All language subtitles for Hacks.(2021).S01E02.Primm.1080p.10bit.BluRay.AAC5.1.HEVC-Vyndros

All right, out.

- (EXHALING SHARPLY)
- Up.

Squeeze
the pelvic floor.

Jesus Christ, Marty.

You're putting an awful lot
of effort into this one.

- Ma'am, you can't-
- Help.

I'll just be a second.

(GROANS)

- What?
- I'm not doing fewer dates.

Well, it really
wasn't a request.

Well, I don't know
who you're gonna get.

Did you hear
about Pentatonix?

- What?
- Well, Steve Wynn

found out
about your offer somehow

and gave them dates
at the Encore.

Huge up-front guarantee
they didn't even counter.

Fuck.

Oh, take it easy
on his pelvic floor.

You really want
to do this, Deb?

You really want
to try to fuck me here?

Oh, Marty.
I'll never be doing that again.

He leaves his t-shirt
on, you know?

Oh-
(SCOFFS)

That's not true.
(SCOFFS)

Okay.

I'm gonna eat that apple

(ALARM BEEPING)

MAN: And now for
the KTVZ weather report.

Expect highs of 111 degrees
in Clark County today,

so make sure
to stay out of the sun.

Common savers can now
take advantage

of relaxed withdrawal rules
around 401Ks.

WOMAN: That's
exactly right, Joe.

You know, a lot of people
are taking losses

and do need extra help,
but actually...

Sometimes it might seem

That I'm neglecting you

But I'd love
to spend more time

I got so many things to do
Oh

I

I got work to do

Morning.

I got work, baby

I got work to do
I gotta get

Got work to do

Hey, baby

I gotta get, yeah...

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

He's a miracle worker.
There's nothing you can't do.

WOMAN: So we're thinking
of doing the fuzzy slippers

instead of the glitter
wrapping paper.

DEBORAH: Good, the fuzzy slippers
always sell really well.

And can we get color options
on that too?

- (MICROWAVE BEEPING)
- Of course.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

(ALARM BEEPING)

(GRUNTS)

(HORNS HONKING DISTANTLY)

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- Excuse me.

- (BABY CRYING)
- Sorry.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(FAINT COUGHING)

The non-smoking section's
over there.

Thanks.

(OVER PA SYSTEM) Can I get
your attention please?

All casino employees
are reminded

to submit timecards
by 5:00 p.m.

- All timecards must be turned in by 5:00 p.m.
- (CELL PHONE BUZZING)

to be paid in a timely...

- Hey.
- JIMMY: Hey, beautiful.

I keep thinking
about last night. I-

I didn't think it was
gonna be so ticklish but-

- What the fuck?
- Wait, who is this?

Ava, your client.
You called me.

Kayla!

Oh. Yes.

You are next on my call sheet.
I was about to call you.

But, um, how're you doing?
How's Vegas?

Are you and Deborah Vance
Thelma and Louise yet or what?

No, but, uh, but I do want
to drive off a cliff.

How long do I have to do this?

- Well, it's been three days, so longer than that.
- (SIGHS)

I... I don't even know
what I'm doing here.

You're there to write material
for Deborah's show, you know,

punch ups for appearances
and things like QVC, and, you know,

- any personal joke writing-
- Yeah.

I know the literal
job description.

I signed a 470-page NDA.

- Seems right.
- (LAUGHS) God!

(LAUGHING CONTINUES)

Too much.

- Okay, Kayla. You're supposed to be on mute.
- Yeah?

Oh, I am. I just
pushed the thing, bud.

Okay, bud. We can hear you.
So you're definitely not.

Oh, don't worry. I'm not listening.
I'm laughing at a meme.

- It's like a- there's a Minion with a big eyeball.
- Okay.

You're supposed to be listening.
We talked about this.

You listen
and you take notes, right?

Yeah. So- okay.
Where's my notebook?

Hey, I need to leave early.

I have an adult
ballet recital.

Like, just, I can't miss this one
because I missed last week.

It just wouldn't make sense.

The whole thing will be off.

