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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,730 Guardian of the universe protecting us against the forces of evil. 2 00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:34,100 He can catch a bullet. Halt a speeding train. 3 00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:36,570 And leap tall buildings in a single bound. 4 00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,940 - up in the sky! - is it a bird? Is it a plane? 5 00:00:38,940 --> 00:00:42,080 A mailman by day. The city's guardian by night. 6 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:45,050 Defending the citizens of New York from the forces of evil. 7 00:00:45,050 --> 00:00:48,250 The world has been protected by a group of extraordinary men and women... 8 00:00:48,250 --> 00:00:50,520 ...who have dedicated themselves to fighting crime. 9 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:52,520 Mysterious traveller from another dimension. 10 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:56,960 He has powers far beyond the capabilities of mere earthlings. 11 00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:10,260 I always wondered why nobody did it before me. 12 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:16,500 I mean, all those comic books, movies, TV shows. 13 00:01:16,650 --> 00:01:19,770 You'd think that one eccentric loner would have made himself a costume. 14 00:01:22,580 --> 00:01:25,450 I mean, is everyday life really so exciting? 15 00:01:25,750 --> 00:01:27,660 Are schools and offices so thrilling... 16 00:01:27,660 --> 00:01:30,450 ...that I'm the only one who ever fantasized about this? 17 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,220 Come on, be honest with yourself. 18 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:38,760 At some point in our lives we all wanted to be a superhero. 19 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:56,810 That's not me, by the way. 20 00:01:57,050 --> 00:02:00,850 That's some Armenian guy with a history of mental health problems. 21 00:02:01,820 --> 00:02:02,920 Who am I? 22 00:02:03,630 --> 00:02:05,320 I'm Kick-Ass. 23 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:19,060 That's me... back before any of this crazy shit happened. 24 00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:23,470 I guess I was the last person you'd expect to become a superhero. 25 00:02:24,750 --> 00:02:27,480 I'm not saying there was anything wrong with me... 26 00:02:27,620 --> 00:02:29,640 ...but there's nothing special, either. 27 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:32,540 - asshole! - I wasn't into sports. 28 00:02:32,650 --> 00:02:35,780 I wasn't a mathlete or a hard core gamer. 29 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:39,690 I didn't have a piercing or an eating disorder, 30 00:02:39,690 --> 00:02:41,360 or 3000 friends on myspace. 31 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:45,560 My only superpower was being invisible to girls. 32 00:02:46,070 --> 00:02:49,630 And out of my friends, man, I wasn't even the funny one. 33 00:02:50,110 --> 00:02:53,270 Like most people my age, I just existed. 34 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:05,590 Good morning, class. 35 00:03:05,690 --> 00:03:09,490 Please open your books to act two, scene two. 36 00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:13,660 Kick in my bedroom door and you'll probably find me watching TV... 37 00:03:14,130 --> 00:03:16,160 ...or talking to my friend Todd on skype. 38 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,600 - You watching 'family guy'? - No. 39 00:03:18,730 --> 00:03:22,790 Me neither. Turn on nippleslip.com. It's good. 40 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:29,240 Or jerking off, mostly to my english teacher. 41 00:03:30,580 --> 00:03:35,850 Dave Lizewski. Don't think I haven't noticed you looking at my tits. 42 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:41,490 Oh, I want your hands all over me, Dave. Please. 43 00:03:43,060 --> 00:03:45,690 Sure, a lot of what got me through the average school day... 44 00:03:45,690 --> 00:03:49,100 ...was making deposits in the whac koff warehouse for later. 45 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:53,030 Though, to be honest, it didn't take much to set me off. 46 00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:57,070 I swear, when my hormones balance out... 47 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,800 ...shares in kleenex are gonna take a dive, man. 48 00:04:03,580 --> 00:04:07,340 Dave Lizewski. Shouldn't you be looking at 'Hamlet' right now? 49 00:04:07,450 --> 00:04:08,920 Yes, Mrs. Zane. 50 00:04:11,090 --> 00:04:12,210 Sorry. 51 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:17,120 But don't get me wrong. I like girls my own age, too. 52 00:04:17,930 --> 00:04:20,920 - Especially Katie Deauxma. - Hey, gorgeous. 53 00:04:21,630 --> 00:04:22,720 Hey. 54 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:27,830 Oh... no. 55 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,630 You meant Erika. 56 00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:34,440 I know. I knew that. I was just kidding. 57 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:36,810 Okay, cool. 58 00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:38,670 Oh my god. 59 00:04:42,820 --> 00:04:44,790 Hey, look, I'm Todd's mom. 60 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,460 That's funny. This is your dad. 61 00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,930 No, that's still my mom, actually. 62 00:04:54,330 --> 00:04:55,690 Oh, the fuck! 63 00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,130 I was just a regular guy. 64 00:04:58,130 --> 00:05:03,240 No radioactive spiders, no refugee status from a doomed alien world. 65 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:06,370 You know what? Todd said they do still make count Chocula. 66 00:05:06,370 --> 00:05:08,470 They just don't sell it at the store any more. 67 00:05:10,780 --> 00:05:13,540 My mother was killed by an aneurism in the kitchen. 68 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,080 As opposed to a gunman in the alley. 69 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,290 So if you were hoping for any... 70 00:05:17,290 --> 00:05:20,590 I will avenge you, mother! 71 00:05:20,590 --> 00:05:22,060 ...you're out of luck. 72 00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:24,230 In the 18 months since my mother died... 73 00:05:24,230 --> 00:05:27,920 ...the only epiphany I had was realising that life just goes on. 74 00:05:28,030 --> 00:05:30,220 Did they change the bee's face? 75 00:05:31,230 --> 00:05:32,360 No. 76 00:05:40,410 --> 00:05:43,240 How come nobody's ever tried to be a superhero? 77 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:46,510 Boy, I dunno. Probably because it's fucking impossible, dipshit. 78 00:05:46,510 --> 00:05:49,720 What, putting on a mask and helping people, how's that impossible? 79 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:51,350 That's not superhero, though. 80 00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:54,620 Super's like being stronger than everybody and flying and shit. 81 00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:55,620 That's just hero. 82 00:05:55,620 --> 00:05:58,820 No, it's not even hero. it's just fucking psycho. 83 00:05:59,030 --> 00:06:02,200 Hello? Bruce Wayne? He didn't have any powers. 84 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,630 Yes, but he had all the expensive shit that doesn't exist. 85 00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:06,940 I thought you meant how come nobody does it in real life? 86 00:06:06,940 --> 00:06:08,570 Yeah, Todd, that's what I meant. 87 00:06:08,570 --> 00:06:11,070 Dude, if anybody did it in real life they'd get their ass kicked. 88 00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:13,170 - They'd be dead in, like, a day. - A day. 89 00:06:13,170 --> 00:06:15,080 Yeah, okay, I'm not saying they should do it. 90 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,370 I just can't figure out why nobody does. 91 00:06:17,450 --> 00:06:21,050 Seriously, out of all the millions of people who love superheroes, 92 00:06:21,050 --> 00:06:23,310 You'd think one would give it a try. 93 00:06:24,220 --> 00:06:26,390 Jesus, guys, does it not bug you? 94 00:06:26,390 --> 00:06:27,910 Why thousands of people wanna be Paris Hilton 95 00:06:27,910 --> 00:06:29,560 and nobody wants to be Spiderman? 96 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:32,560 Yeah, what's with that? She has, like, no tits at all. 97 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,100 Maybe it's a porn tape. He doesn't have a porn tape. 98 00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:37,120 You guys never saw 'One Night in Spiderman'? 99 00:06:39,530 --> 00:06:40,900 Oooh, guess who? 100 00:06:44,910 --> 00:06:48,400 Is it me or do you kinda feel sorry for Chris D'Amico? 101 00:06:48,580 --> 00:06:51,450 Must be terrible to have a rich dad and everything you want. 102 00:06:51,450 --> 00:06:52,970 I wish you wouldn't have said anything 103 00:06:52,970 --> 00:06:54,640 Cos I feel like I'm gonna start crying... 104 00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:58,110 The fact that he's always on his own. 105 00:06:59,390 --> 00:07:01,990 We should, like, talk to him. 106 00:07:01,990 --> 00:07:03,630 See if he wants to hang out with us. 107 00:07:03,630 --> 00:07:05,430 Oh, I didn't say we should talk to him, I just... 108 00:07:05,430 --> 00:07:07,000 Think about it. Come on, it'd be awesome. 109 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:10,020 If he was our friend, no one would ever fuck with us again. 110 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,130 Go on then, Todd. 111 00:07:11,130 --> 00:07:12,500 - You wanna go talk to him? - No, no, no. no. 112 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,670 No, you wanna go talk to him? I can move. 113 00:07:13,670 --> 00:07:16,230 - Dave, Dave should go. - Dave should go. 114 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,800 - Why? - Dave, you should totally go. 115 00:07:18,870 --> 00:07:20,610 - You're a dick. - Don't be afraid, Dave. 116 00:07:20,610 --> 00:07:21,870 You're a pussy. 117 00:07:29,350 --> 00:07:30,750 Fuck off! 118 00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:40,190 - Did you spray anything over there? - I think I might have shat my pants. 119 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,330 If that guy spoke to me like that I would have kicked his ass. 120 00:07:46,330 --> 00:07:48,400 Todd, when have you ever kicked anyone's ass? 121 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,800 Whatever, man. I would have just gone for his knees. 122 00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:52,210 Well, you're not making sense. 123 00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:54,580 Well, what I'm saying is the superior force of Batman's Batarang 124 00:07:54,580 --> 00:07:56,610 would undoubtedly penetrate the Joker's force field, 125 00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,050 Leaving him totally vulnerable to the... 126 00:07:58,050 --> 00:08:01,140 - All right, and then... but, you know... - Whoa, whoa, whoa pussy patrol. 127 00:08:01,250 --> 00:08:02,750 Phones. Money. 128 00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:04,480 Dude, not again, come on. 129 00:08:06,390 --> 00:08:07,260 Phone. 130 00:08:07,260 --> 00:08:09,490 I don't have one someone else jacked it last week. 131 00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:12,090 - Pussy. - Give me the bag. 132 00:08:12,090 --> 00:08:15,260 - It's just comics. - Yo, you wanna get cut? 133 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,370 Look at this asshole just watching. 134 00:08:32,350 --> 00:08:35,510 Come on, be honest with yourself. 135 00:08:36,050 --> 00:08:38,380 Would you do anything differently? 136 00:08:40,190 --> 00:08:43,250 We see someone in trouble and we wish we could help, 137 00:08:43,420 --> 00:08:44,650 But we don't. 138 00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:53,360 The world I lived in... heroes only existed in comic books. 139 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:58,900 I guess that would have been okay if bad guys were make-believe, too. 140 00:08:59,970 --> 00:09:01,340 But they're not. 141 00:09:02,410 --> 00:09:05,740 Frankie, I'm telling you, man, I swear I'm not making this up. 142 00:09:05,950 --> 00:09:09,020 This fucking guy comes out of nowhere. 143 00:09:09,020 --> 00:09:12,610 Kicks our asses and steals all the coke. 144 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:16,390 - The guy that looks like Batman? - I didn't say he looked like Batman. 145 00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:19,360 You did Tre, you said the guy looked like Batman. 146 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:21,430 - He said like a mask and stuff. - And a cape. 147 00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:22,430 Yeah, like Batman. 148 00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:25,330 I didn't say "like Batman". I never said "Batman". 149 00:09:25,330 --> 00:09:26,460 Okay. 150 00:09:27,470 --> 00:09:30,030 Let me tell you the problem I got with that, Tre. 151 00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:34,600 Our mole with the Russians tells things a little different. 