Original subtitles

[Geoff] It's been four months since you left inpatient.

[chuckles] Yeah, I should bake a cake or something.

I know you're being sarcastic, but that's actually a lovely idea.

Too bad I was being sarcastic, then.

But it'd be nice to mark the occasion. You've come a long way.

What, you don't agree?

-I don't know. -Ah, let's try something.

I want you to name three bits of progress you've made over the past four months.

-[sighs] -[Geoff] Come on, humor me.

You know I like my thought exercises.

Progress how?

Well, how about I start?

So you settled back in at school in January.

I'm here if you want any extra support, okay? Whatever you need.

[uplifting music playing]

Thanks.

-[chuckles softly] -Go get 'em.

[Sai] Obviously--

-Hey, Charlie! -[Christian] Charlie!

-Hey! -How you doing?

-Charlie! -Welcome back.

[whistle blows]

[Coach Singh] Take a five-minute break, all right, Charlie?

Don't push yourself too hard.

You okay?

Yeah.

[music fades out]

Yeah, I mean, I had a lot of help.

I still relapsed two weeks after.

I know. It happens. It's normal. We've talked about it.

But you continue to criticize yourself about it.

-Does it weigh on you? -[disquieting music playing]

-Can you just eat half? -I said I can't!

-You're not even trying. -You're making me feel like shit.

If you're gonna make me feel insane, just fuck off!

[music intensifies]

[disorientating rumbling]

[door opens]

[Nick panting]

[Nick] I'm sorry.

[Charlie] Sorry. I didn't mean to.

[Geoff] Self-harm relapses are normal. They don't negate any progress you--

-I know. -You are three months clean.

That's our second bit of progress, isn't it?

[sighs] Okay. Fine.

Happy?

Yeah, I'm delighted. So progress number three. Let's hear it.

I've done the first two for you.

[Charlie] Me and Nick.

I don't know.

No, no, that's great.

So you feel you and Nick have progressed in your relationship?

Yeah. I… Probably since that night of the argument.

I guess we feel a lot closer.

[sighs] I mean, he's seen me at my absolute rock bottom

and hasn't run away screaming.

Now I feel like I'm in relationship therapy or something.

Save that until you're ten years in and having marital problems.

[Charlie chuckles]

But I expect your progress has allowed you to deepen your connection with him.

If your intrusive thoughts have lessened,

you've more energy to give to your relationship.

[suspenseful music playing]

[passionate music playing]

[music fades out]

More energy? Yeah.

I still feel like I've got a long way to go.

Still have a lot of bad days.

Well, you've experienced trauma, Charlie.

Yeah, but I really don't want to be defined by the fact

that I was bullied at 14 and had one toxic ex-boyfriend.

Trauma doesn't define you.

But it also doesn't vanish in five minutes, so…

so give yourself some grace.

And you've got people around you who love and care for you, so enjoy them.

Do you practice motivational pep talks, or do they just come to you in the moment?

Oh…

You know, they just come to me. I'm just a talented person.

[both chuckling]

Yeah, I think we're out of time here, so I'll see you next week.

Oh, and enjoy your birthday, and party hard.

Sixteen's one of the big ones.

[pensive music playing]

[disorientating fluttering]

[Naomi] How long have you been working on that?

[Felix] None of your…

[woman] Elle, wow, this captures your spirit as well as your likeness.

Miss, how come you never compliment my work like that?

Felix, I'd compliment your work

if you could actually show me a completed piece.

She has a point.

Elle, I wanted to talk to you about something.

We've had contact from a local radio station about you.

-What? -[tutor] Yeah.

They heard about your social media and want to interview you.

"Local young artist achieves Internet fame."

Okay.

[tutor] Now, it's completely up to you,

but I want you to think about whether it's something you feel comfortable with.

-I'll email you the details. -Thank you.

Elle, that's so exciting. You're literally famous.

-I'm not famous. -You are.

-I am not. -[chuckles]

Finish your painting. [chuckles]

[Headmaster Barnes] Welcome back from the Easter holidays, everyone.

Spring is in full bloom

while summer peeps out from the horizon

with all its endless possibilities.

So knuckle down, work hard, and… and don't forget to have some fun.

-[hopeful music playing] -[distant drumming]

[chuckles softly]

[drumming continues]

-Happy birthday. -[chuckles]

-Happy birthday! -Oh! Nick!

[Nick grunting]

Are you ever gonna get tired of doing that?

Absolutely not, no, but I did get you a present.

Okay.

[gentle music playing]

[Nick] It's that Instagram-famous historian you like, Jack Maddox.

