Original subtitles

- Right before he left his office,

right before he got into one of the worst car

accidents in New Jersey state troopers had ever seen.

My father called me.

I was at an internship, but I thought was important.

I watched the phone ring, his number on the caller ID.

Daddy called in.

Daddy was always calling, and he was always there

at gasoline and pursuit of slices at midnight.

I'd be fucked up forever, because I've been looked so well.

I didn't pick it up.

I let it go to voicemail.

He didn't leave a long message.

Hi, baby.

You're dead.

Just calling to say I love you.

That took my years to listen to it.

Years to wait, because I was so worried.

There would be a clue, and I'm about to die a little girl

and just calling to say I love you one last time.

And I just picked up the phone.

And I just focused on the real, important thing, but how can you ever know?

And will come to me in a dream?

I was supposed to write a book to prove to my

father that I didn't have to be a doctor, too.

I didn't have to save people his way.

What was my way, though?

So far, I'd known two women who mostly saved me.

I couldn't tell at first if I was saving them back.

I hadn't yet met the person who really needed me.

And the specific joints that had broken a name

was in fairy pieces I could use to help her.

Tell the world her name.

Oh!

You already know, I guess.

I may like to read about it in the paper, so.

Not fricking guilty.

Green state is teacher of the year.

It went back to me.

I couldn't accept my dad's death.

I couldn't throw out his new slippers.

I paid psychics money.

I didn't have to tell me I would see him again.

I felt the only reason to hang around was to be there

for others, who'd also lost the unknowns at all.

I got you.

I love you, mate.

You were supposed to have me, but I could tell me.

I have to be you.

I think assholes are still alive, but I didn't have to be you.

Can I get you?

Are you okay?

Yeah.

What? Nothing.

I just, your therapist said, "You can't leave you alone.

" You're not.

That hated growth.

You can't shut them up.

Calling all the time.

What?

They want me to just shut up and die.

Take it easy, man.

We're not like in the godfather.

It's reported, call me.

Another one?

Well, this one wasn't from around here.

She was from New Yorker.

Even better.

What did she want? My story.

Well, fuck her.

Oh, yeah.

But what?

What about telling my story? Megs.

Remember the way dad exploded that stuff?

It was no good for him.

We got to be better.

Maybe?

It's not the worst thing to just put our heads down.

Let this shit go away.

And what?

He let that fucker be the good guy.

Freaky teacher.

Freaky near.

His name.

Up.

Fucking lights.

Where are you going?

Chicago!

Anything? Always.

Good.

Dr. You were called me.

You haven't made an appointment.

I have to be honest, Meg Bimba.

I don't know if you have a thing you'll to be a mother.

You're like me.

I mean, just before my mom died,

she asked me to help her through the little old boyfriend.

Was he fat?

I love boogling more boyfriends and seeing how fat they are now.

I'm used for age.

She could have had a completely different life.

But was he fat? I don't know.

I don't know.

You didn't schedule the skin yet.

Is that right?

I'm not ready yet to find out for sure that I'm dying.

You're going to find out how to treat whatever it is you have.

I just have to finish something first.

Well, get to it.

You're the mother now.

Stop.

What?

What?

What?

What do I do?

Hope he didn't come here to kill me.

You'll be kidding?

He would kill himself before he killed me.

Oh.

Well, in that case, we should be fine.

No, no, wait.

We should go back to the hospital.

We should go back to the hospital.

Come on, stop.

What the fuck you fucked, Jia?

Okay, calm down.

Are you a new friend? Mm-hmm.

I'd be careful because she goes through friends quick.

Oh, I go through him even quicker.

Jia, today's your due date.

She came a couple days early.

I had an emergency C-section.

Well, is she okay? Yeah.

Sorry that I didn't call you.

Why would you call me?

Because my baby was being born.

I mean, no need for that, right?

She's been going through a lot.

I don't fucking know that.

You want to have a conversation you want to scare the shit out of your daughter?

What's in there?

She doesn't work.

She just wants people to think in the world.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now you can never have to your mom.

I grew up Pia and Jia.

I was really hoping to avoid passing along that child in drama.

Oh, if you had Jack in the middle, it's less late.

Mm-hm.

Be really careful with her.

I was thinking of Fox.

She's a wild beast.

Fuckin' love it.

Yeah? Yeah.

Little Fox.