152 00:09:35,140 --> 00:09:39,710 According to him, you sold him my coke and you took the money. 153 00:09:39,710 --> 00:09:41,840 That's a fucking lie! 154 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:45,850 I can't believe that you would believe this shit from a fucking Russian, Man! 155 00:09:46,190 --> 00:09:48,950 Let me see, Tre, what's more likely, huh? 156 00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:51,260 That you're a greedy little Cock-sucker 157 00:09:51,260 --> 00:09:54,730 or all my coke was stolen by Superman? 158 00:09:54,730 --> 00:09:56,460 - Batman. - I never said Batman! 159 00:09:56,460 --> 00:09:57,760 Enough! 160 00:10:00,970 --> 00:10:06,270 My son is waiting to go to the movies and I ain't gonna disappoint him. 161 00:10:07,010 --> 00:10:08,910 Joe, you're in charge. 162 00:10:09,740 --> 00:10:13,150 That's gotta be the worst fucking excuse I ever heard, Tre. 163 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,130 Sorry you had to wait, buddy. 164 00:10:22,130 --> 00:10:23,760 the movie is starting in 10 minutes. 165 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,520 It's okay, we're cool. 166 00:10:25,630 --> 00:10:27,210 We're only gonna miss the trailers. 167 00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,930 Yeah, but I wanna get some popcorn. 168 00:10:29,030 --> 00:10:32,060 When we get in there, get Chris some popcorn. Okay? 169 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,040 What d'you wanna drink? 170 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:35,570 - You want a Pepsi? - Yeah, that's fine. 171 00:10:35,570 --> 00:10:38,730 Get him a Pepsi and I'll have an Icee. Mixed. 172 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,170 Like when they mix the red one and the blue one. 173 00:10:44,050 --> 00:10:45,380 And a pack of twizzlers. 174 00:11:07,470 --> 00:11:09,230 The comic books had it wrong. 175 00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:12,170 It didn't take a trauma or cosmic 176 00:11:12,170 --> 00:11:15,000 rays or a power ring to make a superhero. 177 00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:20,150 Just the perfect combination of optimism and naivety. 178 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,810 You are fucking awesome. 179 00:11:59,390 --> 00:12:01,320 Come on then, bring it on! 180 00:12:28,650 --> 00:12:31,680 - Daddy, I'm scared. - Come on, Mindy. Honey. 181 00:12:31,790 --> 00:12:34,880 Be a big girl now. There's nothing to be afraid of. 182 00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:37,920 - Is it gonna hurt bad? - Oh, child. 183 00:12:38,130 --> 00:12:39,890 Only for a second, sugar. 184 00:12:40,090 --> 00:12:43,260 A handgun bullet travels at more than... 185 00:12:43,260 --> 00:12:45,800 - 700 miles an hour. - 700 miles an hour. 186 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,350 So at close range, like this, 187 00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:50,400 The force is gonna take you off your feet for sure... 188 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,430 ...but it's really no more painful than a punch in the chest. 189 00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,440 I hate getting punched in the chest. 190 00:12:56,180 --> 00:12:57,910 You're gonna be fine, baby doll. 191 00:13:06,050 --> 00:13:08,610 How was that? Not so bad. 192 00:13:08,820 --> 00:13:12,050 Kinda fun, huh? Now you know how it feels. 193 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:15,560 You won't be scared when some junkie asshole pulls a glock. 194 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:18,530 - I wouldn't have been scared anyways. - That's my girl. 195 00:13:18,530 --> 00:13:20,370 All right, up you get. Come on. 196 00:13:20,370 --> 00:13:22,970 Two more rounds and then home. 197 00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,870 - Again? - Uh-huh. 198 00:13:25,410 --> 00:13:28,240 Only if we can go by the bowling alley on the way back. 199 00:13:28,410 --> 00:13:32,900 - The bowling alley? - Yeah. And ice-cream after. 200 00:13:34,850 --> 00:13:38,980 Okay. Two more rounds. No wincing... 201 00:13:39,190 --> 00:13:42,990 ...no whining, and you got yourself a deal, young lady. 202 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,760 Yeah! I'm gonna get a hot fudge sundae. 203 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,750 Good call, baby doll. 204 00:13:51,070 --> 00:13:55,020 So, have you thought about what you might want for your birthday? 205 00:13:55,170 --> 00:13:56,860 Can I get a puppy? 206 00:13:58,310 --> 00:14:01,470 - You wanna get a dog? - Yeah, a cuddly fluffy one. 207 00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:04,310 And a bratz moviestar makeover sasha. 208 00:14:09,380 --> 00:14:11,120 I'm just fucking with you, daddy. 209 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:14,490 Look, I'll have a benchmade model-42 butterfly knife. 210 00:14:14,790 --> 00:14:18,320 Oh, child. You always knock me for a loop. 211 00:14:18,660 --> 00:14:19,930 - You know what? - What? 212 00:14:19,930 --> 00:14:22,030 - I'm gonna get you two. - Two? 213 00:14:22,030 --> 00:14:25,290 One balisong. Two balisong. that's what you get. 214 00:14:43,990 --> 00:14:46,850 The glass of fashion and the mould of form. 215 00:14:46,850 --> 00:14:50,790 - The observed of all observers, - Quite, quite down! 216 00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:53,520 And I, of ladies most deject and wretched... 217 00:14:59,870 --> 00:15:01,070 I'll be honest, 218 00:15:01,070 --> 00:15:04,600 There wasn't a whole lot of crime-fighting in those first few weeks. 219 00:15:05,170 --> 00:15:08,540 But even so, my new vocation kept me plenty busy. 220 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:14,850 Shit. 221 00:15:14,850 --> 00:15:16,370 I called it preparation. 222 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:24,220 But if you called it fantasizing, it would have been hard to argue. 223 00:15:25,190 --> 00:15:29,030 All I knew was I'd never felt so good about myself. 224 00:15:45,750 --> 00:15:46,740 Fuck! 225 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:51,180 Okay, maybe I was still in the beta testing phase. 226 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,050 But it was a start. 227 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,740 What the fuck are you looking at? 228 00:16:13,010 --> 00:16:15,870 - Nothing. - Get the fuck out of here! 229 00:16:20,510 --> 00:16:22,680 Like every serial killer already knew, 230 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,580 Eventually fantasizing just doesn't do it for you any more. 231 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,380 It was time to engage. 232 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:31,890 Hurry up, man. 233 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,820 What the fuck...? 234 00:16:45,770 --> 00:16:47,540 The fuck you looking at? 235 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:50,900 I said what the fuck are you looking at? 236 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:58,390 Two cheap shit losers screwing with a car... 237 00:16:58,390 --> 00:17:01,550 ...that someone probably worked their ass off to pay for. 238 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:05,450 - Say what? - Leave it be, man. 239 00:17:06,290 --> 00:17:08,660 This motherfucker's obviously high. 240 00:17:09,730 --> 00:17:10,450 I'm not high. 241 00:17:10,450 --> 00:17:14,290 I just think it sucks you guys think you can do what you want. 242 00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:18,100 Just walk away from the car and we can forget about this. 243 00:17:20,910 --> 00:17:22,880 You're crazy, man. 244 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:24,070 Fuck this shit. 245 00:17:38,230 --> 00:17:39,750 - Shit. - Let's get out of here. 246 00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:24,230 I came round long enough to beg the 247 00:18:24,230 --> 00:18:26,710 Medic not to tell anybody about the costume. 248 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,910 He promised he wouldn't. 249 00:18:30,780 --> 00:18:33,770 All I knew was my dad was gonna kill me. 250 00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:51,500 Why can't I have a gun? I'm a security guard. 251 00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:53,970 You're a doorman now. You don't get a gun no more. 252 00:18:53,970 --> 00:18:55,500 I look like a putz. 253 00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:59,560 You look sharp. All them buttons. do your job, open the fucking door. 254 00:19:02,310 --> 00:19:03,440 Have a nice day. 255 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:34,610 - Good morning, Frank. - Hey, Joe, how you doing? 256 00:19:34,610 --> 00:19:35,640 Great. 257 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,940 - Want some coffee? - Maybe later. 258 00:19:38,250 --> 00:19:39,750 - Morning, Ange. - Morning. 259 00:19:39,750 --> 00:19:41,370 - Chris. - Morning, Joe. 260 00:19:42,650 --> 00:19:44,550 Frank, we got a thing. 261 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:47,980 It's a big thing, Frank. 262 00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:52,320 Okay. 263 00:19:53,330 --> 00:19:56,320 - Sorry, hon. - Do what you gotta do. 264 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,900 - Chris, where do you think you're going? - I gotta talk to dad. 265 00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:05,060 Christopher. 266 00:20:05,210 --> 00:20:06,500 Frank, honey. 267 00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:10,740 Where do you think you're going? 268 00:20:10,740 --> 00:20:14,780 I don't mind you talking business. I was just gonna sit quietly. 269 00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:17,380 I should probably start learning this stuff anyway. 270 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,220 Hey, go finish your oatmeal. 271 00:20:19,220 --> 00:20:23,050 God-dammit, I'm gonna be 18 in 8 months, for Christ sakes. 272 00:20:26,230 --> 00:20:27,320 Take a seat. 273 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:31,700 So what's the problem? 274 00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:36,430 Our Russian says that Tre just sold him another 5 k's at half price. 275 00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:40,230 - Which Tre? Tre Tre? - Right. Dead Tre. 276 00:20:40,670 --> 00:20:42,940 So now I'm getting fucked in the ass by a ghost? 277 00:20:42,940 --> 00:20:44,810 Or Tre was telling the truth. 278 00:20:44,950 --> 00:20:50,320 What, this is my choice? I gotta believe in ghosts or superheroes? 279 00:20:50,380 --> 00:20:52,990 Not the part about the superhero, Frankie. 280 00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:55,980 Just that he might have really been gaffled by somebody. 281 00:20:59,890 --> 00:21:03,520 I think we better invite our russian over for a friendly chat. 282 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,500 See what's really going on. 283 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:26,450 Hey, early birdie. You beat me to it. 284 00:21:26,450 --> 00:21:28,510 I wanted to get you breakfast this morning. 285 00:21:28,860 --> 00:21:30,620 Happy birthday, sweetheart. 286 00:21:32,590 --> 00:21:33,920 Check this out. 287 00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:44,530 Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. 288 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:47,300 Oh my gosh! Dad. 289 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,210 Wow. Watch, dad. 290 00:21:53,950 --> 00:21:57,420 Okay, pop quiz. What's the proper name for one of those? 291 00:21:57,420 --> 00:21:59,950 Balisong. It's Filipino. Ask me another. 292 00:21:59,950 --> 00:22:01,090 Excellent, good. 293 00:22:01,090 --> 00:22:03,990 The AR15 was a lighter... 294 00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:07,290 ...smaller calibre version of what design? 295 00:22:07,290 --> 00:22:10,260 Eugene Stoner's AR10. now give me a hard one. 296 00:22:10,860 --> 00:22:12,420 The name of... 297 00:22:13,900 --> 00:22:17,300 ...John Woo's first full-length feature? 298 00:22:17,300 --> 00:22:19,430 'Tie Han Rou Qing'. 'The Young Dragons'. 299 00:22:19,910 --> 00:22:21,100 Daddy, look. 300 00:22:21,610 --> 00:22:23,410 Hey, come on, you're not looking. 301 00:22:26,180 --> 00:22:29,910 The point is some fucker is killing our guys. 302 00:22:30,120 --> 00:22:31,650 And until we find out who that is, 303 00:22:31,650 --> 00:22:34,170 I don't wanna see any of you bitches sitting around on your asses, 304 00:22:34,170 --> 00:22:34,680 All right?! 305 00:22:34,790 --> 00:22:35,780 What the fuck d'you... 306 00:22:36,820 --> 00:22:38,020 Hello. 307 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,080 Hey, Joe, yeah. 308 00:22:40,430 --> 00:22:43,660 No, he's just training right now. One second. 309 00:22:44,470 --> 00:22:46,330 Dad. Phone. 310 00:22:48,570 --> 00:22:49,930 Dad, the phone's for you. 311 00:22:50,070 --> 00:22:51,770 - Who is it? - It's Joe. 312 00:22:56,310 --> 00:22:57,040 What's the problem? 313 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:57,980 Yeah, Frank... 314 00:22:57,980 --> 00:22:59,810 Turns out we ain't got the vice here no more. 315 00:22:59,810 --> 00:23:01,470 - Really? - Uh-uh. 316 00:23:01,750 --> 00:23:03,490 But we do got a brand new industrial 317 00:23:03,490 --> 00:23:05,820 Microwave- they use it for treating the lumber. 