Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
0
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:24,500
^.^.^.^.subtitles by.^.^.^.^®Sud_Arun collections®
1
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:50,951
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
2
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,037
Hey, babe.
So happy to see you!
3
00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,232
Hi! I got your flowers.
That was so sweet of you.
4
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:02,960
Of course.
Well, I know you're finishing
5
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,433
your Global Health
paper today
6
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,176
and you've been working
really hard on it.
7
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:10,193
Well, I'm almost done,
so, maybe
8
00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:14,797
you want to come over
and Netflix and chill and...
9
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:16,240
What?
10
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:19,198
You mean you want to fuck?
11
00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,237
I did not say that! (LAUGHS)
12
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:22,435
Oh, my God!
I know.
13
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,120
No! I was being
more subtle than that!
14
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:25,200
I know. I'm sorry.
15
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:27,555
Yes, I am so down for that.
16
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,438
It's been like
three fucking days.
17
00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,160
My balls are
so blue right now,
18
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:33,793
like dark blue,
Uh-oh.
19
00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:34,949
Like almost black.
20
00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,076
No, I'm fucking serious.
Here, check it out.
21
00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,589
I believe you.
(LAUGHING) I believe you.
22
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:40,760
Okay.
23
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,831
I'll see your
almost-black balls later.
24
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:43,920
Cool, Steph.
25
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,076
Come over any time after 6:00.
Okay, hun?
26
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,117
Okay. Dude,
we are going to Netflix
27
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,873
and chill this shit so hard.
28
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:54,077
Peaky Blinders. Kimmy Schmidt!
29
00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:55,593
Movember's over.
30
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,554
Time to shave the pornstache.
31
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,514
Sorry. Making a Murderer!
32
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,119
Narcos!
(LAUGHING)
33
00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:06,033
Stranger Things!
34
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,555
Black balls!
35
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,556
SCOTTY : Anyways,
Ned followed his dreams
36
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,517
and turned a run-down
old printing press
37
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:29,953
into the industry
powerhouse
38
00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,156
known today
as the Fleming Company.
39
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:33,976
(ALL CHEERING)
Best boss in the world!
40
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,036
The Fleming Company!
41
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:37,394
SCOTTY : We're talking
42
00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,551
brochures for
Steelcase furniture,
43
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,876
half the specialty jobs
in Grand Rapids
44
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:45,555
and who could forget
the Domino's Pizza circular?
45
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:47,915
(WHOOPING)
46
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,831
But before all that...
47
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,151
Ned met a young Michigan
Wolverine, Barbara Welsh.
48
00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,032
How did this
older guy get me?
49
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:58,715
Ned took her on their first date
to see his favorite band...
50
00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:01,997
Kiss!
Kiss!
51
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:03,434
My favorite band, too!
52
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:04,828
Rock and roll!
53
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,353
A few years later,
54
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,715
the stork brought
my sister, Stephanie.
55
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:10,199
ALL : Aw!
56
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,032
WOMAN : She's so cute.
57
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,871
SCOTTY :
They weren't close at all.
58
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,395
Oh, dropping her off at school.
Yeah.
59
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:20,119
Then came me, Scotty F.
60
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,349
Did we have another child?
61
00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:23,456
I forgot about that second baby.
Oh, we had another child.
62
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:24,629
Anyways, Big Cheese.
63
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:27,840
I'm sorry, guys.
64
00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:29,911
I promised myself
I wasn't gonna do this.
65
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,353
ALL : Aw...
66
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,072
But I love you, Dad.
Happy Birthday.
67
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:34,195
Way to go, Scotty!
68
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,793
I love you, too, buddy.
69
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,200
Thank you. Wow!
(ALL APPLAUDING)
70
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,472
That was fantastic.
71
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,440
We've got
one last surprise for you.
72
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:42,920
That's right.
Ladies and gentlemen,
73
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,752
live from her dorm room
at Stanford...
74
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,751
it's my sister, Stephanie!
75
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,195
(ALL CHEERING)
76
00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:50,679
Hi, everyone!
Hey, honey!
77
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,592
Hey, Steph!
Hey, it's Kevin!
78
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,352
STEPHANIE : Hi, Kevin!
Kevin.
79
00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,317
Can we see?
Sorry.
80
00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,198
Hi, Momma.
Hi!
81
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:00,395
Hi, Dad.
82
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:01,754
The birthday boy.
83
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:02,955
Hey, honey.
84
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:04,871
You guys look like
you're having so much fun.
85
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:06,519
And I wish I could
be there with you.
86
00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:08,278
She's so sweet.
87
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:09,759
Yeah.
Get out.
88
00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,036
Yeah, I just wanted to say,
Dad, that I love you.
89
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,519
I love you, too, honey.
90
00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:14,908
I love you more.
No, you don't.
91
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:16,240
Love you to the moon
and back.
92
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,072
I'll let you win this round.
Okay, Pops?
93
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,388
(LAUGHS)
94
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,317
Even though you're now like...
95
00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:23,675
...ancient.
96
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:25,159
You are still...
97
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:26,400
What are you doing here?
98
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:27,993
LAIRD : You asked me
to come over.
99
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,696
STEPHANIE : You're early.
I said after 6:00.
100
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:30,896
LAIRD : All right.
Give me a sec,
101
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,016
I'm on the phone.
LAIRD : Got it.
102
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,296
STEPHANIE : Sorry.
It's just my friend. Anyway.
103
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:36,676
(SINGING)
Happy birthday to you
104
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:38,836
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Oh, my goodness.
105
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,115
Oh, Laird, what are you...
106
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,336
LAIRD : Go finish your call.
107
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,320
I'm just getting ready
to Netflix and chill, baby.
108
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:44,840
No, not now, Laird.
Oh, my goodness.
109
00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:45,920
LAIRD : Kimmy Schmidt!
110
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,176
STEPHANIE : Pull up your pants.
Marco Polo.
111
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:48,918
Oh, my God!
(ALL GROANING)
112
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:51,640
How do you make it stop?
(CAMERA CLICKS)
113
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:53,096
Whoa, whoa, Mom,
you just took a screenshot.
114
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,475
Happy, happy birthday
Happy, happy birthday
115
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:56,696
Kevin, help her out. Kevin.
116
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:58,790
Happy birthday, happy birthday
117
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,393
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
(BARB SCREAMING)
118
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:07,758
(CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
119
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:13,628
Mi oh my,
it's a wonderful life
120
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:18,510
It's a wonderful life
with you by my side
121
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:22,195
Mi oh my,
it's a wonderful life
122
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:26,990
It's a wonderful life
with you by my side
123
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:28,816
Hey, there he is.
Happy birthday, Big Cheese.
124
00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:29,840
Thanks, Jim.
125
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:32,713
Jerry.
Hey, Ned.
126
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:33,936
Fun dinner last night.
Hey, Jerry.
127
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:34,960
Thanks. Lou.
128
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,360
Hey, Cheese,
can I have a minute?
129
00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:38,232
Sure. Good morning, Joyce.
130
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:39,839
Great party.
131
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,638
Hold all his calls.
132
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,513
NED : You gotta
be kidding me.
133
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,432
Big Lots is
bailing out on us?
134
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,318
We've had that account
since '06.
135
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:51,277
They're moving all their
print work to China.
136
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:52,440
Oh, God.
137
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,398
Cheese, we're already getting
pummeled by Evite, Stamp-Free
138
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:56,959
and the rest of those
dot-coms.
139
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,634
And at this rate,
we'll be Chapter 11 by March.
140
00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,080
What about
Dick's Sporting Goods?
141
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:04,118
Well, I mean, I'm still
trading calls with my guy.
142
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,236
But, Ned,
can I be honest with you?
143
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,000
I can't keep this
from Patty much longer.
144
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,874
Lou, haven't I
kept us going?
145
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,795
Yeah. I mean,
it's what you do.
146
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,554
I just need a little
more time. That's all.
147
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,711
You are the maestro.
148
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:21,075
Maybe you'll pull off
a Christmas miracle.
149
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,549
Yeah.
Yeah.
150
00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,915
By the way, good job keeping
that game face last night.
151
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,000
Oh. Thanks.
152
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:28,399
That was some
shindig, man.
153
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:29,480
Yeah, it was fun.
154
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,152
Well, till the kid
had his farter
155
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:32,673
all over the screen
in 3-D.
156
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:33,989
I was like, "Whoa!
157
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:35,480
"That's a lot, man."
158
00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:36,640
NED : And get this...
159
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,358
Stephanie now wants us
to fly out...
160
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,159
to meet the man behind the
crack over the holidays.
161
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:42,760
With everything
that's going on here,
162
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,096
that's the last thing
I want to do.
163
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:45,439
Well, hold on now.
164
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,158
This is the first
serious boyfriend?
165
00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,391
Yeah. Apparently.
166
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,639
I mean, it's so strange.
167
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:56,031
I mean, Stephanie and I
have always been so close.
168
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,919
And yet she has never even
mentioned this guy.
169
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,354
That's the way
it goes, Cheese.
170
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,915
I thought I knew everything
about Lou Junior,
171
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,280
when he was down
at Ohio State.
172
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:05,789
Out of nowhere,
173
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:07,757
he comes dragging home
this Buckeye
174
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:10,753
that he's been dating
for over a year.
175
00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:12,319
No.
Yeah.
176
00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,153
Nice girl, but still.
She's so controlling.
177
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:17,318
I'm sorry.
I don't mean it like that
178
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:18,879
because I don't know her
that well.
179
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,274
But I don't like her.
180
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,668
I don't.
Lou.
181
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,353
It's just what happens,
you know?
182
00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,476
Lou, what is the point
of all this?
183
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:27,199
Go out there and meet him.
184
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:29,271
I know we going through
a lot right now
185
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,830
but hell, Lou Junior is talking
about getting married in May.
186
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:33,920
Married.
187
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,070
Once they're not
under your roof,
188
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,191
there's no telling
what they're into.
189
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:39,793
Oh, uh, that reminds me.
190
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:41,336
He does want you
to speak at the wedding
191
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,669
and say some kind words.
Oh.
192
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,195
I told him that I would
talk to you about it.
193
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,960
And they'd like to get married
at your house in the backyard.
194
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,031
Well...
But anyway...
195
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:55,313
I'm just saying you might want to
get out there and meet this kid.
196
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:56,708
Because, I mean,
you saw it.
197
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:59,155
You saw it,
he's a free spirit.
198
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:00,880
You mean...
199
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:02,593
You heard him
come into the room.
200
00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:04,512
He came in there guns blazing.
201
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,752
He had that revved up energy
where he was like...
202
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:09,075
bow-bow-bow-bow.
203
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,390
He just wants to go
and go and go...
204
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,710
and just morning,
noon and night,
205
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:15,199
and "Stephanie, here I am.
206
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:17,920
"Stephanie, here I come.
I'm coming again."
207
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,672
I remember being that age,
don't you?
208
00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:21,159
Just always ready.
209
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,754
(EXCLAIMING)
210
00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:25,309
(TIRES SCREECH)
211
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,016
(WOMAN SINGING)
Come on, it's lovely weather
212
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:33,235
For a sleigh ride
together with you
213
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:35,314
Thanks for coming.
214
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:40,716
Oh, gosh,
it is so gorgeous here.
215
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,030
I'm very excited that you
guys are all out here.
216
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,200
BARB : We're very excited.
217
00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,096
There's a few things that
I wanna tell you about Laird
218
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:49,032
that I didn't feel like getting into
over the phone because...
219
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,348
Watch, honey...
220
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:51,949
You missed our exit.
221
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,496
STEPHANIE : Actually,
I missed it on purpose.
222
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:54,953
Laird and I thought,
223
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,670
it'd be better if we all
stayed at his house.
224
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:58,795
NED : His house?
225
00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:00,720
When did this come up?
Did you know about this?
226
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,071
Are you sure
his parents have enough room?
227
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:05,616
I mean, he doesn't
live with his parents.
228
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:08,029
Honey, we're not gonna be
comfortable at some crash pad.
229
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,589
He lives by himself.
It's not a crash pad,
230
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,318
but it's much nicer
than the Sheraton.
231
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:13,913
NED : Nicer than
the club floor?
232
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:15,399
I smooth-talked the manager.
233
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,516
We got a suite
at the regular rate.
234
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,636
What? That's what
I'm talking about, Big Cheese.
235
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,438
That is impressive.
We have to turn back.
236
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,192
Free continental breakfast.
Yes.
237
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:24,736
Mint on the pillow,
turndown service,
238
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,056
all things available
at the Sheraton.
239
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,536
I mean, is your lover
going to have that?
240
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,790
Your lover? Your lover?
241
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,956
We already all know
that you've seen his penis.
242
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:33,109
STEPHANIE : What?
Scott!
243
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:34,200
SCOTTY : What?
244
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:37,951
(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)
245
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:41,476
Sleigh bells ring
Are you listening
246
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:42,948
BARB : Well, this is cute.
247
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:44,872
STEPHANIE : Actually,
this is the gatehouse.
248
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:46,595
NED : Gatehouse?
249
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,917
A beautiful sight
We're happy tonight
250
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,000
SCOTTY : What the heck?
251
00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,310
Is that
a facial recognition scanner?
252
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:55,555
Mmm-hmm.
253
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:56,834
That's so cool.
254
00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:02,433
Gone away is the bluebird
Here to stay is the new bird
255
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:04,158
The hedge is moving.
256
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:08,114
He sings a love song
As we go along
257
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,714
Walking in a winter wonderland
258
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,917
Honey, who exactly
are you dating?
259
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,976
Laird started this company
called Guerrilla Gang.
260
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,399
You play Ape Assassins,
right?
261
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:18,754
Are you kidding me?
262
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:20,256
Yeah, that was my jam
in the eighth grade.
263
00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:21,280
Great, that's him.
264
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,476
So, he makes video games?
265
00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,280
SCOTTY : Apps, Dad.
STEPHANIE : This is it!
266
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:26,793
BARB : This is his house?
Mmm-hmm.
267
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,316
Are you sure this isn't
an Apple Store or something?
268
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:30,760
(IN A GERMAN ACCENT)
Oh, my God.
269
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,239
What is up, you gang?
270
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:33,634
STEPHANIE : I know!
271
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,756
The Flemings are here.
You have arrived!
272
00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,717
Hi, buddy. Hi.
273
00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,434
Hello, sweetheart.
274
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,549
Don't touch anything.
How was traffic?
275
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:43,696
It was okay.
Hi, they're here!
276
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:44,720
NED : Hello.
277
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,153
Hello to you, Ned Fleming.
278
00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:48,760
Barbara.
Yes.
279
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,110
You are perfect.
280
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,271
Well, thank you.
Oh, my God.
281
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,120
And this must be the main man.
Scotty, huh?
282
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,151
Yup.
All right. Hey. (LAUGHS)
283
00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,033
Who are you?
STEPHANIE : Gustav.
284
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,553
I am Gustav. Yes.
285
00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,078
I never know
how to describe you.
286
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,312
Um, well, estate manager
is cool, Stephy, yes.
287
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:07,515
That works.
288
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,875
I used to run
the Four Seasons group in Asia
289
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,473
but after some point,
you know,
290
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:13,336
the corporate life becomes
a bit of a snooze-fest.
291
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:15,157
You know, "Tiffany's this,
Cartier that."
292
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,715
But, you know. Just dot,
dot, dot. Enough already.
293
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,472
You know what I'm
talking about, Ned.
294
00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:20,840
Oh, yeah. Sure.
(GUSTAV LAUGHS)
295
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:21,960
Boring.
296
00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:23,673
Where's Laird?
Laird is upstairs.
297
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:25,592
He is just finishing
a teleconference.
298
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:26,720
He'll be right out.
299
00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,279
Oh, okay.
Why don't we go up then?
300
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:29,360
Laird, I'm Ned.
301
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:30,440
No, no, no.
302
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:31,576
No, this is Randy.
That's not Laird.
303
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:32,600
He's our intern.
304
00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:36,036
Just graduated
summa cum laude at MIT.
305
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,997
So Randy, shake a leg.
Get their luggages.
306
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:39,309
Yes, sir.
307
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:43,075
The motherfucking Flemings
are in the house!
308
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,160
Yes!
309
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,030
This is fucking awesome!
310
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,111
Get up here.
I'm so psyched to meet you.
311
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,280
Family, baby.
Fuck yeah!
312
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:54,999
Oh, my God.
313
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:56,513
Scotty.
314
00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:59,752
Yes, my brotha!
Welcome.
315
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,148
Hey, Barb.
Hi.
316
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:03,869
Oh.
317
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:05,960
Welcome.
318
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,071
Hey, Ned. All right.
319
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,593
Oh, yes.
320
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,038
Yes.
Yes.
321
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,474
Yes.
So glad you're here.
322
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:14,834
Yes.
Hey. Hi.
323
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:16,075
Hey, baby.
Hi.
324
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:18,909
I fucking missed you.
325
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,196
Why aren't you wearing a shirt
on your body?
326
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:22,280
Oh.
327
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,520
Don't worry about that.
I have a little surprise.
328
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,273
Let's stay half an hour and
then we go back to the hotel.
329
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,032
That's a good plan.
Thank you.
330
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,553
Dad, come on.
This place is so sick.
331
00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:32,477
Yeah, it's sick.
25 minutes.
332
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:33,560
That's it.
333
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,149
Hey! Just leave her alone.
334
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,713
Hey, oh, Ned. Ned.
335
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,314
Ned, would you look at that.
336
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:45,833
That's your face, Sis.
Oh.
337
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,194
Very good likeness.
338
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:48,389
Oh, thanks. Yeah.
339
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,199
The Stephy tattoo. I got it, like,
a week after we met, right?
340
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:52,918
One week. You know,
right on my heart.
341
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,315
Great. Okay, do you guys
want to go see the house?
342
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:56,520
Uh...
We probably should...
343
00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:58,671
We came to stop and say hey.
Yeah. We should go.
344
00:12:58,880 --> 00:12:59,880
Actually, no.
345
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,600
No. Before we go, um...
346
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,392
I have a little surprise
for everybody.
347
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,710
(EXHALES) Shit.
I'm fucking nervous.
348
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:08,096
Do you want to
consult me about it?
349
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,256
You want to talk to me
before you...
350
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,271
You know what? No, I'm just
jumpin' in. All right?
351
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:12,480
I'm just going to do this.
352
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:14,312
Laird, it's going to be
fucking great.
353
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:16,078
Ta-da!
354
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:17,829
Oh, my God.
355
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:20,238
I just got it done
this morning
356
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,958
SCOTTY : Yeah.
I bet it's red, huh?
357
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,189
I need a little feedback.
358
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,436
Is that our Christmas card?
Yes.
359
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,273
Yeah! That's exactly what
I used. How'd you know?
360
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:29,616
Look, he even got
Noodle in there.
361
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:30,789
Hurt like balls.
362
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:34,396
Gosh, it says "Happy Holidays"
and everything.
363
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:35,629
What?
364
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:37,677
Get the fuck out of here.
Okay.
365
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:39,114
It says "Happy Holidays?"
366
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:40,280
Barb, fuck you.
367
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:41,634
God damn.
368
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,512
I gave the guy
the Christmas card.
369
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,136
I didn't know he put
"Happy Holidays" on there.
370
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:46,513
Wow.
Fuck.
371
00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,472
Guess it's stuck on there,
huh? (LAUGHS)
372
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:49,908
Oops.
Fuck.
373
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,991
Well, you know,
you guys were coming over...
374
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,913
I was so excited, I just had
to do something, you know?
375
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,674
Well, that is something,
all right.
376
00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,559
You know what? Sometimes, you
just got to say, "Fuck it."
377
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:01,680
Fuck it!
378
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:02,829
You should...
Laird,
379
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,911
this is a 15-year-old child.
380
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,513
So, we don't really...
381
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,238
Oh, shit.
382
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,595
You don't say fuck?
SCOTTY : No, Mom, I...
383
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:11,760
Heck yeah, I cuss.
384
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:12,955
No, you don't.
385
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,160
You do?
Yeah.
386
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:15,673
Oh, he cusses.
No, you don't.
387
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,096
Yeah, bro, what's your
favorite cuss word?
388
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:18,120
Oh, boy.
389
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,280
Don't egg him on like that.
390
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:20,395
What's your favorite?
391
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,071
Uh...
NED : Hmm.
392
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,349
Titties.
393
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:26,839
Titties? Titties.
394
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,240
Stop it. Stop that.
(BARB SIGHS)
395
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:29,713
Titties? Classic.
396
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,871
Okay. We should be going.
397
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,553
Nice one. What else you got?
Asshole.
398
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,216
LAIRD : Asshole.
All right. That's enough.
399
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,376
Okay. Another good body part.
400
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:37,833
What else?
Dicking. Double dicking.
401
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,479
Double dicking.
Okay.
402
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:40,834
Wait. Hold on.
Double dicking?
403
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,656
Are you happy?
That's a new one on me, bro.
404
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:43,680
What the fuck is that?
405
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,030
What the hell is that?
Is that like dick to dick?
406
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,476
Okay! Good night!
We're going to the hotel.
407
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,757
This kid is nasty
and I fucking like it.
408
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:54,239
Yeah.
Yes!
409
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:55,833
All right, let's do the tour.
410
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:57,216
I'll show you around!
All right?
411
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:58,468
Just throw your shit anywhere.
412
00:14:58,640 --> 00:14:59,960
You little double-dicker,
come on.
413
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,040
Throw your stuff anywhere.
414
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:02,314
By the way,
I'm a huge fan.
415
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:03,719
I'm part of
the online Ape Army.
416
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:04,840
Awesome.
417
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:07,440
You know, this is what I was trying
to tell you guys in the car.
418
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,118
This is okay here?
419
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,358
Do you want to
take your coat off?
420
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,112
Uh, no.
Nope. I'm fine.
421
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,599
(BARB SIGHS)
Come on, guys.
422
00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:16,736
All right,
so this here's the kitch.
423
00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:18,273
This is where
we keep the food.
424
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:19,475
The dining room.
425
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,279
That's a sculpture
of a couple people fucking.
426
00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,711
(STEPHANIE SQUIRMS)
Painting of a fat squirrel.
427
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,552
And this one's called
"Triple Team,"
428
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:27,999
self-explanatory.
429
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:30,438
All right. This is the den.
430
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,433
These dudes are just
testing out video games.
431
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,392
Ned, Stephy says that you're
pretty serious about your bowling,
432
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,351
so I had
a couple lanes installed.
433
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,195
STEPHANIE : Oh, my God.
434
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:43,376
BARB : None of this was here?
435
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,400
No.
436
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,517
You said you were fixing
a crack in the foundation.
437
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,272
Is that us?
438
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:51,870
Yeah, I got the images off
your league's Facebook page.
439
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,189
SCOTTY : That's so insane.
440
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:55,828
Dad, look, he even got in
your signature "crotch chop."
441
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:57,828
Oh, yeah.
442
00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,040
STEPHANIE : Wow.
443
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,336
LAIRD : All right, this here is
where we develop a few apps
444
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,237
for the Apple and
Android platforms.
445
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,158
Hey, gang,
say hi to the Flemings.
446
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:06,429
Hey, guys.
Hey, what's up?
447
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,398
Wait, I don't understand.
Do your employees live here?
448
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:12,358
Uh, maybe some of them do.
I don't really know.
449
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,550
Gustav is actually
an amazing architect.
450
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:17,278
We designed
this place together.
451
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:19,396
BARB : When did you
go to Machu Picchu?
452
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,471
Hun, when did
you put these up?
453
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,358
What the heck is that moose?
454
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:24,669
That's a Phillip Manfredi.
455
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,068
LAIRD : Great pick-up, Barb.
456
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,277
Stephy told me that you're this amazing
art and photography professor.
457
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,032
That's awesome.
STEPHIE : Mmm-hmm.