He's doing a book signing on Sunday. Maybe we could go after the sleepover?

-Wait. We get to meet him? -Yeah.

[Charlie] I love you so much!

Well, clearly not as much as Jack Maddox, but I'll take it.

Do I also get a birthday kiss?

Yeah. [chuckles softly]

[electricity fizzing, crackling]

[fireworks exploding]

[Nick gasps]

We should… we should probably…

Uh, yeah, yeah. Not at school.

[awkward instrumental music playing]

It's almost form time anyway, so…

Sleepover on Saturday though.

Yeah.

[door opens]

[door closes]

-[crunching] -[Tao] Mm.

-[Charlie] It happened again. -When?

-Yesterday before form. -What happened?

Me and Nick were making out, and it got really intense really quickly.

Then it stopped, and it was kind of awkward and overwhelming.

-Do you wanna say it? Or shall I? -No, I think he's nearly worked it out.

Charlie, have you considered the idea

that you and Nick are ready to take things further?

-[chuckles] -[Isaac] He's talking about sex.

Yeah, I know. I know.

And I know it's obvious we both want to. It's not like we've done nothing.

I mean, it's all been over the clothes, but sometimes when we're making out, we--

-[Tao] Ugh! -[Isaac snickers]

-Spare us the details. -What? I want all the details.

I'm just scared that he's not ready to… do anything more.

I'm scared I'm not gonna know what I'm doing.

And I'm scared he's gonna take one look at me and…

Well, when me and Elle started having sex, it was in the spur of the moment.

An outburst of fiery passion in the light of the New Year's fireworks.

Yes, we've all heard this story before.

Why you interested in Charlie's sex life, not mine?

[Charlie] Get out. I need to change.

-What? We're talking about sexy time. -I wanna talk about it! Charlie, why--

-[Tao] We know you like sexy time. -[Isaac giggles]

[sighs]

[disquieting music playing]

[sighs]

-[pop music playing] -[indistinct chattering]

Everyone, uh, my parents are out,

but please don't break anything or be sick anywhere, please.

-[Tao] Fine. -[Darcy] Yes, sir!

-[Isaac] Sounds like a note for Imogen. -[Imogen] How have I got this reputation?

-[Isaac] Drink that, you'll be sick. -Careful.

-We'll have another vomit situation. -Shh.

Just need a night off from everything.

[Darcy] Ew! -[Tara] What are you guys doing?

We're making a potion that the loser has to drink.

-Oh, Darcy, not crisps. That's so gross. -[Tao] Ugh!

-[Tara] Darcy! -[Isaac] You guys are gross.

Things have been awkward between me and Sahar since New Year's.

Like, we're still friends.

-I… I think. -[Tara] Ooh!

I… I dunno.

Um…

Sounds like you should probably talk to her.

[group] Oh!

-Right. -[Isaac] I am not drinking that. No way!

That looks so gross!

-[Elle] Try it! -[laughter]

Charlie, we need a drummer for our summer-fête slot.

You're literally the only person we know!

I… I don't know. I don't really like performing in front of people.

Well, think about it.

[Imogen] That smells disgusting.

-Cheers? -Cheers.

[Sahar chuckles]

-Ugh! -Oh, I'm so sorry.

-What is in that? -[coughing] Everything!

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

-♪ Happy birthday, dear Charlie… ♪ -[Tao] Charlie Spring!

♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪

[cheering, whooping]

-[Tara] Happy birthday, Charlie! Yes! -[Sahar] Happy birthday.

[Darcy] We love you.

-[Elle] Who made this cake? -[Imogen] I did.

-Guys, do you like it? I made it. -[Tao] Best day ever!

[laughter]

I can do it. I wanna try.

-[Tara] We need a game. -[Darcy] Oh, yeah, games!

[indistinct chatter]

-[doorbell rings] -[Imogen] I have a really good idea!

-Would you like to play Never Have I Ever? -Hello.

Charlie!

Do you have a friend we don't know about?

[chuckles] Hi, Michael.

Happy birthday.

Um…

Sixteen is when everything starts to make sense.

Or when nothing makes any sense anymore.

Kind of the same feeling either way. Beautiful chaos.

Yeah. Thanks.

[Michael] Uh, this is for you. I found him at a charity shop,

and he just had your energy, so I figured he belonged with you.

Also, it made me sad seeing him sitting on a shelf on his own, so--

Uh, okay. Well, um, bye, everyone.

Have a fun time!

Whoo! Bee-boo-bee-boo.

[distant door opens, closes]

-So who's that? -It's Michael.

It's… Met Tori a few months ago.