318 00:23:05,820 --> 00:23:07,220 Well, that is neat. 319 00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:09,890 I think you must be confusing me with someone who 320 00:23:09,890 --> 00:23:11,960 Gives a shit about the fucking lumber! 321 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,490 - yeah, O-Okay. All right, Frank. - now quit bugging me and 322 00:23:13,490 --> 00:23:14,680 All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? I... 323 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:15,860 Get the fucking rest of the information. 324 00:23:15,860 --> 00:23:16,960 All right, okay. 325 00:23:18,870 --> 00:23:20,130 Right, come on, go ahead. 326 00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:22,740 Hey, look, the guys tell me he's Tre Fernandez. 327 00:23:22,740 --> 00:23:24,070 What do I know, huh? 328 00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:25,970 - Shut up. - Now you say Fernandez is dead. 329 00:23:25,970 --> 00:23:27,840 - Okay, he lie. - Get inside. Shut up. 330 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,740 - He lie about... - Fucking mamaluke... 331 00:23:32,510 --> 00:23:34,540 This work like a regular microwave? 332 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:38,640 Fuck do I know? We're not making a hungry man dinner. Just turn it on. 333 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:42,990 Here we go. 334 00:23:42,990 --> 00:23:46,120 Okay, I wanna know who sold you our coke. 335 00:23:46,260 --> 00:23:49,290 And don't tell me somebody who's dead this time. 336 00:23:52,930 --> 00:23:55,460 Can he hear you? I don't think he can hear you. 337 00:23:57,540 --> 00:24:00,740 I said who really sold you our coke? 338 00:24:04,810 --> 00:24:07,410 Who sold... 339 00:24:07,610 --> 00:24:11,070 ...you... our... coke? 340 00:24:13,420 --> 00:24:15,650 Oh, shit! Shit! 341 00:24:21,060 --> 00:24:22,550 This is awesome! 342 00:24:22,660 --> 00:24:24,860 I look like fricking wolverine. 343 00:24:25,430 --> 00:24:28,100 You still have that metal detector at your school? 344 00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:30,570 Yeah. It's gonna have a meltdown. 345 00:24:33,010 --> 00:24:35,470 Dave, I need to ask you something. 346 00:24:37,310 --> 00:24:38,570 Okay. 347 00:24:38,950 --> 00:24:41,880 The police report. They found you naked. 348 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,510 You said you didn't remember why. 349 00:24:45,050 --> 00:24:46,710 The muggers, they didn't... 350 00:24:48,260 --> 00:24:49,480 What? 351 00:24:51,790 --> 00:24:56,420 No. Jesus. No, I... I wasn't even... 352 00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,530 In the ambulance they threw my clothes away because of the blood. 353 00:25:01,870 --> 00:25:03,340 Okay, okay. 354 00:25:09,110 --> 00:25:11,880 Seemed like no time at all before I was back on my feet. 355 00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:13,870 - Dave's what? - Keep it down. 356 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,730 Apart from some messed-up nerve endings, 357 00:25:17,730 --> 00:25:20,080 The doctors fixed me up pretty good. 358 00:25:20,390 --> 00:25:22,060 - Did you feel that? - No. 359 00:25:22,060 --> 00:25:25,120 You're like fucking Jason Bourne or something, man. That owns. 360 00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:27,630 - How about that? - No, Marty. 361 00:25:27,630 --> 00:25:29,290 Give it a fucking rest. 362 00:25:29,460 --> 00:25:30,860 I've only been back like half a day and 363 00:25:30,860 --> 00:25:32,900 You're already making me kinda miss the hospital. 364 00:25:32,900 --> 00:25:35,840 He's right. I'm sorry. I'm acting totally childish. 365 00:25:35,940 --> 00:25:37,730 - Stop with the fork. - Watch this. 366 00:25:49,350 --> 00:25:50,440 Hey. 367 00:25:53,020 --> 00:25:54,320 Dave, hey. 368 00:25:55,820 --> 00:25:57,290 Oh, hey. 369 00:25:58,330 --> 00:26:00,520 How are you? You look better. 370 00:26:01,260 --> 00:26:04,130 I'm good. Yeah, much better. 371 00:26:04,260 --> 00:26:06,460 You're into comic books, aren't you? 372 00:26:07,130 --> 00:26:09,570 Well, me and Erika sometimes hang out after school 373 00:26:09,570 --> 00:26:12,040 At this really great store- Atomic Comics. 374 00:26:12,110 --> 00:26:14,630 They make the best white chocolate milk-a-latte. 375 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:16,300 Yeah? 376 00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:23,640 I could buy you one sometime if you need someone to talk to. 377 00:26:26,090 --> 00:26:28,550 - Sure. Thank you. - Okay. 378 00:26:28,660 --> 00:26:30,420 Sweet. Well, I'll see you later. 379 00:26:34,390 --> 00:26:35,730 - Did you see that? - Yeah? 380 00:26:35,730 --> 00:26:38,070 Katie Deauxma just offered to buy me coffee. 381 00:26:38,070 --> 00:26:40,970 Yeah. You know, I really don't think that's what it looks like. 382 00:26:40,970 --> 00:26:43,600 - What are you talking about? - The point is... 383 00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,070 ...Katie's all about the lame ducks. 384 00:26:46,340 --> 00:26:48,010 What's this got to do with me? 385 00:26:48,010 --> 00:26:50,410 I've been trying to figure out how to tell you this. 386 00:26:51,450 --> 00:26:53,780 - There's a rumour going around... - Right. 387 00:26:53,780 --> 00:26:55,220 - ...that you... - What? 388 00:26:55,220 --> 00:26:57,050 - ...are gay. - Gay?! 389 00:26:57,350 --> 00:27:00,320 - What kind of rumour's that? - Well, getting mugged and... 390 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,760 - You guys have been mugged. - I know, but... 391 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,430 ...we didn't get beat up and have all our clothes taken off. 392 00:27:05,430 --> 00:27:08,450 It's not even true. The medic threw my clothes away. 393 00:27:09,730 --> 00:27:11,570 Don't worry about it. rumours don't mean shit. 394 00:27:11,570 --> 00:27:12,430 We know the truth. 395 00:27:12,430 --> 00:27:13,030 Right? 396 00:27:13,030 --> 00:27:13,770 - Yeah. - Yeah. 397 00:27:13,770 --> 00:27:16,140 Who knows, this might even get you laid. 398 00:27:16,140 --> 00:27:19,300 No, not if she thinks he's gay, Todd. You fucking retard. 399 00:27:19,870 --> 00:27:22,430 - That's really fucking helping me! - I'm just being honest. 400 00:27:26,250 --> 00:27:28,580 I was getting back to my old self. 401 00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:30,850 I should have quit, of course... 402 00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:33,450 ...but you can't just re-programme yourself... 403 00:27:33,750 --> 00:27:37,160 ...what you want, who you are, your purpose in life. 404 00:27:37,490 --> 00:27:39,930 No, I'm just standing around. 405 00:27:40,390 --> 00:27:41,490 No, I'm not! 406 00:27:42,100 --> 00:27:44,430 - It is what it is. - How about that, huh? 407 00:27:46,830 --> 00:27:49,670 Oh, yeah. Didn't see that, did you? 408 00:27:49,670 --> 00:27:51,610 Think it's best that you just walk away. 409 00:27:51,610 --> 00:27:53,070 Well maybe you shouldn't do that. 410 00:27:53,070 --> 00:27:54,040 What? Huh? 411 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:54,980 Are you looking at me? 412 00:27:54,980 --> 00:27:56,600 Well, this is my business. 413 00:28:08,090 --> 00:28:11,290 Me? My hardware was fixed now. 414 00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:15,260 I was back and running Kick-Ass version 2.0. 415 00:28:24,810 --> 00:28:26,800 Excuse me. Have you seen this cat? 416 00:28:27,510 --> 00:28:29,270 No? Okay, thank you. 417 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:31,740 Excuse me, ma'am, have you seen this cat? 418 00:28:34,510 --> 00:28:36,980 I'm sorry, did you see this cat? 419 00:28:37,550 --> 00:28:39,310 No? Okay. 420 00:29:00,370 --> 00:29:02,030 Oh, great! 421 00:29:03,210 --> 00:29:06,270 Here, kitty. Here, Mr. Bitey. 422 00:29:11,850 --> 00:29:13,390 Come on. No, no, no, no, no. 423 00:29:13,390 --> 00:29:15,550 No, no, no. Mr. Bitey, come on. 424 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:18,020 Back here. Come on, let's get you home. Come on. 425 00:29:31,300 --> 00:29:32,930 Fuck you, Mr. Bitey! 426 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:38,850 Oh, god, I'm so sorry, man. 427 00:29:38,850 --> 00:29:39,780 You fucking... 428 00:29:44,990 --> 00:29:45,950 Thanks, freak. 429 00:29:48,990 --> 00:29:52,050 - Leave him alone. - Fuck off, it's none of your business. 430 00:29:55,300 --> 00:29:56,420 Yes it is. 431 00:30:24,820 --> 00:30:26,620 Hey, call 911! 432 00:30:32,100 --> 00:30:36,160 Hey, there's a dude dressed like a superhero fighting a bunch of guys. 433 00:30:40,970 --> 00:30:42,460 It's fucking awesome! 434 00:31:10,100 --> 00:31:11,160 Leave him alone! 435 00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:20,440 Give it up, man. Just walk away. 436 00:31:21,450 --> 00:31:22,710 No, never. 437 00:31:24,180 --> 00:31:27,950 What the fuck is wrong with you? You'd rather die for some piece of shit.. 438 00:31:28,260 --> 00:31:30,420 ...that you don't even fucking know? 439 00:31:30,790 --> 00:31:34,820 You 3 assholes laying into 1 guy while everybody else watches. 440 00:31:35,660 --> 00:31:37,720 And you wanna know what's wrong with me?! 441 00:31:40,270 --> 00:31:44,170 Yeah, I'd rather die. So bring it on! 442 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:50,270 You're fucking crazy, kid. 443 00:31:56,980 --> 00:31:57,920 Thank you. 444 00:31:58,690 --> 00:31:59,580 What?! 445 00:32:00,820 --> 00:32:01,910 Thank you. 446 00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:07,830 That fucking rocked. Who are you? 447 00:32:10,030 --> 00:32:11,260 I'm Kick-Ass. 448 00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:18,310 Dude, you gotta check this shit out. 449 00:32:18,310 --> 00:32:19,170 What is it? 450 00:32:20,610 --> 00:32:22,180 And coming up after the hour. 451 00:32:22,180 --> 00:32:25,580 A costume vigilante has become the latest internet phenomenon... 452 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:29,640 After a Hamilton park resident filmed the man's remarkable intervention... 453 00:32:30,620 --> 00:32:32,820 - This is awesome. - Fuck, yeah! 454 00:32:32,820 --> 00:32:35,890 Welcome to this special edition of eye on New York. 455 00:32:35,890 --> 00:32:38,660 How far would you go to help your fellow man? 456 00:32:38,660 --> 00:32:41,960 This colourful individual has been all over the news... 457 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:45,130 ...after a video of his intervention of street gang violence... 458 00:32:45,130 --> 00:32:47,760 ...became the most watched clip on the internet. 459 00:32:48,300 --> 00:32:50,530 You 3 assholes laying into 1 guy... 460 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:55,540 Myspace...38 friends. 461 00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:57,840 Kick Ass's myspace...16,000 and counting. 462 00:32:58,140 --> 00:33:01,740 This thing was going crazy and I was loving it. 463 00:33:01,850 --> 00:33:05,390 And finally, we want to know who is this man. 464 00:33:05,390 --> 00:33:09,150 Does anyone have any idea who this wetsuit crusader is? 465 00:33:09,290 --> 00:33:12,060 He must be someone's son, someone's brother, 466 00:33:12,060 --> 00:33:13,390 Someone's next door neighbour. 467 00:33:13,390 --> 00:33:15,620 Holy shit. What happened? 468 00:33:15,730 --> 00:33:18,320 What happened? This guy happened. 469 00:33:19,770 --> 00:33:21,630 It's a great day for america, everybody. 470 00:33:23,140 --> 00:33:26,770 Everybody's favourite superhero right now. Kick-Ass, right? 471 00:33:27,370 --> 00:33:28,810 Yeah! 472 00:33:30,310 --> 00:33:34,270 I like Kick-Ass. His costume is crappy. 473 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:36,070 He looks like a transvestite... 474 00:33:36,220 --> 00:33:38,550 You know what? Everyone likes Kick-Ass. 475 00:33:39,350 --> 00:33:41,650 Did you see the clip? He was actually pretty good. 476 00:33:41,790 --> 00:33:44,220 Good at getting his ass kicked. 477 00:33:44,460 --> 00:33:47,450 He should call himself Ass-Kick instead. 478 00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:49,660 That doesn't even make sense. 479 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:54,370 That guy's gonna end up dead, that's what I think. 480 00:33:54,370 --> 00:33:56,670 Are you serious? The guy owns. 481 00:33:56,670 --> 00:33:59,260 I'd e-mail his site if I had a problem worth fixing. 482 00:33:59,370 --> 00:34:03,310 I got 100 guys can fix a problem, you'd hire some putz in pantyhose? 483 00:34:04,110 --> 00:34:07,600 I wouldn't wanna get in the way of your 'business' where I'm not wanted. 484 00:34:07,910 --> 00:34:11,940 I know you have mistaken me for Kick-Ass, but I am not Kick-Ass. 485 00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:32,800 So you don't actually read comics? 486 00:34:32,910 --> 00:34:34,010 I just started. 487 00:34:34,010 --> 00:34:37,170 I got recommended some like Scott Pilgrim and Shojo Beat, 488 00:34:37,170 --> 00:34:38,240 That kinda thing. 489 00:34:38,340 --> 00:34:40,870 I'm not really into the whole superhero thing, though. 490 00:34:42,380 --> 00:34:46,020 So I guess you're not gonna line up for that new Kick-Ass comic, then? 491 00:34:46,020 --> 00:34:50,290 I guess not. But I was seriously thinking of mailing his site. 492 00:34:50,290 --> 00:34:53,130 I mean, I could really use some help from a guy like that right now. 493 00:34:53,130 --> 00:34:55,890 Help? Really? What with? 494 00:34:56,460 --> 00:34:58,930 You know I volunteer at the needle exchange? 