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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,004
*
2
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:15,283
* Why am I hiding? *
3
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,854
* Why don't I speak? *
4
00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:28,929
* What am I waiting for? *
5
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:30,864
(giggles)
6
00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:38,439
-How you feeling?
-Good.
7
00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:40,441
You sure you're okay
he's coming?
8
00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:44,078
I'm not angry anymore.
9
00:00:44,112 --> 00:00:47,381
I think it might even
be good to see him.
10
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:49,083
Good.
11
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:55,256
* We float, we're floating *
12
00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:59,026
* Why can't I let *
13
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:01,262
* Myself out? *
14
00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:07,235
What's your end-of-life plan?
15
00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:09,370
Easy, toss me off something.
16
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:10,771
Huh?
17
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,440
I want to know
how it feels to fly.
18
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:14,475
-Oh...
-Ooh. Or sex murder me.
19
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:17,245
Yeah, scratch that.
Sex murder me for sure.
20
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:20,548
I'll be on Nancy Grace 24/7,
a nation will mourn.
21
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:23,151
Don't let Ron Howard's daughter
play me in the movie.
22
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:24,585
We have beef.
23
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,420
I want to be cremated,
24
00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:30,824
with my ashes kept for eternity
in an urn on your mantel.
25
00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:33,994
You may remarry,
just no one sexier than me.
26
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:36,497
The one exception
being Mark Ruffalo.
27
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:37,898
Fair enough.
28
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,734
Mm. Mm...
29
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:44,071
(grunts)
Actually, I'm pretty tired.
30
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,106
Oh, okay.
31
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:49,109
Okay, good night.
32
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:52,079
It's just that...
33
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:55,916
uh, we've-we've sort of created
an expectation
34
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,085
where we do sex whenever
35
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,354
-one of us wants it.
-And yet I'm still tired.
36
00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:02,156
-Are you mad about the florist?
-I'm fine.
37
00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:04,292
-I want to make it up to you.
-Don't bother.
38
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:06,760
-You can't.
-How can we make it even?
39
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:09,129
Do you want to sock me
in the face? I'm extra bruisey,
40
00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:11,632
so you'll get to relish
the effects for weeks.
41
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:13,634
There's nothing you can do
about getting your dick sucked.
42
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,536
I could suck a dick.
(chuckles)
43
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:17,305
To even it out.
44
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:20,308
Like those "take a penny,
leave a penny" cups.
45
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:23,344
Make it a zero-blowjob
sum gain for me.
46
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,879
Sounds fair. You do that.
Suck a dick, Jimmy.
47
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:28,616
-(chuckles)
-No, I'm serious.
48
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:31,185
Suck a dick.
Suck a dick!
49
00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:33,721
Alternately...
50
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:35,756
just let me be mad.
51
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:47,835
* I'm gonna leave you anyway *
52
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:50,871
* I'm gonna leave you
anyway *
53
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:53,507
* Gonna leave you anyway. *
54
00:02:57,545 --> 00:03:00,914
Next, we have examples of some
of our most popular fillings.
55
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:02,750
Uh, butterscotch-cream cheese,
56
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:06,053
almond ganache, lemon curd,
Earl Grey medley,
57
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:09,523
apricot jam,
kiwi-pistachio buttercream.
58
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,392
Hey, you wouldn't think kiwi
and pistachio
59
00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:15,128
would go well together,
and yet, they don't.
60
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,532
-So when's the big day?
-June 9.
61
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,768
-(laughs) Six-nine. Nice.
-Sex number.
62
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:23,103
They get it. What about you?
63
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,338
We're already married. Shh.
64
00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:26,440
QUINN: We got totally
caught up in the hype
65
00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:28,409
and spent way too much money
on our wedding.
66
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:29,910
Our ring bearer
was an actual bear.
67
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:31,579
Deep-sixed
our finances for years.
68
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:33,080
RACHEL: So we stick it to
the wedding-industrial complex
69
00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:35,115
whenever we can.
It feels so good.
