Original subtitles

I want a CBC, a venous blood gas, and a glucose.

I'm 20 seconds from the two-minute mark.

I need to switch out. - Matt, you're on compressions.

- I usually do the bag. - Now.

Here, I'll take over on the bag.

Watch that ET tube.

Let's go, Matt.

One of the coolest aspects of being a nurse in the ED

is you're always trying something new,

even when you're terrified.

Still no pulse.

Let's hit him with another milligram of epi.

1 milligram epi in.

What's his end tidal CO2 doing?

Hovering around 30 right now.

Let's push 300 milligrams of amiodarone.

Really bad itch on the back of my neck.

Should be fine. Just calling it out.

Ami now.

Pushing 300 milligrams amiodarone.

My wrist is really starting to hurt,

and my contact popped out.

It's on his ear, guys.

Pause for a pulse check.

We've got a sinus rhythm.

Pulse detected.

Thank God. We saved him.

Yes! Ha-ha.

Ahh.

Harassment.

OK. And next week's shifts are all set.

Great.

Mm-hmm.

This brie is from WinCo.

Ooh, yum.

Oh, uh, I do want to talk about OT protocols.

I got it special for our meeting.

I heated it and everything.

Oh, that's-- I just had a banana,

so I'm not super hungry.

$18.

- Why don't I have some brie? - Right?

- Sounds good. - It's classy, right?

Mm-hmm.

You know, now that you are indulging,

I just want to talk to you a little bit about Debbie.

Mm.

I just got another complaint about her.

Yeah, OK. I can talk to her.

Again.

I'm sorry.

We're past that point, unfortunately.

- Mm - She has to be let go.

Yeah. OK, Yeah.

I can see that. - Great.

Because you're gonna be the one to do it.

Oh, me--me do it?

Me do it?

Me cave nurse.

Me give shots.

- Joyce? - Yes?

I'm just saying, are we sure that we

want to let her go, though?

I mean, it just--it seems so awful to do to somebody.

It is, standing across from them, sensing the dread.

It is absolutely terrible, and that's why

I'm gonna have you do it.

OK.

♪ Cave nurse, she's taking her files ♪

♪ Cave nurse

What happened to the SCA patient who was in there?

Got sent to recovery room 12.

Ah, nice.

Nice.

I don't know if you heard, but I was the one

who saved that guy's life.

Whale sharks have over 3,000 teeth.

Sorry.

I thought we were saying random facts that the other person

doesn't care about.

Uh, well, I was just gonna swing by his room,

see if he wanted to talk about what happened.

Why?

I don't know.

I thought he might want to process it with me.

I doubt it.

OK, well, no offense, but you weren't there.

It felt like a pretty big deal.

You know, there's an unspoken bond there now.

Most koalas have chlamydia.

You are using animal facts to be mean,

and that's not what they're for.

This should have cleared up with the antibiotics

I put you on.

Oh, I didn't take them.

Don't want to build up a resistance

for when I really need them.

Like right now?

Oh, just a minute.

Life largely disappoints, mostly in big ways.

But I find the simple pleasures always deliver.

That's why every day at 2:00 p.m.,

I get myself a NutRageous bar

and eat it alone in the stairwell.

Some people smoke.

Some meditate.

I slowly nibble through a peanut-and-caramel-filled

miracle of American ingenuity.

OK.

What do I want?

Cheat day, you know?

Got to shock the body with carbs.

Remind it who's boss.

- OK. - Ooh, Three Musketeers.

A noble choice.

Eat me, D'Artagnan, I implore you.

Mm-hmm.

All for one and one for nougat.

Man, just pick a snack.

Yeah, all right.

You can't rush these things.

Uh--ooh.

You like those NutRageous bars, right?

Yep. 44.

44.

Yeah, why not?

Something different.

Better be worth it.

There we go.

Did you just take the last one?

Oop.

I guess so.

Sorry, amigo.

That means there's none left for me.

Yeah, that's physics for you.

