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Manhattan Island derives its name
from its earliest inhabitants...
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...the Manhattan Indians.
3
00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:40,436
They were a peaceful tribe,
setting traps, fishing, hunting.
4
00:02:40,644 --> 00:02:43,147
There was a custom among them:
5
00:02:43,439 --> 00:02:47,067
Every July, when the heat
became unbearable...
6
00:02:47,276 --> 00:02:50,988
...they would send their wives
and children away.
7
00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:53,323
Up the river to the highlands...
8
00:02:53,615 --> 00:02:57,661
...or, if they could afford it,
to the seashore.
9
00:02:57,953 --> 00:03:02,499
The husbands remained behind
to attend to business:
10
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:07,171
Setting traps, fishing and hunting.
11
00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:17,432
Our story has nothing whatsoever
to do with Indians.
12
00:03:17,682 --> 00:03:21,144
It plays 500 years later.
13
00:03:21,352 --> 00:03:26,524
Portland, Rockland,
Plymouth and Bar Harbor.
14
00:03:26,691 --> 00:03:28,651
Departing at 6:30...
15
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:33,156
We brought up the subject
to show how nothing has changed.
16
00:03:33,364 --> 00:03:37,202
Manhattan wives and children
are still sent away in the summer.
17
00:03:37,368 --> 00:03:40,663
Husbands remain behind
to attend to business:
18
00:03:40,872 --> 00:03:43,875
Setting traps, fishing and hunting.
19
00:03:44,167 --> 00:03:48,630
We want you to meet a typical
Manhattan husband.
20
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:54,719
This is Mr. Richard Sherman,
his wife, Helen, and son, Ricky.
21
00:03:55,470 --> 00:03:57,889
Ricky, what are you doing?
22
00:03:58,139 --> 00:04:02,061
He's an interplanetary spy.
I blasted him into dust.
23
00:04:02,311 --> 00:04:06,732
Cut it out. You're going to Maine,
not to Mars. Goodbye, Helen.
24
00:04:06,982 --> 00:04:10,694
- Goodbye, Richard.
- Why can't Daddy come up with us?
25
00:04:10,903 --> 00:04:15,825
- Daddy has to stay and make money
- Don't worry. I'll be fine.
26
00:04:16,075 --> 00:04:20,204
- How will I get my allowance?
- I'll mail it to you.
27
00:04:20,412 --> 00:04:24,208
You promised to eat properly
and not smoke.
28
00:04:24,416 --> 00:04:27,753
And you promised not to drink.
29
00:04:28,045 --> 00:04:31,258
- I'll call you tonight at 10.
- Goodbye, Helen.
30
00:04:31,508 --> 00:04:35,595
Goodbye, Ricky. Let me kiss you.
31
00:04:35,762 --> 00:04:39,349
- Take that thing off.
- He's shutting off my oxygen!
32
00:04:39,599 --> 00:04:42,018
Come on, we'll miss the train.
33
00:04:46,065 --> 00:04:49,777
Helen, Ricky, the paddle!
You forgot the paddle!
34
00:04:50,027 --> 00:04:53,781
- Ticket, mister?
- My son forgot the paddle.
35
00:04:54,031 --> 00:04:59,453
Sorry, only those holding tickets
admitted through the gates.
36
00:05:11,716 --> 00:05:14,716
Oh, no, not me.
37
00:05:15,469 --> 00:05:17,638
And I'm not gonna smoke either.
38
00:05:17,930 --> 00:05:23,144
Look at them. Awful. The train
isn't even out of the station.
39
00:05:24,103 --> 00:05:27,899
Gotta get back to the office.
Man, is this hot!
40
00:05:29,150 --> 00:05:32,321
A few more facts
about Mr. Sherman:
41
00:05:32,613 --> 00:05:35,490
He works for a publishing firm,
Brady & Company.
42
00:05:35,741 --> 00:05:40,454
They publish those pocket editions,
two bits in any drugstore.
43
00:05:40,662 --> 00:05:45,626
Old Mr. Brady is the boss,
but Mr. Sherman is the key man.
44
00:05:45,834 --> 00:05:48,503
He keeps the whole operation together.
45
00:05:48,670 --> 00:05:51,840
In the 25-cent book business,
you can sell anything.
46
00:05:52,132 --> 00:05:54,843
Even the old, dreary classics.
47
00:05:55,093 --> 00:05:57,763
The trick is to soup up the title...
48
00:05:58,013 --> 00:06:01,183
...and get an interesting cover.
49
00:06:01,475 --> 00:06:04,686
It's all a question of imagination...
50
00:06:04,853 --> 00:06:08,357
...and Mr. Sherman has a lot
of imagination.
51
00:06:11,818 --> 00:06:14,196
That'll be all, Miss Morris.
52
00:06:16,866 --> 00:06:21,037
Oh, no, not me. Not me.
53
00:06:22,956 --> 00:06:25,208
And I'm not gonna smoke either.
54
00:06:26,042 --> 00:06:30,046
Some husbands run wild
because their wives are away.
55
00:06:30,213 --> 00:06:32,383
Do anything they want.
56
00:06:32,633 --> 00:06:35,803
Like Charlie Lederer.
Annie was gone two days...
57
00:06:36,053 --> 00:06:38,555
...when Charlie got himself
tattooed.
58
00:06:38,806 --> 00:06:42,476
Green dragon on his chest,
butterfly on the shoulders.
59
00:06:42,726 --> 00:06:46,313
Not me. Oh, no, work, work...
60
00:06:47,022 --> 00:06:51,068
I'll work till 6,
then have dinner at the saloon...
61
00:06:51,318 --> 00:06:55,406
No! No saloon, no drinking
like Dr. Summers said.
62
00:06:55,698 --> 00:06:59,535
I know, I'll try
that vegetarian restaurant.
63
00:06:59,743 --> 00:07:02,163
Health food, that's the stuff.
64
00:07:02,414 --> 00:07:06,084
The human body
is a very delicate machine.
65
00:07:06,376 --> 00:07:09,170
You can't run it on martinis
and goulash.
66
00:07:09,421 --> 00:07:11,756
Especially in this hot weather.
67
00:07:12,924 --> 00:07:17,095
- Miss, may I have the check, please?
- Yes, sir.
68
00:07:17,429 --> 00:07:21,766
Let's see. We had the special,
the soybean hamburger...
69
00:07:22,058 --> 00:07:23,768
...with French-fried soybeans.
70
00:07:24,060 --> 00:07:26,771
Soybean sherbet and peppermint tea.
71
00:07:27,439 --> 00:07:29,107
I had a cocktail to start.
72
00:07:29,399 --> 00:07:32,944
Yes, we had the sauerkraut juice
on the rocks.
73
00:07:33,236 --> 00:07:37,866
You'll be proud to know that the meal
was only 260 calories.
74
00:07:38,116 --> 00:07:39,617
I am proud.
75
00:07:39,951 --> 00:07:43,351
That'll be $1.27.
76
00:07:43,621 --> 00:07:47,125
- Keep the change.
- We don't permit tipping.
77
00:07:47,417 --> 00:07:50,046
I can put it in our nudist camp fund.
78
00:07:50,296 --> 00:07:52,465
- You do that.
- Oh, thank you, sir.
79
00:07:52,715 --> 00:07:57,261
It's a worthy cause. We must
bring the message to the people.
80
00:07:57,470 --> 00:08:02,475
To unmask our suffocating bodies
and let them breathe again.
81
00:08:02,808 --> 00:08:07,313
Without clothes
there'd be no sickness and no war.
82
00:08:07,605 --> 00:08:11,484
Can you imagine two armies
on the battlefield...
83
00:08:11,734 --> 00:08:13,986
...no uniforms, completely nude?
84
00:08:14,278 --> 00:08:18,991
No way of telling friend from foe,
all brothers together.
85
00:08:19,241 --> 00:08:23,287
Just a moment, sir.
You forgot your paddle.
86
00:08:24,789 --> 00:08:26,165
Thank you.
87
00:08:40,014 --> 00:08:41,766
I like this house.
88
00:08:41,974 --> 00:08:45,269
Why does Helen want to move
into one of those...
89
00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:48,356
...buildings out of
Riot in Cellblock 11?
90
00:08:48,523 --> 00:08:51,526
So much nicer here.
Just three apartments.
91
00:08:51,776 --> 00:08:53,694
Ours, Kaufmans upstairs...
92
00:08:53,945 --> 00:08:58,950
...and two guys on the top,
interior decorators or something.
93
00:09:10,878 --> 00:09:15,216
It's peaceful with everybody gone.
Sure is peaceful.
94
00:09:15,508 --> 00:09:19,054
No Howdy Doody. No Captain Video.
95
00:09:19,304 --> 00:09:23,517
No smell of cooking.
No "What happened at the office?"
96
00:09:23,725 --> 00:09:28,564
I shot Mr. Brady in the head,
made violent love to Miss Morris...
97
00:09:28,814 --> 00:09:34,820
...and set fire to 300,000 copies of
Little Women. That's what happened.
98
00:09:36,155 --> 00:09:41,326
What can happen at the office?
It sure is peaceful.
99
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,335
"Use the opener, Richard."
100
00:10:04,349 --> 00:10:07,562
"Carbonated water,
citric acid, corn syrup...
101
00:10:07,812 --> 00:10:10,273
...artificial raspberry flavoring...
102
00:10:10,523 --> 00:10:13,484
...vegetable colors and preservative."
103
00:10:13,735 --> 00:10:17,238
Why is this stuff better for you...
104
00:10:17,488 --> 00:10:20,491
...than a little scotch
and a twist of lemon?
105
00:10:20,742 --> 00:10:22,619
I'd really like to know.
106
00:10:23,828 --> 00:10:26,789
Helen's gonna call at 10.
107
00:10:27,373 --> 00:10:30,460
I guess I better do a little reading.
108
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:34,423
I brought Dr. Brubaker's
manuscript home with me...
109
00:10:41,055 --> 00:10:42,255
Ricky!
110
00:10:43,349 --> 00:10:48,354
Okay, where is it?
Where is the other one?
111
00:10:48,604 --> 00:10:52,025
I know it's lurking here somewhere
to get me.
112
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:55,445
Where is Captain Video's
other roller skate?
113
00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:00,992
Now, who's that?
114
00:11:16,466 --> 00:11:19,594
- Yes, what is it?
- I'm sorry to bother you.
115
00:11:19,844 --> 00:11:23,390
I forgot my key,
so I had to ring your bell.
116
00:11:24,557 --> 00:11:26,643
It's perfectly all right.
117
00:11:28,061 --> 00:11:32,065
Anytime. Anything else
I can do for you?
118
00:11:32,274 --> 00:11:34,693
Would you mind pressing it again?
119
00:11:34,943 --> 00:11:37,363
My fan's caught in the door.
120
00:11:37,613 --> 00:11:40,413
Oh, of course.
121
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:44,245
- Thanks.
- Do you live in our building?
122
00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:48,249
In the Kaufmans' apartment.
They're in Europe.
123
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:53,045
I know you'll be happy here.
It's a very quiet building.
124
00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:56,799
No dogs, no children,
just two interior decorators.
125
00:11:57,008 --> 00:11:59,176
And you, and of course, me.
126
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:04,557
- You all right?
- Oh, sure, fine.
127
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,267
Well, good night.
128
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,395
Good night.
129
00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:19,405
Well, now.
130
00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:25,412
Maybe I should have
asked her in for a drink.
131
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:30,208
Make her feel at home.
After all, we're one big family here.
132
00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:35,673
Oh, no, no.
133
00:12:57,695 --> 00:13:01,741
I've got to get to work
on the Brubaker book.
134
00:13:01,991 --> 00:13:05,620
I'm gonna talk to him
about it tomorrow, so I better.
135
00:13:05,870 --> 00:13:10,125
Of Man and the Unconscious,
by Dr. Ludwig Brubaker.
136
00:13:10,417 --> 00:13:11,502
Some title.
137
00:13:11,794 --> 00:13:15,964
We'll have to soup this one up,
that's for sure.
138
00:13:22,513 --> 00:13:24,515
Ten o'clock.
139
00:13:24,973 --> 00:13:28,268
Helen's not gonna call till 10:00.
140
00:13:28,602 --> 00:13:32,856
I hope this thing
keeps me awake till 10:00.
141
00:13:34,733 --> 00:13:36,985
Chapter three:
142
00:13:37,236 --> 00:13:40,364
"The Repressed Urge
in the Middle-Aged Male.
143
00:13:40,572 --> 00:13:43,283
Its Roots and Its Consequences."
144
00:13:44,827 --> 00:13:47,788
Helen has a lot of nerve
calling me at 10:00.
145
00:13:48,038 --> 00:13:51,125
It shows a definite lack of trust.
146
00:13:51,417 --> 00:13:56,131
What does she think I'm gonna do?
Start smoking? Get drunk?
147
00:13:56,423 --> 00:14:01,219
Or tattooed? Charlie...
Big, green dragon.
148
00:14:02,262 --> 00:14:05,432
I bet she thinks I'll have
girls up here.
149
00:14:05,682 --> 00:14:07,267
That's terrible.
150
00:14:07,517 --> 00:14:12,439
Seven years we've been married.
I've never done anything like that.
151
00:14:12,689 --> 00:14:17,944
Don't think I couldn't have either.
Because I could have, plenty.
152
00:14:19,362 --> 00:14:20,762
Plenty.
153
00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:26,828
Don't laugh, Helen.
154
00:14:27,036 --> 00:14:30,540
I happen to be very attractive
to women.
155
00:14:30,790 --> 00:14:34,169
You're attractive to me,
but I'm used to you.
156
00:14:34,377 --> 00:14:37,798
This isn't a thing one likes
to tell his wife...
157
00:14:38,048 --> 00:14:43,388
...but women have been throwing
themselves at me for years.
158
00:14:43,638 --> 00:14:47,559
That's right, beautiful ones,
plenty of them.
159
00:14:47,976 --> 00:14:51,271
- Acres and acres of them.
- Name one.
160
00:14:51,521 --> 00:14:56,276
It's hard just offhand,
but there have been plenty of them.
161
00:14:56,693 --> 00:15:00,489
You asked for it.
Take my secretary, for instance.
162
00:15:00,739 --> 00:15:05,577
To you, she's just Miss Morris,
a piece of office furniture.
163
00:15:05,827 --> 00:15:07,996
Ten fingers to type my letters.
164
00:15:08,246 --> 00:15:10,874
Well, let me tell you.
