Original subtitles

Time for work!

Work! Come on!

Good morning, Ivy!

Trying to run away? Get out here!

I need to milk you!

We do it every day, come on.

Get out here!

You are so rich in milk!

I'll never starve if I have a wife like you.

Young master, fresh milk.

Change the bed sheets!

No, throw the bed away and buy a new one tomorrow.

Who is washing my legs today?

My legs only, nowhere else.

Tell me, am I handsome?

- You are so handsome! - You are so handsome!

Young master!

Old master called and said he would come to visit two days after.

- Tell him to bring me a million dollars. - Is that enough?

Tell him to bring more then.

Daddy, I am doing good, I miss you. I'm heading to school now.

Bring me two million dollars.

Sorry!

- Where's my ladder? - Right here!

Have some ice cream.

It matches your clothes.

What is this?

Chocolate.

Green should match with yellow!

- Why black? - Sorry.

See, I told you the black girl wore a striped underwear!

Right!

Wong Siu Fu?

Yes, I can tell from his ass.

Stop him.

Where are you going?

Sing, I am waiting for you here.

Sorry for burning all your hair last time,

making you tattoo your eyebrow and making you wear wigs. I regretted it.

Forget about it. My family works for your dad

and I am looking good now.

You really do look good! I really can't stand you!

Come on, have some chocolate.

Sing, I don't need it.

Haven't I had enough cathartics?

You are so smart now.

That's all I had, let's go.

Young master, you're letting him off the hook?

There's nothing I can do. He's smart now. I can't fool him anymore.

I lost two hundred dollars.

Pickpocket?

Do I need to call the police? I have the numbers here.

Smarty-pants!

Do the notes taste good?

They're made of cathartics.

Melt in your mouth and they will take effect in five seconds!

You were tricked.

Not until he is shitting.

Blow it up!

Go!

Shoot him up!

Shoot!

Didn't you know it was dangerous to do?

Who are you? Who is your boss?

My uncle is Professor Chang Sze from this college.

I am studying here.

I told them not to let ugly women study here!

That's right. We bribed them to enter this college.

You are so ugly, even bribery won't help! Leave!

- Just go! - Go!

- Go! - Bastard!

But I am handsome.

You are not handsome at all.

What?

You are not handsome at all!

What did you say? How can you tell such lies?

- Do you even have a conscience? - Let it go.

- How can you face your parents? - Stop it.

How can you face your country?

You better hold a press conference to apologize

or I will kill you!

Human bodies are the most fascinating things in the world.

In my class,

you'll be studying this subject in depth,

like the ability of human bodies to imitate and adapt.

Just like reptiles.

A chameleon protects itself by imitating the color of its surroundings.

Human bodies have the same ability.

Young master, after you.

What are you staring at? Go on.

Let me give you an example.

When a couple

stays together for a long time,

they will look alike over time.

This is what they call "The Couple Look".

In fact, this is the effect of human genes imitating each other.

Any comments on this?

I'm with women all the time. Why haven't I become one?

Human bodies are fragile.

I believe that one day,

our organs will be replaced by artificial organs.

What will be left are our brains.

Our organs will be controlled by computers.

We will have strong imitating power.

We can turn into anyone

or anything.

Can we turn into a cigar?

Theoretically, yes.

You seem to be interested in this topic.

To be honest, I am interested in you.

An ugly girl told me that you're her uncle.

So I came here to see how cocky you are!

I'm going to start the dissection.

If you can stare for more than three minutes,

we'll discuss further.

I am going to dissect the body now.

You're brave!

You are the only one who can tolerate my dissecting class.

Damn it! I don't give a damn.

If you can open your eyes and look, I would give you credit for being bold.

It's a shame to be scared like this.

I need to pee! May I be excused?

Are you scared?

If you have the guts, finish the food.

My dad is the director of this college.

I'll ask him to fire your uncle, kick you out and send you to a strip club.

Then, I'll ask the club manager to fire you again.

No one can fire me.

I am a senior scientific consultant employed by the US Government.

I am a guest professor here.

Well, since I can't fire you, I will steam and fry you!

So you're the rich guy in this college who is hated by everyone.

I finally get to meet you.

What did you say? My father is the director of this college.

If your father wasn't the director, you would have been beaten to death.

If you have guts, tell others that your father is not the director.

Let's see what will happen.

Let me tell you.

My father is not the director!

So what?

That bastard! I got beaten up because of him!

- I'll take revenge tonight. - Yes.

