All language subtitles for Top.Gear.S19E06.1080p.WEB-DL.H264-NTS

HAMMOND: Hello!

CLARKSON: Thank you,
everybody, thank you.

And welcome to what is
a Top Gear Special,

a two-part adventure
around the heart of Africa.

We were each told to buy
a second-hand estate car

here in Britain
for not more than 1,500 quid.

And then we were told
to report, with our cars,

to the start line,
which was in a small village
in rural Uganda.

So, you've seen
Sir David Attenborough's
take on Africa,

now it's time to see ours.

CLARKSON: I was
the first to arrive

and I was feeling
a bit nervous.

As you can see,
I've gone for
a BMW 528i.

And on the Internet
it looked fantastic.

But I've now
had the chance to
examine it more closely,

and one or two
things are giving me
cause for concern.

For example,
it's got a manual gearbox.

Now that tells me
the previous owner
was the sort of chap

that likes to
take it to the max
between gear changes.

Secondly,
the front tyres
are Pirellis,

the back tyres
are made by a company
I've never heard of.

So that tells me
it's been run on
a tight budget.

I don't know
what the challenge
is going to be,

but I'm going to be
doing it like that.

-(ENGINE REVVING)
-Oh, hang on.

That is the throb
of a turbocharged
flat-four engine.

A sound which,
all over the world,

heralds the
imminent arrival
of a moron.

JEREMY: And it did here, too.

It's Richard Hammond,
everybody.

Who I suspect
has started to
dye his hair.

See what you think.

-Hammond!
-And there it is.

It is, yes.

It is.
Well, there can be
only one word.

Legend.
Subaru Impreza WRX estate.

And driven
by emeritus professors
all over the world.

Yeah. No, no.
Just hang on.
Here's my gut thinking.

I don't know
what's gonna face us,

what challenges
face us here,
but think about it.

Subaru stands for
Toughest-Thing-On-The-Planet.

WRX stands
for world rallycross,
which the Impreza just owned.

It's all there.
Four-wheel-drive,
turbocharged estate.

But you're going to
look stupid doing it.

I don't have to look.

I know
I'm wearing double denim,
and that is a mistake,

but you've got
Daktari trousers on,

and the wheels
of the agri-yob.

It looks a bit like you.

What?

You know, small.

And with
a sort of surprised...

A tree! A house!

Well, then,
that's perfect.
My face in that car.

Honestly,
I'm so chuffed.

This time
I've done this right.

-CLARKSON: Big boot.
-Practical.

-Practical?
-So, what have you got? Oh!

528i, rear wheel drive,
2.8 straight-six.

HAMMOND: How many
miles has it done?

151,000. This, though,
is the last of the
mechanical 5-series.

After this,
they started
using computers.

What, they're solid state?

This is simple,
mechanical engineering.

-Anyway, listen.
-Yes?

-James isn't here.
-No.

No surprises there.

I know for a fact
what he's got.

-Go on.
-He'll have a Volvo.

Yeah.

-He just will.
-Yes, yes, yes.

Because you know he's got
no imagination at all.

CLARKSON: As it turned out,
James did have a Volvo,

but not the sort of Volvo
we were expecting.

-That isn't an 850 R, is it?
-It is, it is!

That's a bold call!

-Gentlemen.
-Yes?

CLARKSON: You bought an 850 R?

It doesn't matter,
it's a Volvo.

This defines the estate car.

Nothing else is
an estate car, only this.

Have you seen the tyres
on an 850 R?

HAMMOND: Well,
there aren't any.

-MAY: It has tyres.
-Painted on.

It's just a thin veneer of
paint on a wheel.

But they're
high-performance tyres.
It's a high-performance car.

-It does 146 miles an hour.
-Standing on dust!

Do you remember
British Touring Car
Championships?

-These were
great fun to watch.
-Yes.

-And they were on
dirt tracks, weren't they?
-No.

-Racetracks.
-Yes.

Do you think when
Volvo sat down to
design the 850 R,

they said, "Now, Africa.

"We need to try and get
some market share over there,

"so let's lower
the suspension,
fit very low profile tyres."

They didn't think that
in so many words,

but when you design a Volvo,
you design it for everything.

It doesn't look
at home, does it?

That looks at home.

That looks at home
on the M4

in the outside lane,
too close to the car in front,

being driven by
an embittered toner
distribution manager.

(LAUGHING) He's right.

MAY: Let's be honest.

That's going to beach.

-It's not.
-It is!

CLARKSON: As we argued,
a challenge arrived.

Oh, hello.

Thank you.

Oh!

"You will find
the source of
the River Nile."

-That's it?
-That's it.

Oh, so we're Livingstone,
Burton and Speke!

-Yes, we are.
-And I have the right car!

Oh, come on,
for exploring.

If Livingstone
was still alive...

-He's not, is he?
-(CLARKSON CHUCKLING)

No. Ken Livingstone is,
but it's not Ken Livingstone.

If the other explorer
Livingstone bloke were alive,

he would drive
a Subaru Impreza WRX estate.

Yeah, but Speke,
my favourite of all
the Victorian explorers...

(CLICKS TONGUE)
Beemer man.

-Was he?
-Yeah.