495 00:34:59,370 --> 00:35:00,730 No, I didn't. 496 00:35:00,730 --> 00:35:04,600 Well, there's this one guy, Rasul. I felt so sorry for him and... 497 00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:07,970 ...the more I found out about his upbringing and stuff, I just... 498 00:35:10,580 --> 00:35:15,140 Wow, that's weird. I'm usually the one playing therapist. 499 00:35:16,980 --> 00:35:19,280 Can I make a confession? 500 00:35:19,790 --> 00:35:24,020 Ever since I was little I've always wanted a friend... 501 00:35:24,290 --> 00:35:26,160 ...like you. 502 00:35:26,790 --> 00:35:30,320 Is it okay to say that? that's not homophobic, is it? 503 00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:34,320 I mean, I don't think you're all the same or anything. 504 00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,170 Of course not, no. 505 00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:47,670 Thank you. 506 00:35:52,220 --> 00:35:56,380 I don't know if I was everything Katie dreamed her gay BFF would be... 507 00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:58,180 ...but I tried my best. 508 00:35:58,290 --> 00:36:02,130 More importantly, I talked her into mailing Kick-Ass. 509 00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:07,100 Long story short, this particular lame duck of hers... 510 00:36:07,100 --> 00:36:09,430 ...turned out to be more of a lame cobra. 511 00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,770 She didn't want the money back she'd given him... 512 00:36:12,770 --> 00:36:15,760 ...or an apology for the black eye he'd given her. 513 00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:19,640 She just wanted him to get that they were through and leave her alone. 514 00:36:20,050 --> 00:36:24,280 And let's be real, no other request could have given me more pleasure. 515 00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:44,590 Who the fuck are you supposed to be? The green condom? 516 00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:48,400 You know it ain't halloween for another few months, kid? 517 00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:50,470 I'm here to see Rasul. 518 00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:53,610 Who the fuck are you? 519 00:36:54,110 --> 00:36:56,910 I'm Ki... I'm a friend of Katie's. 520 00:37:02,860 --> 00:37:04,880 Kids nowadays in their tights. 521 00:37:19,410 --> 00:37:22,430 So, which one of you guys is Rasul? 522 00:37:29,180 --> 00:37:33,310 I'm Rasul. Can't you tell by my big titties? 523 00:37:36,590 --> 00:37:38,520 What is this? Trick or treat or something? 524 00:37:40,390 --> 00:37:42,420 Fuck. Now I'm dead. 525 00:37:43,830 --> 00:37:47,430 I've a message for Rasul about Katie Deauxma. 526 00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:51,490 Katie? 527 00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:52,940 Oh, you're Rasul? 528 00:37:53,670 --> 00:37:57,510 Okay. You gotta stay away from Katie now. It's over. 529 00:37:57,780 --> 00:38:01,300 So if you just leave her alone everything will be fine. 530 00:38:01,850 --> 00:38:02,840 What? 531 00:38:04,350 --> 00:38:06,720 Yo, kid. Who the hell are you? 532 00:38:07,250 --> 00:38:08,450 And what is this? 533 00:38:09,260 --> 00:38:11,450 I'm Kick-Ass. Look me up. 534 00:38:12,060 --> 00:38:16,460 And this is me giving you a message. Leave Katie alone. 535 00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:30,240 Or what? 536 00:38:34,980 --> 00:38:37,540 Or... I'll come back... 537 00:38:38,790 --> 00:38:40,810 ...and break your fucking legs. 538 00:38:45,630 --> 00:38:47,320 I'm right here now, baby. 539 00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:50,960 Fuck! 540 00:38:57,940 --> 00:38:58,930 Hold him. 541 00:39:06,150 --> 00:39:07,810 You are so fucking dead, man. 542 00:39:23,130 --> 00:39:27,030 Okay, you cunts. Let's see what you can do now. 543 00:39:27,470 --> 00:39:29,730 Eeny, meeny... 544 00:39:29,940 --> 00:39:31,960 ...miny, mo. 545 00:39:52,860 --> 00:39:53,990 What the fuck?! 546 00:40:21,490 --> 00:40:23,350 Hey, I got one of those. 547 00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:42,030 Come on. 548 00:40:43,110 --> 00:40:44,510 So you wanna play. 549 00:41:01,460 --> 00:41:02,590 What the fuck? 550 00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:09,360 Oh, dude, that is one gay-looking taser. 551 00:41:11,940 --> 00:41:13,740 Relax, we're on the same team. 552 00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:16,340 Hey, get up. 553 00:41:22,980 --> 00:41:26,780 Now, Hit Girl, we always keep our backs where? 554 00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:31,820 To the wall, daddy, I know. It won't happen again. 555 00:41:32,460 --> 00:41:34,650 - Nice shot, by the way. - Thank you. 556 00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:53,670 Let's go. 557 00:41:55,350 --> 00:41:58,680 Hey, asshole, you can't use the front door now. 558 00:42:13,330 --> 00:42:14,460 Wait, wait, wait. 559 00:42:15,870 --> 00:42:16,800 What? 560 00:42:17,940 --> 00:42:19,340 Who are you? 561 00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:20,430 Me? 562 00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:22,970 I'm Hit Girl. 563 00:42:24,810 --> 00:42:27,300 Big Daddy. 564 00:42:33,490 --> 00:42:34,420 Come on. 565 00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:40,950 Come on! 566 00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:19,390 Hit Girl and Big Daddy. 567 00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:21,160 They were the real deal. 568 00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:24,690 Me? 569 00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:28,270 I was just a stupid dick in a wetsuit. 570 00:43:43,860 --> 00:43:46,150 What is this? What am I looking at here? 571 00:43:46,330 --> 00:43:49,660 It was Sal's phone. They found it in his hand. 572 00:43:49,660 --> 00:43:52,230 He must have taken that right before he died. 573 00:43:52,230 --> 00:43:55,960 I know this sounds fucked-up, Frankie, but that guy in the picture... 574 00:43:56,870 --> 00:44:00,030 ...I think it's that superhero nut job from the TV. 575 00:44:00,240 --> 00:44:01,210 Who? 576 00:44:02,240 --> 00:44:03,670 Kick-Ass? 577 00:44:04,140 --> 00:44:05,510 One guy? 578 00:44:06,450 --> 00:44:09,440 Hold on, you're telling me one guy killed 8 of my men tonight? 579 00:44:14,050 --> 00:44:18,180 8 at Sal's place. 4 at that kid Rasul's. 580 00:44:19,530 --> 00:44:21,690 We have no merchandise on the street at all? 581 00:44:21,690 --> 00:44:22,790 Right. 582 00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:27,790 - One guy? - I think. 583 00:44:28,570 --> 00:44:32,090 If you're right, we'll look like the biggest pussies in new york. 584 00:44:32,710 --> 00:44:34,200 What do you want me to do? 585 00:44:35,310 --> 00:44:40,210 I want Kick-Ass's fucking head on a stick, and I want it now. 586 00:44:49,720 --> 00:44:51,850 I didn't say anything to anyone, I swear. 587 00:44:51,990 --> 00:44:56,090 Good move, Ass... kick. Let's keep it that way. 588 00:44:57,300 --> 00:44:58,850 You know what this is? 589 00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:01,410 It's all the cartridge crap that comes 590 00:45:01,410 --> 00:45:03,390 Out of your gay little taser when you fire it. 591 00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:05,190 You do know the police could have traced 592 00:45:05,190 --> 00:45:06,900 This right back to you if they'd found it? 593 00:45:07,110 --> 00:45:10,200 But lucky for you... I picked it up. 594 00:45:11,380 --> 00:45:12,470 Thank you. 595 00:45:13,510 --> 00:45:17,550 Let's call it insurance. Makes it easier for us to take your word. 596 00:45:17,550 --> 00:45:20,950 See, we like you, but we don't trust you. 597 00:45:22,050 --> 00:45:24,890 Don't take it personal. we don't trust anybody. 598 00:45:24,890 --> 00:45:27,390 I re-routed your IP address. 599 00:45:27,390 --> 00:45:31,060 Finding you was way too easy. 600 00:45:31,900 --> 00:45:35,770 Oh, shit. Shit, I hadn't thought. My god. 601 00:45:35,770 --> 00:45:38,130 I, I owe you. 602 00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:41,270 I'm thinking of shutting my site down anyway. 603 00:45:41,770 --> 00:45:46,010 Quitting. I mean, this is... it's fucking insane. 604 00:45:46,410 --> 00:45:48,480 I'm in way over my head. 605 00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:50,780 It's a shame. You have potential. 606 00:45:50,780 --> 00:45:54,220 Your call. But you know we're around if you need us. 607 00:45:55,220 --> 00:45:57,160 How do I get a hold of you? 608 00:45:57,160 --> 00:45:58,960 You just contact the mayor's office. 609 00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:01,320 He has a special signal he shines in the sky. 610 00:46:01,490 --> 00:46:03,360 In the shape of a giant cock. 611 00:46:04,460 --> 00:46:07,700 You need us, put on your website you're on vacation. We'll find you. 612 00:46:07,700 --> 00:46:09,220 Hit Girl, back to headquarters. 613 00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:12,930 Sweet dreams. 614 00:46:19,180 --> 00:46:21,080 I need you to get rid of Kick-Ass. 615 00:46:21,080 --> 00:46:23,640 - Yo. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's up? - What's up? 616 00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:27,080 Kick-Ass is killing my men, gigante, that's what's up. 617 00:46:27,820 --> 00:46:29,580 My condolences, Frank. 618 00:46:29,820 --> 00:46:33,260 But I'm afraid I can't help you on this one. 619 00:46:33,260 --> 00:46:37,260 - little bit outside my jurisdiction. - Outside your jurisdiction? 620 00:46:37,260 --> 00:46:39,130 You're a fucking cop and he's breaking the law. 621 00:46:39,130 --> 00:46:42,470 That's so inside it's ball-deep in your jurisdiction's ass. 622 00:46:42,470 --> 00:46:43,560 Listen to me. 623 00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:47,100 The cops pay me to nail the bad guys. You pay me not to. 624 00:46:47,210 --> 00:46:51,120 - Everything else is in the grey area. - fuck you very much. Just do it. 625 00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:51,510 Okay. 626 00:46:53,250 --> 00:46:55,110 Un-fucking-believable. 627 00:46:56,280 --> 00:46:58,550 Where's Cody? He's late. 628 00:46:59,050 --> 00:47:03,350 Thank you, Cody. We appreciate your co-operation. 629 00:47:03,460 --> 00:47:05,120 Let me out now? 630 00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:07,250 I gave you all them names and addresses. 631 00:47:08,260 --> 00:47:09,730 Hey, I won't say nothing to nobody. 632 00:47:09,730 --> 00:47:12,300 You and your crazy midget friend can go bash whoever you want. 633 00:47:12,300 --> 00:47:13,000 Hey, come on. 634 00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:16,700 Hey, I know some very bad people up town. Really nasty individuals. 635 00:47:16,700 --> 00:47:18,540 Let me go. Hey, come on. 636 00:47:18,540 --> 00:47:21,200 Hey, hey, don't do this. You don't need to do this. Come on. 637 00:47:22,240 --> 00:47:23,610 Please. Hey. 638 00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:26,770 Come on, no, no... 639 00:47:29,150 --> 00:47:31,010 No, no, no! Come on, please! 640 00:47:32,450 --> 00:47:34,420 Hey, you're crazy. Please! 641 00:47:46,730 --> 00:47:48,460 What a douche. 642 00:48:01,950 --> 00:48:04,350 You have done self tan before, right? 643 00:48:04,980 --> 00:48:07,540 Yeah, like, I do it all the time. 644 00:48:08,250 --> 00:48:11,490 Murder, superheroes breaking into my bedroom. 645 00:48:11,590 --> 00:48:15,320 My life had turned into some fucked-up dream I couldn't wake up from. 646 00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:19,330 Even the good parts were totally surreal. 647 00:48:19,800 --> 00:48:22,400 Oh, hey, I read those old Ditko Spidermans you gave me. 648 00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:23,830 They're actually pretty good. 649 00:48:25,070 --> 00:48:26,500 Yeah, they are. 650 00:48:28,010 --> 00:48:30,770 And it's been a whole week since I've heard from Rasul. 651 00:48:33,980 --> 00:48:35,380 That's great. 652 00:49:30,670 --> 00:49:35,830 Once upon a time there were 2 supercops called Daddy and Marcus... 653 00:49:35,970 --> 00:49:38,530 ...who were very good at getting bad guys. 654 00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:42,610 Frank D'Amico was the baddest guy of them all... 655 00:49:42,610 --> 00:49:45,810 ...and he came up with a plan to get rid of daddy. 656 00:49:49,690 --> 00:49:52,020 Being framed as a drug dealer was the 657 00:49:52,020 --> 00:49:54,990 Worst thing that could have happened to daddy. 658 00:49:57,130 --> 00:50:00,500 Prison was not his natural habitat. 659 00:50:00,870 --> 00:50:02,700 He was very upset. 660 00:50:06,270 --> 00:50:10,170 With daddy in prison, his pregnant wife was all alone... 661 00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:13,340 ...and could not cope. 662 00:50:15,910 --> 00:50:19,940 But all clouds have a silver lining and out of her death... 663 00:50:23,890 --> 00:50:25,880 ...Mindy was born. 664 00:50:26,090 --> 00:50:28,720 Marcus became the child's guardian... 665 00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:31,930 ...and daddy started a plan of his very own. 666 00:50:34,030 --> 00:50:38,060 5 years later he left prison, and he was ready. 667 00:50:42,070 --> 00:50:45,510 Now it was time for Mindy to get ready, too. 668 00:50:53,250 --> 00:50:55,150 How did you find me, Marcus? 669 00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:58,360 One of us is still a cop, remember? 