458
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,431
I teach a couple of classes
at a local community college.
459
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,079
Don't be so modest, Mom.
460
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,116
You're an amazing
photographer.
461
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:40,271
Oh, that looks like
a real dead moose.
462
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,794
Well, that's exactly
what it is, Ned.
463
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,679
A dead moose
suspended in its own urine.
464
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,478
It's meant to
symbolize the way
465
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:50,835
that our culture
has imprisoned our minds.
466
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:53,080
Oh.
467
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:54,595
I got to tell you, Ned,
468
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,989
great art really
gets me aroused.
469
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,720
It's actually
a very strong aphrodisiac.
470
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:00,835
Laird.
471
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,536
Not that you need any help getting
turned on by that gorgeous woman.
472
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:04,629
Honey.
473
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,438
What? Your mom
is beautiful.
474
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,471
She is. She deserves
some props for that.
475
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,632
Well, I'll take a compliment
wherever I can get one.
476
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:14,070
Well, here's another one.
You got a bangin' bod, too.
477
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:15,195
BARB : All right.
478
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:16,554
Hey, what's going on,
everyone?
479
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,318
LAIRD :
Richard Blais, everybody.
480
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,995
This is the maestro
of molecular gastronomy.
481
00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:23,673
Oh, my God.
482
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,990
That's that cute one
from Top Chef.
483
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:27,798
Oh, he's the one
who goes, "Bam!"
484
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,236
No, that's Emeril.
He's a fucking dick, that guy.
485
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:32,668
Dickie Blais what's up?
486
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:36,435
Yeah, so Laird thought it would be a
fun idea to do a pop-up restaurant
487
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:37,680
just in your honor tonight.
488
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,313
Did he?
Yeah.
489
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,198
And I have here
a little amuse-bouche.
490
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:43,296
So if anyone's looking for
a little pre-dinner snack,
491
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,389
you can head on up here.
492
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,232
Count me in,
'cause I'm famished.
493
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:47,320
All right.
494
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,520
There are so many surprises.
495
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:49,560
(CHUCKLES)
496
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:50,640
I know.
497
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,016
You're hungry, you've come
to the right place.
498
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,519
I've got surf
and turf for you.
499
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:54,795
Steak and lobster.
500
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,075
Yum, yum.
501
00:17:57,040 --> 00:18:01,113
My version of surf and turf,
edible soil and plankton foam.
502
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,759
Dig in.
Oh.
503
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,189
Wow, can't wait for dinner.
504
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:06,360
No.
505
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,680
Hey, so I think
it's going great, right?
506
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,717
I think they've already
accepted me.
507
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:14,314
I'm getting a little bit
of a different vibe.
508
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:15,913
Oh, really?
Like what?
509
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,399
Don't try so hard.
510
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:18,834
I'm not,
what do you mean?
511
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,911
You put in a bowling alley
for my dad
512
00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:23,953
and you got a tattoo of my
entire family on your back.
513
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:25,395
Oh.
514
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:26,520
Was the tattoo too much?
515
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:27,715
Yes.
Fuck.
516
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:30,437
Shit, I knew it.
517
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,079
Yeah, Gustav said
the same thing.
518
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:33,309
Okay, don't worry...
519
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,392
I won't get any more tattoos
of them while they're here.
520
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:37,629
Thank you.
Okay.
521
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:38,875
I love you.
522
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:41,272
I love you, too.
523
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,360
Okay.
524
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,456
Oh, one more thing, stop
calling them motherfuckers
525
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,118
and talking about
how hot my mom is.
526
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,999
Well, she's sneaky sexy,
took me by surprise.
527
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:57,073
Dude, she is a MILF,
like a genuine MILF.
528
00:18:57,280 --> 00:19:00,397
And if it wasn't your MILF,
she'd be a MIWF...
529
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,073
a mother I would fuck.
530
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:03,275
Mmm-mmm.
531
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:04,998
But I won't.
Okay.
532
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,871
Of course.
Thank you.
533
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,353
(BOTH LAUGH)
534
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:12,028
(NED SIGHS)
535
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:14,638
All right, it's pretty.
Yeah.
536
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:15,840
You know...
537
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:19,640
It's a lot.
(STAMMERS)
538
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,479
Yes! I mean, the moose...
Yes.
539
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,318
And the language.
Come on!
540
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,038
Mmm-hmm.
A real moose!
541
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,230
And he's coming onto your mother.
That's not okay.
542
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:29,594
And the tattoo?
543
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:31,957
The tattoo! And how...
544
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:33,758
32
Oh, my. And you're...
545
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:35,069
22.
Yes!
546
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,310
You didn't like the mural
of you and Scotty
547
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:38,600
down in the new bowling alley?
548
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,756
The bowling alley
with the mural is...
549
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,438
And the bowling alley
is regulation.
550
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,113
That's quite nice
551
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,192
and that's very rare
to have something that nice.
552
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:48,696
And the polish
that he used was quite...
553
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:49,720
It was good. But...
554
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:50,949
I'm sorry.
555
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:55,480
I should have told you.
556
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,952
About everything, of course.
(SCOFFS)
557
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,557
Honestly, I didn't know how to
explain him over the phone.
558
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,432
I just kept imagining...
559
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,153
Mom Googling Laird Mayhew
560
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:08,629
and you guys
jumping to conclusions
561
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,029
before you even got
a chance to know him.
562
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,592
Well, now we know him.
(SIGHS)
563
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:15,714
No, you don't.
564
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,438
You've been here
for 15 minutes.
565
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:19,560
Yeah.
566
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,558
Thank you.
567
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:24,896
I wouldn't have asked you
to come out here
568
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:26,120
and miss Christmas in Michigan
569
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:29,556
for the first time ever,
if he wasn't...
570
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,039
...really important to me.
571
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:38,669
Hmm.
572
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:41,320
Okay.
573
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,150
(MUTTERS)
You'll give him a chance?
574
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,675
Okay. Okay, thank you.
Thank you.
575
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,872
Come here.
(CHUCKLES)
576
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:55,480
I love you.
577
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,039
I love you, too.
578
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:03,398
So if I did Google him,
what would I find?
579
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:04,480
Don't do it.
580
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:05,600
Oh.
581
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:06,715
Just don't Google him.
582
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:07,880
Oh.
583
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,317
Well, I still don't see it.
584
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:15,351
Darling, this is the male,
and he's thrusting.
585
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:16,520
Oh, God.
586
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,313
All right, everybody,
dinner is served!
587
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:21,516
Scotty! Come on,
grab a stump.
588
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,875
Dad, you wanna
go there? Mom.
589
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:25,656
You sure you don't want
to take off your coat?
590
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:26,680
No. I'm good.
591
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,990
We do it family style here,
so everyone just dig in.
592
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,479
It's super cas.
593
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,875
Okay, so we have three dishes
for this evening.
594
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,996
We have sous-vide geoduck.
595
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,957
We have Mission-style
sea urchin burritos...
596
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:38,040
STEPHANIE : Yum.
597
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:39,394
...with edible paper.
598
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,398
LAIRD :
Because you're a printer.
599
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,039
And last but not least...
Sweet.
600
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,839
...we have smoked
California bear.
601
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,000
Enjoy.
602
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:48,393
Oh, shit!
603
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:49,709
Thanks, Blais.
604
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,199
Bear?
LAIRD : Mmm.
605
00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:52,640
Yo, Scotty,
you see The Revenant?
606
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:53,994
No, I wanted to,
607
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,216
but my parents don't really
let me watch R-rated movies.
608
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:57,880
You're darn right we don't.
He's only 15.
609
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,235
You want some paper?
Yes, certainly. Thank you.
610
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:01,879
I don't know
what section that is.
611
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,156
Because that bear
fucked that dude up!
612
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:05,593
Now we're gonna
fuck this bear up.
613
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,233
Hey, what about
that language?
614
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:08,400
Oh, shit. Sorry.
615
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,036
BARB : Ah, I think I've got
the arts section here.
616
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,272
You better slow down, Barb.
617
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,440
You're gonna be full
before you get to the funnies.
618
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:17,709
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
619
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:19,475
Ned.
620
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,029
(CLEARS THROAT)
621
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:28,076
So, um, how did
you two meet?
622
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,749
Uh, you want me to go?
Yeah.
623
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:31,880
Okay.
624
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,195
Laird sponsored
a talk on campus
625
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:35,599
with Doctor Joanne Liu,
626
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,160
the head of
Doctors Without Borders.
627
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:38,280
Oh!
628
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:40,356
Melinda Gates
got me totally pumped
629
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:41,880
about issues
in the developing world.
630
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:42,960
Now I'm obsessed.
631
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:44,315
Wow.
632
00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:46,792
That's Bill Gates' wife.
LAIRD : Yeah.
633
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,279
She's great.
NED : Yeah.
634
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:49,759
That's terrific.
635
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,480
That's Steph's field of interest, too,
so that's great.
636
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:53,749
Yeah, I know.
637
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:55,400
Ned, you should've
seen her at the talk.
638
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:58,756
She asked the most intelligent
question. I was blown away.
639
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:00,959
Really? What did I say?
640
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:02,235
You were like...
641
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:03,616
"Hey, what's
the connection between
642
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,915
"women's health
and population density
643
00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:07,599
"in indigenous communities?"
644
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:09,990
I was like,
"Bam! Who's that?"
645
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:11,792
That's so sweet of you
to remember that.
646
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,791
Of course I remember. Mmm...
647
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,840
The first time I saw you.
BARB : That's our girl.
648
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,776
She's always been the smartest
person in the room.
649
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:18,800
So true.
Yeah.
650
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:20,990
And the sexiest. My God.
Well.
651
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,196
I couldn't keep
my eyes off her.
652
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,679
Her hair, and her eyes.
653
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:25,795
Very pretty eyes.
654
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,518
The way her spine
gently arches
655
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,158
to meet the top
of her tailbone.
656
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,816
I just wanna pitch a tent and live in there.
You know what I mean?
657
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:32,960
No.
You're taking it too far.
658
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,118
Quite the outdoorsman.
659
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:36,872
I just mean
she's got a great body.
660
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,553
Oh, well, yes.
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
661
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:39,994
She's a darling girl.
662
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:41,296
Like you, Barb.
STEPHANIE : Great genes.
663
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:42,320
Okay.
664
00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:43,554
Two fit women.
665
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,358
I'll have to
agree with you there.
666
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:47,317
Ol' Slamming Bod Barb.
667
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:48,549
(LAUGHING)
668
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,710
Two fit women
and two lucky dudes...
669
00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:52,509
And one double-dicker.
670
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,193
(LAUGHS)
671
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,831
Okay, well.
672
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,198
Laird, when did you graduate
from Stanford?
673
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:03,192
Oh, I didn't go
to Stanford, bro.
674
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:04,920
I hardly even graduated
from high school.
675
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:06,868
He's being modest.
676
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:08,176
He actually
started writing code
677
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,555
for Sun Microsystems
when he was 13.
678
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:12,318
That's true.
Wow, that's just like me.
679
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:14,120
I've been interning
at the Fleming Company
680
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:15,519
since, what,
the seventh grade?
681
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:16,869
Mm-hmm. Yup.
682
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:18,996
Future CEO,
but you are going to college.
683
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,656
I know, Dad. I know. I know.
Just like your sister.
684
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:23,671
So, Steph,
weren't your surprised
685
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,673
that this big tech mogul
wanted to date you?
686
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:31,154
He said he was some
low-level programmer at Uber.
687
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:33,669
I had no idea that
he sponsored the entire event.
688
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:34,875
So he lied to you.
689
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,359
Oh, Ned, I had to.
690
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,875
I mean there are so many gold
diggers in Silicon Valley.
691
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,389
They just wanna fuck you
for your tech money.
692
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:43,232
Language, baby.
You gotta be careful.
693
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,391
I didn't spill the beans
till April.
694
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,518
April? That's
eight months ago. What?
695
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,033
Steph, over the phone,
you said
696
00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:51,856
you've only known each other
for a couple of months.
697
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:53,916
It was super casual at first.
No.
698
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:55,115
No, it was not.
699
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,430
We exchanged I love you's
on the third date.
700
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,016
Remember? Right after we...
The third date?
701
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:00,216
made love in the hot tub
at Esalen in Big Sur?
702
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:01,240
No, no, no.
703
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,236
Where, what?
Esalen in Big Sur.
704
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:04,435
Really?
705
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,596
Ned. Don't get
the wrong idea.
706
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,593
It was not sexual at all.
It was so much more than that.
707
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:10,920
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm confused.
708
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,399
Did you have
intercourse or not?
709
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:13,788
Scotty, shut it.
710
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:15,376
Dad, I'm just trying to
connect the dots here.
711
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:16,799
Look. Yeah, we did.
712
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:20,555
But what I'm saying is
I was transformed.
713
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,757
Stephy opened up
like a flower.
714
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,319
You should have seen it.
715
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,438
I shouldn't have seen it,
but now I feel like I have.
716
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:29,999
I just want
your parents to know
717
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:31,360
that you're
living with someone
718
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,152
who's completely
devoted to you.
719
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:35,592
Wait a minute.
What-ing with someone?
720
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,796
You say you're living together?
Yeah.
721
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,434
No. We do not.
722
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:42,631
Okay, five nights
out of seven.
723
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:45,512
Your stuff is here.
724
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:46,976
You don't really
stay at the dorm.
725
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,274
(EXCLAIMING)
726
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:49,600
Do you have
a toothbrush here?
727
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:50,760
Yeah.
That's cohabitating.
728
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:52,797
Scotty, stop talking
and eat your paper.
729
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,678
STEPHANIE : Dad,
we do not live together.
730
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,319
Yeah, we're cohabitating.
731
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,636
"Opened up like a flower."
732
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,633
Honey, I'm looking at
the Esalen website right now
733
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:08,313
and there's nothing
dirty about it.
734
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,153
You go up there for yoga
classes and things like that.
735
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:13,993
They've been practically
living together for a year.
736
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:15,639
Why didn't she
just tell us that?
737
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,197
Where the heck are the towels?
738
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:20,871
He's even affected Scotty.
739
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:25,997
What is a double dicking,
for crying out loud?
740
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:27,349
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
741
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:28,555
Oh.
Uh...
742
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:29,680
There she is.
743
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:31,273
Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah. She's gonna...
744
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,440
She better explain what
the heck is going on here.
745
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:34,520
All right,
so be nice.
746
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,976
Be like, "Oh, my God.
I love your boyfriend. He's so normal."
747
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,194
I'm good.
748
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:40,315
Hi.
749
00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:42,395
Hi, uh...
750
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:46,312
I thought you'd be Stephanie.
751
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:47,515
Steph's super pooped.
752
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,672
We had a big fight because of
the way I behaved at dinner.
753
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,080
Don't worry, we took a shower
together and worked it out.
754
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,029
But I snuck out
to have a little check in.
755
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:57,200
Okay. Well...
756
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:07,995
Ned, would you
come join us?
757
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:10,359
(STAMMERS) I'm good here.
758
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,869
Oh, please.
This is an Alaskan king.
759
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:14,553
There's so much room.
760
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:17,513
So much room.
761
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:20,231
It'd really mean
a lot to me. Please?
762
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,029
Okay.
763
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:24,760
Hey.
764
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:27,229
(BARB CLEARS THROAT)
765
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,069
I owe you two
an apology.
766
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:35,240
When I get nervous
767
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,039
all kinds of crap comes
flying out of my mouth
768
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,031
and I know that's not
how you guys roll.
769
00:27:40,120 --> 00:27:41,120
No.
770
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,071
I was just trying
to make a good impression.
771
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:44,912
Yeah. Well, you did.
It was...
772
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,116
I mean you didn't,
but it's okay.
773
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:50,352
It was an awkward dinner.
774
00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:52,278
It was a unique
situation for...
775
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:54,072
Yeah, but let's all
just move on.
776
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:56,478
Okay. Great.
777
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:57,640
Truth be told,
778
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:01,031
I haven't spent a lot of time
with parental figures.
779
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:04,312
I don't know if you know this,
but I never knew my father.
780
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:07,559
Yeah, he picked up my mom
in this bar in Oakland.
781
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,837
They had some sloppy car sex,
and then never spoke again.
782
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:11,955
Yeah.
783
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:14,230
I'm not really close
with my mom, either.
784
00:28:15,120 --> 00:28:18,590
To be frank, she's kind of
a motherfucking bitch.
785
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:19,840
(BARB EXCLAIMS)
786
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,596
If I had a nickel
for every time I...
787
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:24,389
Yeah.
788
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:26,755
We're sorry to hear that.
789
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:28,638
That's some tough stuff, pal.
790
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:30,074
Yup. That's...
791
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:31,640
That's...
792
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:33,995
All right. Well,
it's getting late, so...
793
00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:35,120
BARB : Yeah.
794
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:36,957
I'm in love
with your daughter, dudes.
795
00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:38,394
And I'm just so
fucking psyched
796
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:40,311
to get to know
the people that raised her.
797
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:41,515
Mmm-hmm.
798
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,353
And we're gonna do Christmas
just like you do at home.
799
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:46,555
Tomorrow night,
800
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:48,949
I'm gonna throw a party
in your honor.
801
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:51,016
Oh, you don't have to
go to the trouble.
802
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:52,109
You don't... It's not.
803
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,760
We're gonna do
all the holiday shit.
804
00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:57,436
Okay. Hmm.
All the shit.
805
00:28:57,760 --> 00:28:59,990
Ned, I'd love some
guy time with you.
806
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,310
So maybe we could take a walk
tomorrow morning?
807
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:04,799
Okay.
Okay, cool.
808
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,110
Justine, will you set Ned
an alarm for 6:30 a.m.?
809
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:08,280
JUSTINE : You got it, Laird.
810
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:12,199
Ned, an alarm's been set for
you for 6:30 en la mañana.
811
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:13,918
What? Who is that?
812
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:15,429
(CHUCKLES)
813
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,033
That's Justine.
814
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:20,192
Yeah, she's like Siri,
but awesome.
815
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,197
I got that chick from
The Big Bang Theory,
816
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:23,679
Kaley Cuoco,
to do the voice.
817
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:24,840
J, say hi.
818
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,190
JUSTINE : Hey, Ned. Hey, Barb.
How are you guys?
819
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:30,075
Hi.
BARB : Oh, my God.
820
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:31,792
Stephanie's told me
so much about you.
821
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:33,359
Anything you need, I'm here.
822
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:34,669
BARB : Okay.
NED : Thank you.
823
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:36,990
She can't...
Can she see us?
824
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:41,315
She says that she can't,
but I think that she can.
825
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,240
JUSTINE : What the fuck
are you talking about?
826
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:44,509
You know I can't see them.
827
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:47,069
(WHISPERS) She's a perv.
828
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:48,240
Laird.
829
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:51,352
Anyway, I hope you two have
a nice night's rest.
830
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,039
Yeah, have a good night.
Great night.
831
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,235
Have a great night.
Yeah.
832
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:58,396
My instinct is to
hug you right now.
833
00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:00,278
Oh. No.
BARB : I don't think you...
834
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:01,629
That's okay.
Oh.
835
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:03,711
Oh, my God.
Barb.
836
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:05,074
Good night.
837
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:11,000
Peace.
838
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:21,599
(ROOSTER CROWING)
839
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:25,230
(MAN SINGING)
Baby, I want to trim your...
840
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,555
Baby, I want to trim your...
841
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,589
Baby, I want to trim your...
842
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:34,391
Beautiful Christmas tree
843
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:37,913
I'm gonna bring along
my hatchet
844
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:40,909
My beautiful Christmas balls
845
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:44,438
I'll sprinkle my snow
upon your tree
846
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:47,751
And hang a mistletoe
on your walls
847
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:50,311
Baby, I want to trim your...
848
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:54,958
Oh, beautiful Christmas tree
849
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:04,000
(CLEARS THROAT)
850
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:11,556
Barb? There's
no toilet paper.
851
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:12,680
Uh-oh.
852
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:14,398
Would you get
a roll for me, please?
853
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:15,953
Papa make a poopie?
854
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:17,951
Yes. I made a poopie.
855
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:19,394
Did Daddy do a doo-doo?
856
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:21,636
Barb, just get
the toilet paper, please?
857
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,392
All right.
Well, you sit tight.
858
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:24,833
I'm gonna go find you some TP.
859
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:26,000
Thank you.
860
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:29,160
Of course.
861
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:31,792
Mr. Playboy.
862
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:33,632
Unbelievable.
863
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:35,349
Who is that?
864
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,471
She's a bit of a Plain Jane.
865
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:39,834
BARB : Darling?
Yeah. Yup.
866
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:42,759
Just, um, crack the door
and toss the roll, please.
867
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,997
It's gonna be a little
more complicated than that.
868
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:47,639
Good morning, Ned.
869
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:49,469
(GROANS)
It's Gustav.
870
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:50,600
Great.
871
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,996
As I've already told Barb,
we are a paperless household.
872
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,159
Paperless? What?
873
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,195
BARB : It's a paperless
house, darling.
874
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:00,509
NED : I got that.
875
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:04,719
But how am I supposed to
complete my business?
876
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:06,518
Well, all Japanese toilets
877
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,114
have a very effective
and pleasant cleaning spray.
878
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:10,469
And I will be very happy
879
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:12,790
to walk you through the entire process.
Oh, God.
880
00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:15,838
Ned, please locate the
control panel to your left.
881
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:18,472
Okay, I see it.
882
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:20,080
Now on that
control panel is a button
883
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:22,794
that shows an image
of water spraying up.
884
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,797
Okay. And I just push it?
885
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:26,149
Just press it, yes.
886
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:29,480
(COUGHS)
887
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:32,079
Was that cologne?
888
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:33,559
Oh!
Cologne? Oh, yes!
889
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:36,194
That is a designer-scented
talcum powder.
890
00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:39,195
But that button should
not have activated that.
891
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:42,193
Ned, that is what is called Big
Pony for Men by the Ralph Lauren.
892
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:43,429
I'm excited to try.
893
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:46,872
Can we please just continue?
All right.
894
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:48,393
Ned?
Yes.
895
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,551
I would like to apologize
sincerely again.
896
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:54,190
This is the 2018 model
that you are on right now,
897
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:55,475
so they have not yet made
898
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,551
an instruction manual
in English yet.
899
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,871
So I'm going to take care
of this on my end, all right?
900
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,753
So Ned, you focus on
your end in there
901
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,554
and I will focus
on your end out here.
902
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:08,553
BARB : That's too good.
This is it.
903
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:10,392
This should do it, Ned.
(PHONE BEEPING)
904
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:12,040
(WHIRRING)
Okay. Something's whirring.
905
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:14,036
Something's spinning around
in there.
906
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:16,911
No! Turn it off!
907
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:19,116
Turn it off!
Turn it off! Turn it off!
908
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:20,400
God!
909
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:21,759
GUSTAV : Oh, scheisse!
910
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,070
We are having some
technical difficulties.
911
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:25,798
That was the vaginal cleanse.
912
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:26,920
The what cleanse?
913
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:28,752
I just want a square
of toilet paper.
914
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:30,069
The vaginal cleanse.
915
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:31,514
Which I hear is refreshing
916
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:33,636
and apparently
also very stimulating.
917
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:35,429
Just saying.
918
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:37,028
(GRUNTING)
919
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:42,960
Ned?
920
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:45,080
Really?
921
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:46,440
I'm so sorry, Ned...
922
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:49,831
but I'm going to have to manually
reboot the system from the inside.
923
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:52,275
In here?
924
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:53,759
I am so sorry.
925
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:54,955
Fine.
926
00:33:57,840 --> 00:33:58,955
NED : Why not?
927
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:02,795
Barb, would you
close the door? Sorry.
928
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:04,393
It's gonna be great.
929
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:06,520
(DOOR SHUTS)
930
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:08,792
Ned, I am blinders.