Should I leave you two alone?

Kayla, can you jump off,
please?

- No problemo.
- Thank you.

Testing, Kayla,
testing, testing.

- Okay.
- You need to fire her.

I would if I could but
her father owns half the company

so she's essentially
my assistant and my boss.

How does everyone have
rich parents except for me?

Look.
Just hang in there, okay?

Every job has
a learning curve, right?

- When I was 15, I took a summerjob-
- Jimmy, I gotta go.

If I don't keep moving,
I remember that I'm here.

Are you there? You don't say goodbye.
She doesn't say goodbye.

All right, Kayla,
you want to come in here?

Let's talk about this dance.

DEBORAH: I really like
the jade.

I do too. But normals like
subway tile.

(LAUGHS)
Oh, God, they do.

I don't know, Marcus.
It's your flip.

- What's going on here?
- Marcus flips properties on the side,

like they do on HGTV.

- I'm torn.
- Let's ask her. Jade or white?

Uh, I...

think the white.

- Let's go with the jade.
- Yeah, absolutely.

Let me know how it goes.

So, do you think today

you'll have time to look over
what I've been working on?

- Sure, just give me a minute.
- All right.

I noticed you weren't
at my show last night.

Oh, sorry.
I came the night before.

I figured it was
probably the same.

- Should I be coming-
- (MACHINE HISSING)

- Oh, crap!
- WOMAN: I'll get it.

No, no, no, you're busy.
I'll get it.

(GRUNTS)

(SIGHS)
Excuse me.

(TANK CLATTERS)

There we go.
(GRUNTS)

(SIGHS)

Okay, let's go.

Hmm.

Is that a good "hmm"?

No.

Most of these
are unusable but, um,

this part works.

Oh, cool.

The set up.

You a lesbian?

Um...

Not sure you can ask me that.

Oh, what?
Someone's gonna show up and arrest me?

Since you're my employer,
it is illegal.

But...

If you're genuinely curious,

I used to only
hook up with men,

but when I masturbated,
I thought about women.

So, then in college, I finally hooked up
with this amazing TA, Phoebe.

And I realized that I could connect
more emotionally with women,

which led to deeper
sexual experiences.

But sometimes I do still need
penetrative sex with a dick to come.

But, I don't know, maybe I was just
conditioned by the porn

that was fed to me
by the algorithm, you know?

So anyway, I'm bi.

Jesus Christ!

I was just wondering why you were
dressed like Rachel Maddow's mechanic.

Great.
So, the jokes?

- You didn't like any?
- They're not jokes.

I mean,

they're, like, thought poems?

"I had a horrible nightmare
that I got a voicemail."

- What?
- It's funny because voicemails are annoying.

It's, like, just text.

First of all,
if you start a sentence

with "it's funny because,"
then it's probably not.

And second,
jokes need a punchline.

Well, in my opinion,

traditional joke structure
is very male.

It's so focused on the ending.
It's all about the climax.

Oh, look who's talking.
I just got a TED Talk about yours.

- Deborah, Kiki's here.
- Oh, great. Thanks, Josefina.

Sorry, are we done?
What's happening?

I'm playing blackjack.
I don't know what you're doing.

Why don't you just play
at the casino?

Oh, casinos are disgusting.
People smoke indoors.

- Yeah, I know. You make me live in one.
- Ha!

Hi, Deborah.

Hello.
Oh, cute hairdo.

- Oh, thank you.
- How's our little Luna?

She's amazing!

We just had her
three-year check-up.

- The doctor said her arms and legs are super long.
- Oh!

I think she's going to be
a hip-hop dancer.

(LAUGHS)
Oh, good for her.

Kiki, Ava.
Deal her in.

Oh. Oh, no. I-I don't really
know how to play.

Then why'd you
follow me in here?

Your call.

Uh, hit me?

You just moved here, huh?

Well, Vegas fucking slaps!
You're gonna love it.

Not if she keeps
playing like that.

Okay. Any, um-
Any guidance for me?

Always hit on 16
and double down on 11.

Hilarious.
I mean about the jokes.