So we just go that way?

Well, do you know,
I'd head downhill, personally.

Oh, no, no. Uphill!

Right, uphill.

Looking for the
source of a river,
uphill.

Here we go.

-The source of the...
-(CLANGING NOISE)

The source of the River Nile.

CLARKSON: The Nile,
the longest river
in the world.

A mighty
4,000-mile ribbon
of year-round water,

running from the
heart of Africa to
the Mediterranean Sea,

bringing life
and sustenance
to millions.

Finding its source
has occupied the minds

and claimed
the lives of explorers
for thousands of years.

Roman legions,
Arab traders,

the Victorian British,

all have forged a path
through the vast heat of
this awe-inspiring continent

to find where the
raging torrent came from.

And today,
we would join that
illustrious band of brothers.

We would take up the challenge
no matter what the perils,

-no matter what the hardships,
no matter what...
-(SCRATCHING)

I'm sorry to interrupt myself,

but I think
we have a problem.

Um, we found it.

Right.

(HAMMOND STUTTERS)

That is Lake Victoria.

MAY: It is.

CLARKSON: Man has
known for 160 years

that Lake Victoria is
the source of the Nile,

and it's not like
we could miss it.

-It's big!
-MAY: It's quite large.

It is the size of Latvia.

-Is it?
-Yeah.

This exploring is
not as hard as
I thought it would be.

No, my car
hasn't suffered at all.

No, I'm fine.

What are we going to
do for the rest of...

We're only
a few minutes in.

We could pretend we haven't.
If we stand like this...

No, you can't miss it.

What?

Look, we've already
found it, you idiot.

That is the
source of the Nile.

"This is not
the source of the Nile."

It is.

"The source of the Nile
is still disputed.

"The Victorians thought
it was Lake Victoria,

"but today we know
this huge body of water
is fed by many rivers.

"One of them
is the true source,
and even today, in 2012,

"experts have
not been able to
determine which it is.

"You will."

You know what?

This is an opportunity for us

to write ourselves
into the history books.

I mean, finding
the source of the Nile,
if we can say this is it...

And then it would be
marked on a map,

and we'd be able
to go, "That was us."

Yeah!

This is quite a big one.

That is
quite good, actually.
I quite like that.

What?

It's just that it says
experts have not been
able to determine which it is.

-Yeah.
-Well, where do we fit in?

CLARKSON: We broke out
the map, and discovered that

two places are
currently marked as
the source of the Nile.

One in Burundi, found by
a Dr. Burkhardt Waldecker,

and one in Rwanda,
found by Joanna Lumley.

And since our source
had to be further from
the Mediterranean

than either of these two,
it had to be further south.

Hang on, hang on.

Here's the Nile,
okay, but look.

The Nile also comes here,
into this lake,

and then this lake,
which is connected
to that lake.

It doesn't say on the map,
but if these two
are connected,

look, this will be
the source of the Nile,
down here.

Yeah, but if those
two were connected,

I think we'd know
about it by now,

and they'd have
drawn it on.

No, no,
you say that,

but David Livingstone
thought the source of the
Nile was down here.

So what we need to do
is go here and establish
these two are joined up,

check it out,
we're in business.

CLARKSON: And so
our epic journey began.

A journey that would
see us taking on nature
at its most brutal.

There would be
lions, insects and
thick, glutinous mud.

We'd have to
climb every mountain
and forge every stream.

And we'd have to
do it all in three
second-hand cars

we'd bought for
less than 1,500 quid each.

Right, my car.

Well, it's got
quite a sticky throttle,
but other than that,

every single thing works,
even the air conditioning.

I've never, ever
had a car with

working air conditioning
before on one of these trips,

but I have now,
and it is joyous.

The Impreza
is all about that
engine and drivetrain.

You're just
aware, constantly,
that this is rally-bred.

The other two,
they're just sporty versions
of ordinary estate cars.

This is the
best car here. Fact.

MAY: It's a cracking car,
the Volvo 850 R.

This one's done 145,000 miles.

It's just clicked over,
in fact, onto that figure,

and you wouldn't really know.

It's so smooth,
the transmission is excellent,

the engine is silky,
everything works.

Except the air conditioning.

But at least that
saves me the effort
of getting really annoyed

when the other two
deliberately break it

out of spite, jealousy
and small-mindedness.

(SIREN BLARES)

Crikey!
It's the Ugandan rozzers.

I think the President's
just driven past us.

A couple of rules
you need to know,
really, about Uganda,

if you're coming here.

Number one,
if you're a male homosexual

and you indulge
in your homosexuality,

it's life imprisonment.
That's very important to know.

(SIREN WAILING)

Also, it is compulsory here
for motorcyclists to
wear crash helmets,

unless you are
a woman on your way
back from the hairdressers.

Then you are allowed
to wear a carrier bag
on your head instead.

(CHUCKLING)
I promise that's true!

At this point,
the producers told us

to stop off at the
still bullet-scarred
Entebbe Airport.

It was here in 1976
that Israeli special forces

staged a daring operation
to rescue passengers
from a hijacked airliner.

Oh, wow, look at this!

I'll tell you what.
I couldn't be Israeli
special forces.