Hey, take it up with Einstein.

I just have never had to fire anybody, you know?

I mean, this is someone's life we're talking about.

Yeah, it's a shot to your ego and your finances.

Double kick in the balls.

Besides, people love Debbie.

You afraid everyone's gonna hate you

because they like her so much?

Yes, Val, these are all concerns, OK?

I just--I feel like we're a family.

We've got to be there for each other.

Sorry, just deleting Debbie from my contacts.

Val?

There's already another Debbie in here.

It's too confusing.

She'll live.

Someone's looking better.

What?

Looking good.

I'm sorry.

Do we--do we know each other?

Ah, you could say that. I'm Matt.

I'm part of the team that revived you.

I was actually the one who did the compressions.

Yeah, that whole thing is a blur.

For sure. For sure.

I mean, I remember it pretty vividly.

Time sort of slowed down.

Does the sound come through the TV,

or is it just the remote?

Uh, I think just-- just through the remote.

Anyway, it was pretty harrowing.

I actually pushed so hard I injured my wrist.

Why do they do the sound just through the remote?

Uh, I think so you don't disturb other patients.

Well, that sucks.

Yep.

Yep, yep, yep.

Want to sign off on this discharge?

- Hey. - Hey.

You didn't eat your NutRageous.

Oh, no.

I'm actually gonna save it to create a sense

of delayed gratification.

You know, they did this study with marshmallows--

Yeah, I don't care.

I'll give you $20 for it.

It's worth that much to you?

Now you're really making me want it.

Quick sign, though--

Hold on just a sec.

Can't believe I'm gonna do this, but here goes.

I will give you 50 bucks, and we call it a day.

Oh, you've just guaranteed I'm not giving it up.

Oh, my God.

What sweet mysteries lie beyond this orange veil?

Get your nose off my bar.

Just tap the screen and I can release this lady.

Teeny tap.

Look, I need it, all right?

It helps me get through my shift.

And I actually have to work all day, unlike some people.

What, you think it's easy being an elite trauma surgeon?

Well, easier.

Solid, so it's easier to pick up.

It's so much poop.

Hey, guys. Hey.

Oh, hey.

I was just telling them about my new poop machine.

Sorry, puppy.

Show her the pic.

Oh, actually, um, guys, can I--can I talk to Debbie,

uh, real quick? Thanks.

- This is Chester. - Oh.

He's a good boy.

Is everything OK?

Oh, yeah, totally.

Uh, well, I'm sorry.

No, not--not totally, totally.

I'm just trying to get my words right.

I guess there have, you know,

been some--some concerns about your performance.

I know. I know.

I felt horrible.

All the mistakes--before you say anything, let me just say,

I fully agree.

I've been off my game.

Yeah, I--I appreciate that.

But, um, you know, the thing is--

This is the wake-up call I needed.

I'll turn it around.

From now on, it's Debbie 2.0, OK?

OK. Yeah, sure.

Yeah. OK.

Well, just really make sure to--oh.

You will not regret this, Alexandra.

I deal with a million different conditions

while you pop off a couple of surgeries

and play with your sword or whatever.

Sure, you're busy. Real busy.

With hogwash.

Yeah, it must be real high stakes pulling

toys out of kids' noses.

What was it last week?

Oh, that's right, Jack Sparrow's LEGO ponytails.

Hey. I do surgeries too.

Oh, sure. On toes and testicles.

You really think you're the most important

thing around here, don't you?

Hey, people need toes and testes.

Isn't that right, Keith?

Uh, sorry. Why me?

See? Keith gets it.

Face it.

I'm the Diana Ross around this place.

And you--

you're just one of The Supremes.

You're Diana Ross?

Oh, yeah.

You aren't even Bob Ross.

And people actually like Bob Ross.

Nobody likes you.

I see.

Well, I'm needed, so--

Well, I'm needed too.

Wh--

I'm also needed.

Do you believe this guy?

He wouldn't last an hour doing what we do here.