931
00:34:09,240 --> 00:34:11,515
I see nothing.
I smell nothing.
932
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:14,471
The print is very small.
Mm-hmm.
933
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:15,834
Okay, forgive me.
934
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:18,591
I can't see the instructions.
935
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:25,032
All right.
What do we have here?
936
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:26,320
Hmm...
937
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:29,160
(SIGHS)
938
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:36,349
(FARTS GENTLY)
939
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:51,279
(STOMACH GROWLING)
940
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:59,038
I had some
stomach problems last night.
941
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:01,033
I think it was the bear.
942
00:35:01,240 --> 00:35:03,470
I can guarantee you,
it was the bear.
943
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:05,795
(JUSTINE CLEARS THROAT)
944
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:08,837
Turning on the fan.
(SWITCH CLICKS)
945
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:11,710
Great. Wunderbar.
946
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:17,519
How'd it go?
947
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,389
I am so sorry
that it took so long.
948
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:22,915
Ned, I'm going to need you
to be completely still
949
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:25,355
while we try to
lock in your location.
950
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:27,835
I'm sitting on a toilet,
that's pretty still.
951
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:30,355
GUSTAV : Searching,
searching, und searching.
952
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,869
And we have target achieved!
953
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:34,519
And sploosh!
954
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:35,715
(BIDET HISSING)
Oh!
955
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:46,395
(CHICKENS CLUCKING)
956
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:49,551
There you go, girls.
957
00:35:49,720 --> 00:35:51,073
You raise chickens?
958
00:35:51,240 --> 00:35:52,912
All free-range.
959
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:54,274
Cows, too.
960
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:56,795
Pigs, artisanal llamas.
961
00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:58,313
Everything you eat here
962
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,550
comes from within
a 500-yard radius.
963
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:03,115
I call it
"lawn to table eating."
964
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:04,280
There she is.
965
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:05,954
Hey, Daisy.
(GRUNTS)
966
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:08,833
Oh.
Hi.
967
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:11,072
(GRUNTS)
Go on, get.
968
00:36:12,720 --> 00:36:13,880
So glad we're
doing this, Ned.
969
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,056
I feel like I know you after everything
that Steph's told me about you,
970
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:18,638
but still not the same...
971
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:19,909
(BOTH GRUNTING)
972
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:23,554
Do you submit?
Fuck you!
973
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:26,273
Gustav!
Ned, stay away!
974
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:28,400
You wanna fight?
975
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:33,800
Tap out!
(GROANING) No!
976
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:35,075
You want to tap out.
977
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:38,832
Okay, okay! Fine!
978
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:40,479
GUSTAV : Nice work!
979
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:42,136
And your reactions
are getting quicker.
980
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:43,160
Really?
Absolutely.
981
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:44,280
Thanks.
982
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:46,480
I am so sorry, Ned. I just
didn't want you to get hurt.
983
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:50,953
Wait, so you just do
this Pink Panther thing?
984
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:52,519
Pink Panther?
Pink Panther?
985
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:54,955
The Pink Panther
from the Pink Panther movies.
986
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,317
When Cato attacks Inspector
Clouseau to keep him sharp.
987
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,096
Are those really old?
I never heard of it.
988
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:01,155
I'm not familiar, either,
989
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:02,833
but it sounds
absolutely charming.
990
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:05,959
Pink Panther.
991
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:07,513
The movies?
Mm-hmm.
992
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:11,670
Cato is his assistant,
his houseboy.
993
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:13,193
Houseboy?
Well, it's...
994
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,316
That sounds racist.
995
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:18,628
He did call him "my little
yellow friend." But...
996
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:20,096
I'm sorry, you have to
understand, Ned.
997
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:22,680
Laird is the CEO
of a massive tech company.
998
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:24,472
LAIRD : I don't like
bodyguards around
999
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:27,473
so I have Goose train me in case
I get kidnapped or whatever.
1000
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,319
By the way, your Chun Kuk Do
moves were very solid.
1001
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:32,152
But what happened to
the evasive parkour?
1002
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:33,514
Ah, evasive parkour.
Yeah.
1003
00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:35,033
I totally fucking spaced!
1004
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:36,838
GUSTAV : There's always
room to improve.
1005
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:38,035
All right.
Thanks, man.
1006
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:39,519
You got it, brother.
1007
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:41,352
All right, ciao for now,
you friends.
1008
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:43,954
And you guys have
a lovely chat.
1009
00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:46,640
Ned, come on. I wanna
show you my office.
1010
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,398
You know, that's like
classic Pink Panther.
1011
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:55,400
This is where you work, huh?
LAIRD : Yeah.
1012
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:58,552
I have a den in the house
where I do the financial stuff
1013
00:37:58,720 --> 00:38:00,915
but this is where
all the big ideas happen.
1014
00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:02,991
Don't you need
a computer and...
1015
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,196
Nah. My girl Justine
records everything.
1016
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:06,475
Right, J?
1017
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:08,398
JUSTINE : Yep, I'm here.
Hey, Ned.
1018
00:38:09,240 --> 00:38:11,640
Hey, why don't you play back
a blip from yesterday's session?
1019
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:14,336
All right, hold on. Fuck. There's
so much shit up here in your Cloud.
1020
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:15,554
Okay, okay got it.
1021
00:38:15,720 --> 00:38:18,393
LAIRD : Come on, idiot, think.
Names for games. Um...
1022
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:21,353
Ape Assassins Six:
Capuchin Chaos.
1023
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:23,875
Uh, Silverback Salsa.
1024
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,235
Baboon Bukkake.
1025
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:27,628
Fuck! Wow, that's awful!
1026
00:38:27,720 --> 00:38:28,755
(CHUCKLES) Bad idea.
1027
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:29,915
Why? Why's that?
1028
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:31,000
Uh...
1029
00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:32,559
What does that mean?
1030
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:33,680
Bukkake?
1031
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:35,029
Oh, um...
1032
00:38:35,240 --> 00:38:36,958
Just means a lot of
things are happening
1033
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:38,256
and you're feeling
overwhelmed.
1034
00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:39,554
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
1035
00:38:39,720 --> 00:38:41,597
Yeah.
I've felt bukkake before.
1036
00:38:41,720 --> 00:38:42,720
Hmm...
1037
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:48,074
Grab a seat. Make yourself
comf. Let's break it down.
1038
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:52,230
Just pop down
right here on the floor.
1039
00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:55,868
There you go.
1040
00:38:56,920 --> 00:39:01,072
Ned, I think you and
I have so much in common.
1041
00:39:01,240 --> 00:39:04,550
We see something we want
and we just dive in
1042
00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:05,720
and we take it.
1043
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:06,760
Know what I mean?
1044
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:09,035
Yeah.
1045
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:12,788
Which is why...
1046
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:15,074
...on Christmas Day...
1047
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:17,717
I'm going to ask Stephy
to marry me.
1048
00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:29,960
And I know
how tight you two are.
1049
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:31,080
Mm-hmm.
1050
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:33,759
So I'd really, really
1051
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:34,955
like your blessing.
1052
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:37,119
(MUTTERS INAUDIBLY)
1053
00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:40,318
Uh, Laird.
1054
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:42,616
Really appreciate
you coming to me.
1055
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:43,640
'Course.
1056
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:45,990
But, uh, the answer's no.
1057
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:52,151
Dude, I'm so confused.
1058
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:54,356
What the fuck?
What the hell?
1059
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:55,794
This went so much differently
1060
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:57,353
when I rehearsed it
with Gustav.
1061
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:59,636
Yeah. I asked you
and you were like,
1062
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:01,113
"Yeah, dude. My son."
1063
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:03,151
Laird. Listen to me, okay.
1064
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:07,469
Beside the fact that I don't know
you from a hole in the wall...
1065
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:11,474
Stephanie is just not ready
for this step in her life.
1066
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:14,632
Oh, I'm totally getting
the signals that she is.
1067
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,439
I'm her father,
I know her pretty well.
1068
00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:19,437
Okay, all right.
All right, Ned...
1069
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:21,278
Dude, I know
I sprung this on you.
1070
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:23,994
My bad. Okay?
Let's just back it up.
1071
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:25,195
All right?
All right.
1072
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:28,517
Why don't you give me a few
days to win you over, okay?
1073
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:29,874
And by Christmas morning...
1074
00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:32,508
I promise, you're going to be
calling me "son."
1075
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:34,477
I'm gonna be
calling you "Dad".
1076
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:35,816
Don't think
that's going to happen.
1077
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:37,831
I think it's gonna, Dad.
1078
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:40,840
Don't.
1079
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:42,789
(CHUCKLES) Dad, come on.
1080
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:44,536
Don't call me "Dad."
Don't call you "Dad"?
1081
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:45,560
I'm not your dad.
1082
00:40:45,720 --> 00:40:47,836
I mean,
you're gonna be my dad.
1083
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:48,920
No. No.
1084
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:50,758
What, Dad?
(SIGHS)
1085
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:54,480
Okay, now you're
playing with me.
1086
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:56,391
All right. Dad.
1087
00:40:58,200 --> 00:40:59,758
Look, Laird.
1088
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:03,508
Why do you even care
about what I think?
1089
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:05,033
You're Stephanie's father.
1090
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:09,039
I'm not gonna ask Stephanie to marry
me unless I have your blessing.
1091
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:11,194
Okay.
1092
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:12,674
Justine, did you get that?
1093
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:14,558
JUSTINE : Totes.
Yeah, recorded every word.
1094
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:17,711
Totes. And totes is what?
1095
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:20,758
It means totally. But totally's kind of long,
so "totes" is just easier.
1096
00:41:22,720 --> 00:41:23,720
Okay. Good.
1097
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:24,840
Okay.
Okay.
1098
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:26,074
All right, cool.
Yeah.
1099
00:41:26,240 --> 00:41:28,549
But you gotta
promise me
1100
00:41:28,720 --> 00:41:31,871
that you won't tell Steph
anything about this.
1101
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:33,594
About any of this.
1102
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:36,394
Trust me, that is the last
thing in the world I will do.
1103
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:39,120
For reals, dude.
I want it to be a surprise.
1104
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:40,633
No word. I won't say a word.
1105
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:42,916
Barb and Scotty, too.
No clowning.
1106
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:44,475
No clowning.
1107
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:47,709
What?
1108
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,110
I'd just feel a lot better
about this if we pinky swore.
1109
00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:51,912
(LAUGHS)
1110
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:54,795
Oh.
1111
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:01,277
I see what you mean.
Cool.
1112
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:03,712
Go get breakfast.
Okay.
1113
00:42:05,240 --> 00:42:06,309
Fuck!
1114
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:08,429
Sup, guys?
1115
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:10,397
DEVELOPER 1 : Hey, boss.
DEVELOPER 2 : Mayhew!
1116
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:12,616
(MAN RAPPING OVER RADIO)
...took a little longer
1117
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:15,438
Go into the school
gonna run another banger
1118
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:17,991
The fuck?
Come with me immediately.
1119
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,398
The hell is this room?
1120
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:21,669
Randy, get the fuck out.
1121
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:22,955
Yes, sir, Gustav.
Mm-hmm.
1122
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:28,150
I am on the needles und pins.
1123
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:30,038
I need you to tell me
how it went right now
1124
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:31,155
or I'm going to burst.
1125
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:33,157
He said no!
What? Okay, okay.
1126
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:36,113
But how did you respond?
1127
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,959
I was blindsided, man.
I didn't know what to do.
1128
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:40,160
I challenged him.
1129
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,197
Okay.
I started calling him Dad.
1130
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:45,510
Oy vey.
The fuck, man!
1131
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:49,753
Why would you call him Dad?
You're putting him at unease!
1132
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:51,799
You have to find a way in.
1133
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:54,309
You have to do something
for him that's truly special
1134
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:56,835
so that he knows
that your intentions are pure.
1135
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:58,920
Dude, Goose, I don't know
how to talk to the guy.
1136
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:01,200
It's like we speak two different
languages or something.
1137
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:02,320
You do.
Yeah.
1138
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:03,674
He speaks English.
1139
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:07,469
And you speak English with
resounding amounts of "fuck."
1140
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:09,016
All right, Stephanie's been
on my case, too.
1141
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:10,040
Yes.
I got it.
1142
00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:11,160
All right?
Okay.
1143
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:12,200
Right.
All right, man.
1144
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:13,360
Great.
Great.
1145
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:14,936
You just fucking really
hit me really hard.
1146
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:16,393
I know. I am sorry.
1147
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,518
It's just, Laird...
1148
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:22,035
...your relationship
with Miss Stephanie
1149
00:43:22,240 --> 00:43:24,708
is very special.
It's the real deal.
1150
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:25,840
Hey.
Yes.
1151
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:28,838
Goose, I know I pay you
a shit-ton of money,
1152
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:30,359
but you're my best friend.
1153
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:32,636
Our friendship is priceless.
1154
00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:35,030
Hey. Thanks, brother.
1155
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:38,392
(BOTH SIGHING)
1156
00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:41,677
(GROANING)
1157
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:47,514
Okay.
1158
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:48,795
(GROANING)
1159
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,075
Okay. Ow! Mercy. Mercy.
1160
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:53,520
Fuck.
1161
00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:56,600
Bro, you're incredible.
1162
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:57,875
That was very imaginative
1163
00:43:58,040 --> 00:43:59,439
how you took that
tender moment
1164
00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:00,960
and used it
as your pivot to attack.
1165
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:02,314
Yeah.
Very good.
1166
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:04,038
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
1167
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:07,080
What's up, Cheese?
1168
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,076
I'm about to go to
the football game.
1169
00:44:09,240 --> 00:44:10,434
Lions, baby!
1170
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:11,874
NED : Great. How's business?
1171
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:13,229
Tell me something good.
1172
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:14,594
Oh, uh...
1173
00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:17,110
I talked to my guy
over at Dick's Sporting Goods.
1174
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:18,856
Don't tell me
they're going with China, too.
1175
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:19,915
Worse.
1176
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:21,957
Freaking online banner ads.
1177
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:23,917
No. Damn it.
All right, listen.
1178
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:28,269
I'm gonna call Don Millis at
Subaru of Southern Michigan.
1179
00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:31,398
I heard a little rumor that they might
be looking for a new dance partner.
1180
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:33,113
Yeah, Don,
the big guy, right?
1181
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:35,032
You guys go back
to your car selling days.
1182
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:36,872
Yeah. It's worth a shot.
Listen...
1183
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:38,632
I need you to go in
and pull his card
1184
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:40,256
from my rolodex
while I look for a pen.
1185
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:42,077
You got it, Cheese.
No, you got it.
1186
00:44:43,720 --> 00:44:45,312
So how goes it in Cali?
1187
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:48,436
It feels like we've landed
in The Twilight Zone.
1188
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:49,600
Did you find the card?
1189
00:44:51,240 --> 00:44:52,309
Yeah. I got it right here.
1190
00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:53,833
Just hang on.
1191
00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:55,393
I have nothing
to write with here.
1192
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:56,993
This whole house is paperless.
1193
00:44:57,120 --> 00:44:58,120
Paperless?
1194
00:44:58,280 --> 00:44:59,599
Well, how do you
wipe your ass?
1195
00:44:59,720 --> 00:45:00,720
You don't.
1196
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:02,916
They have these Japanese
toilets that... (HISSES)
1197
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:05,880
It's one of those little
squat jobs, little squatter.
1198
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,639
No. Just... never mind.
Just give me the number.
1199
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:10,119
JUSTINE : Hey, Ned, I'm here.
1200
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:11,599
I can take it down for you.
1201
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:13,990
Justine, please just...
I'm fine.
1202
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:15,160
Just go away.
1203
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:16,616
All right,
I'm just trying to help.
1204
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:17,920
You don't have to be
such a dick.
1205
00:45:18,240 --> 00:45:20,310
LOU : Whoa, whoa.
Cheese, who is that?
1206
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:21,656
She's got a foul little mouth.
1207
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:23,296
Is that the kid's secretary
you fighting with?
1208
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:25,754
No, no, no. That's the woman
who lives in the ceiling.
1209
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:26,920
Cheese, what she look like?
1210
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:27,960
The woman who lives...
1211
00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:29,176
You say she lives
in the ceiling?
1212
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:31,919
She's a disembodied
voice that...
1213
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:33,678
Never mind.
I'll explain later.
1214
00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:34,875
The voice sounds sexy.
1215
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:36,200
Are they using
somebody famous?
1216
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:38,231
JUSTINE :
I wouldn't say too famous.
1217
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:39,496
You know,
million dollars a week,
1218
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:41,296
biggest show in the world,
no big deal. (COUGHS)
1219
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:42,320
Lou.
She can hear me?
1220
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:44,120
JUSTINE :
Of course I can hear you.
1221
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:45,309
How you doin', baby?
1222
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:47,436
(LAUGHS) Better now
that I'm talking with you.
1223
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:49,600
NED : Just give me the number.
I'm calling him now.
1224
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:55,353
Let's catch some waves.
1225
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,856
VIDEO GAME GORILLA : Tsunami.
SCOTTY : That guy's cool.
1226
00:45:58,880 --> 00:45:59,880
Yeah, Goose is the best.
1227
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:01,515
Oh...
1228
00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:07,456
Laird, I'm gonna be
honest with you, buddy.
1229
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:08,480
Okay.
1230
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:10,511
Gorillas in board shorts
is a fun touch.
1231
00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:11,680
Yeah.
I'll give you that.
1232
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:13,536
But when the only mission
is to get to shore,
1233
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:14,920
I'm not feeling
enough drama there.
1234
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:16,040
You know?
1235
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:19,355
You know what?
You're so fucking right.
1236
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:20,555
Fuck!
1237
00:46:20,720 --> 00:46:22,376
We've been developing this
limp dick for months.
1238
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:24,016
You come and
you play it for five minutes,
1239
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:25,712
you know exactly
what's wrong with it.
1240
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:28,030
You're a sharp little fucker.
You know that?
1241
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:29,879
Thank you.
1242
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:32,031
I mean, for real, man.
I appreciate it.
1243
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:34,399
It's just nice
to be listened to.
1244
00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:36,349
What do you mean?
1245
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:38,336
I'm gonna be running
my dad's business one day.
1246
00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:39,360
Uh-huh.
1247
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:42,352
But he won't even listen to any
of my ideas about innovation.
1248
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:44,033
What?
Right?
1249
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:45,394
You're next gen, dude.
1250
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:47,920
It's where all the new seeds come from.
Everyone knows that.
1251
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:49,176
And I told him that.
I was like...
1252
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:51,668
"Dad, if you're gonna unleash
me to my full potentsh...
1253
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:52,960
"I need a seat
at the table."
1254
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:54,195
He just won't
listen to me.
1255
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:55,588
Um... Get that seat!
1256
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:56,760
I will get that seat.
1257
00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:58,640
Gotta get that seat, Scotty.
That's my seat.
1258
00:46:58,680 --> 00:46:59,908
Nobody else touch it.
No.
1259
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:02,719
Where is that seat?
It's at the fucking table.
1260
00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:04,956
(SCOFFS) And I'm gonna
get that seat at that table.
1261
00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:06,872
You deserve
a fucking throne, dawg.
1262
00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:08,400
Yeah, the Iron Throne.
Iron Throne.
1263
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:10,056
Iron Throne.
Game of Thrones over here!
1264
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:12,216
I'm breathing fire and grabbing
titties left and right.
1265
00:47:12,240 --> 00:47:13,416
Fucking King Joffrey
up in this.
1266
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:14,440
Those are my titties!
1267
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:16,551
You're the next in line.
That's me.
1268
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:17,920
My man.
1269
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:22,754
Oh, God.
1270
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:27,594
They're paying
your student loans.
1271
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:29,195
Oh.
1272
00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:42,119
NED : Stamp Free Invites.
1273
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:45,434
(CHIMES)
1274
00:47:49,240 --> 00:47:50,753
Oh, man.
1275
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:56,116
Ho, ho, ho!
(DOG BARKS)
1276
00:47:57,440 --> 00:47:58,634
(LLAMA GRUNTS)
1277
00:47:58,760 --> 00:47:59,795
BARB : Wow.
1278
00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:01,240
Is that a horse?
That is a llama.
1279
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:02,440
Oh, a llama.
Hi.
1280
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:03,635
Hello.
1281
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:05,631
BARB : Oh, my goodness.
Hey, girl.
1282
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:07,119
We don't have those in...
1283
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:08,639
Dad!
1284
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:10,950
There you are.
This is insane!
1285
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:12,473
Oh, you working on the books?
1286
00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:14,471
Uh, yeah, you know.
Just the little stuff.
1287
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:18,475
I was thinking about
Laird's Christmas party.
1288
00:48:18,640 --> 00:48:20,471
Gustav gave me a preview
of the guest list.
1289
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:22,551
And, Dad, it is a veritable
"who's who"
1290
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:24,039
of Silicon Valley
power players.
1291
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:25,838
Tyson Modell is coming!
1292
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:27,831
Wait, who is he?
What?
1293
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:29,016
He's the kid
who founded Ghostchat.
1294
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:30,109
Oh, right.
1295
00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:31,696
He turned down three billion
dollars from Facebook,
1296
00:48:31,720 --> 00:48:33,153
and he's only
24 years old.
1297
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:35,470
I'm gonna broker a sit-down
between you two.
1298
00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:38,716
Dad, thank you for telling me
to pack a blazer.
1299
00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:41,096
Now, should I throw on a tie or
should I keep it business casual?
1300
00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:42,678
Scotty, just listen to me,
all right?
1301
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:44,910
Most of these
Internet companies
1302
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,036
are built on
smoke and mirrors.
1303
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:48,235
What?
1304
00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:49,360
Don't get sucked in.
1305
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:51,670
That whole industry
is based on hooey.
1306
00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:53,956
I'm gonna drop
some knowledge on you.
1307
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:55,354
Times are changing, Pops.
1308
00:48:55,520 --> 00:48:57,556
And not everything you think
is hooey is hooey.
1309
00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:00,671
Wow. That's profound.
1310
00:49:01,200 --> 00:49:02,394
Profound.
1311
00:49:03,520 --> 00:49:04,794
And you...
1312
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:07,157
Hooey-meister himself.
1313
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:10,911
You're nothing but an octopus.
1314
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:13,119
An octopus.
1315
00:49:16,720 --> 00:49:18,039
(EDM PLAYING)
1316
00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:29,152
LAIRD : (ON TAPE)
Merry fuckin' Christmas
1317
00:49:29,240 --> 00:49:30,992
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
1318
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:44,399
What are you pouring?
1319
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:46,391
We are doing a deconstructed
eggnog tonight.
1320
00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:48,596
Eggnog. Yes. Thank you.
1321
00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:50,034
Where you from, boss?
1322
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:51,120
Michigan.
1323
00:49:51,240 --> 00:49:52,753
Oh, Michigan.
You in the car business?
1324
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:55,036
Uh, no. Printing.
Ned Fleming.
1325
00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:56,758
Elon Musk.
Elon Musk?
1326
00:49:57,360 --> 00:49:58,509
Yeah.
Tesla, Elon Musk?
1327
00:49:58,720 --> 00:49:59,914
Yeah.
Wow.
1328
00:50:01,240 --> 00:50:02,240
How do you know Laird?
1329
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:03,714
Uh...
1330
00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:05,597
He's dating my daughter.
1331
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:08,074
Uh-oh.
1332
00:50:08,240 --> 00:50:09,434
Nice talking to you.
Yeah.
1333
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:10,635
What?
1334
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:14,116
Oh, hey! Hi, honey!
1335
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:16,470
Could I get a glass
of white wine, please?
1336
00:50:18,240 --> 00:50:19,753
Ooh, hiya, handsome.
Hi!
1337
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:21,592
You look great.
Oh, come on.
1338
00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:23,432
No, you do.
Thank you.