670 00:51:07,300 --> 00:51:09,070 Is this how you brainwashed Mindy? 671 00:51:09,070 --> 00:51:11,840 You say brainwashed, I say made it into a game. 672 00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:13,630 You call this playing, Damon? 673 00:51:13,770 --> 00:51:17,300 Vigilante justice. Mass murder. Come on, partner. 674 00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:20,800 So where is she? 675 00:51:21,250 --> 00:51:23,240 - She's safe. - Can I see her? 676 00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:26,320 I miss her. 677 00:51:27,950 --> 00:51:29,920 I miss you both. 678 00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:34,550 I appreciate your concern, but you need to go now. 679 00:51:40,070 --> 00:51:43,800 I should warn you, that asshole Gigante is looking for Kick-Ass. 680 00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:45,670 He got something to do with you, Damon? 681 00:51:45,770 --> 00:51:49,340 You started some kind of fucked-up superhero club? 682 00:51:49,340 --> 00:51:52,740 - Never heard of him. - Okay. Heads up, all right? 683 00:51:52,950 --> 00:51:54,810 You keep carrying on like you been carrying on, 684 00:51:54,810 --> 00:51:57,580 It's only a matter of time before Gigante is looking for you. 685 00:51:57,980 --> 00:52:01,850 He's been on D'Amico's payroll ever since you passed up the opportunity. 686 00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:04,420 You know I'm not gonna stop. 687 00:52:05,790 --> 00:52:09,660 Not until D'Amico and his whole damn operation... 688 00:52:09,760 --> 00:52:13,750 ...are burnt to ashes and buried. 689 00:52:15,030 --> 00:52:16,900 It ain't gonna bring her back, damon. 690 00:52:18,170 --> 00:52:20,660 This is not the life for Mindy. 691 00:52:23,380 --> 00:52:25,370 You owe that kid a childhood. 692 00:52:26,750 --> 00:52:28,800 I'll tell you who owes her a childhood. 693 00:52:29,250 --> 00:52:31,270 Frank D'Amico! 694 00:52:50,100 --> 00:52:51,760 Holy shit. 695 00:52:54,240 --> 00:52:56,830 I don't fucking believe it. 696 00:52:59,910 --> 00:53:01,540 Follow him, round the corner. 697 00:53:02,580 --> 00:53:03,840 Not too fast. 698 00:53:07,250 --> 00:53:09,020 What's with the high-fives? 699 00:53:09,450 --> 00:53:11,580 I'll give you a motherfucking high-five. 700 00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:15,520 High-fiving bullshit. keep going, keep going. 701 00:53:16,860 --> 00:53:18,230 Not too close. 702 00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:24,790 He's going in the alley. 703 00:53:25,300 --> 00:53:27,300 He's going in the alley. 704 00:53:27,710 --> 00:53:31,270 Okay, when I tell you, stop the car. Ready? 705 00:53:35,310 --> 00:53:37,680 Hey, Kick-Ass. 706 00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:39,040 How you doing? 707 00:53:41,420 --> 00:53:44,880 Kill my men, huh? Take my fucking coke! 708 00:53:45,060 --> 00:53:47,130 Whoa, whoa, whoa, boss. what are you doing? 709 00:53:47,130 --> 00:53:48,190 Boss, come on, we gotta go, baby. 710 00:53:48,190 --> 00:53:49,130 - Fucking scumbag! - Come on, let's go. 711 00:53:49,430 --> 00:53:51,100 Boss, come on, he's had enough. 712 00:53:51,100 --> 00:53:52,890 Come on, Frank, he's had enough. Come on. 713 00:53:54,100 --> 00:53:56,620 What the fuck are you looking at? Huh? 714 00:54:09,350 --> 00:54:11,780 Come on, come on. Come on, let's go. We gotta go. 715 00:54:12,720 --> 00:54:14,520 Fuck. Shit. Damn. 716 00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:15,680 Come on, come on, get in. 717 00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:25,900 He was so young. No-one should have to die that way. 718 00:54:26,300 --> 00:54:28,700 I just can't believe he's dead, that's all. 719 00:54:30,500 --> 00:54:33,600 Oh, I know. But, Katie... 720 00:54:34,100 --> 00:54:38,300 ...guys like Rasul get mixed up in stuff and... 721 00:54:38,300 --> 00:54:41,600 No, I know, I know, but what if it was my fault? 722 00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:45,200 What if Kick-Ass did it? I feel like I should call the cops or something. 723 00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:47,900 You're talking crazy. There's no way. 724 00:54:47,900 --> 00:54:50,200 He probably didn't even read your email yet. 725 00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:50,900 Yeah. 726 00:54:50,900 --> 00:54:52,800 You got nothing to worry about. 727 00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:58,000 I'm so glad you're here. I'm in such a mess. 728 00:54:58,300 --> 00:55:00,700 That's okay. It's not a problem. 729 00:55:01,700 --> 00:55:03,200 You're the best. 730 00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:09,900 I hope it's okay to say this, but... it so sucks that you're gay. 731 00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:16,100 I don't fucking believe this. 732 00:55:17,900 --> 00:55:21,600 What kind of children's enter-fuckingtainer is that? 733 00:55:23,100 --> 00:55:24,700 What kind of kid has a... 734 00:55:24,900 --> 00:55:28,500 ...a Spiderman party, sure, but a fucking Kick-Ass party? 735 00:55:28,500 --> 00:55:31,200 They selling paper plates and napkins at the store now? 736 00:55:31,200 --> 00:55:34,100 Frank, you're scaring me. You're losing it. 737 00:55:34,100 --> 00:55:37,100 Since when did you start getting your hands dirty again? And in public. 738 00:55:37,100 --> 00:55:40,280 Since when I asked you fucks to deliver me Kick-Ass and you don't deliver, 739 00:55:40,280 --> 00:55:40,900 That's when. 740 00:55:40,900 --> 00:55:42,900 Give me a break, it's been a week. 741 00:55:42,900 --> 00:55:46,400 We got half the crew out doing petty crimes as bait. 742 00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:48,400 We're busting our asses here. 743 00:55:49,100 --> 00:55:50,500 What the hell are you doing? 744 00:55:51,300 --> 00:55:53,200 You're back on the powder now as well? 745 00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:57,700 Mommy, I want a Kick-Ass party. Dumb little fucks. 746 00:55:58,400 --> 00:56:00,400 I know a way you can get him. 747 00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:01,400 Shit! 748 00:56:01,400 --> 00:56:02,900 Chris, how long you been there? 749 00:56:02,900 --> 00:56:04,300 What the hell are you doing? Get the hell out. 750 00:56:04,300 --> 00:56:07,200 - Do you wanna hear it or not? - Hear what? 751 00:56:07,300 --> 00:56:10,400 Okay, look. You're a superhero and... 752 00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:13,900 ...you can't trust anyone because they'll expose your secret identity... 753 00:56:13,900 --> 00:56:16,200 Comic books this kid reads, all fucking day long. 754 00:56:16,200 --> 00:56:19,990 The point is, there's only one way a superhero can trust a stranger, and.. 755 00:56:20,100 --> 00:56:23,500 ...I can be that stranger. You've just gotta give me a chance. 756 00:56:23,500 --> 00:56:26,100 I know I can do it. I just need a few things. 757 00:56:27,700 --> 00:56:28,900 Like what? 758 00:56:30,700 --> 00:56:32,500 I need these things. 759 00:56:36,700 --> 00:56:38,600 What, are you fucking kidding me? What the hell is this? 760 00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:40,400 It's, it's everything I need. 761 00:56:40,500 --> 00:56:43,000 And you might have to screw someone over like Louie, or something. 762 00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:44,500 Louie? Oh, hey, Chris. Uhhuh. 763 00:56:44,500 --> 00:56:46,800 Or, or somebody. It doesn't have to be Louie. 764 00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:48,800 - Tony. - Tony. 765 00:56:48,900 --> 00:56:49,800 Tony? 766 00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:52,400 - I hate tony. - Yeah, fuck Tony. He's a scumbag. 767 00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:55,900 I swear, dad, if you let me do this, it's gonna work. 768 00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:01,600 Tony. 769 00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:05,400 Tony Romita, one of america's most wanted crime kingpins, 770 00:57:05,400 --> 00:57:07,300 was arrested in Queens today... 771 00:57:07,300 --> 00:57:10,300 ...after a 911 call from someone claiming to be a superhero... 772 00:57:10,300 --> 00:57:12,900 So, how are things going with Katie? 773 00:57:13,900 --> 00:57:15,800 Oh, just peachy. 774 00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:17,800 We had a sleepover and spent the whole night... 775 00:57:17,800 --> 00:57:21,400 ...watching the entire 'ugly betty' box set and did pedicures. 776 00:57:21,500 --> 00:57:24,600 I'm telling you, the, the longer you wait, the worse it's gonna get. 777 00:57:24,600 --> 00:57:28,300 I know. I was gonna tell her. She seemed so happy. 778 00:57:28,300 --> 00:57:31,200 - I don't know when's the right time. - Well, now's your chance. 779 00:57:32,100 --> 00:57:34,100 - She didn't see that, did she? - Hey, guys. 780 00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:36,300 - Hi. - Hi, sweet. 781 00:57:37,700 --> 00:57:40,000 Did you watch the TV? the new superhero guy? 782 00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:41,500 How cool is that? 783 00:57:41,500 --> 00:57:42,200 What? 784 00:57:42,200 --> 00:57:44,700 - Hey, look. - Could you turn it up, please? 785 00:57:44,700 --> 00:57:45,800 Check this out. 786 00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:51,200 Far from being put off, this individual, who calls himself Red Mist... 787 00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:53,400 ...has decided to take crime fighting to a new level... 788 00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:55,200 ...as his actions last night proved. 789 00:57:55,300 --> 00:57:58,900 - Red Mist, how do you see it? - Folks have had enough of living in fear.. 790 00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:02,300 ...and Kick-Ass proved that one individual can make a difference. 791 00:58:02,300 --> 00:58:06,300 So if anyone out there needs help, I'll be fighting crime 25/8. 792 00:58:06,300 --> 00:58:09,400 And I'm just one click away. Red Mist. Org. 793 00:58:10,900 --> 00:58:12,400 Can we turn that off now? 794 00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:14,600 What's so special about that guy? 795 00:58:14,600 --> 00:58:17,500 He caught a drug dealer. some most wanted guy. 796 00:58:17,500 --> 00:58:20,800 - You saw him bring out a ton of stuff. - That's pretty cool. 797 00:58:21,300 --> 00:58:23,700 Yeah, he's got a way better costume than Kick-Ass, too. 798 00:58:23,700 --> 00:58:25,100 - He's got a cape. - Yeah. 799 00:58:25,100 --> 00:58:26,300 Capes rock. 800 00:58:26,300 --> 00:58:28,700 I'm kinda feeling the cape. Looks good. 801 00:58:29,900 --> 00:58:32,300 What, better than Kick-Ass? 802 00:58:32,700 --> 00:58:35,900 They're both kinda hot. I just think Red Mist has a better body. 803 00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:37,400 Don't you think, Dave? 804 00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:41,600 Yeah, Dave, what do you think? Is that the... 805 00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:44,800 ...is he the kinda guy you'd go for, with the, all that leather? 806 00:58:45,500 --> 00:58:48,900 No, Marty, he's not really my type. 807 00:59:42,800 --> 00:59:44,000 Kick-Ass. 808 00:59:45,100 --> 00:59:46,300 Red Mist. 809 00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:50,100 Oh, shit. Fuck me, that kinda hurt. 810 00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:53,400 - Are you okay? - Yeah. No, I'm cool. 811 00:59:53,700 --> 00:59:57,400 I can't believe you're here, man. Like, you're my hero. 812 00:59:57,600 --> 01:00:01,800 You inspired me. No Kick-Ass, no Red Mist. Seriously. 813 01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:04,000 Wow. Hey, really? 814 01:00:04,100 --> 01:00:06,300 Straight up. And listen, if you... 815 01:00:06,500 --> 01:00:09,700 ...wanted me to be your sidekick or something... 816 01:00:10,300 --> 01:00:11,900 You wanna be my sidekick? 817 01:00:11,900 --> 01:00:15,700 Yeah, man. You and me together, we would own. 818 01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:17,800 You wanna go fight some crime? 819 01:00:18,300 --> 01:00:20,200 Oh, what you mean like right now? 820 01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:22,400 Yeah, man. Come on, I got something I wanna show you. 821 01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:25,500 Er, I mean, like to be honest with you, 822 01:00:25,500 --> 01:00:28,300 I only ever fight crime between like 9 and 2 weekdays. 823 01:00:28,300 --> 01:00:30,500 So I'm gonna need to get back pretty soon. 824 01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:36,200 Sweet. 825 01:00:38,700 --> 01:00:41,800 - Is that yours? - Meet the mist mobile. 826 01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:54,300 Satnav got my iPhone so I can check the websites for emergencies 827 01:00:54,300 --> 01:00:55,800 When we're driving around. 828 01:00:56,000 --> 01:00:58,600 Got a little bit of mood lighting right there. 829 01:00:59,100 --> 01:01:01,200 Rear-view camera. No big deal. 830 01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:03,300 Check this. You're gonna fucking love this. 831 01:01:08,100 --> 01:01:09,400 The mist. 832 01:01:14,100 --> 01:01:16,400 That's right, we're superheroes, love us. 833 01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:23,500 - Smoke? - No. 834 01:01:24,100 --> 01:01:26,490 I feel a little weed takes the edge off things when I'm on patrol, 835 01:01:26,490 --> 01:01:26,900 You know. 836 01:01:26,900 --> 01:01:29,600 Going up against a crowd can get kinda scary, don't you think? 