[chuckles softly] Is he Tori's boyfriend?

She won't confirm whether they're dating.

-Meow. -Meow.

Meow!

♪ …by the open road… ♪

[Elle] Here goes. You're so tiny. You'll fit right in.

-[whooping, laughter] -♪ You've lost control… ♪

-This is big. [chuckles] -[Tao] I know.

It's nice.

-Very nice. -You'd better put that down.

'Cause this needs to be Tao and Elle time.

[Tao] Have you decided about the radio interview tomorrow?

I think I should do it.

It's a really cool opportunity.

I think so too. You're so talented.

-The world needs to know. -Stop.

It's gonna be a whole chapter of my Elle documentary.

Elle Argent, how are you feeling about your radio interview?

-I will pour my drink on you. I will. -No, no, no!

Things have been really awkward with us.

Yeah.

[pensive music playing]

I've been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting recently.

I have no idea who I am.

I don't know much about anything at the moment, actually.

But what I do know…

is I don't wanna keep hurting you.

[Sahar sighs]

Do you hate me?

[chuckles softly]

No.

I don't think I could ever hate you.

You helped me realize something pretty big about myself.

I mean…

I guess I could say the same about you.

But you know we'd be awful together, right?

[laughs]

Yeah. I know.

-I like us better as friends. -Mm.

[both whispering, giggling]

-Can we go get crazy drunk now? -[giggling] Yeah, let's go.

-Yes! -But let's start right here.

-Wine? -Yeah. That's your drink of choice.

Is it sustainable? I'm trying to do my bit.

Just drink it, Imogen.

[upbeat music playing]

-Happy birthday! -[cheering]

[Isaac] La-la-la!

[Nick] Whoo!

[playful squealing]

-[Sahar] Amazing! -[Imogen]That's the ticket!

[Darcy] It's Charlie's birthday!

Charlie Spring! Yay!

[cheering]

I'm sure you're lovely in other ways. How is it?

[all laughing]

[Isaac] Aww!

[chuckles]

-Hello. -Hello.

♪ Well, good for you You look happy and healthy ♪

♪ Not me, if you ever cared to ask ♪

♪ Good for you ♪

♪ You're doing great Out there without me, baby ♪

♪ God, I wish that I could do that ♪

♪ I've lost my mind ♪

♪ I've spent the night… ♪

[both slurping]

♪ Crying on the floor of my bathroom ♪

♪ But you're so unaffected I really don't get it ♪

-♪ But, I guess, good for you ♪ -Drink, drink, drink!

[pop music playing quietly]

[Imogen] Have you started thinking about uni options?

[Darcy] Mm. Gap year for sure. I love staying at my gran's.

I think I wanna go to a super old university and study history.

Like, dark-academia vibes.

-Yeah, totally. -[Sahar] Mm.

I'm thinking of doing, like, business or politics.

Tara, what about you?

-[tense music playing] -Uh-huh.

I dunno.

-Nick? -[Nick] Uh…

I'll probably just try and get in somewhere local so I can stay here.

[Darcy] You want to stay close to Charlie!

Can we not talk about uni stuff right now?

-[Sahar] Think you could do long distance? -[Nick] I hadn't really thought about it.

You're going to Oxford, aren't you?

[Imogen] You're doing all that Oxbridge prep stuff.

You're so smart. You'll get in.

-[Tara panting] -Tara?

-[Tao] That was a good shot. -[panicked breathing]

-Tara? -[Tara whimpers]

[Charlie] Hey.

[panicked breathing]

Oh, okay. I think… I think you're having a panic attack.

It's okay. My… my therapist gave me some exercises to help clear my brain

whenever I'm having thoughts that I can't control.

Let's do deep breaths together.

Breathe in for three.

[inhaling shakily]

-[Charlie] And breathe out. -[exhales]

And breathe in.

-And breathe out. -[exhales slowly]

-[Charlie] Let's do it one more time. -[Tara inhales slowly]

[exhales slowly]

[chuckles softly] Okay?

We're in my house. We're chilling. We've had a few drinks.

But everything's fine. Everything's good.

-Hey, Tara. -[pensive music playing]

-Hey. -[sniffles]

Are you okay?

Sorry. I was just…

Just stressed about everything right now.

Charlie was helping.

-[chuckles softly] -[Tara] I'm fine. I'll be fine.

[Tara whimpers]

[Tara sniffles]

That was amazing.

-I'm so drunk right now. -[chuckles]

[music fades out]

-[Charlie grunts] -[snickers]

[Charlie chuckles]

[Nick] Maybe you've had enough now?

I really like you.