70
00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:37,117
Yeah. Rachel has
a personality disorder.
71
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:39,119
I shoplift. I mean, I used to.
72
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:40,888
So scamming free cakes
or menu tastings
73
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,923
really scratches the itch.
74
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:46,260
It's our third tasting
of the day. Quinn is in AA.
75
00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:47,961
Micro-transgressions
make drinking
76
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:49,463
fucking seltzer water tolerable.
77
00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:51,532
-(both laugh)
-I love shoplifting.
78
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,401
I basically stole
this whole outfit.
79
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:56,637
-And Jimmy's a total alcoholic.
-Hmm?
80
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,105
Hey, if you guys want our help
gaming the system,
81
00:03:58,138 --> 00:03:59,973
we could save you a buck or two.
82
00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:03,110
We have low to no morals, so we
would be totally up for that.
83
00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:04,712
Great.
84
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,280
-QUINN: Hi.
-RACHEL: Oh, hi. Yes.
85
00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:09,116
Jimmy, we're gonna
have couple friends.
86
00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:11,084
The hardest of passes.
87
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:12,753
Couple friends, Jimmy.
88
00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:14,755
All married people
need couple friends.
89
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:17,224
It's a must-have.
Couple friends.
90
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,726
Stop saying "couple friends."
91
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,328
We are not going to have...
92
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:23,731
-Couple friends!
-(laughter)
93
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:24,965
Thank you so much
for having us over, you guys.
94
00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:26,900
Oh, we love wine hangs
on the patio.
95
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,101
We have never done this once.
96
00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:30,504
Why not?
You have a gorgeous view.
97
00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:33,106
-We do?
-Do we? Hmm.
98
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,309
Here is our wedding binder.
99
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:37,811
The orange tabs
are the easiest places to scam.
100
00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:40,113
Purple means you can get
actual cash out of them.
101
00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:42,750
DJs, photographers, flowers.
102
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:46,687
We may actually be in the market
for a new florist. Right, Jimmy?
103
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:47,955
RACHEL:
Venues.
104
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:50,324
-Very cool.
-I'm glad we could do this.
105
00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:52,826
Hey, how are you guys?
106
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,828
-Shh.
-Oh, they can't hear us.
107
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:58,098
We're not really
even here anymore. Watch.
108
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:01,001
I don't believe
in the Holocaust.
109
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:02,836
-So, example...
-I like that
you can smoke there.
110
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:05,272
Huh. Huh. Let me try.
111
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:09,209
Um, Gretchen, you eat your butt,
112
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:11,645
and farts from your butt.
113
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:14,382
Oh...
(chuckles)
114
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:16,216
So, why'd you ask
about me and Gretchen?
115
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:18,986
Oh, well, planning a wedding
can be stressful.
116
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:22,122
Also, because of the little
thing with the florist.
117
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,792
(laughs) Rachel and Gretchen
have been texting.
118
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:27,194
So I gather privacy goes out
the window with couple friends?
119
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:30,564
Jimmy, you have
no secrets anymore. (chuckles)
120
00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:33,066
-Fantastic.
-But seriously,
121
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,869
if you ever need someone
to listen, I'm here.
122
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:38,305
Okay, Michael Messner,
sociologist and proponent
123
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,809
of more emotional elasticity
in traditional masculine roles.
124
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,977
I know, I know.
I'm a big old softy.
125
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,579
AA will do that to you.
126
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:49,417
Never stop drinking, Jimmy.
127
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:50,884
It's horrible.
128
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:56,657
Man, I would love
to come out here
129
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,026
and fly my drone over
the reservoir sometime.
130
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:01,028
Oh, I have a drone, too.
131
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,830
(chuckles)
Well, had.
132
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:06,099
They really should put a "Return
Home" button on the controls.
133
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,135
They do.
134
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,006
Ah. What do you know?
135
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,241
-Mm-hmm.
-(laughs)
136
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:23,951
So, um, what did Gretchen
tell Rachel about the, uh,
137
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:28,522
you know, t-the time I let
someone else fly my drone?