- Left. - Right.

No.

Be careful.

You hurt me!

Sorry. Are you alright, young master?

Should I give you a rub?

Get lost!

Go upstairs and have a look.

Young master, the laboratory shouldn't be upstairs.

It should be in the basement.

Looks like it is here.

It's really here.

What a big basement! We'll have a lot of fun here.

Place it there.

If anyone steps on this animal trap, he would either die or become handicapped.

Where are you going?

In case he misses the trap, the banana skin here will help him.

Wise guy!

Thank you.

Done!

Remove these tubes and pee in them.

Okay!

Young master! I saw a hand passing by!

Just pee!

I swear on my son that I wasn't lying!

You don't have a son. If you do, he must be a freak.

That's not for sure.

What are you staring at?

Young master!

I've just seen a pair of eyes.

Just a pair of eyes staring at me.

- Staring at you? - Yes.

What do you want me to do?

I just want to ask what to do in this situation.

If I were you, I would stab it. Do you want me to show you how?

No, thanks.

Shit!

What's that?

What's up?

What is it staring at? Is this what you've seen?

- Yes, these are the eyes. - Stab it!

How are you?

What's wrong?

I don't know! What's that?

Let me handle it.

It's not successful. Gently, please.

Stop!

Police, freeze!

Get out there!

Get out there!

What are you doing here?

Show me your ID!

I don't have it.

Help!

Wait for me!

Help!

Mr. Lee, we looked for half an hour

and we can't find the walking hand and the staring eyes.

Nothing!

It's impossible!

My assistant's ass was almost stabbed by that hand.

It did stab two inches deep into my ass!

- Four inches! - Four inches all together.

This student of mine has a great imagination.

Just let him have some fun.

Professor, I suspect that you are a crazy maniac.

I believe that you've killed many innocent people

and chopped off their limbs

for a cruel scientific experiment.

You are so sharp,

but you can't prove anything.

Unless you found the limbs.

What are you doing with your hands there?

That hand is a sex maniac, I think it must be a male.

So I pretended to be a female hand to seduce it.

Send two people to look over there. I'll join them to check it out.

- Tat, get the fingerprints. - Yes, sir.

I am the inspector, not you!

Young master!

My father is...

Young master.

If you are free, come to my class tomorrow.

Young master, why did you hit me?

- Did you forget the secret code? - There's no one outside.

That professor is a crazy killer.

I revealed his secret, he would want to kill me.

Otherwise, why would I ask you to hire them to protect me?

I asked you to hire bodyguards,

- not models! - Yes.

How are they going to protect me by posing like that?

- That's all they know. - What?

Time's up, you can leave now.

- What are they? - They are blind.

No one is willing to work for you in Hawaii,

so I have to hire a few blind models as substitutes.

When I count to three, I'll hit you if I still see you.

Three!

Why didn't you count from one?

Master.

I want to give him a big surprise.

My son!

Son!

How are you?

Are you all right?

I am fine, a master taught me great kung fu.

So when you hit me, the bat bent. But I am fine.

I don't have a sore throat and I'm not vomiting blood.

Everything is fine. It's just that I'm crazy now.

- Really? - Yes!

Should I show you?

- See, I am crazy. - What's wrong with you?

Don't touch me, Emperor Tsun is coming to attack us!

Hold on, I want to save the others!

Should we take a look?

The enemies are here, be ready!

I'll open the door and distract him.

You go around his back and hit him.

Watch out!

Miss, are you alright?

I am fine.

Who is he?

I don't know, maybe a thief.

What do you want?

My name is Bonnie. I live next door.

Well, my shower is out of order.

Really?

May I use yours?

I normally take a bath here.

Shampoo, conditioner, anything you want.

There is a cleaning brush under the water.

Not bad.

By the way, you change fast.

I can take off yours even faster.

I don't believe it.

You call this diving?

See this!

Whose is this?

That's mine.

My god! People will tease you and the dogs will bark at you.

Your dad fainted.

He will wake up if you hit him again.

Take a look at him, would you?

Let me scrub your back.

- It looks like a toilet scrub. - I am washing the toilet now.

You are so bad.

You are so heartless!

I am.

Madam, you look familiar, who are you?

I would rather give birth to a bun instead of you.

Having me was the result.

You were enjoying the process of making me.

You're right.

You're done.

Where should we go next?

I have no idea.

If someone helps me wash my toes, I might have some ideas.

What's this?

What's that?

LSD!

What are you doing?

Trying to throw up?