I like you too.

Don't ever leave me.

[Nick chuckles]

I wasn't planning on it.

Let's, um…

let's get you some water. Okay?

[faucet running]

-Come here. -[faucet stops]

[group chattering indistinctly outside]

[Charlie chuckles]

-I've been thinking about something. -Mm-hmm?

[gentle music playing]

What's that?

You and me.

-We could… do things. -[Nick chuckles softly]

What kind of things?

We could…

have sex. [chuckles]

I, uh…

I think about it all the time.

Yeah.

Yeah. So do I.

[chuckles softly] Do you?

[Nick] Yeah.

I know I wasn't ready in Paris, but…

that was a long time ago.

-We can go upstairs. -[Nick chuckles]

Char…

you… you're incredibly drunk.

When I'm sober, I'm scared that…

that you might just…

that you'll look at me and…

[heaves] I… I think… I think I'm gonna be sick.

Oh. Oh shit. Um… Let's go to the toilet. Come on!

[music fades out]

-[leaves rustling] -[birds singing]

[heaving]

Wait! I'll hold your hair back!

Oh, I feel so ill.

Do you remember last night?

I remember running around in the garden,

and then we were in the kitchen.

And then…

Oh my God, I'm so embarrassing!

No. No, I'm… I'm glad you brought it up.

Yeah?

[zipper opening]

Morning, campers.

Mum and Dad will be back in half an hour. Just so you know.

Oh God.

[Tori] Clear up before going to see that historian you're obsessed with.

[Michael] I could make egg on toast.

I feel like you guys need the egg on toast.

Did he stay over?

Yeah.

So? I can have friends over too.

Mm. Friends.

[Nick chuckles]

-[Elle sighs] I'm nervous. [chuckles] -[woman] It's all right.

-[Tao] Where are we going? -[chuckling]

[quietly] How do you feel?

I'd feel less nervous if you got that camera out of my face.

[Tao] But this is history in the making.

Famous artist Elle Argent for her big first interview.

And if you're lost for words, you can just talk about what great parents we are

and how everything you've achieved is thanks to us.

-Stop! Thanks, Dad. -[laughing]

All right. Come on.

Your parents and your boyfriend will have to wait out here, if that's all right.

Um, you'll be great. Katy knows exactly how to keep the conversation going.

And, uh, we're just through here.

It'll be great. You're amazing.

-Yeah. -Okay.

Here we go.

[indistinct chattering]

Through here.

Sorry. We're just here.

-Ready to meet the love of your life? -You're so jealous right now.

-I'm allowed a crush on a celebrity. -I can't believe I'm about to be replaced.

Oh! [chuckling]

[applause]

[cheering, whooping]

Hello.

-[applause, cheering continue] -Hi. Hi.

Oh my God, he's so hot.

So good to see so many of us united in our love of classical art.

Of history, philosophy, and of literature.

Just make sure you speak nice and clearly, Elle. Shall we get started?

Okay.

[intermittent beeping]

[steady beep]

[soothing piano intro playing]

Hello and welcome to Local Voices with me, Katy Newnham.

I'm here this afternoon with Elle Argent,

a sixth-form student of the Lambert School of Art

whose art has skyrocketed to popularity on social media.

Tell us about that, Elle.

Um, well, I just started to post my art to my social media,

um, just wanting to share it with my friends and family.

But it just started to get more and more likes,

and now I have over 50,000 followers.

That's amazing. Is the attention at all overwhelming?

Maybe a bit. I mean, that… that's a lot of people. [chuckles]

[Katy] Now, much of your art explores your identity as a young trans woman.

Why is that your focus?

Um, I'm very, very proud to be trans. It's a big part of who I am,

so I like to explore and express that in the art that I create.

And that's so important right now, isn't it?

Yeah.

Trans identities are the hot topic of the moment.

Some call it a culture war.

Feminists versus trans activists and so on.

Last week, we had a feminist speaker on the show

who talked to us about the importance of same-sex spaces.

I think it's so important we hear all voices and opinions,

so I'd love to hear your thoughts on the debate.

[tense music playing]

Trans people aren't a debate.

We're human beings.

-Well, I mean, our speaker last week… -[inaudible]

…believed that the presence of gender-neutral bathrooms

will increase cases of sexual assault against women.

I'm very interested to get your thoughts about that.

Well, your speaker last week was transphobic, then.

[Katy] It's a bit of a heavy topic, isn't it? Let's move on to something else.

Okay.

[Katy] Now, there've been rumors…

-We were told she was here to discuss art. -Should we go in? Stop it?

…which states that teachers must inform parents

about students changing their pronouns.

