 --> 01:27:53,355
[LAUGHS]"Don't touch my hair!"
1732
01:27:55,922 --> 01:28:01,101
You know I ain't lyin'!You fuck witha black woman's hair,
1733
01:28:01,145 --> 01:28:03,713
she'll kick your goddamn ass.
1734
01:28:03,756 --> 01:28:06,281
Man, black women...Blacks don't mess around.
1735
01:28:06,324 --> 01:28:08,152
We different
from night and day.
1736
01:28:08,195 --> 01:28:10,372
We the same,
but we do shit different.
1737
01:28:10,415 --> 01:28:13,549
Black people the only people
go to work, tell the boss what
the fuck we ain't gonna do.
1738
01:28:14,811 --> 01:28:17,814
"I'm not doin' shit.
1739
01:28:17,857 --> 01:28:20,164
"Don't fuck with me today.
I ain't come here to work.
1740
01:28:21,600 --> 01:28:24,908
"I'm tired. My son got shot.I'm sick of this shit."
1741
01:28:24,951 --> 01:28:26,562
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
1742
01:28:27,650 --> 01:28:30,609
You know I ain't lyin'!
We funny.
1743
01:28:30,653 --> 01:28:33,743
But I like white people. It's
not about black and white.
1744
01:28:33,786 --> 01:28:35,440
You know, but they do
shit different.
1745
01:28:35,484 --> 01:28:38,182
When they go on break
on the job, 15 minutes.
1746
01:28:38,225 --> 01:28:40,140
They go to their desk.
They eat their
cheese sandwich...
1747
01:28:40,184 --> 01:28:42,055
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1748
01:28:42,099 --> 01:28:43,753
...drink their goddamn tea.
1749
01:28:43,796 --> 01:28:46,799
Fifteen minutes,
they back on the fucking job.
1750
01:28:46,843 --> 01:28:48,671
My people, I don't know
what the fuck is
wrong with us.
1751
01:28:48,714 --> 01:28:50,063
I don't know
what's wrong with us.
1752
01:28:53,806 --> 01:28:57,157
When we go on break,
that's just what the fuck
we do.
1753
01:28:57,201 --> 01:28:59,072
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1754
01:28:59,116 --> 01:29:02,772
We break. You got to look
for our motherfuckin' ass.
1755
01:29:05,078 --> 01:29:06,123
"You seen Johnny?"
1756
01:29:06,166 --> 01:29:08,038
Yeah.
1757
01:29:08,081 --> 01:29:10,214
I'm tired. You can't keep
doin' the same thing.
1758
01:29:10,257 --> 01:29:12,999
Ain't your body changed?
I'm 42, but I'm in good shape.
1759
01:29:13,043 --> 01:29:15,393
But I'm tired. My body weary.
1760
01:29:15,437 --> 01:29:17,569
I can't... You know.
I'm sick of sex. Why we be...
1761
01:29:17,613 --> 01:29:20,267
I'm sick of fucking.
1762
01:29:20,311 --> 01:29:23,445
No, I ain't gonna bullshit.
I can't do it like I used to.
1763
01:29:23,488 --> 01:29:25,447
I used to be good. I ain't
good like that no more.
1764
01:29:26,491 --> 01:29:27,971
My shit is quick, fast.
1765
01:29:28,014 --> 01:29:30,190
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1766
01:29:30,234 --> 01:29:32,671
My wife gonna tell me,"I'm gonna get a young man.""Go get the motherfucker.
1767
01:29:32,715 --> 01:29:34,107
"I don't give a fuck.Go get him,
1768
01:29:34,151 --> 01:29:36,414
"and I'll watch, I'll watch,
I swear I'll watch."
1769
01:29:36,458 --> 01:29:38,242
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
1770
01:29:39,243 --> 01:29:41,550
BERNIE:It gonna kill me, man.
1771
01:29:41,593 --> 01:29:44,683
It don't take all night.To fuck all night,45 minutes.
1772
01:29:44,727 --> 01:29:46,424
Why we fucking for 45 minutes?
1773
01:29:46,468 --> 01:29:48,644
What the fuckam I trying to prove here?
1774
01:29:51,734 --> 01:29:54,127
It don't take no all nightto get no orgasm.
1775
01:29:55,085 --> 01:29:56,216
Three minutes!
1776
01:29:57,609 --> 01:30:01,265
That's all I'm givin' you.That's all the fuck I got.
1777
01:30:01,308 --> 01:30:03,310
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1778
01:30:05,878 --> 01:30:09,142
Oh, I don't care about youtalking about me.
1779
01:30:09,186 --> 01:30:11,841
"Bernie Mac can't fuck."Hey, I don't give a fuck!
1780
01:30:12,624 --> 01:30:15,845
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
1781
01:30:16,802 --> 01:30:18,413
Shit, but I got mine!
1782
01:30:19,892 --> 01:30:22,155
You better get yours.
1783
01:30:22,199 --> 01:30:23,766
If you don't bust a nut
when I get mine,
1784
01:30:23,809 --> 01:30:25,768
you fresh out of fuckin' luck
with me.
1785
01:30:28,597 --> 01:30:31,469
Talk about me
all the fuck you want!
1786
01:30:31,513 --> 01:30:34,516
I'm tell it like it is!
Three minutes!
1787
01:30:34,559 --> 01:30:38,171
That's a heavyweight
one-round bout.
1788
01:30:38,215 --> 01:30:40,783
And people done got
knocked out in
the first goddamn round.
1789
01:30:42,349 --> 01:30:44,177
You layin' there,
I'm pumpin' my ass off.
1790
01:30:44,221 --> 01:30:46,179
[SQUEALS]
1791
01:30:46,223 --> 01:30:48,660
"Stop all that hollerin'and bust a nutso we can go to sleep.
1792
01:30:50,706 --> 01:30:51,968
"What the fuckyou hollerin' for?"
1793
01:30:52,011 --> 01:30:54,840
[SQUEALS]
1794
01:30:55,319 --> 01:30:56,320
"Bust a nut!"
1795
01:31:03,240 --> 01:31:07,374
You know I ain't bullshittin'!
You know I ain't... I'm tired!
1796
01:31:08,201 --> 01:31:10,203
I'm 42 years old!
1797
01:31:10,247 --> 01:31:11,727
Talking about coochie.
Fuck coochie!
1798
01:31:13,729 --> 01:31:16,253
Oral sex!
I'm sick of all that shit!
1799
01:31:16,296 --> 01:31:19,386
"Come on,
do somethin' special."