You'd run out
of breath too fast.

I'm exhausted.

They'd have been
all sitting there thinking,

"Oh, help!
Here comes help."
And then...

(IMITATES WHEEZING)

"Sorry, just give us five!"

More bullet holes.

Out on the balcony,
we saw something
a bit worrying.

Is that a Ford Scorpio?

-HAMMOND: Where?
-There.

It is. Estate.

I'd say that's
there for one reason!

That's why they
brought us here. Funny.

-Funny.
-Because what that is...

(CHUCKLES)

-That's the forfeit car.
-It is.

If one of our cars
goes wrong...

Which, let's face it,
James, yours is going
to break in half.

I've always
liked the Scorpio.

You have not!

HAMMOND: You know
that word you like,
James, gopping?

MAY: It is gopping!

That was invented...
Nothing has ever been
more gopping than that.

HAMMOND: And as
we prepared to leave,

it looked like one of us
would soon be driving it.

-(ENGINE REVVING)
-That's full throttle.

It's revving, slightly,
but I'm not doing it.

You know,
this all-mechanical
BMW of yours?

-You were very
proud of that, yeah?
-Yeah.

Does it have
a fly-by-wire throttle?

-Yeah.
-(LAUGHING)

So it's all mechanical,
except that bit?

HAMMOND: Jeremy
broke out his vast
and sophisticated toolkit.

What else is
electrical in here?

BOTH: Not the
exhaust manifold.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I've done the fuse box,
if that's what that is.

-That's an air filter.
-It's an air filter.

Right.

"It's all mechanical,
you can mend it
with a hammer!"

-If this works...
-Yes?

-(ENGINE REVS CONSISTENTLY)
-(LAUGHING)

Soldier on.

CLARKSON: With my throttle
still not working brilliantly,
we set off for the lakes.

But first,
we had to get through
Uganda's capital city.

Kampala.

This is going
to turn out to be
one of those places

with terrible
crash statistics.

CLARKSON: In fact,
Hammond was wrong.

Because to have a crash,
first you have to be moving.

CLARKSON: Holy cow!

That is...

We're never, ever, ever
going to get through.

What are we going
to do, seriously, here?

We're never, ever
going to get through there.

CLARKSON:
It's probably safe to say
the Victorian explorers

didn't face problems
as big as this.

HAMMOND: Oh, Jesus!

Sally Traffic,
are you watching this
on Radio 2?

Because this is what
we call a traffic jam.

From now on, just go,
"Everything's going very well
in England, really."

Oh, my God.

Hammond,
this is phenomenal.

It is the heaviest traffic
ever, ever seen.

This is just
like a scrapyard
on the road in front.

Cars and vans
piled on top of each other.

Going to finish our days here.

CLARKSON: Well,
we're all right
if we want supper.

I fancy a banana.

Excuse me?

Not knowing
the exchange rate,

I accidentally
bought more than one.

No, it's all right.
Do I have all of them?

Oh, Christ!
Oh, bloody hell!

How do you do that?
(LAUGHS)

How the hell
do you do that?

(LAUGHING)

MAY: Three hours later,
our average speed
made for grim reading.

It must quieten down soon.

It's evening now.

HAMMOND: But it didn't.

(CAR HONKING)

It wasn't a dream.

I'm still here.

I can't get over how heavy
those bananas were.

How could she
have them on her head?

HAMMOND: By this stage,
we were pretty famished,

but then breakfast turned up.

Wow, that's
just a meat feast
in front of me here!

Hang on, look, look.
Right. Thank you.

You were here first,
so do I buy yours?

-What bone?
-Bone.

-But it's goat bone?
-Yeah.

I don't want that.

-How much is the water?
-Yes.

-How much is that?
-Yes.

-It just happens to be that?
-Yes.

Obviously, it is.
Of course it is.
Thank you very much.

No, thank you.
I've got one.

What is it?

Is it a chair leg?

CLARKSON: Soon,
we found a dual carriageway,

and at last the traffic
started to move.

Freedom!

That's it,
that's the end!
(LAUGHS)

MAY: We headed west,
towards the lakes,

surprised at how easy
this exploring was
turning out to be.

This is just tremendous.
This is like being
in northern France.

Look at that ahead.

CLARKSON: Hammond,
you don't need a Subaru.

This road is
fantastically smooth.

Apparently, it was
built by the Chinese

in exchange
for some oil deal.

It's like the
Swiss have done it,
or some Austrians.

HAMMOND: Yeah, right now,
we could be on the M4.

But the point is,
further on,
if things get tough,

if we end up
off this road
and on tracks,

the other two will be
completely stuffed.

I will have the last laugh.

Wow!

It's my town!

MAY: We've just entered Jezza.

Oh, no!

MAY: When I say
we've just entered Jezza,
that's a disgusting thought.

We've come into Jezza.

-No, we haven't
come into Jezza.
-(CHUCKLING)

CLARKSON: Even though we
were on an important mission,

I decided we should pull over
and have a look around.

Jezza church.

They've actually had a church
where they worship me.

(HAMMOND READING)

I've never seen that
and those close.

That doesn't make
any sense at all.

My name is Jezza.

Your name is Jezza?

My name is Jezza.