Now, as someone who transitioned very young,

I'd love to know how you feel about the potential new law,

which could come in as soon as--

-Um, I… I think I need to go. -[Katy] I'm sorry if I offended you.

She's a teenager. This is not what we agreed.

It is inappropriate, and it is manipulative, and…

[melancholy music playing]

[door closes]

[Elle sniffles]

-[mum] You should be-- -It's okay, baby. Come on.

-Come on, let's go. -Let's go. Let's go home.

-[Elle sobs] -You'll be hearing from me.

[music fades out]

You know you can't trust a Mesopotamian to source your copper ingot.

[laughter]

Okay, who's got another question?

[Jack] Uh…

Yes. Young man in the denim jacket.

I was just wondering

if you had any book recommendations about queerness in Ancient Greece?

Now, that is a wonderful question.

That's a wonderful question because I have just finished reading

the most enthralling book last week while I was in Milan.

[indistinct chattering]

-There. Thanks for coming. -[man] Thank you so much.

[Charlie] Um…

Hi. Uh, I'm a really big fan.

I probably wanna do classics at uni, so you're a big inspiration to me.

Ah! That is so lovely to hear. Classics was my favorite at school.

-What's your name? -Charlie.

Well, Charlie,

study hard, and…

don't ignore your Latin vocab.

[Charlie chuckles]

-Thanks. -[Jack] Uh, what can I do for you?

Uh… m… Uh, me?

No. Um, nothing. It's…

Um, really… really interesting talk.

Really fun. The "Mesopotome" joke was…

-Yeah. Thanks. -You're very welcome.

-Nice to meet you. -[Jack chuckles]

Uh, shall we… Yeah. Nice to meet you.

Oh! Um…

-Sorry. Um… -[Jack] Hello.

-What would you like? -[jaunty music playing]

-Yeah, he's… he's really hot -Oh my God!

[Nick chuckles]

-[tranquil music playing] -[door opens]

[chuckles]

[music fades]

[passionate music playing]

[chuckling]

[fireworks exploding]

[electricity fizzing, crackling]

[disorientating rumbling]

-[Charlie hesitates] -Oh.

-[music fades] -Should we stop?

No. I… Do you… do you want to?

No. No.

-[music resumes] -[electricity fizzing, crackling]

[disorientating rumbling]

[rumbling intensifies]

-Can I take this off? -[music stops]

[hesitates] Oh…

[sniffs]

-All right, we should stop. -No, no. Wait.

-I… I-- -[knocking on door]

-[mum] Door open, please, Charlie. -Yeah.

Ah.

Had a nice time today?

Yeah.

Okay.

[footsteps retreating]

I'm nervous about taking my shirt off.

I… I don't look like… Jack Maddox or anything.

-Charlie… -[Charlie] And…

And you know that I've got scars.

I know.

You know I really fancy you.

-[chuckles softly] -Like, infinitely more than Jack Maddox.

Even though he's got a six-pack?

[chuckles softly]

I don't care about that.

I like you

so much. I… I love you.

[Charlie chuckles]

I want you.

I… I really did wanna carry on. I really want--

Mum, have you seen my laptop charger?

-[mum] Looked under the sofa cushions? -[Tori] Don't worry. It was…

Maybe just not at your house, eh?

[both chuckle]

-Yeah. -[both chuckle]

[Charlie] I get into this headspace

where all I can think about is how disgusting he'll think I look

'cause I'm skinny and I've got scars.

Being skinny and having scars isn't disgusting.

I know, and I don't actually think I do look disgusting,

and I know that Nick won't think that either.

I love him, and he loves me.

I don't understand why I get so anxious.

We've talked about how you get anxious when you feel like you don't have control.

Part of intimacy is trusting someone enough

to let go of some control,

and that's scary.

But as long as you and Nick respect and trust each other

and you communicate and listen to each other, then you're safe.

And as long as you practice safe sex.

You can get some free condoms from the reception.

Oh, I-- Obviously we will.

[hopeful music playing]

Just wish I was more confident.

Charlie, I think you have a lot of confidence.

Aren't you the one who confessed your feelings to Nick first

when you didn't even know whether he liked you back?

[electricity fizzing, crackling]

[sighs softly]

I don't feel confident.

[Geoff] That's just a challenge you're gonna have to face.

And not just with Nick, but with every aspect of your life.

But I know you have it in you, Charlie.

I really do.

[hopeful music continues]

-[birds singing sweetly] -[female singers vocalizing]

[hopeful music continues]

[hopeful music fades]

[pensive music playing]

[music fades out]