1339
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:26,319
I'm just getting in
the holiday spirit.
1340
00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:30,155
So what were you talking to
Laird about for so long?
1341
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:32,791
I got the entire
Mayhew family saga.
1342
00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:34,279
Oh, God. I'm sorry.
1343
00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:37,432
No, no, turns out it was
pretty interesting actually.
1344
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:40,751
His mother was a secretary at
one of these tech companies.
1345
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:43,275
Can I interest you
in a Kobe beef slider?
1346
00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:44,759
Ooh, yum.
Real food?
1347
00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:46,797
Yes, I'm starving.
1348
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:48,518
Wait, what?
1349
00:50:48,840 --> 00:50:50,239
Oh, God.
1350
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:52,078
Ma'am? Kobe squirt?
No, thanks.
1351
00:50:52,240 --> 00:50:53,240
Thank you.
1352
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:55,433
It's actually pretty tasty.
1353
00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:58,592
Anyway, she saw all these
young programmers getting rich.
1354
00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:01,320
So she basically
forced Laird
1355
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:05,439
to spend his entire childhood
inside, learning computers.
1356
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:09,273
I think that's
kind of sad, right?
1357
00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:21,313
He ate it.
Hmm.
1358
00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:24,159
He's an octopus.
1359
00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:26,151
That kid is
wrapping his tentacles
1360
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:27,998
around every member
of this family.
1361
00:51:28,160 --> 00:51:29,513
He's manipulating you.
1362
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:31,989
Darling, we need to bring this
down a notch.
1363
00:51:32,160 --> 00:51:34,310
Okay? You think you're
at war with Laird.
1364
00:51:34,480 --> 00:51:37,153
But he's not fighting.
It's just you.
1365
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:38,976
Come on,
let's go meet his friends.
1366
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:40,035
They look darling.
1367
00:51:40,240 --> 00:51:41,832
Oh, God.
1368
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:44,958
Totally tanked porting the
thin-client apps for the JDK build.
1369
00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:46,536
The fuck? So you had to
rewrite all the code?
1370
00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:48,551
Mm-hmm. By myself.
1371
00:51:48,720 --> 00:51:50,915
LAIRD : But did you do it?
Oh, you know I did!
1372
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:52,479
Hey, there they are!
Hi.
1373
00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:53,640
Looking like a babe.
1374
00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:54,869
Look who's looking sharp.
1375
00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:56,314
Okay!
Hello!
1376
00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:58,800
Tyson, these are Stephanie's parents,
Mr. and Mrs. Fleming.
1377
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:00,871
Oh, no. Barb and Ned, please.
1378
00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:02,758
So it was fucked up, man.
1379
00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:04,512
It took me two weeks
1380
00:52:04,640 --> 00:52:06,358
on the J2EE database...
(MOUTHING)
1381
00:52:06,560 --> 00:52:08,696
trying to get the interface
to react with the server...
1382
00:52:08,720 --> 00:52:10,711
so I can get the containers
up and running again.
1383
00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:15,192
I'm sorry.
Tyson, what's a J2EE?
1384
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:17,231
Java 2 Platform
Enterprise Edition.
1385
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:18,714
Do you not write code?
Sorry.
1386
00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:20,359
This guy's the worst.
Yeah.
1387
00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:22,640
I'm actually more of a personal
relations kind of guy.
1388
00:52:22,720 --> 00:52:25,280
Like account management, client services.
That kind of stuff.
1389
00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:27,078
Dude, this kid is
fucking awesome.
1390
00:52:27,240 --> 00:52:30,676
Yes, Ned is grooming Scotty
to take over our family business.
1391
00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:31,840
That's right.
1392
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:33,552
We own a printing business
in Michigan.
1393
00:52:33,720 --> 00:52:34,936
Really?
I'm sure you're familiar
1394
00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:36,280
with those two siblings
over there
1395
00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:38,072
since you're
in the printing business.
1396
00:52:38,240 --> 00:52:40,515
Yo, brother-sister act!
You gotta meet this guy.
1397
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:41,600
Hello!
1398
00:52:41,760 --> 00:52:43,432
Hey! Blaine
and Missy Pederman.
1399
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:44,749
Hi, I'm Barb Fleming.
1400
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:46,239
This is my husband.
Ned.
1401
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:48,868
I'm Scott Fleming.
Nice to meet you.
1402
00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:50,712
I'm sorry, we were told
we might know you,
1403
00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:52,074
but I'm afraid we don't.
1404
00:52:52,240 --> 00:52:54,754
Blaine and Missy started
Stamp Free Invites.
1405
00:52:56,600 --> 00:52:58,431
Oh, okay.
1406
00:52:58,600 --> 00:52:59,749
Right.
1407
00:52:59,920 --> 00:53:00,920
What's up?
1408
00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:02,456
Did the server forget
to send a reminder
1409
00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:04,311
for your birthday party
or something?
1410
00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:07,438
No, he is actually
in the printing business.
1411
00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:09,759
Oh, shit.
Whoops.
1412
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:10,880
No, no.
1413
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:12,256
We didn't put you
out of business or anything?
1414
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:13,280
No.
1415
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:15,675
What? Ruin our business?
No, no.
1416
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:17,512
We're doing quite well.
Thank you.
1417
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:18,635
Oh, that's great!
1418
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:20,136
Good for you!
Honestly, good for you.
1419
00:53:20,160 --> 00:53:21,832
We love little
mom-and-pop printers.
1420
00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:24,076
So inspirational.
So important. Mm-hmm.
1421
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:25,593
My dad has more of a factory.
1422
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,136
Not to brag,
but we're a pretty big shop.
1423
00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:28,936
People need paper. They need
something to write on.
1424
00:53:28,960 --> 00:53:30,656
They love the feel of that
card stock in their hands.
1425
00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:31,680
Yeah.
1426
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:33,631
MISSY : I've never heard
anyone say that.
1427
00:53:33,760 --> 00:53:36,320
Hmm. We have not
found that at all.
1428
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:37,629
Yeah. Nope.
1429
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:39,416
I think we come from
two different worlds.
1430
00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:40,475
Yes, we do.
1431
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:43,632
You better start learning code
pretty fucking fast, dude.
1432
00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:45,074
Dude, Ned was crushing it
1433
00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:47,794
since before you two were fighting
over your mother's titties.
1434
00:53:48,280 --> 00:53:49,720
BLAINE : Our mom
didn't breastfeed us.
1435
00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:51,512
Laird, you know
we had a wet nurse.
1436
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:52,680
Oh, I can tell.
1437
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:55,176
Boy, I'll tell you,
I don't know what's going on.
1438
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:56,200
I'm lost.
1439
00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:57,594
I'm overwhelmed.
Yeah! Me, too.
1440
00:53:57,760 --> 00:53:59,637
There's bukkake
floating all around me.
1441
00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:00,875
BARB : What?
Hm?
1442
00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:02,155
What's bukkake?
1443
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:03,355
Oh, Laird told me.
1444
00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:05,033
It means when
you're overwhelmed
1445
00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:06,360
and you got too much going on.
1446
00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:08,198
BARB : Oh, my gosh.
Can't figure things out.
1447
00:54:08,360 --> 00:54:10,669
Then, I'm drowning in bukkake
at this point.
1448
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:11,976
Okay, I'm gonna be
real with you guys.
1449
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:13,080
It means jizz on your face.
1450
00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:15,520
I'm sorry?
1451
00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:17,033
Bukkake means
covered in jizz.
1452
00:54:17,200 --> 00:54:18,394
Tons of jizz, ejaculate.
1453
00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:19,959
Usually after a gangbang.
1454
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:21,348
Not as bad as it sounds.
1455
00:54:21,520 --> 00:54:22,714
TYSON : Yeah,
post-gangbang.
1456
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:25,633
Or during. Depends
if someone finishes early.
1457
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:26,909
NED : What the heck?
1458
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:28,216
I was trying to
protect you, dude.
1459
00:54:28,240 --> 00:54:29,832
Protect me?
LAIRD : Fucking Justine.
1460
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:31,149
You mean embarrass me?
1461
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:32,656
It was a really
sensitive conversation.
1462
00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:33,696
I didn't want
to start talking
1463
00:54:33,720 --> 00:54:34,816
about guys jerking off
on each other.
1464
00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:36,336
NED : Why'd you tell me
it was overwhelming?
1465
00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:37,509
Justine brought it up!
1466
00:54:37,680 --> 00:54:40,194
I hope this is an opportune
time to show a video.
1467
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:41,360
LAIRD : It's not.
1468
00:54:41,400 --> 00:54:42,674
NED : Oh, God!
TYSON : Yeah.
1469
00:54:42,880 --> 00:54:44,518
Oh, and this
is a teaching moment.
1470
00:54:44,680 --> 00:54:45,999
Here's another.
NED : Oh, my God.
1471
00:54:46,080 --> 00:54:47,336
STEPHANIE : No. Scotty.
NED : Don't look at that.
1472
00:54:47,360 --> 00:54:49,157
It's all good.
You don't have to see this.
1473
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:50,878
Is that you?
1474
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:55,395
No.
1475
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:56,828
LAIRD : Oh, my God.
1476
00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:01,872
(RAGE THE NIGHT AWAY PLAYING)
1477
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:06,234
(CROWD CHEERING)
1478
00:55:06,360 --> 00:55:07,998
We alive right now, now
1479
00:55:09,720 --> 00:55:11,039
Let's get hot right now
1480
00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:13,477
We don't give a damn
about money
1481
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:14,913
We alive right now
1482
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:17,311
All we do is party, party
1483
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:18,515
And get hot right now
1484
00:55:21,720 --> 00:55:24,632
(SCREAMING)
1485
00:55:24,720 --> 00:55:26,073
Are you okay?
1486
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:28,955
BOTH : Yeah!
1487
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:30,553
Come on, Daddy.
You're okay!
1488
00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:32,557
Okay, I just need to
take a breather. One...
1489
00:55:34,400 --> 00:55:35,594
Do it again...
1490
00:55:35,760 --> 00:55:37,318
Lost my mind,
I'm a lose it again
1491
00:55:37,400 --> 00:55:39,038
I love this kid.
1492
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:41,395
Oh, my God!
1493
00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:43,033
Rage, rage the night away
1494
00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:44,712
Forget about the money
I spent today
1495
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:46,512
Rage, rage the night away
1496
00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:49,398
DDT your ass.
I love you, dawg.
1497
00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:52,436
Forget about the money
I spent today
1498
00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:54,438
(CHEERING)
1499
00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:57,433
(SHOUTING)
1500
00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:03,758
(SCREAMING)
1501
00:56:10,120 --> 00:56:11,235
Hi, Pops.
1502
00:56:12,840 --> 00:56:14,360
I just need some fresh air.
Can I come?
1503
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:25,754
We've always been straight
with each other, haven't we?
1504
00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:26,920
Yeah, of course.
1505
00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:28,336
Okay, I need to
ask you a question.
1506
00:56:28,360 --> 00:56:29,475
And I mean this honestly.
1507
00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:30,834
Okay. What?
1508
00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:32,000
You're scaring me.
1509
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:33,149
No. It's just...
1510
00:56:34,360 --> 00:56:35,360
What?
1511
00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:37,634
Why Laird?
1512
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:39,153
I mean, come on.
Oh, my God.
1513
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:40,912
Why?
(GROANS) Dad.
1514
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:43,111
You are so smart
and you're beautiful.
1515
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:45,475
You could be dating anyone.
Why?
1516
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:47,000
I don't get it.
You want the truth?
1517
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:48,269
Yes.
1518
00:56:48,800 --> 00:56:50,631
He kind of reminds me of you.
1519
00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:53,160
What?
1520
00:56:54,320 --> 00:56:55,469
Me?
Yes.
1521
00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:57,398
Okay, I need you
to explain that one.
1522
00:56:57,480 --> 00:56:58,480
How?
1523
00:56:58,640 --> 00:57:01,154
You're both the most honest
and authentic men that I know.
1524
00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:02,776
It comes out
in totally different ways.
1525
00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:03,800
Oh, well...
1526
00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:05,313
Laird has literally no filter.
1527
00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:08,034
I don't know that to be true.
Is that right?
1528
00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:09,713
Okay.
Sorry.
1529
00:57:09,880 --> 00:57:11,836
Trying to help you out here.
(SIGHS)
1530
00:57:12,120 --> 00:57:14,839
But I swear his heart
is always in the right place.
1531
00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:19,352
He's a very good guy.
1532
00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:21,833
And I love him.
1533
00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:27,880
You love him?
1534
00:57:33,720 --> 00:57:34,994
(WHINES)
What?
1535
00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:37,233
I'm processing.
1536
00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:38,560
We had the...
Very funny, Dad.
1537
00:57:40,360 --> 00:57:42,157
Okay. Okay.
1538
00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:44,558
Just try to be cordial.
1539
00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:45,755
I will. I'll try.
1540
00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:47,592
Okay? I'll try.
Try to what?
1541
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:49,398
I'll try to just...
1542
00:57:50,720 --> 00:57:55,032
...understand
that person better.
1543
00:57:56,280 --> 00:57:57,633
(LAUGHS)
1544
00:57:57,720 --> 00:57:58,720
Come here.
1545
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:10,755
Hey.
1546
00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:13,720
Hi.
1547
00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:16,712
(SIGHS) Long night.
What are you doing?
1548
00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:19,599
Just chilling.
1549
00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:22,636
Barb, is that my shirt?
1550
00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:24,711
I don't know, is it?
1551
00:58:24,880 --> 00:58:26,438
Want me to take it off?
1552
00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:29,114
Would you, please?
I only brought two dress shirts.
1553
00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:30,554
I really don't feel
like ironing
1554
00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:32,073
while I'm on this trip.
1555
00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:35,558
(GROANS) I'm so exhausted.
1556
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:38,629
Oh, yeah.
1557
00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:40,119
Take it off, baby.
1558
00:58:40,280 --> 00:58:43,716
Yeah! Take it off.
Take off those shoes, girl.
1559
00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:47,156
Let me see those feet.
I wanna see those feet!
1560
00:58:47,320 --> 00:58:48,680
Did you hit your head
or something?
1561
00:58:48,800 --> 00:58:51,109
Yeah. Let me
smell that shoe.
1562
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:52,256
You don't wanna
smell my shoe.
1563
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:53,280
Yeah, I want feet!
1564
00:58:53,400 --> 00:58:55,436
I want those feet
out of those socks.
1565
00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:56,919
Barb, what happened to you?
1566
00:58:57,080 --> 00:58:58,957
I am so stoned right now.
1567
00:58:59,080 --> 00:59:00,080
What?
1568
00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:02,310
Yeah, I am so baked.
1569
00:59:02,480 --> 00:59:04,277
I am like super baked.
1570
00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:06,635
Barb. What?
Where did you? (LAUGHS)
1571
00:59:06,800 --> 00:59:09,439
I was very lonely
after you guys left.
1572
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:13,912
And I saw this guy,
and he had a cigarette.
1573
00:59:14,080 --> 00:59:16,514
I thought it was one of those
electronic cigarettes.
1574
00:59:16,680 --> 00:59:17,749
They're called E-cigs.
1575
00:59:17,840 --> 00:59:18,840
Yeah.
1576
00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:20,797
But turns out...
1577
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:22,791
I was vaping.
1578
00:59:22,960 --> 00:59:23,995
What?
1579
00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:25,474
I was vaping.
1580
00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:26,640
What is that?
1581
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:29,758
It's marijuana that comes
out of some kind of machine.
1582
00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:31,632
Keep your voice down!
Ned, it's legal.
1583
00:59:31,800 --> 00:59:34,633
Oh, this poor boy
had it for sleep apnea.
1584
00:59:34,840 --> 00:59:37,638
At his age? So sad.
I'm going to bed. That's it.
1585
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:39,717
No, no, no. Wait!
1586
00:59:39,880 --> 00:59:41,136
Barbara, I'm tired.
Wait a minute. (MUTTERS)
1587
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:42,160
And I've got a headache.
1588
00:59:42,320 --> 00:59:44,311
Let's play a little bit, huh?
No, no.
1589
00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:46,630
I'll give you
one of my patented massages.
1590
00:59:46,720 --> 00:59:48,119
Barb.
Let's take the Little Cheese
1591
00:59:48,200 --> 00:59:49,315
out for a spin.
No, no, no.
1592
00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:50,880
Come on, let me just see him.
Don't.
1593
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:52,616
I just want to see him.
Don't call him that.
1594
00:59:52,640 --> 00:59:53,709
Please. Come on.
1595
00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:54,915
Oh, my God!
1596
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:57,560
You used to love getting high
and fooling around.
1597
00:59:57,720 --> 00:59:59,119
What? Barb! No, Barb.
1598
00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:01,016
We're on vacation!
But someone could walk...
1599
01:00:01,040 --> 01:00:02,519
There's no locks
on the door!
1600
01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:03,680
What?
1601
01:00:03,840 --> 01:00:06,559
Justine! Do you have any Kiss?
1602
01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:08,358
JUSTINE : Oh, hell yeah!
1603
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:09,839
Are you kids gonna do it?
Yes.
1604
01:00:10,040 --> 01:00:12,190
NED : No.
We're doing it already.
1605
01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:13,634
We're doing it right now.
Barb!
1606
01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:15,200
I'm doing it with my feet.
One foot.
1607
01:00:15,240 --> 01:00:17,356
That's Kiss!
Honey, you love Kiss!
1608
01:00:17,520 --> 01:00:18,919
But not right now.
1609
01:00:19,080 --> 01:00:21,389
(I WAS MADE FOR LOVIN' YOU
PLAYING)
1610
01:00:21,720 --> 01:00:25,349
Ned was made for loving Barb
1611
01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:26,555
Yell!
1612
01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:30,030
(GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY)
1613
01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:32,958
Yeah. Yeah.
1614
01:00:33,040 --> 01:00:34,136
Look what I learned
at the party.
1615
01:00:34,160 --> 01:00:35,160
What?
1616
01:00:35,240 --> 01:00:37,216
There was this real cute girl,
and she was going like this.
1617
01:00:37,240 --> 01:00:39,037
(EXCLAIMING)
1618
01:00:39,280 --> 01:00:41,032
She was doing this cute,
new dance.
1619
01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:42,878
You're gonna
throw your back out.
1620
01:00:43,040 --> 01:00:44,678
I'm not gonna throw my...
1621
01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:45,909
I'll throw you out.
1622
01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:47,800
Let me get on you.
Wait, do you smell that?
1623
01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:49,432
I'm putting him in.
What is that scent?
1624
01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:50,749
There. Oh, it's in.
1625
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:52,677
(MOANING)
1626
01:00:52,880 --> 01:00:54,552
What is that?
(GASPS) Oh, my God.
1627
01:00:54,720 --> 01:00:55,755
Oh, my God!
1628
01:00:55,960 --> 01:00:58,918
Is that Indian Summer
by Priscilla Presley?
1629
01:00:59,080 --> 01:01:01,230
I used to wear
that perfume in the 90s.
1630
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:03,231
JUSTINE : Yup, pumping some in.
1631
01:01:03,400 --> 01:01:06,119
I saw you mentioned it on your
college reunion's Facebook page.
1632
01:01:06,280 --> 01:01:07,918
I know what you like, Ned.
1633
01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:09,957
Oh, I know you do, dawg.
1634
01:01:10,120 --> 01:01:12,350
Yeah, get in there. Get it!
1635
01:01:12,560 --> 01:01:14,039
Barb!
Get you some!
1636
01:01:14,200 --> 01:01:15,952
Get it! Good. Oh, that's...
Okay.
1637
01:01:16,120 --> 01:01:17,599
Yeah. You're almost in there.
1638
01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:19,591
No, you're, like,
six inches away from it.
1639
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:22,035
Get in there.
Yeah, that's the spirit.
1640
01:01:22,240 --> 01:01:23,753
Barb.
Oh! Yeah!
1641
01:01:23,920 --> 01:01:24,920
Barb!
That's good.
1642
01:01:25,080 --> 01:01:26,911
Oh, that's good.
You're getting into it now.
1643
01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:28,235
That's it!
(SQUEALS) No!
1644
01:01:28,400 --> 01:01:30,470
No, no!
Take me! Yes! Take me!
1645
01:01:30,640 --> 01:01:31,709
I'm not...
Take me.
1646
01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:33,776
I'm taking you right to bed.
That's what I'm doing.
1647
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:35,074
(SQUEALING)
Here you go. Yes.
1648
01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:36,275
No, I wanna do sex.
1649
01:01:36,440 --> 01:01:37,776
We are not gonna do sex.
No, honey.
1650
01:01:37,800 --> 01:01:38,915
But I want to.
1651
01:01:39,080 --> 01:01:40,376
Justine, turn all the music
off please...
1652
01:01:40,400 --> 01:01:41,435
I wanna do it.
1653
01:01:41,600 --> 01:01:43,136
...and leave us alone
for the rest of the night.
1654
01:01:43,160 --> 01:01:44,388
It's gonna be
full penetration!
1655
01:01:44,560 --> 01:01:45,788
NED : Would you stop!
1656
01:01:46,080 --> 01:01:48,196
(SIGHS, SNIFFLES)
1657
01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:51,632
JUSTINE : Psst... Hey, girl.
1658
01:01:52,240 --> 01:01:53,639
Fifth button from the right.
1659
01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:56,279
You'll thank me later.
1660
01:02:04,120 --> 01:02:05,473
(NOZZLE HISSING)
1661
01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:12,760
Mama, won't you please let me
Mama, won't you please let me
1662
01:02:12,800 --> 01:02:13,994
Mmm...
1663
01:02:14,160 --> 01:02:15,320
Mama, won't you please let me
1664
01:02:25,120 --> 01:02:27,395
Mama do the hump
mama do the hump hump
1665
01:02:27,480 --> 01:02:29,835
Mama won't you please
let me do the hump hump
1666
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:32,309
Mama do the hump
mama do the hump hump
1667
01:02:32,480 --> 01:02:34,835
Mama won't you please
let me do the hump hump
1668
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:37,315
Mama do the hump
mama do the hump hump
1669
01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:39,675
Mama won't you please
let me do the hump hump
1670
01:02:39,840 --> 01:02:42,149
Mama do the hump
mama do the hump hump
1671
01:02:42,320 --> 01:02:44,629
Mama won't you please
let me do the hump hump
1672
01:02:46,360 --> 01:02:49,511
(CALLING)
1673
01:02:52,840 --> 01:02:54,034
There we go, girls.
1674
01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:05,034
(CONTINUES CALLING)
1675
01:03:10,880 --> 01:03:12,359
(SQUAWKING)
(GRUNTS)
1676
01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:31,440
Oh!
1677
01:03:32,400 --> 01:03:33,549
Okay. You all right?
1678
01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:35,233
Yeah. Oh, man.
1679
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:36,435
That's it.
1680
01:03:36,600 --> 01:03:37,856
Dude, I thought
I was gonna make it.
1681
01:03:37,880 --> 01:03:39,393
I know. You almost did, but...
1682
01:03:40,200 --> 01:03:41,599
Very good evasive parkour.
1683
01:03:41,720 --> 01:03:43,392
Yes, but the last move
you ate shit.
1684
01:03:43,560 --> 01:03:44,675
I know.
(GUSTAV LAUGHS)
1685
01:03:44,880 --> 01:03:46,096
GUSTAV : I'll put you
on the table later
1686
01:03:46,120 --> 01:03:47,400
and we'll do
a little adjustment.
1687
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:01,593
Ah!
1688
01:04:02,080 --> 01:04:05,436
Christmas tree shopping
with the Big Cheese.
1689
01:04:05,600 --> 01:04:07,750
Ned, you don't know
how excited I am about this.
1690
01:04:07,920 --> 01:04:09,876
I don't know
if I ever mentioned this,
1691
01:04:10,040 --> 01:04:12,200
but I never had a father
to do this kind of stuff with.