-What do you think of that?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You'll like this, James.

There is Jezza's back alley.
Well found.

CLARKSON: At this point,
to demonstrate that
Hammond's car was too small,

James and I
bought him a present.

(HAMMOND EXCLAIMS)

Do you like it?

-We like it because
it's really the Dralon.
-Yeah.

Because we know
you like Dralon because
you're from Birmingham.

And we know that
you like the peacock
and cheetah blend

-which gives an African
and yet Birmingham flavour.
-Yes.

And I've put it in my car
and we know it fits.

We know it fits, and mine.
It fits in both our cars.

-Does it?
-Yes, it does.

-Does it really?
-Yes, it does.

-Precisely into your car?
-It fits! It's snug.

-MAY: It's snug.
-Is it? Snug.

Anyway, Hammond.
If you'd like to...

There are plenty of people
here who can help you.

Good. Let's pop it in
the back of my car.

Okay, now,
maybe I could...

I think he's started
to dye his hair.

-Do you?
-Have a look.

He's 45 and there
isn't a grey hair.

-You know Paul McCartney?
-Yeah.

Go and have a look at that.

-I think if I maybe...
-(WHISTLING)

Oh, easy, yeah. That'll fit.

HAMMOND: Yeah.

Is it nearly in?
Let's have a look.

Pretty close.

What you've got now
is a big rear spoiler.

That's how it runs.

Right, I think it's time
to pull out of Jezza.

I just hope nobody
sees me doing it.

MAY: As we headed
further West,

we discovered
that rural Uganda

is the world capital
of the speed hump.

Oh, God!

-(BOTTOM SCRAPES)
-(EXCLAIMS)

CLARKSON: James is now
regretting selecting the R.

Oh!

If they get any bigger,
I've had it. I'm honest.

MAY: Annoyingly, though,
the speed mountains

didn't seem to
worry the agri-yob.

Easy. No problem, goodbye.

Ah!

But Jeremy and I
suffered for mile
after graunching mile.

Oh!

That's it, no more.

-(CLANGING)
-Apart from that one.

But that really was
the absolute last one.

Whoa!

Oh, my God!

Oh! Relax.

Not yet.

MAY: As night
started to fall, it was
time to look for a hotel.

Ah!

And Hammond thought
we'd stand a better
chance of finding one

if we switched
to the side roads.

Which was a great idea.

Whoa!

MAY: Whoa!

CLARKSON: I can't stop!

MAY: Oh! You idiot!

CLARKSON: I can't stop it!

MAY: Well,
I can't stop it, either!

I'm enjoying the sounds
of disaster behind me.

MAY (ON RADIO):
Hammond, there had better
be a really good hotel

at the end of this.

These buildings down here,
there'll be a very nice hotel.

One of those
with a posh book in it.

So, in your mind,
because there's
tea being grown,

there's a sort of
plantation house

with a veranda
and somebody saying,
"Would you like a gin sling?"

People in white linen suits
with hats on have to
come to tea plantations

to test and buy tea
for supermarkets.

I've seen it
on the television.

They will need
hotels to stay in,

there will be one
near the tea plantation,
if not in it.

Fact.

MAY: Hammond.

HAMMOND: What?

If we're about to rejoin
that main road,

I'm going to have to
get out and kill you
very slowly, I'm afraid.

I believe that is
what has happened, yeah.

CLARKSON: Still, at least
it's a lovely evening.

There you go.
I told you there would be
a hotel, and there it is.

CLARKSON: I don't see
anybody coming out
to help with our luggage.

HAMMOND: (ON RADIO)
So, let's go check in.

Jesus.

-That is character-ful,
isn't it?
-No.

Have you heard of
those boutique hotels?

Small, with a style
all of their own?

You're getting that room.

This one's got
a chair and a table.

I don't think
you'd even notice
the smell after a while.

Oh, my God.

Hammond!

MAY: The next morning,
desperate to redeem himself,

Hammond called an
emergency breakfast meeting.

Let's just face reality here.

We're in Africa,
and we're not in like

a big, touristy bit
of Africa, are we?

CLARKSON: No.

All the hotels
are going to be
like that or worse.

And I've had an idea.

If you suggest camping,
there will be a live and
celebrated television death.

Your love affair
with tenting...
No, I'm not camping.

It's not, I...

Let me finish.
I haven't said tents.

We've all three
got estate cars, yeah?

Yes.

Why don't we sleep
in the cars?

We can control it, it's ours,
they're dry, warm.

Just get in the car.

Actually,
that's not a bad idea.

Get a sleeping bag,
sleep in your car.

I could get
a mattress that hasn't got
excrement all over it.

But seriously,
you could get a mattress
in your car, easy.

MAY: I could easily get one.
I'm not sure about you.

CLARKSON: Did he
have that as an idea?

MAY: He sort of did, yeah.

Come on,
it's like camping,

but it's not camping,
because there's no tents.

No, you're right,
it's a good idea.

But don't do that,
"Come on," as if
we're supposed to go,

"Hammond,
you're brilliant,
you've just about

"redeemed yourself
with quite a good idea."

He hasn't redeemed himself.

And this is where you've
brought me for breakfast.