1800
01:31:19,430 --> 01:31:21,824
"Bust your motherfuckin' head.
That's what the fuck I'll do."
1801
01:31:24,000 --> 01:31:25,218
"Put your mouth on me."
1802
01:31:25,262 --> 01:31:27,264
"For what,
you nasty somomabitch?"
1803
01:31:27,307 --> 01:31:29,919
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING,
APPLAUDING]
1804
01:31:31,486 --> 01:31:33,270
"You ain't gonna put
your mouth on me?"
1805
01:31:33,313 --> 01:31:35,620
"I ask you to put
your mouth on me, you get
a goddamn attitude."
1806
01:31:36,969 --> 01:31:39,885
If I want oral sex,
I gotta give clues.
1807
01:31:40,843 --> 01:31:42,409
I gotta give hints.
1808
01:31:42,453 --> 01:31:44,716
"Come here and put your head
right here for minute,
you know."
1809
01:31:46,196 --> 01:31:49,547
Then here come attitude.
"What you tryin' to say?
1810
01:31:49,591 --> 01:31:53,029
"I know you ain't askin' me
to suck your dick, is you?
1811
01:31:53,072 --> 01:31:55,510
"You better get your mama
to suck your dick."
1812
01:31:58,121 --> 01:31:59,905
Selfish somomabitch.
1813
01:32:01,777 --> 01:32:03,953
I like it, too!
1814
01:32:03,996 --> 01:32:07,478
Then when they doin' it,
they try to do the shit wrong
so you can tell 'em to stop.
1815
01:32:07,522 --> 01:32:09,567
When they finally do it,they play like they don't know
1816
01:32:09,611 --> 01:32:11,438
what they doin'.Real fucked up.
1817
01:32:11,482 --> 01:32:12,701
So you can say,"Oh, that's all right."
1818
01:32:14,441 --> 01:32:16,879
I don't saythat's all right. No.
1819
01:32:16,922 --> 01:32:19,229
I let 'em keep goin',
'cause they gotta learn.
They gotta learn.
1820
01:32:22,928 --> 01:32:24,190
People gotta learn.
1821
01:32:25,888 --> 01:32:27,846
This is funny! It's funny!
1822
01:32:27,890 --> 01:32:31,284
'Cause when they do do it,
you know, we all grown.
We're all grown here.
1823
01:32:31,328 --> 01:32:34,549
You ever see when you do
get special attention?
1824
01:32:34,592 --> 01:32:37,856
I had a woman one time...
Long time ago, long time ago.
Long, long time ago.
1825
01:32:42,948 --> 01:32:44,341
She would give me
special attention,
1826
01:32:44,384 --> 01:32:45,777
but she was lookin'
dead at me, you know.
1827
01:32:48,780 --> 01:32:50,565
"What the fuck
you lookin' at me for?"
1828
01:32:50,608 --> 01:32:52,175
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1829
01:32:52,218 --> 01:32:53,916
You know, I don't know
what to say to her.
1830
01:32:53,959 --> 01:32:55,352
What the fuck is up.
1831
01:32:55,395 --> 01:32:59,182
What, "You doin' a good job"?"Keep up the good work"?
1832
01:33:03,403 --> 01:33:04,622
You know I ain't lyin'.
1833
01:33:05,623 --> 01:33:06,972
It's true!
1834
01:33:07,016 --> 01:33:10,759
See, I say once again
what you scared to say.
1835
01:33:10,802 --> 01:33:13,718
When I talked about the kids,
you know it ain't no
bad thing.
1836
01:33:13,762 --> 01:33:18,201
Don't sometimes you wanna say,
"You ugly somomabitch"?
1837
01:33:18,244 --> 01:33:23,772
But it's not right, it's not
appropriate to say, "You
stupid motherfucker, you."
1838
01:33:23,815 --> 01:33:27,384
The little kids, you be sayin'
when your relatives, your
nieces and nephews come over,
1839
01:33:27,427 --> 01:33:31,518
you be like, "My sister
ain't doin' a goddamn thing
with this kid."
1840
01:33:31,562 --> 01:33:35,087
See, that's why I'm gonnaopen up a day care center.
1841
01:33:35,131 --> 01:33:39,309
When I retire from comedy,
I'm opening it to prove to you
that I'm trustworthy.
1842
01:33:40,440 --> 01:33:42,399
I will fuck your kid up.
1843
01:33:44,270 --> 01:33:45,837
You ain't got to fill out
no application.
1844
01:33:45,881 --> 01:33:49,232
The first three months free.
1845
01:33:49,275 --> 01:33:53,410
You don't need no hidden
videos around the house to see
what the fuck is goings on.
1846
01:33:54,585 --> 01:33:57,066
'Cause when you come
to pick your kid up,
1847
01:33:57,109 --> 01:34:01,113
I'm gonna look you in the eye
and tell you
what the fuck is goings on.
1848
01:34:01,157 --> 01:34:04,987
When you come to pick
your kid up and he got a knot
on the corner of his head,
1849
01:34:05,030 --> 01:34:07,859
and you say,
"What happened to my son?"
I'm gonna tell you.
1850
01:34:07,903 --> 01:34:10,732
"I took a hammer and slapped
the fuck out of him!"
1851
01:34:12,734 --> 01:34:14,779
Jumpin' on my goddamn couch.
1852
01:34:15,824 --> 01:34:17,869
"Sit your punk-ass down!"
1853
01:34:21,046 --> 01:34:22,918
No! No, talk!
1854
01:34:22,961 --> 01:34:25,703
North Carolina,
I'm gonna tell you,
it's stuff you gotta pray for.
1855
01:34:25,747 --> 01:34:28,967
See, it ain't, it ain't,
it ain't what you say.
It's how you say it.
1856
01:34:29,011 --> 01:34:32,188
It's jokes, it's fun,
but it's also the truth.
1857
01:34:32,231 --> 01:34:35,887
In the back of your mind,
you be wantin' to say
this shit sometimes.
1858
01:34:35,931 --> 01:34:37,062
See, I'm gonna
tell you somethin'.
1859
01:34:37,106 --> 01:34:38,585
My daughter 22 years old.
1860
01:34:38,629 --> 01:34:40,631
She's away from home
for five years.
1861
01:34:40,675 --> 01:34:43,678
Ain't nobody been in the house
but me and my wife.
1862
01:34:43,721 --> 01:34:47,072
Twenty-five years married.
Beautiful thing.
1863
01:34:47,116 --> 01:34:48,683
I ain't sayin' it
for no applause.