Anything in particular
you want?

Yes, there should be more of them,
and they should be funny.

Blackjack!
Deborah!

Yeah! Got a Blackjack!

- Got a Blackjack!
- Oh, my God.

- Thanks for the ride.
- Yeah, no problem.

It's on the way
to my next gig.

(CAR CHIRPS, ENGINE STARTS)

Uh, nice car.

So sick, right?

Whenever Deborah gets a new
Rolls, I get the old one.

This is my third.

AVA: I cannot believe
she gave you this car. (CHUCKLES)

So far all I've gotten
is emotional abuse.

- Today she asked me-
- (GASPS) Okay, that sounds like a bummer,

but I've got to stop you.

I've got to sing the chorus
whenever this song comes on.

I needed to lose you
to find me

God.

(SINGING ALONG)
This dancing was

Killing me softly

I needed to hate you
to love me, yeah

To love, love, yeah

To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah

I needed to lose you
to love me, yeah

Oh, okay.

You were complaining?

Sorry. I-I know I'm lucky
to have a job, genuinely, I do.

I just, I don't understand
why she's making it so hard.

Listen, Deborah's
a hustler like me.

This dope shirt? This was hers.
She gave it to me.

Deborah had
a glitter crop top?

Uh-uh, no. I had to cut off
the sleeves and trim it.

Point is, her shit is ugly,
but the quality is there.

So if you can't make it good,
that is on you.

Oh, and don't kill me, but I'm gonna
play that song two more times. Eeh.

- Oh, this is a playlist?
- Uh-huh.

Then why did I have
to stop talking?

Honey, when you're on shuffle,
any song can play at any moment

and it is through
that randomness

that we can
totally receive meaning.

I needed to lose you
to find me

I can see it in your eyes,
you wanna.

BOTH: Killing me softly

I needed to hate you
to love me, yeah

Oh, my God.

BOTH: To love, love, yeah

To love, love, yeah,
to love, yeah

Yeah!

BOTH: I needed to lose you
to love me

Uh, I'm sorry.

I'm gonna-

- Really?
- Yeah.

Oh, watch the drink.

Sorry.

Jesus.

(SLOT MACHINES CHIMING)

I'm sorry.
I-I can't write in my room.

My neighbors are having, like,
performatively loud sex

and the business center
is essentially like a fucking coke den.

Okay.

WOMAN: Hey, can I get you
a drink?

Oh, yes.
Um, can I get a vodka soda?

- Sure.
- Yeah.

Oh, drinks are on the house.

Oh, can I get two?
(LAUGHS)

Oh, I'll get you
three, sweetie.

(SLOT MACHINE CHIMES)

Yes!

Do you want me to show you
how to play?

- Sure, yeah.
- Well, you have to match up

the hamsters
with the tabby cats.

The tabby cats.

- There you go.
- Thank you.

- Oh, enjoy.
- You too.

- Thanks.
- Enjoy? You too?

Nothing from nothing
leaves nothing

- Oh, my God, yes!
- Yes!

If you wanna be with me

Chill, chill.

- Christina.
- Whoo!

Have fun at Disney World.

(LAUGHING)

This game is such fucking
capitalist bullshit.

I won! Ah!

(LAUGHS)

'Cause that minus
is too low to see

(RHYTHMIC THUMPING)

(MOANING)

Things are changing

Things are changing

It's looking good

It's looking good

Things are changing, baby

Yes?

Oh, um, I was just wondering
if you got a chance

to read any of the new stuff
I sent for tonight?

I did.

And?

Better.

Oh.
Great.

Um, it'll be great
to hear them with a crowd.

- Fifteen, Ms. Vance.
- Thank you.

(LAUGHTER)

Oh, but I do love
my wine, though.

Now, I wouldn't say
I'm an alcoholic.

I'd slur it.

(LAUGHTER)

But my idea
of a perfect evening

is a glass of wine,

and if I'm feeling
a little frisky,

I'll pop in an adult film.

(LAUGHTER)

But here's the trick.

I watch it in reverse.