No breakfast,
then, obviously,

because Christ The King,
as it turns out, is shut.

Which means that
Christ The King
hasn't risen yet.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

That's the problem.

Right, come on.
It's a plan,
it's stuff to do.

HAMMOND: We split up
and set about

getting the stuff
we'd need to
convert our cars.

The best hotel room
I ever stayed in was in
South Beach, in Miami,

and what I'm going to
try and do is replicate
the decor there

in the back of my Beemer.

-Morning.
-WOMAN: Morning.

Do you have any white cotton?

(HAMMOND GRUNTS)

And it's got
a cockerel on it.

Yeah, I'll have
one of them
and the kettle.

Thank you.

-Nails?
-Yeah.

Deal.

(WOMEN LAUGHING)

There we go.

And this is half inch?
Perfect.

That's quite a lot, isn't it?
That's more than I expected.

I didn't think
it was this long,
I'll be honest.

-(HORN BEEPS)
-Oh!

Sorry!

Yes.

This kind of size.

For me. Small.

Standard size.
Six feet is comes.

5' 7" is enough.

Well, 5' 7" and a half.

MAY: With all
our materials bought,
we set to work.

CLARKSON: This is epic!

And then met up to
reveal our creations.

Gentlemen, behold
the future of exploring.

-I've given this some thought.
-It'll be a mouse cage.

No. Look!

-MAY: Wow!
-Let me talk you through it.

I'm just going to
climb into the sitting
area at the back,

but it's not
just a sitting area.

Note the footwell
for the feet.

-Where the spare wheel was?
-Yeah.

-Where's that now?
-It's gone.

Uh, there's a bin in here.

But you can't fail
to notice the kitchen.

Burners, gas,
taps, running water,
cold and cold.

-Do these work?
-Yes, yes.

-So you've got
a gas bottle in here?
-Yes.

Okay. No, that's fine.

And a storage cupboard,
full of useful things for me.

Along here, everything
I need for cooking and eating.
It's all...

-And where do you sleep?
-There.

There's the bed.
You see? Let me get out.

Leopardskin sheets.

We are in Africa.
Come have a look, see.

You can go in
by the side entrance.

Question.

-Yes?
-Our gift.

Well, there wasn't
room for it.

Actually, that is now
my upstairs sitting room.

Is it?

Well, let's move on
to have a look at
May's car, shall we?

You will see a gentleman
explorer's quarters.

It's got a globe,
it's got a telescope,
it's got maps, it's got music.

-CLARKSON: It's a library,
James.
-Yeah.

Things you don't need
when you're looking
for the source of the Nile.

Number one, library.

Well, if you look carefully,
you'll see some of the books
are about exploring,

plus there's a selection of
English poets to read in bed.

Do any of the books contain
the exact location of the
true source of the Nile,

in which case it's a rather
wasted exercise anyway?

No, but it's inspiration.

-So there's a library
in the front.
-Yes.

And I'm guessing, in the back,
some kind of dungeon.

-Whoa!
-That's not a dungeon, is it?

It's a living quarters
combined with a workshop.

That's...
I'm genuinely astonished.

-Would you like me to
run through what's in there?
-Not really.

-May I just sneak in,
do you mind?
-Yes.

That doesn't look
terribly comfortable.

It's been good enough
for the army for
several hundred years.

And this will just
make you itch.

It's an itchy blanket.
It's designed to remind you
how lucky you are.

So you can
cook food for us,

you can mend
mechanical things
that go wrong.

-Keep us going.
-What have you done?

-What have I done?
-Yes.

You might want to
come and have a look.

I should warn you,
there are two electronic
things on this car.

The throttle, which is broken,
and the electronic
boot release,

which is broken,
so I've fitted
a manual replacement.

And there you are.

What I've done is I've
filled it with Egyptian cotton
and duck down.

Is that a coffin?

Yeah.
Who knew a coffin
was dual purpose?

But it is.
It could be
used for bodies,

or I've used it
as a chest of drawers.

Washing things, clean clothes,
dirty clothes and shoes.

Can I just say,
it's all very nice,

but you haven't considered
your colleagues' needs.

Well, there are two features
on this car that you
might be interested in.

In the front, gentlemen,
we find here,

instead of a passenger seat...

Oh, so you have thought
of sustenance, a fridge.

-That's good, that's good.
-Full of beer.

And it runs off the cigarette
lighter in the car.

That's a tradable commodity
you've got there.

It is, but something
even more useful than beer.

No, actually, no.

Nearly as useful as beer is
what I've fitted over here.

A shower.

And if we peel
back the curtain...

HAMMOND:
Oh, it's a complete
bathroom in there.

Oh, yeah.
So, you lower this window.

HAMMOND:
It lowers it automatically?

Hang on.
Yes, it does, but...

It's not going.

There are three electrical
components on this car,
as it turns out.

I get it. The window
goes down, and that lowers
the bog seat, is that right?

Yes, exactly.

That's quite theatrical.

It doesn't work,
but it's very...

Well, the battery's
somehow gone flat.

I suspect the
fridge is drawing
quite a lot of power.

-Can I have a jump?
-No.

CLARKSON: With the BMW
re-energised, we set off
once more for the lakes.