1864
01:34:48,726 --> 01:34:50,119
I'm tryin' to tell
you a story.
1865
01:34:51,120 --> 01:34:54,558
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1866
01:34:54,601 --> 01:34:57,604
Me and my wife been in thehouse walkin' around naked,eating and everything.
1867
01:34:57,648 --> 01:34:59,563
Shit get broke, I knowwho the fuck did it, you know?
1868
01:35:01,434 --> 01:35:04,307
Now I got three new people
in my damn house.
1869
01:35:04,350 --> 01:35:08,050
I got my sis. See, we family.
North Carolina, we family,
I'm gonna talk to you.
1870
01:35:08,093 --> 01:35:12,750
We family. I got my sister's
children living with me now.
1871
01:35:12,794 --> 01:35:16,014
I'm about to go crazy
like a motherfucker
around here, you know?
1872
01:35:16,058 --> 01:35:19,148
See, my sister on drugs.
I ain't ashamed to tell you.
1873
01:35:19,191 --> 01:35:21,846
Some of your family membersfucked up too around here.
1874
01:35:21,890 --> 01:35:24,370
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1875
01:35:25,197 --> 01:35:27,460
I ain't ashamed to tell you.
1876
01:35:27,504 --> 01:35:29,767
But my brother called me,North Carolina.My brother said...
1877
01:35:29,811 --> 01:35:32,291
He said, "Mac,you gotta come home, man.
1878
01:35:32,335 --> 01:35:34,554
"The court gonna separatethe kids."
1879
01:35:34,598 --> 01:35:36,556
I said, "No, you know.I can't have that.
1880
01:35:36,600 --> 01:35:38,776
"I can't have that."I said, "I'm gonna be there."
1881
01:35:38,820 --> 01:35:42,171
Now, mind y'all,
North Carolina, I know 'em,
1882
01:35:42,214 --> 01:35:43,215
but I don'tknow 'em.
1883
01:35:44,651 --> 01:35:46,218
You know, what I'm talking
about. I know the kids,
1884
01:35:46,262 --> 01:35:47,742
but I don't know these
motherfuckers, you know?
1885
01:35:48,830 --> 01:35:52,137
Two, four and six.
1886
01:35:52,181 --> 01:35:53,617
[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING]
1887
01:35:53,660 --> 01:35:56,272
"Ooh," shit. Come help mebaby-sit these motherfuckers.
1888
01:35:56,315 --> 01:35:58,796
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
1889
01:35:58,840 --> 01:36:02,147
I get there. I'm in court.
The judge said, "Mac family."
1890
01:36:02,191 --> 01:36:05,368
I stood up. I said,
"Yes, Your Honor,
I'm part of the Mac family."
1891
01:36:05,411 --> 01:36:06,804
He said, "We're gonna
separate the kids."
1892
01:36:06,848 --> 01:36:09,459
I said, "Your Honor,
you mean separate
like divide?"
1893
01:36:10,416 --> 01:36:12,244
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1894
01:36:13,898 --> 01:36:15,813
He said, "Very good,
Mr. Mac, very good."
1895
01:36:15,857 --> 01:36:17,380
I said, "You know what?"
1896
01:36:17,423 --> 01:36:18,947
I said, "I can't allow that."
1897
01:36:18,990 --> 01:36:21,863
I said, "My brother and I,
we're gonna split custody."
1898
01:36:21,906 --> 01:36:25,170
That motherfucker
turned his back on me.
Like, he didn't say shit.
1899
01:36:25,214 --> 01:36:28,783
Yeah, punk somomabitch,
see, Cain killed Abel.
You know what I mean?
1900
01:36:33,613 --> 01:36:36,573
I said, "Your Honor, I'm gonna
take the kids for six months
1901
01:36:36,616 --> 01:36:38,575
"and my brother gonna take
the kids for six months."
1902
01:36:38,618 --> 01:36:41,839
This punk somomabitch get up
and walked the fuck out.
1903
01:36:43,188 --> 01:36:44,407
I ain't seen him since.
1904
01:36:44,450 --> 01:36:46,191
If I ever see him,
I'm fucking him up on sight.
1905
01:36:48,890 --> 01:36:51,936
I'm gonna bust his head
to the white meat,
I swear 'fore the Lord.
1906
01:36:54,373 --> 01:36:55,853
Y'all gonna read about it.
Whenever I see
1907
01:36:55,897 --> 01:36:58,856
this motherfucker,
gonna be a misunderstanding!
1908
01:36:58,900 --> 01:37:01,250
There's gonna be
some furniture moving
around this motherfucker.
1909
01:37:01,293 --> 01:37:03,600
[LAUGHS]
1910
01:37:03,643 --> 01:37:05,167
I said, "Your Honor,
I'll take the kids."
1911
01:37:05,210 --> 01:37:06,777
Now I got these
three somomabitch.
1912
01:37:06,821 --> 01:37:09,998
Excuse my French.
That's what
I wanna say, you know?
1913
01:37:10,041 --> 01:37:12,522
These motherfuckers
get on my goddamn nerves.
Y'all gotta pray for me.
1914
01:37:14,176 --> 01:37:17,005
And that 2-year-old,
she the motherfucker!
She the ringleader!
1915
01:37:18,571 --> 01:37:20,922
Bitch never been here before.
1916
01:37:20,965 --> 01:37:23,489
She a shepherd for the devil.
She work for the devil.
1917
01:37:27,276 --> 01:37:30,105
And the 4-year-old,
my sister must've really
gotten high with her,
1918
01:37:30,148 --> 01:37:32,542
'cause she don't talk.
She don't say shit.
1919
01:37:32,585 --> 01:37:34,413
All she do is look at your ass
like this here...
1920
01:37:36,546 --> 01:37:38,765
I told her ass the other day,
"Let me tell you somethin'.
1921
01:37:38,809 --> 01:37:43,379
"If a fire break out,
you better have a whistle
or a horn or somethin'.
1922
01:37:43,422 --> 01:37:46,730
"'Cause you're gonna be
a burned-up motherfucker
fuckin' with me."
1923
01:37:46,773 --> 01:37:48,993
I ain't got time
for no deaf mute.
1924
01:37:49,037 --> 01:37:50,255
Talk! Holler!
1925
01:37:53,955 --> 01:37:56,131
I tell it like it is.
1926
01:37:56,174 --> 01:37:59,351
Then the 6-year-old,
he a homosexual.
1927
01:37:59,395 --> 01:38:02,528
No, I don't need no 6-year-old
walkin' all like this here.