138
00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:31,124
Was she upset about the flight?
139
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:34,061
Because she's been
cagey about it.
140
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:37,330
Well, how would you feel
if someone flew her drone?
141
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:43,103
So this place,
these are the photographers.
142
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,138
-(drone whirring)
-This is the whole section
of photographers.
143
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:46,540
This guy is hot, he's good,
144
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:48,075
-he's passionate...
-(bushes rustle)
145
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:56,450
They're so cool.
146
00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:58,285
Do you think she likes me?
147
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:00,554
I think she likes me.
148
00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:03,491
Why are you quiet?
Does she not like me?
149
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,125
Goddamn it.
150
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,928
Of course she did.
Who wouldn't like you?
151
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,568
So you talked
to Rachel about it.
152
00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:16,069
-About what?
-It. The florist thing.
153
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,739
Yet you won't
talk to me about it.
154
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,674
-No.
-But you talked
to Rachel about it.
155
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,075
-We're friends.
-She told Quinn.
156
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,311
-They're married.
-And Quinn told me she told him.
157
00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:25,579
Seems like you've
cracked the case
158
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,180
of who knows what, Dr. Dolittle.
159
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:28,749
Dr. Dolittle talked to animals.
160
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,184
Dr. House.
161
00:07:31,218 --> 00:07:34,855
You should be happy for me
getting a female friend!
162
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,658
I get nervous just texting her
because I just know
163
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,660
I'm gonna say something
that will make her hate me.
164
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:42,429
So yes, I open up to her,
165
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:46,266
like girls are supposed to do,
and it's actually working.
166
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,602
So you should be
goddamn happy for me!
167
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:51,371
Hey.
168
00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:52,840
Are you okay?
169
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:56,009
Do you need to up
your medication dosage, maybe?
170
00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:00,548
You got a blowjob
171
00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,950
from a vendor for our wedding.
172
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,986
Okay. Then let's talk about it.
173
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:09,056
No. I told you. Suck a dick,
or leave me alone about it.
174
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:12,560
Okay, but really...
what can I do?
175
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:15,228
I am dead serious.
You're right.
176
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:18,331
That's the only way
to make things even.
177
00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:22,202
Put a dick in your mouth
and suck on it.
178
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:25,673
Let me know
when you've done that.
179
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,845
(doorbell rings)
180
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,851
Hey.
181
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:41,521
-Hey, girl.
-(laughs): Come in.
182
00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:43,423
Dope place.
183
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,593
Thanks. It's a flip.
184
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:47,795
Well, I am flipping for it.
185
00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:50,664
Cookies!
186
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:51,865
Thanks.
187
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,601
Such a good idea
to do solo hangs.
188
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:56,169
I know. Couple friends,
solo style.
189
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,871
Also, I can't be
around Jimmy right now.
190
00:08:57,905 --> 00:09:01,441
-Still?
-Ugh, I don't know.
It's not his fault.
191
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:03,043
Getting his dick sucked
isn't his fault?
192
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,713
No, that was. Totally.
That was scummy.
193
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,414
I just mean that's not, like...
194
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:09,817
all of it, you know?
195
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:15,455
Anyways, let's talk about
literally anything else.
196
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:19,026
Um, rhubarb! Homemade soap!
Feminist porn!
197
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,761
-The gig economy!
-Bowling!
198
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:22,630
Costa Rica! Doughnuts!
199
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,231
-Alcohol?
-Ladybugs!
200
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:25,633
No, I'm asking do you want
some alcohol?
201
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:27,300
Oh, God, yes.
202
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:30,604
I hope we didn't force
this solo hang on the boys.
203
00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:33,974
You think they like each other
as much as we do?
204
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:36,009
Impossible.
205
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,216
Why in God's name
did I put it out there?
206
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:46,453
I know Gretchen.
That was very foolish.
207
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:48,321
She made me taste
my own ejaculate.
208
00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:51,759
-Yeah, I heard about that.
-Of course you did.
209
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:54,461
-You were just making
a joke, right?
-Yes!