(LAUGHTER)

Because then it's about
being rewarded for sex.

- With a pizza!
- (LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

Have a good night.

You said my jokes
were better.

- They were.
- Well, you didn't use any.

They were better because
you stole them from yourself.

Half were
from your film script.

The others were clearly
dated rehashes you threw in.

- You read my script?
- Yes.

I had Jimmy send me
everything you've ever written.

I do my research.

So the next time you try
to half-ass something, I...

Son of a...

There she is.

How dare you!

Well, if I don't
have Pentatonix,

I've got
to promote you, right?

And the truth is,

is you don't make me nearly
as much money as lobster tail.

But if it's any consolation,

I bet you taste
just as good dipped in butter.

Um, I just-

I wanted to say
I'm sorry that I gave you...

up-cycled material
yesterday.

The crowd loved the show
last night.

You might wanna lose that joke
about Anna Nicole Smith though,

as she is...

long dead.

Let me get this straight.

You not only don't write me
anything funny

or even original,

and now you're telling me
what jokes not to do?

I'm sorry.
(SIGHS)

I think it's just been hard to write
in your voice when I don't know you.

You know what?

You make
a good point.

Why don't we...

take a little drive?

You can get to know me better
on a little road trip.

Okay, cool.

Wait. What about-
what about the show tonight?

Ah! We'll be back in time.
I'll speed.

AVA: Um, what do you think
about the climate crisis?

In theory,
I'm an environmentalist

but in practice, paper straws
taste like a cardboard worm.

Uh-huh. Hey, why don't you
turn on the radio?

All right.

Whoa, do you have,
like, huge hands?

Um, I think they're
normal size.

No, no. They look like
catcher's mitts.

Your manicurist must use
a paint roller.

Okay. You know,
some people think

it's pretty cheap to make fun
of other people's appearances.

Yeah.

Ugly people.

AVA: Sorry.

Had I known the drive
was this long,

I would have peed
before we left.

All right,
well, just hurry.

Oh, wait, while you're in there,
you might as well get me a Diet Coke

from the fountain.

Okay!

Jesus. (GRUNTS)

Oh.

Hey. Do you have
a reusable cup?

(GRUNTS)
Here you go.

Where's the change?

Oh, it was only, like,
27 cents or something.

Go back
and get it.

(LAUGHS)

Okay.

(SIGHS) I should've
finished college.

Get up, get on the floor

Put your hands up

It's a love shakedown

Okay. You see
that antique shop there?

Uh, yeah.

Okay. I want you
to go in there,

and I want you to buy

this for me.

I'm sor-
I'm sorry, what?

What is-
what is that?

That is a Jean Royère
pepper shaker.

And I want it.

But I can't go in. He'll gouge me.
You'll get a much better deal.

Oh, my God.

That's why we drove
all the way out here.

You-you didn't want to spend time
getting to know each other.

You just wanted
a pepper shaker mule.

Okay, when you go in there, don't make
a beeline for the pepper shaker

because he's gonna know
you want it,

so, you know, kind of
casually browse,

you know, look at a couple
of other things

but then, when you do,

offer him five,
but go up to ten if you have to.

I'm sorry.
Is this $10,000?

For... for a pepper shaker?
(SCOFFS)

Royère never made tableware.

It's very rare.

- (SIGHS)
- Okay, now don't mention my name.

Oh, and tell him it's personal to you.
He loves a story.

Hurry up!

I hope you're donating regularly
to Planned Parenthood.

- Go!
- (CAR HORN BLARES)

- (BELL JINGLES)
- Well, hi there.

Hi, how's it goin'?

Can I help you
find something special?

Um, no, I'm just browsing.

(WHISTLES)

Um, how much is this?

Well, look at you.

- You have great taste.
- (LAUGHS)

That's one of the most
valuable pieces in the store.

Oh, mmm, yeah.
That's...

It's French,

Sevres porcelain, signed,

early 19th century,
with exceptional provenance.

It was purchased by a member of
the Obenchain-McMillan family,

at auction in 1930.

Cute.

It's listed for $32,000,
but I could do...