So, here we are now,
Livingstone, Burton and Speke

in full explorer mode.

James,
with those modifications,
will have added,

got to be getting
on for a tonne,

which will have reduced
his ground clearance

from one inch to
much less than one inch.

What an idiot.

(SUSPENSION CLANGING)

I have made it quite heavy.

MAY: Still, could be worse.

(CROCKERY CLANGING)

I've uncovered one
design feature in here
that I don't like.

The driver?

No. Every time I brake,
my curtain closes.

Braking.

CLARKSON: Despite my terrible
hardship, we carried on,

and soon we
turned off the road

where the speed humps
were frequent.

And onto a road where
they were continuous.

Oh, God!

Nice. Washboard gravel.
My favourite.

Once again, though,
the agri-yob was unfazed.

More like it.

Finally, I get to do
some Subaru-ing.

Woo-hoo!

CLARKSON: Because we were
now off the beaten track,

we started to
encounter more animals,

but sadly, as we
saw in Botswana,

the Top Gear cameramen
do struggle when they're
not filming cars.

HAMMOND: No, there!

Did you see that, Hammond?
It was a monkey.

HAMMOND: Did you get it?

Elephant!

What elephant?

(OVER RADIO) Elephant on the
right-hand side of the road.

Oh, this is
strangely familiar,

you telling me about
animals that you've just
seen that I haven't.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, you evil sod!

That reminds me
of a television programme.

James, can you think what that
television programme was?

Shut up, shut up!

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

Was it Richard Hammond
coming to you from
a tent in the dark?

Was it that one?

CLARKSON: Hammond,
there was a little man,
and he kept saying,

"I've had an amazing day,
I've seen lots of animals,

"but sadly, this is live
and it's dark now."

Shut up! (CHUCKLING)

CLARKSON: Eventually,
we arrived at Lake Edward.

Whoa, whoa.
That's a beautiful lake.

So beautiful, in fact,
we decided to stop
on its shoreline

for a night in
our new accommodation.

Right, let's pitch
the tents. Done.

Beer? It's already chilled.

That would be lovely.
I'll put dinner on.

-Oh, God!
-What?

My bed's gone
out of alignment.

-Oh, you've got problems.
-There we go.

-What's your problem?
-Nothing.

No, what's your problem?

Nothing. I think
the chair, the fringe
has just slightly...

-What is your problem?
-Oh, dear!

Is this every single thing?

-I'm just going to tidy up.
-It's Hammond's
kitchen nightmare.

(ALL LAUGHING)

CLARKSON: We sat
and watched the sun go down,

looking forward to
Heston Hammond's
delicious dinner.

-I'm enjoying the bean course.
-Yeah, good.

-What's next?
-Beans.

Can you honestly
not cook anything
other than beans?

Nope.

-What's that?
-Fly paper.

Do you still not like insects?

You know, they've
got their place.

In the world,
or something.

-Is it in your car?
-No.

CLARKSON: Then,
it was time for bed.

Nobody in the history
of Africa has ever been more
comfortable than this.

I'm under
a layer of duck down
and Egyptian cotton,

I'm watching
Kristin Scott Thomas

in a film where
she's bound to do
lesbionics at some point.

I've had some beans.

Oh, this is just heaven.

(CLANKING)

(HORN BLOWS)

What's for breakfast?

HAMMOND: Beans.

MAY: Today, our exploring
would begin in earnest,

but first, we had to mend
Jeremy's car, again.

What you need
under here is an M8 screw,

and a home-made little clip,

made out of tin,
which I've got in there.

Easy.

While I was doing this,
Jeremy had time to develop
one of his theories.

Gentlemen,
this is a map, okay,

of what all these
famous explorers

told the Victorian English
was Africa.

Now, look at
the Sahara Desert.

Which is really
tough and difficult.

We've been there,
it's horrible.

All done, every nook
and cranny explored.

This is really tough.

Sudan, impossible.

Awful. All done.

But here, in this pleasant
Garden of Eden,
where we are now,

unexplored territories.

What was holding them up?

-Here?
-Yes.

It's not mountainous,
every tree has got food
growing out of it.

It's a good point,
when you think about it.

There's nothing here
that would stop you.
Gentle wooded hills.

-Temperature?
-Oh, lovely.

Yet they kept coming
out here and saying,

"Oh, very difficult, I must
go out there for five years.

"I shall probably be lost."

-It all stinks a bit,
doesn't it?
-Yeah.

So let's just work it out.
England, go home.

"Would you like to go to
Mrs Simpson's piano recital
this evening?"

Or they come out here,
dusky maidens,
lovely temperature,

very pleasant views,
great food, get a tan.

Write home,
tell them it's awful.

Yes, exactly.

Send a letter.
"Dear Mrs Hammond.

"It is with a heavy heart
that I write to say

"we have not seen
Richard for three years."

"He's in the
vice-like grip of,
what's that name? Fever?"

I'll put that in.
Malaria, yeah.

Basically, our conclusion
is that Victorian explorers

were just
a bunch of hoorays
on a very long gap year.

-Yes. Yes.
-Is that right?

Well-funded gap year here.

CLARKSON: With all
that cleared up,
we set off to do exploring.