837 01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:33,500 Something wrong? 838 01:01:35,100 --> 01:01:38,800 You're so not how I expected. 839 01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:46,600 I got this e-mail from this chick. 840 01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:49,500 She said this guy's been following her home from work. 841 01:01:49,600 --> 01:01:51,800 I got her address and stuff. you wanna check it out? 842 01:01:53,000 --> 01:01:55,100 - Sure. Why not? - Cool. 843 01:02:02,700 --> 01:02:04,800 So, we're sitting there totally naked, right? 844 01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:05,900 So I told her, "sit on my lap, 845 01:02:05,900 --> 01:02:07,800 We'll talk about the first thing that comes up". 846 01:02:17,900 --> 01:02:20,900 - Yeah? - Just got the text. He's on his way. 847 01:02:21,000 --> 01:02:22,400 He did very good. 848 01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:25,400 - Don't kill him till I get there. - Right. 849 01:02:31,600 --> 01:02:34,400 Looks like reading all them comics paid off, huh? 850 01:02:34,500 --> 01:02:36,500 Your boy did good, Frankie. 851 01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:40,700 He's his father's son. 852 01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:42,300 Come on now who do you 853 01:02:42,400 --> 01:02:43,500 Who do you who do you 854 01:02:43,500 --> 01:02:45,700 Who do you think you are? 855 01:02:48,100 --> 01:02:50,200 Bless your soul 856 01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:52,900 Oh... I forgot. 857 01:03:01,600 --> 01:03:05,100 I think you're crazy 858 01:03:05,800 --> 01:03:09,000 I think you're crazy 859 01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:13,300 I think you're crazy 860 01:03:14,300 --> 01:03:16,700 Just like me 861 01:03:20,500 --> 01:03:25,000 My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb 862 01:03:25,100 --> 01:03:26,900 What the fuck?! 863 01:03:30,800 --> 01:03:31,900 Oh, shit. 864 01:03:33,600 --> 01:03:36,600 - Hey, what are you doing? - There are people in there! 865 01:03:36,600 --> 01:03:38,900 Yeah. Sh-shouldn't we call the fire... 866 01:03:40,700 --> 01:03:41,700 Shit! 867 01:04:00,500 --> 01:04:01,500 Mikey! 868 01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:04,100 Fuck. 869 01:04:05,400 --> 01:04:07,400 - Shit. Fuck. - Red Mist! 870 01:04:09,300 --> 01:04:10,800 Red Mist! 871 01:04:19,000 --> 01:04:21,000 Hey, man, can you hear me? 872 01:04:25,300 --> 01:04:26,500 Oh, jeez. 873 01:04:34,400 --> 01:04:35,400 Red Mist! 874 01:04:36,700 --> 01:04:39,900 Red Mist! Where the fuck are you?! 875 01:05:14,700 --> 01:05:18,500 We gotta get the hell outta here. Dude, move your fucking ass! 876 01:05:37,200 --> 01:05:38,900 Holy shit. 877 01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:42,200 - Did you see those bodies? - Yeah, man. 878 01:05:45,500 --> 01:05:48,200 - Why did you save the teddy? - What? 879 01:05:48,700 --> 01:05:50,200 I don't know, man. Come on. 880 01:06:03,800 --> 01:06:04,900 Come. 881 01:06:05,800 --> 01:06:07,400 What the hell are you doing, Frank? 882 01:06:07,400 --> 01:06:09,300 You know I can't be here. What if somebody saw me? 883 01:06:09,300 --> 01:06:13,040 That motherfucker Kick-Ass burnt down my warehouse and killed my men, 884 01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:13,600 Gigante. 885 01:06:13,600 --> 01:06:16,600 Wait, wait, wait. Slow down. Kick-Ass? Are you sure? 886 01:06:16,600 --> 01:06:20,200 You gotta help me, Vic. My son was there and he's still missing. 887 01:06:21,000 --> 01:06:22,400 They're all dead! 888 01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:25,700 Everybody in the warehouse is dead. 889 01:06:26,500 --> 01:06:31,100 - Put the gun down, Vic, it's Chris. - Chris is Red Mist? 890 01:06:31,100 --> 01:06:33,500 It's not Red Mist you gotta worry about. It's Kick-Ass. 891 01:06:33,500 --> 01:06:36,400 No, no, no, it's not. Kick-Ass is just some geek, dad. 892 01:06:36,400 --> 01:06:39,500 You don't have to worry about him. You need to watch this. 893 01:06:41,600 --> 01:06:44,100 - Why, what does it do? - Are you fucking kidding me? 894 01:06:44,100 --> 01:06:44,900 What? 895 01:06:44,900 --> 01:06:46,700 God-damn it, just sit down. 896 01:06:52,000 --> 01:06:54,000 What are you doing? What the hell is that thing? 897 01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:56,000 You bought this to spy on the nanny when I was a kid. 898 01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:57,400 Don't you remember? 899 01:06:57,800 --> 01:06:59,700 - And you put it in the warehouse? - Yeah. 900 01:06:59,700 --> 01:07:02,610 I thought it'd be cool to put the unmasking of Kick-Ass on the internet. 901 01:07:03,400 --> 01:07:04,400 Watch. 902 01:07:09,100 --> 01:07:10,090 I told her, "sit on my lap, 903 01:07:10,090 --> 01:07:12,000 We'll talk about the first thing that comes up". 904 01:07:16,200 --> 01:07:19,300 - Yeah? - Just got the text. He's on his way. 905 01:07:20,000 --> 01:07:22,300 He did very good. Don't kill him till I get there. 906 01:07:22,300 --> 01:07:23,300 Right. 907 01:08:38,200 --> 01:08:39,900 Who the hell is this guy? 908 01:08:40,400 --> 01:08:41,900 I don't know, dad. 909 01:08:43,100 --> 01:08:45,400 But Kick-Ass told me we're not the only superheroes in town. 910 01:08:45,400 --> 01:08:47,600 Maybe he knows who this guy is. 911 01:08:49,400 --> 01:08:51,400 I want this place locked down. 912 01:08:52,100 --> 01:08:55,000 Nobody comes in, nobody goes out. 913 01:08:56,400 --> 01:08:58,400 Not until somebody finds this cocksucker... 914 01:08:58,400 --> 01:09:01,200 ...and pulls his fucking lungs out through his ass! 915 01:09:04,900 --> 01:09:08,600 Listen, they're on to you. Do you hear me? 916 01:09:08,600 --> 01:09:09,900 They're on to you. 917 01:09:09,900 --> 01:09:12,400 I thought they were looking for Kick-Ass. 918 01:09:12,400 --> 01:09:16,300 Not any more. Gigante put on a movie show for us. 919 01:09:16,300 --> 01:09:17,700 Different superhero. 920 01:09:17,800 --> 01:09:21,200 In a warehouse, killing a whole bunch of D'Amico's guys. 921 01:09:21,200 --> 01:09:23,300 I'm gonna guess that was you. 922 01:09:24,000 --> 01:09:27,400 - I killed all the cameras. - Apparently not. Look, bro... 923 01:09:27,400 --> 01:09:30,200 ...you need to get ghost, hide yourself quick. 924 01:09:30,500 --> 01:09:31,600 Appreciate that. 925 01:09:36,100 --> 01:09:40,000 Mindy... no more homework, baby doll. 926 01:09:40,700 --> 01:09:43,500 It's time for Frank D'Amico to go byebye. 927 01:09:51,300 --> 01:09:54,200 X-Men, the Fantastic Four. 928 01:09:54,300 --> 01:09:57,200 Right now, I envied the crap out of them. 929 01:09:57,300 --> 01:10:01,600 Everything was out of control. I didn't know what the hell to do. 930 01:10:01,900 --> 01:10:04,700 You okay, buddy? You look tired. 931 01:10:04,900 --> 01:10:06,300 Early night tonight, maybe? 932 01:10:06,300 --> 01:10:08,200 And there was no-one I could talk to about it. 933 01:10:08,200 --> 01:10:09,700 Dave? Hello? 934 01:10:10,300 --> 01:10:12,300 Yeah, you bet I will. 935 01:10:14,700 --> 01:10:16,600 I never felt more alone. 936 01:10:20,200 --> 01:10:22,800 I'd always dreamed of being a superhero... 937 01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:25,900 ...but this was a nightmare. 938 01:10:30,200 --> 01:10:33,300 It was time to stop wearing this stupid costume. 939 01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:39,700 But there was one last thing I needed it for. 940 01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:45,400 What's the difference between Spiderman and Peter Parker? 941 01:10:46,500 --> 01:10:48,900 Spiderman gets the girl. 942 01:10:56,800 --> 01:10:58,600 Hey, I'm Kick-Ass. 943 01:11:03,700 --> 01:11:05,700 I'm Kick-Ass. You mail me? 944 01:11:06,800 --> 01:11:07,500 Please. 945 01:11:08,600 --> 01:11:11,400 Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! 946 01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:13,300 Fucking freak in a mask! 947 01:11:13,300 --> 01:11:15,800 - Get out of my house! - Katie, I'm not gonna hurt you. 948 01:11:15,800 --> 01:11:16,500 All right? 949 01:11:16,700 --> 01:11:19,000 Oh, no, no, no, it's me, it's me. All right? 950 01:11:19,500 --> 01:11:22,100 - I, I was only trying to surprise you, I'm sorry. - Dave? 951 01:11:22,100 --> 01:11:25,000 What the fuck are you doing? why are you dressed as Kick-Ass? 952 01:11:25,000 --> 01:11:28,500 - Because I am Kick-Ass. - what are you talking about? 953 01:11:28,500 --> 01:11:30,900 And I'm also not gay. 954 01:11:31,700 --> 01:11:32,600 Fuck! 955 01:11:32,600 --> 01:11:36,300 And I'm an idiot, and a shit friend. I lied to you, I know, and if... 956 01:11:36,300 --> 01:11:37,100 Oh my god. 957 01:11:37,100 --> 01:11:38,800 I know. If it makes you feel any better, 958 01:11:38,800 --> 01:11:42,400 I, I don't think you can hate me any more right now than I hate myself. 959 01:11:43,300 --> 01:11:44,700 Please... 960 01:11:46,100 --> 01:11:48,800 ...look, I'm really, really sorry. 961 01:11:50,100 --> 01:11:54,700 I've never met anyone who's as beautiful and as kind and... 962 01:11:55,400 --> 01:11:56,900 ...lovely as you. 963 01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:02,200 You deserve better. 964 01:12:20,700 --> 01:12:21,800 Dave. 965 01:12:22,100 --> 01:12:23,100 Yes? 966 01:12:24,300 --> 01:12:26,240 My mom has the burglar alarm on downstairs, 967 01:12:26,240 --> 01:12:28,100 So you should probably use the window. 968 01:12:34,400 --> 01:12:35,600 Or... 969 01:12:40,300 --> 01:12:42,100 ...or you could just stay. 970 01:12:43,600 --> 01:12:47,900 Stay? What like when we have a sleepover? 971 01:12:54,200 --> 01:12:56,900 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. 972 01:12:58,900 --> 01:13:00,000 Well... 973 01:13:29,300 --> 01:13:31,300 We gotta get over it... 974 01:13:31,700 --> 01:13:35,400 ...on top of it and then into it. Right in the middle of it. 975 01:13:35,500 --> 01:13:37,300 Daddy, I think I've found one. 976 01:13:37,400 --> 01:13:40,400 It's perfect and they can deliver it in 3 days. 977 01:13:41,600 --> 01:13:44,500 Ah, it's 300,000 bucks. 978 01:13:44,500 --> 01:13:46,600 Well, can you think of anything else you'd rather spend it on? 979 01:13:46,600 --> 01:13:51,400 Oh my gosh. That is cool. 980 01:13:51,700 --> 01:13:52,700 Yeah. 981 01:13:53,500 --> 01:13:55,200 Add to shopping cart. 982 01:13:55,600 --> 01:13:56,600 Okay. 983 01:13:59,600 --> 01:14:03,000 Out of Kick-Ass and Red Mist, who would win in a fight? 984 01:14:03,100 --> 01:14:05,500 Why are they fighting? that seems stupid. 985 01:14:06,200 --> 01:14:08,000 - What do you think? - I don't know, 986 01:14:08,000 --> 01:14:09,700 But Kick-Ass is cuter. 987 01:14:10,100 --> 01:14:10,900 Really? 988 01:14:10,900 --> 01:14:12,100 Mmm-hmm. 989 01:14:12,400 --> 01:14:16,200 I for one would definitely fuck his brains out if I got the chance. 990 01:14:18,100 --> 01:14:20,500 - You would? - Definitely. 991 01:14:21,000 --> 01:14:24,300 Do you feel like checking out that new Kate Hudson movie... 992 01:14:24,300 --> 01:14:26,200 ...where she's a shoe designer who can't get a guy? 993 01:14:26,200 --> 01:14:28,500 - we could make the next showing... - Hell, yeah. 994 01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:33,400 Guess we're not invited. 995 01:14:34,600 --> 01:14:36,100 You know what? Come here. 996 01:14:36,600 --> 01:14:39,200 I'm gonna convert you to a comics reader right now. 997 01:14:39,900 --> 01:14:44,000 Suddenly I understood why superheroes only existed in comic books. 998 01:14:44,100 --> 01:14:47,300 I got why people didn't risk their lives for strangers. 999 01:14:47,500 --> 01:14:51,900 Because, for the first time in my life, I had something worth living for. 1000 01:14:52,500 --> 01:14:54,000 Something to lose. 1001 01:14:56,100 --> 01:14:58,190 Katie worried about me getting hurt, 1002 01:14:58,190 --> 01:15:01,000 So I promised her my Kick-Ass days were over. 1003 01:15:01,000 --> 01:15:04,300 And the truth was I hardly missed it at all. 1004 01:15:04,400 --> 01:15:07,700 I hadn't even checked the website for, like, a week. 1005 01:15:10,800 --> 01:15:12,700 Okay, I'm off, then. 1006 01:15:13,500 --> 01:15:14,800 No Katie tonight? 1007 01:15:15,100 --> 01:15:18,900 Tomorrow. Wednesday, she's got one of those volunteer things. 1008 01:15:19,500 --> 01:15:22,000 You seem like a different guy, you know that? 1009 01:15:22,400 --> 01:15:25,400 Your mom would have been so happy to see you out of your shell like this. 1010 01:15:26,700 --> 01:15:27,800 Have a good night. 1011 01:15:39,000 --> 01:15:40,100 Hey, baby. 1012 01:15:40,100 --> 01:15:41,800 Hey, what's going on? 1013 01:15:42,200 --> 01:15:44,100 I gotta do a Kick-Ass thing. 1014 01:15:44,300 --> 01:15:47,000 What? I thought you were done with that. 1015 01:15:47,000 --> 01:15:49,400 This is the last time. I totally swear. 1016 01:15:50,300 --> 01:15:52,000 I worry about you. 1017 01:15:52,200 --> 01:15:54,800 Well, I wish you wouldn't worry. 