Yeah, we clearly do a lot.

Have you thought about just eating a PayDay?

There's no chocolate in a PayDay.

Come on, man.

Just to say it, you were pretty

harsh too, so maybe just--

Oh, the gift shop.

They have candy bars.

Oh, you know what I was thinking about?

An Oh Henry.

Sir, I've literally never heard of any of these.

He barely even acknowledged me.

He was just, like, totally indifferent.

I get it.

You want some appreciation.

Maybe a little hug.

You're messing with me, right?

I'm serious.

Then on your deathbed, he holds your hand

and tells you, as long as I live, you live through me.

All right.

I just want, like, a thank you.

I feel like that's not too much to ask

for saving someone's life.

I thanked the Levi's chatbot that helped me return my jeans.

It's manners.

What was wrong with the jeans?

Ah, they were black.

It was too edgy.

Hey, Joyce, uh, listen.

I just had a very productive conversation, uh, with Debbie.

And I have decided that the right thing to do,

um, as her boss is to keep her on staff.

Yeah, great.

That all makes sense.

Oh.

Yeah?

Yes.

And I find it admirable that you're willing

to take on Debbie's mistakes as your own.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What--when you say as my own, that--

All of her errors are now your errors.

You're responsible.

Look at you, boss lady, leaning in and not looking back.

I love it.

So nothing?

Yeah, I guess we're all out.

Funny, you're the second guy

to come in today looking for NutRageous bars.

That son of a--

well, what about that?

Oh, sure.

These are, like, $200, though.

Yeah, well, we could just switch out that NutRageous

with a Snickers.

No one would even need to know.

Sorry.

Once the cellophane's on it, there's nothing I can do.

Well, you could re-tie the cellophane.

But it comes with a NutRageous.

It comes with whatever you put in it.

This is a hospital gift shop.

Nothing that happens here matters.

Actually, I just remembered,

this one's spoken for.

OK.

Hey, there's my superstar.

How are we doing over here?

- Good. - Yeah?

Type 1 skin tear.

I irrigated with saline, re-approximated.

I was just about to dress it. - All right.

Sounds good.

Ooh.

Ah--

are you sure you want to use Tegaderm here?

No good?

Well, given her age, it can tear the skin,

so you really want to use a non-adherent dressing

like Mepilex.

Right.

God, there's so many options.

It's like, use this for this.

Use that for that.

It's crazy.

Yeah, that's the job.

There.

All set now.

Pretty much.

You need to draw an arrow to indicate

the direction for removal.

- Oh, right. - Remember? Yeah.

I need you around more often.

I could be the hands and you tell me what to do.

I'm your puppet.

I'm gonna be a real nurse someday.

That's funny.

Are you warm?

Mom, it's all right.

I'm fine.

Oh, I'm just glad you're OK.

Yeah.

Aren't we all?

He's a good kid.

A good egg.

Ah.

I'm Matt.

You must be Clay's family.

Oh, yes. I'm his mom,

and this is his Aunt Pearl. - Hi.

Are you taking over for Nurse Haley?

No, no, no.

This guy came in earlier about the TV.

It's fine, man.

Uh, yeah.

Well--but also, remember, I was the one who--

yesterday, when his heart stopped,

I literally had to climb on top of him and restart it.

Oh, OK.

Yeah, I was pushing on that chest for, like, four minutes.

Full weight.

I honestly thought we were gonna lose him,

but I went into this zone where I sort of--

Please stop.

I can't.

Hey, can you not upset my mom, please?

Oh, uh, yeah.

No, I'm sorry about that.

It's fine, man.

It's just manners, you know?

If you see it lying around--

You really just couldn't take the win, could you?

What? I'm sorry?

Let's not do this dance.

I know it was you.

You went to the gift shop and you bought out

all the NutRageous bars.

It's pathetic.

What?

What, because of our whole thing earlier?

Look, I know things got heated, but Ron, that sounds insane.

Well, yeah, but I mean,

you do insane things sometimes.