I want to see the brand so I can buy some for myself.

No need, I have plenty. Come on!

Tequila with Seven-Up.

Seven glasses for each.

Do you think I am stupid?

Let's go dancing.

I don't know how to dance.

If you win, I will sleep with you tonight.

Bonnie, you have mistaken me.

I am not a wolf.

Hug me.

Calm down.

My husband is here.

Really?

Turn around and have a look.

He is walking towards the bar table.

You have more than ten husbands?

No, it's my husband and his bodyguards.

Is your husband operating a security company?

No, he is from an organization.

Really?

Which one?

He is the boss of a Japanese triad gang.

I've got the traitor.

You've been bad! Why didn't you drive?

Why aren't you talking?

Are you sleeping?

What's wrong with you?

Are you okay?

Hey! Don't faint!

Hey, are you okay?

No.

Where is it?

I don't care!

Yes, he is having an overdose.

I've got everything. Come here and save him.

I beg you.

He will be dead when I arrive. Deal with it.

This is not your first time!

I don't know how to do it. I don't have experience!

You need to learn it now.

If he dies at your place, you are ruined.

Let me get the handbook and instruct you.

Hold on.

Have you marked him?

Yes.

He overdosed and his heart is shrinking.

To prevent that, you have to inject the stimulant into his heart

to save him.

No...

You have to do it. You have no choice!

You got the needle?

Yes.

Just stab it in!

Hello?

Hello.

You're awake?

Yes, I'm awake.

But the woman fainted.

Where is the needle?

It's stabbed into the left side below the belly.

Nine out of ten men placed their dick on the left.

What about you?

I am lucky, I am the tenth.

I placed it on the right.

Congratulations.

But my balls are on the left.

Okay, bye.

It's not me. Sorry!

You bastard!

I gave you so much money

just to change something in the government's computer.

And you betray me?

Boss, your Cantonese is so fluent lately.

I spoke a lot to my girl lately.

That's why I'm so good at it.

I'll handle you first.

Should I listen to you?

If I do, how can I be the boss?

Give me one more chance!

All right, I will give you another chance.

So you can die with no regrets.

When that bitch and the adulterer come home,

throw them both into the sea.

Yes.

Damn it!

What does that mean?

What are you doing?

You were saying Professor Chang had limbs that walk.

Now, you are saying someone is going to kill you.

Get out!

Mom, I'm in big trouble!

I'm in big trouble too!

- Listen to me! - Listen to me!

Someone wants to kill me!

Yours isn't a big deal. I have something to tell you!

I know! You want me to study hard.

I always study hard.

No, I have something new to tell you.

Your dad, Lee Yat Fai is not your biological father.

I know, Tat is my real dad.

How did you know?

I hit dad and he went crazy, but I didn't hit you!

Why are you acting crazy?

Crazy?

Do you think I'm really crazy?

You bitch! Revealing my secrets!

That's how I know you're not my son.

I've suspected that for ages.

My nickname is "Handsome Valentino",

but my son looks like shit!

I know nothing!

Anyway, I want two million.

Anyone who gives me two million is my dad.

I have two hundred dollars.

Two million.

Go back to washing the toilet.

One night, about 25 years ago,

I was reading sex novels in the storeroom.

Your mom rushed in, wore nothing and turned off the lights.

Mind your tongue.

I wore socks that night.

Sorry. You wore a pair of white socks.

Old master was away that night.

I couldn't control myself and we...

I regretted it so much when I turned on the lights.

Why did you read the sex novel in the first place?

Shut up! Stop saying anything!

Don't!

God will punish those who hit their parents.

Why should I believe he's my dad?

Do you have any proof?

It's shown in the movies

that the son will faint if the dad kneels before him.

Really? Kneel and find out.

Kneel down!

Feeling dizzy now?

I am fine!

Stop messing around.

I have a bright future.

Hey.

Here's a check of two million dollars.

If you take me as your dad,

I'll forget about everything and you can have more.

Otherwise...

You know how it will turn out.

No.

Don't take it.

Thank you, Dad.

You are my good son.

Wise people should know the right choice.

This is not right!

No!

I don't mind you not accepting me as your dad.

Get lost!

I spoiled you and it's harming you.

Mind your tongue or I will call the police.

To be honest, you are a disgusting person.

Stop!

I hope you would respect others from now on,

so others will respect you.

Get lost, bastard!

You are the bastard.

I am your dad, so I can scold you.

How dare you?

Hello.

Are you confessing?