Hey, momma bag is getting shit out of you little Fox.

Isn't that my job?

I can't tell me you don't want to say you don't want family.

I don't want to lose a family.

Yeah, I swear to you, I will not die.

You will not die until she's like, you know, 187 years old.

You swear?

You're married to a chef, this is silly.

Well, well, when are you gonna cut the bullshit?

This isn't good for Sophie.

The separate homes.

I'm bright in the barn.

Like a horse.

Excuse me, like a what?

Whatever happened between you and Richard, you need to fix it.

You want me to take responsibility.

Naturally.

It's all connected, you know.

I'm sorry?

I didn't just materialize like this one day, mom, you made me like this.

Wait, I want it to be a woman to the outside world.

The world couldn't care less about how you want your black woman that's regarded.

You want to know why I fleshed the toilet twice?

All those times?

And you want to know what I did to my marriage?

Not sure what you've heard, mom, but it's not that we fucked other people.

We've been doing that.

The night the shit hit the fan, I was riding the oyster farmer.

And the white girl was sitting on my husband's beautiful face.

I'm in the barn, like a horse, because I lied to my husband because I wanted more.

More even than what he gives me, and it's all because of you, you know.

Sorry, mom.

Just needed to get some makeup.

My, my, I was like a horse head, but it tastes like horse shit.

Really?

I miss you so much.

Please.

I am begging you.

Don't, don't, don't do that.

Please.

Don't do that.

And I miss you.

I miss you so much, I miss everything about you.

Can you please just let me come along? Please, please.

You know that over the course of our life together.

Sometimes I have to stop and go and hold up.

Is my wife a slut?

Is my wife a fucking slut?

Some nights, you know, I felt old.

And I watch you with these young dudes, and.

I'm sorry.

At first, he's out through the regular rock source.

We're scientists.

We're from teens, scientists.

Mom?

Where we going?

Mom, yes, sweetie.

Where's the park? Oh, yeah.

No, we gotta go home.

You promised me, we're going to the park.

I did not promise any time.

This is a date.

I said if there was time and there's no time.

It's indeed.

You promised we were going to the park.

I used to remember people in your phone and not listening to me.

I just like your dumb phone only all the time.

All right, that's all.

Hey, how's shop now?

We're going to go to the park.

Do you know that it cost an extra 19 buckaroos

to leave Elliot a daycare for two more hours?

Oh, this is, I mean, right?

That's like five Daniel Tiger toys.

Daniel Tigers for babies.

Lay your mind baby.

Whatever.

Yay!

Check in one.

Mom? Yeah.

Can you not open your phone?

Of course we need.

Can you leave it in the car, please?

Thanks.

What do you think?

It's great, thank you.

All right, absolutely, thanks.

Hey.

She doesn't need the change, she's rich.

Hey, stop making me chase you.

I'm fucking pregnant.

I ran six miles a day when I was pregnant.

What do you want?

Are you kidding?

I started telling people, at first I was ashamed, and then I was like, fuck that.

I'm not the one who should be ashamed.

You are a fucking slut.

What are you gonna do when Sophie starts asking you about this?

When she asks why there are friends houses she won't be able to go to.

When my daughter asks me, why she can't go over someone's house,

why a grown ass woman would hold something against a child?

I'm gonna tell her it's because that person is a fucking asshole.

And you can hate me instead of hating your man, and that's cool.

But one thing, we should probably stop calling each other sluts.

You don't want that shit to come back around.

Come on, come here.

Okay, see you ready?

One thing to get ready for what?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, what?

Wow, that was so cool.

Why didn't you learn how to do that? I don't know.

Mom?

All right, can you stop taking the Lord's name in vain, please?

All right.

Okay.

You know what, Ryan, I'm gonna be right out.

Wait, no, please, guys.

It's okay, Brian.

It's okay.

Right here.

You done?

Are you okay?

Like all of a sudden.

Did you say why?

That's their loss.

You hear me?

Come on.

>> You don't like it here?

>> I don't like having a job.

I neither do.

Everyone treats me like a fucking idiot.

Or a slut?

>> Yeah?

>> Yeah, he hush, please.

If you can't keep your private life at home, you just can't work it.

If you can't keep your private life.

It's all over the fucking TV, you will let him have him go get it.

>> Why don't you take the rest of the day to cool off? >> Thank you.