1018 01:15:54,800 --> 01:15:56,900 I can't help it, I do because I... 1019 01:15:58,800 --> 01:16:01,100 ...I care about you a lot. 1020 01:16:03,700 --> 01:16:06,400 I care about you a lot, too. 1021 01:16:37,000 --> 01:16:38,500 This better be pretty serious, dude. 1022 01:16:38,500 --> 01:16:40,900 Cos I promised my girlfriend that I'm done with all this shit. 1023 01:16:40,900 --> 01:16:44,200 How about both of us being dead? is that serious enough for you? 1024 01:16:44,200 --> 01:16:46,600 Dead? How? 1025 01:16:46,700 --> 01:16:49,100 Well, it turns out those dead guys from the warehouse 1026 01:16:49,100 --> 01:16:52,600 Had some bad motherfuckers for friends, and they think we did that shit. 1027 01:16:52,600 --> 01:16:54,400 There's a price on our heads, man. 1028 01:16:54,500 --> 01:16:57,000 A price on our heads? What is this, the wild west? 1029 01:16:57,000 --> 01:16:59,800 I'm not messing with you, dude. they found out where I lived. 1030 01:16:59,900 --> 01:17:01,800 They trashed my place. I'm fucking screwed, 1031 01:17:01,800 --> 01:17:03,800 - and you're next, okay! - All right. What? 1032 01:17:07,600 --> 01:17:08,800 Shit. 1033 01:17:10,000 --> 01:17:11,500 What do we do? 1034 01:17:14,600 --> 01:17:17,600 Remember you mentioned that there are other superheroes? 1035 01:17:17,700 --> 01:17:18,600 Yeah. 1036 01:17:19,600 --> 01:17:21,300 Well, do you think they can help us? 1037 01:17:30,600 --> 01:17:33,200 Hot chocolate... extra marshmallows. 1038 01:17:36,300 --> 01:17:39,300 Man, that looks even cooler than it did in the picture. 1039 01:17:39,800 --> 01:17:44,400 Child, you know that's because in the picture it didn't have Gatling Guns. 1040 01:17:44,400 --> 01:17:47,500 Nice job. I'm gonna take mine to bed, okay? 1041 01:17:47,500 --> 01:17:49,900 Okay, baby doll. Sleep tight. 1042 01:17:49,900 --> 01:17:50,900 Thanks. 1043 01:17:51,800 --> 01:17:53,500 - Oh, Kick-Ass? - Mmm-hmm. 1044 01:17:53,900 --> 01:17:56,700 You go get dressed. I'll tell him to meet us at safe house 'b'. 1045 01:17:56,700 --> 01:17:58,700 We'll have our hot chocolate when we get back. 1046 01:17:58,900 --> 01:18:00,000 - Okay, daddy. - Come on. 1047 01:18:10,400 --> 01:18:11,600 There you go. 1048 01:18:12,000 --> 01:18:14,400 - Do you know where that is? - No, but I'll put it in the gps. 1049 01:18:15,100 --> 01:18:16,700 Right, let's go. 1050 01:18:18,200 --> 01:18:19,200 Shit. 1051 01:19:55,200 --> 01:19:56,500 Okay, okay, okay. 1052 01:20:04,500 --> 01:20:09,700 Well. Here you are and... Red Mist. Too. 1053 01:20:14,800 --> 01:20:17,600 - Pleasure to meet you. - Good to meet you, sir. 1054 01:20:17,700 --> 01:20:19,500 Please, come in. 1055 01:20:19,900 --> 01:20:21,000 After you. 1056 01:20:24,500 --> 01:20:26,400 Hit Girl. Manners, honey. 1057 01:20:29,200 --> 01:20:30,600 Hi, I'm Hit Girl. 1058 01:20:32,100 --> 01:20:33,200 No! 1059 01:20:40,000 --> 01:20:41,100 Your ass is mine! 1060 01:20:42,500 --> 01:20:43,600 He's with me, he's okay. 1061 01:20:43,600 --> 01:20:46,300 Shut the fuck up kid. Your daddy's the boss. You go home. 1062 01:20:46,300 --> 01:20:47,200 Are you shitting me? 1063 01:20:47,600 --> 01:20:50,600 He's fine. He's with me! Let him go! 1064 01:20:50,800 --> 01:20:53,000 Get outta here! Get the fuck out of here. 1065 01:20:53,000 --> 01:20:54,900 Hot damn. I always wanted one of these. 1066 01:20:54,900 --> 01:20:57,700 - Are you seriously gonna take that? - Yes. Come on, sweet cheeks. 1067 01:21:02,000 --> 01:21:04,100 If you don't get your wannabe superhero ass in the car... 1068 01:21:04,100 --> 01:21:05,000 ...you're gonna have a lot of trouble on your hands. 1069 01:21:05,000 --> 01:21:06,900 That's really funny. You're so fired. 1070 01:21:07,400 --> 01:21:08,100 Kick-Ass... 1071 01:21:08,100 --> 01:21:10,000 Get him outta here, get him outta here. Get him in the van. 1072 01:21:12,300 --> 01:21:13,900 Kick-Ass, I'm sorry, I... 1073 01:21:14,600 --> 01:21:16,200 Get in the car. Get in there. 1074 01:21:29,200 --> 01:21:31,300 You better fire this asshole. 1075 01:21:31,600 --> 01:21:32,800 Ignore him... 1076 01:21:34,100 --> 01:21:35,400 A bazooka? 1077 01:21:37,800 --> 01:21:38,800 Okay. 1078 01:21:39,100 --> 01:21:43,100 We had a fucking deal, dad, that I'll get you the guy who did it... 1079 01:21:43,100 --> 01:21:46,700 ...and all I'm asking is you let Kick-Ass go. He didn't do anything wrong. 1080 01:21:46,700 --> 01:21:50,300 Chris, you gotta look at this from my point of view. Okay? 1081 01:21:50,400 --> 01:21:52,700 I gotta send a public service message to the people out there... 1082 01:21:52,700 --> 01:21:55,750 ...that being a superhero is bad for your health. 1083 01:21:55,750 --> 01:21:57,600 And the big motherfucker... 1084 01:21:57,600 --> 01:21:59,000 ...nobody knows who he is. 1085 01:21:59,000 --> 01:22:02,100 - That's not fair. - Life's not fair, get over it. 1086 01:22:02,600 --> 01:22:04,200 What are you gonna do to them? 1087 01:22:04,900 --> 01:22:07,800 You really wanna be a part of my business? 1088 01:22:10,000 --> 01:22:10,900 Yeah. 1089 01:22:11,000 --> 01:22:14,600 Then sit down, shut up and watch. 1090 01:22:23,200 --> 01:22:26,600 Frank, we're ready. Enjoy the show. 1091 01:22:26,600 --> 01:22:29,320 - Are you controlling this thing? - I sure am. 1092 01:22:29,320 --> 01:22:31,200 Big brother, watch and learn. 1093 01:22:31,600 --> 01:22:33,300 Welcome back. Breaking news, 1094 01:22:33,300 --> 01:22:35,900 A worldwide web broadcast of the new york superhero 1095 01:22:35,900 --> 01:22:39,300 Who calls himself Kick-Ass is about to be shown live. 1096 01:22:39,300 --> 01:22:42,500 Rumours have it this will be his farewell appearance... 1097 01:22:42,500 --> 01:22:45,100 ...that he will announce his retirement from crime fighting... 1098 01:22:45,100 --> 01:22:48,900 ...but as word of mouth spreads internet providers are predicting that... 1099 01:22:48,900 --> 01:22:52,600 ...it could be one of the most widely viewed live events in web history. 1100 01:22:53,300 --> 01:22:54,300 Where's Dave? 1101 01:22:54,300 --> 01:22:56,300 There are no clues as yet as to the exact nature of the broadcast... 1102 01:22:56,300 --> 01:22:58,180 Holy shit, have you guys noticed... 1103 01:22:58,180 --> 01:23:00,200 He's with Katie, obviously. 1104 01:23:01,200 --> 01:23:03,000 Why else would I be here? 1105 01:23:03,100 --> 01:23:06,600 There's no idea who is behind the broadcast of this show... 1106 01:23:06,600 --> 01:23:09,600 ...but we could see widespread server crashes... 1107 01:23:09,900 --> 01:23:12,100 Dave, why didn't you tell me this is what you were doing? 1108 01:23:12,100 --> 01:23:14,300 You're on the news. Call me. 1109 01:23:14,300 --> 01:23:17,600 We go live to the countdown clock as we are moments away. 1110 01:23:29,800 --> 01:23:31,000 Showtime. 1111 01:23:33,400 --> 01:23:37,300 Hello, boys and girls. Now this... 1112 01:23:38,400 --> 01:23:40,200 ...well, you know who this guy is. 1113 01:23:40,200 --> 01:23:43,500 And this guy here is Big Daddy. 1114 01:23:43,600 --> 01:23:47,400 And these are my friends. come on in, guys, say hello. 1115 01:23:47,800 --> 01:23:51,100 Yeah. Yeah, there they are. Hello, hello. 1116 01:23:51,300 --> 01:23:54,800 Now, Big Daddy and Kick-Ass are gonna help us... 1117 01:23:54,800 --> 01:23:59,700 ...show you why being a hero is a bad idea. 1118 01:23:59,800 --> 01:24:01,900 You know what a silent 'K' is? 1119 01:24:01,900 --> 01:24:03,300 That's when 'k' is at the beginning 1120 01:24:03,300 --> 01:24:05,000 Of the word but you don't pronounce it... 1121 01:24:05,000 --> 01:24:08,900 ...like in the word 'knuckle-duster'. show them what it can do, guy. 1122 01:24:10,300 --> 01:24:12,700 That must've hurt. Let's see it from the other side. 1123 01:24:14,100 --> 01:24:18,400 I think it did. Now in France they say the word "stick" like this. 1124 01:24:18,400 --> 01:24:19,600 Baton. 1125 01:24:19,800 --> 01:24:22,800 We got some of Kick-Ass's batons. we're gonna show you what they can do. 1126 01:24:22,800 --> 01:24:24,000 Go ahead, boys. 1127 01:24:26,800 --> 01:24:32,000 You know, in america we say "stick" like this. Baseball bat. 1128 01:24:32,200 --> 01:24:35,800 Which is very good for hitting knees and stomachs. 1129 01:24:36,100 --> 01:24:38,500 It's also good for hitting balls. 1130 01:24:40,600 --> 01:24:42,000 We don't do them individually... 1131 01:24:42,000 --> 01:24:44,300 ...we do them all together. 1132 01:24:44,300 --> 01:24:46,000 Gentlemen, please. 1133 01:24:46,600 --> 01:24:49,000 Oh, this looks very painful. 1134 01:24:52,600 --> 01:24:54,800 Due to the distressing nature of the images... 1135 01:24:54,800 --> 01:24:58,500 ...we are unable to broadcast the events streaming live on the internet. 1136 01:24:58,500 --> 01:24:59,000 Fuck. 1137 01:24:59,000 --> 01:25:01,100 No, no... 1138 01:25:03,100 --> 01:25:06,100 Despite initial speculation that this may be some kind of hoax... 1139 01:25:06,100 --> 01:25:10,600 ...or publicity stunt, it is now clear the hostages are in genuine danger. 1140 01:25:10,600 --> 01:25:12,780 That all signs point to the intention to 1141 01:25:12,780 --> 01:25:15,400 Stage a live execution in the next few minutes. 1142 01:25:28,900 --> 01:25:32,600 Even with my metal plates and my fucked-up nerve endings... 1143 01:25:32,600 --> 01:25:35,900 ...I gotta tell you... that hurt. 1144 01:25:37,900 --> 01:25:41,000 Kerosene. Yes, the silent killer. 1145 01:25:41,100 --> 01:25:44,800 But not half as much as the idea of leaving everything behind. 1146 01:25:45,300 --> 01:25:46,300 Katie. 1147 01:25:46,900 --> 01:25:48,100 My dad. 1148 01:25:48,700 --> 01:25:50,000 Todd and Marty. 1149 01:25:50,600 --> 01:25:52,500 And all the things I'd never do. 1150 01:25:52,900 --> 01:25:55,100 Like learn to drive. 1151 01:25:55,400 --> 01:25:57,800 Or see what me and Katie's kids would look like. 1152 01:25:58,100 --> 01:26:00,800 - or find out what happened on 'Lost'. - Spicy, spicy. 1153 01:26:01,300 --> 01:26:03,320 And if you think I'm gonna make it 1154 01:26:03,320 --> 01:26:06,000 Through this since I'm talking to you now... 1155 01:26:07,000 --> 01:26:08,900 ...quit being such a smartass. 1156 01:26:09,400 --> 01:26:12,000 Hell, dude, you never seen 'sin city'... 1157 01:26:12,300 --> 01:26:15,200 ...'Sunset Boulevard', 'American Beauty'? 1158 01:26:15,900 --> 01:26:16,900 And this... 1159 01:26:17,300 --> 01:26:19,100 ...for all you cavemen out there... 1160 01:26:20,100 --> 01:26:22,000 ...is fire. 1161 01:26:22,700 --> 01:26:23,600 No. 1162 01:26:31,400 --> 01:26:33,100 Fire. Fire is good. 1163 01:26:34,500 --> 01:26:36,900 Fire is our friend. 1164 01:26:37,500 --> 01:26:38,900 Oh, yeah. 1165 01:26:45,100 --> 01:26:46,600 Gentlemen... 1166 01:26:48,500 --> 01:26:50,300 ...time to die. 1167 01:26:56,000 --> 01:26:57,200 What the...? 1168 01:27:02,000 --> 01:27:05,000 - What the fuck just happened? - Hey, hey, somebody find the lights. 1169 01:27:56,300 --> 01:27:57,600 Get the lighter! 1170 01:27:58,400 --> 01:28:00,700 It's on the floor right over there. Find the lighter. 1171 01:28:06,700 --> 01:28:07,700 I got it. 1172 01:28:22,400 --> 01:28:23,400 No! 1173 01:28:23,400 --> 01:28:25,400 Take cover, child! 1174 01:28:30,800 --> 01:28:34,000 Now switch to kryptonite! 1175 01:28:34,800 --> 01:28:36,300 Kryptonite. Yeah. 1176 01:29:05,700 --> 01:29:09,800 Go to Robin's Revenge! 1177 01:29:09,800 --> 01:29:11,900 Robin. Robin, Robin... 1178 01:29:56,600 --> 01:29:58,100 Show's over, motherfuckers. 1179 01:30:04,600 --> 01:30:06,400 I think I'm in love with her, dude. 1180 01:30:06,800 --> 01:30:09,200 She looks like she's about 11 years old, but... 1181 01:30:09,200 --> 01:30:12,700 I can wait. I solemnly vow to save myself for her. 1182 01:30:13,500 --> 01:30:16,600 That should be really difficult for you. Are you okay? 1183 01:30:17,100 --> 01:30:18,100 Yeah. 1184 01:30:37,700 --> 01:30:39,300 Good job. 1185 01:30:47,600 --> 01:30:50,200 I'm so proud of you, baby doll. 1186 01:30:52,500 --> 01:30:54,200 Are you okay? 1187 01:30:57,400 --> 01:30:58,500 Yeah. 1188 01:31:00,200 --> 01:31:03,900 But getting shot, daddy, it hurt a lot more than when you did it. 1189 01:31:05,000 --> 01:31:09,300 That's because I used low velocity rounds, child. 1190 01:31:13,600 --> 01:31:16,200 You're the kindest daddy in the whole world. 1191 01:31:16,200 --> 01:31:17,800 No, I just... 1192 01:31:20,500 --> 01:31:22,300 ... love you. 1193 01:31:27,300 --> 01:31:29,300 I love you, too, daddy. 1194 01:31:36,800 --> 01:31:38,600 I love you, too, daddy. 1195 01:31:40,100 --> 01:31:41,400 Sleep tight. 1196 01:32:00,700 --> 01:32:02,100 What's your name? 1197 01:32:03,200 --> 01:32:04,800 I mean your real name. 1198 01:32:05,200 --> 01:32:07,900 A superhero never reveals his true identity. 1199 01:32:07,900 --> 01:32:10,600 What? Look, you can't go on... 1200 01:32:12,000 --> 01:32:14,500 However you lived before... 1201 01:32:17,900 --> 01:32:19,200 ...it's over. 1202 01:32:21,400 --> 01:32:24,300 Is there anybody else? Any family or...? 1203 01:32:24,300 --> 01:32:26,200 Look, I can take care of myself. 1204 01:32:27,500 --> 01:32:29,600 I saved your sorry ass. 1205 01:32:30,000 --> 01:32:34,200 What about money? You gotta think long term. 1206 01:32:34,200 --> 01:32:36,900 I've got 3 million dollars in a suitcase. 1207 01:32:37,900 --> 01:32:40,400 That long term enough for you? 1208 01:32:43,000 --> 01:32:45,000 It's not all about the money. 1209 01:32:46,500 --> 01:32:48,000 I owe you. 1210 01:32:49,500 --> 01:32:51,800 If it wasn't for you I'd be dead. 1211 01:32:52,800 --> 01:32:54,500 And if it wasn't for you... 1212 01:32:56,400 --> 01:32:58,100 ...my dad wouldn't be. 1213 01:33:15,000 --> 01:33:16,400 Look... 1214 01:33:17,200 --> 01:33:20,800 ...pack up whatever you need and we'll go back to my place. 1215 01:33:22,200 --> 01:33:24,800 I just need to clean my face. 1216 01:33:24,900 --> 01:33:26,000 Just go. 1217 01:34:21,300 --> 01:34:24,400 I meant like pyjamas and clothes and stuff. 1218 01:34:24,400 --> 01:34:26,200 You can't take that stuff to my house. 1219 01:34:26,200 --> 01:34:28,100 You know what my dad really would have wanted? 