OK, look.

I-I just got to ask, as a friend now, is everything OK?

I mean, why would I even do something like that?

To teach you a lesson?

To show you that there are consequences

when you disrespect a colleague?

Gee, Ron, that sure is a lot of effort

to make sure you think twice

before you come at Schweitz.

Don't you think?

Mmm.

Oh, she gooey.

- OK, we've got to fire Debbie. - Yes, I'm aware.

Yeah, I just--

I don't know.

I hate that we're giving up on somebody.

You know, it just-- it feels so final.

So our patients deserve bad care?

- Oh-- - Think of Debbie

as a drunk airline pilot.

Sure, she's funny on the intercom,

but is she really gonna clear those mountains?

I don't know.

I'm just--I'm having a really hard time with this.

Of course, you are.

But unfortunately, it's part of the job.

So why don't you practice on me?

- Seriously? - Yeah.

You need to learn this stuff, so pretend I'm Debbie

and fire me.

Let me have it.

OK. Uh, Debbie, listen.

I know that you're trying and I can see that,

but unfortunately, I am gonna have to let you go.

Is this because I rejected your advances?

The other day you put your hand on my knee and said,

if you like your job, my hand goes wherever it wants.

And I said, no.

And now you're firing me.

Wait, what?

Gina, we good?

Yeah, he's out like a light.

All right.

Well, we've got a pretty run-of-the-mill hernia repair,

so cue the playlist, and let's get in the zone.

♪ Meow meow meow meow

OK, no.

That's obviously not the--skip past this.

Hello, Bruce.

I know you like to set the mood

with some music before surgery,

so I thought I'd help you out.

♪ Bruce is a horse's ass

No.

No, he's not.

He's not a horse's-- don't--ignore this song.

It's not even a song.

And if it was, those wouldn't be the lyrics.

This song is a lie, and that's a fake song.

♪ Nobody likes

I am in character.

OK, you have to stay firm.

It's a business decision.

All right.

Debbie, we are letting you go.

I'm sorry.

Oh, you're sorry.

You're sorry.

Oh, my God.

Joy--no. Ah, sorry.

Debbie.

No.

Let's just try to stay calm-- - Stay calm?

You stay calm.

Oh, my God.

Joyce, please remember these are your things.

I need this job.

I have a lien against my house.

Did you know that?

I was talked into installing solar panels,

and they won't take them down.

All right.

Well, I'm sure you can figure that out, Debbie.

Oh, I've tried, but you can't just cancel the contract.

- Right. - No, no.

Not until you've returned the minimum kilowatt hours

to the grid.

OK, I'm sorry.

Joyce, did you get solar panels?

What? No.

I'm Debbie right now.

We're role playing.

So Reginald comes here by himself?

Yep.

Here are those labs you needed.

Oh, thank you.

See?

Thank you.

So easy.

He's pissy because someone didn't thank him

for doing his job.

I literally pumped this guy's heart back to life,

and all he can talk about is the sound

coming from the TV remote.

Oh, so you've got to hit aux, then press audio out.

It's, like, two buttons to change it.

OK. Well, I didn't know that.

Listen, you want gratitude?

You're in the wrong business.

Drive an ice cream truck.

Sell weed. Don't do this.

I don't know.

Who cares what some random guy thinks?

You saved his life.

That's awesome.

Oh.

Well, I appreciate that.

You smell that?

Smells like boner in here.

Wh--

No.

Hey, man.

Heard the hernia repair went well.

Yeah, it went great.

Went perfect, in fact, so--

look, what are we doing?

I zinged you.

You zinged me.

What do you say we quit the zinging and the zagging,

we put this whole nonsense to bed, and call a Bruce truce?

And you're not just saying this

because you're afraid I'll put hot sauce

on that secret stash of butt wipes you keep in the bathroom?

I know about those.

No.

Ron, come on. We're professionals.

Why don't you take a seat

and we can talk this out like adults?