210
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:56,930
Well, not a joke precisely.
211
00:09:56,964 --> 00:10:00,100
I was presenting the obvious
logical equivalent.
212
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:02,502
I didn't think
she'd latch onto it.
213
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,571
Do you know she hasn't
spoken to me since?
214
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,273
Wait, am I even supposed
to tell you this?
215
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:07,741
I don't know the rules.
216
00:10:07,775 --> 00:10:10,577
I'm sorry, Jimmy.
This is a tough one.
217
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,445
You could just wait her out?
218
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:14,281
Do you know
how disconcerting it is
219
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:16,349
to live with someone
who will not talk to you?
220
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:19,452
I just keep pretending
I'm Harvey Keitel in The Piano
221
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,521
and Gretchen is a fetching mute.
222
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:23,156
You could...
223
00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:27,327
you know... do it.
224
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,330
What? No, no.
225
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:33,801
No, I can't... I couldn't...
I-I can't do that.
226
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:36,536
I know, but, I mean,
227
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:38,305
it is just skin.
228
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:41,641
Attached to a disgusting,
hairy, male man.
229
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:43,643
-Wait, you haven't ever?
-No.
230
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,014
Uh... I mean, maybe.
231
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:50,283
I used to black out a lot.
But, look,
232
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,285
it's not that big a deal.
233
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:55,188
It might even be interesting,
experientially speaking.
234
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:58,191
-I do enjoy new experiences.
-Uh-huh.
235
00:10:58,225 --> 00:11:00,360
Though, generally ones
with less immediate proximity
236
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:02,329
-to testicles.
-Mm-hmm.
237
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:04,732
No, look, even if I could S a D,
238
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,734
where would I find
the D to S?
239
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:08,635
A dating app.
240
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,805
My brother uses
this one all the time.
241
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,673
He lets me help him pick dudes.
242
00:11:13,707 --> 00:11:15,675
And you can basically
order anything.
243
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:18,245
It's like Postmates for penis.
Check it out.
244
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:21,081
You can see what each guy
is down for right here.
245
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:22,549
Here's one!
246
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:26,920
This guy is willing to host
and he's looking for oral ASAP.
247
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:29,356
-Well, he looks pleasant enough.
-Mm-hmm.
248
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,691
-Like a small-town veterinarian.
-Yeah.
249
00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:33,160
Or the first soldier
250
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,495
-to die in a war movie. Yeah.
-Yes.
251
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,264
-Let's make your profile.
-Oh, okay.
252
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:39,266
Uh, wait, wait. Um...
253
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:42,102
(shutter clicks)
254
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:45,672
Very nice.
Now look like a rough boy.
255
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,140
Oh.
256
00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:51,879
Mm, maybe go back
to the duck lips.
257
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:55,282
Just a little aggressive.
There we go.
258
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:58,551
You can't help
but to start to imagine
259
00:11:58,585 --> 00:12:00,687
this entire personality
260
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,423
and childhood and college essays
261
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:05,092
for this thing that's
living inside of you,
262
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,960
even though you know
you're not supposed to.
263
00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:09,229
How can you help it?
264
00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:12,565
Anyway, so that
was hard to get over.
265
00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:17,404
Not sure I am yet.
I know I'm gun-shy to try again.
266
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:20,607
-Right. Totally.
-So...
267
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,109
how about you?
268
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:24,644
Oh, yeah, no, nothing like that.
269
00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:27,747
I cut myself trying to trim
my pubes once, so I get it.
270
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:30,383
I mean, do you guys
want children?
271
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:34,254
Oh, uh... Shit.
272
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:37,590
Babies... I don't know.
273
00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:39,793
I like them when they're
dressed up like animals,
274
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:42,162
but I don't yet
totally know if I...
275
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,832
You don't know if you want
to be a mom? Totally normal.
276
00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:47,267
Oh, no, I want it.
I was gonna say "should."
277
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,336
I don't know if I should be a...
278
00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:54,241
Do you want to... Do you want me
to put on some music?