165
00:15:11,374 --> 00:15:14,377
- Did you type this letter?
- Yes, Mr. Sherman.
166
00:15:14,669 --> 00:15:18,089
There are six errors
in the first paragraph.
167
00:15:18,340 --> 00:15:20,467
What is the matter with you?
168
00:15:20,717 --> 00:15:25,306
- What's the matter with you?
- I'll tell you what's the matter.
169
00:15:25,556 --> 00:15:30,353
I'm in love with you.
I have been since the day I came here.
170
00:15:30,603 --> 00:15:34,315
Deeply, madly, desperately,
all-consumingly.
171
00:15:34,607 --> 00:15:38,069
And to you I'm nothing,
just a piece of furniture.
172
00:15:38,319 --> 00:15:41,072
Ten fingers to type your letters with.
173
00:15:41,322 --> 00:15:46,202
Mr. Sherman, take a look at me.
I'm a woman, do you hear?
174
00:15:46,452 --> 00:15:49,413
With flesh and blood
and nerves and feelings!
175
00:15:49,664 --> 00:15:55,044
I'm in love with you.
I need you, I want you. I want you
176
00:16:00,758 --> 00:16:03,219
That will be all, Miss Morris.
177
00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:20,904
You remember that torn shirt, Helen?
Now you know how it happened.
178
00:16:22,364 --> 00:16:27,703
It got torn at the laundry, that's
how it happened. What an imagination!
179
00:16:28,328 --> 00:16:31,164
You don't realize this
about women and me:
180
00:16:31,415 --> 00:16:34,126
I walk into a room
and they sense it.
181
00:16:34,376 --> 00:16:37,838
I arouse something in them,
I bother them.
182
00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:42,635
It's a kind of animal thing I've got.
It's quite extraordinary.
183
00:16:42,885 --> 00:16:46,180
The only extraordinary thing
is your imagination.
184
00:16:46,431 --> 00:16:49,684
Last winter when I had
my appendix out...
185
00:16:49,851 --> 00:16:52,145
...do you remember the nurse?
186
00:16:52,395 --> 00:16:56,483
That sweet, little old lady
with the gray hair?
187
00:16:56,775 --> 00:16:58,986
That was the day nurse.
188
00:16:59,194 --> 00:17:04,283
You never saw the night nurse,
a certain Miss Finch.
189
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:08,954
Poor Miss Finch.
She fought it as long as she could.
190
00:17:09,204 --> 00:17:12,541
- But then one night...
- Richard!
191
00:17:12,791 --> 00:17:16,420
Miss Finch, please, not again tonight.
192
00:17:18,422 --> 00:17:20,549
We have so little time.
193
00:17:20,841 --> 00:17:26,055
Soon they'll take out your stitches
and I'll have lost you forever.
194
00:17:27,222 --> 00:17:31,393
Please, Miss Finch.
There is such a thing as ethics.
195
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:34,521
Remember, you are a registered nurse.
196
00:17:34,772 --> 00:17:40,110
Ethics? Once I had ethics.
Once I was young.
197
00:17:40,402 --> 00:17:45,241
Once I had ideals. I was registered!
And then you happened.
198
00:17:45,492 --> 00:17:50,205
Miss Finch, for five nights now
you've been taking my pulse.
199
00:17:50,455 --> 00:17:54,459
Have you never noticed
this simple band of gold?
200
00:17:54,709 --> 00:18:00,090
You've bothered me since they wheeled
you into the operating room.
201
00:18:00,298 --> 00:18:05,178
I can't understand it.
There's this animal thing about you.
202
00:18:07,055 --> 00:18:09,516
Please, Miss Finch, my adhesions.
203
00:18:09,766 --> 00:18:13,520
Let's crash out of here.
Let's steal an ambulance.
204
00:18:13,812 --> 00:18:17,649
You're not fit to wear that uniform.
205
00:18:17,941 --> 00:18:20,151
You're rotten to the core.
206
00:18:21,361 --> 00:18:25,365
Beat me till your arms ache.
207
00:18:25,615 --> 00:18:28,744
I'll only come crawling back for more.
208
00:18:29,245 --> 00:18:32,665
You're forcing me to take measures...
209
00:18:32,873 --> 00:18:34,959
...to protect you from yourself.
210
00:18:39,755 --> 00:18:41,155
No, no!
211
00:18:43,343 --> 00:18:47,097
Put me down! Put me down!
212
00:18:54,563 --> 00:18:57,649
The moth and the flame,
that's what it was.
213
00:18:57,899 --> 00:19:02,529
Poor Miss Finch. I hope I didn't
singe her wings too badly.
214
00:19:02,779 --> 00:19:06,616
You read too many books
and see too many movies.
215
00:19:08,618 --> 00:19:13,958
For instance, take Elaine.
Your best friend, your bridesmaid.
216
00:19:14,208 --> 00:19:18,337
Let me tell you about that weekend
in Westport last summer.
217
00:19:18,588 --> 00:19:22,300
You were playing canasta,
suspecting nothing.
218
00:19:22,592 --> 00:19:25,803
Elaine and I went for a walk. Walk!
219
00:19:26,012 --> 00:19:30,016
We went swimming, moonlight swimming.
220
00:19:40,985 --> 00:19:46,240
What is this strange animal thing
you have? It bothers me.
221
00:19:46,532 --> 00:19:49,952
It's bothered me
since the first time I saw you.
222
00:19:50,203 --> 00:19:54,624
And it'll bother me always,
from here to eternity.
223
00:20:01,173 --> 00:20:05,969
You must fight it, Elaine.
Remember, I belong to another.
224
00:20:06,220 --> 00:20:07,429
Richard!
225
00:20:07,638 --> 00:20:12,976
This can never be. I have a devoted,
trusting wife at home.
226
00:20:13,227 --> 00:20:17,189
And a freckle-faced
little space cadet.
227
00:20:17,773 --> 00:20:19,373
Richard!
228
00:20:37,709 --> 00:20:41,338
So, Helen, in light
of the circumstances...
229
00:20:41,589 --> 00:20:44,802
...I resent your calling
to check up on me.
230
00:20:45,052 --> 00:20:46,846
Don't worry about me.
231
00:20:47,096 --> 00:20:51,350
Although I have tremendous
personal magnetism...
232
00:20:51,642 --> 00:20:54,353
...I also have strength of character.
233
00:20:54,603 --> 00:20:57,022
And tremendous imagination.
234
00:20:57,273 --> 00:21:02,695
You've begun to imagine it
Cinemascope, with stereophonic sound.
235
00:21:05,281 --> 00:21:06,657
Well...
236
00:21:07,950 --> 00:21:09,368
...back to work.
237
00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:13,330
Chapter three:
238
00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:20,087
"The Repressed Urge in the Middle-Aged
Male. Its Roots and Its Consequences."
239
00:21:22,923 --> 00:21:26,552
Helen is worried. I just know she is.
240
00:21:26,802 --> 00:21:29,471
She plays it cool,
but she can't fool me.
241
00:21:29,722 --> 00:21:33,685
Why else would she call
in the middle of the night?
242
00:21:33,935 --> 00:21:38,690
She probably figures she isn't
as young as she was. She's 31.
243
00:21:38,940 --> 00:21:42,777
One day she'll wake up
and find her looks are gone.
244
00:21:43,028 --> 00:21:45,071
No wonder she's worried.
245
00:21:45,322 --> 00:21:48,700
I don't look different
than I did when I was 28.
246
00:21:48,992 --> 00:21:52,996
It's not my fault, it's just
a simple biological fact.
247
00:21:53,204 --> 00:21:55,624
Women age quicker than men.
248
00:21:55,874 --> 00:22:00,962
I won't look different when I'm 60.
I have that kind of a face.
249
00:22:01,212 --> 00:22:04,466
Everybody'll think she's my mother.
250
00:22:13,934 --> 00:22:15,478
Hello, Mother?
251
00:22:15,937 --> 00:22:17,897
Oh, Helen!
252
00:22:18,064 --> 00:22:22,401
I wasn't expecting you to call
till 10. Everything all right?
253
00:22:22,693 --> 00:22:27,365
Everything's fine here. Seems pretty
empty without you, though.
254
00:22:27,657 --> 00:22:30,534
Just sitting out on the terrace...
255
00:22:30,701 --> 00:22:34,664
...drinking, getting fractured
on raspberry soda.
256
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:39,543
Little Ricky okay? Oh, he did?
257
00:22:39,835 --> 00:22:43,548
He hasn't done that for a long time.
It's the excitement.
258
00:22:44,883 --> 00:22:46,718
That's nice.
259
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:53,558
Who did you meet on the train?
Tom MacKenzie?
260
00:22:54,059 --> 00:22:56,061
What's he doing up there?
261
00:22:57,270 --> 00:23:00,399
My advice is to avoid Tom
like the plague.
262
00:23:00,565 --> 00:23:03,903
I don't want him
carrying Ricky's kayak.
263
00:23:04,153 --> 00:23:07,657
If anybody carries Ricky's kayak,
it's gonna be you.
264
00:23:07,907 --> 00:23:09,742
How's the weather? Cool?
265
00:23:10,660 --> 00:23:14,622
It's steaming here, like an oven.
266
00:23:14,998 --> 00:23:17,917
Yeah, I'm pretty tired myself.
267
00:23:18,418 --> 00:23:21,170
Night. Good night, darling.
268
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:29,929
Chapter three:
269
00:23:30,096 --> 00:23:33,099
"The Repressed Urge
in the Middle-Aged Male.
270
00:23:33,349 --> 00:23:37,145
Its Roots and Its Consequences."
271
00:23:38,271 --> 00:23:42,859
Maybe a twist of lemon would help
this, or a shot of Worcestershire.
272
00:23:59,043 --> 00:24:02,671
Hey, what's the big idea?!
You wanna kill somebody?
273
00:24:03,297 --> 00:24:07,468
- What's the matter?
- This great cast-iron pot...
274
00:24:07,676 --> 00:24:09,720
...practically killed me.
275
00:24:09,970 --> 00:24:13,724
Oh, it's you. Well, hello again.
276
00:24:13,974 --> 00:24:17,311
What happened?
Oh, the tomato plant fell over!
277
00:24:17,644 --> 00:24:18,812
It sure did.
278
00:24:19,021 --> 00:24:21,857
- I'm terribly sorry.
- It's nothing.
279
00:24:22,066 --> 00:24:24,318
Look at that poor chair!
280
00:24:24,568 --> 00:24:28,489
I'll pay for it. I hope it's not
some priceless antique.
281
00:24:28,822 --> 00:24:33,870
- It's just early Sears, Roebuck.
- If there's anything I can do...
282
00:24:34,162 --> 00:24:37,707
Do what? There's nothing
to worry about.
283
00:24:37,999 --> 00:24:42,253
I'm certainly glad you're not mad.
Now don't touch it.
284
00:24:42,504 --> 00:24:45,007
I'll have the janitor come down...
285
00:24:45,257 --> 00:24:48,177
...and take care of it. Good night.
286
00:24:48,427 --> 00:24:50,679
- Hey there! Wait a minute.
- Yes?
287
00:24:50,930 --> 00:24:53,724
I'll tell you one thing you could do.
288
00:24:54,016 --> 00:24:57,394
If you're not doing anything else
more important.
289
00:24:57,686 --> 00:25:00,356
Would you have a drink with me?
290
00:25:00,731 --> 00:25:03,567
- Thanks, I'd love it.
- You would?
291
00:25:03,776 --> 00:25:05,111
Sure, it'd be fun.
292
00:25:05,361 --> 00:25:10,699
Let me just go and put something on.
I get dressed in the kitchen.
293
00:25:10,950 --> 00:25:15,871
When it's hot like this,
I keep my undies in the icebox.
294
00:25:16,956 --> 00:25:20,043
- In the icebox?
- See you in a minute.
295
00:25:22,754 --> 00:25:25,554
In the icebox!
296
00:26:00,625 --> 00:26:04,255
I really need it, Dr. Murphy.
Honest I do.
297
00:26:07,258 --> 00:26:10,928
Don't worry, Dr. Murphy
Just one, that's all.
298
00:26:24,108 --> 00:26:28,154
All those lovely
injurious tars and resins.
299
00:26:28,446 --> 00:26:31,824
And now a small concession
from Dr. Summers?
300
00:26:44,170 --> 00:26:48,842
Doctor, let's be reasonable.
Can't fly on one wing.
301
00:26:49,134 --> 00:26:52,138
Okay, I'll put some soda in it.
302
00:27:01,356 --> 00:27:04,984
"Do you want to come in for a drink?"
"I'd love it."
303
00:27:05,193 --> 00:27:06,819
Just like that.
304
00:27:08,655 --> 00:27:13,701
A beautiful girl too.
Must be a model or actress.
305
00:27:33,054 --> 00:27:36,558
Atmosphere.
I need a little atmosphere.
306
00:27:40,271 --> 00:27:42,523
Tomato plant.
307
00:27:43,190 --> 00:27:45,526
Fan caught in the door.
308
00:27:48,696 --> 00:27:52,283
What am I doing?
This is absolutely ridiculous.
309
00:27:52,574 --> 00:27:56,912
The first night Helen leaves,
I'm bringing dames in here.
310
00:28:06,714 --> 00:28:07,715
Take it easy.
311
00:28:07,923 --> 00:28:13,387
There's nothing wrong with asking
a neighbor down for a drink.
312
00:28:14,013 --> 00:28:16,724
I hope she doesn't get the wrong idea.
313
00:28:16,890 --> 00:28:21,896
If this dame thinks she's in for
a big time, she's in for a surprise.
314
00:28:22,105 --> 00:28:25,608
One drink and out!
I'm a happily married man.
315
00:28:26,234 --> 00:28:28,528
Maybe a little soft music.
316
00:28:29,904 --> 00:28:32,407
She's probably getting all fixed up.
317
00:28:32,741 --> 00:28:36,745
She'll probably wear
some ice-cold evening dress.
318
00:28:36,953 --> 00:28:42,153
Let's see. Debussy, Ravel.
319
00:28:42,584 --> 00:28:46,713
Stravinsky.
Stravinsky'd only scare her.
320
00:28:47,715 --> 00:28:51,719
Here's the baby, Rachmaninoff.
Give her the full treatment.
321
00:28:51,927 --> 00:28:54,221
Come in like gangbusters.
322
00:29:01,771 --> 00:29:03,105
Good old Rachmaninoff.