No, I think I'll stand. Thank you.

Oh, come on. Take a seat.

Kick your feet up.

Really want you to kick your feet up, Ron.

What the [bleep]?

You have lost your damn mind.

Yeah, it's pretty great, isn't it?

Yeah, it would have been better if you'd put your feet up,

but it's still landing for me.

Bruce, you are in serious need

of spiritual and mental help.

I own this now.

Hey, bon appétit, baby.

Wish he would have kicked his feet up. Damn.

Hey, Debbie.

Gosh.

This job, right?

So much grunt work.

Hey, have you ever thought

about doing something else?

No, not really.

OK, but, like, what if you had to, you know?

Like, what if--oh, OK, this will be fun.

What is a secret passion that Debbie

has always wanted to pursue?

Huh.

You know, I think nursing is my passion.

OK.

Funny, I never really thought about it that way--

Uh, it can't be nursing.

Can't be nursing, though.

So it's got to be something else like cooking

or painting or--

Oh, no.

Painting seems hard.

One little mistake, and whoop.

Whole painting ruined.

Yeah, that's--that's true. It is.

It's high stakes.

- Same with cooking. - Mm-hmm

Debbie, hi.

We're letting you go.

It's nothing personal.

It's just not working out.

- What? - Come on.

We're not gonna play the what game.

You've been given plenty of opportunities,

and you haven't performed.

Yeah, I understand.

OK, great.

So say your goodbyes, and HR will be in touch.

Got it.

Thanks, Joyce. - Mm-hmm.

And now that it doesn't matter,

it was me that stole those boxes

of hand sanitizer during COVID.

Sometimes I roll my eyes at Joyce,

but I feel like I could really learn a lot from her,

or a little.

You know, like a medium amount.

But she's in charge for a reason.

Also, I should really apologize to Hector

because I accused him pretty publicly

about the whole sanitizer thing.

That guy's crazy.

He's out of his mind.

He's crashing.

I need a doctor.

Code blue. Code blue.

- So the doctor's on his way. - Code blue.

Low blood pressure, coughing fit, pulse weak and thready.

Can we get some RSI meds on deck?

And we need a GlideScope in here, please.

Trauma has it.

O2 stats dropping quickly.

Cannot get a clear view of his vocal cords

because of all the swelling.

Bruce, can you give me a hand?

Sure, get me a bougie.

That's good.

There we go.

I'm in. Go ahead. Thread the ET tube.

There you go. Yep. All right.

OK.

Give him two units of FFP.

Doctors are weird.

On one hand, they're huge babies.

They're cocky and rude and petty.

But when push comes to shove, they can put all of that aside

and save a freaking life.

It's pretty cool.

Yeah, sometimes I don't give Ron enough credit.

He's actually a very good doctor.

The two of us did really well in there.

Anyway, I've identified all the grocery stores

and gas stations that carry NutRageous bars,

and I do mean all.

Now, Ron's probably thinking, I'll go one-mile radius.

That's why I've gone a six-mile radius.

I've also reached out to our hospital snack vendor, Sergéy.

We're trading.

So do other animals have chlamydia?

That's actually a good question.

Let's look it up.

Oh, hold on.

You dropped this.

Oh, damn.

My sweatshirt.

You say thank you.

I'm sorry, but there's something called manners,

and they exist for a reason.

Somebody picks up your sweatshirt or, I don't know,

saves your life, you say thank you.

It's not that hard.

OK.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

I'm sorry.

I guess I didn't realize that I was a side character

in my own life and this experience

was really about you.

What? Uh, no, I--

No, I just got so distracted by my death

and subsequent resurrection that I

forgot to get down on my knees and kiss

the feet of some piece--

Honey, your heart.

No, no, this is important.

I want to make sure the next time I'm hovering outside

of my own body, I think, hey.

Don't forget to thank that male nurse.

That's not relevant.

Oh.

This is crazy.

Sheep, goats, pigs.

What animals don't have chlamydia?

Let's look it up.