Aren't you scared of me?

I don't give a damn.

I bite too.

Are you unhappy?

How can I feel happy after seeing you?

- I'll leave then. - Please, hurry up.

Hey.

Come over here.

I have a friend who ignored his dad for money.

And?

That's it.

- I am leaving. - Wait.

He threw his dad out and kicked him hard.

The rain was pouring then.

How do you feel about this guy?

He's worse than an animal.

But he is really handsome.

That's better.

Otherwise, he should be shot to death.

Do you think I am handsome?

I, Chung Chung, swear

that you are not handsome at all.

He is alone tonight.

Damn!

Are you calling 911?

May I?

Up to you.

What is the number?

Who turned off the light?

Don't go!

Why are you standing here?

I didn't know he would bump against me.

Go after him.

This house is too big.

I think I'll blow it up.

There!

There you go!

Why are you back?

I never left.

Don't move.

Give me the gun.

Don't do anything crazy.

Give it to me slowly.

Hurry up!

Don't try anything.

Don't think

I can't see you behind those glasses?

Don't do anything stupid.

Give me your gun.

You've got it.

Don't move!

Don't move, I've got your friend.

I told you not to move!

I've got your boss.

Well, let's exchange hostages.

Damn you!

Let my friend go!

Or I will shoot!

Why did you kneel down?

He is my son. He can't stand it!

He faints whenever I kneel before him.

That stupid guy used an explosive instead of his gun.

He made a big mistake this time.

Look!

He left his sword.

Do you remember the shooting toilet?

The one we used to fool Wong Siu Fu?

It's next to you.

What?

How many people can it serve at a time?

One.

Don't worry, we still have a couple of hours.

Put on your glasses.

We only have ten seconds.

This sword doesn't cut through chains.

Chop my hand off and leave!

You don't have to teach me that.

I never treated you well in my life. Let me make it up to you.

Dad.

My dear son.

Sit down!

Chung Chung, are you all right?

I am fine.

You had a nightmare?

Yes, I saw Sing blown up to pieces in my dream.

I'm so scared.

Didn't you hate him?

Why did you dream of him?

I do hate him.

I remember a psychiatrist once said,

bad guys attract women.

In fact, he isn't that bad.

He went to the church for confession.

He is just stubborn and he is afraid of me teasing him.

He is so miserable for not having any friends.

He is a smart guy.

Otherwise,

he can't think of so many tricks to fool others.

Doctor Chang please.

A patient named Lee Chak Sing has been blown up to pieces.

Come to the hospital now.

What's wrong?

What you saw wasn't a dream.

It's real.

Professor, how is my son?

Calm down.

From the medical point of view, your son is dead.

What?

But to me, he is half dead.

What do you mean?

Dad, are you here?

Only his lips are left?

Right.

Didn't the professor tell you?

My body is gone. What's left are my brain and my lips.

Rest for now.

Don't talk so much.

I have good news and bad news for you.

What?

The good news is, I've mentioned the artificial organs, right?

They have been successfully invented by the US government.

You may keep two original organs.

You can replace the rest with artificial organs.

So, we can rebuild your son's body.

Do it now.

This is Doctor Quency, Chief Doctor of this hospital.

How are you?

This is my son. Please save him.

Listen to me, I have bad news too.

He needs 60 million dollars for the operation.

Sorry, I don't have that much money.

How can you do the operation then?

I will call his wealthy father.

I understand.

You better talk to him directly.

Sing, I have a lot of money, but I don't want you to see Tat again.

Otherwise, you are no longer my son!

Let's stop all communication.

In fact, I've made up my mind these few days, Mr. Lee.

Let's forget each other from now on.

All right, since you'll never change, go to hell!

Why are you so stupid?

He is so practical! He has no mercy at all.

I can only afford 6,000 dollars.

You have 6,000 dollars?

Okay, I will do it for you.

We can still make it at a cheaper price.

Dare to try?

Wipe my sweat!

Done!

Thank you.

- Eat it while it's still hot. - Okay.

I'm sure you'll like the beef noodles I made.

He looks sad, let him eat first.

My dear son, have some noodles first.

I am not in the mood.

The operation is a success.

He is recovering. He looks almost the same as before.

But not the face.

You look good anyway.

Am I too handsome then?

It's okay.

Let me take a look first.

No need. You should have some noodles.

Be frank. How is this okay?

It's cheap. This is all we can afford.

I'll kill myself then.

Calm down!

Professor, you should take this seriously.

Help me fix him again.