1928
01:38:02,572 --> 01:38:04,226
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1929
01:38:09,796 --> 01:38:11,059
Cryin' all the goddamn time.
1930
01:38:11,102 --> 01:38:13,148
"Quit cryin'! Do some
push-ups or somethin'!"
1931
01:38:15,977 --> 01:38:19,110
I came to the house
the other day, man,
at 1:30 in the morning.
1932
01:38:19,154 --> 01:38:21,983
The 2-year-old gonna send
the faggot downstairs
1933
01:38:22,897 --> 01:38:24,289
for some milk and cookies.
1934
01:38:25,987 --> 01:38:27,684
I'm goin' upstairs,
he comin' down.
1935
01:38:27,727 --> 01:38:29,642
He gonna walk past me
like I'm a visitor.
1936
01:38:31,775 --> 01:38:34,517
I said, "Where you going?"
He said, "To get some milk
and cookies."
1937
01:38:36,562 --> 01:38:39,565
He said it so funny,
I wanted to hear it again.
I said, "Get some what?"
1938
01:38:39,609 --> 01:38:41,654
[IN CAMPY ACCENT] He said,"Some milk and cookies."
1939
01:38:41,698 --> 01:38:43,656
[LAUGHING]
1940
01:38:43,700 --> 01:38:45,571
BERNIE: [IN NORMAL VOICE]
I love the motherfucker,
but he's a faggot, you know?
1941
01:38:45,615 --> 01:38:47,704
I told him, I said,
"Man, it's too goddamn late
1942
01:38:47,747 --> 01:38:49,749
"for some damn cookies
and milk, man.
1943
01:38:49,793 --> 01:38:53,014
"Take your punk ass upstairs
and get some rest."
1944
01:38:53,057 --> 01:38:56,234
That's how I talk to him.
Fuck that time-out shit!
1945
01:38:56,278 --> 01:38:58,019
I ain't got time
for these bad-ass kids.
1946
01:38:58,062 --> 01:38:59,368
These kids'll kill you.
1947
01:38:59,411 --> 01:39:02,937
They ain't gonna kill me.
I'm gonna kill them.
1948
01:39:02,980 --> 01:39:06,331
I can see y'all reading
Jetand Ebonyright now.
I hear you talkin'.
1949
01:39:06,375 --> 01:39:08,725
"It's a shame how Bernie
fucked up those damn kids."
1950
01:39:10,031 --> 01:39:11,989
I can't get no rest.
They walk around the house
1951
01:39:12,033 --> 01:39:13,208
3:00, 4:00
in the morning.
1952
01:39:13,251 --> 01:39:14,644
Got their finger
under my nose,
1953
01:39:14,687 --> 01:39:16,385
seein' if I'm breathin',
all that kind of shit.
1954
01:39:18,256 --> 01:39:20,955
Bad-ass somomabitches.
1955
01:39:20,998 --> 01:39:24,393
Rocking all the goddamn time!
I ain't no psychologist!
1956
01:39:24,436 --> 01:39:27,004
Then the son of a bitchgonna go upstairs.
1957
01:39:27,048 --> 01:39:30,965
The 2-year-old,
I hear the 2-year-old say,
"Where the cookies and shit?"
1958
01:39:31,661 --> 01:39:33,228
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1959
01:39:39,799 --> 01:39:42,411
He gonna tell her,
"Him downstairs."
1960
01:39:44,587 --> 01:39:46,023
Who the fuck is "him"?
1961
01:39:47,285 --> 01:39:49,287
Like I ain't got no name
or somethin'.
1962
01:39:50,245 --> 01:39:51,768
"Him downstairs."
1963
01:39:53,248 --> 01:39:55,946
The 2-year-old say,
"Well, I'll go get
the shit myself."
1964
01:39:58,427 --> 01:40:01,821
She gonna walk her littlebowlegged ass downstairs.
1965
01:40:01,865 --> 01:40:04,694
I'm standin' in the corner.I watch her get a stepladder.
1966
01:40:04,737 --> 01:40:06,522
She gonna go on overto the refrigerator.
1967
01:40:06,565 --> 01:40:07,827
I said,
"What the fuck you doin'?"
1968
01:40:09,307 --> 01:40:11,179
She looked at me.
"I'm gonna get some milk
and cookies."
1969
01:40:12,354 --> 01:40:14,182
I said, "Didn't I tell
your punk-ass boy
1970
01:40:14,225 --> 01:40:16,010
"he couldn't have
no goddamn cookies?
1971
01:40:16,053 --> 01:40:19,100
"Were you listenin'
when I tell the faggot
he couldn't have none?
1972
01:40:19,143 --> 01:40:20,449
"Now I'm tellin'
your short ass
1973
01:40:20,492 --> 01:40:22,929
"you can't have no goddamn
milk and cookies!
1974
01:40:22,973 --> 01:40:26,237
"Get your punk ass upstairs
before you get fucked-up
around here!"
1975
01:40:26,281 --> 01:40:28,326
Oh, she gonna look at me
like I'm short, you know.
1976
01:40:34,898 --> 01:40:37,901
Oh, North Carolina...
1977
01:40:37,944 --> 01:40:41,600
Everybody in this roomknow what that look mean.
1978
01:40:41,644 --> 01:40:43,863
That look meanyou wanna do somethin' to me.
1979
01:40:45,039 --> 01:40:46,083
So I backed up
1980
01:40:47,519 --> 01:40:48,999
and I told her, "Bust a move."
1981
01:40:51,610 --> 01:40:53,134
"Bust a motherfuckin' move!"
1982
01:40:57,877 --> 01:41:00,054
Gone and made the kid mad!
1983
01:41:00,097 --> 01:41:03,057
See, 'cause back in the day,Big Mama.
1984
01:41:03,100 --> 01:41:05,059
Big Mama was
that old motherfucker
1985
01:41:05,102 --> 01:41:09,585
with that old flower dress onand those swollen-ass ankles.
1986
01:41:09,628 --> 01:41:12,022
And she had a wig on,
be cocked to the side.
1987
01:41:13,371 --> 01:41:16,200
And she slid her feet
when she walked and shit.
1988
01:41:16,244 --> 01:41:19,334
And she hummed. [HUMMING]
1989
01:41:22,163 --> 01:41:23,425
That's what I miss.
1990
01:41:24,165 --> 01:41:25,383
Big Mama.