1692
01:04:12,280 --> 01:04:14,589
I'm glad we're getting
a chance to hang out.
1693
01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:16,635
That's nice.
1694
01:04:17,920 --> 01:04:19,751
Uh, it's not getting me hard.
1695
01:04:20,720 --> 01:04:23,075
You need an erection
to buy a Christmas tree?
1696
01:04:23,640 --> 01:04:24,640
Helps.
1697
01:04:24,960 --> 01:04:26,109
(CHUCKLES)
1698
01:04:26,600 --> 01:04:27,953
I wanna get to
know you better.
1699
01:04:28,120 --> 01:04:29,439
I mean, you're so perfect.
1700
01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:32,353
Seriously, did you always
have your shit together?
1701
01:04:32,440 --> 01:04:33,440
Oh, heck no.
1702
01:04:33,560 --> 01:04:35,312
I got fired selling Datsuns.
1703
01:04:37,400 --> 01:04:39,789
How'd you fuck up
selling little dogs?
1704
01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:42,951
No. Datsuns.
1705
01:04:43,640 --> 01:04:44,675
What's that?
1706
01:04:44,760 --> 01:04:45,909
It's a car. Doesn't matter.
1707
01:04:46,080 --> 01:04:47,354
It doesn't exist anymore.
1708
01:04:47,520 --> 01:04:48,999
But you're still here.
1709
01:04:49,440 --> 01:04:50,475
(SCOFFS)
1710
01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:53,831
You ever get nervous
about shifting tides?
1711
01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:57,629
Well, you know, every business
has its ups and downs.
1712
01:04:57,800 --> 01:04:59,358
Yeah, I know it, bro.
1713
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:01,988
Guerrilla Gang, it's been
struggling a little bit.
1714
01:05:02,800 --> 01:05:04,153
Really?
1715
01:05:04,320 --> 01:05:06,595
Yeah, it's just a fucking
tough landscape, dude.
1716
01:05:08,360 --> 01:05:10,510
What doesn't kill you
makes you stronger.
1717
01:05:11,800 --> 01:05:13,472
Whoa. (EXHALES)
1718
01:05:14,200 --> 01:05:16,668
Chills. Did you
come up with that?
1719
01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:19,159
No, Laird.
1720
01:05:21,320 --> 01:05:22,320
Whoa, whoa.
1721
01:05:23,720 --> 01:05:25,039
There she blows, Ned.
1722
01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:27,198
It's our motherfucking tree.
1723
01:05:27,400 --> 01:05:29,630
Why not? It'll look great
opposite your moose.
1724
01:05:30,360 --> 01:05:32,396
Ned, Ned. Not that one.
1725
01:05:33,800 --> 01:05:34,994
That one.
1726
01:05:38,240 --> 01:05:39,958
Oh, no. See, Laird...
1727
01:05:40,160 --> 01:05:41,513
that doesn't belong
to this lot.
1728
01:05:41,680 --> 01:05:42,680
See, it's owned by...
1729
01:05:42,840 --> 01:05:44,671
Wet games?
Wewt Games.
1730
01:05:44,840 --> 01:05:46,068
Like, 'woot-woot'.
1731
01:05:46,200 --> 01:05:47,633
I know those dudes.
They're dicks.
1732
01:05:47,800 --> 01:05:49,392
Tried to rip off
Ape Assassins.
1733
01:05:49,560 --> 01:05:51,835
Plus, it's the first Christmas
with the family, dude.
1734
01:05:52,000 --> 01:05:53,000
Gotta do it right.
1735
01:05:53,160 --> 01:05:54,160
Hey, buddy.
1736
01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:55,200
Yeah.
1737
01:05:55,320 --> 01:05:56,673
Can I borrow that chainsaw?
1738
01:05:56,840 --> 01:05:57,875
Are you serious?
1739
01:05:58,520 --> 01:05:59,520
Yeah.
1740
01:06:00,360 --> 01:06:02,191
(GRUNTING) Fucking...
1741
01:06:02,920 --> 01:06:04,035
Come on.
1742
01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:06,869
Will you hurry up?
1743
01:06:07,040 --> 01:06:08,553
I'm trying.
1744
01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:11,029
Come on, guy.
I need my chainsaw back.
1745
01:06:11,200 --> 01:06:12,553
Just give me a second.
1746
01:06:12,720 --> 01:06:13,960
Should we call
an ambulance now,
1747
01:06:14,040 --> 01:06:15,393
or wait till
he loses a finger?
1748
01:06:17,400 --> 01:06:18,549
Can I borrow those?
1749
01:06:19,520 --> 01:06:20,669
Have at it.
1750
01:06:21,440 --> 01:06:22,759
Okay. Laird just...
1751
01:06:22,920 --> 01:06:23,989
Okay.
1752
01:06:24,080 --> 01:06:25,080
Hand it over?
1753
01:06:25,200 --> 01:06:26,235
You sure, Ned?
Yup.
1754
01:06:31,800 --> 01:06:33,518
(MOTOR STARTS)
Oh!
1755
01:06:34,040 --> 01:06:35,917
Total fucking Dad move!
1756
01:06:37,880 --> 01:06:40,394
(ROCK AND ROLL ALL NITE
PLAYING)
1757
01:06:48,080 --> 01:06:51,789
(MOUTHING) Oh, shit!
1758
01:06:51,920 --> 01:06:54,480
You keep on dancing
and the room gets hot
1759
01:06:55,080 --> 01:06:58,311
You drive us wild,
we'll drive you crazy
1760
01:07:01,160 --> 01:07:05,392
I wanna rock and roll
all night...
1761
01:07:06,480 --> 01:07:08,232
Love Kiss!
1762
01:07:09,800 --> 01:07:11,279
Kiss, baby!
1763
01:07:11,440 --> 01:07:12,839
These guys are awesome!
1764
01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:15,639
Stephanie and I do karaoke
to Kiss all the time.
1765
01:07:15,840 --> 01:07:17,796
Dude, I know,
that's why I put it on!
1766
01:07:17,960 --> 01:07:19,791
And we do
a pretty good job, too,
1767
01:07:19,960 --> 01:07:21,109
if I might say so.
Oh, man.
1768
01:07:21,640 --> 01:07:23,232
That's cute.
Yeah.
1769
01:07:23,960 --> 01:07:24,960
(SIGHS)
1770
01:07:25,080 --> 01:07:27,594
Listen, Laird,
I've been thinking about
1771
01:07:27,680 --> 01:07:29,272
our teepee talk yesterday.
1772
01:07:29,480 --> 01:07:30,959
Oh, dude, me too.
1773
01:07:31,120 --> 01:07:32,951
I've got so many ideas
for the proposal.
1774
01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:34,951
No.
No. Ned, hear me out.
1775
01:07:35,120 --> 01:07:37,315
I was thinking about
getting the Goodyear blimp,
1776
01:07:37,480 --> 01:07:38,560
releasing a thousand doves.
1777
01:07:38,640 --> 01:07:39,675
No. Wait.
1778
01:07:39,840 --> 01:07:41,200
Laird, just hold on
a second, okay?
1779
01:07:41,320 --> 01:07:42,320
Slow down.
Okay.
1780
01:07:42,800 --> 01:07:46,110
Look, I get it that Stephanie
really likes you.
1781
01:07:46,280 --> 01:07:47,280
But...
Uh-huh.
1782
01:07:47,920 --> 01:07:49,638
Look. Man to man.
Yeah.
1783
01:07:49,800 --> 01:07:52,360
Now is not the time.
1784
01:07:52,520 --> 01:07:55,592
Dude, Ned, I thought we were
getting past all that.
1785
01:07:55,800 --> 01:07:57,153
No, it's not me.
1786
01:07:57,320 --> 01:07:58,469
It's all about Stephanie.
1787
01:07:58,640 --> 01:07:59,709
Stephanie?
Yes.
1788
01:07:59,840 --> 01:08:00,840
I don't know, dude.
1789
01:08:01,000 --> 01:08:03,992
These last few semesters
are gonna be so intense.
1790
01:08:04,160 --> 01:08:05,639
And then there's graduation,
1791
01:08:05,720 --> 01:08:06,994
and she'll be
looking for a job.
1792
01:08:07,160 --> 01:08:08,680
And who knows
where that will take her.
1793
01:08:08,840 --> 01:08:10,353
It's just...
All right, Ned...
1794
01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:11,816
I wasn't supposed to
tell you this,
1795
01:08:11,840 --> 01:08:13,558
but I just wanna
put your mind at ease.
1796
01:08:15,320 --> 01:08:18,153
Stephanie is not going back
to school next semester.
1797
01:08:19,840 --> 01:08:20,840
What?
1798
01:08:21,240 --> 01:08:24,949
Dude, I know you're probably
shocked, but do not worry.
1799
01:08:25,160 --> 01:08:26,832
She's already
got this awesome job
1800
01:08:26,920 --> 01:08:28,512
lined up
at this non-profit.
1801
01:08:28,680 --> 01:08:29,680
(STAMMERS)
1802
01:08:29,840 --> 01:08:32,035
What organization
is that exactly?
1803
01:08:33,240 --> 01:08:36,869
She's going to be president of
the Laird Mayhew Foundation.
1804
01:08:41,760 --> 01:08:43,239
That's me.
1805
01:08:45,040 --> 01:08:46,189
Stephanie!
1806
01:08:46,360 --> 01:08:47,360
Barb?
1807
01:08:47,560 --> 01:08:50,074
Everybody upstairs right now,
family meeting!
1808
01:08:50,320 --> 01:08:51,896
JUSTINE : Ned, would you like
me to schedule a meeting?
1809
01:08:51,920 --> 01:08:52,955
Oh, fuck off!
1810
01:08:53,040 --> 01:08:54,040
Just trying to help.
1811
01:08:54,080 --> 01:08:55,576
You don't always have to be
such an asshole.
1812
01:08:55,600 --> 01:08:56,828
Yes, I do!
1813
01:08:57,560 --> 01:08:59,391
Dad.
You are so dead.
1814
01:08:59,560 --> 01:09:01,994
Shut up. Of course
I was going to tell you.
1815
01:09:02,200 --> 01:09:03,679
I told Mom yesterday
at the mall.
1816
01:09:03,840 --> 01:09:05,856
I was just waiting for
the right time to bring it up
1817
01:09:05,880 --> 01:09:07,216
and that hasn't happened.
Wait a minute.
1818
01:09:07,240 --> 01:09:08,240
You knew?
1819
01:09:08,360 --> 01:09:12,399
Honestly, honey, we thought
you might freak out.
1820
01:09:12,560 --> 01:09:14,437
So we decided to wait until
1821
01:09:14,560 --> 01:09:16,755
after Christmas
to bring it up.
1822
01:09:16,960 --> 01:09:18,960
But, okay, he told you
about the foundation, right?
1823
01:09:19,120 --> 01:09:20,872
Yes.
Yes, okay.
1824
01:09:21,040 --> 01:09:22,376
This is a big part of
why I wanted you
1825
01:09:22,400 --> 01:09:24,436
to come out here
and meet Laird.
1826
01:09:25,400 --> 01:09:28,949
Stephanie, even if he wasn't
this abject lunatic,
1827
01:09:29,120 --> 01:09:30,235
which he is,
1828
01:09:30,400 --> 01:09:33,278
I still wouldn't
understand why.
1829
01:09:33,480 --> 01:09:34,959
You've only got
a few semesters left
1830
01:09:35,080 --> 01:09:36,195
before you graduate.
1831
01:09:36,400 --> 01:09:38,072
Why would you
just throw that away?
1832
01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:39,576
I'm not throwing
anything away, Dad.
1833
01:09:39,600 --> 01:09:40,736
The year I spent
in Central America
1834
01:09:40,760 --> 01:09:42,079
doing this kind of work,
1835
01:09:43,120 --> 01:09:46,430
I know you think that I'm
making some rash decision
1836
01:09:46,600 --> 01:09:47,600
and I'm not.
1837
01:09:47,760 --> 01:09:50,115
We've spent months
figuring it out.
1838
01:09:50,280 --> 01:09:51,508
All the months
1839
01:09:51,600 --> 01:09:53,716
where you didn't even tell us
you had a boyfriend.
1840
01:09:53,880 --> 01:09:54,880
All those months?
1841
01:09:55,320 --> 01:09:56,753
Darling...
1842
01:09:56,960 --> 01:09:58,439
I think you should
hear her out
1843
01:09:58,600 --> 01:10:00,955
because it actually sounds
very interesting.
1844
01:10:01,080 --> 01:10:02,080
Does it?
1845
01:10:02,120 --> 01:10:04,111
STEPHANIE : Are you
willing to listen to me?
1846
01:10:04,280 --> 01:10:05,280
Give it your best shot.
1847
01:10:06,120 --> 01:10:08,793
The plan is to focus
on women's health
1848
01:10:08,960 --> 01:10:10,776
as a function of environmental
change in the Third World.
1849
01:10:10,800 --> 01:10:11,800
Right.
All right.
1850
01:10:11,840 --> 01:10:12,976
And when all that
goes belly-up,
1851
01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:14,200
you know what
you're left with?
1852
01:10:14,240 --> 01:10:16,276
What?
Being a college dropout.
1853
01:10:16,480 --> 01:10:17,959
That's it.
You don't get it.
1854
01:10:18,120 --> 01:10:19,120
Oh, I don't get it?
1855
01:10:19,280 --> 01:10:20,952
No, you just, like,
don't get it at all.
1856
01:10:21,320 --> 01:10:22,799
Oh. What is that?
1857
01:10:24,280 --> 01:10:25,429
It's a tattoo.
1858
01:10:25,600 --> 01:10:26,953
With his name?
You got a tattoo?
1859
01:10:27,160 --> 01:10:29,116
You've marked your body
with his name on it.
1860
01:10:29,280 --> 01:10:30,349
Look at that, Barb!
1861
01:10:30,520 --> 01:10:31,953
Oh, no.
1862
01:10:32,160 --> 01:10:33,832
That is so cute.
1863
01:10:34,040 --> 01:10:35,280
SCOTTY : Let me see.
I wanna see.
1864
01:10:35,320 --> 01:10:37,200
Laird's been telling me
I should get a neck tat.
1865
01:10:37,360 --> 01:10:38,588
I see what
Laird is doing here.
1866
01:10:38,760 --> 01:10:40,600
I see what he's doing.
(CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY)
1867
01:10:40,760 --> 01:10:44,150
He is trying to put his
imprint on this entire family.
1868
01:10:44,320 --> 01:10:47,437
And that is why we've got
all these secrets now.
1869
01:10:47,600 --> 01:10:48,999
And it's all because of him!
1870
01:10:49,160 --> 01:10:51,037
Why do you have such
a big problem with Laird?
1871
01:10:51,200 --> 01:10:53,031
Great question.
You know why? Why?
1872
01:10:53,200 --> 01:10:55,156
Because of his influence,
1873
01:10:55,320 --> 01:10:56,673
you drop out of college.
1874
01:10:56,840 --> 01:10:59,035
Because of his influence,
you get a "too."
1875
01:10:59,200 --> 01:11:00,320
Dad, I think you mean "tat."
1876
01:11:00,400 --> 01:11:01,440
You definitely mean "tat."
1877
01:11:01,480 --> 01:11:02,616
I mean "tat?"
It's not a "too?"
1878
01:11:02,640 --> 01:11:03,776
"Tat." No, it's not a "too."
No.
1879
01:11:03,800 --> 01:11:05,313
No, I saw it on Geraldo.
1880
01:11:05,480 --> 01:11:07,232
They call them "toos," okay?
Okay.
1881
01:11:07,400 --> 01:11:09,470
This is what's going to be
your downward spiral.
1882
01:11:09,640 --> 01:11:11,232
First you get a tattoo,
1883
01:11:11,400 --> 01:11:12,992
then you start vaporizing.
1884
01:11:13,200 --> 01:11:14,792
What?
NED : You're vaporizing.
1885
01:11:14,960 --> 01:11:16,518
STEPHANIE :
What are you talking about?
1886
01:11:16,680 --> 01:11:19,638
When you have...
It's an e-cigarette.
1887
01:11:19,800 --> 01:11:22,473
But instead of tobacco
or a fake tobacco,
1888
01:11:22,640 --> 01:11:24,358
no, you have marijuana
in that e-cigarette.
1889
01:11:24,520 --> 01:11:25,748
Dad, I know what it is.
Yeah.
1890
01:11:25,920 --> 01:11:27,319
How do you know
what it is?
1891
01:11:27,480 --> 01:11:30,358
Because I've been around.
Haven't I?
1892
01:11:30,480 --> 01:11:32,038
(STUTTERS)
1893
01:11:32,160 --> 01:11:33,195
Mm-hmm.
1894
01:11:33,360 --> 01:11:34,952
Then you go
from there to heroin.
1895
01:11:35,040 --> 01:11:36,075
Mm-hmm, that's right.
1896
01:11:36,240 --> 01:11:38,470
After that, after you
get hooked on drugs,
1897
01:11:38,560 --> 01:11:39,640
you know what happens next?
1898
01:11:39,720 --> 01:11:40,720
What?
1899
01:11:40,760 --> 01:11:41,856
You'll become a hooker,
a prostitute...
1900
01:11:41,880 --> 01:11:42,995
a pimp's bitch.
1901
01:11:43,080 --> 01:11:44,752
That's what's
going to happen to you.
1902
01:11:44,920 --> 01:11:46,194
I see it very clearly.
1903
01:11:46,400 --> 01:11:48,868
Oh, my...
How long do I have?
1904
01:11:49,040 --> 01:11:50,917
I'm glad you asked.
Not long.
1905
01:11:51,080 --> 01:11:54,231
You keep going down this path,
at this rate, not long.
1906
01:11:54,400 --> 01:11:56,868
You're clearly not in a place
to listen to me right now.
1907
01:11:57,080 --> 01:11:58,080
So I'm gonna go.
1908
01:11:58,240 --> 01:11:59,560
Thank you, Pops,
for the guidance.
1909
01:11:59,720 --> 01:12:00,914
Thank you.
You're welcome.
1910
01:12:36,480 --> 01:12:38,471
(BAD MOTHER FU**ER PLAYING)
1911
01:12:46,640 --> 01:12:49,438
When the line froze,
what did I see?
1912
01:12:49,920 --> 01:12:52,115
A bad mother fucker
standing next to me
1913
01:12:52,400 --> 01:12:53,435
Boom!
1914
01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:55,633
(EXCLAIMING)
1915
01:12:57,640 --> 01:12:59,949
Be free like a bird
so today I'ma fly
1916
01:13:00,120 --> 01:13:02,588
Bad, bad motherfucker
'til the day I die
1917
01:13:04,000 --> 01:13:05,592
Boss, let me
get this straight.
1918
01:13:05,760 --> 01:13:06,875
You want me
to hack into
1919
01:13:06,960 --> 01:13:08,791
Stephanie's
boyfriend's computer
1920
01:13:08,960 --> 01:13:10,552
and find out
if there's any record
1921
01:13:10,640 --> 01:13:12,119
of him starting a foundation?
1922
01:13:12,320 --> 01:13:13,320
Yes, I do.
1923
01:13:13,480 --> 01:13:15,391
Listen, Kevin,
you are my IT guy.
1924
01:13:15,480 --> 01:13:16,680
I've got nowhere else to turn.
1925
01:13:16,840 --> 01:13:19,149
You know I've always thought
so highly of Stephanie.
1926
01:13:19,320 --> 01:13:21,629
Yeah, she thinks
a lot about you.
1927
01:13:21,800 --> 01:13:23,677
Really? Oh, yeah.
1928
01:13:23,840 --> 01:13:25,637
That's so crazy.
Now, listen.
1929
01:13:25,800 --> 01:13:27,176
I know that this character
has money,
1930
01:13:27,200 --> 01:13:29,120
but there's something about
this whole foundation
1931
01:13:29,160 --> 01:13:30,480
that sounds like
a bunch of hooey.
1932
01:13:30,640 --> 01:13:34,030
If this guy's running hooey,
then I'm gonna find out.
1933
01:13:34,200 --> 01:13:35,400
Okay,
first thing's first, Ned,
1934
01:13:35,480 --> 01:13:37,038
you have to break into
his computer
1935
01:13:37,200 --> 01:13:39,839
and download a program
that I'm gonna send you.
1936
01:13:40,000 --> 01:13:41,319
That's hacking?
1937
01:13:43,840 --> 01:13:45,990
I took a shower,
washing every body part...
1938
01:13:47,480 --> 01:13:49,357
Yeah, okay.
I'm getting online.
1939
01:13:50,000 --> 01:13:51,035
(KEVIN GRUNTS)
1940
01:13:51,160 --> 01:13:52,991
Kevin, what are you doing?
Huh, baby?
1941
01:13:53,160 --> 01:13:55,390
Oh, I'm helping Ned
with something IT-related.
1942
01:13:55,560 --> 01:13:56,834
Oh, tell Ned I said hi.
1943
01:13:57,000 --> 01:13:58,000
Okay.
1944
01:13:58,880 --> 01:14:00,080
KEVIN : All right, webcam's on.
1945
01:14:01,400 --> 01:14:02,760
(WHISPERS)
Okay, I'm in the office.
1946
01:14:02,880 --> 01:14:04,836
All right, now get
in front of the computer.
1947
01:14:05,040 --> 01:14:07,918
All right, good.
Press the spacebar.
1948
01:14:09,360 --> 01:14:11,351
Oh, darn.
It's asking for a password.
1949
01:14:11,480 --> 01:14:12,480
No surprise.
1950
01:14:12,520 --> 01:14:16,195
A lot of guys have passwords related
to their girlfriends or their wives.
1951
01:14:17,000 --> 01:14:19,878
Kevin, you're a genius.
That's what I have!
1952
01:14:20,040 --> 01:14:22,873
It's "Barbsguy1989."
The year we were married.
1953
01:14:23,880 --> 01:14:26,348
The younger generation tends
to go a little bit racier.
1954
01:14:26,560 --> 01:14:28,320
I'm gonna get into some
sensitive areas here,
1955
01:14:28,400 --> 01:14:29,719
so just bear with me.
1956
01:14:29,880 --> 01:14:33,270
We need to focus on Stephanie's
more defining qualities
1957
01:14:33,440 --> 01:14:35,078
that this guy
might latch onto.
1958
01:14:35,280 --> 01:14:36,600
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
1959
01:14:36,720 --> 01:14:38,392
Would you just get to it?
1960
01:14:38,560 --> 01:14:40,391
For example, like,
would you say...
1961
01:14:40,560 --> 01:14:42,516
Stephanie has perky breasts?
1962
01:14:44,240 --> 01:14:45,389
What?
Okay.
1963
01:14:45,560 --> 01:14:47,198
I would say yes,
because she does.
1964
01:14:47,360 --> 01:14:49,874
Please try "Stephanie's boobs"
one word, no caps.
1965
01:14:50,040 --> 01:14:51,075
I'm her dad!
1966
01:14:51,240 --> 01:14:52,912
I understand that
you're her dad,
1967
01:14:53,080 --> 01:14:54,672
but you gotta think like him.
1968
01:14:54,880 --> 01:14:55,915
Okay?
1969
01:15:01,760 --> 01:15:02,760
No.
1970
01:15:02,880 --> 01:15:04,438
We're gonna have to
kick it up a notch.
1971
01:15:04,640 --> 01:15:06,278
You said that
this guy was edgy?
1972
01:15:06,920 --> 01:15:09,434
Please try
"Stephanie's tight ass."
1973
01:15:09,560 --> 01:15:10,595
Give that a whirl.
1974
01:15:11,640 --> 01:15:13,631
Are you messing with me,
Dingle?
1975
01:15:13,800 --> 01:15:15,711
I wish I was messing with you.