Our task was to
scour the perimeter
of Lake Edward to see

if any of the rivers we
crossed were flowing into it
from the lake below.

If it turned out
these lakes were joined,

we would head south
to find the true source
of the River Nile.

Follow me.
River this way, gentlemen.

Right, this is actual
off-road, and it's
starting to rain.

Oh, fuck!

This is more like it.

Feeling confident about your
choices of car now, chaps?

CLARKSON: Are we moving,
Hammond, or not?

Yes. The question is for
how long, and James,
you've gone very quiet.

MAY: Yeah, yeah.

This car is just masterful.

Whoa!

HAMMOND: James's masterful
Volvo was now minus
its protective skid plate.

Oh, dear.

Oh, look,
it's all under the car.

They laboured for
six long months to cut off
the plastic spoiler.

You do that,
I'll go and write
to your loved ones.

Would you, would you?
Make it sound a bit better.

Put a lion in it,
some fever.

-Build it from there.
-Exactly.

CLARKSON: With the
Volvo mostly mended,
we got back to exploring,

and unlike the
Victorian hoorays,

we decided
not to shilly-shally.

This is Top Gear exploring.

High-speed exploring!

This is good.
We will cover some ground.

CLARKSON: In the racing Volvo,
though, life was not so good.

Ah!

This is going to be bad.

Ah, ah!

I'm going to have to
stop for a minute.

(GROANING)

CLARKSON: Our colleague
was in considerable pain.

So we left him behind.

"Dear Mrs May.

"James has suffered a terrible
back injury wrestling a lion.

"He will be home,
in maybe five years.
Please send money."

River, Hammond, river.

Oh, hello,
exploring to be done!

CLARKSON: We needed
for it to be flowing north.

I've got 68 degrees east.

-Yeah.
-It's no good to us.

-(SIREN WAILING)
-Here we go.
More exploring.

Yes, now I've got a siren.

(SIREN WAILING)

It's going that way, east.

River.

That's the angle
I want you to tell me.

East. It's no good.

CLARKSON: When Captain
Backache caught up...

Whoa!

...we still hadn't
found a river flowing
in the right direction.

I think this
is our final bridge.
I think it's the last river.

CLARKSON: We don't need
to throw a stick in that

to see which way
it is flowing, do we?

MAY: Not really.

It is going that way.

HAMMOND: Sort of southeast.

-Southeast?
-Yeah.

CLARKSON: Our theory
about the two lakes being
connected was in tatters.

Our expedition
seemed to be at an end.

So that night in camp,
the mood was despondent.

But then,
while poring over the maps,
I noticed something.

Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

-Hammond! May!
-What?

Come here, come here,
come here.

You see it says here,
"Source du Nile"?

Yes. Source of the Nile.

That is Joanna Lumley's,
and that is the furthest
the water has to

flow down a very
wiggly river, yes?

HAMMOND: Yes.

This one is
in Burundi, yes,

and this is the furthest
the crow flies from
the exit of the Nile.

-Okay?
-BOTH: Yes.

I believe
they are both wrong.

Right.

Where is the exit of the Nile?

Alexandria, which you
can see on this, there.

So their rivers flow
through Lake Victoria

and then go there
into another sea,
inland sea, effectively.

The Mediterranean
isn't even tidal,
just like Lake Victoria.

The actual exit of the
Nile is Gibraltar.

Because that is where
it goes into the ocean.

The ocean is here.

Their sources are both to
the west of Lake Victoria.

MAY: I see what you mean.

We are looking for a river
on the east side
of Lake Victoria.

-Do you see what I mean?
-Because it is further...

That's further from Gibraltar.
And I have found it.

Gentleman,
the actual source
of the Nile

is around there.

Southeast of Lake Victoria.

That's as far from Gibraltar
as you can get.

You follow a river
called the Grumeti,

or it's a tributary
of the Grumeti,
which I have traced back.

I can't work out
exactly where it is
but it is about here.

That's the furthest
as the crow flies

and it is the furthest
the water flows.

That is extremely good.

We are here,
we have to get from
where we are now

on completely the wrong
side of Lake Victoria,
to the other side,

that is going through
Rwanda, Tanzania, to there.

-It is such a long way.
-It is a long way.

It's worth it though,
isn't it?

MAY: The next morning,
the Top Gear crew prepared

for the long journey
that lay ahead.

Hammond, meanwhile,
cooked breakfast.

Oh, careless.

And I fitted a new skid plate
to protect the underside
of my Volvo.

CLARKSON: Nobody is
allowed to use my car
as a lavatory any more.

(THUMPING)

You can hear my improvised
guard working there,

protecting my vital
intercooler from mud
and sharp points.

To be honest it is
a bit of an improvisation,

it's not the
thickest steel there is.

You have to work with what
you've got out in the bush.

I had a cold shower
this morning, my penis
was like a press stud.

Again.

Out into the wilderness,
in my little mobile house.

Hello, chaps.

Are you both stuck?
(CHUCKLES)

CLARKSON: (OVER RADIO)
Are you stuck, James?

MAY: I have gone
into a bit of a soft bit.
Are you stuck?

Well, I tell you what,
let's find out.