1991
01:41:25,427 --> 01:41:26,993
You know you got
your ass whooped
1992
01:41:27,037 --> 01:41:28,691
so you couldn't even talk
1993
01:41:28,734 --> 01:41:30,519
when Big Mama was talkin'
to the grown folk.
Remember that?
1994
01:41:30,562 --> 01:41:31,824
When Big Mamawas talkin' to somebody,
1995
01:41:31,868 --> 01:41:33,826
you had to shut whatthey called "the fuck up."
1996
01:41:35,654 --> 01:41:37,700
If Big Mama was talkin'
to somebody, she'd say,
1997
01:41:37,743 --> 01:41:39,310
"Girl, you know,
I went to the store.
1998
01:41:39,354 --> 01:41:40,877
"I got two tomatoes,
1999
01:41:41,834 --> 01:41:44,141
"Some taters, some lettuce..."
2000
01:41:44,185 --> 01:41:45,621
"No, you didn't,
Big Mama. You got..."
2001
01:41:45,664 --> 01:41:49,625
"Like I said, when I got
the motherfucker..."
2002
01:41:49,668 --> 01:41:52,976
She used to knock the pause
in your motherfuckin' ass.
2003
01:41:53,019 --> 01:41:55,370
You know you hurt
when you cry and you pause.
2004
01:41:55,413 --> 01:41:57,981
You ever had a pause?
2005
01:41:58,024 --> 01:42:00,418
When a motherfucker
hits you in your throat,
make your teeth click.
2006
01:42:02,159 --> 01:42:04,901
And you bite the back
of your tongue. You can't cry.
2007
01:42:05,336 --> 01:42:07,077
[BRIEF CRY]
2008
01:42:07,121 --> 01:42:09,732
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
2009
01:42:15,999 --> 01:42:17,740
[IMITATES CRYING]
2010
01:42:21,526 --> 01:42:24,747
When you cry like that,
man, your soul is fucked-up.
2011
01:42:26,096 --> 01:42:28,054
You hurt!
2012
01:42:28,098 --> 01:42:29,360
My Big Mama
used to come to school.
2013
01:42:29,404 --> 01:42:31,188
She never would tell you
when she was gonna come.
2014
01:42:31,232 --> 01:42:33,364
Just pop the fuck up.
2015
01:42:33,408 --> 01:42:35,410
And all of a sudden,
somebody'd walk in the door
2016
01:42:35,453 --> 01:42:37,803
and everybody be whispering,
"Who mama that?
2017
01:42:39,240 --> 01:42:41,285
Who mama that is,
who mama that is?"
2018
01:42:41,329 --> 01:42:42,678
You could always tell
who mama it was,
2019
01:42:42,721 --> 01:42:44,680
'cause they be playin'
like they doin' some work.
2020
01:42:50,251 --> 01:42:52,601
"Oh, that's your
motherfuckin' mama there."
2021
01:42:54,124 --> 01:42:57,649
And they used to slap the shit
outta you in the street.
2022
01:42:57,693 --> 01:42:59,521
Remember how you used to get
a whoopin' in the street?
2023
01:42:59,564 --> 01:43:01,175
Now people get all
in your business.
2024
01:43:01,218 --> 01:43:02,437
"Don't do that.
2025
01:43:03,394 --> 01:43:04,874
"Don't say that."
2026
01:43:04,917 --> 01:43:06,441
They got leashesat the airport.
2027
01:43:06,484 --> 01:43:08,269
I see motherfuckerswith a leash on their kid.
2028
01:43:08,312 --> 01:43:10,140
"Come here. Come here.
2029
01:43:10,967 --> 01:43:13,056
"You're going too far."
2030
01:43:13,099 --> 01:43:16,494
I wish I would put a chain
on my goddamn kid.
2031
01:43:16,538 --> 01:43:18,670
"Stay there. Don't move.
2032
01:43:19,541 --> 01:43:21,412
"Don't move, motherfucker."
2033
01:43:21,456 --> 01:43:23,066
[APPLAUDING]
2034
01:43:24,285 --> 01:43:26,243
"You shouldn't do that."
"Shut the fuck up."
2035
01:43:32,510 --> 01:43:34,817
People getin your goddamn business.
2036
01:43:34,860 --> 01:43:37,820
Always wanna tell you
what you can and cannot do.
"Don't say this."
2037
01:43:37,863 --> 01:43:40,736
Fuck you. Don't you tell me
what the fuck to do.
2038
01:43:40,779 --> 01:43:42,651
I'll kick my kid's ass.
2039
01:43:43,478 --> 01:43:45,175
I'll beat him in his sleep.
2040
01:43:46,307 --> 01:43:47,960
Put some Kool-Aidon their eyes and lips
2041
01:43:48,004 --> 01:43:49,527
so they can't hollerand can't see.
2042
01:43:50,920 --> 01:43:53,227
Take them out in the cornerand wear their ass out.
2043
01:43:54,053 --> 01:43:55,533
That's how you do the shit.
2044
01:43:55,577 --> 01:43:57,796
'Cause everybody in this roomgot disciplined.
2045
01:43:57,840 --> 01:44:00,451
Every man in this room,we sit here,we laugh and joke.
2046
01:44:00,495 --> 01:44:03,672
This is cool. But we scaredof a woman for some reason.
2047
01:44:03,715 --> 01:44:05,848
I ain't talkin'about scared like a punk.
2048
01:44:05,891 --> 01:44:08,024
'Cause look at them women.I asked you to clap.
2049
01:44:08,067 --> 01:44:09,765
'Cause y'all some noseysomomabitches, too.
2050
01:44:11,941 --> 01:44:13,595
See, women like to be
your mama, your daddy,
2051
01:44:13,638 --> 01:44:16,337
your uncle,
your accountant, your pastor.
2052
01:44:16,380 --> 01:44:19,296
They wanna tell you
what to do, when to come,
where you're goin'.
2053
01:44:19,340 --> 01:44:21,080
"Who you talkin' to?
2054
01:44:21,124 --> 01:44:22,256
"Who over there?
2055
01:44:22,908 --> 01:44:24,258
"Sit down here.
2056
01:44:25,302 --> 01:44:26,695
"Don't park the car there.
2057
01:44:27,652 --> 01:44:28,653
"Slow down.
2058
01:44:29,350 --> 01:44:30,394
"Light red.
2059
01:44:31,221 --> 01:44:32,222
"Stop.
2060
01:44:32,744 --> 01:44:33,745
"Look out.
2061
01:44:34,398 --> 01:44:35,791
"Taste this."