Okay.

Look.

You look handsome now.

Just like before.

Thank you, Professor.

This is what I should do.

But I think my arms are different in length.

Everyone's arms are not of the same length.

But the difference is too much!

What now?

It's cheap. This is all we can afford.

I'll kill myself then.

Professor, are you fooling us?

How can you give him an arm like that?

Do you think we are fools?

Calm down.

How can I calm down?

- Trust me. - I'll trust you one last time.

You are lucky.

There are over 100 pairs of arms being dumped this month.

I've tried my best to find you the perfect pair.

Put in some strength.

- It's okay. - Really?

- Yes! - Yes!

I am sorry. I only got arms this month.

It's cheap.

It's all we can afford.

Left hand.

Right leg.

So great!

Congratulations, Professor.

It's really perfect.

I said it would be okay, right?

Congratulations!

Stop.

I can't stop!

Damn you!

When will he stop?

I think...

He will stop when the battery is used up.

He stopped.

He's out of battery.

Electronic organs can be out of control before they adapt.

He will be all right soon.

He has to eat batteries daily and not get his body wet,

or he will be paralyzed.

I want to pee.

Help yourself.

He can only eat batteries.

This is for urination. Turn it off after using.

Please find a better-looking one!

How about shitting?

Use this too.

You...

Don't faint!

I haven't planted the chip inside your brain.

Once planted,

the imitating function of your electronic organs will start.

You can be ever-changing.

According to the theory, you can turn into anything.

I just want to be myself.

Sure.

So go ahead and plant it.

I haven't invented that yet.

Pee on him.

No!

Pee on him!

No!

Sing, the Japanese triad gang is very powerful here.

And they are cruel.

If they know you are not dead, they will come again.

So I will arrange a fake funeral for you tomorrow.

You have to leave for Hong Kong as soon as possible,

and never come back again.

I can't imagine that someone would cry for me.

I will remember that.

Hey,

this building is going to be demolished, haven't you moved out?

I'm packing and I will be leaving soon.

Better leave as soon as possible.

You got wet from the rain?

I can't move whenever I get wet.

I don't want to be alive anymore.

Stop talking nonsense! Just add some oil and you'll be all right.

What have you done to me?

Show me your finger.

Like this.

Stop playing around.

I want to pee. Please help me.

Okay.

I've taken it out and you're stepping on it.

I am sorry.

Why did you change it to a shower?

The old one was stuck, so I had to change it to a new one.

It doesn't work.

It's stuck as well and it's dripping from your ears.

Please blow it dry for me.

Do it yourself later.

Hold it.

Go ahead.

Let's eat.

Your dad got fired today.

This place will be demolished a few days later.

We better find a shelter in the garden.

Recently, a rapist kept showing up in the garden.

He loves raping young men your age.

Come on, have some of this.

I want a change of appetite.

All right, I will buy you new ones tomorrow.

Why don't you get some drugs?

Let's commit suicide together.

Siu Fu! I am so glad to see you!

Sing, I've found a new job for you.

Really?

A biology teacher.

This is the address of the college.

Eight in the morning, I've arranged everything for you.

The salary is over ten thousand dollars.

Siu Fu, I treated you badly yet you're so nice to me!

I...

Don't be silly. Let's forget about the past.

We're grown-ups now.

Siu Fu!

Work hard.

Your change.

It's 50 cents.

What?

It's 50 cents more.

Are you a teacher here?

Yes.

I'll give you a dollar, so you can call the police.

Good morning, I am the new biology teacher.

I don't feel good.

It's too quiet.

Yes, the environment is nice.

You are too absent-minded.

This is the grave of all teachers in Hong Kong.

About 57 percent of the teachers here are either hurt or handicapped.

You should pay full attention in class.

I was a nasty student in school.

My nickname is "Despicable Man".

"Shameless Guy" is my real name.

I have experienced everything!

Stupid, my nickname was "Evil King from Hell".

But now, I'm just miserable.

Good morning, sir.

Good morning.

Good morning, sir.

Good girl.

- Are you a newcomer? - Yes.

Let me show you to the administration office.

Great.

Here you are.

Are you kidding?

Bye.

Be careful.

You are really something.

It's safer here.

The most secure place is the most dangerous place.

If 57 percent of the teachers are seriously hurt,

what about the remaining 43 percent?

The 23 percent are dead.

The 11 percent went crazy.

Only 9 percent can stand the great insult and pressure here.

What's wrong with you?

- Sir. - Don't panic.