>> Peace out Perkins!

>> Hey bud, mama's going to talk to her friend for a second.

I can't play with my mom.

>> I'm good.

>> You brought a- >> Yeah, but I'm- >> I'm the one to talk to you real quick.

>> Hello.

>> Fresh pack.

>> Why don't you take the whole thing?

>> What?

>> I just bring them for you, so you'll leave these meetings wanting to meet again.

>> Kid, you kind of smell like shit.

>> No, I thought there was a magic formula, but-

>> Is that okay?

Maybe if I wait for 14 minutes while I was standing on my fucking head,

saying the Lord's prayer, then this name will write me back.

>> Good, you know I'm not a free man.

>> That's bullshit, Aiden.

>> You felt plenty free when you were coming inside me.

>> That's not your fault.

>> And anyway, I don't, that stuff was good for me.

It's fun for me.

>> I mean, it was heartbreaking fun, but it was fun.

>> And I needed fun in my life.

>> Yeah.

>> You're the most fun kid.

>> I'm sorry.

>> Please don't be sorry.

That is something I want you to know.

I wasn't control.

Just wanted what you could not give me.

>> It's all I just don't want that thing.

>> This is over.

>> You know, get you know I care for you.

>> No, you don't.

>> Gotta go.

>> I got the boy.

>> My other boy.

>> And I smell like shit.

Cuz I'm covered.

>> Can you just take this for the smokes then?

>> Okay, come on.

>> Shit, what the hell?

>> You're a crazy bitch.

>> And I'm tired.

I'm not sleeping next to my goddamn husband.

>> You don't ever call your wife a slut.

>> Do you hear me?

>> I am not a slut.

Nobody is.

That word means absolutely nothing.

And I may be messy as hell, but I'm fucking great.

And you don't deserve me.

Nobody does.

>> How about we have it be just me for a while?

>> I am so sorry.

>> I am.

>> I am.

>> Hey, Max.

I think I was wrong, Kato.

Sometimes you need more than a little boost from God.

You have the power, Max.

He's already in here, and it won't be easy.

But I want you to go get those fuckers.

I love you, Max.

>> Why is it easy to say I love you inside of me?

But not just I love you, may not ask me.

Why is loving someone who doesn't love you back in humiliation?

Because we are condemned when we take our faces off.

We are condemned when we break from the script.

A script none of us even wrote.

>> You got to say your name?

>> You got to tell the whole world your name? Maggie.

>> Maggie.

>> Maggie.

>> Maggie.

>> Nina new.

>> Nice.

>> Maggie.

>> They realized it was time to stop pretending that what

they wanted didn't matter as much as it fucking should.

>> Maggie.

>> Maggie.

>> Maggie.

>> Maggie.

>> Maggie.

>> Maggie.

>> Maggie.

>> Maggie.

>> Maggie.

>> Maggie.

>> Hey.

>> I got to go.

I'm catching the next ferry.

>> Wait what what what's going on?

>> I just wanted to come and say bye.

>> You want to calm down and come in for a second?

>> I don't have time.

>> You have time.

>> Sloan, I don't have chia.

>> I know the ferry schedule.

>> You're sleeping.

>> I got it.

>> Where are you going?

>> Where is Jack?

>> Jack's in New York.

>> I didn't miss shit.

>> So he's coming back.

>> And that's a good thing, yeah? >> I'm dying.

>> Sloan.

>> You have no idea how easy it is for death to find you.

And unless you experience it, you don't worry about it.

If I cut it off right now, then it'll hurt less.

>> And you're making this decision for him.

>> And for me.

>> And for everyone.

>> If you leave like this, it's basically kidnapping.

>> You know, one thing that I like really dig

about you is you usually mind your business.

>> Who's the one running around asking everyone on earth?

>> What it feels like to suck a dick and eat a pussy.

Pretending to be a journalist.

>> I was telling your story.

>> That's you.

>> That is wildly altruistic.

>> You don't want to talk to me anymore, you don't want to have to.

You would not be the first to stop when I totally get it.

>> Okay, girl.

>> I just came to say goodbye.

>> Then goodbye.

>> If you're a woman, they'll find the worst things they can say about you.

It's cruelest when other women do it.

>> Yeah.

>> Forget it.

>> Look all you fat.

They'll call you a whore.

A bad mom.