2062
01:44:35,834 --> 01:44:38,402
Shut the fuck up.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
2063
01:44:41,753 --> 01:44:43,668
When you family,
when you love,
2064
01:44:43,712 --> 01:44:45,714
a lot of things
come along with that.
2065
01:44:45,757 --> 01:44:47,542
That's what I try
to tell my aunt.
2066
01:44:47,585 --> 01:44:49,108
So I got a auntie.Everybody got somebody
2067
01:44:49,152 --> 01:44:51,720
in the familythat ain't properly right.
2068
01:44:51,763 --> 01:44:53,852
Everybody got somebodyin their family
2069
01:44:53,896 --> 01:44:56,290
that don't do rightby everybody.
2070
01:44:56,333 --> 01:44:59,815
I got my auntie.Man, she treat the kidslike shit, you know?
2071
01:44:59,858 --> 01:45:01,991
You know, she's real uppity.
2072
01:45:02,034 --> 01:45:04,298
She sure she wanna be herself.
2073
01:45:04,341 --> 01:45:07,083
You know, she treat her kids
like they up here,
2074
01:45:07,126 --> 01:45:10,739
but she treat everybody else
like they fuckin' down here.
2075
01:45:10,782 --> 01:45:13,263
That's what I don't like
about her. You know.
2076
01:45:13,307 --> 01:45:16,048
She treat her kids
like they special.
2077
01:45:16,092 --> 01:45:17,528
She got my little nephew.
2078
01:45:17,572 --> 01:45:19,748
She got the school bus
pickin' this motherfucker up,
2079
01:45:19,791 --> 01:45:21,924
and the school
directly across the street.
2080
01:45:25,319 --> 01:45:26,624
He's four,
2081
01:45:26,668 --> 01:45:29,671
but he stutter real bad.
He's kinda slow.
2082
01:45:29,714 --> 01:45:32,064
He stutter real...
One of those... [STUTTERING]
2083
01:45:33,718 --> 01:45:36,330
He one of them type
of motherfuckers, you know?
2084
01:45:36,373 --> 01:45:37,331
You know, he...
2085
01:45:40,116 --> 01:45:42,031
I told her to go take that
motherfucker to get looked at.
2086
01:45:42,074 --> 01:45:44,555
She won't ever do it.
She'll won't see
nothing wrong with him.
2087
01:45:44,599 --> 01:45:47,428
He on the corner
waitin' on the school bus.
2088
01:45:47,471 --> 01:45:50,605
The school bus pull up,
open the door.
2089
01:45:50,648 --> 01:45:52,781
He walks up, asks a question.
2090
01:45:53,303 --> 01:45:56,611
[STAMMERING]
2091
01:46:09,232 --> 01:46:11,582
Bus driver close the doorand drove the fuck off.
2092
01:46:14,455 --> 01:46:16,500
Next day, same corner.
2093
01:46:18,284 --> 01:46:21,418
Brother on the corner.Bus driver pulled up,opened the door.
2094
01:46:21,462 --> 01:46:23,812
He did it again! [STAMMERING]
2095
01:46:36,607 --> 01:46:39,088
Bus driver close the door
and drove the fuck off.
2096
01:46:40,655 --> 01:46:42,483
He ain't got time
for this shit here.
2097
01:46:43,179 --> 01:46:44,310
Oh, he mad now.
2098
01:46:45,311 --> 01:46:47,444
He go home and tell my auntie.
2099
01:46:47,488 --> 01:46:49,141
My auntie,
"Ain't this a bitch?
2100
01:46:49,968 --> 01:46:51,927
"This shit is wrong.
2101
01:46:51,970 --> 01:46:54,669
"I'm goin' to school
with you in the morning,
2102
01:46:54,712 --> 01:46:57,715
"and I wish that bus driver
will drive off
2103
01:46:57,759 --> 01:47:00,936
"and I bet it's gonna be
some smoke in the city."
2104
01:47:00,979 --> 01:47:03,982
Oh, she took my little nephew,put him on the corner.
2105
01:47:04,026 --> 01:47:05,331
She went in
the bushes and hid.
2106
01:47:06,985 --> 01:47:11,120
School bus pulled up on time,
same corner, opened the door.
2107
01:47:11,163 --> 01:47:13,339
He did it again.
[STAMMERING]
2108
01:47:21,522 --> 01:47:23,654
Bus driver did like this...
Closed the door.
2109
01:47:23,698 --> 01:47:26,004
My auntie jumped out.
"Hold on,
2110
01:47:26,875 --> 01:47:28,790
"black somomabitch!
2111
01:47:30,008 --> 01:47:32,010
"What's your damn problem?
2112
01:47:32,054 --> 01:47:34,665
"Deny my son his edimication!"
2113
01:47:36,362 --> 01:47:39,975
Bus driver jumped off
the bus and said, "He..."
2114
01:47:40,758 --> 01:47:43,021
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
2115
01:47:45,546 --> 01:47:47,461
[STAMMERING]
2116
01:47:49,375 --> 01:47:51,595
"He was teasing me."
2117
01:47:51,639 --> 01:47:53,902
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CHEERING]
2118
01:47:55,251 --> 01:47:57,079
[APPLAUDING]
2119
01:48:01,692 --> 01:48:03,215
It's all love, baby.
2120
01:48:04,347 --> 01:48:06,654
So you know what,
North Carolina?
2121
01:48:06,697 --> 01:48:10,658
If we stand up here
and we laugh and joke,
everybody say,
2122
01:48:10,701 --> 01:48:13,487
"You shouldn't say this.
You shouldn't say that."
2123
01:48:13,530 --> 01:48:15,489
See, fun is fun.
2124
01:48:16,098 --> 01:48:17,708
Jokes is jokes.
2125
01:48:17,752 --> 01:48:20,189
Ain't nobody...
This is an expression.
2126
01:48:20,232 --> 01:48:22,365
We talk this language.
We talk this every day.
2127
01:48:22,408 --> 01:48:23,714
You hear it, you know it.
2128
01:48:23,758 --> 01:48:25,586
It ain't nothin'
to be ashamed of.
2129
01:48:25,629 --> 01:48:28,327
See, when everybody say,
"You talk this way.
2130
01:48:28,371 --> 01:48:30,242
"You talk this way.
You talk that way."
2131
01:48:30,286 --> 01:48:33,419
I had a white guy tell me,
he said, "Bern,
2132
01:48:33,463 --> 01:48:38,076
"why do black people
always use
the word 'motherfucker'?"