323
00:29:03,439 --> 00:29:07,611
The Second Piano Concerto.
Never misses.
324
00:29:38,350 --> 00:29:41,770
You came. I'm so glad.
325
00:29:45,524 --> 00:29:50,278
- Rachmaninoff.
- The Second Piano Concerto.
326
00:29:50,612 --> 00:29:54,450
- It isn't fair.
- Not fair? Why?
327
00:29:55,159 --> 00:29:58,871
- Every time I hear it, I go to pieces.
- Oh?
328
00:30:02,166 --> 00:30:04,460
May I sit next to you?
329
00:30:06,212 --> 00:30:08,005
Please do.
330
00:30:31,195 --> 00:30:34,073
It shakes me, it quakes me.
331
00:30:34,323 --> 00:30:37,034
It makes me goose-pimply all over.
332
00:30:37,243 --> 00:30:42,249
I don't know where I am,
or who I am, or what I'm doing.
333
00:30:42,541 --> 00:30:47,504
Don't stop, don't stop.
Don't ever stop.
334
00:30:49,174 --> 00:30:53,553
- Why did you stop?
- You know why I stopped.
335
00:30:53,845 --> 00:30:56,890
- Why?
- Because.
336
00:30:57,098 --> 00:31:00,518
Because now I'm going to kiss you...
337
00:31:00,727 --> 00:31:03,521
...very quickly and very hard.
338
00:31:25,586 --> 00:31:27,463
One moment, my dear.
339
00:31:32,718 --> 00:31:34,303
You came.
340
00:31:35,137 --> 00:31:37,932
Yeah, I came for the rugs.
341
00:31:38,140 --> 00:31:40,768
The rugs? What is it you want?
342
00:31:41,060 --> 00:31:43,896
The bedroom rugs.
I promised Mrs. Sherman.
343
00:31:44,104 --> 00:31:45,222
Mr. Kruhulik...
344
00:31:45,322 --> 00:31:48,901
- It's on account of the moths.
- Forget the rugs.
345
00:31:49,109 --> 00:31:53,572
Your wife is gonna find them
full of big, gaping holes.
346
00:31:53,781 --> 00:31:56,283
Who'll get blamed? The janitor.
347
00:31:56,492 --> 00:32:00,162
Pick them up tomorrow
while I'm at the office.
348
00:32:00,454 --> 00:32:05,501
I can't. I'm taking the missus
and the kids to the train.
349
00:32:05,793 --> 00:32:10,799
- They're going to the country.
- All right, in the afternoon then.
350
00:32:11,007 --> 00:32:16,429
I can't do it then. I'm going
to the barber in the afternoon.
351
00:32:16,638 --> 00:32:21,810
I'm gonna take a shave,
haircut, manicure, the whole works.
352
00:32:21,977 --> 00:32:26,481
I couldn't care less.
Come tomorrow evening, just not now.
353
00:32:26,690 --> 00:32:31,820
Tomorrow evening?
Do you know the maid from 531 Park?
354
00:32:32,028 --> 00:32:37,200
You must've seen her walking
down the street with her fat poodle.
355
00:32:37,492 --> 00:32:38,492
What?
356
00:32:38,660 --> 00:32:43,498
Come now, we're both summer bachelors.
Don't let's be naive.
357
00:32:43,790 --> 00:32:45,667
Good night, Mr. Kruhulik!
358
00:32:46,668 --> 00:32:50,338
Big, fat poodle! He's got four kids.
359
00:32:50,548 --> 00:32:55,178
Something happens to people
in the summer. It's disgraceful.
360
00:32:55,512 --> 00:33:00,350
It's late. Where is she?
This is ridiculous.
361
00:33:00,517 --> 00:33:04,855
She could've been here,
had her drink and gone home already.
362
00:33:05,063 --> 00:33:07,065
Ice, we'll need ice.
363
00:33:11,903 --> 00:33:13,303
Coming!
364
00:33:25,876 --> 00:33:27,336
Coming, coming!
365
00:33:32,591 --> 00:33:33,591
Hi!
366
00:33:34,509 --> 00:33:36,720
It's me. Don't you remember?
367
00:33:37,012 --> 00:33:39,056
The tomato from upstairs.
368
00:33:39,264 --> 00:33:42,560
Of course, the tomato.
Come in, please.
369
00:33:42,769 --> 00:33:45,438
Honestly, I don't know
how it happened.
370
00:33:45,730 --> 00:33:49,776
I was watering the plants.
I promised the Kaufmans I would.
371
00:33:50,068 --> 00:33:54,364
I was using the cocktail shaker.
It's the only thing I found.
372
00:33:54,572 --> 00:33:59,369
A little silver one.
Then there was this terrible crash.
373
00:33:59,619 --> 00:34:04,457
You could've been killed.
It's probably criminal negligence.
374
00:34:04,749 --> 00:34:07,919
You could've sued somebody.
Me, probably.
375
00:34:08,211 --> 00:34:12,799
Well, not you. You'd have been dead.
Your lawyers could have.
376
00:34:13,091 --> 00:34:16,427
Case dismissed.
What would you like to drink?
377
00:34:16,594 --> 00:34:21,307
I don't know. Anything.
You have a nice place here.
378
00:34:21,599 --> 00:34:25,937
- You live here alone?
- Yes, I live here alone. All alone.
379
00:34:28,148 --> 00:34:32,152
- It's a roller skate. Mine, you know.
- Yours?
380
00:34:32,444 --> 00:34:37,491
It's adjustable. I skate a lot.
What would you like to drink?
381
00:34:37,783 --> 00:34:41,078
- You do drink?
- Sure, I drink like a fish.
382
00:34:41,286 --> 00:34:45,416
- Do you have gin?
- Of course. You mean straight gin?
383
00:34:45,666 --> 00:34:49,294
No, gin and soda, I guess.
384
00:34:49,503 --> 00:34:54,509
- Gin and soda?
- That's wrong. How do you drink gin?
385
00:34:54,801 --> 00:34:59,931
There's gin and tonic, and gin
and vermouth, that's a martini.
386
00:35:00,140 --> 00:35:05,145
That sounds cool. I'll have a glass
of that. A big, tall one.
387
00:35:06,980 --> 00:35:09,482
Big, tall martini.
388
00:35:22,705 --> 00:35:26,125
This is a nicer apartment
than the Kaufmans'.
389
00:35:26,375 --> 00:35:29,336
For instance,
the Kaufmans have no stairs.
390
00:35:30,045 --> 00:35:33,799
- Hey, where do they lead to?
- No place.
391
00:35:34,008 --> 00:35:38,888
No place? A stairway to nowhere.
That's elegant.
392
00:35:39,180 --> 00:35:43,851
I wouldn't say elegant.
You see, this used to be a duplex.
393
00:35:44,143 --> 00:35:49,482
The landlord made two apartments
out of it by boarding up your floor.
394
00:35:50,316 --> 00:35:53,986
Oh, yes, I remember that patch
in the floor.
395
00:35:54,195 --> 00:35:57,031
I dropped my cuticle pusher
down the crack.
396
00:35:57,323 --> 00:35:59,534
Cuticle pusher. Yeah.
397
00:35:59,826 --> 00:36:03,705
Well, here you are. Big, tall martini.
398
00:36:03,997 --> 00:36:07,209
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
399
00:36:08,919 --> 00:36:11,713
Very good.
Maybe it needs a bit more sugar.
400
00:36:11,922 --> 00:36:15,717
I'd strongly advise against
putting sugar in a martini.
401
00:36:16,009 --> 00:36:19,179
- You would? Why?
- Well...
402
00:36:19,596 --> 00:36:23,225
Take my word for it.
No sugar in a martini.
403
00:36:23,433 --> 00:36:26,686
Back home they put sugar in martinis.
404
00:36:26,895 --> 00:36:31,066
- Back home? Where?
- Denver, Colorado.
405
00:36:31,399 --> 00:36:34,236
Hey, you've got air conditioning!
406
00:36:35,237 --> 00:36:38,281
- How does it work? Put it on.
- Sure!
407
00:36:38,615 --> 00:36:43,203
I got air conditioning in every room.
Don't the Kaufmans?
408
00:36:43,412 --> 00:36:48,918
No, it's just terrible up there.
That's why I bought the electric fan.
409
00:36:49,877 --> 00:36:54,633
This feels just elegant.
I'm just not made for the heat.
410
00:36:54,925 --> 00:36:58,595
It's my first summer in New York,
and it's killing me.
411
00:36:58,804 --> 00:37:02,599
Yesterday,
I tried to sleep in the bathtub.
412
00:37:02,808 --> 00:37:05,561
Just lying up to my neck
in cold water.
413
00:37:05,769 --> 00:37:07,312
Good idea.
414
00:37:07,604 --> 00:37:12,234
But the faucet kept dripping.
It was keeping me awake.
415
00:37:12,484 --> 00:37:17,281
You know what I did?
I pushed my big toe up the faucet.
416
00:37:17,948 --> 00:37:20,117
They call that American know-how.
417
00:37:20,409 --> 00:37:24,413
Then my toe got stuck
and I couldn't get it out again.
418
00:37:24,621 --> 00:37:25,789
You couldn't?
419
00:37:26,081 --> 00:37:31,004
But there's a phone in the bathroom.
I was able to call the plumber.
420
00:37:31,296 --> 00:37:32,422
You called him?
421
00:37:32,630 --> 00:37:36,593
He was very nice,
even though it was Sunday.
422
00:37:36,801 --> 00:37:39,929
He rushed right over.
423
00:37:40,972 --> 00:37:42,515
Everything come out okay?
424
00:37:42,807 --> 00:37:47,645
- Sure. But it was embarrassing.
- I can see how it might've been.
425
00:37:47,937 --> 00:37:50,148
Honestly, I almost died.
426
00:37:50,356 --> 00:37:53,276
There I was with a strange plumber...
427
00:37:53,484 --> 00:37:56,154
...and no polish on my toenails.
428
00:38:03,036 --> 00:38:07,165
- You got a cigarette around?
- A cigarette? Sure.
429
00:38:07,498 --> 00:38:09,042
Coming UP-
430
00:38:26,393 --> 00:38:30,189
- Here you are.
- Are you afraid of burglars?
431
00:38:30,397 --> 00:38:33,692
I'm just trying not to smoke.
The theory is:
432
00:38:34,026 --> 00:38:38,697
If you don't see them,
you don't think about them.
433
00:38:40,699 --> 00:38:44,536
It's not 100% foolproof.
It's only a theory.
434
00:38:44,828 --> 00:38:49,750
All you do is spend half your life
dragging ladders back and forth.
435
00:38:50,042 --> 00:38:53,504
You could break a leg.
It's just ridiculous.
436
00:38:53,712 --> 00:38:57,217
At the club we had this girl
who only smoked cigars.
437
00:38:57,425 --> 00:39:01,222
She only did it
to make herself look older.
438
00:39:04,058 --> 00:39:07,561
- What club was that?
- This club I lived at.
439
00:39:07,853 --> 00:39:10,773
I hated it.
You had to be in by 1 a.m.
440
00:39:11,065 --> 00:39:13,734
Now I can stay out all night.
441
00:39:13,901 --> 00:39:18,406
I was glad when they
practically asked me to leave.
442
00:39:18,739 --> 00:39:22,076
- Why did they ask you to leave?
- It was so silly.
443
00:39:22,284 --> 00:39:27,540
I posed for a picture in
U. S. Camera and they got all upset.
444
00:39:27,748 --> 00:39:29,792
What was wrong with the picture?
445
00:39:30,084 --> 00:39:34,964
I was... It was one of these
artistic pictures.
446
00:39:36,799 --> 00:39:39,093
On the beach, with driftwood.
447
00:39:39,301 --> 00:39:42,930
- It got honorable mention.
- In U. S. Camera?
448
00:39:43,097 --> 00:39:47,394
It was called "Textures."
You'd see three different kinds.
449
00:39:47,602 --> 00:39:51,648
The driftwood, the sand and me.
I got $25 an hour.
450
00:39:51,940 --> 00:39:56,486
- It took hours and hours.
- Very interesting line of work.
451
00:39:56,778 --> 00:40:01,950
I don't do modeling any more.
Now I'm on TV every other week.
452
00:40:02,242 --> 00:40:05,287
- The Dazzledent Toothpaste Hour.
- You're an actress?
453
00:40:05,579 --> 00:40:08,123
Sort of. I do the commercial part.
454
00:40:08,331 --> 00:40:12,169
It's a good part.
They put gray makeup on my teeth...
455
00:40:12,461 --> 00:40:15,130
...to show ordinary toothpaste.
456
00:40:15,338 --> 00:40:18,967
Then they wipe it off
to show how Dazzledent works.
457
00:40:19,176 --> 00:40:22,804
I sit like this
for about 14 seconds...
458
00:40:23,013 --> 00:40:25,599
...and I get to speak lines too.
459
00:40:25,807 --> 00:40:29,644
"I had onions at lunch,
I had garlic dressing at dinner.
460
00:40:29,811 --> 00:40:33,691
But he'll never know.
I stay kissing-sweet...
461
00:40:33,983 --> 00:40:36,986
...the new Dazzledent way."
462
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:42,116
- You do that beautifully.
- Thank you.
463
00:40:42,325 --> 00:40:46,287
People don't realize,
but when I show my teeth on
464
00:40:46,496 --> 00:40:48,706
...I appear before more people...
465
00:40:48,956 --> 00:40:53,211
...than Sarah Bernhardt ever did.
Something to think about.
466
00:40:53,503 --> 00:40:55,505
It certainly is.
467
00:40:56,005 --> 00:41:00,511
Wish I were old enough to have
seen her. Was she magnificent?
468
00:41:02,846 --> 00:41:05,974
I wouldn't know.
I'm not that old myself.
469
00:41:06,225 --> 00:41:08,060
I guess you're not really.
470
00:41:08,352 --> 00:41:11,814
I'm 39. I will be in August.
At the moment I'm 38.
471
00:41:12,064 --> 00:41:15,734
Thirty-eight? I was 22,
day before yesterday.
472
00:41:15,984 --> 00:41:19,489
I didn't do anything about it.
I didn't tell anyone.
473
00:41:19,697 --> 00:41:22,492
I did buy a bottle of champagne.
474
00:41:22,700 --> 00:41:25,745
I thought I'd sit there,
drink it by myself.
475
00:41:26,037 --> 00:41:29,165
- That sounds absolutely sad.