He is Long Hair, our informer.

He came to pass some messages.

Oh, an informer who doesn't wear pants.

My identity is exposed, so they took off my pants.

They said a new teacher was coming today and they want him dead.

Aren't you the new teacher?

I need to take a look then.

Let me tell you,

I was a heartless animal...

Sir.

What's the matter?

What is your blood type?

Mr. Tang, the net profit of our international school

has doubled compared to last year.

I'm so glad to present

such a satisfactory figure to the board of directors.

Add two more classes in each grade next semester.

We'll increase the school fee by 50 percent too.

We'll be charging 17,000 dollars per month.

These students aren't here for studies anyway.

Their fathers are rich.

They will go to any school that accept them,

so they can study abroad.

- They are willing to pay. - That's right.

If our revenue is higher next year, I'll consider allocating shares.

It's a great idea.

Dad, a teacher was beaten seriously by a student.

Really?

This is how university students are.

Right, students are our clients.

Even club girls have to face their clients every night.

But they don't get beaten up.

They are being screwed. It's the same thing.

Well, just take yourself as a club girl.

I don't want to.

I am the pimp.

Pimp!

Can't you read?

Dogs and teachers are not allowed!

Beat him up!

HANDSOME GUY IS NOT ALLOWED TO ENTER

I can't enter?

It's the principal.

Principal, help me!

Be patient, you will get used to it soon.

Help!

I am still alive.

My uncle told me that.

You are the new teacher?

Yes.

Do you need my help?

No, I am fine.

How did your teaching go?

Are you teaching gardening?

What?

There's a shower...

Don't touch, be careful.

It's dirty.

Chung Chung.

My friend is here to pick me up. See you.

Really?

What's wrong with you?

Not bad! Keep up.

If I were you, I would have committed suicide.

I'll do as per your suggestion.

Are you kidding me?

I am more awake instead. Shit!

If you are so great, let me live after I jump.

I made it.

You know,

I have successfully invented the super chip.

After that critical moment, I've placed it in your mouth.

You are now an ever-changing superman!

You can save the world now.

What did you say?

You can restore world peace.

What?

You can restore world peace!

Where are you going?

To destroy the invaders of the five planets.

Where are you going?

I am not that great, I'll go back to committing suicide.

Let me finish.

Although you are made of cheap organs,

with this chip,

the imitating function will start automatically.

Your power is unlimited.

You can turn into anything.

Can I turn into a cooking pot?

Sure, as long as you want to.

Stop fooling around, professor. You are not a kid.

Look at the mirror.

What is happening?

Do you believe me now?

Think about yourself if you want to become a human.

Professor, isn't he my son?

Change back to your original form.

How is it possible?

Don't waste it.

Professor, it's only rice, can he turn into dishes?

He is transforming.

Bastard, do you want to scare me to death?

I just wanted to brush my teeth, but I became this.

Cut the crap. Turn into a piece of gold.

Sorry, he can only turn into toothpaste for now.

You are not used to it yet, so limited changes can be made.

No worries. Rest and you can go back to your old self.

I've used all my time

to input Mrs. Wong's household goods encyclopedia into your computer.

So,

you may turn into many interesting things.

What's interesting in Mrs. Wong's book?

Anything interesting?

So many wonderful inventions.

There's a modern-looking toilet...

Enough, you can stop there.

This is a western brand.

- You should use another brand. - I'm a Westerner.

You are black.

Sit down!

This is Mr. Black Stone, an FBI agent from the US.

He wants to fly you to the US

as a witness against Fumito of the Japanese triad.

I don't think so. It was bad last time. I would be dead if I offended him again.

You are not a human being anymore.

Why do you worry?

This is your fault! You never give me an advantage.

You input household goods and made me look like this.

It's so embarrassing if Chung Chung sees me like this.

Don't worry.

The director's son is dating her.

What?

Dad, squeeze all the toothpaste out of me, so I can die.

Die?

Do you have my permission?

Do you know how important you are now?

Only you can turn into toothpaste in this world.

If Chung Chung knew that,

she would get free toothpaste for life, she would want you immediately.

You have to restore world peace, but you want to die.

What should I do now?

What do you think?

Where are you? I am waiting for you.

- I am up in the hills, honey. - Why are you not back yet?

I will be back soon.

I saw a toothpaste!

What?

A big toothpaste!

Hello?

Cheers.

John always said you were pretty and cultured.

He is just teasing me.

A few years ago, he used to tease me.

You really changed a lot.