2133
01:48:38,120 --> 01:48:43,821
Well, I'm gonna break down
what the word "motherfucker"
actually means.
2134
01:48:43,865 --> 01:48:48,522
"Motherfucker" is something
that black folks have been
using for years.
2135
01:48:49,305 --> 01:48:51,786
It's about expression.
2136
01:48:51,829 --> 01:48:55,616
Don't be ashamed
of the word "motherfucker,"
2137
01:48:55,659 --> 01:48:57,748
'cause the word
"motherfucker" is a noun.
2138
01:48:59,184 --> 01:49:02,536
It describes a person,
place or thing.
2139
01:49:02,971 --> 01:49:05,713
[LAUGHS]
2140
01:49:05,756 --> 01:49:08,193
You know, when you hear
about us black folk, we loud.
2141
01:49:08,237 --> 01:49:09,455
That's our defense mechanism.
2142
01:49:09,499 --> 01:49:11,719
We loud. We talk aggressive,
you know?
2143
01:49:11,762 --> 01:49:13,851
[IMITATES AGGRESSIVE TALK]
2144
01:49:13,895 --> 01:49:15,853
"You know, we ain't gonna do
nothin' to you. We ain't gonna
do nothin' to you."
2145
01:49:15,897 --> 01:49:19,117
We'll tell you in a minute,
"I'll blow this
motherfucker up," you know?
2146
01:49:19,161 --> 01:49:21,859
You ain't never knowna black terroristin a day of your life.
2147
01:49:21,903 --> 01:49:24,862
You ain't never knowna black man to blow upa goddamn thing.
2148
01:49:24,906 --> 01:49:28,387
First of all, where yougonna buy the dynamite from,and from who?
2149
01:49:28,431 --> 01:49:30,215
The first time you tryand buy some dynamite,
2150
01:49:30,259 --> 01:49:31,913
he goin' to jail
like a motherfucker.
2151
01:49:33,262 --> 01:49:36,091
It's just expression.
I had a guy, man...
2152
01:49:36,134 --> 01:49:38,049
White people,
when you see my people,
2153
01:49:38,093 --> 01:49:39,573
you see 'em in
the social places.
2154
01:49:39,616 --> 01:49:41,662
You see 'em in the mall.
You see 'em in
the bowling alley.
2155
01:49:41,705 --> 01:49:43,489
You might see three
or four brothers together.
2156
01:49:43,533 --> 01:49:46,405
You might hear the word
"motherfucker" 32 times.
2157
01:49:47,842 --> 01:49:51,889
And you might hear just
two regular English words.
2158
01:49:51,933 --> 01:49:54,588
But the conversation makes
sense like a motherfucker.
2159
01:49:57,155 --> 01:49:59,636
Everybody can understand it.
2160
01:49:59,680 --> 01:50:02,378
Don't be afraid
of the word "motherfucker."
2161
01:50:02,421 --> 01:50:04,293
I'm gonna
break it down to you.
2162
01:50:04,336 --> 01:50:06,121
If you out there
this afternoon
2163
01:50:06,164 --> 01:50:08,297
and you see about three
or four brothers talkin',
2164
01:50:08,340 --> 01:50:11,300
you might hear a conversation,
and it go like this.
2165
01:50:13,737 --> 01:50:16,610
"You seen that
motherfuckin' Bobby?
2166
01:50:16,653 --> 01:50:20,744
"That motherfucker owe me
35 motherfuckin' dollars.
2167
01:50:20,788 --> 01:50:24,313
"He told me he gonna pay
my motherfuckin' money
last motherfuckin' week.
2168
01:50:25,662 --> 01:50:28,970
"I ain't seen
this motherfucker yet.
2169
01:50:29,013 --> 01:50:33,931
"I'm not gonna chase
this motherfucker for my
35 motherfuckin' dollars.
2170
01:50:33,975 --> 01:50:37,718
"I called the motherfucker
four motherfuckin' times,
2171
01:50:37,761 --> 01:50:39,720
"but the motherfucker
won't call me back.
2172
01:50:40,982 --> 01:50:44,072
"I called his mama
the other motherfuckin' day.
2173
01:50:44,115 --> 01:50:46,901
"She gonna play like
the motherfucker weren't in.
2174
01:50:46,944 --> 01:50:49,686
"I started to cuss
her motherfuckin' ass out,
2175
01:50:51,340 --> 01:50:53,516
"but I didn't want
no motherfuckin' trouble.
2176
01:50:55,213 --> 01:50:57,999
"But I'll tell you
one motherfuckin' thing.
2177
01:50:58,042 --> 01:51:01,480
"The next motherfuckin' time
I see this motherfucker,
2178
01:51:01,524 --> 01:51:04,527
"and he ain't got
my motherfuckin' money,
2179
01:51:04,570 --> 01:51:08,052
"I'm gonna bust
his motherfuckin' head!"
2180
01:51:08,096 --> 01:51:09,837
And I'm out this motherfucker.
2181
01:51:09,880 --> 01:51:13,101
[APPLAUDING]
2182
01:51:13,144 --> 01:51:15,538
[MUSIC PLAYING]
2183
01:51:29,900 --> 01:51:31,946
I'm Cedric the Entertainer,
2184
01:51:31,989 --> 01:51:35,297
and I play
much like Avery Johnson.
2185
01:51:35,340 --> 01:51:37,299
And I love the game
of basketball.
2186
01:51:37,342 --> 01:51:39,823
And when I pass it
to my teammates,
2187
01:51:39,867 --> 01:51:41,738
the Twin Towers here,
2188
01:51:41,782 --> 01:51:43,827
who would be Tim Duncan
2189
01:51:43,871 --> 01:51:46,700
and David Robinson
"The Admiral".
2190
01:51:46,743 --> 01:51:48,571
I gotta go with Phil Jackson.Phil.
2191
01:51:48,614 --> 01:51:51,008
You know, 'cause Phil, man,
he's a philosopher, man.
2192
01:51:51,052 --> 01:51:52,140
Yeah. Motivato...
2193
01:51:52,183 --> 01:51:53,924
Motivator. He'll teach ya.
2194
01:51:53,968 --> 01:51:57,014
Here's Phil Jackson, you know,
[IMITATES PHIL] "Scotty!"[LAUGHS]
2195
01:51:57,058 --> 01:51:58,102
[WHISTLES]
2196
01:51:58,146 --> 01:52:00,844
[ALL LAUGHING]
2197
01:52:02,933 --> 01:52:06,241
And that's rare, too.A white man with a high ass.That's rare.