- Oh, no!
476
00:41:29,374 --> 00:41:34,170
It would've been just elegant,
lying in a bath, drinking champagne.
477
00:41:34,379 --> 00:41:39,759
- But I couldn't get the bottle open.
- You couldn't? There's nothing to it.
478
00:41:40,260 --> 00:41:42,762
You think you could get it open?
479
00:41:43,012 --> 00:41:45,265
I'm pretty sure I could.
480
00:41:45,515 --> 00:41:48,434
I've got an idea.
I'll go up and get it.
481
00:41:48,726 --> 00:41:51,354
It's in the icebox with the potato
chips and my underwear.
482
00:41:51,563 --> 00:41:54,190
- Do you have champagne glasses?
- Yes.
483
00:41:54,399 --> 00:41:57,068
Good! We'll have a wonderful time.
484
00:41:57,277 --> 00:42:00,405
The man says it's very good champagne.
485
00:42:02,866 --> 00:42:08,080
- Shall I bring the potato chips too?
- Sure, let's shoot the works.
486
00:42:11,625 --> 00:42:15,462
Honorable mention in U.S. Camera.
487
00:42:21,218 --> 00:42:25,218
U. S. Camera.
488
00:42:30,561 --> 00:42:35,274
"News Events. Children and Animals.
The Human Body."
489
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:58,758
Champagne glasses. Champagne glasses.
490
00:43:22,281 --> 00:43:24,825
Phone, phone. Where's the phone?
491
00:43:28,704 --> 00:43:30,998
Hello? Who is it?
492
00:43:31,290 --> 00:43:34,544
Oh, Helen. Well, this is a surprise!
493
00:43:34,836 --> 00:43:38,340
And a pleasant one. How are you?
494
00:43:38,632 --> 00:43:42,135
Sure, I'm all right.
Why shouldn't I be all right?
495
00:43:42,344 --> 00:43:46,473
In what way do I sound funny?
Everything is just fine.
496
00:43:46,682 --> 00:43:50,811
What's your problem?
Did I know Ricky forgot his paddle?
497
00:43:51,061 --> 00:43:55,357
I've been dragging that thing
all over New York. Sure, I will.
498
00:43:55,649 --> 00:43:59,361
I'll send it off first thing.
Good night.
499
00:43:59,653 --> 00:44:04,157
Who? Who dropped in after dinner?
Tom MacKenzie?
500
00:44:04,408 --> 00:44:07,160
Good old Tom. How is he?
501
00:44:07,577 --> 00:44:12,207
Drinking? Who, me?
Whatever gave you that idea?
502
00:44:12,499 --> 00:44:16,545
I was sitting here reading
a book about driftwood.
503
00:44:16,837 --> 00:44:21,426
We may publish it. It's interesting.
Some of the formations are...
504
00:44:23,344 --> 00:44:27,724
I'd better hang up.
The bathtub is running over.
505
00:44:28,016 --> 00:44:30,727
Good night. Night!
506
00:44:34,355 --> 00:44:39,694
Sorry, I was on the phone.
A friend of mine in the country...
507
00:44:39,902 --> 00:44:41,502
Oh, say!
508
00:44:43,072 --> 00:44:45,742
It isn't right to drink champagne
in pants.
509
00:44:46,034 --> 00:44:48,619
Would you mind fastening my straps?
510
00:44:48,953 --> 00:44:51,953
Oh, sure. Sure.
511
00:44:53,207 --> 00:44:58,254
Potato chips, champagne.
You really think you can get it open?
512
00:44:58,796 --> 00:45:04,094
Oh, yeah. I've opened one or two
before in my life.
513
00:45:04,261 --> 00:45:08,433
It's simply a matter of pressure
and counter-pressure.
514
00:45:08,725 --> 00:45:12,145
- There she goes.
- You've sure got powerful thumbs.
515
00:45:12,437 --> 00:45:16,441
I used to play a lot of badminton.
Get the glasses.
516
00:45:17,609 --> 00:45:19,277
Quick, quick! The glasses!
517
00:45:22,238 --> 00:45:24,741
- Pour it.
- Seems to be stuck.
518
00:45:24,949 --> 00:45:27,660
That's silly. Give it a good yank.
519
00:45:29,621 --> 00:45:31,331
This never happened before.
520
00:45:31,623 --> 00:45:35,251
It must be the vacuum.
The bubbles create a vacuum.
521
00:45:35,460 --> 00:45:37,462
Let me see if I can do it.
522
00:45:40,423 --> 00:45:42,258
I'll try to twist it.
523
00:45:45,178 --> 00:45:48,598
- You're married!
- I am? Yes, lam.
524
00:45:48,807 --> 00:45:52,645
I knew it. I could tell.
You look married.
525
00:45:54,522 --> 00:45:57,942
Actually, my wife and I are separated.
526
00:45:58,317 --> 00:46:02,196
Separated in the sense
that she went away for the summer.
527
00:46:02,488 --> 00:46:06,826
- Any children?
- No. Well, just one very little one.
528
00:46:07,118 --> 00:46:09,620
It's cold in there.
Finger's getting numb.
529
00:46:09,829 --> 00:46:12,832
I could call the plumber.
He's very good at this.
530
00:46:13,124 --> 00:46:15,835
No, let's keep the plumber out of it.
531
00:46:16,043 --> 00:46:18,379
Grab hold of the piano.
532
00:46:19,171 --> 00:46:22,049
Careful, I had my appendix out
last year.
533
00:46:26,303 --> 00:46:28,848
- Are you all right?
- Fine.
534
00:46:31,183 --> 00:46:34,895
Do you wanna waste it
now that you know I'm married?
535
00:46:35,187 --> 00:46:39,860
I think it's wonderful
that you're married. Just elegant.
536
00:46:40,068 --> 00:46:41,653
- You do?
- Of course.
537
00:46:41,903 --> 00:46:47,242
I wouldn't be lying on the floor
with some man if he wasn't married.
538
00:46:47,492 --> 00:46:50,036
That's an interesting
line of reasoning.
539
00:46:50,328 --> 00:46:53,039
With a married man it's so simple.
540
00:46:53,331 --> 00:46:56,751
I mean, it can't possibly
ever get drastic.
541
00:47:02,925 --> 00:47:08,389
- Have a potato chip.
- In what sense can't it get drastic?
542
00:47:08,598 --> 00:47:13,060
- People keep falling in love with me.
- I can believe it.
543
00:47:13,352 --> 00:47:18,357
- They get this strange idea.
- I believe that too.
544
00:47:18,608 --> 00:47:20,610
They ask me to marry them.
545
00:47:20,860 --> 00:47:24,239
All the time.
I don't know why they do it.
546
00:47:24,531 --> 00:47:28,619
- Maybe it's a kind of nervousness.
- Maybe.
547
00:47:28,911 --> 00:47:32,289
I don't wanna get married.
Not yet, anyway.
548
00:47:33,248 --> 00:47:36,585
That'd be worse than living
at the club.
549
00:47:36,793 --> 00:47:38,921
I'd have to get in by 1 again.
550
00:47:39,254 --> 00:47:42,382
Very true, you would.
At least occasionally.
551
00:47:42,591 --> 00:47:45,719
That's what's wonderful
about a married man.
552
00:47:45,969 --> 00:47:49,097
No matter what,
he can't ask you to marry him.
553
00:47:49,306 --> 00:47:52,601
- He's married already. Right?
- Right.
554
00:47:56,396 --> 00:48:01,944
You certainly don't have to worry
about me. Am I ever a married man!
555
00:48:02,236 --> 00:48:06,657
I'm the most married man
you'll ever know. And I promise...
556
00:48:06,907 --> 00:48:12,288
...I will never ask you to marry me,
come what may.
557
00:48:13,414 --> 00:48:16,334
- Well, how about some music?
- Fine.
558
00:48:16,626 --> 00:48:20,463
Let's see what we've got here.
559
00:48:20,755 --> 00:48:25,009
Debussy, Ravel, Stravinsky.
560
00:48:25,301 --> 00:48:27,136
Hey, how about this one?
561
00:48:27,428 --> 00:48:30,682
Rachmaninoff,
the Second Piano Concerto.
562
00:48:30,974 --> 00:48:34,644
You look to me
like a big Rachmaninoff girl.
563
00:48:34,852 --> 00:48:38,773
I do? Funny, I don't know
anything about music.
564
00:48:38,982 --> 00:48:44,153
You don't have to.
Just listen to it, that's all.
565
00:48:53,037 --> 00:48:58,168
This is classical music, isn't it?
I can tell. There's no vocal.
566
00:49:01,797 --> 00:49:03,300
Don't talk.
567
00:49:04,301 --> 00:49:06,011
Don't fight it.
568
00:49:06,177 --> 00:49:09,177
Relax. Go limp.
569
00:49:10,390 --> 00:49:13,143
- Like this?
- Yes.
570
00:49:13,351 --> 00:49:16,021
Let it sweep over you.
571
00:49:26,364 --> 00:49:29,743
I got the biggest thing
for Eddie Fisher.
572
00:49:33,705 --> 00:49:37,834
Frequently, people go to pieces
listening to this.
573
00:49:38,084 --> 00:49:40,504
- No kidding?
- Yes.
574
00:49:40,921 --> 00:49:45,051
It quakes them. It shakes them.
575
00:49:45,343 --> 00:49:49,388
Makes them goose-pimply all over.
576
00:49:49,889 --> 00:49:52,725
Did you ever dunk a potato chip
in champagne?
577
00:49:52,933 --> 00:49:57,333
It's real crazy. Here.
578
00:49:57,688 --> 00:50:02,276
- Isn't that crazy?
- Yeah, pretty crazy.
579
00:50:02,526 --> 00:50:07,573
We'd better send Rachmaninoff off.
This wasn't such a good idea.
580
00:50:07,865 --> 00:50:10,910
Don't worry, everything's fine.
581
00:50:11,202 --> 00:50:14,038
A married man, air conditioning...
582
00:50:14,246 --> 00:50:18,876
...champagne and potato chips.
It's a wonderful party.
583
00:50:19,085 --> 00:50:23,297
Hey! Look, you've got U.S. Camera!
584
00:50:23,589 --> 00:50:26,718
I do? How about that!
585
00:50:27,260 --> 00:50:28,970
I've got U. S. Camera.
586
00:50:29,262 --> 00:50:34,601
I bought a dozen copies of this
but people kept stealing them.
587
00:50:34,810 --> 00:50:36,937
Why would they do that?
588
00:50:37,771 --> 00:50:40,732
That's me, right there on the beach.
589
00:50:41,441 --> 00:50:45,237
My hair was a little longer then.
Did you notice?
590
00:50:45,445 --> 00:50:49,157
No, I didn't.
Let me ask you something.
591
00:50:49,449 --> 00:50:53,412
When they took this,
there must've been some passersby.
592
00:50:53,620 --> 00:50:57,457
Other people around.
How did they keep the crowd back?
593
00:50:57,624 --> 00:51:01,795
It was taken early in the morning.
Nobody was up.
594
00:51:01,962 --> 00:51:06,968
- Except... You see that shadow?
- Is it a sea gull?
595
00:51:07,260 --> 00:51:11,432
No, a coast guard helicopter.
He kept buzzing the beach.
596
00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:15,310
Maybe you'd like me to autograph
this before I leave.
597
00:51:15,602 --> 00:51:18,147
You're not leaving yet,
are you?
598
00:51:18,439 --> 00:51:21,608
- How about more champagne?
- Love some.
599
00:51:24,194 --> 00:51:26,155
Just freshen it.
600
00:51:28,866 --> 00:51:30,784
Oh, I'm awfully sorry.
601
00:51:30,993 --> 00:51:31,993
Here.
602
00:51:35,706 --> 00:51:39,334
We should have some music.
Do you play the piano?
603
00:51:39,626 --> 00:51:44,339
Not really. Not any more. I used to.
Just a little as a child.
604
00:51:44,506 --> 00:51:48,677
- Go ahead, play something.
- Well, all right.
605
00:51:52,306 --> 00:51:56,310
Let's see if I remember this.
It's a little tricky.
606
00:52:16,372 --> 00:52:20,543
"Chopsticks"! I can play that too.
Shove over.
607
00:52:42,858 --> 00:52:47,613
I don't know about that Rachmaninoff,
but this really gets me.
608
00:52:47,905 --> 00:52:50,241
- It does?
- And how.
609
00:52:59,250 --> 00:53:03,379
- I can feel the goose pimples.
- Goose pimples?
610
00:53:08,593 --> 00:53:10,428
Don't stop.
611
00:53:11,096 --> 00:53:12,472
Don't stop.
612
00:53:13,723 --> 00:53:17,143
- Why do you stop?
- You know why.
613
00:53:17,394 --> 00:53:22,649
Because now I'm going to take you
in my arms and kiss you...
614
00:53:22,941 --> 00:53:25,735
...very quickly and very hard.
615
00:53:25,944 --> 00:53:27,946
Hey, wait a minute!
616
00:53:33,953 --> 00:53:38,165
- What happened? I lost track.
- I don't know.
617
00:53:38,457 --> 00:53:41,627
This is terrible.
There's nothing I can say.
618
00:53:41,919 --> 00:53:45,131
Except that I'm terribly sorry.
619
00:53:45,339 --> 00:53:47,967
Nothing like this ever happened
to me before.
620
00:53:48,301 --> 00:53:51,679
This happens to me all the time.
621
00:53:52,138 --> 00:53:53,598
This is unforgivable.
622
00:53:53,806 --> 00:53:58,019
The only possible excuse is
that I'm not quite myself tonight.
623
00:53:58,311 --> 00:54:01,856
Maybe it'd be better
if you would just go.
624
00:54:02,148 --> 00:54:07,486
- Why? You're being silly.
- Please go. I must insist.
625
00:54:10,281 --> 00:54:12,783
Take your potato chips and go.
626
00:54:14,953 --> 00:54:18,165
All right, if you really want me to.
627
00:54:22,336 --> 00:54:24,463
- Good night.
- Good night.
628
00:54:27,132 --> 00:54:29,301
I think you're very nice.
629
00:54:34,806 --> 00:54:39,019
Nice! You're not nice. You're crazy,
that's what you are.
630
00:54:39,311 --> 00:54:43,649
Helen's gone for one day
and you're running amuck.
631
00:54:43,857 --> 00:54:49,363
Smoking, drinking, picking up girls,
playing "Chopsticks."