>> Hey.

>> They'll do it.

>> Because it's been done to them.

>> It's Jaya.

Leave a message.

Bye.

>> I had this feeling as I was on the bottom of

the way to this elitist piece of shit island.

>> The year and disappear would never do this to you.

>> And my second thought was no, no, no, no.

No one is that much of a cliche.

No smart person.

Is that much of a prisoner to their own psych 101 bullshit?

>> And the tragedy here is that you think it's interesting.

That being an unhinged sociopath.

Somehow makes you interesting that this poor man's gun so churn with him act.

It's fucking interesting.

All you are, all you ever will be is a bad mom.

And you know what else?

Your fucking teeth are not age appropriate.

It's a fuck, you.

>> I think we all do the best we can is what I think.

And I think anyone who has something to say can go fuck himself.

>> I'm going to phone my keys.

I need a call to police to poor child kidnapping.

My child's been abducted.

>> Thank you.

>> Oh, should I die locally or do I just die on that one one? >> Fuck it.

>> I'd learned so much from the woman.

I'd learned from them what I had not yet learned from my mother.

But I wasn't done.

And the book could not be done until her.

Until my day.

She was the kind that left a legacy.

I read it in her story in the paper.

I could hear her screaming between the lines.

And I could feel all the regular people out there

thrusting their hands out in an attempt to quiet her.

But now is not the time to be quiet.

>> Okay.

>> Hey.

>> Oh my God.

>> It's driving through?

>> Yeah, exactly.

>> Who is that?

>> I was actually going to ask you the same question.

>> I don't know.

I just found it in the booth.

You don't know who you want to do?

I'm sorry, I just showed up like this.

I don't really know what I'm going to do.

I just wanted to meet you.

>> So weird or anything?

>> Yeah, I'm sorry.

>> Stop saying sorry.

>> I guess I just wanted to say to you that no matter what happens,

>> Even if we never speak again, I believe you're my game.

I believe that everything you said happened to you is true.

And that what that guy did to you is so utterly wrong.

>> You're a teacher.

>> You're supposed to give a shit about what happened to you.

Why didn't he give a shit about what happened to him?

>> You really fucking believe me?

>> I really fucking believe you.

>> I could never do what you've done.

>> And stand there and be okay.

>> Like when my father died, I didn't leave my house for like five years.

>> Maybe then you should stay.

>> You could be brave together.

>> Yeah?

>> I want to tell the world your story.

Because there are people out there who will believe you.

I think like lots of people.

>> When I told you to pick a place.

I said to myself, she picked donut hut and I'll meet her.

>> Really?

>> Yeah, my dad's favorite.

So you'll stay.

>> Can I hug you?

>> I love you for you.

>> The other thing people always wanted to know.

Besides why these three women was, what did you learn?

Talking to these women and to hundreds more for hours and hours and

living in their towns and going to the doctor within

and going to meet their lovers and what did you learn?

>> What I learned is somewhat the same answer

to the question of, why these three women?

Because they are all of us.

Because we are all in this together and everybody counts

the exact same amount, even the bitches and the sluts.

We don't want to hear that other women struggle with

their weight with their looks, with aging, with status.

We want to pretend those struggles don't exist.

That we don't look for the lost or broken parts

of ourselves in the shape of other people.

Why Lena? Why this unhappy housewife?

I slow them with their unruly desire.

And Maggie, I named her desire at all.

I wasn't hers actually just wrong.

But people attack nuance. They attack aberration even as they bemoan,

the lack of representation of this group or that one.

What I learned is this.

We don't want to hear about what another woman wants if it's something married.

If it's something brutish, if it's something we have wanted to and did not get.

We don't want to hear a young woman feels actualized by the gaze of a man.

Even if hearing that and witnessing the fall-outed weeks is the

very thing that helps another woman not make the same mistakes.

What I learned is that we all want to be loved.

We all want to be seen and loved for who we truly are.

But even just saying that can be the scariest thing in the whole world.

You know what I learned?

It doesn't matter what she wants.

Just let her go and try and get it because that is what she fucking deserves.

That's what I learned.

Excuse me.

Thanks.

You guys are going to give her vacation? Yeah, sort of.

She's going to be on TV.

Mom, what? The today show.

Really?

She's in a book.

Yeah.

I never met anyone on TV before.

That's pretty cool.

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