279
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:57,677
I have a mental thing.
Uh... whatchamacallit,
280
00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:00,147
clinical depression.
281
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:05,252
-Sorry.
-No.
282
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,154
Sorry, I'm sorry.
Um, I'm just flinchy.
283
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:09,422
-I want a hug.
-It's okay.
284
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:12,525
Hey, in fact...
(chuckles) let's hug
285
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:16,129
as soon as I go pee-pee
in your toilet.
286
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:18,165
Then we're gonna hug
like motherfuckers.
287
00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,010
(phone chimes)
288
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:34,314
He says his door is unlocked.
289
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:37,184
It's go time. You got this.
290
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:38,852
Easy peasy.
291
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:41,621
Mouthwash, gum,
antibacterial wipes.
292
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,390
Stash it in a bush.
293
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:46,093
Remember, this is for your lady.
It's just skin.
294
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,507
You got this!
295
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,579
Hello.
296
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:08,381
MAN:
Hello.
297
00:14:08,415 --> 00:14:12,585
Oh. There you are.
298
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:17,991
Got a lovely,
lovely house. Books!
299
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:20,027
Very nice.
300
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:21,428
I don't know this neighborhood.
301
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:24,231
Seems to have a high
walkability rating.
302
00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:27,500
Shh. Take off your shirt.
303
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:31,004
Ah. Okay.
304
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,439
Just like that.
305
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:35,075
Decisive.
Good on you, mate.
306
00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:44,151
(exhales)
307
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,787
I'm a little nervous.
You see, this is my...
308
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:48,855
Can you stop talking?
309
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,791
Right, yeah, okay, okay.
310
00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:55,128
Silencio, por favor.
311
00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:57,064
I'll just-I'll just
get at it then.
312
00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:58,065
Um...
313
00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,800
Could you make it a little sexy?
314
00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:03,937
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah,
well, I plan to.
315
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:20,487
Yeah, it's lovely.
316
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,889
Oh, you like that?
You like that?
317
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,124
See, I do not work out,
318
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:26,459
like, in a traditional sense,
319
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:28,795
but I have a top-notch
calisthenics routine--
320
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:31,731
yeah, the name of which
is derived
321
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,833
from Callisthenes of Olynthus.
322
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:37,404
Fun fact, Aristotle
was his great uncle.
323
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:38,938
Now, you might wonder...
324
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:41,108
That was quick. How'd it go?
325
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,776
-He disinvited me.
-What? Why?
326
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:46,279
He accused me of being
a closeted virgin,
327
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:48,115
and then I sort of
lunged at him awkwardly,
328
00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:49,482
fell into his leg,
329
00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:51,484
knocked over a picture puzzle
he'd been working on.
330
00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:52,685
He was livid.
331
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:55,922
I mean, his attitude at the end
was a real turnoff.
332
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,124
(phone chimes)
333
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:59,492
He gave you zero eggplants.
334
00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:02,029
Zero?! How dare he!
335
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:03,963
Well, in retaliation,
I shall give him...
336
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:06,866
-(phone chimes)
-Uh, you can't. He blocked you.
337
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:11,004
Where's your shirt?
338
00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:13,673
(gasps)
339
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:27,387
(toilet flushes)
340
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:46,339
(mouthing)
341
00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:58,185
What are you doing?
342
00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,987
Nothing. I was just seeing
if you had a cat.
343
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,123
Do you have a cat?
Because I couldn't find one.
344
00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:07,394
Oh, the comb. I was thinking
of getting one of these,
345
00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:09,629
and I wanted to know
if it could fit in my bra.
346
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:13,400
Why, are you accusing me
of stealing?
347
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:17,036
That is really messed up of you,
Rachel. Projecting much?
348
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:18,705
-(laughs)
-What?
349
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,773
Why are you laughing at me?
350
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:24,411
This is my absolute favorite
part of a new friendship.
351
00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:26,279
When the real comes out.
352
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:34,287
Listen, Gretchen,
here's how it is with me.
353
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:36,789
I don't let just anyone in.