632
00:54:51,323 --> 00:54:56,036
You're not gonna live through
this summer. Not like this.
633
00:55:01,042 --> 00:55:02,919
Look at those bloodshot eyes.
634
00:55:03,211 --> 00:55:06,839
Look at that face, ravaged,
dissipated, evil.
635
00:55:07,132 --> 00:55:10,511
One morning you'll look in the mirror
and that's all.
636
00:55:10,719 --> 00:55:13,222
The Portrait of Dorian Gray.
637
00:55:35,411 --> 00:55:39,748
- Good morning, Mr. Sherman.
- Good morning, Miss Morris.
638
00:55:41,333 --> 00:55:44,837
- Mr. Brady get in yet?
- Yes, he came in early.
639
00:55:45,087 --> 00:55:49,259
- I wanna see him. Put this on my desk.
- Of course.
640
00:55:49,426 --> 00:55:52,595
Would you like me to get
coffee and a doughnut?
641
00:55:52,887 --> 00:55:53,930
No, thank you.
642
00:55:54,180 --> 00:55:57,434
Have you had breakfast,
with the family away?
643
00:55:57,726 --> 00:56:00,854
I'm capable of fixing
my own breakfast.
644
00:56:01,104 --> 00:56:05,775
I had a peanut butter sandwich
and two whiskey sours.
645
00:56:11,114 --> 00:56:14,451
- Mr. Brady.
- Oh, Sherman, come in.
646
00:56:16,536 --> 00:56:17,787
Well, what is it?
647
00:56:18,079 --> 00:56:23,460
I've been with this company for years,
and I've never asked for a favor.
648
00:56:23,793 --> 00:56:27,464
- You had a raise in February.
- I'm not talking about that.
649
00:56:27,714 --> 00:56:29,799
This is more important than money.
650
00:56:30,091 --> 00:56:34,972
I want two weeks off to join
my wife and son in the country.
651
00:56:35,222 --> 00:56:39,894
This is our busy season.
We're preparing our fall list.
652
00:56:40,144 --> 00:56:41,812
I'm very tense and upset.
653
00:56:42,104 --> 00:56:46,942
I'm on the verge of a breakdown.
If I could get back with my wife...
654
00:56:47,151 --> 00:56:50,154
- How long have you been married?
- Seven years.
655
00:56:50,446 --> 00:56:54,992
In a few years, you'll be delighted
to get rid of them for the summer.
656
00:56:55,242 --> 00:56:59,663
Shipped them to Nantucket
yesterday afternoon...
657
00:56:59,914 --> 00:57:02,625
...and I haven't been to bed since.
658
00:57:05,127 --> 00:57:10,342
Drank bourbon, smoked cigars,
played poker till this morning.
659
00:57:10,675 --> 00:57:13,845
Came to the office.
Never felt better in my life.
660
00:57:14,137 --> 00:57:20,186
I may not go to bed at all till
the family gets back in September.
661
00:57:20,686 --> 00:57:22,480
If I stay in New York alone...
662
00:57:22,688 --> 00:57:26,609
...there's a chance I may not live
to see September.
663
00:57:26,859 --> 00:57:31,197
That's ridiculous, Sherman.
You're just a little lonely.
664
00:57:31,531 --> 00:57:35,827
What about us teaming up tonight,
seeing if we can get lucky?
665
00:57:36,035 --> 00:57:38,538
It doesn't have to be just poker.
666
00:57:38,871 --> 00:57:42,375
We'll cut loose
and have us a real hootenanny.
667
00:57:42,708 --> 00:57:47,880
It's very kind of you, but
I don't think... No hootenannies.
668
00:57:48,172 --> 00:57:53,386
Suit yourself, but I've been
thinking about that fall list.
669
00:57:53,636 --> 00:57:57,473
What would you think
of a 25-cent reprint...
670
00:57:57,723 --> 00:58:01,894
- ...of The Portrait of Dorian Gray?
- Dorian Gray?
671
00:58:02,145 --> 00:58:06,400
Look what we'll be giving them
for a quarter!
672
00:58:06,650 --> 00:58:10,529
Vice, lust and corruption.
The story of a young man:
673
00:58:10,737 --> 00:58:14,575
On the surface, clear-eyed
and healthy, just like you.
674
00:58:14,867 --> 00:58:17,661
But underneath, dry rot.
675
00:58:17,911 --> 00:58:23,208
The termites of sin and depravity,
gnawing at his soul.
676
00:58:23,500 --> 00:58:25,752
How does that strike you?
677
00:58:26,253 --> 00:58:28,453
No, no. No.
678
00:58:30,924 --> 00:58:32,176
Chapter six:
679
00:58:32,384 --> 00:58:36,597
"The Infidelity Pattern
in the Married Male...
680
00:58:36,889 --> 00:58:38,557
...or the 'seven-year itch.'
681
00:58:38,765 --> 00:58:43,437
A study of 18,000 marriages
conducted by myself...
682
00:58:43,687 --> 00:58:47,774
...leads us to believe that
the 'urge curve' in the husband...
683
00:58:48,026 --> 00:58:51,029
...rises sharply during
the seventh year.
684
00:58:51,279 --> 00:58:54,449
This phenomenon is humorously...
685
00:58:54,782 --> 00:58:57,785
...referred to
as the seven-year itch.
686
00:58:58,244 --> 00:59:01,581
Far from humorous,
this unfortunate urge...
687
00:59:01,789 --> 00:59:06,294
...strikes 84.6%
of the married male population...
688
00:59:06,544 --> 00:59:11,383
...rising to an alarming 91.8%
during the summer months."
689
00:59:20,976 --> 00:59:22,811
Changed my mind.
690
00:59:32,571 --> 00:59:37,661
"Case history A: Gustaf Meyerheim,
the mad lover of Leipzig.
691
00:59:40,497 --> 00:59:45,168
An extreme, but not unusual
case of the seven-year itch...
692
00:59:45,335 --> 00:59:48,505
...occurred in Leipzig,
Germany in 1912.
693
00:59:48,672 --> 00:59:52,842
Gustaf Meyerheim, happily married
for seven years...
694
00:59:53,093 --> 00:59:56,012
...suddenly..." Seven years!
695
01:00:01,810 --> 01:00:06,481
- Dr. Brubaker to see Mr. Sherman.
- Doctor, you're early.
696
01:00:06,773 --> 01:00:10,694
Yes, my 3:00 patient
jumped out of the window.
697
01:00:10,986 --> 01:00:13,822
So I'm ahead of schedule.
Which door?
698
01:00:14,114 --> 01:00:15,907
This one.
699
01:00:19,202 --> 01:00:22,832
- Good afternoon, Mr. Sherman.
- Dr. Brubaker.
700
01:00:23,040 --> 01:00:26,210
I see you've been working on my book.
701
01:00:26,419 --> 01:00:29,714
It's a wonderful book.
Very important.
702
01:00:29,880 --> 01:00:32,258
- It has something for everyone.
- Yes.
703
01:00:32,550 --> 01:00:37,221
You'll be happy to know
that we're giving it a big promotion.
704
01:00:37,513 --> 01:00:41,684
You'll be seeing this
in every drugstore in America.
705
01:00:41,934 --> 01:00:46,063
- "Of Sex and Violence"?
- We had to soup up the title.
706
01:00:46,355 --> 01:00:48,733
What does this represent?
707
01:00:49,025 --> 01:00:52,737
Gustaf Meyerheim,
the mad lover of Leipzig...
708
01:00:52,945 --> 01:00:56,407
...terrorizing one of his victims.
Isn't that sensational?
709
01:00:56,699 --> 01:01:01,454
May I remind you that Meyerheim
was small, with a red beard?
710
01:01:01,746 --> 01:01:03,414
Nobody knows that.
711
01:01:03,706 --> 01:01:05,417
They know it in Leipzig.
712
01:01:05,625 --> 01:01:09,296
And all his victims
were middle-aged women.
713
01:01:09,588 --> 01:01:12,967
Don't you think it'd be
more effective...
714
01:01:13,259 --> 01:01:16,888
...to show a man terrorizing
a young girl, sales-wise?
715
01:01:17,096 --> 01:01:21,601
I'm not a salesman. I'm a doctor.
I heal sick minds.
716
01:01:21,809 --> 01:01:27,273
I find ways to root out insecurities,
neuroses, inner tensions...
717
01:01:28,483 --> 01:01:32,278
- What is it? What are you looking at?
- Nothing.
718
01:01:34,322 --> 01:01:39,452
- Does that mean something, doctor?
- No, nothing serious.
719
01:01:39,660 --> 01:01:44,248
- Dark clouds on the psychic horizon.
- That's preposterous.
720
01:01:44,457 --> 01:01:47,960
A twitch in a thumb,
a nerve or a muscle.
721
01:01:48,252 --> 01:01:53,425
You psychiatrists make a case
out of it. Of all the ridiculous...
722
01:01:53,634 --> 01:01:56,345
- Are you very expensive?
- Very.
723
01:01:56,637 --> 01:01:59,348
- I'm sure you make exceptions.
- Never.
724
01:01:59,640 --> 01:02:02,309
If a case really interests you?
725
01:02:02,476 --> 01:02:05,479
At $50 an hour,
all my cases interest me.
726
01:02:05,646 --> 01:02:10,442
If you run into something spectacular,
another Gustaf Meyerheim...
727
01:02:10,692 --> 01:02:14,029
You wouldn't believe this,
but last night...
728
01:02:14,321 --> 01:02:19,493
...I found myself terrorizing
a young lady.
729
01:02:19,701 --> 01:02:22,538
That could account for the thumb.
730
01:02:22,830 --> 01:02:27,376
Actually, it wasn't that bad.
I just made a little boo-boo.
731
01:02:27,626 --> 01:02:31,171
Psychoanalysis doesn't recognize
the boo-boo as such.
732
01:02:31,505 --> 01:02:33,715
Everything is unconscious.
733
01:02:33,966 --> 01:02:36,009
I was completely conscious.
734
01:02:36,218 --> 01:02:39,722
I told her to take
her potato chips and go.
735
01:02:40,014 --> 01:02:43,977
- Potato chips. If you please...
- All right, doctor.
736
01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:50,316
I'm in serious trouble. I'm married.
737
01:02:50,984 --> 01:02:54,863
"Serious trouble. Married."
So far, normal.
738
01:02:55,113 --> 01:02:57,365
I've been married for seven years.
739
01:02:57,657 --> 01:03:01,703
I'm coming down with what you call
the seven-year itch.
740
01:03:01,953 --> 01:03:06,666
- What am I going to do?
- If something itches, scratch.
741
01:03:06,875 --> 01:03:11,129
I scratched. There was this lady.
Everything went black.
742
01:03:11,379 --> 01:03:14,884
I terrorized her,
I attempted to terrorize her.
743
01:03:15,176 --> 01:03:17,553
The attempt was unsuccessful?
744
01:03:17,803 --> 01:03:22,976
Definitely. All I did was knock
us both off the piano bench.
745
01:03:23,226 --> 01:03:26,354
Let me understand.
You attempted to terrorize...
746
01:03:26,563 --> 01:03:29,524
...a young lady on a piano bench?
747
01:03:30,400 --> 01:03:31,400
Yes.
748
01:03:32,444 --> 01:03:36,531
And on whose person
was this attempt committed?
749
01:03:37,115 --> 01:03:40,702
Here, doctor. I brought this with me.
750
01:03:40,911 --> 01:03:44,456
I didn't wanna leave it
lying around the house.
751
01:03:44,915 --> 01:03:46,875
That's her.
752
01:03:47,083 --> 01:03:49,961
Her hair was a little longer then.
753
01:03:54,466 --> 01:03:59,721
It's called "Textures" because
you can see three different textures.
754
01:03:59,930 --> 01:04:01,389
It got honorable mention.
755
01:04:01,598 --> 01:04:05,560
Splendid. I congratulate you
on your good taste.
756
01:04:05,769 --> 01:04:08,898
Interesting driftwood formation too.
757
01:04:09,106 --> 01:04:13,277
I'll give you my advice.
Do not attempt it again.
758
01:04:13,611 --> 01:04:16,989
But if you should,
give yourself room to work in.
759
01:04:17,240 --> 01:04:21,118
Do not attempt it balanced
on a piano bench.
760
01:04:21,285 --> 01:04:23,120
Such an attempt is doomed.
761
01:04:23,287 --> 01:04:26,749
- I love my wife.
- Don't we all? Your time is up.
762
01:04:26,958 --> 01:04:32,171
If you find yourself in need
of further analysis, phone my office.
763
01:04:32,463 --> 01:04:37,134
As for my book, we'll resume
discussion as your... has subsided.
764
01:04:37,426 --> 01:04:42,682
If she tells anybody about this,
I'll kill her with my bare hands.
765
01:04:42,974 --> 01:04:44,475
A possible solution.
766
01:04:44,684 --> 01:04:48,938
But murder is the most difficult
crime to commit.
767
01:04:49,146 --> 01:04:52,316
Until you can commit
a simple act of terror...
768
01:04:52,483 --> 01:04:57,322
...I strongly advise you
to avoid anything so complex.
769
01:04:57,656 --> 01:05:01,785
One must learn to walk
before one can run. Goodbye.
770
01:05:08,959 --> 01:05:10,961
I'm in big trouble.
771
01:05:11,962 --> 01:05:14,882
Girls like this can't keep
their mouths shut.
772
01:05:15,174 --> 01:05:17,802
This'll be all over New York.
773
01:05:18,011 --> 01:05:22,682
I bet right this minute
she's telling someone about it.
774
01:05:23,057 --> 01:05:28,187
He lured me in his apartment.
He made me sit on his piano bench.
775
01:05:28,396 --> 01:05:32,358
He made me play "Chopsticks."
Then he turned on me.
776
01:05:32,567 --> 01:05:35,194
He was frothing at the mouth...
777
01:05:36,195 --> 01:05:40,075
...just like the creature from
the Black Lagoon!
778
01:05:41,368 --> 01:05:43,537
I knew it. I knew it!
779
01:05:43,746 --> 01:05:48,542
That's how these stories get started.
Big blabbermouth.
780
01:05:48,751 --> 01:05:51,545
Then he lured her
into his apartment...
781
01:05:51,754 --> 01:05:56,759
...pretended he wasn't married.
He forced her onto the piano bench.
782
01:05:57,051 --> 01:06:01,680
I know him very well. He was in
here for dinner, 260 calories.