1220 01:34:33,600 --> 01:34:36,600 He would have wanted me to finish what we started. 1221 01:34:37,500 --> 01:34:39,600 And that's exactly what I'm gonna do. 1222 01:34:56,600 --> 01:34:59,100 Is this Frank D'Amico's place? 1223 01:34:59,500 --> 01:35:01,300 All that security. 1224 01:35:01,600 --> 01:35:03,200 Are you crazy? 1225 01:35:03,300 --> 01:35:05,800 My mom already died for nothing. 1226 01:35:06,500 --> 01:35:09,600 So I'm sure as hell not gonna let my dad die for nothing, too. 1227 01:35:12,000 --> 01:35:14,000 You can't do this on your own. 1228 01:35:15,900 --> 01:35:17,300 Exactly. 1229 01:35:19,800 --> 01:35:21,900 Do you wanna deal with owing my dad? 1230 01:35:23,700 --> 01:35:26,500 Then shut the hell up and pick your weapon. 1231 01:35:35,100 --> 01:35:37,100 Is that what I think it is? 1232 01:35:38,100 --> 01:35:43,000 Damn straight. You better start reading the instructions because... 1233 01:35:43,100 --> 01:35:45,700 ...you're gonna be using it in about 5 minutes. 1234 01:35:52,800 --> 01:35:56,400 Listen up, we got 5 minutes and I want you back on your post. 1235 01:35:56,400 --> 01:35:58,400 And don't leave a mess. 1236 01:36:12,600 --> 01:36:14,900 - Everything okay? - Everything's all right, boss. 1237 01:36:17,200 --> 01:36:19,600 I can't believe I got my gun back. Look at that. 1238 01:36:19,700 --> 01:36:21,200 You know, it's not the... 1239 01:36:25,600 --> 01:36:27,000 Well, let her in. 1240 01:36:30,300 --> 01:36:32,900 It's a little kid. What's the matter with you? 1241 01:36:37,500 --> 01:36:39,100 Are you okay, sweetheart? 1242 01:36:39,500 --> 01:36:43,600 I... I lost my mommy and daddy. 1243 01:36:43,700 --> 01:36:46,000 She lost her mommy and daddy. 1244 01:36:46,700 --> 01:36:48,600 You wanna use my cell phone? 1245 01:36:50,000 --> 01:36:51,600 Now can you remember the number? 1246 01:37:36,100 --> 01:37:38,400 Had I ever been a real superhero? 1247 01:37:39,400 --> 01:37:42,800 The most I'd ever had to offer the world was good intentions... 1248 01:37:42,800 --> 01:37:45,500 ...and a slightly elevated capacity to take a kicking. 1249 01:37:47,200 --> 01:37:50,900 With no power comes no responsibility. 1250 01:37:51,800 --> 01:37:53,100 Except... 1251 01:37:54,100 --> 01:37:55,500 ...that wasn't true. 1252 01:38:44,100 --> 01:38:46,200 - Holy shit. - Boss, take cover, please. 1253 01:39:40,900 --> 01:39:43,500 I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation 1254 01:39:45,600 --> 01:39:48,200 You're living in the past it's a new generation 1255 01:39:50,300 --> 01:39:54,700 A girl can do what she wants to do and that's what I'm gonna do 1256 01:39:54,700 --> 01:39:57,900 An' I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation 1257 01:40:01,900 --> 01:40:03,100 Not me 1258 01:40:06,500 --> 01:40:07,700 Not me 1259 01:40:08,400 --> 01:40:09,500 God damn! 1260 01:40:11,800 --> 01:40:12,900 Shit! 1261 01:40:21,100 --> 01:40:22,200 What the fuck? 1262 01:40:27,300 --> 01:40:29,300 Get in here! Help me out man! 1263 01:40:34,300 --> 01:40:36,900 Holy fuck... everybody's dead! 1264 01:40:39,100 --> 01:40:41,800 She's behind the counter. she's out of ammo, okay. 1265 01:40:56,900 --> 01:40:58,400 Do you think they caught him? 1266 01:40:59,000 --> 01:41:00,500 If they didn't, he will. 1267 01:41:02,400 --> 01:41:04,700 - Get out there. - Now? 1268 01:41:05,000 --> 01:41:06,200 Yeah, now. 1269 01:41:17,100 --> 01:41:18,500 What the fuck is going on? 1270 01:41:18,500 --> 01:41:20,400 We got her trapped. She's unarmed. 1271 01:41:20,400 --> 01:41:22,400 So what the hell are you guys waiting for? 1272 01:41:22,700 --> 01:41:25,100 - Go get her. - Go on, man. Go get her! 1273 01:41:25,100 --> 01:41:27,700 I ain't got no fucking gun. I'm not going in. 1274 01:41:29,500 --> 01:41:30,900 You do now. 1275 01:41:32,200 --> 01:41:33,200 Now move! 1276 01:41:35,700 --> 01:41:36,800 Go on. 1277 01:41:53,300 --> 01:41:56,500 Fuck this shit. I'm getting the bazooka. 1278 01:41:59,100 --> 01:42:00,200 Bazooka? 1279 01:42:00,700 --> 01:42:02,000 Bazooka? 1280 01:42:02,800 --> 01:42:05,800 It's only me, boss. everything's under control. 1281 01:42:17,800 --> 01:42:22,500 Un... under control? You're grabbing a fucking bazooka, you dumb ass. 1282 01:42:23,900 --> 01:42:25,000 Sir? 1283 01:42:26,900 --> 01:42:27,900 Do it. 1284 01:42:49,800 --> 01:42:51,500 I always wanted to say this... 1285 01:42:53,700 --> 01:42:56,500 ...say hello to my little friend! 1286 01:43:16,400 --> 01:43:24,700 Glory, glory, hallelujah 1287 01:43:26,200 --> 01:43:29,600 - His truth is... - Dirty motherfuckers! 1288 01:43:29,600 --> 01:43:35,600 ...marching on 1289 01:43:36,900 --> 01:43:49,200 His truth is marching on 1290 01:43:55,100 --> 01:43:56,700 Holy shit! 1291 01:44:05,100 --> 01:44:07,300 That is one weird sounding bazooka. 1292 01:44:07,300 --> 01:44:08,300 Stu! 1293 01:44:14,300 --> 01:44:15,200 Fuck! 1294 01:44:25,300 --> 01:44:26,400 Get them! 1295 01:44:36,000 --> 01:44:37,600 Playtime's over, kid. 1296 01:44:38,900 --> 01:44:41,000 I never play. 1297 01:44:41,800 --> 01:44:43,000 Oh, really? 1298 01:46:01,000 --> 01:46:03,100 Ruin my business, huh? 1299 01:46:04,300 --> 01:46:07,500 Kill every single fucking guy on my payroll. 1300 01:46:37,200 --> 01:46:39,800 God, I wish I had a son like you. 1301 01:46:46,000 --> 01:46:48,200 Time for a family reunion. 1302 01:46:49,700 --> 01:46:50,800 Hey. 1303 01:46:51,600 --> 01:46:53,900 Why don't you pick on someone your own size? 1304 01:47:13,700 --> 01:47:16,000 - Are you okay? - Yeah. 1305 01:47:17,300 --> 01:47:18,900 Time to go home. 1306 01:48:55,700 --> 01:48:57,300 Thanks, Kick-Ass. 1307 01:48:57,500 --> 01:48:59,100 My daddy... 1308 01:49:01,400 --> 01:49:04,000 ...he would have been proud of both of us. 1309 01:49:14,100 --> 01:49:15,300 Dave. 1310 01:49:16,300 --> 01:49:19,800 - Dave Lizewski. - I know that, dumb ass. 1311 01:49:30,900 --> 01:49:32,000 Mindy. 1312 01:49:33,600 --> 01:49:35,200 Mindy MacReady. 1313 01:49:52,500 --> 01:49:54,200 - Bye-bye. - Bye. 1314 01:49:56,300 --> 01:49:59,500 Mindy moved in with Marcus and he enrolled her at my school. 1315 01:49:59,500 --> 01:50:00,800 - Bye. - Good luck. 1316 01:50:02,100 --> 01:50:03,750 First school she'd ever been to... 1317 01:50:03,750 --> 01:50:05,900 On the promise that I'd look out for her. 1318 01:50:07,300 --> 01:50:08,200 Hey. 1319 01:50:08,400 --> 01:50:09,900 Not that she needed me to. 1320 01:50:09,900 --> 01:50:11,100 Hey, new kid. 1321 01:50:11,500 --> 01:50:12,600 Hi. 1322 01:50:13,200 --> 01:50:15,700 Lunch money... now. 1323 01:50:24,300 --> 01:50:26,800 Kick-Ass was gone but not forgotten. 1324 01:50:28,000 --> 01:50:31,500 And my world was much safer with all the new superheroes. 1325 01:50:32,400 --> 01:50:34,800 They said I was their inspiration... 1326 01:50:35,100 --> 01:50:37,030 But all I did was make a door into a 1327 01:50:37,030 --> 01:50:39,600 World I dreamed about since I was a little kid. 1328 01:50:40,500 --> 01:50:43,100 A world full of superheroes, huh? 1329 01:50:45,400 --> 01:50:47,300 As a great man once said... 1330 01:50:50,300 --> 01:50:52,700 ..."wait till they get a load of me". 1331 01:51:09,500 --> 01:51:12,000 Take me, I'm alive 1332 01:51:12,000 --> 01:51:14,200 Never was a girl with a wicked mind 1333 01:51:14,200 --> 01:51:19,500 But everything looks better when the sun goes down 1334 01:51:19,500 --> 01:51:21,900 I had everything 1335 01:51:21,900 --> 01:51:28,600 Opportunities for eternity and I could belong to the night 1336 01:51:29,400 --> 01:51:31,800 I see your eyes 1337 01:51:31,800 --> 01:51:37,200 I can see in your eyes, your eyes 1338 01:51:37,900 --> 01:51:40,300 You make me wanna die 1339 01:51:40,300 --> 01:51:42,700 I'll never be good enough 1340 01:51:42,700 --> 01:51:45,300 You make me wanna die 1341 01:51:45,300 --> 01:51:50,200 And everything you love will burn up in the light 1342 01:51:50,200 --> 01:51:56,100 Every time I look inside your eyes 1343 01:51:57,600 --> 01:51:59,900 You make me wanna die 1344 01:52:09,000 --> 01:52:11,400 Taste me, drink my soul 1345 01:52:11,400 --> 01:52:13,800 Show me all the things that I shouldn't 1346 01:52:13,800 --> 01:52:18,200 Know when there's a new moon on the rise 1347 01:52:18,700 --> 01:52:21,300 I had everything 1348 01:52:21,300 --> 01:52:28,200 Opportunities for eternity and I could belong to the night 1349 01:52:28,700 --> 01:52:31,000 I see your eyes 1350 01:52:31,100 --> 01:52:36,200 I can see in your eyes, your eyes 1351 01:52:36,200 --> 01:52:41,600 Everything in your eyes, your eyes 1352 01:52:42,200 --> 01:52:44,500 You make me wanna die 1353 01:52:44,500 --> 01:52:47,100 I'll never be good enough 1354 01:52:47,100 --> 01:52:49,700 You make me wanna die 1355 01:52:49,700 --> 01:52:54,500 And everything you love will burn up in the light 1356 01:52:54,500 --> 01:53:00,400 And every time I look inside your eyes 1357 01:53:01,900 --> 01:53:05,000 You make me wanna die 1358 01:53:14,800 --> 01:53:19,600 I would die for you, my love 1359 01:53:20,000 --> 01:53:20,800 My love 1360 01:53:20,800 --> 01:53:24,500 You make me wanna die 1361 01:53:24,500 --> 01:53:29,500 And I would die for you, my love 1362 01:53:29,600 --> 01:53:31,800 My love 1363 01:53:31,800 --> 01:53:34,300 We'll burn up in the light 1364 01:53:34,300 --> 01:53:39,200 Every time I look inside your eyes 1365 01:53:39,200 --> 01:53:41,000 I'm running in the light 1366 01:53:41,000 --> 01:53:44,200 Look inside your eyes 1367 01:53:44,200 --> 01:53:45,800 I'm running in the light 1368 01:53:45,800 --> 01:53:50,200 Look inside your eyes 1369 01:53:51,500 --> 01:53:53,900 You make me wanna die 1370 01:54:19,400 --> 01:54:21,000 We are young 1371 01:54:21,200 --> 01:54:23,100 We are strong 1372 01:54:23,100 --> 01:54:26,800 We're not looking for where we belong 1373 01:54:26,900 --> 01:54:28,900 We're not cool 1374 01:54:28,900 --> 01:54:31,000 We are free 1375 01:54:31,000 --> 01:54:35,100 And we're running with blood on our knees 1376 01:54:43,900 --> 01:54:45,800 We could rule the world 1377 01:54:45,800 --> 01:54:47,700 On a silver platter 1378 01:54:47,700 --> 01:54:49,600 From the wrong to the right line 1379 01:54:49,600 --> 01:54:51,500 To the open stream 1380 01:54:51,500 --> 01:54:53,300 With a crash and burn 1381 01:54:55,300 --> 01:54:57,300 Turn it upside down 1382 01:54:57,300 --> 01:54:59,500 Just you and me 1383 01:54:59,700 --> 01:55:01,600 We are the dream 1384 01:55:01,600 --> 01:55:05,500 No other way to be 1385 01:55:05,600 --> 01:55:07,300 We are young 1386 01:55:07,300 --> 01:55:09,100 We are strong 1387 01:55:09,100 --> 01:55:12,900 We're not looking for where we belong 1388 01:55:13,100 --> 01:55:15,100 We're not cool 1389 01:55:15,100 --> 01:55:17,100 We are free 1390 01:55:17,100 --> 01:55:21,000 And we're running with blood on our knees 1391 01:55:22,300 --> 01:55:24,200 I could change the world 1392 01:55:24,200 --> 01:55:26,100 I can make it better 1393 01:55:26,100 --> 01:55:28,000 Kick it up and down 1394 01:55:28,000 --> 01:55:29,900 Take a chance on me 1395 01:55:29,900 --> 01:55:31,700 With your fake smile 1396 01:55:31,700 --> 01:55:33,800 And you think you're better 1397 01:55:33,800 --> 01:55:35,700 Gonna put it down 1398 01:55:35,700 --> 01:55:37,800 Put it at your feet 1399 01:55:38,000 --> 01:55:40,000 No bridge to burn 1400 01:55:40,000 --> 01:55:43,800 Nowhere to turn for me 1401 01:55:43,900 --> 01:55:45,700 We are young 1402 01:55:45,800 --> 01:55:47,600 We are strong 1403 01:55:47,600 --> 01:55:51,400 We're not looking for where we belong 1404 01:55:51,500 --> 01:55:53,400 We're not cool 1405 01:55:53,400 --> 01:55:55,500 We are free 1406 01:55:55,500 --> 01:55:59,200 And we're running with blood on our knees 1407 01:55:59,200 --> 01:56:01,100 We are young 1408 01:56:01,100 --> 01:56:03,000 We are strong 1409 01:56:03,000 --> 01:56:06,700 We're not looking for where we belong 1410 01:56:06,900 --> 01:56:08,800 We're not cool 1411 01:56:08,800 --> 01:56:10,800 We are free 1412 01:56:10,800 --> 01:56:15,100 And we're running with blood on our knees 1413 01:56:15,400 --> 01:56:18,500 What do they know about us 1414 01:56:18,600 --> 01:56:22,600 Are they thinking of somebody else 1415 01:56:22,600 --> 01:56:26,100 Are they wondering what we might be 1416 01:56:26,100 --> 01:56:29,900 Are they thinking of you or of me 1417 01:56:30,000 --> 01:56:31,800 We are young 1418 01:56:31,900 --> 01:56:33,800 We are strong 1419 01:56:33,800 --> 01:56:37,400 We're not looking for where we belong 1420 01:56:37,600 --> 01:56:39,600 We're not cool 1421 01:56:39,600 --> 01:56:41,600 We are free 1422 01:56:41,600 --> 01:56:45,200 And we're running with blood on our knees 1423 01:56:45,300 --> 01:56:47,200 We are young 1424 01:56:47,200 --> 01:56:49,200 We are strong 1425 01:56:49,200 --> 01:56:52,900 We're not looking for where we belong 1426 01:56:53,000 --> 01:56:54,900 We're not cool 1427 01:56:54,900 --> 01:56:56,900 We are free 1428 01:56:56,900 --> 01:57:00,600 And we're running with blood on our knees 1429 01:57:00,700 --> 01:57:02,600 We are young 1430 01:57:02,600 --> 01:57:04,500 We are strong 1431 01:57:04,500 --> 01:57:08,200 We're not looking for where we belong 1432 01:57:08,300 --> 01:57:10,300 We're not cool 1433 01:57:10,300 --> 01:57:12,300 We are free 1434 01:57:12,300 --> 01:57:16,100 And we're running with blood on our knees 1435 01:57:16,100 --> 01:57:18,100 We are young 1436 01:57:18,100 --> 01:57:20,000 We are strong 1437 01:57:20,000 --> 01:57:23,600 We're not looking for where we belong 1438 01:57:23,700 --> 01:57:25,700 We're not cool 1439 01:57:25,700 --> 01:57:27,600 We are free108460