354
00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:40,460
But I don't lose people, so...
355
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:44,531
once you're in,
you're in for life.
356
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,566
(stifled laugh)
357
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:55,108
(sobs softly)
358
00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:57,244
But, seriously, I am gonna need
my grandmother's comb back.
359
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,051
(crying softly)
360
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,653
-QUINN: What are you gonna do?
-JIMMY: Eh.
361
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:09,789
Just live a sexless existence
next to a prickly, mute,
362
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:11,891
redheaded ball
of anger and recrimination
363
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,726
until she eventually leaves me.
364
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:18,231
Or enact some far worse revenge
gleaned from countless hours
365
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,133
spent watching Snapped,
366
00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:23,670
in which women finally,
you know, snap.
367
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:25,838
Fuck this.
You can't give up.
368
00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:28,241
Let's go to the West Hollywood
bars. I'll wingman you.
369
00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:31,844
Oh, forget it. I clearly
can't S a stranger's D.
370
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:35,715
I'd have to at least be
comfortable with the guy, or...
371
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:50,730
(chuckles)
372
00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:06,213
*
373
00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:28,701
(water running)
374
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:30,737
(water stops)
375
00:19:34,207 --> 00:19:36,175
I did it.
376
00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:39,145
-Did what?
-The thing you told me to do.
377
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,681
I did it.
I did the thing.
378
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:46,085
-I did it.
-Jimmy. Wait.
379
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:48,488
Whoa, what?
380
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,023
Jimmy.
Jimmy?
381
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:53,059
-Jimmy!
-(chuckles)
382
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:57,330
(gasps) What are you...?
What? Who?
383
00:19:57,364 --> 00:20:01,000
-Quinn.
-(gasps) What? What?
384
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,602
What is happening?
385
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:06,239
Oh, my God. You...
386
00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:09,609
Jimmy!
(muffled scream)
387
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:13,246
What the actual fuck?!
388
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:16,249
Oh, my God!
389
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:18,084
You...
390
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:20,353
you sucked a dick for me.
391
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:23,923
I say "S'd a D."
It's classier.
392
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:26,959
Wait. Oh, no.
But Rachel...
393
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,195
Oh, no, no. It's fine. He called
her right before he left.
394
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,264
She thought it was hilarious.
395
00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:33,199
Really? Seriously?
396
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:36,102
Ooh.
Okay, then.
397
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:39,906
So... we're good?
398
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:41,908
Yes, Jimmy.
We're good.
399
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:44,811
I mean, I was just trying
to get you off my back.
400
00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:47,280
-What?
-Nothing. You did it for me.
401
00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:50,116
Mm. I love you for that.
402
00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:55,254
By the way, they're coming over
for dinner tomorrow night.
403
00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:56,656
Try not to drop your fork
404
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,391
and accidentally
suck his dick again.
405
00:20:58,425 --> 00:20:59,992
(laughs)
406
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:06,433
To making connections.
407
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:09,302
To the serendipity of meeting
you guys at that cake tasting,
408
00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:12,572
and to always being open
to new experiences.
409
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,240
RACHEL:
To letting people in.
410
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:16,643
And to the lengths
our husbands will go
411
00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:18,811
to make us happy.
(laughs)
412
00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:21,180
Oh, well. If it was good enough
for Oscar Wilde
413
00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:23,850
and Tennessee Williams
and Truman Capote
414
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,585
and James Baldwin...
415
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:29,088
Okay, most of my favorite
male writers, actually.
416
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,623
To friends for life.
417
00:21:30,657 --> 00:21:31,858
JIMMY and RACHEL:
For life.
418
00:21:31,891 --> 00:21:35,127
*
419
00:21:35,161 --> 00:21:38,598
RACHEL (echoing):
I don't let just anyone in...
420
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:42,134
but I don't lose people. Once
you're in, you're in for life.
421
00:21:42,168 --> 00:21:44,704
For life!
422
00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:47,474
I don't lose people.
You're in for life.
423
00:21:47,507 --> 00:21:49,542
For life. For life.