783
01:06:01,889 --> 01:06:05,059
He forced her to sit
on the piano bench...
784
01:06:05,351 --> 01:06:09,021
...and then he
made her play "Chopsticks."
785
01:06:10,689 --> 01:06:16,070
The word is spreading. It's spreading.
It's like jungle drums.
786
01:06:16,528 --> 01:06:20,407
Everybody knows about it.
Everybody's talking about it.
787
01:06:21,575 --> 01:06:25,246
Television!
I forgot she's on television.
788
01:06:25,538 --> 01:06:28,083
50 million TV sets in America.
789
01:06:28,375 --> 01:06:31,294
And now with the coaxial cable...!
790
01:06:32,253 --> 01:06:36,758
I had onions at lunch.
I had garlic dressing at dinner.
791
01:06:37,050 --> 01:06:39,010
But he'll never know...
792
01:06:39,219 --> 01:06:45,308
...because I stay kissing-sweet
the new Dazzledent way.
793
01:06:48,436 --> 01:06:52,899
Now that I have your attention,
I want to warn all you girls...
794
01:06:53,108 --> 01:06:56,569
...about an evil, dangerous,
married man...
795
01:06:56,820 --> 01:06:59,114
...living downstairs in my building.
796
01:06:59,406 --> 01:07:02,450
His name is Richard Sherman.
797
01:07:02,784 --> 01:07:05,584
S-H-E-R-M-A-N.
798
01:07:06,413 --> 01:07:09,290
While his wife and son are in Maine...
799
01:07:09,499 --> 01:07:13,295
...this monster is terrorizing
the girls of New York.
800
01:07:13,587 --> 01:07:17,175
Mommy, come quick!
They're talking about Daddy.
801
01:07:17,467 --> 01:07:20,595
He makes them sit
on the piano bench...
802
01:07:20,846 --> 01:07:23,348
...and makes them play "Chopsticks."
803
01:07:23,640 --> 01:07:26,518
Then suddenly he turns on them...
804
01:07:26,810 --> 01:07:30,480
just like the creature from
the Black Lagoon!
805
01:07:33,650 --> 01:07:35,986
Well, I might as well face it.
806
01:07:36,862 --> 01:07:41,158
She knows everything.
She knows, she knows, she knows.
807
01:07:41,992 --> 01:07:46,705
But maybe she doesn't.
Maybe there isn't any TV up in Maine.
808
01:07:46,955 --> 01:07:51,168
I can't go on like this.
Why don't I just call Helen?
809
01:07:51,460 --> 01:07:56,215
The minute I heard her voice,
I could tell if she knew anything.
810
01:07:56,466 --> 01:07:58,676
All right, call her.
811
01:08:02,722 --> 01:08:06,642
Hello, long distance?
I want Ogunquit, Maine.
812
01:08:06,851 --> 01:08:11,647
Ogunquit-42831 J. Yeah, thanks.
813
01:08:12,565 --> 01:08:18,029
What's taking so long? Maybe she's
talking to the lawyers already.
814
01:08:18,362 --> 01:08:23,409
Hello, hello? Helen? Bad connection.
815
01:08:23,701 --> 01:08:26,871
Who? Who is this?
816
01:08:27,163 --> 01:08:29,832
I wanna talk to Mrs. Sherman.
817
01:08:30,041 --> 01:08:34,879
Who is this? Oh, the babysitter.
818
01:08:35,171 --> 01:08:39,258
Look, this is Mr. Sherman.
Where is Mrs. Sherman?
819
01:08:39,675 --> 01:08:42,763
What do you mean she's on a hayride?
820
01:08:43,055 --> 01:08:45,933
With whom is she on a hayride?
821
01:08:46,433 --> 01:08:48,894
Mr. MacKenzie and some people?
822
01:08:50,229 --> 01:08:51,772
What people?
823
01:08:53,482 --> 01:08:58,070
She did leave a message?
What was the message?
824
01:08:59,655 --> 01:09:04,910
Ricky's paddle. No, I forgot
Something came up.
825
01:09:05,160 --> 01:09:08,997
I'll send it first thing
in the morning. Goodbye!
826
01:09:09,289 --> 01:09:12,334
- Mr. Sherman?
- What is it, Miss Morris?
827
01:09:12,584 --> 01:09:15,838
It's after 6.
Do you need me any more tonight?
828
01:09:16,088 --> 01:09:19,759
No. We've come to the end
of a perfect day.
829
01:09:19,968 --> 01:09:23,471
Let's go home and enjoy
the simple things.
830
01:09:23,680 --> 01:09:28,769
The good things, the real things.
The laughter of a child.
831
01:09:28,936 --> 01:09:33,023
A flight of swallows winging
their way back home.
832
01:09:33,274 --> 01:09:36,110
Life can be beautiful, Miss Morris.
833
01:09:52,293 --> 01:09:53,293
Hey!
834
01:09:54,545 --> 01:09:55,838
Good evening.
835
01:09:56,797 --> 01:09:58,674
I just washed my hair.
836
01:09:59,967 --> 01:10:03,220
That's nice. Goodbye.
837
01:10:07,975 --> 01:10:12,146
Oh, no, not tonight.
This girl's a pistol.
838
01:10:12,354 --> 01:10:15,650
Got away with it once.
Why press my luck?
839
01:10:20,155 --> 01:10:24,993
It's gonna be quiet around here
tonight. I promise you that.
840
01:10:25,201 --> 01:10:31,041
Take a shower, poach an egg,
rinse a shirt, hit the sack...
841
01:10:31,583 --> 01:10:33,001
...and that's all.
842
01:10:54,064 --> 01:10:58,526
If she was washing her hair
for me, is she kidding?
843
01:11:01,072 --> 01:11:04,951
Helen, what a wife!
How lucky can you get?
844
01:11:05,201 --> 01:11:07,578
I'm glad she's having a good time.
845
01:11:07,870 --> 01:11:12,208
People to go outwith,
take her on hayrides.
846
01:11:14,126 --> 01:11:19,049
One thing, though. What's she doing
on a hayride with MacKenzie?
847
01:11:19,383 --> 01:11:22,719
I wish she wouldn't hang around
people like that.
848
01:11:22,970 --> 01:11:25,097
He's capable
of making a pass at her.
849
01:11:25,389 --> 01:11:28,725
She'll probably like it.
She's getting older.
850
01:11:28,892 --> 01:11:33,146
I'm probably very dull.
And MacKenzie is a writer.
851
01:11:33,397 --> 01:11:37,651
A lousy writer.
That last book of his!
852
01:11:37,943 --> 01:11:41,154
All that downwardly pulsating...
853
01:11:41,405 --> 01:11:44,324
...and hair spilled across the pillow.
854
01:11:44,575 --> 01:11:49,497
No woman is safe around a guy
who writes stuff like that.
855
01:12:04,679 --> 01:12:08,433
No, Tom, please. The other people!
856
01:12:08,683 --> 01:12:12,437
I have a confession to make.
Look around.
857
01:12:15,314 --> 01:12:19,318
- There are no other people.
- Don't be angry.
858
01:12:19,652 --> 01:12:21,362
I should be.
859
01:12:22,030 --> 01:12:25,033
No, Tom. What about the driver?
860
01:12:25,283 --> 01:12:29,287
- There is no driver.
- No driver?
861
01:12:29,537 --> 01:12:33,625
I thought of everything.
Even the horses are wearing blinkers.
862
01:12:34,126 --> 01:12:38,505
- Tom, I'm afraid.
- Afraid? Of me?
863
01:12:38,797 --> 01:12:40,797
No, of me.
864
01:12:42,968 --> 01:12:46,972
Oh, darling!
Downwardly, pulsating, striving.
865
01:12:47,222 --> 01:12:50,476
Now together, ending and unending.
866
01:12:50,726 --> 01:12:53,526
Now, now, now!
867
01:12:55,230 --> 01:12:59,359
What a cornball. Okay, good luck.
868
01:12:59,568 --> 01:13:04,531
If that's the way you wanna play it,
I can play it that way too!
869
01:13:15,417 --> 01:13:18,171
Kaufman. Kaufman. Kaufman.
870
01:13:31,894 --> 01:13:37,274
Hi! Did you know you left your
tomato plant down here last night?
871
01:13:39,360 --> 01:13:41,695
I'd be glad to bring it up.
872
01:13:43,531 --> 01:13:46,700
Maybe you'd like to have dinner.
873
01:13:48,536 --> 01:13:52,289
Then maybe we could
go to an air-conditioned movie.
874
01:14:08,557 --> 01:14:11,768
Didn't you love the picture? I did.
875
01:14:12,060 --> 01:14:16,398
But I just felt so sorry
for the creature at the end.
876
01:14:16,606 --> 01:14:20,735
Sorry? What, did you want him
to marry the girl?
877
01:14:20,944 --> 01:14:25,490
He was scary-looking,
but he wasn't really all bad.
878
01:14:25,740 --> 01:14:28,493
He just craved a little affection.
879
01:14:28,785 --> 01:14:32,747
A sense of being loved
and needed and wanted.
880
01:14:32,998 --> 01:14:35,750
That's an interesting point of view.
881
01:14:36,168 --> 01:14:38,753
Do you feel the breeze
from the subway?
882
01:14:38,962 --> 01:14:41,089
Isn't it delicious?
883
01:14:46,428 --> 01:14:51,267
Sort of cools the ankles.
What would be fun to do now?
884
01:14:51,475 --> 01:14:54,478
- It's getting pretty late.
- Not that late.
885
01:14:54,770 --> 01:14:58,274
I have this big day tomorrow.
I have to get to sleep.
886
01:14:58,482 --> 01:14:59,692
What's the big day?
887
01:14:59,942 --> 01:15:04,780
Tomorrow I'm on TV.
I told you, The Dazzledent Hour.
888
01:15:05,781 --> 01:15:07,992
Oh, here comes another one.
889
01:15:13,372 --> 01:15:17,960
Tell me, Dazzledent toothpaste,
I don't think I ever tried it.
890
01:15:18,211 --> 01:15:22,507
You should. It's excellent.
Oh, yes, I use it myself.
891
01:15:22,799 --> 01:15:26,470
- Then you do recommend it?
- Definitely.
892
01:15:26,637 --> 01:15:31,975
It costs a little more,
but 8 out of 10 oral hygienists...
893
01:15:32,226 --> 01:15:36,147
You sound like a commercial.
If I believed commercials...
894
01:15:36,397 --> 01:15:40,068
- You can believe this one.
- What's that you say?
895
01:15:40,318 --> 01:15:45,490
"He'll never know. I stay kissing-
sweet the new Dazzledent way"?
896
01:15:45,698 --> 01:15:50,328
- Now really.
- It's true! I'll prove it to you.
897
01:15:53,831 --> 01:15:54,831
Well?
898
01:15:55,541 --> 01:15:59,337
My faith in the integrity
of advertising is restored.
899
01:15:59,671 --> 01:16:05,260
However, before I switch brands,
I wanna make absolutely certain.
900
01:16:10,515 --> 01:16:14,352
A successful businessman
like Kaufman...
901
01:16:14,560 --> 01:16:16,354
...probably makes 15,000 a year.
902
01:16:16,521 --> 01:16:21,694
Spends a fortune on sculptures
but will not put in air conditioning.
903
01:16:21,902 --> 01:16:25,281
I bet it was 95
in the bedroom last night.
904
01:16:25,572 --> 01:16:27,700
Poor kid, it's awful.
905
01:16:30,202 --> 01:16:31,203
Good night.
906
01:16:31,453 --> 01:16:34,915
If you wanted to drop by my place
to cool off...
907
01:16:35,207 --> 01:16:38,544
...before you face that Turkish bath
up there...
908
01:16:38,794 --> 01:16:43,465
I left the air conditioning
on full blast. It's cold in there.
909
01:16:43,716 --> 01:16:48,762
- Maybe for a few minutes.
- To bring the body temperature down.
910
01:16:49,555 --> 01:16:52,599
I feel no matter how much it costs...
911
01:16:52,891 --> 01:16:56,103
...if you've got to sell
the kids' bonds...
912
01:16:56,395 --> 01:16:59,231
...I say in the summertime
in New York...
913
01:16:59,440 --> 01:17:02,401
...you've got to have
air conditioning.
914
01:17:03,819 --> 01:17:05,405
Just feel that.
915
01:17:11,244 --> 01:17:15,498
I didn't tell you, but I have
air conditioning in every room.
916
01:17:15,790 --> 01:17:18,793
The kitchen, the bathroom,
the bedroom.
917
01:17:19,085 --> 01:17:22,088
- Heaven!
- You just relax.
918
01:17:22,339 --> 01:17:27,136
I'll fix two drinks,
and we'll have a nice, quiet talk.
919
01:17:38,981 --> 01:17:41,317
This is really the most!
920
01:17:43,277 --> 01:17:45,946
Well, what shall we talk about?
921
01:17:46,155 --> 01:17:49,033
How about psychoanalysis?
922
01:17:49,450 --> 01:17:54,623
I don't know how much you know
about it, but it's a hobby of mine.
923
01:17:54,831 --> 01:17:59,127
I like to wander through the labyrinth
of the human mind.
924
01:17:59,336 --> 01:18:03,673
What gets me is spending $3.95
for that miserable fan.
925
01:18:03,965 --> 01:18:05,842
It's absolutely useless.
926
01:18:06,051 --> 01:18:09,721
I'll take it back to the store
to get my money back.
927
01:18:09,971 --> 01:18:13,475
Just hope I didn't
lose the sales slip.
928
01:18:14,309 --> 01:18:16,478
Two days ago we were strangers...
929
01:18:16,728 --> 01:18:19,856
...and now you're here alone with me.
930
01:18:20,524 --> 01:18:23,318
How did it happen? Why did we meet?
931
01:18:23,568 --> 01:18:26,655
The answer lies in the unconscious.
932
01:18:27,322 --> 01:18:32,160
If they won't take back the fan,
the larger size is only $3 more.
933
01:18:32,828 --> 01:18:37,917
But what about tonight?
I've just got to get some sleep.
934
01:18:38,167 --> 01:18:43,423
You think that plant fell by itself?
There are no accidents.
935
01:18:43,673 --> 01:18:46,551
Nothing happens by itself.
We make it happen.
936
01:18:46,759 --> 01:18:51,055
You didn't accidentally brush
the plant, you pushed it.
937
01:18:51,347 --> 01:18:56,394
Maybe if I took the fan,
put it in the icebox...