When you get married, your clothing should be proper and decent.

We have strict family rules.

You are scaring her.

I am sorry.

May I be excused?

Sure.

Thank you.

See, she is scared.

Enter from the back.

What?

- Not here! Go through the backstage. - Why?

Aren't you the magician?

I am looking for someone.

Sorry, please help yourself.

Not here!

Hey, look where you're going!

Sorry.

Are you trying to peep? Damn you, bastard!

It's me.

Why did you enter the ladies' room?

I want to tell you something.

Go ahead.

I am different now.

I noticed that.

Zebra?

In fact, from now on, I want to be a decent man.

If so, you shouldn't be in the ladies' room.

I don't have a seat.

My friend is waiting for me.

You are here on a date?

It's none of your business.

Not really.

If you are a little fond of me.

What made you say so?

Two years ago,

you shed a tear of love at my funeral.

Sorry, I think you misunderstood.

I will cry even if I stepped on a cockroach and killed it, okay?

Chung Chung, I guarantee that I'm much better than a cockroach now.

- Go in. - I need to pee. Luckily it's not full.

See, I am really different.

Uncle's research in artificial organs is a success.

A real success!

Damn! It's full.

Auntie, are you all right?

I am on a diet, so I need to shit all the time.

What an interesting toilet.

Yes.

Leave me alone. It's going to stink.

Go out and talk to them.

Good girl.

Chung Chung, let's go for a dance.

Okay.

Oh, no.

Do you want to piss or shit?

Shit, of course.

Can you do it in the basin?

What's wrong?

Auntie.

I was kicked out by a toilet.

Are you crazy from playing too much mahjong?

It's true.

Go back to your seat first, go!

- What's the matter? - I left my underwear in there.

Let's go. No one will notice.

Yes, go back to your seat.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we would like to invite the famous Mr. R. Billion

to perform magic for us.

Let the show begin.

What magic do you know?

I know everything.

Can you make toothpaste?

Toothpaste?

What a fresh request!

Give one more for my son, come on.

Can you turn into a big toothpaste?

Well...

You can't, right? You are fired.

It's amazing.

Thank you.

This is not some supernatural power.

It's just magic.

I would like an assistant from the audience.

How about this lady?

No, thank you.

- How about this young man? - I...

Forget it, coward.

I'm not a coward.

Bravo!

You will be a superstar!

For real this time.

Damn you!

Bravo!

Honey!

Hold me tight if you're scared. Don't tell me you're scared.

It's really fun!

I wanted to go parachuting a long time ago!

I am so happy!

Chung Chung, please don't! I'm so scared.

You know, it's not good to fool others like that.

I did that for you.

I've decided to change my ways.

Accept me, Chung Chung.

How do you want me to accept you?

Go on dates, get married, have babies,

what do you want to do first?

Crazy!

I'll consider going on a date with you.

Starting today, no one can yell at me.

Damn you! You haven't paid!

Sorry, keep the change.

Hey! Let me down!

Run for your life!

Call the police!

Those students refuse to take an exam and started a riot.

Let me down! Hey!

Run for your life!

Stop playing with water!

He's coming!

Help!

Why don't you kids just study? Stop fooling around!

Go back and take your exams!

Close your eyes and turn back.

The examination will start now.

Bald guy, you first.

No! I don't want to!

No!

Chinese History, question number one. Who is the first emperor of Ming Dynasty?

A, Chun Yuen Chang.

B, Chu Yau Ko.

C, Chu Yan.

Chu Yan.

Wrong! The answer is Chun Yuen Chang.

Second question, who are the Five Barbarians?

Choose the wrong answer among the following.

Hun Sin Bei.

Chi Chiang.

Di and Hong Kong.

Chiang!

Wrong! Beat him up!

Next question, who is Chien Lung to Yung Chang?

A, father.

B, son.

C, aunt.

I do remember. Wait.

I attended that class.

Think it over carefully, and gain some pride for yourself.

B, Chien Lung is the son of Yung Chang.

Yes!

Bravo! Cheers! Bald guy, you are a nice boy. You are great.

Let uncle hug you! I love you.

I will study hard!

- Me too. - Me too.

This month, thank you

for turning the naughtiest students into good students.

They have incredible improvement!

It's all because of your great leadership.

Mr. Lee, you are the superstar of the education field.

Principal, you are great!

Because of this, we can't have you teach in our college anymore.

Please find another job.

You are so funny, Principal!

I am not kidding. You stole the girlfriend of the director's son.