No! Come on!

(CHUCKLING)
I've improved the style
of the Subaru, no end!

MAY: (OVER RADIO)
I'm free as well.

Thank you, guys.
That was a trap,
wasn't it?

MAY: A bit, yeah.

You evil sods.

CLARKSON: We pointed our cars
at the border with
Rwanda and set off

on a 600-mile journey
to what we now knew

was the true source
of the Nile.

I wonder if we are
heading towards that
massive rain cloud.

Yeah, we are, aren't we?

(AFRICA BY TOTO PLAYING)

As the miles rolled by,
we started to climb
into the mountains.

Oh, wow, this is
very, very pretty, here.

But, we couldn't
really admire the view,

because the road
was starting to be
a bit of a test

for two of
the 1,500 quid
second-hand cars.

My bash plate is
earning its keep today.

Oh, cock.

Oh. We are both
in the same boat here,
James and I.

It is called the HMS Careful.

HAMMOND: Meanwhile, far ahead,

my four-wheel-drive Subaru
was scampering along.

Come on, come on!

I am king of the forest.

Bloody hell,
look at this one.

Come on, Beemer!
Come on!

How is it doing this?

Oh.

Absolutely no chance.

MAY: Annoyingly, I had to
ask the agri-yob to
come back and help.

What's that expression
about pig in...

It's Hammond in mud?

-Yeah, it'll pull out.
-Give him a tug.

I'm going to.

-Did it hit you?
-Yes, it did

What was that?

It was a huge
chunk of tree
just bounced off...

And it smashed my windscreen.

-MAY: Is it?
-CLARKSON: Yeah.

Right, we probably
should get a move on.
I'll back it up.

-James,
get your tow rope out.
-MAY: Go, go, go.

HAMMOND: As I pulled
James free...

Yes! Bloody brilliant,
Hammond.

Some locals arrived
and Jeremy decided

to give them a quick lecture
on his theories
of off-road driving.

Now,
I believe in speed.

Power.

-Power and speed
solves many things.
-Yes.

Right.

James, how far?

Middle of the puddle.

CLARKSON:
(THROUGH MEGAPHONE)
Speed and power!

(LAUGHING)

Go faster!

Speed and power
doesn't work.
It was doing quite well.

It was, to be honest,
I was surprised
you got that far.

-Do you think you
could push it out?
-Yeah.

Yes?

Okay.

Which way...
Oh, they're lifting it.

I've got to get out
of the way. These guys
are immensely strong.

-Drive back, drive back.
-Okay.

HAMMOND: Yeah,
keep going.

There you go.

HAMMOND: Having freed Jeremy,
the men started to
build him a new road.

I wouldn't
do that bare feet,
I can't watch.

I am assuming
he has never got it wrong

because he still has
an entire right foot.

-MAN: Okay!
-CLARKSON: Yeah.

Three, two, one!

-(CREW CLAPPING)
-HAMMOND: Yes!

-Well done,
that was amazing.
-MAY: Well done.

Thank you, guys,
that's amazing.

CLARKSON: With my dues paid...

Thank you, thank you.

...we were back on our way.

It is amazing, those guys
actually turned out to be
Ugandan army.

Up here training.
God, they are strong.

We hoped
that that would be
the last of the mud,

but as the day went on
it got even worse.

Oh, no,
I have no steering.
No, no, no!

Go! Thank you.

It is beached.

Bloody hell.

-Thank you.
-Hit it.

Oh, cock.

We are just going to
blow the clutches to pieces.
Going to have to pull it out.

Go on, go on, go on,
you son of a...

(SCREAMING)

That was so damn close.

CLARKSON: And then,
to add to the misery,

I discovered
there had been treachery.

How long has
that been there?

Good grief!
You must have...

Hammond, I know
what your panto face is.
Hammond, where is that?

What are those
really big things?
They could rip steel.

-Oh, yeah, won't it?
-I know exactly where it is.

-I have no idea and you will
never get it out of me.
-May!

Is that thing on
the front of your car
made out of my door?

Yes, it is.

Is that my door?

What?

It is from my...
I know it is
from my door.

Well, you're not
using that bit and it was
more useful on my car.

-You didn't even notice.
-That's it, that's it.

-Can you give me a tow?
-No!

CLARKSON: As evening drew in,
conditions started to improve.

This is all feeling a bit
Gorillas In The Mist.
It's a bit mystical.

It is kind of wonderful.

CLARKSON: Thanks to my door,
the Volvo had
survived the ordeal.

But in the BMW, my throttle
problem was even worse

and my handbrake had broken.

Hammond, keep moving,
I can't stop, I can't do hill
starts any more. Keep going.

This has to be one of the
toughest days we've
ever had on Top Gear.

There hasn't been
a single moment when
one of us wasn't stuck.

No car is built to survive
conditions like this. None.
Not one.

And there were still more
than 500 miles to go.

Hammond is hot on my tail
in the quest for
the source of the Nile.

And now Rwanda.

Oh, my God.

That might have
killed the car.

There she goes.

Oh, yes!

HAMMOND: Gently, gently.

-We are going in.
-Stop!

30 seconds.

Oh!

I'm through.

Fucking Hammond
is not having this.