938
01:18:56,686 --> 01:18:58,688
...and left the door open...
939
01:18:58,938 --> 01:19:04,610
...then left the bedroom door open
and soaked the sheets in ice water...
940
01:19:04,861 --> 01:19:07,572
No, that's too icky.
941
01:19:07,780 --> 01:19:10,199
Your behavior is obvious.
942
01:19:10,450 --> 01:19:13,369
You pushed the plant down to kill me.
943
01:19:13,619 --> 01:19:16,122
And why do you suppose you wanted to?
944
01:19:16,414 --> 01:19:21,211
Could it be, could it possibly be
because you love me?
945
01:19:24,798 --> 01:19:30,138
Of course I could simply ask him if...
I'm sure he wouldn't mind.
946
01:19:31,389 --> 01:19:33,725
He's such a nice man.
947
01:19:34,267 --> 01:19:39,272
Nothing to be ashamed of.
Under this veneer we're all savages.
948
01:19:39,564 --> 01:19:42,901
Man, woman, hopelessly enmeshed.
949
01:19:43,151 --> 01:19:47,447
We're on a toboggan, we can't stop.
It's too late to run.
950
01:19:47,739 --> 01:19:49,991
The beguine has begun.
951
01:19:50,909 --> 01:19:53,119
What are we going to do?
952
01:19:55,163 --> 01:19:58,958
I've been thinking about it and I...
953
01:19:59,250 --> 01:20:00,250
Yes?
954
01:20:01,085 --> 01:20:04,339
I'd like to stay here
with you tonight.
955
01:20:05,131 --> 01:20:07,259
I'd like to sleep here.
956
01:20:11,514 --> 01:20:15,267
- Are you sure?
- That is, if you don't mind.
957
01:20:16,352 --> 01:20:20,981
It's not a question of minding.
We don't wanna rush into this.
958
01:20:21,273 --> 01:20:25,945
There are savages, and savages.
This may be too savage.
959
01:20:26,153 --> 01:20:28,322
If you want to stay...
960
01:20:28,948 --> 01:20:31,951
Don't make me go
to that hot apartment.
961
01:20:32,117 --> 01:20:37,331
I haven't slept in three nights.
I'd like to look good tomorrow.
962
01:20:37,623 --> 01:20:40,876
I could sleep right here
in this chair.
963
01:20:41,168 --> 01:20:45,798
I'll be as quiet as a mouse.
You won't know I'm around. Please?
964
01:20:47,883 --> 01:20:53,306
Well, that's different.
Of course you can sleep here.
965
01:20:53,515 --> 01:20:56,643
We're not savages.
We're civilized people.
966
01:20:56,893 --> 01:21:01,147
- Thank you. What time do you get up?
- About 8, I guess.
967
01:21:01,356 --> 01:21:06,194
- I'll fix you breakfast.
- Fix my breakfast... Wait a minute.
968
01:21:06,403 --> 01:21:10,865
Suppose someone sees
you leaving the apartment at 8.
969
01:21:11,157 --> 01:21:13,660
Just one person sees you,
and we're dead.
970
01:21:13,868 --> 01:21:18,915
All right then, I could get up
at 6 and sneak upstairs.
971
01:21:19,165 --> 01:21:21,668
Get up at 6 and sneak... Sneak!
972
01:21:21,918 --> 01:21:26,006
Even worse. Suppose someone sees you
sneaking out?
973
01:21:26,214 --> 01:21:28,426
We're not doing anything wrong.
974
01:21:28,676 --> 01:21:33,347
Certainly, but there's such
a thing as society, laws, rules.
975
01:21:33,514 --> 01:21:36,726
But after all, no man is an island.
976
01:21:43,358 --> 01:21:47,613
- Who is it?
- It's me, Mr. Kruhulik.
977
01:22:02,085 --> 01:22:04,963
- What is it?
- I was just coming home.
978
01:22:05,213 --> 01:22:09,551
Went out with a lady,
the one with the big, fat poodle.
979
01:22:09,760 --> 01:22:14,890
I saw your light. I thought it might
be a good time to pick up the rugs.
980
01:22:15,098 --> 01:22:18,268
At 1:30 in the morning?
Are you out of your mind?
981
01:22:18,477 --> 01:22:20,395
I promised your wife.
982
01:22:20,562 --> 01:22:25,652
Those moths are probably right now
chewing away big, gaping holes.
983
01:22:25,902 --> 01:22:28,613
Stop worrying.
I give you my word...
984
01:22:28,821 --> 01:22:31,407
...the moths are not eating anything.
985
01:22:31,616 --> 01:22:35,578
Come tomorrow, early,
before they have their breakfast.
986
01:22:35,787 --> 01:22:38,790
You can't trust a moth, Mr. Sherman.
987
01:22:39,082 --> 01:22:40,833
They get hungry at night...
988
01:22:41,084 --> 01:22:44,921
...so they start looking around
for a snack and...
989
01:22:51,344 --> 01:22:55,098
- Oh, I wish I was dead
- What's the matter?
990
01:22:55,348 --> 01:22:59,477
I'm sorry. I didn't quite
understand the situation.
991
01:22:59,769 --> 01:23:03,356
In a situation like this,
who cares about moths?
992
01:23:03,606 --> 01:23:06,609
Situation, Mr. Kruhulik?
What situation?
993
01:23:11,031 --> 01:23:13,701
Moths? Let them eat the rugs.
994
01:23:13,951 --> 01:23:16,829
Let them eat the curtains. Who cares?
995
01:23:17,538 --> 01:23:19,938
Go, man, go.
996
01:23:21,458 --> 01:23:25,462
I'd like to explain this.
This may seem unusual.
997
01:23:25,671 --> 01:23:29,467
- But it's the most natural thing.
- I'll say.
998
01:23:29,718 --> 01:23:34,889
Summertime, and the living is easy
Fish are jumping, cotton is high."
999
01:23:35,140 --> 01:23:39,477
That's enough! The young lady
lives in this building.
1000
01:23:39,686 --> 01:23:42,647
- There's been a terrible accident.
- Hi.
1001
01:23:43,314 --> 01:23:45,714
Well, hello!
1002
01:23:47,652 --> 01:23:50,864
Isn't she a living doll?
1003
01:23:51,364 --> 01:23:54,242
This lady's tomato plant fell down.
1004
01:23:54,492 --> 01:23:58,080
Sorry to disappoint,
but that's all there is to it.
1005
01:23:58,330 --> 01:24:01,041
In fact, I'm glad you dropped in.
1006
01:24:01,751 --> 01:24:05,546
You can help her take
the plant upstairs. It's here.
1007
01:24:05,755 --> 01:24:08,758
I watered the garden
with a cocktail shaker.
1008
01:24:09,008 --> 01:24:10,676
A little silver shaker.
1009
01:24:10,926 --> 01:24:14,221
You can see your insinuations
are preposterous.
1010
01:24:14,513 --> 01:24:17,433
A natural mistake, Mr. Sherman.
1011
01:24:17,683 --> 01:24:22,521
And my apologies to you, dear lady.
What a doll!
1012
01:24:22,772 --> 01:24:26,609
- Right out here, Mr. Kruhulik.
- What a shambles.
1013
01:24:26,901 --> 01:24:31,113
It's all right.
We're covered. I have a policy.
1014
01:24:33,365 --> 01:24:36,243
Thank you, Mr. Kruhulik,
and good night.
1015
01:24:36,535 --> 01:24:40,122
Good night, Miss...
Whatever your name is.
1016
01:24:40,414 --> 01:24:43,251
Be careful, it's heavy.
Don't strain anything.
1017
01:24:43,543 --> 01:24:45,086
I'm strained already...
1018
01:24:45,378 --> 01:24:50,717
...from carrying that big,
fat poodle around. I wish I was dead!
1019
01:24:51,968 --> 01:24:55,722
- Well, good night.
- Good night.
1020
01:24:56,890 --> 01:25:00,560
I'm sorry.
But you can see how it is.
1021
01:25:00,811 --> 01:25:04,231
I understand. No man is an island.
1022
01:25:13,573 --> 01:25:14,908
Normal.
1023
01:25:17,452 --> 01:25:20,163
Everything is absolutely normal.
1024
01:25:20,455 --> 01:25:22,749
Sleep. Go to sleep.
1025
01:25:22,958 --> 01:25:25,293
How can I possibly sleep?
1026
01:25:26,294 --> 01:25:27,797
What'll I do?
1027
01:25:29,508 --> 01:25:34,513
Helen. Write to Helen.
Write a long letter to Helen.
1028
01:25:35,931 --> 01:25:39,768
Paddle, that's it.
I've got to send the paddle.
1029
01:25:39,977 --> 01:25:44,189
Little Ricky out there on the lake
without a paddle.
1030
01:25:44,439 --> 01:25:49,027
Wrap the paddle and send it off
in the morning. Ricky needs it.
1031
01:25:49,278 --> 01:25:54,658
Going to get his paddle.
How do you wrap a paddle, anyway?
1032
01:25:54,950 --> 01:25:57,452
Paper and string, what else?
1033
01:25:58,620 --> 01:26:01,999
I need a piece of paper the shape
of a paddle.
1034
01:26:12,134 --> 01:26:14,304
All right, nothing.
1035
01:26:16,055 --> 01:26:20,184
Hey, there's some gauze
in the bathroom.
1036
01:26:20,393 --> 01:26:24,397
I can bandage the whole thing,
put some tape on it and...
1037
01:26:24,647 --> 01:26:28,318
And what, send it up in an ambulance?
1038
01:26:30,987 --> 01:26:33,156
This is ridiculous.
1039
01:26:33,364 --> 01:26:37,327
People send paddles every day.
The mails are full of them.
1040
01:26:37,577 --> 01:26:39,746
How do they do it?
1041
01:26:42,206 --> 01:26:45,543
That's it, old newspapers!
1042
01:26:45,919 --> 01:26:48,338
Big deal, old newspapers.
1043
01:26:48,504 --> 01:26:52,342
Get a lot of string,
slap it together...
1044
01:27:11,195 --> 01:27:12,195
Hi.
1045
01:27:15,699 --> 01:27:21,038
Forgot about the stairs. It was
so easy. I pulled out the nails.
1046
01:27:23,248 --> 01:27:26,919
You know what?
We can do this all summer.
1047
01:28:18,305 --> 01:28:20,599
Miss. Young lady.
1048
01:28:21,434 --> 01:28:25,604
I've got to take a shower.
Got to get to the office.
1049
01:28:25,855 --> 01:28:30,944
Please, lady, get up, go home
so I can get to the office.
1050
01:28:31,528 --> 01:28:34,489
Please, lady? No?
1051
01:29:26,834 --> 01:29:30,546
Poor kid, working in New York
in this heat.
1052
01:29:30,838 --> 01:29:35,511
And on television! Standing there
under those hot lights.
1053
01:29:38,847 --> 01:29:41,600
She must need money real bad.
1054
01:29:41,850 --> 01:29:46,897
Lives in an expensive apartment.
I know what clothes cost.
1055
01:29:47,189 --> 01:29:49,775
Buys imported champagne.
1056
01:29:50,526 --> 01:29:53,195
How can she possibly afford...?
1057
01:29:53,403 --> 01:29:55,864
She must have
other sources of income.
1058
01:29:56,865 --> 01:30:01,788
Plenty of ways a girl can get money
if she's unscrupulous enough.
1059
01:30:02,038 --> 01:30:07,252
She could get herself some foolish,
well-to-do married man.
1060
01:30:07,544 --> 01:30:10,046
Trap him into some situation.
1061
01:30:10,255 --> 01:30:15,218
Bleed him till he's white,
squeeze him till he's dry...
1062
01:30:16,803 --> 01:30:21,891
They have a word for this.
They call it "blackmail."
1063
01:30:32,735 --> 01:30:35,822
Where is she? She's with Kruhulik.
1064
01:30:36,072 --> 01:30:40,243
They're down at the bank
going through my safe-deposit box.
1065
01:30:46,917 --> 01:30:50,004
Hello, are you in there?
1066
01:30:50,254 --> 01:30:55,259
Hi, good morning! Just taking
a shower. Be out in a minute.
1067
01:31:00,598 --> 01:31:04,518
Taking a shower, she'll be out
in a minute, that's all.
1068
01:31:04,768 --> 01:31:09,190
I should get one of the new towels
and take it to her.
1069
01:31:11,442 --> 01:31:15,279
That would very definitely
be another boo-boo.
1070
01:31:17,448 --> 01:31:21,952
If anyone were to walk in,
would they ever get the wrong idea.
1071
01:31:22,203 --> 01:31:27,458
Cinnamon toast for two, strange blond
in the shower. Explain that.
1072
01:31:27,708 --> 01:31:31,503
Tell them you spent the night
wrapping a paddle.
1073
01:31:35,384 --> 01:31:37,136
Anybody walk in here!
1074
01:31:37,345 --> 01:31:42,558
Who's gonna walk in here?
J. Edgar Hoover? Arthur Godfrey?
1075
01:31:42,808 --> 01:31:44,560
Helen, maybe?
1076
01:31:50,691 --> 01:31:54,820
She's in Maine.
How could she get here?
1077
01:31:56,822 --> 01:32:01,744
On the train, that's how.
On the early morning train.
1078
01:32:01,994 --> 01:32:06,624
Why would she be coming to New York?
Because she knows something.
1079
01:32:06,874 --> 01:32:10,753
Because someone tipped her off.
Who could've tipped...?
1080
01:32:11,003 --> 01:32:14,048
Kruhulik!
He saw the girl here last night
1081
01:32:14,298 --> 01:32:18,553
...called Helen long distance
and told her everything.
1082
01:32:18,804 --> 01:32:23,934
She's on the train, I know it.
Early morning train's in already.
1083
01:32:24,142 --> 01:32:29,231
She's in a cab. She's on her way here.
She'll be here any second!
1084
01:32:37,489 --> 01:32:41,159
There's a woman in this apartment.
I know there is.
1085
01:32:41,410 --> 01:32:45,956
- No, Helen, it's not true.
- Don't lie to me, Richard.
1086
01:32:46,206 --> 01:32:49,543
Who told you? Was it Kruhulik?
1087
01:32:49,835 --> 01:32:54,423
That's right.
I've had him watching you for months.
1088
01:32:55,048 --> 01:33:00,470
His name's not Kruhulik. He's
a private eye named Johnny Dollar.
1089
01:33:00,679 --> 01:33:04,100
- What are you going to do?