Twenty-eight today.

Oh, mmm, okay.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Oh, um, you know,
this just occurred to me.

Do you have a pepper shaker?

A single pepper shaker?

Yeah.
I love... them.

I did list one...

just today.

AVA: Yep, yeah, wow.
That's so nice.

Uh, would you do 5,000?

- Are you here for Deborah Vance?
- Yes.

- I explicitly told you not to say my name.
- He asked!

Unbelievable!

Well, well, well.

She shows her face.

I can't believe
you would stoop so low

as to hire some niche escort off
Craigslist to do your dirty work.

I wouldn't have to send anyone
if you'd just sell it to me!

I wasn't joking, Deborah.
I will never sell to you.

Oh, get over it!

Do you know how many years I put in
with that rancid gorgon

before she croaked?
I played Parcheesi with her!

And then you sweep in and buy the entire
estate sale sight unseen.

It's a free market! Come on!
I'll give you 15.

- No.
- Oh, you stubborn ass!

- Twenty?
- Mmm-mmm, no.

Okay, name your price.

An apology.

No eating in the car.

- (TIRE BLOWS)
- Oh!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

AVA: Shit.

All right.
Should we get the spare?

It's a Rolls Royce,
not a Suzuki Samurai.

- There is no spare.
- (SCOFFS)

Thing's got heated cup holders.
There's no fucking spare tire.

Okay, um,
so we'll call Triple A.

(STUTTERING) My show's in 90 minutes.
I can't wait.

Danny.
Danny, hi.

It's Deborah Vance.
Hi, baby.

I've got a flat,
and I need to get to my show.

Yeah, I need a ride.

Can you pick me up?

Oh! You're a sweetheart.

Okay, I'm on
Los Vegas Boulevard

about um, 15 minutes
north of Primm.

You'll see me!
Okay.

(SIGHS) Yeah, that is shredded,

shredded to the bone.

(BIRD CAWS IN DISTANCE)

So how long you gonna give me
the silent treatment?

It's not silent.
You're breathing very loudly.

You know, it's gonna be hard to work
together if we can't communicate.

We don't work together.

You work for me.

And not very well.

You couldn't even do
the one thing I asked.

Well, I'm sorry
I couldn't haggle

for your Jean Valjean tchotchke
or whatever but I-I'm a comedy writer.

Oh, my God.

AVA: You know, this isn't even
about the pepper shaker.

DEBORAH: It is most certainly
about the pepper shaker.

- No, I think you're just butthurt about that billboard,
- (SIGHS IN EXASPERATION)

and you're taking it
out on me.

Ooh! Great psychoanalysis.

Oh, I get it.
You're a therapist.

That explains it.
You're certainly not a writer.

Yeah, how would you know?

You barely give me the time of day!
You skim my work.

I never know where
you want me to be or when.

You don't give me
any feedback.

You're making it
really hard!

Hard?

You think this-
this is hard?

You don't know
what hard is.

You got plucked off
the internet at what, 20?

- You just got lucky!
- (SCOFFS)

I may have been lucky,
but I'm also good.

Well, I should hope so.

Good is the minimum.

It's the baseline.

You have to be
so much more than good.

And even if you're great
and lucky,

you still have to work
really fucking hard!

And even that is not enough.

You have to scratch and claw,
and it never fucking ends.

And it doesn't get better.

It just gets harder.

So don't complain to me

that I'm making
your life hard.

You don't even know
what that means.

(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING)

Oh, good.
My ride's here.

Uh, I- I don't think I'm comfortable
riding in a local news chopper.

Well, good,
because you're not.

You've got to get
the car back.

What, you're leaving me here?

Yep!

And don't run the AC.
It's low on gas.

Hey!

Lucky for you,
you don't have to suffer

through another one
of my shows!

Nice catch!

Not surprised.

Oh.

Fuck.

(HUFFS)

(WHISPERS)
Fuck it.

KAYLA: Jimmy Lusaque Jr.'s
office.

Hi, Kayla.
Can I talk to Jimmy?

- It's... who is it?
- Ava.