2198
01:52:06,284 --> 01:52:09,810
The player that epitomizes meis old Kareem.He don't do nothin'.
2199
01:52:10,462 --> 01:52:12,116
And you know what?
2200
01:52:12,160 --> 01:52:14,423
No matter how much skill,
nobody got to find
a way to win.
2201
01:52:14,466 --> 01:52:16,381
He's Phil Jackson.
"Scotty!"Just like Kareem.
2202
01:52:16,425 --> 01:52:18,688
Keep comin'"Scotty! Scotty!"
2203
01:52:18,732 --> 01:52:20,646
STEVE: I think the playerin the league now
2204
01:52:20,690 --> 01:52:22,561
that best describes my comedy
2205
01:52:22,605 --> 01:52:24,520
is Gary Payton
of the Seattle Sonics.
2206
01:52:24,563 --> 01:52:26,348
What's up brother?STEVE: The Glove!
2207
01:52:26,391 --> 01:52:30,526
He d'd up. He got offense.He's well-respected.
2208
01:52:30,569 --> 01:52:32,658
He talk a lot of trash.He talk a lot of shit.
2209
01:52:32,702 --> 01:52:34,399
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
2210
01:52:34,443 --> 01:52:36,880
And, man, neither one of usis that attractive.
2211
01:52:36,924 --> 01:52:40,536
Then probably, my other
player would be Sprewell.
2212
01:52:40,579 --> 01:52:42,843
'Cause sometime my comedy
just chokes shit outta you.
2213
01:52:42,886 --> 01:52:44,061
[LAUGHS]
2214
01:52:44,105 --> 01:52:47,412
I'll choke the shit outta you.Y'all know me.
2215
01:52:47,456 --> 01:52:49,545
Look at my eyes. I'm crazy.[ALL LAUGHING]
2216
01:52:49,588 --> 01:52:51,634
I might come off nice,
2217
01:52:51,677 --> 01:52:53,941
and I might seem
like a good guy.
2218
01:52:53,984 --> 01:52:55,203
I'm wild.
2219
01:52:55,246 --> 01:52:59,381
♪ I'll make a pit stop
Hit your hot spot
2220
01:52:59,424 --> 01:53:03,298
♪ Back seat drop top
'Till your drawers drop
2221
01:53:03,341 --> 01:53:07,911
♪ Trouble with cops
Rooftop will be
our next spot
2222
01:53:07,955 --> 01:53:12,698
♪ Non-stop going hard
Just like a sweat shop
2223
01:53:12,742 --> 01:53:15,527
♪ I got a girl with a kid
But I'm leavin' town
2224
01:53:16,615 --> 01:53:17,834
Man, it's over.
2225
01:53:18,922 --> 01:53:21,446
All this time. Two years.
2226
01:53:22,273 --> 01:53:24,928
And then you walk.
2227
01:53:24,972 --> 01:53:28,671
And you don't know
how you feel until
you get to this point.
2228
01:53:30,020 --> 01:53:32,544
♪ I got chicks in LA
just to rub me down
2229
01:53:32,588 --> 01:53:34,416
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
2230
01:53:34,459 --> 01:53:38,202
♪ I got ladies
on the low hid in Chinatown
2231
01:53:38,246 --> 01:53:41,553
♪ Even got worldwide chicks
hittin' me on my cell
2232
01:53:43,251 --> 01:53:46,689
How do I feel?
I don't even know.
2233
01:53:46,732 --> 01:53:49,170
♪ Tell me what you want What you want, what you need
2234
01:53:49,213 --> 01:53:52,086
♪ What you want,
what you need ♪ Tell it, baby
2235
01:53:52,129 --> 01:53:55,002
This is the last walk.
The last time.
2236
01:53:55,654 --> 01:53:57,221
Sweet!
2237
01:53:57,265 --> 01:53:59,354
♪ What you want,
what you need
2238
01:53:59,397 --> 01:54:02,052
♪ Tell me, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ What you want,
what you need
2239
01:54:02,096 --> 01:54:03,880
♪ What you want ♪ Your little bit of lovin'
is good for me
2240
01:54:03,924 --> 01:54:07,797
♪ Ooh, baby ♪ Na, na, na, na
2241
01:54:07,841 --> 01:54:10,669
Hey, Charlotte,
we love y'all. Good night.
2242
01:54:10,713 --> 01:54:12,889
Y'all stay black. Peace.
2243
01:54:12,933 --> 01:54:15,457
♪ Na, na, na, na
2244
01:54:16,458 --> 01:54:18,286
♪ I'm gonna get it, girl
2245
01:54:19,940 --> 01:54:21,855
♪ Your little bit of lovin'
is good for me
2246
01:54:21,898 --> 01:54:24,205
♪ Just gonna go bye-bye
When I'm settled in
2247
01:54:26,729 --> 01:54:29,906
♪ No more living
like this again
2248
01:54:29,950 --> 01:54:34,780
♪ So when the clock
strikes ten tonight
2249
01:54:34,824 --> 01:54:38,523
♪ I'll be ditching
I'll be heading out
2250
01:54:38,567 --> 01:54:42,919
♪ No doubt, my arms
is where you need to be
2251
01:54:42,963 --> 01:54:47,402
♪ So grab your things
You're comin' home with me
2252
01:54:47,445 --> 01:54:50,405
♪ On top and moaning
while you're boning me
2253
01:54:51,754 --> 01:54:54,365
♪ I'll curl your toes And then you're off to sleep
2254
01:54:54,409 --> 01:54:56,628
♪ A little bit of dollar
is good for me ♪ Sleep
2255
01:54:56,672 --> 01:55:00,067
♪ What you want, what you need What you want, what you need
2256
01:55:00,110 --> 01:55:02,460
♪ Sleep ♪ What you want,
what you need
2257
01:55:02,504 --> 01:55:04,419
♪ What you want,
what you need ♪
2258
01:55:04,462 --> 01:55:06,769
♪ Sleep ♪ What you want,
what you need
2259
01:55:06,812 --> 01:55:08,771
♪ What you want,
what you need
2260
01:55:08,814 --> 01:55:11,121
♪ Sleep ♪ What you want,
what you need
2261
01:55:11,165 --> 01:55:12,427
♪ What you want
2262
01:55:12,470 --> 01:55:14,342
♪ A little bit of dollar
Is good for me
2263
01:55:14,385 --> 01:55:16,997
[VOCALIZING]
2264
01:55:20,565 --> 01:55:23,090
♪ A little bit of dollar
is good for me ♪
177048
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