1976
01:15:15,880 --> 01:15:17,074
I'm trying to help you, Ned.
1977
01:15:17,280 --> 01:15:19,475
Make the two "S's"
dollar signs in "ass."
1978
01:15:19,640 --> 01:15:20,755
God!
1979
01:15:20,920 --> 01:15:23,275
I am going straight to hell
just for typing this.
1980
01:15:23,440 --> 01:15:25,112
Tight ass.
1981
01:15:26,320 --> 01:15:27,878
No.
Hey, guys?
1982
01:15:28,080 --> 01:15:29,760
Do you wanna raise the volume
on the movie?
1983
01:15:29,800 --> 01:15:30,800
GIRL : Okay.
1984
01:15:31,000 --> 01:15:33,719
Okay. I'm just gonna list
some off, you type them in.
1985
01:15:34,280 --> 01:15:36,430
All right,
try "Stephanie's sweet slit."
1986
01:15:36,600 --> 01:15:38,591
I am not writing that!
1987
01:15:38,800 --> 01:15:40,472
Okay,
"Stephanie's pink canoe."
1988
01:15:40,680 --> 01:15:41,680
No!
1989
01:15:41,840 --> 01:15:43,080
Listen, this isn't fun for me.
1990
01:15:47,280 --> 01:15:48,599
Oh, my God.
What is it?
1991
01:15:48,760 --> 01:15:50,159
It's the password!
1992
01:15:50,320 --> 01:15:52,356
The one piece of paper
in the entire house.
1993
01:15:52,520 --> 01:15:53,936
What does it say?
I'm gonna log it in.
1994
01:15:53,960 --> 01:15:56,110
"Stephanie's dude."
1995
01:15:57,320 --> 01:15:59,197
Aw, that's actually sweet.
1996
01:15:59,360 --> 01:16:00,509
"2016."
1997
01:16:00,680 --> 01:16:01,680
Boom! We're in.
1998
01:16:01,840 --> 01:16:02,840
Oh, gosh!
1999
01:16:03,000 --> 01:16:04,149
What? What is it?
2000
01:16:04,320 --> 01:16:06,276
It's a nude photograph
of Stephanie.
2001
01:16:06,440 --> 01:16:07,998
May I see it, please?
No.
2002
01:16:08,160 --> 01:16:09,160
May I please see it?
2003
01:16:09,320 --> 01:16:10,753
I said no!
Okay.
2004
01:16:10,960 --> 01:16:12,840
Go to your EarthLink account
in the web browser.
2005
01:16:13,120 --> 01:16:15,634
EarthLink, EarthLink, okay.
Press.
2006
01:16:16,160 --> 01:16:17,309
I give it my password.
2007
01:16:17,640 --> 01:16:18,675
Okay.
2008
01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:20,952
Okay.
I just emailed you a file.
2009
01:16:21,040 --> 01:16:22,951
Download that and
open it on his desktop.
2010
01:16:23,640 --> 01:16:25,870
Ned, we're gonna fucking nail this guy!
We're good!
2011
01:16:26,000 --> 01:16:27,513
We're hacking, baby!
2012
01:16:27,680 --> 01:16:28,874
We're gonna nail him.
2013
01:16:29,040 --> 01:16:31,280
We're gonna nail him the way
he's been nailing Stephanie.
2014
01:16:31,360 --> 01:16:32,536
STEPHANIE :
Just come with me right now.
2015
01:16:32,560 --> 01:16:33,560
LAIRD : What?
2016
01:16:33,680 --> 01:16:34,696
Why are you
taking me to my office?
2017
01:16:34,720 --> 01:16:35,755
Everyone's downstairs.
2018
01:16:35,840 --> 01:16:37,478
Oh, shit! Someone's coming!
Okay. Escape!
2019
01:16:37,560 --> 01:16:38,595
Oh, God!
2020
01:16:38,680 --> 01:16:39,880
LAIRD : Baby,
what are we doing?
2021
01:16:39,960 --> 01:16:41,313
Christmas Eve
is about to start.
2022
01:16:41,480 --> 01:16:43,280
What is the matter with you?
What's happening?
2023
01:16:43,360 --> 01:16:44,816
I specifically told you...
Don't say anything.
2024
01:16:44,840 --> 01:16:48,196
that I wanted to be the one to
tell my dad about Stanford.
2025
01:16:48,360 --> 01:16:50,200
I know. We were just...
Then why did you do it?
2026
01:16:50,360 --> 01:16:52,669
We were bonding so hard,
it just sort of slipped out.
2027
01:16:52,840 --> 01:16:55,638
STEPHANIE : You clearly have no
idea what this means to him.
2028
01:16:55,840 --> 01:16:58,229
He was so proud of me
when I got into Stanford.
2029
01:16:58,400 --> 01:17:02,359
He worked so hard
to make it happen.
2030
01:17:02,520 --> 01:17:06,035
Me dropping out is like
a huge slap in his face.
2031
01:17:06,920 --> 01:17:07,920
Okay.
2032
01:17:08,040 --> 01:17:10,235
I just never had anyone
like him in my life before.
2033
01:17:10,400 --> 01:17:11,879
Oh, my God!
2034
01:17:12,680 --> 01:17:14,511
I thought we could
just talk it out.
2035
01:17:14,680 --> 01:17:17,240
You could see how that's not
your place to do that, right?
2036
01:17:17,440 --> 01:17:18,509
LAIRD : Okay. Maybe not.
2037
01:17:18,680 --> 01:17:19,829
STEPHANIE : Definitely not.
2038
01:17:20,000 --> 01:17:22,355
Okay, you're right.
He was super pissed.
2039
01:17:24,440 --> 01:17:26,431
Sometimes I feel like
you're not capable
2040
01:17:26,520 --> 01:17:28,238
of being in a relationship.
2041
01:17:28,400 --> 01:17:30,675
It's time that
you get a handle
2042
01:17:30,760 --> 01:17:32,600
(MOUTHING INDISTINCTLY)
on these father issues.
2043
01:17:32,680 --> 01:17:33,715
LAIRD : Wow.
2044
01:17:33,880 --> 01:17:35,393
That's the truth.
2045
01:17:36,240 --> 01:17:38,435
When you call me
on my shit...
2046
01:17:38,600 --> 01:17:42,434
My God! It makes me
feel so close to you.
2047
01:17:42,600 --> 01:17:45,797
Your honesty has
such an effect on me.
2048
01:17:47,080 --> 01:17:49,435
You're making me so
fucking horny right now.
2049
01:17:49,800 --> 01:17:50,949
What?
STEPHANIE : Yeah.
2050
01:17:51,040 --> 01:17:52,598
LAIRD :
That face is boner-bait.
2051
01:17:52,760 --> 01:17:54,600
STEPHANIE : Can you not see
that I'm mad at you?
2052
01:17:54,760 --> 01:17:56,176
LAIRD : Yeah, I see it.
That's what's...
2053
01:17:56,200 --> 01:17:57,856
STEPHANIE : Oh, my God.
You're driving me crazy!
2054
01:17:57,880 --> 01:17:59,711
You're not listening to me.
2055
01:18:00,640 --> 01:18:01,640
LAIRD : I'm listening.
2056
01:18:02,280 --> 01:18:03,554
I'm sorry.
2057
01:18:03,720 --> 01:18:04,789
Do you...
2058
01:18:06,160 --> 01:18:07,639
You need therapy.
(MOANING)
2059
01:18:11,080 --> 01:18:12,308
Not working.
No?
2060
01:18:12,480 --> 01:18:13,754
Mm-mm. Not today, buddy.
2061
01:18:13,920 --> 01:18:15,319
Okay. How about this?
2062
01:18:15,960 --> 01:18:17,075
Is this working?
2063
01:18:19,280 --> 01:18:20,554
A little bit.
2064
01:18:21,280 --> 01:18:22,429
Okay, how about this?
2065
01:18:23,920 --> 01:18:25,239
(MOANING)
2066
01:18:25,320 --> 01:18:28,676
Okay. That's working
a little bit more.
2067
01:18:28,840 --> 01:18:30,398
STEPHANIE : Laird,
I love you.
2068
01:18:30,600 --> 01:18:31,919
But I'm still
mad at you.
2069
01:18:32,080 --> 01:18:33,433
I'm sorry.
2070
01:18:37,000 --> 01:18:38,149
(BOTH MOANING)
2071
01:18:42,960 --> 01:18:44,678
I'm so sorry.
(MOUTHING) No, no!
2072
01:18:45,120 --> 01:18:46,120
Okay?
2073
01:18:46,360 --> 01:18:47,360
Yes!
2074
01:18:47,480 --> 01:18:48,480
No!
2075
01:18:51,480 --> 01:18:52,480
LAIRD : You...
(WHIRRING)
2076
01:18:53,440 --> 01:18:55,016
I'm gonna make it up to you.
What is happening?
2077
01:18:55,040 --> 01:18:57,560
You just lie back, and I'll give you
an early Christmas present.
2078
01:18:57,600 --> 01:18:59,636
STEPHANIE : You are
such a freak. (LAUGHS)
2079
01:18:59,800 --> 01:19:00,949
I know.
2080
01:19:04,840 --> 01:19:05,875
LAIRD : Here comes Santa.
2081
01:19:06,040 --> 01:19:07,040
STEPHANIE : Oh, really?
2082
01:19:07,160 --> 01:19:09,151
Ho, ho, ho.
Oh, my God.
2083
01:19:09,320 --> 01:19:10,514
Merry Christmas.
2084
01:19:11,480 --> 01:19:14,313
Somebody's been
naughty this year.
2085
01:19:16,720 --> 01:19:17,835
KEVIN : Boss?
2086
01:19:18,000 --> 01:19:20,195
Ned. Are you there? Hello?
2087
01:19:20,320 --> 01:19:21,320
Hello?
Oh.
2088
01:19:21,400 --> 01:19:23,994
Yes. Kevin, I'm here.
What's happening?
2089
01:19:24,120 --> 01:19:25,120
I'm in.
2090
01:19:25,320 --> 01:19:26,680
Do you have access
to the Internet?
2091
01:19:26,800 --> 01:19:28,199
Yes, I do. Hold on.
2092
01:19:28,360 --> 01:19:29,634
Wait a second.
2093
01:19:29,800 --> 01:19:31,392
Log into your
EarthLink account.
2094
01:19:32,480 --> 01:19:33,480
Okay. Got it.
2095
01:19:33,640 --> 01:19:36,677
I'm gonna send these
to you right now. (LAUGHS)
2096
01:19:36,840 --> 01:19:38,796
Good.
You're done, Mayhew.
2097
01:19:39,040 --> 01:19:40,040
(CAMERA CLICKS)
2098
01:19:40,240 --> 01:19:41,355
What the fuck?
2099
01:19:42,240 --> 01:19:43,832
What happened?
Oh, my God.
2100
01:19:44,000 --> 01:19:45,319
Wait, what?
What's going on?
2101
01:19:45,480 --> 01:19:47,630
I don't know. He has my face.
2102
01:19:47,760 --> 01:19:48,856
What do you mean
he has your face?
2103
01:19:48,880 --> 01:19:49,880
I'm locked out.
2104
01:19:50,000 --> 01:19:51,353
I can't use
my computer anymore.
2105
01:19:51,480 --> 01:19:52,480
What?
Stop that!
2106
01:19:52,600 --> 01:19:54,000
What's happening?
He's onto us, Ned.
2107
01:19:54,040 --> 01:19:55,040
What are you doing?
2108
01:19:55,200 --> 01:19:57,760
We have to abort.
Oh, God. Oh, no.
2109
01:19:57,920 --> 01:20:01,071
Move back, motherfuckers
Mayhew's here
2110
01:20:01,200 --> 01:20:02,200
Oh, fuck!
2111
01:20:02,240 --> 01:20:03,440
He's a mythical creature, Ned.
2112
01:20:03,520 --> 01:20:04,520
He's what?
2113
01:20:05,400 --> 01:20:08,073
What the fuck? Oh, God.
2114
01:20:08,280 --> 01:20:10,077
He's pulling out his penis!
2115
01:20:11,000 --> 01:20:12,433
Oh, my God.
2116
01:20:12,600 --> 01:20:14,511
He's balls deep
in my digital butt.
2117
01:20:17,080 --> 01:20:18,216
MARNIE : Are you watching porn?
2118
01:20:18,240 --> 01:20:19,355
Turn that off!
2119
01:20:19,520 --> 01:20:20,589
KEVIN : Ned, he's doing it!
2120
01:20:21,200 --> 01:20:22,553
Marnie, it's not good!
2121
01:20:22,920 --> 01:20:24,558
Stay the fuck out!
Turn that off!
2122
01:20:24,720 --> 01:20:25,755
Kevin!
2123
01:20:25,920 --> 01:20:26,920
Kevin!
2124
01:20:27,560 --> 01:20:28,560
(GASPS)
2125
01:20:30,760 --> 01:20:32,239
KEVIN :
He has control of the house!
2126
01:20:32,400 --> 01:20:33,435
Come here!
2127
01:20:33,640 --> 01:20:35,376
Kevin, what is happening?
We gotta get out of here!
2128
01:20:35,400 --> 01:20:36,400
Go, go, go!
2129
01:20:36,600 --> 01:20:37,600
What?
MARNIE : Kevin!
2130
01:20:37,760 --> 01:20:39,079
Kevin!
2131
01:20:49,760 --> 01:20:51,876
Oh, my...
2132
01:20:53,760 --> 01:20:57,639
(CHOIR SINGING)
Silent night
2133
01:20:57,800 --> 01:21:01,509
Holy night
2134
01:21:02,320 --> 01:21:05,676
All is calm
2135
01:21:07,040 --> 01:21:09,508
All is bright
2136
01:21:12,240 --> 01:21:13,468
Hi.
Hey.
2137
01:21:13,680 --> 01:21:14,999
You know what?
Let's not fight.
2138
01:21:15,080 --> 01:21:16,115
Okay.
2139
01:21:16,280 --> 01:21:18,680
I'm sorry, truly, that you found out
about Stanford that way.
2140
01:21:18,760 --> 01:21:19,760
Thank you.
2141
01:21:19,840 --> 01:21:21,720
It was not okay of Laird,
and he knows that now.
2142
01:21:21,880 --> 01:21:23,256
But I'm confident
this is a really good idea.
2143
01:21:23,280 --> 01:21:24,936
Honey, before you continue,
I need to tell you something.
2144
01:21:24,960 --> 01:21:27,599
Laird has been lying to you.
2145
01:21:28,160 --> 01:21:29,160
I tried.
2146
01:21:29,360 --> 01:21:30,759
No, no, no. Hey!
It's unbelievable!
2147
01:21:30,920 --> 01:21:32,797
He is in serious
financial trouble.
2148
01:21:32,960 --> 01:21:34,757
In what way?
It's Christmas.
2149
01:21:34,920 --> 01:21:36,148
Ned, you're making a mistake.
2150
01:21:36,320 --> 01:21:38,595
He doesn't have enough money
to finance his business,
2151
01:21:38,760 --> 01:21:40,079
let alone a foundation.
2152
01:21:40,160 --> 01:21:41,856
STEPHANIE : What exactly
makes you think that?
2153
01:21:41,880 --> 01:21:43,199
Wait till you see this.
2154
01:21:43,360 --> 01:21:44,475
What's this?
Here.
2155
01:21:44,640 --> 01:21:46,551
Look at this,
his own bank records.
2156
01:21:46,720 --> 01:21:48,233
All in red.
2157
01:21:50,280 --> 01:21:51,349
Is this for real?
2158
01:21:51,520 --> 01:21:52,589
Yeah, it's true.
2159
01:21:52,800 --> 01:21:55,360
Guerrilla Gang hasn't crushed
one in a couple of years.
2160
01:21:55,520 --> 01:21:57,078
So you lied to me?
2161
01:21:57,240 --> 01:21:58,434
I'm dropping out of school
2162
01:21:58,640 --> 01:22:00,960
to start a foundation that
you're supposed to be financing.
2163
01:22:01,040 --> 01:22:02,109
Yeah.
Yeah.
2164
01:22:02,280 --> 01:22:04,350
Baby, the foundation
is all good.
2165
01:22:04,560 --> 01:22:06,278
What are you talking about?
2166
01:22:06,480 --> 01:22:09,790
Ned, there has been
a very big misunderstanding.
2167
01:22:09,960 --> 01:22:12,918
These are only
Laird's business holdings.
2168
01:22:13,080 --> 01:22:14,080
On the personal side...
2169
01:22:14,280 --> 01:22:15,376
I have put together
a moderate,
2170
01:22:15,400 --> 01:22:17,231
conservative private
equity sleeve
2171
01:22:17,400 --> 01:22:19,277
that has been
performing delightfully.
2172
01:22:19,440 --> 01:22:21,032
You could say that again.
Mm-hmm.
2173
01:22:21,200 --> 01:22:22,599
So you followed
the Buffett rule?
2174
01:22:22,760 --> 01:22:23,880
(GUSTAV LAUGHS)
Always, dude.
2175
01:22:24,080 --> 01:22:25,752
70/30, stocks to bonds.
2176
01:22:25,840 --> 01:22:26,840
Buffet.
2177
01:22:26,960 --> 01:22:27,960
Nice.
2178
01:22:28,040 --> 01:22:29,136
Your little hacker, Dingle...
2179
01:22:29,160 --> 01:22:30,160
Hacker?
2180
01:22:30,320 --> 01:22:31,992
...was worming down
the wrong hole.
2181
01:22:32,160 --> 01:22:34,549
Does he mean Kevin Dingle?
LAIRD : Probably.
2182
01:22:34,760 --> 01:22:36,079
No, must be another Dingle.
2183
01:22:36,240 --> 01:22:38,674
Only dingle I know of
is the berries on the butt.
2184
01:22:38,840 --> 01:22:40,637
Look, how much money
do you have?
2185
01:22:40,760 --> 01:22:41,816
Babe, you don't
have to answer this.
2186
01:22:41,840 --> 01:22:42,909
Yes, he does.
2187
01:22:43,000 --> 01:22:44,797
LAIRD : Fine! Full disclosure.
2188
01:22:44,960 --> 01:22:46,154
It's bad.
2189
01:22:47,120 --> 01:22:50,078
I'm down to
my last 97 million.
2190
01:22:50,360 --> 01:22:51,918
GUSTAV : (CLEARS THROAT) Laird.
2191
01:22:53,440 --> 01:22:55,271
197 million.
2192
01:22:56,840 --> 01:22:57,875
Boom.
2193
01:22:57,960 --> 01:23:00,155
He's just barely scraping by.
2194
01:23:00,320 --> 01:23:01,480
All you had to do was ask me.
2195
01:23:01,600 --> 01:23:03,636
Gentlemen, I need
Deck the Halls, allegro, now.
2196
01:23:04,120 --> 01:23:06,873
Deck the halls
with boughs of holly
2197
01:23:07,080 --> 01:23:08,672
LAIRD : Ned, it's the holidays
2198
01:23:08,840 --> 01:23:10,478
and I think
we should start over.
2199
01:23:12,120 --> 01:23:13,189
So this is for you.
2200
01:23:17,320 --> 01:23:18,320
What is it?
2201
01:23:18,400 --> 01:23:19,600
It's a little
stocking stuffer.
2202
01:23:19,680 --> 01:23:20,749
I think you'll like it.
2203
01:23:22,480 --> 01:23:24,152
A phone?
Press the button.
2204
01:23:26,320 --> 01:23:28,914
This is from my bank
in Grand Rapids.
2205
01:23:29,080 --> 01:23:30,195
Merry Christmas.
2206
01:23:30,320 --> 01:23:31,416
STEPHANIE :
Someone fill me in here.
2207
01:23:31,440 --> 01:23:32,440
LAIRD : Well, Steph...
2208
01:23:32,560 --> 01:23:35,074
I bought
your father's company.
2209
01:23:35,760 --> 01:23:36,795
Sort of.
2210
01:23:36,960 --> 01:23:40,714
Ned, I purchased all your debt
as a Christmas present.
2211
01:23:40,880 --> 01:23:42,199
What the fuck?
2212
01:23:42,640 --> 01:23:44,517
You son of a bitch.
What?
2213
01:23:44,680 --> 01:23:46,920
Dude, I'm trying to be nice,
so you can avoid bankruptcy.
2214
01:23:47,440 --> 01:23:48,759
Are you guys
talking Chapter 11?
2215
01:23:48,840 --> 01:23:50,160
I don't even wanna
hear that term.
2216
01:23:50,240 --> 01:23:52,959
Okay, gentlemen,
I need Jingle Bells, and step on it!
2217
01:23:53,120 --> 01:23:56,317
I can't believe that
you didn't tell us about this.
2218
01:23:56,480 --> 01:23:58,550
What? No, it's just...
2219
01:23:58,760 --> 01:24:01,228
The business has been running
a little rough lately.
2220
01:24:01,400 --> 01:24:03,096
I'm already working on
a new deal right now.
2221
01:24:03,120 --> 01:24:05,031
So you had no idea?
No.
2222
01:24:05,200 --> 01:24:06,640
How the hell
did you know about this?
2223
01:24:06,920 --> 01:24:08,797
It was Justine.
Oh.
2224
01:24:08,880 --> 01:24:10,074
JUSTINE : Yeah, it was me.
2225
01:24:10,240 --> 01:24:12,976
She played me back a little bit of a
conversation you had the other day...
2226
01:24:13,000 --> 01:24:14,000
with a guy named Lou.
2227
01:24:14,600 --> 01:24:16,636
Of course,
I had to help.
2228
01:24:16,800 --> 01:24:18,376
JUSTINE : Ned,
I'm sorry if I overstepped.
2229
01:24:18,400 --> 01:24:19,400
Yep.
2230
01:24:19,480 --> 01:24:21,516
But I was really,
really worried about you.
2231
01:24:21,680 --> 01:24:23,272
LAIRD : She was.
No clowning.
2232
01:24:23,440 --> 01:24:24,953
And just so
you don't stress,
2233
01:24:25,160 --> 01:24:27,469
you're still gonna be
the Big Cheese, dude.
2234
01:24:27,640 --> 01:24:29,551
I plan on being
a very hands-off owner.
2235
01:24:30,640 --> 01:24:33,108
So what do you say, partner?
2236
01:24:33,960 --> 01:24:35,518
(GROANS)
(EXCLAIMING)
2237
01:24:35,680 --> 01:24:37,320
Ned, what are you...
LAIRD : What the fuck?
2238
01:24:37,480 --> 01:24:39,357
Why would you do that, Dad?
2239
01:24:39,440 --> 01:24:40,440
Dad!
2240
01:24:40,520 --> 01:24:41,919
Fuck you, paper man!
2241
01:24:42,080 --> 01:24:43,399
(EXCLAIMING)
2242
01:24:43,640 --> 01:24:44,959
Oh, scheisse.
2243
01:24:45,120 --> 01:24:46,120
Ned, I'm sorry, bro.
2244
01:24:46,280 --> 01:24:47,872
Are you okay? Oh, man.
(COUGHING)
2245
01:24:48,040 --> 01:24:49,314
My training,
it just takes over.
2246
01:24:49,520 --> 01:24:51,715
Everybody is feeling
a lot of tension.
2247
01:24:51,880 --> 01:24:52,949
Calm down.
Dad!
2248
01:24:53,960 --> 01:24:56,394
Or we can hit people square
in the face with an iPad.
2249
01:24:58,400 --> 01:25:00,072
Disengage.
Disengage and run!
2250
01:25:00,240 --> 01:25:01,719
(BARB EXCLAIMING)
2251
01:25:03,680 --> 01:25:05,336
Dude, that was kind of cool.
You gotta be honest.
2252
01:25:05,360 --> 01:25:07,237
Ned, I love you.
I was just trying to help.