Oh, my goodness!

We've gotta go
to the club, girl.

(LAUGHS) Jimmy?

You got a call. Ava.

Jump on, babe.

Hey, hey.
How's it going?

AVA: This woman left me
in the middle of the desert.

I-I'm so sorry, like,
I will do any other job.

What about Camilla?
Her room?

Uh, the job you quit after 11 days
because you said it was basic?

I don't think so.

I can't do it, Jimmy.

Uh, Ava,
they want me to drop you.

- Wait. What? Who?
- The partners.

I used this job with Deborah
to convince them to let me keep you on.

I-I don't wanna drop you.

You're the first person
I signed for a reason.

Didn't you sign Lil Miquela
before me though?

Yes, but she's a CGI Instagram
thirst trap bot, so it's different.

Look, you can do this, okay?

You just have to find a way
to prove it to her.

(SIGHS)
Okay, okay.

Hey, Jimmy.

Do I have big hands?

- I don't think so.
- Yes, you do, girl.

- Kayla!
- What?

They're not big. I wouldn't call them small,
but I wouldn't call them big.

Don't worry about it.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Where's the girl?
Did you bury her in the desert?

(LAUGHS)
Not yet.

Cue intro.

MAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
Deborah Vance!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

This donut,
it's too small for this car.

You can't drive faster
than 50 miles per hour.

- Great, thank you.
- Yeah.

(ENGINE REVS)

I don't doubt

Somebody's working
harder now

(DOOR OPENS)

I'm closing!

(DOOR CLOSES, BELL JINGLES)

Jesus.

What happened to you?

It's, um-
it's a long story.

AVA: So, then
I had to leave LA.

It's pretty much the worst thing
that's ever happened to me,

and that's saying a lot,

because my dad had a stroke
the same day I chipped a veneer.

And now, for your punishment,
you've got to work for that woman?

Poor girl.

Life is random,
but I-

I think from that randomness

we can totally
receive meaning.

And right now, for me,

there's meaning
in that pepper shaker.

(CHUCKLES)

Because of
that one stupid tweet,

I'm stranded
in the Nevada desert,

asking you to sell me
an antique pepper shaker,

because otherwise,

I'll lose this job
that I hate but...

that I need.

So, it's not
for Deborah.

It's for me.

So, please.

Will-will you just
sell me the pepper shaker?

No.

Okay.

I have
to respect that.

Good luck.

- What are you doing?
- Sell it to me.

Are you out of your mind?
That's one of a kind!

Sell me it! I have nothing
left to lose! I'll do it!

- Just stop! Put it down!
- Sell me it!

You think you have nothing
in common with Deborah Vance?

No, you're the same!

You're both
psychotic bitches!

You have three seconds
to take the money or I'm gonna do it!

Please! Think of
the Obenchain-McMillan family!

I don't give a fuck about
the Obenchain-McMillans!

- They probably owned slaves!
- (SOBBING)

Fuck you, Lemony Snicket!

One! Two! Three!

(DOORBELL CHIMES)

AVA: Here.

And no.

There was no change.

You look like hell.

Yeah, I had
a pretty hard day.

Oh, we can start
early tomorrow.

I can be ready
for you at 10:00.

Okay.

- Oh, good morning.
- Morning.

So, I have been thinking more about
what you said, and you're right.

You do need to get to know me
to write for me.

- For real this time?
- Yes.

Cool.

So.
Come with me.

This is everything
I've ever done.

Every joke I've ever written.
Every show I've ever taped.

Every TV appearance
for the last 40 years.

I want you to digitize it
and organize it.

- Well, I'm not...
- Before you say anything, I know you're a writer.

That's all material, honey.

Uh, wha...

Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?

I seen ya around
for a long long time

Yeah!
(LAUGHTER)

I remembered you
when you drank my wine

Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?

I've seen you walking down
in Chinatown

(GIGGLES)

I called you

But you could not
look around

Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?

I paid my money

- To the welfare line
- (LAUGHTER)

I see ya standing in it

Every time

Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?

The color of your skin
don't matter to me