- I'm going to shoot you.
1090
01:33:04,350 --> 01:33:08,229
I can explain everything.
The cinnamon toast, the shower.
1091
01:33:08,521 --> 01:33:09,981
This girl's from Denver.
1092
01:33:10,231 --> 01:33:15,278
The Kaufmans have no air conditioning.
Spend a fortune on sculpture.
1093
01:33:15,528 --> 01:33:19,991
The drugstore wouldn't
take back her fan, she lost the slip.
1094
01:33:20,241 --> 01:33:25,538
So I let her sleep in our bed.
I was just wrapping the paddle.
1095
01:33:26,539 --> 01:33:30,918
At least have the decency to keep
the paddle of a child...
1096
01:33:31,169 --> 01:33:32,879
...out of this sordid mess.
1097
01:33:34,672 --> 01:33:37,760
You're mad.
You'll never get away with this.
1098
01:33:38,052 --> 01:33:42,473
Yes, I will. There's such a thing
as the unwritten law.
1099
01:33:42,723 --> 01:33:44,433
Goodbye, Richard.
1100
01:33:47,436 --> 01:33:51,649
- Give me another chance!
- They'll give me a medal.
1101
01:33:51,858 --> 01:33:55,278
The wives of America
will give me a medal!
1102
01:34:07,791 --> 01:34:12,462
Helen, I'm going fast.
Give me a cigarette.
1103
01:34:12,712 --> 01:34:18,093
A cigarette! You know what
Dr. Murphy told you about smoking.
1104
01:34:21,679 --> 01:34:23,431
A cigarette.
1105
01:34:26,226 --> 01:34:28,812
Just one more cigarette, Dr. Murphy.
1106
01:34:29,771 --> 01:34:32,023
One more for the road.
1107
01:34:32,357 --> 01:34:34,693
For the long, long road.
1108
01:34:36,987 --> 01:34:37,987
Hi.
1109
01:34:39,907 --> 01:34:43,536
- What are you doing?
- I need a cigarette.
1110
01:34:43,744 --> 01:34:46,789
They're right there on the table.
1111
01:34:48,082 --> 01:34:51,752
- What's the matter with you?
- I'm all shot.
1112
01:34:52,002 --> 01:34:56,173
It's because I took your bed
and you slept on the couch.
1113
01:34:56,424 --> 01:34:59,218
I knew I should've taken the couch.
1114
01:34:59,510 --> 01:35:01,762
It's not the couch, it's my wife.
1115
01:35:02,012 --> 01:35:05,724
- She found out about us and shot me.
- She what?
1116
01:35:05,933 --> 01:35:09,895
Five times in the back
and twice in the belly.
1117
01:35:10,271 --> 01:35:12,857
You're just having a bad dream.
1118
01:35:13,774 --> 01:35:16,569
Yeah, I guess so.
1119
01:35:17,820 --> 01:35:21,241
Come on now. Everything's fine.
1120
01:35:21,533 --> 01:35:26,830
It's just my imagination.
Some people have flat feet.
1121
01:35:27,080 --> 01:35:31,960
- I have this appalling imagination.
- I think it's just elegant.
1122
01:35:32,210 --> 01:35:37,258
I just have no imagination at all.
I have lots of other things.
1123
01:35:37,633 --> 01:35:41,387
I was standing in the kitchen.
Then it occurred to me.
1124
01:35:41,637 --> 01:35:46,684
If my wife walked in with you in the
shower, she'd probably shoot me.
1125
01:35:46,934 --> 01:35:49,687
Of course. If I was married...
1126
01:35:49,937 --> 01:35:55,359
...and came in on my husband making
toast for a blond, I'd shoot him.
1127
01:35:55,776 --> 01:35:58,488
- You would?
- Bang, bang, bang!
1128
01:35:58,738 --> 01:36:00,573
Right in the head.
1129
01:36:01,574 --> 01:36:03,618
Come on now, relax.
1130
01:36:03,868 --> 01:36:07,831
- You're just making this all up.
- That's right.
1131
01:36:08,081 --> 01:36:12,377
I don't suppose if she had come in
she'd shoot me.
1132
01:36:12,586 --> 01:36:16,256
She'd be mad, maybe throw an ashtray.
1133
01:36:16,507 --> 01:36:19,885
- Just that?
- She probably wouldn't even do that.
1134
01:36:20,135 --> 01:36:22,513
If she found you in the shower...
1135
01:36:22,763 --> 01:36:25,766
...she'd probably think
you were the plumber.
1136
01:36:26,767 --> 01:36:31,021
- A blond plumber?
- Absolutely. She trusts me implicitly.
1137
01:36:31,271 --> 01:36:34,566
- Doesn't she love you?
- Oh, she loves me.
1138
01:36:34,816 --> 01:36:36,318
She worries about me.
1139
01:36:36,568 --> 01:36:40,656
I had a cough,
and she made me stop smoking.
1140
01:36:40,864 --> 01:36:43,784
- She loves me, all right.
- Isn't she jealous?
1141
01:36:43,992 --> 01:36:50,290
Not really. How can anybody be jealous
of somebody with a briefcase...
1142
01:36:50,499 --> 01:36:55,338
...who's getting a little pot
and can't keep his eyes open past 9?
1143
01:36:55,547 --> 01:36:58,925
She trusts me.
It'd never occur to her that I...
1144
01:36:59,175 --> 01:37:03,221
Last Christmas, I came home
with lipstick on my collar.
1145
01:37:03,471 --> 01:37:08,059
Helen said, "What's that
on your collar, cranberry sauce?"
1146
01:37:09,477 --> 01:37:14,232
- That's bad.
- You know who kissed me? Mrs. Brady.
1147
01:37:14,482 --> 01:37:18,695
Face it, no pretty girl wants me,
she wants Gregory Peck.
1148
01:37:18,987 --> 01:37:22,782
Is that so? How do you know
what a pretty girl wants?
1149
01:37:23,032 --> 01:37:25,159
I don't know, but I imagine...
1150
01:37:25,410 --> 01:37:29,247
Your imagination!
You think every girl's a dope.
1151
01:37:29,497 --> 01:37:33,710
You think a girl goes to a party
and there's some guy...
1152
01:37:33,918 --> 01:37:37,631
...in a fancy striped vest
strutting around...
1153
01:37:37,881 --> 01:37:42,512
...giving you that I'm-so-handsome-
you-can't-resist-me look.
1154
01:37:42,762 --> 01:37:46,182
From this she's supposed
to fall flat on her face.
1155
01:37:46,433 --> 01:37:49,311
Well, she doesn't fall on her face.
1156
01:37:50,520 --> 01:37:54,774
But there's another guy in the room,
over in the corner.
1157
01:37:55,025 --> 01:37:58,737
Maybe he's nervous and shy
and perspiring a little.
1158
01:37:58,987 --> 01:38:01,031
First, you look past him.
1159
01:38:01,239 --> 01:38:06,036
But then you sense that
he's gentle and kind and worried.
1160
01:38:06,286 --> 01:38:11,124
That he'll be tender with you,
nice and sweet.
1161
01:38:11,458 --> 01:38:14,377
That's what's really exciting.
1162
01:38:17,672 --> 01:38:21,885
If I were your wife,
I'd be very jealous of you
1163
01:38:22,469 --> 01:38:25,640
I'd be very, very jealous
1164
01:38:31,604 --> 01:38:34,190
I think you're just elegant.
1165
01:38:36,359 --> 01:38:37,902
Thank you.
1166
01:38:39,362 --> 01:38:41,072
Aren't you going to answer it?
1167
01:38:41,322 --> 01:38:44,158
- Answer what?
- The doorbell.
1168
01:38:45,242 --> 01:38:48,537
Go ahead, I'll put the cinnamon
on the toast.
1169
01:39:01,926 --> 01:39:04,470
Tom MacKenzie!
1170
01:39:04,720 --> 01:39:07,848
- Morning, Dickie-boy.
- What are you doing here?
1171
01:39:08,099 --> 01:39:12,062
- Don't call me "Dickie-boy."
- Got a date with my agent.
1172
01:39:12,312 --> 01:39:14,564
- Is that coffee I smell?
- No.
1173
01:39:14,815 --> 01:39:19,861
I'm glad I caught you. We've got
important family business to discuss.
1174
01:39:20,112 --> 01:39:23,907
- Are you sure that's not coffee?
- Positive. My family?
1175
01:39:24,157 --> 01:39:28,704
I was driving down and Helen
asked me to stop by and ask you...
1176
01:39:28,954 --> 01:39:32,082
She did? I'm glad she did...
1177
01:39:32,374 --> 01:39:34,626
...because I wanna talk to you.
1178
01:39:34,876 --> 01:39:37,838
What's the matter, Dickie-boy?
1179
01:39:38,046 --> 01:39:42,635
You think you're pretty fancy
with the blinkers on the horses.
1180
01:39:42,885 --> 01:39:45,304
What blinkers? What horses?
1181
01:39:45,555 --> 01:39:48,891
And no driver and no other people.
1182
01:39:49,183 --> 01:39:52,478
- You drunk or something?
- No, I'm not drunk.
1183
01:39:52,687 --> 01:39:57,234
- You took Helen on a hayride.
- No, in fact, I didn't.
1184
01:39:57,484 --> 01:40:01,363
She went with the other people.
And it was like a bus.
1185
01:40:01,613 --> 01:40:05,242
- That's your story.
- I have terrible hay fever.
1186
01:40:05,492 --> 01:40:08,162
I've had it ever since the Army.
1187
01:40:08,370 --> 01:40:13,167
This doctor took a wad of cotton.
He went in and down...
1188
01:40:13,417 --> 01:40:17,963
In and down. "inwardly,
downwardly pulsating!
1189
01:40:18,213 --> 01:40:23,510
Now together, ending and unending!
Now, now!" I know all about it.
1190
01:40:23,802 --> 01:40:25,429
- You're drunk.
- Get out!
1191
01:40:25,679 --> 01:40:28,974
- If Helen sent you to get a divorce...
- Divorce?
1192
01:40:29,224 --> 01:40:31,560
I absolutely refuse!
1193
01:40:31,852 --> 01:40:36,064
- She sent me for the paddle.
- I'll fight it in every court!
1194
01:40:36,315 --> 01:40:40,361
I can explain the stairs,
the blond in the kitchen.
1195
01:40:40,612 --> 01:40:45,784
- Wait, what blond in the kitchen?
- Wouldn't you like to know?
1196
01:40:45,992 --> 01:40:48,244
Maybe it's Marilyn Monroe!
1197
01:40:48,870 --> 01:40:52,457
Blind, stinking drunk
at 8:30 in the morning!
1198
01:40:52,707 --> 01:40:57,253
I'll get six lawyers,
I'll bribe judges, but no divorce!
1199
01:40:57,462 --> 01:41:01,132
Listen to me.
Helen does not want a divorce!
1200
01:41:01,382 --> 01:41:05,136
All she wants is Ricky's paddle!
1201
01:41:06,471 --> 01:41:10,350
- Ricky's paddle?
- The other kids are out on the lake.
1202
01:41:10,642 --> 01:41:15,563
But Ricky has to stay on the dock.
You wouldn't send his paddle!
1203
01:41:15,855 --> 01:41:20,360
If anybody is gonna take
Ricky's paddle back...
1204
01:41:20,610 --> 01:41:22,403
...I'm gonna take it back.
1205
01:41:22,654 --> 01:41:25,657
And I've got a good mind
to punch you.
1206
01:41:25,908 --> 01:41:29,078
- Why?
- Because you're a love you.
1207
01:41:29,370 --> 01:41:33,874
Strutting around in your vest
with that I'm-so-handsome look.
1208
01:41:34,124 --> 01:41:38,629
- Let me tell you, Helen loves me.
- Sure, she loves you!
1209
01:41:38,879 --> 01:41:43,385
She loves me because I'm sweet
and gentle and worried...
1210
01:41:43,635 --> 01:41:46,805
...and nervous and shy and tender!
1211
01:41:55,856 --> 01:41:57,524
Breakfast is ready.
1212
01:41:59,985 --> 01:42:03,196
- Anybody you know?
- Meet Tom MacKenzie.
1213
01:42:03,446 --> 01:42:06,783
- How do you do?
- He came for Ricky's paddle.
1214
01:42:07,033 --> 01:42:11,581
- I'm taking it to him.
- Is this a good time to pick up the...?
1215
01:42:11,873 --> 01:42:15,334
- I wish I was dead.
- Wait a minute, Kruhulik.
1216
01:42:15,543 --> 01:42:19,130
If you wanna pick up something,
pick up this.
1217
01:42:19,422 --> 01:42:22,216
What do you want me to do with him?
1218
01:42:22,466 --> 01:42:27,346
I don't care. Put him in mothballs.
Just get him out of here.
1219
01:42:27,597 --> 01:42:30,975
Boy, I'm telling you,
lug the fat poodle...
1220
01:42:31,225 --> 01:42:34,395
...lug the tomato plant, now lug this.
1221
01:42:34,645 --> 01:42:39,233
I'll be glad when the wives get home
and things settle down.
1222
01:42:40,443 --> 01:42:44,030
The 8:47, I can still make the 8:47.
1223
01:42:44,280 --> 01:42:46,741
I can't stay for breakfast, I'm sorry.
1224
01:42:46,991 --> 01:42:48,951
Don't ever be sorry.
1225
01:42:49,201 --> 01:42:51,954
Do me a favor. Call Brady & Company.
1226
01:42:52,204 --> 01:42:57,836
Tell Mr. Brady I'm taking two weeks
off, whether he likes it or not.
1227
01:42:59,254 --> 01:43:02,799
Why don't you stay here?
You've got your own duplex.
1228
01:43:03,050 --> 01:43:06,219
Big, tall martinis, air conditioning.
1229
01:43:06,470 --> 01:43:10,724
- Thank you.
- Well, I guess that's all.
1230
01:43:11,350 --> 01:43:13,393
- Just one more thing.
- What?
1231
01:43:13,602 --> 01:43:16,438
I have a message for your wife.
1232
01:43:24,801 --> 01:43:26,254
Don't wipe it off.
1233
01:43:26,657 --> 01:43:28,867
If she thinks it's cranberries...
1234
01:43:29,076 --> 01:43:32,663
...tell her she's got cherry pits
in her head.
1235
01:43:34,665 --> 01:43:35,665
Wait!
1236
01:43:42,800 --> 01:43:43,800
Hey!
96680
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