2253
01:25:07,320 --> 01:25:08,719
(YELLING)
(SCREAMING IN PAIN)
2254
01:25:08,800 --> 01:25:09,800
Ooh!
2255
01:25:11,560 --> 01:25:12,560
Laird, disengage him!
2256
01:25:12,640 --> 01:25:14,153
Ned, let go of his balls!
2257
01:25:17,640 --> 01:25:19,358
Laird! Evasive parkour!
2258
01:25:19,520 --> 01:25:20,589
Laird, get away!
2259
01:25:20,800 --> 01:25:22,711
Evasive parkour!
Do the wall pop!
2260
01:25:23,560 --> 01:25:24,560
Wall pop!
2261
01:25:28,120 --> 01:25:29,758
Goose! Did you see that?
2262
01:25:29,920 --> 01:25:32,639
That's right! Because you
finally engaged your core!
2263
01:25:32,800 --> 01:25:33,800
Get down here!
2264
01:25:33,880 --> 01:25:36,696
GUSTAV : You see the difference of the feeling?
How it feels differently?
2265
01:25:36,720 --> 01:25:37,755
I know!
2266
01:25:38,720 --> 01:25:39,835
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
2267
01:25:40,440 --> 01:25:41,736
Don't breathe in.
I'll save you, brother!
2268
01:25:41,760 --> 01:25:42,840
GUSTAV : Scotty, no! Scotty!
2269
01:25:42,880 --> 01:25:43,880
BARB : No, honey!
2270
01:25:44,800 --> 01:25:45,920
I'm here to save you, Laird!
2271
01:25:50,600 --> 01:25:51,669
Scotty, watch out!
2272
01:25:54,400 --> 01:25:55,469
(SCREAMING)
2273
01:26:00,080 --> 01:26:01,877
Laird! You okay?
2274
01:26:03,040 --> 01:26:04,040
Yeah! (LAUGHS)
2275
01:26:04,200 --> 01:26:05,474
Fantastic!
You're okay.
2276
01:26:06,040 --> 01:26:07,678
You're okay.
Wait. Where's Scotty?
2277
01:26:07,840 --> 01:26:09,114
BARB : Scotty! Oh, my God.
2278
01:26:09,480 --> 01:26:11,357
Scotty!
He's under the moose!
2279
01:26:11,560 --> 01:26:12,976
(STEPHANIE AND BARB SCREAM)
He's under the moose!
2280
01:26:13,000 --> 01:26:14,149
Scotty!
2281
01:26:14,360 --> 01:26:16,112
(GRUNTING)
2282
01:26:16,240 --> 01:26:17,240
Oh, shit.
2283
01:26:17,440 --> 01:26:19,670
These fucking moose balls
are in my mouth.
2284
01:26:19,840 --> 01:26:21,876
Oh, shit,
he's teabagging you, bro!
2285
01:26:22,040 --> 01:26:23,359
I got you.
2286
01:26:24,400 --> 01:26:26,038
(YELLING)
2287
01:26:28,880 --> 01:26:31,189
Come here. Come here.
2288
01:26:31,360 --> 01:26:33,032
Oh, my God. It's okay.
2289
01:26:33,200 --> 01:26:34,200
It's okay.
2290
01:26:37,680 --> 01:26:39,989
Honey, I'm so sorry
it turned out this way.
2291
01:26:40,160 --> 01:26:41,160
Me, too.
2292
01:26:41,840 --> 01:26:43,000
I'll call you
when I get home.
2293
01:26:43,120 --> 01:26:45,111
Okay. Good luck with Scotty.
2294
01:26:45,880 --> 01:26:47,359
Thank you. I'll need it.
Yeah.
2295
01:26:49,440 --> 01:26:52,079
Steph, listen. I never...
2296
01:26:52,240 --> 01:26:54,435
I'm done listening.
Have a safe flight.
2297
01:26:57,880 --> 01:26:59,632
See you, sis.
Bye, Scotty.
2298
01:27:01,560 --> 01:27:03,949
Can't believe I have to
go back to toilet paper.
2299
01:27:06,440 --> 01:27:08,749
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
2300
01:27:10,680 --> 01:27:13,433
Hey, Don Millis.
Merry Christmas, sir.
2301
01:27:13,520 --> 01:27:15,400
You too, Ned. Look, I hate
to call on Christmas.
2302
01:27:15,520 --> 01:27:17,238
Oh, don't worry about that.
2303
01:27:17,400 --> 01:27:19,152
It was great
catching up yesterday
2304
01:27:19,320 --> 01:27:21,480
and I wanted to ring you
as soon as we made a decision.
2305
01:27:21,560 --> 01:27:22,560
Okay.
2306
01:27:22,640 --> 01:27:24,520
I talked with the group here
about your proposal
2307
01:27:24,600 --> 01:27:26,192
and we just can't go for it.
2308
01:27:26,360 --> 01:27:27,634
I'm sorry, pal.
2309
01:27:27,840 --> 01:27:30,513
We really appreciate you offering
us such a sweetheart deal.
2310
01:27:30,720 --> 01:27:33,296
But fact is we 're just not doing a
whole lot of printing these days.
2311
01:27:33,320 --> 01:27:34,469
You know how it is.
Yes.
2312
01:27:34,680 --> 01:27:35,776
It's a whole new world, right?
2313
01:27:35,800 --> 01:27:36,800
Yes.
2314
01:27:37,720 --> 01:27:38,755
Sure is.
2315
01:27:38,920 --> 01:27:40,720
I sure wish we could've
done business, Cheese.
2316
01:27:40,760 --> 01:27:42,159
All right, listen, um,
2317
01:27:42,360 --> 01:27:44,715
if you're sure I can't
change your mind there, Don.
2318
01:27:44,880 --> 01:27:46,108
Yeah, unfortunately not.
2319
01:27:46,320 --> 01:27:47,992
Okay. All right.
2320
01:27:49,120 --> 01:27:51,236
You have a happy holidays.
You, too, Ned!
2321
01:27:51,400 --> 01:27:52,799
Best to Barb and the kids.
2322
01:27:55,840 --> 01:27:57,239
JUSTINE : Excuse me, Ned?
2323
01:27:57,400 --> 01:28:00,358
I'm sorry to bother you,
but your flight leaves in an hour.
2324
01:28:03,240 --> 01:28:06,676
Must seem strange
to you, my friend
2325
01:28:06,840 --> 01:28:08,239
JUSTINE : I'll miss you.
2326
01:28:08,320 --> 01:28:11,630
Some things are always
heaven sent
2327
01:28:12,560 --> 01:28:16,189
The more you want,
the harder it gets
2328
01:28:16,640 --> 01:28:20,872
The more you let go,
the more you get
2329
01:28:20,960 --> 01:28:22,439
It's a crazy...
2330
01:28:28,280 --> 01:28:30,032
...beautiful life
2331
01:28:30,800 --> 01:28:34,793
Some things make sense
and you don't know what
2332
01:28:34,920 --> 01:28:39,391
It's a crazy beautiful life
2333
01:28:40,800 --> 01:28:42,438
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
2334
01:28:46,400 --> 01:28:48,311
Welcome home, Flemings!
2335
01:28:48,480 --> 01:28:49,595
Lou, what...
2336
01:28:49,720 --> 01:28:50,789
You guys must be freezing.
2337
01:28:50,960 --> 01:28:53,155
Come on, get in here.
Let me get that. Come on, Cheese.
2338
01:28:53,240 --> 01:28:54,600
Lou, what's going on?
Barbara, hey.
2339
01:28:54,800 --> 01:28:55,835
Hi.
2340
01:28:55,920 --> 01:28:57,016
Barb, you look great.
JERRY : There they are!
2341
01:28:57,040 --> 01:28:59,508
ALL : Merry Christmas!
2342
01:29:01,760 --> 01:29:02,909
Wow!
2343
01:29:03,440 --> 01:29:06,830
Um, Lou, I texted you that
I needed to talk to you.
2344
01:29:07,000 --> 01:29:08,000
I mean, what's...
2345
01:29:08,160 --> 01:29:10,151
Come on,
you hear this guy?
2346
01:29:10,360 --> 01:29:11,759
Hank Rouse
from First National
2347
01:29:11,920 --> 01:29:14,309
shot me a congratulatory
voicemail this morning
2348
01:29:14,440 --> 01:29:15,839
about the
Mayhew deal.
2349
01:29:16,000 --> 01:29:17,000
You did it,
Big Cheese!
2350
01:29:18,600 --> 01:29:20,040
You pulled off
the Christmas miracle.
2351
01:29:20,160 --> 01:29:21,957
(CHEERING)
2352
01:29:22,040 --> 01:29:24,156
Cheese, Cheese, Cheese!
Cheese, Cheese, Cheese!
2353
01:29:24,320 --> 01:29:25,435
Barb!
2354
01:29:26,440 --> 01:29:27,440
Scotty.
2355
01:29:27,600 --> 01:29:30,319
Ned, as a little token
of our appreciation,
2356
01:29:30,480 --> 01:29:32,948
we all chipped in
and bought you something
2357
01:29:33,120 --> 01:29:35,759
that we're pretty sure
you don't own.
2358
01:29:35,840 --> 01:29:36,955
(ALL LAUGH)
2359
01:29:38,200 --> 01:29:39,872
You shouldn't have.
2360
01:29:40,040 --> 01:29:41,553
Open it. Yeah.
2361
01:29:42,280 --> 01:29:43,280
Yeah, right there.
2362
01:29:43,480 --> 01:29:44,480
(LOU LAUGHS)
2363
01:29:44,720 --> 01:29:46,790
It's an iPad.
(CHEERING)
2364
01:29:47,960 --> 01:29:49,313
Hit the home button
right there.
2365
01:29:49,480 --> 01:29:50,480
Yeah.
2366
01:29:51,840 --> 01:29:53,856
JERRY : We had a little fun
with that down in Graphics.
2367
01:29:53,880 --> 01:29:56,030
I got the images off
Scotty's Facebook page.
2368
01:29:56,320 --> 01:29:57,799
(JERRY LAUGHING)
2369
01:29:58,000 --> 01:29:59,718
He looks like a stand-up guy.
2370
01:29:59,800 --> 01:30:01,552
Like a younger version
of you, Ned.
2371
01:30:02,320 --> 01:30:03,355
MAN : Make a speech!
2372
01:30:03,480 --> 01:30:04,799
JERRY : Speech!
Oh, yes, speech!
2373
01:30:05,000 --> 01:30:06,319
Speech, speech, speech.
2374
01:30:09,680 --> 01:30:11,636
(CHOPPER APPROACHING)
2375
01:30:11,880 --> 01:30:13,074
The heck is that?
2376
01:30:17,240 --> 01:30:19,515
STEPHANIE : Laird, a jet and
a helicopter? Where are we?
2377
01:30:19,720 --> 01:30:21,199
LAIRD :
Hang on, babe. Almost there.
2378
01:30:32,880 --> 01:30:34,359
One second.
Mayhew!
2379
01:30:34,520 --> 01:30:35,536
Guys, stay here
for a minute.
2380
01:30:35,560 --> 01:30:36,696
Honey, go inside
and get a jacket.
2381
01:30:36,720 --> 01:30:37,896
That's Mayhew.
Is that the guy?
2382
01:30:37,920 --> 01:30:38,920
Laird!
2383
01:30:39,000 --> 01:30:40,194
Where are we?
2384
01:30:40,360 --> 01:30:41,360
That looks weird.
2385
01:30:41,440 --> 01:30:42,920
It's kind of Fifty
Shades of Grey-ish.
2386
01:30:43,120 --> 01:30:44,712
Cold?
Yeah.
2387
01:30:47,040 --> 01:30:49,508
And here we go.
2388
01:30:51,400 --> 01:30:52,594
Surprise!
2389
01:30:53,560 --> 01:30:54,675
(LAIRD CHUCKLES)
Hi, honey.
2390
01:30:56,080 --> 01:30:57,195
Ta-da.
2391
01:30:59,720 --> 01:31:01,278
You brought me home?
Yeah.
2392
01:31:01,440 --> 01:31:03,078
Without telling me?
2393
01:31:03,240 --> 01:31:06,550
I realize I violated the
sanctity of mystery date
2394
01:31:06,720 --> 01:31:09,598
but I just thought the family
should all be together today.
2395
01:31:09,760 --> 01:31:11,520
Okay, that wasn't your
place to do that, hon.
2396
01:31:11,640 --> 01:31:13,471
Steph, I know,
2397
01:31:13,640 --> 01:31:15,039
but it is Christmas.
2398
01:31:15,240 --> 01:31:16,275
And we're glad
to see you.
2399
01:31:16,440 --> 01:31:17,509
This isn't what
she wanted.
2400
01:31:17,600 --> 01:31:18,669
No, it's not.
2401
01:31:18,760 --> 01:31:20,318
What I wanted was
for us to spend
2402
01:31:20,400 --> 01:31:21,799
Christmas in
California together
2403
01:31:21,960 --> 01:31:24,394
like I planned, before
everything went to shit
2404
01:31:24,560 --> 01:31:26,312
because you made it
all about yourself.
2405
01:31:27,320 --> 01:31:28,469
Mm-hmm.
2406
01:31:29,160 --> 01:31:30,388
You both did.
2407
01:31:30,560 --> 01:31:31,754
I did?
Yes!
2408
01:31:31,960 --> 01:31:34,918
You idiots think you can
pass me back and forth
2409
01:31:35,080 --> 01:31:36,911
like I'm your property
or something?
2410
01:31:37,000 --> 01:31:38,000
I'm done.
2411
01:31:38,080 --> 01:31:39,559
This is the worst
Christmas ever.
2412
01:31:39,760 --> 01:31:41,432
Steph.
Steph. Honey.
2413
01:31:46,400 --> 01:31:47,594
I think she's pissed.
2414
01:31:50,520 --> 01:31:52,351
Yeah, she's pissed.
2415
01:31:52,480 --> 01:31:53,480
Shit!
2416
01:31:53,760 --> 01:31:57,753
I just thought that you guys
should be together today.
2417
01:31:59,000 --> 01:32:01,355
All right.
Well, I'll leave you to it.
2418
01:32:02,280 --> 01:32:03,633
Happy holidays, Ned.
2419
01:32:03,800 --> 01:32:05,119
You too, Laird.
2420
01:32:12,280 --> 01:32:13,759
Uh, Laird.
2421
01:32:13,960 --> 01:32:15,951
You're doing a "I'm
gonna walk away slowly
2422
01:32:16,040 --> 01:32:17,640
"'cause I really don't
wanna leave" walk.
2423
01:32:19,840 --> 01:32:21,193
Maybe.
2424
01:32:21,640 --> 01:32:22,640
Come here.
2425
01:32:23,800 --> 01:32:24,949
Come here.
2426
01:32:25,120 --> 01:32:26,997
So what happened?
You didn't propose?
2427
01:32:27,160 --> 01:32:28,275
How could I?
2428
01:32:28,480 --> 01:32:29,520
I never got
your permission
2429
01:32:29,640 --> 01:32:31,471
and we pinky-swore
I wouldn't ask without it.
2430
01:32:33,720 --> 01:32:35,358
You are remarkable.
2431
01:32:36,520 --> 01:32:39,876
You don't have a gear
to be dishonest, do you?
2432
01:32:40,640 --> 01:32:42,039
Guess not, dude.
2433
01:32:43,800 --> 01:32:44,869
(SIGHS)
2434
01:32:44,960 --> 01:32:46,712
Laird, you never needed
my permission
2435
01:32:46,800 --> 01:32:48,199
to ask Stephanie
to marry you.
2436
01:32:49,880 --> 01:32:52,030
But if it still means
anything to you,
2437
01:32:53,480 --> 01:32:54,549
you have my blessing.
2438
01:32:57,320 --> 01:32:58,355
For reals?
2439
01:32:58,920 --> 01:32:59,920
No clowning.
2440
01:33:01,520 --> 01:33:02,520
Whoa.
2441
01:33:04,320 --> 01:33:06,709
But, Laird,
Stephanie's right.
2442
01:33:06,880 --> 01:33:09,155
It's up to her.
It's always been up to her.
2443
01:33:09,240 --> 01:33:10,309
Not us.
2444
01:33:11,680 --> 01:33:14,240
It just took me a while
to realize that.
2445
01:33:15,680 --> 01:33:16,715
It's so true.
2446
01:33:17,680 --> 01:33:19,159
Dude, we were such jerks.
2447
01:33:19,360 --> 01:33:20,509
Yeah.
2448
01:33:20,680 --> 01:33:21,874
I bit your dick.
2449
01:33:23,000 --> 01:33:24,672
Shaft and balls.
Oh.
2450
01:33:26,440 --> 01:33:27,668
I'm sorry.
2451
01:33:28,360 --> 01:33:29,918
I'm sorry, too, dude.
2452
01:33:30,120 --> 01:33:33,192
Look, Laird, if you wanna
ask Stephanie to marry you
2453
01:33:33,360 --> 01:33:35,396
when the time
is right, just do it.
2454
01:33:36,960 --> 01:33:39,030
Okay. Is it cool
if I do it right now?
2455
01:33:39,200 --> 01:33:41,430
Because, uh, just in case
it worked out
2456
01:33:41,600 --> 01:33:44,717
I had Goose put a shit ton
of doves in the helicopter
2457
01:33:44,880 --> 01:33:46,280
and I have
a couple other surprises.
2458
01:33:46,440 --> 01:33:48,874
Laird, this is
totally your call.
2459
01:33:49,040 --> 01:33:51,031
But can I give you
some advice?
2460
01:33:51,560 --> 01:33:52,629
Dude, please.
2461
01:33:52,720 --> 01:33:53,776
I'm so fucking
nervous right now.
2462
01:33:53,800 --> 01:33:54,835
All right, look...
2463
01:33:54,920 --> 01:33:58,196
Stephanie doesn't care about
all the bells and whistles.
2464
01:33:58,400 --> 01:33:59,958
You know her.
2465
01:34:00,120 --> 01:34:01,553
She cares about you.
2466
01:34:01,720 --> 01:34:03,073
She loves you.
2467
01:34:04,560 --> 01:34:06,437
So you get down
on one knee
2468
01:34:07,320 --> 01:34:09,709
and you speak to her
from your heart.
2469
01:34:10,600 --> 01:34:12,238
That's what
you're best at.
2470
01:34:14,160 --> 01:34:16,390
Isn't that right,
Justine? (CHUCKLES)
2471
01:34:17,000 --> 01:34:18,399
JUSTINE : Totally agree.
2472
01:34:18,960 --> 01:34:19,960
Holy shit.
2473
01:34:20,560 --> 01:34:23,233
My first time in Michigan.
It's cold as balls here.
2474
01:34:24,400 --> 01:34:25,400
Yeah.
2475
01:34:25,440 --> 01:34:27,795
Dude, that's
fucking great!
2476
01:34:28,600 --> 01:34:29,749
Do it Ned Fleming style.
2477
01:34:29,920 --> 01:34:31,478
Old school!
2478
01:34:31,680 --> 01:34:32,749
Fuck yes.
2479
01:34:35,080 --> 01:34:36,638
Okay. Well, look...
2480
01:34:36,800 --> 01:34:38,816
I'll go in there and see if
I can get her to come out.
2481
01:34:38,840 --> 01:34:39,840
Okay.
2482
01:34:39,960 --> 01:34:41,632
Good luck.
Thanks.
2483
01:34:45,120 --> 01:34:47,156
Hey, promise me
one thing.
2484
01:34:48,280 --> 01:34:49,952
You will treat
her well.
2485
01:34:51,520 --> 01:34:54,478
Dude, I'm gonna treat her
like a motherfucking queen.
2486
01:34:56,320 --> 01:34:57,514
I'll take that.
2487
01:34:57,680 --> 01:34:58,680
Okay.
2488
01:35:00,640 --> 01:35:02,790
Gustav, change of plans.
2489
01:35:02,960 --> 01:35:05,554
We're go on the proposal.
No go on all that other shit.
2490
01:35:05,640 --> 01:35:06,640
I have only one bar.
2491
01:35:06,800 --> 01:35:08,199
You're saying
we are a go, yes?
2492
01:35:08,360 --> 01:35:09,952
No. No go.
2493
01:35:10,120 --> 01:35:12,111
Go on the proposal,
no go on the shit.
2494
01:35:12,280 --> 01:35:14,191
Laird, are you saying
it's a no go
2495
01:35:14,360 --> 01:35:16,476
or are you saying, "No. Go."?
2496
01:35:16,560 --> 01:35:17,629
God damn it, Goose.
2497
01:35:17,880 --> 01:35:19,656
You're making me fucking
nervous. Just shut up.
2498
01:35:19,680 --> 01:35:21,272
Oh, I'm sorry. Good luck.
2499
01:35:21,480 --> 01:35:23,789
Oh, and by the way,
please, Laird, breathe.
2500
01:35:24,040 --> 01:35:26,634
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
2501
01:35:26,720 --> 01:35:27,755
Okay.
2502
01:35:27,840 --> 01:35:29,831
And no cursing, okay?
2503
01:35:30,000 --> 01:35:31,513
Fuck, you're right. Good call.
2504
01:35:33,640 --> 01:35:34,755
Hi.
2505
01:35:37,800 --> 01:35:39,153
I'm sorry.
2506
01:35:39,800 --> 01:35:43,315
I know that out in California
I disappointed you
2507
01:35:43,480 --> 01:35:45,357
and that kills me.
2508
01:35:45,520 --> 01:35:47,158
And I'm really sorry.
2509
01:35:50,680 --> 01:35:51,680
I'm sorry, too.
2510
01:35:53,720 --> 01:35:54,976
I threw you in the
deep end out there.
2511
01:35:55,000 --> 01:35:56,400
I should've never
asked you to come.
2512
01:35:56,520 --> 01:35:57,520
Honestly. No.
2513
01:35:57,680 --> 01:35:59,079
No, you didn't do
anything wrong.
2514
01:35:59,240 --> 01:36:00,389
What was I thinking?
2515
01:36:00,560 --> 01:36:01,675
It was me.
2516
01:36:02,680 --> 01:36:05,069
It's just that, when we
got out to Laird's...
2517
01:36:06,600 --> 01:36:09,398
I just didn't feel like
I knew you anymore
2518
01:36:10,360 --> 01:36:12,032
and I got scared.
2519
01:36:13,880 --> 01:36:15,518
I just went crazy.
2520
01:36:18,240 --> 01:36:19,514
This is me.
2521
01:36:22,040 --> 01:36:23,393
I'm doing good.
2522
01:36:25,080 --> 01:36:26,399
Oh, Dad.
2523
01:36:32,640 --> 01:36:33,640
Oh, my God.
2524
01:36:33,800 --> 01:36:35,199
Okay, look. I forgot...
2525
01:36:35,360 --> 01:36:36,416
STEPHANIE : Oh, God.
He's still out there.
2526
01:36:36,440 --> 01:36:37,509
NED : I know.
2527
01:36:37,600 --> 01:36:38,856
STEPHANIE :
In a tank top and a scarf.
2528
01:36:38,880 --> 01:36:40,096
And he knew
we were coming to Michigan.
2529
01:36:40,120 --> 01:36:41,120
NED : Yeah.
2530
01:36:41,280 --> 01:36:42,520
Why doesn't
he just come inside?
2531
01:36:42,560 --> 01:36:43,896
He has to talk to you
about something...
2532
01:36:43,920 --> 01:36:46,434
He kind of wants to make
things right with you.
2533
01:36:46,600 --> 01:36:48,033
Oh, does he?
Yeah.
2534
01:36:48,200 --> 01:36:51,272
I think it'd be cool
if you gave him a chance.
2535
01:36:53,240 --> 01:36:55,549
You want me
to give Laird a chance?
2536
01:36:55,720 --> 01:36:59,474
I thought that if you saw
fit to give him a chance...
2537
01:36:59,640 --> 01:37:02,279
I thought that
it'd be cool.