I can't help you.

I see, it's piece of cake.

Let's talk.

Good morning.

Cut the crap. If you want this job, leave Chung Chung at once.

Wait, I have important news.

Go ahead.

In fact, I am...

Terminator III.

What?

That film hasn't been made yet.

It's filming now.

Terminator III.

Jurassic Park IV.

Jaws V.

I got bitten!

I love it.

Why did they go crazy?

They watched too many Western films.

We can't help it, Hong Kong films are too poor.

Before the principal went crazy, he told me to take over.

I hope you study hard.

Money is not important.

At least be a person respected by others.

- Yes. - Yes.

- Now, you are being respected. - I prefer being rich!

Good ball!

Give them a hard one!

Come on!

Be careful!

What are you looking at?

Watch out!

Oh, my heart!

You want to play games here?

This court is mine. Have you paid?

It's you!

My boss knew that you were still alive and he wanted

to fly you to the US to be the witness.

I was terribly scolded.

I have to kill you this time.

Don't kill me, Superman.

I became Superman because of you.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

What are you doing?

Playing basketball.

Playing...

Is he dead?

Almost dead!

What happened? I am scared.

Don't panic, I am here with you.

What if you are not around?

Let's stay together forever.

Great!

- Great! - Great!

No!

- No! - No!

Forget it, I don't mean it.

What did you say? You broke your promise.

Follow me!

It's you?

Did you pay the bail?

Can you imagine it?

Honey, thank God!

I heard that you sent Mark to Hong Kong.

- How is he doing? - He died.

What?

His backbones are broken into seven pieces.

He can't even move.

But I have 60 million dollars.

You have 60 million dollars?

I made Mark into the most powerful robot in the world.

And I input murder methods and war games into his brain.

I want the bastard dead!

Why are you crying?

My son is now yours, that's why I'm crying!

Except for his lips, everything else is from me.

But he courted your niece with his lips, so what?

Dad.

My son.

Professor. Thank you!

Congratulations!

Thank you.

By the way, does your shower work?

It's off.

I have an octopus down there.

Octopus?

Help yourself.

Sing.

Siu Fu?

Congratulations!

Today is Sing's big day, I am so happy.

I've fooled you for decades and you are still alive.

I am happier!

Thank you.

If not for you, I wouldn't be this good-looking.

All of you stay back.

Let's take a picture.

Siu Fu hasn't tattooed his eyebrows for ages.

- Really? - Yes.

Run!

I want everyone dead!

Chung Chung.

I'm scared.

Don't panic. Calm down.

Fire.

Great!

Don't come over!

You got shot?

Luckily, you're a robot! As long as your head is not shot, you are fine.

Stop pretending!

Don't you know me?

Answer my question.

When I took your class for the first time,

who was sitting at the eighth seat in the first row?

How can I remember that?

I'll kill you if you can't answer when I count to three.

One.

Two.

Three!

It's you!

Right!

Sing, are you alright?

Stop pretending!

Answer my question.

Who was sitting at the eighth seat in the first row?

That's you.

You heard my question.

No, I didn't!

I will kill you!

I am real. Go ahead and ask me.

Damn you!

Wait!

Let's make it clear.

Have you seen my wife?

You always bother me when I am having fun!

Go! Hurry up!

I'm warning you. I hate it when others disguise as me!

Sing!

Sing!

Sing!

- Don't go over there! - Sing!

You are just a cheap robot!

No match for me.

What's that?

What's that?

I knew it, he has become more powerful.

He is now

the deadliest weapon you can find in the supermarket.

A condom?

I'm not afraid even if he turns into a sanitary pad.

Are you kidding me?

- Mrs. Wong? - Mrs. Wong?

Beat him up.

Mrs. Wong's Invincible robe.

You failed!

I see nothing.

You are inside my stomach. You stupid fool!

You became a microwave oven?

Can't shoot? This microwave oven can melt diamonds.

Who said household appliances were useless?

It's all right.

He's not a steak but a robot. Roast him longer.

It's done!

Bravo!

Damn you!

Where is he?

Beat him up!

No!

How are you? Are you all right?

The robot melted in my stomach, I'm too full.

Are you a man or a woman?

Should I marry you?

Octopus!

It's still here.

I just need a haircut and we can get married.

Chung Chung.

Are you Mrs. Wong?

What's the matter?

I want to take you out for a movie, dinner, and a walk under the moonlight.

What do you think?

Are you crazy?

I'm considering having a date with you.