You're in for life.
424
00:21:49,576 --> 00:21:52,679
You're in for life.
425
00:21:52,712 --> 00:21:54,681
Jimmy, what are you guys
talking about?
426
00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:56,883
What?
427
00:21:56,916 --> 00:21:58,518
The blowjob.
(chuckles)
428
00:21:58,551 --> 00:22:02,321
Gretchen, the, uh... Jimmy?
429
00:22:02,355 --> 00:22:04,056
You did know about the...
430
00:22:04,090 --> 00:22:06,325
Blowjob?
You didn't put your...
431
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:07,694
you had his...
432
00:22:07,727 --> 00:22:10,697
your m-mouth, Jimmy?
433
00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:13,833
-What are you doing?
-Wait, you didn't tell her?
434
00:22:13,866 --> 00:22:17,236
Gretchen, it's not a big deal.
It was all for... Wait.
435
00:22:17,269 --> 00:22:19,539
-Gretchen!
-Not one more word!
436
00:22:19,572 --> 00:22:21,808
I thought you told me
that she wanted him to.
437
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:24,877
You thought I wanted my husband
to suck your husband's dick?
438
00:22:24,911 --> 00:22:27,380
That's what he told me.
That's what he told me.
439
00:22:27,414 --> 00:22:30,417
-That's what you...
What the fuck, Jimmy?
-Oh, my God.
440
00:22:30,450 --> 00:22:32,985
No! No, no, no, no.
I d... I didn't want to.
441
00:22:33,019 --> 00:22:35,822
Gretchen, tell her.
Tell her.
442
00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:37,590
Did you make up
that she said that
443
00:22:37,624 --> 00:22:39,426
just to get me
to let you do that?
444
00:22:39,459 --> 00:22:41,828
Why would I say that?!
445
00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:43,596
I think you guys should go!
446
00:22:43,630 --> 00:22:45,432
Yes, I think we should.
447
00:22:51,237 --> 00:22:53,339
(door opens, closes)
448
00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:56,676
What the hell was that?
449
00:22:56,709 --> 00:22:58,611
Eh, she was too much for me.
450
00:23:01,481 --> 00:23:04,451
Anyways, all this talk of BJs...
451
00:23:04,484 --> 00:23:06,719
I need it now.
452
00:23:06,753 --> 00:23:09,155
Hmm-hmm.
453
00:23:12,792 --> 00:23:15,061
Well, okay.
454
00:23:19,432 --> 00:23:23,202
* These seven words *
455
00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:26,939
* I say to you *
456
00:23:26,973 --> 00:23:31,811
* One by one *
457
00:23:31,844 --> 00:23:34,046
* I love you *
458
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,450
* And you have to know *
459
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:41,120
(whispers):
Edgar.
460
00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:43,456
* If I could change *
461
00:23:43,490 --> 00:23:44,924
Edgar.
462
00:23:44,957 --> 00:23:48,561
* How I'm insane *
463
00:23:48,595 --> 00:23:53,232
* If I could learn to leave *
464
00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:56,936
* My troubles behind *
465
00:24:01,641 --> 00:24:05,978
* It's starting to burn *
466
00:24:06,012 --> 00:24:09,582
* And I want to go home *
467
00:24:09,616 --> 00:24:14,420
* Only home I've known *
468
00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:18,858
* Lost in the storm *
469
00:24:18,891 --> 00:24:20,359
* It had to be *
470
00:24:20,392 --> 00:24:25,331
* Seven words to set us free *
471
00:24:25,364 --> 00:24:30,469
* Now I face tomorrow *
472
00:24:32,639 --> 00:24:37,710
* Now I face tomorrow *
473
00:24:39,746 --> 00:24:43,315
* Now I face *
474
00:24:43,349 --> 00:24:45,952
* Tomorrow *
475
00:24:45,985 --> 00:24:49,556
* Tomorr... *
476
00:24:51,390 --> 00:24:54,360
(dog barks)
477
00:24:57,396 --> 00:24:59,365
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