2538
01:37:03,600 --> 01:37:04,635
(LAUGHS)
2539
01:37:04,720 --> 01:37:05,720
That's all. Well?
2540
01:37:05,840 --> 01:37:07,432
Hi.
Hey.
2541
01:37:07,600 --> 01:37:09,556
What's going on?
Oh, my God, it's cold out here.
2542
01:37:09,760 --> 01:37:11,910
I know you're pissed,
but just hear me out.
2543
01:37:12,080 --> 01:37:13,479
Can we talk inside?
No.
2544
01:37:13,640 --> 01:37:14,640
Oh, my...
Look.
2545
01:37:14,760 --> 01:37:17,399
Oh, my God.
It's so romantic.
2546
01:37:17,600 --> 01:37:18,794
I told him to keep
it simple.
2547
01:37:18,960 --> 01:37:20,154
BARB : Oh, our little girl.
2548
01:37:20,320 --> 01:37:22,456
He's gonna get down to his
knee and keep it real simple.
2549
01:37:22,480 --> 01:37:23,754
How do you know all this?
2550
01:37:23,920 --> 01:37:25,069
I gave him
a few pointers.
2551
01:37:25,240 --> 01:37:26,468
Oh.
2552
01:37:27,640 --> 01:37:29,471
This has been the
happiest year of my life.
2553
01:37:31,440 --> 01:37:34,591
And fly! Go, go, go! Go!
2554
01:37:36,440 --> 01:37:38,271
Oh, no.
What?
2555
01:37:38,640 --> 01:37:40,198
(DOVES COOING)
2556
01:37:40,600 --> 01:37:41,600
Ah.
2557
01:37:42,960 --> 01:37:44,951
(GASPS) Oh, my God.
2558
01:37:45,120 --> 01:37:47,156
Goose. God damn it.
I said no go! No go!
2559
01:37:47,320 --> 01:37:48,355
NED : Oh, my...
2560
01:37:48,440 --> 01:37:49,475
BARB : Oh, gosh. Wow.
2561
01:37:49,600 --> 01:37:50,656
Why did he do that?
Smart boy.
2562
01:37:50,680 --> 01:37:52,716
Absolute fucking shit fest.
2563
01:37:53,720 --> 01:37:55,438
Babe, I'm so
sorry. Uh...
2564
01:37:58,680 --> 01:38:00,159
Stephanie Fleming...
2565
01:38:00,680 --> 01:38:02,033
will you...
Are you proposing?
2566
01:38:02,200 --> 01:38:03,997
Yeah.
2567
01:38:04,120 --> 01:38:05,838
Mmm-hmm. (CHUCKLES)
2568
01:38:05,960 --> 01:38:07,279
Did my dad know
about this?
2569
01:38:07,840 --> 01:38:09,592
Yeah, I asked
for his blessing
2570
01:38:09,680 --> 01:38:11,113
that first morning
back in Cali.
2571
01:38:11,320 --> 01:38:13,356
Oh, my God. (LAUGHS)
2572
01:38:13,680 --> 01:38:14,795
Oh, my God!
2573
01:38:14,960 --> 01:38:17,474
No wonder he acted
so crazy. Honey.
2574
01:38:17,640 --> 01:38:19,551
Yeah, that's why he was
a little out of whack.
2575
01:38:19,720 --> 01:38:21,790
Yeah, we could have had
a really nice holiday.
2576
01:38:22,000 --> 01:38:24,673
I know. But we're all
good now. Okay?
2577
01:38:24,840 --> 01:38:26,990
This is a lot.
2578
01:38:28,320 --> 01:38:29,878
Oh, my God.
Stephanie Fleming...
2579
01:38:30,040 --> 01:38:31,440
That's a ring.
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)
2580
01:38:32,560 --> 01:38:34,357
Goose! No!
2581
01:38:34,560 --> 01:38:35,675
(ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYING)
2582
01:38:39,000 --> 01:38:40,991
And, go! Go, guys!
Go, go, go!
2583
01:38:41,880 --> 01:38:43,154
Stephanie!
2584
01:38:44,560 --> 01:38:45,560
Oh, my God.
2585
01:38:45,720 --> 01:38:47,233
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
2586
01:38:57,520 --> 01:39:00,830
Laird, what is Kiss
doing here?
2587
01:39:01,680 --> 01:39:02,829
Um, well...
2588
01:39:05,040 --> 01:39:06,075
Is that...
Whoa!
2589
01:39:06,200 --> 01:39:07,394
He got look-a-likes!
2590
01:39:07,560 --> 01:39:09,516
BARB : Those aren't
look-a-likes, Ned.
2591
01:39:09,600 --> 01:39:10,874
That's Gene and Paul.
2592
01:39:11,040 --> 01:39:14,032
It's Gene and Paul!
Gene and Paul!
2593
01:39:14,200 --> 01:39:16,236
(SCREAMING)
Oh, my God! Oh, God!
2594
01:39:16,400 --> 01:39:17,799
Kiss is in
the front yard!
2595
01:39:17,960 --> 01:39:20,428
(SINGING) Tonight
2596
01:39:20,640 --> 01:39:23,029
I wanna give it all to you
2597
01:39:24,920 --> 01:39:25,920
In the darkness
2598
01:39:26,080 --> 01:39:28,753
Originally, I had this more
elaborate proposal plan
2599
01:39:28,920 --> 01:39:30,592
but your dad gave me
this awesome advice
2600
01:39:30,720 --> 01:39:31,869
and told me
not to do it.
2601
01:39:32,040 --> 01:39:33,439
But they're here,
2602
01:39:33,560 --> 01:39:35,437
and I know how much
you love their music, so...
2603
01:39:35,600 --> 01:39:36,874
What? Hi.
2604
01:39:37,040 --> 01:39:40,794
I was made
for lovin' you, baby
2605
01:39:40,960 --> 01:39:44,714
You were made for lovin' me
2606
01:39:44,880 --> 01:39:46,711
And I can't get...
2607
01:39:50,240 --> 01:39:52,117
Is he still proposing?
What's...
2608
01:39:52,280 --> 01:39:53,713
NED : They've stopped
playing now.
2609
01:39:53,920 --> 01:39:55,831
His name's Ned.
BARB : Oh, my God, are they...
2610
01:39:55,960 --> 01:39:56,960
What?
2611
01:39:57,080 --> 01:39:58,096
Are they coming in the...
Oh, my God.
2612
01:39:58,120 --> 01:39:59,216
They're coming up
the sidewalk!
2613
01:39:59,240 --> 01:40:00,240
They're heading in!
2614
01:40:00,320 --> 01:40:01,880
They're coming in our house!
Oh, my God!
2615
01:40:01,920 --> 01:40:03,831
Everybody act natural!
Act naturally!
2616
01:40:04,000 --> 01:40:05,228
I have to redecorate
the house!
2617
01:40:16,680 --> 01:40:17,749
Hey.
2618
01:40:17,920 --> 01:40:18,920
Hi.
2619
01:40:19,080 --> 01:40:20,115
NED : Hi.
2620
01:40:20,320 --> 01:40:21,753
(STAMMERS)
2621
01:40:22,280 --> 01:40:23,429
Uh, hi.
2622
01:40:24,600 --> 01:40:26,113
I'm Ned.
PAUL : Hey, Ned.
2623
01:40:26,280 --> 01:40:27,429
Hi!
Hi!
2624
01:40:27,600 --> 01:40:29,192
This is my wife, Barb.
2625
01:40:29,360 --> 01:40:30,759
This is our friends,
Lou and Patty.
2626
01:40:30,840 --> 01:40:31,989
It's Lou.
2627
01:40:32,160 --> 01:40:33,593
NED : So excited
you're here.
2628
01:40:33,760 --> 01:40:37,036
I gotta tell you.
Uh, we are huge fans.
2629
01:40:37,200 --> 01:40:40,875
We've been members of the Kiss
Army for, like, 30 years now.
2630
01:40:41,040 --> 01:40:43,679
Yeah. Our first date was
the Crazy Nights Tour.
2631
01:40:43,840 --> 01:40:46,274
Yeah! And, boy,
was that crazy.
2632
01:40:46,360 --> 01:40:47,429
Crazy.
(ALL CHUCKLING)
2633
01:40:48,160 --> 01:40:49,160
Did you get laid?
2634
01:40:52,480 --> 01:40:53,480
Um...
2635
01:40:54,640 --> 01:40:56,312
I gave him a handjob.
2636
01:40:57,360 --> 01:40:58,873
(SNICKERS)
NED : Scotty.
2637
01:40:59,320 --> 01:41:00,992
I'm having
an awesome time,
2638
01:41:01,120 --> 01:41:02,473
but are you having
a buffet here?
2639
01:41:02,640 --> 01:41:04,198
Oh, my God.
What was I thinking?
2640
01:41:04,360 --> 01:41:05,793
Are you hungry?
Starving.
2641
01:41:05,960 --> 01:41:07,712
Oh, God, of course!
Where's our manners?
2642
01:41:07,800 --> 01:41:08,835
We're terrible hosts.
2643
01:41:09,000 --> 01:41:10,136
LOU : Let's get those
guitars, guys.
2644
01:41:10,160 --> 01:41:11,354
Come on,
let me get that axe.
2645
01:41:12,640 --> 01:41:13,709
See my body?
2646
01:41:13,800 --> 01:41:14,800
Wow! Kiss is
in our house!
2647
01:41:14,880 --> 01:41:18,031
Yeah. I'm kind of
juiced up a little bit.
2648
01:41:18,480 --> 01:41:20,357
Oh! I almost forgot
about them.
2649
01:41:20,520 --> 01:41:22,351
Well...
The happy couple.
2650
01:41:22,520 --> 01:41:23,999
Congratulations.
2651
01:41:24,520 --> 01:41:25,839
She said no.
2652
01:41:26,720 --> 01:41:27,720
I'm sorry, what?
2653
01:41:27,880 --> 01:41:29,154
She said no.
2654
01:41:31,040 --> 01:41:32,040
Well...
2655
01:41:33,720 --> 01:41:34,869
Honey.
2656
01:41:35,520 --> 01:41:37,158
I'm so flattered
2657
01:41:37,360 --> 01:41:39,351
that you wanna marry me
2658
01:41:39,840 --> 01:41:40,880
but I'm not ready
for that.
2659
01:41:44,400 --> 01:41:45,719
And I'm gonna
finish school.
2660
01:41:45,880 --> 01:41:47,199
For me.
2661
01:41:47,360 --> 01:41:48,839
Because that's what
I wanna do.
2662
01:41:49,040 --> 01:41:50,519
Got it?
2663
01:41:50,680 --> 01:41:52,352
LAIRD : That's really smart.
2664
01:41:52,520 --> 01:41:55,273
It's just,
I had this big plan
2665
01:41:56,400 --> 01:41:57,674
and it didn't work out.
2666
01:41:58,520 --> 01:42:00,590
(SIGHS) Yeah.
Well, that's life, pal.
2667
01:42:02,560 --> 01:42:05,233
That is so
well put, Ned.
2668
01:42:06,040 --> 01:42:07,712
It's really,
really smart.
2669
01:42:07,880 --> 01:42:09,552
Dude, did you
come up with that?
2670
01:42:09,720 --> 01:42:11,358
The words, "That's life?"
2671
01:42:11,560 --> 01:42:14,199
Ned, you're so full of
practical wisdom...
2672
01:42:15,040 --> 01:42:16,176
I was just really
looking forward
2673
01:42:16,200 --> 01:42:17,428
to you being
my father-in-law.
2674
01:42:17,640 --> 01:42:18,640
Aw.
2675
01:42:19,720 --> 01:42:21,631
I'm not breaking
up with you.
2676
01:42:21,800 --> 01:42:22,800
You're not?
2677
01:42:22,920 --> 01:42:23,920
No, honey.
2678
01:42:24,080 --> 01:42:25,560
No, no, no.
I'm still your girlfriend.
2679
01:42:25,640 --> 01:42:27,358
We're still together.
2680
01:42:27,440 --> 01:42:28,440
LAIRD : Oh.
2681
01:42:29,800 --> 01:42:31,074
Oh, thank God!
2682
01:42:31,240 --> 01:42:32,275
Come here.
2683
01:42:43,240 --> 01:42:44,389
Merry Christmas.
2684
01:42:44,560 --> 01:42:45,560
Ned.
Hey.
2685
01:42:45,680 --> 01:42:47,238
Dude, your employees
are so cool.
2686
01:42:47,400 --> 01:42:48,674
Yeah, they are.
2687
01:42:48,840 --> 01:42:50,990
Maybe it was wrong of me
to interfere like that,
2688
01:42:51,160 --> 01:42:52,957
but why don't you
let me save your company?
2689
01:42:54,320 --> 01:42:56,072
(SIGHS) No, Laird,
I can't.
2690
01:42:56,240 --> 01:42:58,231
That old model
doesn't work anymore.
2691
01:42:58,440 --> 01:43:00,271
I guess...
I don't know.
2692
01:43:00,480 --> 01:43:02,277
I guess I just didn't
want to believe it.
2693
01:43:03,120 --> 01:43:04,758
But since you
mentioned it...
2694
01:43:04,920 --> 01:43:07,070
I do have a business idea
I wanna run by you.
2695
01:43:07,280 --> 01:43:08,793
Dude, elevator pitch me!
2696
01:43:08,960 --> 01:43:10,154
Okay.
2697
01:43:11,520 --> 01:43:12,794
No, hold on.
2698
01:43:12,960 --> 01:43:15,315
This wasn't my idea at all.
One second.
2699
01:43:15,480 --> 01:43:17,232
Scotty, come here.
SCOTTY : Yo, what's up?
2700
01:43:17,320 --> 01:43:18,320
Come here.
Yeah?
2701
01:43:18,440 --> 01:43:19,936
I want you to tell Laird
about the business idea
2702
01:43:19,960 --> 01:43:21,359
you mentioned
on the plane.
2703
01:43:21,520 --> 01:43:22,520
Go ahead.
Wait, really?
2704
01:43:22,600 --> 01:43:23,600
Yeah.
2705
01:43:23,680 --> 01:43:25,400
Told you to get that seat
at the table, bro.
2706
01:43:25,440 --> 01:43:27,040
You did. He told me,
Dad. He was, like...
2707
01:43:27,160 --> 01:43:28,256
"You're gonna
get that seat."
2708
01:43:28,280 --> 01:43:29,696
I can't believe
I finally got the seat.
2709
01:43:29,720 --> 01:43:30,948
Dragons and
titties, baby.
2710
01:43:31,120 --> 01:43:32,951
Dragons and titties!
(ROARS)
2711
01:43:33,200 --> 01:43:34,600
Breathe that fire.
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
2712
01:43:34,720 --> 01:43:35,720
Get up in there.
2713
01:43:36,800 --> 01:43:38,518
Get up
in those titties!
2714
01:43:38,680 --> 01:43:40,000
Gonna get those dragons.
(HISSING)
2715
01:43:40,800 --> 01:43:41,949
Dad...
2716
01:43:42,480 --> 01:43:43,799
Scotty!
(LAUGHS)
2717
01:43:43,960 --> 01:43:46,520
Stop motorboating your dad,
and elevator pitch me.
2718
01:43:46,640 --> 01:43:48,119
Sorry. Uh...
2719
01:43:48,480 --> 01:43:51,313
Laird, I can't stop thinking
about your toilets, dude.
2720
01:43:51,480 --> 01:43:53,152
My toilets?
Yeah.
2721
01:43:53,320 --> 01:43:54,958
The fresh feeling,
the scented talc.
2722
01:43:55,160 --> 01:43:57,310
I was thinking if you can
get the controls in English
2723
01:43:57,480 --> 01:43:59,240
and maybe lower the price
point a little bit,
2724
01:43:59,320 --> 01:44:00,456
we could have
a potentially untapped
2725
01:44:00,480 --> 01:44:01,480
market here in America.
2726
01:44:01,520 --> 01:44:03,158
Oh, shit.
Right?
2727
01:44:03,320 --> 01:44:04,976
And look, we can contact
a Japanese manufacturer
2728
01:44:05,000 --> 01:44:06,035
about pricing...
Ooh.
2729
01:44:06,200 --> 01:44:08,555
No, Scotty. Pardon my French,
but fuck that noise.
2730
01:44:09,160 --> 01:44:10,195
Whoa.
2731
01:44:10,320 --> 01:44:13,312
Listen. We have a factory
right here in Grand Rapids
2732
01:44:13,480 --> 01:44:15,675
with 37 of the best employees
you're ever gonna want.
2733
01:44:15,840 --> 01:44:17,751
Let's build our own.
2734
01:44:18,840 --> 01:44:20,751
Hells yes, Grateful Ned!
Yeah!
2735
01:44:20,840 --> 01:44:22,239
(MAKES EXPLOSION SOUND)
Boom!
2736
01:44:22,360 --> 01:44:23,713
(BLOWING RASPBERRY)
2737
01:44:24,400 --> 01:44:25,515
Okay, sorry. Yeah.
2738
01:44:30,040 --> 01:44:35,876
ALL : (SINGING) The first noel
the angels did say
2739
01:44:36,080 --> 01:44:41,393
Was to certain poor shepherds
In fields as they lay
2740
01:44:41,560 --> 01:44:47,112
In fields where they lay
keeping their sheep
2741
01:44:47,280 --> 01:44:52,798
On a cold winter's night
that was so deep
2742
01:44:52,960 --> 01:44:54,518
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel
2743
01:44:54,720 --> 01:44:57,553
It turned out to be a pretty
cool holiday after all, huh?
2744
01:44:58,400 --> 01:44:59,549
It did, son.
2745
01:45:00,360 --> 01:45:01,360
(MAKES EXPLOSION SOUND)
2746
01:45:01,480 --> 01:45:02,480
Dude.
2747
01:45:03,040 --> 01:45:04,040
What?
2748
01:45:04,120 --> 01:45:06,000
Told you you'd be
calling me "son" by Christmas.
2749
01:45:06,040 --> 01:45:07,837
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
2750
01:45:07,920 --> 01:45:09,717
That's just
a figure of speech.
2751
01:45:09,880 --> 01:45:10,915
Sure, Dad.
2752
01:45:17,480 --> 01:45:25,480
Merry Christmas,
I don't want to fight tonight
2753
01:45:27,960 --> 01:45:29,598
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
2754
01:45:31,560 --> 01:45:34,233
Hello there, you gang!
It is I, Gustav.
2755
01:45:34,400 --> 01:45:36,675
It's so great to see you!
2756
01:45:36,840 --> 01:45:39,400
Hey, what do you think
of the new facial hair, huh?
2757
01:45:39,600 --> 01:45:41,397
I'm based in Michigan now,
so you know...
2758
01:45:41,600 --> 01:45:42,816
I'm trying to do this
whole kind of
2759
01:45:42,840 --> 01:45:44,159
Paul Bunyan, Midwestern thing.
2760
01:45:44,320 --> 01:45:45,440
I wanted to fill it all out.
2761
01:45:46,120 --> 01:45:49,078
So Scotty, Laird, and Ned
took the printing company...
2762
01:45:49,320 --> 01:45:50,456
turned it into
a toilet factory...
2763
01:45:50,480 --> 01:45:51,959
and it's going great!
2764
01:45:52,120 --> 01:45:54,998
The toilet is water efficient
und eco-friendly.
2765
01:45:55,080 --> 01:45:56,479
It's state of the art.
2766
01:45:56,640 --> 01:45:59,757
I'm telling you, they have
invented the Tesla of toilets!
2767
01:46:00,240 --> 01:46:01,468
It's amazing.
2768
01:46:01,640 --> 01:46:03,312
Barbara has made sure
that each toilet
2769
01:46:03,400 --> 01:46:05,118
has a state of the art
vaginal cleanse.
2770
01:46:05,560 --> 01:46:09,872
You know
exactly what I'm saying.
2771
01:46:10,040 --> 01:46:11,598
Every single model
comes with Justine.
2772
01:46:11,760 --> 01:46:12,800
Talk about a smart toilet.
2773
01:46:12,960 --> 01:46:14,176
She knows
if you need a little sploosh
2774
01:46:14,200 --> 01:46:15,200
or if you actually need
2775
01:46:15,280 --> 01:46:16,800
the fountains
of the Bellagio up there.
2776
01:46:18,600 --> 01:46:21,034
Scotty has finally
got his seat at the table.
2777
01:46:21,680 --> 01:46:22,715
It's beautiful.
2778
01:46:22,960 --> 01:46:24,678
He went a little too far
with the dragons,
2779
01:46:24,760 --> 01:46:26,240
and the titties,
and the motorboating.
2780
01:46:27,800 --> 01:46:28,800
Oy vey.
2781
01:46:29,560 --> 01:46:30,629
Oh, Miss Stephanie.
2782
01:46:30,920 --> 01:46:33,309
She had the idea to link
the Fleming-Mayhew company
2783
01:46:33,480 --> 01:46:35,277
with the new foundation.
2784
01:46:35,400 --> 01:46:37,630
So now, they're sponsoring
sewage projects
2785
01:46:37,800 --> 01:46:39,916
all over the Third World.
I told you.
2786
01:46:40,000 --> 01:46:42,434
Smart, smart, smart girl.
2787
01:46:43,000 --> 01:46:45,833
So, things are working out
really well for the gang here.
2788
01:46:46,240 --> 01:46:47,719
The company is
a smashing success.
2789
01:46:48,320 --> 01:46:49,878
And my dear Laird
2790
01:46:50,280 --> 01:46:52,475
has finally gotten
what he's always wanted.
2791
01:46:52,920 --> 01:46:54,194
To be part of a family.
2792
01:46:57,640 --> 01:46:59,358
All right, ciao for now,
you friends.
2793
01:46:59,440 --> 01:47:00,589
Until we meet again.
2794
01:47:00,760 --> 01:47:02,776
Laird, it doesn't count as
a sneak attack if I can see...
2795
01:47:02,800 --> 01:47:04,552
Fuck you, Goose!
Scheisse!
2796
01:47:04,680 --> 01:47:06,796
(ROCK AND ROLL ALL NITE
PLAYING)
2797
01:47:07,280 --> 01:47:11,831
I wanna rock and roll
all night
2798
01:47:12,840 --> 01:47:14,910
And party every day
2799
01:47:15,280 --> 01:47:18,636
I wanna rock and roll
all night
2800
01:47:19,800 --> 01:47:21,597
And party every day
2801
01:47:25,040 --> 01:47:27,759
You keep on saying
you'll be mine for a while
2802
01:47:28,280 --> 01:47:31,397
You're looking fancy
and I like your style
2803
01:47:31,920 --> 01:47:36,198
You drive us wild,
we'll drive you crazy
2804
01:47:39,280 --> 01:47:41,999
You show us
everything you've got
2805
01:47:42,400 --> 01:47:44,994
Baby, baby, it's quite a lot
2806
01:47:45,720 --> 01:47:50,191
You drive us wild,
we 'll drive you crazy
2807
01:47:52,520 --> 01:47:55,637
You keep on shouting,
you keep on shouting
2808
01:47:58,760 --> 01:48:03,231
I wanna rock and roll
all night
2809
01:48:04,320 --> 01:48:06,117
And party every day
2810
01:48:06,280 --> 01:48:10,068
I wanna rock and roll
all night
2811
01:48:11,320 --> 01:48:13,117
And party every day
2812
01:48:13,240 --> 01:48:16,994
I wanna rock and roll
all night
2813
01:48:17,960 --> 01:48:19,757
And party every day
2814
01:48:19,880 --> 01:48:23,429
I wanna rock and roll
all night
2815
01:48:24,640 --> 01:48:26,392
And party every day
2816
01:48:26,492 --> 01:49:26,392
^.^.^.^.subtitles by.^.^.^.^®Sud_Arun collections®207950
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
